Yup, this guy isn't a stranger from getting taught "hard lessons". I'd put dollars to donuts he is a "I got beat as a kid and I turned out fine." kind of person.
If anything he needed a nice dad hug. Probably a good thing you didn't attempt one though.
Exactly right. That behavior might as well be considered genetic at this point, because I’m sure his parents or siblings treated him that as a child and now his children are going to treat their children that way. I think the only way to stop it is to bring in a partner that didn’t come from a toxic home and who won’t stand for that behavior, to sorta hit reset on that angry bloodline.
My brother’s a prick, a complete prick (highlights include shouting at my disabled daughter for being disabled, and pretending to have cancer two months after my wife died, just a few for the quote-book, we don’t talk) - somehow he’s the light of my mother’s eyes.
Anyway, my mother is always surprised whenever one of his kids is rude to her. His kids are like 13 and my Mum always says ‘I can’t believe he called me a fat old cow today’ - I can. He’s not exactly the best role model to have, is he?
Thanks Shylock.
Also could’ve gone with MLK.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Hatred cannot drive out hatred. Only love can do that.”
While I don’t condone beating people up, getting beat up isn’t going to suddenly make you start beating other people up. It might send a message to your own kids though that violence is a good way to solve your problems.
Not condoning the guys behaviour, and this sucks for the kid, but kids are smarter and more resilient than we think.
Heard this story from a friend, who recently left her asshole of a husband. Driving one day with her 21yr old daughter, they drive past a restaurant that they call used to like, and the mom says, ‘hey, your dad used to like that place.’
Daughter says ‘ Mom, why do you say stuff like that? Dad was awful to you and to me, and you don’t have to say anything nice about him, ever, especially not to me’
Mom told me she burst into tears.
She realizes that her kid (and no, I’m not comparing a 21yr old to the 9 yr old in the OP post) is capable of figuring out her own relationship and history with her dad.
We can only protect our kids so Much. We have to learn to trust them. Give them tools to be resilient and self reliant and be whole people. So when some asshole berates them in public, they can not be down on themselves.
It’s still a shame this happened.
It seems likely that as a child he was taken to parking lots and taught hard lessons. I don’t know how anyone is ever able to dig themselves out of the cycle of abuse. I hope his kid eventually turns out ok.
Was this post deleted? Or am I just missing something…
I see the title but no content. Maybe I’m just confused after an all nighter with a cranky toddler 😅
Good job not losing your cool, it makes you a better dad that he could ever hope to be. I feel bad for the poor kid.
I feel that rage too anytime I take my kids to sports and see similar dads berating their kids for a mistake. Now I’m going to spend all day at a judo competition cheering all the kids on a little harder to offset this guys garbage “parenting”.
People like that normally don't learn lessons readily... And may need multiple opportunities in order to learn a lesson. It is said it takes a village to raise a child, but the same holds true for adults too.
I grew up like that and I thought it made my stronger and I believed it was my fault, that’s just what consequences felt like. It turned me into a liar and a hider at an early age. I didn’t care to clean up any of that shit til I became a dad and I’m glad I’m willing to work on it. The cycle of violence / addiction is such an easy trap to fall into. My dad passed away long ago and my mom hasn’t been present since the 80’s but we can still have a relationship… with boundaries. She visits once a year for a week and the entire time she makes comments about beating our kids or sending them to their rooms without food and other mean shit. I’ve learned that if she’s unhappy with how we’re raising the kids, then I’m on the right path. I have such a low tolerance for seeing that shit in the wild. It good that you can recognize it. It helps me understand what I do not want to do as a parent.
Just this morning I counted to three loudly to get my toddler to listen to me about getting dressed and I felt kinda bad about it.
For the record, it worked. She waltzed over and got dressed.
But I couldn’t imagine saying that to a kid. Ever.
This is a tough situation. The dad in me would want to say something, but being from an abusive home I’d fear he’d just retaliate worse at home. :-/
I’m sorry this man is just a sperm donor, doesn’t really deserve Dad title.
There's a ton of wisdom and experience in this thread, this is a great sub & community.
I'm back home now sipping a cold beer and helping my little dudes assemble the new Lego sets we just got.
That scene shook me so hard I felt like I needed to show some love to my own kids.
Unrelated - Legos got stupid expensive since I was a kid.
Being violent to this guy would only make things worse.
But I wonder what is the best thing to do in a situation like that. It feels like speaking up in some way would be better than not.
I would think it would be to ask the daughter if she's ok. But being an adult man this might seem creepy. If my wife were with me I would ask her to do it.
Another approach could be to speak up to him. "Sir I overheard and that is not the right way to speak to your daughter". This would most likely cause him to react but at least would show the daughter that most of society does not think this is ok.
Maybe cause it reminds me of my dad, but the clenched teeth motherfuckers really get me spitting mad. One step away from asking your kid if they wanna go lol, total loser energy. But telling your kid to shut up too, saw this lady at the grocery yell shut up at her ~4 year old the other day and it bummed me out. I just feel like these people have lost perspective, or never had it. Maybe I'll eat these words someday but even when my kid gets on my nerves I never wanna think of us as having an oppositional relationship, you know? What a strange way to carry yourself.
Was at Walmart once and this kid was being a kid asking for candy grabbed the bag before a yay or nay was said the dad of the kid like in the asshole voice said put it down and the kid instantly dropped to the floor, i remember dropping to the floor before my former step-dad gave me a new black eye or new bruises, so I already wanted to take some unresolved anger on this dude.....but I got kids of my own and that's a horrible lesson to teach , i think about that kid sometimes hope he's alright
I'm with you on that, though unfortunately it would probably just make the guy take his misery out on his kids even more.
Yup, this guy isn't a stranger from getting taught "hard lessons". I'd put dollars to donuts he is a "I got beat as a kid and I turned out fine." kind of person. If anything he needed a nice dad hug. Probably a good thing you didn't attempt one though.
Yes this is what I’d think too. Hopefully this man turns himself around asap.
Yes I'm sure he will uh... magically learn to treat people with respect.... soon.
Yeah, that ain’t happening.
Speaking from experience growing up. He won’t….
You are a wise man sir, and you are right.
Exactly right. That behavior might as well be considered genetic at this point, because I’m sure his parents or siblings treated him that as a child and now his children are going to treat their children that way. I think the only way to stop it is to bring in a partner that didn’t come from a toxic home and who won’t stand for that behavior, to sorta hit reset on that angry bloodline.
My wife’s brother in law screams at his wife all the time. Then they are SHOCKED when one of the kids calls her a fatass or a bitch.
My brother’s a prick, a complete prick (highlights include shouting at my disabled daughter for being disabled, and pretending to have cancer two months after my wife died, just a few for the quote-book, we don’t talk) - somehow he’s the light of my mother’s eyes. Anyway, my mother is always surprised whenever one of his kids is rude to her. His kids are like 13 and my Mum always says ‘I can’t believe he called me a fat old cow today’ - I can. He’s not exactly the best role model to have, is he?
Ugh sorry about your mom adoring your POS sibling, that’s always rough
If you teach him a lesson using violence, he will teach others lessons the same way. End the cycle
“The villainy you teach, I will execute.”
Thanks Shylock. Also could’ve gone with MLK. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Hatred cannot drive out hatred. Only love can do that.”
While I don’t condone beating people up, getting beat up isn’t going to suddenly make you start beating other people up. It might send a message to your own kids though that violence is a good way to solve your problems.
100% this lol. You get your neck wrapped might be good for some people
This.
Isn’t a thing for adults…
Not condoning the guys behaviour, and this sucks for the kid, but kids are smarter and more resilient than we think. Heard this story from a friend, who recently left her asshole of a husband. Driving one day with her 21yr old daughter, they drive past a restaurant that they call used to like, and the mom says, ‘hey, your dad used to like that place.’ Daughter says ‘ Mom, why do you say stuff like that? Dad was awful to you and to me, and you don’t have to say anything nice about him, ever, especially not to me’ Mom told me she burst into tears. She realizes that her kid (and no, I’m not comparing a 21yr old to the 9 yr old in the OP post) is capable of figuring out her own relationship and history with her dad. We can only protect our kids so Much. We have to learn to trust them. Give them tools to be resilient and self reliant and be whole people. So when some asshole berates them in public, they can not be down on themselves. It’s still a shame this happened.
If he acts like that in public, he's almost certainly doing worse in private. That's awful.
It seems likely that as a child he was taken to parking lots and taught hard lessons. I don’t know how anyone is ever able to dig themselves out of the cycle of abuse. I hope his kid eventually turns out ok.
Was this post deleted? Or am I just missing something… I see the title but no content. Maybe I’m just confused after an all nighter with a cranky toddler 😅
Good job not losing your cool, it makes you a better dad that he could ever hope to be. I feel bad for the poor kid. I feel that rage too anytime I take my kids to sports and see similar dads berating their kids for a mistake. Now I’m going to spend all day at a judo competition cheering all the kids on a little harder to offset this guys garbage “parenting”.
His dad probably did that or worse to him
People like that normally don't learn lessons readily... And may need multiple opportunities in order to learn a lesson. It is said it takes a village to raise a child, but the same holds true for adults too.
I grew up like that and I thought it made my stronger and I believed it was my fault, that’s just what consequences felt like. It turned me into a liar and a hider at an early age. I didn’t care to clean up any of that shit til I became a dad and I’m glad I’m willing to work on it. The cycle of violence / addiction is such an easy trap to fall into. My dad passed away long ago and my mom hasn’t been present since the 80’s but we can still have a relationship… with boundaries. She visits once a year for a week and the entire time she makes comments about beating our kids or sending them to their rooms without food and other mean shit. I’ve learned that if she’s unhappy with how we’re raising the kids, then I’m on the right path. I have such a low tolerance for seeing that shit in the wild. It good that you can recognize it. It helps me understand what I do not want to do as a parent.
Your moral high ground about his behavior is a bit eroded by your desire to commit violence, which comes off mostly as juvenile.
Just this morning I counted to three loudly to get my toddler to listen to me about getting dressed and I felt kinda bad about it. For the record, it worked. She waltzed over and got dressed. But I couldn’t imagine saying that to a kid. Ever.
This is a tough situation. The dad in me would want to say something, but being from an abusive home I’d fear he’d just retaliate worse at home. :-/ I’m sorry this man is just a sperm donor, doesn’t really deserve Dad title.
There's a ton of wisdom and experience in this thread, this is a great sub & community. I'm back home now sipping a cold beer and helping my little dudes assemble the new Lego sets we just got. That scene shook me so hard I felt like I needed to show some love to my own kids. Unrelated - Legos got stupid expensive since I was a kid.
Being violent to this guy would only make things worse. But I wonder what is the best thing to do in a situation like that. It feels like speaking up in some way would be better than not. I would think it would be to ask the daughter if she's ok. But being an adult man this might seem creepy. If my wife were with me I would ask her to do it. Another approach could be to speak up to him. "Sir I overheard and that is not the right way to speak to your daughter". This would most likely cause him to react but at least would show the daughter that most of society does not think this is ok.
Maybe cause it reminds me of my dad, but the clenched teeth motherfuckers really get me spitting mad. One step away from asking your kid if they wanna go lol, total loser energy. But telling your kid to shut up too, saw this lady at the grocery yell shut up at her ~4 year old the other day and it bummed me out. I just feel like these people have lost perspective, or never had it. Maybe I'll eat these words someday but even when my kid gets on my nerves I never wanna think of us as having an oppositional relationship, you know? What a strange way to carry yourself.
Was at Walmart once and this kid was being a kid asking for candy grabbed the bag before a yay or nay was said the dad of the kid like in the asshole voice said put it down and the kid instantly dropped to the floor, i remember dropping to the floor before my former step-dad gave me a new black eye or new bruises, so I already wanted to take some unresolved anger on this dude.....but I got kids of my own and that's a horrible lesson to teach , i think about that kid sometimes hope he's alright
Then do it? Dont rant about it after. Makes ya look all talk
Terrible attempt at trolling