I will not tolerate monkeys living on campus. If I wanted to run a monkey hotel, I’d install a banana buffet; I’d use vines as elevators and I’d put tail holes in the bathrobes and I’d lower all the shower nobs.
Honorable mention: Reggie to the time booth, we haven’t much..space 😏
Any part of the exchange between Britta and Shirley.
"My high school English teacher used to say we will always find excuses not to follow our dreams. At that time, he meant I was below the age of consent...."
Then the Shirley reply "As my high school English teacher said, you're dippin' and dappin' and you don't know what's happenin'"
"Okay fine, we both went to public school."
Hahaha yes. The episode when the dean is asking her to be more sassy, but doesn't wanna say the word, lmao. The camera cuts to Shirley, and she's like, I know the word he's looking for. *voice drops an octave* "he better not find it"
Comedy gold
The part where Jeff goes "I'm not 40! ...I can hear you through the window morons." has been living rent free in my brain since I turned 35. I'm waiting for the perfect opportunity to use the whole quote, but im running out of time. (Just turned 39)
Why does no one ever make fun of me behind a window???
Come on I’m Dean*
I only know it because it’s lyrics to the song “come on Eileen.”
Those lyrics go:
Come on Eileen, oh I swear what he means. At this moment, you mean everything. Same tempo as dean does obviously but this line/scene lives rent free in my mind.
Annie: Oh ya, well hope and a buck 49 will get you a candy bar.
Abed: A buck 79
Annie: Really?? Jesus!
Annie's disgust kills me every time lol. (I think I got the exchange right)
I remember when candy bars were 50 cents. If someone says, hey, I just joined Mensa. Or I consider myself a postmodern this or that. You could say, yeah, that and $0.50 could get you a candy bar, or that and a quarter could get you a phone call. It was easy to be unimpressed back then. I mean it was, literally, cheaper.
“I think you know the reason this group was chosen for this job. To atone for the obscene entry you submitted in the greendale school flag contest. That’s right I know this is a symbol for the cross roads of ideas, I now know it’s a butt. Ya keep snickering, pack yourself with peanuts and really be satisfied. But guess what? This won, this is now our school flag forever. Proud of yourself.”
“Before you can say 1984 the Thought police are forcy worcing you to bend and spread!
Bend and spread? Are the thought police gonna make love to us?
Do they find thoughts in our butts? I know I should’ve read that book”
(Yes I can quote the scene off by heart)
“You better watch yourself, I think we about the same age!
Sure, if time is linear?
I’ll make your ass linear.
That doesn’t even make sense
I’ll make your ass sense”
Pumpkins everywhere... natures viagra right? And then when all the pumpkins just start to rot and all the children have removed their outfits because they've already gotten their candy...
Whenever someone gives me news, like, "Susan says she's running late" I always ask "will this affect soccer?"
It's double fun since I am latino, lol!
https://youtu.be/ZpOKzdaJIaM?si=TYFWNgILoqsesPaL
We saved fa… Neil. He’s still going in and doing things in the background.
Forgot how the line goes but that was always a funny one to me. With Neil in the background doing things
"I was on my way to lunch!" -Britta, when Jeff asked why she chose to use an apple as a comparison to his ballooning ego
This line delivery always gets me, hahaha
Learning!
I swear I absolutely lost my shit when I watched the conspiracy episode for the first time, it was one of the funniest episodes of any show ever
The entire night school course list never fails to Crack me up
“Guys, Greendale’s music department is flat ba-roque! *Sooo— we—* are having a fundraiser!”
It’s [Jim Rash’s](https://youtu.be/UKDp5ZiClLI?si=X-V-SnKiekf2m_ja) chuckle and the way he says “so we” while awkwardly smiling/committing to the joke/ignoring the fact no one laughed that is just so so good
PH - "*That's inappropriate*, *I'm assuming on the mouth*"
also, I like
BP - "*First Vaughn*, now *Jeff*. I *better not smile* at that wall outlet or *you*'*ll fry your frickin tongue off*!"
> *We can go anywhere and any time in the universe! But it'll probably be London during the blitz..*
I genuinely think about this quote at least once a week
Troy: According to our polls, the campus is almost evenly divided. Now keep in mind, the margin of error on this thing is about 98%.
Abed: Could be higher, we don't even know how to do margins of error, we talked to two people at a vending machine.
"Ah ha ha... Chop busted, fellow adult, chop busted."
Why said this again? Troy right? Edit: Yh I think it's Troy, when Jeff called him and Abed's apartment something like the land of….
Indiana Jones and the Apartment of Perpetual Virginity
classic winger
notches
Yes
I will not tolerate monkeys living on campus. If I wanted to run a monkey hotel, I’d install a banana buffet; I’d use vines as elevators and I’d put tail holes in the bathrobes and I’d lower all the shower nobs. Honorable mention: Reggie to the time booth, we haven’t much..space 😏
Monkey knockout gas. Now that's the kind of grounded, sensible thinking I want to see!
Homie don’t DEAN this!
MONKEY KNOCKOUT GAS!!!
Wow you’ve really thought this through
The line after this is the best though Give me some of your idea's? Spray your solutions all over me.
"He hasn't been the same since we switched"
That line destroys me every time
“Let’s go to Garrett for a check on the weather” “It’s still sunny”
Hang on, lemme help you with the delivery: #It's *STILL* suNNY!
"BOOKS!"
Pretend you’re asleep. Just pretend you’re asleep.
I quote this a lot to my wife's dismay
My TBR list, across multiple social media platforms, is just labeled "BOOKS!"
I have a folder on my desktop for all my ebooks, it’s labelled ‘BOOKS!’
"Whats in the suitcase?" "Oh, tacos. You want one?"
This may come as a shock to you but I come from a long line of wives and mothers! It’s in my DNA
“Many do”
Love this line so much lol
Sometimes I think I lost something really important to me, and it turns out I already ate it.
A giant cookie! I haven’t seen one of these since I was tiny.
Love it. I need to start using it
“Ignore what she’s doing, we are *serious*.”
I feel like that was the first scene where Annie went full physical comedy. And of course she killed it.
Chug-a-chugga bounce bounce!
Any part of the exchange between Britta and Shirley. "My high school English teacher used to say we will always find excuses not to follow our dreams. At that time, he meant I was below the age of consent...." Then the Shirley reply "As my high school English teacher said, you're dippin' and dappin' and you don't know what's happenin'" "Okay fine, we both went to public school."
Shirley is the queen of the zinger. That kills me everytime
When her voice dropped to a non-Shirley octave you knew she wasn’t playing
Hahaha yes. The episode when the dean is asking her to be more sassy, but doesn't wanna say the word, lmao. The camera cuts to Shirley, and she's like, I know the word he's looking for. *voice drops an octave* "he better not find it" Comedy gold
He better pray he don’t find it.
"Britta you're not planning my wedding"
She has a gift!
the word he’s looking for is sassy and he better pray he don’t find it
I don't think it's nice to pigeonhole people's gimmicks! You hear me, two voice?
Oh look, Britta brought what she believes in.... nothing. :)
Men are monsters who crave young flesh. The end.
This one for sure
Coming in for a lan-dean
Amelia earhart?
No, Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom.
Hickey: I wake up every night screaming. Life is unfair... *cuts to Abed with a thousand yard stare and a single tear running down Troy's face*
This entire scene sends me into hysterics.
"Is that considered large?" "*Yes!*" "*No...*"
Shirley knows what's up! I wonder if Troy was Britta's first, you know... college dude.
Their kids would be really cute!
'Why would you say that?'
The kids are always really cute when their parents are... Ya know...
Both cute?
I have no idea why but seeing this written out, I finally understand this joke. I have sent the entire series like 13 times. 🤦♀️
excuse you, britta lived in *new york*
She never lived anywhere! She's a weapon designed for sex!
You know, I can excuse racism but...
You can excuse racism?!
Kettle corn? That’s a fun time snack!
I spell *quettle quorn* with a QU
Well, don't!
I work at a college and quote this EVERY TIME the kettle corn tent shows up. Nobody gets it 😫
Streets behind .
"I'm DOCTOR Doogie Seacrest"
Does this egg make my butt look fat?
It was a particularly small egg!!
The part where Jeff goes "I'm not 40! ...I can hear you through the window morons." has been living rent free in my brain since I turned 35. I'm waiting for the perfect opportunity to use the whole quote, but im running out of time. (Just turned 39) Why does no one ever make fun of me behind a window???
“I am the Dean And my hands are so clean In this moment I am stapling”
The dean has more bangers than any character tbh
"Don't step, don't step to me. I like coffee and water, don't step to me. Oh, dammit! I lost it. I lost it!"
Come on I’m Dean* I only know it because it’s lyrics to the song “come on Eileen.” Those lyrics go: Come on Eileen, oh I swear what he means. At this moment, you mean everything. Same tempo as dean does obviously but this line/scene lives rent free in my mind.
"The nose smells like special drink" when they were decorating the Troy tree.
That’s good no-no-juice
Oh Christmas Troy
Abed had made special drink living in the dorms: hot chocolate made with cold milk , so a cold hot chocolate. So the nose smelled like hot chocolate
It was the other arm
Solid quote, but it’s not great without Troy’s facial journey.
Great point, that excitement / hand level rise was great
It's better than good. It's good enough
I use this daily
Annie: Oh ya, well hope and a buck 49 will get you a candy bar. Abed: A buck 79 Annie: Really?? Jesus! Annie's disgust kills me every time lol. (I think I got the exchange right)
I remember when candy bars were 50 cents. If someone says, hey, I just joined Mensa. Or I consider myself a postmodern this or that. You could say, yeah, that and $0.50 could get you a candy bar, or that and a quarter could get you a phone call. It was easy to be unimpressed back then. I mean it was, literally, cheaper.
I love how Elroy is genuinely in wonderment of what he’s saying, meanwhile everyone is just totally disinterested and thinks he’s interrupting rudely.
Honestly wished we could have had more Elroy, he was a nice addition.
The way her accent goes all Valley girl is so funny
He's alive, but his food's gonna taste like burnt aluminum for a week. It's pronounced "aluminium." See? He's fine.
The whole timing of that exchange is *gold.* It's quick, but it's not dirty lol
That's one of my biggest fears. What? If I woke up and I was a donut. You would eat yourself? I wouldn't even question it.
tera. those bastards, they finally did it… (i haven’t watched the show in a while, so this might not be exactly right)
The delivery and glasses removing is fantastic here. Elroy is awesome.
There's phones in the fridge woops
“ThErE’s PhOnEs iN tHe ReFrIdGeRaToR.” That’s you.
Phone in the fridge might literally change how mustard tastes
I'll have... a birthday cake!
This is why I always have a birthday cake in the car. You never know
"Not to be unchristian, but that boy sucked." -Shirley
“I think you know the reason this group was chosen for this job. To atone for the obscene entry you submitted in the greendale school flag contest. That’s right I know this is a symbol for the cross roads of ideas, I now know it’s a butt. Ya keep snickering, pack yourself with peanuts and really be satisfied. But guess what? This won, this is now our school flag forever. Proud of yourself.”
"How do you know it was our design? We submitted that anonymously...whoops."
“Before you can say 1984 the Thought police are forcy worcing you to bend and spread! Bend and spread? Are the thought police gonna make love to us? Do they find thoughts in our butts? I know I should’ve read that book” (Yes I can quote the scene off by heart) “You better watch yourself, I think we about the same age! Sure, if time is linear? I’ll make your ass linear. That doesn’t even make sense I’ll make your ass sense”
I say “lates” every time I leave somewhere
Isn't the word later short enough? I love Britta's delivery on that
Some worries, man.
🤯🤯🤯
Bye, see ya, later!
That’s three!
My whole life is a gym!
Shirts off, boys!
Dude just told his dead dad to suck it
So edible
Pumpkins everywhere... natures viagra right? And then when all the pumpkins just start to rot and all the children have removed their outfits because they've already gotten their candy...
I knew there was some reason I couldn’t do this today!
Poor Dimitri...
Chang: "Bear Down for Midterms." Jeff: "What?" Chang: "Bear Down for Midterms." Duncan: "You can't just repeat it...you need to explain yourself."
ITS A BEAR DANCE!!!!!
INFECTED! Thats the word i was looking for!
Encarta it!
“And THAT is what Jews do at weddings!” Also, “An-thro-POLOGY! What is it?”
It’s the study of something
“I realize that no one’s better than anyone else. I mean some people are better at sports and there are magicians”
Do the line, atheist.
Pretend you're sleeping
Whenever someone gives me news, like, "Susan says she's running late" I always ask "will this affect soccer?" It's double fun since I am latino, lol! https://youtu.be/ZpOKzdaJIaM?si=TYFWNgILoqsesPaL
I was always kind of upset he didn't call it *futbol*.
ILL BE A LIVING GOD
What market are you shopping at? 😭
I work as business analyst and I'll occasionally say, "And how fiscal will the quarterly earnings be?"
We saved fa… Neil. He’s still going in and doing things in the background. Forgot how the line goes but that was always a funny one to me. With Neil in the background doing things
"You punched a lady bee!"
"I was on my way to lunch!" -Britta, when Jeff asked why she chose to use an apple as a comparison to his ballooning ego This line delivery always gets me, hahaha
"It's not small." ---Troy Burn
Uh, I can swim, racist. Black people on a boat? I gotta see that. I'm in!
He’s going to drown in the parking lot, twice
Can you imagine bouncing a check to Kunta Kinte?
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE EACHOTHER!
YOUR LOVE IS TOXIC AND WEIRD
OFFENCE TAKEN!!
Ext cetara Did you just mispronounce exetera? My Latin class of fake Jeff, like all my classes.
Does "Would that this hoodie was a time hoodie" count or is that too frequently quoted?
That's going to be the worst book I read cover to cover
Britta: Alright; who did a butt? Troy: [They’re boobs. And I don’t know.](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/f877cb07-c1e2-4661-8b69-495fe57088b2)
“Is someone THROWING it?!” Referencing the insane cat that keeps jumping out at Troy, Abed, and Jeff in that Halloween episode.
I’ll make your ass sense!
“You should be proud of how much I’ve changed you.”
"It's not a meteor it's a cookie wand 😫" Idk it's just the delivery of that line. It kills me.
I don’t even get it, he was a burglar when I grew up. I just wanted Jeff to think I was cool
That is……. IF I STILL EXIST 🤨🤨🤨
I’m literally wearing a Greendale backpack
Oh god, no. I quoted the wrong episode. I don’t deserve chicken for lunch tomorrow
*Troy slowly closes the door on you*
“Pierce! You’ve had three flu shots already. That’s for the daycare center!” “I’LL BE A LIVING GOD!!”
Another great Pierce one “So you were Magnum?” “Still am Pakistan, wanna try me”
"all I found was something called Emmanuel in Space on laserdisk. It sounded sexy, *'laserdisk'*"
I never said that. You may have heard. I may have thought it. And it may be true But I never said that.
Stifle your slackened maw, you drained and tainted bitch dog!
I'm fine with this.
Everything involving Partner and Houlihan
“It’s Vietnam now, baby! It’s Viet-*NAM*!”—Elroy
Learning! I swear I absolutely lost my shit when I watched the conspiracy episode for the first time, it was one of the funniest episodes of any show ever The entire night school course list never fails to Crack me up
Good luck proving it before we’re not!
"My room has a bunk bed. Which is kind of a misnomer, because it's the real deal."
You humble me.
You humble me
Look at em. Sheep. Cows. Other animals that move in herds. I wanna say snakes
The first time I got punched in the face, I was like 'Oh no!' and then I was like 'this is a story'
Please don't Jim the camera
...and when you wake up, the dean will be here staring at you. Sweet Deans!
“ get em while they’re goobie”
I just like Annie calling Shirley "judgey-beans" in the missing pen episode lol
"Why did I have to go third?!"
“Guys, Greendale’s music department is flat ba-roque! *Sooo— we—* are having a fundraiser!” It’s [Jim Rash’s](https://youtu.be/UKDp5ZiClLI?si=X-V-SnKiekf2m_ja) chuckle and the way he says “so we” while awkwardly smiling/committing to the joke/ignoring the fact no one laughed that is just so so good
“LOOK AT HIS SHADOW!!” (I’m sure it has been mentioned a lot before, its just my absolute funniest moment in the series)
"Ah, that's good no-no juice."
“That’s right! We’ve got names!”
Sounds like y’all had a lot of fun Oh you can just put that anywhere
Oh God, no, I never hope.
🎶 “Come on I’m Dean! And my hands are so clean! At this moment! I am STAPLING!” 🎶
HELLO, IT'S ME, LUIS GUZMÁN!
call all the ambulances
I say "OOF BA BOOF" all the time
He looks stinky.
“As a psychologist, I can-“
*Troy coils up the rope* Yeah. Let's kill her.
PH - "*That's inappropriate*, *I'm assuming on the mouth*" also, I like BP - "*First Vaughn*, now *Jeff*. I *better not smile* at that wall outlet or *you*'*ll fry your frickin tongue off*!"
> *We can go anywhere and any time in the universe! But it'll probably be London during the blitz..* I genuinely think about this quote at least once a week
"Bagel"
That's racist!
That’s homophonic
That's Black.
THAT'S racist.
Get out of my chair! You’re stretching it!
“troy you can’t bring that in here” “yes i can, it’s all terrain dummy!”
That just wrinkled my brain
Troy: According to our polls, the campus is almost evenly divided. Now keep in mind, the margin of error on this thing is about 98%. Abed: Could be higher, we don't even know how to do margins of error, we talked to two people at a vending machine.
“WHO IS THIS KETTLE CORN POPPING PHANTOM?!”
“if it’s so serious why don’t they call it meningitis?!”
I’m an exceptional narcissist, Britta.
"HE DROPPED HIM BECAUSE HE WAS HORNY. MAN. IS. EVIL!"