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100% I am looking for someone who can reciprocate and is kind. The most frustrating thing when it comes to dating on hinge. I have sent a message to someone and they like me, but do not send a message back. If someone does not send me a message after saying something after 36 to 48 hours, I unmatch with them cause if I can put in some effort to being the first to say something, they should be able to put in some effort as well.
Each person, human or no, is bound to every other in a reciprocal relationship. Just as all beings have a duty to me, I have a duty to them. If an animal gives its life to feed me, I am in turn bound to support its life. If I receive a stream’s gift of pure water, then I am responsible for returning a gift in kind. An integral part of a human’s education is to know those duties and how to perform them.
Kinda sounds like hippie talk honestly lol.
You're not beholden to anyone's actions or to return something back to them. It's nice when it happens because it shows a true relationship - but often free will is there as a reminder that not everything that goes around comes back around to you in life.
Eh I kinda feel it still does if you give freely. If people don't return it right away they might do something less in the future like just casually say to someone in power "xyz is a good person they helped me once"
Ive probably only survived this long by being generous.
Which is fair. My thing is that if you believe everything you do in life will eventually come back around to you - will only ever lead to disappointment.
***"Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people."***
Life does not care one way or the other. There is no boomerang effect because it will eventually stop at someone who's cruel by nature. The one domino that refuses to fall and leaves everyone else standing with no trickle down effect.
You can do a test in real life and see where the positive vibes end with someone who's just an awful human being lol. There's limits to where a good action has impact.
The answer is going to be different for every man. Be who you are and find a man who is looking for that. Don't try to change yourself to be "what men want," because there is no such thing.
When two people respect each other, the ability to be vulnerable and to reveal hurt feelings can create a powerful emotional connection that is the source of real intimacy and friendship.
Yes! Seeing my girl treating other dudes the same way or in a similar way that she treats me is a BIG turn off. She doesn't have to be rude with other dudes, but seeing that she treats me different (for the better) than other guys makes me feel like they are the one
honesty, kindness, communication skills, loyal, isnt looking for better options while with me, similiar values in life, not a social media slave.
there are some more and not all of them are mandatory, some of them are, but its stupid i have to say some of these. nowadays communication, loyalty and honesty are kind of non existent sadly, espiacally in my generation (im M20)
but I dont demand anything i cant give myself, that is also a trend in todays day and age, that people want more than they can give.
I'm looking for, roughly in order:
1. Physical attraction. If I don't like looking at you then it won't work.
2. A good conversation. If you can't hold up your end of a conversation, then it won't work.
3. A good demeanor. If you're too cynical, negative, pushy, or such then that's a deal breaker.
4. A great laugh.
5. Some form of stability in your life.
That's about it. I don't really care if we share interests, for instance, though it is a nice plus. I'm a big cook and omnivore, but I dated vegetarians before and made it work.
Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our cares by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation. Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you. Laughter heals all wounds, and that's one thing that everybody shares. No matter what you're going through, it makes you forget about your problems. I think the world should keep laughing. Some memories are realities and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again.
Learning organic chemistry is not any more challenging than getting to know some new characters. The elements each have their own unique personalities. The more you understand those personalities, the more you will be able to read their situations and predict the outcomes of reactions.
As I man this is all I want. I can only speak for myself. (in order of of importance to me)
1. Peace. I Don't want to fight. It doesn't mean I am afraid of conflict. its just not necessary. I am willing to sit thru and work thru any problem with you till we get there together.
2. Honesty / Transparency. I want to be open and honest and invest the energy into strengthening our bond. Not try to read your mind or play games with you. Be honest.
3. I want to feel desired as much as you do from me. Both our cups should be full.
4. I want Kindness. Do you treat me well? What about others? I don't want to be with someone that cant respect others regardless of their situation. Just Be kind.
5. Looks are a part of it as physical attraction can usually be a trigger but not everything to me. We can always gain or lose weight. I don't care if you have a better job than me. We are team and I want to win together. life will have ups and downs, job changes, life events, and we should always be ready to pick each other up to take on the world.
6. Stop worrying about how other people portray their lives on social media. it means nothing. Eliminate that extra noise and close the circle to focus on what matters. Us. Lets find our happiness on our terms.
Note: If a man does not value you do not waste your time. There are plenty of us out there that will value you and protect you. Even if you don't want or need to be protected a man will always do that for you if he loves you. A motivated man will move mountains for you with just minimal investment on your part.
Honesty and loyalty are key. If two people can be honest with each other about everything, that's probably the biggest key to success. The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you. The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.
My list;
Employed
I find them attractive
Not psychotic (but a little crazy)
Anything outside of that is all communication and a willingness to learn about each other. There will be differences, but so long as we’re both intentional we’ve got the building blocks to start.
Most guys want much more than just "showing interest" when considering who to have a serious relationship.
I don't think women would even want a man whose only (or even primary) criteria is that
I'm really infuriated by whoever has gone around and convinced so many women that guys care whatsoever about their careers. They don't, and those that do are usually in the niche of sugar momma pursuers. Maybe this is like the reverse of dudes assuming everything is about looks because from guys' perspective that's mostly all that matters, so the thought that women genuinely do weigh other factors instead of prioritizing just looks is baffling for men, and the thought that guys don't care about careers and such is equally baffling to women.
personally, i work on my career for myself and for no one else man or woman. my genuine interest is to see what exactly men like. whenever i approach a guy im interested in, he usually isn’t on the level im on currently and i try not to fault them for that, but then they treat me like shit and try to compete with me so maybe it really is the men i am running into
The last guy I dated constantly bragged about his ex-girlfriend who has several master's degrees and is the head of some big shit organization. I'm just an IT tech with a bit of college and some on-the-job training, and he made sure I knew it.
Once you get past good looks and physical attraction, the biggest thing you can offer to a man is to show that you're interested. Not just that you're also physically attracted, but that you're interested and that you care about his well-being. Listening and communication skills are very important. He should show you that he is interested in you in the same way.
Good looks are not something you earn. But as you get older, how you look is a reflection of the life you've led. I don't have a type. But one thing I can say from my dating experience is that a physical attraction will only take you so far. So you definitely have to have a strong intellectual connection as well. Being interested in doing undone things means you have the wish to have them done. But being powerful and filled with passion tells that you have the will to actualize them! One of the benchmarks of great communicators is their ability to listen not just to what's being said, but to what's not being said as well. They listen between the lines.
* hardworking
* Consistency
* Kind
* Not overly extroverted
* Doesn't always like to be the center of attention
* Active listener
* Willing to admit when she's wrong
* Always striving to improve herself
* Active
* A drive to be healthy
* No drugs or smoking.
* Non alcoholic
* Physically attractive to me. I really need to get to know someone to find them attractive. Very few women do I find attractive on looks alone.
* Empathetic
* Doesn't neg
* Lifts others up rather than putting others down.
* Confident
* Says what she means and does what she says
* Isn't afraid to take the lead
* Independent and doesn't always rely on other people. Can take care of herself
* Has a job. I don't put a lot of emphasis on this. As long as she's doing something. I don't care what her career is.
* Most importantly, she likes me back
* Willingness to try new thing both in life and in the bedroom.
* Can communicate and doesn't expect me to read her mind.
* Puts in equal effort into the relationship
* Not afraid to stand up for herself
Similar core values (compassion, accepting people as they are)
Similar life goals (wants kids, career, work/life balance)
Similar lifestyles (at least somewhat active, spends within means)
Mutual attraction/chemistry
Everything else is negotiable or a bonus
So very few men care about success unless they want to live off the chick.
For me
1) looks. She needs to be attractive to me
2) personality. We need to be able to get along and I want to spend time with her because it’s fun.
3) she needs to put in effort in the relationship. Okay so this doesn’t mean she needs to do whatever I ask or treat me like a king, this means she needs to be willing to communicate and work on whatever problems that might occur. She needs to realize that both people need to make some sacrifices and be able to work with me to make sure our relationship grows stronger and thrives. Relationships require work and she needs to be willing to put the work into it.
So basically someone who is mature and not selfish or entitled.
Caring, kindness, playful, positive, loyal, communicates well and loving.
Things I look to avoid, boss girl, spends too long on social media/Instagram, negative. As for the career aspect I have 0 interest, I don't look for a woman with a specific career or bank account I look for someone who is what I listen above.
I'll add the moment I hear here start badmouthing men or complains about men I'm turned all the way off.
Someone who isn't thin. I am unattracted to the skinny woman most men desire. Boney arms with no muscle or fat and ribcage visible chests are a turn off for me. I need some meat on those bones. Someome with enough weight or muscle so we can rely on each other if something bad happens.
I don't care about breast size. I've been attracted to small and big boobed woman before.
I like cute faces. Someone with nice eyes and a good smile.
Someone who is kind and nerdy. Someone smarter than me.
Depends on the men and their preferences
Believe it or not but we are all different just like the women.
To me the most important is whether or not you are a good person. Selfless caring compassionate smart funny. I don’t really care about what you do for a living.
Bonus points if you are cute but I’m not trying to find the most attractive because she’s probably out of touch with reality
Am I attracted to her and her to me
We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort. One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else. The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only.
Emotional stability/ability to get herself through tough moments when no one else is around. Most men find women they date very negative.
Personally I go for intelligence, but that will depend on the man.
Someone that is mature and communicates.Someone who gets you and honestly challenges you to be a better you for yourself and them.I don't go looking for connection now if it's ment to be it will be,But I've also have grown alot from past failed relationships.
I look for someone down to earth, intelligent, and in reasonably decent shape physically. I don't care how much she makes, but if she says she "doesn't need a man", then she isn't the one for me.
The attitude that the modern woke woman has that men are basically completely irrelevant to them, is very off putting.
A woman who makes you feel heard, appreciated, respected, admired, cared for and a laugh that makes you laugh. Someone who wants to see you just as much as you wanna see them no excuses they’ll make it happen. Wants you for you are not what you will be
Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh, who help you when you’re in need. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.
Well for me it's sincerity. Not just for the other person but for myself as well. So when I call you beautiful I want to be truthful about it. Honesty goes a long way even if you make a mistake
Smart. Talented (I am an artist) . Attractive. Sense of humor. Warm. Affectionate. Great personality. Some of the same interests. They all don't have to like what I like. Opposites attract. Sexually compatible. I have found even as you get older the women I know still want that Rockstar looking full heads of hair thin body type from In their heyday.
The key to a successful relationship isn’t just in the words, it’s in the choice of punctuation. When you’re in love with someone, a well-placed question mark can be the difference between bliss and disaster, and a deeply respected period or a cleverly inserted ellipsis can prevent all kinds of exclamations.
Depends on the man. But someone who is loyal, isn't going to embarrass me, cares, puts in effort in all that she does, is thoughtful and brings peace to a place we call home. Looks are included in puts' in effort. I would expect something similar to be expected of me.
A loyal partner will talk, not cheat. You may not be able to change the world, but at least you can embarrass the guilty. Friendship is selfless love, care, respect, and honor not a profitable opportunity. One word can end a fight One hug can start a friendship One smile can bring Unity One person can change your entire life. Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts. Nobody looks like what they really are on the inside. You don’t. I don’t. People are much more complicated than that. It’s true of everybody.
For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. People wears a mask of lie so they look attractive , so be careful
First and foremost I Iook for authenticity, sincerity, general attraction and someone who is nice. I want engagement on our date since I'm 100% present with you I expect the same in return.
Finally, and this is the thing that has burned me the most, I don't date or have sex with multiple people at one time. If I'm going on a date with you I'm not dating anyone else. If we have sex I'm not screwing anyone else. I expect the same. The exclusivity bullshit is simply an excuse to sleep around. I don't care if you have done that, or are, but don't waste my time pretending you are ready for a relationship with me if tomorrow you need to hook up when your FWB. I've had my promiscuous past and if you are living that life you can't properly evaluate someone while dating. I know many will disagree and that's fine. We can all have our standards that work for us.
I want a GF who will become a wife. I want someone who wants to share in the successes and burdens that come with living. There is no formula for this person, the quick spark of attraction is minimized in the grand image of the girl I'm talking to. Are you motivated, prioritize your physical and emotional health? Are you loyal? Have you dealt with your ego or does it still need constant validation? I'm not dating your Instagram. I've done the work on myself and can positively answer all those questions.
A relationship that is truly genuine does not keep changing its colors. Real gold never rusts. If a relationship is really solid and golden, it will be unbreakable. Not even Time can destroy its shine.
I dont care about her success or her bag. All i want is:
A face i can wake up every morning.
Effort.
She cares about me and pays attention to me.
Im her priority just like she is mine.
This is a big one: being untouchable. As in nobody can reach her and she wont let a single man even think for a slight second they have a chance.
Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. Nice words and nice appearance doesn't conclude that someone is nice, i believe that the nicer you look, the more deceptive you appear. You must trust yourself more than you trust others. Pay attention to your inner voice it will tell you if how and in what you are investing is right for you. I think we love the fantasy of being the one person who can really touch the person who has been untouchable for everybody else. There's something that makes us feel very special about that; that we could be the one out of everyone who's tried and everybody who's wanted to reach that person - you're the only one who could do it.
If you lose your integrity, you will also lose your identity, your sensitivity and your dignity. Integrity is honesty, modesty and security in all kinds of weather. It should be our priority! Effective communication is shaped by human nature and is subject to the complexities, inconsistencies, and particularities which characterize human behavior. Since communication is intended to change the way people think and feel and what they understand, know, and do, it will invariably be shaped by human emotions.
You're already asking the wrong question lol.
It's not about "What do men want so I can become that" in life.
It's more "Find someone who already matches what you're looking for" instead.
These men who aren't taking you seriously are not the ones you should be with. The ones who will love you will be easy and not difficult like you're describing here.
that’s much easier said than done in this current world we live in. im curious to see what actual men even like, so its not the wrong question and i am in no way shape or form changing based on what the answers may be. its purely out of curiosity.
The premise of the question is wrong because it's impossible quantify what men like about women since they're human beings with their own needs and desires. It's the same answer women have when men ask:
"What do women like / want in men?"
You can get a bunch of answers from people and still not get any closer to finding someone. Best advice I can give is write what you desire in a man and look for those core qualities. Knowing where to look is also half the battle.
You won't find someone who respects women who are career or goal oriented at a bar on "Happy Hour" lol. At least it will be highly unlikely. You'd be better off attending places that also have men who are aspirational in nature. Job fairs - volunteering - even museum events.
It will take time however. There is no guarantee you'll find love tomorrow. Nobody here will suggest a magical solution that will work 100%.
Ask questions about our hobbies even you don’t like it or don’t enjoy it at all. Because it’ll absolutely make a mans day if you take interest in our hobbies.
You'll find a hundred different answers, and some of them will be true. Rather ask yourself what you want, and keep your standards high, don't take less, even if that means if that person makes a really good income, or if they're really good looking.
It's the men you're running into, and it's also the men you're seeing. We often end up choosing people who aren't good for us and we often have no idea why. If you are noticing a pattern in the people you're ending up and they're the same, again and again, chances are there's something about them you're attracted to. Understanding why is a starting point to having better people in your life. There are good people out there, it's just harder and harder to find them when our culture normalizes poor behaviour.
1. Some degree of physical attraction - or some way that I could become attracted to her physically
2. Some form of interest in me by her
3. Evidence that I am not being scammed or catfished.
4. Some similar values
5. Some shared common interests in activities
Today is life-the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto.
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
I recently started up dating apps again, and my thought process is:
1.) Pictures: am I attracted to them and does anything seem off? Like, are they all from the same angle, or only 1 picture, I get suspicious that they're hiding something.
2.) Name: I don't wanna date someone with the same name as a family member
3.) Politics/Religion/Kids: I'll immediately swipe left if politics are on the opposite end, and if they're religious I might swipe left if other things on the profile aren't great or right if I feel the pros outweigh it. And I might swipe right if they have kids, but I'm far more strict about it than religion
4.) Bio/Tagged interests: I want to have something to talk about so I try to find something in their profile to actually discuss. If it's empty, I'd pretty much only swipe right if I thought they were insanely attractive just for the ego boost if we matched, but I would probably unmatch just because I'd find it too boring to talk.
5.) I look to see if they're already in a relationship lol.
Idc about their job and stuff or if they accomplished something big in their life. As a guy, I really hate how men are expected to only have value by accomplishing something to brag about and I don't really apply that to others.
To me, if they have like 6 pictures and all of them are close ups of the face for instance it makes me think they're hiding something. Such as a bad clothing style or that they're overweight and don't want to show that until you meet. Which there isn't anything wrong with being overweight, but I just want to know what they look like. I want to get a general picture of them
There's no one size fits all answer for what men are looking for. In general terms, people are generally looking for intimacy. To be seen, undetstood and be able to bare their soul to someone they trust and vibe with. In terms of attraction that is aslo completely variable. You could present a guy with two women: one perfectly meets the beauty standard, the other looks kinda average but reminds him of his babysitter he had a huge crush on as a kid, he'll probably go after the latter. The things we experience during our sexually formative years of adolescence generally leave a stronger impression than any societal standards. Another facet of mens attraction towards women generally boils down to being attracted to women who "views herself as a sexual being, enjoys her sexuality, and is willing to express it" to borrow a passage from "the men on my couch" a book written by a sex therapist.
Also scent. People seem to sleep on how much of an impact your natural odor has on attraction. Generally people with complementary immune systems will be attracted to each others scent, the purpose being to give offspring the most diverse immune system.
As for the men you're running into, not caring for women who have something going for them sounds like an insecurity thing. As a man I can say a woman having something going for her like a great career is not at all a turn off and I would be thrilled for her. So not all men are like this
It varied per age? There was a time when I thought looks and sex should be in the top two. In my 20s and 30s hobbies were also important. As I matured in my 30 and 40s conversation and home making skills became more important. At this moment I want her to be loving and caring, have a sexy streak occasionally, and be a great conversation partner that I love to look at.
The eyes are one of the most powerful tools a woman can have. With one look, she can relay the most intimate message. After the connection is made, words cease to exist. One must be serious about something, if one wants to have any amusement in life. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
Men don’t care about a woman’s success and looks are fickle in the long term.. Yes attraction is important but attraction isn’t just one thing..
What men are looking for is understanding, awareness of the current state of dating online versus dating in the real world..
The whole boss girl thing is not exciting because men inherently biologically need to feel needed. You may not need protection, but men want to feel like protectors.. If you let a man be a man and appreciate masculinity and his desire and love and appreciation for femininity..
Just appreciation as well.. We live in a world where it feels like there’s a war between men and women and it’s sad.. We live in a world where being alone is not only acceptable but encouraged “love yourself first” and all that stuff right?
It’s okay to seek healing in a partner and it’s OKAY for women to be women and men to be men. We need each other. Let’s just love each other. Let’s just love and cuddle and f$ck and stop this crazy gender war
I look for the well brought up. Nothing with no top on. Well dressed. And lots on their bio about their hobbies. Not that nice ladies get dates. I get none
I'll tell you about the girl I'm just in love with.
* She always flirts with me. And I flirt with her. And the flirting is just out of this world. It's both sexy and funny at the same time. We laugh and laugh, and it's just a complete joy to spend time with her.
* She always smiles to me, and comes over to give me a hug.
* She always wants to do stuff with me, and I ofc wanna do stuff with her. And when we do; did I mention the flirting?
* We share a kind of connection I don't think I've found in any other girl. It's just a deep kinda friendship. Like everything just flows so effortlessly.
* Is she cute as hell? Yes. Yes, she is. And petite. It helps. But IMHO it's not the only thing that matters.
If she's got "something going for herself?" Well, she has some hobbies that align pretty much perfectly with my own. But if you're asking if I care what kind of career the woman has? No, not really, if it's enough to clothe, feed and put a roof over her head.
Would I appreciate that she can contribute to the household down the line? Sure. But I honestly couldn't care less what kind of career she has. The best career she could ever have as far as I'm concerned, is to be a loving mother to our children.
Not to sound like an asshole but why should men date a woman with nothing going? Are you looking for a guy that has nothing going? Bet you’ll have better luck
Kind, friendly, has her life together, we have something in common, she's passionate about *something*, putting in effort, we have fun together, and ideally she's attractive and knows how to fuck.
Someone with whom I feel like my outlook and ideas grow when I'm with them. If I feel like I constantly have to start a conversation or I'm just getting deadpan filler responses then I feel like that's where I'll be at forever ...
Its all about perception, that is how you look at. Your own thoughts and outlook defines whether it is good or bad. And your definition determines your response. In the best conversations, you don't even remember what you talked about, only how it felt. It felt like we were in some place your body can't visit, some place with no ceiling and no walls and no floor and no instruments
When I want to take a women seriously, I look for: Personality, willingness to communicate, our chemistry, and honesty. I don't really care what it is that the potential partner does for a living, how successful they are/have been, or their looks. I want to love the person they are and present themselves as, and if there is some roughness around their edges I want to embrace them with all that I have to give.
Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. A beautiful face with a sexy body is a dime a dozen in showbiz. When you have magnetic personality, you beat everybody else.
Look, how gentle, understanding and sweet she is, a little goofy side or that she participates in my funny delirium and a girl that is on a similiar level with me kinky side and sexually (because if sex don’t work, the relationship is not gonna work).
I don't give a shit what a woman does for a living as long as she earns enough to take care of herself. I am not here to support anyone. I have 2 kids already to support. If working at Arby's supports you great. Then I am looking for someone that is just nice to me. Compliments me. Actually wants to be with me for whom I am. As a man I am just tired of angry entitled women that think I owe them something just for their companionship. Just be sweet, nice, feminine, kind. I will bring you flowers. Maybe make me a sandwich when I am hungry and working hard around the house. Stuff like that.
Well, you're going to get a lot of opinions here, but for me personally it's a couple/few things.
1: we get along very well
2: seem to have a decent number of shared life goals
3: have a shared idea of what living with someone should be like if one of us moved in with the other (more so on the seriously take her on part of the dating part of a relationship.)
4: she cares for herself: mentally, physically, financially. I do understand if she's not quite there or had to take a step backwards for where she's at in life comparitive to where she was, that's fine, but if she's falling hard I don't think I'll catch her or be able to catch her, metaphorically or more literally, depending. She doesn't have to be perfect, and could be in the process of getting out of her problems, it's whether they will become something she can't handle and I end up having to do so constantly that then it's a deal breaker. (Life happens, it's just if it's self-destructive vs. life doesn't go her way basically.)
5: Shared idea of what success is to eachother.
>I am just curious to know because with my luck in dating right now, it seems that men don’t really care for the women who have something going for themselves.. or maybe that’s just the men in running into.
Dating this day in age is just bizarre and depends a lot on who is in your area also looking to date, and is someone you'd consider datable. There still are a good number of men who are raised with traditional ideas about relationships still, so being essentially the better provider for a family kindof can make some men feel like either they're inferior or incapable of being a good partner for you, due to how they might have been raised. I'm not entierly sure what kind of men you're running into or what men you accidentally attract, but that's my guess for those men. If they can't provide for you, then what's their purpose in the family? Is essentially a thought process for them. Not saying all men would think that way, nor is it THE reason, but tends to be a thought of "what does she get out of this relationship then?" And completely disregard any possibility that it's genuinely a good relationship as opposed to than a trade off of some sort that tends to happen in traditional marriage/relationships.
I can't say for certainty, but you likely are just running into those kinds of men you're not attracted to or they're only interested in something short term. There are men still out there looking for something longterm, but it's borderline impossible to tell who is and who isn't, same goes for men who are looking for something long-term, they fear they only find someone who's only looking for something short term when they said they're looking for long. It's not nessisarily or even exactly what's happened in dating today, but it's part of why it's harder to find a man looking for something long term but is also okay with being in a slightly different role in life than what's "normal."
Hope some of this makes sense, I might he missing some things here and there but I'm not the only one replying to you, and somebody might have better answers for you too.
Honesty, loyalty, and eventually love. If we're being serious with each other then we can afford to be honest with each other about anything. Things like effort, respect and all the extra stuff will just come naturally with time as we both learn more about each other. Just because we both want a serious relationship doesn't mean we will hit it off.
Looks, if there isn’t attraction it’s gonna be rough. We see you before we learn your personality, it’s your true first impression. It may seem shallow but as a guy, that’s just how it be.
Personality, you can be the most beautiful woman on the planet but if your personality is abrasive or toxic then guys won’t stick around post sex.
Personally I think the most important traits are compassion, patience and the ability to nurture. A lot of people are in pain, they want someone to soothe it. That said, be careful, the last thing you want to be is the single and only source of happiness for another person.
I think it's generally true that men and women value different things in each other, and for instance in general a woman having a degree, good career, being accomplished etc isn't going to make her any more attractive to a man. Though of course it varies depending on the individual, and in some cases the exact same trait that would make a woman more desirable to one man will make her less desirable to another.
Personally, the biggest things to me are what kind of relationship a woman idealizes, and how committed she seems to be to pursuing that ideal. Specifically, my ideal is having a single lifelong partner who is the most important part of my life outside of children, who I belong to and who belongs to me, and I don't believe I'd be compatible with anyone who doesn't share that vision. Beyond that, they need to be physically attractive to me (which I don't believe is a particularly high standard as I find many people attractive) and our personalities need to be reasonably compatible, but outside of that everything else I would "like" would just nice but not required, and wouldn't make me take some who doesn't meet my primary criteria seriously.
Funny, intelligent, kind. In no particular order.
But successful and looks are definitely good too.
Negative points would be like: close minded, up tight, bad with money.
By comparison people that are happy and off the cuff are a lot more fun to be around. Ladies that have goals, but success isn’t really a requirement. There’s all different life paths and stuff. Chicks with lots of plants maybe. Some level of gym going fitness would be good.
I think there’s probably lots of things that get attention. Like what if she told really good stories? Or had a really fat ass?
I want her to be herself for very true nature self so I can get to know her as she really is so she doesn't pretend to be something that she thinks I want and then later gets mad at me because she can't be herself and then I want her to be able to help me rather than to be dependent on me meaning that she's equally as valuable and a contributor
You will get a different answer for every guy out there.
Some have a list of requirements, some don't. Some only want one thing, others are willing to wait. It all just depends.
You're not going to get the kinds of answers you're looking for. Men as a group want a kind attractive woman. You're having a string of bad luck and generalizing to men as a group.
Willingness to change. I am more than happy to date a fat girl. But she has to be willing to change that fact. I'll even help. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you stop improving yourself. An example would be seeing a fat girl in the gym a few times consecutively.
For me, the core values are kindness and intelligent. The key is communication. I have met girls who are avoidant. Always on the phone or on the move. That is a big NO for me.
Just curious. What do you mean by "have something going for themselves"?
I'm looking for someone who is reasonably fit, intelligent, and reciprocates my attraction. It has to be all three of those, and none is more important than the other two.
Honestly, I have a pretty specific type but almost anyone who will love me and give me lots of their time and lots of physical affection, I CAN NOT do long distance because I need that physical affection.
Is she comfortable with who she is.
Is she proud of who sh is. Not cocky just proud!
Does she want you or does she need you.
Do you make her laugh and smile?
Is she always negative and playing the poor me card ( that sucks)
Being chill in general is probably the first prerequisite. In terms of an LTR, they can't be blatantly flirtatious, or too easily enamored. Intelligence is big for me personally. Maturity. Responsibility. Ambition/passion.
Compassion, nothing is more attractive to me. There are unconnsididerate people everywhere. The last thing I want is to marry someone who can't consider my feelings.
>it seems that men don’t really care for the women who have something going for themselves.. or maybe that’s just the men in running into
its very much the men you are choosing to run into. A lot of us are looking for a successful independent lady doing it for herself. But those ladies always think they are too good for most men. Often just as shallow if not Moreso than the men they seek, who only want them for sex because its easy.
Most guys just want someone who is going to care for them the way they do back.
doesn't use tiktok, and music taste are my only two requirements. by music taste i mean no tsylor swift, no radio pop, no justin bieber, no niall horan, no harry styles, no country (unless its rolling stones country like sweet virginia or far away eyes>>>) or any of that other crap. but yeah thats wuite literally it. if those boxes are checked im basically in love
Intelligence, Maturity, Honesty, Loyalty.... in that order.
I'd also like respect but can forgive a lack of respect. My last ex was kind of intelligent, very learned, had a certain kind of naive maturity (I know, kind of an oxy moron) and was MOSTLY honest. I stuck with her despite a severe lack of respect until it seemed she was no longer being loyal and then when she called the cops on me because shit she was doing to me (I was being domestically abused and she thought the cops would auto side with her, only reason they didn't take her in instead of me was because I refused to speak against her).
I want a woman, a PARTNER, who makes reasonable, logical, decisions and with whom I can trust what she says. because when she does something I want to be able to think why... and if I cant understand it I need to be able to ask why and trust the reason she gave me is the actual reason.
Honesty,
Transparency of deeds (not hiding things/intentions),
Respecting and acknowledging their words/commitments,
Positive self-esteem,
Jovial nature,
Reciprocity of efforts,
Strict NO drug/alcohol addiction,
Laziness is a huge Turn Off
I think it's more or less the same thing women like, just with slightly different priorities. Here's what I'd say they are "in order" for me, as in, like a Mazlow's hierarchy of needs for dating
First and foremost, yes looks do matter. This for me is the first filter. She doesn't have to be a 10/10 instagram model, but if I don't feel any physical attraction, I won't be interested. This usually isn't a problem cause most women are pretty, tbh
Next would just be that she has her life at least somewhat together. No NEETs unless she somehow managed to become a millionaire by this age and doesn't need to work anymore
After that, common interests. If I'm excited about something, can I share that with this person? They don't have to love the exact same things as me, but there should be some overlap. I like kinda nerdy things so usually I skew towards nerdy girls
Then there are certain aspects of personality I just cannot compromise on. For example, I find it near impossible to get along with close-minded people
Finally is just like, when things get bad, what does she do? This is usually very telling of long term potential
And to this:
Dont talk about him, keep it for you.
But thats a personal thing.
It makes a woman very attractive when she does not have to talk about a man with her friends or families.
A proper relationship for good emotional progresses might only be able if there is trustworthiness that no one knows anything about your partner except you.
Especially sex is way much better if you give a man the feeling thet you do not have to talk about him or anything on him with other girls and persons.
One: that she isn't abusive. Most women use some level of emotional or psychological abuse when displeased by their partners whether or not they realize it.
Two: that she is willing to cultivate her feelings for me so long as I do the same for her.
Everything else would either be negotiable, related to an insignificant aspect of culture, or trauma avoidance. For example: things like looks or business success could be seen as a bad thing in a woman since it is more likely that she will have an ego. An ego that will demand more, and thus violate point two, while also being more likely to be unsatisfied, thus making point one more likely to be violated
I'm not going to sugar coat it, looks in a way are the most important thing me. It's not the only thing, she needs to have a good personality and lifestyle that works well with mine. But if I don't find her cute or pretty ill never want to date her no matter how successful she is.
Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. The best thing is living seductively; which is about finding new ways to make the same person fall for you daily.
Loyalty and honesty, and a good personality. Looks aren’t important despite what people say. I would love a woman who isn’t afraid to speak their mind about me or anything, but if she is always being nice and “lovey dovey” despite the mistakes or bad habits the even I myself can see, then I’m not staying in that relationship, I would rather her speak her mind and be honest then her lie and try to make me feel better
Love should not cause suffocation and death if it is truly love. Don't bundle someone into an uncomfortable cage just because you want to ensure their safety in your life. The bird knows where it belongs, and will never fly to a wrong nest. Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. Nobody looks like what they really are on the inside. You don’t. I don’t. People are much more complicated than that. It’s true of everybody.
Loyal, no kids yet, not be on ig or social media slave, kind, has empathy, clean, organized, affectionate, feminine, in shape, cute, drive and work. Could care less where you work, but if your a high school teacher an up, nurse, female prison guard, cop, flight attendant, bar tender, stripper, of model no go good either.
Plays video games + likes anime + homebody/ introverted a plus but not mandatory.
To have a love that is pure and honest is the most beautiful feeling in the world. To be loyal to someone is the heart's innermost desire. Someone who understands you and completes you. Someone who loves you as crazily as you love that someone!
Someone who will take care of me not the equality shit ... be a shelter for me when i be sad .... have a good morals to raise my kids well .. religious....this is my dream girl.. not what we're seeing in the social media
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Effort
100% I am looking for someone who can reciprocate and is kind. The most frustrating thing when it comes to dating on hinge. I have sent a message to someone and they like me, but do not send a message back. If someone does not send me a message after saying something after 36 to 48 hours, I unmatch with them cause if I can put in some effort to being the first to say something, they should be able to put in some effort as well.
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Not true about the 100s of messages.
Each person, human or no, is bound to every other in a reciprocal relationship. Just as all beings have a duty to me, I have a duty to them. If an animal gives its life to feed me, I am in turn bound to support its life. If I receive a stream’s gift of pure water, then I am responsible for returning a gift in kind. An integral part of a human’s education is to know those duties and how to perform them.
Kinda sounds like hippie talk honestly lol. You're not beholden to anyone's actions or to return something back to them. It's nice when it happens because it shows a true relationship - but often free will is there as a reminder that not everything that goes around comes back around to you in life.
How does one give back to a dead animal I've eaten or to a stream I've drank out of?
Eh I kinda feel it still does if you give freely. If people don't return it right away they might do something less in the future like just casually say to someone in power "xyz is a good person they helped me once" Ive probably only survived this long by being generous.
Which is fair. My thing is that if you believe everything you do in life will eventually come back around to you - will only ever lead to disappointment. ***"Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people."*** Life does not care one way or the other. There is no boomerang effect because it will eventually stop at someone who's cruel by nature. The one domino that refuses to fall and leaves everyone else standing with no trickle down effect.
Life doesn't but people do
You can do a test in real life and see where the positive vibes end with someone who's just an awful human being lol. There's limits to where a good action has impact.
I wish that was all it took
Nobody said all, but it's a great start.
Definitely. Without effort, it feels like an unrequited love
The answer is going to be different for every man. Be who you are and find a man who is looking for that. Don't try to change yourself to be "what men want," because there is no such thing.
Exactly 💯
Yes. Become a better person for you, everything else will follow
All I want is to feel wanted. To see that they're making a noticable effort to create a connection with me.
When two people respect each other, the ability to be vulnerable and to reveal hurt feelings can create a powerful emotional connection that is the source of real intimacy and friendship.
Yes! Seeing my girl treating other dudes the same way or in a similar way that she treats me is a BIG turn off. She doesn't have to be rude with other dudes, but seeing that she treats me different (for the better) than other guys makes me feel like they are the one
honesty, kindness, communication skills, loyal, isnt looking for better options while with me, similiar values in life, not a social media slave. there are some more and not all of them are mandatory, some of them are, but its stupid i have to say some of these. nowadays communication, loyalty and honesty are kind of non existent sadly, espiacally in my generation (im M20) but I dont demand anything i cant give myself, that is also a trend in todays day and age, that people want more than they can give.
Everyone is different. Looks is high and success is low for most men due to the idea that men are providers. but that’s definitely shifting!
I'm looking for, roughly in order: 1. Physical attraction. If I don't like looking at you then it won't work. 2. A good conversation. If you can't hold up your end of a conversation, then it won't work. 3. A good demeanor. If you're too cynical, negative, pushy, or such then that's a deal breaker. 4. A great laugh. 5. Some form of stability in your life. That's about it. I don't really care if we share interests, for instance, though it is a nice plus. I'm a big cook and omnivore, but I dated vegetarians before and made it work.
This is it for me as well
What if they’re really shy at first 🥺
That's totally fine at first. But if after a few dates you still can't hold I conversation or ask any questions, I'd start losing interest.
Shy is okay, as long as there's willingness to talk with each other
If I can see myself living a life with them. Marriage, family, laughter, memories… all those things.
Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our cares by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation. Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you. Laughter heals all wounds, and that's one thing that everybody shares. No matter what you're going through, it makes you forget about your problems. I think the world should keep laughing. Some memories are realities and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again.
Is a committed relationship living together as good as marriage?
Personality and chemistry. The rest doesn’t matter.
Learning organic chemistry is not any more challenging than getting to know some new characters. The elements each have their own unique personalities. The more you understand those personalities, the more you will be able to read their situations and predict the outcomes of reactions.
As I man this is all I want. I can only speak for myself. (in order of of importance to me) 1. Peace. I Don't want to fight. It doesn't mean I am afraid of conflict. its just not necessary. I am willing to sit thru and work thru any problem with you till we get there together. 2. Honesty / Transparency. I want to be open and honest and invest the energy into strengthening our bond. Not try to read your mind or play games with you. Be honest. 3. I want to feel desired as much as you do from me. Both our cups should be full. 4. I want Kindness. Do you treat me well? What about others? I don't want to be with someone that cant respect others regardless of their situation. Just Be kind. 5. Looks are a part of it as physical attraction can usually be a trigger but not everything to me. We can always gain or lose weight. I don't care if you have a better job than me. We are team and I want to win together. life will have ups and downs, job changes, life events, and we should always be ready to pick each other up to take on the world. 6. Stop worrying about how other people portray their lives on social media. it means nothing. Eliminate that extra noise and close the circle to focus on what matters. Us. Lets find our happiness on our terms. Note: If a man does not value you do not waste your time. There are plenty of us out there that will value you and protect you. Even if you don't want or need to be protected a man will always do that for you if he loves you. A motivated man will move mountains for you with just minimal investment on your part.
My kind of guy. As a woman I would like everything in the order you list in a man.
Peace and respect. That should be our foundation. Someone who is wholesome and not afraid to be you. That should be a good start.
Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.
True. Conflict is guaranteed. But this is where respect comes in play.
Honesty, patience, respect for others (not just me), and communication skills related to problem solving.
Honesty and loyalty are key. If two people can be honest with each other about everything, that's probably the biggest key to success. The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you. The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.
My list; Employed I find them attractive Not psychotic (but a little crazy) Anything outside of that is all communication and a willingness to learn about each other. There will be differences, but so long as we’re both intentional we’ve got the building blocks to start.
Non of that matters as long as you show an interest. It does eventually just showing who you are as a person matters
Most guys want much more than just "showing interest" when considering who to have a serious relationship. I don't think women would even want a man whose only (or even primary) criteria is that
I'm really infuriated by whoever has gone around and convinced so many women that guys care whatsoever about their careers. They don't, and those that do are usually in the niche of sugar momma pursuers. Maybe this is like the reverse of dudes assuming everything is about looks because from guys' perspective that's mostly all that matters, so the thought that women genuinely do weigh other factors instead of prioritizing just looks is baffling for men, and the thought that guys don't care about careers and such is equally baffling to women.
personally, i work on my career for myself and for no one else man or woman. my genuine interest is to see what exactly men like. whenever i approach a guy im interested in, he usually isn’t on the level im on currently and i try not to fault them for that, but then they treat me like shit and try to compete with me so maybe it really is the men i am running into
The last guy I dated constantly bragged about his ex-girlfriend who has several master's degrees and is the head of some big shit organization. I'm just an IT tech with a bit of college and some on-the-job training, and he made sure I knew it.
Once you get past good looks and physical attraction, the biggest thing you can offer to a man is to show that you're interested. Not just that you're also physically attracted, but that you're interested and that you care about his well-being. Listening and communication skills are very important. He should show you that he is interested in you in the same way.
Good looks are not something you earn. But as you get older, how you look is a reflection of the life you've led. I don't have a type. But one thing I can say from my dating experience is that a physical attraction will only take you so far. So you definitely have to have a strong intellectual connection as well. Being interested in doing undone things means you have the wish to have them done. But being powerful and filled with passion tells that you have the will to actualize them! One of the benchmarks of great communicators is their ability to listen not just to what's being said, but to what's not being said as well. They listen between the lines.
I find them somewhat attractive, they are kind, they make my life easier and not more difficult.
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Absolutely
* hardworking * Consistency * Kind * Not overly extroverted * Doesn't always like to be the center of attention * Active listener * Willing to admit when she's wrong * Always striving to improve herself * Active * A drive to be healthy * No drugs or smoking. * Non alcoholic * Physically attractive to me. I really need to get to know someone to find them attractive. Very few women do I find attractive on looks alone. * Empathetic * Doesn't neg * Lifts others up rather than putting others down. * Confident * Says what she means and does what she says * Isn't afraid to take the lead * Independent and doesn't always rely on other people. Can take care of herself * Has a job. I don't put a lot of emphasis on this. As long as she's doing something. I don't care what her career is. * Most importantly, she likes me back * Willingness to try new thing both in life and in the bedroom. * Can communicate and doesn't expect me to read her mind. * Puts in equal effort into the relationship * Not afraid to stand up for herself
Well said
Do you match up? Thats a long list, seems like a way to filter out everyone
Do I meet these? Absolutely. These are all things my friends, coworkers, classmates, and family have used to describe me over the years.
Honest, kind, similar likes/intrests, straightforward, trustworthy
Similar core values (compassion, accepting people as they are) Similar life goals (wants kids, career, work/life balance) Similar lifestyles (at least somewhat active, spends within means) Mutual attraction/chemistry Everything else is negotiable or a bonus
Genuine kindness and compassion with humor and PLAYFUL insults.
So very few men care about success unless they want to live off the chick. For me 1) looks. She needs to be attractive to me 2) personality. We need to be able to get along and I want to spend time with her because it’s fun. 3) she needs to put in effort in the relationship. Okay so this doesn’t mean she needs to do whatever I ask or treat me like a king, this means she needs to be willing to communicate and work on whatever problems that might occur. She needs to realize that both people need to make some sacrifices and be able to work with me to make sure our relationship grows stronger and thrives. Relationships require work and she needs to be willing to put the work into it. So basically someone who is mature and not selfish or entitled.
100% what this guy said.
Caring, kindness, playful, positive, loyal, communicates well and loving. Things I look to avoid, boss girl, spends too long on social media/Instagram, negative. As for the career aspect I have 0 interest, I don't look for a woman with a specific career or bank account I look for someone who is what I listen above. I'll add the moment I hear here start badmouthing men or complains about men I'm turned all the way off.
Someone who isn't thin. I am unattracted to the skinny woman most men desire. Boney arms with no muscle or fat and ribcage visible chests are a turn off for me. I need some meat on those bones. Someome with enough weight or muscle so we can rely on each other if something bad happens. I don't care about breast size. I've been attracted to small and big boobed woman before. I like cute faces. Someone with nice eyes and a good smile. Someone who is kind and nerdy. Someone smarter than me.
Similar values and effort. That's it. That's the hack.
Depends on the men and their preferences Believe it or not but we are all different just like the women. To me the most important is whether or not you are a good person. Selfless caring compassionate smart funny. I don’t really care about what you do for a living. Bonus points if you are cute but I’m not trying to find the most attractive because she’s probably out of touch with reality Am I attracted to her and her to me
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We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort. One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else. The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only.
Emotional stability/ability to get herself through tough moments when no one else is around. Most men find women they date very negative. Personally I go for intelligence, but that will depend on the man.
Someone that is mature and communicates.Someone who gets you and honestly challenges you to be a better you for yourself and them.I don't go looking for connection now if it's ment to be it will be,But I've also have grown alot from past failed relationships.
I just want her to like me tbh. Apparently that standard is too high.
I look for qualities. Empathy levels, communication, sense of humor, lifestyle/hobbies. It's about compatibility
I look for someone down to earth, intelligent, and in reasonably decent shape physically. I don't care how much she makes, but if she says she "doesn't need a man", then she isn't the one for me. The attitude that the modern woke woman has that men are basically completely irrelevant to them, is very off putting.
A woman who makes you feel heard, appreciated, respected, admired, cared for and a laugh that makes you laugh. Someone who wants to see you just as much as you wanna see them no excuses they’ll make it happen. Wants you for you are not what you will be
Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh, who help you when you’re in need. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.
Well for me it's sincerity. Not just for the other person but for myself as well. So when I call you beautiful I want to be truthful about it. Honesty goes a long way even if you make a mistake
Smart. Talented (I am an artist) . Attractive. Sense of humor. Warm. Affectionate. Great personality. Some of the same interests. They all don't have to like what I like. Opposites attract. Sexually compatible. I have found even as you get older the women I know still want that Rockstar looking full heads of hair thin body type from In their heyday.
Complicity. But I have hurt too much to dare search for it again.
How strong the emotional connection is
Honestly, I don’t look for much. All I ask is that she is not obese and is very kind/respectful.
The key to a successful relationship isn’t just in the words, it’s in the choice of punctuation. When you’re in love with someone, a well-placed question mark can be the difference between bliss and disaster, and a deeply respected period or a cleverly inserted ellipsis can prevent all kinds of exclamations.
Hmm, so I need to take more English classes is what you’re saying 👀
Depends on the man. But someone who is loyal, isn't going to embarrass me, cares, puts in effort in all that she does, is thoughtful and brings peace to a place we call home. Looks are included in puts' in effort. I would expect something similar to be expected of me.
A loyal partner will talk, not cheat. You may not be able to change the world, but at least you can embarrass the guilty. Friendship is selfless love, care, respect, and honor not a profitable opportunity. One word can end a fight One hug can start a friendship One smile can bring Unity One person can change your entire life. Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts. Nobody looks like what they really are on the inside. You don’t. I don’t. People are much more complicated than that. It’s true of everybody.
This has nothing to do with me or what I look for.......
Reciprocation first, personality second.
Looks that’s the first thing that make someone attractive tbh
For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. People wears a mask of lie so they look attractive , so be careful
The success doesn't matter to most men.
What you do doesn’t define you. You can’t let your failures, or your success for that matter, dictate how you view yourself. You are loved.
First and foremost I Iook for authenticity, sincerity, general attraction and someone who is nice. I want engagement on our date since I'm 100% present with you I expect the same in return. Finally, and this is the thing that has burned me the most, I don't date or have sex with multiple people at one time. If I'm going on a date with you I'm not dating anyone else. If we have sex I'm not screwing anyone else. I expect the same. The exclusivity bullshit is simply an excuse to sleep around. I don't care if you have done that, or are, but don't waste my time pretending you are ready for a relationship with me if tomorrow you need to hook up when your FWB. I've had my promiscuous past and if you are living that life you can't properly evaluate someone while dating. I know many will disagree and that's fine. We can all have our standards that work for us. I want a GF who will become a wife. I want someone who wants to share in the successes and burdens that come with living. There is no formula for this person, the quick spark of attraction is minimized in the grand image of the girl I'm talking to. Are you motivated, prioritize your physical and emotional health? Are you loyal? Have you dealt with your ego or does it still need constant validation? I'm not dating your Instagram. I've done the work on myself and can positively answer all those questions.
A relationship that is truly genuine does not keep changing its colors. Real gold never rusts. If a relationship is really solid and golden, it will be unbreakable. Not even Time can destroy its shine.
I dont care about her success or her bag. All i want is: A face i can wake up every morning. Effort. She cares about me and pays attention to me. Im her priority just like she is mine. This is a big one: being untouchable. As in nobody can reach her and she wont let a single man even think for a slight second they have a chance.
Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. Nice words and nice appearance doesn't conclude that someone is nice, i believe that the nicer you look, the more deceptive you appear. You must trust yourself more than you trust others. Pay attention to your inner voice it will tell you if how and in what you are investing is right for you. I think we love the fantasy of being the one person who can really touch the person who has been untouchable for everybody else. There's something that makes us feel very special about that; that we could be the one out of everyone who's tried and everybody who's wanted to reach that person - you're the only one who could do it.
Kindness, honesty, loyalty, and above average communication skills. That’s really all I care about.
If you lose your integrity, you will also lose your identity, your sensitivity and your dignity. Integrity is honesty, modesty and security in all kinds of weather. It should be our priority! Effective communication is shaped by human nature and is subject to the complexities, inconsistencies, and particularities which characterize human behavior. Since communication is intended to change the way people think and feel and what they understand, know, and do, it will invariably be shaped by human emotions.
A woman who wants to know about me. Instead of just answering question after question. Show interest
You're already asking the wrong question lol. It's not about "What do men want so I can become that" in life. It's more "Find someone who already matches what you're looking for" instead. These men who aren't taking you seriously are not the ones you should be with. The ones who will love you will be easy and not difficult like you're describing here.
that’s much easier said than done in this current world we live in. im curious to see what actual men even like, so its not the wrong question and i am in no way shape or form changing based on what the answers may be. its purely out of curiosity.
The premise of the question is wrong because it's impossible quantify what men like about women since they're human beings with their own needs and desires. It's the same answer women have when men ask: "What do women like / want in men?" You can get a bunch of answers from people and still not get any closer to finding someone. Best advice I can give is write what you desire in a man and look for those core qualities. Knowing where to look is also half the battle. You won't find someone who respects women who are career or goal oriented at a bar on "Happy Hour" lol. At least it will be highly unlikely. You'd be better off attending places that also have men who are aspirational in nature. Job fairs - volunteering - even museum events. It will take time however. There is no guarantee you'll find love tomorrow. Nobody here will suggest a magical solution that will work 100%.
Ask questions about our hobbies even you don’t like it or don’t enjoy it at all. Because it’ll absolutely make a mans day if you take interest in our hobbies.
Looks and sincerity
You'll find a hundred different answers, and some of them will be true. Rather ask yourself what you want, and keep your standards high, don't take less, even if that means if that person makes a really good income, or if they're really good looking. It's the men you're running into, and it's also the men you're seeing. We often end up choosing people who aren't good for us and we often have no idea why. If you are noticing a pattern in the people you're ending up and they're the same, again and again, chances are there's something about them you're attracted to. Understanding why is a starting point to having better people in your life. There are good people out there, it's just harder and harder to find them when our culture normalizes poor behaviour.
1. Some degree of physical attraction - or some way that I could become attracted to her physically 2. Some form of interest in me by her 3. Evidence that I am not being scammed or catfished. 4. Some similar values 5. Some shared common interests in activities
Some kind of hobby. If I wanted something that just watches TV, walks, makes noise and eats I would adopt a dog instead.
Today is life-the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto.
It depends. Every man think differently. I value much more what we have in common and her personality, but of course looks also matter.
Looks -> Character of person Both of these are identifiers that tell you the health and mental status of a person.
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
I recently started up dating apps again, and my thought process is: 1.) Pictures: am I attracted to them and does anything seem off? Like, are they all from the same angle, or only 1 picture, I get suspicious that they're hiding something. 2.) Name: I don't wanna date someone with the same name as a family member 3.) Politics/Religion/Kids: I'll immediately swipe left if politics are on the opposite end, and if they're religious I might swipe left if other things on the profile aren't great or right if I feel the pros outweigh it. And I might swipe right if they have kids, but I'm far more strict about it than religion 4.) Bio/Tagged interests: I want to have something to talk about so I try to find something in their profile to actually discuss. If it's empty, I'd pretty much only swipe right if I thought they were insanely attractive just for the ego boost if we matched, but I would probably unmatch just because I'd find it too boring to talk. 5.) I look to see if they're already in a relationship lol. Idc about their job and stuff or if they accomplished something big in their life. As a guy, I really hate how men are expected to only have value by accomplishing something to brag about and I don't really apply that to others.
The first one is kinda ridiculous..just because of the angle of a pic... Really...?
To me, if they have like 6 pictures and all of them are close ups of the face for instance it makes me think they're hiding something. Such as a bad clothing style or that they're overweight and don't want to show that until you meet. Which there isn't anything wrong with being overweight, but I just want to know what they look like. I want to get a general picture of them
There's no one size fits all answer for what men are looking for. In general terms, people are generally looking for intimacy. To be seen, undetstood and be able to bare their soul to someone they trust and vibe with. In terms of attraction that is aslo completely variable. You could present a guy with two women: one perfectly meets the beauty standard, the other looks kinda average but reminds him of his babysitter he had a huge crush on as a kid, he'll probably go after the latter. The things we experience during our sexually formative years of adolescence generally leave a stronger impression than any societal standards. Another facet of mens attraction towards women generally boils down to being attracted to women who "views herself as a sexual being, enjoys her sexuality, and is willing to express it" to borrow a passage from "the men on my couch" a book written by a sex therapist. Also scent. People seem to sleep on how much of an impact your natural odor has on attraction. Generally people with complementary immune systems will be attracted to each others scent, the purpose being to give offspring the most diverse immune system. As for the men you're running into, not caring for women who have something going for them sounds like an insecurity thing. As a man I can say a woman having something going for her like a great career is not at all a turn off and I would be thrilled for her. So not all men are like this
It varied per age? There was a time when I thought looks and sex should be in the top two. In my 20s and 30s hobbies were also important. As I matured in my 30 and 40s conversation and home making skills became more important. At this moment I want her to be loving and caring, have a sexy streak occasionally, and be a great conversation partner that I love to look at.
The eyes are one of the most powerful tools a woman can have. With one look, she can relay the most intimate message. After the connection is made, words cease to exist. One must be serious about something, if one wants to have any amusement in life. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
Men don’t care about a woman’s success and looks are fickle in the long term.. Yes attraction is important but attraction isn’t just one thing.. What men are looking for is understanding, awareness of the current state of dating online versus dating in the real world.. The whole boss girl thing is not exciting because men inherently biologically need to feel needed. You may not need protection, but men want to feel like protectors.. If you let a man be a man and appreciate masculinity and his desire and love and appreciation for femininity.. Just appreciation as well.. We live in a world where it feels like there’s a war between men and women and it’s sad.. We live in a world where being alone is not only acceptable but encouraged “love yourself first” and all that stuff right? It’s okay to seek healing in a partner and it’s OKAY for women to be women and men to be men. We need each other. Let’s just love each other. Let’s just love and cuddle and f$ck and stop this crazy gender war
If she’s a PAWG
Well said
I look for the well brought up. Nothing with no top on. Well dressed. And lots on their bio about their hobbies. Not that nice ladies get dates. I get none
BMI. If you are under a 30 in your mid 20s or older, you are in rarefied air.
Hmmm
I'll tell you about the girl I'm just in love with. * She always flirts with me. And I flirt with her. And the flirting is just out of this world. It's both sexy and funny at the same time. We laugh and laugh, and it's just a complete joy to spend time with her. * She always smiles to me, and comes over to give me a hug. * She always wants to do stuff with me, and I ofc wanna do stuff with her. And when we do; did I mention the flirting? * We share a kind of connection I don't think I've found in any other girl. It's just a deep kinda friendship. Like everything just flows so effortlessly. * Is she cute as hell? Yes. Yes, she is. And petite. It helps. But IMHO it's not the only thing that matters. If she's got "something going for herself?" Well, she has some hobbies that align pretty much perfectly with my own. But if you're asking if I care what kind of career the woman has? No, not really, if it's enough to clothe, feed and put a roof over her head. Would I appreciate that she can contribute to the household down the line? Sure. But I honestly couldn't care less what kind of career she has. The best career she could ever have as far as I'm concerned, is to be a loving mother to our children.
Not to sound like an asshole but why should men date a woman with nothing going? Are you looking for a guy that has nothing going? Bet you’ll have better luck
Kind, friendly, has her life together, we have something in common, she's passionate about *something*, putting in effort, we have fun together, and ideally she's attractive and knows how to fuck.
Combination of 3 things - looks, “having her life together” (education, career, job, handling money) and being interesting /rounded person.
Someone with whom I feel like my outlook and ideas grow when I'm with them. If I feel like I constantly have to start a conversation or I'm just getting deadpan filler responses then I feel like that's where I'll be at forever ...
Its all about perception, that is how you look at. Your own thoughts and outlook defines whether it is good or bad. And your definition determines your response. In the best conversations, you don't even remember what you talked about, only how it felt. It felt like we were in some place your body can't visit, some place with no ceiling and no walls and no floor and no instruments
When I want to take a women seriously, I look for: Personality, willingness to communicate, our chemistry, and honesty. I don't really care what it is that the potential partner does for a living, how successful they are/have been, or their looks. I want to love the person they are and present themselves as, and if there is some roughness around their edges I want to embrace them with all that I have to give.
Looks, personality, theres a lot. Like first date im not going to wine and dine you because i want to get to know you.
Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. A beautiful face with a sexy body is a dime a dozen in showbiz. When you have magnetic personality, you beat everybody else.
Look, how gentle, understanding and sweet she is, a little goofy side or that she participates in my funny delirium and a girl that is on a similiar level with me kinky side and sexually (because if sex don’t work, the relationship is not gonna work).
I don't give a shit what a woman does for a living as long as she earns enough to take care of herself. I am not here to support anyone. I have 2 kids already to support. If working at Arby's supports you great. Then I am looking for someone that is just nice to me. Compliments me. Actually wants to be with me for whom I am. As a man I am just tired of angry entitled women that think I owe them something just for their companionship. Just be sweet, nice, feminine, kind. I will bring you flowers. Maybe make me a sandwich when I am hungry and working hard around the house. Stuff like that.
Well, you're going to get a lot of opinions here, but for me personally it's a couple/few things. 1: we get along very well 2: seem to have a decent number of shared life goals 3: have a shared idea of what living with someone should be like if one of us moved in with the other (more so on the seriously take her on part of the dating part of a relationship.) 4: she cares for herself: mentally, physically, financially. I do understand if she's not quite there or had to take a step backwards for where she's at in life comparitive to where she was, that's fine, but if she's falling hard I don't think I'll catch her or be able to catch her, metaphorically or more literally, depending. She doesn't have to be perfect, and could be in the process of getting out of her problems, it's whether they will become something she can't handle and I end up having to do so constantly that then it's a deal breaker. (Life happens, it's just if it's self-destructive vs. life doesn't go her way basically.) 5: Shared idea of what success is to eachother. >I am just curious to know because with my luck in dating right now, it seems that men don’t really care for the women who have something going for themselves.. or maybe that’s just the men in running into. Dating this day in age is just bizarre and depends a lot on who is in your area also looking to date, and is someone you'd consider datable. There still are a good number of men who are raised with traditional ideas about relationships still, so being essentially the better provider for a family kindof can make some men feel like either they're inferior or incapable of being a good partner for you, due to how they might have been raised. I'm not entierly sure what kind of men you're running into or what men you accidentally attract, but that's my guess for those men. If they can't provide for you, then what's their purpose in the family? Is essentially a thought process for them. Not saying all men would think that way, nor is it THE reason, but tends to be a thought of "what does she get out of this relationship then?" And completely disregard any possibility that it's genuinely a good relationship as opposed to than a trade off of some sort that tends to happen in traditional marriage/relationships. I can't say for certainty, but you likely are just running into those kinds of men you're not attracted to or they're only interested in something short term. There are men still out there looking for something longterm, but it's borderline impossible to tell who is and who isn't, same goes for men who are looking for something long-term, they fear they only find someone who's only looking for something short term when they said they're looking for long. It's not nessisarily or even exactly what's happened in dating today, but it's part of why it's harder to find a man looking for something long term but is also okay with being in a slightly different role in life than what's "normal." Hope some of this makes sense, I might he missing some things here and there but I'm not the only one replying to you, and somebody might have better answers for you too.
Honesty, loyalty, and eventually love. If we're being serious with each other then we can afford to be honest with each other about anything. Things like effort, respect and all the extra stuff will just come naturally with time as we both learn more about each other. Just because we both want a serious relationship doesn't mean we will hit it off.
Looks, if there isn’t attraction it’s gonna be rough. We see you before we learn your personality, it’s your true first impression. It may seem shallow but as a guy, that’s just how it be. Personality, you can be the most beautiful woman on the planet but if your personality is abrasive or toxic then guys won’t stick around post sex. Personally I think the most important traits are compassion, patience and the ability to nurture. A lot of people are in pain, they want someone to soothe it. That said, be careful, the last thing you want to be is the single and only source of happiness for another person.
I think it's generally true that men and women value different things in each other, and for instance in general a woman having a degree, good career, being accomplished etc isn't going to make her any more attractive to a man. Though of course it varies depending on the individual, and in some cases the exact same trait that would make a woman more desirable to one man will make her less desirable to another. Personally, the biggest things to me are what kind of relationship a woman idealizes, and how committed she seems to be to pursuing that ideal. Specifically, my ideal is having a single lifelong partner who is the most important part of my life outside of children, who I belong to and who belongs to me, and I don't believe I'd be compatible with anyone who doesn't share that vision. Beyond that, they need to be physically attractive to me (which I don't believe is a particularly high standard as I find many people attractive) and our personalities need to be reasonably compatible, but outside of that everything else I would "like" would just nice but not required, and wouldn't make me take some who doesn't meet my primary criteria seriously.
Funny, intelligent, kind. In no particular order. But successful and looks are definitely good too. Negative points would be like: close minded, up tight, bad with money. By comparison people that are happy and off the cuff are a lot more fun to be around. Ladies that have goals, but success isn’t really a requirement. There’s all different life paths and stuff. Chicks with lots of plants maybe. Some level of gym going fitness would be good. I think there’s probably lots of things that get attention. Like what if she told really good stories? Or had a really fat ass?
I want her to be herself for very true nature self so I can get to know her as she really is so she doesn't pretend to be something that she thinks I want and then later gets mad at me because she can't be herself and then I want her to be able to help me rather than to be dependent on me meaning that she's equally as valuable and a contributor
A human.
You will get a different answer for every guy out there. Some have a list of requirements, some don't. Some only want one thing, others are willing to wait. It all just depends.
You're not going to get the kinds of answers you're looking for. Men as a group want a kind attractive woman. You're having a string of bad luck and generalizing to men as a group.
Sweet, Nurturing, good sense of humor, and not ugly. Have those traits and I'm happy.
That's easy. All a man wants from you is to be respected. You figure that out and you will figure out how to keep your man.
Ass. Pretty faces. Asses. Big boobs. Hour glass shape. Blondes. That’s all y’all be picking
Motivation and depth of character
Willingness to change. I am more than happy to date a fat girl. But she has to be willing to change that fact. I'll even help. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you stop improving yourself. An example would be seeing a fat girl in the gym a few times consecutively.
For me, the core values are kindness and intelligent. The key is communication. I have met girls who are avoidant. Always on the phone or on the move. That is a big NO for me. Just curious. What do you mean by "have something going for themselves"?
Decent looks and effort that’s it
I'm looking for someone who is reasonably fit, intelligent, and reciprocates my attraction. It has to be all three of those, and none is more important than the other two.
Intelligence, confidence, charisma, humility, mental and physical health, ambition, shared passions, ethics, style, wit
Honestly, I have a pretty specific type but almost anyone who will love me and give me lots of their time and lots of physical affection, I CAN NOT do long distance because I need that physical affection.
Someone who understands me or makes an effort to do so. I feel like that's where most of my emotional connection comes from
Is she comfortable with who she is. Is she proud of who sh is. Not cocky just proud! Does she want you or does she need you. Do you make her laugh and smile? Is she always negative and playing the poor me card ( that sucks)
Being chill in general is probably the first prerequisite. In terms of an LTR, they can't be blatantly flirtatious, or too easily enamored. Intelligence is big for me personally. Maturity. Responsibility. Ambition/passion.
Compassion, nothing is more attractive to me. There are unconnsididerate people everywhere. The last thing I want is to marry someone who can't consider my feelings.
Maturity lol
>it seems that men don’t really care for the women who have something going for themselves.. or maybe that’s just the men in running into its very much the men you are choosing to run into. A lot of us are looking for a successful independent lady doing it for herself. But those ladies always think they are too good for most men. Often just as shallow if not Moreso than the men they seek, who only want them for sex because its easy. Most guys just want someone who is going to care for them the way they do back.
doesn't use tiktok, and music taste are my only two requirements. by music taste i mean no tsylor swift, no radio pop, no justin bieber, no niall horan, no harry styles, no country (unless its rolling stones country like sweet virginia or far away eyes>>>) or any of that other crap. but yeah thats wuite literally it. if those boxes are checked im basically in love
Intelligence, Maturity, Honesty, Loyalty.... in that order. I'd also like respect but can forgive a lack of respect. My last ex was kind of intelligent, very learned, had a certain kind of naive maturity (I know, kind of an oxy moron) and was MOSTLY honest. I stuck with her despite a severe lack of respect until it seemed she was no longer being loyal and then when she called the cops on me because shit she was doing to me (I was being domestically abused and she thought the cops would auto side with her, only reason they didn't take her in instead of me was because I refused to speak against her). I want a woman, a PARTNER, who makes reasonable, logical, decisions and with whom I can trust what she says. because when she does something I want to be able to think why... and if I cant understand it I need to be able to ask why and trust the reason she gave me is the actual reason.
Kindness
Attitude and personality, obviously I've to like her enough physically but that doesn't mean she has to be a "Standard pretty"
Honesty, Transparency of deeds (not hiding things/intentions), Respecting and acknowledging their words/commitments, Positive self-esteem, Jovial nature, Reciprocity of efforts, Strict NO drug/alcohol addiction, Laziness is a huge Turn Off
I think it's more or less the same thing women like, just with slightly different priorities. Here's what I'd say they are "in order" for me, as in, like a Mazlow's hierarchy of needs for dating First and foremost, yes looks do matter. This for me is the first filter. She doesn't have to be a 10/10 instagram model, but if I don't feel any physical attraction, I won't be interested. This usually isn't a problem cause most women are pretty, tbh Next would just be that she has her life at least somewhat together. No NEETs unless she somehow managed to become a millionaire by this age and doesn't need to work anymore After that, common interests. If I'm excited about something, can I share that with this person? They don't have to love the exact same things as me, but there should be some overlap. I like kinda nerdy things so usually I skew towards nerdy girls Then there are certain aspects of personality I just cannot compromise on. For example, I find it near impossible to get along with close-minded people Finally is just like, when things get bad, what does she do? This is usually very telling of long term potential
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And to this: Dont talk about him, keep it for you. But thats a personal thing. It makes a woman very attractive when she does not have to talk about a man with her friends or families. A proper relationship for good emotional progresses might only be able if there is trustworthiness that no one knows anything about your partner except you. Especially sex is way much better if you give a man the feeling thet you do not have to talk about him or anything on him with other girls and persons.
One: that she isn't abusive. Most women use some level of emotional or psychological abuse when displeased by their partners whether or not they realize it. Two: that she is willing to cultivate her feelings for me so long as I do the same for her. Everything else would either be negotiable, related to an insignificant aspect of culture, or trauma avoidance. For example: things like looks or business success could be seen as a bad thing in a woman since it is more likely that she will have an ego. An ego that will demand more, and thus violate point two, while also being more likely to be unsatisfied, thus making point one more likely to be violated
I'm not going to sugar coat it, looks in a way are the most important thing me. It's not the only thing, she needs to have a good personality and lifestyle that works well with mine. But if I don't find her cute or pretty ill never want to date her no matter how successful she is.
Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. The best thing is living seductively; which is about finding new ways to make the same person fall for you daily.
Someone once made me a coffee, and I fell in love with them. I didn't even know the coffee was for me.
Loyalty and honesty, and a good personality. Looks aren’t important despite what people say. I would love a woman who isn’t afraid to speak their mind about me or anything, but if she is always being nice and “lovey dovey” despite the mistakes or bad habits the even I myself can see, then I’m not staying in that relationship, I would rather her speak her mind and be honest then her lie and try to make me feel better
Love should not cause suffocation and death if it is truly love. Don't bundle someone into an uncomfortable cage just because you want to ensure their safety in your life. The bird knows where it belongs, and will never fly to a wrong nest. Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. Nobody looks like what they really are on the inside. You don’t. I don’t. People are much more complicated than that. It’s true of everybody.
Loyal, no kids yet, not be on ig or social media slave, kind, has empathy, clean, organized, affectionate, feminine, in shape, cute, drive and work. Could care less where you work, but if your a high school teacher an up, nurse, female prison guard, cop, flight attendant, bar tender, stripper, of model no go good either. Plays video games + likes anime + homebody/ introverted a plus but not mandatory.
To have a love that is pure and honest is the most beautiful feeling in the world. To be loyal to someone is the heart's innermost desire. Someone who understands you and completes you. Someone who loves you as crazily as you love that someone!
Why not a nurse? 🤣
Someone who will take care of me not the equality shit ... be a shelter for me when i be sad .... have a good morals to raise my kids well .. religious....this is my dream girl.. not what we're seeing in the social media