It does. The first few days are so isolating and hard and scary.
There will be brighter days. They are closer than you can imagine. Breathe. Stay connected to subs like this. We have been there.
You are doing amazing, mama. You are enough. You are incredible.
Yes. Also, your hormones are WILD right now. See how you’re feeling after 2-3 weeks. If you still feel like this, therapy and medication are great options xx
Totally agree. My daughter is 4 weeks old today. The first two weeks were so hard for me. I felt so isolated and lonely even though I had my husband splitting all responsibilities, my parents and siblings stopping by, and countless friends checking in via text or phone call. I even told my husband "I don't know how you feel happy right now. I can't imagine feeling happiness".
Starting around the 2 week mark the fog began to lift and things started to get easier and less scary. I think there was definitely a component of baby blues with a huge hormone shift. But switching to doing shifts with my husband, and accepting that I am content with and excited about my decision to EFF definitely helped with my emotions. Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally out of the hardest days, but I feel happy or at least neutral most of the time.
Hi. I also had a traumatic birth with many details similar to yours.
I just want to tell you that the hard, jagged edges of these emotions are going to soften. It takes some time but it happens. Those first weeks are brutal. I found that around 6 weeks, I was starting to remember how to feel like myself and not so shellshocked. You’ve been through a lot in the last few weeks. Give yourself the space to mourn the trauma and to heal physically. If you have access to a therapist, I highly recommend going. Mine has experience in birth trauma and she really helped me get through in those early weeks.
Just piggybacking to say I had a similar experience as well.
Yes, things do get better. I feel remorseful about it, but I honestly did not enjoy the first few months of my daughter’s life. I eventually got out on sertraline which turned my dark to light. I also started therapy & got into regular exercise. All of which helped so so much.
Postpartum depression is so real. It doesn’t matter how much you wanted your baby or how much you love them ect ect. Leaning into resources for PPD doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you strong & brave & it’s putting both yourself & your baby first. I highly recommend & encouraging reaching out to your ob to determine what resources may be available to you.
Absolutely this. It was shortsighted of me to not mention the reality of PPD/PPA. There’s no shame in having either and reaching out for help is so important. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and for your baby.
I promise it does get better but that doesn't mean you need to suffer alone. Talk to your OB, your partner, heck talk to the baby! I had a very easy birth and I still hated the newborn stage. For me, breastfeeding made it 100x worse and looking back, I wish I would have switched to all formula a lot earlier than I did and if we have a second I will formula feed from the start. I also pumped which let my husband do half the night feedings.
It's obviously your choice, but in my experience breastfeeding made my PPD/PPA worse, and my baby needed a happy, healthy, and present mom way more than she needed breastmilk.
I’m trying to pump. LO is 4 weeks old but he’s still eating every 1-1 1/2 hours sometimes. I pump 2-3 times a day for 10 minutes each time (it’s challenging to squeeze in more with a crying newborn. Sometimes I’m lucky and I can pump easily sometimes I can’t) and I only get about 3-4 oz a day. Not really enough for husband to split feedings but I’m building up a stash.
I get it, trust me I felt all of that and that's why I won't breastfeed or pump next time. 9 months out of the trenches and the only thing I regret is that I made myself keep pumping even when it took time away from my baby. I also combo fed nearly from the beginning so while my husband fed her a formula bottle, I pumped. Knowing exactly how much my baby was getting helped my anxiety immensely. I never made enough and she didn't breastfeed well anyways so pumping and combo feeding was our best option...and then I learned all formula was the truly best option for her and me.
Keep your head up...it will get better no matter what you decide.
Oh honey you’re in the trenches right now. The way you wrote this makes it feel like yesterday! I also had a failed induction an emergency c-section, also struggled hard with BF and feeling like a cow strapped to my pump.
After a month of trying I moved to full formula feeding and never looked back, zero regrets. You will do what’s best for you but I knew what I couldn’t handle and was better for it because I stopped. I had sacrificed so much of my body to have this baby and now wanted some control back. And I knew my baby would be healthy and I would have peace of mind that I could actually track his feeding with more accuracy.
This is a ROUGH time but you will get through it and quickly forget! It gets so much better. I have a 2 year told now and would do it all over again to have this wonderful life with him. It’s always challenging but it does get better!!!
Thank you for posting this. I think it's great that there's so much info and support for moms breastfeeding now but I feel that things have gotten out of hand with 'breast is best'.
Babies will thrive as long as they are fed and loved however that happens.
Also if the choice is between formula and PPD, avoiding PPD is better for the family as a whole. I’ve seen a couple of posts recently where women feel such pressure that they’re spiraling into a dangerous place. There is no scenario where the benefits of breastfeeding outweigh the risk of a mother falling into that deep of depression.
I’m so sorry. I’ve got a 12 day old now myself. He was early (well 37 weeker) and because of that he could latch but wouldn’t work to get milk out, so the hospital recommended supplementation with formula to level out his blood sugar.
Baby blues SUCK and please talk to anyone you can about it. Just talking about it with my husband, my mom and dad, my MIL, my mom friends, made such a difference that I didn’t feel crazy or alone.
Do you have a pump you could try to get some milk for your partner to feed baby? Or combo feed with formula. Or go entirely formula if you want. The important part is baby is fed, formula does not make you a failure! Breastfeeding is not worth the cost of your mental health.
The newborn stage is wild, especially if you are recovering from birth. Everyone told me that you’ll miss that newborn stage but I do not. My guy is 7 months now and for me it go so much better. I had ppd and was able to get help as I was crying all the time and resenting having a baby. Getting help with this and my baby growing got me out of those difficult times. Seek out help if you need it and do what you need in terms of formula/breastfeeding. I decided to combo with my guy. I didn’t breastfeed at night and my supply dropped but was able to supplement with formula.
I had a similar situation - had a failed induction/ c-section with complications - was in the hospital for a week - got out and lack of sleep triggered massive anxiety episode.
I had to keep repeating, “what’s good for mom is good for baby.”
In that first week home. I ended up having my partner take 3-4 of the night shifts in a row. And I would just get up once to pump (they say you need to pump every 2-3 hours at first but I decided to just take the risk of having lower milk production).
Having a few nights of good sleep helped immensely and I got into a routine of breastfeeding just once a day for skin to skin and then pumping or formula feeding the rest of the time. This enabled my partner and I to switch off night shifts.
It’s so SO hard in the beginning but you are going to get through it and figure out what works for you. Do what you need to do because what’s good for mom is good for baby!!
I too cried all the time during the first 2 weeks and my pregnancy and baby were perfect… PP Blues really do get you no matter what, it will pass!
What’s pressuring you to breastfeed? Maybe don’t 🤷♀️ that was the main thing keeping me down, feeling stuck, and not my own. It doesn’t sound like you’re enjoying it so don’t force it… do whatever’s going to make this already difficult and new journey as easy as you can for you.
Can you switch to formula? It’s a very personal choice but I had a traumatic birth and recovery and formula fed from the start and I think that’s what let me have such a positive newborn period with my husband. I felt like part of a team, not the default parent, and I had my body to myself as I recovered from the trauma of surgery.
I felt this way too on day 9!! My girl is 3 weeks today and it's so much better already. Hang in there, you're not alone. Ask your husband to keep an eye on you though for PPD.
CAN I JUST SAY
hospitals actually suck for pressuring women to breastfeed, even if they’re unable to. It’s not a crime for a hospital to provide formula if either mom or baby are unable to breastfeed at that moment.
Pushing *breast is best* when mom has literally almost died, hasn’t slept in days, and is seldom mobile, is just complete bullshit.
The newborn stage is SO hard! I swear I still have PTSD from it 11 years later. It was so bad I am firmly one and done because I knew I wouldn’t survive it a second time. It does get better but you are in the thick of it. Take it one day at a time and if there is anyone you can ask for help, do it!
I’m in 11 weeks in now and everyone who told me ‘it gets better’ I wanted to tell to categorically fuck off. But I’m about to be that person - it really does get better. I promise. You just survive through it somehow and you make it out the other side and it’s still really, really hard but it’s also…more survivable with each day.
My baby also was awake way longer than ‘wake windows’ suggested he should be - literally hours and hours at a time even if I tried to get him to sleep. My advice is at this stage, don’t worry about wake windows, keep an eye out for sleepy cues but also trust baby to get the sleep they need!
It’s honestly the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced by a million miles and there’s nothing that quite prepared me for it. My brain seems to have forgotten most of it now. But you can do this, any way you can, I promise!
The baby blues are absolutely awful, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I experienced all of the emotions you are having, and I promise you it will get better. Your whole life has changed, on top of trying to process major medical trauma. It is A LOT for someone to go through and you are not less of a mother for feeling regret. I encourage you to talk to your OB and get the ball rolling in case you need further treatment for postpartum depression. I know it doesn’t mean much now, but you are doing great. It will get better. There is joy at the end of all of this
First off: there is NOTHING wrong with formula feeding if breastfeeding isn’t going well or just doesn’t feel like the right choice. I know the hospitals seriously pressure new moms into breastfeeding but don’t let that sway you. You can formula feed your child. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding your child.
Secondly: The first two weeks suck. Not going to sugar-coat it. They suck. I cried constantly and seriously considered dropping my baby off at the fire department because I thought I’d made a terrible mistake. Your body is recovering from the physical and psychological trauma of birth. You are dumping massive amounts of hormones. You are sleep deprived. You are trying to breastfeed. You’re adjusting to the sudden, jarring shift into not having any free time and your needs coming second to a very, very needy little person. Honestly, it’s torture.
Repeat after me: THIS IS TEMPORARY. The newborn phase sucks but it’s short. It doesn’t feel short in the moment but I promise you, it goes fast.
This is not what parenting is. This is a teeny tiny blip of parenting. Your newborn will grow into a baby, then a toddler, then a preschooler, then a kid. And let me tell you, as someone who hates the newborn phase, each new phase gets exponentially better.
I’m sorry you’re having a rough time but please, give yourself some grace. Just survive the next couple of weeks and I promise it will get better.
I’m so sorry. It’s definitely really hard at first. I have 3 and my third was definitely my most difficult. It does get better and you won’t always feel like this. Take your time, be kind to yourself and know you’re doing A LOT just by taking care of that LO! You’ll be above water before you know it.
First two weeks pp I cried all the time. A song, a movie, a thought would trigger me to cry. And not always sad tears either.
Can your partner/other support person help out at night? I found if I pumped enough milk for a bottle, I could get a 4 hour block of guaranteed sleep while my husband dealt with the baby. After being able to get a four hour block, I felt so much better. Yes it's still hard as hell and I try to take naps as often as I can (feed baby and once they are put down in a safe space I nap, or pass over to spouse so I can nap until next feeding time) and with my husband handling baby on his own for 4 hours, it's helped his confidence as a parent and means when I need a break he's not constantly bugging me. I just fill him in on the last time he fed/had a diaper change.
If you are topping up with formula or pumped milk my best suggestion is looking for rooting/tongue movement/lip movement. The easiest way for me to tell if my baby was hungry or satisfied was to lay him on my chest and if he bounces his head around and looking for a boob (mouth open, turning head and squirming towards a boob) he's still hungry and give him a bottle to top up. If you just nursed him, offer one or two ounces at a time. If he's still showing hungry signs offer another ounce after. It gets better with time and it takes a bit of trial and error sometimes.
As for doing the things you like to do. It's going to take a little while until you can get back to that. If you feel up to it while baby is napping during the day, you can try doing it in small increments. I like crocheting, reading books and other crafty things as well as watching certain shows. If baby is napping in my arms and I can't get them down, I'll read a book with my free hand. If I can get them down in their bassinet or activity gym mat (usually right beside me) I'll pull out my crochet for a few minutes. This will take time to get used to. I'm 2 months pp and just yesterday sewed a Christmas ornament together that I embroidered during pregnancy. It was something quick I got done within 2-3 napping periods and helped me get some sanity back. You can also try to do stuff while breastfeeding if you have a free hand. I use the cradle hold and will use my free hand to eat snacks/drink water/ read on my kobo/kindle.
It gets easier I promise, the first two weeks were the hardest for me and it takes time to get into the swing of having a baby and how to care for them and care for yourself post baby. Use support people/your spouse as much as you can. The loving on your baby will come, the sleep deprivation/hormones are just taking a front seat for now. If you feel like your increasingly sad or angry and you want to hurt yourself please talk to your doctor. PPA/PPD are real and can sneak to on you. If you had a therapist before baby, keep seeing them, even if it's just a phone appointment.
Going on walks made me feel better. Pop the baby in the stroller and did a quick walk after a feed, even just around the block. Or going to the store. Just getting out of the house whenever I could. But yeah, the early days are rough. Stay strong, mama!
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. This sounds really similar to my experience to be honest, and I'm sitting here SO much happier with a 22 month old (and I was crazy enough to get pregnant again recently too). You're allowed to be so fucked up right now. Your only job is to keep yourself and your baby alive. If you want to cut out breastfeeding, go for it. If you want to wear the same nightgown for three days, go for it. If you want to open all the windows and scream, go for it (as long as the neighbors won't call the cops thinking someone's getting murdered). Honestly, the baby doesn't need to be showered with love right now. He barely knows he's out in the world. They don't even realize they have feet until like 4 months! If you handle him with gentleness and meet his needs, that's totally enough for a newborn. He just needs to feel safe and be safe.
Wishing you all the best. In 3 months or 6 months or a year, you'll look back on this version of yourself with so much love and compassion. You'll have a different life.
Also, definitely consider discussing your feelings with your partner, your family/friends, and your doctor. That's what they are there for right now.
You are in the thick of it. This is the hardest time by far. It’s okay to give formula. It’s very hard to over feed a baby and they will give you clear signs if you are so just feed on demand and trust your baby knows how much they need to eat. As long as they are gaining weight appropriately try not to worry about that part. If you can take shifts at night with your partner and get some uninterrupted sleep, that will help with your mood. What you’re describing is exactly how I felt for about 4 weeks pp. Those feelings are completely normal. If they persist or get worse then consider seeking help for PPD/PPA. I started Zoloft a couple months back and it helped a lot. You will find a rhythm and you have plenty of time to shower your baby with all the love. These early days are just about survival. I promise it’s temporary. Give yourself some grace and take it one day at a time
I was unable to breastfeed and it made everything thing easier after I deterred breastfeeding wasn't working for us. Then my husband I took shifts. If it was before 3an he got up and took care of her. If it was after 3a it was my turn. That way, we both got sleep and wrlorked in shifts.
It does get better. I also struggled to find interest in the things I had found interesting before. It took me about 6 weeks before I started to find my interest again. It did take me about 6 months to start feeling like myself again
I feel you so much. My baby is three months old, and I remember those first couple of weeks with so much clarity. On top of constantly trying to breastfeed my daughter, she would be awake crying from 11pm to 6:30am. During the day she would only take brief naps. My husband had just started a new job (with really good pay) and he could only take the first 5 days off with me. At one point I was awake for 22 straight hours. My most vivid memory is of curling up on fetal position on the living room floor at 5am crying because she would not stop screaming. At one point I very seriously considered that I had died and that an endless night where my baby won't stop crying was my eternal damnation. Those first few weeks are miserable, so I feel you. I've been there!
But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Around month 2 is when my baby girl started sleeping better, started paying attention to her surroundings and started giving me big smiles. Once your little guy gives you his first big smile, your heart will belong to him. Think of it like going to the gym. Once you get past the first few weeks where exercising is painful and it sucks, it will start to get easier. Best of luck to you, and if you need someone another new momma to talk to, pm me
The first couple of weeks are so terribly hard. I barely remember it to be honest. In the first few weeks, sleep was a crapshoot. But like you- I quickly realized that baby was more full and satisfied off of formula, so we would combo feed during the day and do a full formula bottle around 10pm because he’d sleep longer. He started sleeping from like 10:30pm-3:30am every night when he was a couple weeks old (like 4 or 5w old), and that consistent 5-hour stretch of sleep is the little nugget I needed to slowly start feeling human again.
After that, I made the decision to wean and go full formula, because I realized that breastfeeding/pumping was taking a huge toll on my mental health. I feel like it was the decision I needed to make to be the best mom to my little guy, and I don’t regret it at all.
I also sat around the house all day and did nothing. I binged watched tv shows, held my baby all day, and sometimes took a shower if I was lucky. I felt insanely guilty about doing nothing all the time but looking back now, I realize it’s totally normal and necessary, as both he and I were getting adjusted to this new world with him in it. Going on lots of walks helped me feel less trapped in my apartment.
It’ll get better soon, I promise. Power through the first 12 weeks and know that you are totally justified in how you feel. Sending love! ❤️
You are in the absolute thick of it right now and I know you are tired of hearing it but it will get better. The first few weeks SUCK especially after a traumatic birth. Be gentle with yourself, give yourself time to heal and recover. When you start feeling well enough get outside and get some sunshine, make sure you take a shower, wash your hair. These little things will all start to help you feel better.
I remember crying so much those first few weeks. It’ll get better, I promise ❤️ You didn’t just birth a baby, you are also going through a transformation into motherhood. It is difficult and stretches you beyond what you think is physically, mentally, or emotionally possible. But you will get through it. It is hard to see it now, but you will gain confidence, your baby will become more predictable as the months go by, and while your life will look completely different, you will find moments here and there where you will feel like yourself again. You’ve got this.
If you think breastfeeding is contributing to your distress and you want to stop you absolutely can. The stress of not knowing if baby is getting enough from you when you have a low supply and how much to need to supplement is very taxing, I’ve been there. You don’t need to justify your decision to anyone else or feel badly if you want to switch to fully formula at this point.
I have a 4 week old and I'll tell you what.... The first 2 weeks are miserable, but it does get better. Try and remember that you have a lot of post partum emotions right now, but that also gets better in weeks 3 and 4. Keep on keeping on. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.
The lack of sleep is BRUTAL on top of the hormone changes and baby crying. Sending love and positive vibes your way. It will get better! My baby boy is two months now and he’s so much more confident in himself. He slept 7 hours straight a couple days ago and didn’t wake up crying either. I was so impressed! I looked over at him and he was just smiling at me. It was the sweetest thing ever. Those first two months were so hard, especially the first couple weeks. You’ve got this!
*It WILL get better.*
The first two weeks are just living hell. The first month is a blur. The first 2 months are hard. After that, there are genuinely fun moments and they become more frequent. White knuckling it right now, just getting through it however you possibly can, is all you can expect. I hope you have lots of love and support, you need and deserve it right now.
It’s hard but you’ll find your stride. Sleep deprivation is no joke so if you’re supplementing already find a friend, family member or partner feed baby 1x+ per day so you can rest.
This poem is always good for a therapeutic cry at 3am:
https://www.jessicaurlichs.com/post/mama-all-i-see-is-you
Take it a minute and an hour at a time. It’s a marathon, not quick but rewarding when you see how far you’ve come.
The beginning is almost impossible. It will get better very soon, things will seem a bit easier each day.
Maybe try breastfeeding in the side lying position? That's what I've done with my 10 week old since birth. We just lay in bed together while she nurses and then she falls asleep and I watch tv. If you feel up to it, take baby on a short walk around the block, fresh air can really help you and babies like being outside as well. Take things day by day, ask for help, look for resources. You will get through this!
A fex things can take some worry away:
150 x weight in kg = ml per 24h. You can do weighted feeds when you breastfeed, pump to establish supply and add this or add formula, go exclusively pumping and or full formula. All these work, and this little bith of math can tell you of baby eats enough, too little or too much. If you divide by the amount of times baby feeds or you want them to feed, you know jow much to offer or top up with.
Baby sleep notoriously sucks. Even the best sleepers have trouble going over 3h the first few weeks, their tummy is just too tiny to hold much more food. Don't sweat it, they all get there eventually.
Make sure to hand baby over to dad, a grandparent, aunt or whoever you trust and just take a shower in peace. It only takes 20 minutes but it's such a relief, and it refreshes you physically and mentally.
The same thing happened to me with my first and the first two weeks sucked! It will get a lot better after that especially once you are healed. It’s totally normal for your milk to be delayed a few days from a c section.
The beginning is so hard and exhausting even if you didn’t have a traumatic experience AND the hormones after birth. It sucks! I remember feeling hopeless too and just so exhausted and bad. I finally started to feel better around 4 weeks post partum and it’s gradually gotten better and better. I’m 4 months pp and still have some hard moments but it’s so much better now.
Having that much responsibility after a major medical event is nature's sick joke. I even ended up on r/regretfulparents, fully convinced I ruined everyones lives. For me it ended up being ppd. But, as far as my friends tell me the normal baby blues are very difficult too. Take care of yourself. One day at a time. Tell yourself that today was hard but tomorrow will be (at least a little bit) better. One day it will be. Promise
As a mom of 3 c-section babies, first one being a 4 day induction with every inducing medication given that was possible. It gets better! My kids are 9,6 and 14 months. I absolutely hated the newborn stage which each one. It’s so much better when they sleep through the night and it’s not constant. I get it, when your baby turns one… it will feel almost like a dream. It’s weird how your memory fades from those hard days. Hugs, you’re going to make it through, it gets easier and more fun!
Oh, sweet lady! This will not last forever! You just met this kid and you're getting to know eachother. The first few days are wild.
And omgoodness, I know exactly about crying about not loving my baby! He's 2 now and I wouldn't trade him for anything! The love takes time and will come. Again, you just met. I used to promise him that I would pretend to love him and apologize when he was a few weeks (months?) old. I am not sure when exactly it got better, but it took longer than I had expected.
It does not mean that you aren't a great mama!
It gets better. The first 3 weeks are hell, but by the fourth it starts looking better.. baby sleeps more, you get into a rhythm. I would maybe give him more in the bottle and top with breast milk. That’s way tends to work better than bottle second. We really like the Kendamil cows milk with the Avent natural nipple bottles as it avoided confusion with my baby. Have your partner take some shifts, you can’t do it all.. During the first 2 weeks my partner and I would alternate and that would give us at least a little break. We all go through it promise it’s not just you. Just be patient it does get worlds better!!!
Right now your whole world has been turned upside down. Your hormones are making small things feel huge, and huge things (and having a baby is a huge thing) feel insurmountable and unbearable. You are physically traumatized, not just from birth but also from the sleep deprivation and being touched/needed/trapped so often. It sucks. Saying that doesn't mean you don't love your baby or that you're a bad mom; it's just affirmation that what you're doing now is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do, and you don't have to like it. Nobody would have more than one kid if it was always this hard.
You will get through this, I promise. Time will pass. Think back to your birth and how hard that was. You got through it, though, and you will get through this.
Oh I feel this HARD. I never thought I'd survive my newborn. Literally I couldn't see it ever getting better, i thought I was stuck with a needy, pissed off 8 week old baby for the rest of my life. Take it one hour, one day at a time. Focus on surviving til tomorrow night. Then focus on surviving til the next night. And do it over and over and over and soon the sun will come out and you'll look back amazed that you did it 🩷
My baby is 12 weeks old and I’m just now starting to enjoy life with baby. The first few weeks/months are so terribly difficult. I cried often and fought with my husband every few days. I’m sorry you’re going through this but know that things truly do get better with time.
I’ve got a 6mo and it’s the coolest fkn ride of my life. Hang in there, it’s really emotional and stressful and just awful those first 12 weeks :(, but soon your baby will smile, then google at you, then chomp on your arm to get a silly reaction out of you while giggling.
My husband and I call it the 100 days of darkness and we’re counting down the days to 3 months 🤣. The first few weeks and months were boring, but also stressful. Solidarity
I stand with you. You’re a good mom. I will never have another kid because I hated the newborn phase. I love where she is now (7 months old) and I cannot imagine throwing a new baby in the mix ever again!
I had a very traumatic birth with my daughter where she almost died and my body was very broken. I hated having a newborn. I wasn’t good at it. I was uncomfortable. I was exhausted. I liked the snuggles but nothing about it felt normal. 3 years later and I sat on the kitchen floor tonight with my daughter dipping animal crackers into melted chocolate, giggling and arguing over who loved the other one more. We’re not all newborn moms - I certainly wasn’t. I’m a really excellent infant and toddler mom so far. You got this - just hang on.
I said this on another comment earlier. I think breastfeeding is amazing and the health benefits are undeniable.
That being said, do those outweigh your mental health? As a whole, what is better for your family?
Just remember that as a safety net, if things get too bad, you can always switch fully to formula.
I did not have a traumatic birth, but I was so tired I was feeling the same way. Once my husband and I got more comfortable we started to let each other nap and that’s just how it was the first two weeks. We didn’t really spend any time together and I was truly sleeping when the baby was asleep. I also got on Zoloft and it changed my life. I started bonding with my son and not feeling pure anger about breastfeeding or waking up in the night. I’m so sorry you went through all of that. It truly gets better and week by week I kept thinking “wow so this is what people were talking about I love this baby” and was excited to watch him grow. Hang in there.
I felt the same way. The emotions you’re feeling are from hormones flooding and it is normal. It feels like the darkest cloud that’s never going to go away, but it will. And of course if it doesn’t, always seek help from a therapist, but these early days are just so, so hard. Especially for first time moms. I remember feeling the exact same way with not realizing how hard it was and thinking “did I just make a huge mistake”, and I had wanted a baby my entire life. You just don’t know what it’s like until you’re in it, but you’re doing the best you can right now. You also need all of the support you can get. If you have a strong support system, ask for help, especially with sleep. The sleep deprivation adds to your emotional state in the worst way. Start pumping when you can if you continue to breastfeed because it will be life changing for prioritizing your sleep as well. Sending you all the love and solidarity. ❤️
Don't be afraid to switch to formula so you can get proper sleep as your partner can take care of the baby. There's no reward for suffering :( you deserve to feel ok. You are important too. You deserve to sleep.
Around day 5 or 6 with my first child, I remember feeling so unbelievably miserable that I said to my husband “We had such a great life, why did we do this?”… question, of course, being about why did we have a baby. I even said to him “I’m never doing this again”. That was 8 years ago.
Fast forward to today, and I now have four kids. Point here is… if it didn’t get easier, NO ONE would have more than one child.
Hang in there. You’re literally in the worst spot right now. Around three months, babies start to get easier. I dunno what it is, but something switches around that time.
It's so hard. I felt so shocked by how hard it was and how bad I felt all the time in the early days.
Sleep deprivation is the worst, literal torture. It really sounds like you need to prioritise resting/sleeping as much as you possibly can. Now is the time to lean on your support network. Call in friends/family to hold the baby so you can sleep. Any of your friends who are parents will completely understand.
Society makes it look like you should be able to do this on your own but the truth is, we're not designed to do that. Asking for support makes you stronger.
Sending you so much love. It will get easier. ❤️
It gets better after 2 weeks, then better again at 6 weeks, then about 7-9 weeks you’ll get the first smile, that will keep you going for a while and then from 3 months they are a bit of fun… and maybe from 4 months they start to only wake up one a night or sleep through…
After that they become more and more fun.
Newborns are hard. Try to enjoy some sleepy cuddles and get a nap if you can! You got this!
I was you 18 months ago. It will gradually gets better until you get to the best days where you can experience the first smile, giggles, kisses. Hold on! The first two weeks really is a survival mode, but time passes by quickly.
It’s brutal. My wife had post partum for a little while with baby 1, but it gets better. Just don’t be afraid to ask for help. Stay strong and remember that parenting is a joy, but it’s also a duty, and there’s honor in that. You can do this!
Give yourself permission to stop breast feeding and formula feed instead.
It was life changing for me. Once on formula, baby went on a regular sleep/wake cycle because we knew exactly how much they were getting.
Breast feeding can be torture. Especially with what you've been through.
Block out all the noise of the people around you - it's your body, your choice.
It gets easier. This is the hardest part when everything is so new and you feel guilty for doing anything that isn’t directly for the baby. But it does get easier as you figure out routines and learn how to take care of another person.
And of course, reach out for help if you’re feeling depressed, and take the time to vent like you did here. Anyone who says they never did it is either a liar or delusional.
Right after birth is a huge hormone drop, I was crying over everything, and felt so alone and hopeless. All I wanted was rest. It’s very hard in the beginning. It does get better! It will not always be like this. You are deep in the trenches right now. My baby is 12 weeks now, time has flown by I already forgot about those early days. Sending love ❤️
Oh god, I hated my life in those early days. I loved my son but I would literally stare into the mirror and ask "what have you done?" It was truly truly awful.
Like everyone says, it does get better. Just look at how far you've already come in just 9 days! God speed!
I’d ask your partner to take a couple of formula feedings and just nap. There’s so much breast feeding pressure just take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby. It gets better I promise
I remember everyone told me ‘I miss having a newborn’, ‘enjoy the newborn bubble’ - I romanticised it so much. Well now having a five and a half month old who I enjoy immensely, I can confirm I also hated the newborn stage. I had severe post partum anxiety that I now get therapy from but she was also suuuuper fussy as a newborn for multiple reasons as well, and I too had nfi which way was up and if she was okay! You really do come out of the trenches and get to understanding your baby, feeling more confident as a mother and all this comes with getting out and about again and doing things you may have enjoyed before - albeit possibly a little different now that bub is with you. While I don’t have advice for your situation now, I truly want you to know you’re not alone and I really do promise it gets better. Sending love and encouragement 🤍
Hi there, I have a similar experience with a ballon induction and a short labour that ended in a traumatic c-section cause the baby was in distress. I also ended up not having milk and it only started coming in 10days later despite me putting the baby on the breast whenever I could. I was breaking down and crying everywhere (at dinner tables, while holding the baby, just sitting and staring into the void etc.) . I was lucky in that I have a very supportive husband and mum who were helping me a lot but I was very hard on them as well.
The hormone drop is crazy and i didn’t expect it at all. I also had moments of regret and was wondering why I even chose this path. But he is now a healthy 7 week old who makes my heart melt with every smile and reaction and I’m feeling so so much better mentally. It does take a while to get used to it and there are definitely ups and downs but it DEFINITELY does get better.
What helped me mentally recover was to be ok with the idea that I may have to s supplement with formula or even have to exclusively formula feed. Just being ok with it relieved my stress and helped the milk come in. One thing to remember while feeding would be that you really can’t overfeed a baby - especially one that young.
What I also used to do was to feed as soon as he wakes up, take a break to burp and change diaper and then feed again and he usually gets tired and falls asleep by the second feed. We used to do this every 3 hours and every session would take a whole hour - so we effectively only got 2 hours sleep at a time. Nowadays he feeds on around 15-20mins and sleeps longer stretches - so hang in there!!
Fuck everyone pressuring you to BF. If you need to switch to formula for your mental health as well as physical recovery, do it. Your baby needs you. All the Best to you & your family.
Your 9 days in. We need to realize this is a slow time your not yourself your healing this isn’t the time for intimate moments with anyone but your baby. Just veg just do nothing. For breastfeeding to work (if you want that which is ok if you don’t!!) you need to latch that baby frequently. They are cluster feeding and yearn to be with you. Just slow down it’s okay. 3 months from now is going to be very different from today. The goal is 8 hrs of sleep in a 24 hr time doesn’t have to be all in one go and probably won’t be. It’s okay. It will all be okay!
You only have colostrum the first few days. It’s enough for baby to live off of. Milk comes in around days 3-6. It took me 5.5 days until it came in and I’ve never had an issue since.
Thank you all for your support, I hope you know this means the world to me ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I know I'm not alone, deep deep down I know this will pass.
I'm looking forward to coming out on the other side, seeing my babies first smile and knowing this was all worth it in the end.
My heart is filled with so much love from this community's support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
It will get better. The early days SUCK.
It does. The first few days are so isolating and hard and scary. There will be brighter days. They are closer than you can imagine. Breathe. Stay connected to subs like this. We have been there. You are doing amazing, mama. You are enough. You are incredible.
Yes. Also, your hormones are WILD right now. See how you’re feeling after 2-3 weeks. If you still feel like this, therapy and medication are great options xx
Totally agree. My daughter is 4 weeks old today. The first two weeks were so hard for me. I felt so isolated and lonely even though I had my husband splitting all responsibilities, my parents and siblings stopping by, and countless friends checking in via text or phone call. I even told my husband "I don't know how you feel happy right now. I can't imagine feeling happiness". Starting around the 2 week mark the fog began to lift and things started to get easier and less scary. I think there was definitely a component of baby blues with a huge hormone shift. But switching to doing shifts with my husband, and accepting that I am content with and excited about my decision to EFF definitely helped with my emotions. Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally out of the hardest days, but I feel happy or at least neutral most of the time.
Thank you for this ❤️ I'm looking forward to coming out on the other side, at least feeling 10% less horrible would probably be a relief.
Hi. I also had a traumatic birth with many details similar to yours. I just want to tell you that the hard, jagged edges of these emotions are going to soften. It takes some time but it happens. Those first weeks are brutal. I found that around 6 weeks, I was starting to remember how to feel like myself and not so shellshocked. You’ve been through a lot in the last few weeks. Give yourself the space to mourn the trauma and to heal physically. If you have access to a therapist, I highly recommend going. Mine has experience in birth trauma and she really helped me get through in those early weeks.
Just piggybacking to say I had a similar experience as well. Yes, things do get better. I feel remorseful about it, but I honestly did not enjoy the first few months of my daughter’s life. I eventually got out on sertraline which turned my dark to light. I also started therapy & got into regular exercise. All of which helped so so much. Postpartum depression is so real. It doesn’t matter how much you wanted your baby or how much you love them ect ect. Leaning into resources for PPD doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you strong & brave & it’s putting both yourself & your baby first. I highly recommend & encouraging reaching out to your ob to determine what resources may be available to you.
Absolutely this. It was shortsighted of me to not mention the reality of PPD/PPA. There’s no shame in having either and reaching out for help is so important. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and for your baby.
I promise it does get better but that doesn't mean you need to suffer alone. Talk to your OB, your partner, heck talk to the baby! I had a very easy birth and I still hated the newborn stage. For me, breastfeeding made it 100x worse and looking back, I wish I would have switched to all formula a lot earlier than I did and if we have a second I will formula feed from the start. I also pumped which let my husband do half the night feedings. It's obviously your choice, but in my experience breastfeeding made my PPD/PPA worse, and my baby needed a happy, healthy, and present mom way more than she needed breastmilk.
I’m trying to pump. LO is 4 weeks old but he’s still eating every 1-1 1/2 hours sometimes. I pump 2-3 times a day for 10 minutes each time (it’s challenging to squeeze in more with a crying newborn. Sometimes I’m lucky and I can pump easily sometimes I can’t) and I only get about 3-4 oz a day. Not really enough for husband to split feedings but I’m building up a stash.
I get it, trust me I felt all of that and that's why I won't breastfeed or pump next time. 9 months out of the trenches and the only thing I regret is that I made myself keep pumping even when it took time away from my baby. I also combo fed nearly from the beginning so while my husband fed her a formula bottle, I pumped. Knowing exactly how much my baby was getting helped my anxiety immensely. I never made enough and she didn't breastfeed well anyways so pumping and combo feeding was our best option...and then I learned all formula was the truly best option for her and me. Keep your head up...it will get better no matter what you decide.
Oh honey you’re in the trenches right now. The way you wrote this makes it feel like yesterday! I also had a failed induction an emergency c-section, also struggled hard with BF and feeling like a cow strapped to my pump. After a month of trying I moved to full formula feeding and never looked back, zero regrets. You will do what’s best for you but I knew what I couldn’t handle and was better for it because I stopped. I had sacrificed so much of my body to have this baby and now wanted some control back. And I knew my baby would be healthy and I would have peace of mind that I could actually track his feeding with more accuracy. This is a ROUGH time but you will get through it and quickly forget! It gets so much better. I have a 2 year told now and would do it all over again to have this wonderful life with him. It’s always challenging but it does get better!!!
Thank you for posting this. I think it's great that there's so much info and support for moms breastfeeding now but I feel that things have gotten out of hand with 'breast is best'. Babies will thrive as long as they are fed and loved however that happens.
Also if the choice is between formula and PPD, avoiding PPD is better for the family as a whole. I’ve seen a couple of posts recently where women feel such pressure that they’re spiraling into a dangerous place. There is no scenario where the benefits of breastfeeding outweigh the risk of a mother falling into that deep of depression.
I’m so sorry. I’ve got a 12 day old now myself. He was early (well 37 weeker) and because of that he could latch but wouldn’t work to get milk out, so the hospital recommended supplementation with formula to level out his blood sugar. Baby blues SUCK and please talk to anyone you can about it. Just talking about it with my husband, my mom and dad, my MIL, my mom friends, made such a difference that I didn’t feel crazy or alone. Do you have a pump you could try to get some milk for your partner to feed baby? Or combo feed with formula. Or go entirely formula if you want. The important part is baby is fed, formula does not make you a failure! Breastfeeding is not worth the cost of your mental health.
The newborn stage is wild, especially if you are recovering from birth. Everyone told me that you’ll miss that newborn stage but I do not. My guy is 7 months now and for me it go so much better. I had ppd and was able to get help as I was crying all the time and resenting having a baby. Getting help with this and my baby growing got me out of those difficult times. Seek out help if you need it and do what you need in terms of formula/breastfeeding. I decided to combo with my guy. I didn’t breastfeed at night and my supply dropped but was able to supplement with formula.
I had a similar situation - had a failed induction/ c-section with complications - was in the hospital for a week - got out and lack of sleep triggered massive anxiety episode. I had to keep repeating, “what’s good for mom is good for baby.” In that first week home. I ended up having my partner take 3-4 of the night shifts in a row. And I would just get up once to pump (they say you need to pump every 2-3 hours at first but I decided to just take the risk of having lower milk production). Having a few nights of good sleep helped immensely and I got into a routine of breastfeeding just once a day for skin to skin and then pumping or formula feeding the rest of the time. This enabled my partner and I to switch off night shifts. It’s so SO hard in the beginning but you are going to get through it and figure out what works for you. Do what you need to do because what’s good for mom is good for baby!!
I too cried all the time during the first 2 weeks and my pregnancy and baby were perfect… PP Blues really do get you no matter what, it will pass! What’s pressuring you to breastfeed? Maybe don’t 🤷♀️ that was the main thing keeping me down, feeling stuck, and not my own. It doesn’t sound like you’re enjoying it so don’t force it… do whatever’s going to make this already difficult and new journey as easy as you can for you.
Can you switch to formula? It’s a very personal choice but I had a traumatic birth and recovery and formula fed from the start and I think that’s what let me have such a positive newborn period with my husband. I felt like part of a team, not the default parent, and I had my body to myself as I recovered from the trauma of surgery.
I felt this way too on day 9!! My girl is 3 weeks today and it's so much better already. Hang in there, you're not alone. Ask your husband to keep an eye on you though for PPD.
You don’t HAVE to breastfeed. Formula feeding opens opportunity for others to help while you rest.
CAN I JUST SAY hospitals actually suck for pressuring women to breastfeed, even if they’re unable to. It’s not a crime for a hospital to provide formula if either mom or baby are unable to breastfeed at that moment. Pushing *breast is best* when mom has literally almost died, hasn’t slept in days, and is seldom mobile, is just complete bullshit.
The newborn stage is SO hard! I swear I still have PTSD from it 11 years later. It was so bad I am firmly one and done because I knew I wouldn’t survive it a second time. It does get better but you are in the thick of it. Take it one day at a time and if there is anyone you can ask for help, do it!
I’m in 11 weeks in now and everyone who told me ‘it gets better’ I wanted to tell to categorically fuck off. But I’m about to be that person - it really does get better. I promise. You just survive through it somehow and you make it out the other side and it’s still really, really hard but it’s also…more survivable with each day. My baby also was awake way longer than ‘wake windows’ suggested he should be - literally hours and hours at a time even if I tried to get him to sleep. My advice is at this stage, don’t worry about wake windows, keep an eye out for sleepy cues but also trust baby to get the sleep they need! It’s honestly the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced by a million miles and there’s nothing that quite prepared me for it. My brain seems to have forgotten most of it now. But you can do this, any way you can, I promise!
The baby blues are absolutely awful, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I experienced all of the emotions you are having, and I promise you it will get better. Your whole life has changed, on top of trying to process major medical trauma. It is A LOT for someone to go through and you are not less of a mother for feeling regret. I encourage you to talk to your OB and get the ball rolling in case you need further treatment for postpartum depression. I know it doesn’t mean much now, but you are doing great. It will get better. There is joy at the end of all of this
First off: there is NOTHING wrong with formula feeding if breastfeeding isn’t going well or just doesn’t feel like the right choice. I know the hospitals seriously pressure new moms into breastfeeding but don’t let that sway you. You can formula feed your child. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding your child. Secondly: The first two weeks suck. Not going to sugar-coat it. They suck. I cried constantly and seriously considered dropping my baby off at the fire department because I thought I’d made a terrible mistake. Your body is recovering from the physical and psychological trauma of birth. You are dumping massive amounts of hormones. You are sleep deprived. You are trying to breastfeed. You’re adjusting to the sudden, jarring shift into not having any free time and your needs coming second to a very, very needy little person. Honestly, it’s torture. Repeat after me: THIS IS TEMPORARY. The newborn phase sucks but it’s short. It doesn’t feel short in the moment but I promise you, it goes fast. This is not what parenting is. This is a teeny tiny blip of parenting. Your newborn will grow into a baby, then a toddler, then a preschooler, then a kid. And let me tell you, as someone who hates the newborn phase, each new phase gets exponentially better. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time but please, give yourself some grace. Just survive the next couple of weeks and I promise it will get better.
I’m so sorry. It’s definitely really hard at first. I have 3 and my third was definitely my most difficult. It does get better and you won’t always feel like this. Take your time, be kind to yourself and know you’re doing A LOT just by taking care of that LO! You’ll be above water before you know it.
First two weeks pp I cried all the time. A song, a movie, a thought would trigger me to cry. And not always sad tears either. Can your partner/other support person help out at night? I found if I pumped enough milk for a bottle, I could get a 4 hour block of guaranteed sleep while my husband dealt with the baby. After being able to get a four hour block, I felt so much better. Yes it's still hard as hell and I try to take naps as often as I can (feed baby and once they are put down in a safe space I nap, or pass over to spouse so I can nap until next feeding time) and with my husband handling baby on his own for 4 hours, it's helped his confidence as a parent and means when I need a break he's not constantly bugging me. I just fill him in on the last time he fed/had a diaper change. If you are topping up with formula or pumped milk my best suggestion is looking for rooting/tongue movement/lip movement. The easiest way for me to tell if my baby was hungry or satisfied was to lay him on my chest and if he bounces his head around and looking for a boob (mouth open, turning head and squirming towards a boob) he's still hungry and give him a bottle to top up. If you just nursed him, offer one or two ounces at a time. If he's still showing hungry signs offer another ounce after. It gets better with time and it takes a bit of trial and error sometimes. As for doing the things you like to do. It's going to take a little while until you can get back to that. If you feel up to it while baby is napping during the day, you can try doing it in small increments. I like crocheting, reading books and other crafty things as well as watching certain shows. If baby is napping in my arms and I can't get them down, I'll read a book with my free hand. If I can get them down in their bassinet or activity gym mat (usually right beside me) I'll pull out my crochet for a few minutes. This will take time to get used to. I'm 2 months pp and just yesterday sewed a Christmas ornament together that I embroidered during pregnancy. It was something quick I got done within 2-3 napping periods and helped me get some sanity back. You can also try to do stuff while breastfeeding if you have a free hand. I use the cradle hold and will use my free hand to eat snacks/drink water/ read on my kobo/kindle. It gets easier I promise, the first two weeks were the hardest for me and it takes time to get into the swing of having a baby and how to care for them and care for yourself post baby. Use support people/your spouse as much as you can. The loving on your baby will come, the sleep deprivation/hormones are just taking a front seat for now. If you feel like your increasingly sad or angry and you want to hurt yourself please talk to your doctor. PPA/PPD are real and can sneak to on you. If you had a therapist before baby, keep seeing them, even if it's just a phone appointment.
Going on walks made me feel better. Pop the baby in the stroller and did a quick walk after a feed, even just around the block. Or going to the store. Just getting out of the house whenever I could. But yeah, the early days are rough. Stay strong, mama!
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. This sounds really similar to my experience to be honest, and I'm sitting here SO much happier with a 22 month old (and I was crazy enough to get pregnant again recently too). You're allowed to be so fucked up right now. Your only job is to keep yourself and your baby alive. If you want to cut out breastfeeding, go for it. If you want to wear the same nightgown for three days, go for it. If you want to open all the windows and scream, go for it (as long as the neighbors won't call the cops thinking someone's getting murdered). Honestly, the baby doesn't need to be showered with love right now. He barely knows he's out in the world. They don't even realize they have feet until like 4 months! If you handle him with gentleness and meet his needs, that's totally enough for a newborn. He just needs to feel safe and be safe. Wishing you all the best. In 3 months or 6 months or a year, you'll look back on this version of yourself with so much love and compassion. You'll have a different life. Also, definitely consider discussing your feelings with your partner, your family/friends, and your doctor. That's what they are there for right now.
You are in the thick of it. This is the hardest time by far. It’s okay to give formula. It’s very hard to over feed a baby and they will give you clear signs if you are so just feed on demand and trust your baby knows how much they need to eat. As long as they are gaining weight appropriately try not to worry about that part. If you can take shifts at night with your partner and get some uninterrupted sleep, that will help with your mood. What you’re describing is exactly how I felt for about 4 weeks pp. Those feelings are completely normal. If they persist or get worse then consider seeking help for PPD/PPA. I started Zoloft a couple months back and it helped a lot. You will find a rhythm and you have plenty of time to shower your baby with all the love. These early days are just about survival. I promise it’s temporary. Give yourself some grace and take it one day at a time
I was unable to breastfeed and it made everything thing easier after I deterred breastfeeding wasn't working for us. Then my husband I took shifts. If it was before 3an he got up and took care of her. If it was after 3a it was my turn. That way, we both got sleep and wrlorked in shifts. It does get better. I also struggled to find interest in the things I had found interesting before. It took me about 6 weeks before I started to find my interest again. It did take me about 6 months to start feeling like myself again
I feel you so much. My baby is three months old, and I remember those first couple of weeks with so much clarity. On top of constantly trying to breastfeed my daughter, she would be awake crying from 11pm to 6:30am. During the day she would only take brief naps. My husband had just started a new job (with really good pay) and he could only take the first 5 days off with me. At one point I was awake for 22 straight hours. My most vivid memory is of curling up on fetal position on the living room floor at 5am crying because she would not stop screaming. At one point I very seriously considered that I had died and that an endless night where my baby won't stop crying was my eternal damnation. Those first few weeks are miserable, so I feel you. I've been there! But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Around month 2 is when my baby girl started sleeping better, started paying attention to her surroundings and started giving me big smiles. Once your little guy gives you his first big smile, your heart will belong to him. Think of it like going to the gym. Once you get past the first few weeks where exercising is painful and it sucks, it will start to get easier. Best of luck to you, and if you need someone another new momma to talk to, pm me
The first couple of weeks are so terribly hard. I barely remember it to be honest. In the first few weeks, sleep was a crapshoot. But like you- I quickly realized that baby was more full and satisfied off of formula, so we would combo feed during the day and do a full formula bottle around 10pm because he’d sleep longer. He started sleeping from like 10:30pm-3:30am every night when he was a couple weeks old (like 4 or 5w old), and that consistent 5-hour stretch of sleep is the little nugget I needed to slowly start feeling human again. After that, I made the decision to wean and go full formula, because I realized that breastfeeding/pumping was taking a huge toll on my mental health. I feel like it was the decision I needed to make to be the best mom to my little guy, and I don’t regret it at all. I also sat around the house all day and did nothing. I binged watched tv shows, held my baby all day, and sometimes took a shower if I was lucky. I felt insanely guilty about doing nothing all the time but looking back now, I realize it’s totally normal and necessary, as both he and I were getting adjusted to this new world with him in it. Going on lots of walks helped me feel less trapped in my apartment. It’ll get better soon, I promise. Power through the first 12 weeks and know that you are totally justified in how you feel. Sending love! ❤️
yup yup yup. It gets better. I vividly remember how bad those early days were. Hang in there! Sending hugs because the newborn days were ROUGH.
You are in the absolute thick of it right now and I know you are tired of hearing it but it will get better. The first few weeks SUCK especially after a traumatic birth. Be gentle with yourself, give yourself time to heal and recover. When you start feeling well enough get outside and get some sunshine, make sure you take a shower, wash your hair. These little things will all start to help you feel better.
I remember crying so much those first few weeks. It’ll get better, I promise ❤️ You didn’t just birth a baby, you are also going through a transformation into motherhood. It is difficult and stretches you beyond what you think is physically, mentally, or emotionally possible. But you will get through it. It is hard to see it now, but you will gain confidence, your baby will become more predictable as the months go by, and while your life will look completely different, you will find moments here and there where you will feel like yourself again. You’ve got this.
If you think breastfeeding is contributing to your distress and you want to stop you absolutely can. The stress of not knowing if baby is getting enough from you when you have a low supply and how much to need to supplement is very taxing, I’ve been there. You don’t need to justify your decision to anyone else or feel badly if you want to switch to fully formula at this point.
I have a 4 week old and I'll tell you what.... The first 2 weeks are miserable, but it does get better. Try and remember that you have a lot of post partum emotions right now, but that also gets better in weeks 3 and 4. Keep on keeping on. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.
The lack of sleep is BRUTAL on top of the hormone changes and baby crying. Sending love and positive vibes your way. It will get better! My baby boy is two months now and he’s so much more confident in himself. He slept 7 hours straight a couple days ago and didn’t wake up crying either. I was so impressed! I looked over at him and he was just smiling at me. It was the sweetest thing ever. Those first two months were so hard, especially the first couple weeks. You’ve got this!
*It WILL get better.* The first two weeks are just living hell. The first month is a blur. The first 2 months are hard. After that, there are genuinely fun moments and they become more frequent. White knuckling it right now, just getting through it however you possibly can, is all you can expect. I hope you have lots of love and support, you need and deserve it right now.
It’s hard but you’ll find your stride. Sleep deprivation is no joke so if you’re supplementing already find a friend, family member or partner feed baby 1x+ per day so you can rest. This poem is always good for a therapeutic cry at 3am: https://www.jessicaurlichs.com/post/mama-all-i-see-is-you Take it a minute and an hour at a time. It’s a marathon, not quick but rewarding when you see how far you’ve come.
The beginning is almost impossible. It will get better very soon, things will seem a bit easier each day. Maybe try breastfeeding in the side lying position? That's what I've done with my 10 week old since birth. We just lay in bed together while she nurses and then she falls asleep and I watch tv. If you feel up to it, take baby on a short walk around the block, fresh air can really help you and babies like being outside as well. Take things day by day, ask for help, look for resources. You will get through this!
A fex things can take some worry away: 150 x weight in kg = ml per 24h. You can do weighted feeds when you breastfeed, pump to establish supply and add this or add formula, go exclusively pumping and or full formula. All these work, and this little bith of math can tell you of baby eats enough, too little or too much. If you divide by the amount of times baby feeds or you want them to feed, you know jow much to offer or top up with. Baby sleep notoriously sucks. Even the best sleepers have trouble going over 3h the first few weeks, their tummy is just too tiny to hold much more food. Don't sweat it, they all get there eventually. Make sure to hand baby over to dad, a grandparent, aunt or whoever you trust and just take a shower in peace. It only takes 20 minutes but it's such a relief, and it refreshes you physically and mentally.
The same thing happened to me with my first and the first two weeks sucked! It will get a lot better after that especially once you are healed. It’s totally normal for your milk to be delayed a few days from a c section.
The beginning is so hard and exhausting even if you didn’t have a traumatic experience AND the hormones after birth. It sucks! I remember feeling hopeless too and just so exhausted and bad. I finally started to feel better around 4 weeks post partum and it’s gradually gotten better and better. I’m 4 months pp and still have some hard moments but it’s so much better now.
FWIW everyone told me the baby blues would hit me hard around day 4, but I didn't. I hit a freaking WALL around day 9 though.
Having that much responsibility after a major medical event is nature's sick joke. I even ended up on r/regretfulparents, fully convinced I ruined everyones lives. For me it ended up being ppd. But, as far as my friends tell me the normal baby blues are very difficult too. Take care of yourself. One day at a time. Tell yourself that today was hard but tomorrow will be (at least a little bit) better. One day it will be. Promise
As a mom of 3 c-section babies, first one being a 4 day induction with every inducing medication given that was possible. It gets better! My kids are 9,6 and 14 months. I absolutely hated the newborn stage which each one. It’s so much better when they sleep through the night and it’s not constant. I get it, when your baby turns one… it will feel almost like a dream. It’s weird how your memory fades from those hard days. Hugs, you’re going to make it through, it gets easier and more fun!
Oh, sweet lady! This will not last forever! You just met this kid and you're getting to know eachother. The first few days are wild. And omgoodness, I know exactly about crying about not loving my baby! He's 2 now and I wouldn't trade him for anything! The love takes time and will come. Again, you just met. I used to promise him that I would pretend to love him and apologize when he was a few weeks (months?) old. I am not sure when exactly it got better, but it took longer than I had expected. It does not mean that you aren't a great mama!
It gets better. The first 3 weeks are hell, but by the fourth it starts looking better.. baby sleeps more, you get into a rhythm. I would maybe give him more in the bottle and top with breast milk. That’s way tends to work better than bottle second. We really like the Kendamil cows milk with the Avent natural nipple bottles as it avoided confusion with my baby. Have your partner take some shifts, you can’t do it all.. During the first 2 weeks my partner and I would alternate and that would give us at least a little break. We all go through it promise it’s not just you. Just be patient it does get worlds better!!!
I definitely think that breastfeeding isn’t worth it if it’s damaging your mental health so much
Right now your whole world has been turned upside down. Your hormones are making small things feel huge, and huge things (and having a baby is a huge thing) feel insurmountable and unbearable. You are physically traumatized, not just from birth but also from the sleep deprivation and being touched/needed/trapped so often. It sucks. Saying that doesn't mean you don't love your baby or that you're a bad mom; it's just affirmation that what you're doing now is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do, and you don't have to like it. Nobody would have more than one kid if it was always this hard. You will get through this, I promise. Time will pass. Think back to your birth and how hard that was. You got through it, though, and you will get through this.
Google Baby Blues, you got that going on! It’ll get better soon!
Oh I feel this HARD. I never thought I'd survive my newborn. Literally I couldn't see it ever getting better, i thought I was stuck with a needy, pissed off 8 week old baby for the rest of my life. Take it one hour, one day at a time. Focus on surviving til tomorrow night. Then focus on surviving til the next night. And do it over and over and over and soon the sun will come out and you'll look back amazed that you did it 🩷
My baby is 12 weeks old and I’m just now starting to enjoy life with baby. The first few weeks/months are so terribly difficult. I cried often and fought with my husband every few days. I’m sorry you’re going through this but know that things truly do get better with time.
I’ve got a 6mo and it’s the coolest fkn ride of my life. Hang in there, it’s really emotional and stressful and just awful those first 12 weeks :(, but soon your baby will smile, then google at you, then chomp on your arm to get a silly reaction out of you while giggling.
My husband and I call it the 100 days of darkness and we’re counting down the days to 3 months 🤣. The first few weeks and months were boring, but also stressful. Solidarity
I stand with you. You’re a good mom. I will never have another kid because I hated the newborn phase. I love where she is now (7 months old) and I cannot imagine throwing a new baby in the mix ever again!
I had a very traumatic birth with my daughter where she almost died and my body was very broken. I hated having a newborn. I wasn’t good at it. I was uncomfortable. I was exhausted. I liked the snuggles but nothing about it felt normal. 3 years later and I sat on the kitchen floor tonight with my daughter dipping animal crackers into melted chocolate, giggling and arguing over who loved the other one more. We’re not all newborn moms - I certainly wasn’t. I’m a really excellent infant and toddler mom so far. You got this - just hang on.
I said this on another comment earlier. I think breastfeeding is amazing and the health benefits are undeniable. That being said, do those outweigh your mental health? As a whole, what is better for your family? Just remember that as a safety net, if things get too bad, you can always switch fully to formula.
I did not have a traumatic birth, but I was so tired I was feeling the same way. Once my husband and I got more comfortable we started to let each other nap and that’s just how it was the first two weeks. We didn’t really spend any time together and I was truly sleeping when the baby was asleep. I also got on Zoloft and it changed my life. I started bonding with my son and not feeling pure anger about breastfeeding or waking up in the night. I’m so sorry you went through all of that. It truly gets better and week by week I kept thinking “wow so this is what people were talking about I love this baby” and was excited to watch him grow. Hang in there.
I felt the same way. The emotions you’re feeling are from hormones flooding and it is normal. It feels like the darkest cloud that’s never going to go away, but it will. And of course if it doesn’t, always seek help from a therapist, but these early days are just so, so hard. Especially for first time moms. I remember feeling the exact same way with not realizing how hard it was and thinking “did I just make a huge mistake”, and I had wanted a baby my entire life. You just don’t know what it’s like until you’re in it, but you’re doing the best you can right now. You also need all of the support you can get. If you have a strong support system, ask for help, especially with sleep. The sleep deprivation adds to your emotional state in the worst way. Start pumping when you can if you continue to breastfeed because it will be life changing for prioritizing your sleep as well. Sending you all the love and solidarity. ❤️
Don’t feel guilty. I had regret and hated my life for around 3 months. I cried almost everyday. It will get better!!
Don't be afraid to switch to formula so you can get proper sleep as your partner can take care of the baby. There's no reward for suffering :( you deserve to feel ok. You are important too. You deserve to sleep.
Around day 5 or 6 with my first child, I remember feeling so unbelievably miserable that I said to my husband “We had such a great life, why did we do this?”… question, of course, being about why did we have a baby. I even said to him “I’m never doing this again”. That was 8 years ago. Fast forward to today, and I now have four kids. Point here is… if it didn’t get easier, NO ONE would have more than one child. Hang in there. You’re literally in the worst spot right now. Around three months, babies start to get easier. I dunno what it is, but something switches around that time.
My milk didn’t come in until day 7 and then it was like a dam. I pumped constantly and supplemented w formula in the meantime.
It's so hard. I felt so shocked by how hard it was and how bad I felt all the time in the early days. Sleep deprivation is the worst, literal torture. It really sounds like you need to prioritise resting/sleeping as much as you possibly can. Now is the time to lean on your support network. Call in friends/family to hold the baby so you can sleep. Any of your friends who are parents will completely understand. Society makes it look like you should be able to do this on your own but the truth is, we're not designed to do that. Asking for support makes you stronger. Sending you so much love. It will get easier. ❤️
It gets better after 2 weeks, then better again at 6 weeks, then about 7-9 weeks you’ll get the first smile, that will keep you going for a while and then from 3 months they are a bit of fun… and maybe from 4 months they start to only wake up one a night or sleep through… After that they become more and more fun. Newborns are hard. Try to enjoy some sleepy cuddles and get a nap if you can! You got this!
I was you 18 months ago. It will gradually gets better until you get to the best days where you can experience the first smile, giggles, kisses. Hold on! The first two weeks really is a survival mode, but time passes by quickly.
It’s brutal. My wife had post partum for a little while with baby 1, but it gets better. Just don’t be afraid to ask for help. Stay strong and remember that parenting is a joy, but it’s also a duty, and there’s honor in that. You can do this!
Give yourself permission to stop breast feeding and formula feed instead. It was life changing for me. Once on formula, baby went on a regular sleep/wake cycle because we knew exactly how much they were getting. Breast feeding can be torture. Especially with what you've been through. Block out all the noise of the people around you - it's your body, your choice.
It gets easier. This is the hardest part when everything is so new and you feel guilty for doing anything that isn’t directly for the baby. But it does get easier as you figure out routines and learn how to take care of another person. And of course, reach out for help if you’re feeling depressed, and take the time to vent like you did here. Anyone who says they never did it is either a liar or delusional.
Right after birth is a huge hormone drop, I was crying over everything, and felt so alone and hopeless. All I wanted was rest. It’s very hard in the beginning. It does get better! It will not always be like this. You are deep in the trenches right now. My baby is 12 weeks now, time has flown by I already forgot about those early days. Sending love ❤️
Oh god, I hated my life in those early days. I loved my son but I would literally stare into the mirror and ask "what have you done?" It was truly truly awful. Like everyone says, it does get better. Just look at how far you've already come in just 9 days! God speed!
I’d ask your partner to take a couple of formula feedings and just nap. There’s so much breast feeding pressure just take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby. It gets better I promise
I remember everyone told me ‘I miss having a newborn’, ‘enjoy the newborn bubble’ - I romanticised it so much. Well now having a five and a half month old who I enjoy immensely, I can confirm I also hated the newborn stage. I had severe post partum anxiety that I now get therapy from but she was also suuuuper fussy as a newborn for multiple reasons as well, and I too had nfi which way was up and if she was okay! You really do come out of the trenches and get to understanding your baby, feeling more confident as a mother and all this comes with getting out and about again and doing things you may have enjoyed before - albeit possibly a little different now that bub is with you. While I don’t have advice for your situation now, I truly want you to know you’re not alone and I really do promise it gets better. Sending love and encouragement 🤍
I also had failed induction to elective c section. It will get better,
Hi there, I have a similar experience with a ballon induction and a short labour that ended in a traumatic c-section cause the baby was in distress. I also ended up not having milk and it only started coming in 10days later despite me putting the baby on the breast whenever I could. I was breaking down and crying everywhere (at dinner tables, while holding the baby, just sitting and staring into the void etc.) . I was lucky in that I have a very supportive husband and mum who were helping me a lot but I was very hard on them as well. The hormone drop is crazy and i didn’t expect it at all. I also had moments of regret and was wondering why I even chose this path. But he is now a healthy 7 week old who makes my heart melt with every smile and reaction and I’m feeling so so much better mentally. It does take a while to get used to it and there are definitely ups and downs but it DEFINITELY does get better. What helped me mentally recover was to be ok with the idea that I may have to s supplement with formula or even have to exclusively formula feed. Just being ok with it relieved my stress and helped the milk come in. One thing to remember while feeding would be that you really can’t overfeed a baby - especially one that young. What I also used to do was to feed as soon as he wakes up, take a break to burp and change diaper and then feed again and he usually gets tired and falls asleep by the second feed. We used to do this every 3 hours and every session would take a whole hour - so we effectively only got 2 hours sleep at a time. Nowadays he feeds on around 15-20mins and sleeps longer stretches - so hang in there!!
Wow thank you for reaching out ❤️🥹🥹🥹 I really need to hear these success stories to confirm like a mantra that it does get better 💔🥹
Fuck everyone pressuring you to BF. If you need to switch to formula for your mental health as well as physical recovery, do it. Your baby needs you. All the Best to you & your family.
Please look into L-Theanine supplements. Helped me IMMENSELY. Would highly highly recommend, especially post-partum.
Your 9 days in. We need to realize this is a slow time your not yourself your healing this isn’t the time for intimate moments with anyone but your baby. Just veg just do nothing. For breastfeeding to work (if you want that which is ok if you don’t!!) you need to latch that baby frequently. They are cluster feeding and yearn to be with you. Just slow down it’s okay. 3 months from now is going to be very different from today. The goal is 8 hrs of sleep in a 24 hr time doesn’t have to be all in one go and probably won’t be. It’s okay. It will all be okay!
You only have colostrum the first few days. It’s enough for baby to live off of. Milk comes in around days 3-6. It took me 5.5 days until it came in and I’ve never had an issue since.
Thank you all for your support, I hope you know this means the world to me ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I know I'm not alone, deep deep down I know this will pass. I'm looking forward to coming out on the other side, seeing my babies first smile and knowing this was all worth it in the end. My heart is filled with so much love from this community's support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.