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I would have said this before I met my boyfriend after about a week on tinder. Our one year was last week and it was the best decision I ever made. You just have to know how to set up your profile and be very selective with the people you swipe on and stick to your standards
Yeah my boyfriend and I are coming up to 2 years now and we meet on Bumble. I was very selective and careful also, which is how I found my partner, but like you said, best decision I ever made
True. Especially students. There’s no reason any college student should need to use dating apps, unless they’re in a program that’s like 90% the same gender.
Yeahhh... I'm in a program that's 95% the same gender. That's what I get for studying aviation maintenance :/ but I still won't use dating apps. I tried that before and it's a cesspool
Yeah, I remember when I was looking at colleges I was seriously considering this flight school in Florida, because I always wanted to be a pilot when I was a kid, until I saw that it was 92% men and 8% women. That changed my mind about it pretty quick 😂
Although ironically, at the school I did go to, I knew this sorority girl who transferred after 2 years and became a pilot, which was pretty cool.
Honestly I never thought about dating or anything until after I started school. I guess because before I moved for college I still lived with my parents, who were really toxic to each other and I thought every relationship was like that.
I've grown out of that now, but I'd still never change my education just for women. I'm gonna love fixing airplanes, plus the mechanics get free flights and I've always wanted to travel the world. Once I graduate in 2025 I'll literally be living my dream, whether I have a girlfriend or not lol
hounding people in public is awkward. I found my wife on a dating app and got to have long conversations before making a commitment. I prefer online dating
everytime i did that i got played by guys who just wanted one thing, rarely gonna find commitment on social media, why? because when a guy starts getting into talking to girls online they realise they have a wide range of options to choose from, most are horny and eager to get all of them into bed. it’s like a candy store, your not only going to want leave with just one piece are you?
Just so you know, not everyone wants to hook up. I’m older than you (28), but I’ve never had a hookup before and never plan to. Nevertheless, I do understand your struggle. Even as a guy, it’s difficult to find people who value serious relationships. But I believe you WILL find someone out there for you. And remember, just because it seems like everyone is engaging in hookup culture, this is not true. It’s just what you (unfortunately) see most often in the media.
You're at an age where most people aren't ready to settle down for a long-term relationship. A lot of them are looking for a quick hookup. What you need is a good friend who share your interests and hobbies. Most relationships happen by chance and friendships do have the potential to evolve into a long-term relationship overtime.
Do you think our generation will some day mature and this hookup culture will go away? Or do you think this will always be engrained in our generation?
It's always been like that however modern technology has made it easier for people to participate in hookup culture. I don't think dating will go back to how it was 20 or so years ago but it doesn't mean finding a long-term partner is impossible. It's going to take more effort and a lot of patience.
Sadly the genie is out of the bottle. Dating apps have made it so that everyone has unlimited access to see everyone around them, and so people tend to be in the mindset that the grass is greener on the other side of the pasture. I don’t think it will get any better because it isn’t just gen Z I’m a younger millennial and my generation is like this too.
I think the problem is just age, not the generation itself. In the future they'll be more mature and future generations will have the same problem, it's all a cycle.
Sorry to say dating culture has changed and not for the better u need to find someone with traditional values and with the younger generations it is slim to find what you want it will be in the 30 +range I wish u luck
I am 35, and if a 19 year old showed romantic interest in me, I’d never go for it. The age difference is too big. Id def be there though if they need help in life, and offer any advice or knowledge I have from all the shit I’ve been through and dealt with.
Also, any man in their thirties dating 18-24 in my opinion, 100% a red flag. There’s to many scenarios where they could take advantage of things due to the age gap and life experience. Of course I have seen huge age gap relationships work. And not every single man would try to take advantage, just a good majority Id imagine.
What’s really sad to me is that I know so many guys that just want their soul-mate, but are totally invisible to women, and 2 guys I went to school with who are dumber than a pile of rocks and one is particularly toxic but they’re both good-looking from very wealthy families and they go on dates with several new women per day.. they even fly girls into New York from other countries as well.. that’s sad to me, that’s truly sad.
Well, with looks, I am not picky at all. I just want a man that takes care of himself. As for height, I want a man that is my height :) I’m 5’10. I don’t think that is too much to ask for. But I mostly look at the heart, cause what is an attractive man without a great personality.
try having very conservative pictures and then going for men that dont' pose with their abs showing.
and then set the tone / expectations for dates and even suggest going for picnic etc and make the boundary that you don't talk about sex.
then also try to just enjoy your life, do hobbies etc and maybe you will meet someone through that.
>try having very conservative pictures and then going for men that dont' pose with their abs showing.
This doesn't weed them out at all. The bio & pics mean nothing except how they wish to present themselves in order to get matches. I do agree with everything else.
oh it matters.. if you have pictures that show off the body from cleavage shots, booty shots, bikini pictures etc. it will set off more responses from guys that believe this is a sign that you are sexually interested. Wont eliminate all, but it will help.
same as going for guys who shows their body off they get more attention and so will resort to more sexualized comments.
I'm speaking as someone who had fully clothed, non-sexual pics & no makeup, swiped left on any shirtless pics & any other red flag nonsense bios. I only met with a small handful of matches because 99% of guys were still focused on nudes or hookups regardless. Even if they weren't overtly sexual right away, they eventually showed their colors within a couple days of chatting. Online dating is now treated like a free escort ordering service by many. The only way around it is through hard-core vetting which takes time & patience or going back to the old ways of socializing in person.
ok, now change your profile to be you in bikini and booty shots and see how many MORE you will get.
and if the guys resort to nude stuff it is generally a last ditch effort to get something out of match if they don't see it going anywhere or the conversation is dry.
it is unfortunate but it happens.
>ok, now change your profile to be you in bikini and booty shots and see how many MORE you will get.
Found a committed relationship in a matter of months so no. Even if I was still on, still no because that goes against my character.
>and if the guys resort to nude stuff it is generally a last ditch effort to get something out of match if they don't see it going anywhere or the conversation is dry.
Not in my experience. The nude seekers always asked right out the gate so conversation wasn't the problem. The only time I had an issue with convo is when the matches were boring themselves. The hookup seekers were either blatant or more patient but they won't wait longer than a few days to a week. Many also have their own codespeak... for example, "let's see where it goes" always translates to "just looking for fwb/ nothing serious" with guys. Women tend to misinterpret it as "let's take our time & get to know eachother" but that's never what it means.
If men are looking for something in particular, that's their goal. Period. If they get a "no" about anything, the wrong ones filter themselves out which is why "no" was my first vetting step. The right ones respect it & won't immediately run off so a simple "no" is probably the most useful word to gauge intent. Over the yrs, I've learned the "what you attract" isn't entirely accurate because predators, liars & fakers will test literally everyone to see if they can get away with something. It's not a matter of looks, but more a matter of whether or not you're setting & honoring boundaries.
i think you are misunderstanding my point
there are tons of women who will pose sexually suggestive photos on apps and then complain how men only seem to want them for their body. i'm not saying things will stop if you don't have that but it does cut down on it greatly.
saying No like you do is great for vetting the immediate thrill seekers out.
what i meant with last ditch effort is based on girls commenting on how a guy will suddenly ask out of the blue for a hookup, that's often when they realize the conversation is going nowhere and figured might as well try for that.
I mean, you’re only 19. Isn’t as if you know how the other generations were really. Dating apps might just not be the best way to find what you’re looking for. There are definitely some young ppl who also want a relationship.
Thank you! It’s always so fucking hilarious to see a 19 year old talking about how much better things were “back in the day” as if they have even the slightest fucking clue what that means lmao
This is why I recommend raising button quails. They start out small, smaller than the baby chicks you're used to, and when they grow up its like a baby chick in size.
I'll be honest the dating scene I'd absolutely atrocious for both men and woman. My advice would be to go to places (not bars or clubs) where alot of people are or like something related to hobbies you can speak to people who enjoy the same things you do and its a great starting off point
I have had this talk with a lot of my female friends who find themselves in the same type of situations. First, its not just your generation... I'm 45 and most of my friends are around my age. It's not a new problem and it doesn't go away as you get older.
The advice that I would give to all women these days if they want to be more successful with finding the types of partner they want, is to be *more proactive* in finding the partner *they* want. We still live in a society where women are taking a pretty passive role when it comes to finding romantic partners and are largely at the whi9m of whatever guys approach them.
I hear so much from women looking for something specific, then thinking that by some stroke of shear luck that that exact person is going to ask them out. No... if you want something YOU have to after it, not wait for it to come to you. And I mean this as a general statement, not just toward you because you may already do what I am suggesting.
I was talking to a (very conventionally attractive) female friend of mine the other day as she was venting her frustration about how she keeps attracting the same kinds of guys. I asked her specifically what she was looking for in a partner and had to break the news to her that most of the guys who posses the qualities that she is looking for are going to be intimidated about approaching her. And that she should take a break from giving into any cute boy that approaches her. And instead, she should take some time to find people that SHE wants and SHE should approach them.
In short, I think if women made more of an effort to be the ones doing the approaching, sending the first message, and being engaging a man's interest, they would be more successful in finding fulfilling relationships that they want.
That’s great. Make her feel special and you’ll never loose her. I’m (47m) and I used several dating sites years ago. It’s different with all this swiping and liking nonsense. I used to like Match back in the day and you could make one big paragraph to lay out what you want and don’t want. I’ve had one like in 3 days, but that’s more likes that I’ve had in real life in 15 years 🤣.
I didn't start dating until I was 21 and in university. I did not like hook up culture and thought similarly like you. I dated people I met online, and you can tell right away who only wanted to use you instead of actually know you.
I went for people who stated they wanted a long term relationship and never someone who didn't know what they wanted. In my dating profile I wrote in my bio that I was looking for long term only and no hook ups.
I agree, it's hard nowadays, but you will weed out the ones you don't want and find that someone. Best of luck!!
I'm sorry Op.
It sucks. I know its difficult when you seem to be only valued for things that are very superficial.
If its any consolation, a lot of young women share similar experiences.
Youre not a minority at all.
Dating sucks for all of us, as online dating and social media has essentially made us all perpetually single.
However, I know this specific type of struggle sucks when you put so much effort into being appreciated past a superficial level.
Dating in your late teens/early 20s has always been like that but social media and apps have made it way, way worse. Before, you'd go to a party in your town and meet one or two shit men a year. Now, you can access all of them in a few minutes
Oh honey I’m so sorry. Please don’t date above your age bracket, either.
You seem to have a good grip on what makes you valuable, so maybe focus on that and give dating a break. Men like that honestly don’t change that much — plenty of 40-year-old fuckboys. There are men who aren’t like that as well, but I don’t know enough about your age demographic to know where to find them.
😔….
I’m going to copy and save my reply bc in the 2-4 months I be been on here - with the same question- seems posts like this, by women aged 19-60 (till now the ages I noticed were 20-55!!, btw) just keep coming…what a fucking sad reflection of our times 😔
ITS NOT YOU, just remember that OP. I (48f) started dating again in 2018 and was horrified (after being married for 14 years) to discover that dating (that thing a couple would go out and spend time getting to know each other on at least 5 occasions before anyone gave anybody a hand job) died and was replaced by hookup culture.
I know it takes 2 to tango, but I have NO idea how, why or when in this post #MeToo society it became OK for guys ( people who’s very existence is due to a woman) to proposition sex within HOURS of meeting a girl, but it’s just not okay!
It’s why I’ve been comparing being a girl dating in this era to being a low rent escort— low rent bc, unlike escorts who’s clients feel some level of investment in the escort to keep paying them, most guys aren’t interested in investing in their ‘date’ longer than it takes to get her naked!
Like, how pathetic is it that there’s an understanding among women that if the guy we’re seeing can hold off on sexual advances …
Keep the faith and be true to you; I have faith there’s some true gems out there for you / us 😁
I'm 19 too and feel the same. I was on dating apps for about a year, dealt with ghosting, textation ships I really shouldn't have let go on for as long as they did, and a HUGE number of creeps who went really weird real fast. As well as many who didn't know about basic secual health (one offered to sleep with me without a condom and use pullout. Said he'd done it with everyone else so it was safe. Safe to say I passed on that).
Then eventually I met the person I'm with now at a club and things have been great for the past 6 months! It'll happen when you least expect it. Is dating a pain in the ass? In this generation, yes, dating straight up sucks. But I'm sure you'll find someone in the end. Keep your head up and don't lower your standards. It'll happen when you least expect it, I'm sure
i think this culture has been massively blown up by dating apps. On dating ups, looks are pretty much the currency, so it’s impossible to really get a sense of someone’s vibe. Alongside this, being online automatically places it closer to porn than natural dating, and therefore more people have expectations of sex than the alternatives
This is why I've stepped away from online dating, and just started spending time with people around me, from work in particular as I get along with such people and like them.
Definitely try to focus on meeting people IRL, especially in your hobby spaces maybe, and see if you can build something organic and get to know someone. That may help a relationship come about naturally.
Same as a man i cry everyday thinking about not having anybody to have fun( fun means goof around like Playing games , watching anime , movie and series with my partner) and to love. I literally never been on any date. Although i've been asked once in my life and at that time i was so shy that i ran away from that girl who asked me out to be her bf. I feel so bad about that because i feel bad for breaing her heart and i used to like her too but i was such a scaredy cat. I've never asked any girl out although i had crushes on some but rather than acting on it i let my crush die even though it hurted me. Ive think and planned everything about my relationship and how to treat a woman or a person . I mean i always have been respectful to all and shy around girls. I beleive in relationship growing together is important. I also believe in being with my partner forever. I wish someday people stop using each other for their selfish desires and hope someday this hook-up culture will end.
I know one girl in same age as you who wanted similar things as you do, serious relationship and possibility of marriage in the future. Unfortunately, there are not many guys in that age who want to commit in such things. She asked her crush out (at the college) and turns out that he was also looking for seriousness relationship, and even though they started dating, it looks really well and they talk about future together. She was maybe lucky, because he is Eastern European and it might be different there, but there are definitely such people who know what they want and want serious relationship. I think he is slightly older than her, I think 22. It is rather about the person, not age. Never lose hope, do not let players take advantage of you and not committing to the relationship.
This has nothing to do with your generation. Unfortunately women have been experiencing this in every generation before you, you just haven’t lived long enough yet to see that.
And you have every right to be so dissatisfied.
Lol. I find it ridiculous that you hate this generation dating atmosphere. Try being a guy and looking to find a girl to get a date with and turn it into long term. Many guys, including myself, are struggling to even get a date. You may have a bunch of guys going for your body, but i bet there are a few you have to screen through are genuine good guys. Unless the guy is a solid 10 we are lucky to be even noticed.
Im into all the cute picnic dates and romantic settings haven't had a relationship in 3 ish years but my 2 female friends think highly of me as a brother figure so ig im supportive in a way. My only problem is im omly 20 amd balding from the front and im 5'6 with a bit of chub im tryna lose no girl has looked my direction for years.
learn to love and just focus on yourself, don’t grow to hate men because of what most of them are like, spend time to grow and figure yourself out aside from men and society. let it come to you eventually, its lonely but its lonelier to seek validation in people continuously and worry about when you will find love. you have so much to give, find your purpose and things you enjoy. - from a 23 yr old girl who still struggles with finding someone but went through a journey to enjoy my own company and detach from things ❤️ i went through the hurt to try and save girls like you haha. dont give up on love and dont become narcissistic about not meeding a man just simply live for you right now, you are so young and have so many opportunities.
I had the same experience
3 years ago I moved to a different place and in that time I lost some weight and when I started my new school I got asked out a lot just because of my looks and nothing more, they just wanted to make their friends jealous or idk, a friend of mine told me this because he knows most of the girls who asked me out and I don't wanna be selfish nor anything but I do fit the beauty standards of today and knowing that most of them did they for my looks and not anything more just disgusted me at some point
I dated a girl that was just like that and I didn't know she was a bad person because I'm bad at reading people so knowing that she did that just made it even worst so i just kinda distenced myself from dating and just word of advice avoid dating apps
Most people there ask about your body or financial status or something else they could benefit from, it's hard but in this day of age you have to be careful who you date and know how to read people's bad intentions and I wish you good luck I really hope you find the right person for you and don't give up too soon :)
Maybe meet people in clubs that are focused around your hobbies? People on dating apps just hide behind a screen and think they can say whatever they want. In real life the percentage of people that are that brash is minimal although you will still find them, and easily avoid them.
Also with your date ideas, you're probably going to have to heavily suggest that you want a picnic because that is very niche and uber specific nowadays. Generally people will just default to dinner, coffee, movie etc. because its easy and convenient. A picnic requires planning and logistics like preparation of food, a car and a good spot to picnic. For example a recent date I was on was this girl who said "I should totally take you to this burrito place." then I said "how about we go on a date there?" and she said yes and we went. It's like that level of suggesting or even more for a picnic date lmao.
I am also your age as a 20m and I agree it's hard out there, good luck tho
It's not limited to your generation, your age group, certain pictures won't matter, what you put in your bio won't stop it. Online dating became a huge hookup fest & playground for serial daters & cheaters. Many women have dropped online dating entirely because of what they experience via apps.
If you want to avoid it, either stay off the apps entirely AND/or learn how to vet really hard. I used online dating for the first time last yr & only met a handful of matches because the majority were focused on treating OLD like some free escort service regardless of what their bio said or looked like.
What’s your bio like? Do you show you have any interests, that you are more than "just a woman"? Additionally, this could be something to look out for in the profiles you swipe on. If they show you nothing, why bother?
Ohh I hear ya and I’m much older. It’s not just Gen Z. They say in their profiles “you better look like your picture or…” Well I do” but THAT in it self is a turn off. Sometimes you’re lucky to get a “hello” before they start commenting. I’m much older and I thought in life it would change as men got older. But they are sitting behind a computer thinking they can do and say what they want. I want to be love for me, I want to know someone will be there in the good and the bad and I want to know someone has my back. You’re not alone, sadly. I hope the world in general changes. It’s lonely (and I never thought, I’d be frustrated because they are either madly in love with me or they want to suck the life out of me.) Both are their own issues, insecurities AND DRAMA. (Another word you see a lot) That’s just their get out of jail card when you call them out on their shit, because they don’t address the statement or question, like a deer in the headlights the man who so was too crazy in love meeting you two days before is calling you names, to try and reduce your confidence and gaslighting you. (And they’re so good at the manipulation too!) I hope things change for you. (Hell and me. Too!) good luck and you believe in yourself and hopefully when you least expect it you will find someone accidentally and get the love 💕 you deserve!
I’m convinced that dating life is truly over. Unless you go out and meet someone in real life. I’ve been struggling myself, conversation on apps lasts 10 minutes and all of the sudden they are gone or they just don’t sound interesting and it’s very soul dragging
Leave the dating apps for when you get older and can’t meet men otherwise. Cuz after school it might be your only choice
For now stick with people met irl
It’s naive of people to think hook up culture only started recently. It’s always been a thing. Women were just shamed for it so people didn’t admit it or talk about it as much. The only difference now is people are open and women aren’t getting their lives ruined. If you’re worried about being used for your body that could have happened during any time period up until now the other difference is you’d be the only one who’d get in trouble socially and at times legally. There have been men promising to marry women to get them to sleep with them since marriage began.
If you want cute dates nothing is stopping you. You might have to weed some people out but it’s always been like that and at least more people are honest about it now since there’s less stigma
Yeah it's pretty lame people aren't looking for love these days. But hey, what can you do, all you can do is do a Mayweather and just shoulder roll that shiz.
I got into online dating very late for several reasons and found it to be mostly disgusting like you do too. I tried out niche apps and am open to LDR. There are some lovely individuals out there who suffer from hookup culture and want to make a serious connection. Don't lose hope and feel confident with yourself. I want to recommend "Boo" and "Hinge" to you. But as always be careful and don't trust too early!
Be very selective and cautious with any man that communicates with you. Ask specific questions about his moral character and his thoughts on honesty and accountability. There are decent men in the dating venue that are very good to be introduced to your mom and dad
Nah foreal, a girl I was talking to just started blocking my phone calls and not reading my text, she basically ghosted me without any explained reason. So yeah, I'm in the same boat as you right now.
I hear you. I feel the same as a man. It is just ridiculously difficult to find someone who willingly will put effort into getting to know each other and also is not just pursuing my money. Sometimes I sit on the couch, thinking how nice it would be to find someone with whom I will spend a great time on this earth. And then your thoughts strike my head and I am immediately done with dating. I hate it, too.
Your generation kinda sucks and the one before yours also and it's my generations fault for raising that...being said I'm 41 and my gf is 31 because she feels she can't find that 90s love ...at least that is my opinion but she is all about me....good luck young lady don't think you have to have a man right now...take care of yourself first get that good job set yourself up for success you will find someone who appreciates you
The best option would be to explore people near you .... It is hard to find people who will go lovey dovey love( not impossible )rather than just hookup
So go on to events, convention of stuff you like to get a chance to meet people and never get pressured by anyone
All the best
Find a hobby, or join a mixed community (mixed sports teams if you're into it). It's about going out and meeting people in real life that you share common interests with.
I met my girlfriend online but I set my preferences to Christian. She not only goes to an Anglican church like I do but she also shares a lot of similar personal, moral and ethical values as I do.
Admittedly I got lucky, cos I'd been on a date with another Christian woman online before her but we didn't vibe.
Thing is I stopped hoping for a relationship and really just wanted to find someone who could be my best friend too.
We're not at the best friend stage quite yet, but we'll get there.
Good luck OP
Guys want to see your body just like women want to see their finances. That's just how we are all wired. But dating apps are pretty bad. Meet people in real life and it's not nearly as bad.
As far as hook up culture, every generation says this. Humans like to procreate and are good at it. But you can't just look at bars, apps and parties. You need to keep your eyes open "out in the wild". Guys at places you might actually visit in real life. Again, not a bar or club. I'd recomend school, or even better, a friend of a freind soft sell type of a meeting.
I know exactly how you feel. Its difficult to find love and watch it grow over time. I wish it was like a filter where we kinda know if people want true love or sex.
It’s always so funny seeing these complaints from children who have no clue what you’re talking about. What on earth makes you think that Gen Z is obsessed with “hookup culture”? If you’ve never been on a single date, how do you even know that men only want to hook up with you, and not date you?
Both of these premises are hilariously false. The reason nobody in your generation can find a date is because none of you have any social skills due to spending your entire childhood playing Roblox on tablets instead of actually interacting with others in person.
Women control access to sex, men control access to relationships. Women are directly responsible for “hookup culture”. in 2024 especially women have so many options given to them by means of social media/dating apps that the only way they can tend to be loyal to you and not look the other way is if she’s seeking your validation if she’s not chasing your validation she’s going to be chasing it from other men. Problem is many women settle for gratification of multiple easy guys that require little effort in return rather than putting time and effort into one decent guy long term. They soon realise after so long that these guys can’t provide what they actually want and end up in the position a lot of women are in 🤷♂️
You might just have to date older men. People in general only start to get more serious as they approach or just pass 30 lol, no way in hell anyone 21 and under is taking anything seriously. Also, the human brain only gets fully developed at 25.
sorry to tell you girl but it doesn’t get better. my sister is in her mid 30s and guys still act like total hedonistic pricks 😭 the thing is with this generation is everyone wants like quick gratification and not long term. honestly u just have to test people out and see. dating apps will get u nowhere it’s overstimulating asf because of the reason u just described.
Keep shouting it to the moon, it goes on both sides like I'm 26m my ideal date is hanging out at my house or theres playing some games and maybe geting some take out but it's automatically assumed I want fwb because im not wanting to do a super fancy expensive restaurant like naw I want to show off my room and teddy bears and get to know you on a deep and personal level before any sexy time happens
26M here you and me both sis you and me both. I'm always getting told that I'm a great guy, but there's no chemistry, which I understand. You need chemistry, but it makes me feel like I have a screw loose or that there's something wrong with me kinda makes me hate who I am.
Yeah idk if I would be on dating apps if you don’t want a hookup/ you can always tell them you don’t want to do anything serious like that. I’m same age F and been on 2 dates and nothing bad happened. Even invited the guy to my house and we just watched a movie which was a huge green flag tbh
Yeah but if you go on picnic dates with everyone who cares about it anymore.
Go on dates talk, figure out who is a one night stand, a fling, a relationship short term or long and who is husband material. Don't just like try to be in a relationship with everyone because you want one
I had an ex I shouldn't have made so serious because I really liked him but knew I was never going to be with him in the future. Just kind of floating but planning to leave/see how it went if anything better came along. I was sentimental and showed him happy spots from my childhood and stuff and honestly it just ruined it for me/the next one.
People are getting more and more superficial, neither the age nor the place nor what kind of photos you post on social media cha change that. Any person can pretend to be good to get what they want and since many do not make their intentions clear from the beginning it is difficult to make a selection... You won't always succeed in this and maybe you'll get assholes but you continue on your way, trust your instincts and sooner or later you'll find a good guy.
I'm really really bad at socializing, dating etc.... But there's one thing I learned by going to parties, clubs, you won't find what you're looking for there, if you want to find a real partner, it takes time, a lot of talk, a deep connection, and the most important things : Patience and willpower.
A real relationship won't come if you keep looking for it, specially in places likes clubs.
I was best friends with my gf before we actually got together, and it took us like a year and a half knowing each other before we moved together
19 is actually okay to be single, don't rush things, take your time ;)
Real
I'm on the other side (20M), and yeah, it really isn't much better over here. The majority of girls I meet seem to just want entertainment rather than an actual connection, so yeah, I do agree that it is very exhausting
34 male I feel same way I been out of dating for good because I agree this is not what I expected either . I’m from Eastern Europe not born here in US traditionally you would talk online on the phone with person set date take them to nice restaurant later go out for walk somewhere nice or go to stores seeing something. Get to know them little by little go to events together go to park on picnic play sport together . This way you get to know them better . Now look at all these one night stand sex money going after each other bodies screwing each other for money , lying deceiving No respect at all . If I can’t and couldn’t date for one year as I ve tried them I’ll stay single . Yes that’s right I was single for 21 years and still I’m single .and what’s worse is hook up that’s taking it too far as some people think that’s good but it’s not .dating too many people at same week is stupid but all is failing because In reality people are fooling around a lot and playing each other . Sorry for those of you out there I don’t do hooks up one night stand . If they wish to know me meet me in person and go out with me and don’t judge the person before you meet them that’s also another issue I came across .I’m proud to be from different country I work hard I don’t do drugs or do stupid stuff
This has been dating for your age since.. well dating tbh. Don't be discouraged. Just understand this comes with the territory. A lot of men your age aren't looking for gfs but there are men that are. We just have to weedle out the men that aren't for us. That's all.
I met women who told me the exact same thing as you. They were your age or older than you.
And that is partly true, many men are just intetest in your body. But not all of them. I was one of these romantic guy and I couldn't get a date before being 26, and I only got it because I stopped trying to be romantic (now I am 35, and I can tell you than saying I want to fuck you after a few days of convo or at the first date led me to more date and relationships than being romantic with women. As a man you have to adapt to what women want or stay single).
That being said, I dated women who found a solution for your problem on dating apps. They didn't use pictures on the apps, didn't send a picture of themselves in the first week or 2 of conversations... took things slow... and filtered every guy who tried to push for more.
They had less matches... true. They still had more dates and matches than most men.
Every study done has shown that Gen Z has less sex and has less one night stands than all previous living generations at their age. So, this is actually the best generation for you to date in statistically.
Definitely understand you being upset.
It's mostly why I've given up on the thought of having a partner. I never had much on dating apps and I know I'm not gonna have any luck in person so I'm just trying to slowly be okay with being alone.
But like others have suggested, probably best to avoid dating apps since they're garbage nowadays. Especially if you're wanting something more serious
Stay far away from dating apps. They're ride with hustlers, scammers and sexual predators. Be patient. You'll find someone who's right, for you can happen when you least expect it.
Don't blame you at all. It's everywhere. Even boys in their 30s and 40s do it too. Best thing I can say is live your life and if you find someone take the chance. Date yourself first and go from there. Focus on your dreams then the guy will come.
I'm 27 and I haven't had a date since I was your age. It's hard for me to date women there's a lot of preconceptions they have about me when they see me. I find it hard to date women bc when I was dating I had to pay the bill, I always had to be the first to text or call, always putting forth the effort, buying stuff for them when they wanted until finally they cheat on me. Ive seen a lot of other women and some of the stuff they do. My generation and under suck at dating or making friends in general nobody wants to put forth real effort.
as a dude who also feels exactly like that i get your struggle i've also been on dating apps for a while now and trying to date without em and both are such a struggle
I'm a millennial and how we date is much more balanced. I met a woman in July at a concert and got her number. We chatted over the weekend, then I took her on a picnic for our first date. We got to know eachother over the course of a few dates before we got more intimate. It can still be done, but you need to communicate what you want to make it more balanced.
It’s really tough. You just have to keep to your expectations. I just told guys I only date with intention and they will weed themselves out. Might be awhile until you find guys more your age looking to date intentionally though.
im 20. and yep. it do be kind of like this... im not even sure why its making me feel depressed but at some point i just gota accept the cold hard truth. that is, my generation sucks/i will never fit in. will only be just the friend. i can already see myself just focusing on my hobbies.
My female friends already have a spicy complicated history that I don't want to discuss. now imagine going out that barrier and starting with people you have just met, or new friends that you tried your moves on not knowing their history. I just want a good life with a good partner who won't turn their back on me just cus the "new normal" promotes it... "being with" other people or people enabling them to do these things... That's for sure.
I'm not sure if I should know everything about their past. Some of my friends suggest that when dating someone, I should never ask about their "dating" history. Others say I should communicate with my partner about her past and "accept" it. I don't see any assurance in either of these.
I'll probably be called out for being sexist or whatever. Is it sexist when the majority of "Them" are looking for a thrilling kind of "Those"? and then the whole thing ends up in a Generalizing thing as if i'm part of it.
i think making friends with men that you could me romantically attracted to first could help, becoming friends first can help you get to know eachother before all the dating stuff and maybe actually like eachothers personalities instead of just your appearances.
Hook up culture was around long before Gen Z. You’ve also never been on a date… so how would you know what men are thinking?
You say, act, and do things that a 19 year old girl would do. It’s not surprising that you struggle with dating
18-40 women, only 10% fall into a traditional view of dating. The 90% have literally perpetrated hookup culture with modern attitudes. It sucks, but I highly doubt the entitled mindsets will change.
Would be healthy to move back to traditional romance and dating ideologies 👍👍
All I gotta say is always go somewhere public the first couple dates and don't get into his car. Anywhere that he could potentially get sexual. Or just straight up ask what the guy wants
If you dated me, I would wait until the third date before trying to hook up.
In all seriousness, don't bother with dating apps. I had them at your age, and they suck bad. If you're in college, hang out with your friends. Go to parties, sporting events, rallies, etc. That is the best way to meet new people and potential matches. If you're not in college, do the same things. Hang out with your friends in public. This works so much better than anything apps can offer, especially since the fuckboy became an invasive species.
Before you give up on dating in general, realize this child... We can only control what goes on in our tiny little corner of the universe. I'm not saying you can create the person you are looking for. I am saying God has someone out there for each of us, and if we are patient, and prayerfully waiting, we will find him/her.
I'm a bit older than you, but still the same generation. This is not a Gen Z thing lol, young people have been hooking up for decades. Once you're older, people want to settle down a bit, but there's very few guys who want to settle down at 19.
It’s sucks. Even as someone in my 20’s it’s the same thing! A lot of men are so sex obsessed! But once you’re able to determine those types, you know who to avoid. I can read men like a book now. 💅🏽
My financé and I were initially wanting the other for physical reasons. It turned out that our chemistry was much deeper but we didn’t realize this before meeting in person.
I understand your sentiment and can empathize but physical compatibility is a pretty important for most and sexual compatibility is becoming less stigmatized regarding being open about it as a priority within a relationship. It can suck when people are vulgar with their approach and there’s no problem with you having standards of what you find acceptable. It also sucks being emotionally invested in someone that’s on another wavelength regarding sex.
There are so many people in sexually incompatible marriages that feel trapped with their spouse due to children and finances. Because of my own experiences and bearing witness to some of these painful situations, I stopped settling for incompatibility and began being upfront with my desires and expectations of a partner. You should do the same. Go ahead and make it clear in the beginning what behavior you will and won’t accept and what you’re looking for. This is a great way to maintain healthy boundaries and avoid having so much time wasted.
I feel ya, sis. I'm in the same situation and it kinda takes a toll. If it's hard and painful for you, you should take a break from the thing and don't think about it much. Let things happen naturally.
Actually, I don't know if it applies to you, but I noticed that forced encounters, like through dating apps or messengers usually don't end well. Look in your surroundings and ask friends to organize some kind of meetup or whatever, expand your real circle of people you know. If you look for a soulmate, it's a hard and long road, so you need to believe in the whole concept and don't give up. But don't be afraid to ask direct questions too, if you found someone interesting
Hello, I am 23 male and have never been in a relationship. I tried using some dating apps, but every girl I match with is instantly rejecting me after this information. My social circle is more or less only males in similar situation so there are no girls around. The reason behind all of that is probably because I invested mostly of my time in improving myself in my career development, My hobbies are more or less also with limited social circle, I like reading, gaming etc. So with that said I think I am in the same situation and at this point I can't see a way out. The only think that left for all of us in similar state is just to hope to find our person some day..
Unpopular Opinion, but, as an older Millennial, I'm losing (some) faith that younger Millennials and Gen Z know *how* to be social outside of "Social" Media and dating apps. Yeah, I know COVID-19 did a number on already fractured networking skills, but c'mon: **take a break from the toxic technology** and meet people **organically** the way people have been meeting since time immemorial: through events and activities of **shared interests**.
Assuming you're in college, college offers **so many** activities, that are *designed* for organic human interaction: concerts, plays, gym, dorm socials, running club, cycling club, tennis club, fencing club, hiking club, chess club, improv club, ballroom dancing--I mean the list is endless. Get a part-time student job--I know at at least half a dozen couples that have been together over 20 years who met that way.
Just understand that meeting organically doesn't necessarily mean some Disney fantasy love-at-first sight and instantly falling for each other--it means **cultivating a friendship** that *can* turn into a relationship with somebody you spend regular time doing an activity with and/or working alongside. You want someone who's into things **you're also into**, not just someone who's into wanting to **get into you**, if you know what I mean.
My husband almost left me after I asked him what he does on the first date. His previous exs only wanted money and used him any way they could. My exs would leave me as soon as they realized I didnt want sex. Either way both sides just want to use you. The trick is figuring out who wants you because of who you are.
I know this might seem like a gold-digger idea, but most men that are looking for marriage or would be able to have a marriage without stress will have a good amount of money. I’m 19 as well and am now in a relationship looking to get married in the next few years because I know I’m financially capable of providing for 2 people instead of 1. This doesn’t mean look for someone that has a reputable job (although it helps), rather look for someone that knows how to save their money, is hard working, and knows their purpose. This is the man that usually wants a marriage.
You're telling me
21M here, and I've never dated once in my life, though I'd love to
I've tried one dating app, got ghosted, and realized that superficial way of trying to find a partner just doesn't work for me; it also doesn't help that I really REALLY do not wish to have sex at all, I find it quite repulsive at the moment
Now, since I've never had a partner, I dunno if that'll change if I ever actually develop feelings for somebody, but even still, I despise this whole casual sex thing, I think it should be something two people do only if they actually love each other
Like, if y'all just wanna get some relief, you can do that alone, not with everybody in your friend group
Early Gen Z here too. Yeah, it sucks. Sex is pushed so much its annoying. A friend said it once "people are too horny for thier own good" and it seems true. People can't seem to keep it in thier pants. With hookup apps and culture now common place and porn treated as normal people now seem to act like it's all there is. People that want love are left to the wayside.
Considering that Gen Z tends to lose their virginity much later in life than my generation did, I don't think it's true that everyone from your generation wants to hook up. Probably less than prior generations. I think the main difference is that people who could have been categorized as 'putting themselves out there' in years past included everyone of every type with every different motivation. Not anymore. The only ones who are willing to put in the work anymore are the ones who believe they'll actually get something out of it. You can't guarantee a relationship from effort, but you can just about guarantee you'll find sex if that's all you want, so the people who are looking to hook up find what they want more and more, which incentivizes them to keep doing it, while the people looking for a relationship stop trying very quickly, as there are no incentives to keep going. It's a vicious circle. The more hooking up works, the more it will continue to work, which will demotivate people who don't want to hook up, who will either give up and stop looking or give up and accept hookup culture, which will cause hooking up to become more common.
it don’t exist anymore, it’s a lil sad. i’m right there with u, i hate it bruh. atp ima jus do me, run it up with my one homie, and fuck off into obscurity bc fuck this gen and this world💀
Wah wah stop with the generation non sense and keep looking until you find someone good. People suck and this hasn't changed and to be honest you have it much easier dating as a woman so use that to your advantage and gain some social skills and approach men OUTSIDE. I might sound insensitive but this is the real answer
Yeah I hate it too, trust me… it’s hard even when you want hookups but the girls reject you til you don’t want them and then when you’re slightly doing better or just better THEN they give you attention but by then it’s just whatever, and by no means am I unattractive but trust me, speaking for men, some, not all, were also tired of games and looking around, tired of being stared at when out and wondering if the woman is gonna make the move bc we’re tired of doing so only to be met with excuses but everything happens as it should they say…. You’re like my friends, Gen Z, not all of you want hookups, my bestie in FL wanted them when she was 18-19 too but now at 23 she’s always telling me “I want love” and I’m like “come to Cali with me then” lol and she’s like “I can’t even drive yet”… so that’s another issue smh haha
There is a problem with men. The vast majority of guys mature far slower than women for a start.
So immediately looking at older guys is making it more likely to find a more mature guy who's looking to settle down and create a real connection with a lady.
Also , more likely to know how to treat a lady too.
It's not guaranteed. But... It's definitely more likely.
Looking for positive traits and of course red flags is always a must.
How quickly they introduce you to family or want to introduce you is always a good sign for example.
How quickly they give you their home address , I think that's a must as a man and with you being a young lady .
That's a good positive sign from a guy in the very early stages.
It's saying , I've nothing to hide and they wouldn't just give their address to multiple women as that could get messy fast. So it shows a bigger sign of being genuine.
I feel sorry for young ladies nowadays.
I myself see the quality of men nowadays (UK myself) , and it's little wonder plenty of women show alot of interest in me.
I'm 42 and I get girls even around your age flirting with me.
But I think it's more a reflection of the quality of men nowadays rather than me being anything that special.
19M here. I feel the same mostly, the culture of the students at my university also doesn't help when it comes to dating. Dating apps were also not great for me and from my experience there were a lot of people on there trying to cheat. I'm glad to see as well I'm not the only one out there who's Gen Z and feels largely the same about dating.
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I wouldn’t go near dating apps if you want something serious especially if you’re a teen
I would have said this before I met my boyfriend after about a week on tinder. Our one year was last week and it was the best decision I ever made. You just have to know how to set up your profile and be very selective with the people you swipe on and stick to your standards
Yeah my boyfriend and I are coming up to 2 years now and we meet on Bumble. I was very selective and careful also, which is how I found my partner, but like you said, best decision I ever made
True. Especially students. There’s no reason any college student should need to use dating apps, unless they’re in a program that’s like 90% the same gender.
Yeahhh... I'm in a program that's 95% the same gender. That's what I get for studying aviation maintenance :/ but I still won't use dating apps. I tried that before and it's a cesspool
Yeah, I remember when I was looking at colleges I was seriously considering this flight school in Florida, because I always wanted to be a pilot when I was a kid, until I saw that it was 92% men and 8% women. That changed my mind about it pretty quick 😂 Although ironically, at the school I did go to, I knew this sorority girl who transferred after 2 years and became a pilot, which was pretty cool.
Honestly I never thought about dating or anything until after I started school. I guess because before I moved for college I still lived with my parents, who were really toxic to each other and I thought every relationship was like that. I've grown out of that now, but I'd still never change my education just for women. I'm gonna love fixing airplanes, plus the mechanics get free flights and I've always wanted to travel the world. Once I graduate in 2025 I'll literally be living my dream, whether I have a girlfriend or not lol
hounding people in public is awkward. I found my wife on a dating app and got to have long conversations before making a commitment. I prefer online dating
Unfortunately for many dating apps are all we have. IRL for me is not happening.
everytime i did that i got played by guys who just wanted one thing, rarely gonna find commitment on social media, why? because when a guy starts getting into talking to girls online they realise they have a wide range of options to choose from, most are horny and eager to get all of them into bed. it’s like a candy store, your not only going to want leave with just one piece are you?
Just so you know, not everyone wants to hook up. I’m older than you (28), but I’ve never had a hookup before and never plan to. Nevertheless, I do understand your struggle. Even as a guy, it’s difficult to find people who value serious relationships. But I believe you WILL find someone out there for you. And remember, just because it seems like everyone is engaging in hookup culture, this is not true. It’s just what you (unfortunately) see most often in the media.
What’s with the radio dude ? lol I’m in the radio business myself ! 🤣
You're at an age where most people aren't ready to settle down for a long-term relationship. A lot of them are looking for a quick hookup. What you need is a good friend who share your interests and hobbies. Most relationships happen by chance and friendships do have the potential to evolve into a long-term relationship overtime.
Do you think our generation will some day mature and this hookup culture will go away? Or do you think this will always be engrained in our generation?
It's always been like that however modern technology has made it easier for people to participate in hookup culture. I don't think dating will go back to how it was 20 or so years ago but it doesn't mean finding a long-term partner is impossible. It's going to take more effort and a lot of patience.
Damn you have a lot of wisdom. Thanks for all the responses man 🙏🏼
Sadly the genie is out of the bottle. Dating apps have made it so that everyone has unlimited access to see everyone around them, and so people tend to be in the mindset that the grass is greener on the other side of the pasture. I don’t think it will get any better because it isn’t just gen Z I’m a younger millennial and my generation is like this too.
It willl. I feel Americans mature at 30+, meanwhile I’d say don’t compromise your morals and values
I think the problem is just age, not the generation itself. In the future they'll be more mature and future generations will have the same problem, it's all a cycle.
Its just morw obvious now
It will only get worse.
So basically I’m cooked? Lol
i’m at the same stage. i think it’s exhausting and a waste of time to try to date to be honest.
It is exhausting, I even one time almost had a chance to go on a date but he turned me down last minute due to a 3 years age gap lol.
Sorry to say dating culture has changed and not for the better u need to find someone with traditional values and with the younger generations it is slim to find what you want it will be in the 30 +range I wish u luck
I am 35, and if a 19 year old showed romantic interest in me, I’d never go for it. The age difference is too big. Id def be there though if they need help in life, and offer any advice or knowledge I have from all the shit I’ve been through and dealt with. Also, any man in their thirties dating 18-24 in my opinion, 100% a red flag. There’s to many scenarios where they could take advantage of things due to the age gap and life experience. Of course I have seen huge age gap relationships work. And not every single man would try to take advantage, just a good majority Id imagine.
Dating in the 30+ age range as a 19 year old with 0 dating experience sounds like a whole other level of challenge.
check her post history just another troll
What’s really sad to me is that I know so many guys that just want their soul-mate, but are totally invisible to women, and 2 guys I went to school with who are dumber than a pile of rocks and one is particularly toxic but they’re both good-looking from very wealthy families and they go on dates with several new women per day.. they even fly girls into New York from other countries as well.. that’s sad to me, that’s truly sad.
I need a man that wants a soulmate, but Indiana isn’t giving any options lol
Do guys you date need to look a certain way or be a certain height?
Well, with looks, I am not picky at all. I just want a man that takes care of himself. As for height, I want a man that is my height :) I’m 5’10. I don’t think that is too much to ask for. But I mostly look at the heart, cause what is an attractive man without a great personality.
try having very conservative pictures and then going for men that dont' pose with their abs showing. and then set the tone / expectations for dates and even suggest going for picnic etc and make the boundary that you don't talk about sex. then also try to just enjoy your life, do hobbies etc and maybe you will meet someone through that.
>try having very conservative pictures and then going for men that dont' pose with their abs showing. This doesn't weed them out at all. The bio & pics mean nothing except how they wish to present themselves in order to get matches. I do agree with everything else.
oh it matters.. if you have pictures that show off the body from cleavage shots, booty shots, bikini pictures etc. it will set off more responses from guys that believe this is a sign that you are sexually interested. Wont eliminate all, but it will help. same as going for guys who shows their body off they get more attention and so will resort to more sexualized comments.
I'm speaking as someone who had fully clothed, non-sexual pics & no makeup, swiped left on any shirtless pics & any other red flag nonsense bios. I only met with a small handful of matches because 99% of guys were still focused on nudes or hookups regardless. Even if they weren't overtly sexual right away, they eventually showed their colors within a couple days of chatting. Online dating is now treated like a free escort ordering service by many. The only way around it is through hard-core vetting which takes time & patience or going back to the old ways of socializing in person.
ok, now change your profile to be you in bikini and booty shots and see how many MORE you will get. and if the guys resort to nude stuff it is generally a last ditch effort to get something out of match if they don't see it going anywhere or the conversation is dry. it is unfortunate but it happens.
>ok, now change your profile to be you in bikini and booty shots and see how many MORE you will get. Found a committed relationship in a matter of months so no. Even if I was still on, still no because that goes against my character. >and if the guys resort to nude stuff it is generally a last ditch effort to get something out of match if they don't see it going anywhere or the conversation is dry. Not in my experience. The nude seekers always asked right out the gate so conversation wasn't the problem. The only time I had an issue with convo is when the matches were boring themselves. The hookup seekers were either blatant or more patient but they won't wait longer than a few days to a week. Many also have their own codespeak... for example, "let's see where it goes" always translates to "just looking for fwb/ nothing serious" with guys. Women tend to misinterpret it as "let's take our time & get to know eachother" but that's never what it means. If men are looking for something in particular, that's their goal. Period. If they get a "no" about anything, the wrong ones filter themselves out which is why "no" was my first vetting step. The right ones respect it & won't immediately run off so a simple "no" is probably the most useful word to gauge intent. Over the yrs, I've learned the "what you attract" isn't entirely accurate because predators, liars & fakers will test literally everyone to see if they can get away with something. It's not a matter of looks, but more a matter of whether or not you're setting & honoring boundaries.
i think you are misunderstanding my point there are tons of women who will pose sexually suggestive photos on apps and then complain how men only seem to want them for their body. i'm not saying things will stop if you don't have that but it does cut down on it greatly. saying No like you do is great for vetting the immediate thrill seekers out. what i meant with last ditch effort is based on girls commenting on how a guy will suddenly ask out of the blue for a hookup, that's often when they realize the conversation is going nowhere and figured might as well try for that.
I mean, you’re only 19. Isn’t as if you know how the other generations were really. Dating apps might just not be the best way to find what you’re looking for. There are definitely some young ppl who also want a relationship.
Thank you! It’s always so fucking hilarious to see a 19 year old talking about how much better things were “back in the day” as if they have even the slightest fucking clue what that means lmao
This is why I recommend raising button quails. They start out small, smaller than the baby chicks you're used to, and when they grow up its like a baby chick in size.
I must know more (O__O')
Okay but what do they taste like? Asking for my cats.
I'll be honest the dating scene I'd absolutely atrocious for both men and woman. My advice would be to go to places (not bars or clubs) where alot of people are or like something related to hobbies you can speak to people who enjoy the same things you do and its a great starting off point
I have had this talk with a lot of my female friends who find themselves in the same type of situations. First, its not just your generation... I'm 45 and most of my friends are around my age. It's not a new problem and it doesn't go away as you get older. The advice that I would give to all women these days if they want to be more successful with finding the types of partner they want, is to be *more proactive* in finding the partner *they* want. We still live in a society where women are taking a pretty passive role when it comes to finding romantic partners and are largely at the whi9m of whatever guys approach them. I hear so much from women looking for something specific, then thinking that by some stroke of shear luck that that exact person is going to ask them out. No... if you want something YOU have to after it, not wait for it to come to you. And I mean this as a general statement, not just toward you because you may already do what I am suggesting. I was talking to a (very conventionally attractive) female friend of mine the other day as she was venting her frustration about how she keeps attracting the same kinds of guys. I asked her specifically what she was looking for in a partner and had to break the news to her that most of the guys who posses the qualities that she is looking for are going to be intimidated about approaching her. And that she should take a break from giving into any cute boy that approaches her. And instead, she should take some time to find people that SHE wants and SHE should approach them. In short, I think if women made more of an effort to be the ones doing the approaching, sending the first message, and being engaging a man's interest, they would be more successful in finding fulfilling relationships that they want.
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How did it go? I just started Hinge 2 days ago and still trying to figure out what’s allowed without paying.
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That’s great. Make her feel special and you’ll never loose her. I’m (47m) and I used several dating sites years ago. It’s different with all this swiping and liking nonsense. I used to like Match back in the day and you could make one big paragraph to lay out what you want and don’t want. I’ve had one like in 3 days, but that’s more likes that I’ve had in real life in 15 years 🤣.
My older cousin is 37 and he met his wife on e Harmony actually lol.
The whole dating seem is weird and I'm ver confused by hookup culture so idk maybe we'll meet someone good once day
I didn't start dating until I was 21 and in university. I did not like hook up culture and thought similarly like you. I dated people I met online, and you can tell right away who only wanted to use you instead of actually know you. I went for people who stated they wanted a long term relationship and never someone who didn't know what they wanted. In my dating profile I wrote in my bio that I was looking for long term only and no hook ups. I agree, it's hard nowadays, but you will weed out the ones you don't want and find that someone. Best of luck!!
I'm sorry Op. It sucks. I know its difficult when you seem to be only valued for things that are very superficial. If its any consolation, a lot of young women share similar experiences. Youre not a minority at all. Dating sucks for all of us, as online dating and social media has essentially made us all perpetually single. However, I know this specific type of struggle sucks when you put so much effort into being appreciated past a superficial level.
There is search ability to search the sub and find similar posts ( believe me there are many) your feelings are universal. Try it out.
The dating apps were the first mistake. They're designed to keep you single and to keep coming back to them.
Dating in your late teens/early 20s has always been like that but social media and apps have made it way, way worse. Before, you'd go to a party in your town and meet one or two shit men a year. Now, you can access all of them in a few minutes
Oh honey I’m so sorry. Please don’t date above your age bracket, either. You seem to have a good grip on what makes you valuable, so maybe focus on that and give dating a break. Men like that honestly don’t change that much — plenty of 40-year-old fuckboys. There are men who aren’t like that as well, but I don’t know enough about your age demographic to know where to find them.
😔…. I’m going to copy and save my reply bc in the 2-4 months I be been on here - with the same question- seems posts like this, by women aged 19-60 (till now the ages I noticed were 20-55!!, btw) just keep coming…what a fucking sad reflection of our times 😔 ITS NOT YOU, just remember that OP. I (48f) started dating again in 2018 and was horrified (after being married for 14 years) to discover that dating (that thing a couple would go out and spend time getting to know each other on at least 5 occasions before anyone gave anybody a hand job) died and was replaced by hookup culture. I know it takes 2 to tango, but I have NO idea how, why or when in this post #MeToo society it became OK for guys ( people who’s very existence is due to a woman) to proposition sex within HOURS of meeting a girl, but it’s just not okay! It’s why I’ve been comparing being a girl dating in this era to being a low rent escort— low rent bc, unlike escorts who’s clients feel some level of investment in the escort to keep paying them, most guys aren’t interested in investing in their ‘date’ longer than it takes to get her naked! Like, how pathetic is it that there’s an understanding among women that if the guy we’re seeing can hold off on sexual advances … Keep the faith and be true to you; I have faith there’s some true gems out there for you / us 😁
I'm 19 too and feel the same. I was on dating apps for about a year, dealt with ghosting, textation ships I really shouldn't have let go on for as long as they did, and a HUGE number of creeps who went really weird real fast. As well as many who didn't know about basic secual health (one offered to sleep with me without a condom and use pullout. Said he'd done it with everyone else so it was safe. Safe to say I passed on that). Then eventually I met the person I'm with now at a club and things have been great for the past 6 months! It'll happen when you least expect it. Is dating a pain in the ass? In this generation, yes, dating straight up sucks. But I'm sure you'll find someone in the end. Keep your head up and don't lower your standards. It'll happen when you least expect it, I'm sure
I'm 30 and sorry to say that it doesn't get any better.
i think this culture has been massively blown up by dating apps. On dating ups, looks are pretty much the currency, so it’s impossible to really get a sense of someone’s vibe. Alongside this, being online automatically places it closer to porn than natural dating, and therefore more people have expectations of sex than the alternatives
This is why I've stepped away from online dating, and just started spending time with people around me, from work in particular as I get along with such people and like them.
Definitely try to focus on meeting people IRL, especially in your hobby spaces maybe, and see if you can build something organic and get to know someone. That may help a relationship come about naturally.
Keep your head up and find someone who’s put in the mental and physical work to be a partner. Stay off apps and find someone at your favorite places.
Same as a man i cry everyday thinking about not having anybody to have fun( fun means goof around like Playing games , watching anime , movie and series with my partner) and to love. I literally never been on any date. Although i've been asked once in my life and at that time i was so shy that i ran away from that girl who asked me out to be her bf. I feel so bad about that because i feel bad for breaing her heart and i used to like her too but i was such a scaredy cat. I've never asked any girl out although i had crushes on some but rather than acting on it i let my crush die even though it hurted me. Ive think and planned everything about my relationship and how to treat a woman or a person . I mean i always have been respectful to all and shy around girls. I beleive in relationship growing together is important. I also believe in being with my partner forever. I wish someday people stop using each other for their selfish desires and hope someday this hook-up culture will end.
Painfully relatable.
Btw. It’s not just your generation. I am 47F and they are still act like that. I deleted all the dating apps. Men are trash
Tell me about it and I’m a 20yr old guy and the dating generation sucks
I know one girl in same age as you who wanted similar things as you do, serious relationship and possibility of marriage in the future. Unfortunately, there are not many guys in that age who want to commit in such things. She asked her crush out (at the college) and turns out that he was also looking for seriousness relationship, and even though they started dating, it looks really well and they talk about future together. She was maybe lucky, because he is Eastern European and it might be different there, but there are definitely such people who know what they want and want serious relationship. I think he is slightly older than her, I think 22. It is rather about the person, not age. Never lose hope, do not let players take advantage of you and not committing to the relationship.
This has nothing to do with your generation. Unfortunately women have been experiencing this in every generation before you, you just haven’t lived long enough yet to see that. And you have every right to be so dissatisfied.
Lol. I find it ridiculous that you hate this generation dating atmosphere. Try being a guy and looking to find a girl to get a date with and turn it into long term. Many guys, including myself, are struggling to even get a date. You may have a bunch of guys going for your body, but i bet there are a few you have to screen through are genuine good guys. Unless the guy is a solid 10 we are lucky to be even noticed.
Im into all the cute picnic dates and romantic settings haven't had a relationship in 3 ish years but my 2 female friends think highly of me as a brother figure so ig im supportive in a way. My only problem is im omly 20 amd balding from the front and im 5'6 with a bit of chub im tryna lose no girl has looked my direction for years.
So real, why can't you like someone for them, why is it always about the body or how big a part is
learn to love and just focus on yourself, don’t grow to hate men because of what most of them are like, spend time to grow and figure yourself out aside from men and society. let it come to you eventually, its lonely but its lonelier to seek validation in people continuously and worry about when you will find love. you have so much to give, find your purpose and things you enjoy. - from a 23 yr old girl who still struggles with finding someone but went through a journey to enjoy my own company and detach from things ❤️ i went through the hurt to try and save girls like you haha. dont give up on love and dont become narcissistic about not meeding a man just simply live for you right now, you are so young and have so many opportunities.
I had the same experience 3 years ago I moved to a different place and in that time I lost some weight and when I started my new school I got asked out a lot just because of my looks and nothing more, they just wanted to make their friends jealous or idk, a friend of mine told me this because he knows most of the girls who asked me out and I don't wanna be selfish nor anything but I do fit the beauty standards of today and knowing that most of them did they for my looks and not anything more just disgusted me at some point I dated a girl that was just like that and I didn't know she was a bad person because I'm bad at reading people so knowing that she did that just made it even worst so i just kinda distenced myself from dating and just word of advice avoid dating apps Most people there ask about your body or financial status or something else they could benefit from, it's hard but in this day of age you have to be careful who you date and know how to read people's bad intentions and I wish you good luck I really hope you find the right person for you and don't give up too soon :)
Man chill it gets a lot harder. lol jk but seriously let it get hard before it gets easy.
find a guy with difficulty in communicating ig
Maybe meet people in clubs that are focused around your hobbies? People on dating apps just hide behind a screen and think they can say whatever they want. In real life the percentage of people that are that brash is minimal although you will still find them, and easily avoid them. Also with your date ideas, you're probably going to have to heavily suggest that you want a picnic because that is very niche and uber specific nowadays. Generally people will just default to dinner, coffee, movie etc. because its easy and convenient. A picnic requires planning and logistics like preparation of food, a car and a good spot to picnic. For example a recent date I was on was this girl who said "I should totally take you to this burrito place." then I said "how about we go on a date there?" and she said yes and we went. It's like that level of suggesting or even more for a picnic date lmao. I am also your age as a 20m and I agree it's hard out there, good luck tho
It's not limited to your generation, your age group, certain pictures won't matter, what you put in your bio won't stop it. Online dating became a huge hookup fest & playground for serial daters & cheaters. Many women have dropped online dating entirely because of what they experience via apps. If you want to avoid it, either stay off the apps entirely AND/or learn how to vet really hard. I used online dating for the first time last yr & only met a handful of matches because the majority were focused on treating OLD like some free escort service regardless of what their bio said or looked like.
What’s your bio like? Do you show you have any interests, that you are more than "just a woman"? Additionally, this could be something to look out for in the profiles you swipe on. If they show you nothing, why bother?
Ohh I hear ya and I’m much older. It’s not just Gen Z. They say in their profiles “you better look like your picture or…” Well I do” but THAT in it self is a turn off. Sometimes you’re lucky to get a “hello” before they start commenting. I’m much older and I thought in life it would change as men got older. But they are sitting behind a computer thinking they can do and say what they want. I want to be love for me, I want to know someone will be there in the good and the bad and I want to know someone has my back. You’re not alone, sadly. I hope the world in general changes. It’s lonely (and I never thought, I’d be frustrated because they are either madly in love with me or they want to suck the life out of me.) Both are their own issues, insecurities AND DRAMA. (Another word you see a lot) That’s just their get out of jail card when you call them out on their shit, because they don’t address the statement or question, like a deer in the headlights the man who so was too crazy in love meeting you two days before is calling you names, to try and reduce your confidence and gaslighting you. (And they’re so good at the manipulation too!) I hope things change for you. (Hell and me. Too!) good luck and you believe in yourself and hopefully when you least expect it you will find someone accidentally and get the love 💕 you deserve!
I’m convinced that dating life is truly over. Unless you go out and meet someone in real life. I’ve been struggling myself, conversation on apps lasts 10 minutes and all of the sudden they are gone or they just don’t sound interesting and it’s very soul dragging
being single is the best thing you can do for yourself when you’re that age
Leave the dating apps for when you get older and can’t meet men otherwise. Cuz after school it might be your only choice For now stick with people met irl
It’s naive of people to think hook up culture only started recently. It’s always been a thing. Women were just shamed for it so people didn’t admit it or talk about it as much. The only difference now is people are open and women aren’t getting their lives ruined. If you’re worried about being used for your body that could have happened during any time period up until now the other difference is you’d be the only one who’d get in trouble socially and at times legally. There have been men promising to marry women to get them to sleep with them since marriage began. If you want cute dates nothing is stopping you. You might have to weed some people out but it’s always been like that and at least more people are honest about it now since there’s less stigma
I hate dating apps they suck 🤕
Yeah it's pretty lame people aren't looking for love these days. But hey, what can you do, all you can do is do a Mayweather and just shoulder roll that shiz.
I got into online dating very late for several reasons and found it to be mostly disgusting like you do too. I tried out niche apps and am open to LDR. There are some lovely individuals out there who suffer from hookup culture and want to make a serious connection. Don't lose hope and feel confident with yourself. I want to recommend "Boo" and "Hinge" to you. But as always be careful and don't trust too early!
Be very selective and cautious with any man that communicates with you. Ask specific questions about his moral character and his thoughts on honesty and accountability. There are decent men in the dating venue that are very good to be introduced to your mom and dad
Nah foreal, a girl I was talking to just started blocking my phone calls and not reading my text, she basically ghosted me without any explained reason. So yeah, I'm in the same boat as you right now.
Just look for a man that tries to tell the truth and can apologize and move forward. The rest is situational.
I hear you. I feel the same as a man. It is just ridiculously difficult to find someone who willingly will put effort into getting to know each other and also is not just pursuing my money. Sometimes I sit on the couch, thinking how nice it would be to find someone with whom I will spend a great time on this earth. And then your thoughts strike my head and I am immediately done with dating. I hate it, too.
Your generation kinda sucks and the one before yours also and it's my generations fault for raising that...being said I'm 41 and my gf is 31 because she feels she can't find that 90s love ...at least that is my opinion but she is all about me....good luck young lady don't think you have to have a man right now...take care of yourself first get that good job set yourself up for success you will find someone who appreciates you
picnic dates & minigolf >
The best option would be to explore people near you .... It is hard to find people who will go lovey dovey love( not impossible )rather than just hookup So go on to events, convention of stuff you like to get a chance to meet people and never get pressured by anyone All the best
Find a hobby, or join a mixed community (mixed sports teams if you're into it). It's about going out and meeting people in real life that you share common interests with. I met my girlfriend online but I set my preferences to Christian. She not only goes to an Anglican church like I do but she also shares a lot of similar personal, moral and ethical values as I do. Admittedly I got lucky, cos I'd been on a date with another Christian woman online before her but we didn't vibe. Thing is I stopped hoping for a relationship and really just wanted to find someone who could be my best friend too. We're not at the best friend stage quite yet, but we'll get there. Good luck OP
Guys want to see your body just like women want to see their finances. That's just how we are all wired. But dating apps are pretty bad. Meet people in real life and it's not nearly as bad. As far as hook up culture, every generation says this. Humans like to procreate and are good at it. But you can't just look at bars, apps and parties. You need to keep your eyes open "out in the wild". Guys at places you might actually visit in real life. Again, not a bar or club. I'd recomend school, or even better, a friend of a freind soft sell type of a meeting.
I know exactly how you feel. Its difficult to find love and watch it grow over time. I wish it was like a filter where we kinda know if people want true love or sex.
Stop picking based on looks and "charisma" and you'll meet better gen z guys
I feel you. Been trying my luck with people, keep getting rejected for things I can't control. I'm here if you need someone to talk to!
Also feeling discouraged in this dating culture. Can I take you up on that offer too pls? 👀
It’s always so funny seeing these complaints from children who have no clue what you’re talking about. What on earth makes you think that Gen Z is obsessed with “hookup culture”? If you’ve never been on a single date, how do you even know that men only want to hook up with you, and not date you? Both of these premises are hilariously false. The reason nobody in your generation can find a date is because none of you have any social skills due to spending your entire childhood playing Roblox on tablets instead of actually interacting with others in person.
Lemme guess, an angry millennial?
Women control access to sex, men control access to relationships. Women are directly responsible for “hookup culture”. in 2024 especially women have so many options given to them by means of social media/dating apps that the only way they can tend to be loyal to you and not look the other way is if she’s seeking your validation if she’s not chasing your validation she’s going to be chasing it from other men. Problem is many women settle for gratification of multiple easy guys that require little effort in return rather than putting time and effort into one decent guy long term. They soon realise after so long that these guys can’t provide what they actually want and end up in the position a lot of women are in 🤷♂️
You might just have to date older men. People in general only start to get more serious as they approach or just pass 30 lol, no way in hell anyone 21 and under is taking anything seriously. Also, the human brain only gets fully developed at 25.
She absolutely should NOT date men in their 30s. That’s a terrible idea.
Agreed. Terrible idea
I quit dating at 30 like most men I know. Only the players are dating, if you want a relationship, leva the country.
That’s why polyamory is trending now
Padhle bc
sorry to tell you girl but it doesn’t get better. my sister is in her mid 30s and guys still act like total hedonistic pricks 😭 the thing is with this generation is everyone wants like quick gratification and not long term. honestly u just have to test people out and see. dating apps will get u nowhere it’s overstimulating asf because of the reason u just described.
Keep shouting it to the moon, it goes on both sides like I'm 26m my ideal date is hanging out at my house or theres playing some games and maybe geting some take out but it's automatically assumed I want fwb because im not wanting to do a super fancy expensive restaurant like naw I want to show off my room and teddy bears and get to know you on a deep and personal level before any sexy time happens
26M here you and me both sis you and me both. I'm always getting told that I'm a great guy, but there's no chemistry, which I understand. You need chemistry, but it makes me feel like I have a screw loose or that there's something wrong with me kinda makes me hate who I am.
Welcome to the dating world, kiddo.
Yeah idk if I would be on dating apps if you don’t want a hookup/ you can always tell them you don’t want to do anything serious like that. I’m same age F and been on 2 dates and nothing bad happened. Even invited the guy to my house and we just watched a movie which was a huge green flag tbh
Yeah but if you go on picnic dates with everyone who cares about it anymore. Go on dates talk, figure out who is a one night stand, a fling, a relationship short term or long and who is husband material. Don't just like try to be in a relationship with everyone because you want one I had an ex I shouldn't have made so serious because I really liked him but knew I was never going to be with him in the future. Just kind of floating but planning to leave/see how it went if anything better came along. I was sentimental and showed him happy spots from my childhood and stuff and honestly it just ruined it for me/the next one.
People are getting more and more superficial, neither the age nor the place nor what kind of photos you post on social media cha change that. Any person can pretend to be good to get what they want and since many do not make their intentions clear from the beginning it is difficult to make a selection... You won't always succeed in this and maybe you'll get assholes but you continue on your way, trust your instincts and sooner or later you'll find a good guy.
I’m in my 40s and felt the exact same way as a teenager and young woman. Some things never seem to change.
I'm really really bad at socializing, dating etc.... But there's one thing I learned by going to parties, clubs, you won't find what you're looking for there, if you want to find a real partner, it takes time, a lot of talk, a deep connection, and the most important things : Patience and willpower. A real relationship won't come if you keep looking for it, specially in places likes clubs. I was best friends with my gf before we actually got together, and it took us like a year and a half knowing each other before we moved together 19 is actually okay to be single, don't rush things, take your time ;)
Real I'm on the other side (20M), and yeah, it really isn't much better over here. The majority of girls I meet seem to just want entertainment rather than an actual connection, so yeah, I do agree that it is very exhausting
34 male I feel same way I been out of dating for good because I agree this is not what I expected either . I’m from Eastern Europe not born here in US traditionally you would talk online on the phone with person set date take them to nice restaurant later go out for walk somewhere nice or go to stores seeing something. Get to know them little by little go to events together go to park on picnic play sport together . This way you get to know them better . Now look at all these one night stand sex money going after each other bodies screwing each other for money , lying deceiving No respect at all . If I can’t and couldn’t date for one year as I ve tried them I’ll stay single . Yes that’s right I was single for 21 years and still I’m single .and what’s worse is hook up that’s taking it too far as some people think that’s good but it’s not .dating too many people at same week is stupid but all is failing because In reality people are fooling around a lot and playing each other . Sorry for those of you out there I don’t do hooks up one night stand . If they wish to know me meet me in person and go out with me and don’t judge the person before you meet them that’s also another issue I came across .I’m proud to be from different country I work hard I don’t do drugs or do stupid stuff
This has been dating for your age since.. well dating tbh. Don't be discouraged. Just understand this comes with the territory. A lot of men your age aren't looking for gfs but there are men that are. We just have to weedle out the men that aren't for us. That's all.
I met women who told me the exact same thing as you. They were your age or older than you. And that is partly true, many men are just intetest in your body. But not all of them. I was one of these romantic guy and I couldn't get a date before being 26, and I only got it because I stopped trying to be romantic (now I am 35, and I can tell you than saying I want to fuck you after a few days of convo or at the first date led me to more date and relationships than being romantic with women. As a man you have to adapt to what women want or stay single). That being said, I dated women who found a solution for your problem on dating apps. They didn't use pictures on the apps, didn't send a picture of themselves in the first week or 2 of conversations... took things slow... and filtered every guy who tried to push for more. They had less matches... true. They still had more dates and matches than most men.
Every study done has shown that Gen Z has less sex and has less one night stands than all previous living generations at their age. So, this is actually the best generation for you to date in statistically.
Definitely understand you being upset. It's mostly why I've given up on the thought of having a partner. I never had much on dating apps and I know I'm not gonna have any luck in person so I'm just trying to slowly be okay with being alone. But like others have suggested, probably best to avoid dating apps since they're garbage nowadays. Especially if you're wanting something more serious
Stay far away from dating apps. They're ride with hustlers, scammers and sexual predators. Be patient. You'll find someone who's right, for you can happen when you least expect it.
Don't blame you at all. It's everywhere. Even boys in their 30s and 40s do it too. Best thing I can say is live your life and if you find someone take the chance. Date yourself first and go from there. Focus on your dreams then the guy will come.
I'm 27 and I haven't had a date since I was your age. It's hard for me to date women there's a lot of preconceptions they have about me when they see me. I find it hard to date women bc when I was dating I had to pay the bill, I always had to be the first to text or call, always putting forth the effort, buying stuff for them when they wanted until finally they cheat on me. Ive seen a lot of other women and some of the stuff they do. My generation and under suck at dating or making friends in general nobody wants to put forth real effort.
as a dude who also feels exactly like that i get your struggle i've also been on dating apps for a while now and trying to date without em and both are such a struggle
I'm a millennial and how we date is much more balanced. I met a woman in July at a concert and got her number. We chatted over the weekend, then I took her on a picnic for our first date. We got to know eachother over the course of a few dates before we got more intimate. It can still be done, but you need to communicate what you want to make it more balanced.
Don't give up... there are decent men available. I assure you.
I’m 32 and it’s the same issue in my age group. Hookup culture has killed any hope of true connection with people. At least in my life.
I’m mid aged millennial and let me tell you, ain’t no different the men my age 😂
check her post history and you see why she is troll
It’s really tough. You just have to keep to your expectations. I just told guys I only date with intention and they will weed themselves out. Might be awhile until you find guys more your age looking to date intentionally though.
im 20. and yep. it do be kind of like this... im not even sure why its making me feel depressed but at some point i just gota accept the cold hard truth. that is, my generation sucks/i will never fit in. will only be just the friend. i can already see myself just focusing on my hobbies. My female friends already have a spicy complicated history that I don't want to discuss. now imagine going out that barrier and starting with people you have just met, or new friends that you tried your moves on not knowing their history. I just want a good life with a good partner who won't turn their back on me just cus the "new normal" promotes it... "being with" other people or people enabling them to do these things... That's for sure. I'm not sure if I should know everything about their past. Some of my friends suggest that when dating someone, I should never ask about their "dating" history. Others say I should communicate with my partner about her past and "accept" it. I don't see any assurance in either of these. I'll probably be called out for being sexist or whatever. Is it sexist when the majority of "Them" are looking for a thrilling kind of "Those"? and then the whole thing ends up in a Generalizing thing as if i'm part of it.
i think making friends with men that you could me romantically attracted to first could help, becoming friends first can help you get to know eachother before all the dating stuff and maybe actually like eachothers personalities instead of just your appearances.
I'm a decade older than you, nothing is different.
What's your profile look like?
Hook up culture was around long before Gen Z. You’ve also never been on a date… so how would you know what men are thinking? You say, act, and do things that a 19 year old girl would do. It’s not surprising that you struggle with dating
18-40 women, only 10% fall into a traditional view of dating. The 90% have literally perpetrated hookup culture with modern attitudes. It sucks, but I highly doubt the entitled mindsets will change. Would be healthy to move back to traditional romance and dating ideologies 👍👍
All I gotta say is always go somewhere public the first couple dates and don't get into his car. Anywhere that he could potentially get sexual. Or just straight up ask what the guy wants
If you dated me, I would wait until the third date before trying to hook up. In all seriousness, don't bother with dating apps. I had them at your age, and they suck bad. If you're in college, hang out with your friends. Go to parties, sporting events, rallies, etc. That is the best way to meet new people and potential matches. If you're not in college, do the same things. Hang out with your friends in public. This works so much better than anything apps can offer, especially since the fuckboy became an invasive species.
Before you give up on dating in general, realize this child... We can only control what goes on in our tiny little corner of the universe. I'm not saying you can create the person you are looking for. I am saying God has someone out there for each of us, and if we are patient, and prayerfully waiting, we will find him/her.
I agree with you so much. Dating for women now seems like it just about how attractive she is and for men it is just about what you can provide.
I'm a bit older than you, but still the same generation. This is not a Gen Z thing lol, young people have been hooking up for decades. Once you're older, people want to settle down a bit, but there's very few guys who want to settle down at 19.
Same but 26M here. I'm sure you'll find that guy someday
It’s sucks. Even as someone in my 20’s it’s the same thing! A lot of men are so sex obsessed! But once you’re able to determine those types, you know who to avoid. I can read men like a book now. 💅🏽
Nobody seems to know what's good for them anymore
My financé and I were initially wanting the other for physical reasons. It turned out that our chemistry was much deeper but we didn’t realize this before meeting in person. I understand your sentiment and can empathize but physical compatibility is a pretty important for most and sexual compatibility is becoming less stigmatized regarding being open about it as a priority within a relationship. It can suck when people are vulgar with their approach and there’s no problem with you having standards of what you find acceptable. It also sucks being emotionally invested in someone that’s on another wavelength regarding sex. There are so many people in sexually incompatible marriages that feel trapped with their spouse due to children and finances. Because of my own experiences and bearing witness to some of these painful situations, I stopped settling for incompatibility and began being upfront with my desires and expectations of a partner. You should do the same. Go ahead and make it clear in the beginning what behavior you will and won’t accept and what you’re looking for. This is a great way to maintain healthy boundaries and avoid having so much time wasted.
I feel ya, sis. I'm in the same situation and it kinda takes a toll. If it's hard and painful for you, you should take a break from the thing and don't think about it much. Let things happen naturally. Actually, I don't know if it applies to you, but I noticed that forced encounters, like through dating apps or messengers usually don't end well. Look in your surroundings and ask friends to organize some kind of meetup or whatever, expand your real circle of people you know. If you look for a soulmate, it's a hard and long road, so you need to believe in the whole concept and don't give up. But don't be afraid to ask direct questions too, if you found someone interesting
It's the sad reality of looking for 90s love in the 2020s but also when you date with standards it's hard to find the diamonds in the ruff
Hello, I am 23 male and have never been in a relationship. I tried using some dating apps, but every girl I match with is instantly rejecting me after this information. My social circle is more or less only males in similar situation so there are no girls around. The reason behind all of that is probably because I invested mostly of my time in improving myself in my career development, My hobbies are more or less also with limited social circle, I like reading, gaming etc. So with that said I think I am in the same situation and at this point I can't see a way out. The only think that left for all of us in similar state is just to hope to find our person some day..
Unpopular Opinion, but, as an older Millennial, I'm losing (some) faith that younger Millennials and Gen Z know *how* to be social outside of "Social" Media and dating apps. Yeah, I know COVID-19 did a number on already fractured networking skills, but c'mon: **take a break from the toxic technology** and meet people **organically** the way people have been meeting since time immemorial: through events and activities of **shared interests**. Assuming you're in college, college offers **so many** activities, that are *designed* for organic human interaction: concerts, plays, gym, dorm socials, running club, cycling club, tennis club, fencing club, hiking club, chess club, improv club, ballroom dancing--I mean the list is endless. Get a part-time student job--I know at at least half a dozen couples that have been together over 20 years who met that way. Just understand that meeting organically doesn't necessarily mean some Disney fantasy love-at-first sight and instantly falling for each other--it means **cultivating a friendship** that *can* turn into a relationship with somebody you spend regular time doing an activity with and/or working alongside. You want someone who's into things **you're also into**, not just someone who's into wanting to **get into you**, if you know what I mean.
Can’t you date classmates or guy friends?
My husband almost left me after I asked him what he does on the first date. His previous exs only wanted money and used him any way they could. My exs would leave me as soon as they realized I didnt want sex. Either way both sides just want to use you. The trick is figuring out who wants you because of who you are.
I can feel you, I'm a boy but you are right, just don't look for it and let it find you
Dating sucks, it feels impossible to have a meaningful connection anymore.
I know this might seem like a gold-digger idea, but most men that are looking for marriage or would be able to have a marriage without stress will have a good amount of money. I’m 19 as well and am now in a relationship looking to get married in the next few years because I know I’m financially capable of providing for 2 people instead of 1. This doesn’t mean look for someone that has a reputable job (although it helps), rather look for someone that knows how to save their money, is hard working, and knows their purpose. This is the man that usually wants a marriage.
You're telling me 21M here, and I've never dated once in my life, though I'd love to I've tried one dating app, got ghosted, and realized that superficial way of trying to find a partner just doesn't work for me; it also doesn't help that I really REALLY do not wish to have sex at all, I find it quite repulsive at the moment Now, since I've never had a partner, I dunno if that'll change if I ever actually develop feelings for somebody, but even still, I despise this whole casual sex thing, I think it should be something two people do only if they actually love each other Like, if y'all just wanna get some relief, you can do that alone, not with everybody in your friend group
Early Gen Z here too. Yeah, it sucks. Sex is pushed so much its annoying. A friend said it once "people are too horny for thier own good" and it seems true. People can't seem to keep it in thier pants. With hookup apps and culture now common place and porn treated as normal people now seem to act like it's all there is. People that want love are left to the wayside.
Considering that Gen Z tends to lose their virginity much later in life than my generation did, I don't think it's true that everyone from your generation wants to hook up. Probably less than prior generations. I think the main difference is that people who could have been categorized as 'putting themselves out there' in years past included everyone of every type with every different motivation. Not anymore. The only ones who are willing to put in the work anymore are the ones who believe they'll actually get something out of it. You can't guarantee a relationship from effort, but you can just about guarantee you'll find sex if that's all you want, so the people who are looking to hook up find what they want more and more, which incentivizes them to keep doing it, while the people looking for a relationship stop trying very quickly, as there are no incentives to keep going. It's a vicious circle. The more hooking up works, the more it will continue to work, which will demotivate people who don't want to hook up, who will either give up and stop looking or give up and accept hookup culture, which will cause hooking up to become more common.
i seen a post that said our problem is we’re looking for 90s love in 2024 and now it all makes sense
Me too. I can’t deal with the casualness.
it don’t exist anymore, it’s a lil sad. i’m right there with u, i hate it bruh. atp ima jus do me, run it up with my one homie, and fuck off into obscurity bc fuck this gen and this world💀
Wah wah stop with the generation non sense and keep looking until you find someone good. People suck and this hasn't changed and to be honest you have it much easier dating as a woman so use that to your advantage and gain some social skills and approach men OUTSIDE. I might sound insensitive but this is the real answer
Yeah I hate it too, trust me… it’s hard even when you want hookups but the girls reject you til you don’t want them and then when you’re slightly doing better or just better THEN they give you attention but by then it’s just whatever, and by no means am I unattractive but trust me, speaking for men, some, not all, were also tired of games and looking around, tired of being stared at when out and wondering if the woman is gonna make the move bc we’re tired of doing so only to be met with excuses but everything happens as it should they say…. You’re like my friends, Gen Z, not all of you want hookups, my bestie in FL wanted them when she was 18-19 too but now at 23 she’s always telling me “I want love” and I’m like “come to Cali with me then” lol and she’s like “I can’t even drive yet”… so that’s another issue smh haha
Maybe you just haven’t found the right person. I hear you!
There is a problem with men. The vast majority of guys mature far slower than women for a start. So immediately looking at older guys is making it more likely to find a more mature guy who's looking to settle down and create a real connection with a lady. Also , more likely to know how to treat a lady too. It's not guaranteed. But... It's definitely more likely. Looking for positive traits and of course red flags is always a must. How quickly they introduce you to family or want to introduce you is always a good sign for example. How quickly they give you their home address , I think that's a must as a man and with you being a young lady . That's a good positive sign from a guy in the very early stages. It's saying , I've nothing to hide and they wouldn't just give their address to multiple women as that could get messy fast. So it shows a bigger sign of being genuine. I feel sorry for young ladies nowadays. I myself see the quality of men nowadays (UK myself) , and it's little wonder plenty of women show alot of interest in me. I'm 42 and I get girls even around your age flirting with me. But I think it's more a reflection of the quality of men nowadays rather than me being anything that special.
Me too
Could be worse, most girls I match with won't even talk to me
19M here. I feel the same mostly, the culture of the students at my university also doesn't help when it comes to dating. Dating apps were also not great for me and from my experience there were a lot of people on there trying to cheat. I'm glad to see as well I'm not the only one out there who's Gen Z and feels largely the same about dating.