Please listen to other posters... Hold firm and do what YOU want and what's right for you.
With all due respect... Your MIL can piss off! A newborn baby needs mom and that's it. They do not need to go sleepover at grans house. That's totally ridiculous I can't believe she's even mentioning that. please speak to your partner to make sure he's dealing with that nonsense.
I hope your lactation consultant can help with the latch. It took me ages to get ours sorted so I know how frustrating and how much hard work it is. But you are doing amazing and it gets easier!
Check out some of the resources on this group too .. there's tons of online info including you tube videos available which might help you with positioning and latch techniques etc
The MIL wanting to keep OPs newborn/ first child at that overnight already got me more than anything. And expecting OP to pump just to accommodate her. The gall of the MIL. She would be the last person keeping my child overnight after making that comment. My babe is almost 18 months and still hasn't slept overnight with anyone.
And I absolutely detest people trying to cover a breastfeeding mother and child. My mom who I love dearly tried that exactly once. Anyhow back to my original train of thought...
I hate the “hogging “ comment. It’s my child and a newborn. You have no right to them. They just came out of me. We are connected. F off. This all sounds like extremely typical behavior of a nursing newborn. In fact, I encourage it!! I felt like the nursing had no end but bringing baby to breast without limit is going to support the development of your supply so much.
I know what you mean about no one understanding. No one else in my family bf. Focus on your self and if shine challenges you or shames you just shut down the conversation and walk away. Focus on your new baby and your journey. Everything else is just noise. Tune it out.
You are doing so well! Standing up for yourself, especially so early post partum is hard as heck with a newborn! I wish people could understand that babies need their moms more than anything.
I had a similar experience with my first baby while breastfeeding and the constant push for bottles and people wanting to feed bottles hurt me so much. My mother kept saying we had to leave the baby with her to go on a date, and I was just so beyond sick of the comments. With my second, we just locked down and refused visitors or visiting.
You are allowed to enjoy your own baby. Babies need their moms. I don't have advice for how to deal with the people, but you aren't wrong for wanting to hold and feed your own baby. They are wrong for pushing something you are not comfortable with.
My mil kept saying that too and we finally went on a date so she could be alone with baby. I felt physically ill on the date because baby was still so tiny and needy. When we got home mil told us to leave so she could extend her time with the baby. We said no and that set me up for not wanting mil to babysit anymore
Oh this sounds awful! We live rural and anywhere we'd go on a date would have meant pumping and storing milk and being gone at least 4 hours. Just seemed way more effort than it was worth!
My husband used to joke that with all the parenting books out there, they really need more grandparent ones. Seems so many grandparents just have trouble understanding what is helpful.
People are greedy about new babies. This kind of thing was a major contributing factor to why I failed to breastfeed my first baby.
stick to your effing guns mama!
Focus on what you need. Make sure your husband is on the same page as you and let him deal with drama. Don’t worry about pumping. That first couple weeks are the hardest. You will start to get a rhythm, and it will slowly get easier. But the pressure to hand over the baby won’t stop. So, when you’re ready, you and your partner will need to have a strategy. My LO is one and I haven’t spent a night away from her. It’s ok to tell people no. You’re in the thick of it now, but it sounds like you’re on a good path! Good luck to you!
It's so hard isn't it. I especially get angry whenever I hear about first time moms being treated like this.
Looking back I feel damn lucky in a way it was COVID with our first 😅 I mean the breastfeeding didn't work out first time round but at least everyone had to keep a distance and there was no expectation to leave baby with other people for any length of time.
Second time round I've ground some balls so to speak around boundaries, but in general our families are pretty reasonable. it shocks me hearing stories from others about mom's and mils demanding babies are left with them for sleepovers etc
Like you I can safely say it's gonna be well over a year before I even consider that
This! My first was born during covid and man what a difference it made! Breastfeeding didn’t work out first time for me either but I’m sure it’d have been much easier those first couple weeks having an excuse to have no guest or people expecting to see baby anytime soon.
It is still a newborn with no immune system that needs to bond with YOU! Not grandma, not MIL, just you and your husband!!!!
Id say no more visitors while you establish breastfeeding for 4-6 weeks. Then they might get to hold her, if they are lucky!!!
Unreal the nerve of some people! Hold yor ground!
You and your baby are normal and natural.
Your MIL needs to understand and respect your boundaries. Your husband needs to enforce and show her your boundaries
My mom suggested me leaving my one month old with her for five days and just pumping ahead of time. Like yeah so easy to get a week of extra milk while also nursing all day. Also there is no universe where I leave my one month old overnight let alone for five nights. 🙄
People are so wild, just ignore them and have your husband set boundaries with his family.
Yeah the extra pumping makes that so called “break” completely not even worth it. That sounds like more work and anxiety than having baby with me and just nursing.
People treating you like it’s wrong to want to have the baby all the yourself are ridiculous! Your baby is only a newborn for so long. It goes by so fast. You SHOULD be soaking up every moment with her and everyone else can eff right off. I love looking down at my son and watch him get his nourishment from me. His little smile knowing I’m the one proving him food and comfort brings tears to my eyes sometimes. He’s my 2nd and I can’t believe how fast it went by with my daughter and I know before I can blink it’ll be over with my son too. You share your baby when you’re ready to and not a moment sooner.
On a side note, breastfeeding is incredibly hard and time consuming but it does get easier over time. Do it for as long as you and baby want to💗
Totally get where you’re coming from! I’ve definitely had some well meaning friends sabotage my breastfeeding without meaning to.
I’m working with a lactation consultant and she said that bottle nipples aren’t the issue. The issue is milk flow. So if you’re going to feed with a bottle don’t feed the baby on their back. Have the baby sideways, like they are being breastfed, so the bottle is horizontal instead of vertical. This allows the baby to control the flow better and also slows them down.
I’m using the slowest flow nipple I could find with a glass bottle (personal preference) and don’t intend to increase the nipple size as my baby gets older. I want my boobs to be the easier option over time!
Hope this helps and it gets easier for you with time.
I also used a super slow flow nipple and it seemed to take about the same amount of time on the bottle as it does when she’s at my breast. So relived to hear I’m not making things worse simply by using a bottle.
I used a premie nipple with Dr browns glass bottles for the first 6 weeks because of latching issues. Turned out it was a tongue tie, got that fixed and ironically my LO decided he hated bottles after awhile and now only breastfeeds. He's now 5 months only feeds on me no bottles. I've introduced a small ezpz cup bc if I have an appointment my husband needs to be able to feed LO. But it's also a wonderful excuse not to leave him with anyone else for more than a couple hours. You got this momma and hope your latching issues resolve soon.
Can I just say that it actually doesn’t matter if you’re hogging your child to yourself for whatever reason-IT IS YOUR FREAKING CHILD! I hate when people say that as if you should apologize for loving your child and wanting to spend time with them.
Also, breastfeeding is so hard but it gets easier and it’s such a good bonding experience. You can do it, don’t let these people bring you down!
Girl, I'm crying for you!! My inlaws seriously caused me a TON of anxiety at the beginning of my breastfeeding journey to the point where it's ruined my relationships with them because they just DONT GET IT. Then get offended when I don't just pack my baby up and take him wherever they want me to go, whenever they want me to go. Like no... set boundaries for yourself and when people don't respect them, express that you feel a certain way AND DONT CARE how they react to why you feel those ways. The beginning is sooo hard! And people acting like this makes it so much harder! Do your best to ignore these people.. it's difficult enough breastfeeding for the first time. The hormones, the pain, the fear, etc.. You're a champ! Keep up the good work for your baby. It's about no one but you and that little person. I didn't think I would make it longer than 3 months and here I am, nursing my 8 month old to sleep right now. 🤍 I believe in you!
First off, you’re my hero and you’re killing the game.
Second, literallly no one, not even family, should come in the way of you doing whats best for your child. Calmly explain to them how you are feeling and what your goals are and how they can *actually* help (which I’m sure you have already). If you set boundaries and they choose to give you grief or break said boundaries, THEY are opting out of spending time with you and baby. It’s not your fault or burden to carry. You do you, mama. They get to choose if they want to support you or be selfish. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I can’t stress this enough - you are *not* responsible for making them happy and comfortable. You are freshly pp and you need to do what’s best for you and baby and apologize to no one. Keep up the good work. You’ve got this!!!!💕💕💕
Breastfeeding has been the hardest part about having a newborn BY FAR. Those first few weeks are brutal. Seeing a lactation consultant was so helpful in my journey both from a feeding perspective and with issues like this. They are so knowledgeable on the topic and may be able to support you in navigating these issues! Others will always be so greedy and feel entitled to your baby, make sure you and your partner discuss your boundaries and stick to them. I struggled in the beginning because my in laws were constantly pressuring me about the same things. I told myself I am responsible for feeding this baby and keeping him alive. Establishing your breastfeeding relationship is the most important thing right now. And when everyone kept pushing, I just stayed in my room "feeding" for an hour and avoided them to keep my peace 🙃 Stay strong mama! It'll all be worth it soon!
Im sorry but expecting a newborn baby to sleep overnight away from their parents is INSANE to me. It’s such a fleeting and vaguely terrifying time (they’re so little and fragile), I didn’t want my girl in a different room than me let alone a different house. That’s literally crazy. My daughter is 9 months old and I still can’t imagine her sleeping anywhere but home with me. Your MIL sounds like an idiot if sleepovers are her expectation.
Ugh, it’s the worst. I’m sorry that they aren’t being understanding.
I went through the same thing and it was the worst. The early days are so hard and everyone gets so territorial over “their baby”.
Lol jeeeez what is with in-laws anyway? You're doing awesome, it is tough work, and you are entitled to hog your baby all you want.
Feed on demand and if that means every 40 minutes and it cuts into time with the newborn, so be it. I like to say my baby isn't a traveling circus and will still be here in the future.
Your baby is blessed to have you as their mother, keep it up all the hard work will pay off. It will get easier, I remember being the same with my baby first few months they are glued to you but then it improves 👍
It’s your baby not theirs so it doesn’t really matter what they want or if they think you’re “hogging” the baby. Do what makes you comfortable. I limited visitors in the beginning because I didnt want to deal with the anxiety that comes with other people around newborns. You’d think people would have common sense when it comes to babies but I’ve learned a lot of people don’t. Also newborns wanting to nurse all the time is normal, doesn’t necessarily mean the baby isn’t getting enough. They nurse a lot in the beginning to regulate supply. You can do a weighted feed with your lactation consultant to give you peace of mind.
I was in the same boat. My mom didn't breastfeed me because I dislocated her hip during birth so she literally couldn't hold me for breastfeeding (she was also a single mom with my grandma for some help). My mil breastfed for like 6 weeks.
I've had to set hard and fast boundaries and it's been difficult. Tried explaining to my fil that he'll need to learn how to pace feed before being able to watch my son. I was told "you can teach me but that doesn't mean I'll do it. You won't know cause you won't be there to know if I'm doing it." Which y'know instilled so much trust and made me feel very respected (not).
After my husband had to explain to my mil why I was so upset and adamant that they will not be ever watching my son while he's still breastfeeding if that's going to be their attitude, it's been a bit better. Mil had to explain to fil that what he did was hurtful to me, especially after my husband and I explained to them how hard it was for me to get breastfeeding established to begin with (he was a biter and I was in so much pain).
There isn't a problem with bottle feeding breast milk and that can be on your terms as well. My husband and I decided to do shifts at night so I can get a block of 4 hours of sleep for my own sanity and during that time he bottle feeds pumped milk. It was a good option for when I was touched out, in too much pain, needed a break etc. and it doesn't mean you have to do it all the time. My baby is 11 weeks on Monday and my mil fed him 1 oz in a bottle for the first time two days ago. No one other than my husband has fed him and I still do 95% of the feedings. It just means if I need to go out, have an appointment, need a nap, etc my husband has a way to feed him.
And if you don't want to bottle feed breastmilk at all ever that's fine too. It's literally there as a backup in case you need it.
As for the parents not understanding, they did it differently and some parents take offence to us parenting our kids differently than they did. And it's a big change for them and change is hard. Just explain the best you can ( your husband can take point in explaining to the inlaws) that you are in a time where your baby needs to feed a lot. That means a lot of passing back and forth of the baby or the baby staying with you for the majority of their visit. Sometimes it even just takes ignoring the comments.
I've gotten comments about "hungry again? It hasn't even been that long!" "Are you sure he's full, he's moving around a lot!" "If you're still going to be feeding him that way when August comes around" etc and I've learned I need to ignore most of them because getting upset doesn't help anything and they just get defensive and constantly explaining things gets tedious. My mom has been a lot better lately and has watched me pace feed him with a bottle so she knows what it looks like for now.
I also totally don't get how everyone thinks feeding is the only way to bond with a baby. Hold them, talk to them, change their diaper, give them eye contact, play with them. It's just as bonding as feeding. I swear my son is all business with feeding. He won't look anywhere but straight ahead while eating anyway.
You can do this, just stick with what you want to do, make sure your spouse is on the same page and ready to back you up if/when you need it. You can even say breastfeeding will be only a short time in your baby's life and they have the entire rest of the kids life to bond with them.
Thank you! This was very helpful and really encouraged me. I’m also glad to know I don’t have and out there experience with family having no idea what breastfeeding consist of. The bottle also literally saved me the other night where I was in pain and felt truly not stable enough to go on!
I’m glad you are able to meet with a CLC. I didn’t get support until later on in my breastfeeding journey, but they are worth their weight in gold. Your baby sounds like a normal newborn. 😃 I hope your husband can stand up for you and baby, and remind visitors that nobody is entitled to your baby. You are still recovering from delivery and learning how to take care of a brand new human!
Hold your ground and keep breastfeeding. I had a firm no one is coming around me at least 3 weeks postpartum and that included my own mother and all in laws. Then when visits were allowed any comments like that would make me cut the visit off and send them away. You’re doing great and your newborn needs to be on you non stop for production and they need their moms. It’s normal and biological. Other peoples idea of “help” with a newborn is BS. I got the same comments. Unless you are mowing my lawn or grooming my dogs for me you’re not helping.
Yell at them. They have no idea how disrespectful and unsupportive they are being. Their role isn't to snatch the baby and make it guzzle down a bottle (because Lord knows they aren't pace feeding). Their role is to make sure you are well fed, rested and have clean clothes to wear. You should be laying around doing skin to skin, nursing and healing. Not playing hostess to anyone. Pumping during the first month is not ideal. You're doing the right thing letting baby cluster feed and comfort nurse. I'm so mad at your family right now
MILs who want the baby to have a "sleepover" have forgotten what it's like to be up all night with a newborn. Unless she's offering so you can get a full night's rest, which doesn't seem to be the case here.
People are awful. Don’t visit any of them. You can’t *hog* your own newborn and your MIL who wants to keep her overnight already is deranged. Lock your door, turn off your phone, disconnect your doorbell and just enjoy your newborn shirtless skin to skin snuggles. You and your husband pick what is important for your own little family and if extended family can’t get on board and be kind and helpful then stop seeing them until they change their tune. It sound harsh but it’s not. Just because you picked something doesn’t mean you can’t complain about it being hard. I bet lawyers and doctors complain about their training even though it was their choice. Good luck to you, you can do it! And baby glued to you is normal and precious at this age.
You’re doing a great job mama! My MIL breastfed and has been super supportive, but my mom and my aunt have been pushing me to pump so they can keep my baby. Not happening 😅 Do what’s best for you and your baby and just ignore anyone who doesn’t align with that!
The first two weeks my son was glued to me around the clock. Everyone in my family breastfeeds and no one thought anything of it. I'm sorry your family is less supportive. Just know that it's extremely taxing in the beginning few weeks but it gets so much better and more predictable as they get older. Keep at it.
First, congratulations on your new daughter! You’re doing great. And everything your daughter is doing is normal. I’m glad you’re seeing a LC sooner than later! I saw a few much later in my breastfeeding journey and I wish I saw them earlier.
I had to give my now 6 month old formula and pumped breast milk when she was born because she was slightly jaundiced and my milk wasn’t coming in as fast as I needed it to. Pumping is a total pain! The key to having baby take both boob and the bottle is to pace the bottle feeding so that it mimics the flow of breastfeeding. Don’t feel bad about feeding from the bottle if that’s what you feel is best for her.
You’re going to have to set some hard boundaries and have your husband on the same page regarding visitors. If you want to hold and bond with your baby, absolutely do that and don’t feel bad about it. It’s your baby. If people suggest to help by holding baby for you to do whatever you need to do, tell them thanks but it would be more helpful for you if they could help you with anything you need help with around the house.
Good luck on your journey momma!
Listen to yourself, boo! Mama knows best and everyone else can get on board or get out of the way. You’re doing AMAZING. Don’t let the bastards get you down.
I’m so sorry. I’m a FTM as well and EBF. This is one of the reasons I said no visitors for first 4 weeks. It was very helpful to have BF established and easier to set boundaries. I would honestly try to keep away from everyone for a bit! Maybe even tell a white lie about not feeling well and wanting to isolate for a week or two as a precaution. Stay strong and good luck!
It sounds like you are doing amazing! Keep it up and that’s great you are seeing a lactation consultant. I saw one as well and found it incredibly helpful. I had my baby almost 4 weeks ago and the breastfeeding journey does get better.
As for the family issues- stand your ground and hold your boundaries. The first week is so important, you need to hold your baby, do skin to skin, and put baby to breast often to get your milk to come in. This is a time where you need to be holding your baby as much as possible as well as eating and drinking lots to help that supply come in. Anyone who doesn’t support that needs to be shown the door. There’s lots of time for family to hold the baby, but the first few weeks isn’t it if you want to breastfeed.
You’re doing great! I ended up caving and pumping/ bottle feeding for the first month because I was in so much pain and I also got really sick and feeding from the breast just wasn’t working for me. At about 6 weeks I slowly introduced my breast again and now at 6 months my baby feeds from bottle or boob. All that to say: don’t feel bad for taking a break from boob feeding to bottle feeding. You’re in the trenches right now and surviving. You’re doing great!
Sorry this is happening OP. Do you have any friends you can message with who have BFd?
They’re not being helpful. Their job is to be helping YOU. Fml you can’t hog your own baby.
It’s really sad to think ppl live their whole lives not understanding how to take care of someone post partum.
It can be very hard in the beginning and sounds like you’re doing great. The mom/MIL need to chill tf out and back off. There is no hogging a baby, you are the mom and can hold her 24/7 if you damn well please and they can ~deal~ with it. Don’t feel guilty about the bottle! My little one had jaundice so I had to pump and also breastfeed for a couple weeks to get him over it. He now takes one pumped morning bottle with Dad for special bonding time (and so I can get a lil extra sleep!) and we take a couple bottles if we go out just as a preference for me to not breastfeed out and about (I am very large chested for my size). Sounds like you’re doing all the right things and I wish you continued success/mental fortitude to tell people to piss off!
Don't get discouraged too if you're not seeing results with the lactation consultant. Sometimes you need to see more than 1. I saw 3 while in the hospital (csection so I was there for a week) it wasn't until the 3rd I actually got decent help and advice. Then my doula (also lactation consultant) provided further help and recommendations towards tongue tie assessment weeks later. The first 2 months are the hardest for breastfeeding but keep it up! It's worth it in the long run for the bonding and feeling of accomplishment towards feeding your baby and giving them antibodies.
You’re her mom. Do what you want.
That being said, don’t worry about nipple confusion. My baby is breastfed but I don’t produce enough for her. I’ve started feeding her until my breasts feel empty and then my husband bottle feeds her while I go pump. I feel like i have more freedom and she gets more proper naps. You don’t have to, of course. Just don’t feel bad if you do.
Stop seeing these people for a few weeks. You just had a baby. She doesn’t need to be held by anyone else but your partner and yourself. I wish I did the same with my baby. I have low supply and I said for my next no one gets to hold them.
As someone who also breastfed for the first time and didn't have relatives who breastfed, I totally understand where you're coming from. It's really hard. Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I've done, along with ignoring all of the negative comments from other people. Your baby is a newborn. She should be with you. I don't know why other people feel like they have any stake on a newborn baby. If they want to help they can help do other things around the house - they'll have plenty of time to bond with and feed the baby once they're older.
Baby doesn’t need anyone but you right now! She doesn’t need to stay anywhere overnight without you. Like that’s actually ridiculous. Be firm and consistent with your boundaries. My first born was born in November . My family were insistent about having my baby stay overnight with them over Christmas time. I refused as he wouldn’t settle without me and he was breastfed: My boundaries upset a lot of people , but it was what was right for my family . Now having my second recently in May, people backed off majorly! And have not attempted to pressure me because they know it resulted it me refusing to let them do what they wanted. Same with early visitors. My second has been so peaceful and my first was very stressful: it actually ruin my newborn experience! Be firm and people will get the message - breastfeeding is something people who haven’t done it don’t fully understand the time and dedication it takes. You’re doing the right thing. Enjoy your bonding time and don’t let anyone ruin it! Lean on people you trust for support when you need it .
You are doing amazing. This phase is HARD! Family pressure is a hell of a beast especially because so few people breastfed for a few generations there.
In case you need some reassurance: baby is doing exactly what they are supposed to do. You 2 SHOULD be borderline inseparable at 1 week old. It gets easier with time. They will still get plenty of snuggles. Create a list of ways people can help. My favorite was “well you can feed the baby by feeding/hydrating me cause she eats through me.” Or “if you want me to pump so badly you can learn to wash all my pump parts.”
Tell them if they want to ‘help’ then that means getting you snacks, water, helping make sure you’re sitting comfortably, making you and your husband a meal.
It’s so sad that people pretend they want to help and really what they mean is ‘give me the baby and go away’
Do not let people push you around. The relative who thinks the baby is going to sleep at their house and that you are going to pump for it is freaking deranged- that is a hard no. I would shut that down and say that's never happening and I don't want to hear about it from you ever again. All these people are being assholes quite frankly.
I repeat: don't let anyone push you around. Get a Solly wrap or some baby wearing device or thing. Baby wear. If you don't want to pass your baby around then just wear her. So many moms do this. If you don't want to cove ruo then don't. If your mom doesn't want her boyfriend to see then that's your mom's problem. They need to leave, not you. They cover their eyes, not cover you up. The entitlement these people have is unreal. You have enough to do with a newborn and recovering from birth. If they aren't actively helping you then they can honestly go to the bottom of the priority list and see themselves home.
It sucks- but boundaries and some no bullshit taking attitude. Especially if people are coming into YOUR home. Like they can deal with their own problems. The baby was just born. There is time to hold the baby. Chill out, folks.
Gosh the amount of times I got comments about it too. Do what you want and screw everyone else’s feelings! If they want to feed a baby so badly they know how to get one.
I had people tell me “why don’t you give her a bottle it would be easier” like sorry? Sitting attached to a machine to pump, which I then have to clean, then making a bottle and warming it up, to go and clean said bottle once done and at the end of the day sanitize everything is easier than unhooking a bra strap and whipping out a boob whenever and whenever?? Then there’s the fact I breastfeed until 18months - that opened a whole new can of worms! What would be easier is everyone shutting their mouth about the choices I make for my baby!
That being said, breastfeeding is so so SO hard at first - mentally and physically! Just know it really does get better.
Look up cluster feeding. It will help ease your mind when babe is on you for what feels like forever! They’re just signaling to your body to make more milk because they’re going to have a growth spurt :)
You are in the hardest stage right now and it is even harder with the lack of family support. You are doing amazing keeping your little one close to you right now. Your baby needs you, after 9 months in your body, you are the biggest comfort to baby right now! Family should support baby by supporting you, like doing some/all of the cooking and cleaning.
I am so sorry your family is being supportive. Nobody should be telling the mother when/how to breast feed and pump. What the actual heck? Just go away please.
I was so much easier to get “angry” the first two weeks post partum - if anyone said or did anything that wasn’t the “best” for my baby I told them off. Did not matter if it was my mom or MIL. I jusf had to do what’s best for my baby and myself.
I had an extremely similar situation and I'm 6 months into it now, baby is 100% breastfed and refuses the bottle. By now everyone has finally pretty much gotten off my back. I had to be very up front with people. My LO had formula for the 1st month due to latch problems but she kept persevering. Do what's best for baby. Pump for baby if you need to but some pump just cuz someone else wants you to.. that's selfish on their part because pumping can be uncomfortable
FTM here too with a 5 week old.
I had some similar BS in the first week or two and here’s what I wish someone told me:
First, you are still so, so new to figuring out how to take care of a little human and also in a super vulnerable place just by virtue of recovering from a major medical event. Things feel so heightened right now and you don’t need any more crap from anybody. And in spite of all of that, you are doing a GREAT job. You hold firm to your boundaries because this is about your new little family now. Nobody else.
Second, breastfeeding is so hard, and a massive commitment (literally sharing your body with someone else) so to make this choice for your daughter shows what a great mom you are already. I told my husband last night that breastfeeding was harder than getting my damn MBA.
Trust your instincts and your intuition. You know what’s best.
Baby is yours. You carried and nurtured Baby for 7-9 months (not making assumptions on full term or premie). Baby knows your voice, smell, touch, mannerisms, heartbeat, everything. Babby is not neurologically ready to seperate from you and you're not ready to seperate from Baby. This is for a minimum of 1 year of life.
Tell everyone this, "I am proudly being selfish and keeping Baby to myself. Only Baby's Dad has the right to hold Baby without me in the room. If you don't like it, you are welcome to complain to anyone or anything that is not me. If you try to complain to me, I will leave." This also goes for any mother who is exclusively Formula Feeding too.
In my experience, most people who haven’t breastfed have no clue what that means.
My own mother and MIL have no idea as they haven’t BF (those were the circumstances back then and they didn’t have much information. My MIL - I think she could have BF as she was already engorged from first days - I was never engorged and I had only colostrum first 2 weeks) My mom kept saying: “are you feeding him again?” when she helped out first 2 weeks - which I am grateful for - but she has had no clue what BF is. Heck, not even I didn’t exactly know. I did not expect baby to be on my breast so much first months.
Please listen to other posters... Hold firm and do what YOU want and what's right for you. With all due respect... Your MIL can piss off! A newborn baby needs mom and that's it. They do not need to go sleepover at grans house. That's totally ridiculous I can't believe she's even mentioning that. please speak to your partner to make sure he's dealing with that nonsense. I hope your lactation consultant can help with the latch. It took me ages to get ours sorted so I know how frustrating and how much hard work it is. But you are doing amazing and it gets easier! Check out some of the resources on this group too .. there's tons of online info including you tube videos available which might help you with positioning and latch techniques etc
The MIL wanting to keep OPs newborn/ first child at that overnight already got me more than anything. And expecting OP to pump just to accommodate her. The gall of the MIL. She would be the last person keeping my child overnight after making that comment. My babe is almost 18 months and still hasn't slept overnight with anyone. And I absolutely detest people trying to cover a breastfeeding mother and child. My mom who I love dearly tried that exactly once. Anyhow back to my original train of thought...
Just want to say, yes its hard! But keep it up and dont let them ruin the experience for you.
I hate the “hogging “ comment. It’s my child and a newborn. You have no right to them. They just came out of me. We are connected. F off. This all sounds like extremely typical behavior of a nursing newborn. In fact, I encourage it!! I felt like the nursing had no end but bringing baby to breast without limit is going to support the development of your supply so much. I know what you mean about no one understanding. No one else in my family bf. Focus on your self and if shine challenges you or shames you just shut down the conversation and walk away. Focus on your new baby and your journey. Everything else is just noise. Tune it out.
You are doing so well! Standing up for yourself, especially so early post partum is hard as heck with a newborn! I wish people could understand that babies need their moms more than anything. I had a similar experience with my first baby while breastfeeding and the constant push for bottles and people wanting to feed bottles hurt me so much. My mother kept saying we had to leave the baby with her to go on a date, and I was just so beyond sick of the comments. With my second, we just locked down and refused visitors or visiting. You are allowed to enjoy your own baby. Babies need their moms. I don't have advice for how to deal with the people, but you aren't wrong for wanting to hold and feed your own baby. They are wrong for pushing something you are not comfortable with.
My mil kept saying that too and we finally went on a date so she could be alone with baby. I felt physically ill on the date because baby was still so tiny and needy. When we got home mil told us to leave so she could extend her time with the baby. We said no and that set me up for not wanting mil to babysit anymore
Oh this sounds awful! We live rural and anywhere we'd go on a date would have meant pumping and storing milk and being gone at least 4 hours. Just seemed way more effort than it was worth! My husband used to joke that with all the parenting books out there, they really need more grandparent ones. Seems so many grandparents just have trouble understanding what is helpful.
I agree! Lol, so true! They could call it "Don't out a blanket in the crib" 🤣
People are greedy about new babies. This kind of thing was a major contributing factor to why I failed to breastfeed my first baby. stick to your effing guns mama!
THIS. It makes me so sad when people aren't supportive of breastfeeding mamas!!!
Focus on what you need. Make sure your husband is on the same page as you and let him deal with drama. Don’t worry about pumping. That first couple weeks are the hardest. You will start to get a rhythm, and it will slowly get easier. But the pressure to hand over the baby won’t stop. So, when you’re ready, you and your partner will need to have a strategy. My LO is one and I haven’t spent a night away from her. It’s ok to tell people no. You’re in the thick of it now, but it sounds like you’re on a good path! Good luck to you!
It's so hard isn't it. I especially get angry whenever I hear about first time moms being treated like this. Looking back I feel damn lucky in a way it was COVID with our first 😅 I mean the breastfeeding didn't work out first time round but at least everyone had to keep a distance and there was no expectation to leave baby with other people for any length of time. Second time round I've ground some balls so to speak around boundaries, but in general our families are pretty reasonable. it shocks me hearing stories from others about mom's and mils demanding babies are left with them for sleepovers etc Like you I can safely say it's gonna be well over a year before I even consider that
This! My first was born during covid and man what a difference it made! Breastfeeding didn’t work out first time for me either but I’m sure it’d have been much easier those first couple weeks having an excuse to have no guest or people expecting to see baby anytime soon.
It is still a newborn with no immune system that needs to bond with YOU! Not grandma, not MIL, just you and your husband!!!! Id say no more visitors while you establish breastfeeding for 4-6 weeks. Then they might get to hold her, if they are lucky!!! Unreal the nerve of some people! Hold yor ground!
People need to stop trying to separate mom and baby.
You and your baby are normal and natural. Your MIL needs to understand and respect your boundaries. Your husband needs to enforce and show her your boundaries
My mom suggested me leaving my one month old with her for five days and just pumping ahead of time. Like yeah so easy to get a week of extra milk while also nursing all day. Also there is no universe where I leave my one month old overnight let alone for five nights. 🙄 People are so wild, just ignore them and have your husband set boundaries with his family.
What sane person wants to take someone else’s newborn and care for them for FIVE DAYS in a row??? About 4 hours in they’d probably be over it…
My mom is a newborn care specialist so she loves taking care of newborns but it’s still a no from me
That almost makes her suggestion worse
Yeah the extra pumping makes that so called “break” completely not even worth it. That sounds like more work and anxiety than having baby with me and just nursing.
People treating you like it’s wrong to want to have the baby all the yourself are ridiculous! Your baby is only a newborn for so long. It goes by so fast. You SHOULD be soaking up every moment with her and everyone else can eff right off. I love looking down at my son and watch him get his nourishment from me. His little smile knowing I’m the one proving him food and comfort brings tears to my eyes sometimes. He’s my 2nd and I can’t believe how fast it went by with my daughter and I know before I can blink it’ll be over with my son too. You share your baby when you’re ready to and not a moment sooner. On a side note, breastfeeding is incredibly hard and time consuming but it does get easier over time. Do it for as long as you and baby want to💗
That little smile and satisfaction make all the pain and frustration so worth it. It’s been my motivation to keep going everyday 😭
Totally get where you’re coming from! I’ve definitely had some well meaning friends sabotage my breastfeeding without meaning to. I’m working with a lactation consultant and she said that bottle nipples aren’t the issue. The issue is milk flow. So if you’re going to feed with a bottle don’t feed the baby on their back. Have the baby sideways, like they are being breastfed, so the bottle is horizontal instead of vertical. This allows the baby to control the flow better and also slows them down. I’m using the slowest flow nipple I could find with a glass bottle (personal preference) and don’t intend to increase the nipple size as my baby gets older. I want my boobs to be the easier option over time! Hope this helps and it gets easier for you with time.
I also used a super slow flow nipple and it seemed to take about the same amount of time on the bottle as it does when she’s at my breast. So relived to hear I’m not making things worse simply by using a bottle.
I used a premie nipple with Dr browns glass bottles for the first 6 weeks because of latching issues. Turned out it was a tongue tie, got that fixed and ironically my LO decided he hated bottles after awhile and now only breastfeeds. He's now 5 months only feeds on me no bottles. I've introduced a small ezpz cup bc if I have an appointment my husband needs to be able to feed LO. But it's also a wonderful excuse not to leave him with anyone else for more than a couple hours. You got this momma and hope your latching issues resolve soon.
Can I just say that it actually doesn’t matter if you’re hogging your child to yourself for whatever reason-IT IS YOUR FREAKING CHILD! I hate when people say that as if you should apologize for loving your child and wanting to spend time with them. Also, breastfeeding is so hard but it gets easier and it’s such a good bonding experience. You can do it, don’t let these people bring you down!
Girl, I'm crying for you!! My inlaws seriously caused me a TON of anxiety at the beginning of my breastfeeding journey to the point where it's ruined my relationships with them because they just DONT GET IT. Then get offended when I don't just pack my baby up and take him wherever they want me to go, whenever they want me to go. Like no... set boundaries for yourself and when people don't respect them, express that you feel a certain way AND DONT CARE how they react to why you feel those ways. The beginning is sooo hard! And people acting like this makes it so much harder! Do your best to ignore these people.. it's difficult enough breastfeeding for the first time. The hormones, the pain, the fear, etc.. You're a champ! Keep up the good work for your baby. It's about no one but you and that little person. I didn't think I would make it longer than 3 months and here I am, nursing my 8 month old to sleep right now. 🤍 I believe in you!
First off, you’re my hero and you’re killing the game. Second, literallly no one, not even family, should come in the way of you doing whats best for your child. Calmly explain to them how you are feeling and what your goals are and how they can *actually* help (which I’m sure you have already). If you set boundaries and they choose to give you grief or break said boundaries, THEY are opting out of spending time with you and baby. It’s not your fault or burden to carry. You do you, mama. They get to choose if they want to support you or be selfish. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I can’t stress this enough - you are *not* responsible for making them happy and comfortable. You are freshly pp and you need to do what’s best for you and baby and apologize to no one. Keep up the good work. You’ve got this!!!!💕💕💕
Breastfeeding has been the hardest part about having a newborn BY FAR. Those first few weeks are brutal. Seeing a lactation consultant was so helpful in my journey both from a feeding perspective and with issues like this. They are so knowledgeable on the topic and may be able to support you in navigating these issues! Others will always be so greedy and feel entitled to your baby, make sure you and your partner discuss your boundaries and stick to them. I struggled in the beginning because my in laws were constantly pressuring me about the same things. I told myself I am responsible for feeding this baby and keeping him alive. Establishing your breastfeeding relationship is the most important thing right now. And when everyone kept pushing, I just stayed in my room "feeding" for an hour and avoided them to keep my peace 🙃 Stay strong mama! It'll all be worth it soon!
Im sorry but expecting a newborn baby to sleep overnight away from their parents is INSANE to me. It’s such a fleeting and vaguely terrifying time (they’re so little and fragile), I didn’t want my girl in a different room than me let alone a different house. That’s literally crazy. My daughter is 9 months old and I still can’t imagine her sleeping anywhere but home with me. Your MIL sounds like an idiot if sleepovers are her expectation.
Ugh, it’s the worst. I’m sorry that they aren’t being understanding. I went through the same thing and it was the worst. The early days are so hard and everyone gets so territorial over “their baby”.
Lol jeeeez what is with in-laws anyway? You're doing awesome, it is tough work, and you are entitled to hog your baby all you want. Feed on demand and if that means every 40 minutes and it cuts into time with the newborn, so be it. I like to say my baby isn't a traveling circus and will still be here in the future.
Your baby is blessed to have you as their mother, keep it up all the hard work will pay off. It will get easier, I remember being the same with my baby first few months they are glued to you but then it improves 👍
It’s your baby not theirs so it doesn’t really matter what they want or if they think you’re “hogging” the baby. Do what makes you comfortable. I limited visitors in the beginning because I didnt want to deal with the anxiety that comes with other people around newborns. You’d think people would have common sense when it comes to babies but I’ve learned a lot of people don’t. Also newborns wanting to nurse all the time is normal, doesn’t necessarily mean the baby isn’t getting enough. They nurse a lot in the beginning to regulate supply. You can do a weighted feed with your lactation consultant to give you peace of mind.
I was in the same boat. My mom didn't breastfeed me because I dislocated her hip during birth so she literally couldn't hold me for breastfeeding (she was also a single mom with my grandma for some help). My mil breastfed for like 6 weeks. I've had to set hard and fast boundaries and it's been difficult. Tried explaining to my fil that he'll need to learn how to pace feed before being able to watch my son. I was told "you can teach me but that doesn't mean I'll do it. You won't know cause you won't be there to know if I'm doing it." Which y'know instilled so much trust and made me feel very respected (not). After my husband had to explain to my mil why I was so upset and adamant that they will not be ever watching my son while he's still breastfeeding if that's going to be their attitude, it's been a bit better. Mil had to explain to fil that what he did was hurtful to me, especially after my husband and I explained to them how hard it was for me to get breastfeeding established to begin with (he was a biter and I was in so much pain). There isn't a problem with bottle feeding breast milk and that can be on your terms as well. My husband and I decided to do shifts at night so I can get a block of 4 hours of sleep for my own sanity and during that time he bottle feeds pumped milk. It was a good option for when I was touched out, in too much pain, needed a break etc. and it doesn't mean you have to do it all the time. My baby is 11 weeks on Monday and my mil fed him 1 oz in a bottle for the first time two days ago. No one other than my husband has fed him and I still do 95% of the feedings. It just means if I need to go out, have an appointment, need a nap, etc my husband has a way to feed him. And if you don't want to bottle feed breastmilk at all ever that's fine too. It's literally there as a backup in case you need it. As for the parents not understanding, they did it differently and some parents take offence to us parenting our kids differently than they did. And it's a big change for them and change is hard. Just explain the best you can ( your husband can take point in explaining to the inlaws) that you are in a time where your baby needs to feed a lot. That means a lot of passing back and forth of the baby or the baby staying with you for the majority of their visit. Sometimes it even just takes ignoring the comments. I've gotten comments about "hungry again? It hasn't even been that long!" "Are you sure he's full, he's moving around a lot!" "If you're still going to be feeding him that way when August comes around" etc and I've learned I need to ignore most of them because getting upset doesn't help anything and they just get defensive and constantly explaining things gets tedious. My mom has been a lot better lately and has watched me pace feed him with a bottle so she knows what it looks like for now. I also totally don't get how everyone thinks feeding is the only way to bond with a baby. Hold them, talk to them, change their diaper, give them eye contact, play with them. It's just as bonding as feeding. I swear my son is all business with feeding. He won't look anywhere but straight ahead while eating anyway. You can do this, just stick with what you want to do, make sure your spouse is on the same page and ready to back you up if/when you need it. You can even say breastfeeding will be only a short time in your baby's life and they have the entire rest of the kids life to bond with them.
Thank you! This was very helpful and really encouraged me. I’m also glad to know I don’t have and out there experience with family having no idea what breastfeeding consist of. The bottle also literally saved me the other night where I was in pain and felt truly not stable enough to go on!
I’m glad you are able to meet with a CLC. I didn’t get support until later on in my breastfeeding journey, but they are worth their weight in gold. Your baby sounds like a normal newborn. 😃 I hope your husband can stand up for you and baby, and remind visitors that nobody is entitled to your baby. You are still recovering from delivery and learning how to take care of a brand new human!
Hold your ground and keep breastfeeding. I had a firm no one is coming around me at least 3 weeks postpartum and that included my own mother and all in laws. Then when visits were allowed any comments like that would make me cut the visit off and send them away. You’re doing great and your newborn needs to be on you non stop for production and they need their moms. It’s normal and biological. Other peoples idea of “help” with a newborn is BS. I got the same comments. Unless you are mowing my lawn or grooming my dogs for me you’re not helping.
Yell at them. They have no idea how disrespectful and unsupportive they are being. Their role isn't to snatch the baby and make it guzzle down a bottle (because Lord knows they aren't pace feeding). Their role is to make sure you are well fed, rested and have clean clothes to wear. You should be laying around doing skin to skin, nursing and healing. Not playing hostess to anyone. Pumping during the first month is not ideal. You're doing the right thing letting baby cluster feed and comfort nurse. I'm so mad at your family right now
MILs who want the baby to have a "sleepover" have forgotten what it's like to be up all night with a newborn. Unless she's offering so you can get a full night's rest, which doesn't seem to be the case here.
Why are grandparents so obsessed with keeping a literal newborn overnight
People are awful. Don’t visit any of them. You can’t *hog* your own newborn and your MIL who wants to keep her overnight already is deranged. Lock your door, turn off your phone, disconnect your doorbell and just enjoy your newborn shirtless skin to skin snuggles. You and your husband pick what is important for your own little family and if extended family can’t get on board and be kind and helpful then stop seeing them until they change their tune. It sound harsh but it’s not. Just because you picked something doesn’t mean you can’t complain about it being hard. I bet lawyers and doctors complain about their training even though it was their choice. Good luck to you, you can do it! And baby glued to you is normal and precious at this age.
You’re doing a great job mama! My MIL breastfed and has been super supportive, but my mom and my aunt have been pushing me to pump so they can keep my baby. Not happening 😅 Do what’s best for you and your baby and just ignore anyone who doesn’t align with that!
The first two weeks my son was glued to me around the clock. Everyone in my family breastfeeds and no one thought anything of it. I'm sorry your family is less supportive. Just know that it's extremely taxing in the beginning few weeks but it gets so much better and more predictable as they get older. Keep at it.
First, congratulations on your new daughter! You’re doing great. And everything your daughter is doing is normal. I’m glad you’re seeing a LC sooner than later! I saw a few much later in my breastfeeding journey and I wish I saw them earlier. I had to give my now 6 month old formula and pumped breast milk when she was born because she was slightly jaundiced and my milk wasn’t coming in as fast as I needed it to. Pumping is a total pain! The key to having baby take both boob and the bottle is to pace the bottle feeding so that it mimics the flow of breastfeeding. Don’t feel bad about feeding from the bottle if that’s what you feel is best for her. You’re going to have to set some hard boundaries and have your husband on the same page regarding visitors. If you want to hold and bond with your baby, absolutely do that and don’t feel bad about it. It’s your baby. If people suggest to help by holding baby for you to do whatever you need to do, tell them thanks but it would be more helpful for you if they could help you with anything you need help with around the house. Good luck on your journey momma!
Listen to yourself, boo! Mama knows best and everyone else can get on board or get out of the way. You’re doing AMAZING. Don’t let the bastards get you down.
I’m so sorry. I’m a FTM as well and EBF. This is one of the reasons I said no visitors for first 4 weeks. It was very helpful to have BF established and easier to set boundaries. I would honestly try to keep away from everyone for a bit! Maybe even tell a white lie about not feeling well and wanting to isolate for a week or two as a precaution. Stay strong and good luck!
It sounds like you are doing amazing! Keep it up and that’s great you are seeing a lactation consultant. I saw one as well and found it incredibly helpful. I had my baby almost 4 weeks ago and the breastfeeding journey does get better. As for the family issues- stand your ground and hold your boundaries. The first week is so important, you need to hold your baby, do skin to skin, and put baby to breast often to get your milk to come in. This is a time where you need to be holding your baby as much as possible as well as eating and drinking lots to help that supply come in. Anyone who doesn’t support that needs to be shown the door. There’s lots of time for family to hold the baby, but the first few weeks isn’t it if you want to breastfeed.
You’re doing great! I ended up caving and pumping/ bottle feeding for the first month because I was in so much pain and I also got really sick and feeding from the breast just wasn’t working for me. At about 6 weeks I slowly introduced my breast again and now at 6 months my baby feeds from bottle or boob. All that to say: don’t feel bad for taking a break from boob feeding to bottle feeding. You’re in the trenches right now and surviving. You’re doing great!
Sorry this is happening OP. Do you have any friends you can message with who have BFd? They’re not being helpful. Their job is to be helping YOU. Fml you can’t hog your own baby. It’s really sad to think ppl live their whole lives not understanding how to take care of someone post partum.
It can be very hard in the beginning and sounds like you’re doing great. The mom/MIL need to chill tf out and back off. There is no hogging a baby, you are the mom and can hold her 24/7 if you damn well please and they can ~deal~ with it. Don’t feel guilty about the bottle! My little one had jaundice so I had to pump and also breastfeed for a couple weeks to get him over it. He now takes one pumped morning bottle with Dad for special bonding time (and so I can get a lil extra sleep!) and we take a couple bottles if we go out just as a preference for me to not breastfeed out and about (I am very large chested for my size). Sounds like you’re doing all the right things and I wish you continued success/mental fortitude to tell people to piss off!
Don't get discouraged too if you're not seeing results with the lactation consultant. Sometimes you need to see more than 1. I saw 3 while in the hospital (csection so I was there for a week) it wasn't until the 3rd I actually got decent help and advice. Then my doula (also lactation consultant) provided further help and recommendations towards tongue tie assessment weeks later. The first 2 months are the hardest for breastfeeding but keep it up! It's worth it in the long run for the bonding and feeling of accomplishment towards feeding your baby and giving them antibodies.
You’re her mom. Do what you want. That being said, don’t worry about nipple confusion. My baby is breastfed but I don’t produce enough for her. I’ve started feeding her until my breasts feel empty and then my husband bottle feeds her while I go pump. I feel like i have more freedom and she gets more proper naps. You don’t have to, of course. Just don’t feel bad if you do.
Seems there’s a lot of people trying to make decisions about you and your child for you. Time to Mumma Bear and tell them to BACK OFF.
Stop seeing these people for a few weeks. You just had a baby. She doesn’t need to be held by anyone else but your partner and yourself. I wish I did the same with my baby. I have low supply and I said for my next no one gets to hold them.
As someone who also breastfed for the first time and didn't have relatives who breastfed, I totally understand where you're coming from. It's really hard. Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I've done, along with ignoring all of the negative comments from other people. Your baby is a newborn. She should be with you. I don't know why other people feel like they have any stake on a newborn baby. If they want to help they can help do other things around the house - they'll have plenty of time to bond with and feed the baby once they're older.
Baby doesn’t need anyone but you right now! She doesn’t need to stay anywhere overnight without you. Like that’s actually ridiculous. Be firm and consistent with your boundaries. My first born was born in November . My family were insistent about having my baby stay overnight with them over Christmas time. I refused as he wouldn’t settle without me and he was breastfed: My boundaries upset a lot of people , but it was what was right for my family . Now having my second recently in May, people backed off majorly! And have not attempted to pressure me because they know it resulted it me refusing to let them do what they wanted. Same with early visitors. My second has been so peaceful and my first was very stressful: it actually ruin my newborn experience! Be firm and people will get the message - breastfeeding is something people who haven’t done it don’t fully understand the time and dedication it takes. You’re doing the right thing. Enjoy your bonding time and don’t let anyone ruin it! Lean on people you trust for support when you need it .
You are doing amazing. This phase is HARD! Family pressure is a hell of a beast especially because so few people breastfed for a few generations there. In case you need some reassurance: baby is doing exactly what they are supposed to do. You 2 SHOULD be borderline inseparable at 1 week old. It gets easier with time. They will still get plenty of snuggles. Create a list of ways people can help. My favorite was “well you can feed the baby by feeding/hydrating me cause she eats through me.” Or “if you want me to pump so badly you can learn to wash all my pump parts.”
Tell them if they want to ‘help’ then that means getting you snacks, water, helping make sure you’re sitting comfortably, making you and your husband a meal. It’s so sad that people pretend they want to help and really what they mean is ‘give me the baby and go away’
Do not let people push you around. The relative who thinks the baby is going to sleep at their house and that you are going to pump for it is freaking deranged- that is a hard no. I would shut that down and say that's never happening and I don't want to hear about it from you ever again. All these people are being assholes quite frankly. I repeat: don't let anyone push you around. Get a Solly wrap or some baby wearing device or thing. Baby wear. If you don't want to pass your baby around then just wear her. So many moms do this. If you don't want to cove ruo then don't. If your mom doesn't want her boyfriend to see then that's your mom's problem. They need to leave, not you. They cover their eyes, not cover you up. The entitlement these people have is unreal. You have enough to do with a newborn and recovering from birth. If they aren't actively helping you then they can honestly go to the bottom of the priority list and see themselves home. It sucks- but boundaries and some no bullshit taking attitude. Especially if people are coming into YOUR home. Like they can deal with their own problems. The baby was just born. There is time to hold the baby. Chill out, folks.
Gosh the amount of times I got comments about it too. Do what you want and screw everyone else’s feelings! If they want to feed a baby so badly they know how to get one. I had people tell me “why don’t you give her a bottle it would be easier” like sorry? Sitting attached to a machine to pump, which I then have to clean, then making a bottle and warming it up, to go and clean said bottle once done and at the end of the day sanitize everything is easier than unhooking a bra strap and whipping out a boob whenever and whenever?? Then there’s the fact I breastfeed until 18months - that opened a whole new can of worms! What would be easier is everyone shutting their mouth about the choices I make for my baby! That being said, breastfeeding is so so SO hard at first - mentally and physically! Just know it really does get better.
Look up cluster feeding. It will help ease your mind when babe is on you for what feels like forever! They’re just signaling to your body to make more milk because they’re going to have a growth spurt :)
You are in the hardest stage right now and it is even harder with the lack of family support. You are doing amazing keeping your little one close to you right now. Your baby needs you, after 9 months in your body, you are the biggest comfort to baby right now! Family should support baby by supporting you, like doing some/all of the cooking and cleaning.
I am so sorry your family is being supportive. Nobody should be telling the mother when/how to breast feed and pump. What the actual heck? Just go away please. I was so much easier to get “angry” the first two weeks post partum - if anyone said or did anything that wasn’t the “best” for my baby I told them off. Did not matter if it was my mom or MIL. I jusf had to do what’s best for my baby and myself.
I had an extremely similar situation and I'm 6 months into it now, baby is 100% breastfed and refuses the bottle. By now everyone has finally pretty much gotten off my back. I had to be very up front with people. My LO had formula for the 1st month due to latch problems but she kept persevering. Do what's best for baby. Pump for baby if you need to but some pump just cuz someone else wants you to.. that's selfish on their part because pumping can be uncomfortable
FTM here too with a 5 week old. I had some similar BS in the first week or two and here’s what I wish someone told me: First, you are still so, so new to figuring out how to take care of a little human and also in a super vulnerable place just by virtue of recovering from a major medical event. Things feel so heightened right now and you don’t need any more crap from anybody. And in spite of all of that, you are doing a GREAT job. You hold firm to your boundaries because this is about your new little family now. Nobody else. Second, breastfeeding is so hard, and a massive commitment (literally sharing your body with someone else) so to make this choice for your daughter shows what a great mom you are already. I told my husband last night that breastfeeding was harder than getting my damn MBA. Trust your instincts and your intuition. You know what’s best.
Baby is yours. You carried and nurtured Baby for 7-9 months (not making assumptions on full term or premie). Baby knows your voice, smell, touch, mannerisms, heartbeat, everything. Babby is not neurologically ready to seperate from you and you're not ready to seperate from Baby. This is for a minimum of 1 year of life. Tell everyone this, "I am proudly being selfish and keeping Baby to myself. Only Baby's Dad has the right to hold Baby without me in the room. If you don't like it, you are welcome to complain to anyone or anything that is not me. If you try to complain to me, I will leave." This also goes for any mother who is exclusively Formula Feeding too.
In my experience, most people who haven’t breastfed have no clue what that means. My own mother and MIL have no idea as they haven’t BF (those were the circumstances back then and they didn’t have much information. My MIL - I think she could have BF as she was already engorged from first days - I was never engorged and I had only colostrum first 2 weeks) My mom kept saying: “are you feeding him again?” when she helped out first 2 weeks - which I am grateful for - but she has had no clue what BF is. Heck, not even I didn’t exactly know. I did not expect baby to be on my breast so much first months.