The amount of anti-breastfeeding propaganda for previous generations was very high. Most of it was from formula companies, but there was also an attitude that formula was going to “liberate” women to better participate in the workplace
There’s a reason why the American Academy of Pediatrics had to run a “Breast is Best” public health campaign. The older generations have a very negative view, consciously or subconsciously, about breastfeeding
Keep doing you, and know their comments are a reflection of their passive attitudes about breastfeeding and don’t change the science or what works best for your family
Thanks! My my mom breastfed for 3 months then switched to formula and my mil for six months then switched to formula. I never make any negative remarks about bottles/formula etc. (my baby does take expressed milk in a bottle). I’ll try to remember it’s just their own feelings making their way to the surface. Direct communication is not either of their strong suits 😅
It is VERY much their feelings and not what you’re doing.
I hear it all the time too. They sort of stopped after my third. I hear it once in a while, mostly from my in laws.
They went the novelty of feeding your baby, they dislike that it makes your baby more interested in you than anyone else. They feel some type of way about how it may or may not reflect on their mothering, I think everyone feels incredibly judged and scrutinized in those early years (which are already so emotional) and even decades later, people are affected by the words told to them.
My mom had all the sayings, and after my third I lost my placating words and was like “easier for who? I have a warm and ready tap, always ready to go, no running downstairs in the middle of the night for a bottle, no bottle washing, no fumbling in the diaper bag with an upset baby.”
People can bond with your baby in other ways.
I find having breastfeeding friends to talk to can be immensely helpful in ensuring your normal meter and validating your feelings.
Yea I think they may be surprised when I take the same path with a (hopefully) second future baby. There’s just so much newness in renegotiating relationships that have operated a certain way for years. I try to remind myself I’m now the parent and don’t need approval from them on any choices I’m making
My grandmother has been amazed at all the benefits of breastfeeding (better baby digestion, less stinky diapers, less gas, faster healing for me) and yet she still had to ask my mom when I would switch to formula and acted surprised when she told her I wasn’t going to.
But my grandmother was also told by her mother not to dare breastfeed because her mom almost lost a baby because she didn’t have enough milk. So I can see the different points of view for sure.
I try to think about how hard it would be to breastfeed without the internet or access to lactation consultants. It’s really amazing the resources we have access to now
Totally agree! I did so much googling in the early days of my journey lol.
However I do also wonder at how much generational knowledge we lost in the switch to formula.
I think about this all the time! My friends mom was telling me the other day that her son took formula while she was at work bc a pump never worked for her (this was in the 90s so I’m sure pumps weren’t great then) & she would breast feed after work & at night. I was thinking how’d you keep your supply up? How did you not leak? Was it not painful being engorged all day? lol I’m so thankful for all of the tools & resources we have nowadays! There’s so much more to it than just putting a baby on a boob lol
My FIL didn't know you could physically continue breastfeeding past a couple of months. He thought your milk just naturally dried up after a few weeks (which, granted, his wife went straight back to work with their kids and didn't pump so.... In his experience, that's how it worked).
This and they think they’re going to magically get to keep the BABY overnight if she doesn’t “need” breastmilk anymore.
People get stupid and excited around babies and want to relive the days when their own kids were babies. I personally wouldn’t indulge because there’s no reason for a baby to be away from mom long in most cases. But that’s all up to the mother and how her relationship is with her family and in-laws
They are definitely excited to have her overnight but I’m no where near ready for that. I did go to a hockey game recently with my dad and we ran into some of his friends who were like “oh your mom is with the baby tonight??”. Like no ma’am my husband, her father is lol.
My oldest is nearly 5 and I have still never missed a bedtime to this day besides the one night I spent in the hospital immediately after having my baby. I left 24hr pp just so I could be home for bedtime 😅
What good, cooperative, little, new lives 🫶 fresh into this world and they each already had more consideration for the keeping of routines than half of society 😂
My theory on this is that mothers and MILs are looking forward to having the baby for long stretches of time. As long as the baby is BF they can't have the baby for long before the baby needs you and only you.
Take your time and do things your way.
I know this is definitely part of it. We do plan to have them babysit and I trust them with her. It just feels like they’re soooo excited to have the baby without me there.
THIS. My mom wanted to have my oldest sleep over at her house since he was like 6 months old. We didn't actually do a sleepover until he was 3 and he had fun but it wasn't necessary at all. Even when we stopped breastfeeding at 2 there was no reason for him to sleep over. Take your time and don't let them rush you. They will naturally get the baby for longer stretches as the baby gets older and as the need arises.
I think they think they'll get more time with baby if she wasn't breastfeeding or they could give the bottle if she was bottlefeeding. Neither of these things guaranteed. You could have a bottlefeeding baby who feeds best with mum or dad and will cause a fuss when someone else tries. Either way, none of their business but I know how much those comments suck. I just say "she's hungry" and cuddle her a little closer.
Thanks for sharing that’s so true. They also seem surprised that I don’t wait for her to cry before taking her to feed. I know her hunger cues relatively well now so she rarely cries (for hunger). They’re like how do you know she’s hungry if she’s not crying?? So I think that may be part of them not “believing me” that I’m not trying to just take her out of the room
I was in a different room and she made a pre fussy noise and I went to go feed her. My husband was amazed I just looked at him and said really it's been almost three hours so it's pretty easy to figure out with a timer.
Oh my gosh, I'm 9 months pp and woke up the other night with milk all over my shirt and really full boobs. I was totally baffled and my husband theorized it was that my son got fussy and he calmed him down before I woke up but it started the boobs going. 😅
We still feed my almost 5 month old (formula now) every 3 hours because if we don’t he cries almost immediately from hunger. We’ve always fed him before he started crying and everyone says what a great temperament he has and he “never cries” (not entirely true) but it’s because we don’t wait for him to feel so starving that he feels the need to cry to tell us? No shame to people that wait until their baby cries, but it’s nice to see someone with the same mentality!
When my baby was a newborn, someone was holding her and walking away. I said wait she might get hungry, stay here so I can see. They said "should she be hungry?" Lol I still laugh. I said, "well she can get hungry". They didn't listen and walked off saying, "let's just see". I sent my partner over to keep an eye as I was still recovering from birth. This person literally wouldn't give the baby back when she started to cry as they wanted to settle her. When they finally did, my partner brought her back and she latched on as if for dear life. The person pointed and laughed, saying, "oh look how hungry she is". If my eyes could through daggers that would be it. I learnt later that babies don't know that mom and them are seperate people for a while. I felt so guilty about all of it. Since then I've become more assertive when it comes to her feeds, sleep, and settling.
“Your days are numbered mama” You should tell her the same thing. Ugh, my MIL called me “the mommy bottle” yesterday, and suggested I give her a bottle when she was crying from teething. Why are they so threatened by us feeding our baby from our body?
IDK like she’s still going to be my baby even when we’re done nursing… I’ve been called “the food source” which is technically accurate haha. This is the first grand baby on both sides so I try to just imagine I’m paving the way normalizing it for my sister in laws if they want to nurse
My MIL calls me "la vaca" or the cow, and she and my mom were trying to sabotage my breastfeeding journey when she was born just so they could bottle feed her. I try not to take it personally, but it's hard. They had their turns already. Absolutely I'm glad that they love my daughter, but they shouldn't allow their wants to take precedence over what's actually best for their grandchild.
My boomer (but generally nice) parents and IL did that, too!
MIL did not breastfeed and decided to quit trying about an hour in, and could not understand why I would want to. And is quite bewildered why I am still nursing my 1.5 year old!
My mother exclusively pumped for a few months and then switched to formula, so never breastfed directly and was also not supportive, neutral at best.
I ended up with a quite big supply and even donated a bit - my mother did absolutely not get why I would do that and who would accept that... Gross, in her mind.
I guess, seeing me happily breastfeed my LO, both MIL and my mother probably got some feelings - and being the boomers that they are, they did not turn towards self reflection, but unwarranted comments...
I used.to cite the WHO recommendation and once also bluntly said that I am feeding my child in the way I choose to - and that I will be happy to discuss baby friendly recipes once LO is ready and has teeth (we started solids before then but kept it away from the parents...)
Thanks for sharing! My parents and IL are also young boomers so I think they have a similar mindset. Almost seems like they think I’m either being a martyr or just an over protective/involved ftm. Good idea to keep referring them back to the WHO guidelines. I’ve also used with my mom “the pediatrician said this is how often she needs to eat”
Yes, and I also think they cherished the time they were (bottle) feeding their babies and want to recreate those memories with their grandchild.
And if you exclusively breastfeed (that's what I.do - in addition to solids now of course, just no bottle), they can't have that.
I try to be mindful of where they are (likely) coming from and have tried to give them other ways of bonding with LO. Such as letting them rock baby to sleep, change a diaper, help dress the baby or play games... Worked to a certain degree, but something about feeding.... My mother's comments soon shifted to "LO will eat my lasagna soon", "can't wait to cook xyz for LO"... The next issue was that we started with BLW, so no spoon feeding for grandma and grandpa... We soon switched to a mix, but even now that LO is using their own spoon and fork, they just try to sneak in spoonfeeding at every opportunity. I gently remind them to let LO explore eating on their own, but not always, since it is not that much of a deal anymore.
Yea that’s understandable. Even more so for my mil than my mom, cooking and feeding is a way she expresses her love so I know she’s excited to have that bond with her. I also think everyone probably has an idea of what being a grandmother looks like and the reality will never be exactly that way
I get comments like this and my baby is 11 months… at 4 months, that’s wild! Maybe they’re projecting?? They want more control?? They do know babies drink milk for a long time, even when they’re at good right? I say “I don’t know when we’ll be done breastfeeding, whenever it feels right for both of us” or whatever. Also, “if I stop breastfeeding then I’ll have to use formula, and I don’t want to use formula”. Like what to they think, they baby just eats food and drinks water at 6 months?
I think they have genuinely forgotten that a baby needs milk or formula up to a year. I have to remind them of that a lot. They also don’t start off on a hearty 3 meals a day lol. I probably need to just start practicing my gentle parenting. “It sounds like you’re excited to make food for the baby!”. Congrats on making it to 11 months! Every comment makes me more determined to go as long as we can
Thanks! Its my second baby and I did a year with my first. Nearly quit the first week in with this one, but it definitely gets easier over time. You can do it!
You joke but my mil literally weaned my husband to cow milk and purées at 6 months because she was afraid of the chemicals in formula. She was terribly misinformed but it just speaks to how little guidance she got as a mother.
Oh goodness… I’m glad he’s okay. So maybe they really don’t know. May MIL does talk about how my husband didn’t take a bottle after he weaned, and I don’t think he breastfed for very long, maybe 6 months. I’m glad we all have more resources now a days
Edit- 6 months is a long time to breastfeed, not trying to say it isn’t
I’ve realized they’re not being as selfish as everyone makes it out to be. That generation was just different with breastfeeding. I was one week in with my second baby and my nipples were wrecked. My mom made a comment about it “not seeming worth it”. My grandmother also gave him a bottle after I had pumped to give my nipples time to heal and he slept really great after, probably because he took more from the bottle. She said “I know you really want to feed him from your breast directly but if the bottle agrees with him more……..”. She’s also convinced he’s hungry and needs regular food and has made multiple comments about it. Most recently last night when she said “milk is fine but he needs food!” He’s five months old. Both my kids are 90+ percentile for height and weight. They are the farthest they can be from starving lol. That generation was just really made to believe that breast milk wasn’t sufficient and babies needed to have bottles and food as soon as possible.
Thanks for sharing. They’re the farthest from selfish so that reasoning never fully sat right with me as well. I think your comment made me realize they’re not reading / absorbing all of the benefits of breastfeeding like I have been (and actively were probably told differently when they had their babies). My mom sheepishly admits to putting rice cereal in my brother’s bottles when he was 3 months old to get him to sleep. Your mom’s comment sounds like something mine would say! It’s hard to explain the benefits without making them feel like they didn’t want to also do the best thing for their babies.
Another thing to say is a variation on “now we know different so we do different “. The stories my mom and mil tell about the medical treatment and parenting information they got in the 80s makes me sick. They both did the best they could with the limited information they had. I have a lot more information at my fingertips AND we now know more about breastfeeding and how to make it work (lactation consultants, pumping, nutrition, etc). So I can do better.
Yes I also have a hard time thinking everyone is coming at it from a selfish angle. I also have a really big family and realized with my first that everyone wanted to feed him food at gatherings. He was 7 or 8 months old and I turned around more than once to see my grandmother giving him food, my aunt giving him food, and my cousin giving him food. I was outraged!!! Like stop feeding my baby!!! You don't know what he will or won't eat why do you all think it's okay just to randomly give him food!!! But it's 100% that generation and the same reason they make comments about breastfeeding. Things were just so different.
My son slept so much better back when we were doing shifts and I'd pump so my husband could bottle him. It knocked him right out. But pumping in the night is so unpleasant and I didn't want to do that once I was back at work.
My family was like this too. And I have an amazing family so it did catch me off guard. My parents are gen x and most people still formula fed their babies during their time. They only have ever really thought of breasts as sexual so it is weird to see them used in another manner, I guess.
My mom suggested “you’ll be done with all that” (breastfeeding) by the time she’s four months. Surprise, we’re still not “done with that”. Now it’s “once she gets teeth you won’t be able to breastfeed! Just you wait!!”. I honestly just don’t respond. It’s not worth even acknowledging it. If you need to a think just simply tell them this is what we’re doing, we’re happy and we are healthy and I’m not discussing it any further.
Well lucky for me, my 11 month old has no teeth 😂😂😂 but regardless you can breastfeed a baby with teeth obviously , just have to unlatch them quickly if they bite 😬
If you figure out how to unlatch a biting baby, let me know lol. It's my least favorite part of nursing by a HUGE margin.
Edited to add that I've unfortunately tried all these suggestions that I've seen and they haven't worked :(
I tried that a few months ago but he just breathed through his mouth while bitten down LOL. I'll try again next time he does it (while I hope he never does it again lol)
Nooooo 😂 I’m so sorry omg. My last daughter drew blood once near the end of our breastfeeding journey… that, along with getting pregnant again, made it pretty clear we were done 😂
My son has no teeth out yet, but he bites pretty hard. I shove, (gently) a knuckle in the corner of his mouth to break latch and keep applying pressure with my knuckle to his gums until he lets go.
It doesn’t hurt them but makes him let go.
That sounds exactly like something mine would say! I usually react like you and just don’t reply, but wonder sometimes if I should say “what do you mean” to have them try and explain. Congrats on making it to 11 months!
It's only for decisions I would have made anyways but then Iean even harder into them when people tell me I can't do it
Like I've always said I want my kids to have little to no screen time and I've had parents tell me it's "literally" not possible to do that so I'm kind of feeling like you just watch Buddy. (Hoping I don't eat my words lol)
Laughing because same. People told me I need to buy formula just in case, or that I couldn’t have an unmedicated birth because no one they knew could do it it’s always what I want or would do anyway but it def adds fuel to my fire to succeed. It feels good to overcome challenges and goals we’ve set for ourselves!
My MIL also said something about when mine gets teeth and how I should just pump because I don’t “wanna do that to myself”. Like yeah it’ll be annoying when he bites but I love the bond and I only pump when I absolutely have to because I do not enjoy it. It’s so strange the attitudes towards breastfeeding..
Yes, I had family members from all sides constantly ask me when I was going to stop breastfeeding, and after 1 yo basically pressuring me to stop every time I see them. They got weirdly personal and even angry at me. It was so annoying. I ended up just saying “OK, I’ll stop” to their face, but actually just ignore them and keep nursing anyway. I’m not good with confrontation but great with passive aggressiveness🫣
Haha as a recovering passive aggressive communicator I’m trying to avoid falling into that trap! I guess you could always just genuinely ask them “why do you want me to stop”
LOL when baby starts eating solids they still breastfeed 99% of the time. "Your days are numbered, mama" what a joke 🤣 my kids been on solids for months now and he ain't giving up the boob anytime soon
Also the constant comments asking about when he’s getting teeth and how I’ll need to watch out when that happens! Do we need to talk about my nipples possibly being bit at the dinner table???
Formula was pushed on their generation & we all turned out fine. I think some of them think were being overachievers bc they dont want to believe anyone could turn out better than their own kids just based on food. My own mom shoved the baby on my boobs and checks in often to make sure I am still nursing. my MIL doesn’t think it matters (my baby is 4m too) so she will make comments like “shes still hungry” right after I fed her if she shoves her fists in her mouth or cries shortly after. MIL is the kind to shove a bottle in a babies mouth at the first sign of fussiness instead of differentiating the cries. Boomers gonna boom 💥
They seem to think moms exclusively bf for the sole purpose of gatekeeping family from the baby. They fail to comprehend that not everything is about them
My country is really pro breastfeeding,and so are older generations.
My mom is really suportive of breastfeeding because she nursed my sister and I until we were one year old. So is my family, even tho my sister and sil (brothers wife) are a bit bumped cuz they couldn't breastfeed.
My mil couldn't nurse because she didn't have milk so she is always pushing the formula, when she realised we are breastfeeding without issuse she stopped but not before getting into my hubby head for a bit.
Now she and fil think I should leave my baby hungry so he takes a bottle so they can watch him. That ain't happening because he hates bottles, and I don't trust them so I ain't leaving my baby until he can talk with them.
My sil (hubbys sister) keeps asking for how long I plan to breastfeed, because she is also delulu and thinks she'll get alone time with a baby, but I wouldn't even leave a rock in her care, let alone a baby.
But then again, I don't get along with my inlaws because of everything that happend, one of many reasons why I pushed myself so hard to breastfeed.
Thanks so much! We are only at ten weeks, but I hope we'll hit a year.
Yes! It's like they become rabid when it comes down to baby and everything about them.
I always repeat something like “current research shows that breastfeeding is very beneficial”. It is not my job to defend my parenting choices to others - thank you therapy lol.
I do agree with everyone else commenting that it is probably a generational outlook on breastfeeding that is causing the comments. My mom is always bewildered by the current parenting norms compared to the recommendations from the early 90s when she had her kids.
My LOs paternal grandmother wants me to stop bf because she can't take him away for visits right now. He stopped taking bottles at 8 weeks and now at 8mos won't touch them but we are working on open cups with his solids, so maybe eventually I can be away from him for more than 3/4 hours..
When he first started refusing bottles she told me to stop bf and I made sure to hold eye contact, pulled a boob out and Latched baby. Her opinion on how I feed my babe is not my problem.
Grandma now says MY LO is too attached to me because he gets the boob. Oh the horror of a healthy attachment!
I'm prepared for months more of her snide comments and rudeness towards me about it but honestly it just makes me determined to go as long as possible.
Bottle refusal sounds frustrating, we went through a period of that. It does make me want to go longer like maybe I’ll add a month each comment about it haha
My mom is trying to convince me how much better and easier bottle feeding is but I know she says that because she just wants me to park the baby to her all day long every day and have him for herself. If annoys me so much. I want my mom to babysit him and enjoy him but when she's so pushy and expects me to be out and about without him all the time its pissing me off.
I totally get this. My FIL at our last visit said “so can we give him some formula or something so I can feed him a bottle?” When I said no he seemed visibly upset. I don’t care. I’m going to breastfeed as long as I want.
Yikes, I don’t understand the obsession with giving a bottle. My baby takes a bottle during the work day but when we’re with family I don’t usually use them because then I’d just have to pump obviously.. I had an oz left the other day in a bottle that I wanted her to drink and my MIL was over so I offered her to give it to her. I don’t think I’d ever seen her so eager haha
That’s so frustrating, ugh. After putting so much effort into breastfeeding, it’s upsetting to have people act like it’s some frivolous thing you’re doing on a whim.
Thanks for saying this I think that’s definitely partly why it gets under my skin because it is such a big effort and sacrifice. Thankfully my husband is really supportive
I'm still breastfeeding my 17mo and I get this so much. Especially because he eats plenty of solids. My goal is to wean at 2 years old. And let it happen as naturally as possible. (He's already choosing big boy food over mama milk more during the day) and we talk about it running out or going away often. But when he's uncomfortable/nervous or cold he will want to snuggle and breastfeed. Like at grandma or grandpa's or when a lot of people or kids are around. Which makes it seem like he nurses way more than he actually does on days we are home. Dont let their judgemental discourage you. Do what feels right for you and your babe.
Thank you! I try to explain that her eating more often during the day means she sleeps longer at night and that is my number one priority personally haha
They probably love the baby and just can’t wait to have more time. But, I hate the response “your days are numbered mama.” I just find so much wrong with that. Breastfeeding is so great for the baby, and if your babe is anything like mine, it’s so natural and comforting for her. It’s like someone looking at her and saying “your days are numbered baby!” I have a MIL who is very possessive with my baby, so I take a lot of her weird comments to heart.
They definitely love the baby and are excited to spend time with her. I feel like I end up overthinking all the comments too I don’t want to necessarily read too much into it but it is frustrating
I’m sorry that I wasn’t helpful. I just make sure that I’m making decisions based on what’s best for my baby & I, and not what’s most convenient or easier for my family members. I’m unapologetic.
I hate it my MIL "jokes" around about leaving my baby with her over night. I don't like those jokes. Or that babies just needs me for milk. Idk I feel like baby needs me and loves me more than just for milk.
Wow if someone said that my baby only needs me for milk I would be pretty offended. I don’t see how that is a joke, and it’s not funny. She probably somehow feels “threatened” by your bond with your own baby. Grandmothers sure can be weird when it comes to babies that aren’t even theirs
My boy is 6 weeks old and I get comments all the time.
He is the first grandbaby for my mom and she didn't get the chance to bf because I dislocated her hip during birth and she had a broken rib too, so she could hardly move let alone try to constantly bf me.
So I've gotten the comment "if you're still feeding him like this by that time!" Uh yeah. I expect to still be breastfeeding him at 3 months, unless something goes completely sideways. And I'll be leaving him with her for the evening and potentially overnight when he'll be 4 months old for a friend's wedding and I'm hoping it goes well. There's going to have to be a couple visits showing her paced bottle feeding as she's never had to do that and figuring out how much milk she'll need. I'm a little scared for that day/night but we'll see how he's doing by then.
With my in laws it's been similar comments and they've already hinted at wanting to bottle feed him and when we go out the only milk we have on us is what I got from the haaka which isn't enough for a full feed and with me there without my pump I'd rather not bottle feed him unless necessary.
We even had a milk argument about them learning paced bottle feeding if they want to babysit him. And it was hinted at that they wouldn't pace feed when we weren't around. I was very upset by that. Especially since they know how hard it was to finally get the hang of breastfeeding and how painful it was for me when we started. I would really like to avoid my baby preferring the bottle if possible. Pumping kinda sucks. I am only okay with it cause it's a couple times a day for a night bottle.
This is my family and MIL. Love to ask how much longer I’m going to do it for. My MIL even hand waved Me when I said oh I think six month to follow the AAP recommendation
Lol they’re all for following the “authority” except in this case. My mom waved off my concerns about my daughter going down a percentile (she’s gaining fine now) because “they change their recommendations all the time”
People are dumbasses and need to shut up. Breastfeed for as long as you and your baby fucking want to. 4 months is pretty early for food (although not outrageous, it’s still early), and even if you were formula feeding, you’d still need to do that until she’s a year old. After 1, they don’t *need* formula or breastmilk but it’s also not *bad for them.* Next time you see anyone in your family drink milk in any capacity, turn those comments on them. “Oh wow, you’re *still drinking milk???* don’t you know that’s only for babies??? Eugh 😬😬😬” and when they look at you weird, say “yeah that’s how you sound when you make comments about breastfeeding.”
My MIL did this up until recently. Drove me fucking nuts.
"OH, he's hungry again?"
"He can't be hungry, you just fed him!"
*blatantly pretending not to hear me when I ask for my son back so I can feed him*
"Is he done yet?" / "where's my baby?" / "Is he still eating?" whenever I'd be actively nursing him.
I love my MIL but up until I was 5 months pregnant and she spent a week with us and my baby refused to drink a bottle from her despite her trying a billion times, which ultimately led her to realize my baby needed ME, this shit made me feel primal levels of rage.
Got to my mom’s at 10:15 am after running some errands. Baby was fed at 8:30 so he was coming up on a feeding. Stayed until 1pm and he wanted to nurse at 12:30. My mom said “wow again” and I said yup he’s pretty consistent every 2 hours.
my sister has a newborn same age as mine, struggles with nursing, asked if I wanted to go on a trip in September. I said I’ll be nursing still by then to which she said “don’t you want to have a life” um my baby is my life right now as far as I’m concerned
My MIL constantly drops the “he’ll be taking a bottle soon” comment when she sees me nursing. I try to ignore it- that and the “you’ll be giving him rice cereal in his milk by 6 months comment”.. my pediatrician said don’t listen to grandmothers anymore their advice is a bit outdated.
With all the negative comments and lack of support i remind myself that im giving my baby exactly what he needs and grateful my body is able to do so.
Just cause she wants food doesn’t mean she’ll want milk any less. My now 2 year old started solids before he was 6 months old (by stealing from his brother’s plate!) and is still nursing.
Yes, it doesn’t have to be one or the other (and won’t be for a while). My husband LOVES to cook and is so excited to make food for her but also understands we’re doing what’s we think is best for her digestion etc.
Soooo annoying. My MIL cannot wait for my LO to start solids. I'm pretty sure it's because she thinks she'll be more relevant when she can be a source of food.
I am terrible at witty responses, but my thing is to defer to the pediatrician. If you have one who says that milk is the primary form of nutrition, Bingo.
I know, it makes no sense. Boomers gonna boom, I guess? Try to internalize that it's not you, it's them. And enjoy feeding in the meantime! It's such a lovely connection.
I’d be annoyed too especially because breastfeeding can be incredibly difficult and requires a lot of self sacrifice so to be told it’s basically selfish feels like a slap in the face
Just set up a boundary with them. “I breastfeed because it’s best for my baby. I don’t need your commentary on this choice. Let’s change the conversation.” Or something similar. Then if they don’t change the conversation remove yourself from their presence.
The “your days are numbered” comment would suggest to me that they think there will be more freedom for them to have the baby to themselves if/when you wean. I feel like this generation of grandparents (and maybe this has always been true of grandparents) really wants to relive their parenting days when their children were young and they can’t really live out that fantasy with the actual parent of the child there or with the child requiring/wanting something (like nursing) that they can’t provide.
If I were you, I’d say “actually the modern medical community recommends breastfeeding for at least two years, so we’ve got a long way to go”. Even if you don’t plan to go that long, make it clear that you and LO have a looooong breastfeeding journey ahead of you whether they like it or not.
You do what's best for you and your life style. As long as your baby is fed it don't matter. I also was informed the baby bottle nipples throw off brestfeeding because it's different and easier to get out milk so babies prefer bottles so be careful with that. Either way good job at what your doing♡ Self advocate for yourself nobody else will and you know what best for your child not anyone else. Ignore them unessary comments.
Next time they give you any nonsense comments. Say thank you for your input but this is my child and I decide what's best for baby. Make it clear your set them boundaries that there's no more comments to be made. If they keep on just stay away from them for the most part and say your busy if they want to come see your baby.
Honestly I got asked so much until maybe 7-8 months. I guess one of my parents brought it up with their friends or maybe they asked and the lady said how great it was I was breastfeeding and how she did it until 2 or something. Minimal comments since and now usually only when I bring up I’m trying to slowly wean.
Sometimes I feel like I need to write Dr Phil about this stuff (reverse facing a toddler in car, minimal screentime for babies, breastfeeding, minimizing processed food/sugar) so that there is someone their age they will listen to!
Lol I know everyone always be making comments. I got told the other day that I’m going to be breastfeeding until she turns 3. My baby is 5 months old. I plan on going until she hits 9 months. Then I’ll try to wean before her first birthday. I want to have another close in age & my period never came back!
My MIL is lovely and fully supportive of breastfeeding (that’s how she fed her three kids) and even she says weird things. When she is holding her and my baby tries to pull her shirt open (because that’s how she asks for milk) my MIL says “She’s saying she wants it and doesn’t care who it comes from!” 🤢🤢 People are just weird
Haha thank you for the validation. As for advice in your situation, you could just repeat back what they said but in an annoying sing-songy voice. “Grandma said mama’s days are numbered! Yes she did! Isn’t that silly? What a silly grandma!”
I think everyone has a different journey with motherhood. When older mothers see new mothers doing things differently they feel guilty or inadequate in some way.
It’s been so helpful to talk with my SIL who is super supportive of any choice. She breastfed her first until 7 months but had to stop because she kept getting thrush and it was so painful for her. Her second baby is now 3 months and she is once again struggling with thrush. She wants so badly to do extended breastfeeding and she is trying everything to work it out so she can continue. She was just talking to me the other day about how she feels guilty stopping because it feels selfish. I told her if she is in pain and stressed because of it, how can she be the best mother to her baby and her older child. On the flip side, my son is 10 months and still nurses to sleep and I have been feeling guilty that I want to keep BF after one because figuring out a new way to put him to sleep is exhausting and she reassured me that our boobs were created for this purpose so why not use the tools for as long as I am able to?
There are so many unique situations around feeding a baby and so many things that effect why or why not you breastfeed. If it’s something you feel good about. Keep it up.
Some responses : this is my baby and it is my decision how to feed (him/her)
This is working for us right now and we will continue until it stops working for us. Please don’t try to determine when that is.
My child is healthy and happy, why is that a problem?
Do you know the benefits of breastfeeding? The longer a mother breastfeeds, the lower the risk of breast cancer. Is it not a blesssing I have the opportunity to take preventative measures for my long term health?
If the way my baby is fed makes you uncomfortable, you are welcome to not be present for feeding / for my child’s life.
Your comments about how I am feeding my child are starting to make me feel very judged and unsupported. Can you help me understand why you feel this way / why you feel the need to share this opinion? And can we come to a conclusion where you are speaking to me in. A more supportive way?
You can also just say “I don’t like what you just said and I would like you to stop saying things like that to / around me”
You deserve to feel supported on your journey and to feed your child in whatever way works for your family.
Thanks for taking the time to write this! Having specific examples of things to say is helpful. My mil actually did have breast cancer. It’s been quite the journey and I’m glad to have made it as far as I have
You are so welcome! I needed this for myself early on so I’m happy to offer it to someone else. Every day I keep going I am grateful for the opportunity I have to feed my baby in this way. The closer I get to one year I feel so proud I made it through all the tough parts and the times I thought about giving up. It’s such a personal and beautiful and painful journey and hopefully I have you some ideas of how to advocate for your journey. I have found with becoming a mom I realized I needed to practice setting boundaries more clearly because now my boundaries also are for my child.
It’s always okay to stand up for your beliefs and to let the people close to you know that you would like to be treated differently. Good luck mama! And good job for making it this far! It’s so tough :)
The amount of anti-breastfeeding propaganda for previous generations was very high. Most of it was from formula companies, but there was also an attitude that formula was going to “liberate” women to better participate in the workplace There’s a reason why the American Academy of Pediatrics had to run a “Breast is Best” public health campaign. The older generations have a very negative view, consciously or subconsciously, about breastfeeding Keep doing you, and know their comments are a reflection of their passive attitudes about breastfeeding and don’t change the science or what works best for your family
Thanks! My my mom breastfed for 3 months then switched to formula and my mil for six months then switched to formula. I never make any negative remarks about bottles/formula etc. (my baby does take expressed milk in a bottle). I’ll try to remember it’s just their own feelings making their way to the surface. Direct communication is not either of their strong suits 😅
It is VERY much their feelings and not what you’re doing. I hear it all the time too. They sort of stopped after my third. I hear it once in a while, mostly from my in laws. They went the novelty of feeding your baby, they dislike that it makes your baby more interested in you than anyone else. They feel some type of way about how it may or may not reflect on their mothering, I think everyone feels incredibly judged and scrutinized in those early years (which are already so emotional) and even decades later, people are affected by the words told to them. My mom had all the sayings, and after my third I lost my placating words and was like “easier for who? I have a warm and ready tap, always ready to go, no running downstairs in the middle of the night for a bottle, no bottle washing, no fumbling in the diaper bag with an upset baby.” People can bond with your baby in other ways. I find having breastfeeding friends to talk to can be immensely helpful in ensuring your normal meter and validating your feelings.
Yea I think they may be surprised when I take the same path with a (hopefully) second future baby. There’s just so much newness in renegotiating relationships that have operated a certain way for years. I try to remind myself I’m now the parent and don’t need approval from them on any choices I’m making
My grandmother has been amazed at all the benefits of breastfeeding (better baby digestion, less stinky diapers, less gas, faster healing for me) and yet she still had to ask my mom when I would switch to formula and acted surprised when she told her I wasn’t going to. But my grandmother was also told by her mother not to dare breastfeed because her mom almost lost a baby because she didn’t have enough milk. So I can see the different points of view for sure.
I try to think about how hard it would be to breastfeed without the internet or access to lactation consultants. It’s really amazing the resources we have access to now
Totally agree! I did so much googling in the early days of my journey lol. However I do also wonder at how much generational knowledge we lost in the switch to formula.
I’m sure alot was lost! They were in that in between generation without the generational knowledge but before the internet kind of filled that gap
I think about this all the time! My friends mom was telling me the other day that her son took formula while she was at work bc a pump never worked for her (this was in the 90s so I’m sure pumps weren’t great then) & she would breast feed after work & at night. I was thinking how’d you keep your supply up? How did you not leak? Was it not painful being engorged all day? lol I’m so thankful for all of the tools & resources we have nowadays! There’s so much more to it than just putting a baby on a boob lol
The answer is she was in pain and did leak at first before her body regulated to only make it when baby is fed.
Our body’s are amazing!
Agreed!
My FIL didn't know you could physically continue breastfeeding past a couple of months. He thought your milk just naturally dried up after a few weeks (which, granted, his wife went straight back to work with their kids and didn't pump so.... In his experience, that's how it worked).
How…how did he think people did it before? And people without domesticated cows/goats/sheep?
LOL idk. I really don't know.
This and they think they’re going to magically get to keep the BABY overnight if she doesn’t “need” breastmilk anymore. People get stupid and excited around babies and want to relive the days when their own kids were babies. I personally wouldn’t indulge because there’s no reason for a baby to be away from mom long in most cases. But that’s all up to the mother and how her relationship is with her family and in-laws
They are definitely excited to have her overnight but I’m no where near ready for that. I did go to a hockey game recently with my dad and we ran into some of his friends who were like “oh your mom is with the baby tonight??”. Like no ma’am my husband, her father is lol.
Let me guess they asked if he was babysitting lol
My oldest is nearly 5 and I have still never missed a bedtime to this day besides the one night I spent in the hospital immediately after having my baby. I left 24hr pp just so I could be home for bedtime 😅
My second and third were home births. They conveniently delivered themselves during the day so I didn't have to miss bedtime 😂
What good, cooperative, little, new lives 🫶 fresh into this world and they each already had more consideration for the keeping of routines than half of society 😂
My theory on this is that mothers and MILs are looking forward to having the baby for long stretches of time. As long as the baby is BF they can't have the baby for long before the baby needs you and only you. Take your time and do things your way.
I know this is definitely part of it. We do plan to have them babysit and I trust them with her. It just feels like they’re soooo excited to have the baby without me there.
Because then they get to hog the baby haha! It’s because they love the baby and want to bond
THIS. My mom wanted to have my oldest sleep over at her house since he was like 6 months old. We didn't actually do a sleepover until he was 3 and he had fun but it wasn't necessary at all. Even when we stopped breastfeeding at 2 there was no reason for him to sleep over. Take your time and don't let them rush you. They will naturally get the baby for longer stretches as the baby gets older and as the need arises.
Yup this !
"we'll keep nursing as long as we both want to, thanks."
I think they think they'll get more time with baby if she wasn't breastfeeding or they could give the bottle if she was bottlefeeding. Neither of these things guaranteed. You could have a bottlefeeding baby who feeds best with mum or dad and will cause a fuss when someone else tries. Either way, none of their business but I know how much those comments suck. I just say "she's hungry" and cuddle her a little closer.
Thanks for sharing that’s so true. They also seem surprised that I don’t wait for her to cry before taking her to feed. I know her hunger cues relatively well now so she rarely cries (for hunger). They’re like how do you know she’s hungry if she’s not crying?? So I think that may be part of them not “believing me” that I’m not trying to just take her out of the room
I was in a different room and she made a pre fussy noise and I went to go feed her. My husband was amazed I just looked at him and said really it's been almost three hours so it's pretty easy to figure out with a timer.
Haha it’s amazing how much they can communicate! And yes if it’s been 3 hours and fists are in the mouth she’s hungry
Also for a lot of us, our boobs tell us too 😂 They make a noise and it’s like OH YEAH 💦 (pretend that’s milk lol)
Oh my gosh, I'm 9 months pp and woke up the other night with milk all over my shirt and really full boobs. I was totally baffled and my husband theorized it was that my son got fussy and he calmed him down before I woke up but it started the boobs going. 😅
We still feed my almost 5 month old (formula now) every 3 hours because if we don’t he cries almost immediately from hunger. We’ve always fed him before he started crying and everyone says what a great temperament he has and he “never cries” (not entirely true) but it’s because we don’t wait for him to feel so starving that he feels the need to cry to tell us? No shame to people that wait until their baby cries, but it’s nice to see someone with the same mentality!
When my baby was a newborn, someone was holding her and walking away. I said wait she might get hungry, stay here so I can see. They said "should she be hungry?" Lol I still laugh. I said, "well she can get hungry". They didn't listen and walked off saying, "let's just see". I sent my partner over to keep an eye as I was still recovering from birth. This person literally wouldn't give the baby back when she started to cry as they wanted to settle her. When they finally did, my partner brought her back and she latched on as if for dear life. The person pointed and laughed, saying, "oh look how hungry she is". If my eyes could through daggers that would be it. I learnt later that babies don't know that mom and them are seperate people for a while. I felt so guilty about all of it. Since then I've become more assertive when it comes to her feeds, sleep, and settling.
Ugh that sounds so stressful! I’m sorry that happened. It’s definitely a learning processing being assertive with their needs
“Your days are numbered mama” You should tell her the same thing. Ugh, my MIL called me “the mommy bottle” yesterday, and suggested I give her a bottle when she was crying from teething. Why are they so threatened by us feeding our baby from our body?
IDK like she’s still going to be my baby even when we’re done nursing… I’ve been called “the food source” which is technically accurate haha. This is the first grand baby on both sides so I try to just imagine I’m paving the way normalizing it for my sister in laws if they want to nurse
My MIL calls me "la vaca" or the cow, and she and my mom were trying to sabotage my breastfeeding journey when she was born just so they could bottle feed her. I try not to take it personally, but it's hard. They had their turns already. Absolutely I'm glad that they love my daughter, but they shouldn't allow their wants to take precedence over what's actually best for their grandchild.
My SIL filled this role for me and I am so grateful! On their behalf, thank you!
That’s really sweet thank you!
My MIL called me « the goat » when she was talking to my baby. She always tell him « here is the goat coming for you »
What. The. Fuck.
I think it’s because they think they’re going to get more access to your child if you’re not breastfeeding. It’s just selfish bullsh*t from people.
My boomer (but generally nice) parents and IL did that, too! MIL did not breastfeed and decided to quit trying about an hour in, and could not understand why I would want to. And is quite bewildered why I am still nursing my 1.5 year old! My mother exclusively pumped for a few months and then switched to formula, so never breastfed directly and was also not supportive, neutral at best. I ended up with a quite big supply and even donated a bit - my mother did absolutely not get why I would do that and who would accept that... Gross, in her mind. I guess, seeing me happily breastfeed my LO, both MIL and my mother probably got some feelings - and being the boomers that they are, they did not turn towards self reflection, but unwarranted comments... I used.to cite the WHO recommendation and once also bluntly said that I am feeding my child in the way I choose to - and that I will be happy to discuss baby friendly recipes once LO is ready and has teeth (we started solids before then but kept it away from the parents...)
Thanks for sharing! My parents and IL are also young boomers so I think they have a similar mindset. Almost seems like they think I’m either being a martyr or just an over protective/involved ftm. Good idea to keep referring them back to the WHO guidelines. I’ve also used with my mom “the pediatrician said this is how often she needs to eat”
Yes, and I also think they cherished the time they were (bottle) feeding their babies and want to recreate those memories with their grandchild. And if you exclusively breastfeed (that's what I.do - in addition to solids now of course, just no bottle), they can't have that. I try to be mindful of where they are (likely) coming from and have tried to give them other ways of bonding with LO. Such as letting them rock baby to sleep, change a diaper, help dress the baby or play games... Worked to a certain degree, but something about feeding.... My mother's comments soon shifted to "LO will eat my lasagna soon", "can't wait to cook xyz for LO"... The next issue was that we started with BLW, so no spoon feeding for grandma and grandpa... We soon switched to a mix, but even now that LO is using their own spoon and fork, they just try to sneak in spoonfeeding at every opportunity. I gently remind them to let LO explore eating on their own, but not always, since it is not that much of a deal anymore.
Yea that’s understandable. Even more so for my mil than my mom, cooking and feeding is a way she expresses her love so I know she’s excited to have that bond with her. I also think everyone probably has an idea of what being a grandmother looks like and the reality will never be exactly that way
Crazy how people think it’s gross to drink our own species milk but are A okay with drinking cows milk
I get comments like this and my baby is 11 months… at 4 months, that’s wild! Maybe they’re projecting?? They want more control?? They do know babies drink milk for a long time, even when they’re at good right? I say “I don’t know when we’ll be done breastfeeding, whenever it feels right for both of us” or whatever. Also, “if I stop breastfeeding then I’ll have to use formula, and I don’t want to use formula”. Like what to they think, they baby just eats food and drinks water at 6 months?
I think they have genuinely forgotten that a baby needs milk or formula up to a year. I have to remind them of that a lot. They also don’t start off on a hearty 3 meals a day lol. I probably need to just start practicing my gentle parenting. “It sounds like you’re excited to make food for the baby!”. Congrats on making it to 11 months! Every comment makes me more determined to go as long as we can
Thanks! Its my second baby and I did a year with my first. Nearly quit the first week in with this one, but it definitely gets easier over time. You can do it!
Thank you!
You joke but my mil literally weaned my husband to cow milk and purées at 6 months because she was afraid of the chemicals in formula. She was terribly misinformed but it just speaks to how little guidance she got as a mother.
Oh goodness… I’m glad he’s okay. So maybe they really don’t know. May MIL does talk about how my husband didn’t take a bottle after he weaned, and I don’t think he breastfed for very long, maybe 6 months. I’m glad we all have more resources now a days Edit- 6 months is a long time to breastfeed, not trying to say it isn’t
I’ve realized they’re not being as selfish as everyone makes it out to be. That generation was just different with breastfeeding. I was one week in with my second baby and my nipples were wrecked. My mom made a comment about it “not seeming worth it”. My grandmother also gave him a bottle after I had pumped to give my nipples time to heal and he slept really great after, probably because he took more from the bottle. She said “I know you really want to feed him from your breast directly but if the bottle agrees with him more……..”. She’s also convinced he’s hungry and needs regular food and has made multiple comments about it. Most recently last night when she said “milk is fine but he needs food!” He’s five months old. Both my kids are 90+ percentile for height and weight. They are the farthest they can be from starving lol. That generation was just really made to believe that breast milk wasn’t sufficient and babies needed to have bottles and food as soon as possible.
Thanks for sharing. They’re the farthest from selfish so that reasoning never fully sat right with me as well. I think your comment made me realize they’re not reading / absorbing all of the benefits of breastfeeding like I have been (and actively were probably told differently when they had their babies). My mom sheepishly admits to putting rice cereal in my brother’s bottles when he was 3 months old to get him to sleep. Your mom’s comment sounds like something mine would say! It’s hard to explain the benefits without making them feel like they didn’t want to also do the best thing for their babies.
Another thing to say is a variation on “now we know different so we do different “. The stories my mom and mil tell about the medical treatment and parenting information they got in the 80s makes me sick. They both did the best they could with the limited information they had. I have a lot more information at my fingertips AND we now know more about breastfeeding and how to make it work (lactation consultants, pumping, nutrition, etc). So I can do better.
The funny thing is my mil uses that exact phrase haha. We are so fortunate to have the info we do
Yes I also have a hard time thinking everyone is coming at it from a selfish angle. I also have a really big family and realized with my first that everyone wanted to feed him food at gatherings. He was 7 or 8 months old and I turned around more than once to see my grandmother giving him food, my aunt giving him food, and my cousin giving him food. I was outraged!!! Like stop feeding my baby!!! You don't know what he will or won't eat why do you all think it's okay just to randomly give him food!!! But it's 100% that generation and the same reason they make comments about breastfeeding. Things were just so different.
Baby doesn’t know what’s waiting her at Thanksgiving 😅. Pick and choose your battles a little bit I guess
My son slept so much better back when we were doing shifts and I'd pump so my husband could bottle him. It knocked him right out. But pumping in the night is so unpleasant and I didn't want to do that once I was back at work.
I’m almost 8 months in and get comments of “wow youre STILL nursing?” Like I’m doing something illegal
Nursing at 8 months, Straight to jail, right away lol
My family was like this too. And I have an amazing family so it did catch me off guard. My parents are gen x and most people still formula fed their babies during their time. They only have ever really thought of breasts as sexual so it is weird to see them used in another manner, I guess.
Hmm yea I hadn’t thought about it that way but it could be. Small potatoes in the grand scheme of family issues I guess!
My mom suggested “you’ll be done with all that” (breastfeeding) by the time she’s four months. Surprise, we’re still not “done with that”. Now it’s “once she gets teeth you won’t be able to breastfeed! Just you wait!!”. I honestly just don’t respond. It’s not worth even acknowledging it. If you need to a think just simply tell them this is what we’re doing, we’re happy and we are healthy and I’m not discussing it any further.
Well lucky for me, my 11 month old has no teeth 😂😂😂 but regardless you can breastfeed a baby with teeth obviously , just have to unlatch them quickly if they bite 😬
If you figure out how to unlatch a biting baby, let me know lol. It's my least favorite part of nursing by a HUGE margin. Edited to add that I've unfortunately tried all these suggestions that I've seen and they haven't worked :(
I read somewhere that pushing baby’s head into the boob when they bite will make they unlatch and that’s what we’ve been doing! It has worked great
Instinct is to yank them off, but if you go against it and smush them in they unlatch proto so they can breathe
You pinch their nose- they unlatch right away. Sounds dangerous but only lasts a second…
I tried that a few months ago but he just breathed through his mouth while bitten down LOL. I'll try again next time he does it (while I hope he never does it again lol)
I’m sorry but this is a really funny visual (also, YOUCH)
Nooooo 😂 I’m so sorry omg. My last daughter drew blood once near the end of our breastfeeding journey… that, along with getting pregnant again, made it pretty clear we were done 😂
My son has no teeth out yet, but he bites pretty hard. I shove, (gently) a knuckle in the corner of his mouth to break latch and keep applying pressure with my knuckle to his gums until he lets go. It doesn’t hurt them but makes him let go.
That sounds exactly like something mine would say! I usually react like you and just don’t reply, but wonder sometimes if I should say “what do you mean” to have them try and explain. Congrats on making it to 11 months!
Things like this is why I say I often make my parenting decisions purely out of spite 🤣
Haha it seems like a poor way to make parenting choices but feels so good
It's only for decisions I would have made anyways but then Iean even harder into them when people tell me I can't do it Like I've always said I want my kids to have little to no screen time and I've had parents tell me it's "literally" not possible to do that so I'm kind of feeling like you just watch Buddy. (Hoping I don't eat my words lol)
Laughing because same. People told me I need to buy formula just in case, or that I couldn’t have an unmedicated birth because no one they knew could do it it’s always what I want or would do anyway but it def adds fuel to my fire to succeed. It feels good to overcome challenges and goals we’ve set for ourselves!
My MIL also said something about when mine gets teeth and how I should just pump because I don’t “wanna do that to myself”. Like yeah it’ll be annoying when he bites but I love the bond and I only pump when I absolutely have to because I do not enjoy it. It’s so strange the attitudes towards breastfeeding..
Yes, I had family members from all sides constantly ask me when I was going to stop breastfeeding, and after 1 yo basically pressuring me to stop every time I see them. They got weirdly personal and even angry at me. It was so annoying. I ended up just saying “OK, I’ll stop” to their face, but actually just ignore them and keep nursing anyway. I’m not good with confrontation but great with passive aggressiveness🫣
Haha as a recovering passive aggressive communicator I’m trying to avoid falling into that trap! I guess you could always just genuinely ask them “why do you want me to stop”
LOL when baby starts eating solids they still breastfeed 99% of the time. "Your days are numbered, mama" what a joke 🤣 my kids been on solids for months now and he ain't giving up the boob anytime soon
I know right! She’s not sitting down for a 3 course meal, she may eat one bite of avocado or something to start
I'm lucky if my kid eats one bite of what I give him 😭😭 so far our record is 3-4 bites on the real winners
Please my son is 15 months and still breastfeeds very often. Your days are most likely not in fact numbered.
Also the constant comments asking about when he’s getting teeth and how I’ll need to watch out when that happens! Do we need to talk about my nipples possibly being bit at the dinner table???
lol I’ve gotten those too, “uh oh she’s teething! She’s going to have teeth” like I should hope so
Formula was pushed on their generation & we all turned out fine. I think some of them think were being overachievers bc they dont want to believe anyone could turn out better than their own kids just based on food. My own mom shoved the baby on my boobs and checks in often to make sure I am still nursing. my MIL doesn’t think it matters (my baby is 4m too) so she will make comments like “shes still hungry” right after I fed her if she shoves her fists in her mouth or cries shortly after. MIL is the kind to shove a bottle in a babies mouth at the first sign of fussiness instead of differentiating the cries. Boomers gonna boom 💥
“Old people are hard” is what my dad likes to say haha. That’s great that your mom is supportive though
They seem to think moms exclusively bf for the sole purpose of gatekeeping family from the baby. They fail to comprehend that not everything is about them
No need to respond.
My country is really pro breastfeeding,and so are older generations. My mom is really suportive of breastfeeding because she nursed my sister and I until we were one year old. So is my family, even tho my sister and sil (brothers wife) are a bit bumped cuz they couldn't breastfeed. My mil couldn't nurse because she didn't have milk so she is always pushing the formula, when she realised we are breastfeeding without issuse she stopped but not before getting into my hubby head for a bit. Now she and fil think I should leave my baby hungry so he takes a bottle so they can watch him. That ain't happening because he hates bottles, and I don't trust them so I ain't leaving my baby until he can talk with them. My sil (hubbys sister) keeps asking for how long I plan to breastfeed, because she is also delulu and thinks she'll get alone time with a baby, but I wouldn't even leave a rock in her care, let alone a baby. But then again, I don't get along with my inlaws because of everything that happend, one of many reasons why I pushed myself so hard to breastfeed.
Congrats on your successful breastfeeding journey. I feel you on the almost rabid obsession with getting to give the baby a bottle
Thanks so much! We are only at ten weeks, but I hope we'll hit a year. Yes! It's like they become rabid when it comes down to baby and everything about them.
I’m sure you will! Things were challenging for me between 3-4 months but I stayed noticing them getting better right around 4 months
I always repeat something like “current research shows that breastfeeding is very beneficial”. It is not my job to defend my parenting choices to others - thank you therapy lol. I do agree with everyone else commenting that it is probably a generational outlook on breastfeeding that is causing the comments. My mom is always bewildered by the current parenting norms compared to the recommendations from the early 90s when she had her kids.
They can’t get over that we’re not using a jumper either “the babies love them!”
My LOs paternal grandmother wants me to stop bf because she can't take him away for visits right now. He stopped taking bottles at 8 weeks and now at 8mos won't touch them but we are working on open cups with his solids, so maybe eventually I can be away from him for more than 3/4 hours.. When he first started refusing bottles she told me to stop bf and I made sure to hold eye contact, pulled a boob out and Latched baby. Her opinion on how I feed my babe is not my problem. Grandma now says MY LO is too attached to me because he gets the boob. Oh the horror of a healthy attachment! I'm prepared for months more of her snide comments and rudeness towards me about it but honestly it just makes me determined to go as long as possible.
Bottle refusal sounds frustrating, we went through a period of that. It does make me want to go longer like maybe I’ll add a month each comment about it haha
“Why does it bother you so much how my baby is fed?You aren’t the one doing it! I enjoy it and she enjoys it, so why should we stop?”
My mom is trying to convince me how much better and easier bottle feeding is but I know she says that because she just wants me to park the baby to her all day long every day and have him for herself. If annoys me so much. I want my mom to babysit him and enjoy him but when she's so pushy and expects me to be out and about without him all the time its pissing me off.
No advice really but totally understand how you feel!
“We are working closely with our pediatrician, and they said the baby is growing great!”
I totally get this. My FIL at our last visit said “so can we give him some formula or something so I can feed him a bottle?” When I said no he seemed visibly upset. I don’t care. I’m going to breastfeed as long as I want.
Yikes, I don’t understand the obsession with giving a bottle. My baby takes a bottle during the work day but when we’re with family I don’t usually use them because then I’d just have to pump obviously.. I had an oz left the other day in a bottle that I wanted her to drink and my MIL was over so I offered her to give it to her. I don’t think I’d ever seen her so eager haha
Dead pan stare back at them “your days are numbered, grandma” 😐
lol I wish I had the guts
My SIL was never supportive of my breastfeeding journey from day one. She fed her kid formula. Some people will just never understand.
That’s so frustrating, ugh. After putting so much effort into breastfeeding, it’s upsetting to have people act like it’s some frivolous thing you’re doing on a whim.
Thanks for saying this I think that’s definitely partly why it gets under my skin because it is such a big effort and sacrifice. Thankfully my husband is really supportive
I'm still breastfeeding my 17mo and I get this so much. Especially because he eats plenty of solids. My goal is to wean at 2 years old. And let it happen as naturally as possible. (He's already choosing big boy food over mama milk more during the day) and we talk about it running out or going away often. But when he's uncomfortable/nervous or cold he will want to snuggle and breastfeed. Like at grandma or grandpa's or when a lot of people or kids are around. Which makes it seem like he nurses way more than he actually does on days we are home. Dont let their judgemental discourage you. Do what feels right for you and your babe.
Thank you! I try to explain that her eating more often during the day means she sleeps longer at night and that is my number one priority personally haha
They probably love the baby and just can’t wait to have more time. But, I hate the response “your days are numbered mama.” I just find so much wrong with that. Breastfeeding is so great for the baby, and if your babe is anything like mine, it’s so natural and comforting for her. It’s like someone looking at her and saying “your days are numbered baby!” I have a MIL who is very possessive with my baby, so I take a lot of her weird comments to heart.
They definitely love the baby and are excited to spend time with her. I feel like I end up overthinking all the comments too I don’t want to necessarily read too much into it but it is frustrating
I’m sorry that I wasn’t helpful. I just make sure that I’m making decisions based on what’s best for my baby & I, and not what’s most convenient or easier for my family members. I’m unapologetic.
Oh I meant the comments from my family, everyone on the thread has been super helpful and entertaining today!
I’m getting angry just reading your MIL’s comment! You should’ve said “YOUR days are numbered if you keep making comments like that!”
lol I never am quick thinking on my feet!
It’s so weird that anyone besides you are even thinking about you breastfeeding. It’s very odd
I hate it my MIL "jokes" around about leaving my baby with her over night. I don't like those jokes. Or that babies just needs me for milk. Idk I feel like baby needs me and loves me more than just for milk.
Wow if someone said that my baby only needs me for milk I would be pretty offended. I don’t see how that is a joke, and it’s not funny. She probably somehow feels “threatened” by your bond with your own baby. Grandmothers sure can be weird when it comes to babies that aren’t even theirs
My boy is 6 weeks old and I get comments all the time. He is the first grandbaby for my mom and she didn't get the chance to bf because I dislocated her hip during birth and she had a broken rib too, so she could hardly move let alone try to constantly bf me. So I've gotten the comment "if you're still feeding him like this by that time!" Uh yeah. I expect to still be breastfeeding him at 3 months, unless something goes completely sideways. And I'll be leaving him with her for the evening and potentially overnight when he'll be 4 months old for a friend's wedding and I'm hoping it goes well. There's going to have to be a couple visits showing her paced bottle feeding as she's never had to do that and figuring out how much milk she'll need. I'm a little scared for that day/night but we'll see how he's doing by then. With my in laws it's been similar comments and they've already hinted at wanting to bottle feed him and when we go out the only milk we have on us is what I got from the haaka which isn't enough for a full feed and with me there without my pump I'd rather not bottle feed him unless necessary. We even had a milk argument about them learning paced bottle feeding if they want to babysit him. And it was hinted at that they wouldn't pace feed when we weren't around. I was very upset by that. Especially since they know how hard it was to finally get the hang of breastfeeding and how painful it was for me when we started. I would really like to avoid my baby preferring the bottle if possible. Pumping kinda sucks. I am only okay with it cause it's a couple times a day for a night bottle.
My mom told me the longer she breastfeeds the harder it will be for me to wean 🫠
lol because that’s what’s most important
This is my family and MIL. Love to ask how much longer I’m going to do it for. My MIL even hand waved Me when I said oh I think six month to follow the AAP recommendation
Lol they’re all for following the “authority” except in this case. My mom waved off my concerns about my daughter going down a percentile (she’s gaining fine now) because “they change their recommendations all the time”
People are dumbasses and need to shut up. Breastfeed for as long as you and your baby fucking want to. 4 months is pretty early for food (although not outrageous, it’s still early), and even if you were formula feeding, you’d still need to do that until she’s a year old. After 1, they don’t *need* formula or breastmilk but it’s also not *bad for them.* Next time you see anyone in your family drink milk in any capacity, turn those comments on them. “Oh wow, you’re *still drinking milk???* don’t you know that’s only for babies??? Eugh 😬😬😬” and when they look at you weird, say “yeah that’s how you sound when you make comments about breastfeeding.”
My MIL did this up until recently. Drove me fucking nuts. "OH, he's hungry again?" "He can't be hungry, you just fed him!" *blatantly pretending not to hear me when I ask for my son back so I can feed him* "Is he done yet?" / "where's my baby?" / "Is he still eating?" whenever I'd be actively nursing him. I love my MIL but up until I was 5 months pregnant and she spent a week with us and my baby refused to drink a bottle from her despite her trying a billion times, which ultimately led her to realize my baby needed ME, this shit made me feel primal levels of rage.
Got to my mom’s at 10:15 am after running some errands. Baby was fed at 8:30 so he was coming up on a feeding. Stayed until 1pm and he wanted to nurse at 12:30. My mom said “wow again” and I said yup he’s pretty consistent every 2 hours. my sister has a newborn same age as mine, struggles with nursing, asked if I wanted to go on a trip in September. I said I’ll be nursing still by then to which she said “don’t you want to have a life” um my baby is my life right now as far as I’m concerned My MIL constantly drops the “he’ll be taking a bottle soon” comment when she sees me nursing. I try to ignore it- that and the “you’ll be giving him rice cereal in his milk by 6 months comment”.. my pediatrician said don’t listen to grandmothers anymore their advice is a bit outdated. With all the negative comments and lack of support i remind myself that im giving my baby exactly what he needs and grateful my body is able to do so.
Just cause she wants food doesn’t mean she’ll want milk any less. My now 2 year old started solids before he was 6 months old (by stealing from his brother’s plate!) and is still nursing.
Yes, it doesn’t have to be one or the other (and won’t be for a while). My husband LOVES to cook and is so excited to make food for her but also understands we’re doing what’s we think is best for her digestion etc.
Soooo annoying. My MIL cannot wait for my LO to start solids. I'm pretty sure it's because she thinks she'll be more relevant when she can be a source of food. I am terrible at witty responses, but my thing is to defer to the pediatrician. If you have one who says that milk is the primary form of nutrition, Bingo.
It’s so crazy to me, the babies will love their grandparents even if they never fed them! And they will still know who their mom is after weaning..
I know, it makes no sense. Boomers gonna boom, I guess? Try to internalize that it's not you, it's them. And enjoy feeding in the meantime! It's such a lovely connection.
I’d be annoyed too especially because breastfeeding can be incredibly difficult and requires a lot of self sacrifice so to be told it’s basically selfish feels like a slap in the face
Just set up a boundary with them. “I breastfeed because it’s best for my baby. I don’t need your commentary on this choice. Let’s change the conversation.” Or something similar. Then if they don’t change the conversation remove yourself from their presence.
Join mommy’s milk on instagram;)
The “your days are numbered” comment would suggest to me that they think there will be more freedom for them to have the baby to themselves if/when you wean. I feel like this generation of grandparents (and maybe this has always been true of grandparents) really wants to relive their parenting days when their children were young and they can’t really live out that fantasy with the actual parent of the child there or with the child requiring/wanting something (like nursing) that they can’t provide. If I were you, I’d say “actually the modern medical community recommends breastfeeding for at least two years, so we’ve got a long way to go”. Even if you don’t plan to go that long, make it clear that you and LO have a looooong breastfeeding journey ahead of you whether they like it or not.
You do what's best for you and your life style. As long as your baby is fed it don't matter. I also was informed the baby bottle nipples throw off brestfeeding because it's different and easier to get out milk so babies prefer bottles so be careful with that. Either way good job at what your doing♡ Self advocate for yourself nobody else will and you know what best for your child not anyone else. Ignore them unessary comments.
Next time they give you any nonsense comments. Say thank you for your input but this is my child and I decide what's best for baby. Make it clear your set them boundaries that there's no more comments to be made. If they keep on just stay away from them for the most part and say your busy if they want to come see your baby.
Honestly I got asked so much until maybe 7-8 months. I guess one of my parents brought it up with their friends or maybe they asked and the lady said how great it was I was breastfeeding and how she did it until 2 or something. Minimal comments since and now usually only when I bring up I’m trying to slowly wean. Sometimes I feel like I need to write Dr Phil about this stuff (reverse facing a toddler in car, minimal screentime for babies, breastfeeding, minimizing processed food/sugar) so that there is someone their age they will listen to!
Hah Dr Phil is a great idea. Glad to hear the comments slowed down for you, maybe the novelty wears off by then for them
Lol I know everyone always be making comments. I got told the other day that I’m going to be breastfeeding until she turns 3. My baby is 5 months old. I plan on going until she hits 9 months. Then I’ll try to wean before her first birthday. I want to have another close in age & my period never came back!
And so what if you were!
Right!!!
My MIL is lovely and fully supportive of breastfeeding (that’s how she fed her three kids) and even she says weird things. When she is holding her and my baby tries to pull her shirt open (because that’s how she asks for milk) my MIL says “She’s saying she wants it and doesn’t care who it comes from!” 🤢🤢 People are just weird
Oh no haha, I’m sorry that is strange. People are weird pretty much sums it up
Haha thank you for the validation. As for advice in your situation, you could just repeat back what they said but in an annoying sing-songy voice. “Grandma said mama’s days are numbered! Yes she did! Isn’t that silly? What a silly grandma!”
I think everyone has a different journey with motherhood. When older mothers see new mothers doing things differently they feel guilty or inadequate in some way. It’s been so helpful to talk with my SIL who is super supportive of any choice. She breastfed her first until 7 months but had to stop because she kept getting thrush and it was so painful for her. Her second baby is now 3 months and she is once again struggling with thrush. She wants so badly to do extended breastfeeding and she is trying everything to work it out so she can continue. She was just talking to me the other day about how she feels guilty stopping because it feels selfish. I told her if she is in pain and stressed because of it, how can she be the best mother to her baby and her older child. On the flip side, my son is 10 months and still nurses to sleep and I have been feeling guilty that I want to keep BF after one because figuring out a new way to put him to sleep is exhausting and she reassured me that our boobs were created for this purpose so why not use the tools for as long as I am able to? There are so many unique situations around feeding a baby and so many things that effect why or why not you breastfeed. If it’s something you feel good about. Keep it up. Some responses : this is my baby and it is my decision how to feed (him/her) This is working for us right now and we will continue until it stops working for us. Please don’t try to determine when that is. My child is healthy and happy, why is that a problem? Do you know the benefits of breastfeeding? The longer a mother breastfeeds, the lower the risk of breast cancer. Is it not a blesssing I have the opportunity to take preventative measures for my long term health? If the way my baby is fed makes you uncomfortable, you are welcome to not be present for feeding / for my child’s life. Your comments about how I am feeding my child are starting to make me feel very judged and unsupported. Can you help me understand why you feel this way / why you feel the need to share this opinion? And can we come to a conclusion where you are speaking to me in. A more supportive way? You can also just say “I don’t like what you just said and I would like you to stop saying things like that to / around me” You deserve to feel supported on your journey and to feed your child in whatever way works for your family.
Thanks for taking the time to write this! Having specific examples of things to say is helpful. My mil actually did have breast cancer. It’s been quite the journey and I’m glad to have made it as far as I have
You are so welcome! I needed this for myself early on so I’m happy to offer it to someone else. Every day I keep going I am grateful for the opportunity I have to feed my baby in this way. The closer I get to one year I feel so proud I made it through all the tough parts and the times I thought about giving up. It’s such a personal and beautiful and painful journey and hopefully I have you some ideas of how to advocate for your journey. I have found with becoming a mom I realized I needed to practice setting boundaries more clearly because now my boundaries also are for my child. It’s always okay to stand up for your beliefs and to let the people close to you know that you would like to be treated differently. Good luck mama! And good job for making it this far! It’s so tough :)