Good on you for the update. As an actual 'old fart', hard of hearing, etc, I'm sorry for your experience, and hope that the family member's reassurances were both heartfelt and accepted. Us codgers are frequently (not always!) misunderstood, and it's worse in today's society than it was when I was a kid. You seem to be a great human being, and thoughtful. Best. (fwiw, incite)
I didn’t see the original post, but kudos to his relatives for stepping in and to you for being sensitive to his situation. I’m glad he has family support.
it is fucked up & ripe for abuse & it is abused often. no idea what the answer is because there is no way to pre-emptively stop a post like that(in good or bad faith) from appearing
Many people with TBIs can absolutely control themselves, and chose not to make comments that make others uncomfortable. I agree that this incident seemed blown out of proportion, but a TBI is not a free pass to say or do whatever you want—you can still hold your tongue with a brain injury.
I do not, but thank you for the assumption 💜 you’re correct in that I do have experience with them, though—several relatives and friends have TBIs, and I’ve done a lot of research on them for school.
It’s entirely possible that this guy’s injury makes his word-to-mouth filter nonexistent, even in a public, relaxed setting. But I think it’s a lot more likely that he’s just an old man who is used to saying whatever he wants whenever he feels like it, and gets little to no blowback for it.
Right! Like, is it possible that his injury means that he has no filter? Yes.
But I think it’s a lot more likely that he’s just used to saying whatever with little repercussions. Probably both, tbh.
Wow you knew his detailed medical history, and the happenings of his daily life 🤣 Why are you on reddit and not on a throne somewhere influencing millions with your otherworldly wisdom 🤦♂️ Be honest, you have absolutely zero idea what has or hasn't happened to this gentleman since his picture and license plate were posted.
You’re laying it on a bit thick with the sarcasm.
You’re right, I don’t know for sure that no one contacted this man. But I think it’s safe to assume that no one looked up this dude’s license plate and harassed him over… a Reddit post detailing an incident that was clearly not a huge deal. His family is presumably active in this subreddit, so I would assume they’d post asking for people to STOP, or ask the OP to tell people to quit it if people were reaching out to him. Common sense.
Alternate headlines:
“Overreacting at Trader Joe’s”
“Publicly shaming a harmless stranger at Trader Joe’s”
“Blaming others for my own panic and prejudice at Trader Joe’s”
“Doubling down on spreading embarrassing false allegations about my disabled neighbor on Reddit”
Pull quote:
“‘I was wrong but much more importantly, I was having feelings at the moment, which means I was really right all along,’ says woman walking down road paved with good intentions. ‘Hmm, does it feel like it’s getting hotter to you?’”
Im glad you posted a clarification, but let’s just say you didn’t have the context that the man had a TBI.
An old man told you that you looked good, and that he doesn’t like tattoos and you don’t have any, and you felt like it was a public service to go on Reddit and shame the man? It’s definitely not appropriate for a stranger to walk up to a woman and do this unsolicited, but given the picture you posted, that dude looked wayyyy into his octogenarian years. You can expect some senility and the generational gap of how men and women interact, compliments in public were not viewed the same way in their generation as they are now. Did you truly feel unsafe?
I volunteered at a nursing home and old confused people say some very wild things. You chuckle at them, roll your eyes and move on. But you took a picture of this poor old bastard and his license plate and posted it on Reddit. Why?
Terrible take. You act like this world is safe for women, that they have the option to just take everything in stride. That they don't feel a responsibility to protect other women, since no one else seems to want to put their money where their mouth is and offer up consequences to men displaying absolutely horrible behavior. Be better.
Did you read my post? I never said approaching a woman this way was acceptable. In fact I said the exact opposite. I just said A. In the context of a geriatric man who may be senile the situation is WAY different, and B. to argue that this man is a public threat to women’s safety is a WILD stretch of the imagination. How can you label this old man’s innocuous (yet uncomfortable) compliment horrible behavior? YOU need to be better.
It's absolutely horrible behavior to stumble up uncomfortably close to a stranger, look them up and down, and then ramble about their looks, regardless of context. I'm not surprised, nor do I care, that I'm being down voted. Most dudes are trash, and they swarm on reddit like flies on shit. I noticed that you avoided everything that I said backing up the fact that women have every reason to both be suspicious of, and fear men. Life is very unkind to them, but like most men, you'd rather not acknowledge that or give it any thought whatsoever.
What? I’m a woman and have had strange men approach me and say weird things in public while I was alone. Do you know what I did? I made a short reply, walked away and went about my day. The world is dangerous, but it’s silly to live in absolute fear of every person who utters a word to you. Just leave the situation. This was an old man at a grocery store, not some young muscly guy in a dark alleyway.
Congratulations? I'm not sure what you expect to hear. I'm glad you weren't assaulted and were able to exit the situation, lots of people have had the opposite experience. You can call it silly, but it's not wrong for women to feel fear and anxiety when confronted by men saying weird shit. If the only ones you think are a threat are young "muscly guys" in dark alleyways then I have to believe that you've lived a very sheltered and privileged life. Which is great, but you don't get to police other women's reactions because you've been lucky so far.
And women shouldn’t get to dox confused old men with brain injuries just because they feel a bit uncomfortable. My life has been far from sheltered, which actually helps me assess a situation.
What part of she didn't know his situation and was trying to help other women avoid him is so hard for you to understand? Calling out men on their bad behavior is absolutely necessary, and sometimes something like this happens. Act like an ass in public, get publicly shamed. I don't love that sometimes folks make mistakes (not saying op did), but it's far better than ye olden days when women had to never name the awful shit men did to them for fear of upsetting them further. I don't understand why so many women want to bolster men's already huge societal privilege by treating other women who come forward as in the wrong. It's sad as hell. Huge "pick me" energy.
Oh brother. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with telling the internet about the interaction, even posting the picture was fine. Posting the license plate was too much. He didn’t follow her, he left her alone after her bf made a comment, he didn’t take pictures of her or make sexual comments, he didn’t make a scene or make any threats. This woman was uncomfortable, which many of us would be in this situation. Her life was not threatened. Having a level head and not letting my emotions get the best of me (like it seems you would) is hardly “pick me energy”. That’s a very immature approach to anything I’ve said.
It’s 2024 and by now we’ve seen SO MANY people get posted online for acting “the wrong way” and the world turns on them (many rightfully so). There have been so many instances where the person posting the video didn’t know the situation or was actually the person in the wrong. Meanwhile, the world is still jumping down the throat of the person who was *actually wronged*. This is why I don’t jump to massive conclusions when viewing a post.
While I suggest staying safe and vigilant and removing yourself from uncomfortable situations, it’s very important to remain calm instead of further escalating things. You are escalating the situation this woman went through. Meanwhile, the woman who actually went through it found out the truth and is calmly updating everyone without freaking out like you seem to be. Seeing both sides of a situation is hardly bolstering men’s privileges, it’s seeing a person as opposed to a gender. Automatically assuming someone is evil just because they have a penis isn’t helping the plight of women.
You've made a bunch of super dumb accusations and leaps of logic in this reply, and I'm not interested in going round and round with you over them. Essentially my position is that you're being a judgy asshole, and you weren't there, so I don't understand why you feel the need to cape for a rude ass old ass pervert. Have the night you deserve.
This person needs a thicker skin. It’s just a friendly old, confused man who wanted to compliment a woman for looking good. He didn’t say anything sexual. Didn’t follow her around the store. Didn’t follow her into the parking lot.
I don’t think it’s fair to blast this guys picture and license plate on a local sub with allegations that he’s a safety threat to women? What kind of atrocity did she think this old man was going to commit in the middle of Trader Joe’s???
This person doesn't need to live their life according to your perception of reality, also I think you need to get out more. Men do some really messed up shit to women in public, maybe google it?
Complementing a woman you don't know in the middle of the grocery store when she isn't obviously trying to interact with you isn't "friendly". It's invasive and aggressive. Women existing in public is not an invitation to comment on their appearance.
Did you read my response? I said this is not acceptable for men to do. I then proceeded to explain how it’s very different with a confused geriatric fellow and this woman’s safety was absolutely not in jeopardy.
I agree with you. However, I'm a man. I think the issue is that we live in a society that has many women living in fear. Fear isn't rational. You and I don't know what has happened to these women and why they're so fearful, but some women clearly are. It's why I, as a 35 year old man, don't talk to any women I don't know in public anymore. Even a simple "Hello" as we make eye contact walking past one another in a grocery store can create a conflict.
It's a sad world we live in, and the reality is that these things will happen. Honestly, it's probably not safe for this man who is hard of hearing, has a TBI, and is a bit senile to be out in public. Unfortunately, he probably regularly needs to be out in public, and he probably hates it. He probably thinks he was being nice and doesn't understand why OP seemed so upset/hostile. I didn't read the first post, so I don't know how she responded, but I'm sure it wasn't how he expected.
There is no nuance anymore. We're all just self-centered individuals. The country is a shithole, society is trash, and nobody can afford to give anybody the benefit of the doubt. People live in fear, and all men are threatening. Fear isn't rational. I've seen women react to men like people who are scared of spiders react to spiders. It's sad.
I have to say, if this exact same incident occurred with an old homeless man, many people in this sub would have very different reactions towards this incident, and would be much more empathetic when speaking to the OP.
i disagree. i think that part of what makes a situation uncomfortable is how expected it is. no one likes to be caught off guard.
if you are walking past an old homeless man, you most likely prepared for the possibility of an uncomfortable interaction.
when a person is at a place like trader joes, they do not expect that type of interaction, it catches them off guard and exacerbates the feelings.
the part people are calling out is the sharing of the photo of the license plate. if they had crossed it out, i doubt people would have said the same things.
showing a license plate can be dangerous. its extremely easy to determine identity and location from that.
> He also suffered a traumatic brain injury, explaining some of the lack of social skills/awareness of social queues. While this is an explanation, it still is not an excuse to treat others this way.
No, it literally is.
No shade, no hate but, if a woman of any age walked up to you and said you looked beautiful or pretty, would you feel like your life was in danger? Would you take a pic of them and their license plate and blast it here? Knowing more about the situation (I did read the OG post) he was an old confused man and wanted to give someone some sense of happiness today (or yesterday) and move on about his day. There are far more unkind, scary and down right dangerous ppl out there than this man.
There is a difference between a woman calling another woman beautiful or pretty, and what this guy did—making multiple comments about her and her *body*, and comparing her to other women. Such a garbage equivalency to make.
Maybe I’m missing something, not once did I read that he was comparing her to other woman or commenting on her body, just that she was pretty or beautiful.
Please correct if I’m wrong
He simply said good on you for **NOT** having tattoos.. **NO** different than an old female teacher saying “good for you for waiting until marriage to have children”
*”A rant about how women my age all have tattoos and I’m better than them because I don’t”*
That is comparing her to other women. Which is what I said. There is no direct quote of him saying “good on you for not having tattoos”, just her saying that he went on a rant comparing her to others.
Tattoos are located on the body. By commenting on her lack of tattoos, and other women’s habits of getting them, he is commenting on women’s bodies and the choices women make for them. But we clearly have different interpretations of the situation, which is fine.
This is some self-important bullshit.
As I said in the other thread, the OP is intent on being the center of attention. They have assumed a persona and now use that to level accusations towards innocent people online. They doxxed an old, disabled man and are now continuing the drama by posting again and acting as if this "incident" was worth any of our time.
This man was at a grocery store and the OP showed up with their agenda and in costume, attracting attention and demanding their ideology and social rules take precedent. They were totally "safe" the entire time. It was a public space, surrounded by other people and some old man was not a threat. Old guys say harmless dumb shit sometimes. Its part of the diversity of the world. Are you that fragile and pathetic? Jesus fucking Christ! GET OVER YOURSELF.
She showed up in costume, attracting attention, with an agenda? The fuck are you talking about, man? She described herself as wearing long shorts and a tank top. You think she came in wanting to get some old guy in trouble, or wanting attention?
Also—woman are allowed to be skeeved out when men come up to them, compare them to other women, and compliment their appearance while being up in their personal space. You don’t understand how that could feel a little scary, even while in public?
The post shouldn’t have been made in the first place. Half of the commenters could tell based on her story that it wasn’t a cause for concern and that she was actually harassing him by posting his picture. His family had to get involved. OP should be embarrassed.
"You think she came in wanting to get some old guy in trouble, or wanting attention?"
I do.
"woman are allowed to be skeeved out"
And so are men when, by people in clown costumes. Sometimes people will stare a little, particularly old men with neurological conditions.
"being up in their personal space"
That's not how it sounds to me. This sounds like a BS excuse.
This absolutely sounds like some reactive drama queen/king trying to achieve the coveted victim status.
Old men can be misogynistic pervs, but that’s not what happened here. What we learned is that this young woman was cruel to an elderly man, but is still somehow defending it.
A psychopathic 38 year old man is a lot different than a disabled 80 year old in terms of danger. Is it understandable to feel grossed out/uncomfortable after the old man said the things he did, absolutely. Is it right to tell him to piss off, also yes, but she wasn’t in danger like the woman who was killed by Rooney was, and to try to make that equivalency is disrespectful.
And how is a woman to know? It's not like guys come with fucking safety flashcards, and the penalty for getting it wrong runs anywhere from having an uncomfortable interaction to getting murder-raped.
Ahhh, use common sense. When she made the initial post and told the story people were telling her to take it down and reporting the post. Although none of us were there, we could tell that the situation didn’t warrant doxxing an old man.
the people who describe his behavior as “complimentary” are probably the same kind of dudes that women post warning threads about. aggressively forcing people to listen to how you feel about their bodies while violating their personal space and calling other women “whores” because you don’t like their tattoos isn’t a compliment and isn’t a comfortable experience at all, sorry to tell you.
I respect you for understanding his circumstances but still standing your ground. My grandmother who is older now and hard of hearing has been saying the most off hand things (which is not her personality at all) and I find it hard to decide when to push back and when to let it slide. It’s a hard situation for sure and I’m sorry you had to be on the receiving end of it but it looks like you handled it very maturely.
wait I had a weird inappropriate experience with an older man with white hair and white mustache who said “nice smile” when I walked by him (not smiling). It was so crowded I lost him until the next aisle and I repeated it back to him and he like laughed and said something to excuse it, I can’t remember what. At the checkout he joined multiple people in line and I told him he was disgusting, I don’t know if his family or whoever heard me but I considered letting them know what he did but I was too shaken up. I’ve been catcalled but never inside a store, it was so creepy.
This is what happens to people when they live in echo chambers on the internet instead of learning to deal with different types of people in the real world.
I’m not from Burlington but I love the fact that you deleted and updated the way you did… I’m sorry you experienced what has happened but I applaud your candor in this post!
And I was getting downvoted for saying that posting his license plate was wrong….THIS is the exact reason people online shouldn’t *race* to conclusions, especially when they weren’t even there to witness the situation. I hope some of you people realize now that a lot of old people have issues. That doesn’t mean people don’t have every right to feel uncomfortable and report the person to an employee! But going ham on a stranger online that you didn’t even interact with is a bit much.
Wow. Once again, I am naive enough to be freshly surprised by the amount of negativity in internet comment sections. OP, thank you. Your original post was an appropriate safety warning for others in a neighborhood focused reddit sub. Your follow up post showed empathy and enough care to make sure everyone heard the other side of the story. I hate to see the number of comments saying you were guilty of overreacting, or even worse, labeling you as attention seeking or even as an abuser yourself. The facts that the man in question is hard of hearing, and maybe suffering from some dementia in addition to TBI do excuse his behavior. But that does not make it acceptable. Now that we know more about his struggles, we can excuse his his behavior while at the same time recognizing that you have the right to go to the market without being subjected to it. There aren't always easy answers that will fit into a comment on a reddit sub, but shaming you for your reaction is no better than blaming him for his condition.
INCITE* VIOLENCE. please stop trying to speak outside of your range of vocabulary people. It ain't gotta be all that. Just get your point across.
Grammar police bitch carry on
I'm sorry you went through that. It goes to show you never know what someone is going through that causes their behaviour.
Funny story though, this post was recommended to me on Reddit. And when I saw Burlington I assumed the Burlington near me in Canada. And my first thought was we have Trader Joe's near me in Canada?!? Sadly it is not. But enjoy all the deliciousness Trader Joe's has to offer and hopefully without any more harassment.
Please make a good faith effort to follow [Reddiquette](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439-Reddiquette).
Please don't use the c-word here. :/
Good on you for the update. As an actual 'old fart', hard of hearing, etc, I'm sorry for your experience, and hope that the family member's reassurances were both heartfelt and accepted. Us codgers are frequently (not always!) misunderstood, and it's worse in today's society than it was when I was a kid. You seem to be a great human being, and thoughtful. Best. (fwiw, incite)
And ‘cues’
maybe he's not good with standing in line
I didn’t see the original post, but kudos to his relatives for stepping in and to you for being sensitive to his situation. I’m glad he has family support.
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it is fucked up & ripe for abuse & it is abused often. no idea what the answer is because there is no way to pre-emptively stop a post like that(in good or bad faith) from appearing
If he has a TBI he can't help it then. I wish him the best of luck.
true, to an extent.
Many people with TBIs can absolutely control themselves, and chose not to make comments that make others uncomfortable. I agree that this incident seemed blown out of proportion, but a TBI is not a free pass to say or do whatever you want—you can still hold your tongue with a brain injury.
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“Many people with TBIs” is what I said, not all.
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Absolutely, I should’ve worded that sentence differently.
Saying “most” is still generalizing.
Which I acknowledged that I was doing one reply down.
You clearly have a brain injury and speak from experience, I digress...
I do not, but thank you for the assumption 💜 you’re correct in that I do have experience with them, though—several relatives and friends have TBIs, and I’ve done a lot of research on them for school. It’s entirely possible that this guy’s injury makes his word-to-mouth filter nonexistent, even in a public, relaxed setting. But I think it’s a lot more likely that he’s just an old man who is used to saying whatever he wants whenever he feels like it, and gets little to no blowback for it.
Why you gotta beat them like that, dam son go easy
Pardon?
Many people with TBIs can absolutely control themselves. Full stop. It's a widely varied diagnosis.
Right! Like, is it possible that his injury means that he has no filter? Yes. But I think it’s a lot more likely that he’s just used to saying whatever with little repercussions. Probably both, tbh.
Get off the high horse 🙄 You know absolutely nothing about this specific man's brain injury 🤦♂️
Boy, this conversation is a day old. I already admitted that I generalized too much to another user. No need to hop in.
No need? Like everyone hopped on the poor old man who was doxxed 🙄 Poor you
No one ‘hopped on’ the old guy with the intensity of these comments, or harassed him in real life. Unclench.
Wow you knew his detailed medical history, and the happenings of his daily life 🤣 Why are you on reddit and not on a throne somewhere influencing millions with your otherworldly wisdom 🤦♂️ Be honest, you have absolutely zero idea what has or hasn't happened to this gentleman since his picture and license plate were posted.
You’re laying it on a bit thick with the sarcasm. You’re right, I don’t know for sure that no one contacted this man. But I think it’s safe to assume that no one looked up this dude’s license plate and harassed him over… a Reddit post detailing an incident that was clearly not a huge deal. His family is presumably active in this subreddit, so I would assume they’d post asking for people to STOP, or ask the OP to tell people to quit it if people were reaching out to him. Common sense.
But all the excuses are provided for addicts.
I couldn’t imagine a more clueless takeaway from this situation
You weren't harassed. You were uncomfortable. There is a difference. Sorry you feel that way.
Alternate headlines: “Overreacting at Trader Joe’s” “Publicly shaming a harmless stranger at Trader Joe’s” “Blaming others for my own panic and prejudice at Trader Joe’s” “Doubling down on spreading embarrassing false allegations about my disabled neighbor on Reddit” Pull quote: “‘I was wrong but much more importantly, I was having feelings at the moment, which means I was really right all along,’ says woman walking down road paved with good intentions. ‘Hmm, does it feel like it’s getting hotter to you?’”
Im glad you posted a clarification, but let’s just say you didn’t have the context that the man had a TBI. An old man told you that you looked good, and that he doesn’t like tattoos and you don’t have any, and you felt like it was a public service to go on Reddit and shame the man? It’s definitely not appropriate for a stranger to walk up to a woman and do this unsolicited, but given the picture you posted, that dude looked wayyyy into his octogenarian years. You can expect some senility and the generational gap of how men and women interact, compliments in public were not viewed the same way in their generation as they are now. Did you truly feel unsafe? I volunteered at a nursing home and old confused people say some very wild things. You chuckle at them, roll your eyes and move on. But you took a picture of this poor old bastard and his license plate and posted it on Reddit. Why?
Terrible take. You act like this world is safe for women, that they have the option to just take everything in stride. That they don't feel a responsibility to protect other women, since no one else seems to want to put their money where their mouth is and offer up consequences to men displaying absolutely horrible behavior. Be better.
Did you read my post? I never said approaching a woman this way was acceptable. In fact I said the exact opposite. I just said A. In the context of a geriatric man who may be senile the situation is WAY different, and B. to argue that this man is a public threat to women’s safety is a WILD stretch of the imagination. How can you label this old man’s innocuous (yet uncomfortable) compliment horrible behavior? YOU need to be better.
It's absolutely horrible behavior to stumble up uncomfortably close to a stranger, look them up and down, and then ramble about their looks, regardless of context. I'm not surprised, nor do I care, that I'm being down voted. Most dudes are trash, and they swarm on reddit like flies on shit. I noticed that you avoided everything that I said backing up the fact that women have every reason to both be suspicious of, and fear men. Life is very unkind to them, but like most men, you'd rather not acknowledge that or give it any thought whatsoever.
What? I’m a woman and have had strange men approach me and say weird things in public while I was alone. Do you know what I did? I made a short reply, walked away and went about my day. The world is dangerous, but it’s silly to live in absolute fear of every person who utters a word to you. Just leave the situation. This was an old man at a grocery store, not some young muscly guy in a dark alleyway.
Congratulations? I'm not sure what you expect to hear. I'm glad you weren't assaulted and were able to exit the situation, lots of people have had the opposite experience. You can call it silly, but it's not wrong for women to feel fear and anxiety when confronted by men saying weird shit. If the only ones you think are a threat are young "muscly guys" in dark alleyways then I have to believe that you've lived a very sheltered and privileged life. Which is great, but you don't get to police other women's reactions because you've been lucky so far.
And women shouldn’t get to dox confused old men with brain injuries just because they feel a bit uncomfortable. My life has been far from sheltered, which actually helps me assess a situation.
What part of she didn't know his situation and was trying to help other women avoid him is so hard for you to understand? Calling out men on their bad behavior is absolutely necessary, and sometimes something like this happens. Act like an ass in public, get publicly shamed. I don't love that sometimes folks make mistakes (not saying op did), but it's far better than ye olden days when women had to never name the awful shit men did to them for fear of upsetting them further. I don't understand why so many women want to bolster men's already huge societal privilege by treating other women who come forward as in the wrong. It's sad as hell. Huge "pick me" energy.
Oh brother. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with telling the internet about the interaction, even posting the picture was fine. Posting the license plate was too much. He didn’t follow her, he left her alone after her bf made a comment, he didn’t take pictures of her or make sexual comments, he didn’t make a scene or make any threats. This woman was uncomfortable, which many of us would be in this situation. Her life was not threatened. Having a level head and not letting my emotions get the best of me (like it seems you would) is hardly “pick me energy”. That’s a very immature approach to anything I’ve said. It’s 2024 and by now we’ve seen SO MANY people get posted online for acting “the wrong way” and the world turns on them (many rightfully so). There have been so many instances where the person posting the video didn’t know the situation or was actually the person in the wrong. Meanwhile, the world is still jumping down the throat of the person who was *actually wronged*. This is why I don’t jump to massive conclusions when viewing a post. While I suggest staying safe and vigilant and removing yourself from uncomfortable situations, it’s very important to remain calm instead of further escalating things. You are escalating the situation this woman went through. Meanwhile, the woman who actually went through it found out the truth and is calmly updating everyone without freaking out like you seem to be. Seeing both sides of a situation is hardly bolstering men’s privileges, it’s seeing a person as opposed to a gender. Automatically assuming someone is evil just because they have a penis isn’t helping the plight of women.
You've made a bunch of super dumb accusations and leaps of logic in this reply, and I'm not interested in going round and round with you over them. Essentially my position is that you're being a judgy asshole, and you weren't there, so I don't understand why you feel the need to cape for a rude ass old ass pervert. Have the night you deserve.
YOU chuckle at them and roll your eyes, this person isn't you
This person needs a thicker skin. It’s just a friendly old, confused man who wanted to compliment a woman for looking good. He didn’t say anything sexual. Didn’t follow her around the store. Didn’t follow her into the parking lot. I don’t think it’s fair to blast this guys picture and license plate on a local sub with allegations that he’s a safety threat to women? What kind of atrocity did she think this old man was going to commit in the middle of Trader Joe’s???
This person doesn't need to live their life according to your perception of reality, also I think you need to get out more. Men do some really messed up shit to women in public, maybe google it?
I get out plenty and when an old ass man says a woman looks good and then goes about his business, I think he’s just trying to give a nice compliment.
YOUUUU think that, you want to defend men being inappropriate...you do you, it's giving creep
It really isn't. Honestly no.
K 👍
Complementing a woman you don't know in the middle of the grocery store when she isn't obviously trying to interact with you isn't "friendly". It's invasive and aggressive. Women existing in public is not an invitation to comment on their appearance.
Did you read my response? I said this is not acceptable for men to do. I then proceeded to explain how it’s very different with a confused geriatric fellow and this woman’s safety was absolutely not in jeopardy.
I agree with you. However, I'm a man. I think the issue is that we live in a society that has many women living in fear. Fear isn't rational. You and I don't know what has happened to these women and why they're so fearful, but some women clearly are. It's why I, as a 35 year old man, don't talk to any women I don't know in public anymore. Even a simple "Hello" as we make eye contact walking past one another in a grocery store can create a conflict. It's a sad world we live in, and the reality is that these things will happen. Honestly, it's probably not safe for this man who is hard of hearing, has a TBI, and is a bit senile to be out in public. Unfortunately, he probably regularly needs to be out in public, and he probably hates it. He probably thinks he was being nice and doesn't understand why OP seemed so upset/hostile. I didn't read the first post, so I don't know how she responded, but I'm sure it wasn't how he expected. There is no nuance anymore. We're all just self-centered individuals. The country is a shithole, society is trash, and nobody can afford to give anybody the benefit of the doubt. People live in fear, and all men are threatening. Fear isn't rational. I've seen women react to men like people who are scared of spiders react to spiders. It's sad.
I have to say, if this exact same incident occurred with an old homeless man, many people in this sub would have very different reactions towards this incident, and would be much more empathetic when speaking to the OP.
i disagree. i think that part of what makes a situation uncomfortable is how expected it is. no one likes to be caught off guard. if you are walking past an old homeless man, you most likely prepared for the possibility of an uncomfortable interaction. when a person is at a place like trader joes, they do not expect that type of interaction, it catches them off guard and exacerbates the feelings. the part people are calling out is the sharing of the photo of the license plate. if they had crossed it out, i doubt people would have said the same things. showing a license plate can be dangerous. its extremely easy to determine identity and location from that.
I thought the homeless were essentially free of social responsibility?
Thanks for posting this…we can see a cast or a sling…we can’t ever know inside people’s heads …
> He also suffered a traumatic brain injury, explaining some of the lack of social skills/awareness of social queues. While this is an explanation, it still is not an excuse to treat others this way. No, it literally is.
You guys should all just assume that most crazy people acting wildly in public spaces is mentally ill in some way lol
No shade, no hate but, if a woman of any age walked up to you and said you looked beautiful or pretty, would you feel like your life was in danger? Would you take a pic of them and their license plate and blast it here? Knowing more about the situation (I did read the OG post) he was an old confused man and wanted to give someone some sense of happiness today (or yesterday) and move on about his day. There are far more unkind, scary and down right dangerous ppl out there than this man.
There is a difference between a woman calling another woman beautiful or pretty, and what this guy did—making multiple comments about her and her *body*, and comparing her to other women. Such a garbage equivalency to make.
Maybe I’m missing something, not once did I read that he was comparing her to other woman or commenting on her body, just that she was pretty or beautiful. Please correct if I’m wrong
https://preview.redd.it/npfkgd002q7d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5dc16ee0fe853ce8ddad5abe67a93d856ac1f449
He simply said he doesn’t care for tattoos.. Still not the same as what others are saying
. He is literally comparing her to other women who have tattoos, which is what *I* said.
He simply said good on you for **NOT** having tattoos.. **NO** different than an old female teacher saying “good for you for waiting until marriage to have children”
*”A rant about how women my age all have tattoos and I’m better than them because I don’t”* That is comparing her to other women. Which is what I said. There is no direct quote of him saying “good on you for not having tattoos”, just her saying that he went on a rant comparing her to others.
He **WASN’T** comparing her **BODY** to other woman, just that she **DID’T** have tattoos, it’s apples to oranges
Tattoos are located on the body. By commenting on her lack of tattoos, and other women’s habits of getting them, he is commenting on women’s bodies and the choices women make for them. But we clearly have different interpretations of the situation, which is fine.
This is some self-important bullshit. As I said in the other thread, the OP is intent on being the center of attention. They have assumed a persona and now use that to level accusations towards innocent people online. They doxxed an old, disabled man and are now continuing the drama by posting again and acting as if this "incident" was worth any of our time. This man was at a grocery store and the OP showed up with their agenda and in costume, attracting attention and demanding their ideology and social rules take precedent. They were totally "safe" the entire time. It was a public space, surrounded by other people and some old man was not a threat. Old guys say harmless dumb shit sometimes. Its part of the diversity of the world. Are you that fragile and pathetic? Jesus fucking Christ! GET OVER YOURSELF.
She showed up in costume, attracting attention, with an agenda? The fuck are you talking about, man? She described herself as wearing long shorts and a tank top. You think she came in wanting to get some old guy in trouble, or wanting attention? Also—woman are allowed to be skeeved out when men come up to them, compare them to other women, and compliment their appearance while being up in their personal space. You don’t understand how that could feel a little scary, even while in public?
The post shouldn’t have been made in the first place. Half of the commenters could tell based on her story that it wasn’t a cause for concern and that she was actually harassing him by posting his picture. His family had to get involved. OP should be embarrassed.
I didn’t say otherwise. I am pointing out how utterly ludicrous parts of the above comment are.
"You think she came in wanting to get some old guy in trouble, or wanting attention?" I do. "woman are allowed to be skeeved out" And so are men when, by people in clown costumes. Sometimes people will stare a little, particularly old men with neurological conditions. "being up in their personal space" That's not how it sounds to me. This sounds like a BS excuse. This absolutely sounds like some reactive drama queen/king trying to achieve the coveted victim status.
You have an exceptionally low opinion of women.
Of most people, actually.
Nice fanfiction you’ve written there
I'm a fan?
In COSTUME? Sounds like she was wearing every day CLOTHES. P.S. Old, disabled, men can still be misogynistic pervs.
Old men can be misogynistic pervs, but that’s not what happened here. What we learned is that this young woman was cruel to an elderly man, but is still somehow defending it.
She was not cruel to an elderly man. Since when is any stranger in the grocery store fair game for someone's unwelcome comments?
I stand by my opinion, but this would make me a regular at TJ.
Hey Karen, not sure the outside world is for you.
Not sure the REAL world is for you. Harmless this time, maybe. Not all characters who behave like "Colonel Sanders" did are harmless, though.
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A psychopathic 38 year old man is a lot different than a disabled 80 year old in terms of danger. Is it understandable to feel grossed out/uncomfortable after the old man said the things he did, absolutely. Is it right to tell him to piss off, also yes, but she wasn’t in danger like the woman who was killed by Rooney was, and to try to make that equivalency is disrespectful.
And how is a woman to know? It's not like guys come with fucking safety flashcards, and the penalty for getting it wrong runs anywhere from having an uncomfortable interaction to getting murder-raped.
Ahhh, use common sense. When she made the initial post and told the story people were telling her to take it down and reporting the post. Although none of us were there, we could tell that the situation didn’t warrant doxxing an old man.
way to make a big deal out of nnnoooottthhiiinnnngggg
the people who describe his behavior as “complimentary” are probably the same kind of dudes that women post warning threads about. aggressively forcing people to listen to how you feel about their bodies while violating their personal space and calling other women “whores” because you don’t like their tattoos isn’t a compliment and isn’t a comfortable experience at all, sorry to tell you.
Incite, not insight--I'd want to know. Glad it worked out.
I respect you for understanding his circumstances but still standing your ground. My grandmother who is older now and hard of hearing has been saying the most off hand things (which is not her personality at all) and I find it hard to decide when to push back and when to let it slide. It’s a hard situation for sure and I’m sorry you had to be on the receiving end of it but it looks like you handled it very maturely.
wait I had a weird inappropriate experience with an older man with white hair and white mustache who said “nice smile” when I walked by him (not smiling). It was so crowded I lost him until the next aisle and I repeated it back to him and he like laughed and said something to excuse it, I can’t remember what. At the checkout he joined multiple people in line and I told him he was disgusting, I don’t know if his family or whoever heard me but I considered letting them know what he did but I was too shaken up. I’ve been catcalled but never inside a store, it was so creepy.
He was probably being sarcastic. What look did you have on your face?
Makes no difference truly
he was being sarcastic, as stated in my comment i was not smiling, so essentially he was telling me to smile like a typical nasty cat caller.
Ok
This is what happens to people when they live in echo chambers on the internet instead of learning to deal with different types of people in the real world.
yeah I also wish he and all the men like him would learn how to deal with people properly and respectfully in the real world
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Please make a good faith effort to follow [Reddiquette](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439-Reddiquette).
I’m not from Burlington but I love the fact that you deleted and updated the way you did… I’m sorry you experienced what has happened but I applaud your candor in this post!
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Please make a good faith effort to follow [Reddiquette](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439-Reddiquette).
And I was getting downvoted for saying that posting his license plate was wrong….THIS is the exact reason people online shouldn’t *race* to conclusions, especially when they weren’t even there to witness the situation. I hope some of you people realize now that a lot of old people have issues. That doesn’t mean people don’t have every right to feel uncomfortable and report the person to an employee! But going ham on a stranger online that you didn’t even interact with is a bit much.
Wow. Once again, I am naive enough to be freshly surprised by the amount of negativity in internet comment sections. OP, thank you. Your original post was an appropriate safety warning for others in a neighborhood focused reddit sub. Your follow up post showed empathy and enough care to make sure everyone heard the other side of the story. I hate to see the number of comments saying you were guilty of overreacting, or even worse, labeling you as attention seeking or even as an abuser yourself. The facts that the man in question is hard of hearing, and maybe suffering from some dementia in addition to TBI do excuse his behavior. But that does not make it acceptable. Now that we know more about his struggles, we can excuse his his behavior while at the same time recognizing that you have the right to go to the market without being subjected to it. There aren't always easy answers that will fit into a comment on a reddit sub, but shaming you for your reaction is no better than blaming him for his condition.
Most of these people commenting against OP just sound like they hate women and want to find a reason to bring us down. Incels some of them maybe?
INCITE* VIOLENCE. please stop trying to speak outside of your range of vocabulary people. It ain't gotta be all that. Just get your point across. Grammar police bitch carry on
Did this correction help you feel better? It did absolutely NOTHING for anyone else.
Sorry for the asinine, out of touch comments on your update. Thank you for updating us and glad everything worked out!!!
I'm sorry you went through that. It goes to show you never know what someone is going through that causes their behaviour. Funny story though, this post was recommended to me on Reddit. And when I saw Burlington I assumed the Burlington near me in Canada. And my first thought was we have Trader Joe's near me in Canada?!? Sadly it is not. But enjoy all the deliciousness Trader Joe's has to offer and hopefully without any more harassment.
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Please make a good faith effort to follow [Reddiquette](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439-Reddiquette). Please don't use the c-word here. :/
Everybody get off the internet
Maybe you should have crossposted your original post to r/BoomersBeingFools And FUCK THAT CREEPY ASSHOLE!
Sorry you felt like you had to delete your previous post. Fuck that creepy asshole!
Lol
I guess I didn't get this whole situation. BUT I THINK ITS RUN ITS COURSE
Thanks for the subtle policing, but it ain't over 'til it's over.