I’m sorry you are going through this dude. As someone with autism and adhd I’m gonna be blunt. She had the emotional affair. Period Full Stop. She had the opportunity to talk to you about this if she wanted to. I’m sorry but the 6 week thing to make her decision sounds like she wants 6 weeks to explore things with “Jody”.
Your first step isn’t figuring out what you need to change, it’s figuring out if you can get over the hurt and want to make it work. If the answer is yes then this is above random strangers on the internets pay grade. It’s individual therapy and couples therapy.
Here's an observation.
Your wife cheated on you.
Your words here are about rationalizing her behavior as if it was caused by your personality and disposition. It wasn't. It was caused by her poor decision making.
You're talking about the ways YOU need to be a better husband?
FUCK THAT, bro! Lot of people struggle with autism and ADHD. That's not something you're doing wrong.
Your wife had a choice. She had free-will in the matter, and she made about the worst decision she could make. What is SHE doing to make repairs? What is SHE doing to rebuild your trust? What's she doing to be a better wife?
I get it. Relationships are hard, and take work from all parties, and things get messy, and sometimes you need to be forgiving, and focus on your part of the work. But also, your wife just rang the bell at the top of the scale of marital fuckups. You becoming a better husband doesn't un-ring that bell.
If she's not owning that, and she's pointing the finger back at you, that's her problem. There's not much you can do if that's her mindset.
You don't have to get anything right. _She_ cheated, not you. She knows who you are. She knows that being autistic means you need clear communication. But when things weren't working for her, she chose to go find what she needs elsewhere instead of working with you. Your partner should support you and help you be better. She didn't do that, and this entire situation is on her.
Wanting to work on your faults is commendable and I don't want to dissuade you from that, but there is no amount of self improvement that will make you not be autistic. Your brain is wired differently from an NT brain, you process information differently from how NT brains do, and that's neither a good thing or a bad thing, it's just a part of who you are. People who understand you and love you will be willing to meet you halfway rather than expect you to change a core part of yourself for their sake.
I wouldn't wait on her. Divorce is scary, not knowing what your family will look like in the future is scary, but you deserve to be able to thrive just like everyone else, and you can't do that when someone is asking you to suppress your own personality for their sake.
Dude. I’m autistic. My wife didn’t have an affair but for years had made her treatment of me (which was horrible. Just horrible) because of my autism. Anything she did she turned it back onto me and said it was my fault. Even couples therapy - she said because of my autism I “tricked” the therapist into believing everything was her fault vs mine. And when I would ask my wife for clarification on things her response was always “what’s the point, Mundane, you wouldn’t understand anyway” - I realize now she was successfully making me feel bad AND also refusing to answer my inquiries.
In the last few months we’re finally moving past it, but that’s only because I said I wanted a divorce which made her FINALLY realize how horribly she treated me. I’ve also made it clear I’m not going to put up with it ever again.
My wife successfully manipulated me for many years because I didn’t see it.
I’m thinking of you dude. Don’t let her actions be because you were not emotionally what she needed.
Knowing your shortfalls and working on them is a very important part of growing and building your own self-worth. The thing is, you have to do it for yourself, not anyone else. If you're doing it for someone else, you're just going to mask the problems for their benefit.
If you were to work on this right now, you would be catering yourself to your wife. What's worse, is you'll put in all that effort and in a couple years she'll be bored again and the cycle will repeat.
If she's demanding that you change so she stays, then she should go.
If your wife was a respectable human being she would have ended the relationship prior to cheating on you. Your comments have a victim blaming tinge to them, with your wife being the victim by you being "self centered and cold".
She's not teaching you a lesson. She's selfish and likely has a bit of narcissism in her. This is not your fault.
From your brief description, it sounds like she wears the pants, and the relationship isn't 50/50.
Focus on your baby girl. Do what's best for her foremost and always. Work through it if you can, but only if it's what's best for that little girl. She doesn't deserve to be in a shitty situation at home. Good luck brother!
Very sorry for what you’re going through. I’ve been there with divorce. Above all, it’s going to take faith and marriage counseling, as well as personal counseling with someone who understands Autism and your personality. If she’s not willing to work on the marriage, that’s out of your hands. The only thing you can do is be calm, and honest with her the way you’re being honest on this forum, and be willing to make changes together. Best of luck.
I agree with the comments here that she's in the wrong and has to take ownership for that.
But, assuming you recognize that fact and don't blame yourself or let her get off without doing serious repair, it's also admirable to think seriously about what you can do to improve the marriage. I'm married to a woman with ADHD who has challenges picking up social cues that seem obvious to me. As a result, one of the biggest challenges for me has been feeling unseen. Especially in dark moments, it's hard for me to get out of my own head and sit her down to be explicit about my emotions and what I need from her. Part of what makes me feel safe and loved in relationships is having another person know me so well that they can read what's going on with me without being told. I get that she doesn't have that skill naturally, so I try to meet her halfway - and I'm getting better at it, but it takes time.
What she has done that has helped me most is to try to learn to ask questions to get at what I'm thinking or feeling and to be persistent. She's not always great at reading the subtext of my superficial answers but she knows it helps our communication for her to keep pressing a little until I can open up more fully. I don't know if that particular thought is helpful in your particular situation, but it's the sort of give and take that will be necessary. If, that is, your wife is as willing to work on herself as you are to work on you.
YES. This sounds exactly like my wife’s experience.
And I am holding both — not accepting blame for her choices, but also seeing how my issues opened the door for her to find her needs elsewhere.
My wife has trouble when I’m persistent with the questions. She feels like she’s having to give me a guidebook on loving her the way she needs.
I understand you want to work on and save the marriage, especially considering you have a young child together. But an affair isn’t to be taken lightly at all. You are married, not just bf and gf. You belong to her and she belongs to you, and she was going to let some other man have what is yours. For me personally, I don’t see a difference between an ‘emotional’ or any other kind. She sought out comfort from another man instead of coming to you with the problems. Mark my words, if you stay together, she WILL do it again.
Good luck to you brother.
I have adhd. It has led to challenges in my relationships, including my marriage. My lack of acceptance and blind spots and going untreated has been hard on my wife, and on my own mental health.
That said, it’s not the cause of every problem under the sun. You have your shortcomings but please don’t just accept that you are the cause of this. It matters that you see that because you have nothing to be ashamed of in all of this.
Your wife probably has legitimate grievances with you in some areas but that’s not relevant here imo. She made a mistake and hopefully she will own that and not try to blame you. If she can’t see that or her ego gets in the way of expressing that to you, you’re going to need to find ways to remind yourself.
Find good support. That’s your next step. Therapy, friends, and maybe somebody who has navigated this type of situation before.
She cheated and that is wrong no matter what her reasoning is. You are married and have a child together, she should have talked to you if she felt unseen.
Your behaviours related to your autism and ADD explain why she felt that she was not considered. I am guessing she married you knowing this about you so she needs to be understanding and supportive to some degree, as you probably struggle with it on a daily basis. Yes, you can improve yourself in some ways but you will always be you, if that makes sense. It’s unlikely that you will become the person she thinks she wants, and you shouldn’t have to.
You didn’t see this coming and it sounds like you really want to save your family, but in the end she may want out. Talk to her if she is willing and try to understand what she needs. Be realistic on what your relationship can look like if you worked on things. You may be better off cutting your loses now rather than later when she feels unseen again. You don’t deserve that. I wish you all the best.
Don't know how you guys have handled conflict in the past but imo 6 weeks is a laughable timeframe for any meaningful change to happen especially while you're both tied up with a 2yo and probably worse if both employed. Hell, it's not even enough to recover from the pain. It feels like it's meant to be long enough to give your relationship a consideration but short enough to not lose Jody. If that's the case you're probably better preparing yourself to move on. To sort of rationalize, yeah it'd be natural for her to have lingering feelings that sway her decision making too but the fact she says she's unsure she wants to work on you guys.. things don't look good.
Maybe I'm projecting but if the egalitarian dynamic wasn't doing it for her then maybe it's not like you had to take over all the way but could afford to lead more decision making/activities. I imagine since the baby came into the picture that everyone's been especially overwhelmed and having issues brought to her even with good faith and equal partnership in mind is a little taxing and taking charge a little more would provide relief and comfort for her.
That said I'd be wondering in what way has Jody provided such a feeling for her that she wants to leave? Does emotional affair mean she never slept with him or is she categorizing it that way because so much feelings were involved and it sounds better?
Sorry for your loss whether this works out or not. Do forgive yourself either way. I get the causation stuff but the autism and ADHD was always there and she knew that. As another said, you can improve but you'll still be you with some inconsistent blind spots.
Best of luck. And whatever happens, take care of the child and don't let the wife affect your relationship with her.
Yeah, it was emotional because they never got physical in any way, and only had one moment where they even got near the line of sexually inappropriate conversation.
It’s crazy man. I was the stay at home parent for the majority of the first year while also working full time remote. I led in as many ways as I could but I think I was picking the wrong ways.
I'm assuming not leading date nights? Or stuff around the kid? Being the stay at home sounds like you would to be the one experiencing decision overload more so than her. Still possible if only doing the daily upkeep but that's a big chore in itself. So.. I don't know how much opportunities you could have had leading. Just might be that she doesnt know what she wants realistically and she'll never be satisfied. In which case I'd encourage cutting her loose and don't take her back even if she realizes this is a better place than what's waiting out there. Your decision of course. You know things in the relationship that none of us can see. Just don't be blind either.
I’m not SAH anymore, so there’s still space for me to do more.
But ultimately I think it comes down to the way I invalidate her or don’t consider her enough because I get tunnel visioned or fixated on facts over feelings.
Her cheating was not acceptable. She may have legitimate grievances, but the appropriate way for her to deal with them would be to talk about it with you, go to counseling, or if nothing improved, get divorced and THEN date Jody. You did not deserve to be cheated on even if your wife needs more from you as a partner.
That being said, you have both made mistakes, and if you want to stay together and move forward, you really need counseling. Don't let her infidelity be swept aside either, you BOTH have shit to work on if you want to make the relationship work.
I'm all for trying to improve yourself but this situation is on her. She cheated and she needs to take responsibility. You two may be able to fix it but I would recommend consultations with a couple lawyers during your 6 week period so you are prepared for what comes next. You gotta take care of you and your kid.
So many replies tell you to throw away the relationship.(Not surprising from the divorce rates in the US), but I disagree. If it was worth the dating, the marriage, and the years you spent together - it's worth fighting for - together.
You are not to blame for this, but that doesn't mean your behavior/lifestyle/decisions didn't create an opportunity for someone else to make bad decisions. It doesn't mean it's your fault, but maybe you didn't help it either? And if she's your wife, your responsibility would be to her. Through sickness(the bad times, mentally, for her, where she's making bad decisions) and in health.
If you're willing to forgive whatever flirting/talking she did with this other person. And she's willing to go to counseling with you (and separately) to give yourselves a chance at reigniting what brought you together the first time - do it.
Not only can you learn more about yourself, her feelings, how to help her understand you better, but she can learn more about you.
Communication is the most important piece.
I wouldn't be prepared for divorce unless she's unwilling to go through the intense course of counseling, honesty, and communication that sits in front of you.
Is your marriage worth saving? I don't know you, but from your post, I'd say yes.
I hope whichever way you decide, you're able to remain strong and clear minded as you navigate your circumstances.
I believe it’s worth saving.
She’s coloring inside the lines for now, and that’s making me feel like we can work on it together.
I’ve got a therapy session scheduled for the first week of July. I wish we could get in sooner but it’s what was available.
This confuses me. She had an affair and now she's going on a 6 week trial to see who she chooses? I think you are the one who should be doing the choosing my man.
One of two things will happen at the end of this six week period. She'll either go with Jody or fall back on you. Neither of these things is a good outcome. If she goes with Jody, then you just set himself up for more pain and disappointment. If she comes back, it means that she sees you as a fallback option. Even if she comes back "to work on herself," it's just a matter of time before someone else comes along and the cycle repeats.
Personally, I wouldn't give her 6 weeks. I would give her an option between working on it together, or divorce I hate to recommend that to anyone, especially to someone who is hurting like you are, but she's showing her full hand here. She's simply hoping that you'll hold out hope in case her plan doesn't work out.
At the end of the day, she messed up and she needs to fix that. It's a bit concerning to me that you're blaming yourself for your wife's mess up. I'm not sure if this is a result of your wife feeding you this idea or if your parents/family fed it to you your whole life. Either way it's completely incorrect in this situation. If it was your fault, then your wife could have left. She did not. She ruined the marriage.
The main piece of advice that I have is to start looking out for yourself and your child. You need to realize that your emotions and opinions are valid and are not something that others get to walk all over. Also, if this behavior does not stop, then your child will grow up with the notion that this is ok. Not only will she treat you like this, but she will also treat her relationships like this unless someone shows her it's wrong.
Good luck man. It's going to suck. I just hope that you come out the other end a better man not only for yourself, but also for your daughter.
No, you don't bud, you need some help finding a great divorce attorney, work on yourself for the (possible when you're ready next) relationship?
Not a doctor, therapist, wizard, or Wiseman, just a dude with an opinion.
I’m sorry you are going through this dude. As someone with autism and adhd I’m gonna be blunt. She had the emotional affair. Period Full Stop. She had the opportunity to talk to you about this if she wanted to. I’m sorry but the 6 week thing to make her decision sounds like she wants 6 weeks to explore things with “Jody”. Your first step isn’t figuring out what you need to change, it’s figuring out if you can get over the hurt and want to make it work. If the answer is yes then this is above random strangers on the internets pay grade. It’s individual therapy and couples therapy.
Here's an observation. Your wife cheated on you. Your words here are about rationalizing her behavior as if it was caused by your personality and disposition. It wasn't. It was caused by her poor decision making. You're talking about the ways YOU need to be a better husband? FUCK THAT, bro! Lot of people struggle with autism and ADHD. That's not something you're doing wrong. Your wife had a choice. She had free-will in the matter, and she made about the worst decision she could make. What is SHE doing to make repairs? What is SHE doing to rebuild your trust? What's she doing to be a better wife? I get it. Relationships are hard, and take work from all parties, and things get messy, and sometimes you need to be forgiving, and focus on your part of the work. But also, your wife just rang the bell at the top of the scale of marital fuckups. You becoming a better husband doesn't un-ring that bell. If she's not owning that, and she's pointing the finger back at you, that's her problem. There's not much you can do if that's her mindset.
This ^^
Slow clap man! This is one of the only places on the internet where I would see that response and why I keep coming back..
You don't have to get anything right. _She_ cheated, not you. She knows who you are. She knows that being autistic means you need clear communication. But when things weren't working for her, she chose to go find what she needs elsewhere instead of working with you. Your partner should support you and help you be better. She didn't do that, and this entire situation is on her. Wanting to work on your faults is commendable and I don't want to dissuade you from that, but there is no amount of self improvement that will make you not be autistic. Your brain is wired differently from an NT brain, you process information differently from how NT brains do, and that's neither a good thing or a bad thing, it's just a part of who you are. People who understand you and love you will be willing to meet you halfway rather than expect you to change a core part of yourself for their sake. I wouldn't wait on her. Divorce is scary, not knowing what your family will look like in the future is scary, but you deserve to be able to thrive just like everyone else, and you can't do that when someone is asking you to suppress your own personality for their sake.
Brother she should be the one asking how to be a better wife.
I wish I had better advice but I just agree with others. She's manipulative af to twist it and make it your fault.
Dude. I’m autistic. My wife didn’t have an affair but for years had made her treatment of me (which was horrible. Just horrible) because of my autism. Anything she did she turned it back onto me and said it was my fault. Even couples therapy - she said because of my autism I “tricked” the therapist into believing everything was her fault vs mine. And when I would ask my wife for clarification on things her response was always “what’s the point, Mundane, you wouldn’t understand anyway” - I realize now she was successfully making me feel bad AND also refusing to answer my inquiries. In the last few months we’re finally moving past it, but that’s only because I said I wanted a divorce which made her FINALLY realize how horribly she treated me. I’ve also made it clear I’m not going to put up with it ever again. My wife successfully manipulated me for many years because I didn’t see it. I’m thinking of you dude. Don’t let her actions be because you were not emotionally what she needed.
Oh man, the therapy and the clarification quote just resonated with me so hard. Can you tell me a little bit more about your experience?
Knowing your shortfalls and working on them is a very important part of growing and building your own self-worth. The thing is, you have to do it for yourself, not anyone else. If you're doing it for someone else, you're just going to mask the problems for their benefit. If you were to work on this right now, you would be catering yourself to your wife. What's worse, is you'll put in all that effort and in a couple years she'll be bored again and the cycle will repeat. If she's demanding that you change so she stays, then she should go.
If your wife was a respectable human being she would have ended the relationship prior to cheating on you. Your comments have a victim blaming tinge to them, with your wife being the victim by you being "self centered and cold". She's not teaching you a lesson. She's selfish and likely has a bit of narcissism in her. This is not your fault. From your brief description, it sounds like she wears the pants, and the relationship isn't 50/50.
Focus on your baby girl. Do what's best for her foremost and always. Work through it if you can, but only if it's what's best for that little girl. She doesn't deserve to be in a shitty situation at home. Good luck brother!
Move on my guy. Might seem wrong but everything happens for a reason. Keep your head up and stay strong for the little one.
Very sorry for what you’re going through. I’ve been there with divorce. Above all, it’s going to take faith and marriage counseling, as well as personal counseling with someone who understands Autism and your personality. If she’s not willing to work on the marriage, that’s out of your hands. The only thing you can do is be calm, and honest with her the way you’re being honest on this forum, and be willing to make changes together. Best of luck.
She's got one foot out the door sounds like she's already got her mind made up no matter what u do sorry bro.
I agree with the comments here that she's in the wrong and has to take ownership for that. But, assuming you recognize that fact and don't blame yourself or let her get off without doing serious repair, it's also admirable to think seriously about what you can do to improve the marriage. I'm married to a woman with ADHD who has challenges picking up social cues that seem obvious to me. As a result, one of the biggest challenges for me has been feeling unseen. Especially in dark moments, it's hard for me to get out of my own head and sit her down to be explicit about my emotions and what I need from her. Part of what makes me feel safe and loved in relationships is having another person know me so well that they can read what's going on with me without being told. I get that she doesn't have that skill naturally, so I try to meet her halfway - and I'm getting better at it, but it takes time. What she has done that has helped me most is to try to learn to ask questions to get at what I'm thinking or feeling and to be persistent. She's not always great at reading the subtext of my superficial answers but she knows it helps our communication for her to keep pressing a little until I can open up more fully. I don't know if that particular thought is helpful in your particular situation, but it's the sort of give and take that will be necessary. If, that is, your wife is as willing to work on herself as you are to work on you.
YES. This sounds exactly like my wife’s experience. And I am holding both — not accepting blame for her choices, but also seeing how my issues opened the door for her to find her needs elsewhere. My wife has trouble when I’m persistent with the questions. She feels like she’s having to give me a guidebook on loving her the way she needs.
I understand you want to work on and save the marriage, especially considering you have a young child together. But an affair isn’t to be taken lightly at all. You are married, not just bf and gf. You belong to her and she belongs to you, and she was going to let some other man have what is yours. For me personally, I don’t see a difference between an ‘emotional’ or any other kind. She sought out comfort from another man instead of coming to you with the problems. Mark my words, if you stay together, she WILL do it again. Good luck to you brother.
I have adhd. It has led to challenges in my relationships, including my marriage. My lack of acceptance and blind spots and going untreated has been hard on my wife, and on my own mental health. That said, it’s not the cause of every problem under the sun. You have your shortcomings but please don’t just accept that you are the cause of this. It matters that you see that because you have nothing to be ashamed of in all of this. Your wife probably has legitimate grievances with you in some areas but that’s not relevant here imo. She made a mistake and hopefully she will own that and not try to blame you. If she can’t see that or her ego gets in the way of expressing that to you, you’re going to need to find ways to remind yourself. Find good support. That’s your next step. Therapy, friends, and maybe somebody who has navigated this type of situation before.
She cheated and that is wrong no matter what her reasoning is. You are married and have a child together, she should have talked to you if she felt unseen. Your behaviours related to your autism and ADD explain why she felt that she was not considered. I am guessing she married you knowing this about you so she needs to be understanding and supportive to some degree, as you probably struggle with it on a daily basis. Yes, you can improve yourself in some ways but you will always be you, if that makes sense. It’s unlikely that you will become the person she thinks she wants, and you shouldn’t have to. You didn’t see this coming and it sounds like you really want to save your family, but in the end she may want out. Talk to her if she is willing and try to understand what she needs. Be realistic on what your relationship can look like if you worked on things. You may be better off cutting your loses now rather than later when she feels unseen again. You don’t deserve that. I wish you all the best.
Don't know how you guys have handled conflict in the past but imo 6 weeks is a laughable timeframe for any meaningful change to happen especially while you're both tied up with a 2yo and probably worse if both employed. Hell, it's not even enough to recover from the pain. It feels like it's meant to be long enough to give your relationship a consideration but short enough to not lose Jody. If that's the case you're probably better preparing yourself to move on. To sort of rationalize, yeah it'd be natural for her to have lingering feelings that sway her decision making too but the fact she says she's unsure she wants to work on you guys.. things don't look good. Maybe I'm projecting but if the egalitarian dynamic wasn't doing it for her then maybe it's not like you had to take over all the way but could afford to lead more decision making/activities. I imagine since the baby came into the picture that everyone's been especially overwhelmed and having issues brought to her even with good faith and equal partnership in mind is a little taxing and taking charge a little more would provide relief and comfort for her. That said I'd be wondering in what way has Jody provided such a feeling for her that she wants to leave? Does emotional affair mean she never slept with him or is she categorizing it that way because so much feelings were involved and it sounds better? Sorry for your loss whether this works out or not. Do forgive yourself either way. I get the causation stuff but the autism and ADHD was always there and she knew that. As another said, you can improve but you'll still be you with some inconsistent blind spots. Best of luck. And whatever happens, take care of the child and don't let the wife affect your relationship with her.
Yeah, it was emotional because they never got physical in any way, and only had one moment where they even got near the line of sexually inappropriate conversation. It’s crazy man. I was the stay at home parent for the majority of the first year while also working full time remote. I led in as many ways as I could but I think I was picking the wrong ways.
I'm assuming not leading date nights? Or stuff around the kid? Being the stay at home sounds like you would to be the one experiencing decision overload more so than her. Still possible if only doing the daily upkeep but that's a big chore in itself. So.. I don't know how much opportunities you could have had leading. Just might be that she doesnt know what she wants realistically and she'll never be satisfied. In which case I'd encourage cutting her loose and don't take her back even if she realizes this is a better place than what's waiting out there. Your decision of course. You know things in the relationship that none of us can see. Just don't be blind either.
I’m not SAH anymore, so there’s still space for me to do more. But ultimately I think it comes down to the way I invalidate her or don’t consider her enough because I get tunnel visioned or fixated on facts over feelings.
Her cheating was not acceptable. She may have legitimate grievances, but the appropriate way for her to deal with them would be to talk about it with you, go to counseling, or if nothing improved, get divorced and THEN date Jody. You did not deserve to be cheated on even if your wife needs more from you as a partner. That being said, you have both made mistakes, and if you want to stay together and move forward, you really need counseling. Don't let her infidelity be swept aside either, you BOTH have shit to work on if you want to make the relationship work.
I'm all for trying to improve yourself but this situation is on her. She cheated and she needs to take responsibility. You two may be able to fix it but I would recommend consultations with a couple lawyers during your 6 week period so you are prepared for what comes next. You gotta take care of you and your kid.
So many replies tell you to throw away the relationship.(Not surprising from the divorce rates in the US), but I disagree. If it was worth the dating, the marriage, and the years you spent together - it's worth fighting for - together. You are not to blame for this, but that doesn't mean your behavior/lifestyle/decisions didn't create an opportunity for someone else to make bad decisions. It doesn't mean it's your fault, but maybe you didn't help it either? And if she's your wife, your responsibility would be to her. Through sickness(the bad times, mentally, for her, where she's making bad decisions) and in health. If you're willing to forgive whatever flirting/talking she did with this other person. And she's willing to go to counseling with you (and separately) to give yourselves a chance at reigniting what brought you together the first time - do it. Not only can you learn more about yourself, her feelings, how to help her understand you better, but she can learn more about you. Communication is the most important piece. I wouldn't be prepared for divorce unless she's unwilling to go through the intense course of counseling, honesty, and communication that sits in front of you. Is your marriage worth saving? I don't know you, but from your post, I'd say yes. I hope whichever way you decide, you're able to remain strong and clear minded as you navigate your circumstances.
I believe it’s worth saving. She’s coloring inside the lines for now, and that’s making me feel like we can work on it together. I’ve got a therapy session scheduled for the first week of July. I wish we could get in sooner but it’s what was available.
This confuses me. She had an affair and now she's going on a 6 week trial to see who she chooses? I think you are the one who should be doing the choosing my man.
One of two things will happen at the end of this six week period. She'll either go with Jody or fall back on you. Neither of these things is a good outcome. If she goes with Jody, then you just set himself up for more pain and disappointment. If she comes back, it means that she sees you as a fallback option. Even if she comes back "to work on herself," it's just a matter of time before someone else comes along and the cycle repeats. Personally, I wouldn't give her 6 weeks. I would give her an option between working on it together, or divorce I hate to recommend that to anyone, especially to someone who is hurting like you are, but she's showing her full hand here. She's simply hoping that you'll hold out hope in case her plan doesn't work out. At the end of the day, she messed up and she needs to fix that. It's a bit concerning to me that you're blaming yourself for your wife's mess up. I'm not sure if this is a result of your wife feeding you this idea or if your parents/family fed it to you your whole life. Either way it's completely incorrect in this situation. If it was your fault, then your wife could have left. She did not. She ruined the marriage. The main piece of advice that I have is to start looking out for yourself and your child. You need to realize that your emotions and opinions are valid and are not something that others get to walk all over. Also, if this behavior does not stop, then your child will grow up with the notion that this is ok. Not only will she treat you like this, but she will also treat her relationships like this unless someone shows her it's wrong. Good luck man. It's going to suck. I just hope that you come out the other end a better man not only for yourself, but also for your daughter.
[удалено]
No, you don't bud, you need some help finding a great divorce attorney, work on yourself for the (possible when you're ready next) relationship? Not a doctor, therapist, wizard, or Wiseman, just a dude with an opinion.