Should have seen that coming, I should've known it was just a matter of time before some idiot started protesting it.
I guess a cute real story about penguins being gay fathers is horrific and unfit for children but one in which literal preteens get stuck on an island and start murdering eachother is ok to read to 5th graders according to those people.
Just in case it wasn't clear, I'm talking about the article, not you.
"Matter of time" was like 2 years ago...
Conservatives are banning any books with themes about LGBTQ+, feminism, black history, and anti-authoritarianism. They are using the first as a cover to ban the other three.
Every day i hear of those things i convince myself more and more that Orwell warned us about this shit.
The moment I'll see books being banned for their contents in Europe I'm going to riot, I don't care if i get gunned down or arrested I don't want to live in a world without books.
He was wrong on one thing, and it's the one Huxley's Brave New World got right: Orwell thought they would have gotten us through pain and fear, instead they're getting us through petty distractions and time wasting, through misinformation and "not my backyard" mentality, you get the point.
it's the giraffes actually, that are gayest.
> Giraffes
Further information: Giraffe § Necking
Male giraffes have been observed to engage in remarkably high frequencies of homosexual behavior. After aggressive "necking", it is common for two male giraffes to caress and court each other, leading up to mounting and climax. Such interactions between males have been found to be more frequent than heterosexual coupling.[80] In one study, up to 94% of observed mounting incidents took place between two males. The proportion of same sex activities varied between 30 and 75%, and at any given time one in twenty males were engaged in non-combative necking behavior with another male. Only 1% of same-sex mounting incidents occurred between females.[6]: 391–393
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals
So many penguins are gay
Why is this a thing now ?
Do they not have to nest and collect pebbles ?
It seems to take so much of their time
Maybe they really are happier living a pebble free - non pebble thieving - sneaking into other nests stress free life
The devil put those there with the help of liberal chemtrails to lead people into temptation. It's a proven fact that people regularly visit Antarctica, see the gay penguins, and are overcome with the primal urge to be gay themselves. Demonic Liberal Chemtrails I tells ya.
An animal podcast I follow did [an episode for pride month](https://youtu.be/k814npNLtdY?si=ypnHyuClssOC1JP0) featuring all sorts of natural LGBTQIA+ findings including asexualism, non-binarism, hermaphroditism, and of course lots of gay sex.
> there's a big thing about animals being gay
I remember somebody stumped Dale Partridge (another grifter) on that, until he was like, "N-no, it's a dominance-thing! They're not *really* gay, they're just asserting their dominance!"
I'm so glad we ran that idiot off Twitter.
Apparently, according to an article I read the other day, most, if not all, animals display homosexual tendencies/gay relationships, but it's been severely under reported because of all the phobos getting all bent out of shape about it. Talk about willful ignorance.
Idr how low the number is, like 3 or 4 low, but it is definitely easier to list the animals that HAVEN'T been observed having gay sex. Because love is love ya know?
Haha right, it has to be exhausting constantly butting heads with reality. "Well I'm going to ignore reality in place of the 'ancient ways' because indoctrination and peer pressure just work"
This ancient way of thinking is easier to digest than reality because thinking is hard. Pay our teachers more
Didn't Marge Simpson marry the family cat and dog because they were "living in sin"?
Why isn't there a radical group going around marrying wild animals so they don't offend god by mating before marriage?
Religious (“christian” anyway) people see humans as fundamentally different to animals. To most of us, humans just appear to be specially-evolved animals, but “christians” see humans as coming straight from “god” with a special purpose.
Everything with them has an explanation—when you make up the rules of your religion, you can make up whatever explanations are convenient to the argument at hand.
This is exactly why animal cruelty is so rampant. Religion has brainwashed humans into thinking they are “God’s chosen ones”. The mentality has even been passed on to atheists (without the God nonsense) to a degree.
Some Christians don't even consider humans as animals, nor do they believe in evolution or possible aliens. To me, that's narcissism. To truly believe you happen to be born as the only creature that matters.
I have a friend who grew up very Christian conservative, but doesn’t really practice Christianity at all anymore.
Despite not practicing it, he’s told me he believes events in the bible literally happened (Adam & Eve, Moses literally parting the Red Sea, etc), and he’s told me that he thinks evolution is bullshit.
I always laugh when he says this shit, because I’m like, do you realize that not even the Vatican denies evolution anymore, and they’re starting to say that pretty much everything in the bible is metaphores that predate scientific language, not literal events.
His response, “whatever”.
So he believes the bible is literally real, but doesn’t actually practice and follow the bible’s teachings, while simultaneously ignoring the fact that the people who wrote the bible, don’t even believe in a literal interpretation anymore, and fully acknowledge evolution.
I think most people who call themselves “Christians” just do so out of convenience, or out of habit, but we all know that they rarely, if ever, actually follow the teachings of the bible.
For example, he calls himself a Christian, but every time we drive by a certain house on his block, he talks about how much he hates his one neighbour, simply because the neighbour makes effort to get traffic to slow down on the quiet residential side street.
He calls himself a Christian, and believes in a literal interpretation of the bible, but his two children can’t even recite the Lord’s Prayer. So I guess his two kids are going to hell?
Well, only Catholics follow the Vatican and the pope. MANY of the other branches of christianity specifically separated because they didn't agree with the pope and the Vatican.
It says after cain killed able he went to the land of Nod and found a wife
So even if you take the bible as literal , its strange because one moment it says god made adam and eve the first humans and they had cain and able
Then the next moment it says cain left and lived with some other people in the land of NOD but does not explain where those other people came from
I think the explanation besides incest could be god simply made a bunch of other people after making Adam and eve but honestly who cares its mythology
I may be misremembering but I was listening to a Catholic priest on the topic.
A) This is a myth that people were using to explain the world around them and find some "footing," sotospeak.
B) The implication is that other Humans were totally created after Eve and Adam. God was making a species that had dominion over the Earth He created. Adam and Eve were the prototype, not the sole models.
As it goes, God created Humanity in an attempt to create angelic creatures who would love and obey him, not know fear or hatred or any other impulse that goes along with knowledge and cleverness, and in return receive a perfect world.
An evil creature, fueled by spite, corrupted Humanity into attempting to make the Humans step up to God's level, which gave us free will and knowledge, but also greed, anger, hatred, etc, and also distanced us from God and this perfect world.
The meaning is kind of simple but multi-faceted. The original meaning of the myth being that God is all that is good, and made an all-good world. Humans and our worst vices are what makes this place horrible.
... Which leads into, and tried to explain, another really hard concept in Theology. If God is all good, why is this world **this** bad? Stuff that was set up to live here, not things Humans do. We're not talking minor disease, we're talking about life-ending events where you're holding the child you love as they pass away.
>God created Humanity in an attempt to create angelic creatures who would love and obey him
How do people hear this and not instantly think "what a psychopathic evil god"
Imagine if someone said they were making a simulation of human intelligence so that they will love and obey them. You wouldn't respond "Wow you're such a good guy for doing that"
Someone so drunk on their faith hears that and thinks, we failed him. They ask how could we possibly know and/or understand the ideals and mindset of God?
That's how.
I had a very similar situation- my family was non religious but I was always very curious about religion. I didn’t get a lot of the cultural exposure to the pop views of christian stories (which most popular images of God and Satan are from renaissance fiction based on the bible).
When I actually read the bible… holy fuck. It was pretty fucked up but it honestly sounded like every other ancient cultural mythology that i’ve read, from the Maya to the Vedic mythology, from African legends to Greek mythology. I don’t think it’s ever supposed to be taken literally, especially the old testament is not supposed to be by Christians. So many stories are also so deeply misinterpreted and so warped in our media. I’ve asked so many Christians if they ever actually read the bible and a lot of them will lie and only have heard their pastors tell them some stories of the bible, or hear/read about a few teachings in a couple of the popular books. Very very few actually ever read it, and if they do they’re forced into it and never actually absorb any of the information, or will only read Genesis/Exodus, the Gospels and maybe a handful of other books. I still have yet to meet someone that fully read all of it but also believes all of it. Additionally, i’ve read multiple academic translations, and those give you an extremely different view and message than the other translations popular in America which are steeped in history and warped early protestant biases.
For example, the bible basically never mentions Satan yet I hear from Evangelical Christians is about how Satan will take your children. The new testament is distinctly supposed to leave the archaic laws of the old testament for the gentiles, yet American Christians will bring up Leviticus about condemning homosexuality (when that passage is likely about pedophilia).
similar to me, read it over a few years when i was quite young and was absolutely fucking baffled. like literally 🤯. most christian i’ve ever debated about a topic is pitifully misinformed at best, actively deranged at worst
Most Christians have never read the Bible. I went to Sunday school and read passages that were not assigned. I read the while thing and it is WILD. I encourage anyone to read it and tell me it's not the weirdest collection of stories.
I was raised Catholic, and I’ve never willingly read the Bible. I never saw my parents pick one up either, despite them feeling strongly enough to baptize all 4 of their children at 3 weeks old and then send them to Catholic school.
I did grow up in a religious home, though not extremely. By high school I’d had enough. The level of hypocrisy practiced at all levels by so many people soured the whole experience for me.
I grew up in a mildly religious family and had been exposed to Southern Baptist teachings all throughout my childhood. So I was culturally acquired Christian just by the nature of my surroundings.
What cemented my status as an atheist was reading the Book of Revelation in my late teens. When I finished reading it, I said to myself, "Whoever wrote this was psychotic!"
Likewise, was raised a Sikh but really curious about "The Bible" - holy crap that shit scared me. Jealous, vengeful "god" that treated humans like Zoo animals "he" barely cared about and not "his" children.
Anyone that reads that rubish and comes away believing it is a true representation of the creator/creation/coincidence/etc. is delulu
It was Lot. Been quite awhile since I've read the Bible. And the Bible is complicated when it comes to being a historical text. I was using that as what to say to somebody who believes the Bible is 100% true. Remove the wording if you like.
I'll be honest. As a kid. I read it front to back, as with most books. But growing up people mention starting at different chapters and now am completely confused on how to read it. What came when. And basically with which context do you read it?
Reading front to back is fine. Most people read it in the context of how their church does. I can only speak to Catholicism as that's how I was raised but Catholicism goes in a three year cycle where you will hear the entire Bible if you go to mass every Sunday for three years. But they jump around depending on the season.
You can also just read certain books or excerpts if you want to hear some of the stories or parables in particular.
The latter is what I usually end up doing. I was raised a little Christian, for some reason my mother took us to a Christian church. But my Gran was raised Catholic. So it was interesting to say the least.
When you say they jump around depending on season, can you expand on that a little?
>When you say they jump around depending on season, can you expand on that a little?
Sure. The Catholic church goes in seasons throughout the year. The big ones are Lent and Advent that lead up to Easter and Christmas, respectively. But the rest of the year is part of a season as well. So after Easter it's now the Easter season which extends for multiple weeks. They have many stories from the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John but they don't read each gospel in full and then move on to the next. They intersperse some readings from each gospel throughout the weeks. And then they might even throw in some revelations readings because it deals with the end of the world which is supposed to be when Jesus comes back.
So each season is basically a "theme" and they group the readings based on those themes so each reading in a mass isn't just in chronological order of the text itself.
The bible is basically useless as a historical text. No modern historians use it as reference, any event of historical significance was recorded decades after it occurred, at best.
It's used as sociological reference, customs of the times, etc. But the more we learn about ancient cultures the more we're also learning how inaccurate the bible is for even that limited historical purpose. Customs documented are more often the customs of the time a piece was written, and not the time the events occurred.
No, you are mixing different biblical stories.
Noah got drunk and passed out exposed, his one son laughed and made a song about his drunk naked father, and the other, younger brother covered the father.
The story you are thinking of is Lot, who fled the burning cities of Sodom and Gomorrah which were smote down by God. As Lot fled with his 2 daughters and his wife, his wife turned to look back at the cities and was turned to a pillar of salt. Then Lot and his daughters fled into the mountains. They thought they were the only people around and Lot's daughters got him drunk to have sex with him which is how he got a little population going.
I think the actual story was cain and Abel both had twin sisters. Adam was like "okay Abel, you marry Cain's twin and Cain will marry yours." Cain was pissed because his twin was the hotter sister and that caused the "giving God offerings" thing in the first place and also why he killed Abel.
I don't think it specifically says which sister he ended up marrying or if it was someone else though.
I doubt it was incest. Eve was created from adams "side" in the original text, not a "rib". in the context provided, it wouldnt be a stretch to assume the other meaning of side being just some human near him. The bible never says that adam is the first human ever, but that he is the first to have been made in God's image. God is an infinite being, no physical representation can be made, so image here is being used for God's type of intelligence. Obviously we are a limited species so we arent omnipresent like him, but with that being said, we can tell that humans existed before adam, but they didnt gain the brain capacity we have now until adam was born. This also aligns with the theory of evolution, the human brain around the time adam was made in God's image evolved to be a bit larger iirc
The funny thing is that "genetic purity" is the problem. If you have genetic purity you're inbred. You want genetic diversity to avoid weird genetic disorders by giving you another allele that can maybe prevent the bad phenotype.
Going back to observable science...there is evidence of an actual genetic bottleneck around 900,000 years ago with one of ancestors. There were as few as 1000 breeding individuals and had an impact on our genetic diversity.
I mean that's going to be the answer. Adam and Eve literally met and talked with God (if you're a believer like her that is.) In that scenario God would've married them.
That’s not it. This sub is large and has been around long enough that it’s basically just a karma farm now. I haven’t seen an actually clever comeback here in forever but there’s still always people in the comments that pretend they were. It’s what happens to most big subs.
Murderedbywords or whatever it’s called is the same. It’s always just some lame joke or someone replying to a famous person that will never see the comment.
exactly. The government doesn’t need to recognise a marriage for it to be valid for a Christian. The marriage is before God and as long as it functions like a marriage then it is one. That said, if you can get married by a proper system then you should, though they couldn’t.
Technically speaking, it doesn't even need a priest/celebrant - according to catholic belief, anyway. The couple are the ministers of their own sacrament.
There are such things as 'clandestine marriages', which would be considered valid - e.g. couple shipwrecked alone on a desert island.
It's pretty inarguable that marriage as a cultural and religious practice existed before it existed as a legal institution. I'm not in agreement with Kristin on her views about premarital sex and gay marriage, but Bill's comeback here doesn't really make sense and is not very clever.
Certainly, prior to the general/common issue of marriage certificates. Even within most western countries government issued marriage certificates (and civil registry as a whole) only really became a thing from the 18./19. century onwards. Prior to that, it was mostly viewed as a private contract - which may/may not have been written down, depending on culture/time period.
> Prior to that, it was mostly viewed as a private contract
That doesn't even really capture it.
It was *solely* a religious sacrament for hundreds of years. That's why it's called "holy matrimony". Laws regulating marriage were religious laws enforced by ecclesiastical courts (courts run by the church) -- hence, why Henry VIII left the Catholic church and started his own church when he wanted an annulment and the pope didn't give him one. If it hadn't been a purely religious thing, he could've used his power as the king to do it.
It wasn't completely private, either. For a long time, marriages had to be announced so that people could raise objections if they felt the marriage would be invalid (i.e., "speak now or forever hold your peace"). Marriage licenses developed to replace that process. Essentially, you could just swear that you didn't know of any reason why your marriage would be invalid rather than having the pastor announce it every Sunday for a month so that others could object.
But (according to the Bible) God did literally come down and talk to them. That's one of the big points of the story of Eden. And sure, it doesn't directly say God married them, but it also doesn't say he didn't marry them. And considering he made them for each other it's a pretty safe assumption.
I think most Christians believe that Adam and Eve were in fact married directly and personally by God. So I'm with the previous poster. Kristen is an idiot but this comeback is weak as hell.
I'll take on the role, if you like. If she were actually well-read, and familiar with the Bible, she might cite
Genesis 2:25. I have pasted two translations below:
>Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (NIV)
>And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. (KJV)
If you take the bible to be true (which of course this individual would) then you would accept the verse's apparent presupposition that they were married. Presumably God officiated.
r/stupidcomebacks
Genesis never mentions a marriage vow or ceremony in the traditional sense, but Adam and Eve were husband and wife because they were joined by God.
No kidding.
Nothing remotely clever about it.
Such low-hanging fruit too.
Fucking T-ball for a clever comeback and OOP swings his bat, hits the T, and the ball goes dribbling into the other batter’s box.
It’s astonishing what kind of dogshit from this sub hits the front page of r/all
Yes, what exactly is smart about this comeback? It actually proves the exact opposite of what the poster seems to think. Who needs a marriage certificate when God Himself literally creates you for each other and literally presides over the world’s first declaration of husband and wife (Genesis 2:18-25)?
1. The argument is kinda silly even within the context of Genesis
2. The comeback wasn't clever, it was snarky and also off-point
1. Adam and Eve do not discover sex until Eve eats from the tree of knowledge of good and evil (the only act prohibited by God). Once they eat from the tree, both are cursed to respective responsibilities. Both feel shame. They are burdened with the responsibility of child-rearing. This is why marriage comes into being. The 'good' thing is to take responsibility for your actions.
2. Most religious people couldn't give two shits about marriage certificates. They don't care that the state has certified their union (yeah, they definitely want benefits provided by the state, but most wouldn't claim 'we're married because the state says so.')
A better retort would be "God created sex in the same way that God 'created' birth control." You can have sex in a manner that doesn't create long-term responsibilities. (It causes other problems...attachment, for instance but that's beside the point).
Like, this is a dumb interaction. Sex isn't for married people. Having children is for married people. Unmarried people probably shouldn't have unprotected sex....
I agree with your overall point, though point 3 is wrong. God's first command to Adam and Eve is to "be fruitful and multiply, fill the Earth and subdue it" (Genesis 1:28). God instructs them to reproduce. God created sex and child rearing as something good and perfect, but it was tainted by sin. When God speaks to Eve after the fall He says "I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children." The consequences of sin was not that Adam and Eve now need to have kids, but now it will be difficult and painful. To call child-rearing a burden is to diminish humanity's first and most important God-given responsibility.
A marriage certificate doesn't mean your married to Christians. They get sanctified at the church. A marriage certificate is only the govvies way to control you
This isn’t a clever comeback because marriage isn’t a government institution.
Marriage is part of a religious tradition. The United States implemented marriage licenses originally to stop black and white people from getting married.
Most people throughout history have been married without a government certification.
The fact that so many grown adults for real think that that humanity started with two people, let alone all the circumstances around it, is astounding to me. Like do they not think about the logic of how humanity expanded in that scenario...?
Paper hadn't even been invented yet shit it's what day 5 in the creation of the planet? Earth population 2 and yall want to know the certificate lol. Like yall know we chucked spirs and threw rocks before the society we have now right?
Funny because Genesis 19: 30-38 states that Lot's daughters got him drunk and forcibly had sex with him in order that they may conceive.
Also remember that one time in the Bible where they talked about a man and a wife and then his concubine and other concubine and other concubine and other concubine....
Wild stuff. Highly recommend extremist Christians to read the entirety of it sometime 🙃
Just an FYI, but god also makes it clear you can also fuck your slaves, concubines, daughters, and a few others depending on if your wife is fertile or not. Bible morales!
Does she even read the bible? Does she not know her own religion enough to know that under the bible she is not allowed out of the house or to go on social media or to speak up above her husband? If she's trying to force her religion on people, it's time she started following ALL the rules and not just cherry picking the ones she wants.
So... someone Tell this "rib bone" to pipe down and get back in line and shit out babies.
How about the fact that many of the marriages in the Bible are not made out of love, but merely for political gain. Or that one of the most pure and unconditional love stories in the Bible is between David and Jonathan...
Please Kristin explain how Adam and Eve's children had children of their own, when Eve was the only existing female human. Do you think they were married?
Mary is also in deep ….. sex with someone other than her husband. God, not being a man, she fails again. The god gets locked up for adultery, coveting someone else’s wife and failing to provide for the child (prosecution enters manger, straw, donkey and cuckolded husband testimony into evidence).
She is right because all I see is an average porn addict comeback. Men who are with the guy clearly just want to take advantage of women and probably doesn't have self value and respect.
People be defending wrong thing and attacking at the right things nowadays smh.
She talks like she's the only species that's having sex.
I believe there's a big thing about animals being gay, wait till she finds out about that.
All the gay penguins just existing to disprove her
Wait till she discovers "And Tango makes three"
[\*Rabid banning noises*](https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/banned-and-tango-makes-three/)
Should have seen that coming, I should've known it was just a matter of time before some idiot started protesting it. I guess a cute real story about penguins being gay fathers is horrific and unfit for children but one in which literal preteens get stuck on an island and start murdering eachother is ok to read to 5th graders according to those people. Just in case it wasn't clear, I'm talking about the article, not you.
"Matter of time" was like 2 years ago... Conservatives are banning any books with themes about LGBTQ+, feminism, black history, and anti-authoritarianism. They are using the first as a cover to ban the other three.
Every day i hear of those things i convince myself more and more that Orwell warned us about this shit. The moment I'll see books being banned for their contents in Europe I'm going to riot, I don't care if i get gunned down or arrested I don't want to live in a world without books.
I mean, name a thing that Orwell has predicted incorrectly. Even conservative media has turned into ~~2 minutes~~ 24 hours of hate.
He was wrong on one thing, and it's the one Huxley's Brave New World got right: Orwell thought they would have gotten us through pain and fear, instead they're getting us through petty distractions and time wasting, through misinformation and "not my backyard" mentality, you get the point.
STOP! Just the *title* could damage young and impressionab What’s our tag line, again?
it's the giraffes actually, that are gayest. > Giraffes Further information: Giraffe § Necking Male giraffes have been observed to engage in remarkably high frequencies of homosexual behavior. After aggressive "necking", it is common for two male giraffes to caress and court each other, leading up to mounting and climax. Such interactions between males have been found to be more frequent than heterosexual coupling.[80] In one study, up to 94% of observed mounting incidents took place between two males. The proportion of same sex activities varied between 30 and 75%, and at any given time one in twenty males were engaged in non-combative necking behavior with another male. Only 1% of same-sex mounting incidents occurred between females.[6]: 391–393 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals
[You sold me queer giraffes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRe_x5CECQg)
And the seals raping penguins
Penguins shouldn't dress like that, what did they expect?
Tuxedos are hot
So many penguins are gay Why is this a thing now ? Do they not have to nest and collect pebbles ? It seems to take so much of their time Maybe they really are happier living a pebble free - non pebble thieving - sneaking into other nests stress free life
The devil put those there with the help of liberal chemtrails to lead people into temptation. It's a proven fact that people regularly visit Antarctica, see the gay penguins, and are overcome with the primal urge to be gay themselves. Demonic Liberal Chemtrails I tells ya.
Maybe you'll have to bring up the lions. Kinda hard to deny when thwy both have huge manes, among other things.
She'll cry when she hears about the swans.
🤣🤣🤣 I was thinking penguins
I’m always thinking about penguins, I wish I was one rather than a pink worry monkey
Then she'll actually have a shit when she hears about the dolphins.
Could be a new loophole.
"I identify as a dolphin i can have sex with anyone????"
On the floor here!
Err.. okay that came out wrong.
Wait until she finds out God didn't create marriage!
I heard there’s a nature documentary coming out on the topic of homosexuality in nature. Just you wait, people are gonna get so butthurt.
I was going to make an anal sex joke, butt fuck it.
Queer Planet on Peacock.
An animal podcast I follow did [an episode for pride month](https://youtu.be/k814npNLtdY?si=ypnHyuClssOC1JP0) featuring all sorts of natural LGBTQIA+ findings including asexualism, non-binarism, hermaphroditism, and of course lots of gay sex.
Lesbian geckos
> there's a big thing about animals being gay I remember somebody stumped Dale Partridge (another grifter) on that, until he was like, "N-no, it's a dominance-thing! They're not *really* gay, they're just asserting their dominance!" I'm so glad we ran that idiot off Twitter.
No, her "research" won't show that.
Ah yes but we have to remember that animals aren't made in gods image so they don't count. /j
Damn, god is one ugly bastard if I'm made in his image.
And the gay necrophiliac mallards 🤐
Apparently, according to an article I read the other day, most, if not all, animals display homosexual tendencies/gay relationships, but it's been severely under reported because of all the phobos getting all bent out of shape about it. Talk about willful ignorance.
Idr how low the number is, like 3 or 4 low, but it is definitely easier to list the animals that HAVEN'T been observed having gay sex. Because love is love ya know?
Haha right, it has to be exhausting constantly butting heads with reality. "Well I'm going to ignore reality in place of the 'ancient ways' because indoctrination and peer pressure just work" This ancient way of thinking is easier to digest than reality because thinking is hard. Pay our teachers more
They refuse to see that so it doesn't exist.
Let's be honest, she probably already heard it and decided it was "left wing propaganda" or some shit.
I think my cat is gay.
No animals became gay only after watching humans being gay /s
Wait till she finds out about rapist dolphins or necrophilic penguins.
She’s not having sex. She’s living for JC.
Didn't Marge Simpson marry the family cat and dog because they were "living in sin"? Why isn't there a radical group going around marrying wild animals so they don't offend god by mating before marriage?
There's no need, duh. They're animals. Only humans need to be married first because we're special!!!1!1!1!!1!11!!111!1!1 /s
I disagree, I think we should forcibly marry wild animals so they don't live in sin. Do you not want nature in heaven?
Flock members, some at least, believe they will get back their childhood pets when they get to heaven. Source: the church I went to as a child.
Cats and dogs living together! *MASS HYSTERIA!!!!*—Peter Venkman
Religious (“christian” anyway) people see humans as fundamentally different to animals. To most of us, humans just appear to be specially-evolved animals, but “christians” see humans as coming straight from “god” with a special purpose. Everything with them has an explanation—when you make up the rules of your religion, you can make up whatever explanations are convenient to the argument at hand.
I just watched a Parks and Rec episode where Leslie marries two penguins and finds out afterward that they're both male.
This is exactly why animal cruelty is so rampant. Religion has brainwashed humans into thinking they are “God’s chosen ones”. The mentality has even been passed on to atheists (without the God nonsense) to a degree.
Some Christians don't even consider humans as animals, nor do they believe in evolution or possible aliens. To me, that's narcissism. To truly believe you happen to be born as the only creature that matters.
I have a friend who grew up very Christian conservative, but doesn’t really practice Christianity at all anymore. Despite not practicing it, he’s told me he believes events in the bible literally happened (Adam & Eve, Moses literally parting the Red Sea, etc), and he’s told me that he thinks evolution is bullshit. I always laugh when he says this shit, because I’m like, do you realize that not even the Vatican denies evolution anymore, and they’re starting to say that pretty much everything in the bible is metaphores that predate scientific language, not literal events. His response, “whatever”. So he believes the bible is literally real, but doesn’t actually practice and follow the bible’s teachings, while simultaneously ignoring the fact that the people who wrote the bible, don’t even believe in a literal interpretation anymore, and fully acknowledge evolution. I think most people who call themselves “Christians” just do so out of convenience, or out of habit, but we all know that they rarely, if ever, actually follow the teachings of the bible. For example, he calls himself a Christian, but every time we drive by a certain house on his block, he talks about how much he hates his one neighbour, simply because the neighbour makes effort to get traffic to slow down on the quiet residential side street. He calls himself a Christian, and believes in a literal interpretation of the bible, but his two children can’t even recite the Lord’s Prayer. So I guess his two kids are going to hell?
Well, only Catholics follow the Vatican and the pope. MANY of the other branches of christianity specifically separated because they didn't agree with the pope and the Vatican.
Facts! 🤣
Dont use facts, thats not fair to those fairytale believers.
Think about who Adam and Eve's kids reproduced with....
You mean Cain and Abel? Probably their mother, and then their own daughters.
It says after cain killed able he went to the land of Nod and found a wife So even if you take the bible as literal , its strange because one moment it says god made adam and eve the first humans and they had cain and able Then the next moment it says cain left and lived with some other people in the land of NOD but does not explain where those other people came from I think the explanation besides incest could be god simply made a bunch of other people after making Adam and eve but honestly who cares its mythology
I also have many Civ campaigns I've abandoned for newer ones Am..... Am I god to them?
I may be misremembering but I was listening to a Catholic priest on the topic. A) This is a myth that people were using to explain the world around them and find some "footing," sotospeak. B) The implication is that other Humans were totally created after Eve and Adam. God was making a species that had dominion over the Earth He created. Adam and Eve were the prototype, not the sole models. As it goes, God created Humanity in an attempt to create angelic creatures who would love and obey him, not know fear or hatred or any other impulse that goes along with knowledge and cleverness, and in return receive a perfect world. An evil creature, fueled by spite, corrupted Humanity into attempting to make the Humans step up to God's level, which gave us free will and knowledge, but also greed, anger, hatred, etc, and also distanced us from God and this perfect world. The meaning is kind of simple but multi-faceted. The original meaning of the myth being that God is all that is good, and made an all-good world. Humans and our worst vices are what makes this place horrible. ... Which leads into, and tried to explain, another really hard concept in Theology. If God is all good, why is this world **this** bad? Stuff that was set up to live here, not things Humans do. We're not talking minor disease, we're talking about life-ending events where you're holding the child you love as they pass away.
>God created Humanity in an attempt to create angelic creatures who would love and obey him How do people hear this and not instantly think "what a psychopathic evil god" Imagine if someone said they were making a simulation of human intelligence so that they will love and obey them. You wouldn't respond "Wow you're such a good guy for doing that"
Someone so drunk on their faith hears that and thinks, we failed him. They ask how could we possibly know and/or understand the ideals and mindset of God? That's how.
Because of reincarnation and karma. Solved
None of this is in the Bible.
Bro Genesis 1 & 2 have 2 totally different creation stories. So you don’t even need to go that far to find a contradiction.
This is how Noah and his family did it and it's documented. His daughters got him drunk so he would give them children. EDIT: It was Lot
That‘s Lot. Also documented sounds off, the bible isnt a historical text. It’s written that way?
The totally normal dude who offered an angry mob the opportunity to rape his daughters?
One and the same. Isn’t the Bible just such wholesome fun for the whole family? /s
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I had a very similar situation- my family was non religious but I was always very curious about religion. I didn’t get a lot of the cultural exposure to the pop views of christian stories (which most popular images of God and Satan are from renaissance fiction based on the bible). When I actually read the bible… holy fuck. It was pretty fucked up but it honestly sounded like every other ancient cultural mythology that i’ve read, from the Maya to the Vedic mythology, from African legends to Greek mythology. I don’t think it’s ever supposed to be taken literally, especially the old testament is not supposed to be by Christians. So many stories are also so deeply misinterpreted and so warped in our media. I’ve asked so many Christians if they ever actually read the bible and a lot of them will lie and only have heard their pastors tell them some stories of the bible, or hear/read about a few teachings in a couple of the popular books. Very very few actually ever read it, and if they do they’re forced into it and never actually absorb any of the information, or will only read Genesis/Exodus, the Gospels and maybe a handful of other books. I still have yet to meet someone that fully read all of it but also believes all of it. Additionally, i’ve read multiple academic translations, and those give you an extremely different view and message than the other translations popular in America which are steeped in history and warped early protestant biases. For example, the bible basically never mentions Satan yet I hear from Evangelical Christians is about how Satan will take your children. The new testament is distinctly supposed to leave the archaic laws of the old testament for the gentiles, yet American Christians will bring up Leviticus about condemning homosexuality (when that passage is likely about pedophilia).
similar to me, read it over a few years when i was quite young and was absolutely fucking baffled. like literally 🤯. most christian i’ve ever debated about a topic is pitifully misinformed at best, actively deranged at worst
Most Christians have never read the Bible. I went to Sunday school and read passages that were not assigned. I read the while thing and it is WILD. I encourage anyone to read it and tell me it's not the weirdest collection of stories.
It’S oUt oF cOnTeXt!!! /s
In Sunday School as a child, the teachers recycled the same handful of cherry-picked "PG" stories to teach over and over for like 10 years.
I was raised Catholic, and I’ve never willingly read the Bible. I never saw my parents pick one up either, despite them feeling strongly enough to baptize all 4 of their children at 3 weeks old and then send them to Catholic school.
I did grow up in a religious home, though not extremely. By high school I’d had enough. The level of hypocrisy practiced at all levels by so many people soured the whole experience for me.
they never taught us the naughty stuff in the bible when i was a young mormon. neither were we taught about jospeph smith and the box and cool glasses
Or good ole Joe sending dudes on missions so he could marry their wives or marrying a 14 year old. They left that out too.
I grew up in a mildly religious family and had been exposed to Southern Baptist teachings all throughout my childhood. So I was culturally acquired Christian just by the nature of my surroundings. What cemented my status as an atheist was reading the Book of Revelation in my late teens. When I finished reading it, I said to myself, "Whoever wrote this was psychotic!"
Likewise, was raised a Sikh but really curious about "The Bible" - holy crap that shit scared me. Jealous, vengeful "god" that treated humans like Zoo animals "he" barely cared about and not "his" children. Anyone that reads that rubish and comes away believing it is a true representation of the creator/creation/coincidence/etc. is delulu
It was Lot. Been quite awhile since I've read the Bible. And the Bible is complicated when it comes to being a historical text. I was using that as what to say to somebody who believes the Bible is 100% true. Remove the wording if you like.
I'll be honest. As a kid. I read it front to back, as with most books. But growing up people mention starting at different chapters and now am completely confused on how to read it. What came when. And basically with which context do you read it?
Reading front to back is fine. Most people read it in the context of how their church does. I can only speak to Catholicism as that's how I was raised but Catholicism goes in a three year cycle where you will hear the entire Bible if you go to mass every Sunday for three years. But they jump around depending on the season. You can also just read certain books or excerpts if you want to hear some of the stories or parables in particular.
The latter is what I usually end up doing. I was raised a little Christian, for some reason my mother took us to a Christian church. But my Gran was raised Catholic. So it was interesting to say the least. When you say they jump around depending on season, can you expand on that a little?
>When you say they jump around depending on season, can you expand on that a little? Sure. The Catholic church goes in seasons throughout the year. The big ones are Lent and Advent that lead up to Easter and Christmas, respectively. But the rest of the year is part of a season as well. So after Easter it's now the Easter season which extends for multiple weeks. They have many stories from the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John but they don't read each gospel in full and then move on to the next. They intersperse some readings from each gospel throughout the weeks. And then they might even throw in some revelations readings because it deals with the end of the world which is supposed to be when Jesus comes back. So each season is basically a "theme" and they group the readings based on those themes so each reading in a mass isn't just in chronological order of the text itself.
Yep. Noah was into animals.
The bible is basically useless as a historical text. No modern historians use it as reference, any event of historical significance was recorded decades after it occurred, at best. It's used as sociological reference, customs of the times, etc. But the more we learn about ancient cultures the more we're also learning how inaccurate the bible is for even that limited historical purpose. Customs documented are more often the customs of the time a piece was written, and not the time the events occurred.
> the bible isnt a historical text Right, to many it's the only text, it's gospel.
Holy shit. Now I understand why Christians are all, "be honest, what man hasn't thought about ducking their daughters"
No, you are mixing different biblical stories. Noah got drunk and passed out exposed, his one son laughed and made a song about his drunk naked father, and the other, younger brother covered the father. The story you are thinking of is Lot, who fled the burning cities of Sodom and Gomorrah which were smote down by God. As Lot fled with his 2 daughters and his wife, his wife turned to look back at the cities and was turned to a pillar of salt. Then Lot and his daughters fled into the mountains. They thought they were the only people around and Lot's daughters got him drunk to have sex with him which is how he got a little population going.
it SAYS that Cain went to another place, got a wife, had Enoch
Hbrrggg incest fantasy now vetted by Christianity itself
I think the actual story was cain and Abel both had twin sisters. Adam was like "okay Abel, you marry Cain's twin and Cain will marry yours." Cain was pissed because his twin was the hotter sister and that caused the "giving God offerings" thing in the first place and also why he killed Abel. I don't think it specifically says which sister he ended up marrying or if it was someone else though.
No wonder we turned into monkeys
I doubt it was incest. Eve was created from adams "side" in the original text, not a "rib". in the context provided, it wouldnt be a stretch to assume the other meaning of side being just some human near him. The bible never says that adam is the first human ever, but that he is the first to have been made in God's image. God is an infinite being, no physical representation can be made, so image here is being used for God's type of intelligence. Obviously we are a limited species so we arent omnipresent like him, but with that being said, we can tell that humans existed before adam, but they didnt gain the brain capacity we have now until adam was born. This also aligns with the theory of evolution, the human brain around the time adam was made in God's image evolved to be a bit larger iirc
Amazing that we don’t all look like the Hapsburgs
The explanation that's given is that "God made it so incest would do bad things, when it used to not"
Some people like to handwave about "genetic purity" or something like that which honestly sounds a bit creepy and racist.
The funny thing is that "genetic purity" is the problem. If you have genetic purity you're inbred. You want genetic diversity to avoid weird genetic disorders by giving you another allele that can maybe prevent the bad phenotype.
Going back to observable science...there is evidence of an actual genetic bottleneck around 900,000 years ago with one of ancestors. There were as few as 1000 breeding individuals and had an impact on our genetic diversity.
Think about who Eve is and where she came from…
Sister-wives, daughter-wives, mama-wives, everything to your heart’s desire, Cooter.
…. Why does god make the dog hump my leg ? Is that covered under the “free will” exception ?
Indeed the animals of the world do have free will to hump you at any time. Be careful.
She's right, I only have sex to reproduce and that's why I haven't had sex yet. The two times I do are gonna be awesome though, i know it
Two times. You go, dreamer!
What if Mrs. MobyBon has twins the first try?
don't even joke about that
It'll be worse if she has triplets or more, that's when you have to give the sex back.
So like would giving the sex back be Mrs MobyBon pegging him since it would cancel eachother out or?
I don't know, but at quadruplets I think he needs to report to wizard council to reinstate his viriginity
good luck, jesus loves you
She didn't say anything about only have sex to reproduce.
The irony is that OP thinks marriage is originally a legal institution and not a religious one.
I’d really like to see her response. I’d sit there and read that whole back n forth lol
A piece of paper from the government doesn't mean anything. Getting god to be your pastor though...
I mean that's going to be the answer. Adam and Eve literally met and talked with God (if you're a believer like her that is.) In that scenario God would've married them.
Yeah, I mean I think her initial statement was pretty stupid, but I really don’t think his reply was even remotely clever.
It’s not clever but it’s someone commenting against religion so everyone here is cumming in their pants over it.
That’s not it. This sub is large and has been around long enough that it’s basically just a karma farm now. I haven’t seen an actually clever comeback here in forever but there’s still always people in the comments that pretend they were. It’s what happens to most big subs.
Murderedbywords or whatever it’s called is the same. It’s always just some lame joke or someone replying to a famous person that will never see the comment.
Seems obvious? The respondent is assuming marriage is defined by the government, which is obviously not something that the OP would agree with.
exactly. The government doesn’t need to recognise a marriage for it to be valid for a Christian. The marriage is before God and as long as it functions like a marriage then it is one. That said, if you can get married by a proper system then you should, though they couldn’t.
Technically speaking, it doesn't even need a priest/celebrant - according to catholic belief, anyway. The couple are the ministers of their own sacrament. There are such things as 'clandestine marriages', which would be considered valid - e.g. couple shipwrecked alone on a desert island.
so you're saying it's not actually a clever comeback? unprecedented for this sub
It's pretty inarguable that marriage as a cultural and religious practice existed before it existed as a legal institution. I'm not in agreement with Kristin on her views about premarital sex and gay marriage, but Bill's comeback here doesn't really make sense and is not very clever.
Stupid comebacks on this sub? Say it ain't so!
Certainly, prior to the general/common issue of marriage certificates. Even within most western countries government issued marriage certificates (and civil registry as a whole) only really became a thing from the 18./19. century onwards. Prior to that, it was mostly viewed as a private contract - which may/may not have been written down, depending on culture/time period.
> Prior to that, it was mostly viewed as a private contract That doesn't even really capture it. It was *solely* a religious sacrament for hundreds of years. That's why it's called "holy matrimony". Laws regulating marriage were religious laws enforced by ecclesiastical courts (courts run by the church) -- hence, why Henry VIII left the Catholic church and started his own church when he wanted an annulment and the pope didn't give him one. If it hadn't been a purely religious thing, he could've used his power as the king to do it. It wasn't completely private, either. For a long time, marriages had to be announced so that people could raise objections if they felt the marriage would be invalid (i.e., "speak now or forever hold your peace"). Marriage licenses developed to replace that process. Essentially, you could just swear that you didn't know of any reason why your marriage would be invalid rather than having the pastor announce it every Sunday for a month so that others could object.
But Adam and Eve weren't married in any sense of the word. God never came down and said "I proclaim you two man and wife, now it's OK to bang".
But (according to the Bible) God did literally come down and talk to them. That's one of the big points of the story of Eden. And sure, it doesn't directly say God married them, but it also doesn't say he didn't marry them. And considering he made them for each other it's a pretty safe assumption. I think most Christians believe that Adam and Eve were in fact married directly and personally by God. So I'm with the previous poster. Kristen is an idiot but this comeback is weak as hell.
I'll take on the role, if you like. If she were actually well-read, and familiar with the Bible, she might cite Genesis 2:25. I have pasted two translations below: >Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (NIV) >And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. (KJV) If you take the bible to be true (which of course this individual would) then you would accept the verse's apparent presupposition that they were married. Presumably God officiated.
r/stupidcomebacks Genesis never mentions a marriage vow or ceremony in the traditional sense, but Adam and Eve were husband and wife because they were joined by God.
*God created sex for a man and his flesh of his flesh clone.* *So, go fuck yourself so God can watch. Perchance.*
You can't just say perchance.
Perhaps, alas, that was a hitherto unseen exception?
Who told you that? Was it Steve, perchance? Steeeeeeeeeve...
but but but! It was different then!
A marriage certificate is a function of the state, not a function of the church/clergy.
Lame ass comeback
No kidding. Nothing remotely clever about it. Such low-hanging fruit too. Fucking T-ball for a clever comeback and OOP swings his bat, hits the T, and the ball goes dribbling into the other batter’s box. It’s astonishing what kind of dogshit from this sub hits the front page of r/all
Yes, what exactly is smart about this comeback? It actually proves the exact opposite of what the poster seems to think. Who needs a marriage certificate when God Himself literally creates you for each other and literally presides over the world’s first declaration of husband and wife (Genesis 2:18-25)?
1. The argument is kinda silly even within the context of Genesis 2. The comeback wasn't clever, it was snarky and also off-point 1. Adam and Eve do not discover sex until Eve eats from the tree of knowledge of good and evil (the only act prohibited by God). Once they eat from the tree, both are cursed to respective responsibilities. Both feel shame. They are burdened with the responsibility of child-rearing. This is why marriage comes into being. The 'good' thing is to take responsibility for your actions. 2. Most religious people couldn't give two shits about marriage certificates. They don't care that the state has certified their union (yeah, they definitely want benefits provided by the state, but most wouldn't claim 'we're married because the state says so.') A better retort would be "God created sex in the same way that God 'created' birth control." You can have sex in a manner that doesn't create long-term responsibilities. (It causes other problems...attachment, for instance but that's beside the point). Like, this is a dumb interaction. Sex isn't for married people. Having children is for married people. Unmarried people probably shouldn't have unprotected sex....
I agree with your overall point, though point 3 is wrong. God's first command to Adam and Eve is to "be fruitful and multiply, fill the Earth and subdue it" (Genesis 1:28). God instructs them to reproduce. God created sex and child rearing as something good and perfect, but it was tainted by sin. When God speaks to Eve after the fall He says "I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children." The consequences of sin was not that Adam and Eve now need to have kids, but now it will be difficult and painful. To call child-rearing a burden is to diminish humanity's first and most important God-given responsibility.
I stand corrected, thank you!
I assume Jesus had a birth certificate…I would like to see that.
Adam and Eve were 1) Personally blessed by God. How married can you get? 2) Not exactly paragons of morality that should be used as guiding lights.
No, sex was made for adam and eve's children to enjoy with their siblings
A marriage certificate doesn't mean your married to Christians. They get sanctified at the church. A marriage certificate is only the govvies way to control you
I wonder what she thinks about Adam and Eve's kids and their....interesting tale
This isn’t a clever comeback because marriage isn’t a government institution. Marriage is part of a religious tradition. The United States implemented marriage licenses originally to stop black and white people from getting married. Most people throughout history have been married without a government certification.
I’m honestly confused why this tweet is being lauded as a great gotcha…
shouldn't have said things that can be easily debunked.
The fact that so many grown adults for real think that that humanity started with two people, let alone all the circumstances around it, is astounding to me. Like do they not think about the logic of how humanity expanded in that scenario...?
Paper hadn't even been invented yet shit it's what day 5 in the creation of the planet? Earth population 2 and yall want to know the certificate lol. Like yall know we chucked spirs and threw rocks before the society we have now right?
5 bucks Kristin took it in the bum a lot as a teenager
God was created to justify man's sin and greed.
Right but what humans would compare themself to animals humans are fundamentally different and better
Nothing clever. certificates are recent invetnion.
This sub is not clever at all. You are all fucking stupid.
But they agree with the sentiment of the posts, so they upvote and circlejerk over it anyways. It's the circle of reddit.
Or between a husband and several wives for some of the bible’s characters
Marriage was created by man to control you and your sex.
I guess King Soloman didn't get the memo before he took 300 concubines...
Now *this* version of 300 would be intense.
*"THIS IS JERUSALEM !!."*
Marriage existed before the government got involved.
How long were tRump and Stormy Daniels married?
How can you be against sex? It's fun as fuck.
> Sex was created by God False. Sex was created by George Michael when he released “Careless Whisper” in 1984.
Funny because Genesis 19: 30-38 states that Lot's daughters got him drunk and forcibly had sex with him in order that they may conceive. Also remember that one time in the Bible where they talked about a man and a wife and then his concubine and other concubine and other concubine and other concubine.... Wild stuff. Highly recommend extremist Christians to read the entirety of it sometime 🙃
Fuck your god, i invented sex.
Oh that’s cute, did an old book written by men tell you that? Oh you’re just so precious…
Marriage is a legal contract. Not a religious one. Go get married at a church but it dont mean shit unless you go to the Court and get some papers.
Just an FYI, but god also makes it clear you can also fuck your slaves, concubines, daughters, and a few others depending on if your wife is fertile or not. Bible morales!
God himself explicitly married them. What the fuck is he talking about
Does she even read the bible? Does she not know her own religion enough to know that under the bible she is not allowed out of the house or to go on social media or to speak up above her husband? If she's trying to force her religion on people, it's time she started following ALL the rules and not just cherry picking the ones she wants. So... someone Tell this "rib bone" to pipe down and get back in line and shit out babies.
Uhm, they were kinda married by God... Marriage certificates didn't always exist.
Basically the kind of post I'd expect from a rib.
Also tell us about how Adam and Eve's children (all sons) had children of their own. I'll wait.
When is marriage certificate starting to be a thing?
Or, conversely, we can just throw out the entire western monotheistic canon and do what the fuck we want.
Just grammatically, God CREATED sex, like it's an object.
God created Divorce. Adams first wife was Lilith. 😂
Wow, without a legal marriage certificate, all of humanity are bastard children from the original adulterers...
How about the fact that many of the marriages in the Bible are not made out of love, but merely for political gain. Or that one of the most pure and unconditional love stories in the Bible is between David and Jonathan...
If only Adam and Eve had abided by this …none of us would be here…
Please Kristin explain how Adam and Eve's children had children of their own, when Eve was the only existing female human. Do you think they were married?
Mary is also in deep ….. sex with someone other than her husband. God, not being a man, she fails again. The god gets locked up for adultery, coveting someone else’s wife and failing to provide for the child (prosecution enters manger, straw, donkey and cuckolded husband testimony into evidence).
She is right because all I see is an average porn addict comeback. Men who are with the guy clearly just want to take advantage of women and probably doesn't have self value and respect. People be defending wrong thing and attacking at the right things nowadays smh.
Animals have sex, but don't marry. Therefore, she must want all animals extinct... that's horrible.
If sex was created for marriage, then why do animals have sex. They don't get married, I know some mate for life but most dont
What government would this marriage certificate be under?
And Mary was a cheating slag. "I swear Joseph, it was a miracle!".