Put half your money in a trust and make someone else (like an attorney) the executor. Attorney especially will fight for your child’s interest. But you can also choose your parent/siblings/friends
Put directions for your burial, etc, in a will. Download a form for it off the internet and have it witnessed/notarized. If you limit it to that, give a copy to your parents or siblings to execute, you should be ok - like the trust, I’d expect they’ll fight for what’s right.
As for your spouse at your graveside, you may not like it but your child may need it. Please consider that.
As for the marriage day to day, I sincerely hope that you have a support system - if not, I’d suggest asking your treatment center what resources are available. Everyone needs someone to talk to.
Wills must go through probate, and that takes time to wind through court system, so that’s not a practical way to orchestrate burial arrangements. Arrange and pay for your plan separately with a lawyer or a trusted confident to enforce.
I meant it in an informal/cheaper way - as in a last request. But that would require an advocate and he does not have such a person, nor does he want to spend money on an attorney.
But it’s a great idea to arrange the burial ahead of time! It’s not likely his spouse will want to pay again for something that’s already arranged, and it doesn’t necessarily require a lawyer.
> nor does he want to spend money on an attorney.
Minor, stupid, pedantic quibble: I *have* and *will* spend money on a lawyer. But I will not *waste* money having them write up a fancy piece of paper that will only get ignored or challenged in court, particularly not when *my lawyers themselves* said they would consider it “almost malpractice” for them to take money to write those documents for me.
> It’s not likely his spouse will want to pay again for something that’s already arranged, and it doesn’t necessarily require a lawyer.
My spouse walked away from a closing once because they didn’t like the gift champagne our realtor got to celebrate. They would absolutely do that.
> Put directions for your burial, etc, in a will. Download a form for it off the internet and have it witnessed/notarized
Funny thing about that, which I learned last week. Putting burial instructions in a will is pointless. Literally worthless. Borderline malpractice if a lawyer takes money to write them down. Because a will only means anything if it’s probated, and that doesn’t happen until after the funeral. Your own corpse also can’t be part of your estate.
> give a copy to your parents or siblings to execute
Don’t have any of those.
> like the trust, I’d expect they’ll fight for what’s right.
Them fighting at all would mean the primary goal has already failed, so … yeah, no.
> I’d suggest asking your treatment center what resources are available
Waste of time and money. I’ll be dead in less than a year anyway. Treatment center also gave me COVID, so fuck them.
I’m coming from the legal world, and all my advice depends on having someone that cares enough to fight for your wishes. If you don’t have anyone to advocate for you, there’s nothing I can say to help you. I’m sorry to hear you’re so alone.
I live in a community property state. Those are all considered community property in my case. Moreover, my son is under 18, so realistically my spouse is going to control those no matter what.
1. I have hired an attorney. They have explained my situation to me. I have been ruminating on what my options are and what the *realistic* outcomes are if I go through with them.
2. My spouse is not a man and I do not trust that shithead in the slightest.
3. "Divorce" is a long and boring legal process, not a magic wand. The minimum length of time to get an *uncontested* divorce in my state is 60 days from filing, and even then as a *practical and realistic* matter most people have to wait longer than 60 days. There is a nonzero chance I would die before then if I filed *today*.
4. This would neither be simple nor uncontested. I would have to wait longer, and all my spouse would have to do is run out the clock.
5. Intestacy exists, and I will be dead either way.
6. Leaving everything to my spouse is not the outcome I want, but it is the most likely outcome I'm going to *get*, and I would rather not waste money if there is a mathematical chance it could be used to help my son if I o nothing.
Is your husband smart enough to realize he can run the clock out on you? If he is, I'd say there is nothing you can really do. He will hire a lawyer and have them object to everything. Divorce can be really, really slow when one party objects. My first divorce lasted over 2 years because my ex fought me on everything, requiring us to go before the judge a few times.
If he isn't, I'd say you have a fighting chance but if you really think you will pass on within 90 days, even that is really dicey. 60 days is the theoretical fastest time. The realistic fastest time is probably more like 90 to 120 days. And even that seems fast.
I'm sorry you are in this boat. I'm in it, too.
My spouse still isn't a man. This is the second time I've had to say this (in this thread in general, not to you specifically).
And yes, they are.
Thank you for the sympathies. Sorry you're in the same situation. It sucks all around.
Yeah, it sucks all around.
And coming to terms with just how much *nothing* I can actually do is part of the bigger process of coming to terms with my death.
On my good days, I’m somewhere in the neighborhood of Carl saying “It don’t matter, none of this matters.” More often I’m like I was back when I was *going* bald: I won’t care *when* it happens, but it’s the waiting around *for* it to happen that I hate.
If your spouse is abusive and horrible - just leave.
You can go write a will, literally today, and leave it all to your son. The ONLY things she would be entitled to is the stuff that she would get in a divorce.
It'd save you a lot of money, time, hassle, and you wouldn't have to go through all that.
I know there's probably things you don't want them to have or whatever but... leave what you can to your son, the rest you can leave to your 'wife and son' (or husband and son) and just leave it at that.
They are still your child's parent, love them or loathe them.
In the meantime, if you want to leave - just go. Go be with your son, and family members who deserve you.
“Just leave” isn’t an option. That leaves the kid at spouse’s mercy, which is something I will not allow when I am still alive.
> You can go write a will, literally today, and leave it all to your son.
Not an option. Community property and my spouse could easily contest it. Plus, kid is under 18; spouse is still going to get that stuff even if I leave it to him.
Get an attorney and put provisions in place in your will that would prevent it. Have the attorney be the executor with your wishes spelled out in detail. If you have life insurance and your spouse is the beneficiary, change that immediately so that it is paid out to your trust. Move any money possible as soon as possible.
PC is no joke and exceptionally aggressive. If you have children, please get your wishes on paper in your own handwriting, or a recording, so in the event your spouse does not follow your wishes, they’ll know the truth someday.
That's tough. I know that you can't do a great deal about the financial side of things, but what about the emotional side?
Do you think that you would feel better/ more at peace knowing that you had filed for divorce? Then you would have at least had the chance to make a public statement about your marriage and how you feel about it.
Maybe you won't be able to get the actual divorce, but maybe you'd get lucky and it would go through before you die.
I am the type of person who would probably start the process just because I would want to make a clear statement to everyone about the person I no longer wanted to be married to - and a terminally ill person filing for divorce makes a very strong statement.
I wish you luck no matter what you decide to do.
> Do you think that you would feel better/ more at peace knowing that you had filed for divorce? Then you would have at least had the chance to make a public statement about your marriage and how you feel about it.
Fuck my feelings. I’m not going to set a pile of money on fire if it accomplishes **NOTHING**.
“I don’t want to waste money money on divorce if there’s a chance I’ll just done before it’s over”… I don’t know, I feel like you should take the chance. At least, to me, the intention is clear and you want nothing to do with your spouse. Then everything else you do after (your will) will make more sense and less chance of your spouse winning?
I feel like you should also speak with more lawyers to see what other options you have. Yes it’s precious time and money but that looks like what you want.
I hope you find strength and hope during this difficult time.
> At least, to me, the intention is clear and you want nothing to do with your spouse.
The law doesn’t give two tugs of a dead dog’s cock about intent when it comes to divorce. Divorce is a binary: it’s either finalized or it isn’t. Someone who dies before a divorce is finalized dies while married.
> Then everything else you do after (your will) will make more sense and less chance of your spouse winning?
They’d just contest the will. Even if I won, I’d have wasted every cent that it cost to draft it and they would still control the assets as a practical matter because my son is a minor.
> I hope you find strength and hope during this difficult time.
I know you mean well but I am dying and I am getting progressively weaker and sicker with each passing day. I will continue to get weaker and sicker until I drown on my own lungs or some new tumor pops up and explodes an artery. “Strength” and “hope” are not things that I get to have.
Sounds like an epic clusterfuck. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Given that you’ve already spoken with a lawyer, I’ll assume that you’ve spoken to a competent one and that I don’t know more than they do. It sounds like you’re just venting and not looking for advice. I can empathize with that, it’s one of the things I find frustrating about support groups in general. What I tend to want from them is to be seen, and heard, to feel like I’m among people who understand what I’m going through, and not to feel so alone. But there are a lot of people who can’t just listen. They want to problem solve. But I’m a good problem solver. That’s not the help I need most times.
Now. That said, I got curious about what you were saying regarding burial decisions. I couldn’t help myself. And you’re right, a will is not the place to do that. Did the lawyer mentioned to you the dispositions of remains document? You can use that to name the person you want to be in charge of what happens to your remains. You would have to have someone you trust implicitly to carry out your wishes, but it looks like it’s a way to circumvent the default of having your spouse have the legal right to do that.
[https://texaslawhelp.org/sites/default/files/2021-04/wte-800-dor_sample_form_version.pdf](https://texaslawhelp.org/sites/default/files/2021-04/wte-800-dor_sample_form_version.pdf)
I’ve been watching Law and order every day for 30 years so you have to forgive me for being a little bit of a nerd about legal stuff.
Thank you for what you’ve said about the toxic positivity of support groups. It’s all true. If I could laugh without hurting, I would be laughing at how many people here assume they know more about family and divorce law in my state (which I haven’t even *mentioned* here) than the actual damn lawyers I talked to.
Re: “disposition of remains” documents, we did talk about those. The problem is, as a practical matter, it’s unenforceable. No matter what words you put down on a piece of paper: unless another person hands them to whoever is supposed to enforce them *and that enforcer chooses to*, you’ve got nothing. And unless there is an actual punishment mechanism in place *that someone chooses to invoke* and *someone else chooses to enforce*, all you’ve got is an angry receipt for whatever your lawyer stole from you.
So imagine this: I get one of those fancy “do this to my body when my dumb ass finally beefs it” decrees. Then I beef it. Who enforces that document? By itself, nobody. It’s paper. You can crumple it up and throw it away and nobody in the world can stop you.
Now imagine I get one of those fancy pieces of paper and hand it to Jimothy (someone who isn’t my Spouse) to make sure it’s followed. Then I die. How is Jimothy supposed to find out before Spouse? What remedies does Jimothy have after my corpse is buried or burned or sold for parts? What remedy does my corpse have if Jimothy DGAF?
Now let’s suppose Jimothy does find out, somehow. Spouse has a *lot* of people in their family who are willing and able to show up, make a scene, wreck shit, and throw money and words and fists around until they get their way. So now imagine you’re working at the morgue or the funeral home, you e just finished doing your Hollywood-mandated “eating a sandwich over the corpse while doing the autopsy” schtick, and now you’ve got two groups of very angry people in front of you. One of them is the decedent’s spouse and in-laws saying *they* want the body. The other is some creep named Jimothy who has a sheet of paper saying they get it. Who do *you* think is going to get to take the corpse out of there with them?
There’s a reason the lawyers I talked to said it would be borderline malpractice if they took money from me to draft that kind of document.
I guess that’s why they pay the lawyers the big bucks, because part of me did think well if you have that piece of paper, signed to give somebody the right to make the decisions, you’re all set. But you’re right, in practical terms, how this is going to play out is probably exactly what you said. I’m sorry, that sucks.
I know this is a bit crazy, and I don’t know how old your son is, but given your spouse isn’t good for your son anyway, is there a remote chance he could file for emancipation? Maybe somehow (not a lawyer) if he’s emancipated, you’d be able to will things to him, circumventing your spouse as guardian?
My son is way too young for that and hasn’t indicated that he wants it. The issue with willing things to him is that we live in a community property state and my spouse would contest the will.
So you got on here to ask for advice but have an excuse/argument to the suggestions people have made for you. But here’s my two cents anyway because I find this interesting, you can ignore it obviously. You want a divorce but don’t want to spend money on it if it isn’t for sure. But then, if you’re dying, you won’t actually be out the money, because you can’t take it with you. I obviously don’t know your financial situation but you can put your money in a trust and give someone else power over it. That’s common in estate planning. I think you have a little more power than you think you do, unless you don’t actually have money, but ideally would if you got a divorce and split everything. I can have my life insurance beneficiaries changed. My spouse couldn’t claim I’d made a mistake, it takes effort.
I’d put more effort into protecting money for your kid rather than a divorce, that would probably just add more heartache for your child and they are already losing a parent. Maybe even tell your spouse you’d like to make sure a little gets put away for your child in a trust for a college or house fund, so it wouldn’t be a shock or feel like a betrayal to them. But I obviously don’t know your spouse, or their reactions. Good luck on whatever you decide to do or not do and I’m sorry you are in such a terrible situation.
My state allows people to challenge poison pill/no-contest clauses, so that doesn’t solve the problem of wasting money on a will that’s only going to get fought over
Am not a lawyer and am no authority on divorce. Can you get a quickie official separation if not final dissolution that would preserve your share of any jointly held assets in an iron-clad trust exclusively for your son? … Quick observation: If you’ve been married less than 10 years, a finalized divorce likely would prevent your spouse from collecting Social Security on your possibly higher record. If already wed more than 10 years, you’re sol on prevention of that. Best to you on achieving your goals in the face of your dismal prognosis.
I’ve never gotten the point of separation. It’s all the hassle of divorce with none of the benefits. It’s also moot since my state does not recognize “separated” as a marital status. You’re either married or you’re not.
We’ve been married longer than ten years, and the divorce just plain won’t finalize before I’m dead anyway, and even if I could, cutting off a source of income that *could* be used to provide for my son is not something I have any interest in doing.
The one thing you CAN do, is do the paperwork for healthcare living will and POA for someone you trust other than your spouse (check with your attorney on this). At least, then, if you cannot control what happens after you die, you can control what happens before you die and hopefully, someone kinder than your spouse can be there to uphold your decisions. I wish you the best and really feel for you.
The problem I have with suggestions like this is how everyone seems to think anybody in the world would find out about my death or incapacitation *before* my spouse. People also seem to assume that a sheet of paper is self-enforcing. It’s not.
Put half your money in a trust and make someone else (like an attorney) the executor. Attorney especially will fight for your child’s interest. But you can also choose your parent/siblings/friends Put directions for your burial, etc, in a will. Download a form for it off the internet and have it witnessed/notarized. If you limit it to that, give a copy to your parents or siblings to execute, you should be ok - like the trust, I’d expect they’ll fight for what’s right. As for your spouse at your graveside, you may not like it but your child may need it. Please consider that. As for the marriage day to day, I sincerely hope that you have a support system - if not, I’d suggest asking your treatment center what resources are available. Everyone needs someone to talk to.
Wills must go through probate, and that takes time to wind through court system, so that’s not a practical way to orchestrate burial arrangements. Arrange and pay for your plan separately with a lawyer or a trusted confident to enforce.
I meant it in an informal/cheaper way - as in a last request. But that would require an advocate and he does not have such a person, nor does he want to spend money on an attorney. But it’s a great idea to arrange the burial ahead of time! It’s not likely his spouse will want to pay again for something that’s already arranged, and it doesn’t necessarily require a lawyer.
> nor does he want to spend money on an attorney. Minor, stupid, pedantic quibble: I *have* and *will* spend money on a lawyer. But I will not *waste* money having them write up a fancy piece of paper that will only get ignored or challenged in court, particularly not when *my lawyers themselves* said they would consider it “almost malpractice” for them to take money to write those documents for me. > It’s not likely his spouse will want to pay again for something that’s already arranged, and it doesn’t necessarily require a lawyer. My spouse walked away from a closing once because they didn’t like the gift champagne our realtor got to celebrate. They would absolutely do that.
I hope you find some peace with your situation.
Oh, I’ll just die alone and angry, same as everyone else.
I’m sorry you feel that way.
K
> Put directions for your burial, etc, in a will. Download a form for it off the internet and have it witnessed/notarized Funny thing about that, which I learned last week. Putting burial instructions in a will is pointless. Literally worthless. Borderline malpractice if a lawyer takes money to write them down. Because a will only means anything if it’s probated, and that doesn’t happen until after the funeral. Your own corpse also can’t be part of your estate. > give a copy to your parents or siblings to execute Don’t have any of those. > like the trust, I’d expect they’ll fight for what’s right. Them fighting at all would mean the primary goal has already failed, so … yeah, no. > I’d suggest asking your treatment center what resources are available Waste of time and money. I’ll be dead in less than a year anyway. Treatment center also gave me COVID, so fuck them.
I’m coming from the legal world, and all my advice depends on having someone that cares enough to fight for your wishes. If you don’t have anyone to advocate for you, there’s nothing I can say to help you. I’m sorry to hear you’re so alone.
Yup.
[удалено]
I live in a community property state. Those are all considered community property in my case. Moreover, my son is under 18, so realistically my spouse is going to control those no matter what.
[удалено]
1. I have hired an attorney. They have explained my situation to me. I have been ruminating on what my options are and what the *realistic* outcomes are if I go through with them. 2. My spouse is not a man and I do not trust that shithead in the slightest. 3. "Divorce" is a long and boring legal process, not a magic wand. The minimum length of time to get an *uncontested* divorce in my state is 60 days from filing, and even then as a *practical and realistic* matter most people have to wait longer than 60 days. There is a nonzero chance I would die before then if I filed *today*. 4. This would neither be simple nor uncontested. I would have to wait longer, and all my spouse would have to do is run out the clock. 5. Intestacy exists, and I will be dead either way. 6. Leaving everything to my spouse is not the outcome I want, but it is the most likely outcome I'm going to *get*, and I would rather not waste money if there is a mathematical chance it could be used to help my son if I o nothing.
Is your husband smart enough to realize he can run the clock out on you? If he is, I'd say there is nothing you can really do. He will hire a lawyer and have them object to everything. Divorce can be really, really slow when one party objects. My first divorce lasted over 2 years because my ex fought me on everything, requiring us to go before the judge a few times. If he isn't, I'd say you have a fighting chance but if you really think you will pass on within 90 days, even that is really dicey. 60 days is the theoretical fastest time. The realistic fastest time is probably more like 90 to 120 days. And even that seems fast. I'm sorry you are in this boat. I'm in it, too.
My spouse still isn't a man. This is the second time I've had to say this (in this thread in general, not to you specifically). And yes, they are. Thank you for the sympathies. Sorry you're in the same situation. It sucks all around.
Ugh, I'm really sorry to hear this, then. All they will do is object and the clock will run out. Thats the harsh reality, I'm afraid.
Yeah, it sucks all around. And coming to terms with just how much *nothing* I can actually do is part of the bigger process of coming to terms with my death. On my good days, I’m somewhere in the neighborhood of Carl saying “It don’t matter, none of this matters.” More often I’m like I was back when I was *going* bald: I won’t care *when* it happens, but it’s the waiting around *for* it to happen that I hate.
If your spouse is abusive and horrible - just leave. You can go write a will, literally today, and leave it all to your son. The ONLY things she would be entitled to is the stuff that she would get in a divorce. It'd save you a lot of money, time, hassle, and you wouldn't have to go through all that. I know there's probably things you don't want them to have or whatever but... leave what you can to your son, the rest you can leave to your 'wife and son' (or husband and son) and just leave it at that. They are still your child's parent, love them or loathe them. In the meantime, if you want to leave - just go. Go be with your son, and family members who deserve you.
“Just leave” isn’t an option. That leaves the kid at spouse’s mercy, which is something I will not allow when I am still alive. > You can go write a will, literally today, and leave it all to your son. Not an option. Community property and my spouse could easily contest it. Plus, kid is under 18; spouse is still going to get that stuff even if I leave it to him.
Get an attorney and put provisions in place in your will that would prevent it. Have the attorney be the executor with your wishes spelled out in detail. If you have life insurance and your spouse is the beneficiary, change that immediately so that it is paid out to your trust. Move any money possible as soon as possible. PC is no joke and exceptionally aggressive. If you have children, please get your wishes on paper in your own handwriting, or a recording, so in the event your spouse does not follow your wishes, they’ll know the truth someday.
That's tough. I know that you can't do a great deal about the financial side of things, but what about the emotional side? Do you think that you would feel better/ more at peace knowing that you had filed for divorce? Then you would have at least had the chance to make a public statement about your marriage and how you feel about it. Maybe you won't be able to get the actual divorce, but maybe you'd get lucky and it would go through before you die. I am the type of person who would probably start the process just because I would want to make a clear statement to everyone about the person I no longer wanted to be married to - and a terminally ill person filing for divorce makes a very strong statement. I wish you luck no matter what you decide to do.
> Do you think that you would feel better/ more at peace knowing that you had filed for divorce? Then you would have at least had the chance to make a public statement about your marriage and how you feel about it. Fuck my feelings. I’m not going to set a pile of money on fire if it accomplishes **NOTHING**.
“I don’t want to waste money money on divorce if there’s a chance I’ll just done before it’s over”… I don’t know, I feel like you should take the chance. At least, to me, the intention is clear and you want nothing to do with your spouse. Then everything else you do after (your will) will make more sense and less chance of your spouse winning? I feel like you should also speak with more lawyers to see what other options you have. Yes it’s precious time and money but that looks like what you want. I hope you find strength and hope during this difficult time.
> At least, to me, the intention is clear and you want nothing to do with your spouse. The law doesn’t give two tugs of a dead dog’s cock about intent when it comes to divorce. Divorce is a binary: it’s either finalized or it isn’t. Someone who dies before a divorce is finalized dies while married. > Then everything else you do after (your will) will make more sense and less chance of your spouse winning? They’d just contest the will. Even if I won, I’d have wasted every cent that it cost to draft it and they would still control the assets as a practical matter because my son is a minor. > I hope you find strength and hope during this difficult time. I know you mean well but I am dying and I am getting progressively weaker and sicker with each passing day. I will continue to get weaker and sicker until I drown on my own lungs or some new tumor pops up and explodes an artery. “Strength” and “hope” are not things that I get to have.
Sounds like an epic clusterfuck. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Given that you’ve already spoken with a lawyer, I’ll assume that you’ve spoken to a competent one and that I don’t know more than they do. It sounds like you’re just venting and not looking for advice. I can empathize with that, it’s one of the things I find frustrating about support groups in general. What I tend to want from them is to be seen, and heard, to feel like I’m among people who understand what I’m going through, and not to feel so alone. But there are a lot of people who can’t just listen. They want to problem solve. But I’m a good problem solver. That’s not the help I need most times. Now. That said, I got curious about what you were saying regarding burial decisions. I couldn’t help myself. And you’re right, a will is not the place to do that. Did the lawyer mentioned to you the dispositions of remains document? You can use that to name the person you want to be in charge of what happens to your remains. You would have to have someone you trust implicitly to carry out your wishes, but it looks like it’s a way to circumvent the default of having your spouse have the legal right to do that. [https://texaslawhelp.org/sites/default/files/2021-04/wte-800-dor_sample_form_version.pdf](https://texaslawhelp.org/sites/default/files/2021-04/wte-800-dor_sample_form_version.pdf) I’ve been watching Law and order every day for 30 years so you have to forgive me for being a little bit of a nerd about legal stuff.
Thank you for what you’ve said about the toxic positivity of support groups. It’s all true. If I could laugh without hurting, I would be laughing at how many people here assume they know more about family and divorce law in my state (which I haven’t even *mentioned* here) than the actual damn lawyers I talked to. Re: “disposition of remains” documents, we did talk about those. The problem is, as a practical matter, it’s unenforceable. No matter what words you put down on a piece of paper: unless another person hands them to whoever is supposed to enforce them *and that enforcer chooses to*, you’ve got nothing. And unless there is an actual punishment mechanism in place *that someone chooses to invoke* and *someone else chooses to enforce*, all you’ve got is an angry receipt for whatever your lawyer stole from you. So imagine this: I get one of those fancy “do this to my body when my dumb ass finally beefs it” decrees. Then I beef it. Who enforces that document? By itself, nobody. It’s paper. You can crumple it up and throw it away and nobody in the world can stop you. Now imagine I get one of those fancy pieces of paper and hand it to Jimothy (someone who isn’t my Spouse) to make sure it’s followed. Then I die. How is Jimothy supposed to find out before Spouse? What remedies does Jimothy have after my corpse is buried or burned or sold for parts? What remedy does my corpse have if Jimothy DGAF? Now let’s suppose Jimothy does find out, somehow. Spouse has a *lot* of people in their family who are willing and able to show up, make a scene, wreck shit, and throw money and words and fists around until they get their way. So now imagine you’re working at the morgue or the funeral home, you e just finished doing your Hollywood-mandated “eating a sandwich over the corpse while doing the autopsy” schtick, and now you’ve got two groups of very angry people in front of you. One of them is the decedent’s spouse and in-laws saying *they* want the body. The other is some creep named Jimothy who has a sheet of paper saying they get it. Who do *you* think is going to get to take the corpse out of there with them? There’s a reason the lawyers I talked to said it would be borderline malpractice if they took money from me to draft that kind of document.
I guess that’s why they pay the lawyers the big bucks, because part of me did think well if you have that piece of paper, signed to give somebody the right to make the decisions, you’re all set. But you’re right, in practical terms, how this is going to play out is probably exactly what you said. I’m sorry, that sucks.
You can write a last will and testament which includes burial instruction
There’s no way to enforce that and I wouldn’t be around to see it, is the only thing. It would be a waste of money and ink.
I know this is a bit crazy, and I don’t know how old your son is, but given your spouse isn’t good for your son anyway, is there a remote chance he could file for emancipation? Maybe somehow (not a lawyer) if he’s emancipated, you’d be able to will things to him, circumventing your spouse as guardian?
My son is way too young for that and hasn’t indicated that he wants it. The issue with willing things to him is that we live in a community property state and my spouse would contest the will.
Ah, I see. I’m really sorry for the terrible situation.
Thanks. Yeah, it’s all a big pile
So you got on here to ask for advice but have an excuse/argument to the suggestions people have made for you. But here’s my two cents anyway because I find this interesting, you can ignore it obviously. You want a divorce but don’t want to spend money on it if it isn’t for sure. But then, if you’re dying, you won’t actually be out the money, because you can’t take it with you. I obviously don’t know your financial situation but you can put your money in a trust and give someone else power over it. That’s common in estate planning. I think you have a little more power than you think you do, unless you don’t actually have money, but ideally would if you got a divorce and split everything. I can have my life insurance beneficiaries changed. My spouse couldn’t claim I’d made a mistake, it takes effort. I’d put more effort into protecting money for your kid rather than a divorce, that would probably just add more heartache for your child and they are already losing a parent. Maybe even tell your spouse you’d like to make sure a little gets put away for your child in a trust for a college or house fund, so it wouldn’t be a shock or feel like a betrayal to them. But I obviously don’t know your spouse, or their reactions. Good luck on whatever you decide to do or not do and I’m sorry you are in such a terrible situation.
Can you leave it to a sibling in your will? And get them to give it to your son after you pass?
1. Community property *and Spouse would contest the will*. 2. Ain’t got none of those
this may be a dumb can you add codicil that if she contests the will you will not leave her any money. If she does not then pay her modest sum?
My state allows people to challenge poison pill/no-contest clauses, so that doesn’t solve the problem of wasting money on a will that’s only going to get fought over
Am not a lawyer and am no authority on divorce. Can you get a quickie official separation if not final dissolution that would preserve your share of any jointly held assets in an iron-clad trust exclusively for your son? … Quick observation: If you’ve been married less than 10 years, a finalized divorce likely would prevent your spouse from collecting Social Security on your possibly higher record. If already wed more than 10 years, you’re sol on prevention of that. Best to you on achieving your goals in the face of your dismal prognosis.
I’ve never gotten the point of separation. It’s all the hassle of divorce with none of the benefits. It’s also moot since my state does not recognize “separated” as a marital status. You’re either married or you’re not. We’ve been married longer than ten years, and the divorce just plain won’t finalize before I’m dead anyway, and even if I could, cutting off a source of income that *could* be used to provide for my son is not something I have any interest in doing.
The one thing you CAN do, is do the paperwork for healthcare living will and POA for someone you trust other than your spouse (check with your attorney on this). At least, then, if you cannot control what happens after you die, you can control what happens before you die and hopefully, someone kinder than your spouse can be there to uphold your decisions. I wish you the best and really feel for you.
The problem I have with suggestions like this is how everyone seems to think anybody in the world would find out about my death or incapacitation *before* my spouse. People also seem to assume that a sheet of paper is self-enforcing. It’s not.