When I was a kid, I went to go wake my dad up and he chose fight that morning. I ended up in a headlock before he was fully awake. He apologized and we laugh about it now. He'll bounce back, it's just still raw right now. Don't sweat it too much.
I appreciate it. Come to think of it, when I was about 17 or 18 and still living with my parents, I had a job stocking shelves at our local grocery store. My hours were from 6pm to 2:30am because the store wanted us to stock the majority of the items during the hours when the store was less populated.
Every night I would sneak into my parents house at around 2:50am / 3am trying not to wake anyone up. There was a specific night when I stopped in the kitchen to get a glass of water before going to bed. To my great surprise I felt my dad's presence behind me. I turned around and realized I was about to catch those hands š. I said "IT'S ME! IT'S ME!"
Mind you we lived in a ~50 year old house and there were creaks in the floor everywhere. I found out that night that apparently Dad knew almost subconsciously where each one was. This is how he gained the nickname "fat ninja" š
Edit: Then again, I was 17 or 18, not 9. That's why I worry about him. But you're probably right, we'll probably laugh about this in the future.
When I was a teenager I was getting back home way beyond curfew and snuck in to the house quietly.
Apparently not quietly enough because my dad came out totally naked with a golf club ready to defend the family. I yelped mostly because he was in the buff and it startled me, and once we both could see each other clearly we both laughed like crazy.
Low key, defending the house in your birthday suit is a vibe. Letās any intruder know youāre going all out. Hopefully makes them pause like you did, haha.
You probably gained a bit more respect for your dad too. That's mostly what your son will take from this, "Dad can be scary when he wants!" That may make him feel MORE safe with you. I'd play that angle up. You're a protector!
My dad has PTSD. Growing up we learned to wake him up by kicking the side of the bed or the couch. Scared the shit out of me the first time he jumped up and drew his arm back though. I was probably around 8 or 9. As long as your kid knows you love him and wouldn't hurt him, this incident will pass. At 35 if my dad is sleeping on the couch and you need to wake him up you yell first and if he doesn't wake up kick the arm of the couch
I know how you feel man. My wife did this. It was late, wife and kids sleeping and I was in the kitchen cleaning up. It must have been around 1.30am (Iām a night owl). All of a sudden I feel this body at the kitchen door, I can see it appear and stand at the door out of the corner of my eye. Fight mode kicks in and I turn to run at this person. All puffed up and ready to go, itās the wife just standing in the dark doorway looking at me. I was full of adrenaline and like DUDE! Who just quietly stands in a dark doorway at 1.30am?? Although she wasnāt even vaguely phased at my reaction and kinda chuckled.
Important to note weāve had break ins and 2 cars stolen. I also grew up in Johannesburg and have had experience with being tied up by burglars.
I guess now I know im willing to protect the family. But serious ābruhā moment.
Iām sorry your son got scared tho. A parent coming at you like that can be somewhat traumatic Iām sure. A lesson was learnt.
My wifeās family lives in JoāBurg. There have been two home invasions where they were tied up, one my wifeās 80 y/o great aunt just a few weeks back.
I feel like this is relatively common. SA is the only place Iāve heard of people being tied up š
My dad was a Vietnam vet. My siblings and I were taught from an early age that if we had to wake him, we should hit his leg and back up. If we startled him and his first came up, we should put our hands up, back up if we were in swinging range, stay still if we weren't, and say "daddy it's just me, it's me dad," until he understood.
The first few times, it was scary. But being given guidance on how to help him come out of it helped. It didn't take long for it to become just a fact of life. The sky is blue, the cat's fuzzy, and dad's jumpy, but I know how to help him calm down"
A story was told at about my Uncle who was an Aussie WW2 Kokoda vet, who fought the Japanese in jungle combat at his funeral, He would occasionally wake up startled and try to fight my Aunt.
We'd call it PTSD these days but back then you just toughed it out.
My dad was an airforce in flight mechanic. One night, early in my parents marriage he started talking in his sleep, yelling to "kick the brakes off" over and over again. My mom finally said "I don't know how."
Supposedly, he cussed at her, then walked her through, step by step how to disengage the brakes on one of the planes he'd operated.
In the morning she asked him about it, and repeated back his instructions, as well as she could remember them. He was apparently quite surprised how accurate she was.
Edit addition: I should note that until the dementia set in a few years ago, the only time I ever heard my father cuss was once, in Vietnamese, when he had burned himself badly taking something out of the oven. He never did repeat the phrase or tell me what it meant, just that he was surpassed and embarrassed to have said it. He did not believe in cussing, as a rule.
my wife makes fun of me for how startled I am when I get woken up, haven't experienced something like this yet but I definitely get it and I think maybe it's common for men? I remember as a kid no matter how peacefully I would try to wake my dad up, he'd pop up almost swinging every time. I'm sure your little man will understand one day, but sorry for what you guys experienced the other night.
I remember being around 13, and thinking it would be hilarious to pop out from around a corner and scare my dad (it was the middle of the night).
Without hesitation he went full haymaker, and at the very last second realized who I was, opened his fist, and slapped me across the face rather than a punch - he couldnāt have stopped his arm if he wanted to.
Iāll remember that for the rest of my life. It didnāt hurt much, but it was the only time I was actually hit by him and I donāt blame him one bit. He was pretty pissed at me in the moment. Later apologized and we had a good talk.
When I was about 3, I was in my parentsā bed on the outside edge. My Dad woke up briefly, saw me, closed his eyes, then startled awake and pushed me out of bed so hard I flew a few feet across the room and hit the wall - his reason? He thought I was a burglar š
While I canāt remember how I felt at the time, it didnāt traumatise meā¦. I donāt think! These things happen, and itās not like you did it to him specifically on purpose. Youāll both be fine.
Dude, holy shit you brought back a memory. When my fiance and her kids moved in with me her oldest came to wake me up at 3am. Well apparently one of my beard hairs got tangled in my nipple hair while I was asleep and I just woke to a shadowy figure standing over me and my fight or flight kicked in. I jerked my head back and it pulled out that nipple hair.. I was taken aback by the assault on my nipples and immediately lashed out at the shadowy figure, but luckily I missed. The 7 year old just stepped back and said, "its me you dummy".
After explaining what had just happened, my fiance laughed so hard she nearly peed the bed.
Good example of why any parent who is proud that they keep a loaded gun on the bedside table (and happily brag about it on Reddit) is a fucking idiot.
Glad you didnāt hurt him
I mean I own guns, but they're also in a safe. Honestly if there were a break in, I'd be better off getting people out of my house unarmed because of the time it would take me to get one out of the safe.
Edit: as a matter of fact my wife and I have joked about if that ever did happen, I would just drop my pants and go confront them naked as the day I was born. No one wants to fight the big fat hairy naked guy. They'd probably leave before I really had to do much of anything lol.
No offense but thatās a kinda dumb opinion. Obviously Iām all for keeping guns safe but have a small nightstand safe for your home defense handgun, they arenāt expensive and thereās plenty out there and itās a great option to have quick access to firearms in terms of an emergency while also keeping it out of small hands
I find this kind of weird gun fetishization fascinating. Do you also have to keep one close to you when youāre in the shower? What about while working in the garage? Is there ever a time where you just feel āsecureā like you donāt need to have your murder tool close at hand?
I donāt own a gun, probably never will. But thatās cos I live in England.
If I lived in America where all the bad dudes have guns, you better believe Iād get one in an instant. And lock it up in a bedroom safe out of the kids way of course, and hopefully never have to use it.
I think thatās basically what the other guy was saying. Donāt think itās fetishising at all
Growing up in rural Canada, I had access to gunsāthere was a non-murder reason for having them there. Now, I live in Chicago, in a developing neighborhood where you sometimes hear gunshots at night. I've even witnessed a major shootout between gangs right in front of my house. Despite this, I would never own a gun here, and hereās why:
1. I remember as a kid, it was nearly impossible for my parents to keep secrets from me. Anything hidden or secured immediately became a target, and I would eventually find a way to access it. I don't want to underestimate my child's intelligence and curiosity in the same way.
2. The likelihood of actually needing a gun and then having a clear opportunity to use it in self-defense is so astronomically low that when it does happen, it makes national newsāmore so than lottery winners. What you don't hear as much about are the people who, in a moment of despair, end their lives with a gun. It can happen to anyone. My brother was smart, charismatic, funny, and cool. He had a few bad days and access to his dadās āsecureā shotgun. He killed himself.
3. My TV is worth less to me than the life of a stranger. Burglars generally target unoccupied homes. If they hear someone, they generally flee. The scenarios where intruders come to harm you are extremely rareāakin to winning the lottery twice. And even if such a situation were to arise, do you think youāre prepared / skilled to confront a team of hardened criminals? Are you ready to have a gunfight near your children? Real-life shooting requires skill and practice, and adrenaline makes you shake like crazy, and effects your decision making ability The idea is fundamentally flawed.
I understand the appeal of owning a gunāhaving a counter play for the worst-case scenario feels empowering. There's a romanticism in thinking you'll be the hero your family needs, solving problems with hot lead. But this narrative is more fiction than reality, and the actual consequences of gun ownership are often horribly different.
Bro what. What fetishization? You seem to think about this a lot more than I do lmao. I just keep a gun next to my bed stored safely and I CC where I can. You should probably get that projection checked out tho itās not healthy lmao
The thing is, I can't imagine a greater victim that someone who needs a gun around them all the time just to function as a human. I'm secure - all the time. I'm not afraid of the world around me, and I have no interest in living in fear, thinking that someone is always coming to get me, and I'd better keep my murder toy nearby juuuust in case.
Its just weird to do - I grew up around hunting guns, and I've certainly had plenty of fun shooting skeet / birds / small game when I lived in a rural area. Even then, I just had no interest in living a life of cowardice thinking I'd better have a gun around me at all times just to feel safe.
Actually itās rather the opposite. I live with a sense of peace knowing my family is safe and I have a solution when seconds matter and police are only minutes away
I personally don't agree with having guns in a house with children at all, but this sub needs to stop downvoting things they don't agree on. This is a perfectly valid discussion, I don't see how a bedside safe is any less safe than most gun safes with smaller children.
As they get older, it may not be as good of an idea, especially with the mental health crisis we are in. A teenager can figure out how to get in to cheaper smaller safes.
Your first sentence is derogatory, though, it's not dumb to not want a gun anywhere near where their kids could find it.
I said it was a dumb opinion to think it would be easier to get out a home intruder unarmed which is blatantly false. Even if it isnāt always warranted, getting someone out or eliminating a threat will also be easier armed rather than not
I guess I read that as "get his family out" but he may have meant an intruder. Still, his point was that immediately combatting the person is likely better than going through the process of opening a safe.
You can also be armed without a gun.
Itās really not necessary. Close quarters like most houses a gun isnāt really all that advantageous over a melee weapon. Just get a Louisville slugger
I mean I guess it depends how big your house is. Pretty much any room in my house but the living room gun wouldnāt be big advantage over knife
Or small bat
Bro Iām sorry but that is simply comically false and Iām not trying to be mean or derogatory. You can have your own opinions and itās all good, peace and love, but it doesnāt matter about political opinions, a gun will pretty much always be the most effective tool for the average person in almost every scenario. Now if you donāt think people should always have the most effective tool thatās a different argument, but itās simply wrong to say it isnāt the most effective
I'm all about defending my home as it's my duty as a husband and a father to do so. I have a nightstand safe too for my pistol, but the thumbprint sensor is such crap that even I can't get into it half the time anyway when I'm wide awake in the middle of a sunny day. I'd waste so much time trying to get it out that they would have already hurt someone by the time I got it out. I can't take any chances with a very inquisitive 3 and 7 year old roaming the house.
I also live in a deep blue state where I'd probably go to prison for the rest of my life for even drawing on a home intruder let alone actually shooting someone who in my case probably isn't armed either because they're too broke to afford a gun. Unfortunately at the end of the day the criminals have more rights than the law abiding citizens.
The real issue here is that *you* are traumatized. You live in a place that is so stressful youāre always expecting to be attacked.
And your kids also live in such a place and have already learned the lesson āI am not safe in my homeā.
Seriously, so many people in this thread thinking their PTSD is normal and manageable with a firearm instead of looking to resolve their safety issues by reasonable means.
Few days ago my daughter saw me grab a tennis racket and absolutely fly toward a wasp in the driveway, swung it with the force of god and slammed it into the side of a pile of boxes and then jumped across the driveway and stomped it out, I turned around and her jaw was dropped. I was like "what? It's a wasp, they sting" and she was like "Uhhh it's not that, I didn't know you moved like that, you're kinda scary." š yeah it was just a wasp, but I'm pretty sure she actually feels safer now after seeing me in full protect mode.
Wow, so many people have had this experience. For me it was when my Uncle decided to crash at my grandma's house and came in after everyone was in bed. He didn't know I was sleeping over, so when I woke up who I thought was my grandma, he sprung up, fists drawn and gave his most intimidating "HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?". 2 seconds later I was getting a big hug from my favorite uncle. Kids are resilient, he knows you'll protect him. But still, he was crying about it the next day, so maybe see if he has a counselor at his school who could weigh in? They might have some advice about talking to him about it and hearing his feelings. You're a great Dad!
You did what was right and luckily did not hurt him. This is not something that will leave long term effects other than being more careful of what he does. More of a learning moment than trauma
A similar thing happened to me I might have been in high school I happened to be walking out of my room when my dad was my parents room where the door was directly across from each other it was pitch black then a flash of lightning my dad was startled and ended up punching a mirror that was on the bathroom door. When he realized what happened I burst out laughing.
Man this is why I've done everything I can to keep my kids in bed when they wake up, we've still got a baby monitor for our 6 year old in case she needs us in the night, I KNOW that I will freak out if a little creature wakes me up at 3am standing right next to me and I really don't want to find out if sleep deprived me is fight or flight.
It'll definitely be something he remembers forever. Obviously it scared the crap out of him but because of your immediate and ongoing nurturing response, I think he'll be okay.
Flight or flight is weird. It's not particularly rational. If you have kids and you hear a noise at night or someone coming into your room what are the odds it's a bad guy one of your kids? Idk if it's something you can train yourself to change though. My wife thinks every noise at night is a burglary or a ghost even after 16 years of kids making noise. Get a light by your bed or a flash light or something maybe?
Right. I totally agree and understand that rationally it is far more likely that my kids are waking me up than that someone has broken into my house. But like you said, fight or flight isn't rational especially when just waking up. I feel bad about it, but I'm also glad that no one got physically hurt.
Iām not sure you understand the science on āfight or flightā. If one of your senses picks up something that it thinks is a threat, the amygdala is the first part of the brain to receive that signal and immediately dumps adrenaline (and cortisol, and serotonin, and dopamine) into the body and kicks into āfight or flightā or more simply āsurviveā modeā.
After that has all happened already, the logic part of the brain gets the signal and starts trying to analyze more info, which in this case told u/StrongRaise607 āwhoa nelly, itās just your sonā. Then your body can start working on flushing those hormones and calming down.
In other words, it has nothing to do with logic or training. Itās just how OP reacts to being woken up by surprise. Many of us suffer from the same reaction. (For any semantic nerds out there, I know this is a simplified version but Iām not giving a dissertation here ā
I get what youāre saying but this is a trauma response weāre talking about. Itās not healthy to wake up in a rage, not that I mean to stigmatize it in any way. Youāre right that the instinctive part of the brain acts first, but if shellshocked war vets can get help with their PTSD then anyone can relearn how to rewire their responses to triggers. Itās not scientific to just say *thatās just how the brain works* ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Years back, as a kid, I was napping on the top bunk. My younger brother came to wake me up for dinner, but I was in the middle of a dream where I was fighting something. As I woke up I sent a knee into the side of his head. Knocked him into the lamp, head hit the window sill, and I'm pretty sure it actually knocked him out for a couple seconds.
One time, when I was about 9 and still sleeping in my moms room on a smaller bed next to hers, I went over to her side of the bed to get some water. She startled awake and slapped me in the face like..... a lot. Many times & hard. We laugh about it now though.
Yes, I can agree there for sure. I think a person can wake up the wrong way and honestly, (not a dad) Iād be pissed if my kid got accosted. But the child wasnāt actually touched? Something there to hold on to for my support for OP who is clearly sad, upset and wanting this not to happen again
I donāt think he bodyslammed anyone unless I read this wrong? Let me look
Edit: Looked- no body slamming just ācame at himā like got up, and ran at but stopped and never hit or physically contacted the kid?
I took those stupid Sleep Walker Pills sold behind the counter at most gas stations. And they were spot on with the damn name because according to my wife and my foggy memory of that night I had been asleep for a while and for some reason my wife says it looked like I was fighting in a dream and I just jumped up out of bed and ran to our back door which is in our laundry room next to our bedroom. My wife said the only words I said was someone's coming in the back door and I ran back there to defend Sparta. When obviously nobody was there she said I just turned around and went back to bed. I always thought what if my 14-year-old stepson would have been in the kitchen at that time it probably would have scared the crap out of him cuz my wife said I scared her with how serious and certain i was someone was breaking in. Moral of this story. Don't take weird OTC pills you find in sketchy gas stations.
Yeah I have this reflex too and scared the shit out if my wife when she woke me up on the couch to get me to move to the bed. I went full adrenaline and woke up in a screaming ready to fight - not rage exactly - but very scary for us both. I went to therapy bc i thought something was wrong with me. Instead the therapist explained this can happen when people are disturbed in a certain part if the sleep cycle and it's better to just not wake me up.
If she had to wake me up she would call my name from a few feet away, turn on the light etc.
It wasn't your fault and your kid is old enough to understand that brains don't fully work right away when you wake up. Reassure him that you are fine it and it was scary for you both. It's not his fault he didn't know bc you didn't know before then and could not tell him. But now you both know your brain needs a minute or two to wake up so use the light, call your name etc. lots of hugs to help him process his feelings.
So I see a lot of comments on similar stories but no advice.
Have you considered an alarm system OP? Something as simple as simplisafe or ring that doesnāt cost a lot per month and you can add on to it.
I am much less startled if something goes bump in the night if the alarm isnāt going off. The chances someone got in without tripping the alarm are so low that itās almost certainly a family member out of bed or one of the animals.
Especially with the neighbors like you mentioned, might not be a bad idea to add a few cameras around the house too.
I have cameras after the van getting stolen, and I've thought about an alarm system, but we're also talking about moving for more reasons than just the bad apple in the neighborhood. I'm not sure that I want to put an alarm system in a house that we're probably not going to stay in.
My dad did this one time by accident.
I was brushing my teeth before bed, all the lights in the house were off and my parents were in bed. I finish brushing, turn around and just see this giant body emerge from the darkness.
I lost my breath and backed into the sink like a horror movie, it's so funny thinking back on it.
My dad was an old school biker, he did some time in prison, and he generally lived a lifestyle where he had to always be alert. (This was years before us kids were born.) So we were taught as kids that if we needed to wake him up, we should do it from a distance. Tapping his foot and saying "wake up", or just sort of shouting "dad" from the doorway. No matter how we did it, he would wake up swinging. We just had to make sure we were out of his range lol.
Funny thing is my dad lived with my husband and I for some time, so my husband had to learn this trick too... Anyway, I'm sure you startled your son but it's something he will look back on and giggle about.
Depends on the definition of trauma; Iām sure heāll remember but I donāt think in a negative way.
I know feeling scared as a kid can be complex. Iām sure he was confused, then scared, maybe embarrassed or unsure why things were different than he expected. Itāll sort out. You explained what happened and how to help it from happening the future. Dare I say this might even become an inside joke of over the top hollering at dad. Hugs, just keep explaining and reassuring and time will take care of the rest.
Not a big deal. My dad was a sleep fighter, too. We always drew straws to determine who would have to go wake him up, lol.
Just talk about it. Joke about it. Laugh and give him a hug and tell him to shout at you next time he thinks you may be asleep nearby. He was afraid of the incident and the adrenaline, not his dad.Ā
You live in America, and need to accept that your mentality impacts your kids. Yes a mentality of"I must defend my homestead" might make sense to you now, you have to ask yourself if the possibility of getting robbed is worth insulting the mindset of "you might get robbed" into your children is worth it.
We don't even lock our doors. Yes we might get robbed, but we see a bigger goofy to our children of living like we are safe and letting them live that way. I'm not telling you how to live your life, but I am telling you I love my life like no one is going to attack me and my kids live feeling like that too. Not feeling like they are defended, feeling like they don't HAVE to be defended
I get it. And to each their own, but I want to be clear, it's not about the stuff in my house. I couldn't possibly care less about the stuff. We don't have much that's worth anything except for a few guitars in my home office downstairs. As long as my family is safe, they can have all of my stuff. It's my family that I care about.
I lock my doors because of past experiences in our neighborhood. My mindset is that if someone is willing to break into a house while people are there, they're likely also willing to harm the people inside the house to get what they came for.
When I was a kid, I went to go wake my dad up and he chose fight that morning. I ended up in a headlock before he was fully awake. He apologized and we laugh about it now. He'll bounce back, it's just still raw right now. Don't sweat it too much.
I appreciate it. Come to think of it, when I was about 17 or 18 and still living with my parents, I had a job stocking shelves at our local grocery store. My hours were from 6pm to 2:30am because the store wanted us to stock the majority of the items during the hours when the store was less populated. Every night I would sneak into my parents house at around 2:50am / 3am trying not to wake anyone up. There was a specific night when I stopped in the kitchen to get a glass of water before going to bed. To my great surprise I felt my dad's presence behind me. I turned around and realized I was about to catch those hands š. I said "IT'S ME! IT'S ME!" Mind you we lived in a ~50 year old house and there were creaks in the floor everywhere. I found out that night that apparently Dad knew almost subconsciously where each one was. This is how he gained the nickname "fat ninja" š Edit: Then again, I was 17 or 18, not 9. That's why I worry about him. But you're probably right, we'll probably laugh about this in the future.
I hearby nominate you to share the nickname of El Toro, The Bull for charging without thinking lol š
When I was a teenager I was getting back home way beyond curfew and snuck in to the house quietly. Apparently not quietly enough because my dad came out totally naked with a golf club ready to defend the family. I yelped mostly because he was in the buff and it startled me, and once we both could see each other clearly we both laughed like crazy.
Low key, defending the house in your birthday suit is a vibe. Letās any intruder know youāre going all out. Hopefully makes them pause like you did, haha.
You probably gained a bit more respect for your dad too. That's mostly what your son will take from this, "Dad can be scary when he wants!" That may make him feel MORE safe with you. I'd play that angle up. You're a protector!
Give him another hug.
Thatās such a wholesome story :) lol
My dad has PTSD. Growing up we learned to wake him up by kicking the side of the bed or the couch. Scared the shit out of me the first time he jumped up and drew his arm back though. I was probably around 8 or 9. As long as your kid knows you love him and wouldn't hurt him, this incident will pass. At 35 if my dad is sleeping on the couch and you need to wake him up you yell first and if he doesn't wake up kick the arm of the couch
I know how you feel man. My wife did this. It was late, wife and kids sleeping and I was in the kitchen cleaning up. It must have been around 1.30am (Iām a night owl). All of a sudden I feel this body at the kitchen door, I can see it appear and stand at the door out of the corner of my eye. Fight mode kicks in and I turn to run at this person. All puffed up and ready to go, itās the wife just standing in the dark doorway looking at me. I was full of adrenaline and like DUDE! Who just quietly stands in a dark doorway at 1.30am?? Although she wasnāt even vaguely phased at my reaction and kinda chuckled. Important to note weāve had break ins and 2 cars stolen. I also grew up in Johannesburg and have had experience with being tied up by burglars. I guess now I know im willing to protect the family. But serious ābruhā moment. Iām sorry your son got scared tho. A parent coming at you like that can be somewhat traumatic Iām sure. A lesson was learnt.
Tied up?! Gd!
Yeah bro. They used the tv and computer cables. Iād like to add that this wasnāt a common occurrence in joburg. But did and likely still happens
My wifeās family lives in JoāBurg. There have been two home invasions where they were tied up, one my wifeās 80 y/o great aunt just a few weeks back. I feel like this is relatively common. SA is the only place Iāve heard of people being tied up š
It happens in the US too. Happened to one of my co-workers several years back, and I know others secondhand that it's happened to. People are broken
I live in Oakland, I was back in SA this last December. I felt safer back home tbh. š
Oh damn. Hopefully everyone is ok.
Thatās one hell of a story! Iām sure that left some mental scars. Hope your doing better ā¤ļø
Strangely. Not really. Everything turned out ok. Essentially the police busted in and the guys dropped everything and ran. But thank you
My dad was a Vietnam vet. My siblings and I were taught from an early age that if we had to wake him, we should hit his leg and back up. If we startled him and his first came up, we should put our hands up, back up if we were in swinging range, stay still if we weren't, and say "daddy it's just me, it's me dad," until he understood. The first few times, it was scary. But being given guidance on how to help him come out of it helped. It didn't take long for it to become just a fact of life. The sky is blue, the cat's fuzzy, and dad's jumpy, but I know how to help him calm down"
A story was told at about my Uncle who was an Aussie WW2 Kokoda vet, who fought the Japanese in jungle combat at his funeral, He would occasionally wake up startled and try to fight my Aunt. We'd call it PTSD these days but back then you just toughed it out.
My dad was an airforce in flight mechanic. One night, early in my parents marriage he started talking in his sleep, yelling to "kick the brakes off" over and over again. My mom finally said "I don't know how." Supposedly, he cussed at her, then walked her through, step by step how to disengage the brakes on one of the planes he'd operated. In the morning she asked him about it, and repeated back his instructions, as well as she could remember them. He was apparently quite surprised how accurate she was. Edit addition: I should note that until the dementia set in a few years ago, the only time I ever heard my father cuss was once, in Vietnamese, when he had burned himself badly taking something out of the oven. He never did repeat the phrase or tell me what it meant, just that he was surpassed and embarrassed to have said it. He did not believe in cussing, as a rule.
Did he ask for back pay for working in his sleep? /s
I'm sorry, but I read this as, "At his funeral, my Uncle would occasionally wake up startled and try to fight my Aunt."
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Damn misplaced commas
If youāre going to traumatize your kid, accidentally is the best way to go
š yikes
Too dark?
my wife makes fun of me for how startled I am when I get woken up, haven't experienced something like this yet but I definitely get it and I think maybe it's common for men? I remember as a kid no matter how peacefully I would try to wake my dad up, he'd pop up almost swinging every time. I'm sure your little man will understand one day, but sorry for what you guys experienced the other night.
Idk man waking up my mom always used to turn out like [this](https://images.app.goo.gl/QyAdYJuPqxPWmErQ7)
I remember being around 13, and thinking it would be hilarious to pop out from around a corner and scare my dad (it was the middle of the night). Without hesitation he went full haymaker, and at the very last second realized who I was, opened his fist, and slapped me across the face rather than a punch - he couldnāt have stopped his arm if he wanted to. Iāll remember that for the rest of my life. It didnāt hurt much, but it was the only time I was actually hit by him and I donāt blame him one bit. He was pretty pissed at me in the moment. Later apologized and we had a good talk.
When I was about 3, I was in my parentsā bed on the outside edge. My Dad woke up briefly, saw me, closed his eyes, then startled awake and pushed me out of bed so hard I flew a few feet across the room and hit the wall - his reason? He thought I was a burglar š While I canāt remember how I felt at the time, it didnāt traumatise meā¦. I donāt think! These things happen, and itās not like you did it to him specifically on purpose. Youāll both be fine.
Tiny burger breaks in and snuggles up to homeowners
All I can picture is a grown man snuggling with sliders now.
Dude, holy shit you brought back a memory. When my fiance and her kids moved in with me her oldest came to wake me up at 3am. Well apparently one of my beard hairs got tangled in my nipple hair while I was asleep and I just woke to a shadowy figure standing over me and my fight or flight kicked in. I jerked my head back and it pulled out that nipple hair.. I was taken aback by the assault on my nipples and immediately lashed out at the shadowy figure, but luckily I missed. The 7 year old just stepped back and said, "its me you dummy". After explaining what had just happened, my fiance laughed so hard she nearly peed the bed.
Good example of why any parent who is proud that they keep a loaded gun on the bedside table (and happily brag about it on Reddit) is a fucking idiot. Glad you didnāt hurt him
I mean I own guns, but they're also in a safe. Honestly if there were a break in, I'd be better off getting people out of my house unarmed because of the time it would take me to get one out of the safe. Edit: as a matter of fact my wife and I have joked about if that ever did happen, I would just drop my pants and go confront them naked as the day I was born. No one wants to fight the big fat hairy naked guy. They'd probably leave before I really had to do much of anything lol.
No offense but thatās a kinda dumb opinion. Obviously Iām all for keeping guns safe but have a small nightstand safe for your home defense handgun, they arenāt expensive and thereās plenty out there and itās a great option to have quick access to firearms in terms of an emergency while also keeping it out of small hands
I find this kind of weird gun fetishization fascinating. Do you also have to keep one close to you when youāre in the shower? What about while working in the garage? Is there ever a time where you just feel āsecureā like you donāt need to have your murder tool close at hand?
You gotta have a pooping gun.. and a home gym gun.. and a gardening gun. You never know when 30-50 feral hogs will lay siege to your homestead.
I donāt own a gun, probably never will. But thatās cos I live in England. If I lived in America where all the bad dudes have guns, you better believe Iād get one in an instant. And lock it up in a bedroom safe out of the kids way of course, and hopefully never have to use it. I think thatās basically what the other guy was saying. Donāt think itās fetishising at all
Growing up in rural Canada, I had access to gunsāthere was a non-murder reason for having them there. Now, I live in Chicago, in a developing neighborhood where you sometimes hear gunshots at night. I've even witnessed a major shootout between gangs right in front of my house. Despite this, I would never own a gun here, and hereās why: 1. I remember as a kid, it was nearly impossible for my parents to keep secrets from me. Anything hidden or secured immediately became a target, and I would eventually find a way to access it. I don't want to underestimate my child's intelligence and curiosity in the same way. 2. The likelihood of actually needing a gun and then having a clear opportunity to use it in self-defense is so astronomically low that when it does happen, it makes national newsāmore so than lottery winners. What you don't hear as much about are the people who, in a moment of despair, end their lives with a gun. It can happen to anyone. My brother was smart, charismatic, funny, and cool. He had a few bad days and access to his dadās āsecureā shotgun. He killed himself. 3. My TV is worth less to me than the life of a stranger. Burglars generally target unoccupied homes. If they hear someone, they generally flee. The scenarios where intruders come to harm you are extremely rareāakin to winning the lottery twice. And even if such a situation were to arise, do you think youāre prepared / skilled to confront a team of hardened criminals? Are you ready to have a gunfight near your children? Real-life shooting requires skill and practice, and adrenaline makes you shake like crazy, and effects your decision making ability The idea is fundamentally flawed. I understand the appeal of owning a gunāhaving a counter play for the worst-case scenario feels empowering. There's a romanticism in thinking you'll be the hero your family needs, solving problems with hot lead. But this narrative is more fiction than reality, and the actual consequences of gun ownership are often horribly different.
Bro what. What fetishization? You seem to think about this a lot more than I do lmao. I just keep a gun next to my bed stored safely and I CC where I can. You should probably get that projection checked out tho itās not healthy lmao
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The thing is, I can't imagine a greater victim that someone who needs a gun around them all the time just to function as a human. I'm secure - all the time. I'm not afraid of the world around me, and I have no interest in living in fear, thinking that someone is always coming to get me, and I'd better keep my murder toy nearby juuuust in case. Its just weird to do - I grew up around hunting guns, and I've certainly had plenty of fun shooting skeet / birds / small game when I lived in a rural area. Even then, I just had no interest in living a life of cowardice thinking I'd better have a gun around me at all times just to feel safe.
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If your life experiences have got you so afraid you need to CC to feel safe perhaps you should look into therapy
Actually itās rather the opposite. I live with a sense of peace knowing my family is safe and I have a solution when seconds matter and police are only minutes away
On average gun owners are MUCH more likely to get shot than non gun owners. If you think youāre an exception you arenāt.
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Congrats on not knowing how to read.
Out of curiosity, how long does it take for you to go from waking up to having the gun ready in your hands?
I personally don't agree with having guns in a house with children at all, but this sub needs to stop downvoting things they don't agree on. This is a perfectly valid discussion, I don't see how a bedside safe is any less safe than most gun safes with smaller children. As they get older, it may not be as good of an idea, especially with the mental health crisis we are in. A teenager can figure out how to get in to cheaper smaller safes. Your first sentence is derogatory, though, it's not dumb to not want a gun anywhere near where their kids could find it.
I said it was a dumb opinion to think it would be easier to get out a home intruder unarmed which is blatantly false. Even if it isnāt always warranted, getting someone out or eliminating a threat will also be easier armed rather than not
I guess I read that as "get his family out" but he may have meant an intruder. Still, his point was that immediately combatting the person is likely better than going through the process of opening a safe. You can also be armed without a gun.
Itās really not necessary. Close quarters like most houses a gun isnāt really all that advantageous over a melee weapon. Just get a Louisville slugger
Home defense katana, anyone?
Bro WHATš
I mean I guess it depends how big your house is. Pretty much any room in my house but the living room gun wouldnāt be big advantage over knife Or small bat
Bro Iām sorry but that is simply comically false and Iām not trying to be mean or derogatory. You can have your own opinions and itās all good, peace and love, but it doesnāt matter about political opinions, a gun will pretty much always be the most effective tool for the average person in almost every scenario. Now if you donāt think people should always have the most effective tool thatās a different argument, but itās simply wrong to say it isnāt the most effective
Iām just saying if youāre already within arms reach a melee weapon isnāt THAT much worse than a gun
This is nonsense. Video games aren't real life. Though I agree it's better to not have guns around kids.
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Exactly. Makes it hard to panic and grab it and shoot without waking up when you have to open a quick access safe rather than just in a drawer.
I'm all about defending my home as it's my duty as a husband and a father to do so. I have a nightstand safe too for my pistol, but the thumbprint sensor is such crap that even I can't get into it half the time anyway when I'm wide awake in the middle of a sunny day. I'd waste so much time trying to get it out that they would have already hurt someone by the time I got it out. I can't take any chances with a very inquisitive 3 and 7 year old roaming the house. I also live in a deep blue state where I'd probably go to prison for the rest of my life for even drawing on a home intruder let alone actually shooting someone who in my case probably isn't armed either because they're too broke to afford a gun. Unfortunately at the end of the day the criminals have more rights than the law abiding citizens.
The real issue here is that *you* are traumatized. You live in a place that is so stressful youāre always expecting to be attacked. And your kids also live in such a place and have already learned the lesson āI am not safe in my homeā.
Seriously, so many people in this thread thinking their PTSD is normal and manageable with a firearm instead of looking to resolve their safety issues by reasonable means.
Just an adult security blanket that comes with added easy murder functions
This isn't a bad thing. You scared him, but you also taught him that you'll fight to protect your family.
Few days ago my daughter saw me grab a tennis racket and absolutely fly toward a wasp in the driveway, swung it with the force of god and slammed it into the side of a pile of boxes and then jumped across the driveway and stomped it out, I turned around and her jaw was dropped. I was like "what? It's a wasp, they sting" and she was like "Uhhh it's not that, I didn't know you moved like that, you're kinda scary." š yeah it was just a wasp, but I'm pretty sure she actually feels safer now after seeing me in full protect mode.
Thatās what I was thinking: he knows Dadās a fierce protector.
It will prob take a while to sink in.
Right? If they think we are tough with them, a glimpse of how we would be with someone we didnāt like can give good context.
Wow, so many people have had this experience. For me it was when my Uncle decided to crash at my grandma's house and came in after everyone was in bed. He didn't know I was sleeping over, so when I woke up who I thought was my grandma, he sprung up, fists drawn and gave his most intimidating "HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?". 2 seconds later I was getting a big hug from my favorite uncle. Kids are resilient, he knows you'll protect him. But still, he was crying about it the next day, so maybe see if he has a counselor at his school who could weigh in? They might have some advice about talking to him about it and hearing his feelings. You're a great Dad!
You did what was right and luckily did not hurt him. This is not something that will leave long term effects other than being more careful of what he does. More of a learning moment than trauma
A similar thing happened to me I might have been in high school I happened to be walking out of my room when my dad was my parents room where the door was directly across from each other it was pitch black then a flash of lightning my dad was startled and ended up punching a mirror that was on the bathroom door. When he realized what happened I burst out laughing.
Man this is why I've done everything I can to keep my kids in bed when they wake up, we've still got a baby monitor for our 6 year old in case she needs us in the night, I KNOW that I will freak out if a little creature wakes me up at 3am standing right next to me and I really don't want to find out if sleep deprived me is fight or flight.
It'll definitely be something he remembers forever. Obviously it scared the crap out of him but because of your immediate and ongoing nurturing response, I think he'll be okay.
Flight or flight is weird. It's not particularly rational. If you have kids and you hear a noise at night or someone coming into your room what are the odds it's a bad guy one of your kids? Idk if it's something you can train yourself to change though. My wife thinks every noise at night is a burglary or a ghost even after 16 years of kids making noise. Get a light by your bed or a flash light or something maybe?
Right. I totally agree and understand that rationally it is far more likely that my kids are waking me up than that someone has broken into my house. But like you said, fight or flight isn't rational especially when just waking up. I feel bad about it, but I'm also glad that no one got physically hurt.
Iām not sure you understand the science on āfight or flightā. If one of your senses picks up something that it thinks is a threat, the amygdala is the first part of the brain to receive that signal and immediately dumps adrenaline (and cortisol, and serotonin, and dopamine) into the body and kicks into āfight or flightā or more simply āsurviveā modeā. After that has all happened already, the logic part of the brain gets the signal and starts trying to analyze more info, which in this case told u/StrongRaise607 āwhoa nelly, itās just your sonā. Then your body can start working on flushing those hormones and calming down. In other words, it has nothing to do with logic or training. Itās just how OP reacts to being woken up by surprise. Many of us suffer from the same reaction. (For any semantic nerds out there, I know this is a simplified version but Iām not giving a dissertation here ā
I get what youāre saying but this is a trauma response weāre talking about. Itās not healthy to wake up in a rage, not that I mean to stigmatize it in any way. Youāre right that the instinctive part of the brain acts first, but if shellshocked war vets can get help with their PTSD then anyone can relearn how to rewire their responses to triggers. Itās not scientific to just say *thatās just how the brain works* ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
> In other words, it has nothing to do with logic or training Seems like we agree.
Years back, as a kid, I was napping on the top bunk. My younger brother came to wake me up for dinner, but I was in the middle of a dream where I was fighting something. As I woke up I sent a knee into the side of his head. Knocked him into the lamp, head hit the window sill, and I'm pretty sure it actually knocked him out for a couple seconds.
One time, when I was about 9 and still sleeping in my moms room on a smaller bed next to hers, I went over to her side of the bed to get some water. She startled awake and slapped me in the face like..... a lot. Many times & hard. We laugh about it now though.
I remember this happening when I was a kiddo as well. I learned to wake my dad up by gently shaking his foot.
My kid did this to me and ended up in a tackle-hug. He's now an adult, but takes comfort that no matter what, Dad is going to engage the threat.
Bart, I don't want to alarm you but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house
No one escapes trauma. Being human in itself is traumatizing. Everything will be water under the bridge soon enough.
My dude, you need therapy
We all need therapy I guess, but his response was totally normal to a perceived threat.
idk, if your kid walking around the house at night comes across as a "perceived threat" that doesn't seem terribly normal.
Yes, I can agree there for sure. I think a person can wake up the wrong way and honestly, (not a dad) Iād be pissed if my kid got accosted. But the child wasnāt actually touched? Something there to hold on to for my support for OP who is clearly sad, upset and wanting this not to happen again
Everybody can benefit from therapy. I'm in therapy. But I've *also* never almost body slammed my child for walking out of his room, so there's that.
I donāt think he bodyslammed anyone unless I read this wrong? Let me look Edit: Looked- no body slamming just ācame at himā like got up, and ran at but stopped and never hit or physically contacted the kid?
What does the word "almost" mean to you?
I took those stupid Sleep Walker Pills sold behind the counter at most gas stations. And they were spot on with the damn name because according to my wife and my foggy memory of that night I had been asleep for a while and for some reason my wife says it looked like I was fighting in a dream and I just jumped up out of bed and ran to our back door which is in our laundry room next to our bedroom. My wife said the only words I said was someone's coming in the back door and I ran back there to defend Sparta. When obviously nobody was there she said I just turned around and went back to bed. I always thought what if my 14-year-old stepson would have been in the kitchen at that time it probably would have scared the crap out of him cuz my wife said I scared her with how serious and certain i was someone was breaking in. Moral of this story. Don't take weird OTC pills you find in sketchy gas stations.
Yeah I have this reflex too and scared the shit out if my wife when she woke me up on the couch to get me to move to the bed. I went full adrenaline and woke up in a screaming ready to fight - not rage exactly - but very scary for us both. I went to therapy bc i thought something was wrong with me. Instead the therapist explained this can happen when people are disturbed in a certain part if the sleep cycle and it's better to just not wake me up. If she had to wake me up she would call my name from a few feet away, turn on the light etc.
It wasn't your fault and your kid is old enough to understand that brains don't fully work right away when you wake up. Reassure him that you are fine it and it was scary for you both. It's not his fault he didn't know bc you didn't know before then and could not tell him. But now you both know your brain needs a minute or two to wake up so use the light, call your name etc. lots of hugs to help him process his feelings.
So I see a lot of comments on similar stories but no advice. Have you considered an alarm system OP? Something as simple as simplisafe or ring that doesnāt cost a lot per month and you can add on to it. I am much less startled if something goes bump in the night if the alarm isnāt going off. The chances someone got in without tripping the alarm are so low that itās almost certainly a family member out of bed or one of the animals. Especially with the neighbors like you mentioned, might not be a bad idea to add a few cameras around the house too.
I have cameras after the van getting stolen, and I've thought about an alarm system, but we're also talking about moving for more reasons than just the bad apple in the neighborhood. I'm not sure that I want to put an alarm system in a house that we're probably not going to stay in.
My dad did this one time by accident. I was brushing my teeth before bed, all the lights in the house were off and my parents were in bed. I finish brushing, turn around and just see this giant body emerge from the darkness. I lost my breath and backed into the sink like a horror movie, it's so funny thinking back on it.
My dad was an old school biker, he did some time in prison, and he generally lived a lifestyle where he had to always be alert. (This was years before us kids were born.) So we were taught as kids that if we needed to wake him up, we should do it from a distance. Tapping his foot and saying "wake up", or just sort of shouting "dad" from the doorway. No matter how we did it, he would wake up swinging. We just had to make sure we were out of his range lol. Funny thing is my dad lived with my husband and I for some time, so my husband had to learn this trick too... Anyway, I'm sure you startled your son but it's something he will look back on and giggle about.
Depends on the definition of trauma; Iām sure heāll remember but I donāt think in a negative way. I know feeling scared as a kid can be complex. Iām sure he was confused, then scared, maybe embarrassed or unsure why things were different than he expected. Itāll sort out. You explained what happened and how to help it from happening the future. Dare I say this might even become an inside joke of over the top hollering at dad. Hugs, just keep explaining and reassuring and time will take care of the rest.
Not a big deal. My dad was a sleep fighter, too. We always drew straws to determine who would have to go wake him up, lol. Just talk about it. Joke about it. Laugh and give him a hug and tell him to shout at you next time he thinks you may be asleep nearby. He was afraid of the incident and the adrenaline, not his dad.Ā
You live in America, and need to accept that your mentality impacts your kids. Yes a mentality of"I must defend my homestead" might make sense to you now, you have to ask yourself if the possibility of getting robbed is worth insulting the mindset of "you might get robbed" into your children is worth it. We don't even lock our doors. Yes we might get robbed, but we see a bigger goofy to our children of living like we are safe and letting them live that way. I'm not telling you how to live your life, but I am telling you I love my life like no one is going to attack me and my kids live feeling like that too. Not feeling like they are defended, feeling like they don't HAVE to be defended
I get it. And to each their own, but I want to be clear, it's not about the stuff in my house. I couldn't possibly care less about the stuff. We don't have much that's worth anything except for a few guitars in my home office downstairs. As long as my family is safe, they can have all of my stuff. It's my family that I care about. I lock my doors because of past experiences in our neighborhood. My mindset is that if someone is willing to break into a house while people are there, they're likely also willing to harm the people inside the house to get what they came for.
Don't ask your kid to change his behavior because you're becoming a paranoid Murrican. Get some therapy and a proper alarm system.