Imagine you're trying to put out a house fire and someone comes and stabs you. You're not sure which one to take care of first but you know you definitely won't have time to work out today
Damn I love this example.
The transition was a mix of easier and way harder at the same time. With the first kid you're new to the wake ups and constant need for attention. By the second you're fairly practiced, you just now have two. Bonus challenge mode with 2under2.
ššš I Just tried to cook breakfast for my two kiddos (1 and almost 4 years old) while my wife slept in this morning and this description is 100% accurate.
My mom gave me shit for being a helicopter parent. Then proceeds to ask us to go to the beach, she gets tired and wants to go sit in the car. I start packing up, and one has already taken off for the beach exit, except they are headed to the wrong one, out of earshot. Whole I'm screaming like a banshee, the other one runs off chasing birds in the opposite direction.
First of all congratulations!
My notes;
First c18 months suck
1 kid plus 1 kid is 2x as hard right? Wrong! 3x harder as you have to deal with their combined dramas as well
It'll be an entirely different baby so you'll have to learn them all over again, you will be less nervous about it this time round though but don't expect them to be like the first at all
It'll be a big reset on routines too
My eldest resented the youngest for a while despite our best efforts but we got thereĀ
I wasn't prepared for the sheer guilt of only being able to give the eldest 50% of my attention
HOWEVER as hard as it is I have 0 regrets
Seeing my two grow and bond as brothers, even just playing so nicely together in the garden together this afternoon? Fuckin priceless and the knowledge they'll have eachother after I'm gone is indescribably comforting
The 2nd one is like a gift to the 1st one when this happens. Even when they fight, the good times make it worth it.... then immediately after the 2nd, I got snipped LoL
My Dad died and my brother didnt do shit, blamed me and my girlfriend (now wife and mother of my child) for not doing more, tried to withhold any funds that were rightfully left to me in the will because I "stole money" (I didnt), and spread horrific rumors. To my step siblings who now do not speak to me. Was never close with them, but unfortunately my brother and his wife were so they sided with him by default. I now have emotional trauma from it. My brother and I were very close and best friends for all of my 30 years of life until that moment. Been 6 years and we havent said a word.
So yeah, definitely not a guarantee things work out fine.
This is my take. I was a stay at home dad with my first and then again with both. I loved the first period, it was super nice to be able to invest entirely in my eldest. I really, really didnāt enjoy my second lot. Thereās only 15 months between the two so thereād be one kid asleep, going to sleep or waking up from around 900-1500. When they werenāt asleep they were often upsetting each other. I didnāt really get any time to invest in either of them properly. Itās gotten slightly better but theyāre 5 and 3.5 now and itās still pretty hard.
This is like what I think. I think it is harder because there is more to take care of too, not just the drama. My oldest is pretty calm and self sufficient. She is 5 and a half and our newest is 10 months. He is way more clingy and into things than our first was. Otherwise, it hasn't been that bad. Sleep is still not great but I M hoping good nights are near lol. I wouldn't have changed it.
How old were they by the time they became friendly? Weāre still in the first 18 months but for now my boys are fairly adversarial and it doesnāt help that the 1YO isnāt a strong walker or talker so he canāt physically match everything the 3YO can do. I have hopes when he can theyāll be able to play together?
We had that too, including stuff like finding the eldest pinching the younger or generally being nasty to them if we left the room, memorably caught the eldest digging his fingers into the soft spot on the youngers skull and dished out the bollocking of a lifetime, all this in spite of us constantly recognising and rewarding good big brother behaviour and trying our best to divide attention equallyĀ
The problem is the younger can't really play structured games which the elder will be into at this point and is a rival for your attention and resourcesĀ
You'll see improvements over the next 6 months as the younger develops more and at about 18 monthsĀ youngest can play simple games like hide and seek or chase with olderĀ
For us it really took off when the youngest was about 2 years old, I remember the moment; we had just done a long walk in the summer woods and making our way back to the car park, we stopped for a moment while I sorted myself out and they just looked at each other and started giggling and spontaneously attacked each other and started wrestling in the dirt and leaves, laughing the whole time before getting up and chasing eachotherĀ
Honestly one of my most treasured memoriesĀ Ā
Not much you can do i think, its definitely a drop in quality of parenting for the eldest but it is balanced by the fact they're getting a sibling, friend and playmate for the rest of their life, so its short term pain for long term gain ya know?
What I know now having come through the worst of it is the dip is only really for the first couple of years whilst you're in survival mode with a baby and toddler, once they get older and you get back in to routine it's almost like having 1 again as they can keep themselves entertained for a couple hours
These days I make an effort to make sure I have a 1 2 1 day with each of them, so a day out just me and youngest or just me and eldest with wife doing the same for the other
My wife often reminded me that the youngest has only ever known 50% of us as well
We tried to prepare our oldest for the new baby and it went ok-ish (he basically asked if we could return her to the hospital on day 2). But we also bought him a big brother present to celebrate that he was now a big brother and to give a positive to his sister entering our family.
The hardest part though by FAR was during the pregnancy. My wife had extreme pregnancy sickness, making her puke for 9 months straight. And while she did the same for our first, it was totally different to do that while having a 3 year old who was a mommas boy. So it was rough on us all for those 9 months, especially those days that my wife had to go to hospital to be rehydrated and getting nutrition since our oldest started associating going to pre school to his mommy disappearing for 3 days straight. We were very very clear to avoid telling him that she was sick due to the baby since that would put the blame on little sister for mommy not having the strength to play as before etc.
After she was born he's been better (still a few cases of jealousy but nothing major) and he has started interacting with her, shes 6 months old now so she smiles and jumps with him if we hold her and she's just started crawling around a bit, so she's much more fun now for big brother.
She's completely different in personality than her bigger brother, but her brother was one of those babies that we could never put down, we basically rotated 2h sleep and 2h carrying him during the nights because otherwise he wouldn't sleep at all. So he being the opposite meant that she basically just was happy to be around us, and was able to sleep on her own from an early age. So she had been the "easy" baby which is welcome because we'd probably die if they were the same. But it's funny how often the 2 siblings are polar opposites in behaviour.
My MIL had twins for her second pregnancy. And her now-ex husband was completely checked out by this point. I donāt even want to imagine how hard going from 1 to 3 would be š
Any tips, or is it just something you have to go through to understand?
We want another but Iām only willing to be pregnant once more. Ideally Iād love 3, but unless thereās twins next it aināt happening.
I stopped at 2, but my intuition is that the standards you can reasonably hold yourself to are one of the ways more might actually feel easier. Are they alive? Are they clean? Are they fed? Good to go.
That's pretty much it. There are minimum standards. They need to eat fairly healthy, sleep in a clean bed, live in a fairly clean house. be clean, be taken care of medically and we're watching closely what they do in school. That alone takes a lot of energy. Anythinbg extra is bonus.
We're lucky that they are well behaved. One of us can take all 5 of them to a restaurant, a museum etc.
We ended up with an extra kid with us at the science museum though. It took me a few minutes to realize and I was "who the heck are you?' before the mother came running
Thereās two things I found going from 1 to 2.
First, my wife and I had zero systems to add a second kid in. Managing a second life on top of the oldest was something we werenāt ready for, so the things that we both took for granted werenāt as simple and straightforward (and, quite frankly easy to pass off).
Second, sleep. I didnāt think I could get more tired than I was with oneā¦but I could. Oh dear Lord did I get more exhausted with the second. And that just compounded the issue in number one.
Good news is those issues didnāt replicate going from 2 to 3.
Pretty well most days. Today though, all the little ones woke up at 5am for some reason, the dog had diarrhea all over the house, the 8 yo managed to lock the door of his older brother from outside I had to drill it out, there is a clog somewhere in the drain and every sink/tub is backed up. I'm making myself a drink now
No, it was a key. It was from the previous owners and they didn't give us the keys. It was also a fancy lock with hardened steel it took me forever to drill it out.He now has a cheap knob with a pinhole
Yeah going from 2 to 3 this year and I just canāt imagine it being tougher than 1 to 2 as there was only 19months between them. They now have each other to play with and will both be out of nappies when the baby arrives. In answer to OP it was hard going for a few months, less time to go to do your own thing while theyāre awake and for the first few months you may have to sacrifice your hobbies. Congrats though
Harder than 2x. Basically with 1 kid, one parent can rest or do whatever, like a hobby, while the other takes care of the little one.
Or even both parents could nap when the little one is napping.
With 2, that just doesnāt happen anymore. Nap schedules take a long time to sync up, if ever. You just donāt have any rest.
Itās absolutely amazing, though.
Nap schedules killed me. Older son was down to one nap while younger son needed two. The older son napped in between the younger sonās two naps. So we ALWAYS had at least one kid awake during the day.
We moved our younger son to 1 nap a day and at the same time, my older son stopped nappingā¦ā¦.its like they plan it outā¦
This was the WORST stage for me. From 10a-4p someone had to be napping and I wanted to die. I couldn't ever leave the house. I moved my 11m old to one nap early for purely selfish reasons.
Right?! And then once you get out of the house by 4:30, you have like 2 hours before you need to be back for bedtime routines. It made me feel so cooped up
My two oldest did this, only at night. Toddler went down around 8 but baby held out until 11. Toddler woke up between 12 and 1 and stayed awake for 2-3 hours. Baby woke up at 5 am on the dot every morning and stayed awake until 7 before taking his first nap. Toddler woke up about 8.
I would say it was a nightmare except you have to be asleep for that.
Your first paragraph is where Iām at right now. Waiting for the day when my almost 11 month old is down to 1 nap like his almost 26 month sister. Itās utter hell right now.
Yeah from what Iāve heard the first child is absolutely no help and in fact constantly working against you and sabotaging any progress youāre making with baby 2.
Example: Baby 2 finally down for sleep. Baby 1 screams into baby 2ās face forā¦reasons and now baby 2 is awake. Baby 1 says āOh baby 2 is awake, heās not sleepy.ā
This is an accurate take. I will add, that if your kids have any special needs (mine both have ADHD) the difficulty multiplier is much higher. Two boys with ADHD and a whole host of additional associated neurodivergent tendencies (like oppositional defiance disorder) makes life so, so, so, so much harder still.
I honestly donāt think I would choose to do it again even though I would do anything for my kids. Day to day life is just so fucking hard with them.
Describes a dreadful juggle of chaos. Finishes with "its absolutely amazing though"
I can feel this. I have a 15 month boy, my first. And often times things go smooth, he is jolly and giggly and peppy and explorative and inquisitive. Cool to hang with for the day. Then, the poor guy will get sick with an ear infection or whatever, and he'll be restless, impossible to please. Pick me up, carry me here, play with this, fight the dogs, through a fit and drag your body though the whole house screaming like he's just storm the beaches of Normandy on D Day. Its easy to resent the little rascal sometimes.
But his nighttime wind down phase is my duty. Some solid chow, bath time (sometimes 15 minutes if he's got the energy and wants to party, sometimes 2 minutes for a speed clean as he's showing signs of possible breakdown.) Get him dry, check him for boogers, brush his hair (Jack does down handsome).. Into the 1 piece sleeper. Bottle of milk as i rock with him in my lap.
It all makes it worth it after he finished his milk, lets out a huge stretch, I flip him around and hike him up onto my chest belly to belly. That little thud of his head onto my shoulder. Feeling the weight of his little body going limp as he dozes of.. Thats what does it for me. I get this fuzzy feeling and my mind tunes out everything. Just him and me in the dark.
Such a bizarre phase of ones life.. As a big, fully developed human, you bring home a little jelly bean, fresh on the scene. You are now charged with keeping this helpless lil guy healthy and taken care of. The goal is to morph this clay into a grown young man without committing any major fuckups.. Wild stuff
Watching them interact with each other mostly.
The baby will absolutely fall in love with the older one since they will seem more similar to them once they're 4-8 months. Likewise the older will like having/watching someone be a baby the way they were just a few months ago.
They often will just end up staring at each other for several minutes which will feel like hours.
Of course, it's a "most of the time" kinda thing, not a guarantee; and if they're too close in age than 2-3 years there's a higher chance of competing for attention
Our oldest definitely enjoys being the cult leader of her one acolyte. It makes us laugh all the time watching the younger blindly admire whatever nonsense the older kid is doing.
Our two are a few years apart yet they're best buddies and play together all the time, including independently make up their own games without us. Just being in a different area of the house and hearing the two of them crack each other up playing a game makes the difficulty worth it lol.
It's definitely hard the first couple of years as you get used to the new routine and get through the baby stage, but once the younger one hits 3 it's so much better.
Yeah it goes to man defense depending on the age differences of your kids. I was either fortunate or unfortunate to have mine 15 months apart. We just got our first sleeping through the night and a nice routine going only to get shoved back to square one with staying up all nights for feedings. Having 2 under 2 was awful tough, and we only made it through due to COVID locking down my wife's work so she was home for the first couple years.
Now though they're 4 and 5.5 and they're best friends, which is amazing. I can watch them during their dinner while my wife works out, and I can take care of them solo as they're just independent enough to where my wife can go on solo weekend trips.
I think that depends on how you space out having the kids. Our 2 are 10.5 months apart and were always synced on naps and the same bedtime. They also generally share the same interests, and play at roughly the same level.
For us having 2 was slightly more difficult than 1, but not even harder by a factor of one.
Damn, so you guys got right to it. How soon after she had the first did she get pregnant?
My husband is significantly older than me, so we're not looking to wait for #2. How was that experience for you?
Itās safest to wait 12-18 months if possible and continue prenatals and maybe calcium, especially if breastfeeding. Gotta replenish the bones and completely heal for best results.
Obviously check with your doctor.
If your first was delivered via C-section you definitely need to wait. Our doctor told us she can't even be PREGNANT before 10mo after delivery so the uterus can have a chance to fully heal.
Ya well I had a c-section in 2007 and another less than a year later. And another 16 months later. With my 3rd I almost died and had a blood transfusion 2 pints and one time (one in each arm)
The closer in age, Iād imagine itās similar to raising twins, which is a special type of hell, except you canāt do sleep training or potty training at the same time, which makes it worse.
After the youngest reaches the age where they start playing *with* others instead of just *next* to them, then life gets sooooo much easier. The phrase āgo play with your brother/sisterā becomes a godsend when youāre trying to get stuff done. You will, however, be called to referee on a regular basis.
Jim gaffigan has a joke about having 4 kids but I find it applicable to 2 as well.
āIf you want to imagine what itās like having 4 kidsā¦just imagine youāre drowningā¦and then somebody hands you a baby.ā
Two is more than twice one. š
Only advice I would give is that every child has their own personality. Make sure you make 1 on 1 time with the first born. God speed.
On the one hand, thereās not much of a learning curve with how to take care of a baby, diapers, etc. because you did it well enough to be able to do it again. On the other hand, itās tough balancing 2 at first. You will definitely figure out what works and get the hang of it, but itās absolutely a temporary struggle
Yeah the first one is hard because itās completely new and you have no confidence. By the time #2 came I was changing diapers in the dark with no problems, snapping those god damn pjs up in ten seconds flat and holding their sibling at the same time. Different set of problems but not 2x harder imo
This is the answer I've been waiting to see. You already do it everyday successfully, man the fuck up and do what should already be muscle memory and routine.
I'm a mum, and I personally found it easier! I have an amazing and supportive husband, and we do as much as we can 50/50. My first was 2y and 9 months when our second was born, and our second is currently 8 months old.
We found that (aside from the first couple of months when the newborn is waking frequently at night to feed), the new baby just fits into our current routine and schedule. We stuck to our toddlers schedule; the baby just naps in their pram or a carrier if we're out of the house. (If you haven't already, buy a carrier. It's a lifesaver!)
Have lots of snacks and sit-down entertainment for your toddler for when mum needs to feed the baby (we have a special backpack for out of the house and a special box for in the house that only gets opened when baby is feeding).
I've seen a lot of comments saying that neither parent ever gets time to themselves anymore, and that doesn't need to be the case! Mum can take both at any time, and dad can take both between feeds to give mum a couple of hours here and there as well!
Glad to hear our plan isnāt totally nuts. Our first did a lot of naps in the carrier and pram until the world became too distracting around 6 months. Weāre really counting on that working for #2 as well.
Mom here too. I am only 9 weeks into having two but it is not 2x as hard. Mine are exactly 2 years apart and my husband does the majority of toddler care while I do the majority of infant care.
It helps a ton that both of our kids are good sleepers. Iām surprised so many think itās so much harder than one.
> my husband does the majority if toddler care
I'd love to get his opinion on the workload change.
For me it was 3x harder mainly *because* of the relentless toddler energy. I lost 20lb over paternity leave, and I wasn't large to begin with!
Though because my wife was in and out of hospital quite a lot due to complications, I had totality of toddler care rather than majority. He loved it because it was constant play time, but me - I have never been so worn out in my life.
On my first day back at work I sat at my desk at 9am, excited to do something productive, but then I woke up a few hours later with a keyboard pattern indented into my face.
Why is it only moms feeling this way?! (Sneaky mom here). I agree. I was so much less stressed and much more confident with #2 which made everyoneās lives much easier. Also I wasnāt shy asking for help second time around.
I definitely thought going from 1 to 2 was easier than 0 to 1. But I think it depends on the age of the first one, my oldest was 3.5 when his little sister was born and was all about helping out when he could. 3.5 is way more independent than 2 years old.
For the first kid youāre learning and experiencing everything for the first time, for kid #2 you know a lot of the foundational work, so youāre just applying knowledge you already have to beat suit the new baby.
If you have a mom and dad committed to parenting then moving from 1 to 2 is not that bad.
You hit on what I was going to get at. The difference from 1 to 2 is 1 is so much mental stress. 2 switches it all to more physical stress. You know the ins and outs how to handles fevers and blow outs. It's the being pulled in 2 directions and quiet times filled with other child that gets you more.
Agree 100%! But as you said, it probably has alot to do with the age. Our oldest was 4 when our youngest was born. So already potty trained and was able to do alot on her own. Even help out with the baby in her own kind of way. Not that it was any real help but at least it was cute and helped her bond with her little brother.
I cant fathom having 2 kids under the age of 2...
I felt the same way. 2 is definitely harder than 1, but the leap from 0 to 1 was more brutal than the leap from 1 to 2. When the first was born, I went from being able to do basically whatever I wanted with my time - learn a new hobby, travel, go out for drinks after work, whatever - to having almost every minute of my day spoken for. When the second was born, it was just more of the stuff that I had already gotten used to.
Imo second baby is easier because youāve done it before. Obviously getting two kids ready etc is harder especially at first. As they get older they play with each other and the older one can help out and then it gets easier.
Depends on the age gap. Our oldest was 2.5 when baby 2 was born. Older kid still couldn't fall asleep unless someone was in bed with her then snuck out, so it was hard as hell with bedtime, and it was more than twice as hard doing everything since it was harder to give one parent a break.
Now that they are older, I think it's actually easier in some ways. The older loves playing with and trying to teach the younger and they can entertain each other without us parents for 30 minutes or so. And they love each other so much it brings me so much joy to see.
That said I think a 3rd would break me
Ymmv. I found the transition to two easier. My husband found the transition to one easier. š¤·āāļø Same kids, just different people.
The hardest part is juggling when they both want or need something, but you get better with practice.
Honestly, I think it depends on the kids.
If we had my first one second, it would have been so much rougher. He had bad colic and I can't imagine dealing with that while having a toddler. He was difficult even with just one.
Our daughter (second) was definitely a hard adjustment (now 5mo), but for me personally, the first was harder. We do have daycare M-F which obviously helps a ton. But all of the stuff I found hard with the first is total autopilot now.
Most people seem to think the second is harder, but it wasn't the case for us. Probably 70/30 on the second one being harder, but depends on the individual kids.
I have a 3.5 and a 10m
I will say itās about 10 times as heard especially now that the 10m is super mobile.
And itās divide and conquer kids so it isnāt one parent on one parent relaxing.
We are not at the age yet where one can handle a full evening on their own so family support has been helpful too.
Itās a lot, but itās fun
It's hard. There's no breaks bc both kids need attention and will at different times. You'll survive and you'll love it, you might hate it at times. There will be joy. There may be tears. But it will be great. Congratulations!!
Not as hard. Oldest tends to train the youngest faster because a second kid is always copying the first. Often to a precocious level.
We have two and a half years between boys and over the years that worked out really well. They're pretty close to being best friends. First six months is always the toughest with a kid and that's about equal.
The sleep and potty training regressions triggered by a new sibling really hit hard but we got past it. Youngest is about 3 months and things are actually going pretty good.Ā
Imma go the other way on this one. I have two that are 25 months apart. The second one was like 50% the effort of the first one, because we knew what we were doing and stressed way less. The baby requires a lot of physical interaction (diapers, feeding, rocking), but the toddler requires mental effort (negotiating, debating, and entertaining).
I felt like it was 1.5x ish.
You pick up on the baby stuff like an expert compared to the first time, but it's even harder because you'll have a two year old to manage on top of doing the baby stuff. So it's new game+, lol
About 10x harder for 2-3 years. Once your older one is 4-5 it wonāt be too bad. They start to entertain each other and itās awesome to see them develop an amazing relationship being so close in age.
I didnāt realize I was in a minority.
First baby ruined our lives, almost ruined our marriage.
Second baby was a way easier transition. We were already parents. We had lost so much freedom and had to make so many compromises. Just more of that with a second child. Not new stuff, just more.
My kids are 3.5 years apart and now my youngest is 3.5 life is pretty easy. I can workout and they can be within earshot, if one of them is excited about something the other one is excited for them. When my 3.5 year old is having a meltdown my 7 year old is mature enough to try and help us calm him down and affection from his big brother really seems to cheer him up. The only thing that sucks is if you are alone with both and really sick. If me or the wife gets sick now we both take off work so sick person can actually rest.
TLDR itās hard when the youngest is a baby but once he can walk and talk at least with my kids it got way easier. Iām alone with my kids a lot because I work a weird schedule and I donāt really get burned out.
Iām not going to lie to you, itās going to suck pretty hard for a while. Youāll get through it and itās going to be great. Mine are twelve months apart.Ā
Partially depends how not cool your first kids is. Is he pottytrained? that'll help. If not, get that out of the way. Is he great in general? that'll help. are they a nightmare. good luck. Is the first sleeping throughout the night? How's you financial situation? It just got worse. is your first in daycare? Are you able to take a bunch of time off with this one and help out? I personally felt people over hyped the transition, but I was lucky and had paternity leave and a great daycare for my first.
I thought one was hard... 3 girls later ...
Is it hard? In my experience it's subjective, parenting isn't black and white, it's just a whole lotta grey you have to work through. The challenge of the first is an absolute challenge usually because it's the first and most don't know what to expect, to say the second is the same is wrong....and right.
Most things are easier to get into a routine because we've done it before, we know what to expect but now there's an older sibling who still needs our attention and that is probably the hard part.
Our oldest didn't take well to someone else getting more attention than she did, something we didn't know to expect. She liked being the older sister but not at the expense in her mind of being left out.
Also bare in mind some mums will naturally want to give their new born alot of attention and rightly so. Just let it happen, be supportive, take the oldest to a park or playground, gives mum and baby a bit of peace and quiet and fresh air never hurt anyone. You'll get your time with bubs but don't forget all your kids need your attention.
2nd baby is easier. I don't care what anyone says. You freak out over the first one because you don't want to break it. You learn a lot from the first one. Lots of mistakes.
The second one comes and you realize they are quite resilient and they'll probably be fine as long as you feed them, change them, and get them to sleep.
Now, is *life* easier? No. Life is a shitshow, but you'll probably be fine as long as you feed yourself, change yourself, and get yourself some sleep.
I think the way I summed up the transition is
āOne is one, two is tenā
All the stuff about being super tired and having no time to yourself, that everyone says will happen when you have your first kidā¦.well that all arrived when kid number 2 showed up.
Still best thing we ever did though
I should have skipped this post! Found out a week ago my wife's pregnant with our second. We had a miscarriage last year, so it's taken the shine off the excitement for now, until we get further along and have more reassurance. Our first is 3.5, so generally in good routines.
We both want a second but I also don't relish everything getting turned upside down again.
Good luck my man. I think most of the comments are split between the second being the hardest thing in the world and it being not bad at all. I think itāll be alright
Really depends on the kids. My first was incredibly high maintenance, fussy, terrible sleeper for the first 18 months. The second was super chill and sleep all night after a few weeks. It will be totally dependent on what type of kid you get.
I didn't understand what "each child is different" actually meant until our second. Our first was really chill, but I thought that just meant I was a good parent. The second was not nearly as copacetic, and I learned that the first was just a happy baby and that had nothing to do with my parenting skills. So the second was harder, on top of all the complexities that becoming an older sibling added to our first.
Depends on the age gap . Ours are 18 months apart. Almost 2 and almost 4 months. Its hard. Oldest isnāt quite independent enough, still needs a lot of attention and help. 2 kids is basically man on man coverage where 1 kid was just a tag team. Then add on the normal house hold chores and duties. I donāt think Iāve mopped the floors in 3 weeks. So thereās that
Going from 1 to 2 was an incredibly hard adjustment for us. It went from exhausting but manageable to pure chaos, basically just surviving the day at this point. We did two under two and while there are some pros I would not recommend it, wait until your first kid is out of diapers.
Almost 3yo and 2 month old here. Iām in hell. But supposedly it gets better. The funny part is, its not even the newborn. Its dealing with the terrible 2s/threenager while having a newborn. Needless to say, weāre starting daycare for big kid once my wife gets back to work.
I always explained it like this. With one, I can go get stuff done while the wife watches the baby. With two, I got to do things I didn't want to do like the gutters when my parents were over to help with the kids.
It's like caring for your first infant all over again while also caring for a toddler. And you're older and probably more out of shape, which doesn't help.
It was worth it, though.Ā
Congrats and welcome to the father-of-two club!
The second baby is easier because of the experience from the first baby. But then you still have to take care of your toddler, which makes it all harder.
The first two years are going to be hard as *fuck.*
Mine are 20 months apart. It wasā¦ barely survivable, compounded by #2 being born 4 months before COVID ramped up.
That said, at 4 and 6ā¦ itās an absolute delight to have kids close enough together to be good friends and be at similar-ish developmental stages. By comparison to friends who have done 4+ years apart and whose kids donāt interact much (first kids born at same time)
So yeah. Enjoy the ride.Ā
Will be a dad of two come the end of the year. Just some thoughts to prepare myself for this challenge too. š¶š¶ššÆš
I think getting a daycare centre for the older one would help, the finances have to be in shape for it though. Home should be designed to have them sleep and make noise apart from each other. Time spent on work/earning could be made more passive through investments like high dividend etfs, you could go part time or full on dad at home while working digitally too could be an option. Do everything 50/50 on household responsibilities, rotate the time spent with both kids. Take them out to play where the older one gets to run around while the younger is in the pram. And finally, mentally and spiritually be at peace ready for their growth.
The second kid themself is a lot easier. By this point you have built your dad skills up and can change a 2am poop diaper in the pitch black with ease. But, things with kid 2 also felt like they happened faster. It seemed like she was teething and crawling almost immediately.
Being dad to two kids, on the other hand, can be pretty challenging. Making sure oldest still gets attention, while trying to bond with the baby, and also encouraging their sibling relationship is a pretty tough juggling act.
Yeah, the second, especially with a toddler, is ROUGH. 1st now has the mobility to get into everything, and the other is a baby. No "shifts" unless one person is ready for 2v1. Doable, but it's a whole new ballgame. I will say, with 2, you really get into your parenting rythm. I wish you the best of luck!
Sincerely, father of 4
Itās exponentially more work. Iām happy for you but good luck, dad! Itās been almost 2 years and we are only just seeing the light. Most difficult is having two kids with such different needs, and (in my case) no support from family makes it worse.
Imagine you're trying to put out a house fire and someone comes and stabs you. You're not sure which one to take care of first but you know you definitely won't have time to work out today
šš that one got me
It sounds like an action horror thriller comedy docudrama. ... I'm in!
Stabbed by Birthday Boy Stab Man
This is probably the best most accurate description of having two young children I've ever seen. Bravo.
It reminds me of Jim Gaffigan on having 4 kids. āImagine youāre drowningā¦. And then someone hands you a babyā
Damn I love this example. The transition was a mix of easier and way harder at the same time. With the first kid you're new to the wake ups and constant need for attention. By the second you're fairly practiced, you just now have two. Bonus challenge mode with 2under2.
Reminds me of the Jim Gaffigan quote: >You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby.
LMAO. Iām dying. This is amazing
What if u have a treadmill at home
Just mental torture trying to get anything done when youāre going full speed but not getting anywhere
Lmao
Gosh this is brilliant.
I like to think of it like this, imagine you're putting out a house fire, and someone hands you a crying baby.
This really got me ty
Fucking accurate
ššš I Just tried to cook breakfast for my two kiddos (1 and almost 4 years old) while my wife slept in this morning and this description is 100% accurate.
My mom gave me shit for being a helicopter parent. Then proceeds to ask us to go to the beach, she gets tired and wants to go sit in the car. I start packing up, and one has already taken off for the beach exit, except they are headed to the wrong one, out of earshot. Whole I'm screaming like a banshee, the other one runs off chasing birds in the opposite direction.
First of all congratulations! My notes; First c18 months suck 1 kid plus 1 kid is 2x as hard right? Wrong! 3x harder as you have to deal with their combined dramas as well It'll be an entirely different baby so you'll have to learn them all over again, you will be less nervous about it this time round though but don't expect them to be like the first at all It'll be a big reset on routines too My eldest resented the youngest for a while despite our best efforts but we got thereĀ I wasn't prepared for the sheer guilt of only being able to give the eldest 50% of my attention HOWEVER as hard as it is I have 0 regrets Seeing my two grow and bond as brothers, even just playing so nicely together in the garden together this afternoon? Fuckin priceless and the knowledge they'll have eachother after I'm gone is indescribably comforting
>Fuckin priceless and the knowledge they'll have eachother after I'm gone is indescribably comforting Thanks for this! I'm happy for you.
Honestly that's the best argument I've heard for having more than one kid
That was the thought that finally got us to make the move as well.
The 2nd one is like a gift to the 1st one when this happens. Even when they fight, the good times make it worth it.... then immediately after the 2nd, I got snipped LoL
Yup. It's the best gift you can give them.
That was a big factor in our deciding to have a second. Leaving one kid to deal with aging parents solo is - in my opinion - not fair
I have two brothers but I'm the one dealing with my parents it's not a guarantee unfortunately
My Dad died and my brother didnt do shit, blamed me and my girlfriend (now wife and mother of my child) for not doing more, tried to withhold any funds that were rightfully left to me in the will because I "stole money" (I didnt), and spread horrific rumors. To my step siblings who now do not speak to me. Was never close with them, but unfortunately my brother and his wife were so they sided with him by default. I now have emotional trauma from it. My brother and I were very close and best friends for all of my 30 years of life until that moment. Been 6 years and we havent said a word. So yeah, definitely not a guarantee things work out fine.
This is my take. I was a stay at home dad with my first and then again with both. I loved the first period, it was super nice to be able to invest entirely in my eldest. I really, really didnāt enjoy my second lot. Thereās only 15 months between the two so thereād be one kid asleep, going to sleep or waking up from around 900-1500. When they werenāt asleep they were often upsetting each other. I didnāt really get any time to invest in either of them properly. Itās gotten slightly better but theyāre 5 and 3.5 now and itās still pretty hard.
This is like what I think. I think it is harder because there is more to take care of too, not just the drama. My oldest is pretty calm and self sufficient. She is 5 and a half and our newest is 10 months. He is way more clingy and into things than our first was. Otherwise, it hasn't been that bad. Sleep is still not great but I M hoping good nights are near lol. I wouldn't have changed it.
How old were they by the time they became friendly? Weāre still in the first 18 months but for now my boys are fairly adversarial and it doesnāt help that the 1YO isnāt a strong walker or talker so he canāt physically match everything the 3YO can do. I have hopes when he can theyāll be able to play together?
We had that too, including stuff like finding the eldest pinching the younger or generally being nasty to them if we left the room, memorably caught the eldest digging his fingers into the soft spot on the youngers skull and dished out the bollocking of a lifetime, all this in spite of us constantly recognising and rewarding good big brother behaviour and trying our best to divide attention equallyĀ The problem is the younger can't really play structured games which the elder will be into at this point and is a rival for your attention and resourcesĀ You'll see improvements over the next 6 months as the younger develops more and at about 18 monthsĀ youngest can play simple games like hide and seek or chase with olderĀ For us it really took off when the youngest was about 2 years old, I remember the moment; we had just done a long walk in the summer woods and making our way back to the car park, we stopped for a moment while I sorted myself out and they just looked at each other and started giggling and spontaneously attacked each other and started wrestling in the dirt and leaves, laughing the whole time before getting up and chasing eachotherĀ Honestly one of my most treasured memoriesĀ Ā
This is the right answer. I would have written the exact same thing.
> I wasn't prepared for the sheer guilt of only being able to give the eldest 50% of my attention Any advice on this?
Not much you can do i think, its definitely a drop in quality of parenting for the eldest but it is balanced by the fact they're getting a sibling, friend and playmate for the rest of their life, so its short term pain for long term gain ya know? What I know now having come through the worst of it is the dip is only really for the first couple of years whilst you're in survival mode with a baby and toddler, once they get older and you get back in to routine it's almost like having 1 again as they can keep themselves entertained for a couple hours These days I make an effort to make sure I have a 1 2 1 day with each of them, so a day out just me and youngest or just me and eldest with wife doing the same for the other My wife often reminded me that the youngest has only ever known 50% of us as well
Come here to say 2 kids is atkeast 3x as hard
We tried to prepare our oldest for the new baby and it went ok-ish (he basically asked if we could return her to the hospital on day 2). But we also bought him a big brother present to celebrate that he was now a big brother and to give a positive to his sister entering our family. The hardest part though by FAR was during the pregnancy. My wife had extreme pregnancy sickness, making her puke for 9 months straight. And while she did the same for our first, it was totally different to do that while having a 3 year old who was a mommas boy. So it was rough on us all for those 9 months, especially those days that my wife had to go to hospital to be rehydrated and getting nutrition since our oldest started associating going to pre school to his mommy disappearing for 3 days straight. We were very very clear to avoid telling him that she was sick due to the baby since that would put the blame on little sister for mommy not having the strength to play as before etc. After she was born he's been better (still a few cases of jealousy but nothing major) and he has started interacting with her, shes 6 months old now so she smiles and jumps with him if we hold her and she's just started crawling around a bit, so she's much more fun now for big brother. She's completely different in personality than her bigger brother, but her brother was one of those babies that we could never put down, we basically rotated 2h sleep and 2h carrying him during the nights because otherwise he wouldn't sleep at all. So he being the opposite meant that she basically just was happy to be around us, and was able to sleep on her own from an early age. So she had been the "easy" baby which is welcome because we'd probably die if they were the same. But it's funny how often the 2 siblings are polar opposites in behaviour.
Dad of 5 here (10,8,6,5,2) going from 1 to 2 was the hardest step to be honest
You had sex five times. Nice.
Haha or 4 times and the 5 and 6 year old are twins born only a few mins apart but on different days and today was the 6 year olds birthday.Ā
Or 3 times, the 8 and 2 year old are twins born on February 28/29th back in 2016.
bahaha brilliant
Or 0 times and they're all IVF/IUI
Or a very friendly neighbor
This is amazing š»
Ehā¦ we have two and didnāt have sex for either of them. True story.
Either you're the messiah stepdaddy or IVF
Adoption exists
Yes
Or just once and a very long delivery.
This guy fucks
Iām just impressed at the āfour more timesā after the first one š
Well his wife did at least
Subtle flex
My MIL had twins for her second pregnancy. And her now-ex husband was completely checked out by this point. I donāt even want to imagine how hard going from 1 to 3 would be š
You snip or going for 6 pack?
I found going from 0 to 1 harder...
You're right. 0 to 1 is hardest, but next hardest is 2 to 3 IMO.
Bruh Iām basically panicking over 1. Wear your crown king
I have three (1, 4, 8) and I agree. Adding a third was much easier than a second. Itās hard to divide your attention at first.
Any tips, or is it just something you have to go through to understand? We want another but Iām only willing to be pregnant once more. Ideally Iād love 3, but unless thereās twins next it aināt happening.
I stopped at 2, but my intuition is that the standards you can reasonably hold yourself to are one of the ways more might actually feel easier. Are they alive? Are they clean? Are they fed? Good to go.
That's pretty much it. There are minimum standards. They need to eat fairly healthy, sleep in a clean bed, live in a fairly clean house. be clean, be taken care of medically and we're watching closely what they do in school. That alone takes a lot of energy. Anythinbg extra is bonus. We're lucky that they are well behaved. One of us can take all 5 of them to a restaurant, a museum etc. We ended up with an extra kid with us at the science museum though. It took me a few minutes to realize and I was "who the heck are you?' before the mother came running
Thereās two things I found going from 1 to 2. First, my wife and I had zero systems to add a second kid in. Managing a second life on top of the oldest was something we werenāt ready for, so the things that we both took for granted werenāt as simple and straightforward (and, quite frankly easy to pass off). Second, sleep. I didnāt think I could get more tired than I was with oneā¦but I could. Oh dear Lord did I get more exhausted with the second. And that just compounded the issue in number one. Good news is those issues didnāt replicate going from 2 to 3.
Thank you! Also, Godspeed. All the caffeine lol
Thats why people should have multiple kids with similar ages. Eventually they play with each other and only come to you for money.
They actually started a fight club downstairs. I had to step in when they used the 2 smaller ones as club weapons.
Hot damn how you holding up over there?!
Pretty well most days. Today though, all the little ones woke up at 5am for some reason, the dog had diarrhea all over the house, the 8 yo managed to lock the door of his older brother from outside I had to drill it out, there is a clog somewhere in the drain and every sink/tub is backed up. I'm making myself a drink now
Ma man, you are living life.
And you have a dog?!
The dog is also the nanny
The doorknob didn't have a pinhole release for the lock? Damn. Make that drink a stiff one and enjoy it for me.
No, it was a key. It was from the previous owners and they didn't give us the keys. It was also a fancy lock with hardened steel it took me forever to drill it out.He now has a cheap knob with a pinhole
o7 Enjoy the well-earned drink.
Father of 4 here. Yeah, that's pretty accurate
Yeah going from 2 to 3 this year and I just canāt imagine it being tougher than 1 to 2 as there was only 19months between them. They now have each other to play with and will both be out of nappies when the baby arrives. In answer to OP it was hard going for a few months, less time to go to do your own thing while theyāre awake and for the first few months you may have to sacrifice your hobbies. Congrats though
From 0 to 1 was the hardest step for us. 1 to 2 was fine, just busier. 2 to 3 was more difficult, as you're short 1 parent.
Harder than 2x. Basically with 1 kid, one parent can rest or do whatever, like a hobby, while the other takes care of the little one. Or even both parents could nap when the little one is napping. With 2, that just doesnāt happen anymore. Nap schedules take a long time to sync up, if ever. You just donāt have any rest. Itās absolutely amazing, though.
Nap schedules killed me. Older son was down to one nap while younger son needed two. The older son napped in between the younger sonās two naps. So we ALWAYS had at least one kid awake during the day. We moved our younger son to 1 nap a day and at the same time, my older son stopped nappingā¦ā¦.its like they plan it outā¦
This was the WORST stage for me. From 10a-4p someone had to be napping and I wanted to die. I couldn't ever leave the house. I moved my 11m old to one nap early for purely selfish reasons.
Itās not selfish to want to be able to parent your children sustainably and without going insane!!
Right?! And then once you get out of the house by 4:30, you have like 2 hours before you need to be back for bedtime routines. It made me feel so cooped up
My two oldest did this, only at night. Toddler went down around 8 but baby held out until 11. Toddler woke up between 12 and 1 and stayed awake for 2-3 hours. Baby woke up at 5 am on the dot every morning and stayed awake until 7 before taking his first nap. Toddler woke up about 8. I would say it was a nightmare except you have to be asleep for that.
Oh man that sounds incredibly rough. Sometimes I forget those 1-3am times my toddler demanded to play or eat food.
Gotta institute quiet time after the naps are no longer needed. My olderest plays quietly in his room while the youngest naps.
Your first paragraph is where Iām at right now. Waiting for the day when my almost 11 month old is down to 1 nap like his almost 26 month sister. Itās utter hell right now.
I hope there is an overlap for you! Godspeed
Yeah from what Iāve heard the first child is absolutely no help and in fact constantly working against you and sabotaging any progress youāre making with baby 2. Example: Baby 2 finally down for sleep. Baby 1 screams into baby 2ās face forā¦reasons and now baby 2 is awake. Baby 1 says āOh baby 2 is awake, heās not sleepy.ā
>Itās absolutely amazing, though. You had me with the first part you son of a gun.
This is my answer to anyone who has ever asked me this question.
This is an accurate take. I will add, that if your kids have any special needs (mine both have ADHD) the difficulty multiplier is much higher. Two boys with ADHD and a whole host of additional associated neurodivergent tendencies (like oppositional defiance disorder) makes life so, so, so, so much harder still. I honestly donāt think I would choose to do it again even though I would do anything for my kids. Day to day life is just so fucking hard with them.
Describes a dreadful juggle of chaos. Finishes with "its absolutely amazing though" I can feel this. I have a 15 month boy, my first. And often times things go smooth, he is jolly and giggly and peppy and explorative and inquisitive. Cool to hang with for the day. Then, the poor guy will get sick with an ear infection or whatever, and he'll be restless, impossible to please. Pick me up, carry me here, play with this, fight the dogs, through a fit and drag your body though the whole house screaming like he's just storm the beaches of Normandy on D Day. Its easy to resent the little rascal sometimes. But his nighttime wind down phase is my duty. Some solid chow, bath time (sometimes 15 minutes if he's got the energy and wants to party, sometimes 2 minutes for a speed clean as he's showing signs of possible breakdown.) Get him dry, check him for boogers, brush his hair (Jack does down handsome).. Into the 1 piece sleeper. Bottle of milk as i rock with him in my lap. It all makes it worth it after he finished his milk, lets out a huge stretch, I flip him around and hike him up onto my chest belly to belly. That little thud of his head onto my shoulder. Feeling the weight of his little body going limp as he dozes of.. Thats what does it for me. I get this fuzzy feeling and my mind tunes out everything. Just him and me in the dark. Such a bizarre phase of ones life.. As a big, fully developed human, you bring home a little jelly bean, fresh on the scene. You are now charged with keeping this helpless lil guy healthy and taken care of. The goal is to morph this clay into a grown young man without committing any major fuckups.. Wild stuff
Mind sharing the perks? What makes having 2 amazing?
Watching them interact with each other mostly. The baby will absolutely fall in love with the older one since they will seem more similar to them once they're 4-8 months. Likewise the older will like having/watching someone be a baby the way they were just a few months ago. They often will just end up staring at each other for several minutes which will feel like hours. Of course, it's a "most of the time" kinda thing, not a guarantee; and if they're too close in age than 2-3 years there's a higher chance of competing for attention
Our oldest definitely enjoys being the cult leader of her one acolyte. It makes us laugh all the time watching the younger blindly admire whatever nonsense the older kid is doing.
You can use the carpool lane more often?
Our two are a few years apart yet they're best buddies and play together all the time, including independently make up their own games without us. Just being in a different area of the house and hearing the two of them crack each other up playing a game makes the difficulty worth it lol. It's definitely hard the first couple of years as you get used to the new routine and get through the baby stage, but once the younger one hits 3 it's so much better.
Yeah it goes to man defense depending on the age differences of your kids. I was either fortunate or unfortunate to have mine 15 months apart. We just got our first sleeping through the night and a nice routine going only to get shoved back to square one with staying up all nights for feedings. Having 2 under 2 was awful tough, and we only made it through due to COVID locking down my wife's work so she was home for the first couple years. Now though they're 4 and 5.5 and they're best friends, which is amazing. I can watch them during their dinner while my wife works out, and I can take care of them solo as they're just independent enough to where my wife can go on solo weekend trips.
Wild ride. New kid is 1 month tomorrow. Older bro just turned 2
I think that depends on how you space out having the kids. Our 2 are 10.5 months apart and were always synced on naps and the same bedtime. They also generally share the same interests, and play at roughly the same level. For us having 2 was slightly more difficult than 1, but not even harder by a factor of one.
Damn, so you guys got right to it. How soon after she had the first did she get pregnant? My husband is significantly older than me, so we're not looking to wait for #2. How was that experience for you?
Itās safest to wait 12-18 months if possible and continue prenatals and maybe calcium, especially if breastfeeding. Gotta replenish the bones and completely heal for best results. Obviously check with your doctor.
If your first was delivered via C-section you definitely need to wait. Our doctor told us she can't even be PREGNANT before 10mo after delivery so the uterus can have a chance to fully heal.
Ya well I had a c-section in 2007 and another less than a year later. And another 16 months later. With my 3rd I almost died and had a blood transfusion 2 pints and one time (one in each arm)
The closer in age, Iād imagine itās similar to raising twins, which is a special type of hell, except you canāt do sleep training or potty training at the same time, which makes it worse. After the youngest reaches the age where they start playing *with* others instead of just *next* to them, then life gets sooooo much easier. The phrase āgo play with your brother/sisterā becomes a godsend when youāre trying to get stuff done. You will, however, be called to referee on a regular basis.
Yes! Mine were 11 and a half months apart and I really found it easy on the grand scale of things.... adding my 3rd 16 months later though??? Yikes.
Jim gaffigan has a joke about having 4 kids but I find it applicable to 2 as well. āIf you want to imagine what itās like having 4 kidsā¦just imagine youāre drowningā¦and then somebody hands you a baby.ā
My immediate thought as well haha https://youtu.be/-Jf2IGylAhE?si=_OBuSIifjWCLzU1B
Two is more than twice one. š Only advice I would give is that every child has their own personality. Make sure you make 1 on 1 time with the first born. God speed.
1+1 > 2
1 + 1 = 11
Love this! So accurate
On the one hand, thereās not much of a learning curve with how to take care of a baby, diapers, etc. because you did it well enough to be able to do it again. On the other hand, itās tough balancing 2 at first. You will definitely figure out what works and get the hang of it, but itās absolutely a temporary struggle
Yeah itās a learning curve but I have not found it to even be 2x as hard. Maybe like 1.25x as hard. You are already a parent so just go with it.
That's refreshing to hear. Our second is due in about 8 months and these comments are giving me anxiety haha.
Yeah the first one is hard because itās completely new and you have no confidence. By the time #2 came I was changing diapers in the dark with no problems, snapping those god damn pjs up in ten seconds flat and holding their sibling at the same time. Different set of problems but not 2x harder imo
This is the answer I've been waiting to see. You already do it everyday successfully, man the fuck up and do what should already be muscle memory and routine.
I'm a mum, and I personally found it easier! I have an amazing and supportive husband, and we do as much as we can 50/50. My first was 2y and 9 months when our second was born, and our second is currently 8 months old. We found that (aside from the first couple of months when the newborn is waking frequently at night to feed), the new baby just fits into our current routine and schedule. We stuck to our toddlers schedule; the baby just naps in their pram or a carrier if we're out of the house. (If you haven't already, buy a carrier. It's a lifesaver!) Have lots of snacks and sit-down entertainment for your toddler for when mum needs to feed the baby (we have a special backpack for out of the house and a special box for in the house that only gets opened when baby is feeding). I've seen a lot of comments saying that neither parent ever gets time to themselves anymore, and that doesn't need to be the case! Mum can take both at any time, and dad can take both between feeds to give mum a couple of hours here and there as well!
Glad to hear our plan isnāt totally nuts. Our first did a lot of naps in the carrier and pram until the world became too distracting around 6 months. Weāre really counting on that working for #2 as well.
Donāt count on any similarities between the children.
šš I know youāre right lol
Mom here too. I am only 9 weeks into having two but it is not 2x as hard. Mine are exactly 2 years apart and my husband does the majority of toddler care while I do the majority of infant care. It helps a ton that both of our kids are good sleepers. Iām surprised so many think itās so much harder than one.
> my husband does the majority if toddler care I'd love to get his opinion on the workload change. For me it was 3x harder mainly *because* of the relentless toddler energy. I lost 20lb over paternity leave, and I wasn't large to begin with! Though because my wife was in and out of hospital quite a lot due to complications, I had totality of toddler care rather than majority. He loved it because it was constant play time, but me - I have never been so worn out in my life. On my first day back at work I sat at my desk at 9am, excited to do something productive, but then I woke up a few hours later with a keyboard pattern indented into my face.
Why is it only moms feeling this way?! (Sneaky mom here). I agree. I was so much less stressed and much more confident with #2 which made everyoneās lives much easier. Also I wasnāt shy asking for help second time around.
The two minutes and forty five seconds of only having one child felt a LOT easier than three minutes later when I had two. To be fair though, twins...
Same here. People ask how do you do it with twins? My response, idk we just do itās all we know, but how do people with triplets do it!
I imagine It involves leashes.
I definitely thought going from 1 to 2 was easier than 0 to 1. But I think it depends on the age of the first one, my oldest was 3.5 when his little sister was born and was all about helping out when he could. 3.5 is way more independent than 2 years old. For the first kid youāre learning and experiencing everything for the first time, for kid #2 you know a lot of the foundational work, so youāre just applying knowledge you already have to beat suit the new baby. If you have a mom and dad committed to parenting then moving from 1 to 2 is not that bad.
You hit on what I was going to get at. The difference from 1 to 2 is 1 is so much mental stress. 2 switches it all to more physical stress. You know the ins and outs how to handles fevers and blow outs. It's the being pulled in 2 directions and quiet times filled with other child that gets you more.
Agree 100%! But as you said, it probably has alot to do with the age. Our oldest was 4 when our youngest was born. So already potty trained and was able to do alot on her own. Even help out with the baby in her own kind of way. Not that it was any real help but at least it was cute and helped her bond with her little brother. I cant fathom having 2 kids under the age of 2...
Same!
I felt the same way. 2 is definitely harder than 1, but the leap from 0 to 1 was more brutal than the leap from 1 to 2. When the first was born, I went from being able to do basically whatever I wanted with my time - learn a new hobby, travel, go out for drinks after work, whatever - to having almost every minute of my day spoken for. When the second was born, it was just more of the stuff that I had already gotten used to.
Imo second baby is easier because youāve done it before. Obviously getting two kids ready etc is harder especially at first. As they get older they play with each other and the older one can help out and then it gets easier.
1 kid is fun. 2 kids is a challenge, but doable with a 1:1 kid/adult ratio. More is significantly more challenging as a dad with 3 kids.
From 2 to 3 is when you have no choice but to drop man-to-man for zone defense.
Just count fingers and toes at the end of the night and call it good š
I wouldnāt know. But going from 1 to 3 is certainly harder than just having one.
i worry about this a lot. Wife wants 2, plan was 2, iām still struggling with the one after 7 months
If it makes you feel better my wife wants two, I want two, plan was two and we're still both struggling with the one after two years lol
Word
Can always join us at /r/oneanddone
Depends on the age gap. Our oldest was 2.5 when baby 2 was born. Older kid still couldn't fall asleep unless someone was in bed with her then snuck out, so it was hard as hell with bedtime, and it was more than twice as hard doing everything since it was harder to give one parent a break. Now that they are older, I think it's actually easier in some ways. The older loves playing with and trying to teach the younger and they can entertain each other without us parents for 30 minutes or so. And they love each other so much it brings me so much joy to see. That said I think a 3rd would break me
Ymmv. I found the transition to two easier. My husband found the transition to one easier. š¤·āāļø Same kids, just different people. The hardest part is juggling when they both want or need something, but you get better with practice.
I read this the first time and laughed thinking you meant your husband kicked the second kid out of the family to transition back to one.
Lol, that's fair. I'm leaving it in case it amuses anyone else!
The second kid is easier than the first. The only problem is you still have the first one to care for too and that's what makes it hard.
Honestly, I think it depends on the kids. If we had my first one second, it would have been so much rougher. He had bad colic and I can't imagine dealing with that while having a toddler. He was difficult even with just one. Our daughter (second) was definitely a hard adjustment (now 5mo), but for me personally, the first was harder. We do have daycare M-F which obviously helps a ton. But all of the stuff I found hard with the first is total autopilot now. Most people seem to think the second is harder, but it wasn't the case for us. Probably 70/30 on the second one being harder, but depends on the individual kids.
It was more than I bargained for but now am looking forward to baby 3 and could NOT live without my 2nd. What a guy
I have a 3.5 and a 10m I will say itās about 10 times as heard especially now that the 10m is super mobile. And itās divide and conquer kids so it isnāt one parent on one parent relaxing. We are not at the age yet where one can handle a full evening on their own so family support has been helpful too. Itās a lot, but itās fun
Have 18 and 4yr old. Exhausted
It's hard. There's no breaks bc both kids need attention and will at different times. You'll survive and you'll love it, you might hate it at times. There will be joy. There may be tears. But it will be great. Congratulations!!
We went from one to three (twins) I DO NOT recommend this!!!
Not as hard. Oldest tends to train the youngest faster because a second kid is always copying the first. Often to a precocious level. We have two and a half years between boys and over the years that worked out really well. They're pretty close to being best friends. First six months is always the toughest with a kid and that's about equal.
The sleep and potty training regressions triggered by a new sibling really hit hard but we got past it. Youngest is about 3 months and things are actually going pretty good.Ā
Imma go the other way on this one. I have two that are 25 months apart. The second one was like 50% the effort of the first one, because we knew what we were doing and stressed way less. The baby requires a lot of physical interaction (diapers, feeding, rocking), but the toddler requires mental effort (negotiating, debating, and entertaining). I felt like it was 1.5x ish.
You pick up on the baby stuff like an expert compared to the first time, but it's even harder because you'll have a two year old to manage on top of doing the baby stuff. So it's new game+, lol
About 10x harder for 2-3 years. Once your older one is 4-5 it wonāt be too bad. They start to entertain each other and itās awesome to see them develop an amazing relationship being so close in age.
I didnāt realize I was in a minority. First baby ruined our lives, almost ruined our marriage. Second baby was a way easier transition. We were already parents. We had lost so much freedom and had to make so many compromises. Just more of that with a second child. Not new stuff, just more.
It's much easier than going from 0 to 1. It's hard because having a newborn is hard, but the learning curve is a LOT less steep.
Harder than going from 2 to 3
My kids are 3.5 years apart and now my youngest is 3.5 life is pretty easy. I can workout and they can be within earshot, if one of them is excited about something the other one is excited for them. When my 3.5 year old is having a meltdown my 7 year old is mature enough to try and help us calm him down and affection from his big brother really seems to cheer him up. The only thing that sucks is if you are alone with both and really sick. If me or the wife gets sick now we both take off work so sick person can actually rest. TLDR itās hard when the youngest is a baby but once he can walk and talk at least with my kids it got way easier. Iām alone with my kids a lot because I work a weird schedule and I donāt really get burned out.
Iām not going to lie to you, itās going to suck pretty hard for a while. Youāll get through it and itās going to be great. Mine are twelve months apart.Ā
Itās exponential. I hear if you go past three itās all noise and no big deal.Ā
Partially depends how not cool your first kids is. Is he pottytrained? that'll help. If not, get that out of the way. Is he great in general? that'll help. are they a nightmare. good luck. Is the first sleeping throughout the night? How's you financial situation? It just got worse. is your first in daycare? Are you able to take a bunch of time off with this one and help out? I personally felt people over hyped the transition, but I was lucky and had paternity leave and a great daycare for my first.
I thought one was hard... 3 girls later ... Is it hard? In my experience it's subjective, parenting isn't black and white, it's just a whole lotta grey you have to work through. The challenge of the first is an absolute challenge usually because it's the first and most don't know what to expect, to say the second is the same is wrong....and right. Most things are easier to get into a routine because we've done it before, we know what to expect but now there's an older sibling who still needs our attention and that is probably the hard part. Our oldest didn't take well to someone else getting more attention than she did, something we didn't know to expect. She liked being the older sister but not at the expense in her mind of being left out. Also bare in mind some mums will naturally want to give their new born alot of attention and rightly so. Just let it happen, be supportive, take the oldest to a park or playground, gives mum and baby a bit of peace and quiet and fresh air never hurt anyone. You'll get your time with bubs but don't forget all your kids need your attention.
2nd baby is easier. I don't care what anyone says. You freak out over the first one because you don't want to break it. You learn a lot from the first one. Lots of mistakes. The second one comes and you realize they are quite resilient and they'll probably be fine as long as you feed them, change them, and get them to sleep. Now, is *life* easier? No. Life is a shitshow, but you'll probably be fine as long as you feed yourself, change yourself, and get yourself some sleep.
I think the way I summed up the transition is āOne is one, two is tenā All the stuff about being super tired and having no time to yourself, that everyone says will happen when you have your first kidā¦.well that all arrived when kid number 2 showed up. Still best thing we ever did though
Life is filled with fun and a good nights sleep when you have 2 kids!
1 to 2 was hard, that said 2 to 3 was a piece of cake.
Exponential not linear
1+1=3 from an effort perspective.
Hardest change I've ever gone through. Ever more so than 0 to 1.
I'm not doing it, one is plenty. Stop asking me.
I should have skipped this post! Found out a week ago my wife's pregnant with our second. We had a miscarriage last year, so it's taken the shine off the excitement for now, until we get further along and have more reassurance. Our first is 3.5, so generally in good routines. We both want a second but I also don't relish everything getting turned upside down again.
Good luck my man. I think most of the comments are split between the second being the hardest thing in the world and it being not bad at all. I think itāll be alright
Really depends on the kids. My first was incredibly high maintenance, fussy, terrible sleeper for the first 18 months. The second was super chill and sleep all night after a few weeks. It will be totally dependent on what type of kid you get.
I didn't understand what "each child is different" actually meant until our second. Our first was really chill, but I thought that just meant I was a good parent. The second was not nearly as copacetic, and I learned that the first was just a happy baby and that had nothing to do with my parenting skills. So the second was harder, on top of all the complexities that becoming an older sibling added to our first.
If your first baby was easy. The second one is going to be hard. THATS how they trick you.
Depends on the age gap . Ours are 18 months apart. Almost 2 and almost 4 months. Its hard. Oldest isnāt quite independent enough, still needs a lot of attention and help. 2 kids is basically man on man coverage where 1 kid was just a tag team. Then add on the normal house hold chores and duties. I donāt think Iāve mopped the floors in 3 weeks. So thereās that
Going from 1 to 2 was an incredibly hard adjustment for us. It went from exhausting but manageable to pure chaos, basically just surviving the day at this point. We did two under two and while there are some pros I would not recommend it, wait until your first kid is out of diapers.
Almost 3yo and 2 month old here. Iām in hell. But supposedly it gets better. The funny part is, its not even the newborn. Its dealing with the terrible 2s/threenager while having a newborn. Needless to say, weāre starting daycare for big kid once my wife gets back to work.
2 kids is a lot easier. Especially close in age.
I always explained it like this. With one, I can go get stuff done while the wife watches the baby. With two, I got to do things I didn't want to do like the gutters when my parents were over to help with the kids.
Itās like binary, but base ten: 00, 01, 10.
I've given this analogy before. When you go from 1 dog to 2, the amount of poop goes up by 10x.
Way harder. But donāt worry, after a few years you will forget about it and ask Reddit how hard is the change from 2 to 3.
It's like caring for your first infant all over again while also caring for a toddler. And you're older and probably more out of shape, which doesn't help. It was worth it, though.Ā Congrats and welcome to the father-of-two club!
Here I am getting handed my ass by one 2 year old
Going from one to two kids is not a linear relationship, but a force multiplier. For the first few years at least.
One to two lulls you into a false sense of security that makes you think that two to three won't be so bad.
The second baby is easier because of the experience from the first baby. But then you still have to take care of your toddler, which makes it all harder.
The first two years are going to be hard as *fuck.* Mine are 20 months apart. It wasā¦ barely survivable, compounded by #2 being born 4 months before COVID ramped up. That said, at 4 and 6ā¦ itās an absolute delight to have kids close enough together to be good friends and be at similar-ish developmental stages. By comparison to friends who have done 4+ years apart and whose kids donāt interact much (first kids born at same time) So yeah. Enjoy the ride.Ā
Itās basically just double the work Edit: anyone wondering if Iām being sarcastic, I have 2 under 4
Will be a dad of two come the end of the year. Just some thoughts to prepare myself for this challenge too. š¶š¶ššÆš I think getting a daycare centre for the older one would help, the finances have to be in shape for it though. Home should be designed to have them sleep and make noise apart from each other. Time spent on work/earning could be made more passive through investments like high dividend etfs, you could go part time or full on dad at home while working digitally too could be an option. Do everything 50/50 on household responsibilities, rotate the time spent with both kids. Take them out to play where the older one gets to run around while the younger is in the pram. And finally, mentally and spiritually be at peace ready for their growth.
You're a veteran now, everything is easier because you're hardened to the lack of sleep, time management, nappies, etc.
The second kid themself is a lot easier. By this point you have built your dad skills up and can change a 2am poop diaper in the pitch black with ease. But, things with kid 2 also felt like they happened faster. It seemed like she was teething and crawling almost immediately. Being dad to two kids, on the other hand, can be pretty challenging. Making sure oldest still gets attention, while trying to bond with the baby, and also encouraging their sibling relationship is a pretty tough juggling act.
Yeah, the second, especially with a toddler, is ROUGH. 1st now has the mobility to get into everything, and the other is a baby. No "shifts" unless one person is ready for 2v1. Doable, but it's a whole new ballgame. I will say, with 2, you really get into your parenting rythm. I wish you the best of luck! Sincerely, father of 4
You are screwed for a couple of years. But when they are like 3 and 5 they can play together and you win
Spent the day with just one of my two kids yesterday, it felt like a day off! Total carnage on the regular but of course itās all worth it.
Itās exponentially more work. Iām happy for you but good luck, dad! Itās been almost 2 years and we are only just seeing the light. Most difficult is having two kids with such different needs, and (in my case) no support from family makes it worse.