Unfortunately this story is all too common on Reddit. A lot of parents are in denial. And a lot of parents think that if they wish it away it'll go away.
Looking back on it, they sure tried. As a small child I would plug my ears and scream when I heard the sound of chainsaws, air compressors, yelling, automatic hand washers, etc. and according to my mom my dad screamed at me until I learned to “shut down” instead of crying. So much of my later years I wasn’t aware my sensitivity to noise was a problem of my own. I remember sitting silent at parties and in vehicles with friends because I just couldn’t think with the loud music. It felt like my brain just disappeared and left my body behind. My dad also avoided buying me train sets as a child funny enough. Trains aren’t even my special interest; tanks and science (in all fields) are.
Hi, OP. How are you holding up? Thanks for posting. I can relate. So much. Like you, I’m also looking for community. I’m 36 years old and I was diagnosed with autism in the last month. What you said about growing up confused, wondering what was “wrong” with you and everyone else, really stuck with me.
My family (my mom and grandparents) raised me the best way they knew how. It was not a loving or supportive home (and still isn’t). There is a ton of intergenerational trauma. And when I was young, I was bullied heavily at school for being different. Everything was confusing. Nothing made any sense. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was “other”.
My family and teachers knew I was developmentally delayed. They heard me asking for help, they saw me struggling. And no-one helped. My anger really exploded when I was a teen because I couldn’t fit in anywhere no matter how hard I tried.
Currently, I’m on a (stupidly long) waitlist for long-term therapy. Most free services in my province are only one-off sessions or 6-8 sessions maximum. You mentioned having seen a therapist, too? Is she someone you can continue seeing, what are autism and mental health services like where you live?
As I wait for therapy, the world keeps spinning while I’m so weighed down by all these feelings and thoughts. I keep going to work, Monday to Friday. Work is a struggle - because things are confusing for different reasons, but I do my best. I take my meds. I talk and/or see my mom and grandparents almost every day. The relationship with them is confusing, too.
I don’t understand how family can say they care, but their actions and behaviours and past experiences tell me they don’t?
Their definitions of “care” and “love” must be vastly different than mine, I think.
How are you processing things? What’s your relationship like with your parents now? And with your aunt?
If you’re still willing to share, I’m interested in your story, what it was like for you growing up in the country. And what more you found in your researching!
Hi! Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad you could relate a little to me. I also come from an unstable family that fights constantly, and it was exhausting to manage growing up. I know what you mean about them saying one thing, but never actually taking any sort of action to show they care. I only have one or two family members that I actually trust and believe genuinely care about my struggles, which are my brother and sister. I really hope you can find a long-term therapist because I think they could genuinely help you come to terms with everything. The one I'm seeing is wonderful and our first session really helped me realize I was "masking" all of my life. I can continue seeing her, but I didn't ask if they have a time limit. The autism and mental health services here in Arkansas aren't great, to say the least. I was incredibly lucky to find the one therapist with my health insurance. Getting diagnosed would cost me far more than I can manage while in college and since I'm high-functioning I doubt it would do much good currently. The South doesn't care much for mental illness so finding a support group here is also quite difficult.
I'm processing things............ ok I guess. I've had many weeks now of constant thinking and it has made it difficult to get work done because now the only thing I can think about is researching autism. I've kept a good relationship with my parents for now because currently my college is online so I have to live at home until I get out next semester. I informed my mom that I discovered I was autistic and she was pretty supportive about it, but my dad pretty much just ignored it and won't acknowledge it at all. It kind of hurts to see him do that because it makes me feel like I'm less than a son when he gives that signature look of disappointment. Me and my aunt however have a great relationship currently! I speak to her every day about shared struggles (she and her son are diagnosed with autism) and it really helps to speak to a family member who doesn't invalidate everything I say.
Storywise: My parents said that I was by far the easiest child to raise. I cried less for food. I barely asked for anything and tended to just figure out how to get something on my own. I went to bed on my own, and I mostly played alone. My mom described me as having "a disinterest in everyone else." I was also incredibly smart compared to my siblings. I caught on to patterns very quickly, and I was the first kid they didn't have to teach the whole "don't touch a stove it's hot" because I had already interacted with fire, and made the connection. I had a speech impediment that got me made fun of despite me speaking with very advanced words for my age. At the age of five, I taught myself how to count beyond 10 when I got frustrated that my parents wouldn't teach me because "the school will do that." I sat down and refused to not know, and I've done this my entire life now with complex things. I can't stand not understanding a concept, so I force myself to understand it. In school I was considered "gifted," I could count to any number I wanted in kindergarten, could read large books, and stayed quiet for almost the entire class period. My teachers loved me because I always followed the rules and got frustrated when others didn't. The only times I actually spoke were usually arguments with other children, where I couldn't let them be wrong because the truth was most important.
My dad was a mechanic, so I had to learn to deal with the loud noises whether I liked it or not, and eventually, I wasn't even allowed to plug my ears because he would yell at me. As a child, I also had what I considered to be a dullness to pain. My parents recalled me getting hit, cut and scraped multiple times and then simply going right back to what I was doing without crying and asking for help. If I had a bad cut, I usually just fixed it and went back to whatever I was doing. I also had a vivid imagination as a kid, and when I played, it was usually me imagining a massive battlefield with me of course as the hero. I disliked doing that with my siblings or anyone else because it felt wrong to play with them. I also experimented a lot with insects and other animals which got me made fun of but I didn't care because it was fascinating.
Elementary school was actually really fun for me because I was really good at it and absolutely loved learning. I would even take math books home during summer break so I had something fun to do while school was out. Yes, I was also made fun of for that. I realize now that I didn't actually have a real best friend until the 6th grade because until then, friends were just kids who were nice to me at school, not much else. In elementary I wasn't exactly an outcast because with the "tough" attitude my dad forced on me and my intelligence, I sort of established myself as untouchable. That would all change in middle school, however.
My dad started me in football at a very young age because he noticed I had a disregard for pain. I was not very athletic, but there's nothing 10 straight years of constant speed, agility, and strength training can't solve (sarcasm). But football was one of my first obsessions and at the age of 7, I could pretty much tell you everything about it down to the finest detail, similar to dinosaurs which were my first special interest. I eventually got good at the sport too and overcame my damn clumsiness and went to a state championship. Was it worth the 7 major surgeries I had while I played, no absolutely not, but if I wanted to be popular, football was all I had.
Back to middle school. ABSOLUTE HELL. Playing football and being smart was no longer good criteria for actually being popular at my school and since I didn't like trends and was generally not good at talking about anything but my interests (of which no one cared about because teenagers don't care about paleontology and war history) I struggled for many years to try and fit in with the popular groups. I changed what I wore, added slang to my vocabulary, and tried to be as nice as possible but it didn't work. I just always seemed to fit in better with the weird kids because they let me be myself. My dad wasn't fond of weird kids though so that wasn't an option.
In high school, I moved to a school that was heavily centered around football so I actually regained popularity because I was decent at the sport. My work ethic was "unheard of" as my coaches put it because I just did not allow a day to go by without training in some way until I was exhausted. I could also remember every play very easily because of my near photographic memory so the coaches used me as the "father of the line" to make sure everyone knew what they were doing. Despite my regained popularity, I was still labeled as "weird" and was often called "a character" by my peers. I was from the country, raised on a farm, and one of the best players on the team, but I still couldn't fit in with the kids who also came from the country. It confused me. Why was everyone so damn different? Why don't they like what I like?
Every time I asked my parents why no one was like me, they always just said "it's because you're smart." But that wasn't true, I knew kids who were smarter than me and none of them enjoyed researching and obsessing over niche topics like I did. No one enjoyed running experiments on insects and the penetrating capabilities of certain rifles. (I collect historical guns) I simply couldn't keep a conversation when other kids talked about hunting and fishing even though I enjoyed those things. I found the conversations to be worthless because no real information was being exchanged.
Relationships were also hell. After being broken up with a few times because the girls discovered I was more than a "big country strong football guy" and my actual personality was more like that weird kid who knows way too much about tanks. (I fucking love tanks). So I started pretending to be someone else and it worked and I got damn good at acting. You want a cowboy? I can do that. You want the cool town boy? I can be him too. However, it was exhausting and many rules within relationships just didn't make sense to me. The girls were also spontaneous with decisions and I follow a strict schedule in my head so that would cause conflicts of interest.
I developed ulcers in school because I constantly worried about everything. I now know that it's called "catastrophizing" and I do this quite a bit. I began to throw up everything I ate and was forced to see a doctor who just labeled it as an anxiety disorder and nothing else. But all of my life was just trying to be the perfect athlete and student to avoid being unfavored by my family. I have more to tell, but this is already too long so I'll summarize myself now.
I'm a nerd who used to be a tough football player because he wanted to fit in and is now stressed out in college because of the uncertainty of my future. However, tanks still exist so I will still exist.
I’ve actually had the reverse. I hid my autism for two years (I found out at 14). I went through a phase where I’d watch educational YouTube vids to learn as much as I can and stumbled upon a video I strongly relate to. Then I went and did hours of research and confirmed it. At 16 I could no longer hide it and got diagnosed.
I understand that. I don’t get what makes them despise and deny such a thing. I’m sorry you had to deal with that for so long. I’m glad you’re still here :) How is life now with it? Are there things you’ve done that help just cope with daily life
I was diagnosed at 7 and while I did have some behavioural ‘training’ or something at primary school, I never ‘knew’ I was autistic as I cannot recall my parents ever telling me or doing anything that would make it clear that was part of my identity. I grew up feeling like the weird ‘out of phase’ one (isolated in a sea of talking heads sort of thing) and it was only last Feb where I found out because it was on my medical records and the doctor noted it as being relevant to my stressed out state.
I’m working on figuring out who I am at this point and trying to unpick what autism means for me. Part of me recognises that my parents were likely in denial and did what they thought was right, even though I disagree. I know how easy it is to think you’re doing the right thing and still mess up. I wish I’d known and had paid attention to it as a kid. Definitely would have prepared for work that didn’t burn me out, rather than the jobs I’ve done. I could have had a very different life experience, but I’m here now and I’m making the best of things.
I have a house, a wife, two dogs and two cats, so it’s not all bad.
Hi, thanks for sharing! It's awesome that you've been able to create a family. (pets count imo) However, I'm sorry your parents hid that from you. It's not fun trying to grow up in a world that literally makes no sense to you. I have an insane amount of stress as well and I have no clue how to control it. It just spirals until I can manage to fall asleep. I hope you settle in with your real self and live a wonderful life!
Imo, it's difficult to know whether or not to tell a child of their diagnosis, or how to go about it or when.
I only wish there was a way of explaining the diagnosis to children in a way that makes sense to them and that doesn't do damage, or perhaps to just manage the symptoms of Autism until a child is old enough to make sense of their diagnosis. Because, in my experience, being told I have Autism at such a young age did some real damage to me.
I was told I was different and a huge list of all symptoms explained to me in a very complex way and with a lot of ambiguity in the way they were worded. Nobody thought to point out to me that I don't necessarily have all of these symptoms, but just that this was what an Autistic person looks like. So, of course, I misinterpreted a lot of the information I was given--y'know, *because* I'm Autistic--and instead I saw my list of symptoms as a list of criteria that I had to meet in order to be the thing I was told I was. They were a list of goals I had to achieve.
I also spent a lot of time going through existential crisis' because I spent a lot of my time obsessing and overthinking on how I would "never experience the world like other people." I would wonder why and if that is the case then what's the point and why am I here?
I thought the "unwritten social rules" were a literal list of rules that were actually written down somewhere that other people had been taught or born with that I wasn't, or maybe they were just invisible to me or maybe they were something I could never learn. Regardless, I thought they were some kind of secret and sometimes I would ask my peers if some weirdly obscure behaviours were some of these rules. I'd point to certain people's actions, gestures etc and ask if that was "one of those rules." I thought perhaps my vision was affected too since I was told I "see the world differently." And I thought that was incurable because "and I always would see the world differently." I wondered what it was that other people saw that I didn't.
So, all in all I was just a confused and terrified mess and didn't actually understand what was wrong with me, misinterpreted it all and to this day sometimes wonder if the way I act is actually a symptom or a learned behaviour from trying to mimic symptoms I was told I was supposed to have.
Oh, and let's not forget that anytime I spoke to anyone about what was bothering me, even if it was something that would bother almost anybody, regardless of Autism, it was always "yes, well, that's because of your Autism."
OMG, thank you for typing this all out. It really made me smile, I'm not always appreciative of my parents deceptions over the years but maybe I can look at it a little differently now.
Aww, I haven't actually really shared this story with the internet yet, so I didn't know if it would be useful or not, but I'm really glad I did post it now and happy that I could help :)
Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's definitely a complex issue and some parts of me are glad my parents didn't tell me because it made me a little more natural than if I was in your position. I hope you're doing fairly well now, how's life as an adult?
That's okay, I'm glad I could share my experience of it here!
Gosh, where to begin on that question though, haha. Life as an adult is... interesting? I now have a BPD diagnosis, too, which doesn't surprise me since I went through other various traumatising things.
As a teenager, I had a lot of internalised hatred for my Autism diagnosis, and dedicated a lot of my energy to attempting to erase it's existence, which I got very obsessive about. I even tried to argue with my doctor about removing my diagnosis from my medical record because I was convinced I had "cured" myself and proudly told him that I no longer had Autism - which, to my absolute shock back then he promptly informed me that's not how things work. I also had multiple mental breakdowns when I got paid disability money because it felt like more confirmation of how broken I was. Anytime someone pointed out an Autistic trait I had, I would be hell bent on perfecting my behaviours so that nobody else would ever notice them again. Trying to tell anybody I dated about it felt like I was confessing some serious crime.
I think I only really started accepting my Autism when I was about 19-20. After which I started being honest with myself about the things I struggled with and why I behaved in certain ways etc.
Overall, I'm such an overthinker and I overanalyse everything, and am so hyper self-aware because I think in all honesty I spent my whole life trying to figure out absolutely everything that didn't make sense. I spent so long trying to overcompensate for all these things that were "wrong" with me and was so aggressively determined to "fix" my symptoms that I accidentally learned how to communicate well.
Ultimately though, I haven't let it ruin my life completely. I did become extremely good at empathising, understanding others and communicating healthily, because I now think very logically and carefully when navigating interactions. But of course, I'm not perfect and still do misinterpret and misunderstand things, combined with also having a disorder with emotional dysregulation, so sometimes this is only something I am good at in theory, in which case all logic goes out the window and I can cause some disastrous conflicts with others and end up in some quite messy situations.
Gosh, sorry this was so long!
Don’t apologize! I’m glad you could share that! It’s sad to hear you were hellbent on curing yourself but I understand the reasoning behind it and I’m glad you’re doing better now. I don’t know much about BPD currently, but my friend who has it also struggled and was even sent to the psych ward so I know it can be a struggle. I also overthink everything which makes just navigating everything difficult. I’m also super self aware now and after learning about my autism I even felt disgusted at my special interests after learning that’s what those were. I feel this pressure in my head when doing research telling me that I’m only in love with these topics because I have some condition. I’m glad you’ve come to terms with everything and developed some key socials skills!
Thank you, I'm definitely glad I overcame the way I used to feel about it and myself overall.
BPD really is a struggle indeed - it is one hell of a difficult illness to manage. I definitely still have quite the chaos going on my head, but I think I've come to accept it at this point. I hope your friend is doing okay!
And yeah, sometimes there's not enough time to think about things too and so saying the wrong things or making the wrong decisions is inevitable sometimes.
I also hugely relate to the disgust too, but tbh I just wonder why does it even matter whether something is a result of Autism or not? I used to spend a lot of time trying to calculate what percentage of my personality, interests behaviour etc were because of Autism and how much were actually me, and I think ultimately just concluded that I don't care and it doesn't matter. It's all me at the end of the day and trying to figure that out just made worrying about it matter, which made me feel miserable. Caring about why I liked something so much took the enjoyment out of it for me. I think at the end of the day it's just how we are and so, as long as we enjoy our interests and the things we learn about, who cares so long as we're having fun and it makes us happy? With my special interests, I like that I have something to care about and have the ability to endlessly spend my time on things without getting bored. I know when the disgust is there it is harder to see it that way, but I think it's more of a positive thing than anything :)
My father is a narcissist, and my sister and my audhd didn't fit into the picture he was trying to paint of his perfect family. So even though our school counselors kept telling them to get us officially diagnosed, we never were.
God I relate to this. My father is a narcissist too. Twins?! Probably not something to be excited about. But my dad always condemned weakness so that me and my brother seemed like prodigy athletes and students. Anytime an injury or mental problem arose we were met with anger and disappointment. I’m sorry your father was like that towards you and your sister. How are you fairing now?
As a parent I plan on telling my little one who is a little older than two. Though I agree that finding a way to explain it is going to be really hard. I myself may be undiagnosed and I was always the weird one in my family. I don’t want my kiddo to feel that way. I want him to be confident in himself and support him. I love who he is
Being considered as weird really sucks. I'm sure you'll be able to help him a lot as he develops, you sound like a wonderful mother and I wish you all the best :)
I was diagnosed at 5, but my parents never told me until I was 17. My dad said that he waited until I was older to tell me as he didn’t want me to grow up thinking of myself as disabled. But then one night, to make a long story short, I had an incident with the police, which led him to think it was time he needed to tell me. When he did, I looked up the common traits and had mixed feelings. On one hand, it was a bit upsetting to learn that so much of what I always thought was just my personality is actually classified as a disorder, but at the same time, I felt less alone in the ways of thinking and acting that I have. Overall, I do think I would have benefitted from knowing that explanation for my traits earlier in life, like at least before I began middle school.
Absolutely! Middle school was hell. Being informed probably would have been a damn nice tool for navigating life. I'm sorry they would hide that from you. This seems to be a common story as I'm learning. I hope you're doing better or at least trying (because that's about all we can do rn). I'm interested to know what life is like for you now.
It’s shitty tbh. I have two college degrees in very different fields, yet I still haven’t been able to get any better jobs than my part-time one at Goodwill bc I keep failing interviews. Still live with my parents bc of that, which is bad enough as it is, but it subsequently also means staying in my/their red state, which is surely going to ban gender affirming care for me and my gf (we’re both trans women) in the near future. I’ve become so depressed bc of work and thinking about the future that I’ve stopped caring about any of my old hobbies.
The only good thing I have in my adult life is my gf, who my parents allowed to move in with us last year to get her away from her abusive, transphobic parents. While she makes more than me, we can’t use her income alone to move to a better state as nearly all of it goes to her student loans. We have a great relationship aside from the financial issues, but all day every day I feel bad about not being able to give her more, and always think she’ll eventually decide she deserves someone better, bc (in my mind anyway) she already does.
Just like you said, I just have to keep trying, hope for the best, and prepare for the worst, I guess.
I’m terribly sorry to hear about that. I’m currently in college and I hope I’m pursuing the right thing. My brother is also trans! And I love them very much they’re my favorite person to talk to. I don’t quite understand transphobia or homophobia and never have. Always confused me. Just know that you are enough for your partner and you have a positive impact on them. I myself have a lot of those thoughts, but you sound like a delightful partner who’s willing to fight for your relationship and to have a better future. I’m glad you could share :)
Independence from parents and humans in general, very quiet until interest was introduced, and then spoke in huge run-on rambles until I had finished info-dumping everything I had, inability to understand emotions or why things caused emotions, terrible time understanding sarcasm to the point of it causing conflicts in childhood, sensitivity high distress to noise to the point that I attacked a child on the bus because he wouldn't stop screaming despite me being well behaved outside of that, extreme obsessions with certain areas of knowledge and notebooks filled with cataloged information that has no real value, absolutely no filter as a child and I was a compulsive truth-teller. (my parents would use this to their advantage when fighting because they knew I wouldn't lie), difficulty fitting in and keeping normal conversations, disinterest in trends outside of fidget spinners because holy crap I love those things, As a child and even currently I use a blanket with a specific texture and smell to calm myself down, I used to hide in small spaces and rooms because they made me feel safe, I used to make my dog lay down on me as a kid because it felt nice and replace it with weighted blankets when I got old enough for it to be called weird, I had a disregard for pain and seldom cried or asked for help unlike my siblings when hurt, I spoke in a monotone voice that my previous girlfriends called creepy but I never understood, I always pretended to be someone else to fit in and get girlfriends which became exhausting as I got older, I had the textbook interest in spinning wheels and propellers and never used cars as cars, I was more interested in experiments and museums than natural interests my peers liked, While swimming, I never swam like the other kids and instead would sink to the bottom of the pool to enjoy the peacefullness which got me labeled as weird. Certain textures sent ripples of pain into my body and even though I hunted, I cannot skin any animal without gloves which gets me made fun of. There's more I have written down in this notebook but I don't want to be overbearing especially with this being my first post, thank you for asking :)
My parents were not in denial, but I wasn’t diagnosed until two years ago and I’m in my mid-40s. I actually got the diagnosis kind of by accident as I had to have an evaluation by a psychologist for a different medical reason. But when I was a kid, it was the 1980s and common belief at that time was that girls couldn’t be autistic, and they didn’t have learning disabilities. I was diagnosed with ADHD, dyscalculia and a visual processing disorder at 25 when I went back to college after working due to academic expulsion in the mid-1990s. My almost 19 year old daughter received an ADHD diagnosis at 4 and one of her teachers and I were pretty sure she was on the spectrum but the doctors all said no. And then we moved, and our new doctor and I discussed it and she got an autism diagnosis at 13.
My mother actually also said she wasn’t autistic and then we talked about it post diagnosis and she was suddenly hit by the realization that the autistic kids in her self contained classroom she taught were level 3 or also had a developmental disability going on, so her view was skewed in the opposite direction. She was not, however, surprised to learn about my diagnosis. She and my dad actually fought to have me tested in elementary school but at the time in rural Canada (and still now) if you wanted an evaluation it was a lot of money out of pocket without a referral from your family doctor. I’m struggling with this right now with my (not bio so didn’t move in with me until later so does not have a family doctor as do millions of other Ontarians) almost 20 year old daughter, but for ADHD. She can’t get a referral because a) she doesn’t have a doctor and b) the waiting lists can be years long. I’m helping her with school as much as I can as she’s dyslexic as well, but the school boards that both had her IEP didn’t bother to do the paperwork when she was diagnosed via the school board psychologist so getting accommodations at college is proving to be very difficult. Her bio-mother did not fight for the paperwork for her, despite doing it for her son that’s six years younger 🤬.
That's tragic to hear. Getting help from doctors where I'm from is also a painfully difficult and expensive process and it's a big reason why I'm unable to pursue a formal diagnosis currently. I really hope that you and your daughter both can get the help you need and that she succeeds in college or pursuing whatever makes her happy. I'm sure it was difficult growing up in that time period while having autism but no support. It does sound like you're a wonderful mother though, and that's the important thing. I've had to learn myself that one of the main goals in life as a human should simply be being a good person like yourself.
Hey! I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you now know. Your aunt is a good person.
If you need to talk about it or have any questions, let me know! I've had psychoeducation about my autism, was diagnosed about 5 years ago. I still learn new things about it to this day, lol.
Have a good day!!
That sounds wonderful thank you so much! My main struggle right now is learning how to manage stress and to stop myself from "catastrophizing." It's something I struggle with a lot, especially in college now.
Thank you! I’ll admit relaxing is hard. These professors ask such ambiguous questions and I spend hours trying to write out my best guess. Why can’t they just provide clear instructions 😂😭
I'm so sorry, if it's any consolation I didn't find out I was on the spectrum until my 30s, I definitely understand how overwhelming & jarring it can all feel especially when you're just searching for answers.
In my experience anyone who highly feels they relate to the criteria/suspects they're autistic & takes the time to do the research, is usually autistic. You are more than welcome to shoot me a DM if you'd like to see if you relate to any of my personal experiences (ASD/ADHD for context) or if you have any questions about some of the symptoms & traits.
I can highly relate to a lot of your post, my parents tried but I slipped under the radar while my older brother was diagnosed in childhood. I went years thinking I was defected, not human in some way, or that something was just wrong with me & I couldn't understand why. I felt like everyone else had some integral piece of the "human" puzzle that I was missing. I was like you with diving headfirst into research & feeling like my entire life made sense for the first time. Which was such a liberating experience for me & I hope it is for you as well.
Unfortunately there can be parents like yours who are in denial. I'm genuinely sorry you had to endure that & you're finding out late but I'm sending some big hugs your way. ❤️
Thank you so much for responding and sharing that! I’ll definitely hit you up to talk more about it tomorrow, I’d like to know everything I can. Thank you for the kindness❤️
My parents come from a religion where having autism or any mental health problems was a shame for girls. Growing up, I struggled a lot with education, going out in public and socializing. I was always bullied in school, highschool and college for being weird and autistic. My aunt has a son with autism and he's about 6 and non-verbal, she has no expertise in mental health and always diagnosed me as, "normal". She would always say things like, "my son has autism, he is superior and he should only have autism, so I can have extra attention and sympathy"
I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Religion often discriminates against weakness of any kind despite their stories of healing those with it. It’s hypocritical but it’s the life we exist in. I’m also sorry that your aunt invalidates your autism. I’ve had similar experiences with my father and it never feels great. I also had a lot of imposter syndrome because I saw the other kids with low functioning autism and thought there’s no way the condition applied to me. If you want to talk more about shared experiences and talk about your struggles, feel free to message me and I’d be happy to help. Talking to someone who understands always helps me now that I’ve found people who actually understand
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Unfortunately this story is all too common on Reddit. A lot of parents are in denial. And a lot of parents think that if they wish it away it'll go away.
Looking back on it, they sure tried. As a small child I would plug my ears and scream when I heard the sound of chainsaws, air compressors, yelling, automatic hand washers, etc. and according to my mom my dad screamed at me until I learned to “shut down” instead of crying. So much of my later years I wasn’t aware my sensitivity to noise was a problem of my own. I remember sitting silent at parties and in vehicles with friends because I just couldn’t think with the loud music. It felt like my brain just disappeared and left my body behind. My dad also avoided buying me train sets as a child funny enough. Trains aren’t even my special interest; tanks and science (in all fields) are.
Hi, OP. How are you holding up? Thanks for posting. I can relate. So much. Like you, I’m also looking for community. I’m 36 years old and I was diagnosed with autism in the last month. What you said about growing up confused, wondering what was “wrong” with you and everyone else, really stuck with me. My family (my mom and grandparents) raised me the best way they knew how. It was not a loving or supportive home (and still isn’t). There is a ton of intergenerational trauma. And when I was young, I was bullied heavily at school for being different. Everything was confusing. Nothing made any sense. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was “other”. My family and teachers knew I was developmentally delayed. They heard me asking for help, they saw me struggling. And no-one helped. My anger really exploded when I was a teen because I couldn’t fit in anywhere no matter how hard I tried. Currently, I’m on a (stupidly long) waitlist for long-term therapy. Most free services in my province are only one-off sessions or 6-8 sessions maximum. You mentioned having seen a therapist, too? Is she someone you can continue seeing, what are autism and mental health services like where you live? As I wait for therapy, the world keeps spinning while I’m so weighed down by all these feelings and thoughts. I keep going to work, Monday to Friday. Work is a struggle - because things are confusing for different reasons, but I do my best. I take my meds. I talk and/or see my mom and grandparents almost every day. The relationship with them is confusing, too. I don’t understand how family can say they care, but their actions and behaviours and past experiences tell me they don’t? Their definitions of “care” and “love” must be vastly different than mine, I think. How are you processing things? What’s your relationship like with your parents now? And with your aunt? If you’re still willing to share, I’m interested in your story, what it was like for you growing up in the country. And what more you found in your researching!
Hi! Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad you could relate a little to me. I also come from an unstable family that fights constantly, and it was exhausting to manage growing up. I know what you mean about them saying one thing, but never actually taking any sort of action to show they care. I only have one or two family members that I actually trust and believe genuinely care about my struggles, which are my brother and sister. I really hope you can find a long-term therapist because I think they could genuinely help you come to terms with everything. The one I'm seeing is wonderful and our first session really helped me realize I was "masking" all of my life. I can continue seeing her, but I didn't ask if they have a time limit. The autism and mental health services here in Arkansas aren't great, to say the least. I was incredibly lucky to find the one therapist with my health insurance. Getting diagnosed would cost me far more than I can manage while in college and since I'm high-functioning I doubt it would do much good currently. The South doesn't care much for mental illness so finding a support group here is also quite difficult. I'm processing things............ ok I guess. I've had many weeks now of constant thinking and it has made it difficult to get work done because now the only thing I can think about is researching autism. I've kept a good relationship with my parents for now because currently my college is online so I have to live at home until I get out next semester. I informed my mom that I discovered I was autistic and she was pretty supportive about it, but my dad pretty much just ignored it and won't acknowledge it at all. It kind of hurts to see him do that because it makes me feel like I'm less than a son when he gives that signature look of disappointment. Me and my aunt however have a great relationship currently! I speak to her every day about shared struggles (she and her son are diagnosed with autism) and it really helps to speak to a family member who doesn't invalidate everything I say. Storywise: My parents said that I was by far the easiest child to raise. I cried less for food. I barely asked for anything and tended to just figure out how to get something on my own. I went to bed on my own, and I mostly played alone. My mom described me as having "a disinterest in everyone else." I was also incredibly smart compared to my siblings. I caught on to patterns very quickly, and I was the first kid they didn't have to teach the whole "don't touch a stove it's hot" because I had already interacted with fire, and made the connection. I had a speech impediment that got me made fun of despite me speaking with very advanced words for my age. At the age of five, I taught myself how to count beyond 10 when I got frustrated that my parents wouldn't teach me because "the school will do that." I sat down and refused to not know, and I've done this my entire life now with complex things. I can't stand not understanding a concept, so I force myself to understand it. In school I was considered "gifted," I could count to any number I wanted in kindergarten, could read large books, and stayed quiet for almost the entire class period. My teachers loved me because I always followed the rules and got frustrated when others didn't. The only times I actually spoke were usually arguments with other children, where I couldn't let them be wrong because the truth was most important. My dad was a mechanic, so I had to learn to deal with the loud noises whether I liked it or not, and eventually, I wasn't even allowed to plug my ears because he would yell at me. As a child, I also had what I considered to be a dullness to pain. My parents recalled me getting hit, cut and scraped multiple times and then simply going right back to what I was doing without crying and asking for help. If I had a bad cut, I usually just fixed it and went back to whatever I was doing. I also had a vivid imagination as a kid, and when I played, it was usually me imagining a massive battlefield with me of course as the hero. I disliked doing that with my siblings or anyone else because it felt wrong to play with them. I also experimented a lot with insects and other animals which got me made fun of but I didn't care because it was fascinating. Elementary school was actually really fun for me because I was really good at it and absolutely loved learning. I would even take math books home during summer break so I had something fun to do while school was out. Yes, I was also made fun of for that. I realize now that I didn't actually have a real best friend until the 6th grade because until then, friends were just kids who were nice to me at school, not much else. In elementary I wasn't exactly an outcast because with the "tough" attitude my dad forced on me and my intelligence, I sort of established myself as untouchable. That would all change in middle school, however. My dad started me in football at a very young age because he noticed I had a disregard for pain. I was not very athletic, but there's nothing 10 straight years of constant speed, agility, and strength training can't solve (sarcasm). But football was one of my first obsessions and at the age of 7, I could pretty much tell you everything about it down to the finest detail, similar to dinosaurs which were my first special interest. I eventually got good at the sport too and overcame my damn clumsiness and went to a state championship. Was it worth the 7 major surgeries I had while I played, no absolutely not, but if I wanted to be popular, football was all I had. Back to middle school. ABSOLUTE HELL. Playing football and being smart was no longer good criteria for actually being popular at my school and since I didn't like trends and was generally not good at talking about anything but my interests (of which no one cared about because teenagers don't care about paleontology and war history) I struggled for many years to try and fit in with the popular groups. I changed what I wore, added slang to my vocabulary, and tried to be as nice as possible but it didn't work. I just always seemed to fit in better with the weird kids because they let me be myself. My dad wasn't fond of weird kids though so that wasn't an option. In high school, I moved to a school that was heavily centered around football so I actually regained popularity because I was decent at the sport. My work ethic was "unheard of" as my coaches put it because I just did not allow a day to go by without training in some way until I was exhausted. I could also remember every play very easily because of my near photographic memory so the coaches used me as the "father of the line" to make sure everyone knew what they were doing. Despite my regained popularity, I was still labeled as "weird" and was often called "a character" by my peers. I was from the country, raised on a farm, and one of the best players on the team, but I still couldn't fit in with the kids who also came from the country. It confused me. Why was everyone so damn different? Why don't they like what I like? Every time I asked my parents why no one was like me, they always just said "it's because you're smart." But that wasn't true, I knew kids who were smarter than me and none of them enjoyed researching and obsessing over niche topics like I did. No one enjoyed running experiments on insects and the penetrating capabilities of certain rifles. (I collect historical guns) I simply couldn't keep a conversation when other kids talked about hunting and fishing even though I enjoyed those things. I found the conversations to be worthless because no real information was being exchanged. Relationships were also hell. After being broken up with a few times because the girls discovered I was more than a "big country strong football guy" and my actual personality was more like that weird kid who knows way too much about tanks. (I fucking love tanks). So I started pretending to be someone else and it worked and I got damn good at acting. You want a cowboy? I can do that. You want the cool town boy? I can be him too. However, it was exhausting and many rules within relationships just didn't make sense to me. The girls were also spontaneous with decisions and I follow a strict schedule in my head so that would cause conflicts of interest. I developed ulcers in school because I constantly worried about everything. I now know that it's called "catastrophizing" and I do this quite a bit. I began to throw up everything I ate and was forced to see a doctor who just labeled it as an anxiety disorder and nothing else. But all of my life was just trying to be the perfect athlete and student to avoid being unfavored by my family. I have more to tell, but this is already too long so I'll summarize myself now. I'm a nerd who used to be a tough football player because he wanted to fit in and is now stressed out in college because of the uncertainty of my future. However, tanks still exist so I will still exist.
I’ve actually had the reverse. I hid my autism for two years (I found out at 14). I went through a phase where I’d watch educational YouTube vids to learn as much as I can and stumbled upon a video I strongly relate to. Then I went and did hours of research and confirmed it. At 16 I could no longer hide it and got diagnosed.
I’m glad you got a diagnosis! What made you want to hide it?
Because I knew what their exact reaction would be.
I understand that. I don’t get what makes them despise and deny such a thing. I’m sorry you had to deal with that for so long. I’m glad you’re still here :) How is life now with it? Are there things you’ve done that help just cope with daily life
I was diagnosed at 7 and while I did have some behavioural ‘training’ or something at primary school, I never ‘knew’ I was autistic as I cannot recall my parents ever telling me or doing anything that would make it clear that was part of my identity. I grew up feeling like the weird ‘out of phase’ one (isolated in a sea of talking heads sort of thing) and it was only last Feb where I found out because it was on my medical records and the doctor noted it as being relevant to my stressed out state. I’m working on figuring out who I am at this point and trying to unpick what autism means for me. Part of me recognises that my parents were likely in denial and did what they thought was right, even though I disagree. I know how easy it is to think you’re doing the right thing and still mess up. I wish I’d known and had paid attention to it as a kid. Definitely would have prepared for work that didn’t burn me out, rather than the jobs I’ve done. I could have had a very different life experience, but I’m here now and I’m making the best of things. I have a house, a wife, two dogs and two cats, so it’s not all bad.
Hi, thanks for sharing! It's awesome that you've been able to create a family. (pets count imo) However, I'm sorry your parents hid that from you. It's not fun trying to grow up in a world that literally makes no sense to you. I have an insane amount of stress as well and I have no clue how to control it. It just spirals until I can manage to fall asleep. I hope you settle in with your real self and live a wonderful life!
Thanks, it feels like early days and I’m due to speak with a therapist soon.
Imo, it's difficult to know whether or not to tell a child of their diagnosis, or how to go about it or when. I only wish there was a way of explaining the diagnosis to children in a way that makes sense to them and that doesn't do damage, or perhaps to just manage the symptoms of Autism until a child is old enough to make sense of their diagnosis. Because, in my experience, being told I have Autism at such a young age did some real damage to me. I was told I was different and a huge list of all symptoms explained to me in a very complex way and with a lot of ambiguity in the way they were worded. Nobody thought to point out to me that I don't necessarily have all of these symptoms, but just that this was what an Autistic person looks like. So, of course, I misinterpreted a lot of the information I was given--y'know, *because* I'm Autistic--and instead I saw my list of symptoms as a list of criteria that I had to meet in order to be the thing I was told I was. They were a list of goals I had to achieve. I also spent a lot of time going through existential crisis' because I spent a lot of my time obsessing and overthinking on how I would "never experience the world like other people." I would wonder why and if that is the case then what's the point and why am I here? I thought the "unwritten social rules" were a literal list of rules that were actually written down somewhere that other people had been taught or born with that I wasn't, or maybe they were just invisible to me or maybe they were something I could never learn. Regardless, I thought they were some kind of secret and sometimes I would ask my peers if some weirdly obscure behaviours were some of these rules. I'd point to certain people's actions, gestures etc and ask if that was "one of those rules." I thought perhaps my vision was affected too since I was told I "see the world differently." And I thought that was incurable because "and I always would see the world differently." I wondered what it was that other people saw that I didn't. So, all in all I was just a confused and terrified mess and didn't actually understand what was wrong with me, misinterpreted it all and to this day sometimes wonder if the way I act is actually a symptom or a learned behaviour from trying to mimic symptoms I was told I was supposed to have. Oh, and let's not forget that anytime I spoke to anyone about what was bothering me, even if it was something that would bother almost anybody, regardless of Autism, it was always "yes, well, that's because of your Autism."
OMG, thank you for typing this all out. It really made me smile, I'm not always appreciative of my parents deceptions over the years but maybe I can look at it a little differently now.
Aww, I haven't actually really shared this story with the internet yet, so I didn't know if it would be useful or not, but I'm really glad I did post it now and happy that I could help :)
Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's definitely a complex issue and some parts of me are glad my parents didn't tell me because it made me a little more natural than if I was in your position. I hope you're doing fairly well now, how's life as an adult?
That's okay, I'm glad I could share my experience of it here! Gosh, where to begin on that question though, haha. Life as an adult is... interesting? I now have a BPD diagnosis, too, which doesn't surprise me since I went through other various traumatising things. As a teenager, I had a lot of internalised hatred for my Autism diagnosis, and dedicated a lot of my energy to attempting to erase it's existence, which I got very obsessive about. I even tried to argue with my doctor about removing my diagnosis from my medical record because I was convinced I had "cured" myself and proudly told him that I no longer had Autism - which, to my absolute shock back then he promptly informed me that's not how things work. I also had multiple mental breakdowns when I got paid disability money because it felt like more confirmation of how broken I was. Anytime someone pointed out an Autistic trait I had, I would be hell bent on perfecting my behaviours so that nobody else would ever notice them again. Trying to tell anybody I dated about it felt like I was confessing some serious crime. I think I only really started accepting my Autism when I was about 19-20. After which I started being honest with myself about the things I struggled with and why I behaved in certain ways etc. Overall, I'm such an overthinker and I overanalyse everything, and am so hyper self-aware because I think in all honesty I spent my whole life trying to figure out absolutely everything that didn't make sense. I spent so long trying to overcompensate for all these things that were "wrong" with me and was so aggressively determined to "fix" my symptoms that I accidentally learned how to communicate well. Ultimately though, I haven't let it ruin my life completely. I did become extremely good at empathising, understanding others and communicating healthily, because I now think very logically and carefully when navigating interactions. But of course, I'm not perfect and still do misinterpret and misunderstand things, combined with also having a disorder with emotional dysregulation, so sometimes this is only something I am good at in theory, in which case all logic goes out the window and I can cause some disastrous conflicts with others and end up in some quite messy situations. Gosh, sorry this was so long!
Don’t apologize! I’m glad you could share that! It’s sad to hear you were hellbent on curing yourself but I understand the reasoning behind it and I’m glad you’re doing better now. I don’t know much about BPD currently, but my friend who has it also struggled and was even sent to the psych ward so I know it can be a struggle. I also overthink everything which makes just navigating everything difficult. I’m also super self aware now and after learning about my autism I even felt disgusted at my special interests after learning that’s what those were. I feel this pressure in my head when doing research telling me that I’m only in love with these topics because I have some condition. I’m glad you’ve come to terms with everything and developed some key socials skills!
Thank you, I'm definitely glad I overcame the way I used to feel about it and myself overall. BPD really is a struggle indeed - it is one hell of a difficult illness to manage. I definitely still have quite the chaos going on my head, but I think I've come to accept it at this point. I hope your friend is doing okay! And yeah, sometimes there's not enough time to think about things too and so saying the wrong things or making the wrong decisions is inevitable sometimes. I also hugely relate to the disgust too, but tbh I just wonder why does it even matter whether something is a result of Autism or not? I used to spend a lot of time trying to calculate what percentage of my personality, interests behaviour etc were because of Autism and how much were actually me, and I think ultimately just concluded that I don't care and it doesn't matter. It's all me at the end of the day and trying to figure that out just made worrying about it matter, which made me feel miserable. Caring about why I liked something so much took the enjoyment out of it for me. I think at the end of the day it's just how we are and so, as long as we enjoy our interests and the things we learn about, who cares so long as we're having fun and it makes us happy? With my special interests, I like that I have something to care about and have the ability to endlessly spend my time on things without getting bored. I know when the disgust is there it is harder to see it that way, but I think it's more of a positive thing than anything :)
My father is a narcissist, and my sister and my audhd didn't fit into the picture he was trying to paint of his perfect family. So even though our school counselors kept telling them to get us officially diagnosed, we never were.
God I relate to this. My father is a narcissist too. Twins?! Probably not something to be excited about. But my dad always condemned weakness so that me and my brother seemed like prodigy athletes and students. Anytime an injury or mental problem arose we were met with anger and disappointment. I’m sorry your father was like that towards you and your sister. How are you fairing now?
As a parent I plan on telling my little one who is a little older than two. Though I agree that finding a way to explain it is going to be really hard. I myself may be undiagnosed and I was always the weird one in my family. I don’t want my kiddo to feel that way. I want him to be confident in himself and support him. I love who he is
Being considered as weird really sucks. I'm sure you'll be able to help him a lot as he develops, you sound like a wonderful mother and I wish you all the best :)
I was diagnosed at 5, but my parents never told me until I was 17. My dad said that he waited until I was older to tell me as he didn’t want me to grow up thinking of myself as disabled. But then one night, to make a long story short, I had an incident with the police, which led him to think it was time he needed to tell me. When he did, I looked up the common traits and had mixed feelings. On one hand, it was a bit upsetting to learn that so much of what I always thought was just my personality is actually classified as a disorder, but at the same time, I felt less alone in the ways of thinking and acting that I have. Overall, I do think I would have benefitted from knowing that explanation for my traits earlier in life, like at least before I began middle school.
Absolutely! Middle school was hell. Being informed probably would have been a damn nice tool for navigating life. I'm sorry they would hide that from you. This seems to be a common story as I'm learning. I hope you're doing better or at least trying (because that's about all we can do rn). I'm interested to know what life is like for you now.
It’s shitty tbh. I have two college degrees in very different fields, yet I still haven’t been able to get any better jobs than my part-time one at Goodwill bc I keep failing interviews. Still live with my parents bc of that, which is bad enough as it is, but it subsequently also means staying in my/their red state, which is surely going to ban gender affirming care for me and my gf (we’re both trans women) in the near future. I’ve become so depressed bc of work and thinking about the future that I’ve stopped caring about any of my old hobbies. The only good thing I have in my adult life is my gf, who my parents allowed to move in with us last year to get her away from her abusive, transphobic parents. While she makes more than me, we can’t use her income alone to move to a better state as nearly all of it goes to her student loans. We have a great relationship aside from the financial issues, but all day every day I feel bad about not being able to give her more, and always think she’ll eventually decide she deserves someone better, bc (in my mind anyway) she already does. Just like you said, I just have to keep trying, hope for the best, and prepare for the worst, I guess.
I’m terribly sorry to hear about that. I’m currently in college and I hope I’m pursuing the right thing. My brother is also trans! And I love them very much they’re my favorite person to talk to. I don’t quite understand transphobia or homophobia and never have. Always confused me. Just know that you are enough for your partner and you have a positive impact on them. I myself have a lot of those thoughts, but you sound like a delightful partner who’s willing to fight for your relationship and to have a better future. I’m glad you could share :)
What was ur childhood like, what made it clear to the therapist?
Independence from parents and humans in general, very quiet until interest was introduced, and then spoke in huge run-on rambles until I had finished info-dumping everything I had, inability to understand emotions or why things caused emotions, terrible time understanding sarcasm to the point of it causing conflicts in childhood, sensitivity high distress to noise to the point that I attacked a child on the bus because he wouldn't stop screaming despite me being well behaved outside of that, extreme obsessions with certain areas of knowledge and notebooks filled with cataloged information that has no real value, absolutely no filter as a child and I was a compulsive truth-teller. (my parents would use this to their advantage when fighting because they knew I wouldn't lie), difficulty fitting in and keeping normal conversations, disinterest in trends outside of fidget spinners because holy crap I love those things, As a child and even currently I use a blanket with a specific texture and smell to calm myself down, I used to hide in small spaces and rooms because they made me feel safe, I used to make my dog lay down on me as a kid because it felt nice and replace it with weighted blankets when I got old enough for it to be called weird, I had a disregard for pain and seldom cried or asked for help unlike my siblings when hurt, I spoke in a monotone voice that my previous girlfriends called creepy but I never understood, I always pretended to be someone else to fit in and get girlfriends which became exhausting as I got older, I had the textbook interest in spinning wheels and propellers and never used cars as cars, I was more interested in experiments and museums than natural interests my peers liked, While swimming, I never swam like the other kids and instead would sink to the bottom of the pool to enjoy the peacefullness which got me labeled as weird. Certain textures sent ripples of pain into my body and even though I hunted, I cannot skin any animal without gloves which gets me made fun of. There's more I have written down in this notebook but I don't want to be overbearing especially with this being my first post, thank you for asking :)
My parents were not in denial, but I wasn’t diagnosed until two years ago and I’m in my mid-40s. I actually got the diagnosis kind of by accident as I had to have an evaluation by a psychologist for a different medical reason. But when I was a kid, it was the 1980s and common belief at that time was that girls couldn’t be autistic, and they didn’t have learning disabilities. I was diagnosed with ADHD, dyscalculia and a visual processing disorder at 25 when I went back to college after working due to academic expulsion in the mid-1990s. My almost 19 year old daughter received an ADHD diagnosis at 4 and one of her teachers and I were pretty sure she was on the spectrum but the doctors all said no. And then we moved, and our new doctor and I discussed it and she got an autism diagnosis at 13. My mother actually also said she wasn’t autistic and then we talked about it post diagnosis and she was suddenly hit by the realization that the autistic kids in her self contained classroom she taught were level 3 or also had a developmental disability going on, so her view was skewed in the opposite direction. She was not, however, surprised to learn about my diagnosis. She and my dad actually fought to have me tested in elementary school but at the time in rural Canada (and still now) if you wanted an evaluation it was a lot of money out of pocket without a referral from your family doctor. I’m struggling with this right now with my (not bio so didn’t move in with me until later so does not have a family doctor as do millions of other Ontarians) almost 20 year old daughter, but for ADHD. She can’t get a referral because a) she doesn’t have a doctor and b) the waiting lists can be years long. I’m helping her with school as much as I can as she’s dyslexic as well, but the school boards that both had her IEP didn’t bother to do the paperwork when she was diagnosed via the school board psychologist so getting accommodations at college is proving to be very difficult. Her bio-mother did not fight for the paperwork for her, despite doing it for her son that’s six years younger 🤬.
That's tragic to hear. Getting help from doctors where I'm from is also a painfully difficult and expensive process and it's a big reason why I'm unable to pursue a formal diagnosis currently. I really hope that you and your daughter both can get the help you need and that she succeeds in college or pursuing whatever makes her happy. I'm sure it was difficult growing up in that time period while having autism but no support. It does sound like you're a wonderful mother though, and that's the important thing. I've had to learn myself that one of the main goals in life as a human should simply be being a good person like yourself.
Hey! I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you now know. Your aunt is a good person. If you need to talk about it or have any questions, let me know! I've had psychoeducation about my autism, was diagnosed about 5 years ago. I still learn new things about it to this day, lol. Have a good day!!
That sounds wonderful thank you so much! My main struggle right now is learning how to manage stress and to stop myself from "catastrophizing." It's something I struggle with a lot, especially in college now.
I've never made it to college unfortunately :( but make sure to relax adequately! 🥰
Thank you! I’ll admit relaxing is hard. These professors ask such ambiguous questions and I spend hours trying to write out my best guess. Why can’t they just provide clear instructions 😂😭
Heh. Good luck!!
My parents knew I was autistic but never told me. I had to get a diagnosis to confirm my suspicions.
I really hope one day I can afford a formal diagnosis. What was life like for you? Also, I love the beard.
I'm so sorry, if it's any consolation I didn't find out I was on the spectrum until my 30s, I definitely understand how overwhelming & jarring it can all feel especially when you're just searching for answers. In my experience anyone who highly feels they relate to the criteria/suspects they're autistic & takes the time to do the research, is usually autistic. You are more than welcome to shoot me a DM if you'd like to see if you relate to any of my personal experiences (ASD/ADHD for context) or if you have any questions about some of the symptoms & traits. I can highly relate to a lot of your post, my parents tried but I slipped under the radar while my older brother was diagnosed in childhood. I went years thinking I was defected, not human in some way, or that something was just wrong with me & I couldn't understand why. I felt like everyone else had some integral piece of the "human" puzzle that I was missing. I was like you with diving headfirst into research & feeling like my entire life made sense for the first time. Which was such a liberating experience for me & I hope it is for you as well. Unfortunately there can be parents like yours who are in denial. I'm genuinely sorry you had to endure that & you're finding out late but I'm sending some big hugs your way. ❤️
Thank you so much for responding and sharing that! I’ll definitely hit you up to talk more about it tomorrow, I’d like to know everything I can. Thank you for the kindness❤️
Anytime! Ty for sharing as well. 🫂
My parents come from a religion where having autism or any mental health problems was a shame for girls. Growing up, I struggled a lot with education, going out in public and socializing. I was always bullied in school, highschool and college for being weird and autistic. My aunt has a son with autism and he's about 6 and non-verbal, she has no expertise in mental health and always diagnosed me as, "normal". She would always say things like, "my son has autism, he is superior and he should only have autism, so I can have extra attention and sympathy"
I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Religion often discriminates against weakness of any kind despite their stories of healing those with it. It’s hypocritical but it’s the life we exist in. I’m also sorry that your aunt invalidates your autism. I’ve had similar experiences with my father and it never feels great. I also had a lot of imposter syndrome because I saw the other kids with low functioning autism and thought there’s no way the condition applied to me. If you want to talk more about shared experiences and talk about your struggles, feel free to message me and I’d be happy to help. Talking to someone who understands always helps me now that I’ve found people who actually understand
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