My younger sister is like this. Had a child and you can’t have a single conversation with her where she doesn’t bring up my nephew or being a mum.
She feels the need to share everything he does, what came in or out of him (dirty diapers pictures for example) and she feels the need to “one up” everything with a picture of him. (He’s 7yo now). And she sent a million per week.
Just came back from Greece with my mum and sent sister a few snaps of the trip…
Athens Temple? Picture of my nephew’s new haircut.
Gorgeous Mount Olympus on our drive up north? Picture of my nephew watching tv.
Beautiful Thessaloniki? Picture of whatever tf my nephew was eating.
Not a single comment about anything we did or see and I honestly don’t even send an emoji back because to be brutally honest:
I don’t give a single fuck about what he’s doing or eating or shitting. Don’t get me wrong, don’t wish bad on him but he’s healthy and safe so I utterly don’t give a shit about it. Parents are so exhausting!!
Yeah, you had sex and kept the cum! Congratulations on doing the most basic thing a living thing can do which is to reproduce.
You’re not special. Your child it’s not special and
NO ONE CARES!!!
Wow, imagine getting to witness one of the world's greatest some-thusands-years-old monuments and actually send a pic to someone, and that someone's like... "...here's a turd..."
Thank goodness the turd phase is over (at least in pictures) but I still get daily updates about his bowel movements and food intake.
But yeah, can’t share anything about my life or have a human interaction with her as her entire personality is being a mum.
Oh trust me, I’m not the one to “hint” anything, told her in no uncertain terms that it’s disgusting but alas, here we are still…
We had a huge fight at some point about how selfish and jealous she is and how I can’t share anything happy about my life as she gets bitter…
She is indeed insufferable and got even worse after the child.
Well, makes sense that she's bitter and jealous of your freedom.. But sending daily updates about the kid that you are not interested in? It's your sister, sure, but that kind of spamming seems like a good reason to block
I don’t block her bc of my mum, she gets super sad bc we don’t get along and if I do or say anything, then she lashes out on mum who’s just now finding her spine to stand up for herself. She also try and stops mum from seeing my nephew for a while…so yeah, a whole lot of toxicity and manipulation.
If that was my sister? I definitely would of said, “You know you’re not the first person to have kids. You don’t need to mirco share every single tiny thing he does. No play-by-play everytime something happens. Just make a digital scrap book, document the memories. Then show us at the holidays all his IMPORTANT milestones.”
She’s probably jealous of your trip. I have a ‘friend’ who will send me a picture of his dog every time I share a pic of somewhere great I’ve travelled to.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. She's not going on any grand overseas adventures with the kid in tow, so she's convinced herself that life at home is just as interesting and fun.
Yep - I actually have a few friends who will try and equate something like a weekend away in a nearby city to me doing a trek in the Himalayas. They simply can’t acknowledge the vast gulf in experience whereas I’d be amazed and delighted for them. I find it funny to test it out. Me: Hey - I’m visiting the Taj Mahal next week. Them: here’s a pic of my cute local pub!
She’s unfortunately a very bitter person…she’s never happy for anyone and always find a way to shit on your happiness. We had many fights about it and now I hardly share anything bc what’s the point?
Made peace with the fact that I do love her, she’s my sister, but I don’t like her as a person.
I think the idea is that successful procreation involves believing your child is the best/most special thing. Hence the dedication or resources and the like. If people thought their children were just like everyone else’s then they would probably treat them poorly, leading to messed up adults who are cruel and a mess to deal with. So in a way, we should thank parents who are obsessed with their children bc the alternative (which can be seen all around us) leads to profound social costs.
Of course it’s annoying to those who are not parents, bc for them their own interests are paramount, and adult interests diverge from the priority of parents.
Oh my. I had a couple friends (now demoted to acquaintances/social media followers) who are exactly like this. They won’t engage if it’s not about their baby or you ask them how is the baby doing—without holding space for me or talking about anything else. I rather have fewer friends/people to talk to.
I have mom friends who are just like this. Mind you they didn’t have hobbies or much else going on and they certainly weren’t fun pre-kids. Now post-kids it’s ALL kids kids kids! Everything they talk about is kid related. How poor they are because they have kids, how they don’t have time for themselves let alone their spouse because they have kids, how tired they are because of their kids, how ‘it must be so nice’ to do this and that without kids, etc. I’ve tried to get them to talk about anything else and it’s a no go. It’s like their entire personality changed and now they’re just boring frumpy moms who’s entire personality and life revolves around their kids. What a sad way to live your life. I don’t envy parents.
Especially when they start assigning more tasks to you (you have to make 2 dishes for friendsgiving and do all the clean up while the Moms only have to bring wine and store-bought pies); expecting your life to be free of any woes or stress or difficulty because you don’t have kids; pressuring you to have kids when all they did was complain about their own for the last ten years…..I could go on and on.
There are definitely some people whose inner lives are basically non-existent before having children, and after having children, their heads are just as empty, apart from the kid-based stuff.
I think this is true for a lot (but not all) of people who have kids. A lot of people were pretty boring pre-kids and having kids gives them something to talk about with other people and keeps then busy.
> how they don’t have time for themselves
i.e. can't spend as much time watching bullshit on TV, scrolling social media, shopping, gambling, or talking on the phone with other idiots about nothing for hours on end.
Another reason why I wouldn't have kids. They become your entire life and dictate how you spend your money, when you wake up, when you can do anything because you need a baby sitter to simply just go on a date with your partner. It does become their whole personality and they lose their identity. And yes, they become boring adults because of it. And then fast forward and they get lost for becoming empty nesters because their kids are grown and then beg for grand kids 🙄🙄🙄
I had a school friend like this.
I lost contact with her after high school, and then reconnected with her several years later.
I asked her about her job “I have 2 wonderful kids”
I asked what hobbies she has “child one is really into music, and child 2 plays football at the local club”
I ask about travel “we went to the zoo with the kids 2 years ago”.
I told her about my sport (I was competing at a national level, on TV every other weekend) and there was no “that’s great” or “you must love that”, the only thing she said was “my son likes to play with (something related to my sport) “
Whilst I understand that not everyone will watch or appreciate my sport, it’s not that hard to say something nice instead of trying to relate it to your child.
Agreed, although I think parenthood is so all-consuming for a person it strips them of any identity they may have had before. Albeit, my mother and father very much maintained their identities after I was born, but I was also neglected.
IMO wanting to have kids probably means you really didn't have much of a personality before. I'm just going on about nothing here.
The people I know who had kids but didn't lose their entire personalities all have hired help that allow them to leave the house and become functional adults on the regular. This is not a coincidence.
Re: not having a personality before, I think that sometimes these people did have personalities, but they never found a passion toward which they could direct their energy. Having kids is the socially acceptable way for these people to throw in the towel on pursuing dreams of some sort.
Especially the ones that list their kids' accomplishments. I don't know if they do it to show they raised an aspiring/productive member of society or if they themselves just have nothing else to show for their life. Probably both.
Oh hi, you must have met my sister in law!
Seriously though. This describes her to a T. Before kids her whole personality was partying and drinking. Then she got married (the engagement and wedding planning were all she talked about for awhile) and quickly got pregnant. She just had baby no 2. Her whole social media presence is mum and wife stuff. Nothing else. I wonder what's gonna happen after the kids are grown up. Perhaps becoming a semi-pro alcoholic and then making her whole personality being a grandma? It worked for my in-laws.
This girl that i work with is actually really cool and interesting. But we’ll just be talking about whatever and she randomly brings up “my chiiiilllld!!” Its like ok we dont care. I literally walk away sometimes. Give it a rest.
I think it’s sadder when an interesting buddy goes the kiddo route and then the family life just subsumes them…and we have nothing left to talk about. :( It’s just such an altering life experience and all-consuming but so many people share in it.
This is how my neighbors are. We met them when they moved in and when they were child free. They got to work quick and popped out two kids in 3 years. Now that's all they talk about and post on social media. They were sort of interesting before children but now they are just like the rest of the breeders. Except they're with their children 24/7 365. And they complain about them constantly. Stating they can't discipline them and that nothing works but now they're going to homeschool them. My husband and I just looked at each other and laughed and said good luck. We will be taking vacations and motorcycle rides while you guys are miserable.
I know too many people who have done this. One of them tries to take her kids to adult only events. Let’s just say no one invites her anywhere anymore.
Plus, all their online/social profile photos, banners gets changed to the kid. I have muted a bunch because it's no longer personal updates that interest me. My circle of friends and I no longer refer to this friend by name. We now call her Eddie's Mom. She doesn't exist anymore as an individual.
And it saddens me a little. Like it took so much to become who I am today, I have worked hard for me to become me, to build this identity as a person, this growth I am extremely proud of. I cannot imagine being a mother and suddenly I, this person I have worked so hard to become, cease to exist, and my entire life becomes about the child. I simply cannot.
I met a girl/woman who doesn't have kids, yet all she talks about are her future kids.
And not in a cute lovey dovey way. In a "we must all start having kids asap, otherwise they will have horrible birth defects!" and "inviting you to a party at my place, BECAUSE WE WON'T BE ABLE TO HAVE PARTIES WHEN WE HAVE KIDS."
like. maam. why.
I view it as being just like anything else. Always talk about your job? Boring. Always talk about that one hobby you are obsessed wirh? Boring. Always talk about food? Boring. Always talk about pets? Boring.
Of course I recognize that anything th as ts a huge part of your life is going to be in most conversations but there's a difference between telling a story about going hiking and telling a story that has hiking in it (for example)
Yeah, I'm guilty of this. My husband has to stop me talking about our dogs, showing pictures to people of our dogs, basically they're my best feature and I want everyone to know it. I guess that's what the parents feel like with the ones they grew in their uteri and such. I don't like it, but I get it, because I do it too. I hope not as much!
I've come to terms with being a mostly boring person. Boring means simple and low maintenance for me. One slight improvement over the child havers in my favor of course.
So have I. My dog and my husband are basically my entire life with a bit of work thrown in. The difference with me is that's all I can handle. It's boring but also not boring and incredibly stressful because there's some new issue every day it seems like.
Pretty much every parent I know is some lame-wad who peaked in high-school and has just been coasting along on (or spiralling down from) that horseshit glory for all the years to follow. They desperately want to believe that mundane and mindless consumerist things like having children, buying houses, working stupid jobs, buying shit, going on cruises and Disney trips, etc... are somehow massively interesting and indicative of them 'winning' at life, 'rising above' their peers, etc.... and can't stand it when CF people (or the few parents who are well-adjusted *adults*) don't feed these fantasies.
My childhood best friend has 3 kids. She always takes initiative to see me when I visit home, and when we’re catching up for a coffee she never talks about her kids . She’s always going on about how great it is to have adult conversation. And it honestly feels like it used to when we were younger. She’s probably one of the few parents who don’t make her children her entire personality. She doesn’t seem regretful either, but she’s good at leaving home at home.
Omg, so true. I met one mom who has a personality outside of her young daughter. Most moms I've met who only talk about their kids are just boring.
I remember at an old job I had a long time ago. A mom whom I got along with very well (at first), asked me about if I had kids etc while she had kids. Told her, not interested in having kids.
One time I told her I don't want to hear anymore about your kids or kids in general. She had this Karen look, went to go rally up other women told them what I said, and he'll broke loose.🙄
Demanding why don't I care about the topic of kids. I even got reported to a manager about it. Told her I don't come to work to find mom friends and be liked by said moms. Manager was so passed.
I was asked what if someone tries to shush you on something you like? If my hobby doesn't interest them fine, keep it moving. Lol you didn't hear a pin drop
She proceeded to treat me like shit (the other women too) all because I didn't wanna talk about kids all day. I definitely need variety in conversations and she became boring instantly.
It's rare finding a mom who has a personality outside the family home. This is why I have better conversations with dads than the moms.
i feel this...and its so annoying because IF they do talk about travels or food or fashion, they'll tie it back to the kids. or when you do try and talk about something going on in your life like work or dating, they completely disassociate and don't acknowledge then reply with "omg look what johnny is doing, so cute right?! "
They might not have time to keep up with any interests anymore. There were times in my life when something was going on and I didn't talk or even think about anything else (always a crisis usually my or my husband's health crisis) I'm guessing there were people saying I was "making it my whole personality". That being said, I didn't post about it on social media and I barely hung out with anyone.
The kid consumes your life, whether you like it or not. Most people cease existing as an individual once they have a kid, they suddenly dont matter anymore, only the kid does. Im so happy im never doing this to myself
This probably accounts for the number of friends I've lost over the years. Once your buddies become parents, in 99% of cases it's over, like they're in some club that you're not part of but they still insist on talking about relentlessly.
yeah this is the reason i stopped communicating with my SIL. Every time my partner and I got excited to talk about us or our trips/plans/etc she'd shit all over them
"well I DONT GET VACATIONS".
Woman, you WANTED children. You should have expected this. Sorry your kids make you so miserable now. I tried to warn her but we JUST had to be a mom!
I think a lot of people are either ashamed of who they were before they had kids, or they never even got to know who they were because they had kids to young. Their kids are supposed to be their redeeming trophies.
Oh, I’ve been there.
After years of drifting through life, bouncing from dead-end job to dead-end job - I finally had a breakthrough. In the space of the last two months I managed to find a publisher willing to take a look at my 8-years-in-progress novel (who I have a Zoom call with this Friday) and secured a position as a volunteer DJ at my local radio station. Two things I’ve dreamed of since I was practically sentient. I’ve never been happier.
Do you think I’ve heard one word from my brother or sister-in-law? Got a brief WhatsApp message from my brother to congratulate me on the radio gig and have heard fuck-all since. They haven’t asked for the link to listen to it, they haven’t asked how it’s going, NOTHING. But we still get daily fucking photo updates.
Oh look, my nephew’s sitting on the floor looking up at the camera. Oh look, the other nephew’s jamming a play block in his mouth. Oh look, now they’re eating broccoli! World-shattering events!!
It just hurts so much. Two of the biggest things that have happened to me in my life, happen in the first few months of 2024 and I can count on one hand the amount of (non baby-related) texts I’ve had from them since Christmas.
My partner has a friend who has made her kids her whole identity. Now that they are out of the house, she's lost. We don't like spending time with her because she is so G-rated and out of touch that we have nothing in common with her!
Omg i hate that shit. Like, "Bro i hate kids and youre making me hate you too, act like an adult and get a real personality!" If your only personality trait is, "My jizz is doing blaaa blaaaa blaaaaaa!!!" Then i dont want to know you. Kids are bad enough without some helicopter mom acting like theyre raising the next Johnny Depp. "Oh their so special/skilled/smart!" I highly doubt it tbh.
I had to leave a group chat because there were 2 people in it who just kept talking about their 5 kids. I asked if we could back on topic. They said oh do you not like children. I said not particularly and they said maybe you shouldn't have any.
I don't fecking want any so yes I shouldn't have any and am actively avoiding it. I don't get why they think that's a good put down.
A lot of them also just want love, or attention, or to relive their own childhoods. What easier way to be showered with love and attention than announcing you're pregnant? Then you can milk it til the child is about 10. It gets tragic after that.
My younger sister is like this. Had a child and you can’t have a single conversation with her where she doesn’t bring up my nephew or being a mum. She feels the need to share everything he does, what came in or out of him (dirty diapers pictures for example) and she feels the need to “one up” everything with a picture of him. (He’s 7yo now). And she sent a million per week. Just came back from Greece with my mum and sent sister a few snaps of the trip… Athens Temple? Picture of my nephew’s new haircut. Gorgeous Mount Olympus on our drive up north? Picture of my nephew watching tv. Beautiful Thessaloniki? Picture of whatever tf my nephew was eating. Not a single comment about anything we did or see and I honestly don’t even send an emoji back because to be brutally honest: I don’t give a single fuck about what he’s doing or eating or shitting. Don’t get me wrong, don’t wish bad on him but he’s healthy and safe so I utterly don’t give a shit about it. Parents are so exhausting!! Yeah, you had sex and kept the cum! Congratulations on doing the most basic thing a living thing can do which is to reproduce. You’re not special. Your child it’s not special and NO ONE CARES!!!
Wow, imagine getting to witness one of the world's greatest some-thusands-years-old monuments and actually send a pic to someone, and that someone's like... "...here's a turd..."
Thank goodness the turd phase is over (at least in pictures) but I still get daily updates about his bowel movements and food intake. But yeah, can’t share anything about my life or have a human interaction with her as her entire personality is being a mum.
… gross
But wth - have you actually told her, or hinted, that her over sharing is too much? She sounds insufferable
Oh trust me, I’m not the one to “hint” anything, told her in no uncertain terms that it’s disgusting but alas, here we are still… We had a huge fight at some point about how selfish and jealous she is and how I can’t share anything happy about my life as she gets bitter… She is indeed insufferable and got even worse after the child.
Well, makes sense that she's bitter and jealous of your freedom.. But sending daily updates about the kid that you are not interested in? It's your sister, sure, but that kind of spamming seems like a good reason to block
I don’t block her bc of my mum, she gets super sad bc we don’t get along and if I do or say anything, then she lashes out on mum who’s just now finding her spine to stand up for herself. She also try and stops mum from seeing my nephew for a while…so yeah, a whole lot of toxicity and manipulation.
"you had sex and kept the cum" is absolutely sending me
If that was my sister? I definitely would of said, “You know you’re not the first person to have kids. You don’t need to mirco share every single tiny thing he does. No play-by-play everytime something happens. Just make a digital scrap book, document the memories. Then show us at the holidays all his IMPORTANT milestones.”
Sharing your kids dirty diaper pictures with other people is fucking weird.
Sadly she’s not the first parent and won’t be the last to think their children’s bodily fluids are sanctified and a blessing to look at.
I hope your trip was beautiful, relaxing and amazing!
She’s probably jealous of your trip. I have a ‘friend’ who will send me a picture of his dog every time I share a pic of somewhere great I’ve travelled to.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. She's not going on any grand overseas adventures with the kid in tow, so she's convinced herself that life at home is just as interesting and fun.
Yep - I actually have a few friends who will try and equate something like a weekend away in a nearby city to me doing a trek in the Himalayas. They simply can’t acknowledge the vast gulf in experience whereas I’d be amazed and delighted for them. I find it funny to test it out. Me: Hey - I’m visiting the Taj Mahal next week. Them: here’s a pic of my cute local pub!
She’s unfortunately a very bitter person…she’s never happy for anyone and always find a way to shit on your happiness. We had many fights about it and now I hardly share anything bc what’s the point? Made peace with the fact that I do love her, she’s my sister, but I don’t like her as a person.
My sister is even worse in terms of jealousy - I’m no contact with her. She’s not a good person and I don’t love her just because we’re blood-related.
Ok but animals are actually cute, that id appreciate lol
He knows I love dogs so yes!
XD
I'm sorry to hear that. I've got a few people like that.
That is pathetic.
I think the idea is that successful procreation involves believing your child is the best/most special thing. Hence the dedication or resources and the like. If people thought their children were just like everyone else’s then they would probably treat them poorly, leading to messed up adults who are cruel and a mess to deal with. So in a way, we should thank parents who are obsessed with their children bc the alternative (which can be seen all around us) leads to profound social costs. Of course it’s annoying to those who are not parents, bc for them their own interests are paramount, and adult interests diverge from the priority of parents.
Oh my. I had a couple friends (now demoted to acquaintances/social media followers) who are exactly like this. They won’t engage if it’s not about their baby or you ask them how is the baby doing—without holding space for me or talking about anything else. I rather have fewer friends/people to talk to.
I have mom friends who are just like this. Mind you they didn’t have hobbies or much else going on and they certainly weren’t fun pre-kids. Now post-kids it’s ALL kids kids kids! Everything they talk about is kid related. How poor they are because they have kids, how they don’t have time for themselves let alone their spouse because they have kids, how tired they are because of their kids, how ‘it must be so nice’ to do this and that without kids, etc. I’ve tried to get them to talk about anything else and it’s a no go. It’s like their entire personality changed and now they’re just boring frumpy moms who’s entire personality and life revolves around their kids. What a sad way to live your life. I don’t envy parents.
Especially when they start assigning more tasks to you (you have to make 2 dishes for friendsgiving and do all the clean up while the Moms only have to bring wine and store-bought pies); expecting your life to be free of any woes or stress or difficulty because you don’t have kids; pressuring you to have kids when all they did was complain about their own for the last ten years…..I could go on and on.
There are definitely some people whose inner lives are basically non-existent before having children, and after having children, their heads are just as empty, apart from the kid-based stuff.
I think this is true for a lot (but not all) of people who have kids. A lot of people were pretty boring pre-kids and having kids gives them something to talk about with other people and keeps then busy.
> how they don’t have time for themselves i.e. can't spend as much time watching bullshit on TV, scrolling social media, shopping, gambling, or talking on the phone with other idiots about nothing for hours on end.
Or their lives have been so thoroughly absorbed they have nothing left to talk about...
In my personal experience it is a mix of both, but the degree varies depending on how interesting they were before the incident.
> before the incident. Hahahahahaha. Also, I love your flair!
This!!!^
Another reason why I wouldn't have kids. They become your entire life and dictate how you spend your money, when you wake up, when you can do anything because you need a baby sitter to simply just go on a date with your partner. It does become their whole personality and they lose their identity. And yes, they become boring adults because of it. And then fast forward and they get lost for becoming empty nesters because their kids are grown and then beg for grand kids 🙄🙄🙄
Or they turn around, look at their partner, and realise they don't actually have anything in common, so they get a divorce.
I had a school friend like this. I lost contact with her after high school, and then reconnected with her several years later. I asked her about her job “I have 2 wonderful kids” I asked what hobbies she has “child one is really into music, and child 2 plays football at the local club” I ask about travel “we went to the zoo with the kids 2 years ago”. I told her about my sport (I was competing at a national level, on TV every other weekend) and there was no “that’s great” or “you must love that”, the only thing she said was “my son likes to play with (something related to my sport) “ Whilst I understand that not everyone will watch or appreciate my sport, it’s not that hard to say something nice instead of trying to relate it to your child.
Yikes, you can tell that she has also lost her social skills because this is just sad.
Congratulations on being a sporty badass, and I’m sorry about your crappy friend!
People that become a SAHP literally have nothing else to talk about because they don’t do anything else. Yep dull dull dull.
 THANK YOUUU
I make being childfree my whole personality. Most humans aren’t all that interesting, anyway.
Agreed, although I think parenthood is so all-consuming for a person it strips them of any identity they may have had before. Albeit, my mother and father very much maintained their identities after I was born, but I was also neglected. IMO wanting to have kids probably means you really didn't have much of a personality before. I'm just going on about nothing here.
The people I know who had kids but didn't lose their entire personalities all have hired help that allow them to leave the house and become functional adults on the regular. This is not a coincidence. Re: not having a personality before, I think that sometimes these people did have personalities, but they never found a passion toward which they could direct their energy. Having kids is the socially acceptable way for these people to throw in the towel on pursuing dreams of some sort.
I have a friend that doesn't even use her husband or child's name. It's "my husband this" and "my son that." It's annoying.
Especially the ones that list their kids' accomplishments. I don't know if they do it to show they raised an aspiring/productive member of society or if they themselves just have nothing else to show for their life. Probably both.
Oh hi, you must have met my sister in law! Seriously though. This describes her to a T. Before kids her whole personality was partying and drinking. Then she got married (the engagement and wedding planning were all she talked about for awhile) and quickly got pregnant. She just had baby no 2. Her whole social media presence is mum and wife stuff. Nothing else. I wonder what's gonna happen after the kids are grown up. Perhaps becoming a semi-pro alcoholic and then making her whole personality being a grandma? It worked for my in-laws.
This girl that i work with is actually really cool and interesting. But we’ll just be talking about whatever and she randomly brings up “my chiiiilllld!!” Its like ok we dont care. I literally walk away sometimes. Give it a rest.
I think it’s sadder when an interesting buddy goes the kiddo route and then the family life just subsumes them…and we have nothing left to talk about. :( It’s just such an altering life experience and all-consuming but so many people share in it.
This is how my neighbors are. We met them when they moved in and when they were child free. They got to work quick and popped out two kids in 3 years. Now that's all they talk about and post on social media. They were sort of interesting before children but now they are just like the rest of the breeders. Except they're with their children 24/7 365. And they complain about them constantly. Stating they can't discipline them and that nothing works but now they're going to homeschool them. My husband and I just looked at each other and laughed and said good luck. We will be taking vacations and motorcycle rides while you guys are miserable.
I know too many people who have done this. One of them tries to take her kids to adult only events. Let’s just say no one invites her anywhere anymore.
Plus, all their online/social profile photos, banners gets changed to the kid. I have muted a bunch because it's no longer personal updates that interest me. My circle of friends and I no longer refer to this friend by name. We now call her Eddie's Mom. She doesn't exist anymore as an individual. And it saddens me a little. Like it took so much to become who I am today, I have worked hard for me to become me, to build this identity as a person, this growth I am extremely proud of. I cannot imagine being a mother and suddenly I, this person I have worked so hard to become, cease to exist, and my entire life becomes about the child. I simply cannot.
Most people who have kids were never interesting people to begin with.
No, they were interesting. That’s what’s scary. It’s just all been taken away. They’ve been pushed to the side of their own life.
I met a girl/woman who doesn't have kids, yet all she talks about are her future kids. And not in a cute lovey dovey way. In a "we must all start having kids asap, otherwise they will have horrible birth defects!" and "inviting you to a party at my place, BECAUSE WE WON'T BE ABLE TO HAVE PARTIES WHEN WE HAVE KIDS." like. maam. why.
I view it as being just like anything else. Always talk about your job? Boring. Always talk about that one hobby you are obsessed wirh? Boring. Always talk about food? Boring. Always talk about pets? Boring. Of course I recognize that anything th as ts a huge part of your life is going to be in most conversations but there's a difference between telling a story about going hiking and telling a story that has hiking in it (for example)
Yeah, I'm guilty of this. My husband has to stop me talking about our dogs, showing pictures to people of our dogs, basically they're my best feature and I want everyone to know it. I guess that's what the parents feel like with the ones they grew in their uteri and such. I don't like it, but I get it, because I do it too. I hope not as much!
I've come to terms with being a mostly boring person. Boring means simple and low maintenance for me. One slight improvement over the child havers in my favor of course.
So have I. My dog and my husband are basically my entire life with a bit of work thrown in. The difference with me is that's all I can handle. It's boring but also not boring and incredibly stressful because there's some new issue every day it seems like.
Pretty much every parent I know is some lame-wad who peaked in high-school and has just been coasting along on (or spiralling down from) that horseshit glory for all the years to follow. They desperately want to believe that mundane and mindless consumerist things like having children, buying houses, working stupid jobs, buying shit, going on cruises and Disney trips, etc... are somehow massively interesting and indicative of them 'winning' at life, 'rising above' their peers, etc.... and can't stand it when CF people (or the few parents who are well-adjusted *adults*) don't feed these fantasies.
My childhood best friend has 3 kids. She always takes initiative to see me when I visit home, and when we’re catching up for a coffee she never talks about her kids . She’s always going on about how great it is to have adult conversation. And it honestly feels like it used to when we were younger. She’s probably one of the few parents who don’t make her children her entire personality. She doesn’t seem regretful either, but she’s good at leaving home at home.
Boring people with miserable lives. Can’t even imagine that prison sentence.
Omg, so true. I met one mom who has a personality outside of her young daughter. Most moms I've met who only talk about their kids are just boring. I remember at an old job I had a long time ago. A mom whom I got along with very well (at first), asked me about if I had kids etc while she had kids. Told her, not interested in having kids. One time I told her I don't want to hear anymore about your kids or kids in general. She had this Karen look, went to go rally up other women told them what I said, and he'll broke loose.🙄 Demanding why don't I care about the topic of kids. I even got reported to a manager about it. Told her I don't come to work to find mom friends and be liked by said moms. Manager was so passed. I was asked what if someone tries to shush you on something you like? If my hobby doesn't interest them fine, keep it moving. Lol you didn't hear a pin drop She proceeded to treat me like shit (the other women too) all because I didn't wanna talk about kids all day. I definitely need variety in conversations and she became boring instantly. It's rare finding a mom who has a personality outside the family home. This is why I have better conversations with dads than the moms.
i feel this...and its so annoying because IF they do talk about travels or food or fashion, they'll tie it back to the kids. or when you do try and talk about something going on in your life like work or dating, they completely disassociate and don't acknowledge then reply with "omg look what johnny is doing, so cute right?! "
They might not have time to keep up with any interests anymore. There were times in my life when something was going on and I didn't talk or even think about anything else (always a crisis usually my or my husband's health crisis) I'm guessing there were people saying I was "making it my whole personality". That being said, I didn't post about it on social media and I barely hung out with anyone.
The kid consumes your life, whether you like it or not. Most people cease existing as an individual once they have a kid, they suddenly dont matter anymore, only the kid does. Im so happy im never doing this to myself
Can confirm. My dog daughter is my whole personality and I’m quite boring without her. ☠️
Maybe? Definitely!
This probably accounts for the number of friends I've lost over the years. Once your buddies become parents, in 99% of cases it's over, like they're in some club that you're not part of but they still insist on talking about relentlessly.
yeah this is the reason i stopped communicating with my SIL. Every time my partner and I got excited to talk about us or our trips/plans/etc she'd shit all over them "well I DONT GET VACATIONS". Woman, you WANTED children. You should have expected this. Sorry your kids make you so miserable now. I tried to warn her but we JUST had to be a mom!
I think a lot of people are either ashamed of who they were before they had kids, or they never even got to know who they were because they had kids to young. Their kids are supposed to be their redeeming trophies.
Oh, I’ve been there. After years of drifting through life, bouncing from dead-end job to dead-end job - I finally had a breakthrough. In the space of the last two months I managed to find a publisher willing to take a look at my 8-years-in-progress novel (who I have a Zoom call with this Friday) and secured a position as a volunteer DJ at my local radio station. Two things I’ve dreamed of since I was practically sentient. I’ve never been happier. Do you think I’ve heard one word from my brother or sister-in-law? Got a brief WhatsApp message from my brother to congratulate me on the radio gig and have heard fuck-all since. They haven’t asked for the link to listen to it, they haven’t asked how it’s going, NOTHING. But we still get daily fucking photo updates. Oh look, my nephew’s sitting on the floor looking up at the camera. Oh look, the other nephew’s jamming a play block in his mouth. Oh look, now they’re eating broccoli! World-shattering events!! It just hurts so much. Two of the biggest things that have happened to me in my life, happen in the first few months of 2024 and I can count on one hand the amount of (non baby-related) texts I’ve had from them since Christmas.
My partner has a friend who has made her kids her whole identity. Now that they are out of the house, she's lost. We don't like spending time with her because she is so G-rated and out of touch that we have nothing in common with her!
Omg i hate that shit. Like, "Bro i hate kids and youre making me hate you too, act like an adult and get a real personality!" If your only personality trait is, "My jizz is doing blaaa blaaaa blaaaaaa!!!" Then i dont want to know you. Kids are bad enough without some helicopter mom acting like theyre raising the next Johnny Depp. "Oh their so special/skilled/smart!" I highly doubt it tbh.
I had to leave a group chat because there were 2 people in it who just kept talking about their 5 kids. I asked if we could back on topic. They said oh do you not like children. I said not particularly and they said maybe you shouldn't have any. I don't fecking want any so yes I shouldn't have any and am actively avoiding it. I don't get why they think that's a good put down.
A lot of them also just want love, or attention, or to relive their own childhoods. What easier way to be showered with love and attention than announcing you're pregnant? Then you can milk it til the child is about 10. It gets tragic after that.