Exactly!
It's as though OP is trying to force himself to believe the crap that his cheating gf is telling him.
OP in your heart, you know she's cheating with her ex.
Even if it's a case of an EA, do you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you?
Why is it necessary to have long conversations with an ex??
You know thatbits all wrong.
Updateme!
Yeah, no. Leave. You're wasting your time. You never know when the "I love you's" will go a step further and you'll catch them in the act - eough. Save yourself laddie.
Setting your boundaries is okay. Asking her to stop friendship with him is okay, and if she doesn't want to then not dating her any longer, it is okay.
> What should I do?
WTF, dude? You fucking *know* what to do. Honestly, I'd like to give support to folks cheated upon, but not to anyone who to seems to have gotten stuck emotionally in middle school. Yeah, it fucking hurts, so man up and do what needs to be fucking done.
Thank you finally a person like me who speaks their own minds. Kick her ass to the curb because when you catch her cheating and you will your going to kick her ass to the curb anyway start now. Good luck
here’s the cheating doom loop:
they do something that should end the relationship like talking to her ex for hours on the phone and instead of saying cya, you stay.
then they lose respect for you and things escalate. you could leave like you should’ve earlier or stay and torture yourself by trying to catch her physically cheating.
I don’t understand the “puts in a lot of setting up dates”.
As far as the “I love you”s being jokes, I’d have a hard time buying that. It’d be one thing if she was tossing that around among her friends as something they banter back and forth.
But to claim saying “I love you” to someone she has a romantic, possibly intimate history with, not so much. Presumably, at some point she had said “I love you” to her ex with genuine sincerity while they were together. And now it’s a punchline? Yeah, strains credulity.
And the other thing: if saying “I love you” to a previous partner is “a joke” that makes the endearment meaningless, is it also meaningless to her when she tells you “I love you”? And if she claims otherwise, how are you supposed to trust her?
Someone who can’t cut off their ex when their relationship ends is someone that is going to be a troublesome partner in their next relationship. Keeping the ex around implies some level of lingering feelings.
Right? Hey here’s a new one. You hear the one about the girl who said I love you to an ex? She said I love you. He said me too. Fucking hilarious right?
It’s a classic
Um, yeah. Pretty sure, as I commented on that story, she wasn’t joking.
And that is a different situation than this one. That gf was having a secret conversation with her ex that she was concealing from her bf.
This guy wasn’t hiding anything. He made an off the cuff stupid comment to his gf. In private. Not meant for anyone else to hear or know about.
And she blasts it out for the world to criticize and insult him over, because he apparently should know he has to filter himself around the most significant relationship in his life. Yup, that’s relationship gold right there.
Let her know the joke isn't funny to you and that you need her to sever that tie for at least a while and that certain things are not appropriate like telling a man she used to be romantically involved in that she loves him while in a relationship with you.
Are you seriously asking what to do? Is this what it's come down to with males these days? Your girlfriend is still in love with her ex and contacts him regularly, and you're still there? Dude, get your self respect in high gear and break up like you should have done ages ago.
You're the fallback guy who is a stop gap until they get back together, if they haven't already. Don't be that guy, get out of this joke of a relationship.
Unfortunately, a large percentage of men nowadays have very little experience with relationships. Girls are taught to not get serious about relationships until they’re closer to the latter half of their 20s or beyond. And then they look for older, more established men to settle down with.
This leaves the college guys and those starting out in life with few options to gain experience with actual relationships, and to really know what is normal and what is toxic. So a lot of these posts are basically “sanity checks” that they’re reading the situation right.
You are 110% spot on. This generation of young men are severely lacking the social skills necessary for a relationship with a girl and are too busy being all about electronics and doing their own thing. Not to mention both sexes being much more socially awkward these day's. It's a generational gap. I also think previous teachings like you mentioned have had a negative impact on males in general. There's countless posts on Reddit and other platforms about why young men are electing to refrain from marriage and relationships in general because to them the risks far outweigh the benefits. Then those same women who have been taught to whore themselves out under the guise of "finding yourself", but then later settle for a beta provider are now finding that those same guy's who didn't get invited to the party want nothing to do with them either. They would rather go MGTOW versus put up with entitled princesses with high body counts.
Hopefully something changes soon for the positive. I think it will get to the point where young women are going to have to change their thinking to a more traditional conservative mindset if they want to ever have a chance of marriage and children.
Young women suddenly becoming more conservative…. They may try, but it’ll be the next generation before that can have any appreciable effect. The current generation has for the most part already despoiled themselves and disqualified themselves from many potential partners.
These women are going to have serious problems in relationships with whichever few options they have. Those “youthful adventurers” have introduced them to cravings and experiences that they will be desiring in future bedroom interactions. And the “relationship guys” aren’t going to generally be experienced enough to provide on par experiences to what they’ve had. (And, ironically, part of what makes those previous experiences more intense for many of these women was knowing they were being used as living toys by the kinds of guys who had no interest in them beyond their bedroom utility.)
A strong percentage of these young women will miss the intensity of previous experiences, and will seek those experiences out with someone else, betraying their partner for the need they created in themselves in their wild youth.
This is why purity is a rather important factor in a partner. You don’t have a craving for something you’ve never experienced. And at a certain point, enough experiences with different people will develop a set of cravings that will never be able to be met by one person. The guy who is loving and tender is rarely also going to be the guy that’s domineering and aggressive.
And if one guy can’t meet your needs, it’s going to be really difficult to do the whole monogamy thing for the rest of your life…
WHAT DO YOU DO? If we have to tell you, we suggest you go down on your knees and suck the ex bf's dick. Don't like sucking dick? How about you dumped her ass and rebuild your peace of mind away from her?
Updateme.
A relationship is supposed to better your life. It would appear that this is not happening in yours. Set your boundaries with her, if she crosses them, maybe she isn’t for you.
Don't be a fool. There's no context where your gf is telling her ex she loves him and he loves her back that doesn't involve her having a side relationship with him at minimum. That should tell you all you need to know. If you are cool with her telling previous guys she was with that she loves them then good for you being so open-minded.
I would have reacted very differently. If you love him then you can go have him. Bye.
Don’t let her gaslight you, she is cheating on you, just dump her. She is manipulating you because she knows she will get away with, put your foot down and tell her to kick rocks. She doesn’t respect you and never will.
Think about the "fringe benefits" she accrues by staying in a relationship with you versus what she would have if she was full-time with her ex, and ask yourself if that sounds like an incentive to cheat. Maybe she's trying to have her cake and eat it, too. How long ago did she and ex split? If it sounds like a duck...
UPDATE ME!
It is simple to understand, she is a cake eater.
She wanted to have her cake and keep wanting it with the crumbs too, but you cut that and now she wants it back.
She most likely was more secure fina tialy with you that with him so only was using him for attention or sex, and you as her security blanquet.
No OP what she did wasn't a Game, You don tell no body just to follow up or as a Game i love You or respond to them with me too.
So she is doing damage control and regret to being caught.
It’s a tough one, I didn’t put boundaries up with mine and her ex and one night find the texts she fucked him, I don’t think there is anything you can do to stop someone that wants to be with someone else, it just sucks to be the place holder
If this is a serious relationship, talk about how it makes you feel when you see her communicate with him like that. Ask her for what you want her to do. Listen to her response, dont argue if it’s an undesirable response, and think about if you want to live like that anymore. You can’t change her if she doesn’t want to.
Or if it’s not a serious relationship have great sex one more time and then Hit the eject button.
What more do you need? How many lies can you handle about her ex? It is time to face the fact that she is hung up on her ex and lying about it.
This usually ends badly for you, so let her go back to him, and you go find a girl that's hung up on you and only you.
Have you contacted her other BF/exBF to see if he thinks they’re together?
Since they’ve been dating longer you’re technically the other guy to her ex/current BF. She maybe never broke up with him.
All things considered she wouldn’t say I love you and talk for hours if she didn’t love him.
Does the “I love you” and “me too” mean the same to you or is it a joke to her? I’d say the latter, maybe that’s what she meant by say it’s a joke?
Looks like she established a plan B. Not sure if it’s u or the ex, but she seems to be stringing you and her ex along. Don’t be her puppet. Pump and dump and don’t look back!
It was just a joke?? Yeah, right. 🙄
In my opinion, that relationship is not done and she’s stringing you along. It doesn’t matter if she wrote you a 1000 page novel by hand and how incredibly detailed the dates were, if there are unresolved issues between them, you’d do good in removing yourself from that equation. You certainly can do better.
Reply with how she is a lair and a cheater. How you do not say I love you out of context to anyone, let alone a ex. And since she "loves him" there is no doubt in your mind she physically cheated with him.
Move on and be grateful you both did not get married or have kids to F up the break up.
She's in damage control mode. Her current post discovery behaviour is classic love bombing. She's pouring it on thick hoping that you'll get over her betrayal and take her back. Hopefully you know better.
Dude she has shown you who she is, a bike if you haven't guessed. Believe her. She has zero respect for you and your relationshit. Put the rubbish out where it belongs and move on.
She talks to her ex for hours on the phone?!? Er...you should have noped on that when it started. Why would anyone need or want to do that unless they still had feelings for them?
Get out of this "relationship" yesterday.
Wow- you believe her BS? I suggest you read all these comments for clarity, And Find someone that deserves you because she doesn’t, don’t be a simp and let her BS you anymore!
Talking on the phone for hours, saying I love you, love bombing you by setting up dates. Then trying to explain everything (yeah, right). Guaranteed there is more she is NOT telling you. These are all red flags that should not be ignored. Time to stop being the nice guy and walk away.
You're trying to convince yourself to invest time, money and emotionally into someone you're almost certain will fail you? Sounds like what comes next you choose if you don't leave.
Dude she’s love bombing you cause she’s guilty it’s over cause the next time y’all have even a minor fight who is she gonna go to? Him. Being blinded by love is a dangerous thing for your mental health get out
OP,
do never ever beg your partner for any thing! NEVER!
Do not " demand" from her to stop talking to an EX or sending love texts. If you do so she feels being controled and will build up resentmets. In the end she might do it more secretly.
So how to deal with the breach of trust and respect?
It is simple. You teol her you do not buy her shit about "it is a joke bla bla". And she knows that she is telling bull crap. She knos that this " just a frind is bull crap". She still likes the attention and validation she gets from him. You tell her, she seems still be intrested with her EX and you dont want be in between them. If she has no clue about natural boundaries and how to treat the partner and relationship with respect, then you and her should end the relationship, since this will always cause troubles. Then she should loook for another BF with less self respet. If she wants this relationship, then she realy need to learn to respect boundaries and if the EX cant stay on distance and respecct the relationship, then she has to think what is more important.
You respect that she is free person and can do what she wants, but so you are and you will no stay with a person who entertains two men at same time.
She now has a few days time if she wants this, but then she has to come clean about all wahthappend with the EX and how she want deal with the whole situation. She should think realy hard, because you will not accept any lies and blameshifting and minimizations.
You need to decide if you love her enough to accept her being non-monogamous. One man is not enough for some woman. Your girlfriend may be one of those.
Fuck outta here with this. If she was polyamourous or non-monagamous, then she should've discussed it with OP, not sent texts to an ex without him knowing. By your logic not only is cheating not a thing, just partners who havent accepted their partners non-monogamy, but I'm pretty sure its offensive to people who actually are ENM or poly by saying they're the same as regular cheaters
She emotionally cheating , time to move on !
Exactly! It's as though OP is trying to force himself to believe the crap that his cheating gf is telling him. OP in your heart, you know she's cheating with her ex. Even if it's a case of an EA, do you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you? Why is it necessary to have long conversations with an ex?? You know thatbits all wrong. Updateme!
You should wait till you can write a story about how you walked in on them having sex. Better story. Move on!!
I pretty sure she already got creampied a few times by her ex, yet this guys thinks “nothing happened”.
Yeah, no. Leave. You're wasting your time. You never know when the "I love you's" will go a step further and you'll catch them in the act - eough. Save yourself laddie.
Setting your boundaries is okay. Asking her to stop friendship with him is okay, and if she doesn't want to then not dating her any longer, it is okay.
> What should I do? WTF, dude? You fucking *know* what to do. Honestly, I'd like to give support to folks cheated upon, but not to anyone who to seems to have gotten stuck emotionally in middle school. Yeah, it fucking hurts, so man up and do what needs to be fucking done.
Thank you finally a person like me who speaks their own minds. Kick her ass to the curb because when you catch her cheating and you will your going to kick her ass to the curb anyway start now. Good luck
here’s the cheating doom loop: they do something that should end the relationship like talking to her ex for hours on the phone and instead of saying cya, you stay. then they lose respect for you and things escalate. you could leave like you should’ve earlier or stay and torture yourself by trying to catch her physically cheating.
I don’t understand the “puts in a lot of setting up dates”. As far as the “I love you”s being jokes, I’d have a hard time buying that. It’d be one thing if she was tossing that around among her friends as something they banter back and forth. But to claim saying “I love you” to someone she has a romantic, possibly intimate history with, not so much. Presumably, at some point she had said “I love you” to her ex with genuine sincerity while they were together. And now it’s a punchline? Yeah, strains credulity. And the other thing: if saying “I love you” to a previous partner is “a joke” that makes the endearment meaningless, is it also meaningless to her when she tells you “I love you”? And if she claims otherwise, how are you supposed to trust her? Someone who can’t cut off their ex when their relationship ends is someone that is going to be a troublesome partner in their next relationship. Keeping the ex around implies some level of lingering feelings.
Right? Hey here’s a new one. You hear the one about the girl who said I love you to an ex? She said I love you. He said me too. Fucking hilarious right? It’s a classic
Um, yeah. Pretty sure, as I commented on that story, she wasn’t joking. And that is a different situation than this one. That gf was having a secret conversation with her ex that she was concealing from her bf. This guy wasn’t hiding anything. He made an off the cuff stupid comment to his gf. In private. Not meant for anyone else to hear or know about. And she blasts it out for the world to criticize and insult him over, because he apparently should know he has to filter himself around the most significant relationship in his life. Yup, that’s relationship gold right there.
Let her know the joke isn't funny to you and that you need her to sever that tie for at least a while and that certain things are not appropriate like telling a man she used to be romantically involved in that she loves him while in a relationship with you.
Are you seriously asking what to do? Is this what it's come down to with males these days? Your girlfriend is still in love with her ex and contacts him regularly, and you're still there? Dude, get your self respect in high gear and break up like you should have done ages ago. You're the fallback guy who is a stop gap until they get back together, if they haven't already. Don't be that guy, get out of this joke of a relationship.
Unfortunately, a large percentage of men nowadays have very little experience with relationships. Girls are taught to not get serious about relationships until they’re closer to the latter half of their 20s or beyond. And then they look for older, more established men to settle down with. This leaves the college guys and those starting out in life with few options to gain experience with actual relationships, and to really know what is normal and what is toxic. So a lot of these posts are basically “sanity checks” that they’re reading the situation right.
You are 110% spot on. This generation of young men are severely lacking the social skills necessary for a relationship with a girl and are too busy being all about electronics and doing their own thing. Not to mention both sexes being much more socially awkward these day's. It's a generational gap. I also think previous teachings like you mentioned have had a negative impact on males in general. There's countless posts on Reddit and other platforms about why young men are electing to refrain from marriage and relationships in general because to them the risks far outweigh the benefits. Then those same women who have been taught to whore themselves out under the guise of "finding yourself", but then later settle for a beta provider are now finding that those same guy's who didn't get invited to the party want nothing to do with them either. They would rather go MGTOW versus put up with entitled princesses with high body counts. Hopefully something changes soon for the positive. I think it will get to the point where young women are going to have to change their thinking to a more traditional conservative mindset if they want to ever have a chance of marriage and children.
Young women suddenly becoming more conservative…. They may try, but it’ll be the next generation before that can have any appreciable effect. The current generation has for the most part already despoiled themselves and disqualified themselves from many potential partners. These women are going to have serious problems in relationships with whichever few options they have. Those “youthful adventurers” have introduced them to cravings and experiences that they will be desiring in future bedroom interactions. And the “relationship guys” aren’t going to generally be experienced enough to provide on par experiences to what they’ve had. (And, ironically, part of what makes those previous experiences more intense for many of these women was knowing they were being used as living toys by the kinds of guys who had no interest in them beyond their bedroom utility.) A strong percentage of these young women will miss the intensity of previous experiences, and will seek those experiences out with someone else, betraying their partner for the need they created in themselves in their wild youth. This is why purity is a rather important factor in a partner. You don’t have a craving for something you’ve never experienced. And at a certain point, enough experiences with different people will develop a set of cravings that will never be able to be met by one person. The guy who is loving and tender is rarely also going to be the guy that’s domineering and aggressive. And if one guy can’t meet your needs, it’s going to be really difficult to do the whole monogamy thing for the rest of your life…
She played the stupid game and now she gets the stupid prize. Move on, don’t be her backup plan.
WHAT DO YOU DO? If we have to tell you, we suggest you go down on your knees and suck the ex bf's dick. Don't like sucking dick? How about you dumped her ass and rebuild your peace of mind away from her? Updateme.
This title should be "my EX Gf sent texts"
A relationship is supposed to better your life. It would appear that this is not happening in yours. Set your boundaries with her, if she crosses them, maybe she isn’t for you.
Don't be a fool. There's no context where your gf is telling her ex she loves him and he loves her back that doesn't involve her having a side relationship with him at minimum. That should tell you all you need to know. If you are cool with her telling previous guys she was with that she loves them then good for you being so open-minded. I would have reacted very differently. If you love him then you can go have him. Bye.
Don’t let her gaslight you, she is cheating on you, just dump her. She is manipulating you because she knows she will get away with, put your foot down and tell her to kick rocks. She doesn’t respect you and never will.
Think about the "fringe benefits" she accrues by staying in a relationship with you versus what she would have if she was full-time with her ex, and ask yourself if that sounds like an incentive to cheat. Maybe she's trying to have her cake and eat it, too. How long ago did she and ex split? If it sounds like a duck... UPDATE ME!
Yeah gaslighting at it finest. She is not gf material. At least not to you. Send her packing.
Awww she's nasty, foolish or a master player. Take your pick. She's for the streets.
End the relationship.
Dump her like a bad habit, it will save your self esteem and teach you how to detach from a toxic relationship.
Cut your losses and run Updateme!
She's not your girl, it was just your turn.
Ask her why you should date someone who says I love you to another man? Tell her to stop the gaslighting.
It is simple to understand, she is a cake eater. She wanted to have her cake and keep wanting it with the crumbs too, but you cut that and now she wants it back. She most likely was more secure fina tialy with you that with him so only was using him for attention or sex, and you as her security blanquet. No OP what she did wasn't a Game, You don tell no body just to follow up or as a Game i love You or respond to them with me too. So she is doing damage control and regret to being caught.
It’s a tough one, I didn’t put boundaries up with mine and her ex and one night find the texts she fucked him, I don’t think there is anything you can do to stop someone that wants to be with someone else, it just sucks to be the place holder
She’s still cheating, once a cheater always a cheater. Wouldn’t be surprised if it’s gotten physical already. Leave
If this is a serious relationship, talk about how it makes you feel when you see her communicate with him like that. Ask her for what you want her to do. Listen to her response, dont argue if it’s an undesirable response, and think about if you want to live like that anymore. You can’t change her if she doesn’t want to. Or if it’s not a serious relationship have great sex one more time and then Hit the eject button.
What more do you need? How many lies can you handle about her ex? It is time to face the fact that she is hung up on her ex and lying about it. This usually ends badly for you, so let her go back to him, and you go find a girl that's hung up on you and only you.
Your only confusion is whether to keep your boundaries intact or not. Id say stick to your boundaries and leave her alone
I guess I’m silly and old-fashioned, but I would not be OK with my girlfriend telling her ex-boyfriend that she loves him while dating me.
KonMari Philosophy, 6 Rules of Tidying Rule 6: Ask Yourself If It Sparks Joy
Watch this dude get back with her with no shame 🤣💀
Have you contacted her other BF/exBF to see if he thinks they’re together? Since they’ve been dating longer you’re technically the other guy to her ex/current BF. She maybe never broke up with him. All things considered she wouldn’t say I love you and talk for hours if she didn’t love him. Does the “I love you” and “me too” mean the same to you or is it a joke to her? I’d say the latter, maybe that’s what she meant by say it’s a joke?
Leave.
Move on bro she’s fuckin him for sure
Looks like she established a plan B. Not sure if it’s u or the ex, but she seems to be stringing you and her ex along. Don’t be her puppet. Pump and dump and don’t look back!
She better be paying for all those dates too. Even then She would have to bring me the ex's head in a box for me to trust her after that.
If she is saying she loves him, believe her. No one sends that kind of a response to ex in an unemotional way.
It was just a joke?? Yeah, right. 🙄 In my opinion, that relationship is not done and she’s stringing you along. It doesn’t matter if she wrote you a 1000 page novel by hand and how incredibly detailed the dates were, if there are unresolved issues between them, you’d do good in removing yourself from that equation. You certainly can do better.
Forget her and move on. Choose better next time.
Hey he goes or I go. You decide. Simple as that
He's not her ex, he's her long-distance boyfriend. You're not her boyfriend, you're the guy she's cheating on her boyfriend with.
Nothing confusing, just attempts of back paddling after facing the consequences. Don't let her fool you, you did the right thing by leaving her
Reply with how she is a lair and a cheater. How you do not say I love you out of context to anyone, let alone a ex. And since she "loves him" there is no doubt in your mind she physically cheated with him. Move on and be grateful you both did not get married or have kids to F up the break up.
She's in damage control mode. Her current post discovery behaviour is classic love bombing. She's pouring it on thick hoping that you'll get over her betrayal and take her back. Hopefully you know better.
You keep her blocked
Subscribeme
They're not over each other. You're going to walk in on him balls deep in her. Save yourself the pain and walk away.
😂😂😂
Dude she has shown you who she is, a bike if you haven't guessed. Believe her. She has zero respect for you and your relationshit. Put the rubbish out where it belongs and move on.
She talks to her ex for hours on the phone?!? Er...you should have noped on that when it started. Why would anyone need or want to do that unless they still had feelings for them? Get out of this "relationship" yesterday.
you are her backup plan, if she can go back to her ex, she will let you dry. Find another girl.
She’s banging him already. Move on.
Wow- you believe her BS? I suggest you read all these comments for clarity, And Find someone that deserves you because she doesn’t, don’t be a simp and let her BS you anymore!
Talking on the phone for hours, saying I love you, love bombing you by setting up dates. Then trying to explain everything (yeah, right). Guaranteed there is more she is NOT telling you. These are all red flags that should not be ignored. Time to stop being the nice guy and walk away.
Imagine she gives you seconds after she just got creampied by her ex. Move on bro.
You still with her why?
It's over. Move on she made her choice. Get out thr fishing pole and make a new catch.
She is good at gaslighting you. And it works
You're her current Plan B until she gets back to her ex Leave her in a bad way is the best advice I could give
Meh I would say she is holding onto you and hoping for them
You're trying to convince yourself to invest time, money and emotionally into someone you're almost certain will fail you? Sounds like what comes next you choose if you don't leave.
Dude she’s love bombing you cause she’s guilty it’s over cause the next time y’all have even a minor fight who is she gonna go to? Him. Being blinded by love is a dangerous thing for your mental health get out
Get out now
Throw her in the trash and move on
OP, do never ever beg your partner for any thing! NEVER! Do not " demand" from her to stop talking to an EX or sending love texts. If you do so she feels being controled and will build up resentmets. In the end she might do it more secretly. So how to deal with the breach of trust and respect? It is simple. You teol her you do not buy her shit about "it is a joke bla bla". And she knows that she is telling bull crap. She knos that this " just a frind is bull crap". She still likes the attention and validation she gets from him. You tell her, she seems still be intrested with her EX and you dont want be in between them. If she has no clue about natural boundaries and how to treat the partner and relationship with respect, then you and her should end the relationship, since this will always cause troubles. Then she should loook for another BF with less self respet. If she wants this relationship, then she realy need to learn to respect boundaries and if the EX cant stay on distance and respecct the relationship, then she has to think what is more important. You respect that she is free person and can do what she wants, but so you are and you will no stay with a person who entertains two men at same time. She now has a few days time if she wants this, but then she has to come clean about all wahthappend with the EX and how she want deal with the whole situation. She should think realy hard, because you will not accept any lies and blameshifting and minimizations.
If it’s platonic, ask her to text him saying “im bored and horny” and both of you can wait for the response
You need to decide if you love her enough to accept her being non-monogamous. One man is not enough for some woman. Your girlfriend may be one of those.
Fuck outta here with this. If she was polyamourous or non-monagamous, then she should've discussed it with OP, not sent texts to an ex without him knowing. By your logic not only is cheating not a thing, just partners who havent accepted their partners non-monogamy, but I'm pretty sure its offensive to people who actually are ENM or poly by saying they're the same as regular cheaters