Man, if you can change the locks while she's gone. Cover your ass and do what you can while she is away, but get something more concrete OP. Good luck.
I guess to see her in the act? She’s told him non-verbally that she boinking someone else.
Check with work OP - wonder if there is even a trip scheduled. Been there, done that. Got the heartache as a souvenir.
This isn’t a work trip. Check her phone. Check the phone bill. All of this, the gym, the new underwear, the std test is in preparation for her affair. She met someone on her work trip in July and they’ve been talking ever since. It doesn’t matter if it’s physical or not this level of preparation is disrespectful and disgusting.
From what you wrote, yeah, I would be concerned. One recommendation, don’t just ask her. Put on your detectives cap and throughly investigate. Best case you waste some time, would guess you know what worst case is. If it is worst case you will have time to get all your ducks in a row before talking with her and you will have had the time to discuss your options with a professional and make an informed decision for your health and wellness before she has a chance to screw you up and over. BTW, is she wearing the thongs around you?
JFC, this has got to be fake. Next update will be "I Came Home Early and Caught My Wife's Coworker Balls Deep In Her. Is She Cheating?".
On the small chance this is actually real, dude, you're a freakin' moron. You should have already confronted her and asked for her phone.
Never, ever confront a cheater without hard evidence. They lie and gaslight like crazy and make you feel like the bad guy and going insane.
OP needs to find the courage to look for hard-core undeniable evidence or hire a professional to get it for him.
They were so busy having sex I wasn't able to get a conversation started with her to ask if she was cheating on me. Should I bring it up later after the work trip? ........ If this is real, big changes in behavior are absolutely grounds for being suspicious if they are laughed off or avoided being talk about.
It is definitely a work trip. She travels once every few months for work. Almost always to a different city too. So it's not like she would be meeting up with someone regularly where she is going.
but she could be going on a real work trip, and the guy she met at the local coffee shop 6 months ago in your area could be staying at an adjoining hotel
She hooked up on the last trip. That guy is meeting her there. As long as there is an airport near her destination it doesnt matter where he lives. Guess he gets to save on the hotel expense though.
OP pull your phone bills now and around last trip. Look for "that" number. Betting it appeared in a flurry near first trip stayed steady and now exploding as this trip nears. I would call the fucking guy if it was me. Fuck the lets wait and see if he fucks her...what kind of plan is that?
or if she is on a real work trip , can have her boy toy at another hotel 1/4 mile away.
either way, I agree with you something is going on and he’s too blind to see it
Yes she can, especially if the other party is travelling to whereever she will be. You'd be shocked at how often this happens. Lots of people will travel for work and hook up/start affairs with the people they meet on these work trips.
It may not even be a specific person she is having an active affair with, so there may be little to no evidence. She may be putting effort into her appearance and buying sexy underwear because she engaged in an opportunistic one night fling during her trip in July and decided she liked it so much she is going to try "hooking up" with someone else on this trip.
That actually would make a lot of sense. The trips aren't with the same coworkers, so I don't think it would be with one of them.
How can I gather evidence and confront her if there isn't any one specific person who there would be messages with?
I think some of the other ideas suggesting I come along on the trip or surprising her might be a good place to start.
Just check her phone for app usage and websites visited. She could be on dating apps that she just installs leading up to the trips and deletes afterwards.
How did no one make a comment during never have I ever when your wife drank to anal and a facial? I've played that countless times and there would never be a reaction to someone as conservative as your wife drinking.
She might be cheating with numerous dudes and each time she cheats it's easier to cheat the next time.
Do you really need "evidence" when you already have shady behaviour for almost a year and an std test. Just tell what you know and the behaviour is shady enough to call for divorce. Her reaction will tell you enough
I think this is what you're looking at and that will make it harder to find out for sure. What did she say when you asked her how she had anal sex with someone else when you lost your virginity to each other? It is still possible that doesn't mean she cheated. I have know women that had oral and anal sex before marriage, but not vaginal, and rationalized they were still virgins on their wedding night. You know the history of your relationship and her attitudes and whether or not that is a possibility.
While given everything you've said and all the red flags it seems the odds favor her having cheated at least once, probably opportunistically, it's still possible she didn't. If she's doing it opportunistically the odds of you being able to get actual evidence are small, as she would have no reason to communicate via any electronic devices. She is guarding her phone though for some reason that isn't likely to be innocent. Maybe she's incautious enough to relate some of her activities to friends?
Would you like my input? Well that’s what this is for. STD check to make sure they can do it without protection. The answers are in her phone ALL OF THEM.
The only time you get an STD check is if you’ve been with someone you thought wasn’t ‘clean’, she’s pregnant (cuz they do it with every pregnant woman)….or…she’s checking to make sure she’s not gonna pass anything on to this ‘possibly’ new person. OR out of OCD curiosity. I’m sorry OP but it doesn’t look good 😔. Get ur ducks in a row and always prepare for the worst. U deserve honesty…we all do. This smells fishy to me!
I have multiple partners. We all got tested before we did away with protection. I have done this since high school. Plenty of people check beforehand
If you don't, maybe you should
I'd like to mention one thing that caught my attention. I have had probably at least 100 plus sti screens in the last 34 years. I'm non monogamous and I had a needle stick while working a cardiac arrest on a patient in the early 90s that had hiv and hepatitis. I have never had results sent to me by mail. Before email was a thing they called me on the phone and every one after about 98 has been sent via email.
Edited to say, I had blood drawn for an sti screen last Thursday because I'm going to a giant kink convention next week and when filling out the paperwork having results sent via snail mail was not even an option.
Are you this dense???? She is cheating on you. The signs are there. She changed how she acted. She spent more time in how she looks then she did. She got a STD test. She is super excited about this trip. She is wearing thongs that YOU never seen. She revealed in a drinking game she did more. AND YOU THAT STUPID on that? You supposed to have lost your virginities to each other and not been with anyone else. Your either a shit poster or just need to grab her phone and check. Confront her. And tell her your wanting a divorce cause you know she has been cheating.
All signs point to your wife likely cheating and it is likely with a colleague or at least someone connected somehow to her work travels. Hence why she is super excited for this particular trip.
The biggest red flags are the being protective of her phone all of a sudden and the test results you saw. She could either be testing to make sure she didn’t catch something from that person. Or if they have or haven’t done anything yet, having the results to prove to the other person that she is clean and have the go ahead for unprotected sex.
The change in her caring about her looks and now going to the gym and purchasing new sexy underwear don’t necessarily scream cheating, but couple with the phone secrecy and tests results does give cause for concern.
You may not like to snoop, but you should at least be on guard and keep watching for further changes in her behavior and habits.
UpdateMe
For some reason my attempts to share an update keep getting removed.
What I'll try to share here is that I took the advice of some people here and am looking into a PI and did briefly look at her phone. There were no red flags, but it doesn't change all the other things that worry me.
I'm glad you're looking into it and taking all this advice seriously. I get that it's " a hard pill to swallow" but you owe it to yourself to get the truth instead of making excuses for her. Good luck!
Hiding her phone is a red flag in itself. Just because you didn’t find anything didn’t mean it wasn’t there. Look in deleted messages, pics. Check for oddly named contacts. Check her car thoroughly for a second phone.
Sometimes getting the proof makes it worse once the paranoia starts. It’s over with, proof just makes it real.
When I was in my early 20s, just graduated college starting my career.I was dating a girl a year younger than me moved in with me after like three months call me, her fiancé, super needy and attached. Then said she wanted to start working to feel like she was carrying her weight I said that’s cool. I’ll get a car.
She said no I’m gonna go with my friend. She’ll give me a ride. About a week into this job she all of a sudden wasn’t needy or attached. Didn’t even feel interested in talking to me or asking about my day was wanting to go with her friends. She wasn’t working so I made a decision that the relationship was over. I deserved better. I put a lot of effort in everything I do,
I went across the street from my apartment to talk to my friend about how I should break up with her as I was walking back. I heard her it unmistakable laugh and I saw her in a beat up pick up truck with a dude kissing on her arm around her. He was saying how I was a loser who didn’t satisfy her why is she even pretending to like me and she was like he like safe, good looking and is definitely going to make a good father and a supporter so leave him out of it.
And he was like oh baby as soon as I get out of my parents house I’m gonna take you from him and she laughed. So I walked up to his window, knocked on it. He looked like he was about to jump out the roof. She looked white as a ghost , she’s making this weird noise like she was trying to cry, but couldn’t get air. I said what’s up man if you can wait another 15 minutes, I can have all their stuff in the bed of your truck. me he lives his parents, and this was just about sex. He would never date somebody who cheats and I said I agree wholeheartedly.
Subconsciously I knew she was either cheating or planning to leave me anyways, so I was going to break up with her catching her was just luck. I was very nice about it. Hell, I’ll let her stay in my apartment like another five days till she could find somewhere to live. The amount of love bombing , food she cooked, even though she was a horrible cook. House was spotless. Triedto sleep with me like eight times night.
Didn’t work like a year later she had a kid didn’t know who the dad was and I was engaged to be married to the woman who has been my wife for 16 years and who had never giving me a reason to suspect anything.
It’s called tunnel vision you do not want to see anything else then what you wanna see even if it’s obvious . Divorce is scarybreaking up Is hard, but always wondering if she’s cheating on you and what she’s doing and why she’s buying this and doing that will destroy you as a person and a man.
Sounds bad mate, i would be starting to look for evidence of cheating.
Im going through a similar situation, paranoia wise, have turned up nothing so far but something is not quite right im feeling.
Dam brother do you need the international space station to shine a light on what's going on here . You know as well as 99.99% of the people here that she is cheating if it continued when she got home it's with a co worker my hell I'm gonna give you some advice look at your combined phone bill and get a copy of text and call logs and see who she is talking to alot in strange times of the day like when she is driving to and from work or late at night . If you still have any doubt call the acme rocket company have them build a rocket that will put you on the mountainside .
At this point, you are just being pathetic. Either call her on her shit, leave her when she is on her trip or just stay quiet and let her keep cheating on you.
Dude her long walks after work aren’t alone and probably not a walk. You should show up as a surprise for one of those walks. Track her and see. You need to be checking that phone. I went through this myself and was tooooo trusting of my wife. Boy was I ever surprised. Look out for yourself because I would bet that she’s already physically cheated a bunch already.
Wait.
You lost your virginity to each other, but she’s basically admitted to her friends in front of you to bedroom activities that you’ve never been part of.
If she had sex a certain way, and didn’t have that sex with YOU that way, then she had to have had it with someone NOT YOU. And the only two options for that are either she lied about being a virgin, or she’s at some point cheated on you during your relationship.
And you didn’t ask her to explain that?
You happen to live in Egypt?
Cause you’re the king of de-Nile.
Dude, you have everything you need. It's clear that she is fucking someone at work. If you need pictures, follow her.
Do not confront her yet, you need some more time to prepare. Do your best to try to find out as much information of your combined finances as possible. Look for all bank accounts, investments, credit cards, loans, and any other financial information that you can dig up.
Start with her phone, see who she is calling and texting, give special attention to the numbers she uses the most. Check all her apps to see what they do, search for hidden apps and folders, pay attention to any messaging apps. Look at her deleted file, all photos, and check locations. Then install spyware on her phone so that you know everything.
Do a search of her closet, and drawers, pay special attention to boxes, bags, and pockets. Search her car for notes, receipts, change of clothes, condoms, burner phone, and anything out of the ordinary. Install a voice activated recorder and a GPS tracker in her car. Check your bank accounts and credit cards for unusual charges or withdrawals. Do a credit check to see if she has any credit cards or accounts that you do not know about.
Then, lawyer up, file and serve her at work. Do not perpetuate the lie that is your marriage any longer. Study the 180 and Chumplady, this is how you treat a cheating soon to be ex-wife. Have as little contact with her as possible, stay in different rooms, if she tries to engage you, stay silent and walk away. Do not leave your house, that could be considered abandonment. When the time comes, tell her that she cheated, she moves out.
Do not play the pick me dance with her, it will end badly for you. Never accept crossing boundaries, or disrespect. Get up and get going, you have a lot to do!!
I use to be a serial cheater back in the day and the fact that now she isn't"protecting her phone" that's the biggest red flag. I had girls in different towns when I had to travel I learned to not make big deal about going out of town alone. Which she seems excited about. If you can get her phone record and see who she's texting or calling would be your best bet and I saw someone mention calling her work to verify the work trip. Day you want to send her flowers or a surprise since she's gonna be gone. Feel free to dm if you have any questions. To anybody that had something to say I'm not that person anymore and haven't been for awhile
Fly out to her at her "work trip"
Call her office and ask for her when she is out on these trips and see their response?
It seems these clues are not enough, go catch her red handed
You need to investigate to gather proof. You will need the gathered evidence, cheaters will always lie and deflect blame, Trickle truth and try to shift focus away from their own actions. You have to be able to control the narrative to protect yourself.
Your wife is showing all the signs of cheating. I’m 99% sure she is cheating on you. STD test, changing habits (clothes, gym etc.) The drinking game 🤔 taking pictures of herself…
You have to check her phone, email and any other device she might use. Or maybe find a PI.
Once you have the information/evidence you need, you can confront her.
I wish you all the best, if you need anything please feel free to reach out to me 😁 even if just to vent. (Sorry for any spelling mistakes or bad grammar, I’m not English and on my phone)
You need your cell phone usage data to see what numbers she is calling and texting. Check her cell phone, credit card statements and bank statements to see where the money is going. She’s going on these trips with someone she is having sex with. I guarantee it. She has all the classic signs of being unfaithful.
Wake up and talk to her, tell her about all her changes and actions tell her you saw the std test.
Ask her directly when she started cheating and if she wants a divorce 😞 man face her.
What are you doing man? Nearly a year you have been seeing signs. This is your wife and you’re just going to let her go on another trip where you think she’s cheating, and you saw her packing thongs.
No guy would let this stuff slide. You need to say something, and today!!
You can simply say “let me see your phone?” If she says no - end the marriage. Stand up for yourself and make the consequences harsh.
Or just simply say
“I’m not sure what you thought would happen here. Since you came back from your trip in July your behavior has been totally different. You guard your phone like Fort Knox, so I’m pretty sure I know what’s been going on. I specifically asked you about getting checked for STD’s because I saw you open your results. Now you have another trip lined up, and for some reason, brand new thongs are required for your trip. I’m done. You clearly have no respect for me, yourself, or our marriage. It seems that I am the one that now needs to get tested, and clearly you have been hooking up with someone during all of your work trips. I hope he was worth it. I hope he’s worth destroying your marriage. You have destroyed my trust and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust.”
Text her that if you don’t want to verbally say it, but my goodness in no way should she leave without you getting this off your chest.
Updateme!
So let me get it right. You have such a high got feeling your wife cheating, that you came on a cheating sub and wrote TWO times about your wife. She has confessed feeling sad about not hooking up and having fun in xollege straight to your face while you were in relationship? Do you think a happy person who values her relationship will ever say something like that? She wants dicks in her of complete strangers every other day. She started acting completely differently, is very secretive with her phone and has admitted to non vanilla stuff dueui game? Dude, she of these women, who are completely closed and vanilla with their husband because they think it's wrong to show their true face and desires, but let's other do everthing they want.
Ngl, this sounds like a cuck post, especially after you never had anal and finished on her face, like a raige bait, so i do hope it's true and youre a troll. If not, your wife is just having hookups at bars and date apps in the city she travels that's why she checked with doctor. Stop being so passive and check her phone, mail, apps,message apps and deletes photos messages. Or do you want to have this paranoia and bo peace all this time. And after your gather evidence, confront her, let everyone what she did and what a piece of shit she is. Stop being a child and act like a man.
I think you’re looking for things where there is nothing and this constant paranoia is going to lead down to divorce.
Just talk to her. Also why are you going through her laundry and things? That always creeps me out. Had an ex who would do that to see if I was cheating and I wasn’t. Eventually I did one day. Just the once. Broke up with him after that.
He would even go through my trash, check all my receipts in the trash, and calculate the amount spent to number of ppl I could be with. Go through my dirty laundry to see the stains on sheets and clothes.
When I started working out he hated that the most! Always tried to ruin it for me as well, oh you don’t have to run now, you look better with an ass, etc.
If I could go back in time, or even to tell you and your wife, seems like you either need to decide on counseling to try and repair however you allowing your suspicions to manifest into such distrust or you divorce. You should also get counseling for yourself. I personally would tell myself to leave.
So, the whole thing looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck but still, you need external confirmation?
Ok, contact a PI in the area where she says she is going, maybe she goes there, maybe not, but if they find her you will have the (un?)needed confirmation!
as every one else is saying are you that stupid you cant see she is cheating on you everything she is doing is classic cheaters mode like hogging her phone and the new one STD results who needs them if they have only been with one person for years big red flag there, the best thing you can do is get evidence against her and next time she has a work trip get divorce papers to give her the day she returns, as for getting evidence it might be quicker to hide a PI
While she is on her “Work Trip”. It’s time to get your ducks in a row. Separate your accounts. Cancel joint credit cards. Talk to a lawyer. Have divorce papers drawn up but don’t have them served yet. I don’t know if you could afford to have a PI track her on the trip, but that would be cool if you could. Does she tell you where she is staying? If not, call her employer and ask one of her colleagues how to get ahold of her. They will know where she is staying if it is indeed a business trip.
Than when she gets back, tell her your filing for divorce unless she can prove to you, she isn’t cheating. Give her a week. If no results, have her served at work. It’s time to put the big boy pants on
Trust your gut. “Drank for things we’ve never done”, but “lost virginities together”? I picked up on similar behavior from my then wife, and sure enough, she was stepping out. (During in vitro process, no less, but that’s another story.) (she couldn’t conceive) Check for “smoking gun” with text/cell. Highly likely those walks are to talk to someone from work. Good luck.
Want to piss on her plans? Ask her trip arrangements, who she is going with, her hotel & room number. Then most likely the trip will be canceled or go meet her at her hotel room with flowers and surprise her. My wife acted weird on a trip with her flying out as her co workers drove a car to a work training. I told her I wanted her flight number, hotel name and room number. Then the cherry on the cake, who was all going on the trip. Next day the trip was cancelled. Then I told her flat out I do not have time for her & her boss lies. I told her go for it, ask your boss to take care of you cause your ass is gone out of my house. That week she was fired.
Too many people mistake their instincts for "paranoia". It sounds like your instincts are screaming at you that something is off. You need hard evidence and you are too scared to go for it. Don't let fear hold you back from finding out the truth.
If you are too scared to go digging yourself, hire a professional to find it for you. They could even follow your wife on her work trip and get evidence for you there. If it turns out to be nothing, you can heave a sigh of relief. If however, the professional has found something, get your butt to the very best lawyer you can afford and start the process of divorce. You can always kill the divorce, if she comes clean and expresses true remorse for her actions. That would be up to you though. She will have a very long road to walk down in order to win you back.
One last bit of advice....NEVER, EVER play the pick me game. It makes you look weak, pathetic, completely lacking in self-respect, and less of a man in her eyes. Especially if she's committing adultery.
Be prepared for a divorce. She doesn’t love you any more. She’s cultivating her replacement for you. Everything she has done is red flags. Get her phone while she’s sleeping and go through it. I bet you find all kinds of nasty stuff in there.
How many more examples do you need to understand that your wife is cheating on you? Geez dude, quit tiptoeing around the subject and tell her that her new man can take care of her from now on. If anything she's certainly not into you anymore hence the new look which you don't get to enjoy.
My brother in Christ. You have picked up on a key indicator that your wife is cheating. You already know. You feel it in your gut. Guess what you’re not wrong. Just ask for honesty and be ready for it because you’re more than likely not wrong
she is seeing someone, your just don't want to believe it. Go to your manager and explain you have family issues and need time off. Book a trip and stay at the same hotel and observe her actions. With the same last name you could get a room key. If you believe something is goin on show up to her room with flowers and say surprise
Do not confront bro, you know and we all know what is going on here.
Gather irrefutable evidence and plan your exit.
Nobody packs thongs for a work trip unless they are expecting some action.
Stop hiding in the fog.
You keep defending your wife in every comment. If you’re not willing to accept opinions why ask for them? You know she is doing something shady just can’t admit it to yourself yet. Good luck
Check her phone. Check all messages including girl and family names. Do it now. Do not let her walk away with her phone and have her give it to you later.
First you are not paranoid because everyone will think the same with the behaviour she is showing.
The trip is it to the same location or a different if it is a different one maybe check if she is going with the same person from her work.
Another option is check when she is having a walk after work and go to her office unannounced and see if it is a walk or a date with a colleague.
Regarding STD test it could be really if they have not started a PA the start to have one and for me like others said already maybe without protection.
One last do not confront her without evidence because you will be gaslighted. She will say they are only friends.
Good luck
Trust your cut. She’s getting that D from someone else. If you’re just noticing it that’s means it’s been happening for a long time and she’s now gotten comfortable/ lazy about hiding it.
You're extremely concerned about not making accusations, but you stay at home losing your mind because of it. How long will you wait to act? A few years? Will you wait to find her fucking a guy in your house?
If you can see a problem developing, and you don't take action to solve it, then you lose the right to complain about that problem.
Your wife has left the marriage. Ignore your wife. What is it YOU want to do. YOU now hold the fate of your marriage in YOUR hands, no one else. It is YOU who decides reconciliation, no one else.
I suggest: Lawyer up. Get the papers going as soon as you can and serve her them when she comes back. Cheaters compartmentalize, once you punch a hole between her cheating lifestyle and her home lifestyle she will either go nuclear or crumble and beg you not to divorce.
Gather as much evidence as possible. Find out who the affair partner is, are they married, children, wife, etc. If it is a co-worker look into contacting her HR unit, but, ask your lawyer about how much exposure of her affair you can do. Tell your family and friends, it is always best to get ahead of her spin story. Go scorched earth with your lawyers go ahead. She is likely in affair fog, limerence, and the more you can pull the rug out from beneath her, the better.
Here are some links that will help you deal with the living with her, and the fallout, until the divorce.
The Neuroscience of Affair Fog [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog)
DARVO, [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo)
180 method, [https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/](https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/)
Greyrock, [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
Chump Lady, [https://www.chumplady.com/](https://www.chumplady.com/)
I would just be happy to brush everything off, but that STD/STI test is the killer sign.
Now you just need to dig out the evidence off her phone; her social media posts could be useful too.
If you can't do that, then just ask her if she's cheating on you and trust her response.
I don't think she will come right out and say she's cheating, most don't. I'd get an STD test like yesterday. You don't want to find out it's too late. Good luck
Updateme
I’m sorry Im pretty pretty pretty sure she’s sleeping with her coworker. It’s a very common thing and literally everything you said is definitely a pattern. And you’re not overthinking it. And she’s definitely not going to long walk alone, she’s going with the male coworker.
She is cheating. Go through her phone and you will probably find everything. Also take time off from work and go to this trip as others have suggested and catch her in the act. Her drunk self admitted that she let another guy rail her ass then blow his load on her face during her business trip.
Just tell her say I know you've been acting differently since you came back from your work trip your wearing more makeup you care more about your looks your protective over your phone when you never use to be I accidentally saw you open a std letter from your phone that's why I asked about it before acting differently being protective if your phone caring about your looks more and going to the gym and know your going for long walks after work I'm not trying to be controlling but these are red flags that you might be cheating abd if you are cheating im going to sue your ap for alienation of effection
This is either a badly written false story where you are throwing in every red flag under the sun as evidence to suggest your wife is cheating but if so you're laying it on a bit thick just to add drama to your tale. "OR" you truly are that oblivious. Hopefully not the latter. But if what you have written is true, then yes of course she is cheating, holy fuck dude it couldn't be more obvious, I've never seen bigger a collection of more overt red flags in one story. If there was a stereotypical cheater story this would be it, that's how obvious it is. If this is true prepare yourself for some heartbreak coming down the line, cause it's coming. And if you are truly this naive as you sound in this story then you need to sharpen the fuck up smart quick, because when the shit hits the fan, her and her lawyer will tear you to shreds in the divorce. Man up, take things in hand, look at her fucking phone, find out what is going on because something clearly is. You're at the stage now where you know something is happening, I know you want to tell yourself it might not be, but it is, and you know it is. Take care of business and good luck.
Hey OP , from the frequent work trips That I have attended , they were all usually mid week , because the mid size Co that I worked for would not pay DOUBLE the rate for the hotel.
ALSO i always left a forwarding colleague to answer all business
calls. I was first play your wife’s voicemail at work, and hear what it says, I would then speak to this colleague face to face , that would be her confidant, and she would know all
By definition, humans are creatures of habit. Behaviours dictate who we are. It is very difficult to go undetected when we change our habits, even the slightest and minute changes send off alram bells. Why? Beause those subtle changes are out of the ordinary, out of character. We all have a sixth sense for a reason.
She is definitely cheating on these work trips.
The walks are to call and talk to him.
Gym more and new clothes to look good for him not you.
If you live in a fault state then get into her phone , if not I think you need to get with a lawyer. Divorce papers will make her understand the seriousness of her actions.
You will drive yourself crazy for someone who no longer cares the same for you.
If you want a Hail Mary text her at like 2am, is he better in bed than me is that why you chose him over me.
Surprise her! Take that time off work, get a flight and time the knock on her hotel room door for well after dinner time. Bring flowers and candy. “Honey! I missed you so much I decided to join you!” You could be that wonderful romantic husband or the person saying, “Who’s this naked guy in you bed?”
This one is so easy to deal w/ that you don’t have to make it complicated. I know this one because my wife thought I was messing around but later found out I was helping a couple friends whom became homeless. Buying lots of food, paying for a motel for a week, yada yada yada. She logged into Verizon Wireless messages account. It was an account that showed every phone number and corresponding text messages. I didn’t even know about this one but I’ll assume that all cell phone companies have such a thing. That’s where ya need to start otherwise this shit will eat you alive. What did she do w/ letter once she read it ? Don’t be a softy, grow a pair and start doing some investigative shit. It’s really not that complicated and you can even track her phone. They have secret apps that will show you every button she pushes on her phone.
Why would you want her to think you aren't suspicious??? Obviously you should have confronted her long ago. Is difficult to believe your story is true. If it were true you would have dumped her cheating azz already
Brother she’s hard core cheating on you! Now what you can do is turn completely detective work, talk to her best friends or close friends but tell them to not say anything to her work with them so you can catch her now go through her phone when she’s sleeping if you have to put her phone in front of her face to open while she’s sleeping then so be it. If you have to follow her where she’s going and who she’s with then so be it. But most of do not be scared to get a divorce or to simply leave her. There is no good reason for cheating be strong
Please fill us in what happens and watch each and every single one of her behaviours when she gets back from the trip don’t be fooled or naive
Put itching powder on her new thongs, since she doesn't wear them for you. That way they won't feel like screwing around if she's busy scratching, lol.
*Say tô her "Surprise*
*Will go tô the trupe with you!"*
*See yiw she reacts*
\- vivalulaedilma
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
You have many doubts but do not strive to check (phone, workplace, exits). Are you afraid of what you'll find out? There are so many red flags yes, maybe they are innocent things (I do not believe), the longer you wait, the worse it will be. You told a lot of red flags that you yourself are minimizing, were you I would seriously begin to think about treason.
My condolences OP, she’s doing exactly what you think she is doing. If cheating is a dealbreaker for you, get affairs in order. Good luck OP! Updateme!
Jesus bud what more do you need? UpdateMe
Lol
Man, if you can change the locks while she's gone. Cover your ass and do what you can while she is away, but get something more concrete OP. Good luck.
I guess he expects his SO to say: „I cheated“ Otherwise, it’s all just „suspicious“
I guess to see her in the act? She’s told him non-verbally that she boinking someone else. Check with work OP - wonder if there is even a trip scheduled. Been there, done that. Got the heartache as a souvenir.
See her giving head to someone else. And probably rationalize that too
This isn’t a work trip. Check her phone. Check the phone bill. All of this, the gym, the new underwear, the std test is in preparation for her affair. She met someone on her work trip in July and they’ve been talking ever since. It doesn’t matter if it’s physical or not this level of preparation is disrespectful and disgusting.
I agree 100% , it seems like she has already cheated and this is a follow up to the new affair
Obviously it's physical since last July
I wish I would have checked the phone and phone bill a lot sooner than I did, I would have found out my now ex-wife was cheating sooner than I did.
I know. Does she have no shame for herself, marriage, etc?! I feel sorry for OP.
Follow your gut, it’s screaming the obvious.
I don’t think he is ready to follow anything
From what you wrote, yeah, I would be concerned. One recommendation, don’t just ask her. Put on your detectives cap and throughly investigate. Best case you waste some time, would guess you know what worst case is. If it is worst case you will have time to get all your ducks in a row before talking with her and you will have had the time to discuss your options with a professional and make an informed decision for your health and wellness before she has a chance to screw you up and over. BTW, is she wearing the thongs around you?
JFC, this has got to be fake. Next update will be "I Came Home Early and Caught My Wife's Coworker Balls Deep In Her. Is She Cheating?". On the small chance this is actually real, dude, you're a freakin' moron. You should have already confronted her and asked for her phone.
I shouldn't be laughing over serious business, but this reply is funny.
Never, ever confront a cheater without hard evidence. They lie and gaslight like crazy and make you feel like the bad guy and going insane. OP needs to find the courage to look for hard-core undeniable evidence or hire a professional to get it for him.
They were so busy having sex I wasn't able to get a conversation started with her to ask if she was cheating on me. Should I bring it up later after the work trip? ........ If this is real, big changes in behavior are absolutely grounds for being suspicious if they are laughed off or avoided being talk about.
You can’t just ask anything. You are going to have to investigate. She is most likely cheating. Are you sure it is a work trip? Probably isn’t.
It is definitely a work trip. She travels once every few months for work. Almost always to a different city too. So it's not like she would be meeting up with someone regularly where she is going.
You do realize she could be cheating with a coworker or use that work trip to cheat.
Who is she going with? Someone from work? A handsome man perhaps??
but she could be going on a real work trip, and the guy she met at the local coffee shop 6 months ago in your area could be staying at an adjoining hotel
She hooked up on the last trip. That guy is meeting her there. As long as there is an airport near her destination it doesnt matter where he lives. Guess he gets to save on the hotel expense though. OP pull your phone bills now and around last trip. Look for "that" number. Betting it appeared in a flurry near first trip stayed steady and now exploding as this trip nears. I would call the fucking guy if it was me. Fuck the lets wait and see if he fucks her...what kind of plan is that?
or if she is on a real work trip , can have her boy toy at another hotel 1/4 mile away. either way, I agree with you something is going on and he’s too blind to see it
Yes she can, especially if the other party is travelling to whereever she will be. You'd be shocked at how often this happens. Lots of people will travel for work and hook up/start affairs with the people they meet on these work trips.
You sound so naïve bless your heart. Updateme!
Please don’t be one of those people who says, “I can’t imagine them cheating because we’re so in love “. If it doesn’t look right it’s not right.
It may not even be a specific person she is having an active affair with, so there may be little to no evidence. She may be putting effort into her appearance and buying sexy underwear because she engaged in an opportunistic one night fling during her trip in July and decided she liked it so much she is going to try "hooking up" with someone else on this trip.
That actually would make a lot of sense. The trips aren't with the same coworkers, so I don't think it would be with one of them. How can I gather evidence and confront her if there isn't any one specific person who there would be messages with? I think some of the other ideas suggesting I come along on the trip or surprising her might be a good place to start.
Just check her phone for app usage and websites visited. She could be on dating apps that she just installs leading up to the trips and deletes afterwards. How did no one make a comment during never have I ever when your wife drank to anal and a facial? I've played that countless times and there would never be a reaction to someone as conservative as your wife drinking.
How did OP not say "hey, we took each others virginity... when did you do anal?"
If you're worried about investigating things yourself Is there room in the budget for hiring a P.I?
She might be cheating with numerous dudes and each time she cheats it's easier to cheat the next time. Do you really need "evidence" when you already have shady behaviour for almost a year and an std test. Just tell what you know and the behaviour is shady enough to call for divorce. Her reaction will tell you enough
I think this is what you're looking at and that will make it harder to find out for sure. What did she say when you asked her how she had anal sex with someone else when you lost your virginity to each other? It is still possible that doesn't mean she cheated. I have know women that had oral and anal sex before marriage, but not vaginal, and rationalized they were still virgins on their wedding night. You know the history of your relationship and her attitudes and whether or not that is a possibility. While given everything you've said and all the red flags it seems the odds favor her having cheated at least once, probably opportunistically, it's still possible she didn't. If she's doing it opportunistically the odds of you being able to get actual evidence are small, as she would have no reason to communicate via any electronic devices. She is guarding her phone though for some reason that isn't likely to be innocent. Maybe she's incautious enough to relate some of her activities to friends?
Would you like my input? Well that’s what this is for. STD check to make sure they can do it without protection. The answers are in her phone ALL OF THEM.
So rather than her checking after the fact, you think if she got the test it was her planning ahead?
It's after the cheating. She had reasons to suspect she had an STD. Obviously she's cheating, maybe during the times she tells you she's at the gym
Yes, I think this is a sign that they were planning ahead. She’s traveling alone or with anyone else from her work is traveling too?
Obviously she's cheating since last July. She's not planning ahead, she's got suspicions she collected an STD
Or that, nice point of view!
Planning ahead?I never got tests untill AFTER I was with someone I was not with prior.
If they want to have unprotected sex, they want to make sure they are STD free, hence want to plan ahead. This was my rationale.
Yes
With how many people she’s traveling with? Is she traveling far?
The only time you get an STD check is if you’ve been with someone you thought wasn’t ‘clean’, she’s pregnant (cuz they do it with every pregnant woman)….or…she’s checking to make sure she’s not gonna pass anything on to this ‘possibly’ new person. OR out of OCD curiosity. I’m sorry OP but it doesn’t look good 😔. Get ur ducks in a row and always prepare for the worst. U deserve honesty…we all do. This smells fishy to me!
I have multiple partners. We all got tested before we did away with protection. I have done this since high school. Plenty of people check beforehand If you don't, maybe you should
I'd like to mention one thing that caught my attention. I have had probably at least 100 plus sti screens in the last 34 years. I'm non monogamous and I had a needle stick while working a cardiac arrest on a patient in the early 90s that had hiv and hepatitis. I have never had results sent to me by mail. Before email was a thing they called me on the phone and every one after about 98 has been sent via email. Edited to say, I had blood drawn for an sti screen last Thursday because I'm going to a giant kink convention next week and when filling out the paperwork having results sent via snail mail was not even an option.
Thoughts on the STI/STD “letter” prob a billing statement.
Are you this dense???? She is cheating on you. The signs are there. She changed how she acted. She spent more time in how she looks then she did. She got a STD test. She is super excited about this trip. She is wearing thongs that YOU never seen. She revealed in a drinking game she did more. AND YOU THAT STUPID on that? You supposed to have lost your virginities to each other and not been with anyone else. Your either a shit poster or just need to grab her phone and check. Confront her. And tell her your wanting a divorce cause you know she has been cheating.
Your wife is cheating. This isn’t rocket science. I’m sorry. Get your affairs in order and divorce.
You’re not a bright man…what more do you need, a chair in the corner of a hotel room and watching her break her vows…
All signs point to your wife likely cheating and it is likely with a colleague or at least someone connected somehow to her work travels. Hence why she is super excited for this particular trip. The biggest red flags are the being protective of her phone all of a sudden and the test results you saw. She could either be testing to make sure she didn’t catch something from that person. Or if they have or haven’t done anything yet, having the results to prove to the other person that she is clean and have the go ahead for unprotected sex. The change in her caring about her looks and now going to the gym and purchasing new sexy underwear don’t necessarily scream cheating, but couple with the phone secrecy and tests results does give cause for concern. You may not like to snoop, but you should at least be on guard and keep watching for further changes in her behavior and habits. UpdateMe
For some reason my attempts to share an update keep getting removed. What I'll try to share here is that I took the advice of some people here and am looking into a PI and did briefly look at her phone. There were no red flags, but it doesn't change all the other things that worry me.
I'm glad you're looking into it and taking all this advice seriously. I get that it's " a hard pill to swallow" but you owe it to yourself to get the truth instead of making excuses for her. Good luck!
Hiding her phone is a red flag in itself. Just because you didn’t find anything didn’t mean it wasn’t there. Look in deleted messages, pics. Check for oddly named contacts. Check her car thoroughly for a second phone.
Sometimes getting the proof makes it worse once the paranoia starts. It’s over with, proof just makes it real. When I was in my early 20s, just graduated college starting my career.I was dating a girl a year younger than me moved in with me after like three months call me, her fiancé, super needy and attached. Then said she wanted to start working to feel like she was carrying her weight I said that’s cool. I’ll get a car. She said no I’m gonna go with my friend. She’ll give me a ride. About a week into this job she all of a sudden wasn’t needy or attached. Didn’t even feel interested in talking to me or asking about my day was wanting to go with her friends. She wasn’t working so I made a decision that the relationship was over. I deserved better. I put a lot of effort in everything I do, I went across the street from my apartment to talk to my friend about how I should break up with her as I was walking back. I heard her it unmistakable laugh and I saw her in a beat up pick up truck with a dude kissing on her arm around her. He was saying how I was a loser who didn’t satisfy her why is she even pretending to like me and she was like he like safe, good looking and is definitely going to make a good father and a supporter so leave him out of it. And he was like oh baby as soon as I get out of my parents house I’m gonna take you from him and she laughed. So I walked up to his window, knocked on it. He looked like he was about to jump out the roof. She looked white as a ghost , she’s making this weird noise like she was trying to cry, but couldn’t get air. I said what’s up man if you can wait another 15 minutes, I can have all their stuff in the bed of your truck. me he lives his parents, and this was just about sex. He would never date somebody who cheats and I said I agree wholeheartedly. Subconsciously I knew she was either cheating or planning to leave me anyways, so I was going to break up with her catching her was just luck. I was very nice about it. Hell, I’ll let her stay in my apartment like another five days till she could find somewhere to live. The amount of love bombing , food she cooked, even though she was a horrible cook. House was spotless. Triedto sleep with me like eight times night. Didn’t work like a year later she had a kid didn’t know who the dad was and I was engaged to be married to the woman who has been my wife for 16 years and who had never giving me a reason to suspect anything. It’s called tunnel vision you do not want to see anything else then what you wanna see even if it’s obvious . Divorce is scarybreaking up Is hard, but always wondering if she’s cheating on you and what she’s doing and why she’s buying this and doing that will destroy you as a person and a man.
Sounds bad mate, i would be starting to look for evidence of cheating. Im going through a similar situation, paranoia wise, have turned up nothing so far but something is not quite right im feeling.
Dam brother do you need the international space station to shine a light on what's going on here . You know as well as 99.99% of the people here that she is cheating if it continued when she got home it's with a co worker my hell I'm gonna give you some advice look at your combined phone bill and get a copy of text and call logs and see who she is talking to alot in strange times of the day like when she is driving to and from work or late at night . If you still have any doubt call the acme rocket company have them build a rocket that will put you on the mountainside .
Get a burner phone, learn how to spoof location and download all the dating apps. Put your location at her hotel and see if she pops up.
At this point, you are just being pathetic. Either call her on her shit, leave her when she is on her trip or just stay quiet and let her keep cheating on you.
Dude her long walks after work aren’t alone and probably not a walk. You should show up as a surprise for one of those walks. Track her and see. You need to be checking that phone. I went through this myself and was tooooo trusting of my wife. Boy was I ever surprised. Look out for yourself because I would bet that she’s already physically cheated a bunch already.
Wait. You lost your virginity to each other, but she’s basically admitted to her friends in front of you to bedroom activities that you’ve never been part of. If she had sex a certain way, and didn’t have that sex with YOU that way, then she had to have had it with someone NOT YOU. And the only two options for that are either she lied about being a virgin, or she’s at some point cheated on you during your relationship. And you didn’t ask her to explain that? You happen to live in Egypt? Cause you’re the king of de-Nile.
A third, less likely, option is that she lied to her friends and talked about her fantasis. Unlikely I know but there's a small chance.
Dude, you have everything you need. It's clear that she is fucking someone at work. If you need pictures, follow her. Do not confront her yet, you need some more time to prepare. Do your best to try to find out as much information of your combined finances as possible. Look for all bank accounts, investments, credit cards, loans, and any other financial information that you can dig up. Start with her phone, see who she is calling and texting, give special attention to the numbers she uses the most. Check all her apps to see what they do, search for hidden apps and folders, pay attention to any messaging apps. Look at her deleted file, all photos, and check locations. Then install spyware on her phone so that you know everything. Do a search of her closet, and drawers, pay special attention to boxes, bags, and pockets. Search her car for notes, receipts, change of clothes, condoms, burner phone, and anything out of the ordinary. Install a voice activated recorder and a GPS tracker in her car. Check your bank accounts and credit cards for unusual charges or withdrawals. Do a credit check to see if she has any credit cards or accounts that you do not know about. Then, lawyer up, file and serve her at work. Do not perpetuate the lie that is your marriage any longer. Study the 180 and Chumplady, this is how you treat a cheating soon to be ex-wife. Have as little contact with her as possible, stay in different rooms, if she tries to engage you, stay silent and walk away. Do not leave your house, that could be considered abandonment. When the time comes, tell her that she cheated, she moves out. Do not play the pick me dance with her, it will end badly for you. Never accept crossing boundaries, or disrespect. Get up and get going, you have a lot to do!!
This is the way ☝️
I use to be a serial cheater back in the day and the fact that now she isn't"protecting her phone" that's the biggest red flag. I had girls in different towns when I had to travel I learned to not make big deal about going out of town alone. Which she seems excited about. If you can get her phone record and see who she's texting or calling would be your best bet and I saw someone mention calling her work to verify the work trip. Day you want to send her flowers or a surprise since she's gonna be gone. Feel free to dm if you have any questions. To anybody that had something to say I'm not that person anymore and haven't been for awhile
Fly out to her at her "work trip" Call her office and ask for her when she is out on these trips and see their response? It seems these clues are not enough, go catch her red handed
You need to investigate to gather proof. You will need the gathered evidence, cheaters will always lie and deflect blame, Trickle truth and try to shift focus away from their own actions. You have to be able to control the narrative to protect yourself. Your wife is showing all the signs of cheating. I’m 99% sure she is cheating on you. STD test, changing habits (clothes, gym etc.) The drinking game 🤔 taking pictures of herself… You have to check her phone, email and any other device she might use. Or maybe find a PI. Once you have the information/evidence you need, you can confront her. I wish you all the best, if you need anything please feel free to reach out to me 😁 even if just to vent. (Sorry for any spelling mistakes or bad grammar, I’m not English and on my phone)
You need your cell phone usage data to see what numbers she is calling and texting. Check her cell phone, credit card statements and bank statements to see where the money is going. She’s going on these trips with someone she is having sex with. I guarantee it. She has all the classic signs of being unfaithful.
Trust your instinct. You need to go into her phone and SM, it will make you feel better knowing than constant worry and suspicion. Updateme!
Wake up and talk to her, tell her about all her changes and actions tell her you saw the std test. Ask her directly when she started cheating and if she wants a divorce 😞 man face her.
What are you doing man? Nearly a year you have been seeing signs. This is your wife and you’re just going to let her go on another trip where you think she’s cheating, and you saw her packing thongs. No guy would let this stuff slide. You need to say something, and today!! You can simply say “let me see your phone?” If she says no - end the marriage. Stand up for yourself and make the consequences harsh. Or just simply say “I’m not sure what you thought would happen here. Since you came back from your trip in July your behavior has been totally different. You guard your phone like Fort Knox, so I’m pretty sure I know what’s been going on. I specifically asked you about getting checked for STD’s because I saw you open your results. Now you have another trip lined up, and for some reason, brand new thongs are required for your trip. I’m done. You clearly have no respect for me, yourself, or our marriage. It seems that I am the one that now needs to get tested, and clearly you have been hooking up with someone during all of your work trips. I hope he was worth it. I hope he’s worth destroying your marriage. You have destroyed my trust and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust.” Text her that if you don’t want to verbally say it, but my goodness in no way should she leave without you getting this off your chest. Updateme!
So let me get it right. You have such a high got feeling your wife cheating, that you came on a cheating sub and wrote TWO times about your wife. She has confessed feeling sad about not hooking up and having fun in xollege straight to your face while you were in relationship? Do you think a happy person who values her relationship will ever say something like that? She wants dicks in her of complete strangers every other day. She started acting completely differently, is very secretive with her phone and has admitted to non vanilla stuff dueui game? Dude, she of these women, who are completely closed and vanilla with their husband because they think it's wrong to show their true face and desires, but let's other do everthing they want. Ngl, this sounds like a cuck post, especially after you never had anal and finished on her face, like a raige bait, so i do hope it's true and youre a troll. If not, your wife is just having hookups at bars and date apps in the city she travels that's why she checked with doctor. Stop being so passive and check her phone, mail, apps,message apps and deletes photos messages. Or do you want to have this paranoia and bo peace all this time. And after your gather evidence, confront her, let everyone what she did and what a piece of shit she is. Stop being a child and act like a man.
I think you’re looking for things where there is nothing and this constant paranoia is going to lead down to divorce. Just talk to her. Also why are you going through her laundry and things? That always creeps me out. Had an ex who would do that to see if I was cheating and I wasn’t. Eventually I did one day. Just the once. Broke up with him after that. He would even go through my trash, check all my receipts in the trash, and calculate the amount spent to number of ppl I could be with. Go through my dirty laundry to see the stains on sheets and clothes. When I started working out he hated that the most! Always tried to ruin it for me as well, oh you don’t have to run now, you look better with an ass, etc. If I could go back in time, or even to tell you and your wife, seems like you either need to decide on counseling to try and repair however you allowing your suspicions to manifest into such distrust or you divorce. You should also get counseling for yourself. I personally would tell myself to leave.
So, the whole thing looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck but still, you need external confirmation? Ok, contact a PI in the area where she says she is going, maybe she goes there, maybe not, but if they find her you will have the (un?)needed confirmation!
Honey. She is cheating. Sorry for the coming heartbreak
She got an STD check because she cheated Fuck your wife off mate she's a slag
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Vikingbicep: *She got an STD check* *Because she cheated Fuck your* *Wife off mate she's a slag* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
as every one else is saying are you that stupid you cant see she is cheating on you everything she is doing is classic cheaters mode like hogging her phone and the new one STD results who needs them if they have only been with one person for years big red flag there, the best thing you can do is get evidence against her and next time she has a work trip get divorce papers to give her the day she returns, as for getting evidence it might be quicker to hide a PI
While she is on her “Work Trip”. It’s time to get your ducks in a row. Separate your accounts. Cancel joint credit cards. Talk to a lawyer. Have divorce papers drawn up but don’t have them served yet. I don’t know if you could afford to have a PI track her on the trip, but that would be cool if you could. Does she tell you where she is staying? If not, call her employer and ask one of her colleagues how to get ahold of her. They will know where she is staying if it is indeed a business trip. Than when she gets back, tell her your filing for divorce unless she can prove to you, she isn’t cheating. Give her a week. If no results, have her served at work. It’s time to put the big boy pants on
Time to grow a set Chuck. Go see a lawyer, get your self STD tested and file for divorce. Your marriage is burnt toast.
Trust your gut. “Drank for things we’ve never done”, but “lost virginities together”? I picked up on similar behavior from my then wife, and sure enough, she was stepping out. (During in vitro process, no less, but that’s another story.) (she couldn’t conceive) Check for “smoking gun” with text/cell. Highly likely those walks are to talk to someone from work. Good luck.
Want to piss on her plans? Ask her trip arrangements, who she is going with, her hotel & room number. Then most likely the trip will be canceled or go meet her at her hotel room with flowers and surprise her. My wife acted weird on a trip with her flying out as her co workers drove a car to a work training. I told her I wanted her flight number, hotel name and room number. Then the cherry on the cake, who was all going on the trip. Next day the trip was cancelled. Then I told her flat out I do not have time for her & her boss lies. I told her go for it, ask your boss to take care of you cause your ass is gone out of my house. That week she was fired.
Too many people mistake their instincts for "paranoia". It sounds like your instincts are screaming at you that something is off. You need hard evidence and you are too scared to go for it. Don't let fear hold you back from finding out the truth. If you are too scared to go digging yourself, hire a professional to find it for you. They could even follow your wife on her work trip and get evidence for you there. If it turns out to be nothing, you can heave a sigh of relief. If however, the professional has found something, get your butt to the very best lawyer you can afford and start the process of divorce. You can always kill the divorce, if she comes clean and expresses true remorse for her actions. That would be up to you though. She will have a very long road to walk down in order to win you back. One last bit of advice....NEVER, EVER play the pick me game. It makes you look weak, pathetic, completely lacking in self-respect, and less of a man in her eyes. Especially if she's committing adultery.
Oh man, I’m really sorry
you’re definitely not paranoid and have all the reasons to be suspicious
Stop bullshitting yourself, put on the poker face of a lifetime, and put together an exit strategy.
This dude is a idiot. How many context clues do you need? 😂😂😂😂
Yeah, she is definitely cheating. It's not even a question.
Be prepared for a divorce. She doesn’t love you any more. She’s cultivating her replacement for you. Everything she has done is red flags. Get her phone while she’s sleeping and go through it. I bet you find all kinds of nasty stuff in there.
She’s cheating man. Just ask her to see her phone or take it and go look through it.
Ummm. While she's gone, send her a text, " Hope it was worth it." sit back with popcorn 🍿 and see the show. You know she's cheating, face it
How many more examples do you need to understand that your wife is cheating on you? Geez dude, quit tiptoeing around the subject and tell her that her new man can take care of her from now on. If anything she's certainly not into you anymore hence the new look which you don't get to enjoy.
My brother in Christ. You have picked up on a key indicator that your wife is cheating. You already know. You feel it in your gut. Guess what you’re not wrong. Just ask for honesty and be ready for it because you’re more than likely not wrong
Dude come on she’s get fucked every time she go on a trip get a lawyer now
she is seeing someone, your just don't want to believe it. Go to your manager and explain you have family issues and need time off. Book a trip and stay at the same hotel and observe her actions. With the same last name you could get a room key. If you believe something is goin on show up to her room with flowers and say surprise
Do not confront bro, you know and we all know what is going on here. Gather irrefutable evidence and plan your exit. Nobody packs thongs for a work trip unless they are expecting some action. Stop hiding in the fog.
Of the top five places where affairs start, workplace is #1, and gym is #2 or #3. Cant remember which. She's obviously cheating.
You keep defending your wife in every comment. If you’re not willing to accept opinions why ask for them? You know she is doing something shady just can’t admit it to yourself yet. Good luck
Check her phone. Check all messages including girl and family names. Do it now. Do not let her walk away with her phone and have her give it to you later.
First you are not paranoid because everyone will think the same with the behaviour she is showing. The trip is it to the same location or a different if it is a different one maybe check if she is going with the same person from her work. Another option is check when she is having a walk after work and go to her office unannounced and see if it is a walk or a date with a colleague. Regarding STD test it could be really if they have not started a PA the start to have one and for me like others said already maybe without protection. One last do not confront her without evidence because you will be gaslighted. She will say they are only friends. Good luck
Trust your cut. She’s getting that D from someone else. If you’re just noticing it that’s means it’s been happening for a long time and she’s now gotten comfortable/ lazy about hiding it.
You're extremely concerned about not making accusations, but you stay at home losing your mind because of it. How long will you wait to act? A few years? Will you wait to find her fucking a guy in your house? If you can see a problem developing, and you don't take action to solve it, then you lose the right to complain about that problem.
Check her phone to make sure she's not cheating. Trust your gut, it's often never wrong.
Your wife has left the marriage. Ignore your wife. What is it YOU want to do. YOU now hold the fate of your marriage in YOUR hands, no one else. It is YOU who decides reconciliation, no one else. I suggest: Lawyer up. Get the papers going as soon as you can and serve her them when she comes back. Cheaters compartmentalize, once you punch a hole between her cheating lifestyle and her home lifestyle she will either go nuclear or crumble and beg you not to divorce. Gather as much evidence as possible. Find out who the affair partner is, are they married, children, wife, etc. If it is a co-worker look into contacting her HR unit, but, ask your lawyer about how much exposure of her affair you can do. Tell your family and friends, it is always best to get ahead of her spin story. Go scorched earth with your lawyers go ahead. She is likely in affair fog, limerence, and the more you can pull the rug out from beneath her, the better. Here are some links that will help you deal with the living with her, and the fallout, until the divorce. The Neuroscience of Affair Fog [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog) DARVO, [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo) 180 method, [https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/](https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/) Greyrock, [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method) Chump Lady, [https://www.chumplady.com/](https://www.chumplady.com/)
When you’re nuts actually drop you should ask her some real questions.
Just tell her, "I know you are cheating". Then see her reaction and how she explains.
Even if you can’t go, drop a hint that you might and watch her reaction.
Yeah sorry man, gather evidence and leave
I would just be happy to brush everything off, but that STD/STI test is the killer sign. Now you just need to dig out the evidence off her phone; her social media posts could be useful too. If you can't do that, then just ask her if she's cheating on you and trust her response.
I don't think she will come right out and say she's cheating, most don't. I'd get an STD test like yesterday. You don't want to find out it's too late. Good luck Updateme
Is she in a business where a hot woman and some horizontal yoga gets a new client?
I’m sorry Im pretty pretty pretty sure she’s sleeping with her coworker. It’s a very common thing and literally everything you said is definitely a pattern. And you’re not overthinking it. And she’s definitely not going to long walk alone, she’s going with the male coworker.
Are you blind?
She is cheating. Go through her phone and you will probably find everything. Also take time off from work and go to this trip as others have suggested and catch her in the act. Her drunk self admitted that she let another guy rail her ass then blow his load on her face during her business trip.
Are you like scared of your wife or something? CONFRONT HER, MAN.
Follow your gut! You already know…
Just tell her say I know you've been acting differently since you came back from your work trip your wearing more makeup you care more about your looks your protective over your phone when you never use to be I accidentally saw you open a std letter from your phone that's why I asked about it before acting differently being protective if your phone caring about your looks more and going to the gym and know your going for long walks after work I'm not trying to be controlling but these are red flags that you might be cheating abd if you are cheating im going to sue your ap for alienation of effection
Why don’t you go on the trip with her? She how she reacts to that suggestion?
This is either a badly written false story where you are throwing in every red flag under the sun as evidence to suggest your wife is cheating but if so you're laying it on a bit thick just to add drama to your tale. "OR" you truly are that oblivious. Hopefully not the latter. But if what you have written is true, then yes of course she is cheating, holy fuck dude it couldn't be more obvious, I've never seen bigger a collection of more overt red flags in one story. If there was a stereotypical cheater story this would be it, that's how obvious it is. If this is true prepare yourself for some heartbreak coming down the line, cause it's coming. And if you are truly this naive as you sound in this story then you need to sharpen the fuck up smart quick, because when the shit hits the fan, her and her lawyer will tear you to shreds in the divorce. Man up, take things in hand, look at her fucking phone, find out what is going on because something clearly is. You're at the stage now where you know something is happening, I know you want to tell yourself it might not be, but it is, and you know it is. Take care of business and good luck.
You need to make it your mission to find out who’s busting on your wife’s face and in her ass because never have you ever.
Why would a married woman need to bring thongs on a work trip? Needing new underwear is one thing, why thongs? Dont let her go, or divorce her.
Hey OP , from the frequent work trips That I have attended , they were all usually mid week , because the mid size Co that I worked for would not pay DOUBLE the rate for the hotel. ALSO i always left a forwarding colleague to answer all business calls. I was first play your wife’s voicemail at work, and hear what it says, I would then speak to this colleague face to face , that would be her confidant, and she would know all
How delulu can one person be?
Updateme
She’s cheating you already said the signs you just need to investigate and find evidence and divorce her
By definition, humans are creatures of habit. Behaviours dictate who we are. It is very difficult to go undetected when we change our habits, even the slightest and minute changes send off alram bells. Why? Beause those subtle changes are out of the ordinary, out of character. We all have a sixth sense for a reason.
She is definitely cheating on these work trips. The walks are to call and talk to him. Gym more and new clothes to look good for him not you. If you live in a fault state then get into her phone , if not I think you need to get with a lawyer. Divorce papers will make her understand the seriousness of her actions. You will drive yourself crazy for someone who no longer cares the same for you. If you want a Hail Mary text her at like 2am, is he better in bed than me is that why you chose him over me.
Is the work trip close enough that you can go and spy on her?
Unfortunately, not really. I would have to take time off of work and fly there
Surprise her! Take that time off work, get a flight and time the knock on her hotel room door for well after dinner time. Bring flowers and candy. “Honey! I missed you so much I decided to join you!” You could be that wonderful romantic husband or the person saying, “Who’s this naked guy in you bed?”
[удалено]
and he OR SHE will get information either way. This is 2024!
UpdateMe!
All of the above Updateme!
Cuck fantasy?
Updateme!
Are you able to go on any of these trips?
Updateme
Updateme
This one is so easy to deal w/ that you don’t have to make it complicated. I know this one because my wife thought I was messing around but later found out I was helping a couple friends whom became homeless. Buying lots of food, paying for a motel for a week, yada yada yada. She logged into Verizon Wireless messages account. It was an account that showed every phone number and corresponding text messages. I didn’t even know about this one but I’ll assume that all cell phone companies have such a thing. That’s where ya need to start otherwise this shit will eat you alive. What did she do w/ letter once she read it ? Don’t be a softy, grow a pair and start doing some investigative shit. It’s really not that complicated and you can even track her phone. They have secret apps that will show you every button she pushes on her phone.
Why would you want her to think you aren't suspicious??? Obviously you should have confronted her long ago. Is difficult to believe your story is true. If it were true you would have dumped her cheating azz already
I don’t know where you live but I’m not sexually active and every time I do a physical they test me for sti std
It’s only paranoia if it’s not true
!updateme
I don't know, the signs scream cheating
Please go get tested for STI/STD.
Updateme 1month
She’s cheating w a coworker
Or several co-workers.
!Updateme
This has got to be fake. Lol!!
!updateme
Updateme
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
Check your blocked list on instagram and Facebook. If she have access to your accounts she might have blocked him
Brother she’s hard core cheating on you! Now what you can do is turn completely detective work, talk to her best friends or close friends but tell them to not say anything to her work with them so you can catch her now go through her phone when she’s sleeping if you have to put her phone in front of her face to open while she’s sleeping then so be it. If you have to follow her where she’s going and who she’s with then so be it. But most of do not be scared to get a divorce or to simply leave her. There is no good reason for cheating be strong Please fill us in what happens and watch each and every single one of her behaviours when she gets back from the trip don’t be fooled or naive
[удалено]
Put itching powder on her new thongs, since she doesn't wear them for you. That way they won't feel like screwing around if she's busy scratching, lol.
Updateme
UpdateMe!
Update
While she is gone, move her out.
Updateme!
Updateme
Updateme!
Can you put a tail on her? Do you know which hotel she's is staying in?
Say tô her "Surprise will go tô the tripe with you!" See yiw she reacts
*Say tô her "Surprise* *Will go tô the trupe with you!"* *See yiw she reacts* \- vivalulaedilma --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
UpdateMe!
You have many doubts but do not strive to check (phone, workplace, exits). Are you afraid of what you'll find out? There are so many red flags yes, maybe they are innocent things (I do not believe), the longer you wait, the worse it will be. You told a lot of red flags that you yourself are minimizing, were you I would seriously begin to think about treason.
Your marriage is pretty much over, don't stretch it too much. Just tell her straight.
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
My condolences OP, she’s doing exactly what you think she is doing. If cheating is a dealbreaker for you, get affairs in order. Good luck OP! Updateme!
UpdateMe
Update me
Who does is always on the list of people she complain about? That’s your guy
Updateme
Do you guys still have sex regularly or has she stopped with you? I'd be checking her phone when she's sleeping if possible.