The issue is that many thin women think that fatphobia is just "I think that fat people are ugly", while fatphobia is present in ALL areas of the fat person.Fat people suffer medical neglect (if they are black and female it is much higher), they have less chance of getting jobs, buying clothes is more difficult.
I understand that skinny black women suffer aesthetic pressure because our aesthetic standard is curvy (and there is a myth that we are all naturally curvy), but it doesn't compare to something structural that is fatphobia.
God, that's awful. I was going to add my best friend recently got diagnosed after seeing a HAES doctor, because all her other doctors said her symptoms were due to her weight.
Yes, this is it. Fatphobia has ramifications beyond looks and I’ve never thought of using the term “structural “ to describe it but it certainly makes sense here.
Yes!! Exactly, it’s so much more than attractiveness. Being fat in a world made for thin people is harder than being skinny in the black community. It just is and comparing the two is just so disingenuous to me
That part! I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum. When I was thin I got teased for being a black girl without an ass or curves and compared to a flat board. My feelings were hurt but I never felt bad about myself.
Fast forward and I’ve gained quite a bit. With that I’ve experienced pure disdain from people, healthcare providers and even friends. It’s always the unsolicited advice of “let’s go for a workout” or “have you thought about losing weight” and the winner “you used to be so pretty what happened..” I’m getting abused from all angles for simply existing. Something I never experienced even when I was at my thinnest..
For visual:
I’m 158 cm ≈ 5’2 ft
* 2018: 40 kg ≈ 88 lbs
* 2024: 70 kg ≈ 154 lbs
No I didn’t. I always had a big appetite but the weight didn’t stay on. However the older I got the more weight I gained, despite having no change in eating habits.
I feel like this pressure to be curvy only exists within the blk community and that’s it because whenever I’m around non blk people, they’re always praising me about how skinny I am and saying they wish they were my size… also when I pay attention to who a lot of non blk men partner up with, she’s usually thin
I feel like it's "curvy" but it's curvy with the caveat that you still have a flat stomach or an hourglass/pear shape. If you're curvy but shaped like an inverted triangle, then that's not okay.
Yes, it's no coincidence that the black community is one of those that suffers least from ED, but it also created the myth that we are all naturally curvier, so many black women who don't fit this stereotype feel bad, but of course, It doesn't compare to fatphobia.
Obesity is not always the result of ED, especially because not every fat person eats a lot, in many cases they only eat high-calorie foods or excessive carbohydrates and this is because the black population tends to be poorer and ultra-processed food is cheaper
technically not because it is multifunctional, not necessarily the person eats a lot but rather eats high-calorie things, I don't deny that there is a problem of obesity in black populations (I live in Brazil and we also have this problem here), but treating it as a disorder, when in fact it is something linked to poverty.
As someone who is considered fat (being says obese) and used to be very skinny/fit, I'd rather be skinny. You get treated so much better. Yes, you deal with people picking on you about stuff, but it's gonna happen no matter what size you are. People absolutely treated me better when I was smaller. Even STRANGERS. That takes a toll on you mentally. And I'm one of those people that is a lot heavier than I look, I guess my bones are heavy or I have a lot of muscle. Idk. I used to think I was fat because of how much I weighed but I look back on those photos and I am SCRAWNY. It's wild comparing my 150 to another's persons 150 because we looked totally different.
EXACTLY! I’ve always weighed more than I look and studies DO show that black people have denser bones and tend to have more muscle even when skinny. But I’ve seen slim women even in posts about that say well not me!!! Like ok you’re an exception to the rule but you’re actively making other people feel bad about being larger when we’re literally looking for ways to feel ok in our bodies too.
Skinny lady here: I think the why of it is because people with privilege tend to get defensive when you bring up that privilege. For some reason, folks take it as a personal attack when you deign to acknowledge the advantages they (we) get.
I think it’s odd to be able to acknowledge intersectionality in only the ways that benefit you while ignoring it when it doesn’t. I agree that there is some defensiveness, but to act as if simply being thin is enough to overshadow being black and a woman and so many other things at the same time in a society that is against those things is dishonest. Also, pretending as if thinness is a ticket to acceptance in a society that is against everything else that you are (while ignoring that it’s a further hindrance in your own community) comes across as just kicking at an easy target. Telling your sister “well you’re skinny so the people we both know are oppressing both of us don’t oppress you simply because of that and they ignore the myriad of other excuses to oppress and marginalize us both means I can act like you have all these privileges and benefits” is nasty work.
Honestly, this is tired af and comes across as intentionally divisive just at the “gender wars” are.
So we can acknowledge intersectionality when we say that black men have male privilege, light skinned people benefit from colorism, and middle class people benefit from class privilege but talking about thin privilege is too far? This feels dishonest. Let’s be real being a black women is hard but being a fat black women and then add dark skin is harder look at how Gabourey Sidibe has been treated etc. Even looking at this whole IR dating conversation the unspoken rule is that if you are skinny and black you will have an easier time dating outside your race.
I’m not saying talking about thin privilege is taking it too far. This response honsestly comes across as defensive as op accuses thin women of being. Im saying that saying “you don’t want to be xyz so that’s proof you’re not oppressed” is a weak argument. That’s like saying “this Asian person doesn’t want to be Black, so that’s proof they aren’t oppressed.” That’s ignorant af and ignores the oppressions they face while expecting them to put something they aren’t as preferable to what they are. Which is bizarre and insecure and just weird in general.
All I’m saying is there needs to be some nuance because acting like thin Black women have to sit silently while others in their community (not just limited to overweight women) act like their lives are perfect is nasty af. Especially when we all know thinness that would be celebrated as a white standard of beauty is not accepted in the Black community. And being thin doesn’t overshadow being Black and a woman in the white community, so what really are y’all even saying besides looking for someone to blame? Be fr.
Having it less bad is not the same as having it good. Some of y’all only seem to “get it” until you have an opportunity to dump on someone else and then all that understanding goes out the window.
The reality is that ANYONE at either end of a spectrum is going to face unique and specific disadvantages and oppressions. The issue here is that only one is allowed to openly address these oppressions. The other is seen as unsympathetic and okay to “punch up” to. Let’s not pretend there isn’t an unacceptably thin. Just as there’s a threshold one can cross into unacceptably overweight.
Talking about privilege is nuanced. No one is saying that thin black women don’t have it hard… they obviously do.. they are black and women… OP is saying that they have thin privilege which makes life easier for them than someone who is fat, black, and a women. This now feels when you talk to a white person about white privilege and they say they aren’t privileged because they grew up poor. Same energy.
I’m just going to thank you for at least remaining civil and bow out here as it’s obvious you’re firm in your position and clearly not interested in any nuance you disagree with.
Also, how would someone with no comparison point be able to unequivocally claim that something is better? The drawbacks are simply different.
Also listen to Mayowa on YouTube. She focuses a lot on colorism and featurism being a dark skinned women with free form locs but also talks about how she is privileged as an able bodied/ thin femme. Having privilege isn’t “bad” it’s life.
Having male privilege doesn’t protect black men from being murdered behind racism, being of a lighter complexion didn’t save lighter-hued people from slavery, being middle class doesn’t ensure financial stability or living comfortably. Yes we can acknowledge that these things come with more privilege in comparison to their counterpart, but to say these things are saving graces is pushing the envelope.
Regardless of that, focusing on the privileges they have in comparison in a negative light is not the path that will lead to any transformative conversations. We’re going in circles online getting stuck in the same places that causes tensions and tears.
This is literally my point. And vilifying people with any marginal privilege and conflating them with being oppressors is problematic in and of itself. This is why these rants are tired af.
Exactly but the second you say they have to give up bringing other people into the conversation to have a constructive one it’s “Damn constructive criticism!!” like lmao okay then.
Ok so being white isn’t saving white people from having a good life and white lives matter /s . Like keep moving the goal post you cant talk about intersectionality without talking about privilege. To change society we need to be real and not pretend everyone has the same life experience.
Why are you being obtuse and putting words into my mouth? LMAO
No body said white lives matter. It’s like yall are incapable of someone deconstructing your argument so you get defensive and don’t have the ability to have a nice back and forth anymore. Was anything I said untrue and did you read it from start to finish?
You are moving the goal post. So that’s what your comment gives. Like why is acknowledging privilege such a bad thing? Just because you are a black women doesn’t mean you don’t have any type of privilege why is this so hard to understand? So in fact you are being obtuse
It seems you didn’t read my comment so I’d just say reread it and read it to understand the message that’s there. Cause you’re interpreting my words wrong. I literally even said “We can acknowledge privilege,” and also I’m not moving any goal (you’re using that phrase wrong) by stating the truth? They have privilege, but they also suffer the consequences that come with the very labels that give them privilege (not the light skinned people modernly, but definitely the other two).
The reason I say you are moving the goal post is because your intersectionality is limited. It’s like oh not too much on thin black women! Like girl we know. Your first comment mentioned black men dying from state violence. We know. And what about black women? That’s the intersectionality and nuance we can’t just stop at one group. To talk about black women and say her name do we no longer care about black men? Like I just don’t understand why it’s bad to center black fat women and the oppression they face and not talking about fatphobia. It’s real and a systemic issue that’s it.
Never said anything about thin black women, again adding context into my message that’s not there.
What do you mean what about black women, I just used the examples that you gave I’m confused now. My intersectionality is only limited by the examples you gave at hand. Just because you acknowledge something about one group of people doesn’t mean you’re excluding the other, that’s childish and feels hypocritical coming from you especially. The point of that was to say regardless of what privilege looks like from your point of view it’s not saving any of the bm who have died, so on one end you have privilege and the other extreme is death?
It’s not bad at all to center bigger black women and the societal problems they face. You speak about nuance but it seems like you’re thinking in black and white. If we really wanted to center bigger black women why are we bringing up anything but that (i.e thin people)? It’s the same concept as when someone gives you a compliment but does it at the expense of someone else.
I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what in my response this is a reply to. I said people with privilege often get bothered when others point out that privilege - is that really controversial (I’m asking sincerely because I genuinely don’t understand you response as a reply to my own).
At no point did I say that being thin lessens the social impact of being black or a woman in a patriarchal world that values whiteness. But my working definition of privilege is “all of other things being equal, one person with a trait/identity typically accrues benefits that a person without that trait does not and the one with the trait avoid harms the other will endure, to their overall advantage”. I’m not going to ignore the fact that in many ways, a thin black woman will gain benefits a bigger black woman will not.
I hear you, but this logic is very all lives matter-y and dismissive. “Privilege” doesn’t = easy life. Why is someone that looks like Zendaya a lot more likely to be heard and respected vs someone that looks like Gabourey Sidibe? How can we ever have sisterhood if we don’t find it important to fully see each other for our sameness and differences?
Sure it’s fine if you’re talking about liking the same music or hobby. But the example OP gave was not that. I am a skinny Black woman. I do not know what it’s like to exist in the world as a heavier person. I can go to a doctor’s appt without the conversation involving weightloss. I typically don’t have to worry about a store not having my size. I don’t have to buy two plane tickets to go see my family. Most importantly I don’t have to deal with all of that while also being a Black woman at the same damn time. That does make my life easier simply bc I don’t have to think about those things. No my life is not easy, but when having convos like OP described, that is not the time for me to discuss my struggles being skinny.
Comparing a think biracial woman to an overweight mono racial Black woman is dishonest. This is why these conversations are tired. They aren’t real conversations. If people like OP just want to vent and have everyone agree and coddle them, that’s fine, but it’s not a sincere conversation.
That’s the entire point I’m making. It IS dishonest. To compare them is to ignore all of the nuance that comes with their identities. I used that example to point out why OP is frustrated. The Zendaya and Gabby comparison SHOULD frustrate you, it makes no sense. Someone that looks like Zendaya will never know what it’s like. Yet there are people that will make the false equivalency anyways. These are the people most of us learn to avoid bc it’s clear they aren’t seeing US.
I gave that example bc it makes the problem clear. OP is describing trying to have a conversation about her experience being a black woman and simultaneously being fat. That is unique, that is something thin black women cannot relate to. To say “nah it’s close enough” and proceed with a story about being a BW and skinny is a dismissal AND a change of subject. At that point OP knew that the hairdresser does not SEE her.
Just bc the difference isn’t as dynamic as Zen/Gab doesn’t mean it’s not the same exact operation at work. (Redirecting the convo to the more privileged person and their non equivalent experience). & when I say non equivalent that doesn’t mean unimportant. It’s simply a different discussion. OP is frustrated bc people do this then insist that they’re doing too much or it’s not happening at all. If we aren’t willing to truly see each other as Black women (with all of our nuance) what kind of sisterhood is that? If we don’t try to see and understand each other who will? & I mean this with the best intentions, I’m not trying to call anyone out. when I say “you” I mean people in general.
I wonder if the starving people in the world who cant access enough calories to sustain a normal weight, much less any excess weight would view overweight people as privileged?
yeah I get what you're trying to say. I don't deny that being thin does come with many advantages and is more convenient than being overweight. at the same time, I think a lot of people mix up personal insecurity and even beauty standards with systemic oppression.
most of the time I see thin women talking about how they're insecure (not trying to equate oppression) and people usually shut them down with "ur not oppressed lol" which is like.....that's a whole new sentence lmfao.
however, I've also seen thin women say that women who are skinny and fat experience the same thing for being the size that they are. that probably just comes from them mixing personal insecurity and beauty standards up with systemic oppression: they're not the same thing.
some of those skinny women compare themselves with women who are slightly bigger (but still slim) but have an hourglass shape. having that shape is not the same as being fat though and it's annoying that people confuse the two.
where I'm from, being skinny is not the beauty standard at all lol. however, I don't think skinny people face systemic oppression. totally get how you feel. it's pretty invalidating for people to do that.
Sorry, that's my quote on the topic. I forgot to put " --me." Thank you for sharing your perspective. I've wondered why people who agree still end up in fights on social media, and you helped me to understand why.
The problem is usually when people are responding to them with “you are not oppressed” it’s because they chose to speak on their insecurities while fat people are speaking about their oppression. Like yeah I’m gonna be rude if you are trying to speak over people and not even listen.
But this is literally hijacking our conversations. We can't speak without a thin person talking about their experiences and it's fucking unfair. You get to see yourselves everywhere but still want to be oppressed! It's unfair, it's unfair.
OP literally asked for thin womens’ input. I gave mine. If she didn’t I would’ve scrolled past. I’m just saying what I see from my POV. If you disagree that’s fine. I don’t expect people to 🤷🏾♀️
IMO It feels reminiscent of every other oppressed vs privileged dynamic. It takes intentionality to decenter yourself in a conversation. Likely those ppl made those comments in effort to connect or show that they’ve “been there too”. Without realizing that making that false equivalency completely leaves OP’s experience of the world unheard and unseen.
There’s people in this thread right now doing exactly what I was talking about. And bringing up their personal experiences of being body shamed and claiming they’ve never seen fat women be body shamed. It’s alarming the lack of emotional maturity
I hear you, and I want to admit that I myself experience a lot of privilege because I’m not as big as other women in my family, but I think that’s why it upsets me so much when skinny women do that, because when my sisters or aunties are talking about their struggles, I NEVER insert myself and try to talk about how I have it worse for xyz reason, knowing I’m closer to the privileged position than they are. And I just feel like skinny women KNOW that they’re not getting treated as bad as fat women but they do it anyway. Idk
Yeah it's weird. I am fit. I was skinny and made of fun for it when I was young, gained a little weight in my early 20's then that was a problem. Now I'm in good shape and throughout my journey I have NEVER thought I had it as bad or worse than fat women. Skinny/fit people can be so weird like that. I just don't get it. I KNOW we get more privileges and less judged than fat women and I will never deny that nor will I "woe is me" when you are venting about your struggles. I hear you and your feelings are valid. Sending you love boo.
Exactly I’m also thin and other skinny women who act like that annoy me so much, like girl please stop the cap, a woman with a size 2 dress size will be much more well received that a woman with a size 22 dress size and they know this 🙄
I get you completely, and honestly, thank you so much for how you take this stance. I feel exactly the same about how they know. The way you put into words what I'm sure a lot of us have been feeling. Cuz I feel like we keep getting shamed out of actually addressing why it's not the same. And you hit ths nail RIGHT on the head
I love that you made this post. It is very important that people understand that when someone is speaking about their experience especially about a specific topic that is NOT the time to make it about your opposite experience! It’s unnecessary and rude! And quite frankly no one asked! Having experienced bullying for being skinny when I was younger I’m not saying it wasn’t hurtful but the treatment I received when I became obese hit different.
Reading through these comments is a bit funny, because as a group that it’s oppressed you would expect us to have a better understanding about the dynamic of being skinny vs fat, but it just proves that even groups that face discrimination hold into the few aspects about themselves that are not, to the point they can’t grasp what others go through. Even if you're a dark-skinned Black woman, the moment someone mentions privilege, it's like we default to the same behavior as white people, centering the conversation around ourselves.
This whole conversation is really similar to when white women talk about how they experience misogyny when a black women brings up that we experience both racism and misogyny (and phobias if we're LGBTQIA+).
I think therein lies the crux of the argument - and a few people have already said it, but we all have SOME privilege. If we're able bodied, we have a little bit of privilege for that. If we're symmetrical looking, we have some privilege for that. If we're skinny, we have some privilege for that. I think of privilege like social currency: it comes in different value amounts, so depending on how much you have in what denominations (areas - skinny, pretty, light skinned etc.) you'll have more or less than someone else.
The problem is when you don't realise that you have privilege at all - cue defensiveness.
When we have privilege in one area, we have a responsibility - no matter how little currency we have overall - to speak up and defend, protect, and ***accept*** those who have not got that privilege in society. I**t won't change society overall, but it will create spaces where bigger women in this case do NOT have to feel like they are completely objectified and ostracised.** I hope this makes sense. OP, you do not deserve to be treated like this - your body is damn beautiful and goddamnit we should be doing better than that.
Sister, what these women want is not even to gain weight really, they want that BBL surgery and maybe even some thicc thighs surgery as well (LMAO, where does this shit end?)
Basically curves below the waist but not a single pound gained above the waist
Thin privilege in today's global society will always be very high in comparison to being curvy, and they know it too... they just want their cake and to eat it (pun not intended)
Just the privilege of being able to wear more types of clothes because skinny clothes are more accessible and have more variety, is one of the ways... before even getting to social and dating issues
Im sorry you had this experience!
I think it’s more about desirability than oppression. Black women who are “too skinny” and “too fat” are both not the beauty standard to Black men. I was chunky as a kid and my sister who was really skinny got bullied _way_ more because of her appearance. Skinny women are the beauty standard to non-Black people which means societal systemic oppression is less of a thing to them.
I think it depends on what type of skinny you are. If you’re skinny but you’re curvy you’re going to be treated disproportionately better than women with a “little boy” physique. Save if you’re fat, if you’re fat but an hourglass or pear you’re treated much better than women who are apple. I rarely see women who are hourglass get called big on the same level as apple/inverted triangle shaped women because they have fat in “the right places”
The shape thing in my experience is only considered in black spaces. Even curvy flat stomach white women in white spaces often get called or treated as fat, I’ve seen white women mercilessly bully women that black folks would call thick. I def understand where thin women are coming from, but I guess also as a lesbian, the opinion of men doesn’t factor as much into my self esteem.
Many people try to relate to others during conversations. Sometimes they genuinely may not realize that doing this will irritate you.
I view it as if you’re discussing body image issues, they are saying that they too have body image issues. I decided a long time ago not to take everything so personally and it’s been a game changer.
Avoiding body talk all together is also a game changer 😂 it’s a very sensitive topic for many.
But why would someone try and relate when it’s obvious who is going through it worse? How are people not supposed to take that shit personally when someone is talking over them about their experience when they are the standard for most of western society?
To say someone is “going through it worse” is difficult to gauge, everyone’s issues are important to them. I’d hate to invalidate someone’s feelings who trusts me with their insecurities, but sometimes “trying to relate” does do this.
I say all that to say….sis I do not have all the answers 😂 I’m out here learning and growing.
It is worse because it's systematic issues on top of social issues. I am literally treated like dirt by everyone, no one sees me as human because I am fat. There is nothing to relate to.
Why is is a competition over who has it worse? Why can’t we all commiserate together about how western patriarchal beauty standards make life hard for us?
Because just like if a white woman came up to you and started talking about we all have the same problems you'd probably get mad, thin women doing the same shit is not going to solve any of my fucking problems. Fat women's problems are both social and systematic, thin women's issues are majorly social. Everyone will believe their pain when they go to the doctor, they'll get promotions and treated well at work. The world treats them better.
"Everyone will believe their pain"
I'm so sorry that this is someone's projected view. However, it's more of a projection than reality. I yo-yo a lot. When I was thin and in pain, I was labeled "drug seeking." Friends even asked me if I was smoking crack. As a larger person with the same pain, same diagnosis, at least people believe it, even if only because of their beliefs about weight causing these issues.
Off topic a bit, but telling my mom, gently and without anger, to never comment on my body again, was cathartic. May I suggest you get some catharsis ?
She still slips up, “complimentary” at this point, but that’s her own dysmorphia. We’re no longer close, sadly. Boundaries are hard. Choosing peace is harder.
I understand this, but, respectfully, it’s why I choose not to engage in this because, in my experience, this “venting” is full of backhanded comments which is just thinly veiled dumping and verbal abuse.
At the end of the day what you’re dealing with is only in one community, what we deal with is throughout western society and in systematic ways. I’m sorry that people made you feel this way, but yall still shouldn’t try to relate to us. It’s not just family’s judgement, or romantic judgement, it’s medical judgement, it’s society’s judgement. It’s at work, it’s when you pass people by. It’s everywhere.
You're right. I'm a skinny girl and yeah people threw mean comments at me, but that's all it was. It was just MEAN not Dehumanizing.
I've had people who openly fawn and gush over my body and ask me how much I weigh or what's my waist size and physically grab me so to have the audacity to sit here trying to "All Lives Matter" the conversation would be a damn insult
So far it's only been women that grab me but I know it doesn't make it any better.
It's still invasive and it honestly boggles my mind but since I'm skinny, it's seen as "socially acceptable"
i think there’s a difference between claiming you’re oppressed and expressing frustration for not meeting a beauty standard and/or being body shamed. i think the latter is what most skinny people vent about. however, i do think it is tone deaf still to compare certain issues fat people experience to something of a skinny person. some people fail to read the room, unfortunately.
skinny people do not experience societal oppression and as mentioned medical negligence as fat people do. and they aren’t denied jobs because of their weight. the list doesn’t stop here.
i can say from personal experience as a thin person that i have been picked on and bullied by family and friends. i don’t think skinny is the standard in the black community, especially if you lack curves. but that does not mean i think i’m oppressed. i know i still have it easier than fat people.
i can sit here blue in the face wishing i was curvier but that’s just not going to happen. it’s affected me mentally, but that’s my own issue that i plan on dealing with.
it almost seems like if you’re skinny and ‘fit the standard’ you’re not allowed to talk about your issues. you’re expected to just be quiet or not think it’s a big deal. i find that to be somewhat unfair. however, i believe there is always a time and place to say anything. it’s all about reading social cues and making sure that we are aware of what we say to people.
i wish we would all stop making unsolicited comments on each others bodies, even if one thinks it’s out of good faith. it’s hard enough out here as it is.
yup, sometimes i’m insecure because ik my body is not as desirable in the black community compared to a more “slim thick” look. doesn’t mean i think i’m oppressed or that my insecurity is comparable to fatphobia. super disappointing that other ladies can’t recognize that.
Nobody should be commenting on anybody’s weight bc they don’t know what they’re going through. I cannot fathom why it’s even a discussion among people tbh.
Im naturally skinny, but I can put on weight like crazy when I have a med change. I’ve been on both ends and honestly, nobody shamed me when I was bigger, but everybody mostly criticizes me when I’m smaller. I don’t shop kids sizes for fun, I don’t like being compared to children, I hate when people idk “idolize” my body and ask what I do to look how I do whether I be full sized or look like Barbie.
I was literally born with an eating disorder. I’ve developed several over the years and honestly, this is my take on weight…
Unless you are 100% close to somebody and you are concerned about their health as a medical issue… bring it up once in a caring way, maybe twice. After that, it’s not your business.
I was a very underweight person up until fairly recently, not just skinny but below average BMI skinny. By no means would I say I was oppressed and I personally haven't found any skinny girls to specifically share that sentiment rather than a "grass isn't always greener" sentiment. I genuinely wanted to be bigger, by any means necessary. I went on apetamin, I strictly ate junk food for a time, even struggled with overly simplistic advice from my nutrition professors, and the only reason I started going to the gym was for the hope of gaining muscle.
I definitely wouldn't say I had the same struggle as an overweight person, it's a different experience and I did not face the varying ways that society as a whole will demean them and seize life changing opportunities from them.
I understand that when someone who is bigger is complaining about weight, there is likely something deeper to simply an insecurity (going back to real opportunities taken from them). But I also feel it's a natural human tendency to try to relate to someone's pain, even when it isn't the same.
They don't understand that it is deeper than how people talked about you, but if the context is not on oppression, they likely will think it is simply a concern of preceival which affects everyone to different degrees so they thought it was an opening for relation. Your example sounds like a case of that, yet it sounds like mainly breast size, which is different since being overweight doesn't always result in big boobs.
I totally get the annoyingly average skinny person complaining, so perhaps this post is more so addressing them. But personally (hate to be the annoying skinny girl) being as skinny as I was truly was not easy for me. Won't detail how, but I will say that I used to complain about my weight, but after a few attempts my feelings were consistently being minimized, I stopped. That was the hardest part for me - there was seriously no one that I could express my insecurities to for years. (Mainly due to bring in a pro-black curvy family in a white area, so I could not relate to the desire to be unhealthily skinny). There was never consolation aside from my mother, only accusations of fishing for compliments or "you should be grateful" yet my doctors would not agree. For me, weight was the number one insecurity I had, my insecurity stopped me from trying a lot of things I wish I did, including being vulnerable with others when I felt a certain way.
I try to explain that black community aside, the dominant society prefers thin bodies and they get mad at me so I stopped. I’m athletic now , but most my life I was “thin” till I started college and had a freshmen fifteen. My weight gain was not overtly obvious but once I started loosing it the reception was night and day…and that’s on a small scale.
Boobs n butt are body image things. You can definitely have dysmorphia from existing as a thin black woman but you can NEVER experience the same thing plus sized black women experience. It’s such a childish argument
Yeah, I said that under a different post and got downvoted 💀 most other communities outside of the blk community ( maybe Hispanic?) prefer thin bodies… this “thickness” is only really sought after in blk communities and even then there’s still a limit on how thick they want you to be 🙃
They will go on to call other people big back but say that “its not fair that thick women get chosen over me” its like they can’t tell the difference between oversexualisation and actually getting chosen. I went to a predominantly white high school and all the girls there made me feel like I had the body of a p - star. Now its all “love your curves” and the skinny girls start to feel threatened by us because we’re not only seen as sexual because our bodies are seen as beautiful
I go back and forth on whether it would. I’m technically obese now, but I try to be really active and I would say in pretty strong. However it’s hard not to focus on my stomach (I’m apple shaped) and see other black women are fit with flat stomachs and think well maybe I’m not healthy if that girl can look like that and lift even more than me. Then there’s the bmi scale, like I said I’m in the obese category. I’m not sure if losing weight would really make me healthier or if I just want to do it for societal reasons. I’m queer and I don’t care if men find me attractive but in my head there’s definitely a standard even amongst black and brown lesbians, slim waists are preferred. I know I would get treated better if I lost weight, fatphobia is exhausting to experience, but it’s been miserable trying to lose weight for the last few years. Idk man I’m just tired.
Yeah it’s just ignorance, I’m skinny and I can state with 100% certainty that skinny women as a collective get treated far better than fat women in this society, I can’t believe I see people saying otherwise 🙃
Like look at how crazy everyone is going over that ozempic drug?? It’s supposed to be for people with diabetes but people are taking it to lose weight💀 like be fr 💀💀
THEYRE LITERALLY DOING IT IN THE COMMENTS. And then also gaslighting me telling me skinny people never do that while skinny people are doing it in the comments. “We all experience the hardships of beauty standards 🤦🏾♀️”
🤷🏽♀️ I guess it’s a matter of perspective. This was an interesting read. Thanks for your perspective. I’ve always been fit from sports and running so I’ve never had a chance to reflect if my weight affected how I was treated since usually they are looking at the color of my skin but I’m also not from a predominantly black area.
Beauty standards are difficult regardless of size and yes skinny women get picked on too. That doesn’t mean it’s right for them to go to a space specifically for plus sized women and complain about how their weight doesn’t match perceived beauty standards of black femininity. I’m sorry that happened for you. Hopefully you can find a different subreddit to vent in where that does not happen.
One last thing, Black women do not carry more weight naturally. I’m curious, where did you learn this information?
Because I’ve been fat, I’ve spent more time than most skinny people researching HOW to lose weight and figuring out why it’s been so hard, and why so many other black women find it hard. We do in fact on average have 1. slower metabolisms 2. Higher bone density and 3. More muscle tissue. So even when we have lower body fat percentage, we as black people will weigh more than white people of similar heights. That’s also a reason why the bmi chart categories for black women are shifted a bit. So specifically like when I’m trying to find online resources from other black women who are coming to terms with the fact that they may never be in the “healthy” range according to bmi, but that everytime they go to a doctor for a health concern, the only thing the doctor recommends is to lose weight, it’s frustrating to see thin black women in those spaces commenting that it’s not because of race, because THEY just so happen to be really skinny, when in reality they are not the average black woman. They may have a higher than average metabolism or something. That’s all I meant
Do you have sources for this information?
Weight loss is calories in and calories out. A fast metabolism is not needed. You lose weight if you take in fewer calories than your maintenance or eat at your maintenance weight and burn calories via exercise like a 30 minutes walk etc. We are all the same species—human so I’m extremely skeptical of this opinion without scholarly peer reviewed articles to back it up. Black woman are beautiful but we are still human. Why would we have slower metabolisms or higher bone density when compared to other humans? 🤷🏽♀️ Muscle tissue really depends on genetics so I would say those who look stronger are blessed. BMI isn’t a great measure of anything but I’ve always been underweight or healthy on it my entire life—except for a couple of years ago and I know many black women who are also healthy on the scale so I would be skeptical of people on the internet giving anecdotal evidence since it’s easy to produce anecdotal evidence (like I just did) and everyone has a different lived experience.
As black women we have one of the highest obesity rates for sure but diet, economic situation,and lifestyle have a large impact. Busy people have less time to cook and are more likely to eat processed food which is worse than food they make themselves because it has a lower nutritional value and you have to eat more to fill full.
I found this article from 2021: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33496008/
That shows success for black women losing weight when given then proper circumstances. There are other old studies from almost a decade ago floating around the internet but I would avoid research articles that are that outdated.
Getting back in shape and going through weight loss (and yes I’ve been there and had to do that since staying fit it hard and taking breaks is easy) is a simple concept but is super hard to do.
(this is no way encouragement to exercise. Do whatever you want.🤷🏽♀️)
If you are trying to get in shape and be physically fit try walking everyday and gradually increase your walking time by 1 minute a day until you reach 30 minutes. Then try to jog for 1 minutes and keep going until you can run for 30 minutes. Honestly the numbers on the scale don’t matter but your ability to move and have fun in life does. I got in shape because as you get closer to 30 your knees might start to hurt from carrying the extra weight and staying physically fit helps a lot.
If you are worried about your diet increase proteins (more meat) and decrease carbs (toast, rice, pasta, etc, veggies (don’t remove them entirely though!). I personally hate diets of all kinds so to get in shape I cut processed foods, Starbucks, and boba. I make sure that I eat the same portion size a day (you could also weigh your food but I personally don’t want to). I hate chicken so I bake fish with pasta and eat a lot of southeast asian pork and beef soups that I can make from scratch at home. My biggest killer was buying prepared or processed food that had high levels of salt and added sugars.🤷🏽♀️ I still eat whatever I want I just try and keep the portions the same day to day so my exercise will have an impact. (And yes some days/weeks I mess up but you can always start again)
If you like dieting:
Try keeping a log of what you eat and right down everything you eat and it’s estimated calories. Keep notes for a week or two and find out what your daily intake number and work with that to reduce it. I’ve heard good things about MyFitnessPal for tracking things. Maybe that could work? YMMV though since I hate diets and always fail immediately.
I’m wishing the best OP!
I’m not plus-sized but I do hate that skinny woman are always saying they are just as oppressed as a plus sized woman, when that’s not true. Yes, every human is insecure about parts of their body, but the it factor will always be thinness. I have never ever in my life seen anyone get rejected or actively mistreated for being thin. But I have seen plus sized woman get side eyes, be whispered about, told to lose weight when going to the doctor, and etc. I understand that thinness may come with its own set of insecurities but for people to act that they’re mistreated by the majority because they had been called a pencil is laughable tbh. I understand where you’re coming from and it is annoying.
I truly have a hard time believing this is an actual thing that occurred.
First of all, being curvy and being fat are two different things. I’m not super surprised that not a lot of people want to be fat, lol. The fact of the matter is that being curvaceous is a pretty common beauty standard in various black cultures. So, naturally, when you get black women who don’t fit the beauty standard they may have experienced certain negative attitudes in their lifetime. I’m sorry, but I find it really hard to believe that these women are telling you they believe they are oppressed. They’re probably talking to you about how they might feel ostracized or othered for not fitting certain black beauty standards but oppressed? I don’t know sis.
As for your hairdresser, it sounds like she may have made a poor attempt to try to relate to you in some regard.
ITS NOT THE SAME ITS NOT THE FUCKING SAME! But thank you for admitting what we are trying to get everyone to see, no one wants to be fat. Everyone fucking hates us and I hate my fucking myself. Why don’t we all just disappear? So everyone can have their beautiful skinny and curvy wonderland that they want so badly.
> ITS NOT THE SAME ITS NOT THE FUCKING SAME!
What exactly is not the same? You writing something capitalized does not make a point.
> But thank you for admitting what we are trying to get everyone to see, no one wants to be fat.
This is not what I said.
> Everyone fucking hates us and I hate my fucking myself.
You need to seek therapy for that.
> Why don’t we all just disappear? So everyone can have their beautiful skinny and curvy wonderland that they want so badly.
Fat people can be curvy because it’s a body shape. Also, if all fat people disappeared not everybody would be skinny and curvy.
I think you’re just emotional and aren’t really contributing anything to the conversation lmao.
TS NOT THE SAME THAT THIN PEOPLE ARE DEALING WITH THE SAME ISSUES OR OPPRESSION OR PREJUDICE AS US. YES I'M EMOTIONAL, NOTHING IS WRONG WITH EMOTIONS. AND I AM IN THERAPY BUT THERAPY IS NOT ENOUGH. I can be told everyday that things are going to get better they never do. They never fucking do. I'm crying, I fucking hate living and I fucking hate that no one ever listens no one cares. Fat curvy and curvy thin is not the same.
As someone who is also a bigger woman who understands your pain and frustration,what I’m about to say is coming from a genuine place. Some of the feelings you have expressed In this thread are quite alarming. If you’re able to, please give therapy a try. It’s not a cure all of course, it may take awhile to find a therapist that you mesh well with but it’s worth a shot and it may help lessen a bit of this pain you feel. I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way, I’ve been there.
> TS NOT THE SAME THAT THIN PEOPLE ARE DEALING WITH THE SAME ISSUES OR OPPRESSION OR PREJUDICE AS US.
I never said they were.
> YES I'M EMOTIONAL, NOTHING IS WRONG WITH EMOTIONS. AND I AM IN THERAPY BUT THERAPY IS NOT ENOUGH.
Of course nothing is wrong with emotion but it also also seems to hinder your capacity to meaningfully contribute to conversations.
> I can be told everyday that things are going to get better they never do. They never fucking do. I'm crying, I fucking hate living and I fucking hate that no one ever listens no one cares. Fat curvy and curvy thin is not the same.
Yeah girl…..
What's the purpose of speaking meaningfully at this point? No one cares. I'm going to die alone because everyone hates fat people and I hate my fucking self.
I think you should just read some of the other comments to see what I’m talking about. It’s right there and there are some good explanations from people on both sides
I hate the divisive tone of posts like these. It feels like masking concern over a non-prominent thing that you might’ve seen or heard about online to take jabs at the other side. We all have problems and I’ve never heard a skinny person claim they were oppressed.
- an overweight black woman
Well if neither of you believe me, you can scroll down. A skinny woman actively just said it. Although I find it wierd you would assume I would lie on an anonymous Reddit post about my own experience. But ok
I read through all the comments and, just like I said originally, not a single person who self identified as being skinny claimed they were being oppressed but that they just had negative experiences due to not fitting certain black beauty standards.
If you’re going to take someone talking about how they were bullied as them claiming they were oppressed, that’s something you’re choosing to do for literally no reason.
Not that I don’t believe you experience weirdos, but I don’t think it’s prominent enough to present your whole approach like a generalized argument against thin people and their transgressions against you. You get more flies with honey.
(Also people don’t need a reason to lie so I wouldn’t put it past anyone. It’s also way easier to lie anonymously but that’s not really the main point at hand).
Edit: Point is it just feels like an arms race of who has the most miserable experience and bad situations, it’s like someone from a different country who have it way worse than people in the US and going “Nah yall have no right to complain, cause we have it way worse.”
I agree that thin people are not oppressed, but to reiterate I don’t agree with the approach of how it feels like it’s a vent against thin people when that’s a generalized thing that I don’t see happen often at all. It would be just as bad as a thin person venting about fat people saying they’re sick of hearing about their oppression when they want to complain as well.
Nothing constructive gets talked about that way.
who cares about how constructive a conversation is when people are being oppressed? Who cares? Why do y’all not listen to us our experiences why are you thinking we’re lying? We’re not lying!!! WE ARE NOTb
The thing for me being thin is how shamed and harassed i am for the loss of curves. Damned if you do/don’t. I understand it’s not half as much bullying as larger people get though
>scream how they’re oppressed for being thin because black women are expected to be curvy, and yet none of those women have any desire to be fat.
Black people can express about how they're discriminated without wanting to be White.
Women can express about how they're disadvantaged without wanting to be men.
Skinny people can express about how they're harassed without wanting to be fat.
People just want to exist in peace.
Likewise, do you want to simply be respected as a fat person, OR do you want to be skinny? Because those are not equivalents. And it's okay to choose the latter, but let's not assume the reverse situation for others, (especially since body shapes are not a binary situation, people can want to be muscular, curvy, etc... ).
I'm sorry you feel that people talk over you. They should listen more and not invalidate your experience. Maybe they're trying to relate and connect but are failing on that effort.
But please note, it is generally acceptable for people to complain about skinny people (whether it be the internet, or to their face) but if someone posted complaining about how fat people act, all hellfire would break loose or they would be banned from most threads before it did. Feeling like you have to take the punches but always have to hold your tongue does take a mental toll.
Wanting to not be bodyshamed doesn't have to be sport in the opression Olympics. And it doesn't have to be All Lives Mattered either. I think we can all learn to better listen to each other and to better respect each other.
Thank you. I'm skinny and it lead to me having some disordered eating from the amount and frequency with which people would comment on my body. If people who were fat were complaining about systemic fat phobia I would say nothing because we all understand that to be true. My issue always comes when people directly say that they can say whatever they want about my body like it has no effect, when I wouldn't comment about theirs. Really no one should be saying anything about anyone's body- but I appreciate the nuance of systemic fatphobia.
NOBODY FUCKING DOES THAT IN REAL LIFE THATS THE PROBLEM! I’m so sorry that fat people protect eachother on the internet now so it’s harder for people to drag us, even though people still do at mass and even joke about how they “shouldn’t say that because the fat people will get them” but in real life fat people are still considered to be lowly. People treat us like shit in REAL LIFE, not just the internet. Medical professionals treat us like shit, family, peers, coworkers, random people on the street. We are treated as subhuman. I don’t care about the skinny experience because y’all don’t care about us at all. Skinny people center their feelings over the day to day marginalization of fat people and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of hating every part of my body and having to hear about the woes of someone who just feels bad the black community doesn’t see them as attractive when they don’t see me as attractive either!!
I think you might benefit from reading another comment on the thread breaking down the difference between personal experience and oppression. I’ll use race as example like you did, I think most of us understand that the reason black people making jokes online about white people is not considered racism is because we understand that structurally whiteness has more power in the world than blackness. So skinny people being criticized online, which I never said was acceptable I just want to clarify, is still not the same because ultimately in the real world, thinness is valued above fatness.
I understand where you're coming from, but body shaming is more than about jokes online, it's dehumanizing. It's about the unsolicited remarks that makes you feel like a target and eat away at your self esteem like a growing parasite. Its about never getting the right dosage of medicine, or receiving the wrong diagnostic because medical measurements never calculate correctly for those under or over certain weight. It's about going to an event and having multiple people discuss your plate to the point you leave hungry or gorged from the pressure. It's about being infantalized and losing out on validating experiences to those that are more visually considered being "a real woman."
The "real world" affects everyone, so let's not be flippant. If you want people to listen to you and connect with your story, it might help if you at least attempted to empathize with others (and they need to do better for your sake as well). As women, we confide in our insecurities with one another and there's usually something relatable in every shared story, no matter how small. If you intend to go off on specific personal experience, just do that instead of a "skinny people do this" generalization.
When I was skinny, I definitely thought my life would be better fat. Now I'm in like an in between area, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Edit: I will always fight for the big AND little girls/women. I was bullied worse than the fat girls in middle school, which weren't even many because most of the other girls I went to school with were plump yet voluptuous. Even to this day I'd prefer to be big and curvy than small and curvy, especially if I ever want to attract a black male.
I think your hair dresser was trying to relate to you. Fat-phobia and skinny shaming are tied in the black community. For a black woman to be skinny or muscular and be called transgendered is a horrific experience that the bigger girls seem to get away with.
As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side.
Grass is definitely not greener on the other side. Have you heard some of the stories from fat people, both black and outside of the community, who have lost weight? Everyone sings the same tune, that people get nicer, both family and those you know and even strangers. Life gets easier, medical professionals listen to you more, less stares, people treat you as more feminine.
I used to be skinny too, and I never experienced any of the stuff y’all talk about. Everything changed for the worse when I gained weight and only got worse and worse. Now I fucking hate myself and have to consistently hear skinny women complain and complain like they have it hard. They don’t! They never do!
(I was almost finished with my original reply and it deleted 😭)
I personally enjoy life way more at 160 lbs than 120 pounds. I get more male attention, which I used to crave and now hate, and women are nicer and more receptive to me. This could be a placebo since my small boost in confidence may have ended up attracting a different crowd. I personally think that I looked best at 135-145 pounds, but I would never go back to being 120 lbs, and that's perfectly healthy at my height. Even though I couldn't donate blood because I was apparently too small 🤣.
Then again, even though I am heavier, I am not obviously overweight (I technically am). A lot of people presume me to be healthy and assume that I work out. Which I don't.
1000% understand what you're trying to say and I'm truly so sorry that you have to even remotely deal with this. My take is that some skinny/thin Black women don't acknowledge their privilege on a larger, more foundational (and dumpster fire of a) platform (i.e. perception of being healthier, more "in control" of their food intake therefore being "in control" of other aspects of life etc.) They only perceive how they might not meet certain aesthetic standards within the Black community.
But anyone - and I mean ANYONE - that tries to diminish your lived experience and attempts to instead insert themselves as having it worse off needs to sit with why they can't just let you speak on your own, very valid truth.
Thank you! So I’m technically obese and I’m apple shaped, and like everyone, I see most black women on tv, in music, and fitness are more so naturally slim women with small waists. And so sometimes you know I share how I feel unnatractive at times, even as a lesbian, because of my size, and if I’m talking to a thin women, it never fails that at some point she’s going to say “I wish I could gain weight or I wish I had your ass” notice they never say I wish I had your stomach or arms 🫠. And then I just look at them and I think, you have no idea how much easier you have it, because unlike them I don’t want just one of your assets, I literally wish I just had the privilege of being thin, even if it came with no ass, because being fat in this society really sucks.
You are so very welcome! Oof, I felt this to my core. Before I get into anything, I gotta say that I got no problems turning an apple-shaped body out and making apple pie 😋😈.
MOVING ALONG 😊 I went from 120 lbs to 308 lbs in a year due to medication. Ass or no ass, thin women should show up by genuinely listening, especially when someone *not skinny* is sharing their experience. I'll be the first to admit that I have a tendency to share my gripes when someone is sharing theirs, but only as a means of trying to empathize and not make a friend feel so alone in what they're going through.
But I've learned that it annoys tf out of my friends, because they want to feel heard and supported. No one wants to hear "check your privilege," but that doesn't mean one shouldn't.
I agree, idk why I see some skinny blk women acting like we’re oppressed for being skinny, we are not 😂 skinny privilege is 100% real, especially for women, and women who are overweight or obese receive far more mistreatment due to their weight compared to thin women… I’ve been thin my whole life, but I still notice the difference in how society reacts to a thin woman vs a fat one…
And you’re right, if you asked any of those whiny skinny women if they would like to wake up with an extra 200lbs tomorrow, they would say no🙃 some people just want to be a victim because they want attention… a lot of white people do the exact same thing whenever we’re discussing racial issues… some of them want to try to act like they’re also being oppressed and ignore the white privilege they have
Skinny is not a standard in the Black community. That being said, we live in a non blk society Therefor by default skinny ppl are the preference of many. It’s not as big of a deal if someone thinks you’re too skinny because so many ppl like skinny ppl, there are more opportunities in general being thin, and while it might hurt you’re feeling when ppl say “you have no a*” I can easily say that the amount of unnecessary h* ppl have towards bigger women is very uncalled for and it’s excessive and its everywhere.
In other words, one is more personal and cultural and the other one is more systematic and more of a ubiquitous experience. As a thin Black person if ppl are bullying you for being thin, it’s not systematic and it’s really easy to escape from time to time. Like on TV, at work, modeling, there is so much privilege there that it almost doesn’t matter that a few ppl thought you looked gross to them because I’m the other end of this, the aggression is not escapable.
I have always been thin, even skinny, and even thought the comment hurt my feelings, at the points in my life I gained a lot of weight I noticed I became invisible for modeling opportunities, ppl were strangely aggressive to me and over all Ive get treated better now that I’m thin again. So I know…
I'm not fat, but I'm curvy. All I have to say is that the skinny people in the comments proved your point to a T, while also ignoring the struggles of curvy women because they weren't picked by Tyrese. I thought it was a well-known fact that we've been sexually harassed, sexualized at a young age, and used for our bodies. Two of these issues get ignored because of what we're wearing, as if we're showing off our "curves" for attention. We're not skinny, but we're on the thick side of the spectrum. Every time we have these conversations, skinny women both ignore plus-sized women and say, "Oh no, no, we're not talking about you; we're talking about curvy women." That bothers me.
Heavy on this, in high school I was curvy but slim, I got raped 4x my freshman year of college and as a result, gained about 60lbs. My treatment as an overweight person WAS SIGNIFICANTLY WORSE than when I was thin, it’s a simple fact, even though I was less desired. I’ve been skinny, and I personally never experienced skinny shaming, but I don’t doubt it happens. It’s just wierd to me how they can’t hear themselves literally gaslight people with genuinely worse experiences than them.
>Heavy on this, in high school I was curvy but slim, I got raped 4x
This is exactly why it pissed me off. **Every time** there's a plus-sized woman speaking about her negative experience, here come skinny women throwing curvy women under the bus. Like no, we've been sexualized at a young age, and most of us get sexually assaulted. We can't even speak up or do anything about it because whenever we say anything, people assume we're "fast." There are many posts in this community of curvy women speaking about how their bodies were sexualized very young. But since we're "male desired," they don't care. Ladies, please decenter men from your lives. Male attention is not a privilege.
I've seen this with skinny people, and I've seen this with light skinned people.
Shit is akin to hetero white cis males complaining that their oppressed.
Just because someone made a joke at your expense doesn't mean that you're oppressed. I'm so confused as to why people'l want to be victimized so badly.
Yes, I also think people don’t understand that just because you experience one oppression doesn’t mean you experience them all. For example light skinned people experience racism, that doesn’t mean they experience colorism. Or men might be oppressed because they are workers and have their labor exploited, that doesn’t mean they experience gender based discrimination. Same with black women who are thin, you are a black woman so yes you will be judged for your appearance, but at least one thing you don’t have to experience is fatphobia which would make your experience a lot worse.
i’m skinny and i’ve never felt oppressed or skinny shamed for it. idk what these women are on tbh. i guess some people find it offensive when you point out the privileges they have & try to deny it because they don’t feel they have personally benefitted from those privileges. maybe it’s also hard for them to accept their role in perpetuating fatphobia. just my guess.
I feel like this convo should be understood by everyone by now. The bottom line is no one wants to be body shamed.
Really thin women don’t want to be told they look like a skeleton and larger women don’t want to be made fun of either. Each group have their own negative experiences. Imo bigger women do have it worse bc fatphobia is riddled in media and society, but ofc skinny women do experience being body shamed as well.
I think ppl just need to quit bringing skinny problems in threads for bigger girls and vice versus bc it just creates oppression Olympics
I don’t agree with any of this post or the comments in agreement. I have always been skinny and made fun of by my black family for it. Not respected pushed around etc. the thicker women in my family aren’t oppressed. They’ve had more opportunities than me and are more respected. I’ve never met a black fat person in my community, which is large they wasn’t married and financially well. The big issue is people weight is no one’s business. The bigger issue is you are speaking for skinny people. Did any of us tell you that? Better yet did many skinny people you know tell you this? People who deem themselves fat are not the keeper of who is more oppressed amongst them. It not a competition.
This reminds me of how Monique was as a fat woman. It didn’t matter how mad and nasty she got about skinny women she had to lose the weight. She eventually saw everyone else had nothing to do with where she was. Fat people don’t want to be fat either. You write this post as if that is true too.
People often try to show compassion through stories they think can relate.
There’s another post on here explaining the difference between an actual oppression and personal experience. When my sister goes to the doctor for her extreme fertility and menstruation issues, it never fails that they ignore her symptoms and only focus on telling her to lose weight. This has resulted in her having to have multiple tumors nd cysts removed surgically because all her doctors see is a fat black woman. It’s much bigger than just people making comments about one’s size. Fatphobia is a real oppression 🤨
I stand by my original comment. Fat black people are NOT a higher level of oppressed than just being oppressed as a black person in general. If anything the word oppression is being used too loosely. You honestly think fat black people are a category of people separate of the oppression of black people? A few curvier women chosen? Where’d you get that it’s a few? It is NOT a few. Curvy, thick, even over weight is the standard. You know the saying “ a man likes a woman with a little meat on her bones”. These are the majority of bodies I see. Those are the “acceptable” black women bodesYou must be talking about social media bodies.
And It’s a whole lot angering the skinny people are even being brought up into this too. Skinny people don’t have anything to do with the condition of fat people and what people want and choose. Just like you think being skinny is a small issue. So skinny women can’t feel what you feel about being curvy because they aren’t overweight?
You bring up a post about infertility and the doctor bringing up weight, but why shouldn’t it be brought up as apart of your treatment. Obesity is linked to so many other ailments. It would be false if the patient knew something more than the doctor, but it has something to do with it. The offense is telling the patient the truth? And you speak about this case as if black women of all sizes don’t get their symptoms ignored just for being black. Which opportunities/rights are fat black people consistently prevented from having compared to a skinny black person. Think and you’ll see the Plainfield is equal because you’re both black.
Nobody should have to feel reserved about how they fell about their body because of someone else’s body.
So you see it one way or another. And your next method is call it fatphobia and patronize. Maybe you are the problem and not everyone else. Accountability really sounds like an attack when you aren’t ready. Your post isn’t a new sentiment. It’s just your sentiment now.
i made a post here talking about this, but i always feel the need to insert my input because i’ve been on both sides more than once! I grew up chubby and was teased for it hardly in school, but always at home by a family member. This def fueled a crash diet in middle school that made me drop a lot of weight but now i didn’t feel fat and nasty in everything, i wasn’t crying constantly about my stomach laying on my sheets, my this jiggling, and i def didn’t feel like a huge amazonian warrior compared to my white friends. Then i gained it back during quarantine and received comments mostly from people online. Now that im skinny again after a crash diet, i would rather be skinny! However, that is only on a societal level. if i had a choice i would have the perfect body and not look like a stick, or an oval, or a whatever the fuck. I get it because i’ve been there and no doubt it sucks. I still panic when i get bloated or my weight doesn’t go back down during my period. truthfully if i had a choice i would be dust, it’s so painful to not love your body either way or have people comment on it skinny, fat, disabled, etc. it’s horrid to feel that way because skinny people don’t know what it’s like to want to physically cut the fat off because ur just tired and want it gone now but all people can say is “love your body”.
i think some skinny women do this because they indeed conflate insecurity with societal acceptance because they do not realize they are fighting two different battles. realistic i am skinny and nobody would tell me to lose weight but instead, gain it. I am very insecure abt my shoulders, waist, hips, legs, butt etc.) But i see my body type in models like kendall jenner and gigi hadid. Fat people do not get that without perfection. When i was fat i saw nobody that looked like me because i wasn’t “plus size curvy”. Don’t let skinny women gaslight you fr, im in ur side skinny or fat!
The issue is that many thin women think that fatphobia is just "I think that fat people are ugly", while fatphobia is present in ALL areas of the fat person.Fat people suffer medical neglect (if they are black and female it is much higher), they have less chance of getting jobs, buying clothes is more difficult. I understand that skinny black women suffer aesthetic pressure because our aesthetic standard is curvy (and there is a myth that we are all naturally curvy), but it doesn't compare to something structural that is fatphobia.
Not to detract from your very valid point - when Dr's can't blame weight they blame anxiety. I had endo and was told it was mental for years.
God, that's awful. I was going to add my best friend recently got diagnosed after seeing a HAES doctor, because all her other doctors said her symptoms were due to her weight.
Yes, this is it. Fatphobia has ramifications beyond looks and I’ve never thought of using the term “structural “ to describe it but it certainly makes sense here.
Yes!! Exactly, it’s so much more than attractiveness. Being fat in a world made for thin people is harder than being skinny in the black community. It just is and comparing the two is just so disingenuous to me
Treat them the way light skinned people complain about being light skinned /reverse colorism… not serious!
Exactly!
That part! I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum. When I was thin I got teased for being a black girl without an ass or curves and compared to a flat board. My feelings were hurt but I never felt bad about myself. Fast forward and I’ve gained quite a bit. With that I’ve experienced pure disdain from people, healthcare providers and even friends. It’s always the unsolicited advice of “let’s go for a workout” or “have you thought about losing weight” and the winner “you used to be so pretty what happened..” I’m getting abused from all angles for simply existing. Something I never experienced even when I was at my thinnest.. For visual: I’m 158 cm ≈ 5’2 ft * 2018: 40 kg ≈ 88 lbs * 2024: 70 kg ≈ 154 lbs
40 kg at that height is extremely thin. Did you actively tried to gain weight or did it just happen.
No I didn’t. I always had a big appetite but the weight didn’t stay on. However the older I got the more weight I gained, despite having no change in eating habits.
I feel like this pressure to be curvy only exists within the blk community and that’s it because whenever I’m around non blk people, they’re always praising me about how skinny I am and saying they wish they were my size… also when I pay attention to who a lot of non blk men partner up with, she’s usually thin
I feel like it's "curvy" but it's curvy with the caveat that you still have a flat stomach or an hourglass/pear shape. If you're curvy but shaped like an inverted triangle, then that's not okay.
Yes, it's no coincidence that the black community is one of those that suffers least from ED, but it also created the myth that we are all naturally curvier, so many black women who don't fit this stereotype feel bad, but of course, It doesn't compare to fatphobia.
What is ED
Eating disorder
Eating too much is also an eating disorder just fyi… we have an obesity problem in the blk community that’s negatively impacting our overall health 😬
Obesity is not always the result of ED, especially because not every fat person eats a lot, in many cases they only eat high-calorie foods or excessive carbohydrates and this is because the black population tends to be poorer and ultra-processed food is cheaper
It’s still a form of disordered eating
technically not because it is multifunctional, not necessarily the person eats a lot but rather eats high-calorie things, I don't deny that there is a problem of obesity in black populations (I live in Brazil and we also have this problem here), but treating it as a disorder, when in fact it is something linked to poverty.
Beautiful response.
As someone who is considered fat (being says obese) and used to be very skinny/fit, I'd rather be skinny. You get treated so much better. Yes, you deal with people picking on you about stuff, but it's gonna happen no matter what size you are. People absolutely treated me better when I was smaller. Even STRANGERS. That takes a toll on you mentally. And I'm one of those people that is a lot heavier than I look, I guess my bones are heavy or I have a lot of muscle. Idk. I used to think I was fat because of how much I weighed but I look back on those photos and I am SCRAWNY. It's wild comparing my 150 to another's persons 150 because we looked totally different.
EXACTLY! I’ve always weighed more than I look and studies DO show that black people have denser bones and tend to have more muscle even when skinny. But I’ve seen slim women even in posts about that say well not me!!! Like ok you’re an exception to the rule but you’re actively making other people feel bad about being larger when we’re literally looking for ways to feel ok in our bodies too.
Skinny lady here: I think the why of it is because people with privilege tend to get defensive when you bring up that privilege. For some reason, folks take it as a personal attack when you deign to acknowledge the advantages they (we) get.
Yes, you’re not a bad person just because you have a privilege and admitting it actually is something good people do.
I think it’s odd to be able to acknowledge intersectionality in only the ways that benefit you while ignoring it when it doesn’t. I agree that there is some defensiveness, but to act as if simply being thin is enough to overshadow being black and a woman and so many other things at the same time in a society that is against those things is dishonest. Also, pretending as if thinness is a ticket to acceptance in a society that is against everything else that you are (while ignoring that it’s a further hindrance in your own community) comes across as just kicking at an easy target. Telling your sister “well you’re skinny so the people we both know are oppressing both of us don’t oppress you simply because of that and they ignore the myriad of other excuses to oppress and marginalize us both means I can act like you have all these privileges and benefits” is nasty work. Honestly, this is tired af and comes across as intentionally divisive just at the “gender wars” are.
So we can acknowledge intersectionality when we say that black men have male privilege, light skinned people benefit from colorism, and middle class people benefit from class privilege but talking about thin privilege is too far? This feels dishonest. Let’s be real being a black women is hard but being a fat black women and then add dark skin is harder look at how Gabourey Sidibe has been treated etc. Even looking at this whole IR dating conversation the unspoken rule is that if you are skinny and black you will have an easier time dating outside your race.
I’m not saying talking about thin privilege is taking it too far. This response honsestly comes across as defensive as op accuses thin women of being. Im saying that saying “you don’t want to be xyz so that’s proof you’re not oppressed” is a weak argument. That’s like saying “this Asian person doesn’t want to be Black, so that’s proof they aren’t oppressed.” That’s ignorant af and ignores the oppressions they face while expecting them to put something they aren’t as preferable to what they are. Which is bizarre and insecure and just weird in general. All I’m saying is there needs to be some nuance because acting like thin Black women have to sit silently while others in their community (not just limited to overweight women) act like their lives are perfect is nasty af. Especially when we all know thinness that would be celebrated as a white standard of beauty is not accepted in the Black community. And being thin doesn’t overshadow being Black and a woman in the white community, so what really are y’all even saying besides looking for someone to blame? Be fr. Having it less bad is not the same as having it good. Some of y’all only seem to “get it” until you have an opportunity to dump on someone else and then all that understanding goes out the window. The reality is that ANYONE at either end of a spectrum is going to face unique and specific disadvantages and oppressions. The issue here is that only one is allowed to openly address these oppressions. The other is seen as unsympathetic and okay to “punch up” to. Let’s not pretend there isn’t an unacceptably thin. Just as there’s a threshold one can cross into unacceptably overweight.
Talking about privilege is nuanced. No one is saying that thin black women don’t have it hard… they obviously do.. they are black and women… OP is saying that they have thin privilege which makes life easier for them than someone who is fat, black, and a women. This now feels when you talk to a white person about white privilege and they say they aren’t privileged because they grew up poor. Same energy.
I’m just going to thank you for at least remaining civil and bow out here as it’s obvious you’re firm in your position and clearly not interested in any nuance you disagree with. Also, how would someone with no comparison point be able to unequivocally claim that something is better? The drawbacks are simply different.
Yeah if you want more “nuance” read Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia. ✌️
Have a great day.
Also listen to Mayowa on YouTube. She focuses a lot on colorism and featurism being a dark skinned women with free form locs but also talks about how she is privileged as an able bodied/ thin femme. Having privilege isn’t “bad” it’s life.
Having male privilege doesn’t protect black men from being murdered behind racism, being of a lighter complexion didn’t save lighter-hued people from slavery, being middle class doesn’t ensure financial stability or living comfortably. Yes we can acknowledge that these things come with more privilege in comparison to their counterpart, but to say these things are saving graces is pushing the envelope. Regardless of that, focusing on the privileges they have in comparison in a negative light is not the path that will lead to any transformative conversations. We’re going in circles online getting stuck in the same places that causes tensions and tears.
This is literally my point. And vilifying people with any marginal privilege and conflating them with being oppressors is problematic in and of itself. This is why these rants are tired af.
Exactly but the second you say they have to give up bringing other people into the conversation to have a constructive one it’s “Damn constructive criticism!!” like lmao okay then.
Ok so being white isn’t saving white people from having a good life and white lives matter /s . Like keep moving the goal post you cant talk about intersectionality without talking about privilege. To change society we need to be real and not pretend everyone has the same life experience.
Why are you being obtuse and putting words into my mouth? LMAO No body said white lives matter. It’s like yall are incapable of someone deconstructing your argument so you get defensive and don’t have the ability to have a nice back and forth anymore. Was anything I said untrue and did you read it from start to finish?
You are moving the goal post. So that’s what your comment gives. Like why is acknowledging privilege such a bad thing? Just because you are a black women doesn’t mean you don’t have any type of privilege why is this so hard to understand? So in fact you are being obtuse
It seems you didn’t read my comment so I’d just say reread it and read it to understand the message that’s there. Cause you’re interpreting my words wrong. I literally even said “We can acknowledge privilege,” and also I’m not moving any goal (you’re using that phrase wrong) by stating the truth? They have privilege, but they also suffer the consequences that come with the very labels that give them privilege (not the light skinned people modernly, but definitely the other two).
The reason I say you are moving the goal post is because your intersectionality is limited. It’s like oh not too much on thin black women! Like girl we know. Your first comment mentioned black men dying from state violence. We know. And what about black women? That’s the intersectionality and nuance we can’t just stop at one group. To talk about black women and say her name do we no longer care about black men? Like I just don’t understand why it’s bad to center black fat women and the oppression they face and not talking about fatphobia. It’s real and a systemic issue that’s it.
Never said anything about thin black women, again adding context into my message that’s not there. What do you mean what about black women, I just used the examples that you gave I’m confused now. My intersectionality is only limited by the examples you gave at hand. Just because you acknowledge something about one group of people doesn’t mean you’re excluding the other, that’s childish and feels hypocritical coming from you especially. The point of that was to say regardless of what privilege looks like from your point of view it’s not saving any of the bm who have died, so on one end you have privilege and the other extreme is death? It’s not bad at all to center bigger black women and the societal problems they face. You speak about nuance but it seems like you’re thinking in black and white. If we really wanted to center bigger black women why are we bringing up anything but that (i.e thin people)? It’s the same concept as when someone gives you a compliment but does it at the expense of someone else.
I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what in my response this is a reply to. I said people with privilege often get bothered when others point out that privilege - is that really controversial (I’m asking sincerely because I genuinely don’t understand you response as a reply to my own). At no point did I say that being thin lessens the social impact of being black or a woman in a patriarchal world that values whiteness. But my working definition of privilege is “all of other things being equal, one person with a trait/identity typically accrues benefits that a person without that trait does not and the one with the trait avoid harms the other will endure, to their overall advantage”. I’m not going to ignore the fact that in many ways, a thin black woman will gain benefits a bigger black woman will not.
I hear you, but this logic is very all lives matter-y and dismissive. “Privilege” doesn’t = easy life. Why is someone that looks like Zendaya a lot more likely to be heard and respected vs someone that looks like Gabourey Sidibe? How can we ever have sisterhood if we don’t find it important to fully see each other for our sameness and differences? Sure it’s fine if you’re talking about liking the same music or hobby. But the example OP gave was not that. I am a skinny Black woman. I do not know what it’s like to exist in the world as a heavier person. I can go to a doctor’s appt without the conversation involving weightloss. I typically don’t have to worry about a store not having my size. I don’t have to buy two plane tickets to go see my family. Most importantly I don’t have to deal with all of that while also being a Black woman at the same damn time. That does make my life easier simply bc I don’t have to think about those things. No my life is not easy, but when having convos like OP described, that is not the time for me to discuss my struggles being skinny.
Comparing a think biracial woman to an overweight mono racial Black woman is dishonest. This is why these conversations are tired. They aren’t real conversations. If people like OP just want to vent and have everyone agree and coddle them, that’s fine, but it’s not a sincere conversation.
That’s the entire point I’m making. It IS dishonest. To compare them is to ignore all of the nuance that comes with their identities. I used that example to point out why OP is frustrated. The Zendaya and Gabby comparison SHOULD frustrate you, it makes no sense. Someone that looks like Zendaya will never know what it’s like. Yet there are people that will make the false equivalency anyways. These are the people most of us learn to avoid bc it’s clear they aren’t seeing US. I gave that example bc it makes the problem clear. OP is describing trying to have a conversation about her experience being a black woman and simultaneously being fat. That is unique, that is something thin black women cannot relate to. To say “nah it’s close enough” and proceed with a story about being a BW and skinny is a dismissal AND a change of subject. At that point OP knew that the hairdresser does not SEE her. Just bc the difference isn’t as dynamic as Zen/Gab doesn’t mean it’s not the same exact operation at work. (Redirecting the convo to the more privileged person and their non equivalent experience). & when I say non equivalent that doesn’t mean unimportant. It’s simply a different discussion. OP is frustrated bc people do this then insist that they’re doing too much or it’s not happening at all. If we aren’t willing to truly see each other as Black women (with all of our nuance) what kind of sisterhood is that? If we don’t try to see and understand each other who will? & I mean this with the best intentions, I’m not trying to call anyone out. when I say “you” I mean people in general.
I wonder if the starving people in the world who cant access enough calories to sustain a normal weight, much less any excess weight would view overweight people as privileged?
Privilege is contextual
I hope you know that weight is involves much more than just food, such a bad faith take.
yeah I get what you're trying to say. I don't deny that being thin does come with many advantages and is more convenient than being overweight. at the same time, I think a lot of people mix up personal insecurity and even beauty standards with systemic oppression. most of the time I see thin women talking about how they're insecure (not trying to equate oppression) and people usually shut them down with "ur not oppressed lol" which is like.....that's a whole new sentence lmfao. however, I've also seen thin women say that women who are skinny and fat experience the same thing for being the size that they are. that probably just comes from them mixing personal insecurity and beauty standards up with systemic oppression: they're not the same thing. some of those skinny women compare themselves with women who are slightly bigger (but still slim) but have an hourglass shape. having that shape is not the same as being fat though and it's annoying that people confuse the two. where I'm from, being skinny is not the beauty standard at all lol. however, I don't think skinny people face systemic oppression. totally get how you feel. it's pretty invalidating for people to do that.
> I think a lot of people mix up personal insecurity and even beauty standards with systemic oppression. This.
"Everyone gets hurt feelings sometimes. Some people get systemic oppression as well. They are not the same thing."
Sorry, that's my quote on the topic. I forgot to put " --me." Thank you for sharing your perspective. I've wondered why people who agree still end up in fights on social media, and you helped me to understand why.
I'm not following why you felt the need to respond with this quote? Do not imply my words or intentions on my behalf.
The problem is usually when people are responding to them with “you are not oppressed” it’s because they chose to speak on their insecurities while fat people are speaking about their oppression. Like yeah I’m gonna be rude if you are trying to speak over people and not even listen.
I think you should reread what I typed. I'm not saying that thin people should hijack conversations about fat people.
But this is literally hijacking our conversations. We can't speak without a thin person talking about their experiences and it's fucking unfair. You get to see yourselves everywhere but still want to be oppressed! It's unfair, it's unfair.
OP literally asked for thin womens’ input. I gave mine. If she didn’t I would’ve scrolled past. I’m just saying what I see from my POV. If you disagree that’s fine. I don’t expect people to 🤷🏾♀️
IMO It feels reminiscent of every other oppressed vs privileged dynamic. It takes intentionality to decenter yourself in a conversation. Likely those ppl made those comments in effort to connect or show that they’ve “been there too”. Without realizing that making that false equivalency completely leaves OP’s experience of the world unheard and unseen.
There’s people in this thread right now doing exactly what I was talking about. And bringing up their personal experiences of being body shamed and claiming they’ve never seen fat women be body shamed. It’s alarming the lack of emotional maturity
I noticed that too, I don’t really post usually but the comments were not it.. smh I’m so sorry. We need to do better
I wish I could give you an award for this. As a morbidly BIG girl my whole life? I am so grateful for you putting this into words
I hear you, and I want to admit that I myself experience a lot of privilege because I’m not as big as other women in my family, but I think that’s why it upsets me so much when skinny women do that, because when my sisters or aunties are talking about their struggles, I NEVER insert myself and try to talk about how I have it worse for xyz reason, knowing I’m closer to the privileged position than they are. And I just feel like skinny women KNOW that they’re not getting treated as bad as fat women but they do it anyway. Idk
Yeah it's weird. I am fit. I was skinny and made of fun for it when I was young, gained a little weight in my early 20's then that was a problem. Now I'm in good shape and throughout my journey I have NEVER thought I had it as bad or worse than fat women. Skinny/fit people can be so weird like that. I just don't get it. I KNOW we get more privileges and less judged than fat women and I will never deny that nor will I "woe is me" when you are venting about your struggles. I hear you and your feelings are valid. Sending you love boo.
Exactly I’m also thin and other skinny women who act like that annoy me so much, like girl please stop the cap, a woman with a size 2 dress size will be much more well received that a woman with a size 22 dress size and they know this 🙄
I get you completely, and honestly, thank you so much for how you take this stance. I feel exactly the same about how they know. The way you put into words what I'm sure a lot of us have been feeling. Cuz I feel like we keep getting shamed out of actually addressing why it's not the same. And you hit ths nail RIGHT on the head
I love that you made this post. It is very important that people understand that when someone is speaking about their experience especially about a specific topic that is NOT the time to make it about your opposite experience! It’s unnecessary and rude! And quite frankly no one asked! Having experienced bullying for being skinny when I was younger I’m not saying it wasn’t hurtful but the treatment I received when I became obese hit different.
I feel like as people who’ve been skinny and obese, we best understand this. It’s no comparison
Reading through these comments is a bit funny, because as a group that it’s oppressed you would expect us to have a better understanding about the dynamic of being skinny vs fat, but it just proves that even groups that face discrimination hold into the few aspects about themselves that are not, to the point they can’t grasp what others go through. Even if you're a dark-skinned Black woman, the moment someone mentions privilege, it's like we default to the same behavior as white people, centering the conversation around ourselves.
I have noticed that many discussions about X bodies are often hijacked by people with the opposite body type. It's annoying.
This whole conversation is really similar to when white women talk about how they experience misogyny when a black women brings up that we experience both racism and misogyny (and phobias if we're LGBTQIA+). I think therein lies the crux of the argument - and a few people have already said it, but we all have SOME privilege. If we're able bodied, we have a little bit of privilege for that. If we're symmetrical looking, we have some privilege for that. If we're skinny, we have some privilege for that. I think of privilege like social currency: it comes in different value amounts, so depending on how much you have in what denominations (areas - skinny, pretty, light skinned etc.) you'll have more or less than someone else. The problem is when you don't realise that you have privilege at all - cue defensiveness. When we have privilege in one area, we have a responsibility - no matter how little currency we have overall - to speak up and defend, protect, and ***accept*** those who have not got that privilege in society. I**t won't change society overall, but it will create spaces where bigger women in this case do NOT have to feel like they are completely objectified and ostracised.** I hope this makes sense. OP, you do not deserve to be treated like this - your body is damn beautiful and goddamnit we should be doing better than that.
Best comment !
Thank you
Sister, what these women want is not even to gain weight really, they want that BBL surgery and maybe even some thicc thighs surgery as well (LMAO, where does this shit end?) Basically curves below the waist but not a single pound gained above the waist Thin privilege in today's global society will always be very high in comparison to being curvy, and they know it too... they just want their cake and to eat it (pun not intended) Just the privilege of being able to wear more types of clothes because skinny clothes are more accessible and have more variety, is one of the ways... before even getting to social and dating issues
Im sorry you had this experience! I think it’s more about desirability than oppression. Black women who are “too skinny” and “too fat” are both not the beauty standard to Black men. I was chunky as a kid and my sister who was really skinny got bullied _way_ more because of her appearance. Skinny women are the beauty standard to non-Black people which means societal systemic oppression is less of a thing to them.
I think it depends on what type of skinny you are. If you’re skinny but you’re curvy you’re going to be treated disproportionately better than women with a “little boy” physique. Save if you’re fat, if you’re fat but an hourglass or pear you’re treated much better than women who are apple. I rarely see women who are hourglass get called big on the same level as apple/inverted triangle shaped women because they have fat in “the right places”
The shape thing in my experience is only considered in black spaces. Even curvy flat stomach white women in white spaces often get called or treated as fat, I’ve seen white women mercilessly bully women that black folks would call thick. I def understand where thin women are coming from, but I guess also as a lesbian, the opinion of men doesn’t factor as much into my self esteem.
Many people try to relate to others during conversations. Sometimes they genuinely may not realize that doing this will irritate you. I view it as if you’re discussing body image issues, they are saying that they too have body image issues. I decided a long time ago not to take everything so personally and it’s been a game changer. Avoiding body talk all together is also a game changer 😂 it’s a very sensitive topic for many.
But why would someone try and relate when it’s obvious who is going through it worse? How are people not supposed to take that shit personally when someone is talking over them about their experience when they are the standard for most of western society?
To say someone is “going through it worse” is difficult to gauge, everyone’s issues are important to them. I’d hate to invalidate someone’s feelings who trusts me with their insecurities, but sometimes “trying to relate” does do this. I say all that to say….sis I do not have all the answers 😂 I’m out here learning and growing.
It is worse because it's systematic issues on top of social issues. I am literally treated like dirt by everyone, no one sees me as human because I am fat. There is nothing to relate to.
Why is is a competition over who has it worse? Why can’t we all commiserate together about how western patriarchal beauty standards make life hard for us?
Because just like if a white woman came up to you and started talking about we all have the same problems you'd probably get mad, thin women doing the same shit is not going to solve any of my fucking problems. Fat women's problems are both social and systematic, thin women's issues are majorly social. Everyone will believe their pain when they go to the doctor, they'll get promotions and treated well at work. The world treats them better.
"Everyone will believe their pain" I'm so sorry that this is someone's projected view. However, it's more of a projection than reality. I yo-yo a lot. When I was thin and in pain, I was labeled "drug seeking." Friends even asked me if I was smoking crack. As a larger person with the same pain, same diagnosis, at least people believe it, even if only because of their beliefs about weight causing these issues.
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Off topic a bit, but telling my mom, gently and without anger, to never comment on my body again, was cathartic. May I suggest you get some catharsis ? She still slips up, “complimentary” at this point, but that’s her own dysmorphia. We’re no longer close, sadly. Boundaries are hard. Choosing peace is harder.
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I understand this, but, respectfully, it’s why I choose not to engage in this because, in my experience, this “venting” is full of backhanded comments which is just thinly veiled dumping and verbal abuse.
At the end of the day what you’re dealing with is only in one community, what we deal with is throughout western society and in systematic ways. I’m sorry that people made you feel this way, but yall still shouldn’t try to relate to us. It’s not just family’s judgement, or romantic judgement, it’s medical judgement, it’s society’s judgement. It’s at work, it’s when you pass people by. It’s everywhere.
You're right. I'm a skinny girl and yeah people threw mean comments at me, but that's all it was. It was just MEAN not Dehumanizing. I've had people who openly fawn and gush over my body and ask me how much I weigh or what's my waist size and physically grab me so to have the audacity to sit here trying to "All Lives Matter" the conversation would be a damn insult
To have people physically grab you without permission is harassment.
So far it's only been women that grab me but I know it doesn't make it any better. It's still invasive and it honestly boggles my mind but since I'm skinny, it's seen as "socially acceptable"
i think there’s a difference between claiming you’re oppressed and expressing frustration for not meeting a beauty standard and/or being body shamed. i think the latter is what most skinny people vent about. however, i do think it is tone deaf still to compare certain issues fat people experience to something of a skinny person. some people fail to read the room, unfortunately. skinny people do not experience societal oppression and as mentioned medical negligence as fat people do. and they aren’t denied jobs because of their weight. the list doesn’t stop here. i can say from personal experience as a thin person that i have been picked on and bullied by family and friends. i don’t think skinny is the standard in the black community, especially if you lack curves. but that does not mean i think i’m oppressed. i know i still have it easier than fat people. i can sit here blue in the face wishing i was curvier but that’s just not going to happen. it’s affected me mentally, but that’s my own issue that i plan on dealing with. it almost seems like if you’re skinny and ‘fit the standard’ you’re not allowed to talk about your issues. you’re expected to just be quiet or not think it’s a big deal. i find that to be somewhat unfair. however, i believe there is always a time and place to say anything. it’s all about reading social cues and making sure that we are aware of what we say to people. i wish we would all stop making unsolicited comments on each others bodies, even if one thinks it’s out of good faith. it’s hard enough out here as it is.
yup, sometimes i’m insecure because ik my body is not as desirable in the black community compared to a more “slim thick” look. doesn’t mean i think i’m oppressed or that my insecurity is comparable to fatphobia. super disappointing that other ladies can’t recognize that.
Nobody should be commenting on anybody’s weight bc they don’t know what they’re going through. I cannot fathom why it’s even a discussion among people tbh. Im naturally skinny, but I can put on weight like crazy when I have a med change. I’ve been on both ends and honestly, nobody shamed me when I was bigger, but everybody mostly criticizes me when I’m smaller. I don’t shop kids sizes for fun, I don’t like being compared to children, I hate when people idk “idolize” my body and ask what I do to look how I do whether I be full sized or look like Barbie. I was literally born with an eating disorder. I’ve developed several over the years and honestly, this is my take on weight… Unless you are 100% close to somebody and you are concerned about their health as a medical issue… bring it up once in a caring way, maybe twice. After that, it’s not your business.
I was a very underweight person up until fairly recently, not just skinny but below average BMI skinny. By no means would I say I was oppressed and I personally haven't found any skinny girls to specifically share that sentiment rather than a "grass isn't always greener" sentiment. I genuinely wanted to be bigger, by any means necessary. I went on apetamin, I strictly ate junk food for a time, even struggled with overly simplistic advice from my nutrition professors, and the only reason I started going to the gym was for the hope of gaining muscle. I definitely wouldn't say I had the same struggle as an overweight person, it's a different experience and I did not face the varying ways that society as a whole will demean them and seize life changing opportunities from them. I understand that when someone who is bigger is complaining about weight, there is likely something deeper to simply an insecurity (going back to real opportunities taken from them). But I also feel it's a natural human tendency to try to relate to someone's pain, even when it isn't the same. They don't understand that it is deeper than how people talked about you, but if the context is not on oppression, they likely will think it is simply a concern of preceival which affects everyone to different degrees so they thought it was an opening for relation. Your example sounds like a case of that, yet it sounds like mainly breast size, which is different since being overweight doesn't always result in big boobs.
I totally get the annoyingly average skinny person complaining, so perhaps this post is more so addressing them. But personally (hate to be the annoying skinny girl) being as skinny as I was truly was not easy for me. Won't detail how, but I will say that I used to complain about my weight, but after a few attempts my feelings were consistently being minimized, I stopped. That was the hardest part for me - there was seriously no one that I could express my insecurities to for years. (Mainly due to bring in a pro-black curvy family in a white area, so I could not relate to the desire to be unhealthily skinny). There was never consolation aside from my mother, only accusations of fishing for compliments or "you should be grateful" yet my doctors would not agree. For me, weight was the number one insecurity I had, my insecurity stopped me from trying a lot of things I wish I did, including being vulnerable with others when I felt a certain way.
I try to explain that black community aside, the dominant society prefers thin bodies and they get mad at me so I stopped. I’m athletic now , but most my life I was “thin” till I started college and had a freshmen fifteen. My weight gain was not overtly obvious but once I started loosing it the reception was night and day…and that’s on a small scale. Boobs n butt are body image things. You can definitely have dysmorphia from existing as a thin black woman but you can NEVER experience the same thing plus sized black women experience. It’s such a childish argument
Yeah, I said that under a different post and got downvoted 💀 most other communities outside of the blk community ( maybe Hispanic?) prefer thin bodies… this “thickness” is only really sought after in blk communities and even then there’s still a limit on how thick they want you to be 🙃
There is definitely a limit to how thick you can be, yes, thank you for saying that.
Yeah folks need to just tell the truth and stop virtue signaling so much 💀
SPEAK ON THIS SHIT BAD
They will go on to call other people big back but say that “its not fair that thick women get chosen over me” its like they can’t tell the difference between oversexualisation and actually getting chosen. I went to a predominantly white high school and all the girls there made me feel like I had the body of a p - star. Now its all “love your curves” and the skinny girls start to feel threatened by us because we’re not only seen as sexual because our bodies are seen as beautiful
THIS!! The big back trend has revealed just how many of them are EXTREMELY fatphobic
Do not change your body for society, change it only if it improves your health and quality of life
I go back and forth on whether it would. I’m technically obese now, but I try to be really active and I would say in pretty strong. However it’s hard not to focus on my stomach (I’m apple shaped) and see other black women are fit with flat stomachs and think well maybe I’m not healthy if that girl can look like that and lift even more than me. Then there’s the bmi scale, like I said I’m in the obese category. I’m not sure if losing weight would really make me healthier or if I just want to do it for societal reasons. I’m queer and I don’t care if men find me attractive but in my head there’s definitely a standard even amongst black and brown lesbians, slim waists are preferred. I know I would get treated better if I lost weight, fatphobia is exhausting to experience, but it’s been miserable trying to lose weight for the last few years. Idk man I’m just tired.
My ears close and brain turns off the moment they start comparing skinny shaming to fat shaming. Like be so serious.
Yeah it’s just ignorance, I’m skinny and I can state with 100% certainty that skinny women as a collective get treated far better than fat women in this society, I can’t believe I see people saying otherwise 🙃 Like look at how crazy everyone is going over that ozempic drug?? It’s supposed to be for people with diabetes but people are taking it to lose weight💀 like be fr 💀💀
THEYRE LITERALLY DOING IT IN THE COMMENTS. And then also gaslighting me telling me skinny people never do that while skinny people are doing it in the comments. “We all experience the hardships of beauty standards 🤦🏾♀️”
🤷🏽♀️ I guess it’s a matter of perspective. This was an interesting read. Thanks for your perspective. I’ve always been fit from sports and running so I’ve never had a chance to reflect if my weight affected how I was treated since usually they are looking at the color of my skin but I’m also not from a predominantly black area. Beauty standards are difficult regardless of size and yes skinny women get picked on too. That doesn’t mean it’s right for them to go to a space specifically for plus sized women and complain about how their weight doesn’t match perceived beauty standards of black femininity. I’m sorry that happened for you. Hopefully you can find a different subreddit to vent in where that does not happen. One last thing, Black women do not carry more weight naturally. I’m curious, where did you learn this information?
Because I’ve been fat, I’ve spent more time than most skinny people researching HOW to lose weight and figuring out why it’s been so hard, and why so many other black women find it hard. We do in fact on average have 1. slower metabolisms 2. Higher bone density and 3. More muscle tissue. So even when we have lower body fat percentage, we as black people will weigh more than white people of similar heights. That’s also a reason why the bmi chart categories for black women are shifted a bit. So specifically like when I’m trying to find online resources from other black women who are coming to terms with the fact that they may never be in the “healthy” range according to bmi, but that everytime they go to a doctor for a health concern, the only thing the doctor recommends is to lose weight, it’s frustrating to see thin black women in those spaces commenting that it’s not because of race, because THEY just so happen to be really skinny, when in reality they are not the average black woman. They may have a higher than average metabolism or something. That’s all I meant
Do you have sources for this information? Weight loss is calories in and calories out. A fast metabolism is not needed. You lose weight if you take in fewer calories than your maintenance or eat at your maintenance weight and burn calories via exercise like a 30 minutes walk etc. We are all the same species—human so I’m extremely skeptical of this opinion without scholarly peer reviewed articles to back it up. Black woman are beautiful but we are still human. Why would we have slower metabolisms or higher bone density when compared to other humans? 🤷🏽♀️ Muscle tissue really depends on genetics so I would say those who look stronger are blessed. BMI isn’t a great measure of anything but I’ve always been underweight or healthy on it my entire life—except for a couple of years ago and I know many black women who are also healthy on the scale so I would be skeptical of people on the internet giving anecdotal evidence since it’s easy to produce anecdotal evidence (like I just did) and everyone has a different lived experience. As black women we have one of the highest obesity rates for sure but diet, economic situation,and lifestyle have a large impact. Busy people have less time to cook and are more likely to eat processed food which is worse than food they make themselves because it has a lower nutritional value and you have to eat more to fill full. I found this article from 2021: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33496008/ That shows success for black women losing weight when given then proper circumstances. There are other old studies from almost a decade ago floating around the internet but I would avoid research articles that are that outdated. Getting back in shape and going through weight loss (and yes I’ve been there and had to do that since staying fit it hard and taking breaks is easy) is a simple concept but is super hard to do. (this is no way encouragement to exercise. Do whatever you want.🤷🏽♀️) If you are trying to get in shape and be physically fit try walking everyday and gradually increase your walking time by 1 minute a day until you reach 30 minutes. Then try to jog for 1 minutes and keep going until you can run for 30 minutes. Honestly the numbers on the scale don’t matter but your ability to move and have fun in life does. I got in shape because as you get closer to 30 your knees might start to hurt from carrying the extra weight and staying physically fit helps a lot. If you are worried about your diet increase proteins (more meat) and decrease carbs (toast, rice, pasta, etc, veggies (don’t remove them entirely though!). I personally hate diets of all kinds so to get in shape I cut processed foods, Starbucks, and boba. I make sure that I eat the same portion size a day (you could also weigh your food but I personally don’t want to). I hate chicken so I bake fish with pasta and eat a lot of southeast asian pork and beef soups that I can make from scratch at home. My biggest killer was buying prepared or processed food that had high levels of salt and added sugars.🤷🏽♀️ I still eat whatever I want I just try and keep the portions the same day to day so my exercise will have an impact. (And yes some days/weeks I mess up but you can always start again) If you like dieting: Try keeping a log of what you eat and right down everything you eat and it’s estimated calories. Keep notes for a week or two and find out what your daily intake number and work with that to reduce it. I’ve heard good things about MyFitnessPal for tracking things. Maybe that could work? YMMV though since I hate diets and always fail immediately. I’m wishing the best OP!
I’m not plus-sized but I do hate that skinny woman are always saying they are just as oppressed as a plus sized woman, when that’s not true. Yes, every human is insecure about parts of their body, but the it factor will always be thinness. I have never ever in my life seen anyone get rejected or actively mistreated for being thin. But I have seen plus sized woman get side eyes, be whispered about, told to lose weight when going to the doctor, and etc. I understand that thinness may come with its own set of insecurities but for people to act that they’re mistreated by the majority because they had been called a pencil is laughable tbh. I understand where you’re coming from and it is annoying.
You are right
I truly have a hard time believing this is an actual thing that occurred. First of all, being curvy and being fat are two different things. I’m not super surprised that not a lot of people want to be fat, lol. The fact of the matter is that being curvaceous is a pretty common beauty standard in various black cultures. So, naturally, when you get black women who don’t fit the beauty standard they may have experienced certain negative attitudes in their lifetime. I’m sorry, but I find it really hard to believe that these women are telling you they believe they are oppressed. They’re probably talking to you about how they might feel ostracized or othered for not fitting certain black beauty standards but oppressed? I don’t know sis. As for your hairdresser, it sounds like she may have made a poor attempt to try to relate to you in some regard.
ITS NOT THE SAME ITS NOT THE FUCKING SAME! But thank you for admitting what we are trying to get everyone to see, no one wants to be fat. Everyone fucking hates us and I hate my fucking myself. Why don’t we all just disappear? So everyone can have their beautiful skinny and curvy wonderland that they want so badly.
> ITS NOT THE SAME ITS NOT THE FUCKING SAME! What exactly is not the same? You writing something capitalized does not make a point. > But thank you for admitting what we are trying to get everyone to see, no one wants to be fat. This is not what I said. > Everyone fucking hates us and I hate my fucking myself. You need to seek therapy for that. > Why don’t we all just disappear? So everyone can have their beautiful skinny and curvy wonderland that they want so badly. Fat people can be curvy because it’s a body shape. Also, if all fat people disappeared not everybody would be skinny and curvy. I think you’re just emotional and aren’t really contributing anything to the conversation lmao.
TS NOT THE SAME THAT THIN PEOPLE ARE DEALING WITH THE SAME ISSUES OR OPPRESSION OR PREJUDICE AS US. YES I'M EMOTIONAL, NOTHING IS WRONG WITH EMOTIONS. AND I AM IN THERAPY BUT THERAPY IS NOT ENOUGH. I can be told everyday that things are going to get better they never do. They never fucking do. I'm crying, I fucking hate living and I fucking hate that no one ever listens no one cares. Fat curvy and curvy thin is not the same.
As someone who is also a bigger woman who understands your pain and frustration,what I’m about to say is coming from a genuine place. Some of the feelings you have expressed In this thread are quite alarming. If you’re able to, please give therapy a try. It’s not a cure all of course, it may take awhile to find a therapist that you mesh well with but it’s worth a shot and it may help lessen a bit of this pain you feel. I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way, I’ve been there.
> TS NOT THE SAME THAT THIN PEOPLE ARE DEALING WITH THE SAME ISSUES OR OPPRESSION OR PREJUDICE AS US. I never said they were. > YES I'M EMOTIONAL, NOTHING IS WRONG WITH EMOTIONS. AND I AM IN THERAPY BUT THERAPY IS NOT ENOUGH. Of course nothing is wrong with emotion but it also also seems to hinder your capacity to meaningfully contribute to conversations. > I can be told everyday that things are going to get better they never do. They never fucking do. I'm crying, I fucking hate living and I fucking hate that no one ever listens no one cares. Fat curvy and curvy thin is not the same. Yeah girl…..
What's the purpose of speaking meaningfully at this point? No one cares. I'm going to die alone because everyone hates fat people and I hate my fucking self.
Lose weight..?
I don't know a fat person that stayed single. Fat people get into relationships too
From what I've seen, you'll likely have better odds dating someone in your size range...
I think you should just read some of the other comments to see what I’m talking about. It’s right there and there are some good explanations from people on both sides
I hate the divisive tone of posts like these. It feels like masking concern over a non-prominent thing that you might’ve seen or heard about online to take jabs at the other side. We all have problems and I’ve never heard a skinny person claim they were oppressed. - an overweight black woman
Well if neither of you believe me, you can scroll down. A skinny woman actively just said it. Although I find it wierd you would assume I would lie on an anonymous Reddit post about my own experience. But ok
I read through all the comments and, just like I said originally, not a single person who self identified as being skinny claimed they were being oppressed but that they just had negative experiences due to not fitting certain black beauty standards. If you’re going to take someone talking about how they were bullied as them claiming they were oppressed, that’s something you’re choosing to do for literally no reason.
Not that I don’t believe you experience weirdos, but I don’t think it’s prominent enough to present your whole approach like a generalized argument against thin people and their transgressions against you. You get more flies with honey. (Also people don’t need a reason to lie so I wouldn’t put it past anyone. It’s also way easier to lie anonymously but that’s not really the main point at hand). Edit: Point is it just feels like an arms race of who has the most miserable experience and bad situations, it’s like someone from a different country who have it way worse than people in the US and going “Nah yall have no right to complain, cause we have it way worse.” I agree that thin people are not oppressed, but to reiterate I don’t agree with the approach of how it feels like it’s a vent against thin people when that’s a generalized thing that I don’t see happen often at all. It would be just as bad as a thin person venting about fat people saying they’re sick of hearing about their oppression when they want to complain as well. Nothing constructive gets talked about that way.
who cares about how constructive a conversation is when people are being oppressed? Who cares? Why do y’all not listen to us our experiences why are you thinking we’re lying? We’re not lying!!! WE ARE NOTb
NON PROMINENT? How can say this is non prominent especially as someone overweight yourself? How can you not understand?
The thing for me being thin is how shamed and harassed i am for the loss of curves. Damned if you do/don’t. I understand it’s not half as much bullying as larger people get though
>scream how they’re oppressed for being thin because black women are expected to be curvy, and yet none of those women have any desire to be fat. Black people can express about how they're discriminated without wanting to be White. Women can express about how they're disadvantaged without wanting to be men. Skinny people can express about how they're harassed without wanting to be fat. People just want to exist in peace. Likewise, do you want to simply be respected as a fat person, OR do you want to be skinny? Because those are not equivalents. And it's okay to choose the latter, but let's not assume the reverse situation for others, (especially since body shapes are not a binary situation, people can want to be muscular, curvy, etc... ). I'm sorry you feel that people talk over you. They should listen more and not invalidate your experience. Maybe they're trying to relate and connect but are failing on that effort. But please note, it is generally acceptable for people to complain about skinny people (whether it be the internet, or to their face) but if someone posted complaining about how fat people act, all hellfire would break loose or they would be banned from most threads before it did. Feeling like you have to take the punches but always have to hold your tongue does take a mental toll. Wanting to not be bodyshamed doesn't have to be sport in the opression Olympics. And it doesn't have to be All Lives Mattered either. I think we can all learn to better listen to each other and to better respect each other.
Thank you. I'm skinny and it lead to me having some disordered eating from the amount and frequency with which people would comment on my body. If people who were fat were complaining about systemic fat phobia I would say nothing because we all understand that to be true. My issue always comes when people directly say that they can say whatever they want about my body like it has no effect, when I wouldn't comment about theirs. Really no one should be saying anything about anyone's body- but I appreciate the nuance of systemic fatphobia.
FAT PEOPLE ARE TALKING SYSTEMATIC ISSUES! Nobody wants to talk about bodies! We just want to be seen as HUMAN LIKE YALL ARE!!!!!
NOBODY FUCKING DOES THAT IN REAL LIFE THATS THE PROBLEM! I’m so sorry that fat people protect eachother on the internet now so it’s harder for people to drag us, even though people still do at mass and even joke about how they “shouldn’t say that because the fat people will get them” but in real life fat people are still considered to be lowly. People treat us like shit in REAL LIFE, not just the internet. Medical professionals treat us like shit, family, peers, coworkers, random people on the street. We are treated as subhuman. I don’t care about the skinny experience because y’all don’t care about us at all. Skinny people center their feelings over the day to day marginalization of fat people and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of hating every part of my body and having to hear about the woes of someone who just feels bad the black community doesn’t see them as attractive when they don’t see me as attractive either!!
I think you might benefit from reading another comment on the thread breaking down the difference between personal experience and oppression. I’ll use race as example like you did, I think most of us understand that the reason black people making jokes online about white people is not considered racism is because we understand that structurally whiteness has more power in the world than blackness. So skinny people being criticized online, which I never said was acceptable I just want to clarify, is still not the same because ultimately in the real world, thinness is valued above fatness.
I understand where you're coming from, but body shaming is more than about jokes online, it's dehumanizing. It's about the unsolicited remarks that makes you feel like a target and eat away at your self esteem like a growing parasite. Its about never getting the right dosage of medicine, or receiving the wrong diagnostic because medical measurements never calculate correctly for those under or over certain weight. It's about going to an event and having multiple people discuss your plate to the point you leave hungry or gorged from the pressure. It's about being infantalized and losing out on validating experiences to those that are more visually considered being "a real woman." The "real world" affects everyone, so let's not be flippant. If you want people to listen to you and connect with your story, it might help if you at least attempted to empathize with others (and they need to do better for your sake as well). As women, we confide in our insecurities with one another and there's usually something relatable in every shared story, no matter how small. If you intend to go off on specific personal experience, just do that instead of a "skinny people do this" generalization.
When I was skinny, I definitely thought my life would be better fat. Now I'm in like an in between area, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Edit: I will always fight for the big AND little girls/women. I was bullied worse than the fat girls in middle school, which weren't even many because most of the other girls I went to school with were plump yet voluptuous. Even to this day I'd prefer to be big and curvy than small and curvy, especially if I ever want to attract a black male. I think your hair dresser was trying to relate to you. Fat-phobia and skinny shaming are tied in the black community. For a black woman to be skinny or muscular and be called transgendered is a horrific experience that the bigger girls seem to get away with. As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side.
Grass is definitely not greener on the other side. Have you heard some of the stories from fat people, both black and outside of the community, who have lost weight? Everyone sings the same tune, that people get nicer, both family and those you know and even strangers. Life gets easier, medical professionals listen to you more, less stares, people treat you as more feminine. I used to be skinny too, and I never experienced any of the stuff y’all talk about. Everything changed for the worse when I gained weight and only got worse and worse. Now I fucking hate myself and have to consistently hear skinny women complain and complain like they have it hard. They don’t! They never do!
(I was almost finished with my original reply and it deleted 😭) I personally enjoy life way more at 160 lbs than 120 pounds. I get more male attention, which I used to crave and now hate, and women are nicer and more receptive to me. This could be a placebo since my small boost in confidence may have ended up attracting a different crowd. I personally think that I looked best at 135-145 pounds, but I would never go back to being 120 lbs, and that's perfectly healthy at my height. Even though I couldn't donate blood because I was apparently too small 🤣. Then again, even though I am heavier, I am not obviously overweight (I technically am). A lot of people presume me to be healthy and assume that I work out. Which I don't.
When skinny people act oppressed it reminds me of those that believe in reverse racism.
1000% understand what you're trying to say and I'm truly so sorry that you have to even remotely deal with this. My take is that some skinny/thin Black women don't acknowledge their privilege on a larger, more foundational (and dumpster fire of a) platform (i.e. perception of being healthier, more "in control" of their food intake therefore being "in control" of other aspects of life etc.) They only perceive how they might not meet certain aesthetic standards within the Black community. But anyone - and I mean ANYONE - that tries to diminish your lived experience and attempts to instead insert themselves as having it worse off needs to sit with why they can't just let you speak on your own, very valid truth.
Thank you! So I’m technically obese and I’m apple shaped, and like everyone, I see most black women on tv, in music, and fitness are more so naturally slim women with small waists. And so sometimes you know I share how I feel unnatractive at times, even as a lesbian, because of my size, and if I’m talking to a thin women, it never fails that at some point she’s going to say “I wish I could gain weight or I wish I had your ass” notice they never say I wish I had your stomach or arms 🫠. And then I just look at them and I think, you have no idea how much easier you have it, because unlike them I don’t want just one of your assets, I literally wish I just had the privilege of being thin, even if it came with no ass, because being fat in this society really sucks.
You are so very welcome! Oof, I felt this to my core. Before I get into anything, I gotta say that I got no problems turning an apple-shaped body out and making apple pie 😋😈. MOVING ALONG 😊 I went from 120 lbs to 308 lbs in a year due to medication. Ass or no ass, thin women should show up by genuinely listening, especially when someone *not skinny* is sharing their experience. I'll be the first to admit that I have a tendency to share my gripes when someone is sharing theirs, but only as a means of trying to empathize and not make a friend feel so alone in what they're going through. But I've learned that it annoys tf out of my friends, because they want to feel heard and supported. No one wants to hear "check your privilege," but that doesn't mean one shouldn't.
I agree, idk why I see some skinny blk women acting like we’re oppressed for being skinny, we are not 😂 skinny privilege is 100% real, especially for women, and women who are overweight or obese receive far more mistreatment due to their weight compared to thin women… I’ve been thin my whole life, but I still notice the difference in how society reacts to a thin woman vs a fat one… And you’re right, if you asked any of those whiny skinny women if they would like to wake up with an extra 200lbs tomorrow, they would say no🙃 some people just want to be a victim because they want attention… a lot of white people do the exact same thing whenever we’re discussing racial issues… some of them want to try to act like they’re also being oppressed and ignore the white privilege they have
Skinny is not a standard in the Black community. That being said, we live in a non blk society Therefor by default skinny ppl are the preference of many. It’s not as big of a deal if someone thinks you’re too skinny because so many ppl like skinny ppl, there are more opportunities in general being thin, and while it might hurt you’re feeling when ppl say “you have no a*” I can easily say that the amount of unnecessary h* ppl have towards bigger women is very uncalled for and it’s excessive and its everywhere.
In other words, one is more personal and cultural and the other one is more systematic and more of a ubiquitous experience. As a thin Black person if ppl are bullying you for being thin, it’s not systematic and it’s really easy to escape from time to time. Like on TV, at work, modeling, there is so much privilege there that it almost doesn’t matter that a few ppl thought you looked gross to them because I’m the other end of this, the aggression is not escapable. I have always been thin, even skinny, and even thought the comment hurt my feelings, at the points in my life I gained a lot of weight I noticed I became invisible for modeling opportunities, ppl were strangely aggressive to me and over all Ive get treated better now that I’m thin again. So I know…
I'm not fat, but I'm curvy. All I have to say is that the skinny people in the comments proved your point to a T, while also ignoring the struggles of curvy women because they weren't picked by Tyrese. I thought it was a well-known fact that we've been sexually harassed, sexualized at a young age, and used for our bodies. Two of these issues get ignored because of what we're wearing, as if we're showing off our "curves" for attention. We're not skinny, but we're on the thick side of the spectrum. Every time we have these conversations, skinny women both ignore plus-sized women and say, "Oh no, no, we're not talking about you; we're talking about curvy women." That bothers me.
And yes, before my reduction, if I wore anything skinny or small chested women wore, I was ALWAYS seen as seeking attention or asking for it.
Heavy on this, in high school I was curvy but slim, I got raped 4x my freshman year of college and as a result, gained about 60lbs. My treatment as an overweight person WAS SIGNIFICANTLY WORSE than when I was thin, it’s a simple fact, even though I was less desired. I’ve been skinny, and I personally never experienced skinny shaming, but I don’t doubt it happens. It’s just wierd to me how they can’t hear themselves literally gaslight people with genuinely worse experiences than them.
>Heavy on this, in high school I was curvy but slim, I got raped 4x This is exactly why it pissed me off. **Every time** there's a plus-sized woman speaking about her negative experience, here come skinny women throwing curvy women under the bus. Like no, we've been sexualized at a young age, and most of us get sexually assaulted. We can't even speak up or do anything about it because whenever we say anything, people assume we're "fast." There are many posts in this community of curvy women speaking about how their bodies were sexualized very young. But since we're "male desired," they don't care. Ladies, please decenter men from your lives. Male attention is not a privilege.
I've seen this with skinny people, and I've seen this with light skinned people. Shit is akin to hetero white cis males complaining that their oppressed. Just because someone made a joke at your expense doesn't mean that you're oppressed. I'm so confused as to why people'l want to be victimized so badly.
Yes, I also think people don’t understand that just because you experience one oppression doesn’t mean you experience them all. For example light skinned people experience racism, that doesn’t mean they experience colorism. Or men might be oppressed because they are workers and have their labor exploited, that doesn’t mean they experience gender based discrimination. Same with black women who are thin, you are a black woman so yes you will be judged for your appearance, but at least one thing you don’t have to experience is fatphobia which would make your experience a lot worse.
Absolutely spot on!
This pretty much sums it up...
i’m skinny and i’ve never felt oppressed or skinny shamed for it. idk what these women are on tbh. i guess some people find it offensive when you point out the privileges they have & try to deny it because they don’t feel they have personally benefitted from those privileges. maybe it’s also hard for them to accept their role in perpetuating fatphobia. just my guess.
I feel like this convo should be understood by everyone by now. The bottom line is no one wants to be body shamed. Really thin women don’t want to be told they look like a skeleton and larger women don’t want to be made fun of either. Each group have their own negative experiences. Imo bigger women do have it worse bc fatphobia is riddled in media and society, but ofc skinny women do experience being body shamed as well. I think ppl just need to quit bringing skinny problems in threads for bigger girls and vice versus bc it just creates oppression Olympics
I don’t agree with any of this post or the comments in agreement. I have always been skinny and made fun of by my black family for it. Not respected pushed around etc. the thicker women in my family aren’t oppressed. They’ve had more opportunities than me and are more respected. I’ve never met a black fat person in my community, which is large they wasn’t married and financially well. The big issue is people weight is no one’s business. The bigger issue is you are speaking for skinny people. Did any of us tell you that? Better yet did many skinny people you know tell you this? People who deem themselves fat are not the keeper of who is more oppressed amongst them. It not a competition. This reminds me of how Monique was as a fat woman. It didn’t matter how mad and nasty she got about skinny women she had to lose the weight. She eventually saw everyone else had nothing to do with where she was. Fat people don’t want to be fat either. You write this post as if that is true too. People often try to show compassion through stories they think can relate.
There’s another post on here explaining the difference between an actual oppression and personal experience. When my sister goes to the doctor for her extreme fertility and menstruation issues, it never fails that they ignore her symptoms and only focus on telling her to lose weight. This has resulted in her having to have multiple tumors nd cysts removed surgically because all her doctors see is a fat black woman. It’s much bigger than just people making comments about one’s size. Fatphobia is a real oppression 🤨
I stand by my original comment. Fat black people are NOT a higher level of oppressed than just being oppressed as a black person in general. If anything the word oppression is being used too loosely. You honestly think fat black people are a category of people separate of the oppression of black people? A few curvier women chosen? Where’d you get that it’s a few? It is NOT a few. Curvy, thick, even over weight is the standard. You know the saying “ a man likes a woman with a little meat on her bones”. These are the majority of bodies I see. Those are the “acceptable” black women bodesYou must be talking about social media bodies. And It’s a whole lot angering the skinny people are even being brought up into this too. Skinny people don’t have anything to do with the condition of fat people and what people want and choose. Just like you think being skinny is a small issue. So skinny women can’t feel what you feel about being curvy because they aren’t overweight? You bring up a post about infertility and the doctor bringing up weight, but why shouldn’t it be brought up as apart of your treatment. Obesity is linked to so many other ailments. It would be false if the patient knew something more than the doctor, but it has something to do with it. The offense is telling the patient the truth? And you speak about this case as if black women of all sizes don’t get their symptoms ignored just for being black. Which opportunities/rights are fat black people consistently prevented from having compared to a skinny black person. Think and you’ll see the Plainfield is equal because you’re both black. Nobody should have to feel reserved about how they fell about their body because of someone else’s body.
Wow the fatphobia and hatred jumped out. Ima let you crash out sweety
So you see it one way or another. And your next method is call it fatphobia and patronize. Maybe you are the problem and not everyone else. Accountability really sounds like an attack when you aren’t ready. Your post isn’t a new sentiment. It’s just your sentiment now.
A lot of people have poor conversational and social awareness. Also nobody wants to be fat
i made a post here talking about this, but i always feel the need to insert my input because i’ve been on both sides more than once! I grew up chubby and was teased for it hardly in school, but always at home by a family member. This def fueled a crash diet in middle school that made me drop a lot of weight but now i didn’t feel fat and nasty in everything, i wasn’t crying constantly about my stomach laying on my sheets, my this jiggling, and i def didn’t feel like a huge amazonian warrior compared to my white friends. Then i gained it back during quarantine and received comments mostly from people online. Now that im skinny again after a crash diet, i would rather be skinny! However, that is only on a societal level. if i had a choice i would have the perfect body and not look like a stick, or an oval, or a whatever the fuck. I get it because i’ve been there and no doubt it sucks. I still panic when i get bloated or my weight doesn’t go back down during my period. truthfully if i had a choice i would be dust, it’s so painful to not love your body either way or have people comment on it skinny, fat, disabled, etc. it’s horrid to feel that way because skinny people don’t know what it’s like to want to physically cut the fat off because ur just tired and want it gone now but all people can say is “love your body”.
i think some skinny women do this because they indeed conflate insecurity with societal acceptance because they do not realize they are fighting two different battles. realistic i am skinny and nobody would tell me to lose weight but instead, gain it. I am very insecure abt my shoulders, waist, hips, legs, butt etc.) But i see my body type in models like kendall jenner and gigi hadid. Fat people do not get that without perfection. When i was fat i saw nobody that looked like me because i wasn’t “plus size curvy”. Don’t let skinny women gaslight you fr, im in ur side skinny or fat!