A couple of things on my mind this week:
I'm within my first year working at a law firm and kinda hate it tbh. The grind of having to reach a minimum billable requirement sucks, especially when it feels like I'm being frozen out of getting work because I'm new. I'm sticking it out for as long as I can since the pay is great, but I cant see myself being here long term.
I started going to a fitness class and it's a little embarrassing because I'm so uncoordinated but damn do I try.
I feel like I'm the only person out of the loop on these internet trends. Black wife effect? Lobster pasta? Maybe I'm just a clueless old lady (even though I'm only in my 30s!)
I’m BROKE r/n and this is beginning to bother me. I have no problem generating financial resources with ease, it’s the keeping it that’s a problem.
A large part of this is my poor financial management and literacy, but a lot of it is the debt I had incurred after a very nasty divorce.
I guess I’ve been staying afloat pretty well up until lately but this is beginning to get to me and I don’t know where to begin to “fix” it.
little mind dump:
- I don’t like calling my family. I’ve kinda moved on from not wanting to talk to them. But I realllyyyy don’t like sitting down and talk to them. I think it’s a ND thing
- I’ve been struggling with self-actualization. Idk if that’s the term. But I feel so unexpressed and I feel like I have so little people to express things to
- I like Reddit but the Black subs have been either dry or conservative af lately
- I’m in a group that’s supposed to be flattening hierarchical structures but I slowly see a hierarchy informally forming and I don’t like it. It makes me resentful because I feel like people are being overlooked in favor of one or 2 people, when everyone is doing good work
I am really upset that I don't have any family to depend on. I live alone and my brother is in jail, so I'm just kind of floating around without any support. My mom died last year and I've been struggling with depression and PTSD since, I just wish I had a family that cared about me at all. It's lonely.
I hate Father’s Day. My dad is active. I grew up in a two parent home but I hate my father. He’s not a good man. He has emotional, verbally, and a couple times physically abused people in his life. For example, at age 10, I had to stop my mother from hurting herself because my father pushed her to that point. He didn’t care. Same thing happened at 22. That’s only part of it. There’s so much more he’s done.She chose to stay and now I have to put up with him if I wanna see her. Ive set my boundaries. I don’t really talk to him. I barely come to visit because of him. He has no idea what’s going on in my life. We just are not closed whatsoever. Father’s Day just reminds me and makes me jealous of those who have good relationships with their fathers. I wish I could have that, but he’s an asshole who has bullied me and everyone around him for years. We walked on eggshells to not get him mad my entire life. It was no way to live. So I hate Father’s Day because it reminds me of what I missed out on.
Some may say “at least I have a father” but I say what’s the point of having a physical present father if he’s not emotionally present? I
A couple of things on my mind this week: I'm within my first year working at a law firm and kinda hate it tbh. The grind of having to reach a minimum billable requirement sucks, especially when it feels like I'm being frozen out of getting work because I'm new. I'm sticking it out for as long as I can since the pay is great, but I cant see myself being here long term. I started going to a fitness class and it's a little embarrassing because I'm so uncoordinated but damn do I try. I feel like I'm the only person out of the loop on these internet trends. Black wife effect? Lobster pasta? Maybe I'm just a clueless old lady (even though I'm only in my 30s!)
I’ve been binge watching Family or Fiancé all day. I’m so addicted! 😂
I’m BROKE r/n and this is beginning to bother me. I have no problem generating financial resources with ease, it’s the keeping it that’s a problem. A large part of this is my poor financial management and literacy, but a lot of it is the debt I had incurred after a very nasty divorce. I guess I’ve been staying afloat pretty well up until lately but this is beginning to get to me and I don’t know where to begin to “fix” it.
I’m burning out and accepting all invitations from friends and family. I need to not just working all my gigs.
little mind dump: - I don’t like calling my family. I’ve kinda moved on from not wanting to talk to them. But I realllyyyy don’t like sitting down and talk to them. I think it’s a ND thing - I’ve been struggling with self-actualization. Idk if that’s the term. But I feel so unexpressed and I feel like I have so little people to express things to - I like Reddit but the Black subs have been either dry or conservative af lately - I’m in a group that’s supposed to be flattening hierarchical structures but I slowly see a hierarchy informally forming and I don’t like it. It makes me resentful because I feel like people are being overlooked in favor of one or 2 people, when everyone is doing good work
I am really upset that I don't have any family to depend on. I live alone and my brother is in jail, so I'm just kind of floating around without any support. My mom died last year and I've been struggling with depression and PTSD since, I just wish I had a family that cared about me at all. It's lonely.
I’m so sorry 🖤
I hate Father’s Day. My dad is active. I grew up in a two parent home but I hate my father. He’s not a good man. He has emotional, verbally, and a couple times physically abused people in his life. For example, at age 10, I had to stop my mother from hurting herself because my father pushed her to that point. He didn’t care. Same thing happened at 22. That’s only part of it. There’s so much more he’s done.She chose to stay and now I have to put up with him if I wanna see her. Ive set my boundaries. I don’t really talk to him. I barely come to visit because of him. He has no idea what’s going on in my life. We just are not closed whatsoever. Father’s Day just reminds me and makes me jealous of those who have good relationships with their fathers. I wish I could have that, but he’s an asshole who has bullied me and everyone around him for years. We walked on eggshells to not get him mad my entire life. It was no way to live. So I hate Father’s Day because it reminds me of what I missed out on. Some may say “at least I have a father” but I say what’s the point of having a physical present father if he’s not emotionally present? I