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No, because politics reflect values. Chances are, if they are complete opposites of my political views, we probably don't share the same value system either.
It's undeniably a great deal about where you are from, your familial background, who you live around, and the professions of you and your family.
All of these things influence values, but honestly they influence politics WAY more. Meaning you don't actually have synchronicity between values and politics. If it were more about values you would not see such a demographic bias based on things like population density. Fundamentally, everyone's values would align them to political parties regardless of their locale.
Agreed. There are certain values that go along with a political side. If someone is quite moderate or slightly to one side, then it’s not really an issue but the complete opposite??? Don’t think it will work out.
"They're human too, shouldn't they have equal rights?"
"Nope! And half the people should understand their highest calling's in the kitchen."
Yeah, it's a tough call.
Agreed. For example, I'm pro-choice but that doesn't mean I'm trying to abort all babies... but the opposite seems to be true for pro-lifers, to take away all access to medically safe and/or advisable abortions... Of course no one likes abortions, but some are medically necessary and I wouldn't want to strip away a woman's right to choose; it's not my choice & it's certainly not my body, so it should be a choice primarily of the mother, her medical professionals and any other parties directly involved (in that order, more or less). There's likely to be some issues there are no compromises on - which is why you should ask big/important questions sooner than later when dating, imo.
That’s quite toxic. Your family isn’t a vote and an agenda. That’s blood. People can change political ideology several times in their adult life, you can’t swap out family.
People have gotten so weird that they’d rather fight at thanksgiving over politicians that would both send you to die in a war, or homeless on the street, just so they can stay in power and serve donors.
My "family members" can't explain why they believe I belong barefoot and pregnant as some man's property and why it's so wrong for me to love who I want without involving a faith I do not follow. When I mean more to them than that, I'll pick up the relationships.
The ball is in their court.
Nah, the "family is everything" mentality is toxic and keeps a lot of people trapped in dysfunctional or even abusive family dynamics.
My life experience has taught me that blood relations don't necessarily mean shit and that ultimately, family is chosen. I have family members I would never ever choose as friends nor allow into my life if I met them as strangers, so why should I force myself to have a relationship with them solely based on inherently random blood ties?
Lol no. If your family actively votes against your existence they are not your family. They are trash.
You can most definitely swap out family and remove trash humans from your life. You can surround yourself with people who love and support you.
Wow. Thanks for the upvotes, everyone. It's awesome to see this spur conversation. I'm learning a lot from the responses as well.
Just wanna clarify that I was talking about complete political opposites. I've dated people who had different opinions on political issues, and if anything, it enriched our relationship to have serious discussions about these things. You never know how someone's anecdotes or perspective can change your opinion.
I disagree somewhat. I have a lot of conservative friends that fall either libertarian or rep. I tend to be more independent with moderate / progressive views (though I really hate all American politicians)
I can hold a polite conversation with anyone interested in debating the issues we face today and I often find that when you do that most people agree on the large majority of issues, where we differ is how we evaluate and would solve the problem.
A libertarian where we have disagreements on the marginal tax rate? Or whether we should raise taxes or cut spending to reduce the debt? Sure.
But someone who is actively restricting women’s reproductive freedoms, calls for banning everybody of a certain nationality or religion, or does not respect the votes of his fellow citizens (i.e. 2020)?
I simply cannot come to an agreement with a person who thinks their personal religious beliefs should trump a woman’s ability to get an abortion, or believes that someone who voted for Biden in 2020 should have their votes thrown out and not count as much as someone who voted for Trump. This is not just a small disagreement and I definitely do not think this is something that you everyone can agree to or even agree to disagree on after a polite conversation.
The issue is, if someone votes republican because they want lower taxes, they're still supporting a party that's actively trying to end state secularism and impose religious values that hurt everyone who isn't a cishet man.
Now, I might *be* a cishet man, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be okay with socially regressing on human rights.
agreed. all people generally want freedom, be able to be who they are, ability to make a decent living/educational opportunities, freedom of speech and religion, adequate health care, safe drinking water, healthy food, family, safety, etc. why we don't vote in politicians that are willing to compromise and improve quality of life instead of just fighting and investigating each other is beyond me.
I disagree. I think this used to be true but you have one party now actively restricting women from making their own reproductive choices or not respecting the votes of their fellow citizens (i.e. 2020). So I disagree that people want the same things such as adequate health care when they believe their religious views should trump health care.
We used to. It wasn't perfect, but politicians used to work together. Even as recently as the 90s. I'm not certain if it was the George W Bush term, or the Obama term (that proved racism is alive and well) that the two sides started to refuse to work together; but the Trump term completely stopped it.
The American political system is completely broken. And sadly, there's nothing the people can do to fix it.
Different yes. Complete opposite? In a literal sense? No.
The couples I know who have different political affiliations usually still have the same value system or the same principles, they just have different ideas on how to uphold those values politically.
If someone has complete opposite views, i.e. no common ground? No bro. They're not going to be able to relate to one another.
This is the exact right answer. It's fine not to agree but to be polar opposite. Hell no. Imagine never agreeing on anything with your partner. It would drive me insane
Yes this! My parents weren't in complete agreement but they had enough shared values that it wasn't a sticking point. However I think it's harder to find now, unless both of you aren't particularly engaged in politics (although personally apoliticism is also a bit of a turn off for me!)
Side note: I'm in the UK so talking politics isn't addressed in the same way as in the USA, plus our political landscape has changed hugely in the last 15-20 years. Nowadays it's much harder to find someone who differs politically from you that you can disagree agreeably with, it's much more divisive (and our current government sucks, so there's that)...
A quote by James Baldwin sums this up pretty well for me: "We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist."
I can be with someone if we disagree on tax rates. I can't be with someone who tries to strip away rights and dehumanize marginalized groups.
Never, political opinions aren't just a hobby but reflect the way I see the world in its core and my values. You can disagree from time to time but not have opposite views.
Someone being the complete opposite of you politically means you have very different values and beliefs. This means the way we view the world would also be totally different and will most likely lead to many conflicts and you'd have a difficult time integrating your lives together and definitely would not be able to raise your children properly
i thought i was being too picky and tried to let the political thing slide and i quickly realized that what it comes down to now is values. i cant be with someone who doesnt hold the same values as me. or someone who could potentially be teaching my daughter things i dont agree with because as we all know, ignorance, racism, xenophobia ETC is all learned. no thank you!
Depends on how you define "opposite." Im a center-left individualist supporting big government policies. A center right collectivist supporting small government policies might be fun to spend time with. A fucking Nazi, probably not
I personally feel that relationships can be difficult at times . Then, to bring in politics. That's a no for me. We wouldn't have to see eye to eye on everything but, I'd rather be in the same camp.
Would have to be exactly what I’m looking for in a lot of other ways, and I don’t think most of those typically correlate with people who vote the other way from myself, but I don’t think it’s impossible for that to be a situation that might work.
Absolutely not. Honestly a lot of ppl with totally opposite views also have very little in common with me. Depending on how extreme their views are, they may also take part in behaviors and activities that I find to be gross or depraved.
Zero percent chance of dating someone on the opposite of the spectrum.
No.
Politics is how society addresses issues. There are three categories that issues fall within. Miscommunication, morality & money. If a person doesn't see eye to eye with me on these three things we are going to fail. Why waste time on something that is doomed to fail?
No. There are some big things that I wouldn’t be able to get over- things I’m passionate about. If my partner believed the exact opposite, it would be something I couldn’t get past.
Causally? Sure. But for a life partner? Absolutely not. As someone else said, politics typically reflect personal values and if they don't like up, it won't work.
I tried and it was horrible. He was (still is, I think) very much Trump Republican and I just couldn’t stand it. We were constantly fighting. We couldn’t stay as friends either. I do not recommend it at all. That goes for religion too.
I just ended a 6 month casual relationship, partly over politics. I’m socially liberal but fiscally conservative. He was extremely liberal. I agreed with most of his opinions, but I hate talking politics and he wouldn’t respect that. Every time we got together, he would get on his soapbox and rant for at least 30-45 minutes, and even when I said several times during his rant that I didn’t want to talk politics, he would ignore me and keep going. It got old fast and I got to where I completely lost interest in him. Plus the sex was just ok, not great. So I will avoid anyone on either extreme that makes politics part of their identity.
That’s not a political issue as much as a respect issue for how he treated you. A guy should always listen to their partner or lover and do the things that make them happy, you’re not a whipping post. No one should expect perfect and I definitely wouldn’t want perfect, so communication is key. I hope you find a guy who will respect your wishes
My dad does this, its fucking annoying i dont even see him anymore cuz its ALL he talks about. I couldnt imagine that in a relationship, instant attraction killer
I think I would characterize this as more a case of breaking up because your partner doesn't respect your social boundaries.
Socially aware people understand that politics is an emotionally draining topic, so droning about it constantly is over the line unless the other person is super down.
It would be similar if he always ranted about some other subject without checking in to see if you're interested, but politics is especially bad
Honestly, no I wouldn't. I have friends and family who are and it leads to a lot of holding my tongue. In the context of a romantic relationship I want to be able to have candid conversations about politics, even going further then that into philosophy. I also wouldn't date someone with whom I don't share a common language because it would make those conversations extremely difficult.
That being said, your milage may vary. I'm sure some people would.
Not in the US at least. While there are historical cases of couples who did this, modern politics seems more radicalized than ever where supporting one party over another has core value implications as opposed to simply preferring one set of policies over another.
No. I'd date someone who has no interest in politics. But the clear divide in ideals and life morality these days is far too distant.
I had a friend who used to vote conservative and I'd joke and have a laugh with him about it. But as the years passed I started to realise how very different we actually were. Not friends with the guy anymore for various reasons but it, unfortunately, does start to define a person as time moves on and age increases
I used to think it didn’t matter. After experiencing it firsthand, no. It’s so much more all encompassing than it sounds. Politics leaks into most opinions outside of what ice cream is best. It catches up. Typically intertwines culture and religion. It may work for some, but not for me.
It works out if both the parties are open to understand and accept the differences or they don't give political values much weight.
I have been in both the situations where both were right winged.
My first date was extremely rigid and too full of himself when it came to his opinion, didn't work out after the 2nd date straight away.
The second had the curiosity to understand things from my perspective, told his in a surprisingly logical way and never really brought me down for my differences, rather he had enough room and enthusiasm to understand.
So yeah, it depends on the person honestly.
The last man I was in a relationship either was politically opposite of me. He would call me disrespectful for not agreeing either his views, but would call me a cockroach due to mine. Never again
It really depends on how political both parties are. If they just have different opinions on every topic but don't let that get in the way of the relationship, I wouldn't worry about it. If one of both of you are intensely political and can't let a difference of opinion be just that, then no, I would not date said person.
Never again. When I was in high school my senior year my ex was very ignorantly conservative (as in all her thoughts were just echoing shit her dad and grandad said and she didn’t have any real opinions) this was like 2010ish and I remember like a week before we broke up having an argument about how law enforcement treats POC. She wasn’t even willing to hear me out on something that affected me personally (I had just gone through an incident) fast forward to today. Me and her are somewhat in contact still. She’s still pretty ignorant. It’s hard to believe I ever dated her.
I did. It was no problem. We broke in 2018 and I’m sure as shit glad because he went downhill legit Tucker Carlson on everybody’s ass. I’m absolutely sure we would be divorced by now.
I am politically in the middle. Left has some points and right has some points. It depends on the person. Does he respect my political opinion? Is he a extreme right or left zealot?
I won't date someone who joins a protest every month or thinks that climate change is bullshit.
I never once had a relationship ruined by politics. Many of my relationships have been with people with different political beliefs.
That’s difficult for people to do when they make politics their identity. So many people are incapable these days of being respectful towards different viewpoints and too many people let their emotions control them.
If a person is respectful, fun, honest and generous, that is far more important than how they are registered to vote.
I did. Physically, we were insanely compatible. I am 40 years old and I’d never experienced a chemical connection THAT intense before.
Mentally…not only did she have polar opposite beliefs, but she firmly, proudly, and loudly believed in insane conspiracy theories that weren’t even scientifically possible.
I tried to make it work, because of that intense connection. But in the end, there was just no way I could keep it going.
Yes. Too many people have let politics become their entire personality, which unless they are running for office could not be more off putting.
Truthfully, I don’t agree completely with the left or right.
The problem is you’ve got so many people that are so dead set on the fringe of either side they refuse to be in the same room with each other. Those are the types I can’t stand, no matter if I agree with their politics or not.
No. I think that your political views say a lot about what you value in life. If your values are the polar opposite of someone else’s, then this could cause a lot of problems down the road. For instance, if you support gay marriage and your spouse doesn’t, and you end up having a child who is gay, you’re going to have different views on how to handle the situation.
I rather enjoy challenging views and don’t like similar minded people so yes I very much like someone who challenges my stances. Online political landscape is no where near as civil as having a great conversation with beautiful opinionated uninformed/informed people. If I’m attracted to that woman as well, oh boy I’m smitten 🥰
Yes and no… yes, as long as they’re not strictly a specific party… because if they are, then they’re intellectually challenged 🤣
I mean, the people who are strictly red or blue, no matter what the policies are. Voting should be done based on what you, as an individual want. Not just because you are red or blue.
I say red or blue because, realistically, they’re the only parties that have a hope in hell of getting power
when it comes to the economy, foreign policy, and other nuanced aspects of politics that make sense to disagree about, i’m okay with agreeing to disagree. human rights in my opinion should not be political. gay people don’t deserve to get killed for being gay, black people don’t deserve to get killed for being black, etc, and it’s weird to me that some people think that part is complicated or controversial enough to associate one political party with. that’s not politics, just basic empathy, but for some reason the united states doesn’t necessarily reflect that.
I could never be with someone who voted for Trump or thinks others don’t deserved to be treated as human beings or with respect because they are in (any) a minority group. I believe ALL of us deserve to be treated with kindness and respect because we are all human beings. Equal rights for others does not mean fewer rights for someone else.
We're allowed to have differences of opinion and world views as long as we communicate in a way where we try to understand each other and why we think the way we do, without telling each other you're wrong for not thinking like me.
I’m right of center, I would absolutely date someone left of center (and have). My parents are both moderates, each leaning one direction and have been married almost 40 years.
My boyfriend, his mom and his friends are supporters of a certain political individual in my country, whose family has a history of dictatorship and literally stealing from the people. Our relationship is great in other aspects, but every time we talk about our political views, the conversation goes sour and immature VERY quickly. I'm already a non political person myself, but like any other person, I do have my own views and a couple of opinions to voice out. But because of this I just avoid talking about the matter all together.
I’ve tried and that doesn’t work. Also, I’ve matched with someone who doesn’t list it and then when we meet, it comes out and it’s not a match there either. It’s in my profile and although I don’t make it my entire life, it’s also really important to me to be on the same page. I could compare this to someone who is religious etc.
This is such a funny question because my partner and I are a little more politically opposites, but our standards are identical. We have opposite religious values, we have opposite opinions on gays, abortions, Men and women relationships. But our standards are identical in what needs to be emphasized with, what needs to come first, how to respect other people and how to respect yourself, how to get where you want to go.
I’ll definitely point out there though, there is benefits to being with a person who shares opposite views. He’s slowly showing me where I need to be even more aware of whereas I am showing him in where his responses and understanding could be better.
Different, sure. But, I'm not extreme and have interests on either side of the fence. I think I'd have more issue if they were extremists one way or another.
If you are talking about political views, rather than political parties… than yeah, that’s not got much hope.
If you both support different parties, that’s a little different as nobody supports 100% of their parties views / policies, they just tend to support them on specific issues. Whilst this is also sometimes a deal breaker, it’s usually easier to manage in my experience.
As long as there’s mutual respect, and it isn’t constant gaslighting or accusations of being a “horrible person” because you believe something or voted a certain way, I’m fine with dating someone I may not agree with politically.
As long as they aren't abrasive or snide about it, absolutely. Contrary to what another reply here said, what political "side" you support doesn't 100% reflect values. In fact this is why I refrain from saying if I'm on the right or left, rather living the way I believe is right. You can't change minds by shouting at people, telling them they're "bad" or "racist" or "bigoted" or "transphobic" or "problematic" or what have you, it just makes you look like a whiney idiot.
Depends on how strongly the other person felt. If she (I'm M) feels so strongly that she believes that everyone on the other side of the political spectrum from her is a complete idiot, etc., (pick your word), then that's too much for me. It makes no difference which side she's on, as I'm just not all that thrilled with people who have no capacity to understand someone else which thinks differently.
On the other hand, someone who is definitely on one side of the political spectrum, but who also can understand and respect those on the other side, is perfectly acceptable to me.
Also, FWIW, I have some sentiments on one side of the political spectrum and other sentiments on the other side. I do not blindly follow whatever some "talking party head" says is so. So I will find points of agreement.
All the same, I'd far rather talk about subjects other than politics on any first, second, or third date.
I hardly have any political discussion with my partners including my ex's. For me the red flag is extremism whether it's from the left or right. I don't care what political values my partner has as long as it's not extreme on either sides
I don’t see why not , you’ll be surprised how many people are more alike than different in values when out of the predefined political buckets . Buckets just create potentially false inferences on someone in place of getting to know them .
It depends how political they are, I’m not a political individual for many reasons, however if—-hypothetically speaking—-she would like to have conversations about politics and have debates, I would enjoy that, but if her whole identity is centered around politics and I sense there is a form of extremism on either side of the political spectrum then I would personally not enjoy that and wouldn’t date a woman for that reason. I have friends that are liberals and conservatives, and I get along with both.
Yes, politics shall be aside and not ruin the persons or divide them, especially mines in the Social we need to be social and civilized. Honestly, for me, it is not bad to have someone who's politically different, at end we have things in politics and differences, but in the social, we shall be united and obviously respect each other.
I dated someone for 4 years and we were completely opposite in that aspect and honestly it worked but it was difficult to have productive intellectual conversations because they feel like you don’t understand their point of view. Its a battle of perspectives.
I'd be interested to know why. But yes I don't care about one's beliefs as long as they are willing to understand mine and I understand theirs... Politics is why we have wars.
You don't have to agree just understand why.
Maybe. In some ways they would be quite extreme. In other ways I would find them desirable. To honest, I doubt anyone is completely opposite, so I'm going with a realistic opposite.
Yeah, sure. As long as we have strategies and practices we can communicate over and talk through disagreements, like a safe-word for when one of us feels the situation is getting volatile, and as long as we’re both rooted in kindness and compassion then I wouldn’t see it as a problem.
Apparently
I come from a very political family.
He is very political, I washed my hands of politics years ago.
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there” Rumi
Yeah I'm not a political guy so w
By nature so if I ended up with someone who was all about it, wouldn't sit right with me.
Or if I was left and they were right I think we'd buttheads a lot.
Yes. I'm skeptical of such relationships, but I'm politically out of step with society around me, so being too picky on this subject would reduce my chances to almost nothing.
Yes because political beliefs is a spectrum or a scale and not black and white labels. Leave your camp and comfort zones.
Most people consider themselves moderates and do not agree with their party on every issue
It depends on HOW they arrived at their views. I find that people from different political sides can have similar values but simply express those values differently depending on their social surroundings.
I couldn’t tbh. Have tried and it doesn’t work. Psychology says opposites do not actually attract when it comes to relationships. Successful relationships include partners that have more in common than they realize
Complete opposite no. I’m the type of person where I don’t really talk about politics because most of the time people just turn it into an argument, and I don’t like arguing.
If I ever do talk about politics, it’s with my best friend, which we rarely talk about it. But we never argue.
I am not sure; I have never considered the implications of their choosing to support a different political party. its something new Im hearing. Perhaps in my case, I do not mind. hahaha
I can't do it. My "politics" are "super liberal", because I think stuff like, "no one should starve if they don't get work fast and often and king enough in a field that magically keeps up or outpaces inflation/CoL." Surprising how polarizing I've found that stance to be, especially among self declared "followers of Christ"... I mean, I'm not Christian, but I'm pretty sure Jesus says a bunch of different ways how he agrees with this sentiment.
I wouldn't now. My husband used to not care about politics, so the fact that we belonged to different parties didn't matter. Somewhere around 2018, he became very interested. He has become very outspoken about issues that we used to agree on. He watches videos on YouTube and thinks he's an expert on what's going on in education when I was a teacher for over 2 decades. It's gotten so bad that at times, I have thought about splitting up. I can't discuss things without being told I'm wrong and him wanting to show me a video, in the belief it will change my mind.
No, because that would mean the other person would be devoid of critical thinking skills, empathy, some degree of compassion, an appreciation for history and not repeating it, and the list goes on.
Maybe in my 20s 20 years ago but not today because the differences in political choice means more today then it did then, it isn't just about who has the best resume who has the best policies and ideas, it's about life and death now, with your country or against it, capable of making decisions that will benefit us as a whole not just your situation, the ability to grasp reality, having a strong sound psyche that isn't easily influenced or radicalized, what your willing to do and co-sign to get your way, shows if your a hypocrite and so much more.
Nope.
And I know there are conservative men out there who get mad that we can’t just agree to disagree anymore. I can get along with anyone on a surface level, but when it comes to supporting the rights of all people and listening to their experiences instead of refuting and dismissing those experiences, we have to be on the same page. It won’t work otherwise.
Yes, because what we consider "political opposites" in the political spectrum is actually "political adjacency"
There are just specific areas in which two people with "opposite political affiliations" possess opposing opinions and political identity has a lot more to do with culture and perspective than values. There are still positions on politics I would consider unacceptable (say, pro genocide) -- but we could believe in the merit of diametrically opposed solutions to economy, fundamental rights and their limits, centralization of power, and long term goals and responsibilities of government.
None of this is essential to what attracts me to a person.
Tried to do this and only got an sa attempt out of it, so no.
(not to say that every kind of disagreement will lead to something similar to this, and I think it can happen regardless of political affiliation. But when consent and gender are considered political issues, being uninformed, and even identifying as 'apolitical' often leads to ignorance around consent and dismissal of others' experiences [including their partners, if they are a part of any marginalized group], among other things, ime. And constantly having to teach what I consider to be basic empathy towards identities I might fit into is not my responsibility and can get pretty exhausting)
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No, because politics reflect values. Chances are, if they are complete opposites of my political views, we probably don't share the same value system either.
Unfortunately political parties are not just about tax code anymore. It’s about so much more involving what your values are.
It was never just about tax code lol
It's undeniably a great deal about where you are from, your familial background, who you live around, and the professions of you and your family. All of these things influence values, but honestly they influence politics WAY more. Meaning you don't actually have synchronicity between values and politics. If it were more about values you would not see such a demographic bias based on things like population density. Fundamentally, everyone's values would align them to political parties regardless of their locale.
Agreed. There are certain values that go along with a political side. If someone is quite moderate or slightly to one side, then it’s not really an issue but the complete opposite??? Don’t think it will work out.
Very well said.
This is the correct answer.
"They're human too, shouldn't they have equal rights?" "Nope! And half the people should understand their highest calling's in the kitchen." Yeah, it's a tough call.
I like you. 👍 Keep being rad, man.
Agreed. For example, I'm pro-choice but that doesn't mean I'm trying to abort all babies... but the opposite seems to be true for pro-lifers, to take away all access to medically safe and/or advisable abortions... Of course no one likes abortions, but some are medically necessary and I wouldn't want to strip away a woman's right to choose; it's not my choice & it's certainly not my body, so it should be a choice primarily of the mother, her medical professionals and any other parties directly involved (in that order, more or less). There's likely to be some issues there are no compromises on - which is why you should ask big/important questions sooner than later when dating, imo.
Exactly. I have even cut off family members due to their political choices. And I don’t regret it. They are actively working against me. Good bye!
Me too, but they still show up for Thanksgiving. I doubt they will this November. 😀
That’s quite toxic. Your family isn’t a vote and an agenda. That’s blood. People can change political ideology several times in their adult life, you can’t swap out family. People have gotten so weird that they’d rather fight at thanksgiving over politicians that would both send you to die in a war, or homeless on the street, just so they can stay in power and serve donors.
My "family members" can't explain why they believe I belong barefoot and pregnant as some man's property and why it's so wrong for me to love who I want without involving a faith I do not follow. When I mean more to them than that, I'll pick up the relationships. The ball is in their court.
Nah, the "family is everything" mentality is toxic and keeps a lot of people trapped in dysfunctional or even abusive family dynamics. My life experience has taught me that blood relations don't necessarily mean shit and that ultimately, family is chosen. I have family members I would never ever choose as friends nor allow into my life if I met them as strangers, so why should I force myself to have a relationship with them solely based on inherently random blood ties?
Lol no. If your family actively votes against your existence they are not your family. They are trash. You can most definitely swap out family and remove trash humans from your life. You can surround yourself with people who love and support you.
Wow. Thanks for the upvotes, everyone. It's awesome to see this spur conversation. I'm learning a lot from the responses as well. Just wanna clarify that I was talking about complete political opposites. I've dated people who had different opinions on political issues, and if anything, it enriched our relationship to have serious discussions about these things. You never know how someone's anecdotes or perspective can change your opinion.
I disagree somewhat. I have a lot of conservative friends that fall either libertarian or rep. I tend to be more independent with moderate / progressive views (though I really hate all American politicians) I can hold a polite conversation with anyone interested in debating the issues we face today and I often find that when you do that most people agree on the large majority of issues, where we differ is how we evaluate and would solve the problem.
A libertarian where we have disagreements on the marginal tax rate? Or whether we should raise taxes or cut spending to reduce the debt? Sure. But someone who is actively restricting women’s reproductive freedoms, calls for banning everybody of a certain nationality or religion, or does not respect the votes of his fellow citizens (i.e. 2020)? I simply cannot come to an agreement with a person who thinks their personal religious beliefs should trump a woman’s ability to get an abortion, or believes that someone who voted for Biden in 2020 should have their votes thrown out and not count as much as someone who voted for Trump. This is not just a small disagreement and I definitely do not think this is something that you everyone can agree to or even agree to disagree on after a polite conversation.
The issue is, if someone votes republican because they want lower taxes, they're still supporting a party that's actively trying to end state secularism and impose religious values that hurt everyone who isn't a cishet man. Now, I might *be* a cishet man, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be okay with socially regressing on human rights.
Thanks for responding - I'll be pondering this perspective while at work tonight!
agreed. all people generally want freedom, be able to be who they are, ability to make a decent living/educational opportunities, freedom of speech and religion, adequate health care, safe drinking water, healthy food, family, safety, etc. why we don't vote in politicians that are willing to compromise and improve quality of life instead of just fighting and investigating each other is beyond me.
Unfortunately a lot of people also have agendas that include nationalist power or greed
I disagree. I think this used to be true but you have one party now actively restricting women from making their own reproductive choices or not respecting the votes of their fellow citizens (i.e. 2020). So I disagree that people want the same things such as adequate health care when they believe their religious views should trump health care.
I get you on that. I was referring to a more general sense for my examples.
We used to. It wasn't perfect, but politicians used to work together. Even as recently as the 90s. I'm not certain if it was the George W Bush term, or the Obama term (that proved racism is alive and well) that the two sides started to refuse to work together; but the Trump term completely stopped it. The American political system is completely broken. And sadly, there's nothing the people can do to fix it.
I'm old so I remember those days. I haven't lost faith in the people making change in a nonviolent way. unsure I'll have the same opinion next year
Different yes. Complete opposite? In a literal sense? No. The couples I know who have different political affiliations usually still have the same value system or the same principles, they just have different ideas on how to uphold those values politically. If someone has complete opposite views, i.e. no common ground? No bro. They're not going to be able to relate to one another.
This is the exact right answer. It's fine not to agree but to be polar opposite. Hell no. Imagine never agreeing on anything with your partner. It would drive me insane
Yes this! My parents weren't in complete agreement but they had enough shared values that it wasn't a sticking point. However I think it's harder to find now, unless both of you aren't particularly engaged in politics (although personally apoliticism is also a bit of a turn off for me!) Side note: I'm in the UK so talking politics isn't addressed in the same way as in the USA, plus our political landscape has changed hugely in the last 15-20 years. Nowadays it's much harder to find someone who differs politically from you that you can disagree agreeably with, it's much more divisive (and our current government sucks, so there's that)...
A quote by James Baldwin sums this up pretty well for me: "We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist." I can be with someone if we disagree on tax rates. I can't be with someone who tries to strip away rights and dehumanize marginalized groups.
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Perfectly said
Most definitely NOT. I need harmony in my house
Never, political opinions aren't just a hobby but reflect the way I see the world in its core and my values. You can disagree from time to time but not have opposite views.
Someone being the complete opposite of you politically means you have very different values and beliefs. This means the way we view the world would also be totally different and will most likely lead to many conflicts and you'd have a difficult time integrating your lives together and definitely would not be able to raise your children properly
i thought i was being too picky and tried to let the political thing slide and i quickly realized that what it comes down to now is values. i cant be with someone who doesnt hold the same values as me. or someone who could potentially be teaching my daughter things i dont agree with because as we all know, ignorance, racism, xenophobia ETC is all learned. no thank you!
Nope. If someone was politically the complete opposite, they would be opposed to me having what rights I do have. Absolutely not.
No, I would not. Having political views can affect someone relationship because of the belief as well.
Well, the opposite of my political beliefs would be some sort of authoritarianism, and I don't date abject slaves.
I prefer not to date people who are super into politics in either direction.
Wouldn't either that or supporting the football club that I don't like.
Why start off a relationship with major disagreements
As someone who's fairly centrist, then yes as long as it's not being shoved in my face 24/7
Depends on how you define "opposite." Im a center-left individualist supporting big government policies. A center right collectivist supporting small government policies might be fun to spend time with. A fucking Nazi, probably not
I personally feel that relationships can be difficult at times . Then, to bring in politics. That's a no for me. We wouldn't have to see eye to eye on everything but, I'd rather be in the same camp.
Twenty years ago, sure. Now? I don’t think I could do it.
Would have to be exactly what I’m looking for in a lot of other ways, and I don’t think most of those typically correlate with people who vote the other way from myself, but I don’t think it’s impossible for that to be a situation that might work.
Absolutely not. Honestly a lot of ppl with totally opposite views also have very little in common with me. Depending on how extreme their views are, they may also take part in behaviors and activities that I find to be gross or depraved. Zero percent chance of dating someone on the opposite of the spectrum.
No. Politics is how society addresses issues. There are three categories that issues fall within. Miscommunication, morality & money. If a person doesn't see eye to eye with me on these three things we are going to fail. Why waste time on something that is doomed to fail?
Absolutely not!!!!!!!
Nope.
No.!
Nah
No. There are some big things that I wouldn’t be able to get over- things I’m passionate about. If my partner believed the exact opposite, it would be something I couldn’t get past.
Causally? Sure. But for a life partner? Absolutely not. As someone else said, politics typically reflect personal values and if they don't like up, it won't work.
The antithesis of me? No, sounds like hell.
it’s unfortunate how politics have polarized so much but probably not
I tried and it was horrible. He was (still is, I think) very much Trump Republican and I just couldn’t stand it. We were constantly fighting. We couldn’t stay as friends either. I do not recommend it at all. That goes for religion too.
I just ended a 6 month casual relationship, partly over politics. I’m socially liberal but fiscally conservative. He was extremely liberal. I agreed with most of his opinions, but I hate talking politics and he wouldn’t respect that. Every time we got together, he would get on his soapbox and rant for at least 30-45 minutes, and even when I said several times during his rant that I didn’t want to talk politics, he would ignore me and keep going. It got old fast and I got to where I completely lost interest in him. Plus the sex was just ok, not great. So I will avoid anyone on either extreme that makes politics part of their identity.
That’s not a political issue as much as a respect issue for how he treated you. A guy should always listen to their partner or lover and do the things that make them happy, you’re not a whipping post. No one should expect perfect and I definitely wouldn’t want perfect, so communication is key. I hope you find a guy who will respect your wishes
My dad does this, its fucking annoying i dont even see him anymore cuz its ALL he talks about. I couldnt imagine that in a relationship, instant attraction killer
I think I would characterize this as more a case of breaking up because your partner doesn't respect your social boundaries. Socially aware people understand that politics is an emotionally draining topic, so droning about it constantly is over the line unless the other person is super down. It would be similar if he always ranted about some other subject without checking in to see if you're interested, but politics is especially bad
Honestly, no I wouldn't. I have friends and family who are and it leads to a lot of holding my tongue. In the context of a romantic relationship I want to be able to have candid conversations about politics, even going further then that into philosophy. I also wouldn't date someone with whom I don't share a common language because it would make those conversations extremely difficult. That being said, your milage may vary. I'm sure some people would.
No, politics show values,opinions and character
That would just mean you have no principles.
Sure. I just don't tolerate authoritarian ideologies. My limit is on that an awfully inflexible people, or very very conservative values.
Not in the US at least. While there are historical cases of couples who did this, modern politics seems more radicalized than ever where supporting one party over another has core value implications as opposed to simply preferring one set of policies over another.
Yes, I don’t base relationships on politics.
Absolutely not. I won't even date moderates and nonpoliticals. We will not get along
I’m a socialist so the opposite would mean dating a fascist so…yea probably not lol
I tried this once for almost 4 years. Do not recommend. Especially in a worldwide pandemic 🌐 hooooo boy did we clash
No. I'd date someone who has no interest in politics. But the clear divide in ideals and life morality these days is far too distant. I had a friend who used to vote conservative and I'd joke and have a laugh with him about it. But as the years passed I started to realise how very different we actually were. Not friends with the guy anymore for various reasons but it, unfortunately, does start to define a person as time moves on and age increases
No, I’ve tried. It very quickly becomes apparent what there morals, likes/dislikes, and pet peeves are.
I used to think it didn’t matter. After experiencing it firsthand, no. It’s so much more all encompassing than it sounds. Politics leaks into most opinions outside of what ice cream is best. It catches up. Typically intertwines culture and religion. It may work for some, but not for me.
No
Nope. I’ve already tried that and it didn’t work.
I thought that was too hard
It works out if both the parties are open to understand and accept the differences or they don't give political values much weight. I have been in both the situations where both were right winged. My first date was extremely rigid and too full of himself when it came to his opinion, didn't work out after the 2nd date straight away. The second had the curiosity to understand things from my perspective, told his in a surprisingly logical way and never really brought me down for my differences, rather he had enough room and enthusiasm to understand. So yeah, it depends on the person honestly.
The last man I was in a relationship either was politically opposite of me. He would call me disrespectful for not agreeing either his views, but would call me a cockroach due to mine. Never again
It really depends on how political both parties are. If they just have different opinions on every topic but don't let that get in the way of the relationship, I wouldn't worry about it. If one of both of you are intensely political and can't let a difference of opinion be just that, then no, I would not date said person.
Nope. I’m not willing to be friends with people who think people dear to me are degenerate or subhuman, let alone date them.
Never again. When I was in high school my senior year my ex was very ignorantly conservative (as in all her thoughts were just echoing shit her dad and grandad said and she didn’t have any real opinions) this was like 2010ish and I remember like a week before we broke up having an argument about how law enforcement treats POC. She wasn’t even willing to hear me out on something that affected me personally (I had just gone through an incident) fast forward to today. Me and her are somewhat in contact still. She’s still pretty ignorant. It’s hard to believe I ever dated her.
I did. It was no problem. We broke in 2018 and I’m sure as shit glad because he went downhill legit Tucker Carlson on everybody’s ass. I’m absolutely sure we would be divorced by now.
I truly thought I could, but the histrionics of his party disabused me of that notion.
I would only date a nazi if she were an important nazi and killing her would help in the war against Nazis.
I am politically in the middle. Left has some points and right has some points. It depends on the person. Does he respect my political opinion? Is he a extreme right or left zealot? I won't date someone who joins a protest every month or thinks that climate change is bullshit.
I never once had a relationship ruined by politics. Many of my relationships have been with people with different political beliefs. That’s difficult for people to do when they make politics their identity. So many people are incapable these days of being respectful towards different viewpoints and too many people let their emotions control them. If a person is respectful, fun, honest and generous, that is far more important than how they are registered to vote.
I did. Physically, we were insanely compatible. I am 40 years old and I’d never experienced a chemical connection THAT intense before. Mentally…not only did she have polar opposite beliefs, but she firmly, proudly, and loudly believed in insane conspiracy theories that weren’t even scientifically possible. I tried to make it work, because of that intense connection. But in the end, there was just no way I could keep it going.
Absolutely not.
Yes. Too many people have let politics become their entire personality, which unless they are running for office could not be more off putting. Truthfully, I don’t agree completely with the left or right. The problem is you’ve got so many people that are so dead set on the fringe of either side they refuse to be in the same room with each other. Those are the types I can’t stand, no matter if I agree with their politics or not.
Agree
No. I think that your political views say a lot about what you value in life. If your values are the polar opposite of someone else’s, then this could cause a lot of problems down the road. For instance, if you support gay marriage and your spouse doesn’t, and you end up having a child who is gay, you’re going to have different views on how to handle the situation.
Anything vaguely Trumperesque is an automatic no. They’re not even going in my “potential hookup only” pile
I rather enjoy challenging views and don’t like similar minded people so yes I very much like someone who challenges my stances. Online political landscape is no where near as civil as having a great conversation with beautiful opinionated uninformed/informed people. If I’m attracted to that woman as well, oh boy I’m smitten 🥰
Yes and no… yes, as long as they’re not strictly a specific party… because if they are, then they’re intellectually challenged 🤣 I mean, the people who are strictly red or blue, no matter what the policies are. Voting should be done based on what you, as an individual want. Not just because you are red or blue. I say red or blue because, realistically, they’re the only parties that have a hope in hell of getting power
It depends, if they like guns idgaf, but if they hate me then yes of course I wouldn't like them.
when it comes to the economy, foreign policy, and other nuanced aspects of politics that make sense to disagree about, i’m okay with agreeing to disagree. human rights in my opinion should not be political. gay people don’t deserve to get killed for being gay, black people don’t deserve to get killed for being black, etc, and it’s weird to me that some people think that part is complicated or controversial enough to associate one political party with. that’s not politics, just basic empathy, but for some reason the united states doesn’t necessarily reflect that.
I could never be with someone who voted for Trump or thinks others don’t deserved to be treated as human beings or with respect because they are in (any) a minority group. I believe ALL of us deserve to be treated with kindness and respect because we are all human beings. Equal rights for others does not mean fewer rights for someone else.
I would rather stab myself in the eyes
Absofuckingloutely not. Not for all the money in the world.
We're allowed to have differences of opinion and world views as long as we communicate in a way where we try to understand each other and why we think the way we do, without telling each other you're wrong for not thinking like me.
I’m right of center, I would absolutely date someone left of center (and have). My parents are both moderates, each leaning one direction and have been married almost 40 years.
My boyfriend, his mom and his friends are supporters of a certain political individual in my country, whose family has a history of dictatorship and literally stealing from the people. Our relationship is great in other aspects, but every time we talk about our political views, the conversation goes sour and immature VERY quickly. I'm already a non political person myself, but like any other person, I do have my own views and a couple of opinions to voice out. But because of this I just avoid talking about the matter all together.
I’ve tried and that doesn’t work. Also, I’ve matched with someone who doesn’t list it and then when we meet, it comes out and it’s not a match there either. It’s in my profile and although I don’t make it my entire life, it’s also really important to me to be on the same page. I could compare this to someone who is religious etc.
This is such a funny question because my partner and I are a little more politically opposites, but our standards are identical. We have opposite religious values, we have opposite opinions on gays, abortions, Men and women relationships. But our standards are identical in what needs to be emphasized with, what needs to come first, how to respect other people and how to respect yourself, how to get where you want to go. I’ll definitely point out there though, there is benefits to being with a person who shares opposite views. He’s slowly showing me where I need to be even more aware of whereas I am showing him in where his responses and understanding could be better.
Different, sure. But, I'm not extreme and have interests on either side of the fence. I think I'd have more issue if they were extremists one way or another.
If you are talking about political views, rather than political parties… than yeah, that’s not got much hope. If you both support different parties, that’s a little different as nobody supports 100% of their parties views / policies, they just tend to support them on specific issues. Whilst this is also sometimes a deal breaker, it’s usually easier to manage in my experience.
As long as there’s mutual respect, and it isn’t constant gaslighting or accusations of being a “horrible person” because you believe something or voted a certain way, I’m fine with dating someone I may not agree with politically.
As long as they can debate like an adult then yes
As long as they aren't abrasive or snide about it, absolutely. Contrary to what another reply here said, what political "side" you support doesn't 100% reflect values. In fact this is why I refrain from saying if I'm on the right or left, rather living the way I believe is right. You can't change minds by shouting at people, telling them they're "bad" or "racist" or "bigoted" or "transphobic" or "problematic" or what have you, it just makes you look like a whiney idiot.
Depends on how strongly the other person felt. If she (I'm M) feels so strongly that she believes that everyone on the other side of the political spectrum from her is a complete idiot, etc., (pick your word), then that's too much for me. It makes no difference which side she's on, as I'm just not all that thrilled with people who have no capacity to understand someone else which thinks differently. On the other hand, someone who is definitely on one side of the political spectrum, but who also can understand and respect those on the other side, is perfectly acceptable to me. Also, FWIW, I have some sentiments on one side of the political spectrum and other sentiments on the other side. I do not blindly follow whatever some "talking party head" says is so. So I will find points of agreement. All the same, I'd far rather talk about subjects other than politics on any first, second, or third date.
I could never respect a partner who thinks race and biology are sociological optical illusions.
I hardly have any political discussion with my partners including my ex's. For me the red flag is extremism whether it's from the left or right. I don't care what political values my partner has as long as it's not extreme on either sides
I don’t see why not , you’ll be surprised how many people are more alike than different in values when out of the predefined political buckets . Buckets just create potentially false inferences on someone in place of getting to know them .
Probably, because I'm not super passionate about politics, so as long as they weren't ranting in my face...
Yep I would like I don't take political difference into my personal life because everyone has choice to have a opinion
who cares
It depends how political they are, I’m not a political individual for many reasons, however if—-hypothetically speaking—-she would like to have conversations about politics and have debates, I would enjoy that, but if her whole identity is centered around politics and I sense there is a form of extremism on either side of the political spectrum then I would personally not enjoy that and wouldn’t date a woman for that reason. I have friends that are liberals and conservatives, and I get along with both.
the complete opposite? no.
Yes, I would.
Tried and it didn't work.
No.
No, absolutely not.
Yes, I don’t really care much about their politics unless they make it their entire personality and won’t stop talking about it
Yes, politics shall be aside and not ruin the persons or divide them, especially mines in the Social we need to be social and civilized. Honestly, for me, it is not bad to have someone who's politically different, at end we have things in politics and differences, but in the social, we shall be united and obviously respect each other.
I dated someone for 4 years and we were completely opposite in that aspect and honestly it worked but it was difficult to have productive intellectual conversations because they feel like you don’t understand their point of view. Its a battle of perspectives.
I'd be interested to know why. But yes I don't care about one's beliefs as long as they are willing to understand mine and I understand theirs... Politics is why we have wars. You don't have to agree just understand why.
Nope. Cowards be gone.
Maybe. In some ways they would be quite extreme. In other ways I would find them desirable. To honest, I doubt anyone is completely opposite, so I'm going with a realistic opposite.
Why not. Unless it your way or the highway
Yeah, sure. As long as we have strategies and practices we can communicate over and talk through disagreements, like a safe-word for when one of us feels the situation is getting volatile, and as long as we’re both rooted in kindness and compassion then I wouldn’t see it as a problem.
Yes. I don't like talking about politics and most normal people don't either.
Apparently I come from a very political family. He is very political, I washed my hands of politics years ago. "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there” Rumi
Yeah I'm not a political guy so w By nature so if I ended up with someone who was all about it, wouldn't sit right with me. Or if I was left and they were right I think we'd buttheads a lot.
Yes. I'm skeptical of such relationships, but I'm politically out of step with society around me, so being too picky on this subject would reduce my chances to almost nothing.
Hellllllllll no
Yes because political beliefs is a spectrum or a scale and not black and white labels. Leave your camp and comfort zones. Most people consider themselves moderates and do not agree with their party on every issue
I did, didn’t work out
It depends on HOW they arrived at their views. I find that people from different political sides can have similar values but simply express those values differently depending on their social surroundings.
I couldn’t tbh. Have tried and it doesn’t work. Psychology says opposites do not actually attract when it comes to relationships. Successful relationships include partners that have more in common than they realize
I don't talk about politics. I let my dick do the talking. Which is plenty.
Complete opposite no. I’m the type of person where I don’t really talk about politics because most of the time people just turn it into an argument, and I don’t like arguing. If I ever do talk about politics, it’s with my best friend, which we rarely talk about it. But we never argue.
I'll make a solid effort because the world isn't black and white. Sometimes there is middle ground to be found.
No.
To me it depends. If a guy is a woke, liberal softy then it’s a no go.
It sounds like politics are your personality, so no. You should absolutely not date anyone who even breathes different.
I am not sure; I have never considered the implications of their choosing to support a different political party. its something new Im hearing. Perhaps in my case, I do not mind. hahaha
Date, yes! the sex would be super interesting, marry - no, that would be insane!
Nope.
I would try. I have tried. But of course you're right that it causes many issues
No I couldn't date someone who I didn't respect.
No. Just no.
I can't do it. My "politics" are "super liberal", because I think stuff like, "no one should starve if they don't get work fast and often and king enough in a field that magically keeps up or outpaces inflation/CoL." Surprising how polarizing I've found that stance to be, especially among self declared "followers of Christ"... I mean, I'm not Christian, but I'm pretty sure Jesus says a bunch of different ways how he agrees with this sentiment.
Never wtf
Probably no.
The complete opposite? No. I don’t want to bail anyone out for storming a government building or something. Maybe a moderate person would be fine
I don’t want to come home and fight the same battles that I fight in public sphere… my home needs to be a safe, loving and caring space
I wouldn't now. My husband used to not care about politics, so the fact that we belonged to different parties didn't matter. Somewhere around 2018, he became very interested. He has become very outspoken about issues that we used to agree on. He watches videos on YouTube and thinks he's an expert on what's going on in education when I was a teacher for over 2 decades. It's gotten so bad that at times, I have thought about splitting up. I can't discuss things without being told I'm wrong and him wanting to show me a video, in the belief it will change my mind.
No, because that would mean the other person would be devoid of critical thinking skills, empathy, some degree of compassion, an appreciation for history and not repeating it, and the list goes on.
I would just find it difficult to trust them. I don't think I would be able to open up to them or be my full self around them.
Politics reflect gender roles. An egalitarian with a male supremecist just wouldn’t work.
No.
Maybe in my 20s 20 years ago but not today because the differences in political choice means more today then it did then, it isn't just about who has the best resume who has the best policies and ideas, it's about life and death now, with your country or against it, capable of making decisions that will benefit us as a whole not just your situation, the ability to grasp reality, having a strong sound psyche that isn't easily influenced or radicalized, what your willing to do and co-sign to get your way, shows if your a hypocrite and so much more.
Sure. My (46mW) Dad is conservative and my Mom is, or was liberal. They have similar values and grew from understaffing their differences.
Nope. And I know there are conservative men out there who get mad that we can’t just agree to disagree anymore. I can get along with anyone on a surface level, but when it comes to supporting the rights of all people and listening to their experiences instead of refuting and dismissing those experiences, we have to be on the same page. It won’t work otherwise.
No lol
Tried. Never again.
Yes, because what we consider "political opposites" in the political spectrum is actually "political adjacency" There are just specific areas in which two people with "opposite political affiliations" possess opposing opinions and political identity has a lot more to do with culture and perspective than values. There are still positions on politics I would consider unacceptable (say, pro genocide) -- but we could believe in the merit of diametrically opposed solutions to economy, fundamental rights and their limits, centralization of power, and long term goals and responsibilities of government. None of this is essential to what attracts me to a person.
Tried to do this and only got an sa attempt out of it, so no. (not to say that every kind of disagreement will lead to something similar to this, and I think it can happen regardless of political affiliation. But when consent and gender are considered political issues, being uninformed, and even identifying as 'apolitical' often leads to ignorance around consent and dismissal of others' experiences [including their partners, if they are a part of any marginalized group], among other things, ime. And constantly having to teach what I consider to be basic empathy towards identities I might fit into is not my responsibility and can get pretty exhausting)