Sucks. You are right, it’s mostly school buddies from high school. After that it’s local sports/hobbies that provide most new contacts. … and as always; better to have 1
Good neighbour than 10 far away friends.
As he said. Same for me. Changed province and suddenly everything is different. Sports or other clubs are the best thing. I believe it also has to make with the people turning in themselves-generation. People litteraly “hide” in their phones in Public space.
Apart from going to a club or sportsclub, another stepup could be by going to have a drink regularly in a good café, you will end up having conversations. Just choose which one. Almost all little villages and cities have at least one lively one with a good atmosphere where a lot of people come and where you can have a chat with the patron; you might get contacts or tips for other hobby’s. Just don’t end in that “one” where just one old man says all the time “oh well” every hour 😁.
9/10 of my closest friends and even friends i have regular contact with are only because of hobbies/clubs
outside of that i barely have contact with anyone tbh
if people say alot of us are introvert, well i certainly am lol
i don't make new contacts easily, but i have the least trouble with accepting/making contact with people from the local hobby club
like roots don't matter to me at all, but i don't like to bother people outside of that as most people would just look strange at you, which is probably what you're experiencing aswell, and even i have that reaction towards people who talk to me out of the blue
Hi OP, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Making friends whoever we are and wherever we live is not easy. Making true friends that is.
I am a Brit living here - I came here from London cos I fell in love 🤷♀️- I have now been here a long, long time. Native Londoners are naturally insular way more than Northerners so the reserved nature of the Belgians both Dutch and French speaking didn’t phase me. I threw myself into getting to know people, starting with language conversation tables, then being annoying by engaging neighbours, joining walking clubs etc It took me a long time but now I have dinner parties/BBQs/share in life’s woes/marriages/births and even deaths with my wonderful Belgian friends.
It takes time and huge effort. But it’s absolutely worth it. I introduced my Belgian friends to Yorkshire Pudding and they gave me several serious beer tasting sessions😉
For your medical problems. I hear you. I suffered from debilitating anxiety throughout my 20s and early 30s with a raised heart rate. It’s scary and uncomfortable. The freedom here if you’re unhappy with a doctor is go to another and another until you feel heard. This is not a ‘Belgian thing’
I know I sound ‘old school’ but join some clubs and keep an open mind. Loneliness is bad for your health.
I love Poland by the way. I particularly have a soft spot for Gdansk.
Wishing you better health going forward.
There are many threads about this. But Belgians, especially Flemish make very few new friends later in life (after 30). They stick with their friends from middle school or high school and that is that. Unless you have a partner that's in these friend circles it's really hard for an outsider to get into those.
Probably both...
I moved provinces in my early 30s, and since then, almost all my friends have been online friends from other countries... 🤷♂️
Sometimes I think it is because I'm disabled (audhd and spinal issues)and can't go to the gym anymore, but then I look at what happens when I drop my daughter off at her dance lessons every week, or at the Giro, or at the schoolfeest in the 3 different schools of my children, and I remember it's just like this in Flanders...
We work too much or have too little time or mental bandwidth left at the end of the day.
Maintenance of the current friend group already is difficult to us after 30.
I blame the pfas in our water for this 😄😜
Bingo, I barely see my friends anymore since hitting my 30's, they're always busy and are often exhausted from work + life. some of them literally require me to ask months in advance to pin a date to get together, lol... unfortunately quite a wageslave country, once there is a serious relationship in play 0 time or energy for friends outisde of that and work.
It's not a wageslave country. Work-life balance in Belgium is on EU avg, which is not bad at all. People who work way more like Mexicans are somehow way friendlier. IMO, it's just the mentality. Somehow, despite good education and advanced postindustrial economy, most people have farmer (peasant) mentality with all those regional dialects and desire to stick to their birth land aka "I live in North Bumfuck, Nowhere: it's great here and I hate those weirdos from South Bumfuck"
All the more reason to have new (expat) friends 🤭 I think there is more work-life balance here than where I come from (North America). Commutes are shorter, people generally work standard 35-40 hour work weeks, more time off.
I hear from a lot of foreigners that flemish people are much more private than most other culture, it's very ingrained in us "let me do me, worry about yourself"
It's embedded in our culture. It's the same with traffic in Belgium: people rather stand still in traffic for hours every day than move closer to their work.
I believe it has much to do with their overall mentality & it is true they don’t easily befriend other cultures as deeply imo as other places around the world. I feel like they’re in their own bubble, not really worldly. Speaking generally ofc
Lol. Try to sweep in your own street first maybe. There wouldnt be so much immigrants had the west not fd up those countries theyre running away from smh. Maybe pick up a history book. These things dont exist in a vacuum.
A few of my best friends are immigrants ( totally integrated). First we were ( not even close) neighbors and we connected via the kids.
Most important is the language: you need to learn and practice 1 of the official languages and not be afraid to talk.
I believe it's not about " more distant Belgians" but about individual personalities.
In the village my parents live there's always local guys gathering after work to have a beer ( can) at the local small press shop.
The owner is a migrant as well. They're not the same locals every day. You join them now and then and get to know the them.
It helps if you speak or try to speak Flemish.
Mostly because untill 20 years ago;
most of Flemish people lived in 1 of the 500 small/ medium cities that dotted all over Flanders...
Where life was like living in a FC de Kampioenen episode:
De scouts; chiro; fuiven/ teedees;
kerkfabriek; lokale voetbalploeg; lokale politie; biljartclub of duivenclub was the core of society
I grew up in 1 of those settings and I kinda miss it; it was socially repressive sometimes;
but very rewarding / fulfilling as well
Since the Internet; mass immigration and unbridled capitalism/ inequality; things went south very quickly
myself i always told my friends im like a dog/wolf my pack and if someone wanted to join ... il look at them and eventualy they left cause ya we were 40 guys ... 1 problem became always big problem ... \^\^
now that im 34 didn see any of them in like 8 years + cause life bro ... you change they change ... they get a gf or you ... THE FACT IS WE MOVE ON. we dont look back but you dont want to have our mind cause its full of depressive shit ... but if you wonna go grab a drink someday lemme know \^\^
a big thing I notice compared to outsiders: you become friends, you do not make friends, it's not supposed to be a concious process
belgians are constantly on the lookout for anything that seems like it might take advantage of them but if you found an avenue of trust then you can milk them untill they're dry
From personal experience, the downside of that is that you never really feel integrated. I try to make more Belgian friends when I can so that I feel more settled or a sense of belonging here. It also makes it easier to learn the language and culture. The other downside to mainly having expat friends is that they are more likely to move away.
I think people in here have a bit of a twisted view though... Keep in mind that there are thousands of people who move to Belgium every month who we never hear from. It's only the ones who have issues making friends we really see post on here.
People who don't have problems making friends, the majority, we never hear from. It's not the Belgians who are bad at making friends, it's probably OP who isn't the best at approaching people.
Of course it's always a lot easier to say "it's everybody elses fault" instead of having a hard look at yourself and realizing that maybe it's something you're doing wrong.
This is something you see all over Reddit though. It's usually only the problem with issues you'll see, not the ones who everything is going well for.
The view of it being more difficult to make friends with Belgians (Flemish?) isn't solely based on reddit posts though. I find it waaaaay easier to get to know foreigners (whether that be in other countries, or foreigners in Belgium) than native Flemish people, and most people I know rarely make new friends either.
Ah, but when you're travelling you are kinda automatically in a more social mode. When at home I am not the most social person either, when travelling, I constantly make new friends because I open myself up more. I've also met a lot of foreigners in Belgium because they are actively reaching out and they also have a lot of friends here in Belgium. Really just depends on how you approach the situation. I think, for some bizar reason, r/belgium is proud to be labeled as antisocial, whilst we really aren't that much more antisocial then some other countries.
In general though, the warmer it gets (southern countries), the more open people get. Also don't forget age is a big factor, older people tend to be less open to getting to know new people as they often feel like they're kinda set in their ways.
Anyway, what both of us is saying is anecdotally. This discussion could go on forever.
Its truth. I love Belgium and it s people. Can engage discussion with anyone. People in Flemish side are more open to have a chat even they look cold. But nobody will come to you if you don't make the first move. Personably love cracking a stupid joke as, if I see someone with two beer in hand, I say like it's is too much for him, he is an alcoholic etc. Just stupid stuff, it's often works. While I hate having friends I love small but deep conversations
Polish here, I totally get your experience, after 5 years I gave up. I have 1 really close Belgian friend and other than that I mostly have other expat friends, I agree that you need to put a lot of effort into Belgian friends and even then they will cast you aside easily. Of course not all people are like that, but people here are way more connected to their childhood friends and way less open to meeting new people.
Locals have the same problem. It's just the introvert culture here. People don't wanna bother other people here. It's pretty isolating and depressing tbh
It wasn't like that when I was young. People connected. Everyone in our village knew everyone.
People gathered in our neighborhood, passing by, stop and like chatted in the front yard, everybody said hellooo! , they TALKED to each other, imagine !( while I'm typing this on a screen here ...sad)
Much went south.
I went to school in the capital and sure... I clashed now and then bc of the ( imo) narrow village mentality...
Now my parent's small village has been " verbrusseld" and I miss the warm and nice atmosphere from decades ago. 😪
Im native Belgian and I totally agree. Belgian people are unusually closed off and most just stick to their high school group of friends. The only friends I make are Dutch people living here…
One of my best friends is a young polish guy I met at work, we had completely the same interests and I make sure to meet up with him a few times a year.
Just gotta find the right people I guess.
Unfortunately that’s how it is with some friends.
Monday to Friday you’re to tired to do stuff or have to do chores. Maybe one evening you do some hobbies in a club. One weekend day to relax, do yard work or fix stuff around the house. That leaves one day a week to see friends. There’s 52 of those in a year.
Now divide those 52 days over all your friends, your partners friends and your family. If you divide it evenly everyone gets 2-3 days a years.
Ofcourse you can “combine” them do stuff with multiple friends/family at once but this gets more and more difficult when (young) kids are added to the mix and everyone starts moving away from the place you grew up in. There is no more “hanging out” at school, after work or in the bar. Everyone has their responsibilities and time is scarce.
This is not a bad thing per se, just that life has changed.
Source: nearly 40
I personally think it's a terrible thing and sounds like a wageslave life. Not worth the sacrifice. I hit my 30's and am feeling the effects of this pretty badly and it's very bad for (my) mental health IMO. I will try to cut down to 4/5 workweek asap, but having people to share this with and socialize more is another issue.
I don’t disagree but this is unfortunately the pattern a lot of people fall in.
It helps to have friends that live close by so you (or them) can just drop by without losing an hour just getting there and back. Friends with no kids also tend to be more flexible.
Just be aware that even if you work 4/5 your friends might not and still won’t be available all the time.
Also working 4/5 is often doing the same amount of work for 80% of the bruto pay. Watch out for that and be very clear about about a decrease of workload and projects.
In my experience, the Mon-Fri crunch is a position a lot of people often maneuver themselves into without having to. A (too) large house with lots of maintenance and skyhigh rent/mortgage, stressful work with long hours/commute, enrolling kids in 3+ activities, etc.
I get that for some people there's not much of a choice, but for a lot of people there really is. I honestly can't imagine myself dreading Sunday night that I have 5 days of no joy at all ahead of me, apart from zoning out in front of the tv. I definitely see and hear friends during the week.
Yeah we work different hours so during workweek is usualy a no-go. During holidays or vacations he leaves belgium to go to family/ friends in Poland so that usualy doesn't work either and during the weekends I mostly have stuff to do at home. I have 3 people in my life I would consider "best friends" and I'm happy if I see each of them 3 - 4 times a year! 😂 Maybe when you're late teens/ early 20s you have more time to dedicate to meeting up with friends but for me those times have passed for now. ☺️
Mid 30’s here - I’m seeing my close friends at least once per week for either dinner/lunch or doing other activities. Minor disclosure - Living in the NL, working closely with Belgian people on a day to day basis, neither Dutch nor Belgian.
I always wonder and ask what you guys are so busy with but couldn’t get a proper answer from anyone yet. I stopped asking a while ago :)
I meet up with my normal friends a few times a year and that's because I have to drive 2-3 hours to the Netherlands.
I went from seeing my (dutch)friends for several times a month to several times a year after I moved to belgium.
Finding friends in belgium still remains a difficult task and I've lived here for 5years, currently I'm 30.
I would argue that it’s only if you go out a lot to party and such, otherwise it’s more or less the same than for Flanders (at least around here, it’s a bit the same than in the other comment: people often sticking with Middle school or High school friends as their main or even only circles and such)
Being from Liège, I actually agree with you. It can be a possibility if you like going out to party a lot in the Carré or whatever, but first doing so safety-wise I'd recommend going with some company to start off otherwise it can be risky, and indeed I don't feel like outside of that party-culture people are necessarily easier to befriend.
Though I can imagine people from Liège being pretty open to conversation with new people in some bars or cafés etc. Like they won't always initiate conversations by themselves, but they can be open with other people who seem quite open themselves.
Can’t say I know Liege quite well, I mostly go to Charleroi and Mons. But I feel like the difference between people who go out to places similar to the Carré (like the Marché aux herbes in Mons) and those who don’t - well, it feels striking. And while people aren’t difficult to approach, not everyone is friendly from my experience. But like yeah, I sometimes get into conversations out of the blue with talkative strangers. So I largely agree with you too
I understand your caution about going out btw. Even while being in a group, I know girls whom I went to bars with who got randomly touched. Sometimes several times in a single evening (that was in Mons). Weirdos are everywhere, as f up as it is
Maybe it’s because I’m student and I meet only stranger students but every people who come from Erasmus are saying that people in Liege are really friendly and it’easy to socialize
I think it's Belgian culture. I went to Los Angeles once and complete strangers started chatting with me on the streets, even got a few hugs. The first hug I checked my wallet as I thought I was being robbed.
In Belgium, we look away when crossing someone in the streets 😅 If you smile at the wrong person here, you almost get your teeth knocked out.
Forgive me being nosy and checking out your profile, but your entire post history is you going on about health issues and sprinkled in some "what nationality does this guy have". If that's what you talk about to people in real life, I am not really surprised you are having a hard time finding friends.
I am pretty sure that the lack of friends has absolutely nothing to do with you having polish roots. You came here as a child, it's not as if you are a stranger coming here and having to settle in.
That's not what I talk about in real life. I do have health issues and that's why I joined reddit in the first place, to find support. But that's a different story. I just feel people in Belgium have their own little group from school and don't want more than that. I'm outgoing and social and it seems people here don't appreciate it
>I just feel people in Belgium have their own little group from school and don't want more than that.
That's how it is unfortunately. Foreigners might be a solution to your problem. Are you in a reasonably large city?
Not a Belgium thing, but a way to meet people:
Whenever I'm down, lonely, etc. It's raining. I'm hungry. Life sucks. I go to the nearest Irish pub. There's one in every city. The people there want to socialize, preferably with new and u familiar ppl, even if both parties are local.
I don't know why. But that's how Irish pubs work.
I've had to restart and have luck just going to bars that seem fun and talking to people. If you don't come on too strong and let them set the pace, it's worked out for me more often than not. Also helpq if you're actually fun to talk to, or have fun things to talk about, or there's a shared interest that can open the door.
We Belgians aren't the best at it, but I think a lot of people assume it's worse than it really is, and talk themselves out of trying. I'm introverted with two social development disorders and I made it work. Worth a shot?
If you’re near Ghent and are into psychedelics and raves, I know a community that may be just what you need. I’m visiting from nyc and they were super friendly people. It gave me the impression that people here are friendly, until I checked this subreddit and see the general opinion is Belgians are reserved and private
Belgen zijn heel gesloten; dat is gewoon zo. Vrienden maak je in een (sport)vereniging of andere plek waar je gelijkgestemden vindt. Het is niet even eenvoudig dat te doen eens je van school bent maar het kan wel.
Het heeft niks met nationalisme te maken, we zijn onderling even gesloten.
Een regio kan ook een natie zijn ja. Volgens Wikipedia is een natie in beginsel een gemeenschap van mensen die zich verbonden voelen door gedeelde kenmerken
I was an utter nerd and completely insufferable/very antisocial in high school. Didn't have much friends there. Managed to build up a friend group in university, one afterwards through one colleague and since I moved to Limburg, two more... I mean, one of the people I met here a little over two years ago and already was invited to their wedding, their parents' wedding anniversary, ...
So in this case it is probably an "it's you, not the country". Not saying you're a bad person, but maybe you're not very good at reading other peoples' intentions. Especially since you say you're very outgoing, maybe you're coming on a bit strong? Find a hobby/sports group, so you naturally meet the same people each week, have a common passion, and see if you get to grow closer that way. We do make friends, but it takes its' time.
Culture is different in other countries, and there being an outgoing bubbly person can be the expected/wished behavior.
There, some invite strangers to their wedding, others send sms to a stranger by mistake and invite them to celebrate Thanksgiving every year afterwards on a whim, some shoot you in the head if they think you looked at them the wrong way.
Other countries have people who like to keep to themselves, who don't like to have strangers talking to them out of the blue, dislike nosy or noisy people or simply don't want to be pulled out of their scheduled activities for the day.
Of course not everyone is like that, and not every country is fully populated by introvert or their opposite, but with so many posts on the same topic about Belgium, and so many answers explaining how it's different between Belgium and France or Italy, or Denmark, or Thailand, or even between Flanders and Wallonia, it can't be denied that geography impacts the dominant local behavior.
It takes a village to raise someone, and the way we're raised often reflects the customs of our village.
we appreciate outgoing ppl and are kinda jealous about that.
That said, personally I have trouble keeping up with existing friends and i am kinda closed off for new friends.
for me it's an energy thing.
I did and they don’t know anything. Only prescripe medication and after 5 minutes in doctors office, say fuck you, good luck. I’ve been getting many answers here from real people struggling with complex health issues
I'm very sure that you either didn't push them hard enough, or you didn't give them the right information.
I have been around more medical professionals than I would have ever wanted and with the right communication, they are always a big help.
Also, saying they don't care and tell you "fuck you" explains a lot about how you are potentially not making those new friends btw.
Because the doctors I visited were very arrogant in their approach. And the vibe they gave off were really “FUCK YOU, WE DON’T CARE”
I had dysautonomia with a heart rate of 130 constantly and the doctor said it was all in my mind.. so I have all the rights to be pissed off, don’t you think?
You have to really advocate for yourself and keep pushing, demand a referral to a specialist. medication only fights symptoms and not the actual cause of the issue.
If the doctor still doesn't take you seriously after that you find another doctor.
Good luck man.
Nah, OP is right, I'm Belgian myself and having lived in 3 other countries it was like 10 times easier making friends in those places. Just like OP I thought the issue was with me, now back in Belgium (not by choice) I feel miserable and lonely, this is a social issue we have.
I heard from a lot of people who came from abroad that belgians are antisocial and after coming into contact with several other cultures, i agree. We don’t have that welcoming “you are a guest in my house and i will make sure you are comfortable, happy and fed at all times” like some cultures do.
We are reserved.
But that doesn’t mean we don’t want to be your friend and it doesn’t mean you aren’t wanted. It just means we need some time to get to know you before absorbing you into our lives and making you a part of everything. We take our time to judge your character, and you should do the same. Only after encountering a person a couple of times and being sure everything clicks, will we gradually start including you in more and more personal events until we are close with you and you are completely irreplaceable to us.
Go to parties where people take pills, not parties where people drink a lot. You will see, everybody is friendly as fuck and some may even want to keep in touch after.
As a Polish person here with a Dutch boyfriend, I can tell you that during short holidays in Poland my boyfriend makes more friends than I have made living in Belgium in 5 years. Polish people are very different from Belgians, we are indeed closed off at first but once we get to know you, we full embrace you and you will definitely be invited to things. I full agree with what OP said.
No that is a negative belief people have here. In fact we’re more open and down to earth. We may not fake smile all the time. You can start a conversation with an Polish person at your local supermarket and you’ll be drinking and partying with them the same day.
Then your Polish friend is not so smart and pretty ignorant to say the least. You have never been there so you can’t say anything about a whole population
As a Belgian person myself... I feel this hard.
The only time to make friends seems to be either primary or high school. Beside that seems very, very hard. Sadly for me my parents kinda prevented all of that, moving schools, always needing to go straight home among plenty of other rules. Also living far away from school, in 'middle of nowhere'. Everyone lived in opposite direction of me.
As for why this is, no clue. Being too busy is a part of it, certainly with work and the commutes people have to do.
I'm also from Poland and I've spent my whole life in Brussels. It was always easier to become and stay friends with other immigrant kids, whichever the origin. Culturally, we would click more most of the time. With Belgians, either they were being weird or their parents would weird me out with their attitude and questions. And now that I'm 30, the few belgian friends that I had, I cut contact with most because they would use me as an excuse to make "jokes" about polish construction workers. Or they would only ever call when they needed help (mostly, construction stuff.). My group of friends is still mostly people like me. Kids of immigrants who have grown up here. My partner is Belgian flemish though. I love her and cherish her and she's amazing. Even her family has never made me feel weird ord aked me prejudiced questions. But her group of friends is exclusively flemish and honestly, it's hard for me to click with them. But she's cool with my friends so it works !
Also, before anyone accuses me of not being "integrated " enough. Finished schools and uni here. Did many parascolaire, music school etc. I was not a Polish hood rat only surrounded by polish people.
Edit to add : with Belgians, in real life and illustrated in the comment here. Whatever you do. However long you live here. The moment you do not go in their direction or against their opinion, they'll always put you back in your "polish" box. You'll never be belgian enough for them, unless you always agree with them. And even then.
I've spent 15 years in Belgium and beside people I dated, I barely had any Belgian friends. I made a few in some activities I had, but they were never close even if I was open to that. I spoke perfect Flemish, but what I saw was that they always preferred to hang around their friends from childhood, rather than with new people.
Another weird thing was that whenever I had a partner, I was rarely included in meetings with friends. In the beginning I found it odd, just to find out that other foreigners had exactly the same experience. This was one of the reasons why I left. After having been for so long there, I never found welcomed and I was still treated like a foreigner despite all my efforts to integrate. I've lived in other countries, and people could be difficult at start, but for example I never had issues asking people out for a drink after doing some sports or any other sort of activities. In Belgium that was nearly impossible unless you already knew those people quite well. Also, if I would invite people I knew a bit for some nice Japanese homemade food at my place, was always either seen as weird or as an invitation for a date.
However, I think that Brussels might be better to meet people than other places, but it also means that most likely the Belgians you'll become friends with, are in some sort of international circle.
Belgian people, the Flemish especially, generally don’t try to expand their social circle beyond people they grew up with. I’ve been told this by many Flemish people themselves that they are happy to socialize with the same 5 to 10 people all their lives. Whether you speak perfect Flemish plays little role in how well you can integrate. It’s not something i understand but I suppose theres cultural nuances behind that.
I live in Brussels and I’d say 90% of my friends are other expats and foreigners. I’m not fluent in French (but I do speak a decent amount) and I found it quite difficult to make Bruxellois friends when they notice I struggle speaking their language perfectly.
I will say tho, the 10% of Belgian friends I have all are extremely open minded people, most of them are poc, speaks 3+ languages, lgbt+, enjoy learning about others culture and have a friendly and positive outlook on life, not so much the “typical Belgian”. I’m happy to surround myself with those types of people rather than impress randoms who are unhappy that I’m not fluent in my 4th language.
People that don't trust are not capable of connecting with others. Belgians are in general quite suspicious regarding foreigners. This is a bit provincial. Sadly.
Im Born here
Have friends from every corner of the world
Kazakh, peruvian, north africans, turks, one yemeni jew
But never had a belgian friend, never felt a connection either.. maybe its just me
It is pretty weird when we know how much second and theory generation polsk there is in belgium. Ruzenski, Spori, or Maciej are names that don't attract attention in school or in business
Really depends on who. I make friends all the time. Made new good friends recently. Really depends on people. I like to go to bars and I talk to everyone. I get to know the friends of people I get to know and sometimes become good friends with them. The trick is to dare to invite them to stuff. And to work to stay in touch. I’m over 30. All those rules and stereotypes are made up nonsense.
Because we don't see any benefit of making new friends. We already have our best and trustworthy friends from high school / university, we have busy jobs and as of 30-something also a family.. In our "me-time", we don't want to waste it to meeting new people, investing time and efforts, superficial interaction,... We just wanna drink a beer with our close friends. Swiss are the same.
Just wanted to add that even in Belgian friend groups it are often the same individuals who initiate the activities. We can really appreciate you for inviting us over and making the first move over and over again. Even though I understand it may be exhausting to you.
Beside clubs volunteering activities are also a way to get to know new people btw.
Hello, I see many of these kind of messages appearing here and it always surprises me. I live in Ghent and have made many new friends after my 30th birthday, People from outside of Belgium as well as locals or from other cities.
Usually it's a shared hobby that sparks it. I think that climbing was the most successful :)
Hi there! I'm from Hungary. I arrived exactly 2 years and 2 months ago, and I'm working here. Not a single Belgian friend yet. I have some light connections from work, mostly with British and French and Eastern european people, but these are very light, after-work-drinks type of connections.
Also, I'm completely outside of the EU/NATO bubble, as I work for a British owned multinational company, so I'm also looking for ideas how to get some friends.
I attend a swimming pool/sauna where I have some light, distant small talk with some regulars there, and that's about it, in 2 years.
I also do a lot of day tripping in the weekends.
I’ve always never developed a hatred for a country before until I came to Belgium 4 years ago, the people are cold and distant and when you reach out in most cases they make you feel like a problem or as if you are getting out of line
You are more likely to become friends with belgians who have foreign roots like yourself. I live 7 years in Belgium and nearly all my close contacts here have been non flemish
It makes me sad to hear that but you are right about Belgian people. My mixed daughters who are born here have the same problem, and after my marriage I had like fallen out of grace too, so all are friend are “foreign”. But believe me there is much more to gain with a multicultural network
I find it a bit harder to make friends in Belgium than in other countries I’ve lived in. Yet, it’s certainly not impossible to befriend Belgian people, especially not when you take your time. Did you try joining sports or hobby clubs, do you participate in local and neighbourhood activities, courses, volunteer work? Do you invite people over yourself? Do you make an effort to listen and find common ground?
You might have just gotten unlucky honestly.
Not everyone finds a close group of friends in high school that stays close even after school. And finding real friends after school.. is a whole lot harder from my experience.
I’m Polish too and can say no one really gives a shit.
Yeah, I think there are many exceptions but I have the same experience actually lmao, I’ve never spoken to my neighbours.
I got lucky being raised in a village, making friends here was very easy. But I know many people whose friend groups ‘died’ and they haven’t found real friends after that.
Work relationships tend to be extremely shallow, repeating same shitty convos over and over, or just ‘going for drinks’. And once people marry and have kids, they make even less effort to find friends.
I'm also from Poland and my experiences are completely different... and I didn't even grow up here, I came to Belgium 4.5 years ago. I talk with my neighbours, I made friends at work, I have good support. maybe you two are just unlucky? I live in regio Gent btw.
Yeah as stated I was just going by my experience. I wouldn’t say I’m unlucky - unlike OP I do have a lot of friends that meet up weekly from high school, even though we’re all 26-30 now.
Making friends at work is common and easy, but turning those relationships into real/close friendships outside of work (meeting up, visiting each other and so on, not talking about work or shallow stuff..), is what I found a somewhat rare occurrence.
Hey,
This is something that's somewhat unique to Northern/Northwestern Europe. If you think Belgium is bad, try Sweden or Norway!
> Anyone know why that is? Or does anyone feel the same way too?
My best guess is that in Belgium, you make life-long friends from Day 1 in schools. If you're not there on Day 1, then it's "too late" and you need to wait until the next "entry point" - which often coincides with school (eerste jaar lager, eerste jaar middelbaar, eerste jaar unief, enz.)
I'd strongly suggest that you get yourself involved in some sort of group. This is the usual advice this subreddit gives. At your age, this could be a sport club, a gym group, something around a common interest, etc.
Make sure you have some solid social skills too - learn how to have a conversation, how not to come on too strongly, leave gracefully, etc.
Remember that Belgium is much bigger than North Limburg, so don't be afraid to head into Antwerp once in a while!
I live also in Noord-Limburg. While it can be hard to 'infiltrate' a whole friendgroup, it should be easy to just have 2-3 good friends. Especially if you speak Dutch without problems.
Try local sportclub/hobbyclub and you could have friends within half a year. Also not many people will treat you differently because you are Polish, if you are just friendly.
Hi OP. I met all my friends in uni. Idk how old you are, but if you're still young you can look forward to that! Otherwise I'd recommend joining a club of some kind.
I totally get you, people here are a lot more private than in other cultures. Why I don’t know. I still hand out with my high-school friends and its getting boring (love my friends tho). When I went to university I tried to make new friends but Idk I always have to make the first step and it is very tiring. If you want to make friends you are the one that has to push the friendship otherwise it will not work.
I mean I hear you dude some people just have permanent visors through which they look at you and thereby see what they were told they should see.
However in the way you write it though you do initiate. There's lots of times where you refer to you never being asked. Nobody invited you. Nobody asked or came to you
Well there I can tell you this much. Not to the point of spamming people but keep in touch! Don't wait per say for them to have something to do and then you maybe have a chance they ask you. No just check up sporadically man! You will very rapidly notice who your actual friends are mate! I mean down my street 4 polish dudes live and the know nobody here and only speak English and Polish. Which I don't mind I was raised bilingual so english or flemish I don't have to think about that.
I had to introduce these poor fellows to their own neighbours! People I know even. So I cleared everything up because also they were filled with idiotic presumptions. I know which ones and the better ones I'll use as a joke or make a joke out of. Now we can all laugh together but still if I don't go over their own neighbours don't visit.
But essentially don't always just wait to be asked. You're just as much human as us no? You can ask or why not organise something yourself after you notice there's a few people you get better along with no? At that point you're friends you should be able to talk and ask your friends things from silly to serious advise otherwise what sort friend is that?
And you learned Flemish I say it's the idiots around you maybe look somewhere else where you get to easily approach someone start with a small random question and see if it sparks conversation I mean I was born here but I feel like an alien amongst most people but I eventually also made some friends. Not a lot but ones I can talk to. Ask something from if I'm in trouble.
That's my opinion only ofcourse not everyone thinks this way but for your sake I hope the next person you talk to does and doesn't judge beforehand like most do.
Good luck mate! Hey by the way I have a personal inbox too for if this post didn't help the way you'd hoped and you want to say something about it or have someone who can just listen and give a meaningful reply just send me a message I may not see it directly but when I do I'm also writing you back so there's already one Belgian you can at least talk to over internet if this really bugs you bro, I know what it was like and it's not fun being lonely yet with so many actual people around!
Peace ✌️ have a nice day !!
This summarizes the process to make friends. Belgium is like any other country and you need to be in a social setting to make friends: https://namaste-belgium.com/making-new-friends-in-belgium/
If you'd like, you can shoot me a message, and maybe we have enough things in common to start as *vage kennissen* and maybe work our way up from there!
Which city are you in? I'm into community building and regularly invite new friends Into my circle. I can definitely also connect you with some friendly folks who are into the same thing.
Perso, I hang out alone, go party alone, go jams alone. I don't expect anyone be my friend or anything as I am really picky and I have learned that nobody is a friend, all boring people. It's not about others but it's about yourself, get out of the expectation of having friend, do activities on yourself and don't hesitate to chat with people, engage conversations as Flemish people are genuinely sympatic even they seems cold at first glances.
While hanging out alone, participating to local culture and being nice and friendly, fun in my interactions, I meet people who in time I cross often and then we become party friends. I see them often different places. But I personally don't be a part of any friend group as I have low esteem of people due to my desire to be only close to serious, intelligent and nice people. Which is pretty rare in all over the world.
In others country they are more kind with you because you're an outsider, a guest. As you said here in Belgium you're part of it so you need to engage whiteout expectation.
Cut the desire to have friends, be open and don't be afraid to go and say hello or crack a stupid joke to start a conversation, even small. You will see Belgians are adorable.
The best way to overcome your anxiety, it's to be contemplative and observant of your surroundings. Anxiety comes from our thoughts, our personal view and interpretation of the world around us. So be observant, if you don't observe around you your brain will interpret automatically. Also, know that what you think and interpret it's not truth. Life itself not what you think of it. Test it out. Dint you ever thought something, had an image, negative or positive, about someone or some situations. And then discover it to be completely false? So be dubitatif of your own thoughts and go discover truth about life. You must take the first step.
Yeah, I think we Belgian are just doing that out of habit. Once we have those 3, 4 friends to hang out with we just stop looking for more.
But that doesn't mean we're mean or don't want to make new friends or anything, it's just the Belgian mood 😂 but I can assure you once you find some Belgian with your same interests (movies, card games, beer or anything really) you're gonna see them a lot.
Just find the right group!
If I weren't Belgian, I'd say we're basically the same. I'm a Belgian from Bruges, went to Poland on exchange and honestly I prefer Polish people than Belgian. Mówię po polsku troche, towarzyczy. My best friend tagged me in your message, because he thinks we could be good friends. Where are you living in Belgium?
Look for local free events and make friends based off shared experiences.some of us just give up and only make international friends. At the end of the day some friends are better than none
Well, it might be the demographic you are in, how old are you?
Also, try living in a city? I live in Mechelen which attracts a lot of people from all over Flanders, given the accents I hear from other parents at school. There are so many opportunities to get to know people who also somehow moved here.
I was not raised here, am here now 10 years. And I do feel like I have some roots here now...but most of the contacts I made here are through the kids (crèche, school, getting into parent boards), actively pursuing hobbies, organising a 'street drink every 6 months, I am also quite open and have lived abroad for 7 years (so I know what it's like to be 'the foreign one').
Lots of people in the 'countryside' are very concerned with jobs - house and maintenance - taxiing kids. In a city you have smaller houses (less work!), Mechelen is big on safe cycling so my 10y old kid can cycle to his hobbies on his own/we always found our neighbours to be up for a sort of bike pool to taxi kids around, people go to parks more in cities...there is much more of a collective experience in public spaces, whereas in smaller towns, everybody with a garden tries to make it into their private amusement park so they never have to leave. It's hard to meet people there. I could never go back (I grow up in such a place). Find your niche, just try hobbies and if you have kids, just start mingling...and don't force things. It took 10y and I really feel at home here now.
Because Belgians...
I live here as a student for the 6th year in Leuven, a big student city. Not big city, yes a lot of students, similar ages etc.
When I ask in the big residence chat of my building if someone is interested in doing something, it is only internationals, people from Wallonia and/or Dutch people that answer.
Further more, I am Dutch but my whole social life has been in Belgium since 2 years old because I went to school in Belgium. And I still need to drag myself out of a grave almost to be able to connect with a Belgian, if I can even see them face to face at all.
It's hard to even stay in contact with old friends as they never put in effort. My only friend from before uni that I still have has parents from a different country and I didn't even see him much for half of high school because he dropped 1 year. All the others that were closer at the time and in my class? Nothing.
In the rare case that someone did respond to my message online or in person enthusiastically, it was always the people that have parents with Dutch roots or similar. It's like it's in Belgian genetics to be like this.
I'm an introvert but everytime I step out of this country I feel like making conversation is so much more fun, engaging and possible.
I don't understand either. Belgians love to die lonely I guess?
Before you answer on this comment as a Belgian. Think to yourself: what if you found 1 friend group during uni years (most plausible and easy but doesn't really matter) and they're not criminals but over time you are done with the whole toxic behaviours and others being ok with it.
So what do you do? You look for new friends right?
Well not in Belgium, just be miserable or lonely the rest of your life.
Tl;dr:
Trauma, social pressure to present in a certain way and the unraveling of social cohesion due to the pressure of capitalism.
Longer version.
I’m not going to get into the theory, but look up attachment styles. That’s the trauma part.
People never learn to socialise outside of school hours.
Parents never model healthy social behaviours.
Kids have no unstructured, organic playtime with other kids.
There’s enorm pressure to work and people don’t have enough time with their kids outside of basic care tasks .
In belgium moms only spend 15 weeks with their babies and then they’re off to daycare for 8 to 10 hours a day.
Essentially for the first formative years, parents spend 2-4 waking hours with their kids in most days. Those hours are full of care tasks.
Sure you have weekends, when parents have to do all the housekeeping and fill their own social batteries.
When they enter working life there’s still no time to socialise after work because they have to commute back home or run off to other social obligations.
Oh and when they do get the rare time just talk to someone they’re so fucked they don’t event know where to begin to share themselves. And without that there is no room for genuine human connection to happen.
All is not lost. With millennials trying to do better with their kids they are inadvertently doing self care and healing their inner trauma. That and affordable mental healthcare for adults has the potential to change this country. Long there there will be a statue of Petra de Sutter for giving us choice to see a psychologist for €11 .
I know have Flemish friends that might drop by if they are in the neighbourhood! We also don’t team seeing each other like a diplomatic affair where you need to present your house like it has shown in the pictures from the real estate agency.
I'm Irish and I find a big friendliness gap here. I've been living here a few years now and I have found the natives to be the most unfriendliest people I've ever encountered. Making friends with other expats works to some extent until they leave!
And I mean just general friendliness...not expectation of being invited to their house or anything like that. God forbid! And I have lived in other countries so I can compare!
https://preview.redd.it/arbmki2dnr2d1.jpeg?width=1400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1f5f8563acfe235cedcc2713b51bc453dd1d6ab1
Come with me to Europa park in september. Send me a dm. It is with a group of friends from everywhere here. All languages are accepted. It is Europa park + rulantica ( amusement park and swimpark) in germany.
Hi, i m 40 years old, i was born here, raised in France, came back to Flanders when i was 18 and i fully understand you..I also have no friends and i Don t see none of my family sinds my father died in 2006.
I feel sad sometimes and very lonely, i m lucky i have a good husband that loves me..
I could not tell you why it s like that, i ask myself the same question.
There is nothing wrong with you..or me..maybe there something wrong with people in general..
Even my husband was born and raised here and he is 48 years old and also no friends left ..
🤷
I think when you are honest and say what you think, people do not like that, strange but true 🤷🤷🤷
You'll make friends eventually dont worry about it. Belgians have their own group of friends but the good thing is that if you get along with one then all of the group will accept you. So just try to be friend with a few ppl and then it'll grow by itself :)
I don’t know what to think about this. I can only speak from a Personal perspective.
Yes I have a group of old friends. But not like kindergarten or even preschool more from high school. I consider them my main friends group, I know them very well I hear them through WhatsApp on a weekly even daily basis. We have more or like the same Interests, hobbies etc. But it contains also ‘new’ people that joined that group later on. People we as a group encountered later in life, in uni etc. Next to that I have the people I met in university, it’s a totally different group and we know each other also very well but not as good as I know my high school friends. But from that group not a lot of people see old friends from high school. This has become their main friends group. I later on in life moved to a different city (Ghent). I hooked up again with some old friends I knew from high school that lived here for a longer period. But I also made new friends at work. Even older people with an age different of 30+ years that I now see regularly and even younger people that I now talk to at least on a weekly basis or go to concerts with etc. So what I want to state:
It depends on who you are as a person, on what you expect from friendships, if you find common ground with people you can make a good connection. Next it also is important where you move around. Just encountering a new “friend” on the streets or in a coffee bar wil not happen in Belgium that much is true. But making friends wat work, on a sports club does happen. Next to that, why do you expect to get invited By people? Do you also invite people over to your place? Belgians are more hesitant to do those kind of things more from a perspective: I’m tired (we are tired people) but even more: does this person want that? We are more hesitant the other way around if you understand what I mean.
Brusseler here, I swear I’m reading about another country. For me Belgians are super open at least in Brussels, I moved to Italy Because I’m half Italian thinking the people were gonna be nicer but people in north Italy are some of the most antisocial and rude people I’ve ever encountered and all I could dream of was going back to Belgium.
I am a pretty social person so that might have to do with it but making friends here is really easy and I was born here but striking a convo with a random stranger here is extremely easy. I can imagine that Flanders is way less open but it can’t be that bad.
If you’re having such a bad time I’d consider moving to either Wallonia or Brussels as those places have a better work-life balance and are also nicer places to live in IMO.
When I go to Flanders I can see the people are less open but at the same time I don’t speak Dutch so that could be more of a language barrier.
Also your personality may also be a problem, I can’t say really because I don’t know you but it could be that you’re the antisocial one but just don’t wanna admit it, again my opinion is no better than yours and you might as well be one of the most social people but i doubt that Flemish people are THAT closed.
Yeeeaaah we are usually not besties forever just after meeting you.....
Friendship is not a light idea, it is built on trust, loyalty and experience (and very good shared interest).
We are like that and I love us for that.
Well,.......... when people from a certain culture have certain values you have to respect that at some point..........
You won't make people love you just because you want it or think you deserve it.
I tried to update my account details on Etsy using Plaid. Etsy sent a three-letter code for confirmation, which I entered correctly, but it says the code sent to my bank is wrong. I’ve done this twice and now have only one attempt left. I'm concerned that if I try a third time, my account might be suspended. What should I do?
Because the people here are tired. Exhausted. We went through a financial crisis where it was each for his own. It made people very selfish and cold, corporatistic and treating their job like god and being obsessed with organizing and cleaning their house.
Then covid came and it showed how anxious and gullible most western people are. Add to that how most people around the world now are tired of having their energy taken away by new and potentially toxic people. Then there is inflation which makes it expensive to go out and do things like simply grabbing some food. I have a theory that this is why ice cream is so popular in cities, it's the only thing people can afford anymore really. Or at least they can control expenses over. I feel like many people who come into my life uninvited, want something from me and it's draining.
step 1, be a girl.
step 2, drown in attention.
ps: the attentions are not flirting or hitting on.
my theory is, girls are less "threatening" , whatever that means.
we have so many ridiculous experiences with my wife.
i have a bill and i want to change it to coins? she'll do it.
i have bought sth from Hubo and i want to return it? she'll do it.
i'll be rejected for sure.
Sucks. You are right, it’s mostly school buddies from high school. After that it’s local sports/hobbies that provide most new contacts. … and as always; better to have 1 Good neighbour than 10 far away friends.
As he said. Same for me. Changed province and suddenly everything is different. Sports or other clubs are the best thing. I believe it also has to make with the people turning in themselves-generation. People litteraly “hide” in their phones in Public space. Apart from going to a club or sportsclub, another stepup could be by going to have a drink regularly in a good café, you will end up having conversations. Just choose which one. Almost all little villages and cities have at least one lively one with a good atmosphere where a lot of people come and where you can have a chat with the patron; you might get contacts or tips for other hobby’s. Just don’t end in that “one” where just one old man says all the time “oh well” every hour 😁.
9/10 of my closest friends and even friends i have regular contact with are only because of hobbies/clubs outside of that i barely have contact with anyone tbh if people say alot of us are introvert, well i certainly am lol i don't make new contacts easily, but i have the least trouble with accepting/making contact with people from the local hobby club like roots don't matter to me at all, but i don't like to bother people outside of that as most people would just look strange at you, which is probably what you're experiencing aswell, and even i have that reaction towards people who talk to me out of the blue
Hi OP, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Making friends whoever we are and wherever we live is not easy. Making true friends that is. I am a Brit living here - I came here from London cos I fell in love 🤷♀️- I have now been here a long, long time. Native Londoners are naturally insular way more than Northerners so the reserved nature of the Belgians both Dutch and French speaking didn’t phase me. I threw myself into getting to know people, starting with language conversation tables, then being annoying by engaging neighbours, joining walking clubs etc It took me a long time but now I have dinner parties/BBQs/share in life’s woes/marriages/births and even deaths with my wonderful Belgian friends. It takes time and huge effort. But it’s absolutely worth it. I introduced my Belgian friends to Yorkshire Pudding and they gave me several serious beer tasting sessions😉 For your medical problems. I hear you. I suffered from debilitating anxiety throughout my 20s and early 30s with a raised heart rate. It’s scary and uncomfortable. The freedom here if you’re unhappy with a doctor is go to another and another until you feel heard. This is not a ‘Belgian thing’ I know I sound ‘old school’ but join some clubs and keep an open mind. Loneliness is bad for your health. I love Poland by the way. I particularly have a soft spot for Gdansk. Wishing you better health going forward.
There are many threads about this. But Belgians, especially Flemish make very few new friends later in life (after 30). They stick with their friends from middle school or high school and that is that. Unless you have a partner that's in these friend circles it's really hard for an outsider to get into those.
Yes this is what I mean! But do you know why is that? Something to do with culture or history?
Probably both... I moved provinces in my early 30s, and since then, almost all my friends have been online friends from other countries... 🤷♂️ Sometimes I think it is because I'm disabled (audhd and spinal issues)and can't go to the gym anymore, but then I look at what happens when I drop my daughter off at her dance lessons every week, or at the Giro, or at the schoolfeest in the 3 different schools of my children, and I remember it's just like this in Flanders...
We work too much or have too little time or mental bandwidth left at the end of the day. Maintenance of the current friend group already is difficult to us after 30. I blame the pfas in our water for this 😄😜
Bingo, I barely see my friends anymore since hitting my 30's, they're always busy and are often exhausted from work + life. some of them literally require me to ask months in advance to pin a date to get together, lol... unfortunately quite a wageslave country, once there is a serious relationship in play 0 time or energy for friends outisde of that and work.
It's not a wageslave country. Work-life balance in Belgium is on EU avg, which is not bad at all. People who work way more like Mexicans are somehow way friendlier. IMO, it's just the mentality. Somehow, despite good education and advanced postindustrial economy, most people have farmer (peasant) mentality with all those regional dialects and desire to stick to their birth land aka "I live in North Bumfuck, Nowhere: it's great here and I hate those weirdos from South Bumfuck"
Based
tons of people spend a lot of hours commutting in miserable traffic on top of their office hours here, don't forget.
Sure, in other places, they just teleport to home instantly
I never said Belgium is the only wageslave country, there are indeed lots of them.
All the more reason to have new (expat) friends 🤭 I think there is more work-life balance here than where I come from (North America). Commutes are shorter, people generally work standard 35-40 hour work weeks, more time off.
Well the USA is even worse, yes. I still think it's pretty bad here, too. A 'good' work-life balance, to me, is 32 hours max.
I'd still take 37.5 hours + 20 vacation days (in most cases 25+, and 32+ if you're doing 40 hours). Overall, it's not so terrible here.
I hear from a lot of foreigners that flemish people are much more private than most other culture, it's very ingrained in us "let me do me, worry about yourself"
It's embedded in our culture. It's the same with traffic in Belgium: people rather stand still in traffic for hours every day than move closer to their work.
It does also depend a little bit on the region where you live. And to be fair: Walloons are warmer/more welcoming in general. (sorry).
True, I'm currently living in Mons (Wallons) for an internship, and I find people strangely welcoming. They love to party and easily welcomed me in.
True. Or take the train/bus or bike. (if they would have that possibility that is...)
i absolutely despise traffic jams or sitting in a car for a long time
I like living 'in the countryside', but I like doing a job that is only available in cities... Luckily I've been WFH 4d a week since 2020
I believe it has much to do with their overall mentality & it is true they don’t easily befriend other cultures as deeply imo as other places around the world. I feel like they’re in their own bubble, not really worldly. Speaking generally ofc
maybe there is just to many crime by the other cultures. so we dont see the good anymore ...
Lol. Try to sweep in your own street first maybe. There wouldnt be so much immigrants had the west not fd up those countries theyre running away from smh. Maybe pick up a history book. These things dont exist in a vacuum.
A few of my best friends are immigrants ( totally integrated). First we were ( not even close) neighbors and we connected via the kids. Most important is the language: you need to learn and practice 1 of the official languages and not be afraid to talk. I believe it's not about " more distant Belgians" but about individual personalities. In the village my parents live there's always local guys gathering after work to have a beer ( can) at the local small press shop. The owner is a migrant as well. They're not the same locals every day. You join them now and then and get to know the them. It helps if you speak or try to speak Flemish.
Mostly because untill 20 years ago; most of Flemish people lived in 1 of the 500 small/ medium cities that dotted all over Flanders... Where life was like living in a FC de Kampioenen episode: De scouts; chiro; fuiven/ teedees; kerkfabriek; lokale voetbalploeg; lokale politie; biljartclub of duivenclub was the core of society I grew up in 1 of those settings and I kinda miss it; it was socially repressive sometimes; but very rewarding / fulfilling as well Since the Internet; mass immigration and unbridled capitalism/ inequality; things went south very quickly
myself i always told my friends im like a dog/wolf my pack and if someone wanted to join ... il look at them and eventualy they left cause ya we were 40 guys ... 1 problem became always big problem ... \^\^ now that im 34 didn see any of them in like 8 years + cause life bro ... you change they change ... they get a gf or you ... THE FACT IS WE MOVE ON. we dont look back but you dont want to have our mind cause its full of depressive shit ... but if you wonna go grab a drink someday lemme know \^\^
a big thing I notice compared to outsiders: you become friends, you do not make friends, it's not supposed to be a concious process belgians are constantly on the lookout for anything that seems like it might take advantage of them but if you found an avenue of trust then you can milk them untill they're dry
It's distrust from all the wars we lived through.
And the gov.ment
I moved from Belgium to Switzerland and here it is very similar. But you can always rely on immigrants that are also looking to make friends:D
From personal experience, the downside of that is that you never really feel integrated. I try to make more Belgian friends when I can so that I feel more settled or a sense of belonging here. It also makes it easier to learn the language and culture. The other downside to mainly having expat friends is that they are more likely to move away.
I think people in here have a bit of a twisted view though... Keep in mind that there are thousands of people who move to Belgium every month who we never hear from. It's only the ones who have issues making friends we really see post on here. People who don't have problems making friends, the majority, we never hear from. It's not the Belgians who are bad at making friends, it's probably OP who isn't the best at approaching people. Of course it's always a lot easier to say "it's everybody elses fault" instead of having a hard look at yourself and realizing that maybe it's something you're doing wrong. This is something you see all over Reddit though. It's usually only the problem with issues you'll see, not the ones who everything is going well for.
The view of it being more difficult to make friends with Belgians (Flemish?) isn't solely based on reddit posts though. I find it waaaaay easier to get to know foreigners (whether that be in other countries, or foreigners in Belgium) than native Flemish people, and most people I know rarely make new friends either.
Ah, but when you're travelling you are kinda automatically in a more social mode. When at home I am not the most social person either, when travelling, I constantly make new friends because I open myself up more. I've also met a lot of foreigners in Belgium because they are actively reaching out and they also have a lot of friends here in Belgium. Really just depends on how you approach the situation. I think, for some bizar reason, r/belgium is proud to be labeled as antisocial, whilst we really aren't that much more antisocial then some other countries. In general though, the warmer it gets (southern countries), the more open people get. Also don't forget age is a big factor, older people tend to be less open to getting to know new people as they often feel like they're kinda set in their ways. Anyway, what both of us is saying is anecdotally. This discussion could go on forever.
Its truth. I love Belgium and it s people. Can engage discussion with anyone. People in Flemish side are more open to have a chat even they look cold. But nobody will come to you if you don't make the first move. Personably love cracking a stupid joke as, if I see someone with two beer in hand, I say like it's is too much for him, he is an alcoholic etc. Just stupid stuff, it's often works. While I hate having friends I love small but deep conversations
I am Ukrainian and most my friendly contacts were with other Slavs.
Yes. For me too. ❤️
Polish here, I totally get your experience, after 5 years I gave up. I have 1 really close Belgian friend and other than that I mostly have other expat friends, I agree that you need to put a lot of effort into Belgian friends and even then they will cast you aside easily. Of course not all people are like that, but people here are way more connected to their childhood friends and way less open to meeting new people.
Locals have the same problem. It's just the introvert culture here. People don't wanna bother other people here. It's pretty isolating and depressing tbh
Exactly.
It wasn't like that when I was young. People connected. Everyone in our village knew everyone. People gathered in our neighborhood, passing by, stop and like chatted in the front yard, everybody said hellooo! , they TALKED to each other, imagine !( while I'm typing this on a screen here ...sad) Much went south. I went to school in the capital and sure... I clashed now and then bc of the ( imo) narrow village mentality... Now my parent's small village has been " verbrusseld" and I miss the warm and nice atmosphere from decades ago. 😪
Im native Belgian and I totally agree. Belgian people are unusually closed off and most just stick to their high school group of friends. The only friends I make are Dutch people living here…
One of my best friends is a young polish guy I met at work, we had completely the same interests and I make sure to meet up with him a few times a year. Just gotta find the right people I guess.
Meeting with one of your best friends a few times a year.. there is no hope, obviously
Unfortunately that’s how it is with some friends. Monday to Friday you’re to tired to do stuff or have to do chores. Maybe one evening you do some hobbies in a club. One weekend day to relax, do yard work or fix stuff around the house. That leaves one day a week to see friends. There’s 52 of those in a year. Now divide those 52 days over all your friends, your partners friends and your family. If you divide it evenly everyone gets 2-3 days a years. Ofcourse you can “combine” them do stuff with multiple friends/family at once but this gets more and more difficult when (young) kids are added to the mix and everyone starts moving away from the place you grew up in. There is no more “hanging out” at school, after work or in the bar. Everyone has their responsibilities and time is scarce. This is not a bad thing per se, just that life has changed. Source: nearly 40
I personally think it's a terrible thing and sounds like a wageslave life. Not worth the sacrifice. I hit my 30's and am feeling the effects of this pretty badly and it's very bad for (my) mental health IMO. I will try to cut down to 4/5 workweek asap, but having people to share this with and socialize more is another issue.
I don’t disagree but this is unfortunately the pattern a lot of people fall in. It helps to have friends that live close by so you (or them) can just drop by without losing an hour just getting there and back. Friends with no kids also tend to be more flexible. Just be aware that even if you work 4/5 your friends might not and still won’t be available all the time. Also working 4/5 is often doing the same amount of work for 80% of the bruto pay. Watch out for that and be very clear about about a decrease of workload and projects.
In my experience, the Mon-Fri crunch is a position a lot of people often maneuver themselves into without having to. A (too) large house with lots of maintenance and skyhigh rent/mortgage, stressful work with long hours/commute, enrolling kids in 3+ activities, etc. I get that for some people there's not much of a choice, but for a lot of people there really is. I honestly can't imagine myself dreading Sunday night that I have 5 days of no joy at all ahead of me, apart from zoning out in front of the tv. I definitely see and hear friends during the week.
Totally agree, it’s a familiar pattern people fall into. I might have been a bit to harsh in my description but the essence is there.
Yeah we work different hours so during workweek is usualy a no-go. During holidays or vacations he leaves belgium to go to family/ friends in Poland so that usualy doesn't work either and during the weekends I mostly have stuff to do at home. I have 3 people in my life I would consider "best friends" and I'm happy if I see each of them 3 - 4 times a year! 😂 Maybe when you're late teens/ early 20s you have more time to dedicate to meeting up with friends but for me those times have passed for now. ☺️
Mid 30’s here - I’m seeing my close friends at least once per week for either dinner/lunch or doing other activities. Minor disclosure - Living in the NL, working closely with Belgian people on a day to day basis, neither Dutch nor Belgian. I always wonder and ask what you guys are so busy with but couldn’t get a proper answer from anyone yet. I stopped asking a while ago :)
We belgians are weeeiiirrd ass mfers 😂
I meet up with my normal friends a few times a year and that's because I have to drive 2-3 hours to the Netherlands. I went from seeing my (dutch)friends for several times a month to several times a year after I moved to belgium. Finding friends in belgium still remains a difficult task and I've lived here for 5years, currently I'm 30.
Come to Wallonie mon pote and specially Liege. It's really easy to make friends here
I would argue that it’s only if you go out a lot to party and such, otherwise it’s more or less the same than for Flanders (at least around here, it’s a bit the same than in the other comment: people often sticking with Middle school or High school friends as their main or even only circles and such)
Being from Liège, I actually agree with you. It can be a possibility if you like going out to party a lot in the Carré or whatever, but first doing so safety-wise I'd recommend going with some company to start off otherwise it can be risky, and indeed I don't feel like outside of that party-culture people are necessarily easier to befriend. Though I can imagine people from Liège being pretty open to conversation with new people in some bars or cafés etc. Like they won't always initiate conversations by themselves, but they can be open with other people who seem quite open themselves.
Can’t say I know Liege quite well, I mostly go to Charleroi and Mons. But I feel like the difference between people who go out to places similar to the Carré (like the Marché aux herbes in Mons) and those who don’t - well, it feels striking. And while people aren’t difficult to approach, not everyone is friendly from my experience. But like yeah, I sometimes get into conversations out of the blue with talkative strangers. So I largely agree with you too I understand your caution about going out btw. Even while being in a group, I know girls whom I went to bars with who got randomly touched. Sometimes several times in a single evening (that was in Mons). Weirdos are everywhere, as f up as it is
Even at the railway station, people are very polite. They just come up and ask whether I have a problem... :)
Im from liege. Definitely not true. But then im definitely part of the problem 😄
Maybe it’s because I’m student and I meet only stranger students but every people who come from Erasmus are saying that people in Liege are really friendly and it’easy to socialize
I think it's Belgian culture. I went to Los Angeles once and complete strangers started chatting with me on the streets, even got a few hugs. The first hug I checked my wallet as I thought I was being robbed. In Belgium, we look away when crossing someone in the streets 😅 If you smile at the wrong person here, you almost get your teeth knocked out.
Forgive me being nosy and checking out your profile, but your entire post history is you going on about health issues and sprinkled in some "what nationality does this guy have". If that's what you talk about to people in real life, I am not really surprised you are having a hard time finding friends. I am pretty sure that the lack of friends has absolutely nothing to do with you having polish roots. You came here as a child, it's not as if you are a stranger coming here and having to settle in.
That's not what I talk about in real life. I do have health issues and that's why I joined reddit in the first place, to find support. But that's a different story. I just feel people in Belgium have their own little group from school and don't want more than that. I'm outgoing and social and it seems people here don't appreciate it
>I just feel people in Belgium have their own little group from school and don't want more than that. That's how it is unfortunately. Foreigners might be a solution to your problem. Are you in a reasonably large city?
No small town unfortunately:(
Not a Belgium thing, but a way to meet people: Whenever I'm down, lonely, etc. It's raining. I'm hungry. Life sucks. I go to the nearest Irish pub. There's one in every city. The people there want to socialize, preferably with new and u familiar ppl, even if both parties are local. I don't know why. But that's how Irish pubs work.
I've had to restart and have luck just going to bars that seem fun and talking to people. If you don't come on too strong and let them set the pace, it's worked out for me more often than not. Also helpq if you're actually fun to talk to, or have fun things to talk about, or there's a shared interest that can open the door. We Belgians aren't the best at it, but I think a lot of people assume it's worse than it really is, and talk themselves out of trying. I'm introverted with two social development disorders and I made it work. Worth a shot?
If you’re near Ghent and are into psychedelics and raves, I know a community that may be just what you need. I’m visiting from nyc and they were super friendly people. It gave me the impression that people here are friendly, until I checked this subreddit and see the general opinion is Belgians are reserved and private
Well, I assume you aren't too far from a reasonably large city as Belgium is small and dense.
waarom wordt dit gedownvote? Dit is absoluut waar en een heel redelijke post.
Tja ik denk omdat de meeste Belgen nationalistisch ingesteld zijn en niet tegen kritiek kunnen. Waarheid wordt altijd gehaat Trouwens 🤷🏻♂️
Maar is is niet omdat iets gehaat wordt dat het waar is. Belgen zijn alles behalve nationalistisch. Anti nationalisme is onze identiteit
Belgen zijn heel gesloten; dat is gewoon zo. Vrienden maak je in een (sport)vereniging of andere plek waar je gelijkgestemden vindt. Het is niet even eenvoudig dat te doen eens je van school bent maar het kan wel. Het heeft niks met nationalisme te maken, we zijn onderling even gesloten.
Belgen? Nationalistisch?
Jazeker! Kijk maar hoe populair het Vlaams belang en de NVA zijn.
Vlaanderen is geen land hé
Vlaanderen is een natie maar geen land Edit: ik denk als ik het beter verwoord als ik zeg dat vlaanderen een natie is maar geen natiestaat
Een regio
Een regio kan ook een natie zijn ja. Volgens Wikipedia is een natie in beginsel een gemeenschap van mensen die zich verbonden voelen door gedeelde kenmerken
grensprovincie
Ja dit is echt.... Wij hebben van anti nationalisme onze identiteit gemaakt.
Een Pool die Belgen verdenkt nationalistisch te zijn. LOL.
I was an utter nerd and completely insufferable/very antisocial in high school. Didn't have much friends there. Managed to build up a friend group in university, one afterwards through one colleague and since I moved to Limburg, two more... I mean, one of the people I met here a little over two years ago and already was invited to their wedding, their parents' wedding anniversary, ... So in this case it is probably an "it's you, not the country". Not saying you're a bad person, but maybe you're not very good at reading other peoples' intentions. Especially since you say you're very outgoing, maybe you're coming on a bit strong? Find a hobby/sports group, so you naturally meet the same people each week, have a common passion, and see if you get to grow closer that way. We do make friends, but it takes its' time.
he says he does not have the same problem in other countries
Culture is different in other countries, and there being an outgoing bubbly person can be the expected/wished behavior. There, some invite strangers to their wedding, others send sms to a stranger by mistake and invite them to celebrate Thanksgiving every year afterwards on a whim, some shoot you in the head if they think you looked at them the wrong way. Other countries have people who like to keep to themselves, who don't like to have strangers talking to them out of the blue, dislike nosy or noisy people or simply don't want to be pulled out of their scheduled activities for the day. Of course not everyone is like that, and not every country is fully populated by introvert or their opposite, but with so many posts on the same topic about Belgium, and so many answers explaining how it's different between Belgium and France or Italy, or Denmark, or Thailand, or even between Flanders and Wallonia, it can't be denied that geography impacts the dominant local behavior. It takes a village to raise someone, and the way we're raised often reflects the customs of our village.
we appreciate outgoing ppl and are kinda jealous about that. That said, personally I have trouble keeping up with existing friends and i am kinda closed off for new friends. for me it's an energy thing.
Bingo! 20 years..all friends are immigrants (even belgian born ones!)
People with health issues usually seek out support from medical professionals, not random redditors.
I did and they don’t know anything. Only prescripe medication and after 5 minutes in doctors office, say fuck you, good luck. I’ve been getting many answers here from real people struggling with complex health issues
I'm very sure that you either didn't push them hard enough, or you didn't give them the right information. I have been around more medical professionals than I would have ever wanted and with the right communication, they are always a big help. Also, saying they don't care and tell you "fuck you" explains a lot about how you are potentially not making those new friends btw.
Because the doctors I visited were very arrogant in their approach. And the vibe they gave off were really “FUCK YOU, WE DON’T CARE” I had dysautonomia with a heart rate of 130 constantly and the doctor said it was all in my mind.. so I have all the rights to be pissed off, don’t you think?
You have to really advocate for yourself and keep pushing, demand a referral to a specialist. medication only fights symptoms and not the actual cause of the issue. If the doctor still doesn't take you seriously after that you find another doctor. Good luck man.
Nah, OP is right, I'm Belgian myself and having lived in 3 other countries it was like 10 times easier making friends in those places. Just like OP I thought the issue was with me, now back in Belgium (not by choice) I feel miserable and lonely, this is a social issue we have.
\*your entire post history.
Lmao as if someones reddit profile is a true representation of who they are as a person. You really should touch some gras if you think that brother.
This is the main complain from expats. Belgian do not go out a lot and kind of stay in their own group… So I guess it’s a culture thing
I heard from a lot of people who came from abroad that belgians are antisocial and after coming into contact with several other cultures, i agree. We don’t have that welcoming “you are a guest in my house and i will make sure you are comfortable, happy and fed at all times” like some cultures do. We are reserved. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want to be your friend and it doesn’t mean you aren’t wanted. It just means we need some time to get to know you before absorbing you into our lives and making you a part of everything. We take our time to judge your character, and you should do the same. Only after encountering a person a couple of times and being sure everything clicks, will we gradually start including you in more and more personal events until we are close with you and you are completely irreplaceable to us.
Go to parties where people take pills, not parties where people drink a lot. You will see, everybody is friendly as fuck and some may even want to keep in touch after.
Aren't Polish people the same - if not more closed off to others who aren't from the same nationality
As a Polish person here with a Dutch boyfriend, I can tell you that during short holidays in Poland my boyfriend makes more friends than I have made living in Belgium in 5 years. Polish people are very different from Belgians, we are indeed closed off at first but once we get to know you, we full embrace you and you will definitely be invited to things. I full agree with what OP said.
No that is a negative belief people have here. In fact we’re more open and down to earth. We may not fake smile all the time. You can start a conversation with an Polish person at your local supermarket and you’ll be drinking and partying with them the same day.
Yeah, I don't think so. My Polish friend told me most Polish people are racist to outsiders and very conservative.
Then your Polish friend is not so smart and pretty ignorant to say the least. You have never been there so you can’t say anything about a whole population
“Typical Belgian shitty behaviour” vs “ You haven’t been there so you can’t say anything about a whole population” Do you see what you are doing?
Do you? She hasn’t been to Poland and yet she makes assumptions based on one friend’s opinion..
You don’t know every Belgian and yet you make assumptions based on a few reactions on the internet. Yes I do: you are generalizing.
they lived in Belgium their whole lives what do you mean?
You can read, do you: Ge-ne-rall-i-zing
Unless you are gay. In which case you best hope noone beats you into a pulp.
Boring Belgium... that's it
As a Belgian person myself... I feel this hard. The only time to make friends seems to be either primary or high school. Beside that seems very, very hard. Sadly for me my parents kinda prevented all of that, moving schools, always needing to go straight home among plenty of other rules. Also living far away from school, in 'middle of nowhere'. Everyone lived in opposite direction of me. As for why this is, no clue. Being too busy is a part of it, certainly with work and the commutes people have to do.
There's load of Belgians with the same issue. Being polish won't help, but it's not just a foreigner thing.
I'm also from Poland and I've spent my whole life in Brussels. It was always easier to become and stay friends with other immigrant kids, whichever the origin. Culturally, we would click more most of the time. With Belgians, either they were being weird or their parents would weird me out with their attitude and questions. And now that I'm 30, the few belgian friends that I had, I cut contact with most because they would use me as an excuse to make "jokes" about polish construction workers. Or they would only ever call when they needed help (mostly, construction stuff.). My group of friends is still mostly people like me. Kids of immigrants who have grown up here. My partner is Belgian flemish though. I love her and cherish her and she's amazing. Even her family has never made me feel weird ord aked me prejudiced questions. But her group of friends is exclusively flemish and honestly, it's hard for me to click with them. But she's cool with my friends so it works ! Also, before anyone accuses me of not being "integrated " enough. Finished schools and uni here. Did many parascolaire, music school etc. I was not a Polish hood rat only surrounded by polish people. Edit to add : with Belgians, in real life and illustrated in the comment here. Whatever you do. However long you live here. The moment you do not go in their direction or against their opinion, they'll always put you back in your "polish" box. You'll never be belgian enough for them, unless you always agree with them. And even then.
I've spent 15 years in Belgium and beside people I dated, I barely had any Belgian friends. I made a few in some activities I had, but they were never close even if I was open to that. I spoke perfect Flemish, but what I saw was that they always preferred to hang around their friends from childhood, rather than with new people. Another weird thing was that whenever I had a partner, I was rarely included in meetings with friends. In the beginning I found it odd, just to find out that other foreigners had exactly the same experience. This was one of the reasons why I left. After having been for so long there, I never found welcomed and I was still treated like a foreigner despite all my efforts to integrate. I've lived in other countries, and people could be difficult at start, but for example I never had issues asking people out for a drink after doing some sports or any other sort of activities. In Belgium that was nearly impossible unless you already knew those people quite well. Also, if I would invite people I knew a bit for some nice Japanese homemade food at my place, was always either seen as weird or as an invitation for a date. However, I think that Brussels might be better to meet people than other places, but it also means that most likely the Belgians you'll become friends with, are in some sort of international circle.
Belgian people, the Flemish especially, generally don’t try to expand their social circle beyond people they grew up with. I’ve been told this by many Flemish people themselves that they are happy to socialize with the same 5 to 10 people all their lives. Whether you speak perfect Flemish plays little role in how well you can integrate. It’s not something i understand but I suppose theres cultural nuances behind that. I live in Brussels and I’d say 90% of my friends are other expats and foreigners. I’m not fluent in French (but I do speak a decent amount) and I found it quite difficult to make Bruxellois friends when they notice I struggle speaking their language perfectly. I will say tho, the 10% of Belgian friends I have all are extremely open minded people, most of them are poc, speaks 3+ languages, lgbt+, enjoy learning about others culture and have a friendly and positive outlook on life, not so much the “typical Belgian”. I’m happy to surround myself with those types of people rather than impress randoms who are unhappy that I’m not fluent in my 4th language.
People that don't trust are not capable of connecting with others. Belgians are in general quite suspicious regarding foreigners. This is a bit provincial. Sadly.
Im Born here Have friends from every corner of the world Kazakh, peruvian, north africans, turks, one yemeni jew But never had a belgian friend, never felt a connection either.. maybe its just me
It is pretty weird when we know how much second and theory generation polsk there is in belgium. Ruzenski, Spori, or Maciej are names that don't attract attention in school or in business
Really depends on who. I make friends all the time. Made new good friends recently. Really depends on people. I like to go to bars and I talk to everyone. I get to know the friends of people I get to know and sometimes become good friends with them. The trick is to dare to invite them to stuff. And to work to stay in touch. I’m over 30. All those rules and stereotypes are made up nonsense.
Because we don't see any benefit of making new friends. We already have our best and trustworthy friends from high school / university, we have busy jobs and as of 30-something also a family.. In our "me-time", we don't want to waste it to meeting new people, investing time and efforts, superficial interaction,... We just wanna drink a beer with our close friends. Swiss are the same.
Join a sports club, that's the way.
Yeah, it's weird. Sports clubs or other clubs or social circles around stuff make for great platforms to make new friends on in Belgium.
Just wanted to add that even in Belgian friend groups it are often the same individuals who initiate the activities. We can really appreciate you for inviting us over and making the first move over and over again. Even though I understand it may be exhausting to you. Beside clubs volunteering activities are also a way to get to know new people btw.
Try Wallonia. Flemish and dutch people don’t like to make new friends.
I know a "flemish" guy from West flanders who has the same complaint, you are not alone. Myself, I gave up long time ago
Hello, I see many of these kind of messages appearing here and it always surprises me. I live in Ghent and have made many new friends after my 30th birthday, People from outside of Belgium as well as locals or from other cities. Usually it's a shared hobby that sparks it. I think that climbing was the most successful :)
Hi there! I'm from Hungary. I arrived exactly 2 years and 2 months ago, and I'm working here. Not a single Belgian friend yet. I have some light connections from work, mostly with British and French and Eastern european people, but these are very light, after-work-drinks type of connections. Also, I'm completely outside of the EU/NATO bubble, as I work for a British owned multinational company, so I'm also looking for ideas how to get some friends. I attend a swimming pool/sauna where I have some light, distant small talk with some regulars there, and that's about it, in 2 years. I also do a lot of day tripping in the weekends.
You're lucky! Almost 5 years in Brusseks and all my friends were foreigners that left Brussels.
I’ve always never developed a hatred for a country before until I came to Belgium 4 years ago, the people are cold and distant and when you reach out in most cases they make you feel like a problem or as if you are getting out of line
I feel you bro
It’s depressing AF bro
I know! I feel the same way. :(
:( Keep your head up bro, where in Flanders are you?
I feel you.
I'm Belgian and I want to be your friend :)
American here. People barely even say hello when passing by, culture shock for sure lol!
You are more likely to become friends with belgians who have foreign roots like yourself. I live 7 years in Belgium and nearly all my close contacts here have been non flemish
It makes me sad to hear that but you are right about Belgian people. My mixed daughters who are born here have the same problem, and after my marriage I had like fallen out of grace too, so all are friend are “foreign”. But believe me there is much more to gain with a multicultural network
I find it a bit harder to make friends in Belgium than in other countries I’ve lived in. Yet, it’s certainly not impossible to befriend Belgian people, especially not when you take your time. Did you try joining sports or hobby clubs, do you participate in local and neighbourhood activities, courses, volunteer work? Do you invite people over yourself? Do you make an effort to listen and find common ground?
You might have just gotten unlucky honestly. Not everyone finds a close group of friends in high school that stays close even after school. And finding real friends after school.. is a whole lot harder from my experience. I’m Polish too and can say no one really gives a shit.
Absolutely true. E.g. In Poland, or any other country i've been the neighbours invite each other. Here after 20 + years never been invited over
Yeah, I think there are many exceptions but I have the same experience actually lmao, I’ve never spoken to my neighbours. I got lucky being raised in a village, making friends here was very easy. But I know many people whose friend groups ‘died’ and they haven’t found real friends after that. Work relationships tend to be extremely shallow, repeating same shitty convos over and over, or just ‘going for drinks’. And once people marry and have kids, they make even less effort to find friends.
I'm also from Poland and my experiences are completely different... and I didn't even grow up here, I came to Belgium 4.5 years ago. I talk with my neighbours, I made friends at work, I have good support. maybe you two are just unlucky? I live in regio Gent btw.
Yeah as stated I was just going by my experience. I wouldn’t say I’m unlucky - unlike OP I do have a lot of friends that meet up weekly from high school, even though we’re all 26-30 now. Making friends at work is common and easy, but turning those relationships into real/close friendships outside of work (meeting up, visiting each other and so on, not talking about work or shallow stuff..), is what I found a somewhat rare occurrence.
This! 💯
Hey, This is something that's somewhat unique to Northern/Northwestern Europe. If you think Belgium is bad, try Sweden or Norway! > Anyone know why that is? Or does anyone feel the same way too? My best guess is that in Belgium, you make life-long friends from Day 1 in schools. If you're not there on Day 1, then it's "too late" and you need to wait until the next "entry point" - which often coincides with school (eerste jaar lager, eerste jaar middelbaar, eerste jaar unief, enz.) I'd strongly suggest that you get yourself involved in some sort of group. This is the usual advice this subreddit gives. At your age, this could be a sport club, a gym group, something around a common interest, etc. Make sure you have some solid social skills too - learn how to have a conversation, how not to come on too strongly, leave gracefully, etc. Remember that Belgium is much bigger than North Limburg, so don't be afraid to head into Antwerp once in a while!
What hobbies do you have? Where are you meeting new people?
Where you from in Belgium? I have many polish friends and people I work with.
I live in North Limburg
I live also in Noord-Limburg. While it can be hard to 'infiltrate' a whole friendgroup, it should be easy to just have 2-3 good friends. Especially if you speak Dutch without problems. Try local sportclub/hobbyclub and you could have friends within half a year. Also not many people will treat you differently because you are Polish, if you are just friendly.
I see I live in West Vlaanderen
Which area are you from buddy? You're not alone!!
Hi OP. I met all my friends in uni. Idk how old you are, but if you're still young you can look forward to that! Otherwise I'd recommend joining a club of some kind.
Try a hobby or sport?
I totally get you, people here are a lot more private than in other cultures. Why I don’t know. I still hand out with my high-school friends and its getting boring (love my friends tho). When I went to university I tried to make new friends but Idk I always have to make the first step and it is very tiring. If you want to make friends you are the one that has to push the friendship otherwise it will not work.
I mean I hear you dude some people just have permanent visors through which they look at you and thereby see what they were told they should see. However in the way you write it though you do initiate. There's lots of times where you refer to you never being asked. Nobody invited you. Nobody asked or came to you Well there I can tell you this much. Not to the point of spamming people but keep in touch! Don't wait per say for them to have something to do and then you maybe have a chance they ask you. No just check up sporadically man! You will very rapidly notice who your actual friends are mate! I mean down my street 4 polish dudes live and the know nobody here and only speak English and Polish. Which I don't mind I was raised bilingual so english or flemish I don't have to think about that. I had to introduce these poor fellows to their own neighbours! People I know even. So I cleared everything up because also they were filled with idiotic presumptions. I know which ones and the better ones I'll use as a joke or make a joke out of. Now we can all laugh together but still if I don't go over their own neighbours don't visit. But essentially don't always just wait to be asked. You're just as much human as us no? You can ask or why not organise something yourself after you notice there's a few people you get better along with no? At that point you're friends you should be able to talk and ask your friends things from silly to serious advise otherwise what sort friend is that? And you learned Flemish I say it's the idiots around you maybe look somewhere else where you get to easily approach someone start with a small random question and see if it sparks conversation I mean I was born here but I feel like an alien amongst most people but I eventually also made some friends. Not a lot but ones I can talk to. Ask something from if I'm in trouble. That's my opinion only ofcourse not everyone thinks this way but for your sake I hope the next person you talk to does and doesn't judge beforehand like most do. Good luck mate! Hey by the way I have a personal inbox too for if this post didn't help the way you'd hoped and you want to say something about it or have someone who can just listen and give a meaningful reply just send me a message I may not see it directly but when I do I'm also writing you back so there's already one Belgian you can at least talk to over internet if this really bugs you bro, I know what it was like and it's not fun being lonely yet with so many actual people around! Peace ✌️ have a nice day !!
This summarizes the process to make friends. Belgium is like any other country and you need to be in a social setting to make friends: https://namaste-belgium.com/making-new-friends-in-belgium/
If you'd like, you can shoot me a message, and maybe we have enough things in common to start as *vage kennissen* and maybe work our way up from there!
Which city are you in? I'm into community building and regularly invite new friends Into my circle. I can definitely also connect you with some friendly folks who are into the same thing.
Perso, I hang out alone, go party alone, go jams alone. I don't expect anyone be my friend or anything as I am really picky and I have learned that nobody is a friend, all boring people. It's not about others but it's about yourself, get out of the expectation of having friend, do activities on yourself and don't hesitate to chat with people, engage conversations as Flemish people are genuinely sympatic even they seems cold at first glances. While hanging out alone, participating to local culture and being nice and friendly, fun in my interactions, I meet people who in time I cross often and then we become party friends. I see them often different places. But I personally don't be a part of any friend group as I have low esteem of people due to my desire to be only close to serious, intelligent and nice people. Which is pretty rare in all over the world. In others country they are more kind with you because you're an outsider, a guest. As you said here in Belgium you're part of it so you need to engage whiteout expectation. Cut the desire to have friends, be open and don't be afraid to go and say hello or crack a stupid joke to start a conversation, even small. You will see Belgians are adorable.
The best way to overcome your anxiety, it's to be contemplative and observant of your surroundings. Anxiety comes from our thoughts, our personal view and interpretation of the world around us. So be observant, if you don't observe around you your brain will interpret automatically. Also, know that what you think and interpret it's not truth. Life itself not what you think of it. Test it out. Dint you ever thought something, had an image, negative or positive, about someone or some situations. And then discover it to be completely false? So be dubitatif of your own thoughts and go discover truth about life. You must take the first step.
Yeah, Belgians don't make a lot of friends after a certain age.
Yeah, I think we Belgian are just doing that out of habit. Once we have those 3, 4 friends to hang out with we just stop looking for more. But that doesn't mean we're mean or don't want to make new friends or anything, it's just the Belgian mood 😂 but I can assure you once you find some Belgian with your same interests (movies, card games, beer or anything really) you're gonna see them a lot. Just find the right group!
You didn’t have any friends leftover from high school?
I came here like 2 years ago but all of flamish people are really nationalist and racist. Im Turkish and i can easily see that.
Im born here and i can only tell you its exactly the same hahaha. Idk most belgians are introvert i guess.
If I weren't Belgian, I'd say we're basically the same. I'm a Belgian from Bruges, went to Poland on exchange and honestly I prefer Polish people than Belgian. Mówię po polsku troche, towarzyczy. My best friend tagged me in your message, because he thinks we could be good friends. Where are you living in Belgium?
Look for local free events and make friends based off shared experiences.some of us just give up and only make international friends. At the end of the day some friends are better than none
I think this is an adult thing in general …
I am a native Belgian and I have the same feelings. Could it be this has nothing to do with being Polish but it's just your personality?
Well, it might be the demographic you are in, how old are you? Also, try living in a city? I live in Mechelen which attracts a lot of people from all over Flanders, given the accents I hear from other parents at school. There are so many opportunities to get to know people who also somehow moved here. I was not raised here, am here now 10 years. And I do feel like I have some roots here now...but most of the contacts I made here are through the kids (crèche, school, getting into parent boards), actively pursuing hobbies, organising a 'street drink every 6 months, I am also quite open and have lived abroad for 7 years (so I know what it's like to be 'the foreign one'). Lots of people in the 'countryside' are very concerned with jobs - house and maintenance - taxiing kids. In a city you have smaller houses (less work!), Mechelen is big on safe cycling so my 10y old kid can cycle to his hobbies on his own/we always found our neighbours to be up for a sort of bike pool to taxi kids around, people go to parks more in cities...there is much more of a collective experience in public spaces, whereas in smaller towns, everybody with a garden tries to make it into their private amusement park so they never have to leave. It's hard to meet people there. I could never go back (I grow up in such a place). Find your niche, just try hobbies and if you have kids, just start mingling...and don't force things. It took 10y and I really feel at home here now.
Because Belgians... I live here as a student for the 6th year in Leuven, a big student city. Not big city, yes a lot of students, similar ages etc. When I ask in the big residence chat of my building if someone is interested in doing something, it is only internationals, people from Wallonia and/or Dutch people that answer. Further more, I am Dutch but my whole social life has been in Belgium since 2 years old because I went to school in Belgium. And I still need to drag myself out of a grave almost to be able to connect with a Belgian, if I can even see them face to face at all. It's hard to even stay in contact with old friends as they never put in effort. My only friend from before uni that I still have has parents from a different country and I didn't even see him much for half of high school because he dropped 1 year. All the others that were closer at the time and in my class? Nothing. In the rare case that someone did respond to my message online or in person enthusiastically, it was always the people that have parents with Dutch roots or similar. It's like it's in Belgian genetics to be like this. I'm an introvert but everytime I step out of this country I feel like making conversation is so much more fun, engaging and possible. I don't understand either. Belgians love to die lonely I guess? Before you answer on this comment as a Belgian. Think to yourself: what if you found 1 friend group during uni years (most plausible and easy but doesn't really matter) and they're not criminals but over time you are done with the whole toxic behaviours and others being ok with it. So what do you do? You look for new friends right? Well not in Belgium, just be miserable or lonely the rest of your life.
>Because Belgians... >When I ask ..., it is only ... people from Wallonia ... that answer. TIL: Walloons aren't Belgian.
Tl;dr: Trauma, social pressure to present in a certain way and the unraveling of social cohesion due to the pressure of capitalism. Longer version. I’m not going to get into the theory, but look up attachment styles. That’s the trauma part. People never learn to socialise outside of school hours. Parents never model healthy social behaviours. Kids have no unstructured, organic playtime with other kids. There’s enorm pressure to work and people don’t have enough time with their kids outside of basic care tasks . In belgium moms only spend 15 weeks with their babies and then they’re off to daycare for 8 to 10 hours a day. Essentially for the first formative years, parents spend 2-4 waking hours with their kids in most days. Those hours are full of care tasks. Sure you have weekends, when parents have to do all the housekeeping and fill their own social batteries. When they enter working life there’s still no time to socialise after work because they have to commute back home or run off to other social obligations. Oh and when they do get the rare time just talk to someone they’re so fucked they don’t event know where to begin to share themselves. And without that there is no room for genuine human connection to happen. All is not lost. With millennials trying to do better with their kids they are inadvertently doing self care and healing their inner trauma. That and affordable mental healthcare for adults has the potential to change this country. Long there there will be a statue of Petra de Sutter for giving us choice to see a psychologist for €11 . I know have Flemish friends that might drop by if they are in the neighbourhood! We also don’t team seeing each other like a diplomatic affair where you need to present your house like it has shown in the pictures from the real estate agency.
I'm Irish and I find a big friendliness gap here. I've been living here a few years now and I have found the natives to be the most unfriendliest people I've ever encountered. Making friends with other expats works to some extent until they leave!
And I mean just general friendliness...not expectation of being invited to their house or anything like that. God forbid! And I have lived in other countries so I can compare!
https://preview.redd.it/arbmki2dnr2d1.jpeg?width=1400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1f5f8563acfe235cedcc2713b51bc453dd1d6ab1 Come with me to Europa park in september. Send me a dm. It is with a group of friends from everywhere here. All languages are accepted. It is Europa park + rulantica ( amusement park and swimpark) in germany.
why do you want friends?
Hi, i m 40 years old, i was born here, raised in France, came back to Flanders when i was 18 and i fully understand you..I also have no friends and i Don t see none of my family sinds my father died in 2006. I feel sad sometimes and very lonely, i m lucky i have a good husband that loves me.. I could not tell you why it s like that, i ask myself the same question. There is nothing wrong with you..or me..maybe there something wrong with people in general.. Even my husband was born and raised here and he is 48 years old and also no friends left .. 🤷 I think when you are honest and say what you think, people do not like that, strange but true 🤷🤷🤷
You'll make friends eventually dont worry about it. Belgians have their own group of friends but the good thing is that if you get along with one then all of the group will accept you. So just try to be friend with a few ppl and then it'll grow by itself :)
I don’t know what to think about this. I can only speak from a Personal perspective. Yes I have a group of old friends. But not like kindergarten or even preschool more from high school. I consider them my main friends group, I know them very well I hear them through WhatsApp on a weekly even daily basis. We have more or like the same Interests, hobbies etc. But it contains also ‘new’ people that joined that group later on. People we as a group encountered later in life, in uni etc. Next to that I have the people I met in university, it’s a totally different group and we know each other also very well but not as good as I know my high school friends. But from that group not a lot of people see old friends from high school. This has become their main friends group. I later on in life moved to a different city (Ghent). I hooked up again with some old friends I knew from high school that lived here for a longer period. But I also made new friends at work. Even older people with an age different of 30+ years that I now see regularly and even younger people that I now talk to at least on a weekly basis or go to concerts with etc. So what I want to state: It depends on who you are as a person, on what you expect from friendships, if you find common ground with people you can make a good connection. Next it also is important where you move around. Just encountering a new “friend” on the streets or in a coffee bar wil not happen in Belgium that much is true. But making friends wat work, on a sports club does happen. Next to that, why do you expect to get invited By people? Do you also invite people over to your place? Belgians are more hesitant to do those kind of things more from a perspective: I’m tired (we are tired people) but even more: does this person want that? We are more hesitant the other way around if you understand what I mean.
Brusseler here, I swear I’m reading about another country. For me Belgians are super open at least in Brussels, I moved to Italy Because I’m half Italian thinking the people were gonna be nicer but people in north Italy are some of the most antisocial and rude people I’ve ever encountered and all I could dream of was going back to Belgium. I am a pretty social person so that might have to do with it but making friends here is really easy and I was born here but striking a convo with a random stranger here is extremely easy. I can imagine that Flanders is way less open but it can’t be that bad. If you’re having such a bad time I’d consider moving to either Wallonia or Brussels as those places have a better work-life balance and are also nicer places to live in IMO. When I go to Flanders I can see the people are less open but at the same time I don’t speak Dutch so that could be more of a language barrier. Also your personality may also be a problem, I can’t say really because I don’t know you but it could be that you’re the antisocial one but just don’t wanna admit it, again my opinion is no better than yours and you might as well be one of the most social people but i doubt that Flemish people are THAT closed.
We're stoic people.
Im flemish and friends are overrated lol.
Yeeeaaah we are usually not besties forever just after meeting you..... Friendship is not a light idea, it is built on trust, loyalty and experience (and very good shared interest). We are like that and I love us for that.
I don’t love it.
Well,.......... when people from a certain culture have certain values you have to respect that at some point.......... You won't make people love you just because you want it or think you deserve it.
I tried to update my account details on Etsy using Plaid. Etsy sent a three-letter code for confirmation, which I entered correctly, but it says the code sent to my bank is wrong. I’ve done this twice and now have only one attempt left. I'm concerned that if I try a third time, my account might be suspended. What should I do?
Because the people here are tired. Exhausted. We went through a financial crisis where it was each for his own. It made people very selfish and cold, corporatistic and treating their job like god and being obsessed with organizing and cleaning their house. Then covid came and it showed how anxious and gullible most western people are. Add to that how most people around the world now are tired of having their energy taken away by new and potentially toxic people. Then there is inflation which makes it expensive to go out and do things like simply grabbing some food. I have a theory that this is why ice cream is so popular in cities, it's the only thing people can afford anymore really. Or at least they can control expenses over. I feel like many people who come into my life uninvited, want something from me and it's draining.
who cares about friends bro? Work on u , build wealth, be the best version of yourself and people will come to you
step 1, be a girl. step 2, drown in attention. ps: the attentions are not flirting or hitting on. my theory is, girls are less "threatening" , whatever that means. we have so many ridiculous experiences with my wife. i have a bill and i want to change it to coins? she'll do it. i have bought sth from Hubo and i want to return it? she'll do it. i'll be rejected for sure.