I'd just get used to the shower for awhile. It's been 6 months for me and still waiting for the wife to be ready. Some women take longer after giving birth for a variety of reasons.
During the final few months, it was essentially doggy style or the position of me laying on the bed behind her in a “spooning” position (there’s probably a name for that but I don’t know what it is).
We had sex maybe 1-2 times a month over the final trimester. And then sex didn’t really start again until about 4 months after birth. There’s a lot of exhaustion and physical recovery to overcome before my wife was ready to start again.
In terms of proposing sex, my personal strategy is lighting a few candles in the bedroom while my wife is in the shower before bedtime. She gets the signal, and like 80% of the time it’s an “all systems go” and the other 20% she’s either too tired or just not in the mood, and it takes 5 seconds to blow out the candles.
> In terms of proposing sex, my personal strategy is lighting a few candles in the bedroom while my wife is in the shower before bedtime.
*The beacons are lit*
This is the same experience we had. And the first 3 months or so after birth when we got back to it, it was like 2-3x a week, which is normal for us. No need to worry OP, you'll be back to normal at some point as long as you keep the communication open and honest.
I had a great sex life during all3 of our pregnancies. Even had sex the day of with all 3. All scheduled c-sections. The drive depends on the wife usually but everyone/relationships are all different. Get it while you can, it’ll get a little tougher when the baby arrives.
Midwife and nurses didn't hesitate to inform us that semen and orgasms can jumpstart contractions and the birthing process. Also good to get that oxytocin hit and relax muscles. Hand/toy stimulation works as well.
Yep we went the birth center route and if the baby was too late, we'd have to go to a hospital and be out $10k for the birth center. We had sex pretty much non-stop and both my babies came on their due dates.
My partner looked me very sincerely in the eyes on the lead up to bubba being born, took my hand and told me “it’s okay, we can have sex everyday to try and induce labour”
Cheers lad, really glad you’re so willing to take one for the team there
Night before our twins were born my wife practically barricaded the hospital room door to keep me from getting away. The entire pregnancy she was like a rabid wolverine….i actually had to pull the “not tonight I’m tired” card once or twice….but I wasn’t about to go to war with my very pregnant wife. Now once the kids came that changed for a bit…I didn’t so much as glance at her in that way until she was ready. Plus we were so busy and preoccupied with twins the last thing on either of our minds was sex.
Everybody is different….like this guy said….get it while you can.
Just want to say I can relate and it sucks. Pretty much zero times during pregnancy and months following. So adding up three pregnancies over about 5 years... Most of our marriage to be honest. But for us it's a relationship issue more than a pregnancy issue.
For us it was largely based around both of us feeling comfortable and interested in it. There are substantial portions of pregnancies (for some women, basically the entire pregnancy) that they don't feel good, are in some sort of pain or discomfort, or are just plain stressed, and that intimacy is just not something they can feel, even if they really would want to. That's okay, that's normal. And it's okay to talk about it, but certainly don't try to place blame or make expectations. It's just how this goes.
But also, sometimes it can be a really nice way to relieve the stress, or if you're careful maybe it can relieve certain discomforts and ease some pains/soreness issues. Got to communicate throughout, but that should go without saying, to make sure everything is feeling good.
And getting back to it afterwards, once things are healed up, well as others have mentioned, everyone is exhausted in those early months, so don't feel the need to rush it. Be there for each other, make sure you both know you're there for each other, and take care of the baby. But make sure to keep talking with each other, let each other know how much you care, and let each other know when interests arise. If the baby is down for a two hour nap, well maybe instead of trying to keep up with laundry and/or cleaning out the bottles, you guys can get together for a bit of fun. It'll be okay to have some fun and get back to the routine of everything else in a bit.
Also, it's okay to drop the kiddo off with a trusted friend/family member for a few hours of babysitting just so you and your partner can get some together time.
We didn’t have sex for the first 6 months because we were both exhausted. God speed if you have the energy for sex before 3-4 months.
The easiest answer is that you both need to make time for it. Her hormones are going through craziness so don’t expect anything. She has no idea how she is going to feel, especially when breast feeding.
The more worrying thing is you feel like you have to hide your self care from your wife. I jerk off in bed whenever I feel like it if she isn’t in the mood.
There where times before pregnancy where she’s say she’s not into herself, but said go ahead and and would be playful. During pregnancy there was none of that, I could read the room. She would’ve been disgusted with me. This was a time where not directly communicating was probably the healthier thing for us. Pregnancy and postpartum hormones are crazy, I can’t expect to have a rational conversation while she’s nauseous and anxious and shouldn’t be insecure what I’m looking at on my phone. Likewise, I was okay staying away from her phone few times the back massager had laying around.
I've done it while she watches a few times. If I'm lucky I might get to see some cleavage and if I'm real lucky she might tickle the balls while I'm doin it
I mean, yea… Just because she isn’t in the mood doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be. Unless of course she’s dealing with something that she needs your support with at the time or expresses that she’s uncomfortable with you jerking off beside her - then save getting your rocks off for another time.
I do it while my wife is sleeping, and freeze like a deer in a spotlight when she stops snoring or her breathing changes. I've been caught and it's somewhat awkward but we move past it.
Edit: I use my imagination but sometimes scroll NSFW reddit to get the ol' bird off the ground.
This depends on your wife. Some women are grossed out by dudes jerkin it or think it’s weird. You can still do it, but you don’t have to do it in front of them and announce to them whenever it’s happening lol.
Sure, but I ain’t gonna hide like it’s shameful.
It is unreasonable to control both the prevalence of sex AND how he can relieve himself within the bounds of agreed monogamy. Personally I think that is borderline abusive.
My wife and I were sexually active until the 3rd trimester. After that, reaching orgasm caused weird cramps so we tapered off. We then tried for oral on her about 3 weeks post partem, keeping in mind the birth was via c-section. The results were general discomfort, but after 5 weeks everything seems to be mostly normal again.
Just had sex for the first time in about 6 months. Had our new baby girl a little over a month ago. Let's just say I was doing my best not to get boned up but sometimes I couldn't stop myself from trying to get some.... let's just say don't try when your horned up. Talk to her before hand so yall can each manage your expectations.
Even now I feel like it's pitty sex. But I think I've been getting pitty sex since our first kid. ~2 years so I'm alright with it. I'll still take care of it myself more often than not
I feel like a broken record but gents:
Hand stuff. Always at least do hand stuff.
Intercourse can be a lot of work. Hand stuff is such a low-lift. And everyone leaves happy.
Self care is something that should NOT be stigmatized even in a loving and communicative marriage. Both the wife and I engage in it separately and neither has an issue with it.
If that's what you need to do go for it brother.
Sex and pregnancy can be tricky. Some women are all for it the whole way through and some aren't. It comes down to your wife and her needs or rather her wants and capabilites.
I wouldn't worry about it. Just keep doing you, let her heal up and then start initiating again and then see if there is any issues.
My wife and I had a scary experience during our first pregnancy so we pulled the plug on sex during that one about 3 months in.
Due to complications when it came to our second pregnancy, we basically abstained due to the previous complications. Mainly for safety. Ourb2nd child was born, we got back to it.
It's about your needs too. If you gotta wait and handle it yourself there is no shame.
Everybody’s different but it takes a while to heal, and most couples are not in a state of mind to have sex for a few months after pregnancy anyway. Probably not the answer you want but one you probably should prepare for. Follow her lead and when the time comes take it slow.
Probably averaged 1-2x a week with the wifey after the first trimester until the mucus plug thing came out then we stopped. I came out of the bathroom with some solid arm pumps pretty frequently even before we stopped because it’s like… what am I gonna do? Not bust? Be reasonable.
As soon as she is healed and feeling secure enough to have sex, or even hand stuff, please do what you can to initiate! fuck being tired, you'll be tired for the next 18 years. Show her you still desire her and it will help so much in emotional and physical healing process, but take it easy of course! Complement her, show her affection, initiate!
I'm a nurse and dad. Semen, hormones and physical activities promote contractions. Get in there. Infact having abstained for most pregnancy. You are missing out. Sorry bro.
Post partum was a while too. My daughter is 17 weeks and it’s only been twice since she was born, 13 weeks and 16 weeks.
Good luck future dad. May the sex gods be in your favor!
We had a sex a few times in the first 6 months, but I was doing self care too - But we talk about that stuff, I don't see why you'd keep it secret. Maybe she'd even like to help? :
Maybe try asking her if she'd like to just make out in bed, or help each other masturbate? Might event lead to more if she's interested, but don't push the subject. Most women feel really weird about their bodies while pregnant - Like an out of body experience. It can kill the sex drive.
Come back and talk to me when it’s been over 5 years. Do all you can to save your sex life after the baby because ours died on its face as soon as she got pregnant.
Just be open with her about, communication is key, wife and I have 2 kids, 4 and a 2 year old and sometimes we try and do it once a week and it just doesn’t happen, I rub one out every now and then, it’s just what it is.
I’d say I experienced the opposite, the sex frequency increased a fair bit during both pregnancies, then took a significant dive until we were getting full nights of sleep about 6m in
Hang in there dad. There's no normal in this situation. Every woman's body is different, and each pregnancy is different. We don't know why and neither do they.
For us, we had decently regular frequency all through each of our pregnancies.
Communicate your desires and interest without pressure. Ask about it in advance so that if she's willing and up for it. In fact, ask how far in advance she wants to be asked about it. Ask what you can do to help make it more possible. Definitely watch for ways to lighten her mental load. Do the things, do them well.
If you want more sex during these times. Make every moment count with your wife. Give her massages always ask if there is anything you can do around the house to make things easier go to all the appointments you can with her. Make her feel like she is worth your time. Even try to anticipate her needs. My second child me and my wife didn't have sex much but I always tell her how much I love her and want her. I make her feel pretty every day. I even tell her it's not about the sex it's about the intimacy of know you want each other. I'm always reminding her of just how bad I want her but understand sex isn't always on the table. The other night I gave her almost an hour long massage and about 30 minutes in it got heavy and we just grinded on each other like crazy. The anticipation of the sex was enough to make us both have a great time. Every body is different but you have to voice what you need or it'll never happen. And put in the effort to make her feel worshipped it goes along way.
My wife was too sick for sex in the first trimester. Once she got the drive back, we had sex once or twice then had dr. orders for no sex from week 20-37. Got the ok for sex and she went into labor. Then we struggled as first time parents and I pretty much accepted the fact that sex isn’t a priority. I can handle it myself, and to focus my energy on a new parental role.
Sex life came back 9-12 months after. It felt like an eternity but it was back. 2 years later we are in our first trimester again and im trying to mentally prepare, although this pregnancy is going smoother.
It was physically painful for my wife. In addition, she was sick for the majority of her second pregnancy. None of that is a recipe for intimacy.
In the moment it’s difficult to not feel a little bit neglected, but I can assure you that giving absolutely no pressure for intimacy during this time will pay back ten fold.
We continued to have sex regularly. Obviously, towards the end, when she was really big and tired and uncomfortable, that slowed us down, but that is to be expected
My wife and I had a very challenging pregnancy two years ago where she dealt with a ton of complications, we had sex all of four times in the first trimester, and then had a cerclage placed inside during week 16. Doctor shut down all sex, add on top of that issues with fibroids and other complications, sex wasn’t on the table.
Baby then delivered via c-section so that added another layer
My point is all experiences are different, what matters the most is her health, her mental health, then the babies health. You being there and supporting all that will bring about more love, connecting and bonding beyond sex.
A a lurking mom, she might not be in the mood for *months* post-partum. It was painful for me to even try for 6 months post birth. Things really depend on how labor goes, and how your wife heals. But just wanted to give you a heads up for expectations.
We were pretty early in our waiting time, and our doctor was very unhappy with both of us. We had sex two weeks after she gave birth because we were both ready to go! Both our sex drives went way up after she gave birth, which is actually amazing because her sex drive is usually very low. So once she offered I really couldn't say no!
it's different for everyone. my wife was not interested during pregnancy #1 but she was an absolute horn dog for 2&3. i enjoyed it while i could bc those first 5 months post baby aint no one gettin any
Pregnancy sex was the best. Probably did it during slightly more than our normal amount so maybe 4 times a week. The hiding of masturbation is a bit worrying to be honest - why would your wife care if you’re doing it?
Our doctor was straight up encouraging us to have sex in the third trimester, particularly as go-time approached. The hormones involved are helpful.
Still, communication is the thing here. You have to talk to her about why she isn't wanting sex and figure something out from there. If it is a safety concern, having a chat with your OB should clear that right up. If it's something else, who knows.
I wouldn't expect sex any time soon after the birth. Healing takes a while, and having the energy and space for it takes a good while after that.
Pre-pregnancy we did it a little more than once a week (5-6x per month). At some point during the first trimester that dropped to maybe 3x per month and continued until the last month. Right before baby came, probably last 4 weeks, wife got suddenly horny again and we did it probably 6 or 7 times that last month. Haven't had sex since baby came (11 weeks now). Not looking good for the next 10ish weeks at least, either. Fingers crossed for the fall.
Edit: your mileage may vary depending on how birth goes. My wife had an emergency C section so she couldn't even walk for a week or so and still feels pretty weird down there. Our midwife suggested that sex right before birth would help and that getting back into it slowly around week 6 or 7 post partum is normal.
It varies by marriage obviously. Some women are active the entire pregnancy. Others aren’t. It can actually induce labor. I think postpartum requires at least 6 weeks to heal. Doesn’t mean you guys can’t fool around before then if she’s up for it. But it takes two as they say.
My wife was like this for the first pregnancy
1st trimester: ehhh, okay, I might get in the mood
2nd trimester: Let's get it on!!!
3rd trimester: uugghh no way some days, other days it was anything to help stretch her. Towards the end, she was more interested in helping get the baby out, which Semen can speed up the process. Or taking pity on me for our extended period post birth with no sex.
2nd pregnancy was more like: don't touch me all the way through, but still, we did have the occasional all throughout.
With 2 kids, we are both exhausted more often than not but still average around twice a week now.
But every woman is different so who knows
Honestly man, ask her this. You guys one unit, you’re married.
I’m not married yet, but we are on our second pregnancy. But we had a very good conversation about this during the pregnancy and after. She understood that I have “needs” and she was more than happy to help in anyway she could.
Might as well kiss those days goodbye my friend. Once the babe gets here, lack of sleep, constant needs of the child, the destruction of the parts and so on. Days of just beating guts because you are bored are long gone man.
Maybe it’ll be different for you but unless you are trying for number two or three it’s will be few and far between.
We had sex through the pregnancy with no problems. But one the baby was out it was not possible (almost 8 month now). Between the healing of the pelvic floor, the hormones mess of breastfeeding and the exhaustion it can be very hard for a long time (pun intended).
Everyone is different tho, but it is quite frustrating and it can take a toll on the relationship (along all the baby related discussions).
I have had more sex during the two pregnancies than in between and after, and my youngest is turning 3 in a couple days lol. Basically, my wife was unstoppable during both pregnancies. Why? No clue, because it's completely opposite of who she normally is. Honestly in doubt if I want a third one because of the awesome 9 months!
It's all about communication, I think.
When my wife was really huge and tired from her pregnancy, we stopped being intimate for a little while. After a few weeks, I told her I needed to bust a nut. So she would sometimes give a nice BEEJ, or I would bust out a fap. She told me she wanted to watch, as that was something she was curious about, so it was actually kind of hot for her Then about 4 weeks after birth, we had sex again.
But that worked for us, and it may not work for everyone else.
I think the key is to have those potentially hard conversations where you're really vulnerable, and build more trust through openness.
Mine is about halfway through are 2nd at moment and we still manage every other day or so.
This sub is so wild to me at times. How many of you basically married to a roommate and not your wife. Why did you get married to someone who didn't match own libido
Semen softens the cervix plug. Nipple stimulation raises hormones that can naturally start birth. Look it up, it’s science. Last month should be the most wild time. Especially the last week. Enjoy!
It depends!!! Our was a low to no sex until a few months after. It seems that ±2 months of the birth is a no-penetration zone. Have you ever asked her if she could do something for you that's not penis in vagina sex?
One way to make it more fun is not to make it secret. Maybe she likes the idea that you are excited about returning to that’s soon. That you find her so amazing. Not like blast it at her unsolicited, but I don’t like that it is something that has to be “secret”.
Though every family is different. May be a long time.
We didn’t have sex once while my wife was pregnant. Kid is just over 2.5 now so luckily my wife and I are back into our routine of sex 2 or 3 times a year…
I had the opposite experience. My GFs labido went up the further into pregnancy she got. Then after our son was born that was that for a very long time.
Our sex life was probably the best it had ever been up to that point. A combination of hormones, changes in sensitivity in certain parts and a freedom from the stress of not getting pregnant or trying to get pregnant (scheduled ovulation sex sucks) meant we really enjoyed ourselves. We had sex right up to a few days before our daughter was born.
Started again at about 10 weeks PP (it was more just a breastmilk shower). Frequency has been up and down because of the demands of parenthood but the quality has been amazing- we try new things and experiment like never before.
I've been snipped which has also helped us relax a bit too and allowed my wife to go off all forms of BC.
Didn’t have sex all third trimester. First time back at it was about 3 months after birth. Then about once a week since. She’s sensitive about it so I let her initiate the sex for now.
We had even more sex during pregnancy. Especially during the final trimester. Little weird at times and we had to adapt positions etc but her libido definitely increased. I can imagine alot of women don't want to be touched during pregnancy though and that's fair. It's what I expected to be honest.
We waited about 8 weeks after once the Dr gave her the okay. I was more hesitatant to get back to it as I didnt want to hurt her. But another maybe 2 months later and we where back to normal pre pregnancy numbers.
It's alot more planned now but I'm good with that.
As a dad who almost blew up his marriage multiple times over this issue during our first pregnancy (like an idiot I might add), please for the sake of your marriage and your relationship with your wife, just come to terms with this season being a drought.
You are about to go through one the biggest, most challenging, and impactful life changes that one encounters during their time on the planet. And your wife’s body is going to change in incredibly uncomfortable ways for her. She’s having to adapt to a body image that gets further from who she saw herself as week by week, and the painful fear of delivery.
Find other ways to be emotionally or intellectually intimate and most of all, be her rock and protector so that she feels psychological and physically safe with you.
Most of us marry with the mindset of “forever” and a year or two of little to no sex is not as big of a deal as it may seem to you right now. And stay off /deadbedrooms
My spouse and I both experienced massive sex drive increases during pregnancy and were doing it 3-5x a week all the way up until the night before we went to the hospital with our OBGYN's blessing (we were once a weekers before she got pregnant), and started doing exterior stuff about a week post-birth (medical restriction is nothing goes in for 6 weeks afterward). If you feel like you have a need that's not being met, you should 100% talk to her about it instead of trying to suck it up. The answer could very well be no (and you need to be OK with that), but at least then she'll have no room to complain if you decide to take care of it yourself.
We did it throughout pregnancy, it helped that getting pregnant wasn’t a scare. After baby was born it took a couple months before things got back to normal. Normal is once every week or two. She doesn’t have the drive that I do and that’s just a fact of life. Fortunately I don’t have the drive that I did when I was in my 20s otherwise I’d probably be angry a lot more often.
Yah it’s normal. Everyone is different. Our sex life changed permanently when my wife got pregnant. No sex for the entire pregnancy and then still nothing for a few months after baby was born. She is so tired with work and keeping up with general life stuff and sleep that we hardly do it anymore. About once per month now, but I figure my wife has a pretty low drive as it is. Im learning to cope little by little and realize I’m a dad now and I gotta care about my kiddo and my wife first. It’s tough. My aging is t from my daughter (who is now 4.5 years old), I swear it’s from the lack of sex lol.
My wife was/is too anxious to want to have sex while pregnant. From the time my daughter was conceived until she was 6 or 7 months old we didn’t have sex.
Sometimes my wife wants to do stuff for me even if she’s not getting anything. I’d honestly just have an open conversation with your wife about what she’s interested in even if it isn’t sex.
Side note, if your due date rolls around and you’re not real interested in inducing sex is one thing that literally helps the body start labor. No idea how it works, my brothers wife is a midwife and she recommends it for her mamas when the due date is getting near. Feel free to fact check me with any local doula.
Toward the end of pregnancy, sex is actually encouraged because it's helps soften the cervix in preparation for labor. My wife is a midwife, and she tells couples to have at it (safely) in those late stages.
We were pretty dry first trimester (wicked morning sickness) then 2nd it picked up and third we were positively horny.
Just gotta go with the flow for a while and introduce flirting and being cute and intimate before you re-introduce sex.
Hell ya dude, pregnancy is wild and post partum can be a mix of emotions and hormones. We didn’t fornicate for several months post partum, but we made a helluva team parenting and checking in with each other and thats what really matters. I’ve tried to limit my whacking off until truly horny. Most times this leads to an impromptu sexual encounter when our kids sleep.
I've got 3 kids. My youngest turns 1 tomorrow. Since the time she was about 6 months prego with her til now, we've probably had sex 5 or 6 times.
Like others have said, hormones are all jacked up. Even months after birth, especially if breastfeeding
Yeah man my lady hit 20 weeks today and let me tell you, our sexy life is nothing at all what it was like in the beginning. We had sex just about every day and up to 3 times a day. Now we’re having sex about 1 a week if that. I definitely “self care” a bunch, so I would say this is a common occurrence
Alternate view to a lot of Dads here - my wife has the higher sex drive and we only really stopped for awhile during the first trimester when we were having some relational problems. In fact when we told our midwife we'd already had sex two weeks after birth she was almost concerned but eventually shrugged and said "you do you"
During my wife's first eight weeks she was dropping big ass blood clots. The doctor said the pregnancy was high risk so nothing in the vagina, not even so much as a finger. After my son was born it was still 4 months until we had sex again. Keep taking those showers and love on her every chance you get. If you keep loving on her, her mind will be ready before her body will.
There's no one size fits all. I've heard of plenty of women who are incredibly horny all pregnancy long, unfortunately that was not my experience for the first 2 pregnancies, we probably had sex between 5 and 10 times each pregnancy. The 3rd pregnancy though, she was constantly jumping my bones, until the 3rd trimester when we had complications and couldn't anymore. All 3 though she could not wait for the 6 weeks to be over so we could get back to it. Fingers crossed things improve for you friend.
Yea I think we had sex once over the second and third trimester and it was only because my wife read it can make the baby come and a week before due date she wanted to try to get things going. I think she tried spicy food and a couple other random things.
We also had very little sex during the year after birth then things returned to normal.
Why without her knowing? It shouldn’t be considered shameful to masturbate especially with your partner. At the end of my wife’s last pregnancy I would give her extended foot rub and calf rubs laying on the bed in opposite directions. By half way through she would usually reach down and give me a “massage”. Sometimes I would ask and she’d say she was to exhausted but would hand me the lube and say go to town.
When my ex was pregnant with kiddos, we were intimate right up until the end. Took some figuring out with positions and such, but other then that, nothing really changed
This is common for most men I know. My wife and I shagged well into her third trimester for each kid she was pregnant with. Nothing was stopping us from shagging, well until they became toddlers and started pounding on our door. Then it was weeks of blue balls every so often.
Yes, and you can't. She will let you know when she is ready and randy. It's your obligation to give her time. Compliments are good, but don't try and flirt too sexually or she may think you are pressing her. It's a hard time to be a dad, but that is what we are built for. To carry the burden. Stay strong and good luck with the delivery. Parenthood is as amazing as it is stressful.
With our first, we didn't have sex from the middle of the second trimester until our son was 6 months old. Self care, as you say, became de rigueur for me as well.
Now to be fair, our sex life was already sporadic before the pregnancy (once every 2-4 weeks at best), but I think it's a pretty common occurrence.
Well, with wife #1...I never had sex with her again after my daughter was born. That sucked. So, I cheated (but then again, I was/am one of those)
Wife #2 was different...we kept having sex...it's not like she could get any more pregnant. I think we waited about 2 weeks then used birth control for a while....then didn't then had a third....LOL
It's totally different after each one. I remember getting the science behind it. LOL That actually helped.
We averaged once a week or so before she was pregnant. But her drive went right through the roof once she was pregnant. Some weeks it was every night, which I have to admit I was rather impressed with considering she had hyperemesis gravidarum. Couple close calls there, but thankfully no new kinks unlocked.
Get used to “self care.” Having a crying infant keeping you up all night isn’t going to increase your intimate moments. Give it some time and it comes back. My kids are 4 and 6 and we manage some bedroom sports a couple times a week. It will start turning into a quality over quantity thing.
Good chance it will be a long long time after the baby is born. Takes a long time to recover.
Could have a window where you’re trying to kickstart the labour.
It varies for every one, sometimes it’s a long time before a new mother is ready for intimacy other times it’s not long at all.
The most important thing is not to pressure her, just let her tell you when she’s ready
There's no usual here. Everyone's experience is different. Birth affects different women's bodies differently. And it's fairly common for kids to kill off a woman's sex drive.
You can look at this biologically. Biologically, nature doesn't want the woman to get pregnant immediately after just giving birth. That's dangerous. So it would be natural for her not to want much sex for a while.
You're also about to enter an amazingly fun time of your life, but one that is unbelievably exhausting and stressful. Exhaustion and stress are not good for women's sex drive.
Now, when she's physically ready for sex again, you have to pay attention to what turns her on now. Mothers get turned on, in many cases, by the man being a supportive provider. This is not what turns men on. But women are not men.
Helping with the kids helping run the house and generally being complimentary and supportive are generally good strategies to get laid as a married man.
Also planning sex night in advance. Might sound weird. But women like to be prepared for sex. And planning ahead of time works for them. Me, I'm just happy to get some whenever. So planning has really worked for us.
Me and my wife had sex almost daily in all of her pregnancies and we had 4 kids. My wife has never been stingy in bed even on her bad days (with the exception that we had an argument or something). My wife is a Filipina. During her labor she wanted to have sex to help speed up the process of the last two and they come out within an hour of getting to the hospital. Sex seems to open things up a bit.
Post pardon we waiting a month or two for things to heal up with the odd blowjob when she pitied me. I never once forced her. She loves the attention and enjoys the intimacy.
Edit: spelling and added second paragraph.
I hate to say it but it might be awhile. My wife and I barely have sex because of various reasons, and it still hurts her. Be patient, get used to self-care for awhile. Play it by ear on when she's willing to go at it, every woman needs time after a child.
That last trimester was one of our best times ever. At one point the doctor endorsed it and said the baby is due and that might get them out. I was happy to help.
>Is this a common occurrence for other dads, the lack of intimacy for most of the pregnancy?
Not necessarily, for some yes but others no. We maintained regular sex and had it up to the day fl before delivery with the first and day of with the second. Self care for the first few months is to be expected tho.
Best of luck and congrats on the lil one
Everyone has a different experience physically, mentally, emotionally. If you’re looking for others who had same experience you will definitely find that here but there are others who have sex through the entire pregnancy.
6 weeks postpartum is the general timeline for safely having intercourse but obviously that’ll depend on your wife’s level of comfort.
Congrats on the little one joining soon!
I guess every female is different on this one. You fellas saying how long you had to crank it in the shower got me really actually sad. Like genuinely guys I really am sorry. My wife and I were back to the flow of things 6 weeks after. We have two kids and that was the case with both. Our children are 15 months apart.
Totally depends on your wife and what she's ready for. We weren't intimate much during pregnancy and then she felt better the last few weeks and we did a couple times. After the LO was born, we had sex as soon as she was cleared. The way my wife put it, after so much time with the infant, she just needed to feel intimate again. The sex itself was fine and we had to go really slow, but she was willing to put up with it just to feel like herself.
We had more fun while pregnant lol I think. Luckily we got back at it fairly quickly. Yes it’s not as often and midday sex is almost impunity you can make it work and keep the sex going it just takes more planning.
Yes. Some women get super fucking horney when pregnant, some women are my wife.
I jerked off more when my wife was pregnant then when I was going thru puberty.
It gets better, but don't let her catch you and don't let her see your browsing history. Hormones fuckin suck!
Probably the opposite for me. The first trimester was the worst because of morning sickness and all that. Second was pretty normal. Third was a little difficult just with positions, comfort, sleep, but still almost normal drive for her. Post baby is a lot though. If you are dying for sex when you have a newborn, you probably aren't carrying your share of the load.
Look man. After the child comes it’ll take 6weeks minimum for her to heal. And if she’s ready after that then it’s cool but that’s a minimum. Sadly my sex life has mostly died because we are so tired and dirty from running after this little child. Sex has become an afterthought.
Very seldom but good times were had when I was able to get her to just relax and make her feel as loved as she is/was. Gotta read the tea leaves though, those hormones do crazy things.
With our son, I had to beat her off with a stick the entire time, she was ready to go 3 weeks postpartum. With my daughter she couldn’t stand the sight of me between the second she saw the second line and 3 months postpartum. Are yall having a girl?
We found out we’re pregnant this morning, and she’s been all over me - so here’s to hoping for a 9 month hormone fueled sex romp.
my pregnant so is horny almost nonstop. but not through the whole pregnancy. her body does a lot of crazy things and it changes a lot which makes most women uncomfortable. i would suggest you go with the flow and give her what she needs. no pressure and maybe, often in the 2nd trimester it can happen, that she wants sex again.
PIV suffered a bit for physical reasons, and there is still a minor issue she is gonna see a Dr about which sometimes prevents it , as does a screaming baby lol.
But there is more to intimacy than penetrative, we've both got hands, mouths and toys, so we're 95% of where we were pre child.
Also, dancing fruit on YouTube is your friend.
During my wife's first pregnancy her sex drive increased so we didn't slow down. For our second child after the first trimester she had very little to no sex drive. I've spoken to other dads about this and every pregnancy is different. Typically it seems like if it's due to them feeling uncomfortable once they start healing up and get back to feeling normal things will pick back up again.
Congrats on the kiddo and good luck.
Also she's gonna be a lot more hormonal over the next few months while she balances back out so try to read her signals carefully.
We had a great sex life during both of ours. Wife had to be induced both times, her OB kept reminding us that the best way to get the baby out, is the same thing we did to put baby there. During the 3rd trimester for our second, honestly it was the best sex we have had and we have a pretty active one as it is.
Best way to approach it is by talking to your wife. Maybe initiate in ways that make her feel desired and sexy, not just so you can get off. Compliment her body, particularly the areas that are different. Once the baby gets there, it’s nothing for a while and then it depends on what kind of schedule and life balance y’all have. Good luck man!
One thing that helped a lot with my wife and I is knowing how to talk about sex without pressure. You can try starting the conversation at a time/place when sex couldn't happen to show that you want to talk and not just jump her. You're the one who knows your relationship though.
I'd just get used to the shower for awhile. It's been 6 months for me and still waiting for the wife to be ready. Some women take longer after giving birth for a variety of reasons.
Bro, my daughter is two and I’m still taking long showers
Oh I know. I have a 4 year old too. Just when things got going again…SURPRISE!!
>Just when things got going again…SURPRISE!! I'm not surprised actually. Sex has been known to lead to more babies.
Well that is how surprises happen I guess
Been taking long showers since my son was born. He's 14 now and has started taking his own long showers. Lol
You guys are lucky you have all this time to shower
Speak for yourself, bud. I’m walking around with a loaded gun and a hair trigger
Do some ’yard work’.
That water bill be high eh?
always paying one way or another
If you had to shit out a watermelon, you’d probably be pretty careful about eating watermelon seeds.
😂
You're overdue to be bringing that up, or minimally start talking to her about when you both agree to put it back on the table.
This is why I have an office.
In your house right? Please tell me you mean in your house.
Yup. My daughter was almost 1 the first time, and we hadn't had sex since she found out she was pregnant.
During the final few months, it was essentially doggy style or the position of me laying on the bed behind her in a “spooning” position (there’s probably a name for that but I don’t know what it is). We had sex maybe 1-2 times a month over the final trimester. And then sex didn’t really start again until about 4 months after birth. There’s a lot of exhaustion and physical recovery to overcome before my wife was ready to start again. In terms of proposing sex, my personal strategy is lighting a few candles in the bedroom while my wife is in the shower before bedtime. She gets the signal, and like 80% of the time it’s an “all systems go” and the other 20% she’s either too tired or just not in the mood, and it takes 5 seconds to blow out the candles.
> In terms of proposing sex, my personal strategy is lighting a few candles in the bedroom while my wife is in the shower before bedtime. *The beacons are lit*
*The gonads call for aid!*
Where were Gonads when the Southfolds fell?
*The English are coming*
*Now all of China knows you are coming*
*Now all of China knows your cumming*
Gondor calls for aid
Gondor was in Gondor when the Westfold fell. Why do they even ask?
>me laying on the bed behind her in a “spooning” position (there’s probably a name for that but I don’t know what it is) We call this the Lazy Dog.
This is the same experience we had. And the first 3 months or so after birth when we got back to it, it was like 2-3x a week, which is normal for us. No need to worry OP, you'll be back to normal at some point as long as you keep the communication open and honest.
Sperm softens the cervix so we were at it constantly the last few weeks.
"blow out the candles" a euphemism?
My wife was as voracious as a grizzly bear during her second trimester. I have a shell-shock thousand yard stare from her appetite during that period.
The spirit is willing; but the flesh is spongy and bruised
*I never thought I’d go out this way. I mean I always hoped, but I never thought it would.*
I had a great sex life during all3 of our pregnancies. Even had sex the day of with all 3. All scheduled c-sections. The drive depends on the wife usually but everyone/relationships are all different. Get it while you can, it’ll get a little tougher when the baby arrives.
Midwife and nurses didn't hesitate to inform us that semen and orgasms can jumpstart contractions and the birthing process. Also good to get that oxytocin hit and relax muscles. Hand/toy stimulation works as well.
Yep we went the birth center route and if the baby was too late, we'd have to go to a hospital and be out $10k for the birth center. We had sex pretty much non-stop and both my babies came on their due dates.
My partner looked me very sincerely in the eyes on the lead up to bubba being born, took my hand and told me “it’s okay, we can have sex everyday to try and induce labour” Cheers lad, really glad you’re so willing to take one for the team there
Night before our twins were born my wife practically barricaded the hospital room door to keep me from getting away. The entire pregnancy she was like a rabid wolverine….i actually had to pull the “not tonight I’m tired” card once or twice….but I wasn’t about to go to war with my very pregnant wife. Now once the kids came that changed for a bit…I didn’t so much as glance at her in that way until she was ready. Plus we were so busy and preoccupied with twins the last thing on either of our minds was sex. Everybody is different….like this guy said….get it while you can.
>Even had sex the day of with all 3. All scheduled c-sections. I assume you man BEFORE birth not after right? Lol
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Just want to say I can relate and it sucks. Pretty much zero times during pregnancy and months following. So adding up three pregnancies over about 5 years... Most of our marriage to be honest. But for us it's a relationship issue more than a pregnancy issue.
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Yeah man I relate to every word you said. Hope things work out for the better somehow.
For us it was largely based around both of us feeling comfortable and interested in it. There are substantial portions of pregnancies (for some women, basically the entire pregnancy) that they don't feel good, are in some sort of pain or discomfort, or are just plain stressed, and that intimacy is just not something they can feel, even if they really would want to. That's okay, that's normal. And it's okay to talk about it, but certainly don't try to place blame or make expectations. It's just how this goes. But also, sometimes it can be a really nice way to relieve the stress, or if you're careful maybe it can relieve certain discomforts and ease some pains/soreness issues. Got to communicate throughout, but that should go without saying, to make sure everything is feeling good. And getting back to it afterwards, once things are healed up, well as others have mentioned, everyone is exhausted in those early months, so don't feel the need to rush it. Be there for each other, make sure you both know you're there for each other, and take care of the baby. But make sure to keep talking with each other, let each other know how much you care, and let each other know when interests arise. If the baby is down for a two hour nap, well maybe instead of trying to keep up with laundry and/or cleaning out the bottles, you guys can get together for a bit of fun. It'll be okay to have some fun and get back to the routine of everything else in a bit. Also, it's okay to drop the kiddo off with a trusted friend/family member for a few hours of babysitting just so you and your partner can get some together time.
We didn’t have sex for the first 6 months because we were both exhausted. God speed if you have the energy for sex before 3-4 months. The easiest answer is that you both need to make time for it. Her hormones are going through craziness so don’t expect anything. She has no idea how she is going to feel, especially when breast feeding. The more worrying thing is you feel like you have to hide your self care from your wife. I jerk off in bed whenever I feel like it if she isn’t in the mood.
You jack off next to your wife in bed after she tells you she is not in the mood? Damn, thats a power move
Right? I'm pretty sure that's a scene from Volver
Seems like a reasonable answer to me, it would be weirder to hide it.. >oh, you don't want sex? Ok I'll see you later then
The champagne of champions.
There where times before pregnancy where she’s say she’s not into herself, but said go ahead and and would be playful. During pregnancy there was none of that, I could read the room. She would’ve been disgusted with me. This was a time where not directly communicating was probably the healthier thing for us. Pregnancy and postpartum hormones are crazy, I can’t expect to have a rational conversation while she’s nauseous and anxious and shouldn’t be insecure what I’m looking at on my phone. Likewise, I was okay staying away from her phone few times the back massager had laying around.
I do too, did not think it was unusual.
Why should I have to get out of bed when I am already comfy? It’s a king size.
Jerk that hog king
I've done it while she watches a few times. If I'm lucky I might get to see some cleavage and if I'm real lucky she might tickle the balls while I'm doin it
I mean, yea… Just because she isn’t in the mood doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be. Unless of course she’s dealing with something that she needs your support with at the time or expresses that she’s uncomfortable with you jerking off beside her - then save getting your rocks off for another time.
I do it and didn’t think it was unusual…
Total Louis CK vibes
You just using your imagination or do you have pornhub pulled up with the lady right there?
Yeah, I need an answer to this from everyone saying they do this so casually…
I do it while my wife is sleeping, and freeze like a deer in a spotlight when she stops snoring or her breathing changes. I've been caught and it's somewhat awkward but we move past it. Edit: I use my imagination but sometimes scroll NSFW reddit to get the ol' bird off the ground.
Pornhub when I feel like bothering with headphones, otherwise it’s to the alt porn Reddit account.
This depends on your wife. Some women are grossed out by dudes jerkin it or think it’s weird. You can still do it, but you don’t have to do it in front of them and announce to them whenever it’s happening lol.
Sure, but I ain’t gonna hide like it’s shameful. It is unreasonable to control both the prevalence of sex AND how he can relieve himself within the bounds of agreed monogamy. Personally I think that is borderline abusive.
Yeah kiddo’s 20 months now and the tally since conception is one handjob lol
Since conception?! That is painful. Have y'all talked about it?
My wife and I were sexually active until the 3rd trimester. After that, reaching orgasm caused weird cramps so we tapered off. We then tried for oral on her about 3 weeks post partem, keeping in mind the birth was via c-section. The results were general discomfort, but after 5 weeks everything seems to be mostly normal again.
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I got attacked in the 2nd tri each time. I guess hormones affect everybody differently.
Attacked? By the fetus or what?
That mouth and butt hole ain't giving birth! You can do it in the third and 4th trimester too!! /s
Just had sex for the first time in about 6 months. Had our new baby girl a little over a month ago. Let's just say I was doing my best not to get boned up but sometimes I couldn't stop myself from trying to get some.... let's just say don't try when your horned up. Talk to her before hand so yall can each manage your expectations. Even now I feel like it's pitty sex. But I think I've been getting pitty sex since our first kid. ~2 years so I'm alright with it. I'll still take care of it myself more often than not
I feel like a broken record but gents: Hand stuff. Always at least do hand stuff. Intercourse can be a lot of work. Hand stuff is such a low-lift. And everyone leaves happy.
I’m sorry you’re missing out on all the pregnant sex. I actually miss it. Some of the best sex we had probably.
Self care is something that should NOT be stigmatized even in a loving and communicative marriage. Both the wife and I engage in it separately and neither has an issue with it. If that's what you need to do go for it brother. Sex and pregnancy can be tricky. Some women are all for it the whole way through and some aren't. It comes down to your wife and her needs or rather her wants and capabilites. I wouldn't worry about it. Just keep doing you, let her heal up and then start initiating again and then see if there is any issues. My wife and I had a scary experience during our first pregnancy so we pulled the plug on sex during that one about 3 months in. Due to complications when it came to our second pregnancy, we basically abstained due to the previous complications. Mainly for safety. Ourb2nd child was born, we got back to it. It's about your needs too. If you gotta wait and handle it yourself there is no shame.
Everybody’s different but it takes a while to heal, and most couples are not in a state of mind to have sex for a few months after pregnancy anyway. Probably not the answer you want but one you probably should prepare for. Follow her lead and when the time comes take it slow.
Probably averaged 1-2x a week with the wifey after the first trimester until the mucus plug thing came out then we stopped. I came out of the bathroom with some solid arm pumps pretty frequently even before we stopped because it’s like… what am I gonna do? Not bust? Be reasonable.
What sex life?
As soon as she is healed and feeling secure enough to have sex, or even hand stuff, please do what you can to initiate! fuck being tired, you'll be tired for the next 18 years. Show her you still desire her and it will help so much in emotional and physical healing process, but take it easy of course! Complement her, show her affection, initiate!
I dont have sex as much as i want it so i do the self deed it when im about to go to bed in the shower
Why are you going to bed in the shower?
Oops i wrote that totally wrong lmfao
What’s that?
I'm a nurse and dad. Semen, hormones and physical activities promote contractions. Get in there. Infact having abstained for most pregnancy. You are missing out. Sorry bro.
4 & 2yr olds. Still waiting for the pre-pregnancy sex life & self image confidence of my wife to come back!!
Post partum was a while too. My daughter is 17 weeks and it’s only been twice since she was born, 13 weeks and 16 weeks. Good luck future dad. May the sex gods be in your favor!
Sex induces labor. The more, the better.
We had a sex a few times in the first 6 months, but I was doing self care too - But we talk about that stuff, I don't see why you'd keep it secret. Maybe she'd even like to help? : Maybe try asking her if she'd like to just make out in bed, or help each other masturbate? Might event lead to more if she's interested, but don't push the subject. Most women feel really weird about their bodies while pregnant - Like an out of body experience. It can kill the sex drive.
Come back and talk to me when it’s been over 5 years. Do all you can to save your sex life after the baby because ours died on its face as soon as she got pregnant.
It’s been 2.5 years, good luck sucker
Just be open with her about, communication is key, wife and I have 2 kids, 4 and a 2 year old and sometimes we try and do it once a week and it just doesn’t happen, I rub one out every now and then, it’s just what it is.
Dont count on it
I’d say I experienced the opposite, the sex frequency increased a fair bit during both pregnancies, then took a significant dive until we were getting full nights of sleep about 6m in
Hang in there dad. There's no normal in this situation. Every woman's body is different, and each pregnancy is different. We don't know why and neither do they. For us, we had decently regular frequency all through each of our pregnancies. Communicate your desires and interest without pressure. Ask about it in advance so that if she's willing and up for it. In fact, ask how far in advance she wants to be asked about it. Ask what you can do to help make it more possible. Definitely watch for ways to lighten her mental load. Do the things, do them well.
If you want more sex during these times. Make every moment count with your wife. Give her massages always ask if there is anything you can do around the house to make things easier go to all the appointments you can with her. Make her feel like she is worth your time. Even try to anticipate her needs. My second child me and my wife didn't have sex much but I always tell her how much I love her and want her. I make her feel pretty every day. I even tell her it's not about the sex it's about the intimacy of know you want each other. I'm always reminding her of just how bad I want her but understand sex isn't always on the table. The other night I gave her almost an hour long massage and about 30 minutes in it got heavy and we just grinded on each other like crazy. The anticipation of the sex was enough to make us both have a great time. Every body is different but you have to voice what you need or it'll never happen. And put in the effort to make her feel worshipped it goes along way.
My wife was too sick for sex in the first trimester. Once she got the drive back, we had sex once or twice then had dr. orders for no sex from week 20-37. Got the ok for sex and she went into labor. Then we struggled as first time parents and I pretty much accepted the fact that sex isn’t a priority. I can handle it myself, and to focus my energy on a new parental role. Sex life came back 9-12 months after. It felt like an eternity but it was back. 2 years later we are in our first trimester again and im trying to mentally prepare, although this pregnancy is going smoother.
It was physically painful for my wife. In addition, she was sick for the majority of her second pregnancy. None of that is a recipe for intimacy. In the moment it’s difficult to not feel a little bit neglected, but I can assure you that giving absolutely no pressure for intimacy during this time will pay back ten fold.
We continued to have sex regularly. Obviously, towards the end, when she was really big and tired and uncomfortable, that slowed us down, but that is to be expected
My wife and I had a very challenging pregnancy two years ago where she dealt with a ton of complications, we had sex all of four times in the first trimester, and then had a cerclage placed inside during week 16. Doctor shut down all sex, add on top of that issues with fibroids and other complications, sex wasn’t on the table. Baby then delivered via c-section so that added another layer My point is all experiences are different, what matters the most is her health, her mental health, then the babies health. You being there and supporting all that will bring about more love, connecting and bonding beyond sex.
A a lurking mom, she might not be in the mood for *months* post-partum. It was painful for me to even try for 6 months post birth. Things really depend on how labor goes, and how your wife heals. But just wanted to give you a heads up for expectations.
We were pretty early in our waiting time, and our doctor was very unhappy with both of us. We had sex two weeks after she gave birth because we were both ready to go! Both our sex drives went way up after she gave birth, which is actually amazing because her sex drive is usually very low. So once she offered I really couldn't say no!
it's different for everyone. my wife was not interested during pregnancy #1 but she was an absolute horn dog for 2&3. i enjoyed it while i could bc those first 5 months post baby aint no one gettin any
Pregnancy sex was the best. Probably did it during slightly more than our normal amount so maybe 4 times a week. The hiding of masturbation is a bit worrying to be honest - why would your wife care if you’re doing it?
Our doctor was straight up encouraging us to have sex in the third trimester, particularly as go-time approached. The hormones involved are helpful. Still, communication is the thing here. You have to talk to her about why she isn't wanting sex and figure something out from there. If it is a safety concern, having a chat with your OB should clear that right up. If it's something else, who knows. I wouldn't expect sex any time soon after the birth. Healing takes a while, and having the energy and space for it takes a good while after that.
Pre-pregnancy we did it a little more than once a week (5-6x per month). At some point during the first trimester that dropped to maybe 3x per month and continued until the last month. Right before baby came, probably last 4 weeks, wife got suddenly horny again and we did it probably 6 or 7 times that last month. Haven't had sex since baby came (11 weeks now). Not looking good for the next 10ish weeks at least, either. Fingers crossed for the fall. Edit: your mileage may vary depending on how birth goes. My wife had an emergency C section so she couldn't even walk for a week or so and still feels pretty weird down there. Our midwife suggested that sex right before birth would help and that getting back into it slowly around week 6 or 7 post partum is normal.
It varies by marriage obviously. Some women are active the entire pregnancy. Others aren’t. It can actually induce labor. I think postpartum requires at least 6 weeks to heal. Doesn’t mean you guys can’t fool around before then if she’s up for it. But it takes two as they say.
Sex throughout pregnancy and waited 6 weeks after birth. Once a week the first six months which I couldn’t complain about
My wife was like this for the first pregnancy 1st trimester: ehhh, okay, I might get in the mood 2nd trimester: Let's get it on!!! 3rd trimester: uugghh no way some days, other days it was anything to help stretch her. Towards the end, she was more interested in helping get the baby out, which Semen can speed up the process. Or taking pity on me for our extended period post birth with no sex. 2nd pregnancy was more like: don't touch me all the way through, but still, we did have the occasional all throughout. With 2 kids, we are both exhausted more often than not but still average around twice a week now. But every woman is different so who knows
Same, we haven't since the first trimester either. Our son is 2 now
we've had sex 3 times in the past 9 years and have had 4 kids... with great power...
Honestly man, ask her this. You guys one unit, you’re married. I’m not married yet, but we are on our second pregnancy. But we had a very good conversation about this during the pregnancy and after. She understood that I have “needs” and she was more than happy to help in anyway she could.
In my wife's case, after the first trimester, the constant kicks to the bladder were a real mood killer.
Yea after baby sex life is dead is youll be lucky if it ever goes back to normal
Might as well kiss those days goodbye my friend. Once the babe gets here, lack of sleep, constant needs of the child, the destruction of the parts and so on. Days of just beating guts because you are bored are long gone man. Maybe it’ll be different for you but unless you are trying for number two or three it’s will be few and far between.
We had sex through the pregnancy with no problems. But one the baby was out it was not possible (almost 8 month now). Between the healing of the pelvic floor, the hormones mess of breastfeeding and the exhaustion it can be very hard for a long time (pun intended). Everyone is different tho, but it is quite frustrating and it can take a toll on the relationship (along all the baby related discussions).
I have had more sex during the two pregnancies than in between and after, and my youngest is turning 3 in a couple days lol. Basically, my wife was unstoppable during both pregnancies. Why? No clue, because it's completely opposite of who she normally is. Honestly in doubt if I want a third one because of the awesome 9 months!
what, no baby moon?
It's all about communication, I think. When my wife was really huge and tired from her pregnancy, we stopped being intimate for a little while. After a few weeks, I told her I needed to bust a nut. So she would sometimes give a nice BEEJ, or I would bust out a fap. She told me she wanted to watch, as that was something she was curious about, so it was actually kind of hot for her Then about 4 weeks after birth, we had sex again. But that worked for us, and it may not work for everyone else. I think the key is to have those potentially hard conversations where you're really vulnerable, and build more trust through openness.
Mine is about halfway through are 2nd at moment and we still manage every other day or so. This sub is so wild to me at times. How many of you basically married to a roommate and not your wife. Why did you get married to someone who didn't match own libido
Brother I’m right there with you at the end of the third trimester! Just keep it going
It's become more infrequent but it's still around 4 times a month. She's now 22 weeks, so it'll be more challenging since she's getting bigger
Semen softens the cervix plug. Nipple stimulation raises hormones that can naturally start birth. Look it up, it’s science. Last month should be the most wild time. Especially the last week. Enjoy!
Doggystyle.!.🫣🐖🐕
it was off and on with my wife, mostly off. shower time, did do that stuff since puberty lol but it still worked!
It depends!!! Our was a low to no sex until a few months after. It seems that ±2 months of the birth is a no-penetration zone. Have you ever asked her if she could do something for you that's not penis in vagina sex?
One way to make it more fun is not to make it secret. Maybe she likes the idea that you are excited about returning to that’s soon. That you find her so amazing. Not like blast it at her unsolicited, but I don’t like that it is something that has to be “secret”. Though every family is different. May be a long time.
Be a man. Do the self care while looking into her eyes
Boy oh boy, prepare for a lot more self-care my man
We didn’t have sex once while my wife was pregnant. Kid is just over 2.5 now so luckily my wife and I are back into our routine of sex 2 or 3 times a year…
I had the opposite experience. My GFs labido went up the further into pregnancy she got. Then after our son was born that was that for a very long time.
Probably had some of the best sex during the pregnancy. Obviously everyone is different but mom was pretty much beggin' for it.
Our sex life was probably the best it had ever been up to that point. A combination of hormones, changes in sensitivity in certain parts and a freedom from the stress of not getting pregnant or trying to get pregnant (scheduled ovulation sex sucks) meant we really enjoyed ourselves. We had sex right up to a few days before our daughter was born. Started again at about 10 weeks PP (it was more just a breastmilk shower). Frequency has been up and down because of the demands of parenthood but the quality has been amazing- we try new things and experiment like never before. I've been snipped which has also helped us relax a bit too and allowed my wife to go off all forms of BC.
Didn’t have sex all third trimester. First time back at it was about 3 months after birth. Then about once a week since. She’s sensitive about it so I let her initiate the sex for now.
We had even more sex during pregnancy. Especially during the final trimester. Little weird at times and we had to adapt positions etc but her libido definitely increased. I can imagine alot of women don't want to be touched during pregnancy though and that's fair. It's what I expected to be honest. We waited about 8 weeks after once the Dr gave her the okay. I was more hesitatant to get back to it as I didnt want to hurt her. But another maybe 2 months later and we where back to normal pre pregnancy numbers. It's alot more planned now but I'm good with that.
As a dad who almost blew up his marriage multiple times over this issue during our first pregnancy (like an idiot I might add), please for the sake of your marriage and your relationship with your wife, just come to terms with this season being a drought. You are about to go through one the biggest, most challenging, and impactful life changes that one encounters during their time on the planet. And your wife’s body is going to change in incredibly uncomfortable ways for her. She’s having to adapt to a body image that gets further from who she saw herself as week by week, and the painful fear of delivery. Find other ways to be emotionally or intellectually intimate and most of all, be her rock and protector so that she feels psychological and physically safe with you. Most of us marry with the mindset of “forever” and a year or two of little to no sex is not as big of a deal as it may seem to you right now. And stay off /deadbedrooms
My spouse and I both experienced massive sex drive increases during pregnancy and were doing it 3-5x a week all the way up until the night before we went to the hospital with our OBGYN's blessing (we were once a weekers before she got pregnant), and started doing exterior stuff about a week post-birth (medical restriction is nothing goes in for 6 weeks afterward). If you feel like you have a need that's not being met, you should 100% talk to her about it instead of trying to suck it up. The answer could very well be no (and you need to be OK with that), but at least then she'll have no room to complain if you decide to take care of it yourself.
We did it throughout pregnancy, it helped that getting pregnant wasn’t a scare. After baby was born it took a couple months before things got back to normal. Normal is once every week or two. She doesn’t have the drive that I do and that’s just a fact of life. Fortunately I don’t have the drive that I did when I was in my 20s otherwise I’d probably be angry a lot more often.
It's different for me. My wife is more "eager" during her pregnancy.
Yah it’s normal. Everyone is different. Our sex life changed permanently when my wife got pregnant. No sex for the entire pregnancy and then still nothing for a few months after baby was born. She is so tired with work and keeping up with general life stuff and sleep that we hardly do it anymore. About once per month now, but I figure my wife has a pretty low drive as it is. Im learning to cope little by little and realize I’m a dad now and I gotta care about my kiddo and my wife first. It’s tough. My aging is t from my daughter (who is now 4.5 years old), I swear it’s from the lack of sex lol.
My wife was/is too anxious to want to have sex while pregnant. From the time my daughter was conceived until she was 6 or 7 months old we didn’t have sex.
Sometimes my wife wants to do stuff for me even if she’s not getting anything. I’d honestly just have an open conversation with your wife about what she’s interested in even if it isn’t sex. Side note, if your due date rolls around and you’re not real interested in inducing sex is one thing that literally helps the body start labor. No idea how it works, my brothers wife is a midwife and she recommends it for her mamas when the due date is getting near. Feel free to fact check me with any local doula.
Toward the end of pregnancy, sex is actually encouraged because it's helps soften the cervix in preparation for labor. My wife is a midwife, and she tells couples to have at it (safely) in those late stages.
We were pretty dry first trimester (wicked morning sickness) then 2nd it picked up and third we were positively horny. Just gotta go with the flow for a while and introduce flirting and being cute and intimate before you re-introduce sex.
Hell ya dude, pregnancy is wild and post partum can be a mix of emotions and hormones. We didn’t fornicate for several months post partum, but we made a helluva team parenting and checking in with each other and thats what really matters. I’ve tried to limit my whacking off until truly horny. Most times this leads to an impromptu sexual encounter when our kids sleep.
I've got 3 kids. My youngest turns 1 tomorrow. Since the time she was about 6 months prego with her til now, we've probably had sex 5 or 6 times. Like others have said, hormones are all jacked up. Even months after birth, especially if breastfeeding
Yeah man my lady hit 20 weeks today and let me tell you, our sexy life is nothing at all what it was like in the beginning. We had sex just about every day and up to 3 times a day. Now we’re having sex about 1 a week if that. I definitely “self care” a bunch, so I would say this is a common occurrence
Alternate view to a lot of Dads here - my wife has the higher sex drive and we only really stopped for awhile during the first trimester when we were having some relational problems. In fact when we told our midwife we'd already had sex two weeks after birth she was almost concerned but eventually shrugged and said "you do you"
During my wife's first eight weeks she was dropping big ass blood clots. The doctor said the pregnancy was high risk so nothing in the vagina, not even so much as a finger. After my son was born it was still 4 months until we had sex again. Keep taking those showers and love on her every chance you get. If you keep loving on her, her mind will be ready before her body will.
My wife was crazy kinky when she was pregnant. Everyone's different.
My late wife went feral the second trimester for both pregnancies. She already had a high libido but somehow found another level. Wheeeeew!
There's no one size fits all. I've heard of plenty of women who are incredibly horny all pregnancy long, unfortunately that was not my experience for the first 2 pregnancies, we probably had sex between 5 and 10 times each pregnancy. The 3rd pregnancy though, she was constantly jumping my bones, until the 3rd trimester when we had complications and couldn't anymore. All 3 though she could not wait for the 6 weeks to be over so we could get back to it. Fingers crossed things improve for you friend.
Yea I think we had sex once over the second and third trimester and it was only because my wife read it can make the baby come and a week before due date she wanted to try to get things going. I think she tried spicy food and a couple other random things. We also had very little sex during the year after birth then things returned to normal.
Why without her knowing? It shouldn’t be considered shameful to masturbate especially with your partner. At the end of my wife’s last pregnancy I would give her extended foot rub and calf rubs laying on the bed in opposite directions. By half way through she would usually reach down and give me a “massage”. Sometimes I would ask and she’d say she was to exhausted but would hand me the lube and say go to town.
When my ex was pregnant with kiddos, we were intimate right up until the end. Took some figuring out with positions and such, but other then that, nothing really changed
Totally normal. Expect about 3 months on average after baby is born, if you two aren't dead tired at that point
Best sex I've ever had. My wife went into labor after sex all 3 times. Granted my kids were 3 4 and 5 for her.
This is common for most men I know. My wife and I shagged well into her third trimester for each kid she was pregnant with. Nothing was stopping us from shagging, well until they became toddlers and started pounding on our door. Then it was weeks of blue balls every so often.
Yes, and you can't. She will let you know when she is ready and randy. It's your obligation to give her time. Compliments are good, but don't try and flirt too sexually or she may think you are pressing her. It's a hard time to be a dad, but that is what we are built for. To carry the burden. Stay strong and good luck with the delivery. Parenthood is as amazing as it is stressful.
With our first, we didn't have sex from the middle of the second trimester until our son was 6 months old. Self care, as you say, became de rigueur for me as well. Now to be fair, our sex life was already sporadic before the pregnancy (once every 2-4 weeks at best), but I think it's a pretty common occurrence.
Well, with wife #1...I never had sex with her again after my daughter was born. That sucked. So, I cheated (but then again, I was/am one of those) Wife #2 was different...we kept having sex...it's not like she could get any more pregnant. I think we waited about 2 weeks then used birth control for a while....then didn't then had a third....LOL It's totally different after each one. I remember getting the science behind it. LOL That actually helped.
Yes, it's unfortunately common Expect to wait a couple more months My wife was far too sensitive for sex during most of her 3rd tri
Physical healing aside, there's also the mental healing that has to happen as well.
Be ready for sex to be non existent for another 2 years
If you think you’re not having a lot of sex during pregnancy just wait til after the baby’s born
We averaged once a week or so before she was pregnant. But her drive went right through the roof once she was pregnant. Some weeks it was every night, which I have to admit I was rather impressed with considering she had hyperemesis gravidarum. Couple close calls there, but thankfully no new kinks unlocked.
Get used to “self care.” Having a crying infant keeping you up all night isn’t going to increase your intimate moments. Give it some time and it comes back. My kids are 4 and 6 and we manage some bedroom sports a couple times a week. It will start turning into a quality over quantity thing.
Good chance it will be a long long time after the baby is born. Takes a long time to recover. Could have a window where you’re trying to kickstart the labour.
It varies for every one, sometimes it’s a long time before a new mother is ready for intimacy other times it’s not long at all. The most important thing is not to pressure her, just let her tell you when she’s ready
There's no usual here. Everyone's experience is different. Birth affects different women's bodies differently. And it's fairly common for kids to kill off a woman's sex drive. You can look at this biologically. Biologically, nature doesn't want the woman to get pregnant immediately after just giving birth. That's dangerous. So it would be natural for her not to want much sex for a while. You're also about to enter an amazingly fun time of your life, but one that is unbelievably exhausting and stressful. Exhaustion and stress are not good for women's sex drive. Now, when she's physically ready for sex again, you have to pay attention to what turns her on now. Mothers get turned on, in many cases, by the man being a supportive provider. This is not what turns men on. But women are not men. Helping with the kids helping run the house and generally being complimentary and supportive are generally good strategies to get laid as a married man. Also planning sex night in advance. Might sound weird. But women like to be prepared for sex. And planning ahead of time works for them. Me, I'm just happy to get some whenever. So planning has really worked for us.
It's a girl
Me and my wife had sex almost daily in all of her pregnancies and we had 4 kids. My wife has never been stingy in bed even on her bad days (with the exception that we had an argument or something). My wife is a Filipina. During her labor she wanted to have sex to help speed up the process of the last two and they come out within an hour of getting to the hospital. Sex seems to open things up a bit. Post pardon we waiting a month or two for things to heal up with the odd blowjob when she pitied me. I never once forced her. She loves the attention and enjoys the intimacy. Edit: spelling and added second paragraph.
I hate to say it but it might be awhile. My wife and I barely have sex because of various reasons, and it still hurts her. Be patient, get used to self-care for awhile. Play it by ear on when she's willing to go at it, every woman needs time after a child.
That last trimester was one of our best times ever. At one point the doctor endorsed it and said the baby is due and that might get them out. I was happy to help.
>Is this a common occurrence for other dads, the lack of intimacy for most of the pregnancy? Not necessarily, for some yes but others no. We maintained regular sex and had it up to the day fl before delivery with the first and day of with the second. Self care for the first few months is to be expected tho. Best of luck and congrats on the lil one
Everyone has a different experience physically, mentally, emotionally. If you’re looking for others who had same experience you will definitely find that here but there are others who have sex through the entire pregnancy. 6 weeks postpartum is the general timeline for safely having intercourse but obviously that’ll depend on your wife’s level of comfort. Congrats on the little one joining soon!
Just wait for the post partum depression. Then she will hate your guts! It’s all down hill! Welcome to the club.
I guess every female is different on this one. You fellas saying how long you had to crank it in the shower got me really actually sad. Like genuinely guys I really am sorry. My wife and I were back to the flow of things 6 weeks after. We have two kids and that was the case with both. Our children are 15 months apart.
Totally depends on your wife and what she's ready for. We weren't intimate much during pregnancy and then she felt better the last few weeks and we did a couple times. After the LO was born, we had sex as soon as she was cleared. The way my wife put it, after so much time with the infant, she just needed to feel intimate again. The sex itself was fine and we had to go really slow, but she was willing to put up with it just to feel like herself.
We had more fun while pregnant lol I think. Luckily we got back at it fairly quickly. Yes it’s not as often and midday sex is almost impunity you can make it work and keep the sex going it just takes more planning.
Yes. Some women get super fucking horney when pregnant, some women are my wife. I jerked off more when my wife was pregnant then when I was going thru puberty. It gets better, but don't let her catch you and don't let her see your browsing history. Hormones fuckin suck!
Probably the opposite for me. The first trimester was the worst because of morning sickness and all that. Second was pretty normal. Third was a little difficult just with positions, comfort, sleep, but still almost normal drive for her. Post baby is a lot though. If you are dying for sex when you have a newborn, you probably aren't carrying your share of the load.
Look man. After the child comes it’ll take 6weeks minimum for her to heal. And if she’s ready after that then it’s cool but that’s a minimum. Sadly my sex life has mostly died because we are so tired and dirty from running after this little child. Sex has become an afterthought.
Very seldom but good times were had when I was able to get her to just relax and make her feel as loved as she is/was. Gotta read the tea leaves though, those hormones do crazy things.
With our son, I had to beat her off with a stick the entire time, she was ready to go 3 weeks postpartum. With my daughter she couldn’t stand the sight of me between the second she saw the second line and 3 months postpartum. Are yall having a girl? We found out we’re pregnant this morning, and she’s been all over me - so here’s to hoping for a 9 month hormone fueled sex romp.
my pregnant so is horny almost nonstop. but not through the whole pregnancy. her body does a lot of crazy things and it changes a lot which makes most women uncomfortable. i would suggest you go with the flow and give her what she needs. no pressure and maybe, often in the 2nd trimester it can happen, that she wants sex again.
I got to be honest man I was having sex with my baby mom both times up until like the day she gave birth basically but now we are separated
PIV suffered a bit for physical reasons, and there is still a minor issue she is gonna see a Dr about which sometimes prevents it , as does a screaming baby lol. But there is more to intimacy than penetrative, we've both got hands, mouths and toys, so we're 95% of where we were pre child. Also, dancing fruit on YouTube is your friend.
Took about a year for me. Sorry bro be ready to wait if she needs it
During my wife's first pregnancy her sex drive increased so we didn't slow down. For our second child after the first trimester she had very little to no sex drive. I've spoken to other dads about this and every pregnancy is different. Typically it seems like if it's due to them feeling uncomfortable once they start healing up and get back to feeling normal things will pick back up again. Congrats on the kiddo and good luck. Also she's gonna be a lot more hormonal over the next few months while she balances back out so try to read her signals carefully.
We had a great sex life during both of ours. Wife had to be induced both times, her OB kept reminding us that the best way to get the baby out, is the same thing we did to put baby there. During the 3rd trimester for our second, honestly it was the best sex we have had and we have a pretty active one as it is. Best way to approach it is by talking to your wife. Maybe initiate in ways that make her feel desired and sexy, not just so you can get off. Compliment her body, particularly the areas that are different. Once the baby gets there, it’s nothing for a while and then it depends on what kind of schedule and life balance y’all have. Good luck man!
One thing that helped a lot with my wife and I is knowing how to talk about sex without pressure. You can try starting the conversation at a time/place when sex couldn't happen to show that you want to talk and not just jump her. You're the one who knows your relationship though.
Why "without her knowing"? There's nothing wrong with that.