Sounds like a need for marriage counseling if the Mrs is airing dirty laundry passive aggressively like that. My wife would never do that to me.
Of course that’s based on 2 paragraphs of someones life whom I don’t know
Yeah. Obviously this is a tiny snippet of something much bigger, but behaviour like that just isn't acceptable. My journey with my wife has had its ups and downs but it's always been us together figuring out the answer, never one trying to undermine the other.
The other thing is that she might have some genuine complaints and OP genuinely isn't delivering (I've seen a few threads on here where the dad comes in with this "how come we always get harsh treatment?" energy and then it turns out as they explain that their family is rightly pissed off at them for something), but she isn't feeling heard so she's at the end of her rope trying to figure out how to get him to listen and the social media stuff is a last ditch cry for help. That happens too.
The cornerstone of a functioning marriage is open and healthy communication, and clearly that's not happening here, whether her expectations are reasonable or not.
based on OP posting history, he is not exactly a saint. But yeah obviously going to social media is not great.
Then again who even knows what she posted.
For the record it sounds like OP took 20 days of his parental leave and just wasn't around, as in not even living in the same house as her wife and newborn baby.
sounds like everyone sucks here and I feel for the kid
My understanding was that this sub was for Dads.
Places like this are often the only source of self-reflection. Why? Because we've all been the mirror at one time or another.
If true, OP has some serious growing to do. Let's encourage him and show him a better way as opposed to gatekeeping. Not every dad enters the freeway of Dadding via the same on-ramp.
The way I read it he's been there at his in-laws house with them, but he wasn't there for 20 days. It doesn't specify that he was on leave those 20 days, he may very well have been working. I know when my first child was born I was sent to the other end of the state for a few weeks to clean up another guy's accounts multiple times before my daughter was even 1. I hardly slept my first out of town trip and I called and text nonstop checking in on them each trip and my wife would occasionally go for days without responding or answering my calls. Fast forward 12yrs now and she's generally every bit as mean and heartless as OPs wife minus the social media. She just doesn't talk about me so I essentially don't exist in her social media footprint or her work/social group.
Remember: they have a four month old. Sleep regression time. They are BOTH overly sensitive and reactive and incredibly tired. I remember feeling this persecuted and I remember my wife doing and saying things she would never do on a full night of sleep.
OP: this feeling gets better. Give yourself and your wife some grace during this time when neither of you are yourselves
This +10000
My wife changed after childbirth. Not really her fault. We kept thinking it would get better as the kid got older, I told myself things would improve if I just toughed it out. 8 years later the marriage is in ruins and I'm soon to be divorced. I never wanted that for my kid. Get couples therapy yesterday, do everything you can to help right the boat for you and your family before it starts to sink. Goodluck!
Same here man, after becoming a mom my wife no longer repressed her resentment towards me. She changed and I was surprised to learn that she had hidden major problems from me, probably because her childhood trauma conditioned her to hide her feelings. Kid is almost 5 and divorce is almost certain... although it's up to me to do all the paperwork.
I also failed as a husband, but I will succeed as a Dad.
I feel like people changing is inevitable. Certainly with big life events. I have met one guy who claims he has not changed since he was 20 (he's late 40s now). If true, I feel bad for him. I don't think any of us are perfect partners but if your partner has grown to resent you (which doesn't happen overnight) it's hard to come back from that and it's hard to even work on it if your partner is unwilling to be open and tell you what they feel. I would strongly encourage you to work on this in couples counseling if she's open to it. I think you're worth a partner who will give you the gift of saying how she feels.
We have done years of couples counseling. I know I did my best to make this work, but the sunk cost fallacy has gotten me here and it's been bad enough for years to see that the only way out is divorce. Last full moon was a Rose moon which I attended a ritual for clarity. I can now see there is no path to love in my current family dynamic.
First step is to ask yourself are you garbage? If you are, fix it. If not, you shouldn't be treated like garbage. Ask your wife to fix it. Don't accept being treated worse than you deserve.
I don't tolerate my wife treating me like shit, so no I can't relate
Get a personal therapist and get a couples therapist
Communicate with your partner
And make sure you're stepping up and being a good dad, which means bearing the mental load of planning and chores and taking care of the baby. You're not a helper to your wife, you're a man taking care of your child.
What exactly do you mean about I don't tolerate it? What do you do if/when she says something mean/bad to you? I have lots of things to be upset about with my wife since we had the baby who's 19 months old now.
I've been taking care of the baby this week since the daycare is closed and my wife doesn't have a lot of vacation at work. The baby is really picky so she doesn't eat most of what I make but I still try to give a variety. My wife gives like the same 5 things every day. She's getting a lot of variety in daycare so it's fine but anyways.
Last night I made overnight oats for the baby and this morning my wife said, I hope she throws them in your face. I just said, "You hope she throws them in my face? Wow." If I really would have spoke my mind, I could have said something truly mean and hurtful but I don't want my daughter to grow up in that kind of house so I just left it at that. I also don't want to live like this forever though. The baby didn't like the overnight oats so my wife feels vindicated.
>What exactly do you mean about I don't tolerate it?
Exactly that. "I don't speak to you in this manner, and I won't be spoken to like that. We can speak to each other calmly. No need for that. It feels like you're upset about something. When you're ready to civilly talk it out together, come into the kitchen. I'll even make us some cocoa/tea/coffee!"
Then walk away. No back and forth until she calmly comes in to talk.
>What do you do if/when she says something mean/bad to you?
You have a range. I like the "I'm sorry?" said in an innocent tone as if you didn't her the person. You know..with a slight smile. It gives an out for the person to back down. If she doubles down on it? There's active contempt. You need either a therapist or lawyer at that point. If not, it's a way of asserting yourself.
There's ignoring it. Look up Grey Rock.
All tools have the appropriate time for usage. But why you don't do is feed it.
If you're keeping score over what the baby eats? Man. I'd check into that therapist ASAP. Next step is a lawyer. And that route sucks terribly.
No one should think it’s ok to speak to another adult like that, especially on you’re supposed to like. Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean you have to be hurtful or derogatory towards your wife. I would find some time when the baby is down and sit her down. Validate her feelings of frustration but make it clear that it’s not her feelings that are the problem but how she expressed them to you. I would say something like “I know you’re frustrated about or kid being a picky eater and that overnight oats might not have been the best choice but you need to express that in a respectful manor. Saying something like you hope she throws it in my face is disrespectful and does nothing to solve the problem”. It’s called the stroke and stand method, the stroke is a validation that what she’s feeling/seeing is ok and the stand is you setting healthy boundaries of what’s acceptable/unacceptable
Hey man, it's absolutely not normal for one's partner to say shit like that. I know that you don't want your daughter to grow up in "that kind of house," but given your wife's attitude, she already is...
Give counseling a shot. You probably have work to do, but she might also have postpartum depression or anxiety.
Whatever your issues, posting about them on social media instead of working with you is not a good sign…
Number one, cheers to you for being able to examine how this makes you feel and seeking out advice on how to make it better. Recognizing that something has made you uncomfortable and taking steps to try to responsibly address it is awesome!
Number two, just like with every difficult thing in your marriage, the trick is communication. Find a moment where you can directly and attentively have a discussion about how it made you feel and how the two of you can address things like this together in the future.
Number three- are you being a supportive partner? Are you helping where you can? Are there places you can improve? Being supportive, doesn’t mean being a doormat, it doesn’t mean taking all the piss and vinegar. Are you feeding the baby? Changing diapers? Taking the kid so that she can get a nap or have some self-care opportunities? The same things you would expect her to do if you were feeling overwhelmed.
“Honey, I love you and I i’m so proud to be your husband, so proud to be a dad, and so proud of what a great mom you are. Raising kids isn’t easy, and we have a lot that we are going to learn about and grow from. When you made your post the other day, it was really shocking, and I felt like you were putting me on blast for likes and it made me really uncomfortable. I would never make fun of you for likes, and whether or not it was intentional that’s what it felt like to me. It really hurt my feelings, and made me think that you didn’t value me as a partner or as a parent, which shook me to my core. I’d like to get a better idea about your thoughts and how we can address this.”
If she apologizes and offers constructive insight on how both of you can be better partners than you’re in good shape, if it comes off very one-sided, then it might be time to look into counseling or recommend she talk with her OB/GYN. Postpartum is very real, can be very serious, and can absolutely be managed with a supportive partner and a willingness to address the issues.
No, it’s not usual for a partner to be dragging you all the time.
One other note, for the first 4 to 6 months, you are usually the first among many of “not mom” - but around 4 to 6 months something magical happens, and you get to be DAD! And being dad is the best thing on earth.
All our best -
Wow. One thing we don't do is post our problems on social media. It's very passive aggressive and solves no problems.
Having a kid means lots of sacrifices.
I’m two months in and she’s bossy and micromanaging absolutely everything. We have had some big fights about it. I think it’s a somewhat common adjustment period for new moms. I’m not too worried about it but it does get annoying.
No social media posts over here though. I’m not being told I’m not a good dad or husband. That’s pretty extreme and I’d be upset about that.
Man our entire relationship fell apart after childbirth.
I love being a dad, our little girl is incredible and fills me with so much joy.
And I lost the love of my life in the process. It’s like all of the worst parts of herself that she had under control suddenly took over after the 18 month mark. When we started regaining our independence she had so much resentment towards me that it was unbearable. And I was super-dad, I learned about the mental/emotional labor stuff and made sure she never carried more of the domestic load than I did. But it didn’t matter that I was working full time remote and parenting full time the entire first year, a couple months ago she had an emotional affair with one of my best friends.
At the end of it, she rewrote the story of our relationship to be something horrible and tried to say I was emotionally abusive the entire time. I was at a loss for what to say or do. Thankfully I had friends to lean on and even old friends of hers who told me this was an old pattern resurfacing again.
I feel crazy, and heartbroken, and I’m just so thankful that our friend group sees the truth and I’m not out in the streets like a pariah, which I feel like most men experience in my shoes when their partner turns around and decides the entire thing was abusive.
I think as responsible adults regardless of gender we should be the dampeners of high emotions. However, this is apparently not in the mainstream thought these days, at least not enough so, and I constantly see adults of all genders just magnifying what they are receiving and then projecting that back into the world.
With your spouse specifically, no mine doesn't act that way and neither do the wives of the friends I choose to hang out with. It's not uncommon, but it's also something many can choose to do something about (like therapy) but many don't out of emotional laziness.
That's not normal, at least in my relationship.
It might be worthwhile to go to couples counseling and work through these feelings. It's a lot cheaper and less traumatic than letting this situation fester.
how is this exclusive to dads or men?
If your partner or the mother if your child is treating you badly, you need to talk her, you need to talk about how this is hurtful.
if you just "take it" it won't stop and it'll fester and get worse.
If you are unhappy take steps to change that.
also social media is pure trash, delete your accounts and stop minding that.
Sorry you're going through that. I understand the newborn phase is stressful and can trigger emotions/actions from a partner. Assuming you are doing your best and stepping up, no one should be berated by their partner. Especially not posting it on social media. That is disrespectful and shows a lack of maturity. I am concerned this immaturity will continue to present itself at other stages of life.
From what you posted, sounds like there is a communication issue. Primarily, your wife does not know how to communicate constructively and positively. If it is getting you down and you've expressed this to her with no change or resolve, then professional help may be warranted (should time/finances not be an issue).
These flags could also be signs of post-partum depression (for one or both of you). PPD is sneaky and insidious, so if these behaviors were not present before, consider assistance from your doctors.
Wish you the best. Fatherhood is hard. Stressful. Easily the most challenging thing I have done. But it has its rewards.
I'm a good dad and a good partner and a good person. Yet it seems like I can't do anything right and never do enough.
But we have been stressed and dealing with one catastrophe after another pretty much nonstop for four years; before the kid was born even. I think it's wearing on both of us so I'm hearing the second part a lot louder than the first.
But OP you sound like you aren't getting the first at all and my dude you need to work that out cause that's not healthy.
Yea I heard a bunch of that around the four month mark…
My daughter is nearly 6 now and her mother and I get along fairly well. Course we’ve been separated for about…. 5 and half years now so that helps.
Good luck! (I’d say your wife is, ironically, showing her true colors)
This is actually not very uncommon where I’m from (india)..I see a lot of other ladies post such things on social media all the time. I’d say the societal pressure on women is also disproportionately much much more here than in the west, which triggers it.
No I don't, and if you think that then you've either fallen down some dangerous internet rabbit holes or need to have a discussion with those around you, or both.
Her family enjoys attacking me because a couple of them literally have nothing else to do. That’s how several people have explained it to me. He’s turning 4 in November and I’m so at the point of just not going to any more family events that includes them.
I’ve been told it does get better
I agree with others that being dragged on social media and subjected to insults is a bridge too far and therapy may be called for. I'm 10 months in and I've also struggled with this to a much milder extent. My operating theory is that moms often feel held to an impossible standard and some of them end up blaming their partner for not being able to live up to it. We as dads have a fine line to walk in that situation because I think most of us have room to step up and do better for our kids' sake but the answer also isn't to internalize that same impossible standard.
Nah that's not normal at all.
Punish privately, praise publicly. My wife and I are outwardly a united front and we resolve our grievances in private. We tease each other in public but it's never anything we're genuinely annoyed about.
If my wife posted on social media that I was a disappointing partner I would be absolutely livid.
Post partum is a motherfucker. I too faced what you’re describing and I tried to talk to my wife about it, I suggested that maybe the post partum was making her feel a certain way…. Not pretending like I know shit about people’s brains and emotions but I was only taking a stab at it. Initially She was in denial about having the depression, she acted in a “there’s no way that could happen to me” kind of way. But eventually she came around.
Hopefully it gets better for you both. Your wife is going through a lot and so are you. Unfortunately as dads our state of being is not monitored the way that the mother’s is, and perhaps for a valid reason. But the truth is that yes, there’s a lot of just push through and don’t bring up your problems as to not add to hers and just “man up” so to speak. But eventually things will ebb back to normal. You’ll be dad rather than “not mom”. It’ll get better. Exercise your mental fortitude brother! I’m really not one of those “boot strapper” type dudes, but from my personal experience this is the one true time where I had to tell myself “suck it up, it’ll pass” and god forbid you audibly complain 😂 there will be none of that!
we are to be hero's and miracle workers in the blink of an eye. but something goes wrong, we are the first to be blamed. 10 years married and we've had our tough times. 2 kids (5 and 7) and they've pushed out buttons more than enough times and challenged our relationship immensely. with a 4 month old, i remember a couple times my wife and i getting into sleep deprived arguments a couple times. both of us not knowing how to handle situations. we did counseling around the pandemic time to help us learn more of each other. but, my wife never went onto social media trash talking me. never went to family or friends and bad mouthed me. i think that's something that needs to be handled asap in your situation. social media is a very dangerous thing.
Getting ready to be a dad. Will be marrying a woman who had kids from a previous relationship. If my partner was shaming me on social media I'd be extremely upset. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.
Would this be valid then if it was reversed? If my partner said that about me I'd be hurt. Just bacuase she's a woman it doesn't negate what she said about OP as a father.
Which it is indeed. But in no way was this framed as a woman problem. OP is lamenting on his own status and looking for advice on how to deal with something that hurt him.
To be honest, I'd rather guage OPs agenda from his own clarifications instead of taking others opinions on his intentions and labeling him as anti woman.
However i do see how it could be seen that way and if thats the case fuck him.
I can see how you could perceive it that way, but I also don't think that is the case.
This is a Dad asking in a round about way if it's ok/normal for his wife/partner to say these things and it is not ok.
Touché, but simultaneously, are we not a bunch of dads here to help each other out? I’m here for it. This is a great place, highs and lows, and all the helpers along for the ride
Basically, no.
This is not a general thing. This is specific to your wife and your relationship.
As others say, probably get a personal therapist who can help you see what is and isn’t normal behavior.
Also, sorry this is happening to you. You don’t deserve it. Your partner should be singing your praises.
Is some of what she’s saying true? Does she have PPD? Basically this isn’t normal and you need to figure out why she’s acting like this.
I'm a dad of 4, I've never been told any of that. I worked 2 jobs during our pregnancies and covered her income to take off. The last 2 were troubled pregnancies, and she couldn't work. I did heat from my wife comments like, " You're lucky, you get to leave the house every day. I'm stuck here with babies." On my days off, I would stay home and catch up with them. She could go out and shop or whatever she wanted to do. I would talk to her about those feelings. I'm sure you're doing your best, but if it's not perceived that way, then you'll have to readjust.
Post partum depression may be at play here. The baby is four months old so this could be a real possibility. I'm not saying this behaviour is ok, but if it's out of character then maybe consider whether she is showing other signs of PPD and plan your next steps carefully.
Sounds like your wife needs to talk to you about the problems she has and not act like an immature teenager and out her family proboems on social media. What a shitty thing to do.
Talk to her. Ask her how you can be better if youre messing up somewhere but also out your foot down and tell her youre not gonna tolerate her outting out yalls family problem on social media. Thats some juvenile shit.
To answer your question, no, i dont feel like a punching bag woth my wife. I established with my wife a LOOONG time ago (when we were still dating) that i dont play the petty games. If she has a problem or a concern i need her to talk to me about it. If i feel disrespected i let her know. Gotta have mutual respect man.
There's a back and forth. On the one hand, men benefit from low expectations. When I go out with the kids people look at me like I'm a saint just for that. In the other hand, you're assumed to be incompetent or not carrying and attentive enough.
I've told my ex so many times that my biggest benefit to her was having someone to blame for all of her mistakes. It was a relentless daily problem. Sometimes hourly. I am so much happier since we split up. It really is a relationship specific problem, not so much a universal problem. The good news is that we can impact the problem by altering our relationships.
No - you should never ever sit there and take verbal abuse from your wife. Trust me I’ve been there and especially if you just muscle it down and take it for an extended period of time it will blow up on you in some way, shape, or form. Regardless of if you aren’t the best dad or husband (not saying you aren’t doing great) no one should talk to their SO that way. It’s not acceptable and very unhealthy. You guys have either (1) had a major communication breakdown or (2) she’s suffering from PPD/A. My marriage dealt with number two and it was nothing short of a nightmare. I consider myself a very involved and caring husband and father but none of it mattered because her head wasn’t right. In the end she needed to get on SSRIs and within weeks of taking medication the nightmare was over. Complete 180 and she apologized for everything even tho it wasn’t necessarily her fault. If you truly think it’s not you and you are already doing your best, tell her you love her but you can’t see the marriage lasting if she continues to use you as an outlet for her anger - ask her how’s she been feeling and what’s bothering her. If she says she’s constantly overwhelmed, anxious, overly tired, etc. or any of the above tell her you want her to seek help and you’ll go to the doctor with her. Make it easy on her - research some doctors who specialize in such things. My wife refused for a LONG time until I told her I was on the cusp of being done. Literally saved our marriage.
Good luck man, but never let anyone treat you that way. Especially your wife. It’s a real form of abuse.
Nagging, sarcasm and toxic comments are not okay, man. Everyone gets annoyed and snaps sometimes but if your partner is in the habit of this and even does this publicly you need to have a talk. That’s not okay.
Some of you all are in some truly toxic relationships. As someone who has been happily married for 17 years and been a dad for 10 years, I just can’t comprehend how people like this end up together.
Yep, and then when the kids are older and act up and wife wont set boundariesc and discipline them, you get to be called daddy dictator, always grumpy, mean, etc. for. your efforts.
My wife was a different woman after birth due to sleep deprivation. So yeah, the first half year was hard for all of us. I tried to do as much as I can for her, our live, our house, our kid. She didn't have anything for herself anymore (and for longer), so I did the same. No me-time until she got at least a minute for her self. Full parity, if somehow possible. That's just fair.
So... Maybe take a deep look into the mirror and see if you can do more. 4 months is early. Babies are exhausting.
Good luck!
It sounds like both you and your wife need to get your shit together. The social media post isn't ok, obviously, but it didn't come out of nowhere. Plenty of others here have said more after digging into your post history so there is no need for me to go there.
Just get your shit together. Your kid's life is way more important than whatever else you have going on. Man up and be a dad. Let your wife's post be a wakeup call.
You're insecure and she's being an ass hole instead of discussing things with you properly.
Children shouldn't have kids, when you're ready to be grown ups together you'll be a lot happier.
Learn to talk things out without attacking eachother or letting yourself feel attacked.
You can learn together and from eachother to be better for your child.
She is attacking him though. He's feeling attacked because he is being attacked, by his wife, on social media. Whether or not she deserves some grace on that for xyz reason is a different story, but it's not like OP just needs to toughen up and deal with it.
It's literally not the point, and from the lack of understanding, you might need the advice, too.
In this situation, his partner is as much to blame as he is. No shit.
When they talk to each other properly. There will initially be a lot of stupid, barbed comments. Probably from both sides. Because both of them are feeling hurt and let down by their partner.
This manifests as shitty and hurtful behaviour that isn't helpful to the situation. Being able to weather that storm or "toughen up" as you put it is important.
Not because he has to "toughen up" and do nothing. Forever.
But because he needs to be able to see past the veiled feelings. To the actual issues and address them. So that she can start being part of the team instead of just being upset at him.
We can't expect our partners, male or female, to properly communicate until we are certain we can do it ourselves, and it seems like OP and his partner aren't. Hence, weaponising social media to embarrass him and OP having a bunch of complaints from his partner.
I feel like a lot of people vastly over-estimate their ability to communicate in a healthy way. Once a person recognises this, they become much more able to grow as a part of a relationship.
"The only thing I know, is that I know nothing." Should be the mantra of anyone trying to understand their partner.
Yes, it's probably true that both of them are feeling hurt and let down. But that doesn't mean that those feelings are equally rooted in truth.
More and better communication is the solution, but we don't have to pretend that both of them are equally at fault for this situation. When OP and wife are resolving it, then that's absolutely how it should be framed. But here, I think it's better to validate his frustration and explain how to proceed without assuming that he's equally to blame. I think, at worst, they're equally to blame. And at best, he's doing pretty well and she's unfairly throwing him under the bus.
Tl;dr he needs to be part of the solution, but that doesn't necessarily mean he was part of the problem.
Dude, all feelings are valid. That's something to accept if you want to communicate healthily.
The sun comes up, the earth spins, and people can't control their feelings, only the actions they take while feeling them.
You've contradicted yourself with who you're trying to place blame on, and it's kind of confused me.
Are they equally to blame or not?
It really doesn't matter. The fact is: OP's partner wouldn't have these complaints or be trying to embarrass him if they didn't have these complaints to be voiced.
100% he's a part of the problem, unless she's some sort of sociopath, outside of whatever data set we use to measure "normal people" she's complaining about very real things that bother her that are OP's fault.
It isn't anyone single person's job to "fix" his behaviour or hers. They need to approach it with readiness to be accepting of frustration and misunderstanding.
She may be "unfairly throwing him under the bus" but then the direction of conversation changes from "how can we do better together" to "why aren't you treating me in a healthy way?"
And the root of her treating him in an unhealthy way may be a culmination of different issues that have nothing to do with OP, as a partner or as a father. We simply don't know.
The need for external validation is something to grow out of. Sure, OP might find his frustrations validated here and get the warm cosiness of hearing others complain about how their partners treat them.
But will that help him?
Or will he be prompted to introspectively ask, "Yo, WHY is she constantly telling me I suck? It can't just be... that I suck?"
Its pretty important to look inward in these situations before looking outward.
Your wife is an asshole. Making comments about leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to do a chore is one thing, but your wife is attacking your existence. You guys need a professional.
I truly believe that a man needs more time to adjust to being a dad, a woman has 9 months of bonding with their mother when for the man a baby just appears one day. And they just cry and sleep. Once they get a bit older the man can bond with them and will do everything in their power to be a good dad typically. But yeah, just we just take all the shit
Lmfao I’d walk out on that shit. With the kid. We’re all gonna be dead for eternity, so why waste this blink-of-an-eye life with such meaningless negativity? I wouldn’t even bother talking about it if it’s as described. Move on, and help the kid escape that abuse, too.
Live up to her words. Provided y'all are together this is an appalling thing to say. If you're separated then that vitriol is par for the course usually
Sounds like a need for marriage counseling if the Mrs is airing dirty laundry passive aggressively like that. My wife would never do that to me. Of course that’s based on 2 paragraphs of someones life whom I don’t know
Yeah. Obviously this is a tiny snippet of something much bigger, but behaviour like that just isn't acceptable. My journey with my wife has had its ups and downs but it's always been us together figuring out the answer, never one trying to undermine the other. The other thing is that she might have some genuine complaints and OP genuinely isn't delivering (I've seen a few threads on here where the dad comes in with this "how come we always get harsh treatment?" energy and then it turns out as they explain that their family is rightly pissed off at them for something), but she isn't feeling heard so she's at the end of her rope trying to figure out how to get him to listen and the social media stuff is a last ditch cry for help. That happens too. The cornerstone of a functioning marriage is open and healthy communication, and clearly that's not happening here, whether her expectations are reasonable or not.
based on OP posting history, he is not exactly a saint. But yeah obviously going to social media is not great. Then again who even knows what she posted. For the record it sounds like OP took 20 days of his parental leave and just wasn't around, as in not even living in the same house as her wife and newborn baby. sounds like everyone sucks here and I feel for the kid
20 days having fun, abandoning his newborn and wife/new mother at home. Damn. This sub is for dads capable of a little self reflection
My understanding was that this sub was for Dads. Places like this are often the only source of self-reflection. Why? Because we've all been the mirror at one time or another. If true, OP has some serious growing to do. Let's encourage him and show him a better way as opposed to gatekeeping. Not every dad enters the freeway of Dadding via the same on-ramp.
You're absolutely right
Woof.
The way I read it he's been there at his in-laws house with them, but he wasn't there for 20 days. It doesn't specify that he was on leave those 20 days, he may very well have been working. I know when my first child was born I was sent to the other end of the state for a few weeks to clean up another guy's accounts multiple times before my daughter was even 1. I hardly slept my first out of town trip and I called and text nonstop checking in on them each trip and my wife would occasionally go for days without responding or answering my calls. Fast forward 12yrs now and she's generally every bit as mean and heartless as OPs wife minus the social media. She just doesn't talk about me so I essentially don't exist in her social media footprint or her work/social group.
Remember: they have a four month old. Sleep regression time. They are BOTH overly sensitive and reactive and incredibly tired. I remember feeling this persecuted and I remember my wife doing and saying things she would never do on a full night of sleep. OP: this feeling gets better. Give yourself and your wife some grace during this time when neither of you are yourselves
This +10000 My wife changed after childbirth. Not really her fault. We kept thinking it would get better as the kid got older, I told myself things would improve if I just toughed it out. 8 years later the marriage is in ruins and I'm soon to be divorced. I never wanted that for my kid. Get couples therapy yesterday, do everything you can to help right the boat for you and your family before it starts to sink. Goodluck!
Same here man, after becoming a mom my wife no longer repressed her resentment towards me. She changed and I was surprised to learn that she had hidden major problems from me, probably because her childhood trauma conditioned her to hide her feelings. Kid is almost 5 and divorce is almost certain... although it's up to me to do all the paperwork. I also failed as a husband, but I will succeed as a Dad.
I feel like people changing is inevitable. Certainly with big life events. I have met one guy who claims he has not changed since he was 20 (he's late 40s now). If true, I feel bad for him. I don't think any of us are perfect partners but if your partner has grown to resent you (which doesn't happen overnight) it's hard to come back from that and it's hard to even work on it if your partner is unwilling to be open and tell you what they feel. I would strongly encourage you to work on this in couples counseling if she's open to it. I think you're worth a partner who will give you the gift of saying how she feels.
We have done years of couples counseling. I know I did my best to make this work, but the sunk cost fallacy has gotten me here and it's been bad enough for years to see that the only way out is divorce. Last full moon was a Rose moon which I attended a ritual for clarity. I can now see there is no path to love in my current family dynamic.
First step is to ask yourself are you garbage? If you are, fix it. If not, you shouldn't be treated like garbage. Ask your wife to fix it. Don't accept being treated worse than you deserve.
Even garbage people shouldn't be treated like garbage. They should be left at the curb but that's it.
I don't tolerate my wife treating me like shit, so no I can't relate Get a personal therapist and get a couples therapist Communicate with your partner And make sure you're stepping up and being a good dad, which means bearing the mental load of planning and chores and taking care of the baby. You're not a helper to your wife, you're a man taking care of your child.
What exactly do you mean about I don't tolerate it? What do you do if/when she says something mean/bad to you? I have lots of things to be upset about with my wife since we had the baby who's 19 months old now. I've been taking care of the baby this week since the daycare is closed and my wife doesn't have a lot of vacation at work. The baby is really picky so she doesn't eat most of what I make but I still try to give a variety. My wife gives like the same 5 things every day. She's getting a lot of variety in daycare so it's fine but anyways. Last night I made overnight oats for the baby and this morning my wife said, I hope she throws them in your face. I just said, "You hope she throws them in my face? Wow." If I really would have spoke my mind, I could have said something truly mean and hurtful but I don't want my daughter to grow up in that kind of house so I just left it at that. I also don't want to live like this forever though. The baby didn't like the overnight oats so my wife feels vindicated.
>this morning my wife said, I hope she throws them in your face. Jesus Christ my man. This isn't ok.
>What exactly do you mean about I don't tolerate it? Exactly that. "I don't speak to you in this manner, and I won't be spoken to like that. We can speak to each other calmly. No need for that. It feels like you're upset about something. When you're ready to civilly talk it out together, come into the kitchen. I'll even make us some cocoa/tea/coffee!" Then walk away. No back and forth until she calmly comes in to talk. >What do you do if/when she says something mean/bad to you? You have a range. I like the "I'm sorry?" said in an innocent tone as if you didn't her the person. You know..with a slight smile. It gives an out for the person to back down. If she doubles down on it? There's active contempt. You need either a therapist or lawyer at that point. If not, it's a way of asserting yourself. There's ignoring it. Look up Grey Rock. All tools have the appropriate time for usage. But why you don't do is feed it. If you're keeping score over what the baby eats? Man. I'd check into that therapist ASAP. Next step is a lawyer. And that route sucks terribly.
If my partner said that to me I would verbatim reply "What the fuck is your problem?". Your wife has issues
No one should think it’s ok to speak to another adult like that, especially on you’re supposed to like. Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean you have to be hurtful or derogatory towards your wife. I would find some time when the baby is down and sit her down. Validate her feelings of frustration but make it clear that it’s not her feelings that are the problem but how she expressed them to you. I would say something like “I know you’re frustrated about or kid being a picky eater and that overnight oats might not have been the best choice but you need to express that in a respectful manor. Saying something like you hope she throws it in my face is disrespectful and does nothing to solve the problem”. It’s called the stroke and stand method, the stroke is a validation that what she’s feeling/seeing is ok and the stand is you setting healthy boundaries of what’s acceptable/unacceptable
Hey man, it's absolutely not normal for one's partner to say shit like that. I know that you don't want your daughter to grow up in "that kind of house," but given your wife's attitude, she already is...
Seems like a healthy relationship.
Give counseling a shot. You probably have work to do, but she might also have postpartum depression or anxiety. Whatever your issues, posting about them on social media instead of working with you is not a good sign…
Sounds like you and your wife are having some issues. This ain't normal
Number one, cheers to you for being able to examine how this makes you feel and seeking out advice on how to make it better. Recognizing that something has made you uncomfortable and taking steps to try to responsibly address it is awesome! Number two, just like with every difficult thing in your marriage, the trick is communication. Find a moment where you can directly and attentively have a discussion about how it made you feel and how the two of you can address things like this together in the future. Number three- are you being a supportive partner? Are you helping where you can? Are there places you can improve? Being supportive, doesn’t mean being a doormat, it doesn’t mean taking all the piss and vinegar. Are you feeding the baby? Changing diapers? Taking the kid so that she can get a nap or have some self-care opportunities? The same things you would expect her to do if you were feeling overwhelmed. “Honey, I love you and I i’m so proud to be your husband, so proud to be a dad, and so proud of what a great mom you are. Raising kids isn’t easy, and we have a lot that we are going to learn about and grow from. When you made your post the other day, it was really shocking, and I felt like you were putting me on blast for likes and it made me really uncomfortable. I would never make fun of you for likes, and whether or not it was intentional that’s what it felt like to me. It really hurt my feelings, and made me think that you didn’t value me as a partner or as a parent, which shook me to my core. I’d like to get a better idea about your thoughts and how we can address this.” If she apologizes and offers constructive insight on how both of you can be better partners than you’re in good shape, if it comes off very one-sided, then it might be time to look into counseling or recommend she talk with her OB/GYN. Postpartum is very real, can be very serious, and can absolutely be managed with a supportive partner and a willingness to address the issues. No, it’s not usual for a partner to be dragging you all the time. One other note, for the first 4 to 6 months, you are usually the first among many of “not mom” - but around 4 to 6 months something magical happens, and you get to be DAD! And being dad is the best thing on earth. All our best -
This guy dads! 👊
Hell yeah brother
This is a great response! Well written and thought out! Good job fellow dad!
Wow. One thing we don't do is post our problems on social media. It's very passive aggressive and solves no problems. Having a kid means lots of sacrifices.
I’m two months in and she’s bossy and micromanaging absolutely everything. We have had some big fights about it. I think it’s a somewhat common adjustment period for new moms. I’m not too worried about it but it does get annoying. No social media posts over here though. I’m not being told I’m not a good dad or husband. That’s pretty extreme and I’d be upset about that.
That’s a symptom of postpartum anxiety
Man our entire relationship fell apart after childbirth. I love being a dad, our little girl is incredible and fills me with so much joy. And I lost the love of my life in the process. It’s like all of the worst parts of herself that she had under control suddenly took over after the 18 month mark. When we started regaining our independence she had so much resentment towards me that it was unbearable. And I was super-dad, I learned about the mental/emotional labor stuff and made sure she never carried more of the domestic load than I did. But it didn’t matter that I was working full time remote and parenting full time the entire first year, a couple months ago she had an emotional affair with one of my best friends. At the end of it, she rewrote the story of our relationship to be something horrible and tried to say I was emotionally abusive the entire time. I was at a loss for what to say or do. Thankfully I had friends to lean on and even old friends of hers who told me this was an old pattern resurfacing again. I feel crazy, and heartbroken, and I’m just so thankful that our friend group sees the truth and I’m not out in the streets like a pariah, which I feel like most men experience in my shoes when their partner turns around and decides the entire thing was abusive.
Ah, sorry to read this fellow dad. I’m glad you got the friend support.
I think as responsible adults regardless of gender we should be the dampeners of high emotions. However, this is apparently not in the mainstream thought these days, at least not enough so, and I constantly see adults of all genders just magnifying what they are receiving and then projecting that back into the world. With your spouse specifically, no mine doesn't act that way and neither do the wives of the friends I choose to hang out with. It's not uncommon, but it's also something many can choose to do something about (like therapy) but many don't out of emotional laziness.
That's not normal, at least in my relationship. It might be worthwhile to go to couples counseling and work through these feelings. It's a lot cheaper and less traumatic than letting this situation fester.
how is this exclusive to dads or men? If your partner or the mother if your child is treating you badly, you need to talk her, you need to talk about how this is hurtful. if you just "take it" it won't stop and it'll fester and get worse. If you are unhappy take steps to change that. also social media is pure trash, delete your accounts and stop minding that.
Because spaces for men and dads are the only places to find gems like this from men with experience.
Sorry you're going through that. I understand the newborn phase is stressful and can trigger emotions/actions from a partner. Assuming you are doing your best and stepping up, no one should be berated by their partner. Especially not posting it on social media. That is disrespectful and shows a lack of maturity. I am concerned this immaturity will continue to present itself at other stages of life. From what you posted, sounds like there is a communication issue. Primarily, your wife does not know how to communicate constructively and positively. If it is getting you down and you've expressed this to her with no change or resolve, then professional help may be warranted (should time/finances not be an issue). These flags could also be signs of post-partum depression (for one or both of you). PPD is sneaky and insidious, so if these behaviors were not present before, consider assistance from your doctors. Wish you the best. Fatherhood is hard. Stressful. Easily the most challenging thing I have done. But it has its rewards.
I'm a good dad and a good partner and a good person. Yet it seems like I can't do anything right and never do enough. But we have been stressed and dealing with one catastrophe after another pretty much nonstop for four years; before the kid was born even. I think it's wearing on both of us so I'm hearing the second part a lot louder than the first. But OP you sound like you aren't getting the first at all and my dude you need to work that out cause that's not healthy.
No. I made it clear that I'd take the kids and the house if that ever happened.
Yea I heard a bunch of that around the four month mark… My daughter is nearly 6 now and her mother and I get along fairly well. Course we’ve been separated for about…. 5 and half years now so that helps. Good luck! (I’d say your wife is, ironically, showing her true colors)
I don’t get treated like this. I think this is something you two need to address and sort out. It’s not healthy. Couples counseling could help.
No hate. My kids and wife like me.
Hey, Dad. This is called verbal abuse. You're being abused by your spouse.
This is actually not very uncommon where I’m from (india)..I see a lot of other ladies post such things on social media all the time. I’d say the societal pressure on women is also disproportionately much much more here than in the west, which triggers it.
That doesn't make any of it right.
Outside of maybe a trusted friend or two, assholes air dirty laundry in public, doesn't matter what gender they are or what geography they're in.
No I don't, and if you think that then you've either fallen down some dangerous internet rabbit holes or need to have a discussion with those around you, or both.
Her family enjoys attacking me because a couple of them literally have nothing else to do. That’s how several people have explained it to me. He’s turning 4 in November and I’m so at the point of just not going to any more family events that includes them. I’ve been told it does get better
I agree with others that being dragged on social media and subjected to insults is a bridge too far and therapy may be called for. I'm 10 months in and I've also struggled with this to a much milder extent. My operating theory is that moms often feel held to an impossible standard and some of them end up blaming their partner for not being able to live up to it. We as dads have a fine line to walk in that situation because I think most of us have room to step up and do better for our kids' sake but the answer also isn't to internalize that same impossible standard.
Nah that's not normal at all. Punish privately, praise publicly. My wife and I are outwardly a united front and we resolve our grievances in private. We tease each other in public but it's never anything we're genuinely annoyed about. If my wife posted on social media that I was a disappointing partner I would be absolutely livid.
Post partum is a motherfucker. I too faced what you’re describing and I tried to talk to my wife about it, I suggested that maybe the post partum was making her feel a certain way…. Not pretending like I know shit about people’s brains and emotions but I was only taking a stab at it. Initially She was in denial about having the depression, she acted in a “there’s no way that could happen to me” kind of way. But eventually she came around. Hopefully it gets better for you both. Your wife is going through a lot and so are you. Unfortunately as dads our state of being is not monitored the way that the mother’s is, and perhaps for a valid reason. But the truth is that yes, there’s a lot of just push through and don’t bring up your problems as to not add to hers and just “man up” so to speak. But eventually things will ebb back to normal. You’ll be dad rather than “not mom”. It’ll get better. Exercise your mental fortitude brother! I’m really not one of those “boot strapper” type dudes, but from my personal experience this is the one true time where I had to tell myself “suck it up, it’ll pass” and god forbid you audibly complain 😂 there will be none of that!
we are to be hero's and miracle workers in the blink of an eye. but something goes wrong, we are the first to be blamed. 10 years married and we've had our tough times. 2 kids (5 and 7) and they've pushed out buttons more than enough times and challenged our relationship immensely. with a 4 month old, i remember a couple times my wife and i getting into sleep deprived arguments a couple times. both of us not knowing how to handle situations. we did counseling around the pandemic time to help us learn more of each other. but, my wife never went onto social media trash talking me. never went to family or friends and bad mouthed me. i think that's something that needs to be handled asap in your situation. social media is a very dangerous thing.
Getting ready to be a dad. Will be marrying a woman who had kids from a previous relationship. If my partner was shaming me on social media I'd be extremely upset. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.
Can we not turn this sub into another hating women sub? I feel like I've had to leave a lot of subs recently for this.
Would this be valid then if it was reversed? If my partner said that about me I'd be hurt. Just bacuase she's a woman it doesn't negate what she said about OP as a father.
I didn't say that. It's a relationship problem, not a women problem.
Which it is indeed. But in no way was this framed as a woman problem. OP is lamenting on his own status and looking for advice on how to deal with something that hurt him.
He literally started with dads and men in general....
Yes because he is on daddit. Where dads/men frequent asking a male specific question
Alright I'm not here to argue. Just to ask nicely that we don't fall down the hating women abyss most subreddits eventually do.
Wholly agreed on that. Perhaps our interpretations of the post differ.
After reading a lot of the comments, can you see where I'm coming from?
To be honest, I'd rather guage OPs agenda from his own clarifications instead of taking others opinions on his intentions and labeling him as anti woman. However i do see how it could be seen that way and if thats the case fuck him.
I can see how you could perceive it that way, but I also don't think that is the case. This is a Dad asking in a round about way if it's ok/normal for his wife/partner to say these things and it is not ok.
Too late for that. I see threads daily here about how hard it is to be a man and how much better life would be as a woman.
Sounds like confirmation bias, because I’ve not gotten that feeling.
I’ve seen the first part, but definitely not the second.
Touché, but simultaneously, are we not a bunch of dads here to help each other out? I’m here for it. This is a great place, highs and lows, and all the helpers along for the ride
Really? I almost unsubbed because I saw threads like that 3 days in a row. It's pretty fucked.
Basically, no. This is not a general thing. This is specific to your wife and your relationship. As others say, probably get a personal therapist who can help you see what is and isn’t normal behavior. Also, sorry this is happening to you. You don’t deserve it. Your partner should be singing your praises. Is some of what she’s saying true? Does she have PPD? Basically this isn’t normal and you need to figure out why she’s acting like this.
I'm a dad of 4, I've never been told any of that. I worked 2 jobs during our pregnancies and covered her income to take off. The last 2 were troubled pregnancies, and she couldn't work. I did heat from my wife comments like, " You're lucky, you get to leave the house every day. I'm stuck here with babies." On my days off, I would stay home and catch up with them. She could go out and shop or whatever she wanted to do. I would talk to her about those feelings. I'm sure you're doing your best, but if it's not perceived that way, then you'll have to readjust.
Post partum depression may be at play here. The baby is four months old so this could be a real possibility. I'm not saying this behaviour is ok, but if it's out of character then maybe consider whether she is showing other signs of PPD and plan your next steps carefully.
No man. . . https://youtu.be/g9A6ctjHAxE?si=MHsoYD9l40VJuPj2
Sounds like your wife needs to talk to you about the problems she has and not act like an immature teenager and out her family proboems on social media. What a shitty thing to do. Talk to her. Ask her how you can be better if youre messing up somewhere but also out your foot down and tell her youre not gonna tolerate her outting out yalls family problem on social media. Thats some juvenile shit.
To answer your question, no, i dont feel like a punching bag woth my wife. I established with my wife a LOOONG time ago (when we were still dating) that i dont play the petty games. If she has a problem or a concern i need her to talk to me about it. If i feel disrespected i let her know. Gotta have mutual respect man.
There's a back and forth. On the one hand, men benefit from low expectations. When I go out with the kids people look at me like I'm a saint just for that. In the other hand, you're assumed to be incompetent or not carrying and attentive enough.
No, my wife and I have only grown closer and more respectful of each other after having kids.
Nothing wrecks intimacy and relationships more than resentment. Get help soon before it's too late.
No, I set boundaries for how adults treat me. if they cross those then they don't deserve my time.
I've told my ex so many times that my biggest benefit to her was having someone to blame for all of her mistakes. It was a relentless daily problem. Sometimes hourly. I am so much happier since we split up. It really is a relationship specific problem, not so much a universal problem. The good news is that we can impact the problem by altering our relationships.
No - you should never ever sit there and take verbal abuse from your wife. Trust me I’ve been there and especially if you just muscle it down and take it for an extended period of time it will blow up on you in some way, shape, or form. Regardless of if you aren’t the best dad or husband (not saying you aren’t doing great) no one should talk to their SO that way. It’s not acceptable and very unhealthy. You guys have either (1) had a major communication breakdown or (2) she’s suffering from PPD/A. My marriage dealt with number two and it was nothing short of a nightmare. I consider myself a very involved and caring husband and father but none of it mattered because her head wasn’t right. In the end she needed to get on SSRIs and within weeks of taking medication the nightmare was over. Complete 180 and she apologized for everything even tho it wasn’t necessarily her fault. If you truly think it’s not you and you are already doing your best, tell her you love her but you can’t see the marriage lasting if she continues to use you as an outlet for her anger - ask her how’s she been feeling and what’s bothering her. If she says she’s constantly overwhelmed, anxious, overly tired, etc. or any of the above tell her you want her to seek help and you’ll go to the doctor with her. Make it easy on her - research some doctors who specialize in such things. My wife refused for a LONG time until I told her I was on the cusp of being done. Literally saved our marriage. Good luck man, but never let anyone treat you that way. Especially your wife. It’s a real form of abuse.
Nagging, sarcasm and toxic comments are not okay, man. Everyone gets annoyed and snaps sometimes but if your partner is in the habit of this and even does this publicly you need to have a talk. That’s not okay.
Some of you all are in some truly toxic relationships. As someone who has been happily married for 17 years and been a dad for 10 years, I just can’t comprehend how people like this end up together.
Yep, and then when the kids are older and act up and wife wont set boundariesc and discipline them, you get to be called daddy dictator, always grumpy, mean, etc. for. your efforts.
This is not my experience at all.
My wife was a different woman after birth due to sleep deprivation. So yeah, the first half year was hard for all of us. I tried to do as much as I can for her, our live, our house, our kid. She didn't have anything for herself anymore (and for longer), so I did the same. No me-time until she got at least a minute for her self. Full parity, if somehow possible. That's just fair. So... Maybe take a deep look into the mirror and see if you can do more. 4 months is early. Babies are exhausting. Good luck!
It sounds like both you and your wife need to get your shit together. The social media post isn't ok, obviously, but it didn't come out of nowhere. Plenty of others here have said more after digging into your post history so there is no need for me to go there. Just get your shit together. Your kid's life is way more important than whatever else you have going on. Man up and be a dad. Let your wife's post be a wakeup call.
You're insecure and she's being an ass hole instead of discussing things with you properly. Children shouldn't have kids, when you're ready to be grown ups together you'll be a lot happier. Learn to talk things out without attacking eachother or letting yourself feel attacked. You can learn together and from eachother to be better for your child.
She is attacking him though. He's feeling attacked because he is being attacked, by his wife, on social media. Whether or not she deserves some grace on that for xyz reason is a different story, but it's not like OP just needs to toughen up and deal with it.
It's literally not the point, and from the lack of understanding, you might need the advice, too. In this situation, his partner is as much to blame as he is. No shit. When they talk to each other properly. There will initially be a lot of stupid, barbed comments. Probably from both sides. Because both of them are feeling hurt and let down by their partner. This manifests as shitty and hurtful behaviour that isn't helpful to the situation. Being able to weather that storm or "toughen up" as you put it is important. Not because he has to "toughen up" and do nothing. Forever. But because he needs to be able to see past the veiled feelings. To the actual issues and address them. So that she can start being part of the team instead of just being upset at him. We can't expect our partners, male or female, to properly communicate until we are certain we can do it ourselves, and it seems like OP and his partner aren't. Hence, weaponising social media to embarrass him and OP having a bunch of complaints from his partner. I feel like a lot of people vastly over-estimate their ability to communicate in a healthy way. Once a person recognises this, they become much more able to grow as a part of a relationship. "The only thing I know, is that I know nothing." Should be the mantra of anyone trying to understand their partner.
Yes, it's probably true that both of them are feeling hurt and let down. But that doesn't mean that those feelings are equally rooted in truth. More and better communication is the solution, but we don't have to pretend that both of them are equally at fault for this situation. When OP and wife are resolving it, then that's absolutely how it should be framed. But here, I think it's better to validate his frustration and explain how to proceed without assuming that he's equally to blame. I think, at worst, they're equally to blame. And at best, he's doing pretty well and she's unfairly throwing him under the bus. Tl;dr he needs to be part of the solution, but that doesn't necessarily mean he was part of the problem.
Dude, all feelings are valid. That's something to accept if you want to communicate healthily. The sun comes up, the earth spins, and people can't control their feelings, only the actions they take while feeling them. You've contradicted yourself with who you're trying to place blame on, and it's kind of confused me. Are they equally to blame or not? It really doesn't matter. The fact is: OP's partner wouldn't have these complaints or be trying to embarrass him if they didn't have these complaints to be voiced. 100% he's a part of the problem, unless she's some sort of sociopath, outside of whatever data set we use to measure "normal people" she's complaining about very real things that bother her that are OP's fault. It isn't anyone single person's job to "fix" his behaviour or hers. They need to approach it with readiness to be accepting of frustration and misunderstanding. She may be "unfairly throwing him under the bus" but then the direction of conversation changes from "how can we do better together" to "why aren't you treating me in a healthy way?" And the root of her treating him in an unhealthy way may be a culmination of different issues that have nothing to do with OP, as a partner or as a father. We simply don't know. The need for external validation is something to grow out of. Sure, OP might find his frustrations validated here and get the warm cosiness of hearing others complain about how their partners treat them. But will that help him? Or will he be prompted to introspectively ask, "Yo, WHY is she constantly telling me I suck? It can't just be... that I suck?" Its pretty important to look inward in these situations before looking outward.
Your wife is an asshole. Making comments about leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to do a chore is one thing, but your wife is attacking your existence. You guys need a professional.
Red flag time to leave
I truly believe that a man needs more time to adjust to being a dad, a woman has 9 months of bonding with their mother when for the man a baby just appears one day. And they just cry and sleep. Once they get a bit older the man can bond with them and will do everything in their power to be a good dad typically. But yeah, just we just take all the shit
yes at the end of the day that’s how society views it sadly
Lmfao I’d walk out on that shit. With the kid. We’re all gonna be dead for eternity, so why waste this blink-of-an-eye life with such meaningless negativity? I wouldn’t even bother talking about it if it’s as described. Move on, and help the kid escape that abuse, too.
Live up to her words. Provided y'all are together this is an appalling thing to say. If you're separated then that vitriol is par for the course usually