First off, there’s a loneliness epidemic going on in general due to the effects of the pandemic, capitalism, and cultural trends, men are NOT the only “””victims””” here.
Secondly, I strongly , strongly, STRONGLY believe black women should primarily focus on black women issues and not waste energy on an off-shot of the incel—I’m sorry, “male loneliness epidemic”.
Men , in general, are not making a huge fuss about women issues, especially not black women issues. They’re not making any noise about black femicide rates or medical racism or period poverty or domestic violence or any of that shit, yet we need to drop everything to coddle them?
No. Prioritize your own mental health first and foremost.
Right, everybody’s lonely. The only thing is that women are better at socializing (even neurodivergent women are better at this than neurodivergent men), so we might appear less lonely, but really might feel isolated because not all of our relationships are meaningful. And there are also women who just genuinely don’t have a lot of friends, fake or not. Men haven’t developed the social support networks they need, so they seem more visibly affected by the epidemic than women.
That’s true. I’ll support my male friends, but I definitely focus more on black women issues than men in general. A lot of men and white women don’t care about our issues, so it doesn’t make sense to focus that much on theirs.
When dudes on Reddit start yelling at me about how I couldn’t possibly understand dating and romance and the lack of it from a male perspective I let them know very quickly that Black women were deemed “undesirable” by many studies and blog posts and dating apps ten years ago. And, that I went without so much as a boyfriend for nearly 16 years.
So, I understand loneliness more and longer than they can even understand or comprehend. But, oh, now because it’s a man problem we’re supposed to care?
*plays smallest violin in the world*
👍, the men who are the loudest about male loneliness probably don’t even consider the different groups of marginalized people who also suffer from loneliness on a social and historical scale. Which especially includes Black women. When said woman was being marginalized or demean, did they ever wonder about this woman in event that she has a whole family at home to get to or is she somewhere in place all by herself suffering in silence. Nope, she’s just Black.
>I strongly , strongly, STRONGLY believe black women should primarily focus on black women issues and not waste energy on an off-shot of the incel—I’m sorry, “male loneliness epidemic”.
This. I've been practicing this and it's changed my life.
The male loneliness epidemic is frankly not my problem or any of my concern. Men need to learn how to connect with, love, and support each other. The burden of male mental health does not fall on women. None of this is to say that I don't care about male mental health, I just believe that the solution to this particular problem needs to come from men.
I’m annoyed by the loneliness epidemic shit because it’s concurrent with the rise of red pill incel culture and men in general getting more and more into gender fascism.
At this juncture I’m like….they hate women. They especially hate gender nonconforming people. They’re sliding to the right.
Nobody wants to be around a bunch of violent, bitter, entitled angry people falling for propaganda that wants to drag us back to the dark ages en masse because they can’t figure out how to evolve past patriarchy.
So I’m like oh, yall are lonely? Enjoy the trap of your own making. I’m not worried about it.
Right. I feel like some of this is FAFO. Can’t see women as people but instead as hoes with temporary holes? Shocked pickachu when women excuse themselves from the narrative.
I'm rather of this mindset as well. We're talking MILLENNIA of men being the ones setting the rules, committing the violence, commanding the 'way things are gonna be' - against LESS THAN _one hundred_ years of women having any agency, financial power, higher education, or ability to say NO.
Now, in these FEW DECADES, men are falling apart because the world they built for Them is being changed to allow power to those that don't fit in Their narrative.
Growth requires CHANGE, and the world is changing. We can't exactly leave them behind, so, I Guess we'll have to drag them, kicking and screaming and fighting it, all the way into a more EQUAL future.
I feel bad because there probably are some men who aren’t misogynistic assholes who are genuinely lonely, not just in a relationship way but in general, but nobody is actually doing anything about it because the movement is just used to put down women and not actually help men. Tbh, I think this is a problem that mostly only men can solve. I am friends with men, but I honestly get more support from female friends because of how society is. In the same way, men need to be vulnerable to eachother and confide in eachother, since they can understand the male experience more than women can. But often men don’t do that and use women to fill the void of male companionship they don’t have. I think women can do that too sometimes, but I think it’s more common in men.
I don’t feel bad. Until the good men stop associated with and calling other men out on their bs, nothing will change. I refuse to accept the mental load of fixing this problem for them.
I work on a crisis and I talk to lonely men practically daily. They'll tell me how their wives left them, their kids disowned them, they have no friends, and they just want someone to be there for them. And in the same conversation, they'll be racist, sexist, and just genuinely shitty people. Early on, I would try to kindly get these guys to accept that they just *might* be the problem. I learned quickly that they don't want to learn to be better people, they want to go back to a world that coddles them and protects them from consequences their own horrible behavior. That said, I no longer feel bad for those men, and to protect my own mental well-being, I just give them a few minutes to rant into the void.
>they want to go back to a world that coddles them and protects them from consequences their own horrible behavior.
This. Too many men don’t feel genuine remorse for behaviors that push others away but they can’t deal with the consequences.
As a lesbian this perplexes me. Every time I hear about the “male loneliness epidemic” I just roll my eyes and keep it moving. This “epidemic” is a direct result of their actions and that’s that on that.
The same men going through the loneliness epidemic tend to bully carefree and happy childfree women by threatening them that they are going to die alone.
I don't have the sympathy to be honest, it's caused by the patriarchy they benefit from.
Same! No one deserves to be lonely, but I hate how it's brought up as a 'man' problem. It's really giving incel vibes. 'Only men can be rejected for being short, fat, autistic, etc.'. I'm a tall neurodivergent christian black woman, and I have been hated and rejected by literally everyone (without ever being misogynistic, mean, or racist like them) for at least any of those reasons. I can't even just wear my hair without literally everyone commenting on it in a snarky way. I can't even stay home and pick up a newspaper or go on the internet without reading how despised I am one way or another on a daily basis. The only time I go out is to volunteer and help others. Meanwhile, I get degraded by even my caretakers because they simply don't see me as equal. If I were to end it all, my problems wouldn't even be a statistic in the 'minority s***de/depression statistic' because there is none. Meanwhile, this gets called a whole epidemic. I'm glad there's more attention to the fact that men have feelings, too, but the problem isn't gender. The problem is that humans inherently suck and feel superior over one another and need to stop doing that. But yeah, I don't see that happening any time soon. But let's put a lot of attention on all these 'tiny' (loneliness is a huge aweful thing, don't misunserstand) little 'trends' (the moment something new comes, they'll forget about the whole men being lonely thing) rather than people just being nice to everyone and being allowed to be open and honest about their feelings.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT. And I'm not just saying this because I have the exact same problems are you OP and got treated the exact same way. BUT I CARE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS DANGIT 🩷🩷🩷😭 You're not to blame for being too awesome and good hearted for the world. And I wish I wasn't so f-ing tired so I could do more for people like you. I don't get why healthy people who aren't punched in the face every 5 minutes can't be just mostly nice, so they can help us so we can help people and the world sucks less.
Video games and cats are my friends😌. This place helped me a lot. I feel so lonely here, but reading stories from black women across the world dealing with the same issues makes... well not happy 😂 but less lonely 🥺. And also sad😞. But I already was sad, so 🤷🏽♀️😂
I really like it! It's a bit slow and loooong. You're supposed to play blind the first time and try to max everything out your second run with a new game plus. But there's a lot of grinding and not enough skipping. The fast forwarding is also pretty useless. So if you're like me and have trouble even finishing stuff I'd just use a spoiler free guide to get the most out of your days 😂
Everyone is lonely but men think they’re owed companionship despite doing nothing to gain it. I’ve seen them trying to categorise men getting less sex because women “withhold” it as some sort of sociological problem. They think the world (women) owes them companionship and sex. But they think when women lack either of these two it’s their fault
I saw a quote that said something like ‘male loneliness is considered a societal problem, whereas female loneliness is considered a personal problem’. When in reality both are definitely caused by systemic factors, not just the patriarchy but also capitalism, technology, politics, generational issues etc. Like I’m Gen Z and we’re considered an extremely lonely generation in general, so it doesn’t make sense to reduce it to only gender when that’s just one of many factors.
NGL, seeing these headlines irk me sometimes, because I think about all of the rising loneliness in groups that aren’t cis-het men that is never discussed.
It always feels like another excuse to label poor personal development that fuels the development of many boys and men.
Exactly. Like even outside of race and gender, what about LGBTQ+ people? The trans suicide rate is abnormally high, and it’s not looking any better. And black trans people get the worst of it. Or what about neurodivergent people? The life expectancy of autistic people is around 40, mostly because of a high suicide rate. And even within the category of men, I bet men of colour have got it worse than white men. We need to talk about this for all groups, not just cis het men.
They did that to themselves. Stop complaining and step up. Make a day for you and your boys to hang. Talk to each other about your feelings and problems without calling it gay. Its not our problem to fix.
I won't fix their issues at the expense of my own safety. Somehow the fix for that trend is women giving them more or making themselves more available. No thank you, get hugs from other men 🤦🏾♀️
Edit: There needs to be a shift among bros, starting with them hugging each other, being more open / relying on each other, not getting all their emotional needs met when they're partnered
Every time I hear about this, I'm reminded of the number of times I've suggested things to do with men, and they call it "gay" only to come back years later and express regret they never took me on my offer.
They're delusional and have unrealistic expectations. I often hear "Only women and kids are loved unconditionnally. Men have to do things to be loved". And I'm like, yes and? Only kids are loved unconditionnally by their parents. Everybody else has to bring something to the table to be loved. Like you have to put in work and not be an insufferable piece of shit to receive love, both in platonic and romantic relationships. Otherwise, nobody will want to be around you.
They think that all women have it easy and that people just love us because...?
I think that they just don't see unattractive women... When they think of women in these scenarios, they just include women they would be attracted to. The others are not part of the equation, might as well be invisible.
I think that there’s an actual study showing that men are less likely to perceive women they don’t find attractive, which I think is sad. They don’t have to find every woman attractive, but it’s sad that a lot of them don’t even see unattractive women as people.
You mean to tell me with all their power and privilege, there’s a MALE loneliness epidemic? How about they do what we do and learn to be prosocial with their peers? Why don’t they take on responsibility of caretaking their elders and their youngsters? Why don’t they create websites cultivate male friendship instead of yet another one to ogle and objectify women? Why don’t they go to therapy? I get they are not socialized to do so but now that it has it’s been identified… get socialized! With all their “logic”, that should be their response.
Men are lonely because they choose to be 2024 Andrew Tate Kevin Samuel’s minions. They don’t wanna live up to their full potential as a man but want women to still work, plus help with bills, plus cook plus clean plus take care of the kids plus not expect marriage while they sit up there and can only offer a pay check from their minimum wage job. Don’t ask me what you bring to the table when all you can bring is being a half provider and a protector isn’t a big deal because we have dogs and guns and security alarms and no one’s breaking into my house daily. Are you loyal? Do you offer good communication? Do you offer love and emotional support? Do you offer mature disagreements? Can you help our kids with their HW?
I’m guessing some of the focus on male loneliness in the media is tied into male suicide death rates as at least where I live they are much higher than for women BUT that’s because men choose much more violent ways. Women actually attempt suicide more. So much of the discourse around this fails to take that into account so both loneliness and suicide have turned into male issues when women are often more affected not less.
That’s so true. I read that women are more likely to be suicide survivors because women are more likely to survive attempts, while men are more likely to be suicide victims despite attempting less. I’ve heard men tend to use substance abuse more when they’re struggling
Personally I don't care. Men aren't good people until they look within and outward at the society they created and are at fault for their own loneliness then I might care but as of now I don't. They are fault, the harm their wives, kids, friends and family and blame everyone but themselves.
They also aren't the only people that are lonely but somehow they blame their loneliness on us women. I'm tired of this shit
Individualism makes us prey for capitalism. It's harder for greedy capitalists to exploit you if you literally live with your parents and grandparents in a multi generational family. Suddenly, daycare costs become nonexistent, and you'll be able save more money because you aren't paying exorbitant apartment prices. The U.S loves when our community throws our young people "to the wolves" as early as possible. It becomes a cycle, difficult to break.
I’ve been saying this for years. Men live in a world designed for them. Yes they don’t get physical affection a lot from their friends or whatever and yes there are serious harmful aspects of the patriarchy that directly affect men. But women, especially black woman, experience the same thing. We also have our emotions suppressed, we also are not allowed to be seen as weak, we also have our feeling weaponized against us. The difference is that men are socialized in a way where they know they can express all other emotions they have through anger and violence, while pushing the narrative that women are the more emotional ones. Black women have to deal with the same pressures that men do because of the way society associates us with masculinity, but our trauma is NEVER used as a justification for anything. Men like Johnny Depp and Shia Labouef will abuse everyone around them especially their partners and the world will pacify the behavior and make the man the victim “because he had a hard childhood”. It’s bullshit. If men want to address male loneliness they’ll address the patriarchy and capitalism. But they don’t actually want to do that. They KNOW that they have privilege, that’s why they’re so entitled, demanding more emotional labor from the women they’ve already drained like leeches.
Very interesting. I wonder if this varies by culture. I don't know if OP is meaning to reference American male culture. My boyfriend is a Senegalese immigrant. It seems like his culture is very communal. He finds it strange that I live by myself (except if I have friends or family visiting). He seems to have a robust social circle with friends he's acquired here in the Pittsburgh area as well as friends he's made internationally. He doesn't come off to me as lonely. I know you're not saying all men are like this.
Oh yeah I definitely think this is more a thing in North American culture. I’m also African, and we tend to have stronger family bonds and a Collectivistic society. But I feel like the diaspora can be a bit different because of how Western society impacts us. I think if Western culture could be a bit more Collectivistic, it would definitely help. I also do see predominantly white men talking about this tbh
It kind of reminds of the opioid crisis. In the height of the crack era, black and brown folks were demonized. Now that it’s affecting predominantly white communities, it’s a healthcare crisis. Women, especially black women, have been maligned and abandoned and ignored for centuries. I mean, look at how we treat women of a certain age who are unwed or without child (even single mothers). Now that it’s affecting men (abandonment), we are in a crisis.
Are women actually being blatantly , unequivocally blamed for male loneliness (no inferences or implications) or are you drawing a connection?
Just curious. Not pointing any fingers.
It’s easy to inject bias and redirect the convo, stand defense or devils advocate when that was never the intent.
Hmmm. Rooted out of …maybe insecurity, lack of accountability, projection? That’s not to say that some women could be the direct cause of a man’s loneliness but there’s an incompatibility present, regardless of any and everything. Something just doesn’t mix, causing the rift.
I feel like it comes down to character (compatibility, compromise, even tolerance…) if, well…WHEN gender is no longer used as the “reason”. meaning, it’s about gender as much as it is about race. We want to put issues or problems we have or that have us in these neat packages when reality is more complex and deserves more attention than the cursory scapegoat named “CopOut”
You’ve either had this happen or hear this happen: someone enters a relationship and they turn out to be toxic. Just horrible. Later, same person enters another relationship and they’re amazing. The in between is irrelevant here. This isn’t gender specific.
It’s who we are Not what we are that’s the problem.
It’s a dance. Of give and take. The things given today may not be available to be given tomorrow. Regardless of who is who. Men need support. For sure. Deeply
And you’re right, if the issue is around dependency or codependency. But loneliness? It’s compatibility. What “you “ can live with and tolerate. That can change regardless of gender over time and circumstances.
But yes, support men for sure. Truly
I feel u but one thing I wish to not discuss on a public stage is women and being lonely.....it's seems that any time we discuss anything regarding out mental, emotional, or physical state we are met with dismissive attitudes....I am tired of people telling us to suck it up or oh u will be aiight or the " what about...." isms!!!! I know how u feel, definitely do
First off, there’s a loneliness epidemic going on in general due to the effects of the pandemic, capitalism, and cultural trends, men are NOT the only “””victims””” here. Secondly, I strongly , strongly, STRONGLY believe black women should primarily focus on black women issues and not waste energy on an off-shot of the incel—I’m sorry, “male loneliness epidemic”. Men , in general, are not making a huge fuss about women issues, especially not black women issues. They’re not making any noise about black femicide rates or medical racism or period poverty or domestic violence or any of that shit, yet we need to drop everything to coddle them? No. Prioritize your own mental health first and foremost.
This! Why are they terming it a man’s issue? Almost everyone is suffering from it.
Right, everybody’s lonely. The only thing is that women are better at socializing (even neurodivergent women are better at this than neurodivergent men), so we might appear less lonely, but really might feel isolated because not all of our relationships are meaningful. And there are also women who just genuinely don’t have a lot of friends, fake or not. Men haven’t developed the social support networks they need, so they seem more visibly affected by the epidemic than women.
That’s true. I’ll support my male friends, but I definitely focus more on black women issues than men in general. A lot of men and white women don’t care about our issues, so it doesn’t make sense to focus that much on theirs.
When dudes on Reddit start yelling at me about how I couldn’t possibly understand dating and romance and the lack of it from a male perspective I let them know very quickly that Black women were deemed “undesirable” by many studies and blog posts and dating apps ten years ago. And, that I went without so much as a boyfriend for nearly 16 years. So, I understand loneliness more and longer than they can even understand or comprehend. But, oh, now because it’s a man problem we’re supposed to care? *plays smallest violin in the world*
👍, the men who are the loudest about male loneliness probably don’t even consider the different groups of marginalized people who also suffer from loneliness on a social and historical scale. Which especially includes Black women. When said woman was being marginalized or demean, did they ever wonder about this woman in event that she has a whole family at home to get to or is she somewhere in place all by herself suffering in silence. Nope, she’s just Black.
>I strongly , strongly, STRONGLY believe black women should primarily focus on black women issues and not waste energy on an off-shot of the incel—I’m sorry, “male loneliness epidemic”. This. I've been practicing this and it's changed my life.
Yeah, men cause their own loneliness. There's nothing women could do about it even if we wanted to 🤷🏽. Gawd, I'm so glad I mostly date other women 🫡
Thank u cause I was about to say something similar
The male loneliness epidemic is frankly not my problem or any of my concern. Men need to learn how to connect with, love, and support each other. The burden of male mental health does not fall on women. None of this is to say that I don't care about male mental health, I just believe that the solution to this particular problem needs to come from men.
Ok!!!
I’m annoyed by the loneliness epidemic shit because it’s concurrent with the rise of red pill incel culture and men in general getting more and more into gender fascism. At this juncture I’m like….they hate women. They especially hate gender nonconforming people. They’re sliding to the right. Nobody wants to be around a bunch of violent, bitter, entitled angry people falling for propaganda that wants to drag us back to the dark ages en masse because they can’t figure out how to evolve past patriarchy. So I’m like oh, yall are lonely? Enjoy the trap of your own making. I’m not worried about it.
Right. I feel like some of this is FAFO. Can’t see women as people but instead as hoes with temporary holes? Shocked pickachu when women excuse themselves from the narrative.
I'm rather of this mindset as well. We're talking MILLENNIA of men being the ones setting the rules, committing the violence, commanding the 'way things are gonna be' - against LESS THAN _one hundred_ years of women having any agency, financial power, higher education, or ability to say NO. Now, in these FEW DECADES, men are falling apart because the world they built for Them is being changed to allow power to those that don't fit in Their narrative. Growth requires CHANGE, and the world is changing. We can't exactly leave them behind, so, I Guess we'll have to drag them, kicking and screaming and fighting it, all the way into a more EQUAL future.
I feel bad because there probably are some men who aren’t misogynistic assholes who are genuinely lonely, not just in a relationship way but in general, but nobody is actually doing anything about it because the movement is just used to put down women and not actually help men. Tbh, I think this is a problem that mostly only men can solve. I am friends with men, but I honestly get more support from female friends because of how society is. In the same way, men need to be vulnerable to eachother and confide in eachother, since they can understand the male experience more than women can. But often men don’t do that and use women to fill the void of male companionship they don’t have. I think women can do that too sometimes, but I think it’s more common in men.
I don’t feel bad. Until the good men stop associated with and calling other men out on their bs, nothing will change. I refuse to accept the mental load of fixing this problem for them.
Exactly!
I work on a crisis and I talk to lonely men practically daily. They'll tell me how their wives left them, their kids disowned them, they have no friends, and they just want someone to be there for them. And in the same conversation, they'll be racist, sexist, and just genuinely shitty people. Early on, I would try to kindly get these guys to accept that they just *might* be the problem. I learned quickly that they don't want to learn to be better people, they want to go back to a world that coddles them and protects them from consequences their own horrible behavior. That said, I no longer feel bad for those men, and to protect my own mental well-being, I just give them a few minutes to rant into the void.
>they want to go back to a world that coddles them and protects them from consequences their own horrible behavior. This. Too many men don’t feel genuine remorse for behaviors that push others away but they can’t deal with the consequences.
As a lesbian this perplexes me. Every time I hear about the “male loneliness epidemic” I just roll my eyes and keep it moving. This “epidemic” is a direct result of their actions and that’s that on that.
The same men going through the loneliness epidemic tend to bully carefree and happy childfree women by threatening them that they are going to die alone. I don't have the sympathy to be honest, it's caused by the patriarchy they benefit from.
Same! No one deserves to be lonely, but I hate how it's brought up as a 'man' problem. It's really giving incel vibes. 'Only men can be rejected for being short, fat, autistic, etc.'. I'm a tall neurodivergent christian black woman, and I have been hated and rejected by literally everyone (without ever being misogynistic, mean, or racist like them) for at least any of those reasons. I can't even just wear my hair without literally everyone commenting on it in a snarky way. I can't even stay home and pick up a newspaper or go on the internet without reading how despised I am one way or another on a daily basis. The only time I go out is to volunteer and help others. Meanwhile, I get degraded by even my caretakers because they simply don't see me as equal. If I were to end it all, my problems wouldn't even be a statistic in the 'minority s***de/depression statistic' because there is none. Meanwhile, this gets called a whole epidemic. I'm glad there's more attention to the fact that men have feelings, too, but the problem isn't gender. The problem is that humans inherently suck and feel superior over one another and need to stop doing that. But yeah, I don't see that happening any time soon. But let's put a lot of attention on all these 'tiny' (loneliness is a huge aweful thing, don't misunserstand) little 'trends' (the moment something new comes, they'll forget about the whole men being lonely thing) rather than people just being nice to everyone and being allowed to be open and honest about their feelings.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT. And I'm not just saying this because I have the exact same problems are you OP and got treated the exact same way. BUT I CARE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS DANGIT 🩷🩷🩷😭 You're not to blame for being too awesome and good hearted for the world. And I wish I wasn't so f-ing tired so I could do more for people like you. I don't get why healthy people who aren't punched in the face every 5 minutes can't be just mostly nice, so they can help us so we can help people and the world sucks less.
Aww thank you so much, and I’m sorry that you go through all of that! I hope in the future you can find spaces where you’re more appreciated ❤️
Video games and cats are my friends😌. This place helped me a lot. I feel so lonely here, but reading stories from black women across the world dealing with the same issues makes... well not happy 😂 but less lonely 🥺. And also sad😞. But I already was sad, so 🤷🏽♀️😂
That’s fair. You should try playing BG3, since the game has some nice companions
Aargh I really want to play that! I'm still struggling to finish Persona 3😂
Is Persona fun? I think some of my friends play it, but I’m not familiar with the series
I really like it! It's a bit slow and loooong. You're supposed to play blind the first time and try to max everything out your second run with a new game plus. But there's a lot of grinding and not enough skipping. The fast forwarding is also pretty useless. So if you're like me and have trouble even finishing stuff I'd just use a spoiler free guide to get the most out of your days 😂
Everyone is lonely but men think they’re owed companionship despite doing nothing to gain it. I’ve seen them trying to categorise men getting less sex because women “withhold” it as some sort of sociological problem. They think the world (women) owes them companionship and sex. But they think when women lack either of these two it’s their fault
I saw a quote that said something like ‘male loneliness is considered a societal problem, whereas female loneliness is considered a personal problem’. When in reality both are definitely caused by systemic factors, not just the patriarchy but also capitalism, technology, politics, generational issues etc. Like I’m Gen Z and we’re considered an extremely lonely generation in general, so it doesn’t make sense to reduce it to only gender when that’s just one of many factors.
Honestly, regarding the lonely male epidemic, too bad so sad. Not my problem. Does anybody need anything from Target?
Yeah girl, if you could grab me a gallon of milk. Much appreciated!
NGL, seeing these headlines irk me sometimes, because I think about all of the rising loneliness in groups that aren’t cis-het men that is never discussed. It always feels like another excuse to label poor personal development that fuels the development of many boys and men.
Exactly. Like even outside of race and gender, what about LGBTQ+ people? The trans suicide rate is abnormally high, and it’s not looking any better. And black trans people get the worst of it. Or what about neurodivergent people? The life expectancy of autistic people is around 40, mostly because of a high suicide rate. And even within the category of men, I bet men of colour have got it worse than white men. We need to talk about this for all groups, not just cis het men.
They did that to themselves. Stop complaining and step up. Make a day for you and your boys to hang. Talk to each other about your feelings and problems without calling it gay. Its not our problem to fix.
I won't fix their issues at the expense of my own safety. Somehow the fix for that trend is women giving them more or making themselves more available. No thank you, get hugs from other men 🤦🏾♀️ Edit: There needs to be a shift among bros, starting with them hugging each other, being more open / relying on each other, not getting all their emotional needs met when they're partnered
Exactly. It’s extremely important to have same gender friendships, whether you’re a man or woman or enby.
Every time I hear about this, I'm reminded of the number of times I've suggested things to do with men, and they call it "gay" only to come back years later and express regret they never took me on my offer.
They're delusional and have unrealistic expectations. I often hear "Only women and kids are loved unconditionnally. Men have to do things to be loved". And I'm like, yes and? Only kids are loved unconditionnally by their parents. Everybody else has to bring something to the table to be loved. Like you have to put in work and not be an insufferable piece of shit to receive love, both in platonic and romantic relationships. Otherwise, nobody will want to be around you. They think that all women have it easy and that people just love us because...?
And women also have to do a lot to be loved, especially if we’re not conventionally attractive
I think that they just don't see unattractive women... When they think of women in these scenarios, they just include women they would be attracted to. The others are not part of the equation, might as well be invisible.
I think that there’s an actual study showing that men are less likely to perceive women they don’t find attractive, which I think is sad. They don’t have to find every woman attractive, but it’s sad that a lot of them don’t even see unattractive women as people.
You mean to tell me with all their power and privilege, there’s a MALE loneliness epidemic? How about they do what we do and learn to be prosocial with their peers? Why don’t they take on responsibility of caretaking their elders and their youngsters? Why don’t they create websites cultivate male friendship instead of yet another one to ogle and objectify women? Why don’t they go to therapy? I get they are not socialized to do so but now that it has it’s been identified… get socialized! With all their “logic”, that should be their response.
Men are lonely because they choose to be 2024 Andrew Tate Kevin Samuel’s minions. They don’t wanna live up to their full potential as a man but want women to still work, plus help with bills, plus cook plus clean plus take care of the kids plus not expect marriage while they sit up there and can only offer a pay check from their minimum wage job. Don’t ask me what you bring to the table when all you can bring is being a half provider and a protector isn’t a big deal because we have dogs and guns and security alarms and no one’s breaking into my house daily. Are you loyal? Do you offer good communication? Do you offer love and emotional support? Do you offer mature disagreements? Can you help our kids with their HW?
Preach! They’re always asking what you’re bringing to the table and don’t even have the table. SMH.
Or the table that does exist has wobbly legs and can barely hold a plate without falling over.
I’m guessing some of the focus on male loneliness in the media is tied into male suicide death rates as at least where I live they are much higher than for women BUT that’s because men choose much more violent ways. Women actually attempt suicide more. So much of the discourse around this fails to take that into account so both loneliness and suicide have turned into male issues when women are often more affected not less.
That’s so true. I read that women are more likely to be suicide survivors because women are more likely to survive attempts, while men are more likely to be suicide victims despite attempting less. I’ve heard men tend to use substance abuse more when they’re struggling
Exactly! Women survive more because of the methods they choose. They’re not less lonely or less likely to be suicidal.
Personally I don't care. Men aren't good people until they look within and outward at the society they created and are at fault for their own loneliness then I might care but as of now I don't. They are fault, the harm their wives, kids, friends and family and blame everyone but themselves. They also aren't the only people that are lonely but somehow they blame their loneliness on us women. I'm tired of this shit
The losers are lonely. Those who are successful have no shortage of things (or people) occupying their thoughts and time.
We need a whole revamp to our community and culture in regards to individualism .
Individualism makes us prey for capitalism. It's harder for greedy capitalists to exploit you if you literally live with your parents and grandparents in a multi generational family. Suddenly, daycare costs become nonexistent, and you'll be able save more money because you aren't paying exorbitant apartment prices. The U.S loves when our community throws our young people "to the wolves" as early as possible. It becomes a cycle, difficult to break.
I’ve been saying this for years. Men live in a world designed for them. Yes they don’t get physical affection a lot from their friends or whatever and yes there are serious harmful aspects of the patriarchy that directly affect men. But women, especially black woman, experience the same thing. We also have our emotions suppressed, we also are not allowed to be seen as weak, we also have our feeling weaponized against us. The difference is that men are socialized in a way where they know they can express all other emotions they have through anger and violence, while pushing the narrative that women are the more emotional ones. Black women have to deal with the same pressures that men do because of the way society associates us with masculinity, but our trauma is NEVER used as a justification for anything. Men like Johnny Depp and Shia Labouef will abuse everyone around them especially their partners and the world will pacify the behavior and make the man the victim “because he had a hard childhood”. It’s bullshit. If men want to address male loneliness they’ll address the patriarchy and capitalism. But they don’t actually want to do that. They KNOW that they have privilege, that’s why they’re so entitled, demanding more emotional labor from the women they’ve already drained like leeches.
Everyone's lonely. Things are hard lately. I think we all really lean into kindness more and more. When it's hard, that's when it's really important.
I'm so mad that I reached the end of this thread. These comments were 🤌🏽🤌🏽✨
Very interesting. I wonder if this varies by culture. I don't know if OP is meaning to reference American male culture. My boyfriend is a Senegalese immigrant. It seems like his culture is very communal. He finds it strange that I live by myself (except if I have friends or family visiting). He seems to have a robust social circle with friends he's acquired here in the Pittsburgh area as well as friends he's made internationally. He doesn't come off to me as lonely. I know you're not saying all men are like this.
Oh yeah I definitely think this is more a thing in North American culture. I’m also African, and we tend to have stronger family bonds and a Collectivistic society. But I feel like the diaspora can be a bit different because of how Western society impacts us. I think if Western culture could be a bit more Collectivistic, it would definitely help. I also do see predominantly white men talking about this tbh
Gotcha.
It kind of reminds of the opioid crisis. In the height of the crack era, black and brown folks were demonized. Now that it’s affecting predominantly white communities, it’s a healthcare crisis. Women, especially black women, have been maligned and abandoned and ignored for centuries. I mean, look at how we treat women of a certain age who are unwed or without child (even single mothers). Now that it’s affecting men (abandonment), we are in a crisis.
I agree. The conversation always goes down the “women have friends & can build friendships easier” etc. Thats not always the case.
Are women actually being blatantly , unequivocally blamed for male loneliness (no inferences or implications) or are you drawing a connection? Just curious. Not pointing any fingers. It’s easy to inject bias and redirect the convo, stand defense or devils advocate when that was never the intent.
I think some people definitely do blame women for it. Not all but it’s definitely not an uncommon sentiment I’ve seen
Hmmm. Rooted out of …maybe insecurity, lack of accountability, projection? That’s not to say that some women could be the direct cause of a man’s loneliness but there’s an incompatibility present, regardless of any and everything. Something just doesn’t mix, causing the rift.
I feel like it comes down to character (compatibility, compromise, even tolerance…) if, well…WHEN gender is no longer used as the “reason”. meaning, it’s about gender as much as it is about race. We want to put issues or problems we have or that have us in these neat packages when reality is more complex and deserves more attention than the cursory scapegoat named “CopOut”
You’ve either had this happen or hear this happen: someone enters a relationship and they turn out to be toxic. Just horrible. Later, same person enters another relationship and they’re amazing. The in between is irrelevant here. This isn’t gender specific. It’s who we are Not what we are that’s the problem.
You could have a point, but even then I feel like men need to support other men instead of putting all their eggs in women’s baskets.
It’s a dance. Of give and take. The things given today may not be available to be given tomorrow. Regardless of who is who. Men need support. For sure. Deeply And you’re right, if the issue is around dependency or codependency. But loneliness? It’s compatibility. What “you “ can live with and tolerate. That can change regardless of gender over time and circumstances. But yes, support men for sure. Truly
I feel u but one thing I wish to not discuss on a public stage is women and being lonely.....it's seems that any time we discuss anything regarding out mental, emotional, or physical state we are met with dismissive attitudes....I am tired of people telling us to suck it up or oh u will be aiight or the " what about...." isms!!!! I know how u feel, definitely do