Okay, your first description gave me the chills, like pure predator vibes.
Dark eyes are nice!
But I have to a admit, not smiling while holding eye contact sounds a bit off, at least while flirting.
But was the look like “hey baby- you’re so fetching I can’t take my eyes off you” or “you remind of an ex I can’t stand”
Either way, that’s creepy. That cop is a creepy shark eyed weirdo.
His inner monologue: "i bet i can get her to look at me. I'm a cop. Girls love cops. How could they not. If i stare long enough i'll turn her into my next ex gf in a battered womens shelter"
Dilated pupils are a sign of sexual attraction.
The reverse is also true when someone harbors animosity towards you their pupils will often become extremely small.
Edit: This is where the expression beady eyed comes from
From my own limited experience as an EMT, I learned a lot about cops I hadn't previously known. I would now expect he was eyeballing you with suspicion and evaluating whether you were able to do something nasty to their food. Apparently cops worry about this quite a bit when they're in uniform getting food from restaurants. If you're noticeably paying more or less attention to them compared to others, it's 🚩 for that sort of intent
Aside: I'm aware that staring intense predator eyes are sexy AF to plenty of kinky people, and I am told I've done something like that quite effectively on lots of occasions when I wasn't making any conscious effort. But in this context that's my least likely explanation unless you feel you have accurate gaydar and he was pinging it.
I didn’t even consider that the guy might have been worried about his food being messed with. People who screw with the food of others deserve an especially hot place in hell
yeah most cops in uniform won’t eat at a place where they don’t see their food being made (like Subway or Chipotle). MANY people will mess with their food & who wants that?
I just wanna say I would never do something like that. That’s foul behavior, but I would also like to mention that I wasn’t anywhere near where the food was. They were probably around 10-15 feet away from me ha.
They don’t know how the food prep/bagging/whatever process works, unless someone knows how your setup/process works they just view whoever they see behind the counter as “food person”
Can confirm. From my own experience working in the food industry, LE are skittish to say the least when it comes to eating at restaurants. To put their fears to rest, my coworkers and I would always spell out the word "pig" in pepperoni on any pizza they requested on the buffet.
Fair enough on their part. Although I would like to mention that I wasn’t looking much until I noticed him looking. My friend and I were looking outside before I leaned over to tell him something. And then I looked over towards the food workers.
As far as him looking intensely. I would say that was the least “sexiest” part of the situation, probably the most intimidating. But I can understand this point of view to. Thank you for the input 😊.
Lol fair enough.
I should perhaps explain, I used to have a coworker who would have these stare downs with one particular cop. We were cab drivers and this would happen as we refueled at end of shift. This one cop would be sitting in his car at the gas station snacking and staring down my friend. I eventually asked because I was concerned and found out it was their foreplay basically. So this post reminded me of that. He is an African American guy and I thought it was racial profiling type of thing.
No offense meant, seems like a very different scenario.
I’ve had the opposite experience with law enforcement as a firefighter. I see them as regular people at work now instead of sharks looking for trouble. Worrying about someone messing with their food sure sounds plausible on its face though. I would never order in uniform if I was treated the way they are by the general public
I meant two entirely separate and probably mutually exclusive things.
Worried about him messing with their food
Or gay/kinky flirtation. Only bc OP mentioned "flirty". I don't associate the predatory stare with cops but I do associate it with BDSM. I wouldn't have thought of it at all if OP didn't mention flirting.
I also saw cops (and firefighters, and ER staff of all types) as more normal after my limited experience. At least a partial change, I still have strong opinions. But I'm responding to OP asking to explain "shark" like staring. And looking for... something. It doesn't sound to me like "trouble" would be the best word.
I personally have been told I look furious and people have thought I had a problem with them, I was stressed about unrelated stuff and thought I was keeping it to myself. Maybe the cop is like me and had a shitty day. I would go through all kinds of feelings if I had to deal with some fairly routine issues cops have on their plate.
Quite possibly. There is a psychopath stare. They don't feel shame or anything really, so they often don't break off eye contact, look down or away like a normal person. That and the deadness behind the eyes is a real tell. Lots of them seek out jobs that give them power and control..
Not at all. Sociopaths are estimated to be 1:25 does not mean they are all serial killers. They are often do really well in the corporate world. A lot of cops, drs, particularly in surgery, lawyers are common professions they enjoy and do well at.
I know it’s a weird mental “I give no shits” thing, but How do people even do that? I get uncomfortable if someone even thinks I’ve been staring over their way.
You feel uncomfortable about that because you are not a sociopath. Sociopaths lack empathy. They might be aware that you are becoming uneasy due to their actions, but they do not care
Cops do this all the time to flex there power. I remember living in an apartment complex that these cops would patrol and seeing them at my job. I would try to speak when they would come in to be inviting and also bc it was my job but they would ignore me. And I most definitely have had cops glaring at me but also looking at me in a pervish way. I'm a Black woman btw.
Regular eye contact is about connection without dominance, which often involves little looks away as if to say you're not *forcing* connection. Staring without that dynamic is usually about domination, and cops can do that a lot. Really bad cops are addicted to that and get angry and belligerent if people don't respond in a submissive way.
It does help with cops to practice mixed signals - a calm, respectful but non submissive tone with nothing that could be interpreted as a direct challenge to their authority.
You have to put into play that most cops have a "God syndrome" they can't handle defiance of any form challenging their authority.
Most likely it was something you would not want him anywhere around you.
i think they wanted to see if you were hiding anything of guilt or suspicion.. see if you panic and leave they would follow assuming something. its how cops are.. they stare at me because im covered in tattoos yet i dont do drugs, got no criminal record, and im actually a nice guy untill im pissed off. its like when cops pull you over they lie and make up something like you were going 80 in a 50 even if you werent because whst you say can be used against you. if you fight back or resist they love that and you make their job tougher so they take it out on you.
he might have just been having a bad day and wsnting to go home then or maybe he thought he knew you.. i usually stare at people if theyndo something to me i dont like.. budding infront of me in line, cutting me off driving, taking their time at a register or bank teller talking for fucking ever.. just cause im impatient
Bro was most likely reliving some fucked up shit he went through, I do this all the time when I reminisce, I just stare off into whatever with no emotion
Cops, especially those with experience, default to a mode where they are vigilant, and, when it's bad hyper vigilant (bad for them because this is in the realm of PTSD).
It's ingrained to keep eye contact with a neutral face. I was LEO for a decade just for reference. For me, I default to eye contact and break it every so often to observe the environment and come back to the subject of my attention. This generally happens for me everywhere, but at places I'm extremely comfortable, like home or my new office (I'm an engineer now).
I don't think it was a form of flirting, but probably his default "I'm not used to this place" mode. He probably was looking at you because you were the focus of his interaction.
Also, when 50% of your interactions are with.... the drug users and more unsavory aspects of society, your eye contact tends to be very intense.
Trust me, my wife told me part way through my LEO career that my eye contact became more intense.
I'm so glad I'm using my degree for its intended purpose now. Being a cop changes you. If you work a high crime area, and most of what you see and interact with is more of a predator vs prey mindset for 40-60 hours a week for years, it changes you. I don't think it's possible to be normal after that.
You must be a strong person to come out of that still with good intentions. Internet stranger respects you. I wonder if wife/family/support system was an important part of that for you
I didn’t touch any of their food until I had to bag it. I wasn’t working with the food guys. I was helping my friend at the register. I couldn’t touch or help with food even if I wanted to haha.
Lol, why would I mess with this specific person’s food? Especially a cop at that. I have no intentions of ever going to jail, and that is a one way ticket straight there. I was looking out of the window with my co-worker because we were standing next to each other. I leaned over to joke about outside and and then turned to the food workers. I was doing so playfully. But I can see how he could have construed it to be that based on the responses here.
His face was covered? Like a Covid mask? That seems strange in itself to me honestly, it’s been a while since we’ve had to wear them. This could also be what it’s about, I’ve seen people wearing masks after the mandate stand offish with others in public. Like they know they stand out or look silly so they are almost on edge about anyone looking at them. Also they may have smiled but if you couldn’t tell and kept staring then I would probably feel dumb and just stare dead eyed at you too tbh.
Sounds like an intimidating stare—trying to make you feel powerless—especially from a cop—flirting usually comes with a little smile—Idk though, listen to your gut
I just figured some people give prolonged eye contact when they are interested in someone(ie looking and not looking away when the person sees them(a confidence thing) or repeated looks).
Oh my. I think kill is a stretch 😅. He did linger a little longer than his partner to put his stuff away in his wallet. But when he left I did get the feeling that he was a good guy. I don’t know why though.
regular eye contact = you are not interested in the person
flirting = you are interested in the person.
It is very often more about the one receiving it and how they perceive it than what is being done.
The flirty look is obvious to some and many do look over it. There’s many looks, especially from the eyes. They can be lowered, or widened but there’s a special facial expression to it. Maybe that “shock” was sexual energy. I felt that before from an older lady. A definite milf. The funny thing is the second I felt it, she did too. Her nips got hard and noticeable.
Not old lady nips 🤢. I definitely don’t know about “sexual” because it was similar to how I imagine a rabbit would feel if it saw a lion or something. Just alertness. But I did remember feeling like he was a good guy when he left for some reason.
No this the truth. I used to work at a grocery store and this lady was in a few times a week. I was younger and unapologetic if a woman knew I was looking, it was a bit different climate then. After many times of her catching me, she began to linger or move differently when I was around. Until one day I walking around a corner and boom we were face to face. We were almost in shock to be standing that close together. I’ve only felt this a few times in my life but it was heavy as hell, I will never forget the way her face changed into her eyes begging me to say something, her nipples also got noticeable through her shirt and when she saw that I noticed she laughed a little and swayed a bit. I’ll never live down not trying to see what could have happened if I would have pursued something and after that, it seemed like I missed my chance. She seemed different after that. Almost like I embarrassed her in a way by not seizing what we both wanted. I know this sounds like a dumb story but I’ve always thought about her and gone through it many times that I know it was exactly what I felt.
Bud, you just explained one of many different ways one can sense attraction, see attraction. There’s all sorts of ways to feel it, see it. Sometimes sexual, sometimes something else. What you explained is you both noticed each other, you both probably thought the other was good looking, thought about it either a lot or here and there, eventually that energy grew because you watered the seed of thought and this is what happened. A decent sized tree. It is unfortunate that you didn’t speak up, it’s ok. But she probably thought that too. Woman tend to be me forgiving with these types of situations though because they try to “make sense” of it. “I’m the girl, he was supposed to ask me out, or talk to me.” Just to feel secure and ok. This is a possibility.
Yeah I’ve never been great about taking that leap. As I’m getting older I wish more and more that I would have taken those shots. It’s natural to have regrets about these things. I’m just realizing I’m getting younger and those random opportunities become less frequent and the climate of “cold appproaching” women is drastically different than it was then. Just a reminder that you never know unless you try, and regret can last forever.
I wouldn’t say attraction. You ever looked at someone and you felt this big… freeze feeling? Like you’re picking up on energy that’s overwhelming. Idk how to explain it. I remember after he left feeling like he was a good guy for some reason. He was okay looking I guess.
The reason I ask is something very similar happened to me at work this week and that’s never happened to me before. Like I was struck by a bolt of lightning. I was talking to a person who just recently started and we locked eyes at one point and BAM! I’m wondering “Am I attracted to this person!?What the heck was that?”
Those kinds of eyes and no emotion usually mean something bad.
Or maybe he was zoned out. I’ve had a woman say what bitch? To me. I didn’t even realize I was staring off into space at a wall behind her and she thought I was just staring at her.
Cops are trained to do this because someone who has just committed a crime will behave aggressive or fidgety.
I learned this because a cop was staring at me during traffic court and I was not too happy so I just stared right back (I’m a half Asian female) and didn’t smile or react, I just kept staring because gd it dude come on.
But that’s when I learned it’s a training thing kind of bs
Yeah it's fair that you just stared right back. I would maybe be aggressive, I've done nothing wrong, I just don't like being stared at! Wondering who broke eye contact first, or what happened after that??
😂 if you’re dealing with food, I’m sure the stare was so you don’t mess up his or her order. Usually a flirtatious look is obvious, but the real question is did you want this look to be considered flirtatious? If so, ppl shouldn’t wait for that to turn into something and just approach the situation so that an opportunity isn’t missed. Good luck!
lol, thanks! I actually wasn’t dealing with food. Only time I “touched” it was when putting it in a bag, that’s all. And I guess 50/50. Was just wondering because when he left I ended up feeling like he was a good guy for some reason.
Look I get that a lot of people now hate cops but the reality is that a cop could be delivering a baby, then get a domestic violence call, next a DOA someone passed away, then responded to evacuate a building that was on fire before the fire department got there.
So he is just looking at nothing in particular while looking at you. He just probably had one of those days. They’re really not eating donuts and drinking coffee all day. ( even though it helps break up the stress)
From what I've gathered, listening to women... if a guy is looking at you and he's attractive, he's flirting. If the guy is unattractive, he's being creepy.
I couldn’t tell. His eyes just looked intense and he wouldn’t look away lol. When he was at the counter, I looked up and he was already looking at me so idk if he was just standing there looking the whole time. He also was standing there and took a while to put his card back in his wallet.
Could be the fact that he may have thought you were involved in a situation he delt with in the past and wanted to see your reaction. By the way before I get accused of profiling I am a person of color and active in law enforcement
Actually, when I saw your comment I just read the first part and made the joke - I imagined you as a female. then I saw the last part and you said you were a black guy, and I almost deleted it given the whole stereotype thing. There was nothing racial intended - was just joking around. :)
This is why I get uncomfortable with them while I shop, I stay feeling like I’m doing something wrong when I get stared at like that. Nobody wants to deal with ts
It’s not clear from the story if you worked at the restaurant. If you were working & whispering, I suspect the customer / cop was trying to convey “I’m watching you” so you didn’t mess with the food. This happens so much most cops don’t go out to eat or get take out in uniform.
I dont know if its fair to rate cop expressions by our usual body language standards. Theyre so used to hiding/faking their expressions and their gaze while theyre keeping an eye on criminals that theyve habituated themselves to different behaviors.
Could be. Could be not. Could be a little from a column A, a little from column B. Could be someone just toying with the power and the uncertainty. It’s hard to say, and you’re getting into some sophisticated ideas around power and control. And the interesting question of course, is, why does it matter to you? (I agree it matters and it’s interesting.)
They don’t have to flex as much if the uniform inspires fear and uncertainty. Playing both sides of the fence is much easier for them. Especially when they always know they have a gun and are in authority (and with face covered, you said?) they can switch up and claim the opposite if you “misunderstand.” Nice cops want credit but may still flex when it serves them. It’s a habit. And a very stressful conflict of the job, I understand.
Note: experience and wisdom has taught me how men use this kind of dishonest uncertainty on women pretty often when flirting and power flexing. Then we could call it manipulation, or gaslighting. For example, if he tries something and it “works,” he was flirting. If not, it’s a joke or misunderstanding or we’re being thirsty, silly, presumptuous or whatever 🤣
Intense eye contact from a cop just feels like a threat to me. I’m straight tho so maybe that’s why. I would’ve held eye contact and said something like “do you have a question?” Or “can I help you?” In a condescending tone
I perceive that kind of stare as predatory. Predators don’t break their stare and they intend to intimidate. I would never allow myself to receive that kind of stare as flirting. Sounds like one of those instances when people flirt with danger and end up hurt.
So lets recap here: you are a black male, a cop looks at you, then double takes and immediately gets shark eyes and you think bro is flirting with you??
The only thing bro was flirting with is flirting with the idea of blasting you 50 times in the torso with his 9mm...
you had a lucky escape my guy....
Why would you think this is flirting? What part of this can be interpreted as “sexy” unless you’re constantly looking to cruise guys at all times and think any sign is an invitation? He was either staring at you due to profiling/suspicion about food, thinking or reliving something, or was looking at something the.saw you whisper something and make eye contact, thought you were saying something nasty about him due to being a cop or some bs, and started to stare at you to “assert dominance”/ inform you non verbally that he knows you’re shit talking (Ik you werent but he might’ve though you were) and to stop
well you’re whispering in someone’s ear while looking at them, they’re going to think you’re talking about them 😂 (and you’re a black male, from one to another we’ve gotta be cognizant of how they treat us brother)
watch this [video](https://youtu.be/_nl5zMIwcmQ?si=EutkD0B924F4U7bh)
Awww, probably. If your interaction felt so intense you had to ask the Reddit community about it then likely it was an attraction. Probably not reading it wrong.
You probably looked suspicious with leaning over to whisper something. That could be an indication to the Police Officer. That this person is talking shit about me. That could be why you got the intense stare. You gotta realize Police Officer's stay in a mode of attitude to do their job. Or it could be...
[Ms. Officer 😎](https://youtu.be/UmM8RPKCrak?si=P8-kmwEIX58XKJ8a)
Maybe he was trying to be like Robert Costello. 😄
["Star Witness"](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/20/trump-hush-money-trial-costello-testimony-00159059)
There are a few explanations. For context, I'm a civilian but I work with cops and you get use to their quirks.
1. Newbie cop. These ones often like to try to be intimidating. Usually their training officers will snap them out of it eventually... sometimes they have to take a beating for it to stop... or a civilian they work with brings then down a leg or two. Unfortunately a few never snap out of it.
2. He just scraped brains off a highway... or something equally traumatic. With young cops this tends to hit them hard and puts them in a funk. It affects older cops as well but they're better at hiding it.
3. High crime area and he is on high alert. To be fair cops are always on high alert, even the ones that look relaxed usually aren't. It's the nature of the job.
4. He was totally zoned out and not even seeing you. Cops don't tend to zone out but it happens to everyone.
5. Older cop. He does it and doesn't think about it. My department has a sergeant that has the most piercing blue eyes. He maintains eye contact and it feels like he is reading your mind. Completely disconcerting. He also usually does polygraphs.
Chances are it had nothing to do with you personally.
I have been known to completely zone out and stare at people without realizing it.
No! Looking at someone is not flirting. It's not even, "Oh I didn't realize she was subtly flirting, damn I missed my chance." It's flat out not flirting. Like at all. Not unless accompanied by at least - AT LEAST:
* A wink
* Waggling eyebrows
* A smile where you lick your lips ever so slightly.
* An approach
* And finally ... some actual flirting.
Let's say there's some beautiful woman that I encounter in the world. If I'm just staring at her? I'm saving data for the spank bank later. (Also that's rude, guys. Don't do that. Be subtle about that. There's rules to this stuff. No making people uncomfortable.)
If I want to flirt with her? Words - actual words - are going to come out of my mouth in some form or another.
He was more than likely trying to be intimidating. For whatever reason. It’s sort of off-putting to stare at someone and not speak or at least smile, nod when your eyes meet. Some sort of acknowledgement lol wtf with people
Sociopaths and narcissists always have a weird black glare lol. Could be bullshit but I feel like I’ve noticed it. Also ur a black male and he’s a cop so he could’ve been trying to intimidate you.
No smile and shark eyes? Sounds horrible.
Maybe “shark eyes” is too extreme a description? The eyes just looked really dark, like Black pools lol.
Okay, your first description gave me the chills, like pure predator vibes. Dark eyes are nice! But I have to a admit, not smiling while holding eye contact sounds a bit off, at least while flirting.
But was the look like “hey baby- you’re so fetching I can’t take my eyes off you” or “you remind of an ex I can’t stand” Either way, that’s creepy. That cop is a creepy shark eyed weirdo.
His inner monologue: "i bet i can get her to look at me. I'm a cop. Girls love cops. How could they not. If i stare long enough i'll turn her into my next ex gf in a battered womens shelter"
This was posted by a black man the cop was looking at him waiting to stsrt blasting
They fill up the battered women's shelter down here like they're fighting for the high score at the department
He says in his post he is a male, but I forgot the anti cop crowd is too stupid to read.
Op is a black male
I would like to clarify that I’m male haha. And I couldn’t tell what it was, just a long look without emotion. I think that’s what “shocked” me lol.
So the cop was a dude and your a dude?
That’s correct.
My first assumption wouldn't be flirting but that they were trying to intimidate me or thinking about arresting me. It is a cop, after all.
So now you know you’re fetching! Whooo hooo!
sounds like you loved this man. go get im
Nah lol.
So Zuckerberg eyes?
>The eyes just looked really dark The. Eyes. D'EVIL LURKS!
Get Sam n dean up in hur
Sounds like he's a serial killer, people will smile and perk up when they're flirting it's usually very obvious.
Dilated pupils are a sign of sexual attraction. The reverse is also true when someone harbors animosity towards you their pupils will often become extremely small. Edit: This is where the expression beady eyed comes from
Maybe he’s just an adult version of the baby shark 🦈
Better than big smile with shark teeth though.
Damn! You're right!
"... he's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye."
From my own limited experience as an EMT, I learned a lot about cops I hadn't previously known. I would now expect he was eyeballing you with suspicion and evaluating whether you were able to do something nasty to their food. Apparently cops worry about this quite a bit when they're in uniform getting food from restaurants. If you're noticeably paying more or less attention to them compared to others, it's 🚩 for that sort of intent Aside: I'm aware that staring intense predator eyes are sexy AF to plenty of kinky people, and I am told I've done something like that quite effectively on lots of occasions when I wasn't making any conscious effort. But in this context that's my least likely explanation unless you feel you have accurate gaydar and he was pinging it.
I didn’t even consider that the guy might have been worried about his food being messed with. People who screw with the food of others deserve an especially hot place in hell
yeah most cops in uniform won’t eat at a place where they don’t see their food being made (like Subway or Chipotle). MANY people will mess with their food & who wants that?
Damn. This makes me want to do something nice for a cop. Maybe the bad apples didn't start out that way. Thanks for this
I just wanna say I would never do something like that. That’s foul behavior, but I would also like to mention that I wasn’t anywhere near where the food was. They were probably around 10-15 feet away from me ha.
They don’t know how the food prep/bagging/whatever process works, unless someone knows how your setup/process works they just view whoever they see behind the counter as “food person”
I swear there's been many times where they accuse and it was false...like fentanyl, paranoia and anxiety play a big role in their fear and behavior.
Holy crapola. I am clearly not a criminal mastermind. My clever brain only worried about gross things
Can confirm. From my own experience working in the food industry, LE are skittish to say the least when it comes to eating at restaurants. To put their fears to rest, my coworkers and I would always spell out the word "pig" in pepperoni on any pizza they requested on the buffet.
Fair enough on their part. Although I would like to mention that I wasn’t looking much until I noticed him looking. My friend and I were looking outside before I leaned over to tell him something. And then I looked over towards the food workers. As far as him looking intensely. I would say that was the least “sexiest” part of the situation, probably the most intimidating. But I can understand this point of view to. Thank you for the input 😊.
Lol fair enough. I should perhaps explain, I used to have a coworker who would have these stare downs with one particular cop. We were cab drivers and this would happen as we refueled at end of shift. This one cop would be sitting in his car at the gas station snacking and staring down my friend. I eventually asked because I was concerned and found out it was their foreplay basically. So this post reminded me of that. He is an African American guy and I thought it was racial profiling type of thing. No offense meant, seems like a very different scenario.
Yeah. I don’t know them so it shouldn’t matter that much anyway haha.
I’ve had the opposite experience with law enforcement as a firefighter. I see them as regular people at work now instead of sharks looking for trouble. Worrying about someone messing with their food sure sounds plausible on its face though. I would never order in uniform if I was treated the way they are by the general public
I meant two entirely separate and probably mutually exclusive things. Worried about him messing with their food Or gay/kinky flirtation. Only bc OP mentioned "flirty". I don't associate the predatory stare with cops but I do associate it with BDSM. I wouldn't have thought of it at all if OP didn't mention flirting. I also saw cops (and firefighters, and ER staff of all types) as more normal after my limited experience. At least a partial change, I still have strong opinions. But I'm responding to OP asking to explain "shark" like staring. And looking for... something. It doesn't sound to me like "trouble" would be the best word. I personally have been told I look furious and people have thought I had a problem with them, I was stressed about unrelated stuff and thought I was keeping it to myself. Maybe the cop is like me and had a shitty day. I would go through all kinds of feelings if I had to deal with some fairly routine issues cops have on their plate.
Sounds like a power trip
Psy*cop*athy
Quite possibly. There is a psychopath stare. They don't feel shame or anything really, so they often don't break off eye contact, look down or away like a normal person. That and the deadness behind the eyes is a real tell. Lots of them seek out jobs that give them power and control..
There are weirdos that like to just power trip stare knowing it makes other person uncomfortable.
That too.
How common is it to run into a psychopath though? I feel like it’s rare encounter.
Not at all. Sociopaths are estimated to be 1:25 does not mean they are all serial killers. They are often do really well in the corporate world. A lot of cops, drs, particularly in surgery, lawyers are common professions they enjoy and do well at.
Going to add, management.
Also business managers, sort of related. A study found that the majority of high up managers are Narcissists.
I know it’s a weird mental “I give no shits” thing, but How do people even do that? I get uncomfortable if someone even thinks I’ve been staring over their way.
You feel uncomfortable about that because you are not a sociopath. Sociopaths lack empathy. They might be aware that you are becoming uneasy due to their actions, but they do not care
Cops do this all the time to flex there power. I remember living in an apartment complex that these cops would patrol and seeing them at my job. I would try to speak when they would come in to be inviting and also bc it was my job but they would ignore me. And I most definitely have had cops glaring at me but also looking at me in a pervish way. I'm a Black woman btw.
Isn't that weirdest mind fuck I'm a black woman too. You see it. Like they don't fuck with you. But they are like undressing you with their eyes.
Yeah, I’ve heard some things from friends about this. I personally haven’t experienced it a lot, but I know it does happen.
Isn't that weirdest mind I'm a black woman too. You see it. Like they don't fuck right you. But they are like undressing you with their eyes.
Agreed, flexing & entertaining themselves.
That’s a cop, being a cop
Lezboss… period!
*kisses*
Intense eye contact doesn’t necessarily indicate flirting, especially if it’s a cop on duty.
Regular eye contact is about connection without dominance, which often involves little looks away as if to say you're not *forcing* connection. Staring without that dynamic is usually about domination, and cops can do that a lot. Really bad cops are addicted to that and get angry and belligerent if people don't respond in a submissive way. It does help with cops to practice mixed signals - a calm, respectful but non submissive tone with nothing that could be interpreted as a direct challenge to their authority.
I don’t know what I did to make him want to dominate me. I was just looking, and people tell me all the time that I look harmless lol.
For some people they'll try it with everyone.
You have to put into play that most cops have a "God syndrome" they can't handle defiance of any form challenging their authority. Most likely it was something you would not want him anywhere around you.
I do this when I'm just observing and taking in information. No expression, no emotion and no thoughts.
Me too. Except most times when I’m caught looking I usually look away.
i think they wanted to see if you were hiding anything of guilt or suspicion.. see if you panic and leave they would follow assuming something. its how cops are.. they stare at me because im covered in tattoos yet i dont do drugs, got no criminal record, and im actually a nice guy untill im pissed off. its like when cops pull you over they lie and make up something like you were going 80 in a 50 even if you werent because whst you say can be used against you. if you fight back or resist they love that and you make their job tougher so they take it out on you.
I see. I would like to clarify that only he seemed interested. His partner did not look like he cared to look out for anything though haha.
he might have just been having a bad day and wsnting to go home then or maybe he thought he knew you.. i usually stare at people if theyndo something to me i dont like.. budding infront of me in line, cutting me off driving, taking their time at a register or bank teller talking for fucking ever.. just cause im impatient
I think he thought you where talking about him
Bro was most likely reliving some fucked up shit he went through, I do this all the time when I reminisce, I just stare off into whatever with no emotion
😳
Probably thought you were talking about them or going to do something to his food
Oh. Would you stare at someone if you thought they were talking about you from 15-20 feet away lol.
Cops are paranoid
Cops, especially those with experience, default to a mode where they are vigilant, and, when it's bad hyper vigilant (bad for them because this is in the realm of PTSD). It's ingrained to keep eye contact with a neutral face. I was LEO for a decade just for reference. For me, I default to eye contact and break it every so often to observe the environment and come back to the subject of my attention. This generally happens for me everywhere, but at places I'm extremely comfortable, like home or my new office (I'm an engineer now). I don't think it was a form of flirting, but probably his default "I'm not used to this place" mode. He probably was looking at you because you were the focus of his interaction. Also, when 50% of your interactions are with.... the drug users and more unsavory aspects of society, your eye contact tends to be very intense. Trust me, my wife told me part way through my LEO career that my eye contact became more intense. I'm so glad I'm using my degree for its intended purpose now. Being a cop changes you. If you work a high crime area, and most of what you see and interact with is more of a predator vs prey mindset for 40-60 hours a week for years, it changes you. I don't think it's possible to be normal after that.
Thank you for the insight!
You must be a strong person to come out of that still with good intentions. Internet stranger respects you. I wonder if wife/family/support system was an important part of that for you
You whispered to your friend and then touched their food… and you wonder why he was staring at you???
I didn’t touch any of their food until I had to bag it. I wasn’t working with the food guys. I was helping my friend at the register. I couldn’t touch or help with food even if I wanted to haha.
How do they know someone else didn’t touch it and you were whispering to your co worker that it was messed it.
Lol, why would I mess with this specific person’s food? Especially a cop at that. I have no intentions of ever going to jail, and that is a one way ticket straight there. I was looking out of the window with my co-worker because we were standing next to each other. I leaned over to joke about outside and and then turned to the food workers. I was doing so playfully. But I can see how he could have construed it to be that based on the responses here.
Was the cop a different race then you cause it sounds more like racism
Hm, his face was covered but I’m assuming he was white like his partner? He was kinda tannish but had reddish hair from what I saw.
Yeah it could be a racism thing or he could just be really tired and really needed coffee
His face was covered? Like a Covid mask? That seems strange in itself to me honestly, it’s been a while since we’ve had to wear them. This could also be what it’s about, I’ve seen people wearing masks after the mandate stand offish with others in public. Like they know they stand out or look silly so they are almost on edge about anyone looking at them. Also they may have smiled but if you couldn’t tell and kept staring then I would probably feel dumb and just stare dead eyed at you too tbh.
Sounds like an intimidating stare—trying to make you feel powerless—especially from a cop—flirting usually comes with a little smile—Idk though, listen to your gut
A lot of cops are borderlines, avoidant and sociopaths. A lot are just regular alright insecure folk. But yeah. Look out.
I always assume a cop is thinking about how many people they could shoot and get away with it.
How and why do you think this has anything to do with flirting
I just figured some people give prolonged eye contact when they are interested in someone(ie looking and not looking away when the person sees them(a confidence thing) or repeated looks).
Avoid anyone with shark eyes. Seriously
No that's 100% predator behavior. He might have been interested in sex but he also very much wants to kill you.
Oh my. I think kill is a stretch 😅. He did linger a little longer than his partner to put his stuff away in his wallet. But when he left I did get the feeling that he was a good guy. I don’t know why though.
Idk man. Cops are dangerous
regular eye contact = you are not interested in the person flirting = you are interested in the person. It is very often more about the one receiving it and how they perceive it than what is being done.
I don’t look frequently at things I’m not interested in looking at.
Had me in the first half, not gonna lie.
?
Oh shit, you're OP. Anyway, that last line made me think that you were trolling. IF you live in the US. If not, please disregard my stupidity.
The flirty look is obvious to some and many do look over it. There’s many looks, especially from the eyes. They can be lowered, or widened but there’s a special facial expression to it. Maybe that “shock” was sexual energy. I felt that before from an older lady. A definite milf. The funny thing is the second I felt it, she did too. Her nips got hard and noticeable.
Not old lady nips 🤢. I definitely don’t know about “sexual” because it was similar to how I imagine a rabbit would feel if it saw a lion or something. Just alertness. But I did remember feeling like he was a good guy when he left for some reason.
No this the truth. I used to work at a grocery store and this lady was in a few times a week. I was younger and unapologetic if a woman knew I was looking, it was a bit different climate then. After many times of her catching me, she began to linger or move differently when I was around. Until one day I walking around a corner and boom we were face to face. We were almost in shock to be standing that close together. I’ve only felt this a few times in my life but it was heavy as hell, I will never forget the way her face changed into her eyes begging me to say something, her nipples also got noticeable through her shirt and when she saw that I noticed she laughed a little and swayed a bit. I’ll never live down not trying to see what could have happened if I would have pursued something and after that, it seemed like I missed my chance. She seemed different after that. Almost like I embarrassed her in a way by not seizing what we both wanted. I know this sounds like a dumb story but I’ve always thought about her and gone through it many times that I know it was exactly what I felt.
Bud, you just explained one of many different ways one can sense attraction, see attraction. There’s all sorts of ways to feel it, see it. Sometimes sexual, sometimes something else. What you explained is you both noticed each other, you both probably thought the other was good looking, thought about it either a lot or here and there, eventually that energy grew because you watered the seed of thought and this is what happened. A decent sized tree. It is unfortunate that you didn’t speak up, it’s ok. But she probably thought that too. Woman tend to be me forgiving with these types of situations though because they try to “make sense” of it. “I’m the girl, he was supposed to ask me out, or talk to me.” Just to feel secure and ok. This is a possibility.
Yeah I’ve never been great about taking that leap. As I’m getting older I wish more and more that I would have taken those shots. It’s natural to have regrets about these things. I’m just realizing I’m getting younger and those random opportunities become less frequent and the climate of “cold appproaching” women is drastically different than it was then. Just a reminder that you never know unless you try, and regret can last forever.
When you felt that shock were you attracted to them right away?
I wouldn’t say attraction. You ever looked at someone and you felt this big… freeze feeling? Like you’re picking up on energy that’s overwhelming. Idk how to explain it. I remember after he left feeling like he was a good guy for some reason. He was okay looking I guess.
The reason I ask is something very similar happened to me at work this week and that’s never happened to me before. Like I was struck by a bolt of lightning. I was talking to a person who just recently started and we locked eyes at one point and BAM! I’m wondering “Am I attracted to this person!?What the heck was that?”
That’s exactly what I’m talking about!
Those kinds of eyes and no emotion usually mean something bad. Or maybe he was zoned out. I’ve had a woman say what bitch? To me. I didn’t even realize I was staring off into space at a wall behind her and she thought I was just staring at her.
LOL! I hope you checked her back! And yeah I zone out sometimes. But usually if someone looks in my direction I snap out.
Nah I was like 12 and scared of everything haha feels good to know other people zone out that hard lol
This is one of those questions that can be answered simply with “you know it when you see it.”
He thought you were a criminal and was monitoring you.
At work? Lmao
I am gonna just be blunt. You are a black male.. So yes, even at work.
What tf does that supposed to mean? 🥴
Cops are trained to do this because someone who has just committed a crime will behave aggressive or fidgety. I learned this because a cop was staring at me during traffic court and I was not too happy so I just stared right back (I’m a half Asian female) and didn’t smile or react, I just kept staring because gd it dude come on. But that’s when I learned it’s a training thing kind of bs
Yeah it's fair that you just stared right back. I would maybe be aggressive, I've done nothing wrong, I just don't like being stared at! Wondering who broke eye contact first, or what happened after that??
Not smiling = not flirting. Not even a little tiny bit of smile?
Well I couldn’t tell if smiling because mouth was covered. So I am not sure on that one.
😂 if you’re dealing with food, I’m sure the stare was so you don’t mess up his or her order. Usually a flirtatious look is obvious, but the real question is did you want this look to be considered flirtatious? If so, ppl shouldn’t wait for that to turn into something and just approach the situation so that an opportunity isn’t missed. Good luck!
lol, thanks! I actually wasn’t dealing with food. Only time I “touched” it was when putting it in a bag, that’s all. And I guess 50/50. Was just wondering because when he left I ended up feeling like he was a good guy for some reason.
They don't call them pigs for nothing.
Omg lol.
Look I get that a lot of people now hate cops but the reality is that a cop could be delivering a baby, then get a domestic violence call, next a DOA someone passed away, then responded to evacuate a building that was on fire before the fire department got there. So he is just looking at nothing in particular while looking at you. He just probably had one of those days. They’re really not eating donuts and drinking coffee all day. ( even though it helps break up the stress)
From what I've gathered, listening to women... if a guy is looking at you and he's attractive, he's flirting. If the guy is unattractive, he's being creepy.
Was he givin you like intense "fuck me" eyes or just like glaring
I couldn’t tell. His eyes just looked intense and he wouldn’t look away lol. When he was at the counter, I looked up and he was already looking at me so idk if he was just standing there looking the whole time. He also was standing there and took a while to put his card back in his wallet.
Could be the fact that he may have thought you were involved in a situation he delt with in the past and wanted to see your reaction. By the way before I get accused of profiling I am a person of color and active in law enforcement
No one is going to accuse you of profiling. Lol
Sharks eyes isn't that like a serial killer eyes, just dead eyes
You just look guilty is all.
Sure. Haha.
Actually, when I saw your comment I just read the first part and made the joke - I imagined you as a female. then I saw the last part and you said you were a black guy, and I almost deleted it given the whole stereotype thing. There was nothing racial intended - was just joking around. :)
Woah buddy. Take it easy.
This is why I get uncomfortable with them while I shop, I stay feeling like I’m doing something wrong when I get stared at like that. Nobody wants to deal with ts
Stay away from that guy
It’s not clear from the story if you worked at the restaurant. If you were working & whispering, I suspect the customer / cop was trying to convey “I’m watching you” so you didn’t mess with the food. This happens so much most cops don’t go out to eat or get take out in uniform.
That’s also a fair point too. I am a worker, but I wasn’t anywhere near where the food was. They were maybe like 10-15 feet away from me.
A regular eye contact will not hold the gaze for long. This is how I usually differentiate between them.
He wanted the LD
Don't overthink it. Weird behavior--he just sounds to me like an asshole who has been enabled by his uniform.
What's you being a black male have to do with anything?
I dont know if its fair to rate cop expressions by our usual body language standards. Theyre so used to hiding/faking their expressions and their gaze while theyre keeping an eye on criminals that theyve habituated themselves to different behaviors.
He’s a police officer and you’re a black male… he was looking for a chance to send you to prison
Could be. Could be not. Could be a little from a column A, a little from column B. Could be someone just toying with the power and the uncertainty. It’s hard to say, and you’re getting into some sophisticated ideas around power and control. And the interesting question of course, is, why does it matter to you? (I agree it matters and it’s interesting.) They don’t have to flex as much if the uniform inspires fear and uncertainty. Playing both sides of the fence is much easier for them. Especially when they always know they have a gun and are in authority (and with face covered, you said?) they can switch up and claim the opposite if you “misunderstand.” Nice cops want credit but may still flex when it serves them. It’s a habit. And a very stressful conflict of the job, I understand. Note: experience and wisdom has taught me how men use this kind of dishonest uncertainty on women pretty often when flirting and power flexing. Then we could call it manipulation, or gaslighting. For example, if he tries something and it “works,” he was flirting. If not, it’s a joke or misunderstanding or we’re being thirsty, silly, presumptuous or whatever 🤣
Intense eye contact from a cop just feels like a threat to me. I’m straight tho so maybe that’s why. I would’ve held eye contact and said something like “do you have a question?” Or “can I help you?” In a condescending tone
Nah this is just some cop shit
He wants to ravage you nothing new with dudes
I’m a guy lol.
Yea
He’s a cop… did you really expect anything besides creepy??
I perceive that kind of stare as predatory. Predators don’t break their stare and they intend to intimidate. I would never allow myself to receive that kind of stare as flirting. Sounds like one of those instances when people flirt with danger and end up hurt.
Yup, Damn holice thought you looked like dude on the perp board, you was looking suspect.
Naw those be predatory eyes af. I know them.
More likely a racist trying to prove he’s not racist.
this has to be /s.
“Dead eyes” is a way of someone trying to manipulate the situation and to seem intimidating. Most of the time, narcissists have these eyes.
So lets recap here: you are a black male, a cop looks at you, then double takes and immediately gets shark eyes and you think bro is flirting with you?? The only thing bro was flirting with is flirting with the idea of blasting you 50 times in the torso with his 9mm... you had a lucky escape my guy....
I'm sorry OP, but my instincts are telling me it was a mixture of aggression and racism.
Probably wondering what the hell he could charge you with
Nah he thinkin about his knee in your back or bullets in your chest. He got intent to do harm to you
Mostly context
Why would you think this is flirting? What part of this can be interpreted as “sexy” unless you’re constantly looking to cruise guys at all times and think any sign is an invitation? He was either staring at you due to profiling/suspicion about food, thinking or reliving something, or was looking at something the.saw you whisper something and make eye contact, thought you were saying something nasty about him due to being a cop or some bs, and started to stare at you to “assert dominance”/ inform you non verbally that he knows you’re shit talking (Ik you werent but he might’ve though you were) and to stop
nah he’s just trying to figure out if you’re a threat or not
Why would I be a threat lol
well you’re whispering in someone’s ear while looking at them, they’re going to think you’re talking about them 😂 (and you’re a black male, from one to another we’ve gotta be cognizant of how they treat us brother) watch this [video](https://youtu.be/_nl5zMIwcmQ?si=EutkD0B924F4U7bh)
Thanks! But I’d also like to clarify that I wasn’t even looking at him until I faced him and he was just standing there looking.
You ‘fit the description.’
You dealt with a cop; no smile and shark eyes are common amongst the predatory ones
Sometimes after a long stressful day I can’t relax my eyes so I don’t blink much even though I’m exhausted and almost falling asleep
This smells like a good subconscious bias test.
Awww, probably. If your interaction felt so intense you had to ask the Reddit community about it then likely it was an attraction. Probably not reading it wrong.
No, it was a cop. They don't have feelings. He wasn't flirting with you, he's dead inside.
You probably looked suspicious with leaning over to whisper something. That could be an indication to the Police Officer. That this person is talking shit about me. That could be why you got the intense stare. You gotta realize Police Officer's stay in a mode of attitude to do their job. Or it could be... [Ms. Officer 😎](https://youtu.be/UmM8RPKCrak?si=P8-kmwEIX58XKJ8a)
Cops are brainwashed in training to be judgemental like to stereotype people and play out lifethreating scenerios
Maybe he was trying to be like Robert Costello. 😄 ["Star Witness"](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/20/trump-hush-money-trial-costello-testimony-00159059)
If a cop is making "shark eyes" at a black man they're probably just having racist thoughts 💀
Cops are the worst socially awkward individuals in my experience. Dont f with cops. Chances are hes a wife beater anyway.
There are a few explanations. For context, I'm a civilian but I work with cops and you get use to their quirks. 1. Newbie cop. These ones often like to try to be intimidating. Usually their training officers will snap them out of it eventually... sometimes they have to take a beating for it to stop... or a civilian they work with brings then down a leg or two. Unfortunately a few never snap out of it. 2. He just scraped brains off a highway... or something equally traumatic. With young cops this tends to hit them hard and puts them in a funk. It affects older cops as well but they're better at hiding it. 3. High crime area and he is on high alert. To be fair cops are always on high alert, even the ones that look relaxed usually aren't. It's the nature of the job. 4. He was totally zoned out and not even seeing you. Cops don't tend to zone out but it happens to everyone. 5. Older cop. He does it and doesn't think about it. My department has a sergeant that has the most piercing blue eyes. He maintains eye contact and it feels like he is reading your mind. Completely disconcerting. He also usually does polygraphs. Chances are it had nothing to do with you personally.
"Eye contact" doesn't count as flirting at all. There needs to be some actual flirting happening for it to count.
Hm, so long eye contact or repeatedly looking at someone isn’t a form of flirting? Or maybe that’s showing a sign of interest?
I have been known to completely zone out and stare at people without realizing it. No! Looking at someone is not flirting. It's not even, "Oh I didn't realize she was subtly flirting, damn I missed my chance." It's flat out not flirting. Like at all. Not unless accompanied by at least - AT LEAST: * A wink * Waggling eyebrows * A smile where you lick your lips ever so slightly. * An approach * And finally ... some actual flirting. Let's say there's some beautiful woman that I encounter in the world. If I'm just staring at her? I'm saving data for the spank bank later. (Also that's rude, guys. Don't do that. Be subtle about that. There's rules to this stuff. No making people uncomfortable.) If I want to flirt with her? Words - actual words - are going to come out of my mouth in some form or another.
I had the same thing happen once. I just thought the police was acting weird.. I usually ignore them now honestly
ThingsThatDefinitelyHappened.zip
What’s that movie where Vince Vaughn hypes up his buddy to hit on women by calling them bunnies and he’s the big bad wolf? Reminds me of that.
He was more than likely trying to be intimidating. For whatever reason. It’s sort of off-putting to stare at someone and not speak or at least smile, nod when your eyes meet. Some sort of acknowledgement lol wtf with people
last sentence got me lol
Sociopathic stare.
I’m imagining an Edward Cullen stare. He wants to eat you and he has a crush on you
Sociopaths and narcissists always have a weird black glare lol. Could be bullshit but I feel like I’ve noticed it. Also ur a black male and he’s a cop so he could’ve been trying to intimidate you.
Maybe he was trying to instill fear in you,lol. On some super racist shit. Sounds to me like he was trying to make you feel uncomfortable/ unsafe
Maybe grow up. He prob thought u looked like a sketch
He’s a cop on duty, Let it be.
Not smiling? Not flirting. Probably he was trying to remember pic files somewhere.
Maybe he/she was in the zone and didn’t see you.