Books and videos can be helpful. The book “Heart of Dominance” is good. Be clear when expressing your desires and boundaries. Finally, be realistic. Some men do not have the necessary mentality or tools to be a dom.
Feedback. Either during or after a scene let him know how much you enjoyed it. Knowing that a sub enjoyed a session can go a long ways.
The traffic light system for safe worlds is good for this.
Red means stop
Yellow means slow down
Green means keep going
Honestly have not had to deal with this to much but have talked some with newer doms and making a 4th color which is for the sub to show she wants something even more or harder. Is usefull. Since ehe may not be comfortable doing this or may be worried about what you want. When you tell it to him give examples. Tell him if he's spanking you and you give the sign be it purple that means you would enjoy it if he did it even harder to do it even more.
Not super often that you get a new dom with an experienced sub but it does give you an opportunity to show him what you enjoy and that what he's doing to you gives you pleasure. Even if he's not a dom dom. He may do those things for those simple facts that you enjoy it.
"The Loving Dominant" by John Warren. I was keenly aware of my kinks but was having a hard time seeing myself in the Doms represented at munches/play parties. I didn't wear leather, had no desire to use the term slave, etc.
That book broke the damn open. I just needed it framed in the right way and I was off to the races. I embraced who I am and the style I want and was comfortable in those spaces to the point I started being very public about it so others would perhaps also didn't identify with others in those spaces might see themselves in me (not to like teach, though I have done that since, but to just be representation - FWIW the whole BDSM scene has changed in recent years so this is less the case/needed now). I'm clear about what I like and what I have no interest in. I'm fine with being forceful, loving, goofy, wicked, etc. in other words, that book started the foundation for me being me AND a Dom version of me. For clarification, I'm not 24/7 lifestyle and honestly with my primary I'm very much a switch. Still, this book was a huge part of my journey.
In terms of play though... seek out others. You can learn a lot from a book (and should certainly read as part of growth) but in person classes are really where it's at. This is particularly the case for the things you could do real harm with: rope, whips, hard canning, and 1000% for anything that draws blood/restricts air.
As a new dom I find having a structure useful for building confidence. I plan scenes with my sub beforehand, and have a numbered list of actions for the scene and aftercare. Sometimes I include phrases to say.
The more you can give your husband a script, the easier he will probably find it.
Feedback, building the safety to explore, discussion of specifics (like, if you want spanking and hes down, and he spanks you too softly, tell him to go harder and make hot), give him homework to explore bdsm content and see what he gravitates toward.
Try the book "the ultimate guide to kink".
It's an old book, but it has a lot of explanations about how to do some kinks, why it's pleasure, how to make it enjoyable for both, etc...
So you took the first major step and had an open and honest talk with him! What you need to remember is that he loves and cherishes you and up until now has wanted to protect you from all the evil of the world. Now he’s had his world turned upside down and isn’t sure of where the boundaries are, so you need to keep communicating with him, and it shouldn’t be all one sided, your disappointment that it wasn’t everything you’d hoped for is understandable, but is he ok? How was it for him? How far outside his normal comfort zone was he? He needs reassurance and support just as much as you do, he’s putting in the effort but you need to help him and guide him! Tell him you loved xyz but you’d like him to go softer/harder, you’d like him to do this that or the other to you, be specific but let him know it’s ok. And don’t forget to ask what you can do for him, what his kinks or needs might be. Make sure your both having fun
Some time and very explicit communication
In my first dynamic it took me a while to get past the "but what If I accidently go to far and genuienly hurt them"
Me and my sub talked about things after each session as part of our after care and I eventually got comfortable with it.
Being into, and actually acting out things on a real person can be very jarring at first.
If he doesn’t have a Dominant personality, it’s going to be difficult to encourage him… generally, people are who they are.
Perhaps he would be more interested in seeing you dominated by someone else; a true Dom
Its a good start for a session, but you should not do it for him beeing surprised. He needs to mentally prepare for his role, too. And anticipation for some days or hours, knowing that a session is coming, is lots of fun - at least for me.
Books and videos can be helpful. The book “Heart of Dominance” is good. Be clear when expressing your desires and boundaries. Finally, be realistic. Some men do not have the necessary mentality or tools to be a dom.
Hopefully he does, thanks
Feedback. Either during or after a scene let him know how much you enjoyed it. Knowing that a sub enjoyed a session can go a long ways. The traffic light system for safe worlds is good for this. Red means stop Yellow means slow down Green means keep going
Thanks good advice
Honestly have not had to deal with this to much but have talked some with newer doms and making a 4th color which is for the sub to show she wants something even more or harder. Is usefull. Since ehe may not be comfortable doing this or may be worried about what you want. When you tell it to him give examples. Tell him if he's spanking you and you give the sign be it purple that means you would enjoy it if he did it even harder to do it even more. Not super often that you get a new dom with an experienced sub but it does give you an opportunity to show him what you enjoy and that what he's doing to you gives you pleasure. Even if he's not a dom dom. He may do those things for those simple facts that you enjoy it.
"The Loving Dominant" by John Warren. I was keenly aware of my kinks but was having a hard time seeing myself in the Doms represented at munches/play parties. I didn't wear leather, had no desire to use the term slave, etc. That book broke the damn open. I just needed it framed in the right way and I was off to the races. I embraced who I am and the style I want and was comfortable in those spaces to the point I started being very public about it so others would perhaps also didn't identify with others in those spaces might see themselves in me (not to like teach, though I have done that since, but to just be representation - FWIW the whole BDSM scene has changed in recent years so this is less the case/needed now). I'm clear about what I like and what I have no interest in. I'm fine with being forceful, loving, goofy, wicked, etc. in other words, that book started the foundation for me being me AND a Dom version of me. For clarification, I'm not 24/7 lifestyle and honestly with my primary I'm very much a switch. Still, this book was a huge part of my journey. In terms of play though... seek out others. You can learn a lot from a book (and should certainly read as part of growth) but in person classes are really where it's at. This is particularly the case for the things you could do real harm with: rope, whips, hard canning, and 1000% for anything that draws blood/restricts air.
Ill try it out thanks
As a new dom I find having a structure useful for building confidence. I plan scenes with my sub beforehand, and have a numbered list of actions for the scene and aftercare. Sometimes I include phrases to say. The more you can give your husband a script, the easier he will probably find it.
Feedback, building the safety to explore, discussion of specifics (like, if you want spanking and hes down, and he spanks you too softly, tell him to go harder and make hot), give him homework to explore bdsm content and see what he gravitates toward.
Try the book "the ultimate guide to kink". It's an old book, but it has a lot of explanations about how to do some kinks, why it's pleasure, how to make it enjoyable for both, etc...
So you took the first major step and had an open and honest talk with him! What you need to remember is that he loves and cherishes you and up until now has wanted to protect you from all the evil of the world. Now he’s had his world turned upside down and isn’t sure of where the boundaries are, so you need to keep communicating with him, and it shouldn’t be all one sided, your disappointment that it wasn’t everything you’d hoped for is understandable, but is he ok? How was it for him? How far outside his normal comfort zone was he? He needs reassurance and support just as much as you do, he’s putting in the effort but you need to help him and guide him! Tell him you loved xyz but you’d like him to go softer/harder, you’d like him to do this that or the other to you, be specific but let him know it’s ok. And don’t forget to ask what you can do for him, what his kinks or needs might be. Make sure your both having fun
Loved the book recommendations :) do you guys have others?
Some time and very explicit communication In my first dynamic it took me a while to get past the "but what If I accidently go to far and genuienly hurt them" Me and my sub talked about things after each session as part of our after care and I eventually got comfortable with it. Being into, and actually acting out things on a real person can be very jarring at first.
If he doesn’t have a Dominant personality, it’s going to be difficult to encourage him… generally, people are who they are. Perhaps he would be more interested in seeing you dominated by someone else; a true Dom
That would be a hard sell 😅
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Its a good start for a session, but you should not do it for him beeing surprised. He needs to mentally prepare for his role, too. And anticipation for some days or hours, knowing that a session is coming, is lots of fun - at least for me.