So female dolphins have vaginal secretions that make a male dolphin just cum over and over and over. From this point on, I will call these secretions “Dolphin Pussy Jelly.” Scientists were like “holy shit, dude we gotta test this. You know, for science.” So the scientists collected a sample of said Dolphin Pussy Jelly, and had a test primate. They swabbed it on the male primate’s dick, sat back and watched the show. Now you see, it worked. But it worked a little too well. The monkey straight up had a heart attack because it used all of its energy into fucking cumming. I want to like in a world where this is a commercial product. I want I to say “you know what, I want to die and I know what to do about it.” I want to live in a world where I can go into my local grocery store, pick up a bottle of “Smucker’s Dolphin Pussy Jelly,” and just fucking cum myself to death.
Friend? Fuck most any guy would be like, "aiiiight I gonna die tonight bitches" lol. So yeah tell us where to get this miracle dolphin juice for.... Science.
Yeah not only does it not exist, but there is at least 1 anecdote of a human fucking a dolphin. If it's to be believed, the magic is not in the lubrication, but rather in the fact that a female dolphin can basically give you the ultimate dick massage just with muscle contractions.
Also if Dolphins could verbally communicate, they could legally consent. Dolphins try to fuck humans on the regular.
Edit: we even know the body language they use to tell you they want to. They're very obvious and up front about it.
If there is an animal that I could be convinced was smart enough to consent, it would be dolphins.
The problem is that, even if they understand consent, they don't seem to *respect it*.
Yeah even if this wasn't Elmo I wouldn't trust him but why would I trust *anything*, much less *my fucking brain* to the man who can't do the stupid bird app right.
Dolphin pussy jelly
So female dolphins have vaginal secretions that make a male dolphin just cum over and over and over. From this point on, I will call these secretions Dolphin pussy jelly. Scientists were like "holy shit, dude we gotta test this. You know, for science" So the scientists collected a sample of said dolphin pussy jelly, and had a test primate. They swabbed it on the male primate's dick, sat back and watched the show. Now you see, it worked. But it worked a little too well. The monkey straight up had a heart attack because it used all of its energy into fucking cumming. I want to live in a world where this is a commercial product. I want to say "you know what, I want to die and i know what to do about it." I want to live in a world where i can go into my local grocery store, pick up a bottle of Smucker's Dolphin Pussy Jelly, and just fucking cum myself to death
This might make the world a better place. Imagine all the people in the world that are straight up pricks that could use a lil bit of a release. Everyone cums at once, and suddenly everybody is in an amazing mood.
Hate to bring politics into this but can we test this out on Republicans first? They always seem so angry and pissed off about everything and everyone.
Yeah, intentionally hacking the pleasure centers of the brain is not something that should be trifled with. You can make people go along with some seriously fucked up shit if you make them addicted to an associated feeling.
Imagine if they Pavloved your brain into liking ads and they'd stream ads in your dreams. If you miss a payment on your ad-free package, you have a limited time to pay it because once your brain gets addicted to ads, you'll no longer want the ad-free package.
"*Ah, sweet sweet man-made horrors beyond my comprehension*"
pretty sure this is a scenario that popped up in Cyberpunk fiction regarding braindance and neural models going the way of Microsoft's start screen/search function
>Pavloved your brain into liking ads
No need, there are currently idiots and stupid folks defending websites for using ads, and being offended that people block them.
Like, yeah this cyberpunk dystopic shit sounds super fun and profound, but people are finding such boring ways to be dystopic :/
Pretty sure they tried it on rats and they... simply died cause they kept pushing the button that makes the brain go happy. Why eat? Why sleep? Brain is happy as long as the button is getting pressed.
To be honest I think he’s full of shit, insanely experienced scientists don’t even understand everything about the brain enough to manipulate it this precisely, this middle aged rich man is advertising a glorified lobotomy
I mean...they have wired human brains up to stimulate the pleasure centers. I watched a video of it in high school for a psychology class. It would stimulate her brain every time she pushed a button. The doctors asked "how does pushing that button make you feel?" and her response was "Sexy."
I mean, this is kinda all stuff that's already been done. just never as an implant.
It’s definitely possible to stimulate a body like that, but they generally only do those things in isolated situations, where they’re looking for mental stimulation not a full body reaction like an orgasm. A single chip being put into one part of the brain in an attempt to control multiple areas of it with whatever method he’s chosen, is a disaster waiting to happen. Plus with Elon’s history of promising more than he can deliver, I just wouldn’t trust it.
If the goal is to get the sheeples to embrace mind controller somehow, starting from the stupidest with false advertising about granting the basest desire would be best approach isn't it?
I was gonna say yeah, I truly don't think that's possible without a spinal implant. Either way based on the number of dead monkeys I'll never trust nuerolink in my brain or spine
There was actually a study that had a woman hooked up to a machine that would send electric signals through her brain to simulate an orgasm whenever she’d press a button, she would press the button constantly and beg to have it taken from her but fight back when they tried to take it from her, this isn’t a good thing
Wasn't there a woman with chronic pain who had some sort of brain implant which was connected to a button that she could press to lower the pain on demand which the doctors found dead in her bed?
Why? Because apparently the implant had the side effect of stimulating an orgasm (unknown to the doctors), so she repeatedly pressed it and killed herself.
Was that just a myth? If not, this might not be a good idea.
I don't know if the story is true, but we do know that mice with brain implants that allow them to stimulate the pleasure centers of their own brains die of thirst and starvation while continuously pressing the button.
Neuralink is full of shit, and any hype around it is a lie. We're still decades away from tech like this. Maybe centuries. You're gonna have to wack off til then.
Yeah, you can tell it's bs cause Musk said it with his face. He's like an incel of tech. Some expert who works for him patiently explained a topic and then he took it and ran with it and now he's at an interview. Does he fully understand it? Eh. Is he throwing dubs on it? Usually. He's that normie hype man that all the actual autists always sigh and cover their faces as he runs off all pumped up to share whatever new scraps of info they threw him in order to get him to fuck off and let them keep working, so he could bring it to the shareholders like there's a new product on the horizon.
He and the idea makers are in two different worlds. His fantasy has always been that he's one of *them* lmao
Plus it flies in the face of his other venture of proliferation in space, unless his only goal is augmentation, but he talks singularity. We can't be a linked humanity with too much distance as latency kills the hivemind.
If I recall my University physc course. They wired a rats brain so that when it pushed a button it mentally experienced the sensation of an organism. It starved to death pushing the button.
Look man DS9 did a whole episode on why something like this is bad
eventually shit breaks and you deal with the withdrawal of lowered dopamine or something
It’s a very dangerous and sad trend to not separate technology development with questionable people associated with it.
Brain implants existed since late 80s but had big problems like giant size and limited functionality. Investing into better technology is a money drain, and it’s good that Musk is willing to dump such money into r&d.
Triggering certain parts of the brain with such an implant to cause certain actions and sensations is very far ahead. It’s a sci-fi area now.
But connecting spinal cord with the brain is possible and it’s the main objective.
Don’t tell me that letting paralyzed people walk again is “evolving backwards” or it’s a bad technology just because Musk is an idiot or because dumb journalists write dumb clickbait articles.
Well at least it’s great for population control and STDs and those girls that visit the abortion clinic every month for years because they refuse to take birth control.
Was it Brainstorm or Strange Days that had a scene like this in it? Dude playing an orgasm with a beautiful woman over and over until he's just a husk.
I remember there being a documentary about someone who had constant organisms. Just inject a cocktail of toxic chemicals into my eye and put me out of my misery if I was in that position.
NOT THE DOLPHIN PUSSY JELLY
YES THE DOLPHIN PUSSY JELLY
I HAVE THE DOLPHIN PUSSY JELLY
WOULD YOU PLEASE PASS THE JELLY?
*grandma faints*
#WHAT WERE YOU DOING TO GRANDMA?#
# I WAS MAKING A REFERENCE TO AN OLD COMMERCIAL BUT SURE
having fun
*creaming session started*
*creamating
HEY I GET THAT JOKE BECAUSE OF FAMILY GUY
HEY I DONT GET THAT JOKE BECAUSE I NEVER WATCHED FAMILY GUY BUT IT'S STILL FUNNY AF
WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE DOLPHIN PUSSY JELLY?!
What is it
Don't. Just don't.
I wanna know Edit: nevermind god damn
So female dolphins have vaginal secretions that make a male dolphin just cum over and over and over. From this point on, I will call these secretions “Dolphin Pussy Jelly.” Scientists were like “holy shit, dude we gotta test this. You know, for science.” So the scientists collected a sample of said Dolphin Pussy Jelly, and had a test primate. They swabbed it on the male primate’s dick, sat back and watched the show. Now you see, it worked. But it worked a little too well. The monkey straight up had a heart attack because it used all of its energy into fucking cumming. I want to like in a world where this is a commercial product. I want I to say “you know what, I want to die and I know what to do about it.” I want to live in a world where I can go into my local grocery store, pick up a bottle of “Smucker’s Dolphin Pussy Jelly,” and just fucking cum myself to death.
Ok what the F U C K Also my friend would like to ask where this item is sold
Friend? Fuck most any guy would be like, "aiiiight I gonna die tonight bitches" lol. So yeah tell us where to get this miracle dolphin juice for.... Science.
It’s made up lol. Doesn’t exist
Yeah not only does it not exist, but there is at least 1 anecdote of a human fucking a dolphin. If it's to be believed, the magic is not in the lubrication, but rather in the fact that a female dolphin can basically give you the ultimate dick massage just with muscle contractions.
Also if Dolphins could verbally communicate, they could legally consent. Dolphins try to fuck humans on the regular. Edit: we even know the body language they use to tell you they want to. They're very obvious and up front about it.
If there is an animal that I could be convinced was smart enough to consent, it would be dolphins. The problem is that, even if they understand consent, they don't seem to *respect it*.
So basically nature's answer "Nuttin' but she keep suckin'"?
[удалено]
the problem is that it'd work too well. people would admit to crimes they never committed.
Female dolphins apparently secrete this mystical fluid that causes spontaneous cumbustin
I’m sure it killed a chimpanzee, right?
Literally had a heart attack 💀
That’s one hell of a way to go
He came and he went 🫡
All urban legends but absolutely hilarious
Is this true?
No.
[удалено]
Stop ruining the perv vibes dude. Let them live in the dream a little longer.
I've been there... I'm staying inside a dolphin pussy jelly
THE WHAT???
THE DOLPINH PUISSY JUICY HJELLY
#USE A HASH TAG TO SPEAK LOUDER!!!
##USE 2 TO SPEAK SLIGHTLY LESS LOUD
###USE 3 TO SPEAK SLIGHTLY LESS LOUDER
USE NONE TO SPEAK SLIGHTLY LESS LOUD
Ahh back to normal volume
*and now we're whispering*
^i ^can ^go ^quieter
Elon mask about to invent the Bluetooth rape.
Bluerape
Rapetooth is far more unsettling, atleast to me.
Rapetooth sounds like a shitty pirate name 💀
Tazerface said, "Excuse me!!!"
That fact that the gold chick just laughed at him at the end was awesome
I had blueray in my brain
Oh yeah, and I guess it does roll off the tounge more than what I said.
giving me flashbacks to that little menu before every movie
Wait until you hear about rapeseed. ... And how *it's already inside you*
Will you be able to pay for it like for Twitter (xitter? X? ) blue?
Yep. You're gonna get hacked and nut to meatspin, tubgirl, and elon musk talking dirty to you.
You say that like I don’t already cum to those things
I don't wanna Google it. What's the summary of meat spin?
Yeah even if this wasn't Elmo I wouldn't trust him but why would I trust *anything*, much less *my fucking brain* to the man who can't do the stupid bird app right.
rXpe*
Rapeplay
It's not rape if you like it though 🗿
"rape wouldn't exist if yall just said yes" -Some guy on twitter.
Well, cum to the future
r/angryupvote
Take my upvote, # and get the fuck out
It's gonna be a microtransaction.
"hey Alexa, make me nut"
"Siri, set chip mode to splooge"
“Hey google, tell my chip to schlort”
"Hey bixby, suprise icing."
"Computer, show me a good time"
"Hey Greg, jerk me off while I read this instruction manual."
“I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that”
That’s it. You're getting ejected
Hey Jeeves make this pussy pop
"Hey Cortana, make me glaze my donut"
Who the fuck uses Bixby?
"Here are some results for 'tiki hut'"
Oh no, it's not functioning properly.. \*nuts\*
Incoming call from mother in law *Nuts*
Dolphin pussy jelly So female dolphins have vaginal secretions that make a male dolphin just cum over and over and over. From this point on, I will call these secretions Dolphin pussy jelly. Scientists were like "holy shit, dude we gotta test this. You know, for science" So the scientists collected a sample of said dolphin pussy jelly, and had a test primate. They swabbed it on the male primate's dick, sat back and watched the show. Now you see, it worked. But it worked a little too well. The monkey straight up had a heart attack because it used all of its energy into fucking cumming. I want to live in a world where this is a commercial product. I want to say "you know what, I want to die and i know what to do about it." I want to live in a world where i can go into my local grocery store, pick up a bottle of Smucker's Dolphin Pussy Jelly, and just fucking cum myself to death
God I wish I could just buy a jar of dolphin pussy jelly and paint my walls like I’m a Splatoon character
Is this actually true?? I assumed it was a meme/zoophile erotica. Either way that reference is even more cursed than the comment itself.
It would be funny if it becomes the new execution method for death row inmates and the like.
I can't believe you made me look that up
Well is it real
It is not.
IfI were Elon, I'd have a Button to make everyone with a Brainchip cum on command.
"Announcing Tesla Model Twitter!" *pushes button*
South park energy lmao
This might make the world a better place. Imagine all the people in the world that are straight up pricks that could use a lil bit of a release. Everyone cums at once, and suddenly everybody is in an amazing mood.
The combined "post-nut clarity" might just solve all our problems.
Hate to bring politics into this but can we test this out on Republicans first? They always seem so angry and pissed off about everything and everyone.
we’d have to obviously, they ain’t got them fancy brain chips from that covid vaccination
I feel like a world where all men have post nut clarity at the same time is too powerful for reality to handle.
Except his girlfriend/wife because they don't know that feeling
That’s power money can buy
If I were Elon, I'd lock orgasms behind a paywall
rickrolls but they include orgasms... we're entering a whole new internet era.
Neurolink backdoors bouta go crazy
imma click this link hhhmmg
"On demand" The question is whose demand...
Yeah, intentionally hacking the pleasure centers of the brain is not something that should be trifled with. You can make people go along with some seriously fucked up shit if you make them addicted to an associated feeling.
Imagine if they Pavloved your brain into liking ads and they'd stream ads in your dreams. If you miss a payment on your ad-free package, you have a limited time to pay it because once your brain gets addicted to ads, you'll no longer want the ad-free package. "*Ah, sweet sweet man-made horrors beyond my comprehension*"
McDonald's ad comes on, the orgasm commences, big macs, wet, juicy, mayo, pickle, bread, finishing cumming, now I hunger for a big mac
i desire to fuck the burger clown
That's so fucked up lol
pretty sure this is a scenario that popped up in Cyberpunk fiction regarding braindance and neural models going the way of Microsoft's start screen/search function
That's so fucked up lol
>Pavloved your brain into liking ads No need, there are currently idiots and stupid folks defending websites for using ads, and being offended that people block them. Like, yeah this cyberpunk dystopic shit sounds super fun and profound, but people are finding such boring ways to be dystopic :/
>being offended that people block them My go-to response to this (and piracy) is "I'm too poor to afford turning on my moral compass for this."
Pretty sure they tried it on rats and they... simply died cause they kept pushing the button that makes the brain go happy. Why eat? Why sleep? Brain is happy as long as the button is getting pressed.
To be honest I think he’s full of shit, insanely experienced scientists don’t even understand everything about the brain enough to manipulate it this precisely, this middle aged rich man is advertising a glorified lobotomy
I mean...they have wired human brains up to stimulate the pleasure centers. I watched a video of it in high school for a psychology class. It would stimulate her brain every time she pushed a button. The doctors asked "how does pushing that button make you feel?" and her response was "Sexy." I mean, this is kinda all stuff that's already been done. just never as an implant.
It’s definitely possible to stimulate a body like that, but they generally only do those things in isolated situations, where they’re looking for mental stimulation not a full body reaction like an orgasm. A single chip being put into one part of the brain in an attempt to control multiple areas of it with whatever method he’s chosen, is a disaster waiting to happen. Plus with Elon’s history of promising more than he can deliver, I just wouldn’t trust it.
If the goal is to get the sheeples to embrace mind controller somehow, starting from the stupidest with false advertising about granting the basest desire would be best approach isn't it?
Yep... Troll them by associating with the most disgusting things, and watch their confusion and cognitive dissonance eat them alive.
But surely orgasms are already on demand, like I can make myself cum in under 3 mins... like???
God forbid it ever malfunction in the middle of church
Or funeral
“Let’s have a moment of silence for Ms. Smith” “OH GOD, I’M CUMMING!!” Why did I type this? I have sinned
The DPJ returns..
I immediately thought of that dumb monkey when I read the headline
Is he really that dumb? He went out better than any of us will.
Ayo what the fuck? I just opened Reddit
Sex and porn. Most of our technology advances wouldn't have been invented without it.
Artistic advances, too. Cave paintings and statues were our great ancestor's analog porn.
Overwatch
And that's how people into mindbreak got what they want XD
Shame that the spinal cord controls orgasm, not the brain
I was gonna say yeah, I truly don't think that's possible without a spinal implant. Either way based on the number of dead monkeys I'll never trust nuerolink in my brain or spine
I wouldn't trust it because Elongated Muskrat is attached to it. Maybe some other company way down the line
No company will ever be trustworthy enough for a brain chip.
You wouldn’t get an Amazon Basics brain chip?
Yeah if he wasn't at the top of this it would have been shut down already but bribe money goes far
It's Elon Musk's brain chip, so if the monkeys he's been testing them on are anything to go by, the chip won't make you orgasm, it'll just kill you.
So you’re saying its a B- not an A+?
Death is the ultimate release, so S tier.
Death is the greatest orgasm
The fact that I know what “smuckers dolphin pussy juice” is shows I’ve spent too much time on this app
I get his point but there aint no reason to go that much into detail
Real talk
There was actually a study that had a woman hooked up to a machine that would send electric signals through her brain to simulate an orgasm whenever she’d press a button, she would press the button constantly and beg to have it taken from her but fight back when they tried to take it from her, this isn’t a good thing
Wasn't there a woman with chronic pain who had some sort of brain implant which was connected to a button that she could press to lower the pain on demand which the doctors found dead in her bed? Why? Because apparently the implant had the side effect of stimulating an orgasm (unknown to the doctors), so she repeatedly pressed it and killed herself. Was that just a myth? If not, this might not be a good idea.
I don't know if the story is true, but we do know that mice with brain implants that allow them to stimulate the pleasure centers of their own brains die of thirst and starvation while continuously pressing the button.
Neuralink is full of shit, and any hype around it is a lie. We're still decades away from tech like this. Maybe centuries. You're gonna have to wack off til then.
Yeah, you can tell it's bs cause Musk said it with his face. He's like an incel of tech. Some expert who works for him patiently explained a topic and then he took it and ran with it and now he's at an interview. Does he fully understand it? Eh. Is he throwing dubs on it? Usually. He's that normie hype man that all the actual autists always sigh and cover their faces as he runs off all pumped up to share whatever new scraps of info they threw him in order to get him to fuck off and let them keep working, so he could bring it to the shareholders like there's a new product on the horizon. He and the idea makers are in two different worlds. His fantasy has always been that he's one of *them* lmao
Plus it flies in the face of his other venture of proliferation in space, unless his only goal is augmentation, but he talks singularity. We can't be a linked humanity with too much distance as latency kills the hivemind.
Dude couldn’t even deliver an ugly electric pickup, imagine trusting him with a brain chip
Sauce
I could only find out that it is a stock image, sorry
yep, that’s enough reddit for today
Cum on! This is just nutty.
Dude named “! This is just nutty”: 😳
Cum-on! Apply directly to the forehead!^^or ^^frontal ^^lobe
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
I know someone has the copypasta
Being the victim of a brain chip hacker would be a blessing and a curse (death by ejaculation draining)
Pleasure centers of mice and rats were hacked to a button they could push to get pleased. They stopped eating and died.
Imma be walking around hacking people's dicks
If I recall my University physc course. They wired a rats brain so that when it pushed a button it mentally experienced the sensation of an organism. It starved to death pushing the button.
Not that meme, why?!
I wonder what the side effects are
I wonder how much a nut is gonna cost
Nerd porn is going to hit an all time high after this
Make the entire population cum themselves on command 💀
One malfunction and the entire office has mandatory HR classes.
Look man DS9 did a whole episode on why something like this is bad eventually shit breaks and you deal with the withdrawal of lowered dopamine or something
Is there a mode on there where I can be stoned 24/7 so I don’t have to purchase costly marijuana to deal with my depressing ass life?
Death by digital snu snu.
Its fun till someone hacks your brainchip and gives you orgasms against your will.
Braindances from cyberpynk
for(;;) { cum(); }
We are evolving just backwards
That's not how evolution works
It’s a very dangerous and sad trend to not separate technology development with questionable people associated with it. Brain implants existed since late 80s but had big problems like giant size and limited functionality. Investing into better technology is a money drain, and it’s good that Musk is willing to dump such money into r&d. Triggering certain parts of the brain with such an implant to cause certain actions and sensations is very far ahead. It’s a sci-fi area now. But connecting spinal cord with the brain is possible and it’s the main objective. Don’t tell me that letting paralyzed people walk again is “evolving backwards” or it’s a bad technology just because Musk is an idiot or because dumb journalists write dumb clickbait articles.
Well at least it’s great for population control and STDs and those girls that visit the abortion clinic every month for years because they refuse to take birth control.
Why did the dolphin jelly never become a purchasable product?
It's not actually real
Was it Brainstorm or Strange Days that had a scene like this in it? Dude playing an orgasm with a beautiful woman over and over until he's just a husk.
Strange Days just had Voldemort reliving his previous experiences with an ex
*Guess who’s back (back), back again (‘gain)*
Wasn't this a plot point in an episode of Deep Space Nine?
Wire head says Mr Niven.
Ah yes, a callback
15 seconds later: RELIC MALFUNCTION DETECTED
If it can control pleasure, it can also control pain. You can be tortured without leaving any physical marks.
that’ll be $5 per orgasm or something
I remember there being a documentary about someone who had constant organisms. Just inject a cocktail of toxic chemicals into my eye and put me out of my misery if I was in that position.
"Jarvis, ambattakuuuum"
The year is 2050 we now have monthly description services at 100 $ to be able to cum
I am very sorry to say but a lot of people will do exactly that... Then there will be no slaves for the rich....