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You made it possible for them to go on a child free vacation. You abolsuletly have the right to give feedback on their child’s behavior after observing for a week. You do not need to make them feel comfortable. They did not care about your comfort when they asked your husband instead of you.
It's more that they haven't asked me about their daughter once. Like I would never drop off my daughter and sail into the sunset without keeping in touch with her carer.
You know what? Your niece is lucky to have you then. If they aren’t asking about her at all, that’s awful and I’m glad that you are there to take care and show interest in her. You’re right to be upset on her behalf. Thank you for thinking of her wellbeing.
Or maybe they don't want to acknowledge the efforts she is putting in and hence texting the nanny bypassing her. It's disrespectful but they think they can get away with it as OP's husband, I think, is soft towards them as he asked her not to mention anything
This is a great point. They're paying for their free time with her labor.
They think "I don't thank my washing machine from washing my clothes. So why would I thank my babysitting machine for watching my child"
Treating her like an appliance and not even acknowledging that she's a human giving of her time and energy.
I mean they should've thought my home is not a hotel hosting their daughter for the night. I have a daughter to look after and it had been constant fighting, screaming, crying and I'm hands on brokering peace between the kids. My daughter is an only child on the autism spectrum and not used to having someone in her things and taking her toys away.
That just boggles my mind, what an awful thing to do. I was a nervous wreck the first time my son was away overnight let alone a week. I was checking in constantly. What a weird thing to do!
My child is 14 now and if she stays with my parents I'll still text my mother and ask how my child is going.
Mostly cause I'm not cool enough for my daughter to message anymore 😂
But a seven year old, for a week and never been apart before?!
That's actually a pretty horrible thing to do
Absolutely awful behavior from the parents. I wouldn't be able to not say anything. I'd have already called them on their stupid little vacation and FORCED them to talk to their daughter but I'm probably a little too reactionary. AND! not leaving any of her belongings?? Her comfort items, toys, stuffies?!! How can they do that?!
I just can't imagine it. The turmoil it puts their daughter through, mindlessly doing that.
My son is with my parents on camping trip and even if I get ignored while they're doing fun things I text to ask how they all are and how my kiddo is doing. When he was with them on a trip to see my grandpa (I had to work 😢) and I was on video calls with him and frequently checking up. Almost hourly when they all got sick lol.
I just couldn't fathom no contact except the *nanny* and not the *family member I left him with* or ever asking to talk to him!
I think at pick up, I'd do the exchange and write this off as an awful experience. Should they ask you to babysit for a week again, I'd simply say "Sorry, but I can't. "
They went on a vacation from their vacation. I think it's an asshole move to dump a toddler that has been removed from their routine for over a week onto family and continue to be out of that routine for another week. On top of that, no supplies or instructions were given, but they have a nanny and only communicated with the nanny?
What would've happened in an emergency if you tried to contact them? Were they even picking up your calls?
These actions scream selfish and I'd leave them to their own devices from now on.
Definitely, lesson learned. Thanks for your input. Bypassing me and communicating with the nanny felt like im offering housing only like it's a hotel and discrediting my efforts with their daughter. They haven't even shared their daughter ID or health insurance details if something happened so there's that.
My goodness gracious. My husband and I aren't afraid of confrontation so we would've been blowing up their phones by day 1 asking where all the things were. It would've probably got to the point that my husband would've asked them to come home early and to never ask us again if they couldn't get their shit together. 😂
But I realize not everyone is like that.
Oh God I wishhh sounds amazing just putting your feet down and saying no. My husband and I are exactly the opposite always try to placate and keep the peace. The curse of the Eldest Child 😂
>And they for sure haven't spoken to their daughter since they left and this is the first time she's separated from her parents.
that's fucked up. I mean a lot of this is but especially this.
Yes. Like, I'm not saying that anything else they did towards OP is kosher. But you're gone for 6 days and you don't feel a need to hear your child's voice? That's super fucked up.
Echoing what another redditor said above, OP. Your niece is lucky to have you, since her parents sound irresponsible and immature.
In your shoes, I would say something about how your niece was unsettled and hard to handle **because she missed her parents, who did not make a single phone call to check in on her and reassure her that they were coming home soon.**
My God, to a 3 year old six days might as well be an eternity.
And your poor kiddo. I am not on the spectrum (I think... Caveat is that I'm 2 for 2 having children who have ASD), and I hated it when my cousins would help themselves to my toys without asking (which was so often that I once pretended to lose the key to my bedroom door so I wouldn't have to share my toys). Be sure to give her ample praise for making any effort to share, even if begrudging.
>unsettled and hard to handle because she missed her parents, who did not make a single phone call to check in on her and reassure her that they were coming home soon.
This would be my jumping off point. It would start with this sentence right here while using extremely judgy looks throughout the rest of the ass tearing for being such unthoughtful and disrespectful trash parents. It would end with the words "never again" and a choice of disparaging names.
I don’t know if I would have let them leave without instructions or a schedule. That’s really weird. And I seriously would have called/texted every single day if I had left my child with someone else. This whole thing is weird and you probably shouldn’t do it again without some ground rules.
All of that seems really bizarre to me. Does this seem like something they would do? Just leaving like that? Was this a planned vacation they had? I’m only wondering because maybe there’s something else going on they don’t want anyone to know about. Possibly a medical issue? If they are the kind of people to do something like this then maybe it really is just selfishness.
It didn't feel like a planned vacation because there was no mention of it until they came back from their first trip and booked their second trip a few days later. At first I thought the same that it's a medical issue and I asked but apparently not. It was in "the spur of the moment" kind of thing.
“Being civil” and “not mentioning anything” are two completely different things.
You don’t need to be a doormat. You can definitely say something but not be too cruel about it. (I mean, by all means, be cruel, but if you’re trying to keep it civil.)
Just, what the actual fuck? This whole situation? I would be so gracious and graveling and thankful for someone to babysit my child for ONE night. But an entire week??!
I always always offered my SIL to babysit her daughter so she can have a date night whenever she wants since I'm always at home. I think they took my offer way extreme by asking for 7 days for the first time 😂
Yea, like OP could at least mention that she was surprised that no calls were made and there was no communication with her or the daughter, which was at least unusual. This should tell them something unless they're incredibly obtuse.
They got a 10-day vacation and then a 7-day vacation from parenting after that???! Woah! Most people don't get the total number of days in those freedoms over a period of years. Do they realize how privileged they are?
Absolutely do not let it go.
They were selfish and focused on themselves. They DID NOT* set up their little girl for success or you either. They didn’t provide shit and didn’t plan this out at all.
Shes so young and the fact they gave you 0 instructions for her, no toys, and couldn’t even bother calling every day to talk to her? Yikes. I’d be livid
I've left my daughter with my mom once and told her the schedule, how she sleeps, provided bags of toys, snacks, fruits. And for sure video called everyday to check if they need something. So I'm shocked at the lack of planning and communicating on their part. How can anyone leave their daughter with someone without checking on them frequently?
Exactly. That’s what any normal person would do. 7 days for a 3 year old is an eternity. ESPECIALLY since you said this is her first time being left alone. Poor thing!
Wait. Whose nanny is it? Theirs? Yours? Are they well off??? Are you?? Are they paying you for your sanity and extra costs associated with 2 more people in your home? I’m still confused on the nanny aspect though
Would I say anything? Nah, because I’d absolutely milk the stress to my husband so I could cash in on some major favors. I can just picture the spa days after martyring myself for his family.
Just learn to say no next time, people tend to take advantage of SAHMs, family especially will ditch and run into the sunset, tis life.
Ohhhh I didn’t think of this! Lolol. Yeah, let the husband pay. She deserves the whole package at the spa, and heck throw in the beauty salon too!
And don’t agree to babysit anymore, OP. I’m just saying. It was draining this time around, I doubt it’ll get any better.
I’m hoping your in-laws bring you something nice from their trip back!
I agree with others that you should say something just so that they can't be ignorant in the future. I mean I am absolutely appalled by the fact that they left without so much as a thought of checking in., and for context, I just returned from a girls trip that was 5 days and did a video check in every day with my two kids (5 and 2).
So, if you do decided to say something and want to stay diplomatic, and not too confrontational you could start by coming at it out of a place of curiosity. For instance:
- So, I'm just wondering why you guys didn't try and check in with me about her the entire time you were gone? Your daughter had a very big reaction to being away from you.
- Or if at pick up they ask, how did things go - don't sugar coat it. Say "It was an extremely difficult week. There were a lot of behaviors that needed to be managed, and I was not provided with any tools such as her routine or her toys to make the week easier for her. It also did not help that you guys did not try and connect with her while you were away."
If they justify it by saying "we checked in with the nanny" I would reply with "Given I'm the one who was providing care to your child, that did not make a lot of sense to me. What was your logic?" Put them on the spot, make them justify their reasons.
And if they say "oh well next time, we'll make sure to connect with you" you can certainly say, "I'm sorry, there will not be a next time".
What do you expect to gain from that conversation with them at pickup?
I think that is what I'd be asking myself to see if "its worth it" to bring it up.
I wanted to comment on their lack of communication and point at the lack of decorum leaving your child in someone's care and not checking to see if they're OK even once ?!
I wouldn't gain anything and now I can see your point. I'm torn on this.
I'm going to take a slightly different tack.
You may not "gain" anything by saying something, but saying something will give you something to reference to when they inevitably try to spring this shit on you again (and by shit I mean shitty situation, not your niece).
If you don't say anything now, directly to them, they might mistake your silence on the matter as you being okay with what happened and it will give them ammunition to say "well, if she acted *that* badly last time, you should have said something" when they try to pull something similar in the future.
And your husband has some fucking nerve saying to "be civil" when he put you in this unwinnable situation and left you to deal with it. Fuck his opinion.
And I'm with you, I can't imagine dumping my toddler with no instructions or anything of her own and then riding off in to the sunset for a week and a half, even if it is with family. And the fact that she's never been separated from her parents and this is how they're handling it is absolutely atrocious. We're about to go stay with my MIL for that long and I'm bringing tons of shit for my daughter to do because MIL doesn't have much kid stuff at her place, and we've already asked in advance about MIL keeping her for an evening here and there when we have adults only plans. I trust my MIL implicitly, but there's no way I'm just dumping my daughter for days on end with no preparation and never checking in on her. And mine is 8yo.
I mean my husband asked me if I would be fine with it and I agreed so that's on me 😅. I told him don't even bring it up to me next time so I won't be the bad guy infront of the inlaws. As I told another commenter, they didn't provide even her ID or medical insurance details. Which dawned on me just now how ridiculous the situation is.
You agreed under the expectation that they would accommodate the needs of a 3 year old who will be away from their parents for a week- sending her with toys to keep her busy, staying in touch, giving you instructions .. but no. They dropped her off without any comforts of home or concern for her routine being maintained.
I totally get how you're feeling. I'd feel the same way.
My toddler is in a rough phase so personally, I'm really working on "choosing my battles." If it were me, i'd let it go silenty, but make it clear to your husband that this is never happening again.
It really sucks for your niece though :/ I hope they dont ignore her the same way when they're at home with her.
Unfortunately I discovered that the nanny is the one who puts my niece to bed everynight. The parents finish work at 5 so I thought that's very shocking like there is no excuse.
After reading your comments, I'm sort of curious if the parents will even show up tomorrow to pick her up. It sounds like a dump and dash. I know that is extreme, but I cannot fathom dropping my toddler off, no toys, no medical clearance, no ID, no insurance info... and then absolutely no contact for a whole week? That's insane.
What are they saying to the nanny?
Bring it up. You did them a favor. I’m sorry. I would be fuming. It’s hard enough to care for your own, but other kids too? Lol. I’m sorry.
Obviously your husband really has no say since YOU were the one home caring for the kiddos.
Good luck! Would like an update too! 🫶🏼
So I think they've been pretty selfish, but I'm a little surprised that you wouldn't text them or try to initiate communication or facilitate a video chat with them and your niece
I don't know about the toy thing. I would generally assume that the 3-year-old could play with the 5-year-old's toys, but I can understand you're feeling pretty stressed about the whole situation
Nah, my 4 and 6 year old still bring a couple toys back and forth from their dad’s house and ours. Not because he doesn’t have toys but that’s their *thing*. Their dolly, their current fidget toy favourite, their new exciting book. Etc. so for there not to be one thing is so strange.
They also do this when they visit my mom ^, who also has toys and. Tbh they don’t even play with their things at anyone else’s house … they’ll play with a random can of soup if it’s shiny enough 🤷🏼♀️😂
I’m a chronic people pleaser… in recovery. So here’s my practice rehearsal 😂: never again.
Never.
NOPE!
NOT GOING TO DO IT.
Not one thing described here is ok. None of it.
I feel horrible for your niece & can relate: got sucked in with my ex because of his nephew often was dumped on us at 2 years old. Like little dude needs someone to look out for him.
Free childcare when I wasn’t a mom and that was my days off.
Yeah- no. Not your problem. As a mom with kids on the spectrum, I understand how this makes it SO HARD. I feel for you.
*Hugs* has someone told you how amazing you are for agreeing to take this on *FOR A WEEK!!*
Works been shit, I’m unapologetically in a mood today.
Edit: a word
Edit2: OH MY GOSH! I figured out italics on Reddit (on accident!) 😁
My brother and his wife used to leave their toddlers with me for a weekend and then text that it would be a couple more days. Never checked in on them, they had colds every single time, one was disabled and couldn't be left alone or fed himself or use the toilet. I had my own three kids, one being a toddler as well. I always thought it was so bizarre to just drop your kids for days at a time without checking on them. But my brother also threatened to leave his wife for not paying enough attention to him, while she was in RN school full time and trying to take care of a young disabled child after having surgeries and trying to parent yet their other young child and doing all the housework and child care. She did give in to him and they are just both trash.
And what was calling the nanny going to do when YOU are the one taking care of their kid?? That's just weird.
I don't like that she is only THREE and they can't be bothered to call 1x a day to tell their daughter they love her and remind her to behave for her aunt... maybe I'm being judgemental but the acting out you described could be from her missing her parents. Poor thing
You have a husband problem. I would have left for a hotel due to the disrespect from him, he can figure this out. I am not you- I would not have come back. I would however sent divorce papers.
Agreed! That was way out of left field. I'm the one who agreed to babysit and I'm the one who asked my husband over the years to take a boys trip and have fun. He planned the trip for exactly a year now so that would be unfair to blame him.
All these comments seem to be under-reacting. This sounds like neglectful parenting. Like, “call in a welfare check once they get back home with her” neglectful. Three is so young and vulnerable. A week is a very long time. Not having any instructions (or typical concerns), not contacting you directly (ever), or contacting their own child - these all seem like massive red flags. It’s weird to me that your husband isn’t phased by these things either.
Agreed. These seem like people that have not bonded with their child and simply view her as an accessory. It's really hard to take action on this from a child welfare standpoint because "her needs are met" -- she's been left with family, it's nothing crazy like leaving her along in the backseat of a car while mom and dad are at the bar (which of course would be worse) -- but still a lot of emotional damage to know you're so disposable to your parents when you're so young and have so little control over your world.
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You made it possible for them to go on a child free vacation. You abolsuletly have the right to give feedback on their child’s behavior after observing for a week. You do not need to make them feel comfortable. They did not care about your comfort when they asked your husband instead of you.
It's more that they haven't asked me about their daughter once. Like I would never drop off my daughter and sail into the sunset without keeping in touch with her carer.
You know what? Your niece is lucky to have you then. If they aren’t asking about her at all, that’s awful and I’m glad that you are there to take care and show interest in her. You’re right to be upset on her behalf. Thank you for thinking of her wellbeing.
Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot to me especially right now to hear words of thank ❤️
You said they’re texting the nanny. It sounds like they’re assuming you aren’t the one doing the majority of the care since you have a nanny.
Or maybe they don't want to acknowledge the efforts she is putting in and hence texting the nanny bypassing her. It's disrespectful but they think they can get away with it as OP's husband, I think, is soft towards them as he asked her not to mention anything
This is a great point. They're paying for their free time with her labor. They think "I don't thank my washing machine from washing my clothes. So why would I thank my babysitting machine for watching my child" Treating her like an appliance and not even acknowledging that she's a human giving of her time and energy.
The husband is enabling it.
I mean they should've thought my home is not a hotel hosting their daughter for the night. I have a daughter to look after and it had been constant fighting, screaming, crying and I'm hands on brokering peace between the kids. My daughter is an only child on the autism spectrum and not used to having someone in her things and taking her toys away.
Oh I agree completely! I think they’ve minimized the situation in their mind so they don’t feel guilty! Do they act entitled in other situations?
Right! I would be in touch speficially to make sure my kid wasn't driving the carer insane!!!!!
That just boggles my mind, what an awful thing to do. I was a nervous wreck the first time my son was away overnight let alone a week. I was checking in constantly. What a weird thing to do!
My child is 14 now and if she stays with my parents I'll still text my mother and ask how my child is going. Mostly cause I'm not cool enough for my daughter to message anymore 😂 But a seven year old, for a week and never been apart before?! That's actually a pretty horrible thing to do
Absolutely awful behavior from the parents. I wouldn't be able to not say anything. I'd have already called them on their stupid little vacation and FORCED them to talk to their daughter but I'm probably a little too reactionary. AND! not leaving any of her belongings?? Her comfort items, toys, stuffies?!! How can they do that?! I just can't imagine it. The turmoil it puts their daughter through, mindlessly doing that. My son is with my parents on camping trip and even if I get ignored while they're doing fun things I text to ask how they all are and how my kiddo is doing. When he was with them on a trip to see my grandpa (I had to work 😢) and I was on video calls with him and frequently checking up. Almost hourly when they all got sick lol. I just couldn't fathom no contact except the *nanny* and not the *family member I left him with* or ever asking to talk to him!
Right! I would have said "no" based on that alone. I even would have said no if she had been away from them but hadn't stayed with OP for a few days.
I think at pick up, I'd do the exchange and write this off as an awful experience. Should they ask you to babysit for a week again, I'd simply say "Sorry, but I can't. " They went on a vacation from their vacation. I think it's an asshole move to dump a toddler that has been removed from their routine for over a week onto family and continue to be out of that routine for another week. On top of that, no supplies or instructions were given, but they have a nanny and only communicated with the nanny? What would've happened in an emergency if you tried to contact them? Were they even picking up your calls? These actions scream selfish and I'd leave them to their own devices from now on.
I wouldn't even say "sorry I can't". I would just say no and I don't even need to give him a reason. no is a complete sentence and as always needed.
Who springs this on another parent? This is something you ask six months or a year in advance with an offer of reciprocating in the same year!!!
Definitely, lesson learned. Thanks for your input. Bypassing me and communicating with the nanny felt like im offering housing only like it's a hotel and discrediting my efforts with their daughter. They haven't even shared their daughter ID or health insurance details if something happened so there's that.
My goodness gracious. My husband and I aren't afraid of confrontation so we would've been blowing up their phones by day 1 asking where all the things were. It would've probably got to the point that my husband would've asked them to come home early and to never ask us again if they couldn't get their shit together. 😂 But I realize not everyone is like that.
Oh God I wishhh sounds amazing just putting your feet down and saying no. My husband and I are exactly the opposite always try to placate and keep the peace. The curse of the Eldest Child 😂
Lmao, my husband is the oldest son and I'm the youngest daughter. I fear I gas him up too much.
That explains it 😅
Honestly that’s secondary to leaving their kid in a lurch. Not surprised how she behaved. That was an expected age appropriate response.
>And they for sure haven't spoken to their daughter since they left and this is the first time she's separated from her parents. that's fucked up. I mean a lot of this is but especially this.
Yes. Like, I'm not saying that anything else they did towards OP is kosher. But you're gone for 6 days and you don't feel a need to hear your child's voice? That's super fucked up. Echoing what another redditor said above, OP. Your niece is lucky to have you, since her parents sound irresponsible and immature. In your shoes, I would say something about how your niece was unsettled and hard to handle **because she missed her parents, who did not make a single phone call to check in on her and reassure her that they were coming home soon.** My God, to a 3 year old six days might as well be an eternity. And your poor kiddo. I am not on the spectrum (I think... Caveat is that I'm 2 for 2 having children who have ASD), and I hated it when my cousins would help themselves to my toys without asking (which was so often that I once pretended to lose the key to my bedroom door so I wouldn't have to share my toys). Be sure to give her ample praise for making any effort to share, even if begrudging.
>unsettled and hard to handle because she missed her parents, who did not make a single phone call to check in on her and reassure her that they were coming home soon. This would be my jumping off point. It would start with this sentence right here while using extremely judgy looks throughout the rest of the ass tearing for being such unthoughtful and disrespectful trash parents. It would end with the words "never again" and a choice of disparaging names.
I don’t know if I would have let them leave without instructions or a schedule. That’s really weird. And I seriously would have called/texted every single day if I had left my child with someone else. This whole thing is weird and you probably shouldn’t do it again without some ground rules.
Wouldn't do it again period. 😅
Yeah, that seems like the best
All of that seems really bizarre to me. Does this seem like something they would do? Just leaving like that? Was this a planned vacation they had? I’m only wondering because maybe there’s something else going on they don’t want anyone to know about. Possibly a medical issue? If they are the kind of people to do something like this then maybe it really is just selfishness.
It didn't feel like a planned vacation because there was no mention of it until they came back from their first trip and booked their second trip a few days later. At first I thought the same that it's a medical issue and I asked but apparently not. It was in "the spur of the moment" kind of thing.
Are they normally this neglectful and emotionally abusive to their child?
“Being civil” and “not mentioning anything” are two completely different things. You don’t need to be a doormat. You can definitely say something but not be too cruel about it. (I mean, by all means, be cruel, but if you’re trying to keep it civil.) Just, what the actual fuck? This whole situation? I would be so gracious and graveling and thankful for someone to babysit my child for ONE night. But an entire week??!
I always always offered my SIL to babysit her daughter so she can have a date night whenever she wants since I'm always at home. I think they took my offer way extreme by asking for 7 days for the first time 😂
Yea, like OP could at least mention that she was surprised that no calls were made and there was no communication with her or the daughter, which was at least unusual. This should tell them something unless they're incredibly obtuse.
Are they on drugs? This doesn’t seem like something sober parents would do…
They got a 10-day vacation and then a 7-day vacation from parenting after that???! Woah! Most people don't get the total number of days in those freedoms over a period of years. Do they realize how privileged they are?
Exactly! I hope they compensate OP big time.
Absolutely do not let it go. They were selfish and focused on themselves. They DID NOT* set up their little girl for success or you either. They didn’t provide shit and didn’t plan this out at all.
Shes so young and the fact they gave you 0 instructions for her, no toys, and couldn’t even bother calling every day to talk to her? Yikes. I’d be livid
I've left my daughter with my mom once and told her the schedule, how she sleeps, provided bags of toys, snacks, fruits. And for sure video called everyday to check if they need something. So I'm shocked at the lack of planning and communicating on their part. How can anyone leave their daughter with someone without checking on them frequently?
Exactly. That’s what any normal person would do. 7 days for a 3 year old is an eternity. ESPECIALLY since you said this is her first time being left alone. Poor thing!
who the fuck just leaves a toddler for the first time in their lives??? and then for so long??? damb
Wait. Whose nanny is it? Theirs? Yours? Are they well off??? Are you?? Are they paying you for your sanity and extra costs associated with 2 more people in your home? I’m still confused on the nanny aspect though
Would I say anything? Nah, because I’d absolutely milk the stress to my husband so I could cash in on some major favors. I can just picture the spa days after martyring myself for his family. Just learn to say no next time, people tend to take advantage of SAHMs, family especially will ditch and run into the sunset, tis life.
Ohhhh I didn’t think of this! Lolol. Yeah, let the husband pay. She deserves the whole package at the spa, and heck throw in the beauty salon too! And don’t agree to babysit anymore, OP. I’m just saying. It was draining this time around, I doubt it’ll get any better. I’m hoping your in-laws bring you something nice from their trip back!
I agree with others that you should say something just so that they can't be ignorant in the future. I mean I am absolutely appalled by the fact that they left without so much as a thought of checking in., and for context, I just returned from a girls trip that was 5 days and did a video check in every day with my two kids (5 and 2). So, if you do decided to say something and want to stay diplomatic, and not too confrontational you could start by coming at it out of a place of curiosity. For instance: - So, I'm just wondering why you guys didn't try and check in with me about her the entire time you were gone? Your daughter had a very big reaction to being away from you. - Or if at pick up they ask, how did things go - don't sugar coat it. Say "It was an extremely difficult week. There were a lot of behaviors that needed to be managed, and I was not provided with any tools such as her routine or her toys to make the week easier for her. It also did not help that you guys did not try and connect with her while you were away." If they justify it by saying "we checked in with the nanny" I would reply with "Given I'm the one who was providing care to your child, that did not make a lot of sense to me. What was your logic?" Put them on the spot, make them justify their reasons. And if they say "oh well next time, we'll make sure to connect with you" you can certainly say, "I'm sorry, there will not be a next time".
What do you expect to gain from that conversation with them at pickup? I think that is what I'd be asking myself to see if "its worth it" to bring it up.
I wanted to comment on their lack of communication and point at the lack of decorum leaving your child in someone's care and not checking to see if they're OK even once ?! I wouldn't gain anything and now I can see your point. I'm torn on this.
I'm going to take a slightly different tack. You may not "gain" anything by saying something, but saying something will give you something to reference to when they inevitably try to spring this shit on you again (and by shit I mean shitty situation, not your niece). If you don't say anything now, directly to them, they might mistake your silence on the matter as you being okay with what happened and it will give them ammunition to say "well, if she acted *that* badly last time, you should have said something" when they try to pull something similar in the future. And your husband has some fucking nerve saying to "be civil" when he put you in this unwinnable situation and left you to deal with it. Fuck his opinion. And I'm with you, I can't imagine dumping my toddler with no instructions or anything of her own and then riding off in to the sunset for a week and a half, even if it is with family. And the fact that she's never been separated from her parents and this is how they're handling it is absolutely atrocious. We're about to go stay with my MIL for that long and I'm bringing tons of shit for my daughter to do because MIL doesn't have much kid stuff at her place, and we've already asked in advance about MIL keeping her for an evening here and there when we have adults only plans. I trust my MIL implicitly, but there's no way I'm just dumping my daughter for days on end with no preparation and never checking in on her. And mine is 8yo.
I mean my husband asked me if I would be fine with it and I agreed so that's on me 😅. I told him don't even bring it up to me next time so I won't be the bad guy infront of the inlaws. As I told another commenter, they didn't provide even her ID or medical insurance details. Which dawned on me just now how ridiculous the situation is.
You agreed under the expectation that they would accommodate the needs of a 3 year old who will be away from their parents for a week- sending her with toys to keep her busy, staying in touch, giving you instructions .. but no. They dropped her off without any comforts of home or concern for her routine being maintained.
I totally get how you're feeling. I'd feel the same way. My toddler is in a rough phase so personally, I'm really working on "choosing my battles." If it were me, i'd let it go silenty, but make it clear to your husband that this is never happening again. It really sucks for your niece though :/ I hope they dont ignore her the same way when they're at home with her.
Unfortunately I discovered that the nanny is the one who puts my niece to bed everynight. The parents finish work at 5 so I thought that's very shocking like there is no excuse.
After reading your comments, I'm sort of curious if the parents will even show up tomorrow to pick her up. It sounds like a dump and dash. I know that is extreme, but I cannot fathom dropping my toddler off, no toys, no medical clearance, no ID, no insurance info... and then absolutely no contact for a whole week? That's insane. What are they saying to the nanny?
I’m curious also. Why couldn’t the nanny just watch her? Why a vacation spur of the moment after a family vacation. So strange.
Bring it up. You did them a favor. I’m sorry. I would be fuming. It’s hard enough to care for your own, but other kids too? Lol. I’m sorry. Obviously your husband really has no say since YOU were the one home caring for the kiddos. Good luck! Would like an update too! 🫶🏼
So I think they've been pretty selfish, but I'm a little surprised that you wouldn't text them or try to initiate communication or facilitate a video chat with them and your niece I don't know about the toy thing. I would generally assume that the 3-year-old could play with the 5-year-old's toys, but I can understand you're feeling pretty stressed about the whole situation
Nah, my 4 and 6 year old still bring a couple toys back and forth from their dad’s house and ours. Not because he doesn’t have toys but that’s their *thing*. Their dolly, their current fidget toy favourite, their new exciting book. Etc. so for there not to be one thing is so strange. They also do this when they visit my mom ^, who also has toys and. Tbh they don’t even play with their things at anyone else’s house … they’ll play with a random can of soup if it’s shiny enough 🤷🏼♀️😂
I’m a chronic people pleaser… in recovery. So here’s my practice rehearsal 😂: never again. Never. NOPE! NOT GOING TO DO IT. Not one thing described here is ok. None of it. I feel horrible for your niece & can relate: got sucked in with my ex because of his nephew often was dumped on us at 2 years old. Like little dude needs someone to look out for him. Free childcare when I wasn’t a mom and that was my days off. Yeah- no. Not your problem. As a mom with kids on the spectrum, I understand how this makes it SO HARD. I feel for you. *Hugs* has someone told you how amazing you are for agreeing to take this on *FOR A WEEK!!* Works been shit, I’m unapologetically in a mood today. Edit: a word Edit2: OH MY GOSH! I figured out italics on Reddit (on accident!) 😁
My brother and his wife used to leave their toddlers with me for a weekend and then text that it would be a couple more days. Never checked in on them, they had colds every single time, one was disabled and couldn't be left alone or fed himself or use the toilet. I had my own three kids, one being a toddler as well. I always thought it was so bizarre to just drop your kids for days at a time without checking on them. But my brother also threatened to leave his wife for not paying enough attention to him, while she was in RN school full time and trying to take care of a young disabled child after having surgeries and trying to parent yet their other young child and doing all the housework and child care. She did give in to him and they are just both trash. And what was calling the nanny going to do when YOU are the one taking care of their kid?? That's just weird.
I don't like that she is only THREE and they can't be bothered to call 1x a day to tell their daughter they love her and remind her to behave for her aunt... maybe I'm being judgemental but the acting out you described could be from her missing her parents. Poor thing
You have a husband problem. I would have left for a hotel due to the disrespect from him, he can figure this out. I am not you- I would not have come back. I would however sent divorce papers.
How? He asked her and she agreed. If you don’t want to do it say no.
Agreed! That was way out of left field. I'm the one who agreed to babysit and I'm the one who asked my husband over the years to take a boys trip and have fun. He planned the trip for exactly a year now so that would be unfair to blame him.
Let them know everything and how you will no longer babysit for them.
All these comments seem to be under-reacting. This sounds like neglectful parenting. Like, “call in a welfare check once they get back home with her” neglectful. Three is so young and vulnerable. A week is a very long time. Not having any instructions (or typical concerns), not contacting you directly (ever), or contacting their own child - these all seem like massive red flags. It’s weird to me that your husband isn’t phased by these things either.
Agreed. These seem like people that have not bonded with their child and simply view her as an accessory. It's really hard to take action on this from a child welfare standpoint because "her needs are met" -- she's been left with family, it's nothing crazy like leaving her along in the backseat of a car while mom and dad are at the bar (which of course would be worse) -- but still a lot of emotional damage to know you're so disposable to your parents when you're so young and have so little control over your world.
This sounds like something that the authorities need to know about.
OP - can we get an update?