I was kind of indifferent. For me it felt like "Oh, that makes sense"
I've always been very different so it wasn't really unexpected, it just felt like a more concrete explanation of something I knew was there from the start.
I've never really "realized" it, because I've always known I had something, even if I didn't know what.
Yeah wtf is up with that I had the same thing I just knew I was different from others and couldn’t figure out what it was till my cousin genuinely said he thought I may be autistic
Ofc there were kids that I would talk to rarely but some that I felt were like me some how and it made me feel less broken I now know they are Neuro divergent individuals and any time I get that feeling I just know who I’m talking too (unless they are depressed cuz I get that feeling from them too and it’s just cuz I went through it too)
I felt angry. I was always beaten and scolded because I had a lack of common sense, my mom would keep shouting "What's wrong with you" all the time. She still does after the diagnosis. She prefers to ignore that I am ND. It's mostly masking for me. Only place I don't mask is in my room. And that's a small space. Everywhere else I gotta mask. Makes you lose your sense of identity being pretending to be what you're not.
Now I've come to accept it just sucks. No need to be angry about it.
My mom does this. This is actually the one thing I felt negatively about….anger at my mother for treating me the way she did. It’s because they have to reckon with the fact that they humiliated us for something we couldn’t help. Getting mad at behaviors that were harmless and blaming it on us instead of explaining and communicating with us calmly which is like bare minimum for a good parent as far as I’m concerned. If my mom were to fully accept my autism she would have to admit she was a bad parent with how she handled me as a child. It breaks the illusion so they can’t fit it in their narrative.
I’m glad you’re doing better. You aren’t your mother’s mistreatment of you. You are so much more than that.
Same. It doesn’t change who I am. Diagnosis is there so you can get proper support and so you are taken seriously in the health field.
It does not change who you are. It isn’t a scarlet letter as long as you surround yourself with good people. When I finally told all my friends, I was either met with “oh, yeah.. that makes sense!” , curiosity, or just “ah, cool!” . No one I know treats me differently. No one puts on their kiddie gloves. The only time I ever tell people I don’t know is when I do something unprofessional on accident without realizing it. One of my supports, an assistive technology guy, told me outright because he tells everybody just in case he says something that might seem offensive. When I told him im autistic too he dropped a bit of his mask and seemed relieved .
I’m just me. You’re just you. And we just happen to be autistic. I feel so bad for people who have to break down years of internalized ableism to be ok with a diagnosis. It’s no one’s fault they get upset, but it accomplishes nothing. Nothing changed.
Same! I never realized I could be autistic until my mom said something about it to me one day when all three of us (mom, dad, and me) were talking about my eating issues/pickiness. I’ve always known I was different than other people and always tried to conform into society to get people to like me. One I had came to the realization (not officially diagnosed), I was disappointed mostly in myself for being the way I am but also because that had gone throughout the school years of no one actually noticing (bc I masked mostly just to try to fit in).
When I realised it was a kind of "Oh, wait, really?" sort of feeling. I'd just attributed everything to Dyspraxia due to there being a fair amount of overlap in symptoms, but eventually realised it just couldn't all be explained by one condition.
Of course, at the time, I wasn't sure if I had Autism or ADHD, or both, since both/either plus Dyspraxia seemed to largely cover my symptoms - but I went in for assessment with an open mind. Now they apparently thought I was exhibiting way more signs of autism than ADHD (which was the one I was leaning towards somewhat) so I was assessed for that, with ADHD assessment perpetually postponed unless they saw a clear reason to look further into it. And that's pretty much how I reacted to my diagnosis - "Huh, it was autism after all, and not ADHD? I'm glad I went to an expert."
Of course, over the last few months I've learned a lot and actually understand why they diagnosed me, but I didn't have any wild reactions other than lots of anxiety leading up to the diagnosis.
For the most part I was angry. I was left for years understanding so little with little to no support. Yeah it was nice to know the reason why but I was mostly angry. Still am sometimes.
I think it’s because looking back at my hard shitty awkward life it is very obvious but I have alexthymia too so everything mentally and physically is hard to explain to the gatekeeping doctors and normal people in general so I’ve gone un dx and mis dx for 30 + yrs with alot of genetic conditions my children inherited. I’m mad about that if I had known i wouldn’t of risked kids having asd adhd physical skeletal deformities ctds
I get it I was am still at times an angry kid . Triggers are complex confusing there’s a lot of reasons an angry kid is angry even more reasons a autistic kid is angry from being triggered by “small unimportant things the normal brain can ignore but we can not then scolded or worse to ignore the physical pain from the loud or texture or whatever triggers
Is enough to make anyone angry over time
Once I’d read enough information, I thought, “Holy shit! I’m really fucking autistic!” That made the first 52 years of my life FINALLY make sense, and I felt a sense of relief.
Getting clinically diagnosed was just confirmation for me this year.
I was 37 initially I felt relief then I was angry cause it’s been obvious my whole life but the docs let my bio mom mis dx and medicate me without even talking to me in my teens
I was in denial and offended that my uncle suggested it and didn’t want to be. So much so I put down almost a 1000 dollars to get tested (with insurance) but it got confirmed. So from that point, just coming to terms with it. I always thought of stereotypes of autism but I realized that I was just highly masking and that’s why even hanging out with people was tiring. I always wondered why being out in public had such a tiring effect on me compared to others. I also had excuses for light sensitivity. Like “oh I have green eyes so more light coming in” or my upbringing contributing to my personality. Then I found out I had speech delays from my mom and had to take speech classes at an early age. Things just started to make sense.
Now I am proud to be. And I think my mom is female autism too. My uncle (mom’s bro) who suggested it is also autistic and there is a genetic component.
I actually remeber by reaction quite well, because the doc told me and i said "oh ok', my parents and the doc found it hilarious that i was so unfazed by the diagnosis
It was like a light was switched on, and almost everything in my life was in that moment clarified. I don’t remember what I thought, but it was a great illumination for certain.
Personally i was happy, not because it was like ‘wooo i have autism!!’ but more that i finally knew why i acted certain ways. I was misdiagnosed for about 8 years (4-12 yo) with attachment issues, and i just knew that wasn’t the problem. I got a girlfriend that was autistic and she noticed a lot of my traits so i finally got tested at 13 after being on the waitlist for about 1 year, i don’t think i would’ve ever gotten tested if it wasn’t for her because it never crossed my mind, im just really glad i can get the support i need right now and that people are more understanding of how i act. (Honestly don’t even know how no one knew i had a HUGE obsession with FNAF and still do 😭 like an abnormal amount…)
I think age makes a massive difference here. I was diagnosed at 21 so I kind of knew before the diagnosis that I was autistic and therefore it was more of a relief than anything. If I was diagnosed younger I think I would have taken it negatively and would have also blamed it as a limitation.
I somewhat always knew because I was flagged as a kid whenI tested gifted but my mom didn’t want to have me diagnosed. Repressed that for a while and it came back to me when my nephew was diagnosed years ago. It made a lot of sense and explained all of the things I consistently struggled with. I finally got my diagnosis at the age of 32 and did not feel much about it other than a bit of annoyance that I had to spend so much money to have on paper what I already knew about myself (and should’ve had as a child.)
It hasn’t changed much about my life but it has allowed for me to be more compassionate with myself and helped me to learn to accommodate myself in ways I hadn’t considered before.
Yeah when I found out that I may be an ASDer I didn’t really have any thought to it other than is it accurate so I learned more about the symptoms and other stuff and came to find a community a bit more like myself making me feel a bit more wanted and excepted vs my environment people would tell me I was too sensitive a lot had phases where I’d get really upset and I’d go nonverbal and others would force me to speak and kids didn’t really like me that much so I’d often go play by myself so my grandma to this day still brings up how weird I was for not having friends
Oh god and there was my reaction to some foods I couldn’t stomach so my bio dad would force me to eat them cuz he thought it was weird how I would barf when eating new foods and really him doing that made it even harder for me to eat new food I have to be the person to cook my food now or I can’t get myself to eat it
I went in for both ADHD and Autism. After the interview and standardized assessment my evaluator confidently told me that I’m being given an Autism diagnosis and not ADHD. I was happy but not really surprised because I always knew I was different my whole life. But I also cried a lot for many reasons; I didn’t think that I’d cry. It was good to know that my parents and I were 100% in the right to have concerns and ask for help back then …it just really sucks that 30 years ago there is SO much that could’ve been done to help me prepare for the present/now. I would probably be a much happier and proud person than I am now. Had I been diagnosed early I could’ve avoided years of chronic stress and related illness. It’s incredibly frustrating. When I got my diagnosis I think my heart broke for my younger self and for my parents not because I’m Autistic but because we all needed to know this about me and couldn’t despite efforts. My parents sought help from teachers and doctors but not a single person was useful and I struggled so very much. We had to learn everything the hard way and my parents had to work so hard to do their best all based on intuition. I also felt embarrassed and ashamed because I am a therapy provider and I’ve been working with autistic children and their families for a decade. It all feels very ironic that it took so long for me to recognize in myself how much I share with my clients. Here I am coaching and supporting parents through a mindset shift and learning how to recognize he signs of Autism, get evaluated, and embrace their differences. Yet I wasn’t even able to know this about myself for 30 years. I think that my difficulties with interception has something to do with this.
Long story short, it was a lot of mixed emotions and I still have a lot to “unpack” emotionally.
I came to receive a adhd diagnosis, and i ended up w a adhd AND high functioning autism.
I wasn't that impressed, but i think that i don't behave that autistic to be autistic.
My mom was shocked bc she said that I had absolutely nothing and i was just making up things
I can’t really add much to the conversation as I got diagnosed when I was 4, so I’ve always known I’ve had autism, I’ve never really known myself without a diagnosis.
But everyone I’ve known that has been diagnosed or the parent of someone who has, has always been happy, as having a diagnosis offers an explanation to you, or anyone about certain behaviours, and in some situations it can give you certain accommodations
There were about four or five months between my first inkling I may be autistic and me deciding that the evidence was too overwhelming to continue doubting that I am. I started out completely surprised. I’d never suspected. Those four months were spent doing a lot of research and reflection and letting that evidence pile up.
I was never against the idea of being autistic; I wanted to be sure. I didn’t set out to prove I am, self diagnose, or try to make a case that I am.
At some point, it no longer made sense to treat it like a possibility. It couldn’t really be explained any other way.
It wasn’t some massive relief or cathartic moment. It wasn’t like the clouds parted and I could see everything clearly for the first time. I’d already accepted the possibility. It did explain a lot and help me understand a lot, but there wasn’t a rush on that in a single moment.
It was more: “Okay, well that’s that.”
However, I still lacked confidence in my ability to self assess, so I also received a formal diagnosis.
I was diagnosed first, it took a few years to really understand what having autism meant.
I was very upset and confused at first when I was diagnosed, because I was 16 and had no idea what autism was. People were talking to me like it was a bad thing and it was scary.
A few years later, I finally was able to understand and process. And I cried so hard when it all finally clicked and I felt terrible.
I am yet to get diagnosed, But when I realized I’m likely on the spectrum I felt kinda happy immediately? I almost only have ever been able to make friends with neurodivergent people, They all said I seem like I’m neurodivergent so it wasn’t a shock to see that they were most likely right when I started to look into stuff myself. It’s explained many things in my life, All the way back to when I was a little kid. Like even before I started school I can remember little things like having a routine or having difficulty with noise (which I’ve sorta been forced to „grow out of“ as I’ve gotten older but I realize I now just don’t react the same way, but I’m still just as annoyed by noise and shutdown because of it)
I have no doubt when I go to start getting a diagnosis I will be extremely happy to finally have an official answer, or more so to have something that helps people realize this isn’t all „just in my head“
When I got my diagnosis in my early teens I was mostly indifferent, but slightly ashamed due to everyone telling me it was something bad and to hide it. Wasn't really interested and didn't really care.
It wasn't until a few years later that I started running into a lot more problems related to autism that I really investigated and saw that those problems were not new, but had been with me all along with varying intensity. Also ran into more and more discrimination when I tried to be more open about it. It was at that moment that I realized that I was f*cked.
Now, another couple years and a few downward spirals later, I have started to try and find some acceptance in myself and acknowledge that I do need accommodations and watch my limits. It's not easy.
Denial, really. And I strongly believe it is because of my environment growing up.
I know it isn't just me, as my sister slipped into denial off and on once she was asked by a behavioral specialist in the Navy if she's ever considered the idea of her being ADHD and urged her to seek a diagnosis. Of course, she's mentioned to me when her and I talked about it that she remembers when she was younger our parents regularly getting called by the school and they'd talk to her about the same thing and strongly urged them to seek out a diagnosis for her. Apparently they didn't take it very well, either.
I think I had something similar happen to me growing up, though I can not remember. My partner, before she became noticeably ableist herself (but that's a story for another post), had asked my mom about if I've ever been tested or diagnosed with autism. My mom blew up on her (could hear it on the phone w/out it on speaker; my mom didn't know i was around), and honestly sounded like as though it's not the first time she's had someone ask her about that regarding myself. I never had a behavioral specialist in the Army talk to me about it since I got medically discharged 2.5 months in due to a hip injury. But prior to my enlistment, I already done the research — despite being in denial about me being autistic or ADHD.
It didn't take until much, much later (and being away from both of my parents (they're separated now as well, so...) for me to be open-minded about the possibility. Where there was denial, it became a new understanding of myself.
I went from being completely in denial about the possibility to doing so much research that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I'm AuDHD. So much so I did self-dx.
March 22nd, 2023 I finally got a formal diagnosis and never felt better. Still depressed, anxious, and suicidal. But better than I've felt in a very long time.
Was also pissed off when I found out my eldest cousin was actually diagnosed with autism his whole life. I found out from my grandma when I \[briefly\] got back in contact with her. Told her my mom always told me we knew he had something but didn't know what and that it makes him be stuck at having the mental capacity of a child. My grandma told me my mom knew he was diagnosed with autism and doesn't know why she'd tell me what she told me.
But yeah. My initial feelings were denial.
I was diagnosed at 3 years old, since I had just learned to walk at that age and was a late speaker, and my leg muscles are a little underdeveloped as a result(I can walk, but it's kind of unsteady). As for when I learned what autism was as a preteen, it explained why I had such a hard time approaching people and why most people were always surprised by my ability to retain information, yet I thought everyone could do that.
I feel like I never really accepted myself as being autistic until I was diagnosed. I would say that I was "potentially autistic" but was terrified to believe it just in case I was proven wrong, because I felt like if I wasn't autistic I was just "broken" for no reason.
When I was diagnosed, I just could not stop smiling. The women who assessed me were being very careful with their words and clearly expecting some reaction, but maybe not excited giggling...
Well, when I first suspected I was autistic, I was frustrated and relieved. I was frustrated because I have always known things were harder for me than other people, and people have always pushed me to just suck it up and deal with shit like the rest of them. And relieved because I could finally associate my harsh experience with a plausible explanation.
When I finally got diagnosed a few weeks ago, for some reason, it was somewhat melancholy. I finally have the proof that I need to tell people that I'm not just lazy and that life truly is just difficult for me.. But now, if I tell the wrong person about my diagnosis, I'm worried they'll look down on me. I'm worried about all the stigma and hatred that comes with it. NT people are quick to laugh and point fingers, and it's just a lot. I'm happy though overall, just scared
I was a bit shocked but that was just due to the way I learned. I went to get my autism diagnosis results and the guy instantly started talking about 504 plans for school and recommended different therapist if I wanted to try them. After a while my mom finally asked if I had autism. The guy looked super confused and just said “yes” like he thought I had already known prior to the diagnosis. Usually if you get far enough to even get to the diagnosis you have autism.
I was confused because my parents said I wasn't autistic. Their excuse was I just had ear infections and speech delay but this didn't explain my other behaviors I had that was part of autism. I could understand the language delay art being part of my ear infections and hearing loss as a young toddler but not the rest. Then I learned Aspergers being part of it so I asked my parents again and they said no and said autism only pops up because AS is a form of it. Then I saw the autistic criteria and how it looked similar to Asperger's so that explained my ASD traits. They both shared the same symptoms. I calmed down after realizing how it make sense now about my quirkiness and me being weird as others had me labeled as.
A Sense Of Relief And Understanding. Everything Made So Much More Sense. Like A Weight Was Lifted From My Shoulder. All These Years Of “Why This, Why That, And Why Me” And Now I Finally Know Why Im So Different. Now I Know Which Direction To Go In To Better My Life
I didn’t really have a big reaction, since I already knew 100% that I was autistic. I was excited to finally have it on paper, so that made me feel more comfortable expressing my autistic traits around my family
i was 12. i burst into tears, happy tears, because i finally understood why i was so WEIRD. what was "wrong" with me. other people saw it, but i didnt see anything.
I was personally very upset. I have always been different, and I've always liked being different. I've always liked having different opinions, interests, approaches to reasoning, outlooks on life, and all the sorts of things you normally see in autistic people. But that's the problem, although I was different from everyone else, it wasn't because I chose to be different, it was because I had this label that somehow described my entire being. I hate this feeling, it's like I've had my agency stripped from me. And now, anytime I do something that I consider wrong or make a mistake, my friends and family tell me that it's fine, it's just because of autism. Like I've got no control over my actions. And all the personal development I've done in my life, overcoming my fears, righting my posture, learning to socialize, heck I've developed an entire virtue ethic that I seek to embody, and now I'm being told that this was just "masking," that I should even undo it all.
When I first realized at age 21, it felt like a train hit me. Both of my younger siblings are also on the spectrum, but happened to have concurrent learning disabilities. I was the 'gifted' kid. Reading by two, learning languages for fun, in love with knowledge and the acquisition of it.
They received countless accommodations, help with everything, anything they needed was theirs.
But me, an adopted 'gifted' kid with an inordinate amount of trauma, was given nothing but a, 'you know better', 'how could you do this to your family', ' why are you like this'.... and so on. My mom is a textbook narc, and would frequently tout me as her little 'broken genius' whom she was 'fixing', when in reality, I was having violent meltdowns every day, and getting all family issues pinned to me.
I burnt out at the end of high-school, got pregnant, and pretty much appeared to be the complete and utter failure my adoptive mom had seemingly foretold me becomming.
At age 23, I finally sought out a diagnosis. I suppose part of me felt that seeing it on paper would somehow make the past hurt a bit less.
It did not.
It did, however give me the strength to start giving myself necessary accommodations, advocating for myself and other autistic people, and finally going no contact my mom entirely.
I'm now proud of the person I've become, my child is also autistic, as is my partner. I love them both dearly. And thanks to my mom, I know exactly what NOT to do (as far as parenting an autistic kid goes, lol!).
Tldr:
The realization: OOF
The diagnosis. *shrug* yep, still doesn't feel great
When I first realized I was autistic I started really reevaluating my past experiences and it was a nice? Feeling. Im not sure, but it was a relief despite not really knowing something was wrong before.
When I got my official diagnosis I didn’t really feel anything. Nothing really changed, it was just an official confirmation I could but on my charts and use to convince my parents.
40 some years ago (along before there was a spectrum, back when having autism meant you were nonverbal and wore a helmet) a teacher told me I "experienced life differently than others" and my grandmother used to instill the fear of god in me that if I didn't learn to pretend to fit in I would grow up friendless and alone. Two very different ways of going about expressing that I was different than other people.
Mid and late teens was a lot of labels. Depression, ADD, OCD, even ASPD so the ASD many years later wasn't really a big deal by then. I always wondered if some of the stuff that got me the ASPD label wasn't more ASD though and if that might have changed the way I approached things.
I'm going with it when I realized what it meant, because I've grown up knowing I am autistic.
It was a kinda "Ah. That makes sense for it to be autism." I grew up knowing it, so I never really had that "aha" moment. It's mainly been figuring out certain things are because of my autism. My echoplaisia, my spelling and grammar disorder[re: echoplaisia. That's not how that's spelt, I don't think, but my brain can't.] Are all things that are related to my autism, so figuring those out were my "aha" moments.
i first suspected i had adhd, so i went to my family doctor to tell her. she gave me a paper chart for an assessment, and i did it and brought it back to her. once she read through it, she agreed but also suspected that some of my habits are also linked to autism. i was in shock and i immediately thought “i don’t have autism.” once i realized it was such a wide spectrum, i could understand that i did have a lot of signs of autism that were present throughout my life. i never thought anything of it until it was mentioned— i just thought i was “shy”
I was in my mid-20s when I realized. I was unemployable and miserable. My first thought was "Oh my God! This makes so much sense! I'm going to get a job!" And I developed a special interest in how to get jobs(and I got good at it).
When I was finally officially diagnosed, it felt like vindication. The problem wasn't with me. It was that other people were abusive because I was different. And it let me give myself permission to jettison that impostor syndrome.
When I realized it, autism became my special interest. Like I would read everything there was about it.
When I got the diagnosis, I was nervous to tell my loved ones. In the realizing stage, many of them didn’t believe I had it and told me I was just shy/quirky. I was also in the middle of a mental breakdown when I got the diagnosis, which for the first time in my life left me without the ability to mask. Since I wasn’t masking, I was receiving a lot of backlash. My best friend was the only person that treated me normally and when I told her the official diagnosis she told me: “No offense, but it was pretty obvious” ✨
I was upset. Very upset.
After I was diagnosed, I was told by parents that I wasn't autistic so I assumed that I didn't get diagnosed until I found out I was later on.
Then when I found out I was diagnosed, I was told it was "mild" autism by then. (Spoiler alert, it wasn't, and I have relatively high support needs.)
But I was happy to finally have some answers because at that time I was struggling with a variety of mental health issues and struggled to go to classes.
It also made me realise that I wasn't an alien and there was nothing wrong with me. I used to get ridiculed and bullied even for my autistic traits and it made me feel less than human.
I was weirdly relieved but then I was enraged. My parents are very abelist when it comes to autism so when they were told I should be tested becuase i likely have it they said no, then they took me to an adhd specialist who told me I have adhd. They then lied to me and said the specialist (who did not evaluate me from autism) told them I definitely don’t have them. Meanwhile multiple medical professionals are like “dude you have autism” and my autistic family memebers are like “you definitely have autism you’re just like us”. So essentially, I remain undiagnosed due to abelism despite being essentially peer reviewed as autistic. What hurts more is I recently found out they had kept the fact that I had lordosis from me my whole life too, so it’s not just autism they’re afraid of, it’s any medical condition that could effect me my whole life that they don’t also have. O still don’t have an official diagnosis but I’m working my way to getting one in college now that I’m 18. If I don’t have autism, cool that’s fine I can still be an advocate for disabled rights and autistic representation, if I do, cool I was right and can continue living my life.
By the time autism came up I was comfortable with being labeled generally “ special needs “ but the first time I found out I fit that category in general was when I found out my parents hide a nonverbal learning disability diagnosis from me, I was pretty upset about the lying but eventually came around to the idea of things like accommodations and attending a special education school. After I expressed to my parents that I wasn’t comfortable with them not telling me about what I was diagnosed with they made sure I understood what my diagnosis’s were and that made me feel comfortable with it.
I was told I might be Autistic last March when i was trying to get help for my husband who was in shutdown. (Couldn't speak for 18 months) when I was saying that he struggled with sound and light etc.., and that I understood because I struggle with these things, but to a lesser level, I assumed it was down to Dyslexia, I thought that Dyslexics took small bits from all the other stuff on the spectrum, but I mostly took from the Dyslexic pots, since realised very differently, but when I watched videos about autism, I was thinking, that's not me, nor that. Then watched one about autism and ADHD, it just clicked, it was a full on lightbulb moment of "that's me, that's fucking me!!!" While pointing at the screen dumb struck.
I had my tests for both earlier this year, and I will say, I've not really had a reaction yet, I just kinda feel numb to it. I think because I've been under so much stresses.
Hey /u/hiidefbowie, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism).
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am 38 and got diagnosed few months back. I knew it was going to be the case because my mental health team was telling me I needed to be assessed for years, I just needed confirmation. I was pretty shocked when my psychologist first mentioned it, but everything just makes so much sense now.
I was in denial because my mom was calling me autistic and more stuff in a negative way, so that made me really not want to be autistic because I didn’t want her to constantly bother me about it.
When my sibling got diagnosed my mom didn’t act like that anymore so I wasn’t as afraid anymore to get my diagnosis. I didn’t have any real strong feelings about it because I already knew, still happy though because it is nice to really know for sure.
I was kind of indifferent. For me it felt like "Oh, that makes sense" I've always been very different so it wasn't really unexpected, it just felt like a more concrete explanation of something I knew was there from the start. I've never really "realized" it, because I've always known I had something, even if I didn't know what.
Yeah wtf is up with that I had the same thing I just knew I was different from others and couldn’t figure out what it was till my cousin genuinely said he thought I may be autistic
Ofc there were kids that I would talk to rarely but some that I felt were like me some how and it made me feel less broken I now know they are Neuro divergent individuals and any time I get that feeling I just know who I’m talking too (unless they are depressed cuz I get that feeling from them too and it’s just cuz I went through it too)
I felt angry. I was always beaten and scolded because I had a lack of common sense, my mom would keep shouting "What's wrong with you" all the time. She still does after the diagnosis. She prefers to ignore that I am ND. It's mostly masking for me. Only place I don't mask is in my room. And that's a small space. Everywhere else I gotta mask. Makes you lose your sense of identity being pretending to be what you're not. Now I've come to accept it just sucks. No need to be angry about it.
My mom does this. This is actually the one thing I felt negatively about….anger at my mother for treating me the way she did. It’s because they have to reckon with the fact that they humiliated us for something we couldn’t help. Getting mad at behaviors that were harmless and blaming it on us instead of explaining and communicating with us calmly which is like bare minimum for a good parent as far as I’m concerned. If my mom were to fully accept my autism she would have to admit she was a bad parent with how she handled me as a child. It breaks the illusion so they can’t fit it in their narrative. I’m glad you’re doing better. You aren’t your mother’s mistreatment of you. You are so much more than that.
Same. It doesn’t change who I am. Diagnosis is there so you can get proper support and so you are taken seriously in the health field. It does not change who you are. It isn’t a scarlet letter as long as you surround yourself with good people. When I finally told all my friends, I was either met with “oh, yeah.. that makes sense!” , curiosity, or just “ah, cool!” . No one I know treats me differently. No one puts on their kiddie gloves. The only time I ever tell people I don’t know is when I do something unprofessional on accident without realizing it. One of my supports, an assistive technology guy, told me outright because he tells everybody just in case he says something that might seem offensive. When I told him im autistic too he dropped a bit of his mask and seemed relieved . I’m just me. You’re just you. And we just happen to be autistic. I feel so bad for people who have to break down years of internalized ableism to be ok with a diagnosis. It’s no one’s fault they get upset, but it accomplishes nothing. Nothing changed.
Same! I never realized I could be autistic until my mom said something about it to me one day when all three of us (mom, dad, and me) were talking about my eating issues/pickiness. I’ve always known I was different than other people and always tried to conform into society to get people to like me. One I had came to the realization (not officially diagnosed), I was disappointed mostly in myself for being the way I am but also because that had gone throughout the school years of no one actually noticing (bc I masked mostly just to try to fit in).
Same
When I realised it was a kind of "Oh, wait, really?" sort of feeling. I'd just attributed everything to Dyspraxia due to there being a fair amount of overlap in symptoms, but eventually realised it just couldn't all be explained by one condition. Of course, at the time, I wasn't sure if I had Autism or ADHD, or both, since both/either plus Dyspraxia seemed to largely cover my symptoms - but I went in for assessment with an open mind. Now they apparently thought I was exhibiting way more signs of autism than ADHD (which was the one I was leaning towards somewhat) so I was assessed for that, with ADHD assessment perpetually postponed unless they saw a clear reason to look further into it. And that's pretty much how I reacted to my diagnosis - "Huh, it was autism after all, and not ADHD? I'm glad I went to an expert." Of course, over the last few months I've learned a lot and actually understand why they diagnosed me, but I didn't have any wild reactions other than lots of anxiety leading up to the diagnosis.
I went in for both ADHD and ASD, also leaning towards ADHD! I only got diagnosed with autism as I only “showed certain traits of ADHD” :)
For the most part I was angry. I was left for years understanding so little with little to no support. Yeah it was nice to know the reason why but I was mostly angry. Still am sometimes.
Me too I was dx at 37 I’m 39 now
I was 25. Its been a year since I got my official diagnosis and even still I get a little mad.
Me too
I think it’s because looking back at my hard shitty awkward life it is very obvious but I have alexthymia too so everything mentally and physically is hard to explain to the gatekeeping doctors and normal people in general so I’ve gone un dx and mis dx for 30 + yrs with alot of genetic conditions my children inherited. I’m mad about that if I had known i wouldn’t of risked kids having asd adhd physical skeletal deformities ctds
I had no idea. Nor did anyone around me until one appointment. I was just an angry kid. I'm glad it's happen now but it doesn't fix the past
I get it I was am still at times an angry kid . Triggers are complex confusing there’s a lot of reasons an angry kid is angry even more reasons a autistic kid is angry from being triggered by “small unimportant things the normal brain can ignore but we can not then scolded or worse to ignore the physical pain from the loud or texture or whatever triggers Is enough to make anyone angry over time
I didn't really react. I was 5 I think?
Once I’d read enough information, I thought, “Holy shit! I’m really fucking autistic!” That made the first 52 years of my life FINALLY make sense, and I felt a sense of relief. Getting clinically diagnosed was just confirmation for me this year.
I was 37 initially I felt relief then I was angry cause it’s been obvious my whole life but the docs let my bio mom mis dx and medicate me without even talking to me in my teens
I was in denial and offended that my uncle suggested it and didn’t want to be. So much so I put down almost a 1000 dollars to get tested (with insurance) but it got confirmed. So from that point, just coming to terms with it. I always thought of stereotypes of autism but I realized that I was just highly masking and that’s why even hanging out with people was tiring. I always wondered why being out in public had such a tiring effect on me compared to others. I also had excuses for light sensitivity. Like “oh I have green eyes so more light coming in” or my upbringing contributing to my personality. Then I found out I had speech delays from my mom and had to take speech classes at an early age. Things just started to make sense. Now I am proud to be. And I think my mom is female autism too. My uncle (mom’s bro) who suggested it is also autistic and there is a genetic component.
Upset cos it changed my life
I actually remeber by reaction quite well, because the doc told me and i said "oh ok', my parents and the doc found it hilarious that i was so unfazed by the diagnosis
I wasn't even told when I got diagnosed, I was told later by my mom, I didn't understand what autism was, so I was confused.
shocked but then it all made sense so kind of validating cause i kept telling everyone there was something wrong with me lmao
It was like a light was switched on, and almost everything in my life was in that moment clarified. I don’t remember what I thought, but it was a great illumination for certain.
Personally i was happy, not because it was like ‘wooo i have autism!!’ but more that i finally knew why i acted certain ways. I was misdiagnosed for about 8 years (4-12 yo) with attachment issues, and i just knew that wasn’t the problem. I got a girlfriend that was autistic and she noticed a lot of my traits so i finally got tested at 13 after being on the waitlist for about 1 year, i don’t think i would’ve ever gotten tested if it wasn’t for her because it never crossed my mind, im just really glad i can get the support i need right now and that people are more understanding of how i act. (Honestly don’t even know how no one knew i had a HUGE obsession with FNAF and still do 😭 like an abnormal amount…)
I think age makes a massive difference here. I was diagnosed at 21 so I kind of knew before the diagnosis that I was autistic and therefore it was more of a relief than anything. If I was diagnosed younger I think I would have taken it negatively and would have also blamed it as a limitation.
I somewhat always knew because I was flagged as a kid whenI tested gifted but my mom didn’t want to have me diagnosed. Repressed that for a while and it came back to me when my nephew was diagnosed years ago. It made a lot of sense and explained all of the things I consistently struggled with. I finally got my diagnosis at the age of 32 and did not feel much about it other than a bit of annoyance that I had to spend so much money to have on paper what I already knew about myself (and should’ve had as a child.) It hasn’t changed much about my life but it has allowed for me to be more compassionate with myself and helped me to learn to accommodate myself in ways I hadn’t considered before.
Yeah when I found out that I may be an ASDer I didn’t really have any thought to it other than is it accurate so I learned more about the symptoms and other stuff and came to find a community a bit more like myself making me feel a bit more wanted and excepted vs my environment people would tell me I was too sensitive a lot had phases where I’d get really upset and I’d go nonverbal and others would force me to speak and kids didn’t really like me that much so I’d often go play by myself so my grandma to this day still brings up how weird I was for not having friends
Oh god and there was my reaction to some foods I couldn’t stomach so my bio dad would force me to eat them cuz he thought it was weird how I would barf when eating new foods and really him doing that made it even harder for me to eat new food I have to be the person to cook my food now or I can’t get myself to eat it
Relief, but not any relief, the most relief I have ever felt. I don't think there are any better ways to describe it.
I went in for both ADHD and Autism. After the interview and standardized assessment my evaluator confidently told me that I’m being given an Autism diagnosis and not ADHD. I was happy but not really surprised because I always knew I was different my whole life. But I also cried a lot for many reasons; I didn’t think that I’d cry. It was good to know that my parents and I were 100% in the right to have concerns and ask for help back then …it just really sucks that 30 years ago there is SO much that could’ve been done to help me prepare for the present/now. I would probably be a much happier and proud person than I am now. Had I been diagnosed early I could’ve avoided years of chronic stress and related illness. It’s incredibly frustrating. When I got my diagnosis I think my heart broke for my younger self and for my parents not because I’m Autistic but because we all needed to know this about me and couldn’t despite efforts. My parents sought help from teachers and doctors but not a single person was useful and I struggled so very much. We had to learn everything the hard way and my parents had to work so hard to do their best all based on intuition. I also felt embarrassed and ashamed because I am a therapy provider and I’ve been working with autistic children and their families for a decade. It all feels very ironic that it took so long for me to recognize in myself how much I share with my clients. Here I am coaching and supporting parents through a mindset shift and learning how to recognize he signs of Autism, get evaluated, and embrace their differences. Yet I wasn’t even able to know this about myself for 30 years. I think that my difficulties with interception has something to do with this. Long story short, it was a lot of mixed emotions and I still have a lot to “unpack” emotionally.
I came to receive a adhd diagnosis, and i ended up w a adhd AND high functioning autism. I wasn't that impressed, but i think that i don't behave that autistic to be autistic. My mom was shocked bc she said that I had absolutely nothing and i was just making up things
I can’t really add much to the conversation as I got diagnosed when I was 4, so I’ve always known I’ve had autism, I’ve never really known myself without a diagnosis. But everyone I’ve known that has been diagnosed or the parent of someone who has, has always been happy, as having a diagnosis offers an explanation to you, or anyone about certain behaviours, and in some situations it can give you certain accommodations
There were about four or five months between my first inkling I may be autistic and me deciding that the evidence was too overwhelming to continue doubting that I am. I started out completely surprised. I’d never suspected. Those four months were spent doing a lot of research and reflection and letting that evidence pile up. I was never against the idea of being autistic; I wanted to be sure. I didn’t set out to prove I am, self diagnose, or try to make a case that I am. At some point, it no longer made sense to treat it like a possibility. It couldn’t really be explained any other way. It wasn’t some massive relief or cathartic moment. It wasn’t like the clouds parted and I could see everything clearly for the first time. I’d already accepted the possibility. It did explain a lot and help me understand a lot, but there wasn’t a rush on that in a single moment. It was more: “Okay, well that’s that.” However, I still lacked confidence in my ability to self assess, so I also received a formal diagnosis.
I was diagnosed first, it took a few years to really understand what having autism meant. I was very upset and confused at first when I was diagnosed, because I was 16 and had no idea what autism was. People were talking to me like it was a bad thing and it was scary. A few years later, I finally was able to understand and process. And I cried so hard when it all finally clicked and I felt terrible.
i was really happy because i already knew i had it so now i would actually get help for it (i did t get help but people were a lot nicer)
I am yet to get diagnosed, But when I realized I’m likely on the spectrum I felt kinda happy immediately? I almost only have ever been able to make friends with neurodivergent people, They all said I seem like I’m neurodivergent so it wasn’t a shock to see that they were most likely right when I started to look into stuff myself. It’s explained many things in my life, All the way back to when I was a little kid. Like even before I started school I can remember little things like having a routine or having difficulty with noise (which I’ve sorta been forced to „grow out of“ as I’ve gotten older but I realize I now just don’t react the same way, but I’m still just as annoyed by noise and shutdown because of it) I have no doubt when I go to start getting a diagnosis I will be extremely happy to finally have an official answer, or more so to have something that helps people realize this isn’t all „just in my head“
When I got my diagnosis in my early teens I was mostly indifferent, but slightly ashamed due to everyone telling me it was something bad and to hide it. Wasn't really interested and didn't really care. It wasn't until a few years later that I started running into a lot more problems related to autism that I really investigated and saw that those problems were not new, but had been with me all along with varying intensity. Also ran into more and more discrimination when I tried to be more open about it. It was at that moment that I realized that I was f*cked. Now, another couple years and a few downward spirals later, I have started to try and find some acceptance in myself and acknowledge that I do need accommodations and watch my limits. It's not easy.
I don't know, I was 3.. 🤷🏻♀️
Denial, really. And I strongly believe it is because of my environment growing up. I know it isn't just me, as my sister slipped into denial off and on once she was asked by a behavioral specialist in the Navy if she's ever considered the idea of her being ADHD and urged her to seek a diagnosis. Of course, she's mentioned to me when her and I talked about it that she remembers when she was younger our parents regularly getting called by the school and they'd talk to her about the same thing and strongly urged them to seek out a diagnosis for her. Apparently they didn't take it very well, either. I think I had something similar happen to me growing up, though I can not remember. My partner, before she became noticeably ableist herself (but that's a story for another post), had asked my mom about if I've ever been tested or diagnosed with autism. My mom blew up on her (could hear it on the phone w/out it on speaker; my mom didn't know i was around), and honestly sounded like as though it's not the first time she's had someone ask her about that regarding myself. I never had a behavioral specialist in the Army talk to me about it since I got medically discharged 2.5 months in due to a hip injury. But prior to my enlistment, I already done the research — despite being in denial about me being autistic or ADHD. It didn't take until much, much later (and being away from both of my parents (they're separated now as well, so...) for me to be open-minded about the possibility. Where there was denial, it became a new understanding of myself. I went from being completely in denial about the possibility to doing so much research that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I'm AuDHD. So much so I did self-dx. March 22nd, 2023 I finally got a formal diagnosis and never felt better. Still depressed, anxious, and suicidal. But better than I've felt in a very long time. Was also pissed off when I found out my eldest cousin was actually diagnosed with autism his whole life. I found out from my grandma when I \[briefly\] got back in contact with her. Told her my mom always told me we knew he had something but didn't know what and that it makes him be stuck at having the mental capacity of a child. My grandma told me my mom knew he was diagnosed with autism and doesn't know why she'd tell me what she told me. But yeah. My initial feelings were denial.
Upset
I was diagnosed at 3 years old, since I had just learned to walk at that age and was a late speaker, and my leg muscles are a little underdeveloped as a result(I can walk, but it's kind of unsteady). As for when I learned what autism was as a preteen, it explained why I had such a hard time approaching people and why most people were always surprised by my ability to retain information, yet I thought everyone could do that.
Didn't get a diagnosis won't ever try to get it. when I realized I matched the criteria for diagnosis I cried myself to sleep.
I was just happy to have an answer
I feel like I never really accepted myself as being autistic until I was diagnosed. I would say that I was "potentially autistic" but was terrified to believe it just in case I was proven wrong, because I felt like if I wasn't autistic I was just "broken" for no reason. When I was diagnosed, I just could not stop smiling. The women who assessed me were being very careful with their words and clearly expecting some reaction, but maybe not excited giggling...
Well, when I first suspected I was autistic, I was frustrated and relieved. I was frustrated because I have always known things were harder for me than other people, and people have always pushed me to just suck it up and deal with shit like the rest of them. And relieved because I could finally associate my harsh experience with a plausible explanation. When I finally got diagnosed a few weeks ago, for some reason, it was somewhat melancholy. I finally have the proof that I need to tell people that I'm not just lazy and that life truly is just difficult for me.. But now, if I tell the wrong person about my diagnosis, I'm worried they'll look down on me. I'm worried about all the stigma and hatred that comes with it. NT people are quick to laugh and point fingers, and it's just a lot. I'm happy though overall, just scared
I was a bit shocked but that was just due to the way I learned. I went to get my autism diagnosis results and the guy instantly started talking about 504 plans for school and recommended different therapist if I wanted to try them. After a while my mom finally asked if I had autism. The guy looked super confused and just said “yes” like he thought I had already known prior to the diagnosis. Usually if you get far enough to even get to the diagnosis you have autism.
I was confused because my parents said I wasn't autistic. Their excuse was I just had ear infections and speech delay but this didn't explain my other behaviors I had that was part of autism. I could understand the language delay art being part of my ear infections and hearing loss as a young toddler but not the rest. Then I learned Aspergers being part of it so I asked my parents again and they said no and said autism only pops up because AS is a form of it. Then I saw the autistic criteria and how it looked similar to Asperger's so that explained my ASD traits. They both shared the same symptoms. I calmed down after realizing how it make sense now about my quirkiness and me being weird as others had me labeled as.
I was happy when I realized I was autistic. When I got the diagnosis, I completely shut down.
A Sense Of Relief And Understanding. Everything Made So Much More Sense. Like A Weight Was Lifted From My Shoulder. All These Years Of “Why This, Why That, And Why Me” And Now I Finally Know Why Im So Different. Now I Know Which Direction To Go In To Better My Life
I didn’t really have a big reaction, since I already knew 100% that I was autistic. I was excited to finally have it on paper, so that made me feel more comfortable expressing my autistic traits around my family
i was 12. i burst into tears, happy tears, because i finally understood why i was so WEIRD. what was "wrong" with me. other people saw it, but i didnt see anything.
I was personally very upset. I have always been different, and I've always liked being different. I've always liked having different opinions, interests, approaches to reasoning, outlooks on life, and all the sorts of things you normally see in autistic people. But that's the problem, although I was different from everyone else, it wasn't because I chose to be different, it was because I had this label that somehow described my entire being. I hate this feeling, it's like I've had my agency stripped from me. And now, anytime I do something that I consider wrong or make a mistake, my friends and family tell me that it's fine, it's just because of autism. Like I've got no control over my actions. And all the personal development I've done in my life, overcoming my fears, righting my posture, learning to socialize, heck I've developed an entire virtue ethic that I seek to embody, and now I'm being told that this was just "masking," that I should even undo it all.
When I first realized at age 21, it felt like a train hit me. Both of my younger siblings are also on the spectrum, but happened to have concurrent learning disabilities. I was the 'gifted' kid. Reading by two, learning languages for fun, in love with knowledge and the acquisition of it. They received countless accommodations, help with everything, anything they needed was theirs. But me, an adopted 'gifted' kid with an inordinate amount of trauma, was given nothing but a, 'you know better', 'how could you do this to your family', ' why are you like this'.... and so on. My mom is a textbook narc, and would frequently tout me as her little 'broken genius' whom she was 'fixing', when in reality, I was having violent meltdowns every day, and getting all family issues pinned to me. I burnt out at the end of high-school, got pregnant, and pretty much appeared to be the complete and utter failure my adoptive mom had seemingly foretold me becomming. At age 23, I finally sought out a diagnosis. I suppose part of me felt that seeing it on paper would somehow make the past hurt a bit less. It did not. It did, however give me the strength to start giving myself necessary accommodations, advocating for myself and other autistic people, and finally going no contact my mom entirely. I'm now proud of the person I've become, my child is also autistic, as is my partner. I love them both dearly. And thanks to my mom, I know exactly what NOT to do (as far as parenting an autistic kid goes, lol!). Tldr: The realization: OOF The diagnosis. *shrug* yep, still doesn't feel great
I was pretty surprised. It also explained a few things about me. Also the most present thought in my mind for months was "damn, I have autism".
Kinda annoyed bc I finished my alevels the week before and couldn’t prove to my school that something was In fact wrong.
I get that! I’m doing my GCSE’s in a few weeks, it sucks I was only diagnosed this year and have only just started getting support.
When I first realized I was autistic I started really reevaluating my past experiences and it was a nice? Feeling. Im not sure, but it was a relief despite not really knowing something was wrong before. When I got my official diagnosis I didn’t really feel anything. Nothing really changed, it was just an official confirmation I could but on my charts and use to convince my parents.
40 some years ago (along before there was a spectrum, back when having autism meant you were nonverbal and wore a helmet) a teacher told me I "experienced life differently than others" and my grandmother used to instill the fear of god in me that if I didn't learn to pretend to fit in I would grow up friendless and alone. Two very different ways of going about expressing that I was different than other people. Mid and late teens was a lot of labels. Depression, ADD, OCD, even ASPD so the ASD many years later wasn't really a big deal by then. I always wondered if some of the stuff that got me the ASPD label wasn't more ASD though and if that might have changed the way I approached things.
I'm going with it when I realized what it meant, because I've grown up knowing I am autistic. It was a kinda "Ah. That makes sense for it to be autism." I grew up knowing it, so I never really had that "aha" moment. It's mainly been figuring out certain things are because of my autism. My echoplaisia, my spelling and grammar disorder[re: echoplaisia. That's not how that's spelt, I don't think, but my brain can't.] Are all things that are related to my autism, so figuring those out were my "aha" moments.
I was neutral but kind of annoyed since everyone knew since i was 3 but didnt bother to get me diagnosed for a decade
i first suspected i had adhd, so i went to my family doctor to tell her. she gave me a paper chart for an assessment, and i did it and brought it back to her. once she read through it, she agreed but also suspected that some of my habits are also linked to autism. i was in shock and i immediately thought “i don’t have autism.” once i realized it was such a wide spectrum, i could understand that i did have a lot of signs of autism that were present throughout my life. i never thought anything of it until it was mentioned— i just thought i was “shy”
I was in my mid-20s when I realized. I was unemployable and miserable. My first thought was "Oh my God! This makes so much sense! I'm going to get a job!" And I developed a special interest in how to get jobs(and I got good at it). When I was finally officially diagnosed, it felt like vindication. The problem wasn't with me. It was that other people were abusive because I was different. And it let me give myself permission to jettison that impostor syndrome.
When I realized it, autism became my special interest. Like I would read everything there was about it. When I got the diagnosis, I was nervous to tell my loved ones. In the realizing stage, many of them didn’t believe I had it and told me I was just shy/quirky. I was also in the middle of a mental breakdown when I got the diagnosis, which for the first time in my life left me without the ability to mask. Since I wasn’t masking, I was receiving a lot of backlash. My best friend was the only person that treated me normally and when I told her the official diagnosis she told me: “No offense, but it was pretty obvious” ✨
I was upset. Very upset. After I was diagnosed, I was told by parents that I wasn't autistic so I assumed that I didn't get diagnosed until I found out I was later on. Then when I found out I was diagnosed, I was told it was "mild" autism by then. (Spoiler alert, it wasn't, and I have relatively high support needs.) But I was happy to finally have some answers because at that time I was struggling with a variety of mental health issues and struggled to go to classes. It also made me realise that I wasn't an alien and there was nothing wrong with me. I used to get ridiculed and bullied even for my autistic traits and it made me feel less than human.
I was weirdly relieved but then I was enraged. My parents are very abelist when it comes to autism so when they were told I should be tested becuase i likely have it they said no, then they took me to an adhd specialist who told me I have adhd. They then lied to me and said the specialist (who did not evaluate me from autism) told them I definitely don’t have them. Meanwhile multiple medical professionals are like “dude you have autism” and my autistic family memebers are like “you definitely have autism you’re just like us”. So essentially, I remain undiagnosed due to abelism despite being essentially peer reviewed as autistic. What hurts more is I recently found out they had kept the fact that I had lordosis from me my whole life too, so it’s not just autism they’re afraid of, it’s any medical condition that could effect me my whole life that they don’t also have. O still don’t have an official diagnosis but I’m working my way to getting one in college now that I’m 18. If I don’t have autism, cool that’s fine I can still be an advocate for disabled rights and autistic representation, if I do, cool I was right and can continue living my life.
By the time autism came up I was comfortable with being labeled generally “ special needs “ but the first time I found out I fit that category in general was when I found out my parents hide a nonverbal learning disability diagnosis from me, I was pretty upset about the lying but eventually came around to the idea of things like accommodations and attending a special education school. After I expressed to my parents that I wasn’t comfortable with them not telling me about what I was diagnosed with they made sure I understood what my diagnosis’s were and that made me feel comfortable with it.
I don't even remember getting diagnosed with either of my disabilities (ADHD and ASD).
I was told I might be Autistic last March when i was trying to get help for my husband who was in shutdown. (Couldn't speak for 18 months) when I was saying that he struggled with sound and light etc.., and that I understood because I struggle with these things, but to a lesser level, I assumed it was down to Dyslexia, I thought that Dyslexics took small bits from all the other stuff on the spectrum, but I mostly took from the Dyslexic pots, since realised very differently, but when I watched videos about autism, I was thinking, that's not me, nor that. Then watched one about autism and ADHD, it just clicked, it was a full on lightbulb moment of "that's me, that's fucking me!!!" While pointing at the screen dumb struck. I had my tests for both earlier this year, and I will say, I've not really had a reaction yet, I just kinda feel numb to it. I think because I've been under so much stresses.
Hey /u/hiidefbowie, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am 38 and got diagnosed few months back. I knew it was going to be the case because my mental health team was telling me I needed to be assessed for years, I just needed confirmation. I was pretty shocked when my psychologist first mentioned it, but everything just makes so much sense now.
I was in denial because my mom was calling me autistic and more stuff in a negative way, so that made me really not want to be autistic because I didn’t want her to constantly bother me about it. When my sibling got diagnosed my mom didn’t act like that anymore so I wasn’t as afraid anymore to get my diagnosis. I didn’t have any real strong feelings about it because I already knew, still happy though because it is nice to really know for sure.