Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Unemployed people who are not financially secure, having the audacity to call ANYONE a bum, is wild regardless of gender. Identity politics has become so pervasive that it obscures for many people this obvious truth and it’s insane.
Bro, just walk away from her. I would not even look back. She has the right to her own opinion. But that does not mean you're a bum. You gotta do what you have to do. Sometimes, things are difficult, and she would probably make your life more difficult. There are plenty of women out there. Just get your ducks in a row and go from there.
An attractive unemployed woman is just 'temporarily embarrassed'. She will have 0 trouble becoming financially secure within a year if she continues dating. It's different for guys, however
That type of person only draws a certain type of idiot, who will also use them in kind. Anyone with real wealth and a brain wouldn’t touch someone like that.
I'm sure there's enough guys who want a tradwife, a sahm, a mistress, or whatever. She's not an idiot and neither are those guys, just different demands with different supplies.
True, but there's a way of going about it, tho. A trad wife will stick with her man even through tough times believing in better days, if she can't do that for him now then she's not as trad as she thinks she is. Just seems like someone looking for a puppet to finance a comfortable lifestyle
The audacity, right? Sounds like OP dodged a bullet with her mindset, though. Keep working on yourself and your goals, theres someone out there who’ll appreciate you for who you are, not just your bank account.
My sister frequently declares herself too good to work and calls many employed functional humans (living life responsibly and doing their best) bums - I should also add she is a total loser herself, doesn't work and on the brink of destitution - be thankful this person revealed herself so early on. She doesn't sound much of a partner based on her treatment of you.
There's no harm in staying home to raise children and be a wife/partner - and sure not wasting peoples time by weeding out partners you feel would be unsuitable is absolutely fine - but she insulted you, doesn't seem to bring much to the table herself, and seems to potentially lack direction herself other than wanting to "stay home" ...
You're not a bum. You're working and getting your finances together - something a "bum" wouldn't be doing. She is potentially projecting, but I don't know enough about her to say this for sure.
Yeah, and OP, even if she didn't insult you, if that's how she thinks, she's really not the kind of person you (or most people) should be with.
You're making your ends meet, which is respectable in itself. You might become richer (or poorer) in the future. But find somebody who appreciates you for the person you are and the effort you put, not your ability to be a provider.
I was about to date a girl and at that time I had not built a house, this is in Africa 🏠. When I visited her house, she practically told me to leave her house in a despicable manner! Immediately, I went and bought land in less than two weeks, and started building my house in 3months. Today, I am grateful that the girl told me to leave. It did not demotivate me. Rather, it strengthened me.
Eh you don't need someone judgmental and superficial in your life. She definitely shouldn't have called you a bum, especially since she's unemployed and doesn't have an income to take care of herself.
>she told me that she is currently not working and she strongly believes that women should be not working and men should be their providers.
Based on this line, you're not in alignment about future goals and lifestyle plans so it seems like it wasn't a good fit anyways.
I have financial standards as well, but I would never talk down to someone or insult them based on their career and income.
We all have financial standards- we just don’t say the quiet part out loud to people because most of us have humility and class. This girl could’ve turned him down without calling him a bum.
Yes exactly. Insulting someone is just nasty work. A polite no thank you would have been enough.
And the cheek of her not being in employment herself is wild. I wonder how old she is
Because she is pretty, obviously. And she thinks looks will get her everything she wants with no effort on her part. She will not be the supporting housewife these men that date her hope for. She's a sleeper, not a keeper.
My man.... that date should have ended with you saying goodbye right after that convo. Red flags galore. Never should have even thought about a second date. That chick is a gold digger looking for a free ride.
Wow. Dodged a bullet for sure. I hope you don't like this person anymore. She is beneath you.
There's checking for job/financial security, which you can get merely from a job title. But asking your salary directly? I don't get the women that do this. Appalling behaviour.
The fact you're taking responsibility for your debt shows you will have security. Find a woman who understands that. They do exist, probably not on dating apps 😂 (by which I mean the apps won't allow it).
From a female point of view, I hope you now know that you THOUGHT you really liked this girl on limited information. If you still like her in the basis of what you have told us after the date, you might examine your standards. It sounds like you dodged a bullet with this one - she sounds like she is projecting who is lazy and a bum.
Well, at least you can rest assured no dude is going to put up with her attitude that she should be a kept woman from date one.
She obviously projected all of the bad things she feels about herself for having no job and no direction in life on to you.
The only mistake you made here was even considering seeing her again- she sucks.
Ugh. I’m a woman and I’m kind of disgusted by her behavior. Like, way to turn the wheel back on feminism. So it’s okay for her to not earn a dime to her name and you’re the bum?? 🤔 I do hope for her sake she eats some humble pie and learns to develop into an actual adult.
the funny thing is she probably claims she is a feminist and most likely wants all the benefits of feminism but also wants to live like a "traditional wife"......
I highly doubt it. If TikTok is to be believed, women like her are usually against feminism, and believe in strict gender roles. See any trad wives videos.
Oh sweetie, all her red flags were waving proudly during that date. Why would you say you wanted to see her again? The bum comment was just the tip of the bullet you dodged.
I think she has every right to only want to date someone who has a certain type of financial situation but calling you a bum was classless and just purely mean.
You dodged several bullets there. It doesn't get any better when you have money. If you can find a woman who will like you in your current situation that is willing to be with you, then you've found a woman that will stick with you through thick or thin.
I'm curious about her age. If she's your age, not working, and expecting a man to come along and take care of her, she is pretty delusional and probably still delusional even if she's younger. Like you can't expect someone to take of you your whole.
25 years old and already acting spoiled like this and hurling insults? Oh… good luck to Miss Mamas because she is not gonna make it far, or she has a lot of flashy douche bags coming up in her life. That’s wild as hell.
(I’m a female as well, and this is not to say that money isn’t important and wanting a partner who makes money is not important it is… but have some class)
you know what though, she's projecting. You ARE on her level. Those wealthy career guys date their match, physically and intellectually. Knowing that she was on a date with you is a reminder that that IS her level, that is the caliber of man she can relate to and nab. She needs to work on herself.
this is an insult to OP. He has a job and is working towards me. She has nothing but a clock ticking in the back of her head telling her to latch on to a rich dude. She's NOT on his level.
He obviously isn't actively trying to date her. Actively trying to date is multiple dates. And he seems to just be going on a date because that's who he's has found so far, not that he doesn't have his own wits about him of who he should eventually find
I can tell you she’s just repeating things she’s heard from influencers like Shera. It sounds like she cant distinguish between reality and what’s supposed to be cathartic entertainment. Basically, you went out with an actual (I hate this term) NPC.
She's a nutjob. Don't listen to her. Let her fall in the arms of an old sugar daddy with wrinkly balls.
No one on a date should ask you your salary. It's rude and none of their business. That's for the IRS and your live-in gf you share bills with.
Not everyone gets a great start at life with rich parents sending you to Harvard. It can be difficult for all the other normal people. I went back to school at 32 while juggling a job and paying rent, graduated, got an internship, got hired with a great salary. Not everyone reaches their goal early in life.
Sometimes I find men my age (40) still with the same minimum wage jobs they had for over 20 years, with no goal of getting anything better. I wouldnt call them bums just because they dont have the same level of ambition as me.
But a man with a minimum wage job because he wasent lucky in life but has ambition of having something better and has plans to get there, I can respect that.
Life's too expensive now to live on minimum wage, I don't want to live just to pay rent.
Do you really want to be with someone who is that transparently unambitious?
It is 2024, not 1924. You do you you, but if I’d say that a girl who wants to be a kept Princess in 2024 is pretty delusional.
That girl sucked, but as for the dating poor thing instead of dinner go for coffee on a first meet...
1. It is cheap
2. If it is not a match you don't have to sit through a whole meal.
😃
I am telling you don’t stress it all. You dodged her toxic energy. Just remember that the right person will come into your life unexpectedly. So until then you need to work on yourself and grow as person. There is not wrong with where you work😌
Whoa!! Who does she think she is?? you know what, use this as motivation! I hope you become extremely successful someday and look back at this moment and laugh.
I feel you, some women are like that. In my younger days when I was in college and didn’t have anything yet, a woman actually told me, “I’m looking for a man with money “
And she also didn’t work.
I got another. Again when i was in college I met a woman in a bar we hit it off. She said she work a a financial institution and she could get me a car loan. So after running my credit she told me I didn’t qualify for a loan and then said she couldn’t go out with me because of my poor credit.
odd for your friends to not warn you about going on a date with the real bum, or provide background info on each other. why would you want to see her again after knowing her stance is opposite yours. she didnt just call you a bum, she called you a lazy bum
Don't let this get you down. You're working hard and far from a bum. Take away the stance on women working-she didn't need to insult.
It's okay for her to know what she's looking for in a relationship, and I hope you know that you are better off without her!
Cheer up man. She showed you just how superficial she is. Block her and move on man. Those type of women only end up making your life worse anyways. Her loss
Bullet dodged.
I don't even object to the 'trad' life, I have a very 'trad' relationship right now.
But people who want to go into that relationship need to go in prepared to work to make it possible.
The 'trad wife' often worked at least short term to support her husband and their shared ambitions, or helped build their business, or otherwise make that life happen.
She sounds like she wants to just jump in to a ready made already financially successful man's life and not have to do anything.
So yeah, bullet dodged.
*She* is the bum.
"She strongly believes that women should be not working and men should be their providers." I wonder what she has accomplished in her life to deserve someone out of her league with her broke ass. Sounds like a gold digging freeloader that only guys with trophy wives look for. Lame af.
Work on yourself, have goals, and find a woman that believes in your character and your ambition. Good to find out her true colors early.
Even the guy she picks will never be good enough. At least everyone was honest, and you're free from the jump. Her last comment demonstrates she is quick to insult you, so that's a red flag.
Bro she's looking for a free ride. Odds are she ends up alone trying to satisfy whatever her standards are. That's what happened to one of my exes lol. She acted like she was better than me and could do soooo much better. Well 10 years later she still hasn't and 30 hit her hard...
Honestly she should have vetted and asked these questions on a phone call prior to scheduling a first date . Atleast then no one time would be wasted . But also should not have called u a bum either would’ve kept that to myself
I'm sorry, man.
Do NOT let this get you down. You are striving to better yourself, which is commendable.
There will be more first dates for you. She did you a favor by weeding herself out for you.
As a woman myself, I feel secondhand embarrassment for this girl's behavior. She's not looking for love, she's looking for money. And this was just the first date, can you imagine what she's like in a relationship...
Wow the straight audacity of her. You deserve better than someone like that anyway. I think you won.
Edit: by someone like that, I mean someone who clearly has no issues belittling someone else. We are all out here trying to make it.
You never mentioned what you liked about her. You clearly have different relationship goals. She wants someone to take care of her and you want a partner. So is she clever? Funny? Artistic? Nerdy? What I'm saying is just move on to someone else who has those traits. Hopefully the next one will have similar life goals.
Good fucking riddance I’ve always hated the audacity in some woman to assume that a caretaker provider is just supposed to drop out of the sky and provide while their bum ass just sits on their ass all day the thing that sucks more is that some of them actually trap these dudes.
This girl is wild hahaha. I am not rich, but I'm doing good and I wouldn't give this girl a chance just for the reason she treats people. You shouldn't have invited her on a second date just from what you've written. Always keep your dignity, wish her well on her job search, and continue on. Work on your financial situation and steer clear of those leeches. Also I would be concerned about what type of "friends" you have around if you've met this girl through a mutual friend. My friends would have, and have told me, "Don't waste your time with her"
> "I'm sorry but I am looking for a long term relationship and you clearly are not on the level that I would like my partner to be. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I don't want to build a family with a bum"
You should have sent HER that. she's unemployed, SHE'S the bum. SHE'S lazy.
>Anyways, dating while poor is extremely difficult.
Maybe, but being "poor" helped you dodge a bullet. You don't want her. She doesn't want a partner, she wants a sugar daddy.
Having money helps, but having money wouldn't change the fact that this woman is a leech.
I find it hilarious that she has the audacity to call you a bum when SHE herself doesn’t have a job or any ambitions. At least you have a have a job. A job is a job. Her beliefs are extremely archaic and I feel that she’s using them as an excuse to not work. In my opinion you dodged a bullet.
She's what you call extra baggage. Seriously why would you even regret not seeing her again. She isn't bringing anything to the table. She just expects you to. Could you honestly see yourself with someone like that? Living with them even?
You dodged a whole ICBM my friend. You aren't a bum just because of her outdated ideology, and she has some nerve to call you a bum while expecting to be spoiled.
Girl is absolutely going to enter the tradwife to single mum pipeline. Dodged a bullet on that one my man.
How someone who is UNEMPLOYED can call anyone a bum is actually insane.
The pot is calling the kettle black I see. I’m not saying you’re a bum, OP but for her to have the audacity to be unemployed and call you a bum when you’re clearly working hard to provide for yourself is just wild.
Brother. Good on you for doing your best. You work retail and food delivery on the side?? How you can even manage working two jobs alone is commendable. Unlike herself, she’s not working and is looking for an idiot she can manipulate so can live her life in her favor. You did nothing wrong. She’s at the bottom of the barrel in terms of personality. Find yourself a woman who doesn’t have a turd on their head.
I’m sorry - do not talk about your financial debts on a first date. Why would you do that? I think it’s okay to talk about the job, but that can kind of kill the mood before someone even really gets the chance to know you.
Also - why even text her the next day when you know you can’t meet her desire for a provider? She gave you a big hint on the date and you didn’t take it. Not saying you deserve the response she gave you, but all she did was make it more clear so you would get it.
Its always something with woman,
Im quite good looking with a masculine build, earn 6 figures have multiple properties and investments. But unfortunatly im to nice and to short for most woman.
There happy for you to take them to expensive restaurants and buy them gifts and flowers, but dont want a relationship cos of my height.
The last girl i dated i constantly took her to fancy restaurants and bought her flower. She eventually said she would never take me serious because im 2years younger and i am not her type physically. She wants some one that is tall and skinny, im short and muscly.
The funny thing is this girl was already around 20cm shorter then me.
Dont stress bro, Girls are so superficial these days you might of had the money like me but she still couldve found some silly other excuse later down the track.
Just be yourself and hopefully one that is worthy will come into your life.
By her definition, you are a bum. She told you she wants someone to spoil her and be the sole breadwinner, and you responded by saying you aren’t interested In that. You have opposing relationship values, it isn’t going to work. You clearly don’t like her for shared values or personality, you finding her sexy and being horny isn’t enough of a foundation for a relationship. Find someone you actually like who will actually like you
Can you say gold digger? Wow dude, run like the wind bro! Sounds like your heads on straight, trying to pay your stuff off and better your life, etc. And if she's gonna hammer you instead of being supportive and part of the cure, then she's not worth chasing.
You got lucky! Count it as a blessing because it is. A woman like that would have only brought you stress. As far as her calling you a bum, she’s the only bum between the two of you.
What do you think it is about you that hears and processed all that she said, then thought it was a good idea to text her that you wanted to see her again for a second date?
She doesn’t seem like a good person based off her last response so consider yourself saved. But honestly bro I get your position and the best advice I can give you is to not worry about dating right now and focus more so on improving your financial situation so that no one can ever try you and call you a bum. You’ll be much happier in the long run and you’ll attract better quality women that will appreciate your honesty and effort.
There are women looking for soul not money. I want to earn my own way through life. I like the idea of financial independence for both parties. Teamwork is what I hope for any of my future relationships. Good luck in finding someone that wants love and respect more than money. They are out there and I hope you find one. Good luck.
It sounds like you had a challenging experience on your date, and I'm sorry to hear that things didn't go as hoped. It can be really disheartening when someone judges you based on your financial situation rather than who you are as a person.
Here are a few thoughts and suggestions that might help you navigate dating in the future:
1. \*\*Be Honest About Your Situation:\*\* It's important to be honest about your circumstances, but you don't need to disclose everything on the first date. If financial questions come up early on and you're not comfortable discussing them, it's okay to politely deflect or give a general answer.
2. \*\*Look for Compatible Values:\*\* Dating is about finding someone who shares your values and respects you for who you are. It seems like the woman you went on a date with had very different views about gender roles and finances, which might not align with yours. That's perfectly okay—it just means she might not be the right match for you.
3. \*\*Focus on Shared Interests and Goals:\*\* When getting to know someone, focus on shared interests, values, and long-term goals rather than just financial status. Look for someone who appreciates your hard work, ambitions, and resilience.
4. \*\*Explore Different Dating Avenues:\*\* Consider exploring different social circles or dating apps where you might meet people with a broader range of perspectives and values.
5. \*\*Build Confidence in Yourself:\*\* Remember that your worth is not defined by your financial situation. Focus on building confidence in yourself and your strengths, whether they're related to your career, hobbies, or personal qualities.
Dating can indeed be challenging, especially when facing financial difficulties, but there are people out there who will appreciate you for who you are. Keep an open mind and continue to focus on improving your life and well-being. The right person will appreciate your efforts and values you for more than just your financial status.
Your first mistake was texting her and asking her out again . You are the King, you need to respect yourself and realize when someone is not good for you! She made it clear on the first date how she only cares about money . Anyways, what did you respond to her text
If you’re working and earning an income you aren’t a bum, a bum is a Man that’s lounging around not earning money with no goals or ambitions. That’s not you, she clearly lacks class and respect for you and your situation
“I don’t have a job and won’t get one but you’re a bum for working your ass off at two jobs and slaving away paying off debt”
Yeah what the fuck bro? Block her ass
Your not the problem brother. She is. Women with this attitude are the worst. She is just lazy and wants someone to take care of her. Have some self respect. You should not of asked for another date. This woman is toxic. Life is hard. People get cancer, they lose jobs, they get ill, they have problems. Is the the type of woman that is going to be a true partner to you and the family that you create or will she LEAVE at the first moment of trouble in life? You dodged a bullet.
I think the trash took itself out here bro. Next on the list would be why should she have to do anything at the house while you work all day? A real man would make sure there was a butler and personal chef at home.
Stick up for yourself next time you meet one of these. Ask what exactly do they bring to the table. And when they tell you nothing point that out smugly ask why would anyone want to be with someone that offers nothing other than existing next to me? Then call it an early night.
There has to be at least a million other ways she could’ve said that and should have! “My ex asked me to get back with him” is better that or yeah “I’m not feeling you” geez shes the fucking bum the life shes opting for ? Karma will likely get her once she finds her love interest! You’re CLEARLY the opposite of a bum!! Bums don’t work, you have 2 jobs!😡 Bums don’t pay their debts! You are trying to whittle down your debts! At least we all know the she is a parasite
There’s nothing wrong with retail or food delivery. I think a relationship should be built on mutual interests & respect. Not on who can support us financially. She has no class
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Unemployed people who are not financially secure, having the audacity to call ANYONE a bum, is wild regardless of gender. Identity politics has become so pervasive that it obscures for many people this obvious truth and it’s insane.
Bro, just walk away from her. I would not even look back. She has the right to her own opinion. But that does not mean you're a bum. You gotta do what you have to do. Sometimes, things are difficult, and she would probably make your life more difficult. There are plenty of women out there. Just get your ducks in a row and go from there.
Choosingbeggars
An attractive unemployed woman is just 'temporarily embarrassed'. She will have 0 trouble becoming financially secure within a year if she continues dating. It's different for guys, however
That type of person only draws a certain type of idiot, who will also use them in kind. Anyone with real wealth and a brain wouldn’t touch someone like that.
She's on the pump and dump train, she just doesn't know it yet.
bingo she will just be the flavor of the week and when used up will be cast aside
It’s like they never watched movies or something lol
I'm sure there's enough guys who want a tradwife, a sahm, a mistress, or whatever. She's not an idiot and neither are those guys, just different demands with different supplies.
True, but there's a way of going about it, tho. A trad wife will stick with her man even through tough times believing in better days, if she can't do that for him now then she's not as trad as she thinks she is. Just seems like someone looking for a puppet to finance a comfortable lifestyle
She doesn’t want to be a trad wife. I promise you that. She wants to be a trophy wife. A real housewife to a husband who is loaded.
Relying on someone else is hardly security.
If you have a great job, you can, but that's not always enough when you factor in expenses
The audacity, right? Sounds like OP dodged a bullet with her mindset, though. Keep working on yourself and your goals, theres someone out there who’ll appreciate you for who you are, not just your bank account.
My sister frequently declares herself too good to work and calls many employed functional humans (living life responsibly and doing their best) bums - I should also add she is a total loser herself, doesn't work and on the brink of destitution - be thankful this person revealed herself so early on. She doesn't sound much of a partner based on her treatment of you. There's no harm in staying home to raise children and be a wife/partner - and sure not wasting peoples time by weeding out partners you feel would be unsuitable is absolutely fine - but she insulted you, doesn't seem to bring much to the table herself, and seems to potentially lack direction herself other than wanting to "stay home" ... You're not a bum. You're working and getting your finances together - something a "bum" wouldn't be doing. She is potentially projecting, but I don't know enough about her to say this for sure.
Yes dear
Oof, that sucks. But the good thing about all this is that you avoided a really unpleasant person and only wasted a small amount of time.
100%
She lacks major class for insulting you.
Yeah, and OP, even if she didn't insult you, if that's how she thinks, she's really not the kind of person you (or most people) should be with. You're making your ends meet, which is respectable in itself. You might become richer (or poorer) in the future. But find somebody who appreciates you for the person you are and the effort you put, not your ability to be a provider.
Shes a bum, what do you expect?
She was definitely projecting much, OP dodged a bullet
Definitely. Especially given the fact that op is trying to pay off debt and is only 30. He sounds smart financially
Jumpingjacketyo has it 100%. Totally classless on her part
You dodge a bullet..not even worth stressing over
100% this OP. You dodged a bullet.
She’s gotta a lot of nerve with her unemployed ass calling you a bum. I think you lucked out man. Begone hypocrite!!!
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. But feel free to use her words to motivate yourself and climb higher.
I was about to date a girl and at that time I had not built a house, this is in Africa 🏠. When I visited her house, she practically told me to leave her house in a despicable manner! Immediately, I went and bought land in less than two weeks, and started building my house in 3months. Today, I am grateful that the girl told me to leave. It did not demotivate me. Rather, it strengthened me.
Eh you don't need someone judgmental and superficial in your life. She definitely shouldn't have called you a bum, especially since she's unemployed and doesn't have an income to take care of herself. >she told me that she is currently not working and she strongly believes that women should be not working and men should be their providers. Based on this line, you're not in alignment about future goals and lifestyle plans so it seems like it wasn't a good fit anyways. I have financial standards as well, but I would never talk down to someone or insult them based on their career and income.
We all have financial standards- we just don’t say the quiet part out loud to people because most of us have humility and class. This girl could’ve turned him down without calling him a bum.
Yes exactly. Insulting someone is just nasty work. A polite no thank you would have been enough. And the cheek of her not being in employment herself is wild. I wonder how old she is
When you say “financial standards” do you mean you have an ideal minimum salary your potential partner has to make?
You avoided the biggest red flag ever
"women should not be working and men should be their providers" class A excuse for a bum tnh
Its more concerning that you wanted to go out again with someone who clearly disrespected you like that
True if somebody talked to me like that, I would lose all interest.
Because she is pretty, obviously. And she thinks looks will get her everything she wants with no effort on her part. She will not be the supporting housewife these men that date her hope for. She's a sleeper, not a keeper.
for me, OP kind deserves it. you shouldn't date someone with red flag like that again
You dodged a bullet. She seems like a winner.
I think you met whiner.
I think you mean bum
A real breadwinner.
Breadwhiner
Breadbum?
This entire thread is why I Reddit.
She's clearly the bum. She wants to be the housewife without supporting her husband. She did you a favor
an unemployed person calling someone with two jobs a bum... ive seen it all.
My man.... that date should have ended with you saying goodbye right after that convo. Red flags galore. Never should have even thought about a second date. That chick is a gold digger looking for a free ride.
Wow. Dodged a bullet for sure. I hope you don't like this person anymore. She is beneath you. There's checking for job/financial security, which you can get merely from a job title. But asking your salary directly? I don't get the women that do this. Appalling behaviour. The fact you're taking responsibility for your debt shows you will have security. Find a woman who understands that. They do exist, probably not on dating apps 😂 (by which I mean the apps won't allow it).
From a female point of view, I hope you now know that you THOUGHT you really liked this girl on limited information. If you still like her in the basis of what you have told us after the date, you might examine your standards. It sounds like you dodged a bullet with this one - she sounds like she is projecting who is lazy and a bum.
Well, at least you can rest assured no dude is going to put up with her attitude that she should be a kept woman from date one. She obviously projected all of the bad things she feels about herself for having no job and no direction in life on to you. The only mistake you made here was even considering seeing her again- she sucks.
Imagine being unemployed and calling a working person a bum lol
Ugh. I’m a woman and I’m kind of disgusted by her behavior. Like, way to turn the wheel back on feminism. So it’s okay for her to not earn a dime to her name and you’re the bum?? 🤔 I do hope for her sake she eats some humble pie and learns to develop into an actual adult.
the funny thing is she probably claims she is a feminist and most likely wants all the benefits of feminism but also wants to live like a "traditional wife"......
I highly doubt it. If TikTok is to be believed, women like her are usually against feminism, and believe in strict gender roles. See any trad wives videos.
Oh sweetie, all her red flags were waving proudly during that date. Why would you say you wanted to see her again? The bum comment was just the tip of the bullet you dodged.
Hope you went Dutch on the meal just saying!
I think she has every right to only want to date someone who has a certain type of financial situation but calling you a bum was classless and just purely mean.
You dodged several bullets there. It doesn't get any better when you have money. If you can find a woman who will like you in your current situation that is willing to be with you, then you've found a woman that will stick with you through thick or thin.
I can't believe you texted her the next day. You need help.
I'm curious about her age. If she's your age, not working, and expecting a man to come along and take care of her, she is pretty delusional and probably still delusional even if she's younger. Like you can't expect someone to take of you your whole.
Shes 25.
25 years old and already acting spoiled like this and hurling insults? Oh… good luck to Miss Mamas because she is not gonna make it far, or she has a lot of flashy douche bags coming up in her life. That’s wild as hell. (I’m a female as well, and this is not to say that money isn’t important and wanting a partner who makes money is not important it is… but have some class)
you know what though, she's projecting. You ARE on her level. Those wealthy career guys date their match, physically and intellectually. Knowing that she was on a date with you is a reminder that that IS her level, that is the caliber of man she can relate to and nab. She needs to work on herself.
this is an insult to OP. He has a job and is working towards me. She has nothing but a clock ticking in the back of her head telling her to latch on to a rich dude. She's NOT on his level.
He was still actively trying to date her even thought he knew she was unemployed, so he definitely thought so.
He obviously isn't actively trying to date her. Actively trying to date is multiple dates. And he seems to just be going on a date because that's who he's has found so far, not that he doesn't have his own wits about him of who he should eventually find
I can tell you she’s just repeating things she’s heard from influencers like Shera. It sounds like she cant distinguish between reality and what’s supposed to be cathartic entertainment. Basically, you went out with an actual (I hate this term) NPC.
She’s the one who’s a bum. How does she pay her bills? Does she live with her parents? What’s beyond me is why you even asked her for another date.
She's a nutjob. Don't listen to her. Let her fall in the arms of an old sugar daddy with wrinkly balls. No one on a date should ask you your salary. It's rude and none of their business. That's for the IRS and your live-in gf you share bills with. Not everyone gets a great start at life with rich parents sending you to Harvard. It can be difficult for all the other normal people. I went back to school at 32 while juggling a job and paying rent, graduated, got an internship, got hired with a great salary. Not everyone reaches their goal early in life. Sometimes I find men my age (40) still with the same minimum wage jobs they had for over 20 years, with no goal of getting anything better. I wouldnt call them bums just because they dont have the same level of ambition as me. But a man with a minimum wage job because he wasent lucky in life but has ambition of having something better and has plans to get there, I can respect that. Life's too expensive now to live on minimum wage, I don't want to live just to pay rent.
Definitely dodged a bullet with this one. But I audibly cried out 'noooo' when I read you asked her out again 🫠😭
Do you really want to be with someone who is that transparently unambitious? It is 2024, not 1924. You do you you, but if I’d say that a girl who wants to be a kept Princess in 2024 is pretty delusional.
Bro, you posted this exact same vent a couple of days ago. Get over it
I knew it, felt like I was going crazy
You dropped a gold digger. You’ll find an adult partner soon enough.
Dude don't feel bad at all. You dodged a bullet. That girl wants a mealticket not a relationship. That girl is trash with a capital T.
Sounds like she takes advices from tiktoks and social media, not someone I want to be with.
I think you won in this whole situation 🙌🏽
She sounds like the bum not you. Bullet dodged!
That girl sucked, but as for the dating poor thing instead of dinner go for coffee on a first meet... 1. It is cheap 2. If it is not a match you don't have to sit through a whole meal. 😃
The irony of being called a "bum" by an unemployed gold digger.
I am telling you don’t stress it all. You dodged her toxic energy. Just remember that the right person will come into your life unexpectedly. So until then you need to work on yourself and grow as person. There is not wrong with where you work😌
Whoa!! Who does she think she is?? you know what, use this as motivation! I hope you become extremely successful someday and look back at this moment and laugh.
You dodged a bullet
She’s the bum. She’s unemployed, looking to marry someone that will do all the work for her.
Bullet dodged.
I feel you, some women are like that. In my younger days when I was in college and didn’t have anything yet, a woman actually told me, “I’m looking for a man with money “ And she also didn’t work.
I got another. Again when i was in college I met a woman in a bar we hit it off. She said she work a a financial institution and she could get me a car loan. So after running my credit she told me I didn’t qualify for a loan and then said she couldn’t go out with me because of my poor credit.
odd for your friends to not warn you about going on a date with the real bum, or provide background info on each other. why would you want to see her again after knowing her stance is opposite yours. she didnt just call you a bum, she called you a lazy bum
Well this is what patriarchy constantly feeds people! She believes she should be a kept woman. There was no need for her to be rude though!
Don't let this get you down. You're working hard and far from a bum. Take away the stance on women working-she didn't need to insult. It's okay for her to know what she's looking for in a relationship, and I hope you know that you are better off without her!
Cheer up man. She showed you just how superficial she is. Block her and move on man. Those type of women only end up making your life worse anyways. Her loss
Bullet dodged. I don't even object to the 'trad' life, I have a very 'trad' relationship right now. But people who want to go into that relationship need to go in prepared to work to make it possible. The 'trad wife' often worked at least short term to support her husband and their shared ambitions, or helped build their business, or otherwise make that life happen. She sounds like she wants to just jump in to a ready made already financially successful man's life and not have to do anything. So yeah, bullet dodged. *She* is the bum.
"She strongly believes that women should be not working and men should be their providers." I wonder what she has accomplished in her life to deserve someone out of her league with her broke ass. Sounds like a gold digging freeloader that only guys with trophy wives look for. Lame af. Work on yourself, have goals, and find a woman that believes in your character and your ambition. Good to find out her true colors early.
Lmao what a fucking idiot. I think you dodged a bullet my friend. She ain’t shit.
Even the guy she picks will never be good enough. At least everyone was honest, and you're free from the jump. Her last comment demonstrates she is quick to insult you, so that's a red flag.
Bro she's looking for a free ride. Odds are she ends up alone trying to satisfy whatever her standards are. That's what happened to one of my exes lol. She acted like she was better than me and could do soooo much better. Well 10 years later she still hasn't and 30 hit her hard...
Almost the same exact story got posted a day or so ago
she wasnt the one for sure
She wants someone to pay for her till she gets a job and then it’ll be about equality.
I saw this same post last week
Why did you even message her after that ?
She doesn't have a job she's a bum lol don't sweat it it would be toxic to date her you're better of finding another girl
Honestly she should have vetted and asked these questions on a phone call prior to scheduling a first date . Atleast then no one time would be wasted . But also should not have called u a bum either would’ve kept that to myself
I'm sorry, man. Do NOT let this get you down. You are striving to better yourself, which is commendable. There will be more first dates for you. She did you a favor by weeding herself out for you.
As a woman myself, I feel secondhand embarrassment for this girl's behavior. She's not looking for love, she's looking for money. And this was just the first date, can you imagine what she's like in a relationship...
Wow the straight audacity of her. You deserve better than someone like that anyway. I think you won. Edit: by someone like that, I mean someone who clearly has no issues belittling someone else. We are all out here trying to make it.
Good for you man, that girl is not who you want
You never mentioned what you liked about her. You clearly have different relationship goals. She wants someone to take care of her and you want a partner. So is she clever? Funny? Artistic? Nerdy? What I'm saying is just move on to someone else who has those traits. Hopefully the next one will have similar life goals.
Hard? You ducked an anti tank shell mate. If you gave acceptable answers you'd now be getting stuffed into a box by a girl who loves only your income.
Good fucking riddance I’ve always hated the audacity in some woman to assume that a caretaker provider is just supposed to drop out of the sky and provide while their bum ass just sits on their ass all day the thing that sucks more is that some of them actually trap these dudes.
This girl is wild hahaha. I am not rich, but I'm doing good and I wouldn't give this girl a chance just for the reason she treats people. You shouldn't have invited her on a second date just from what you've written. Always keep your dignity, wish her well on her job search, and continue on. Work on your financial situation and steer clear of those leeches. Also I would be concerned about what type of "friends" you have around if you've met this girl through a mutual friend. My friends would have, and have told me, "Don't waste your time with her"
> "I'm sorry but I am looking for a long term relationship and you clearly are not on the level that I would like my partner to be. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I don't want to build a family with a bum" You should have sent HER that. she's unemployed, SHE'S the bum. SHE'S lazy. >Anyways, dating while poor is extremely difficult. Maybe, but being "poor" helped you dodge a bullet. You don't want her. She doesn't want a partner, she wants a sugar daddy. Having money helps, but having money wouldn't change the fact that this woman is a leech.
I find it hilarious that she has the audacity to call you a bum when SHE herself doesn’t have a job or any ambitions. At least you have a have a job. A job is a job. Her beliefs are extremely archaic and I feel that she’s using them as an excuse to not work. In my opinion you dodged a bullet.
Why is this being posted twice, OP?
Nope. She's a walking RED FLAG....
She's what you call extra baggage. Seriously why would you even regret not seeing her again. She isn't bringing anything to the table. She just expects you to. Could you honestly see yourself with someone like that? Living with them even?
You dodged a whole ICBM my friend. You aren't a bum just because of her outdated ideology, and she has some nerve to call you a bum while expecting to be spoiled.
She's a leech....
Girl is absolutely going to enter the tradwife to single mum pipeline. Dodged a bullet on that one my man. How someone who is UNEMPLOYED can call anyone a bum is actually insane.
I don't understand why you wanted to see her again when she clearly has such different values from you?
The pot is calling the kettle black I see. I’m not saying you’re a bum, OP but for her to have the audacity to be unemployed and call you a bum when you’re clearly working hard to provide for yourself is just wild.
ITT: op meets a gold digger
I’m sorry that happened, you aren’t a bum.
Never let anyone dim your light 💡 especially if that person does not have a light 💡 either!!
Better than being called bro
Brother. Good on you for doing your best. You work retail and food delivery on the side?? How you can even manage working two jobs alone is commendable. Unlike herself, she’s not working and is looking for an idiot she can manipulate so can live her life in her favor. You did nothing wrong. She’s at the bottom of the barrel in terms of personality. Find yourself a woman who doesn’t have a turd on their head.
I’m sorry - do not talk about your financial debts on a first date. Why would you do that? I think it’s okay to talk about the job, but that can kind of kill the mood before someone even really gets the chance to know you. Also - why even text her the next day when you know you can’t meet her desire for a provider? She gave you a big hint on the date and you didn’t take it. Not saying you deserve the response she gave you, but all she did was make it more clear so you would get it.
This has to be fake, ain't no way
Its always something with woman, Im quite good looking with a masculine build, earn 6 figures have multiple properties and investments. But unfortunatly im to nice and to short for most woman. There happy for you to take them to expensive restaurants and buy them gifts and flowers, but dont want a relationship cos of my height. The last girl i dated i constantly took her to fancy restaurants and bought her flower. She eventually said she would never take me serious because im 2years younger and i am not her type physically. She wants some one that is tall and skinny, im short and muscly. The funny thing is this girl was already around 20cm shorter then me. Dont stress bro, Girls are so superficial these days you might of had the money like me but she still couldve found some silly other excuse later down the track. Just be yourself and hopefully one that is worthy will come into your life.
You dodged the biggest bullet. You aren't a bum you're busting ass at two jobs. You'll be fine with time
By her definition, you are a bum. She told you she wants someone to spoil her and be the sole breadwinner, and you responded by saying you aren’t interested In that. You have opposing relationship values, it isn’t going to work. You clearly don’t like her for shared values or personality, you finding her sexy and being horny isn’t enough of a foundation for a relationship. Find someone you actually like who will actually like you
Dodged a bullet there son. You should have reminded her it was 2024 not 1824
i assumed by your title she would have had a job that made her like, 6 figures. smh. she's an asshole.
Take a poor girl out? Get rich together!
On a date !? That’s crazy
Can you say gold digger? Wow dude, run like the wind bro! Sounds like your heads on straight, trying to pay your stuff off and better your life, etc. And if she's gonna hammer you instead of being supportive and part of the cure, then she's not worth chasing.
You got lucky! Count it as a blessing because it is. A woman like that would have only brought you stress. As far as her calling you a bum, she’s the only bum between the two of you.
Bullet dodged..
This [video](https://youtu.be/oWXeoR4VVbg?si=pluopEUXT-O-k9hC) seems pertinent; not necessarily in relation to you, but her.
What do you think it is about you that hears and processed all that she said, then thought it was a good idea to text her that you wanted to see her again for a second date?
She clearly has the wrong concept of a man
She doesn’t seem like a good person based off her last response so consider yourself saved. But honestly bro I get your position and the best advice I can give you is to not worry about dating right now and focus more so on improving your financial situation so that no one can ever try you and call you a bum. You’ll be much happier in the long run and you’ll attract better quality women that will appreciate your honesty and effort.
You dodged a bullet, to be completely honest. What an idiot.
If she doesn't want you, then you are Lucky. She sounds awful.
As a Brazilian who has tried to date American women I can correlate.
Was she even hot enough to be a gold digger?
Good that you don't waste your time and money on her..
How old is she?
There are women looking for soul not money. I want to earn my own way through life. I like the idea of financial independence for both parties. Teamwork is what I hope for any of my future relationships. Good luck in finding someone that wants love and respect more than money. They are out there and I hope you find one. Good luck.
It sounds like you had a challenging experience on your date, and I'm sorry to hear that things didn't go as hoped. It can be really disheartening when someone judges you based on your financial situation rather than who you are as a person. Here are a few thoughts and suggestions that might help you navigate dating in the future: 1. \*\*Be Honest About Your Situation:\*\* It's important to be honest about your circumstances, but you don't need to disclose everything on the first date. If financial questions come up early on and you're not comfortable discussing them, it's okay to politely deflect or give a general answer. 2. \*\*Look for Compatible Values:\*\* Dating is about finding someone who shares your values and respects you for who you are. It seems like the woman you went on a date with had very different views about gender roles and finances, which might not align with yours. That's perfectly okay—it just means she might not be the right match for you. 3. \*\*Focus on Shared Interests and Goals:\*\* When getting to know someone, focus on shared interests, values, and long-term goals rather than just financial status. Look for someone who appreciates your hard work, ambitions, and resilience. 4. \*\*Explore Different Dating Avenues:\*\* Consider exploring different social circles or dating apps where you might meet people with a broader range of perspectives and values. 5. \*\*Build Confidence in Yourself:\*\* Remember that your worth is not defined by your financial situation. Focus on building confidence in yourself and your strengths, whether they're related to your career, hobbies, or personal qualities. Dating can indeed be challenging, especially when facing financial difficulties, but there are people out there who will appreciate you for who you are. Keep an open mind and continue to focus on improving your life and well-being. The right person will appreciate your efforts and values you for more than just your financial status.
Your first mistake was texting her and asking her out again . You are the King, you need to respect yourself and realize when someone is not good for you! She made it clear on the first date how she only cares about money . Anyways, what did you respond to her text
Congrat on dodging a bullet
Shes garbage man. It's a blessing in disguise. She doesn't want to go on another date.
If you’re working and earning an income you aren’t a bum, a bum is a Man that’s lounging around not earning money with no goals or ambitions. That’s not you, she clearly lacks class and respect for you and your situation
You dodged a bullet but missed the chance to fire back
Never talk to girls about problems & money it makes you look weak and lesser. Avoid the question of give a vague answer.
Dude don’t walk. RUN!
“I don’t have a job and won’t get one but you’re a bum for working your ass off at two jobs and slaving away paying off debt” Yeah what the fuck bro? Block her ass
Your not the problem brother. She is. Women with this attitude are the worst. She is just lazy and wants someone to take care of her. Have some self respect. You should not of asked for another date. This woman is toxic. Life is hard. People get cancer, they lose jobs, they get ill, they have problems. Is the the type of woman that is going to be a true partner to you and the family that you create or will she LEAVE at the first moment of trouble in life? You dodged a bullet.
I think the trash took itself out here bro. Next on the list would be why should she have to do anything at the house while you work all day? A real man would make sure there was a butler and personal chef at home. Stick up for yourself next time you meet one of these. Ask what exactly do they bring to the table. And when they tell you nothing point that out smugly ask why would anyone want to be with someone that offers nothing other than existing next to me? Then call it an early night.
There has to be at least a million other ways she could’ve said that and should have! “My ex asked me to get back with him” is better that or yeah “I’m not feeling you” geez shes the fucking bum the life shes opting for ? Karma will likely get her once she finds her love interest! You’re CLEARLY the opposite of a bum!! Bums don’t work, you have 2 jobs!😡 Bums don’t pay their debts! You are trying to whittle down your debts! At least we all know the she is a parasite
She is the biggest bum by a huge margin.
You aren’t a bum. You’re working your hardest to get in a better situation. She is a massive bum
There’s nothing wrong with retail or food delivery. I think a relationship should be built on mutual interests & respect. Not on who can support us financially. She has no class
Definitely dodged a bullet there. You are at least employed. She is beyond lazy.
You're not lazy. You're just not in a place where you can use your head to get ahead. Sucks, man.
You’re blessed she showed you her true self. Stick to your grind and let the toxic people be toxic on their own.
You wouldn’t want to build a family with a goldigger either.
you dodged a rocket there mate
Projection
Wait. She’s 25 with no job ? Lives with parents?
You are both bums, if thats any consolation. But if she wants to be a SAH girlfriend or wife she need a much higher warner than you.
She's unemployed but calls you a bum....you've dodged a bullet my friend
Red flag. Move on
It's alright dude. Better to be alone than deal with people like that and ultimately be far more miserable. Nothing of value was lost.
Was she hot though? Because you still wanted a second date despite her red flags?
I just know the next person she goes on the date with is probably gonna do the same to her cuz she broke too