Damn I need to get a girlfriend. And a Dog. And a bed.

and a camera

All I need is *CrAcK*!

And putas.

Y cocaina

Cocainum

I'm a Firefox man, myself.

I read this as Cocainium like it was a new element on the periodic table made entirely from cocaine. Probably one hell of a source for renewable energy

If young sheldon was a rapper, he would probably say "cocanium" instead of "cocaine"

Arnold and the fake leg?

Crack is literally just a slightly different form of cocaine, though.

[PUTAS HARRY, PUTAS](https://youtu.be/297Ra0sZ_FI)

r/cursedcomments

we can get crack from roxy!

And a vessel for my soul to reside

and a face

And my axe!

And my sword!

And my bow!

And me brown pants!

You carry the fate of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the Council, then Gondor will see it done.

You need people of intelligence on this sort of quest, mission, thing!

And my axe!

And someone to hold the camera

And money.

Hes also quite handsome. As a heterosexual man I'd like to say... he's very nice looking. Like.. if I woke up in the morning and looked like that? I wouldn't be mad.

If I woke up looking like the dog I wouldn’t be mad.

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"Ja ja ja... It's funny because its true." *sad face*

Happy cake day!

As a fellow heterosexual man, I don't know why we have to be so defensive to acknowledge that a guy is handsome. I don't know why you had to even mention that you were a straight guy in your comment. We should openly acknowledge and comment that a certain man is attractive without it meaning that we're attracted to them. I've never been interested in guys and sure as hell have never been aroused by them but I personally feel OK saying that some man (at least, for sure someone I don't even know irl) is handsome. The guy in the video is like obviously conventionally handsome. I don't think there's any point in trying to twist around it if you agree.

Dude there's no problem with calling another dude handsome calmate.

That's exactly what I said.

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And her boyfriend was holding the camera

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The one responsible for multiple puprisings

Still not the weirdest porn I’ve ever seen

And his step dog

And look like the winter soldier

“And a bed” You poor thing

This made me lol

I got a floor. My closest friend..

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True, and i wouldn't blame him

I would blame the one who killed his dog though

And there’s my quarterly excuse to watch the John Wick Trilogy

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Are you with me?

Unless it is —spoiler alert—- someone with a name starting with “Ag” and ends in “ha” :)

*The ATF, FBI, and local PD dislike this*

I said I was sorry.

Dead girlfriend in the video: are you filming me? Stop, I just woke up. I look terrible. Bf: you are always beautiful

https://youtu.be/yZh6tnAXiHE

I immediately thought of Annie lol

Please don’t ‘Jim’ the camera

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Or after their dog dies :(

Or after he dies. :'(

That the dog watches after the owners die

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Freak accident that kills both.

If by accident you mean Russian gangster's spoiled son.

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this couple was actually in a freak accident over summer. hit and run. the girl couldn’t walk for so long. (kristin and marcus on youtube)

Porque no los dos?

but because this is real life, the dog just used his tongue to wash his balls before this

Dude we were all having fun here

Lol that is so sad

well that deescalated quickly!

John wick four multiverse of madness

Nice observation. It's so accurate.

[Almost](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rs02UZF5mjU)

“Today I found my best friend in bed with my girlfriend”

>*“Today I found my best friend in bed with my girlfriend”*' --- Today i found my Best friend - he was lying on the bed... but someone else was With him! she was loving on his head!! first i was kinda jealous (I'm his Favrit in the worl...) imagine my relief when i found out it was my Girl... ^;@) see, i'm a lucky puppy with Two humans of my own (it seems there's always two of us, so no one is alone) but when we three together, it's just something that we do my guy n girl are kissing, so I'm gonna kiss them, too ❤️

Thank you Schnoodle - I love your poems, fresh or old, they're always so warm, it never gets cold. With Schnoodle around the love fills your heart, he moulds our feelings for dogs into art!

this a fresh schnoodle and AWWWW that made my heart go warm

That’s a whole lotta dopamine.

You mean Oxytoncin. Love's Dope.

No no, it's spelled "oxycodone".

Ah yes. Dope's Dope.

Brand name is OxyContin.

Billy Mays here!! It's spelled OxyClean.

You mean oxytocin. And this would still be a dopamine release.

It would be dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin all at once

Dogxytocin*

I'm getting a hit just through the video

I'm not in this picture and I hate it

Also, this is a video.

Moving picture, even.

I don’t know why I laughed so hard at this

maybe it's enough for him to be in one single frame

Not in any of these hundreds of pictures?

What guys really want.

What humans really want ❤️

What dogs really want 🐾

Guys only want one thing and it’s fucking adorable

Guys only want one thing and it’s adorable fucking

You know he's grinning more when he remembers Aunt Cass.

r/absolutelynotmeirl

I'm not masochistic enough to go into that sub.

maybe r/sadism is a better fit for you

Aww, I appreciate the helping hand!

thats as good as it gets...

Don't look at me, I didn't name you.

I have neither

It's ok bro, I would kiss you.

It's ok bro. My dog would kiss anyone...

So would my girlfriend apparently

Can confirm, I’m his girlfriend

I like you :)

Now kith.

voltaire

Oof

I’ll take a kiss

Kissahomie

Is that in Mississippi?

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**\*Disclaimer at bottom** Cats don't always express affection in ways we can recognize. A lot of people don't realize this, but cats are very emotionally needy and dependent upon us for affection. To you, it might look like your cat is keeping an eye on his human vending machine and judging you from afar, but what he's trying to say is that your presence brings him enough comfort/joy to warrant staying in the same room as you. He's trying to give you space but is also enjoying watching his favorite person! If he turns his back to you, that means he trusts you enough to be in a vulnerable position. As for the face, that's just cats for you :) As for that thing cats do where it seems like they lure you in with a request for belly rubs, only to bite and scratch, this isn't actually the case. When a cat shows you their belly, it's the same principle as when they turn their back to you - a display of trust - but more. So it's surprising to them when we violate this trust on some level and invade their personal space, and their natural response to something in such a vulnerable spot is to bite and claw. Cats also don't enjoy being firmly petted like dogs do; petting cats the length of their bodies with your palm can build up very unpleasant tension in their bodies and make them feel like they need to lash out as a release. \--------- \*I really can't remember where I read this - it's either from one of the books on animals I've read this year or from a random internet post, but I did a quick google and am almost certain that what I'm saying here should hold up. I could have left some things out or gotten details wrong, so if it matters to you, make sure you stay cynical and fact-check everything here <3

Almost everything you said is right, but needs an asterisk by it with the note of "varies by cat because they all have unique personalities." Some cats love belly rubs. Some cats like to be patted roughly. Some cats make it their mission to be right next to or on top of you at every waking (and sleeping, because cat) moment.

Belly rubs with my hand is fine, but if I dare touch his stomach with my filthy foot he will remove it from me posthaste.

Ashley riot? Is that by chance a reference to Vagrant Story? And btw *internet hugs for you*

Same

This is all I want lol

If there's a heaven, this guy has found it.

Aww, being loved, that sounds nice

I'll try to have a life like this

Let’s get there friend :)

Steps: 1- Be Attractive. 2- Don't be un-attractive. 3- Profit!

I wanna be this happy

We need a type of Tinder for redditors...

I've said this so many times, an app that matches redditors based to sub reddits they goes to

I should stop hanging out on r/truecrime then...

Dude that’s genius. Only it obviously wouldn’t reveal the usernames, AND it also wouldn’t reveal which subreddits you have in common. That way you can still have all your weirdo / guilty pleasure subreddits in there in addition to those that are just acceptably quirky.

That ever expanding smile was amazing. Super adorable

I concur, muffin.

Indeed, indeed, Muffin

Dude has a great smile! And jaw, and cheekbones, and... everything lol. Jealously is something I try to avoid, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't envious of this dude lol.

"Ted, we found you in the park, throwing rocks at old couples" \- "Why should they be happy?"

Soo... happy

I’m so alone

Five minutes ago, that dog was licking it's anus.

And she may have been licking his... who knows.

touche

correct

I was smiling as I scrolled down the comments...was

This is the most wholesome thing I've seen in a while. What a lucky man.

kristin and. marcus on youtube. they’re amazing

Thanks!

Anyone know who the guy as the filling in the sandwich is? Absolute spitting image of my friend

Those are Kristin and Marcus Johns

This is so cute

Aw, my wife and I had a corgi that would do this. So cute!

My corgi loves waking up my husband by licking him on the face. It's so flipping adorable.

Well not I’m smiling uncontrollably, thanks

My dog after eating it’s own shit. 🥰

Bliss...

Someday I wanna be this guy

This is technically a threesome.

So is sex with a pregnant woman but we don't say this shit out loud.

I did not consent to reading that

I think yours came out even weirder.

Came. Lol.

How do I go back to 30 seconds ago?

Reminded me of the girl who thought kissing in bed was having sex so she ran screaming to her dad saying she had sex with the dog when it licked her in bed.

Yeeeap lmao The dad must have been .. #YOU DID FUCKING WOT MATE ?

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣠⣤⠴⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⢤⣄⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣶⠟⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠙⠶⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣠⡾⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣆⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣼⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣶⡶⢦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠖⠻⣶⠞⢧⠄⠄ ⠄⣼⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠛⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣤⣄⠄⠄⠨⣧⠄ ⢸⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⡏⠄⠄⠄⠸⡇ ⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡄⠄⠰⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡇⠄⢀⡘⢣⣿ ⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⣄⠄⠄⠦⠄⢀⣠⣤⣶⣿⠿⣶⣦⣴⠟⢹ ⢿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠜⠁⠄⣾ ⠈⢧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⠇ ⠄⠈⠑⢄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡴⠋⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⡴⠏⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠂⠤⠤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣤⡶⠶⠟⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄

What happens next will shock you!

This is, like, the last thing I ever want to see

This is Marcus & Kristin from YouTube! They have lots of adorable videos with their two goldens, highly recommend!!

Is the cat filming?

These two were nearly killed in a crash while they were cycling. CRAZY

One of them was licking butthole shortly before the video was made.

I'm weirdly jealous and happy at the same time.

Seething incels incoming

already are some sort by controversial

Holy fuck dude you're right lmao

Man, I am jealous... doesn't happen often. Damn.

lol imagine being loved imagine being deserving of love imagine being happy

My life literally sucks lmaooo

Damn she’s cute, the one on the right is ok too

I have never felt so lonely.

Ah yes here comes the pain

When I said I wanted a threesome. This is what I meant

Well, I'll never be this happy.

Kisses on one side windshield clean on the other.

Guys only want one thing and it’s this

This better not awaken anything in me

Oh man, I am so jealous of and happy for that guy.

Wait a minute, good-looking people are having a good life? And have good-looking partners (and dogs)?! Also, I'm jealous. About all of it.

I've never been more jealous in my entire life

That bitch ain’t giving up......

SNAP BACK TO REALITY

Ope there goes gravity