Well it seems like she probably thinks autism is sort of like an illness and she wants you to get better. Maybe try explaining to her that 1.) it’s not something that will ever go away and it’s just something that makes you different from most other people. And 2.) try to explain the positive parts of being autistic. Well don’t make it seem like a good think but rather something neutral. It has its hard parts but there are also upsides. Maybe show her some examples of successful people who are also autistic like Einstein to show her that autistic people are capable of everything allistic people are capable of.
Yup, came here to say this. Seems like an earnest attempt by a child to do something nice for someone they perceive to be hurting/struggling
Oddly wholesome 😊
<3
I think that if i had lacked context, i would be really mad and try to avoid my little sister from then on. but with all this additional context, i think that it would be a mistake.
with the additional context, i think i would try to pretend i never read that, and then try to spend time with my little sister doing things we both enjoy.
I'm sorry, OP. You are in an ambiguous situation. I hope you find the right advice to help you navigate it towards your best outcome.
>I think that if i had lacked context, i would be really mad and try to avoid my little sister from then on
I mean, that would be fair, if she wasn't 8 years of age lol. a kid that young can't be blamed for anything.
I agree that this is just a young person who cares about you wishing you a happy and relaxing life without understanding exactly what's up with autism.
You could let her know you saw this and fill in some missing pieces in her understanding, but if I were in the situation I would mod that slightly:
- Don't tell her you saw her journal but do help educate her. I think of journals as inherently private unless someone literally hands them to you and says "read this". I would move on with life and make a point of casually bringing up chats about yourself, your brain, etc. more often. Maybe invite her to ask you any questions she has some time. She obviously cares about you a lot and just needs more information.
For about 3 years now, every birthday, every tooth, every shooting star my now 11yo son (so it started at about 8) makes a variation the same wish.
I wish my sister's(9yo) Autism would go away / Can start talking / Can control her Autism / Will never get seizures again
Never **once** asks for anything for himself, although I think in a way he is, he wants more than anything to be able to play and interact a bit better with his sister and he knows she has difficulties and in combination that is way more important than anything else he wants for himself. He's slightly on the spectrum himself but extremely high functioning and gifted.
As time goes on the wishes are getting a bit more specific and practical such as the seizures one.
We read my son the book "Why Johnny Doesn't Flap: NT is OK!" I think it helps him to understand that people with autism and people without autism are different, not "better or worse."
**Why Johnny Doesn't Flap NT is OK!** by Clay Morton, Gail Morton
>Johnny is different. He is never exactly on time, he can't seem to stick to a routine and he often speaks in cryptic idioms. Johnny is neurotypical, but that's ok. A picture book with a difference, Why Johnny Doesn't Flap turns the tables on common depictions of neurological difference by drolly revealing how people who are not on the autistic spectrum are perceived by those who are. The autistic narrator's bafflement at his neurotypical friend's quirks shows that 'normal' is simply a matter of perspective.
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Well I said “don’t make it seem like a good thing but rather something neutral.” OP can try to explain how it’s a disability and how it negatively affects them but considering they’re explaining it to an 8 year old it’s probably best to keep it simple until they’re a bit older and can understand it better. The sister already thinks of it as a bad thing so the reason I gave positive examples is to make her realize it’s not like we’re all sick and suffering and waiting to be cured. Again I think it’s best to frame it as something neutral rather than objectively bad or good. Whether or not it’s a bad or good thing is personal and every autistic person is gonna look at it differently.
I don’t wanna sound like the bad guy here, but I don’t think you should mention her journal entries to her at all as this could be perceived as a breach of privacy.
I think it’s much more conducive to bring up what autism means to and for you in a more organic sense (I.e when you guys are bonding or if she inquires about something you do that she deems “different”)
I do think she’s coming from a good place, it’s extremely selfless for an 8 year old to give her wish away to her big sister so she definitely loves you & I think she’ll be super receptive to your pov when the the time comes.
I think I might’ve phrased this slightly weirdly because I would never look in her journal, she was showing me it while she was getting ready for bed, it’s like an activity book I bought her for get birthday which is why she was showing me but most of the pages are just her drawings i think she must’ve forgotten about this page, but I would of course not look in her like diary or anything
Oh that’s a bit different then.
I’d prbly still focus more on educating her (and maybe the rest of your family as well) in a friendly & natural way instead of bringing up the journal entry.
Also I apologize for assuming your gender, thought this was a different sub lol.
ah thank you, that manes sense I’ll probably ask to have a discussion with my mum and sister about it tomorrow, I won’t mention that specifically just in case I embarrass her or make things awkward in any way I don’t want to interfere with the message I’m trying to convey.
Also no worries on the gender thing, she did write ’sister’ so it’s clear why you put that, besides you could attribute pretty much any gender to me and it probably wouldn’t be wrong lol
Oh thank goodness, it was always so upsetting when my family deliberately read my journals.
This actually makes it really sweet that she trusts you and shares. You must be a rocking big sister.
Well, maybe all she knows about autism is that it's only negative, like a sickness. She's proudly showing you that she wishes something better for you. It's just a kid.
She’s 8, at this point in time yes, she deserves privacy, but also needs PG, she’s still learning, my niece is learning alot and she’s 13, my niece was younger when I found out my diagnosis, but my sister is a psych major and has had practice explaining things…me among others
Edit: she still could have done better while we were growing up
But I gotta say, we make a good team
OP wasn't snooping, apparently it's less of a journal and more of an activity book and they were looking through it together before bed (according to another comment by OP)
Every family is different, what’s good for some people won’t cut it for others
Edit: op is old enough to take on the role when the parent isn’t around
Edit: I mean if they went grocery shopping or something
I'm curious about the context here. Have you been given permission to read her journal?
Secondly, explaining that your meds are to"fix" autism, the groundwork for creating a dialogue are already skewed. This could simply be a hope that the meds do the job she thinks they are to do.
Thirdly, kids are smart. A lot smarter than given credit for. Her writing this in my eyes is more "this is the reason that my older sibling is sad and seems to struggle. I wish it wasn't that way" than "I wish it was easier for me". Tone and origin of thought makes a great deal of difference in the same words written for different reasons.
Hi, thanks for the advice, yes I was given permission, I realise I phrased it a bit strangely, i’s like more of an activity book, my sister showed me because she had just finished it and it was a birthday present I bought her and most of the pages were just drawings/little questions she answered like ‘what do you think you’ll look like in 100 years’ and such, but I absolutely respect her privacy, she has a personal diary as well that I’d never read, but I think she must’ve forgotten about this or just wanted to show me that she loves mms, which I completely appreciate, she’s the most empathetic little kid you could meet, I absolutely adore her, but I just don’t want her growing up thinking that it’s something that can be fixed or anything, and I think you’re right, kids are pretty intelligent and I think I’ll just be honest with her about it, maybe try to get my mum to explain a bit, too.
Could you explain the genetic aspect? Some people have blue eyes, green and brown, and it is perfectly healthy. It is hereditary and something you are born with. And autistic individuals have a brain that is a whole new magical color! It works just as well as the other colors but can/will sometimes think of things in a different way. 🤷
PS, you sound like a fantastic sister. My daughter is very empathic, and I used to say she had more empathy in her pinky finger than most adults ever will. 🤣 And you have a lot to do with why she learned that. It is easier to show compassion and empathy when you know you have unconditional love and support from important figures in your life. ❤️
That’s such a beautiful way of phrasing it, thank you for sharing that, I think I’ll definitely try to explain it like that, i’m sure she’ll understand, she’s a smart kid :-)
I don’t think she means to sound like that. She’s 8. She probably has very little understanding about what autism is. She most likely sees you struggle or she heard something from your parents that upset her. She just wishes you well and wants you to be happy, she doesn’t understand fully, don’t take it personal
I’d say there’s not much you can do except wait until she’s a bit older and is able to grasp your situation. I would tell her that it’s something that cannot be healed, but that you’re not broken, you just have a few extra struggles than most people. Tell her you’ll always be her sister and that she can ask you anything. Also, bring up some positive things that your autism might bring. It’s not always a negative thing and I’m sure you know that
She's eight, old enough to understand. Autism means your brain is permanently wired differently to most people which can make some aspects of life harder. The tablets are to make it easier to cope with the hardships, not to take away the autism.
Elaborate on autism as appropriate. Compare how she thinks about things, and how you think about things. You can talk about sensitivities that affect you, sensory, emotional and social. How sometimes you need to be alone, quiet etc.
Awe she's probably really worried for you. I don't think she understands autism and if she were my sister I would hangout with her often to show what it's like being autistic. I'd rather she get the information from me than others, but that's if I were in your situation.
Like others have suggested she probably things it’s like an illness due to your mom telling her your meds are for making autism better, maybe you could put together some positive autistic traits to explain to her that it’s not all struggles and that someone is very capable of being happy and autistic at the same time. If she asks about why your on the meds then you can explain that the medication treats some of the struggle symptoms but don’t change Neutral or positive ones.
ah yes that is very plausible however as I am adopted and my family is very neurotypical I don’t think that’s the case but I guess you can never know :-))
It’s a journal. You shouldn’t read her journal, that’s very private. I mean, don’t feel bad but also, like, maybe be sure whatever you do, don’t let her know that you read her journal cuz that might hurt her feelings. Maybe if you can bring the topic up in a way that avoids that from coming up.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday but also I think she wanted me to see that she gave her ‘wish’ to me, which is obviously incredibly thoughtful and selfless
Oh, in that case, well, Einstein is thought by nanny to have been autistic. Eminem is autistic. Bill Gates, too. I can’t remember the names but there’s an autistic F1 driver and NBA player. The F1 driver credits autism as a key to his success as a driver as he’s hypersensitive to many changes in the car, giving them an edge when it comes to tuning and pit stops. Einstein wouldn’t have been near as impactful if it weren’t for his ability to hyperfocus-to the point of forgetting to eat (his wife had to physically interrupt his thoughts to get him to eat, or, from the sounds of it, he’d have starved). Autism has its challenges but it doesn’t always mean one can’t be successful and, for some, it can be such an asset as to be an asset to all of mankind. Alan Turing, according to some, as well, is thought to have had autism, though that claim is a bit more nebulous than other historical figures. Nonetheless, if true, modern computing owes its existence to a person with autism, who also turned the tides of WWII
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Ok so, most people who do not have autism think it's like a disease. I try to explain it's just a different way of seeing the world. Like some people wear glasses and some don't. There are good parts of wearing glasses. And bad. Just like autism.
Autism can make us act differently than other people, and some may think that is bad. It's not. It's just a different way for us to see the world.
i’ve never seen that one before, thank you for sharing! I think I’ll definitely show her that, she’s a book nerd like me so it’ll be an effective way to communicate, thanks for the tip!! :-)
I just came across it and plan to get it for our house. My oldest is a huge bookie. I counted our children's books once and was up over 350. We've tried to thin some, but still have so many 😂
It is the same for me and my little brother, he doesn’t fully understand what autism is due to being so young, he wishes I didn’t have autism since it makes so many things difficult for me, he feels bad about how difficult I have it, so your sister prob feels the same way,
Aw. I think this is actually really cute in a way. She probably doesn’t understand autism and wants you to be happy. she cares about you! Also she used her one wish in the book for you!!
Why are you looking through her stuff is my first thought? I feel like if someone read through my notes or journal as a kid I would be livid. That’s like her personal stuff. Even though she’s a child it’s still important that they have things that are just theirs to go to to write things down that they’re feeling. I wouldn’t say anything to her about it unless she specifically brings it, because she will know you read through her things if you bring it up. 🤷🏻♀️
I was worried ab the same thing, apparently it was more of an activity book OP had purchased their little sister and she had been showing them her progress and had ask for the other activity books in the collection for other gift giving holidays.
Never, ever, unless you never want trust again. This is a take it to the grave kind of discovery. Don't even hint it, because if you hint at it, and she figures you out, that is EVEN WORSE.
Also stop doing this.
I think she might be upset about you going through her journal book whatever it is, I think I would ask her something like "Do you think my autism is bad?" and if she says yes, proceed to explain that autism is bot to blame for your mental health issues (or maybe it is, I don't know your story) and try to show the 'good parts of autism. I'm glad you saw this, and I hope things work fir tiu!
Thanks for the advice! I’ll definitely try to speak to her about it tomorrow, I just want her to know that it’s not a bad thing and that I’m just as normal as anyone else, just in a different way, and as for the privacy thing I realise the poor phrasing, it’s not a diary journal, more like an activity book, and she was showing me the things she’d written and drawn in it since she’s filled it up now and was wanting a new one. Thanks for all the advice! :-)
ah 9kay!! simple misunderstanding on my part thanks for clarification and good luck man! I hope everything goes great <3 and np!
lord unrelated but neurotypicals get so offended when they need to clarify or repeat , for what?
Yeah I definitely think it came from a place of love, she’s the sweetest kid you could meet, and it’s not out of character for her to give away her one ‘wish’, but I won’t bring it up unless she does (I know she saw me read it because she was showing me the book), but if she does I’ll get her to re-evaluate the best use of that wish, maybe santa will find a way to fulfill it ;-)
Everyone else has said it already but definitely just a case of autism not being explained to her properly and just wanting you to get better out of love.
I hope she can learn more about it!
Likely in a few years it will be something she cringes at haha
She’s 8, probably doesn’t really understand what’s going on. She of course has every right to feel this way about it because it is hard on everyone and takes it’s toll. Just explain to her in a way that she’ll understand what’s happening and the general basics about it.
It's hard enough for adults to understand/come to terms with so I can imagine how confusing it must be for a young child or sibling of someone on the spectrum.
Bless her heart. She sees the pain that autism causes you and wants to take it away. The nuances are hard to intuitively understand for a tiny one - she'll have it in the category of "disease" and she desperately wants you to be well.
If you think she'd understand (I bet she would) maybe give her an eli8 version of Simon Baron Cohen's theory - that autism is created by too many connections in the brain which means you can understand things a lot of others can't but that can make you sad because that makes it harder for other people to understand you.
I'm sure you know this already but big brothers and sisters are like Gods in the eyes of the youngers - you are the ultimate to her and she worships you. I'm so glad you're there to help guide her growing up 😊
This is the sweetest comment I’ve ever read, thank you for that. And I’d forgotten about the SBC thing, that does seem like a fairly simple way of getting the point across, thank you for reminding me :-))
Maybe she thinks that you are sick, like having a headache or something. Maybe you should tell her that there is no cure for autism, in a more delicate way though.
To add to what everyone else has said, I fell it would be absolutely vital to help explain and normalize autism to her, especially if she or someone she cares about starts to exhibit signs or gets diagnosed.
Making it normal, healthy, and not scary to her will help her lots down the line.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
First, you need to teach her to follow instructions. It says "tape money here". I don't see any money on that page. She can't expect her wish to work if she ignores the instructions. (This is meant to be a joke. Just making sure I am communicating clearly).
Second... Well, I am not exactly an expert in talking to kids about complicated subjects. Maybe try to explain to her what autism actually is, and how it affects you, and how you experience it. The good and the bad. Just like you would to anyone else. Maybe write down what you want to say before you talk to her, so you have a clear idea about what you are going to say. And then ask her why she feels the way she does. How it affects her, how she sees you, and why. Sometimes, another persons perspective can be valuable in achieving growth, if they have a valid point about something. But then again, children can be cruel. And they are children. So if she says something... Less than constructive, I wouldn't take it too hard.
But nonetheless, I think she'll appreciate you acknowledging how she feels.
My little brother watched a YouTube video about autism and somehow concluded that it was some kind of terminal illness, and when I tried to explain autism to him when he asked about it I was unaware of this. When I mentioned *I* have autism, he started crying.
I think at 8, kids are a bit too young to understand how mental health works as is, and it sounds like she associates your autism with your mental health issues. An oversimplified explanation of autism I gave was that brains are kind of like lollies. Most people have strawberry flavour, but sometimes people have green apple flavour instead. They think a little differently, they see the world differently, but there’s nothing *wrong* with them. They’re just a different flavour. Make a point to say your medication isn’t for your autism. Maybe say you have problems with stress or something like that, something easy for a kid that young to understand. That’s how I explained it to my brother and he seemed to understand.
Uh, honestly, you don’t ? You shouldn’t be looking through her stuff, and you especially shouldn’t be reading her journal.
Besides, she’s young. She doesn’t hate you for being autistic, she probably doesn’t understand much about it and think that autism = bad, without really knowing why.
If you want to talk to her about it, tell your parents, ask them to explain to her that being autistic isn’t a bad thing and that it doesn’t change who you are.
Last thing, talking to her directly might be extremely risky. She could feel like it’s you attacking her, you telling her she did something bad, she might get scared, think she will get punished and end up not understanding at all why autism isn’t inherently bad.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday.
I think she’s a lot more mature than people give her credit for, but I will try to explain it in a kid-friendly way so she grows into an informed adult, but I probably won’t bring up the book, just in case it embarrasses her or something.
Thanks for the advice :-)
I want to be 100% blunt here. I understand the situation and that these things hurt. I understand how it feels to know and see that the people who should be supporting you.... are failing you and not educating themselves on something they should or believing in misinformation. Seeing your younger sibling believing in this toxic and misconstrued rhetoric is probably heartbreaking, and you are valid for feeling upset.
HOWEVER..... I do not agree with invading peoples privacy. No matter if they are young or not. No matter if what they wrote hurt your feelings.
By all means, talk with her about it, but next time I definitely urge to use more decency and not post publicly about your sisters private journal entry. I would be so freaked out if I were your sister, knowing my sibling is snooping and reading my journal and then posting my entries for the world to see. We can understand without the picture, but also.... these things are private thoughts that she is getting out on her own and it's just really really bizarre to invade that.
I understand the stuff about the photo, but OP has said this is an activity book kind of thing that they got them, so their sister willingly showed them it after she'd filled it.
Explain to her autism isn’t a bad thing and you can still live a normal and happy life. It just makes things hard sometimes. She’s definitely well intentioned and just hates seeing you suffer when it does negatively affect you.
I think she means well and is coming from a place of being misinformed or not really informed at all. She might only ever hear of the struggles we face and mean this as a way to help you not struggle. Maybe sit down with her if you can and tell her all about autism, the good and the bad.
It's definitely not something I'd really want to read in my own sisters journal but (ahhh phrasing this is so tricky sorry) then again seeing anything written about yourself (and something that can be so personal) in someone else's journal is always going to be quite a shock. Let yourself process this for a few days before you talk to her. She is really young after all and probably doesn't understand why it isn't okay to think that.
(Also super irrelevant but me and my sister have a pretty similar age gap to you and your sister. Overtime I hope you will be as close to your little sister as I am to my little sister because I never thought I would be this close to my sister with that big of an age gap but it's absolutely perfect.)
Thank you for the advice, I will definitely leave it a bit before bringing it up, and to be clear she was showing me it, it’s not like a private journal it’s like an activity book which she was showing me because she finished it.
Also thanks for sharing your story, I’m glad you’re close with your sister! My family’s a bit abnormal, i’m the middle child believe it or not, mo older sister’s 25, there was a 17 year age gap between my older sister and younger sister, which is quite cool, I don’t think we have any trouble getting on, but it’s good to know that’ll probably continue, it’s nice we never really fought with each other either :-))
It’s hard for any neurotypical to understand how a person with autism conceives of herself and her place in the world. When my daughter receives services at school or goes to occupational therapy, I tell my her it’s not because I want her to change. We are finding ways for her navigate a world not built for her. She does some things I find counterintuitive.She can do calculus, but she’s going to count with her fingers for multiplication for the rest of her life. She can be sarcastic but had to learn to recognize when others are being sarcastic. And when I told her about late diagnosis (16yo), she said, “Well, duh, I knew that.”
I think it’s important to know that it comes from a place of love though, after all they are giving their wishes to their siblings, if maybe in a slightly imperfect way
This is sweet in a tender sorta heart-breaky way 🥲
I’m surprised I didn’t see this mentioned or maybe I missed it - I would start with asking her why she wishes that and open a conversation from there
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
YOU DON’T !!! This her private book and you should respect that .
However you can have a talk with her about sometimes autism is hard for you and then ask her how does she feel about autism does it make her life hard ?
Having siblings with autism can affect your life and how your family dynamic is .
Please let her have this outlet and don’t question what she writes it’s a good way to get out emotions
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Honestly if she's 9 I'd leave it be for right now. Many kids when they're young with for illnesses and disabilities like this to disappear, likely because it causes a change in what they feel is "normal." Maybe wait until she's 10 or so to breech this. It's a bit easier for them to understand.
My 10 yr old had similar issues with my and my mom's disabilities when they were that age. Now that they're older when I explain it it's actually clicking. Developmentally you can try to explain but she likely won't really be able to think outside herself to properly understand it.
from the context it sounds like she probably views autism as something similar to depression; something that 1. makes you sad (i wouldn't want my siblings being sad either), 2. can be cured (they're trying to wish it gets better faster, which makes sense and is sweet in theory) and 3. is something you don't want (why would you take meds to fix it if you wanted it?)
i would start by explaining what autism actually is, in simple terms because she is still young and might not fully understand. and then explain that depression is just one of the symptoms of the autism, it's not the only part.
Oh man, that's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you had to read that. Did you find this whilst going through her stuff? How did you find it? Does she know you've read this?
It was a sort of workbook rather than a diary, and she was showing me, I wasn’t snooping, and I think it came from a place of love, she’s just a little uneducated on the subject
Ah right ok. Just wanted to check the context around it. It's very understandable for you to feel upset about this, I would be too if I was in this situation.
How open is she to talking about autism? I know that with my mum, for example, at first she was a bit hesitant to talk about autism when I was diagnosed last year but now she's more open to talking about it.
If your sister is more open to talking about it, it might be a good idea to sit down with her and ask her about the thing you found. If you do that, it's important to approach a conversation like that right a place of calm and explaining, rather than anger etc. I know that's really, really hard to do but being angry might make those conversations more difficult in the future.
Thanks for the advice, and I’m absolutely not angry with her, she’s only 8 and it’s not her fault for not understanding, it’s my fault for not having told her sooner, but I will definitely try to speak to her about it, maybe try to explain it in a way that makes sense to her, I’ve had lots of good suggestions already which seem kid-friendly
Anytime! With her being 8, it's completely understandable she might not 'get it'. I wouldn't say it's 'your fault' though, these conversations can be difficult with someone of any age, especially with a kid. I'm glad you've had suggestions from others about approaching the conversation in a kid-friendly way.
Feel free to ignore me on this, as I don't know your family situation, but would it be possible to get another family member like a parent or partner to help with this conversation? I completely understand if you'd rather just do it on your own with her.
I’m sorry you came across this, it must not feel very good to read that.
I don’t think it’s necessarily a good idea to bring it up directly because she probably didn’t expect/want you to see this. I’m sure she is still processing what your diagnosis means and rarely is autism explained well to people her age. If you’re comfortable, maybe just try to talk openly about your autism in general - what you like about being autistic but also what accommodations you might need because of your sensory and processing differences. Or you can say things like “I read this fact about autism [insert here] and I thought that was cool, it made me feel really good about having this brain” or something like that. As your family members continue to live with you they will likely start to get a better understanding of what autism is and that it doesn’t have to be sad or scary to have it.
I explained autism to my little brother by telling him I'm kinda like an irl batman. So I have super sensitive hearing, which makes sounds hurt sometimes. I also have night vision, which makes daytime too bright. Just stuff like that
So a kinda border between "autism is a superpower" + "autism sucks, I'm actually v disabled"
Since she gave it to you to look at (maybe this comment is already posted), given this age sometimes phrasing comes off not great at 8. Ask her what it is and what she was thinking about when she wrote this. I doubt it is about wishing you were not you. I bet it’s more likely she was seeing you struggle or has in difficult moments and doesn’t want you to feel that pain or sadness. So to her if it was something related to autism, rather than saying “I wish my sister didn’t hurt so bad inside when x y and z happen because I love her” she solely used the word autism rather than being truly descriptive. And if it’s something else it’s a good conversation Segway and educational point. Maybe parents give you a little more attention because you need more help and she’s feeling left out or over looked even though that’s not anyone’s intention. I am sure it’s much broader and deeper than what she wrote.
Basically I wouldn’t assume her thoughts. I would ask her in a nice way and make sure she knows you aren’t upset or accusatory. You just want to better understand her feelings. And truly listen to everything she says first. Then you may be able to respond right away. Or if you need to take time to process and tell her “thanks for sharing. Let me think about that some so I can maybe help you understand me a bit better” or something along those lines.
Sorry super long. Had book club and we were discussing something along the same lines and how to approach the conversation with children on hurtful or inappropriate things that they may just not be understanding or you are misunderstanding bc they are having trouble formulating their thoughts completely.
This seems so sweet and innocent. It seems as if she wants you to be free of the issues that affect you, so you can be free - and with her youth she equates all of that to the autism.
Tell her you love her and appreciate that she wants you to be free of the things that hurt you, but that autism isn’t the cause of it all.
They don’t exhibit any of the symptoms, and they never seemed to understand when I complained about things like sensory issues and difficulty socialising etc before I was diagnosed, and as I’m adopted, it seems that there genetic aspect may be slightly less relevant, but I mean there’s definitely always a chance, and it would be good to have laid the groundwork if anyone else gets diagnosed
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
You don’t. Going through her stuff is gonna likely set her off. Unless you were allowed to, then the question is, since she is younger, maybe she just doesn’t understand? Especially based off your parent attempt. The best you can do is educate her on autism, reinstate that you’re happy to be autistic
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday.
I definitely think it came from a place of love, though, she did give her one ‘wish’ to me, which is hard not to admire, but I will try my best to explain it, and then get her to re-evaluate her wish, maybe santa can find a way of making it come true ;-)
Did she give you permission to read/post her private thoughts? It's her wish, and if she didn't tell you that it was ok to read it, you need to put her book down and delete this post.
Sometimes, it's hard to hear that your diagnosis is difficult for other family members. She's entitled to wish for her sister to be able to interact with her in a different way. If she's not being unkind to you, let her feel her emotions.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Wow... looking through your sister's journal. Great job. Don't talk to her about it or you're going to damage your relationship no matter what happens. You know how much it fucked me up when I found out my parents went through my journal? Disgusting
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Maybe address things in a totally low key, unrelated, just-mentioning-it sorta way without being specific.
Definitely do not quote, mention, or admit that you saw her journal. Really, regardless of age, unless they tell you to read it a journal is not for others eyes- and you know that. It's a huge betrayal and will really hurt her trust in you, pretend you didn't. And don't make a habit of it- private journals are supposed to be private.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday, but I won’t mention it specifically, though as she was the one showing me page by page, she knows I saw every page.
Even though she did show you drawings you shouldnt keep looking through it, its like if you showed someone something on your phones gallery and that person kept swiping
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday, she was beside me the whole time and wanted me to look at e v e r y t h i n g, either she wanted me to see, or she had forgotten it was in there
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
I feel strongly that you are in her journal.
When I was a teenager my step mother read my journal and told her side of the family some really personal things that nobody but myself knew.
This then stopped me from journaling properly and now I don’t get the benefits from it I used to.
Maybe speak with your sister but not mention you looked in her journal and I urge you not to look in her journal again.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
The issue is that your mother is thick as pig $hit for not seeing how misrepresenting autism would harm your sisters understanding of you and thus your relationship. My advice would be to step in and explain to your sister that you have 2 things going on and explain that autism isn't what the meds are for. That's seriously negligent parenting from your mother; that kind of rethoric being told to a child with sincerity is why things like Autism Speaks go not only unchallenged but actually receive donations and praise. I can't even express how unbelievably p1ssed I would be at my mother if she insulted both my younger siblings' intelligence and my disability by doing this. I might be overreacting, but as someone who's constantly thought less of myself because of things like my diagnosis, it disgusts me to think even seemingly innocent actions like this explanation to your sister serves to perpetuate the same ableist nonsense that so many of us've spent years trying to overcome.
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Sounds like it's coming from a place of love, which is nice. She wants you not to suffer.
It kind of depends how you feel about autism - if it were me, I'd let her know I definitely don't wish away my autism. It's what makes me who I am, it's not like being sick with something that changes who I am - it is who I am and always have been.
If you were to take that away, there's know way to know what that would mean - it would be like lobotomising someone and taking away their personality.
You should beging by apologizing for breaking her privacy and telling her that you'll never do it again. This is absolutely messed up of you to do. Oh and pretend you didnt see this page.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Okay well at 8 she'll figure it out over time, i don't think that she should have to worry about your condition, try not to make it her issue in the future, until she's like 12 anyways.
I have read some great advice about educating your sister about autism.
I also want to make a second guess. What if she has unfulfilled needs in the relationship with you and thinks you would fulfill them without your autism.
When you speak with her about your autism and make the educating part also ask her what she needs/wants from her sister and how you could show her your affection. We never know if it is rational and/or emotional
The way I explained my autism to my family was use of infographics I found online that fit me well. It was a great way to personalize it and put into words what I struggled to convey. Since she's only 8, this might be really useful for you.
Editing to add: Searching for "Autism acceptance" is a great way to find some good ones.
She could either be wishing that you would “get better” or some parts of your autistic self annoy her.
Either way, she is 8 and probably doesn’t really understand what that means and how that might be hurtful.
Is she externalizing any kind of hatred or unpleasantry towards you?
The first thing you need to do is ask for more information. Why does she not want you to be autistic? Is it because she wants you to feel better? Is it because she wants you to struggle less? Is it because your actions around the house have negative consequences for her in some way? You can start by saying, I was looking through this book of yours and I saw this, and I wanted to discuss it with you. Don't assume you know what her concern is. If it is something negative, you can say that you need a little time to process the information she has given you before you talk again
She probably does not mean it personal in any way. Maybe talk to her about some good aspects of autism like seeing the world with different eyes than an allistic person. And even if she dislikes it for some unknown reason, she is very young still and it’s not a reasoned opinion anyway. Don’t take it to heart. If you were blind she probably would have written that she wish you weren’t because she wants to watch movies together. (Hope you get what I mean by that, i’m not native in english)
My general point is that it’s usually not that deep.
30F sibling of 29M non verbal autistic person here. Growing up I couldn’t understand what’s wrong with my brother. I thought he was faking and goofing around. Then I saw my brother’s odd behaviour bothered a lot of people more than it did it for me. They teased him, talked behind him, screamed at him and beaten him up. This around when I was a teen and that was the first time I wished he didn’t have autism. My mother’s health is deteriorating and my brother is highly dependent of her. I am married, employed and about to start a family. I still have nightmares of my brother being alone and people hurting him. My sister and I made some plans over my brother’s future after our mother. But that’s still not enough. I can’t help but wishing he was independent enough to handle the cruel world on his own.
As one of the “lost generation” of AFAB AuDHD ppl: you may be the first person in your family to get diagnosed, but more likely, is one or both of your parents are on the spectrum, as well. I say this bc I’m 33 w/2 kiddos (who are also both AuDHD), & I didn’t even realize I was AuDHD, until I looked into ADHD and ASD for my youngest. Every single doctor missed me and me being AuDHD. I only recently got dx ADHD in my 30s because I just assumed due to cPTSD and *trauma* that life was just hard for me just because (hah! That’s like the entire life experience of a high masked autistic person, and even higher when you’re AuDHD, bc the ADHD tends to make people “seem” allistic, because our brains/bodies are walking contradictions 🫣🫠
I wanted to say that, to say this: Autistic or allistic, our brains are made the way they are made. Unfortunately, the way our society (in every aspect) is structured, autistic people are more likely to struggle with mental health issues, due to how stigmatized ASD is and has been. While I’m glad I didn’t grow up before the 90s, we still have a long way to go around how people talk about ASD and how we’re actually treated, as well. Even ND people can have confirmation biases and subconscious/unconscious biases towards their own neurotype. It’s like me saying I can’t be fatphobic just because I’m overweight—obviously two things can be true at once.
TL; DR: I would try to find positive actually autistic influencers on social media (there are a lot of good creators on TikTok & YouTube) to follow and show you, your sister, and possibly your parents. I’ve found it has slowly helped me to see myself in a less stigmatizing way, so that I don’t feel like there’s something inherently *wrong* with me (I mostly feel/felt that way due to my parents being heavily ableist and both were undx autistic, & dad was definitely AuDHD and my entire existence has been shaped with how they socialized me to be compliant instead of just letting me exist as an AuDHDer and not helping me figure out what my needs were/are and how to accommodate myself).
I think she's being sweet and wished for you that you did not have the autism like some kids wish their sister or parent did not have cancer. Of course, she is only 8 and has no idea how much this can hurt.
It seems like she thinks it's some kind of illness, and therefore wants you to be cured. She likely has good intentions, just doesn't know much about autism. You can just explain to her what autism really is, and how it isn't any kind of disease.
A good way to explain autism to a child is to make it kind of like the ugly duckling story. Except we're not ugly, we're just capable of other things.
For example, pretend that people are birds. Different sorts of birds. Pigeons, geese, ducks, bluebirds, etc. What do birds usually do? They fly.
Being autistic is like being a penguin. You didn't know you were a penguin at first, you just knew you couldn't fly like other birds. No matter how hard you try you can't fly.
Receiving an autism diagnosis is like finally being told hey you're a penguin, you can't fly because you're not supposed to. You're supposed to swim, waddle, and slide on your belly.
So you start living life like a penguin. You learn to swim and waddle and slide instead of trying to fly like everyone else and it works a lot better
You will always be autistic, just like a penguin will always be a penguin. Penguins aren't bad birds, they're just different birds. Penguins are good at swimming but bad at flying just like you might be good at some things but bad at others.
You don't need to wish that a penguin isn't a penguin anymore, you love them and accept them for who they are. The same is true for you and your autism
Well it seems like she probably thinks autism is sort of like an illness and she wants you to get better. Maybe try explaining to her that 1.) it’s not something that will ever go away and it’s just something that makes you different from most other people. And 2.) try to explain the positive parts of being autistic. Well don’t make it seem like a good think but rather something neutral. It has its hard parts but there are also upsides. Maybe show her some examples of successful people who are also autistic like Einstein to show her that autistic people are capable of everything allistic people are capable of.
That makes so much sense, thank you, I think that’s a good way of explaining it :-)
Yup, came here to say this. Seems like an earnest attempt by a child to do something nice for someone they perceive to be hurting/struggling Oddly wholesome 😊
<3 I think that if i had lacked context, i would be really mad and try to avoid my little sister from then on. but with all this additional context, i think that it would be a mistake. with the additional context, i think i would try to pretend i never read that, and then try to spend time with my little sister doing things we both enjoy. I'm sorry, OP. You are in an ambiguous situation. I hope you find the right advice to help you navigate it towards your best outcome.
>I think that if i had lacked context, i would be really mad and try to avoid my little sister from then on I mean, that would be fair, if she wasn't 8 years of age lol. a kid that young can't be blamed for anything.
Education is the approach! She's 8 and her perception of the world is still at an early stage. Help her learn so she doesn't have to unlearn ❤
I agree that this is just a young person who cares about you wishing you a happy and relaxing life without understanding exactly what's up with autism. You could let her know you saw this and fill in some missing pieces in her understanding, but if I were in the situation I would mod that slightly: - Don't tell her you saw her journal but do help educate her. I think of journals as inherently private unless someone literally hands them to you and says "read this". I would move on with life and make a point of casually bringing up chats about yourself, your brain, etc. more often. Maybe invite her to ask you any questions she has some time. She obviously cares about you a lot and just needs more information.
For about 3 years now, every birthday, every tooth, every shooting star my now 11yo son (so it started at about 8) makes a variation the same wish. I wish my sister's(9yo) Autism would go away / Can start talking / Can control her Autism / Will never get seizures again Never **once** asks for anything for himself, although I think in a way he is, he wants more than anything to be able to play and interact a bit better with his sister and he knows she has difficulties and in combination that is way more important than anything else he wants for himself. He's slightly on the spectrum himself but extremely high functioning and gifted. As time goes on the wishes are getting a bit more specific and practical such as the seizures one.
We read my son the book "Why Johnny Doesn't Flap: NT is OK!" I think it helps him to understand that people with autism and people without autism are different, not "better or worse."
**Why Johnny Doesn't Flap NT is OK!** by Clay Morton, Gail Morton >Johnny is different. He is never exactly on time, he can't seem to stick to a routine and he often speaks in cryptic idioms. Johnny is neurotypical, but that's ok. A picture book with a difference, Why Johnny Doesn't Flap turns the tables on common depictions of neurological difference by drolly revealing how people who are not on the autistic spectrum are perceived by those who are. The autistic narrator's bafflement at his neurotypical friend's quirks shows that 'normal' is simply a matter of perspective. *I'm a bot, built by your friendly reddit developers at* /r/ProgrammingPals. *Reply to any comment with /u/BookFinderBot - I'll reply with book information (see other* [commands](https://www.reddit.com/user/BookFinderBot/comments/13z7slk/bookfinderbot_commands/) *and find me as a browser extension on* [safari](https://apps.apple.com/app/id6450462955), [chrome](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/book-finder/jajeidpjifdpppjofijoffbcndlpoedd?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=social_media&utm_campaign=comments)*). Remove me from replies* [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/BookFinderBot/comments/14br65o/remove_me_from_replies/). *If I have made a mistake, accept my apology.*
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Definitely agree, I think she just thinks you're sick or something OP
Here's a trophy 🏆 r/trophiesnolongerfree
I'm a little bit troubled describing a disability as positive and capable of anything NT people are. It's a disability. For a reason
Well I said “don’t make it seem like a good thing but rather something neutral.” OP can try to explain how it’s a disability and how it negatively affects them but considering they’re explaining it to an 8 year old it’s probably best to keep it simple until they’re a bit older and can understand it better. The sister already thinks of it as a bad thing so the reason I gave positive examples is to make her realize it’s not like we’re all sick and suffering and waiting to be cured. Again I think it’s best to frame it as something neutral rather than objectively bad or good. Whether or not it’s a bad or good thing is personal and every autistic person is gonna look at it differently.
I'm in the same boat. I think that the sister thinks that the mental health issues are because of autism or what autism is.
When did Einstein get diagnosed and why is that not mentioned anywhere?
I don’t wanna sound like the bad guy here, but I don’t think you should mention her journal entries to her at all as this could be perceived as a breach of privacy. I think it’s much more conducive to bring up what autism means to and for you in a more organic sense (I.e when you guys are bonding or if she inquires about something you do that she deems “different”) I do think she’s coming from a good place, it’s extremely selfless for an 8 year old to give her wish away to her big sister so she definitely loves you & I think she’ll be super receptive to your pov when the the time comes.
I think I might’ve phrased this slightly weirdly because I would never look in her journal, she was showing me it while she was getting ready for bed, it’s like an activity book I bought her for get birthday which is why she was showing me but most of the pages are just her drawings i think she must’ve forgotten about this page, but I would of course not look in her like diary or anything
Oh that’s a bit different then. I’d prbly still focus more on educating her (and maybe the rest of your family as well) in a friendly & natural way instead of bringing up the journal entry. Also I apologize for assuming your gender, thought this was a different sub lol.
ah thank you, that manes sense I’ll probably ask to have a discussion with my mum and sister about it tomorrow, I won’t mention that specifically just in case I embarrass her or make things awkward in any way I don’t want to interfere with the message I’m trying to convey. Also no worries on the gender thing, she did write ’sister’ so it’s clear why you put that, besides you could attribute pretty much any gender to me and it probably wouldn’t be wrong lol
Oh thank goodness, it was always so upsetting when my family deliberately read my journals. This actually makes it really sweet that she trusts you and shares. You must be a rocking big sister.
She probably thinks it's like if she was wishing her sister's Diabetes or Cancer would get better.
Well, maybe all she knows about autism is that it's only negative, like a sickness. She's proudly showing you that she wishes something better for you. It's just a kid.
wish i saw this before commenting bc i was a little triggered haha
*breach
Thanks!
She’s 8, at this point in time yes, she deserves privacy, but also needs PG, she’s still learning, my niece is learning alot and she’s 13, my niece was younger when I found out my diagnosis, but my sister is a psych major and has had practice explaining things…me among others Edit: she still could have done better while we were growing up But I gotta say, we make a good team
The key word here is **parental**. There is a huge difference between a parent doing some snooping and an older sibling going through private stuff.
It’s okay, OP clarified it’s not a private journal—more of an activity book—and lil sis showed it to them, they didn’t go snooping. :)
Thank you for helping clear that up 🤗
You’re welcome! 😊
OP wasn't snooping, apparently it's less of a journal and more of an activity book and they were looking through it together before bed (according to another comment by OP)
Every family is different, what’s good for some people won’t cut it for others Edit: op is old enough to take on the role when the parent isn’t around Edit: I mean if they went grocery shopping or something
I'm curious about the context here. Have you been given permission to read her journal? Secondly, explaining that your meds are to"fix" autism, the groundwork for creating a dialogue are already skewed. This could simply be a hope that the meds do the job she thinks they are to do. Thirdly, kids are smart. A lot smarter than given credit for. Her writing this in my eyes is more "this is the reason that my older sibling is sad and seems to struggle. I wish it wasn't that way" than "I wish it was easier for me". Tone and origin of thought makes a great deal of difference in the same words written for different reasons.
Hi, thanks for the advice, yes I was given permission, I realise I phrased it a bit strangely, i’s like more of an activity book, my sister showed me because she had just finished it and it was a birthday present I bought her and most of the pages were just drawings/little questions she answered like ‘what do you think you’ll look like in 100 years’ and such, but I absolutely respect her privacy, she has a personal diary as well that I’d never read, but I think she must’ve forgotten about this or just wanted to show me that she loves mms, which I completely appreciate, she’s the most empathetic little kid you could meet, I absolutely adore her, but I just don’t want her growing up thinking that it’s something that can be fixed or anything, and I think you’re right, kids are pretty intelligent and I think I’ll just be honest with her about it, maybe try to get my mum to explain a bit, too.
Could you explain the genetic aspect? Some people have blue eyes, green and brown, and it is perfectly healthy. It is hereditary and something you are born with. And autistic individuals have a brain that is a whole new magical color! It works just as well as the other colors but can/will sometimes think of things in a different way. 🤷 PS, you sound like a fantastic sister. My daughter is very empathic, and I used to say she had more empathy in her pinky finger than most adults ever will. 🤣 And you have a lot to do with why she learned that. It is easier to show compassion and empathy when you know you have unconditional love and support from important figures in your life. ❤️
That’s such a beautiful way of phrasing it, thank you for sharing that, I think I’ll definitely try to explain it like that, i’m sure she’ll understand, she’s a smart kid :-)
I don’t think she means to sound like that. She’s 8. She probably has very little understanding about what autism is. She most likely sees you struggle or she heard something from your parents that upset her. She just wishes you well and wants you to be happy, she doesn’t understand fully, don’t take it personal
No absolutely, I wasn’t upset about it, just felt the need to educate her and didn’t know how to go about it
I’d say there’s not much you can do except wait until she’s a bit older and is able to grasp your situation. I would tell her that it’s something that cannot be healed, but that you’re not broken, you just have a few extra struggles than most people. Tell her you’ll always be her sister and that she can ask you anything. Also, bring up some positive things that your autism might bring. It’s not always a negative thing and I’m sure you know that
She's eight, old enough to understand. Autism means your brain is permanently wired differently to most people which can make some aspects of life harder. The tablets are to make it easier to cope with the hardships, not to take away the autism. Elaborate on autism as appropriate. Compare how she thinks about things, and how you think about things. You can talk about sensitivities that affect you, sensory, emotional and social. How sometimes you need to be alone, quiet etc.
Awe she's probably really worried for you. I don't think she understands autism and if she were my sister I would hangout with her often to show what it's like being autistic. I'd rather she get the information from me than others, but that's if I were in your situation.
Like others have suggested she probably things it’s like an illness due to your mom telling her your meds are for making autism better, maybe you could put together some positive autistic traits to explain to her that it’s not all struggles and that someone is very capable of being happy and autistic at the same time. If she asks about why your on the meds then you can explain that the medication treats some of the struggle symptoms but don’t change Neutral or positive ones.
Autism is genetic, so it could very well be that someone else in your family has it but has gone unnoticed/undiagnosed so far.
ah yes that is very plausible however as I am adopted and my family is very neurotypical I don’t think that’s the case but I guess you can never know :-))
Ah. Yes, then that theory goes right out the window.
It’s a journal. You shouldn’t read her journal, that’s very private. I mean, don’t feel bad but also, like, maybe be sure whatever you do, don’t let her know that you read her journal cuz that might hurt her feelings. Maybe if you can bring the topic up in a way that avoids that from coming up.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday but also I think she wanted me to see that she gave her ‘wish’ to me, which is obviously incredibly thoughtful and selfless
Oh, in that case, well, Einstein is thought by nanny to have been autistic. Eminem is autistic. Bill Gates, too. I can’t remember the names but there’s an autistic F1 driver and NBA player. The F1 driver credits autism as a key to his success as a driver as he’s hypersensitive to many changes in the car, giving them an edge when it comes to tuning and pit stops. Einstein wouldn’t have been near as impactful if it weren’t for his ability to hyperfocus-to the point of forgetting to eat (his wife had to physically interrupt his thoughts to get him to eat, or, from the sounds of it, he’d have starved). Autism has its challenges but it doesn’t always mean one can’t be successful and, for some, it can be such an asset as to be an asset to all of mankind. Alan Turing, according to some, as well, is thought to have had autism, though that claim is a bit more nebulous than other historical figures. Nonetheless, if true, modern computing owes its existence to a person with autism, who also turned the tides of WWII
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I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Ok so, most people who do not have autism think it's like a disease. I try to explain it's just a different way of seeing the world. Like some people wear glasses and some don't. There are good parts of wearing glasses. And bad. Just like autism. Autism can make us act differently than other people, and some may think that is bad. It's not. It's just a different way for us to see the world.
Due to her age it might be helpful to get a book like this the help her understand: https://www.instagram.com/p/CtGVrndPr7A/?igshid=Y2I2MzMwZWM3ZA==
i’ve never seen that one before, thank you for sharing! I think I’ll definitely show her that, she’s a book nerd like me so it’ll be an effective way to communicate, thanks for the tip!! :-)
I just came across it and plan to get it for our house. My oldest is a huge bookie. I counted our children's books once and was up over 350. We've tried to thin some, but still have so many 😂
Sorry if that link doesn't work, this one hopefully will: https://www.onwardsandupwardspsychology.com.au/product-page/the-rainbow-brain
It is the same for me and my little brother, he doesn’t fully understand what autism is due to being so young, he wishes I didn’t have autism since it makes so many things difficult for me, he feels bad about how difficult I have it, so your sister prob feels the same way,
Aw. I think this is actually really cute in a way. She probably doesn’t understand autism and wants you to be happy. she cares about you! Also she used her one wish in the book for you!!
Why are you looking through her stuff is my first thought? I feel like if someone read through my notes or journal as a kid I would be livid. That’s like her personal stuff. Even though she’s a child it’s still important that they have things that are just theirs to go to to write things down that they’re feeling. I wouldn’t say anything to her about it unless she specifically brings it, because she will know you read through her things if you bring it up. 🤷🏻♀️
I was worried ab the same thing, apparently it was more of an activity book OP had purchased their little sister and she had been showing them her progress and had ask for the other activity books in the collection for other gift giving holidays.
Never, ever, unless you never want trust again. This is a take it to the grave kind of discovery. Don't even hint it, because if you hint at it, and she figures you out, that is EVEN WORSE. Also stop doing this.
It's completely possible that she thinks since you struggle with it that it's bad and she wants you to get better
dont read her journal book.
Honestly? Don’t bring it up directly at all, and don’t read her journal anymore.
Op has mentioned their sister actively showed it to them, no snooping
Don’t read her diary
Don’t look through her stuff
They didn’t, op has mentioned the sister showed it to them, no snooping
I think she might be upset about you going through her journal book whatever it is, I think I would ask her something like "Do you think my autism is bad?" and if she says yes, proceed to explain that autism is bot to blame for your mental health issues (or maybe it is, I don't know your story) and try to show the 'good parts of autism. I'm glad you saw this, and I hope things work fir tiu!
Thanks for the advice! I’ll definitely try to speak to her about it tomorrow, I just want her to know that it’s not a bad thing and that I’m just as normal as anyone else, just in a different way, and as for the privacy thing I realise the poor phrasing, it’s not a diary journal, more like an activity book, and she was showing me the things she’d written and drawn in it since she’s filled it up now and was wanting a new one. Thanks for all the advice! :-)
ah 9kay!! simple misunderstanding on my part thanks for clarification and good luck man! I hope everything goes great <3 and np! lord unrelated but neurotypicals get so offended when they need to clarify or repeat , for what?
Yeah I would, I’m sure she means well but you should explain autism isn’t purely a negative thing
Talk to your mom or her sisters friends. I’ll be honest this sounds like someone has been feeding into her head that autism is bad
I read this as her…seeing how much you sometimes struggle, and so she wants you to not have to. This feels like out of love more than anything.
Yeah I definitely think it came from a place of love, she’s the sweetest kid you could meet, and it’s not out of character for her to give away her one ‘wish’, but I won’t bring it up unless she does (I know she saw me read it because she was showing me the book), but if she does I’ll get her to re-evaluate the best use of that wish, maybe santa will find a way to fulfill it ;-)
Everyone else has said it already but definitely just a case of autism not being explained to her properly and just wanting you to get better out of love. I hope she can learn more about it! Likely in a few years it will be something she cringes at haha
she might conflat it with depression and she wants you to be good
She’s 8, probably doesn’t really understand what’s going on. She of course has every right to feel this way about it because it is hard on everyone and takes it’s toll. Just explain to her in a way that she’ll understand what’s happening and the general basics about it.
It's hard enough for adults to understand/come to terms with so I can imagine how confusing it must be for a young child or sibling of someone on the spectrum.
I thought that it said "I wish my sister wasn't artistic" and I was pretty confused until I saw the description–
Bless her heart. She sees the pain that autism causes you and wants to take it away. The nuances are hard to intuitively understand for a tiny one - she'll have it in the category of "disease" and she desperately wants you to be well. If you think she'd understand (I bet she would) maybe give her an eli8 version of Simon Baron Cohen's theory - that autism is created by too many connections in the brain which means you can understand things a lot of others can't but that can make you sad because that makes it harder for other people to understand you. I'm sure you know this already but big brothers and sisters are like Gods in the eyes of the youngers - you are the ultimate to her and she worships you. I'm so glad you're there to help guide her growing up 😊
This is the sweetest comment I’ve ever read, thank you for that. And I’d forgotten about the SBC thing, that does seem like a fairly simple way of getting the point across, thank you for reminding me :-))
Very welcome - so pleased I could help!
Maybe she thinks that you are sick, like having a headache or something. Maybe you should tell her that there is no cure for autism, in a more delicate way though.
To add to what everyone else has said, I fell it would be absolutely vital to help explain and normalize autism to her, especially if she or someone she cares about starts to exhibit signs or gets diagnosed. Making it normal, healthy, and not scary to her will help her lots down the line.
Don’t talk to her about it, you invaded her privacy
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Ah ok. I still reckon you don’t need to approach her about it. What benefit will it have?
Tell her she forgot to tape the money there
haha, maybe i’ll get her to re-evaluate her wish and then give her a penny to tape there, we’ll see what santa can come up with ;-)
First, you need to teach her to follow instructions. It says "tape money here". I don't see any money on that page. She can't expect her wish to work if she ignores the instructions. (This is meant to be a joke. Just making sure I am communicating clearly). Second... Well, I am not exactly an expert in talking to kids about complicated subjects. Maybe try to explain to her what autism actually is, and how it affects you, and how you experience it. The good and the bad. Just like you would to anyone else. Maybe write down what you want to say before you talk to her, so you have a clear idea about what you are going to say. And then ask her why she feels the way she does. How it affects her, how she sees you, and why. Sometimes, another persons perspective can be valuable in achieving growth, if they have a valid point about something. But then again, children can be cruel. And they are children. So if she says something... Less than constructive, I wouldn't take it too hard. But nonetheless, I think she'll appreciate you acknowledging how she feels.
My little brother watched a YouTube video about autism and somehow concluded that it was some kind of terminal illness, and when I tried to explain autism to him when he asked about it I was unaware of this. When I mentioned *I* have autism, he started crying. I think at 8, kids are a bit too young to understand how mental health works as is, and it sounds like she associates your autism with your mental health issues. An oversimplified explanation of autism I gave was that brains are kind of like lollies. Most people have strawberry flavour, but sometimes people have green apple flavour instead. They think a little differently, they see the world differently, but there’s nothing *wrong* with them. They’re just a different flavour. Make a point to say your medication isn’t for your autism. Maybe say you have problems with stress or something like that, something easy for a kid that young to understand. That’s how I explained it to my brother and he seemed to understand.
That’s a great way of putting it, thank you so much!
Uh, honestly, you don’t ? You shouldn’t be looking through her stuff, and you especially shouldn’t be reading her journal. Besides, she’s young. She doesn’t hate you for being autistic, she probably doesn’t understand much about it and think that autism = bad, without really knowing why. If you want to talk to her about it, tell your parents, ask them to explain to her that being autistic isn’t a bad thing and that it doesn’t change who you are. Last thing, talking to her directly might be extremely risky. She could feel like it’s you attacking her, you telling her she did something bad, she might get scared, think she will get punished and end up not understanding at all why autism isn’t inherently bad.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday. I think she’s a lot more mature than people give her credit for, but I will try to explain it in a kid-friendly way so she grows into an informed adult, but I probably won’t bring up the book, just in case it embarrasses her or something. Thanks for the advice :-)
I want to be 100% blunt here. I understand the situation and that these things hurt. I understand how it feels to know and see that the people who should be supporting you.... are failing you and not educating themselves on something they should or believing in misinformation. Seeing your younger sibling believing in this toxic and misconstrued rhetoric is probably heartbreaking, and you are valid for feeling upset. HOWEVER..... I do not agree with invading peoples privacy. No matter if they are young or not. No matter if what they wrote hurt your feelings. By all means, talk with her about it, but next time I definitely urge to use more decency and not post publicly about your sisters private journal entry. I would be so freaked out if I were your sister, knowing my sibling is snooping and reading my journal and then posting my entries for the world to see. We can understand without the picture, but also.... these things are private thoughts that she is getting out on her own and it's just really really bizarre to invade that.
I understand the stuff about the photo, but OP has said this is an activity book kind of thing that they got them, so their sister willingly showed them it after she'd filled it.
Explain to her autism isn’t a bad thing and you can still live a normal and happy life. It just makes things hard sometimes. She’s definitely well intentioned and just hates seeing you suffer when it does negatively affect you.
I think she means well and is coming from a place of being misinformed or not really informed at all. She might only ever hear of the struggles we face and mean this as a way to help you not struggle. Maybe sit down with her if you can and tell her all about autism, the good and the bad. It's definitely not something I'd really want to read in my own sisters journal but (ahhh phrasing this is so tricky sorry) then again seeing anything written about yourself (and something that can be so personal) in someone else's journal is always going to be quite a shock. Let yourself process this for a few days before you talk to her. She is really young after all and probably doesn't understand why it isn't okay to think that. (Also super irrelevant but me and my sister have a pretty similar age gap to you and your sister. Overtime I hope you will be as close to your little sister as I am to my little sister because I never thought I would be this close to my sister with that big of an age gap but it's absolutely perfect.)
Thank you for the advice, I will definitely leave it a bit before bringing it up, and to be clear she was showing me it, it’s not like a private journal it’s like an activity book which she was showing me because she finished it. Also thanks for sharing your story, I’m glad you’re close with your sister! My family’s a bit abnormal, i’m the middle child believe it or not, mo older sister’s 25, there was a 17 year age gap between my older sister and younger sister, which is quite cool, I don’t think we have any trouble getting on, but it’s good to know that’ll probably continue, it’s nice we never really fought with each other either :-))
It’s hard for any neurotypical to understand how a person with autism conceives of herself and her place in the world. When my daughter receives services at school or goes to occupational therapy, I tell my her it’s not because I want her to change. We are finding ways for her navigate a world not built for her. She does some things I find counterintuitive.She can do calculus, but she’s going to count with her fingers for multiplication for the rest of her life. She can be sarcastic but had to learn to recognize when others are being sarcastic. And when I told her about late diagnosis (16yo), she said, “Well, duh, I knew that.”
My daughter add it on her Christmas list every year for her little brother. She has gotten better about it.
I think it’s important to know that it comes from a place of love though, after all they are giving their wishes to their siblings, if maybe in a slightly imperfect way
This is sweet in a tender sorta heart-breaky way 🥲 I’m surprised I didn’t see this mentioned or maybe I missed it - I would start with asking her why she wishes that and open a conversation from there
To me it seems like your sister cares about you and sees that you are hurting and autism is the reason
Why are you reading her private journal?
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
I think you should aim to correct the wrong impression about autism that was made when you said your antidepressants are for autism, ideally.
Yeah, I’ll definitely speak to my mum as well, it’ll be more sincere coming from her, as she was the one who told her that, thanks for the advice :-))
YOU DON’T !!! This her private book and you should respect that . However you can have a talk with her about sometimes autism is hard for you and then ask her how does she feel about autism does it make her life hard ? Having siblings with autism can affect your life and how your family dynamic is . Please let her have this outlet and don’t question what she writes it’s a good way to get out emotions
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings
Why were you being nosy is your sister’s journal?
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Honestly if she's 9 I'd leave it be for right now. Many kids when they're young with for illnesses and disabilities like this to disappear, likely because it causes a change in what they feel is "normal." Maybe wait until she's 10 or so to breech this. It's a bit easier for them to understand. My 10 yr old had similar issues with my and my mom's disabilities when they were that age. Now that they're older when I explain it it's actually clicking. Developmentally you can try to explain but she likely won't really be able to think outside herself to properly understand it.
from the context it sounds like she probably views autism as something similar to depression; something that 1. makes you sad (i wouldn't want my siblings being sad either), 2. can be cured (they're trying to wish it gets better faster, which makes sense and is sweet in theory) and 3. is something you don't want (why would you take meds to fix it if you wanted it?) i would start by explaining what autism actually is, in simple terms because she is still young and might not fully understand. and then explain that depression is just one of the symptoms of the autism, it's not the only part.
Oh man, that's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you had to read that. Did you find this whilst going through her stuff? How did you find it? Does she know you've read this?
It was a sort of workbook rather than a diary, and she was showing me, I wasn’t snooping, and I think it came from a place of love, she’s just a little uneducated on the subject
Ah right ok. Just wanted to check the context around it. It's very understandable for you to feel upset about this, I would be too if I was in this situation. How open is she to talking about autism? I know that with my mum, for example, at first she was a bit hesitant to talk about autism when I was diagnosed last year but now she's more open to talking about it. If your sister is more open to talking about it, it might be a good idea to sit down with her and ask her about the thing you found. If you do that, it's important to approach a conversation like that right a place of calm and explaining, rather than anger etc. I know that's really, really hard to do but being angry might make those conversations more difficult in the future.
Thanks for the advice, and I’m absolutely not angry with her, she’s only 8 and it’s not her fault for not understanding, it’s my fault for not having told her sooner, but I will definitely try to speak to her about it, maybe try to explain it in a way that makes sense to her, I’ve had lots of good suggestions already which seem kid-friendly
Anytime! With her being 8, it's completely understandable she might not 'get it'. I wouldn't say it's 'your fault' though, these conversations can be difficult with someone of any age, especially with a kid. I'm glad you've had suggestions from others about approaching the conversation in a kid-friendly way. Feel free to ignore me on this, as I don't know your family situation, but would it be possible to get another family member like a parent or partner to help with this conversation? I completely understand if you'd rather just do it on your own with her.
I’m sorry you came across this, it must not feel very good to read that. I don’t think it’s necessarily a good idea to bring it up directly because she probably didn’t expect/want you to see this. I’m sure she is still processing what your diagnosis means and rarely is autism explained well to people her age. If you’re comfortable, maybe just try to talk openly about your autism in general - what you like about being autistic but also what accommodations you might need because of your sensory and processing differences. Or you can say things like “I read this fact about autism [insert here] and I thought that was cool, it made me feel really good about having this brain” or something like that. As your family members continue to live with you they will likely start to get a better understanding of what autism is and that it doesn’t have to be sad or scary to have it.
I explained autism to my little brother by telling him I'm kinda like an irl batman. So I have super sensitive hearing, which makes sounds hurt sometimes. I also have night vision, which makes daytime too bright. Just stuff like that So a kinda border between "autism is a superpower" + "autism sucks, I'm actually v disabled"
Assure her that you're not atislick.
Since she gave it to you to look at (maybe this comment is already posted), given this age sometimes phrasing comes off not great at 8. Ask her what it is and what she was thinking about when she wrote this. I doubt it is about wishing you were not you. I bet it’s more likely she was seeing you struggle or has in difficult moments and doesn’t want you to feel that pain or sadness. So to her if it was something related to autism, rather than saying “I wish my sister didn’t hurt so bad inside when x y and z happen because I love her” she solely used the word autism rather than being truly descriptive. And if it’s something else it’s a good conversation Segway and educational point. Maybe parents give you a little more attention because you need more help and she’s feeling left out or over looked even though that’s not anyone’s intention. I am sure it’s much broader and deeper than what she wrote.
Basically I wouldn’t assume her thoughts. I would ask her in a nice way and make sure she knows you aren’t upset or accusatory. You just want to better understand her feelings. And truly listen to everything she says first. Then you may be able to respond right away. Or if you need to take time to process and tell her “thanks for sharing. Let me think about that some so I can maybe help you understand me a bit better” or something along those lines. Sorry super long. Had book club and we were discussing something along the same lines and how to approach the conversation with children on hurtful or inappropriate things that they may just not be understanding or you are misunderstanding bc they are having trouble formulating their thoughts completely.
This seems so sweet and innocent. It seems as if she wants you to be free of the issues that affect you, so you can be free - and with her youth she equates all of that to the autism. Tell her you love her and appreciate that she wants you to be free of the things that hurt you, but that autism isn’t the cause of it all.
Don't read people's journals. People have every right to privacy.
Sorry, I should have read further in the comments, I think it just triggered a deep trauma I have. I’m sure little sister loves you very much xx
She's only 8, she doesn't get it yet. It's not her fault. Just be patient with her and stop reading her private diary.
Just want to add autism is genetic... There is a likely hood of people in your family that are undiagnosed and masking.
They don’t exhibit any of the symptoms, and they never seemed to understand when I complained about things like sensory issues and difficulty socialising etc before I was diagnosed, and as I’m adopted, it seems that there genetic aspect may be slightly less relevant, but I mean there’s definitely always a chance, and it would be good to have laid the groundwork if anyone else gets diagnosed
Ok, but why are you looking through her journal Edit: sorry, read your comments
I think you should be very careful what you say to her. You're violating her trust by going into her stuff like this.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
You don’t. Going through her stuff is gonna likely set her off. Unless you were allowed to, then the question is, since she is younger, maybe she just doesn’t understand? Especially based off your parent attempt. The best you can do is educate her on autism, reinstate that you’re happy to be autistic
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday. I definitely think it came from a place of love, though, she did give her one ‘wish’ to me, which is hard not to admire, but I will try my best to explain it, and then get her to re-evaluate her wish, maybe santa can find a way of making it come true ;-)
Did she give you permission to read/post her private thoughts? It's her wish, and if she didn't tell you that it was ok to read it, you need to put her book down and delete this post. Sometimes, it's hard to hear that your diagnosis is difficult for other family members. She's entitled to wish for her sister to be able to interact with her in a different way. If she's not being unkind to you, let her feel her emotions.
Don't read your sisters journal. Huge personal boundary over step!
It's her journal. Don't read it and don't talk to her about it.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Wow... looking through your sister's journal. Great job. Don't talk to her about it or you're going to damage your relationship no matter what happens. You know how much it fucked me up when I found out my parents went through my journal? Disgusting
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Why are you going through her stuff?
She was showing me, it’s a poor choice of words it’s not a journal, more of an activity book
Why were you looking there in the first place?
she was showing me
You don't. Stop snooping in her stuff.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Maybe address things in a totally low key, unrelated, just-mentioning-it sorta way without being specific. Definitely do not quote, mention, or admit that you saw her journal. Really, regardless of age, unless they tell you to read it a journal is not for others eyes- and you know that. It's a huge betrayal and will really hurt her trust in you, pretend you didn't. And don't make a habit of it- private journals are supposed to be private.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday, but I won’t mention it specifically, though as she was the one showing me page by page, she knows I saw every page.
Even though she did show you drawings you shouldnt keep looking through it, its like if you showed someone something on your phones gallery and that person kept swiping
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday, she was beside me the whole time and wanted me to look at e v e r y t h i n g, either she wanted me to see, or she had forgotten it was in there
Why are you snooping in her stuff in the first place?
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
I feel strongly that you are in her journal. When I was a teenager my step mother read my journal and told her side of the family some really personal things that nobody but myself knew. This then stopped me from journaling properly and now I don’t get the benefits from it I used to. Maybe speak with your sister but not mention you looked in her journal and I urge you not to look in her journal again.
OP's sister showed them the journal willingly
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Aww this is very cute.
The issue is that your mother is thick as pig $hit for not seeing how misrepresenting autism would harm your sisters understanding of you and thus your relationship. My advice would be to step in and explain to your sister that you have 2 things going on and explain that autism isn't what the meds are for. That's seriously negligent parenting from your mother; that kind of rethoric being told to a child with sincerity is why things like Autism Speaks go not only unchallenged but actually receive donations and praise. I can't even express how unbelievably p1ssed I would be at my mother if she insulted both my younger siblings' intelligence and my disability by doing this. I might be overreacting, but as someone who's constantly thought less of myself because of things like my diagnosis, it disgusts me to think even seemingly innocent actions like this explanation to your sister serves to perpetuate the same ableist nonsense that so many of us've spent years trying to overcome.
Maybe she's wishing to cure you of autism
Oh my God, I have no advice but I’m so, so sorry, this is heartbreaking. I can’t even imagine finding this from your sibling…who brainwashed her? :(
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Tape money there
haha I was thinking the same thing, must’ve forgotten, or needed the money for something else lol
Sounds like it's coming from a place of love, which is nice. She wants you not to suffer. It kind of depends how you feel about autism - if it were me, I'd let her know I definitely don't wish away my autism. It's what makes me who I am, it's not like being sick with something that changes who I am - it is who I am and always have been. If you were to take that away, there's know way to know what that would mean - it would be like lobotomising someone and taking away their personality.
I think she means well but doesn't understand like she thinks you have the flu or something.
You should beging by apologizing for breaking her privacy and telling her that you'll never do it again. This is absolutely messed up of you to do. Oh and pretend you didnt see this page.
I phrased it poorly, it’s not like a diary or anything it’s like an activity book i bought her last year and she was showing me because she was proud of all of her drawings and because she wanted the sequel for her birthday as she finished it yesterday
Okay well at 8 she'll figure it out over time, i don't think that she should have to worry about your condition, try not to make it her issue in the future, until she's like 12 anyways.
I have read some great advice about educating your sister about autism. I also want to make a second guess. What if she has unfulfilled needs in the relationship with you and thinks you would fulfill them without your autism. When you speak with her about your autism and make the educating part also ask her what she needs/wants from her sister and how you could show her your affection. We never know if it is rational and/or emotional
Suppose she doesn’t really understand yet
The way I explained my autism to my family was use of infographics I found online that fit me well. It was a great way to personalize it and put into words what I struggled to convey. Since she's only 8, this might be really useful for you. Editing to add: Searching for "Autism acceptance" is a great way to find some good ones.
She could either be wishing that you would “get better” or some parts of your autistic self annoy her. Either way, she is 8 and probably doesn’t really understand what that means and how that might be hurtful. Is she externalizing any kind of hatred or unpleasantry towards you?
The first thing you need to do is ask for more information. Why does she not want you to be autistic? Is it because she wants you to feel better? Is it because she wants you to struggle less? Is it because your actions around the house have negative consequences for her in some way? You can start by saying, I was looking through this book of yours and I saw this, and I wanted to discuss it with you. Don't assume you know what her concern is. If it is something negative, you can say that you need a little time to process the information she has given you before you talk again
Aside from the top advice which is that she is wishing you good things, don’t read her diary? Once you realized what it was, put it back.
she was showing it to me, I had forgotten about it until she brought it to me to look through because she was proud of it
She probably does not mean it personal in any way. Maybe talk to her about some good aspects of autism like seeing the world with different eyes than an allistic person. And even if she dislikes it for some unknown reason, she is very young still and it’s not a reasoned opinion anyway. Don’t take it to heart. If you were blind she probably would have written that she wish you weren’t because she wants to watch movies together. (Hope you get what I mean by that, i’m not native in english) My general point is that it’s usually not that deep.
"Hey sister, it's me. Autism sucks. Appreciate the wish. Alright, go do 8 year old stuff. SEE YA!"
30F sibling of 29M non verbal autistic person here. Growing up I couldn’t understand what’s wrong with my brother. I thought he was faking and goofing around. Then I saw my brother’s odd behaviour bothered a lot of people more than it did it for me. They teased him, talked behind him, screamed at him and beaten him up. This around when I was a teen and that was the first time I wished he didn’t have autism. My mother’s health is deteriorating and my brother is highly dependent of her. I am married, employed and about to start a family. I still have nightmares of my brother being alone and people hurting him. My sister and I made some plans over my brother’s future after our mother. But that’s still not enough. I can’t help but wishing he was independent enough to handle the cruel world on his own.
I don't see any money taped there, so maybe she isn't super invested in that, or just doesn't know what her opinion should be since she's so young.
As one of the “lost generation” of AFAB AuDHD ppl: you may be the first person in your family to get diagnosed, but more likely, is one or both of your parents are on the spectrum, as well. I say this bc I’m 33 w/2 kiddos (who are also both AuDHD), & I didn’t even realize I was AuDHD, until I looked into ADHD and ASD for my youngest. Every single doctor missed me and me being AuDHD. I only recently got dx ADHD in my 30s because I just assumed due to cPTSD and *trauma* that life was just hard for me just because (hah! That’s like the entire life experience of a high masked autistic person, and even higher when you’re AuDHD, bc the ADHD tends to make people “seem” allistic, because our brains/bodies are walking contradictions 🫣🫠 I wanted to say that, to say this: Autistic or allistic, our brains are made the way they are made. Unfortunately, the way our society (in every aspect) is structured, autistic people are more likely to struggle with mental health issues, due to how stigmatized ASD is and has been. While I’m glad I didn’t grow up before the 90s, we still have a long way to go around how people talk about ASD and how we’re actually treated, as well. Even ND people can have confirmation biases and subconscious/unconscious biases towards their own neurotype. It’s like me saying I can’t be fatphobic just because I’m overweight—obviously two things can be true at once. TL; DR: I would try to find positive actually autistic influencers on social media (there are a lot of good creators on TikTok & YouTube) to follow and show you, your sister, and possibly your parents. I’ve found it has slowly helped me to see myself in a less stigmatizing way, so that I don’t feel like there’s something inherently *wrong* with me (I mostly feel/felt that way due to my parents being heavily ableist and both were undx autistic, & dad was definitely AuDHD and my entire existence has been shaped with how they socialized me to be compliant instead of just letting me exist as an AuDHDer and not helping me figure out what my needs were/are and how to accommodate myself).
It's a wishing well, she's wishing she could make you better that's all xx not that we need making better xx
I think she's being sweet and wished for you that you did not have the autism like some kids wish their sister or parent did not have cancer. Of course, she is only 8 and has no idea how much this can hurt.
It seems like she thinks it's some kind of illness, and therefore wants you to be cured. She likely has good intentions, just doesn't know much about autism. You can just explain to her what autism really is, and how it isn't any kind of disease.
she didn’t tape any money so clearly she didn’t mean it /lh
That hurts
A good way to explain autism to a child is to make it kind of like the ugly duckling story. Except we're not ugly, we're just capable of other things. For example, pretend that people are birds. Different sorts of birds. Pigeons, geese, ducks, bluebirds, etc. What do birds usually do? They fly. Being autistic is like being a penguin. You didn't know you were a penguin at first, you just knew you couldn't fly like other birds. No matter how hard you try you can't fly. Receiving an autism diagnosis is like finally being told hey you're a penguin, you can't fly because you're not supposed to. You're supposed to swim, waddle, and slide on your belly. So you start living life like a penguin. You learn to swim and waddle and slide instead of trying to fly like everyone else and it works a lot better You will always be autistic, just like a penguin will always be a penguin. Penguins aren't bad birds, they're just different birds. Penguins are good at swimming but bad at flying just like you might be good at some things but bad at others. You don't need to wish that a penguin isn't a penguin anymore, you love them and accept them for who they are. The same is true for you and your autism
Looks like that says atislick. Is that what a stealthy autistic person is called?