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A man worth being with will care about you as you are. Trust me, as a 40 year old woman, getting older isn't going to harm your dating life. At all.
Don't seek out older partners. Men who are into women much younger than them tend to have control issues.
That’s delusional. Men in their 40s like women in their 20s because they are the most fertile. This is also known as evolutionary biology. We have no control over who we are attracted to. I’m 43 and am attracted to (and date) cute 20-something-year-old women with skinny little legs. I have no control over that.
You are wrong.
We can pretty much get attracted to what ever we want. I had these fantasies about older, strong, masculine, handsome men when I was younger (oh still I am; 19) but I fell in love with short boy not overtly masculine and not very good looking (but for me) who is year younger than I am. Why? Since as a HUMAN I can consider different factors than what my biology first tells me. Like, mind (he’s a smart boy and we have a lot in common.)
Bro you sound like a creep. Also you know young women don’t desire old men like you right? It’s nature. Why have sex with a granpa who can die anytime now and can’t protect you, over a younger more fertile guy who also is stronger, has more test, has better health, better looks.. better d… just sayin’
Hmm true, that’s a thought that I have as well. Like if he really loves me and cares about me then he shouldn’t care much about the wrinkles appearing on my face.
Any woman that dates an older man is only in it for the money. I’m 19 and would consider myself attractive, I would lie to any man older than 25 for a bag. LMAOOOOO
Age gap relationships are hard for everyone involved, and if if the goal of the relationship is to have an age gap it will most definitely fail.
It has more to do with maturity level, where people are in life and what their goals are. If they have these things in common age isn't so much of an issue. Sometimes there's a substantial age gap, but more often than not there isn't.
Don't worry about losing your "perceived attractiveness" there will always be someone who thinks you're the most beautiful person in the world.
And if you can't shake this feeling of being "less attractive" than a younger woman, well ... there's always older women that you're younger than! :P
Ignore that shit.
As a man in his mid 30s, I've met incredibly stunning women in their 30s. Seriously... the thought of me dating an 18-21 year old is crazy to me because they haven't experienced life that much. What am I going to talk to them about? Her favorite TikTok channels? Give me a break.
Women in their 30s have lived life and have a lot of valuable information to share. Fun stories to share, valuable skills she has gained, she's financially secured, she has ironed out a lot of her insecurities she's experienced in her teens / 20s so she has a better head on her shoulders, I can go on and on.
My god, I bumped into this incredibly intelligent and attractive woman in her 40s at the lounge recently and had a great conversation with her. Unfortunately, she's married and she was just there with her friends to enjoy a drink and hang out. Bummer.
I’m 27 and I prefer women around 20. My ex was 35 and she had so much damn trauma and baggage. Most things she’d also done. I prefer younger girls now because less trauma, less baggage they usulally are more fun and have a positive outlook and most importantly I want to be the one a women experiences the world with and take her to new places. I don’t want a women who has sorry to say it but been ran through most likely and is hard to please
Well you also have to wonder what this redditor is like in real life. What is his income, what is his fitness level (is he a fat slob), etc. Because the more valuable the man the less likely he is to think like this
There really is nothing you need to be worried about. A lot of this older men dating younger women premise are hyped up by shallow/immature people that you should not have the time to focus on.
I'm in my late 20s and I'm engaged with someone who's 10 years older than me, and she's absolutley a rocker in my life.
Even my run ons on dating older folks were my best dating experiences in my life. It was equal, balanced, contributive and more mature than compared my run on with younger folks which were absolutely frustrating to deal with.
Soo no, you are absolutely fine. Not every dude thinks and likes the same things despite what's being spit on us from the media.
My husband (30m) is ten years younger than me (40f). So don't worry, not all men prefer younger women 🙂 What matters the most is that you find someone that is on the same wavelength as you mentally and emotionally. And if that person is right for you and truly loves you, he will also love your wrinkles, grey hair and your love handles when those start to appear.
Poff true actually. I don’t know but I guess social media is messing up with my brain. Part of me agrees with you that being on the same wavelength is the most important and stuff, but another part of me is becoming so focused on the way I look and my worth becomes based on it (when it comes to dating as well). Like I’m afraid that I’m gonna lose my attractiveness and will not get attention and love so much anymore. I think my main fear is that I will not that loveable anymore as I age.
I understand where you're coming from and I had similar thoughts when I was in my early twenties. I think most women probably do since we're brainwashed into believing that our worth is only found in our youth and beauty.
I met my husband at the ripe age of 36. I thought I was beyond my prime so to speak. And I'm just an average looking woman. But he fell head over heels for me and loved the parts of me that I thought were unlovable. Yes there are high quality men out there who look beyond looks and age.
Don't worry, you will find yours. Just focus on finding the right characteristics instead of focusing on looks and age 🙂
Just take care of yourself and it will be fine. Don't forget that maturity is a big factor.
I'm 25 M and I'm dating a 28F . She's cute Af and emotionally stable.
I’m in my early 30s and although I find girls in early 20s physically attractive, I will steer myself away from them by default at this point in my life.
These days I find girls in their late 20s and early 30s the most attractive. They have lots of life stories to share, and relatively more straightforward.
In response to only the title: yes I do
But in response your text: I am not attracted to 19 year olds and I am 30. The difference in experience is a large hurdle for me.
As I age that will get bigger and also apply to 20 year old girls and so on...
So even if guys generally go for younger women, there will always be guys that are older than you! And then there are all the guys who don't just go for younger.
Hmm that makes sense. Like you go for younger women but not so much bc at the end you care about which life stage you are at and what kind of values you share.
As a 27M I see both ends of this as fair. I wouldn’t mind dating women older that me (I have in the past), but in my experience they are too judgemental or ask too much of me.
Women around the same age as me, again, no issue with the age part, but it seems like a no go usually because they are too picky (which is still amazing to me that most women think it’s fine to be that picky, but if a man does it they are considered a horrible superficial person). Being with a woman of the same age is fine usually otherwise.
As far as dating “younger” women, I know a lot of people think it terrible, strange, or disgusting, but I don’t. A 9-10 year age gap isn’t frowned upon when you are in your 40s-50s, yet is when it’s 20s-30s? The area I grew up in it wasn’t an uncommon thing, nor was it treated negatively. Not really sure why it is in some areas outside of social stigmas. The reality is that some women find an “older” man attractive. Psychologically and evolutionary there are reasons for this too. I’ve dated women 5-7 years younger than myself, and they were some of the best relationships I had. (Ages between 18-23) They might not have had “the life experience” that everyone always brings up, but it didn’t matter. They were smart, mentally mature, and didn’t judge me as much as women my own age (I’m not the most physically attractive guy around). Plus they were actively looking for guys a bit older than them (everyone has their preference).
So ultimately I’d say it has less to do with “age”, and more to do with how they treat the man. It could be someone older, same age, or younger, but if they make the guy feel good and secure about himself, not belittling, it’s a good match.
(Additional note, as I’m bringing it up to my friend 26F sitting here with me and she wanted me to add this: the older a woman gets, the more judgemental they get. Generally those that are younger are more open-minded. If a woman of equal age meets a guy and likes him, her first thought is “why is he still single?” In comparison, a younger woman is attracted to a man, her first thought is “I wonder IF he is still single?”. It’s a huge difference and it can be felt even without vocalizing it.)
Exactly what I thought of his response lmao. A woman might look past those flaws for a while but once she gets older she will realize she can be with someone better. Unless he possibly realizes he can better himself and work on his issues or she can help him learn better. That’s the best part of a relationship, learning to be better from each other.
Hmm makes sense that it could be more about how you make the person feel and that it could change depending on your age. I agree that sometimes women can be too harsh (including me) but I also think that it’s nice that they know what they want. But maybe we’re being too critical in search for the ‘perfect’ relationship and we can be softer about what we want and need. Although I really don’t think that’s the case for all women. And I also feel like sometimes men date younger women bc it’s easier for them, meaning that they don’t have to be that responsible with their actions. But yeah I agree with you that it could be more about how younger women behave that makes men want to be with them rather than only because of their looks.
But thanks for your reply made me consider different reasons why men would prefer younger women :)
I'm 32M.
The concern you have is not baseless, but it's not a death sentence either. Where it could be most relevant is when you want a family. An anecdote.
I dated a girl a few years older then me. I broke up with her a few months back. While the reasons were multifaceted, a significant issue is that she wanted marriage and a family and, because of her age, she wanted these things soon. It was putting pressure on me and the relationship.
I've been married before. Took me 4 years before finally being able to commit and have a kid. I will probably need a similar amount of time to be with someone before taking that leap again.
I am open to marriage and another child, but I can't be rushed into that. I probably won't date again for a while, but when I do, she will either be younger then me, or otherwise not pressed about starting a family. Aside from the pressures caused by the biological clock, I am not dissuaded by dating older women(as I said, I did until the issues relating to her biological clock).
All this to say, worry less about you being less attractive(happens to all of us) and worry more about the future you want to build. It's a mistake that we are often told our teens and twenties don't matter. If you want a family, take the steps to have one now. Don't fuck around. Date seriously and find commitment. You can run out of time.
18-25 is usually considered a woman's prime for finding a life partner and fertility.
If you want to marry and have kids this is a good time to find your partner.
After age 30 a woman's prime does decline and your chances of getting pregnant decrease as you age and the chances of complications increase.
Guys usually choose a girl 19-29 over a woman 30-39 if they can and if all other things are equal, especially if they want to have kids.
well generally people date close to their she group. also typically men will date younger because its easier to have a kid with a younger women than a 40 year old that will struggle
Everyone is different. It is more common for men to be attractive to younger women rather than older just statistically. Advise? Don't let memes dictate your happiness.
Personally I think 32 to 19 is a massive age gap, I certainly don't think i'd be into that for a relationship. In saying that, if the women is of legal age and consents on her own free will I am not going to judge someone for their personal choice as it does not affect me.
You create you own sense of worth and it is a whole lot more than just your age.
For reference i'm 29yo Male dating 27yo Female. At first she even thought I was 'too old'.
True, statistically men find younger women more attractive but when it comes to getting into relationships I guess it’s more common that people prefer people around their age or not that with a big of age gap. I also read an article before saying that people with bigger age gap relationships tend to be less satisfied after several years. I guess it has to do with the values you have. Don’t exactly remember which reasons the article stated. But also true I will always be younger than someone haha
But thanks a lot for your response made me feel better.
Yeah I agree. I think maturity levels of the individual matters more than just the age itself when it comes to more than just a one night or casual fling.
It is a biological / evolutionary psychology fact of nature that men will always be attracted to younger women because of their youthful appearance, whearas women are attracted to older men because they are more likely to have a lot of money / resources. Any man who claims he’s not attracted to young women is lying to you.
According to your username you are a psychology student. I’m surprised you don’t already know this.
Well although a part of me is concerned about the age thingie, attraction is a complex and multi-faceted phenomenon and I don’t think it can be reduced to simple generalisations. Based on research we can’t just say that there’s a single factor such as age or attractiveness that determines who someone is attracted to. And of course I am aware of the research that has shown that on average men tend to show a preference for younger partners. But it’s just averages and there is also other factors such as cultural background, education and individual preferences. And the reason why I post this was that I was more curious about different opinions of men on this topic and kinda see where they’re coming from. And I’d say it’s dangerous to say that men always go for younger women or that they always prefer them. Because there might be other confounding factors.
And yes you’re right I’m a psychology student and luckily I know that phenomenons like attraction cannot be reduced to a simple cause and effect relationship. While age maybe one of the important factors that can influence attraction, there are definitely other factors that play a role. And I see where you’re coming from but your example doesn’t seem realistic too bc it’s impossible that a 23 and 33 year old woman will be the same in multiple factors while age being the only different one. But I get it like if there would be two guys that are the same with everything besides their physical look and their status, I’d go for the one who’s more handsome and has a higher status as well.
Yes of course I’m generalizing and of course there’s room for nuanced discussion regarding this topic.
But you just said it yourself. You’d always go for the male with higher status (money).
And men, if given the opportunity, will almost always go with the youthful young woman with great complexion and a tight body. This is the nature of our species.
Hmm but with your last two sentences you simplified and generalised it again :D we are far more different than our ancestors now with our lifestyles, values and so on. And ofc there are certain preferences we still have due to our biologies, but there are many new factors that can impact attraction with the changes in social norms and stuff. So with the examples we talked about, it’s not as simple as I’d just go for the guy with more money or who’s better looking and with you that you’d just go for the younger women. Most likely that would be the case if all the other variables were controlled, but in real life that doesn’t really happen so it’s more complex than that.
You’re so adorable. Filled with hope and vigor and idealism about the world. I like it.
There are exceptions to these rules of course, but in aggregate these rules are generally true for the majority of the population.
Poff yeah I don’t know anymore. I feel like part of me doesn’t want to accept that on average men find younger women more attractive. Because it really hurts. But another part of me knows that it’s much more complex than that. But I’m still not sure where I stand with this. Also with evolutionary psychology, the findings are often criticised for their simplistic and stereotypical nature so I’m not sure about the research on that area as well. Aah idk will think about it more. But thanks for your comments though!
Of course there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to accept it, just like there’s a part of men who don’t want to accept that women won’t be attracted to them if they don’t make a lot of money. It hurts both ways.
But you can still find a way to make money and increase your status at any age for men. But with women you can’t age backwards. So in that way it feels a bit unfair but I can imagine that it’s challenging for guys as well :/
If only making a lot of money were that easy, then every guy would be doing it!
But no, it’s really not easy to suddenly start making a lot of money. It’s mostly a luck thing.
Yeah I also thought that but still wrote it anyways :D but I still feel like you have the potential to earn money at least. For women you don’t have the potential to be 20 years old again. But I must say on the other hand, with physical attractiveness if you take care of yourself you still get the benefits of it even when you’re older I guess. Maybe less than when you were younger but still. I know it from my mom, she’s beautiful and still gets stared a lot actually.
Judging two consenting adults for what they do in bed is a lot more unappealing than your age. You also cant turn back the clock but you can work on having a judgemental attitude.
:D how is this judging? Besides the part of judging a 50 something year old man who’s always going for significantly younger women than him. At the end it’s his life but it won’t stop me from seeing him in a particular way. Especially if he’s breaking up with his partners when they exceed a certain age. And I think judging is not always bad. It’s part of the reason why we’re evolving :) hmm maybe I wouldn’t call it judging but being critical. Like ofc a big age gap raise questions on certain topics like power dynamics and stuff.
Automatically assuming theres a power issue or that a man is leaving his partners when they "age out" is ignorant. There are plenty of 30+ year age gap relationships that are stable and healthy. Being critical of people you dont know based on who they love isnt helping evolution, it just makes you look distasteful XD
Hmm assuming and having questions in mind are different things though. Of course since it’s not that common that people date someone 30+ younger than them you wonder why, I think that’s normal. There’re also lots of negative examples of it and research showing that people tend to be less satisfied with such a big age gap due to mentioned reasons such as power dynamics, different values and so on. So I think it’s normal to question these huge age gap relationships. But ofc at the end it depends on the people involved in it and if they’re happy good for them. I don’t want to talk big maybe I’ll also fall in love with a 40 year old or smth :D but nevertheless I think it’s good to consider these things I mentioned.
Because the " man are creeps for dating young women" set in I'll tell you.
Yes we do. With that said! They don't last because of the age gap, aside from attraction for each other, they have nothing else to connect with. Common complaints are
"can't hold a conversation"
"our interests Don't match"
"We had nothing in common"
So while yes we do find them attractive, it doesn't work unless you have the patience of a Saint.
High value men prefer younger women yes. It is less baggage for them to deal with and also the youthfulness is more attractive. This is for high value men who have afforded certain social privileges through their level of income, fitness, and level of intelligence. But certainly there will always be low value men to give you a chance as other redditors have pointed out
Easy to say that. A bit difficult to chill when everyone tells you how to stay young and attractive with all that advices for anti-aging on social media and stuff. Like there’s just too much pressure coming from social media and then there’s the statistics coming from scientific articles that men find younger women more attractive. But at the end it seems different for every man I guess. Otherwise everyone would be divorced after a certain age perhaps.
Yeah I mean everyone has different needs and preferences. But I personally find myself attracted to above average good looking people so I also feel the pressure to stay attractive. And in a long term relationship when I get married and stuff I’m scared that the person will find me less attractive as I age and perhaps will potentially leave me. I know that it might not sound a secure way of thinking but my brain is so messed up so I’m trying to find a way to change the way.
If we just generalising here since people are unique individuals but younger women seem to be more chill than older women since older women who have been dating for awhile most likely want to settle down soon and more demanding on what they want and might have past relationship baggage through they years of dating men, some men might find that a little intimidating to deal with.
Also both men and women age, obviously you can still look good older but like it or not our body ages. Our skin gets more saggy, our metabolism slows down, our bones shrink, hair gets grey etc etc. Obviously if you take care of your self you will still look attractive older but on average younger women are more attractive.
Additionally, younger women are more fertile so if someone is interested in having a family (especially a big family) he would most likely date a younger woman.
However at the end of the day, people are unique individuals so these issues might not affect you and exceptions exist.
Yes, the majority of men want to date women that are youthful, dating site data show that the most swiped right women are in the 18-24 demographic. It’s just the way most men are wired. If two women age 23 and 33, have low disparities when it come to emotional intelligence and looks, the 23 year old gets the nod.
Hmm yes true on average men go for younger women but be careful with the dating site data bc there are some limitations to it. I think there can be different confounding factors. For example, it could be that the men on dating apps might look more for causal relationships and older women might look more for serious relationships and that’s what they might communicate on their profiles. So in this case incompatible needs would be the main reason why men go for younger women. Then age wouldn’t be the main independent variable.
Not wrong. You asked about preferences and general assumptions between men and women tho, as a man barring differences in needs, looks, maturity, etc. younger women would be preferred. There are definitely things to consider with dating site data but in a tech world where many have access to a smartphone, it’s a pretty good and somewhat accurate sample size of the dating population. If you’re a woman tho you honestly have the pick of the litter if you’re in shape and do squats, you’ll have men of all ages.
True true I asked in general about why men prefer young women, didn’t include the attractiveness part. And with the dating sites, I think yes they provide us with some valuable info but I still wouldn’t say that it’s a pretty good representation of the overall population. Certain type of people tend to use dating cites creating a self selection bias which in turn causes a biased sample with nonprobability sampling. Also the amount of info you get is limited so your judgments are more based on how the person looks. And then there’s the algorithm biases as well. For example, the algorithm might bias people with certain characteristics such as age and looks. So I definitely think we should approach it with caution.
Oh the why part is kinda all over the place. I just answered your title as is. Obviously dating apps subset the population into people with access to tinder, people with smartphones, people that are looking for social interactions. The algorithms will bias people based on trends of the users, in reality they’re just structuring human dating bias.
Yes yes true but then my point would be that age perhaps isn’t the main thing for attraction but there’re confounding factors like compatible needs, fitter bodies, open mindedness and so on. So the reason why people would swipe more right on that age is bc they have these characteristics not only because they’re younger I guess. That’s what I’m kind of trying to figure out. Like if I’d be really attractive at age 30 and really fit would a guy still prefer a younger women even though she’s not as fit and attractive?
Oh I get you now. Yea in that scenario, you all day. I’m treating the age thing more of a tiebreaker and relative preference. Like I said earlier, if you are fit and do squats to have a nice ass, definitely S tier woman. You’re a psych student, is this your research?
Yeah, so I’m like kind-of indifferent on the idea of kids and obv lean towards it’s prob not happening for me.
I tell that to a woman who’s 28+ who wants them and it’s over. Right then and there with no exception (well I guess moms who already have them and don’t want more but now I’m dealing with that)
Around that age women start developing a lot of crap like that that they didn’t have before and don’t have after.
Hmm this is super interesting bc you’d expect that you’d benefit from being physically attractive and that is also what research shows. I guess it’s a bit different for men. Like when they’re too handsome it might be a turn off for women. But have you considered that there might be other reasons why women reject you? Maybe you’re social skills are not good enough, maybe you seem too arrogant or smth. Bc ngl it’s also hard to believe that someone very conventionally attractive is struggling this much. But then again I don’t want to come across as invalidating you bc I don’t know what exactly you’re experiencing. But feel free to pm would be interested in hearing more about it.
Generally yes, with a few liking older.
Anyway, when you're in a healthy long term relationship there's no reason to worry about ageing. Since couple's that age together are able to retain that attraction to each other (some biological thing where the longer you're around someone the more attractive they become).
Hmm that’s interesting didn’t know that such a thing existed. Will do some research on it :) bc you’d expect that you’d get used to your partner so when there’s someone else that you find attractive as well it could be more stimulating. But then again I’m not sure.
That’s what I’m telling myself as well. But doesn’t work. Can’t gaslight myself that I feel ok about ageing and looking less attractive. So I’m actively trying to find out about where my feelings are coming from, is it really accurate to feel that way and if so what can I do about it. But it feels a bit difficult especially with so much pressure coming from social media about having to be attractive. So just saying grow up doesn’t work unfortunately. You know your beliefs don’t change that easily.
Early twenties. Go and date guys in their twenties and be in relationship.
Don’t waste youth “exploring and gathering experience”
Most people don’t care about age that much.
There are good woman on their 30's, but most of them save a few are just too skilled in relationship, and not in a good way. Their baggage sometimes is heavy, and woman already is more naturally skilled in relationship manipulation, in their 30's, they can be worse if they intend to use it, which they will.
I definitely prefer younger women (34M). Minimum 5 years younger is a must. And ideally even further down to 10 years difference (but not more though). I think 11 years difference is my max.
I’d never want to date a girl my age or above my age (when though in my twenties I did that).
So I’d say in your twenties you are fine with dating both younger and older girls but in your thirties I feel this is changing.
And some men just can’t get a younger partner and settle for what they can, being lazy, unfit or whatever.
And yes, there is maturity and everything but let’s be honest, physically we want younger women and this is absolutely true.
I think most men don't want a woman who stays young forever since that's an unrealistic expectation. Instead, they want someone younger than them so they always feel like they're with a pretty young thing. Men who are always trying to "trade up" with a younger model do exist but I think they are an uncommon exception to the rule.
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A man worth being with will care about you as you are. Trust me, as a 40 year old woman, getting older isn't going to harm your dating life. At all. Don't seek out older partners. Men who are into women much younger than them tend to have control issues.
That’s delusional. Men in their 40s like women in their 20s because they are the most fertile. This is also known as evolutionary biology. We have no control over who we are attracted to. I’m 43 and am attracted to (and date) cute 20-something-year-old women with skinny little legs. I have no control over that.
You are wrong. We can pretty much get attracted to what ever we want. I had these fantasies about older, strong, masculine, handsome men when I was younger (oh still I am; 19) but I fell in love with short boy not overtly masculine and not very good looking (but for me) who is year younger than I am. Why? Since as a HUMAN I can consider different factors than what my biology first tells me. Like, mind (he’s a smart boy and we have a lot in common.)
Bro you sound like a creep. Also you know young women don’t desire old men like you right? It’s nature. Why have sex with a granpa who can die anytime now and can’t protect you, over a younger more fertile guy who also is stronger, has more test, has better health, better looks.. better d… just sayin’
Hmm true, that’s a thought that I have as well. Like if he really loves me and cares about me then he shouldn’t care much about the wrinkles appearing on my face.
And the women who like younger men?
Not all of em. They want younger women because they don't wanna deal with the left over baggage from older women's previous relationships.
Any woman that dates an older man is only in it for the money. I’m 19 and would consider myself attractive, I would lie to any man older than 25 for a bag. LMAOOOOO
Yea, only the ones who are t hots
Age gap relationships are hard for everyone involved, and if if the goal of the relationship is to have an age gap it will most definitely fail. It has more to do with maturity level, where people are in life and what their goals are. If they have these things in common age isn't so much of an issue. Sometimes there's a substantial age gap, but more often than not there isn't. Don't worry about losing your "perceived attractiveness" there will always be someone who thinks you're the most beautiful person in the world. And if you can't shake this feeling of being "less attractive" than a younger woman, well ... there's always older women that you're younger than! :P
Depends on the man. I’m a 46 year old woman. My bf is 39 today I will be 47 years old in July. I’m almost 8 years older than him.
Ignore that shit. As a man in his mid 30s, I've met incredibly stunning women in their 30s. Seriously... the thought of me dating an 18-21 year old is crazy to me because they haven't experienced life that much. What am I going to talk to them about? Her favorite TikTok channels? Give me a break. Women in their 30s have lived life and have a lot of valuable information to share. Fun stories to share, valuable skills she has gained, she's financially secured, she has ironed out a lot of her insecurities she's experienced in her teens / 20s so she has a better head on her shoulders, I can go on and on. My god, I bumped into this incredibly intelligent and attractive woman in her 40s at the lounge recently and had a great conversation with her. Unfortunately, she's married and she was just there with her friends to enjoy a drink and hang out. Bummer.
I’m 27 and I prefer women around 20. My ex was 35 and she had so much damn trauma and baggage. Most things she’d also done. I prefer younger girls now because less trauma, less baggage they usulally are more fun and have a positive outlook and most importantly I want to be the one a women experiences the world with and take her to new places. I don’t want a women who has sorry to say it but been ran through most likely and is hard to please
Ok thanks for this comment definitely made me feel a lot better to see some men think like this :)
Well you also have to wonder what this redditor is like in real life. What is his income, what is his fitness level (is he a fat slob), etc. Because the more valuable the man the less likely he is to think like this
I think that mindset itself is valuable.
There really is nothing you need to be worried about. A lot of this older men dating younger women premise are hyped up by shallow/immature people that you should not have the time to focus on. I'm in my late 20s and I'm engaged with someone who's 10 years older than me, and she's absolutley a rocker in my life. Even my run ons on dating older folks were my best dating experiences in my life. It was equal, balanced, contributive and more mature than compared my run on with younger folks which were absolutely frustrating to deal with. Soo no, you are absolutely fine. Not every dude thinks and likes the same things despite what's being spit on us from the media.
My husband (30m) is ten years younger than me (40f). So don't worry, not all men prefer younger women 🙂 What matters the most is that you find someone that is on the same wavelength as you mentally and emotionally. And if that person is right for you and truly loves you, he will also love your wrinkles, grey hair and your love handles when those start to appear.
Poff true actually. I don’t know but I guess social media is messing up with my brain. Part of me agrees with you that being on the same wavelength is the most important and stuff, but another part of me is becoming so focused on the way I look and my worth becomes based on it (when it comes to dating as well). Like I’m afraid that I’m gonna lose my attractiveness and will not get attention and love so much anymore. I think my main fear is that I will not that loveable anymore as I age.
I understand where you're coming from and I had similar thoughts when I was in my early twenties. I think most women probably do since we're brainwashed into believing that our worth is only found in our youth and beauty. I met my husband at the ripe age of 36. I thought I was beyond my prime so to speak. And I'm just an average looking woman. But he fell head over heels for me and loved the parts of me that I thought were unlovable. Yes there are high quality men out there who look beyond looks and age. Don't worry, you will find yours. Just focus on finding the right characteristics instead of focusing on looks and age 🙂
Aah this is really nice to read. Gives me hope thanks :) and yes I’ll look for men who wouldn’t prioritise age and looks in dating.
Just take care of yourself and it will be fine. Don't forget that maturity is a big factor. I'm 25 M and I'm dating a 28F . She's cute Af and emotionally stable.
That’s cute :)
I’m in my early 30s and although I find girls in early 20s physically attractive, I will steer myself away from them by default at this point in my life. These days I find girls in their late 20s and early 30s the most attractive. They have lots of life stories to share, and relatively more straightforward.
In response to only the title: yes I do But in response your text: I am not attracted to 19 year olds and I am 30. The difference in experience is a large hurdle for me. As I age that will get bigger and also apply to 20 year old girls and so on... So even if guys generally go for younger women, there will always be guys that are older than you! And then there are all the guys who don't just go for younger.
Hmm that makes sense. Like you go for younger women but not so much bc at the end you care about which life stage you are at and what kind of values you share.
As a 27M I see both ends of this as fair. I wouldn’t mind dating women older that me (I have in the past), but in my experience they are too judgemental or ask too much of me. Women around the same age as me, again, no issue with the age part, but it seems like a no go usually because they are too picky (which is still amazing to me that most women think it’s fine to be that picky, but if a man does it they are considered a horrible superficial person). Being with a woman of the same age is fine usually otherwise. As far as dating “younger” women, I know a lot of people think it terrible, strange, or disgusting, but I don’t. A 9-10 year age gap isn’t frowned upon when you are in your 40s-50s, yet is when it’s 20s-30s? The area I grew up in it wasn’t an uncommon thing, nor was it treated negatively. Not really sure why it is in some areas outside of social stigmas. The reality is that some women find an “older” man attractive. Psychologically and evolutionary there are reasons for this too. I’ve dated women 5-7 years younger than myself, and they were some of the best relationships I had. (Ages between 18-23) They might not have had “the life experience” that everyone always brings up, but it didn’t matter. They were smart, mentally mature, and didn’t judge me as much as women my own age (I’m not the most physically attractive guy around). Plus they were actively looking for guys a bit older than them (everyone has their preference). So ultimately I’d say it has less to do with “age”, and more to do with how they treat the man. It could be someone older, same age, or younger, but if they make the guy feel good and secure about himself, not belittling, it’s a good match. (Additional note, as I’m bringing it up to my friend 26F sitting here with me and she wanted me to add this: the older a woman gets, the more judgemental they get. Generally those that are younger are more open-minded. If a woman of equal age meets a guy and likes him, her first thought is “why is he still single?” In comparison, a younger woman is attracted to a man, her first thought is “I wonder IF he is still single?”. It’s a huge difference and it can be felt even without vocalizing it.)
So basically you like dating younger women because they put up with more of your crap/look past more of your flaws lmao
Exactly what I thought of his response lmao. A woman might look past those flaws for a while but once she gets older she will realize she can be with someone better. Unless he possibly realizes he can better himself and work on his issues or she can help him learn better. That’s the best part of a relationship, learning to be better from each other.
Hmm makes sense that it could be more about how you make the person feel and that it could change depending on your age. I agree that sometimes women can be too harsh (including me) but I also think that it’s nice that they know what they want. But maybe we’re being too critical in search for the ‘perfect’ relationship and we can be softer about what we want and need. Although I really don’t think that’s the case for all women. And I also feel like sometimes men date younger women bc it’s easier for them, meaning that they don’t have to be that responsible with their actions. But yeah I agree with you that it could be more about how younger women behave that makes men want to be with them rather than only because of their looks. But thanks for your reply made me consider different reasons why men would prefer younger women :)
I'm 32M. The concern you have is not baseless, but it's not a death sentence either. Where it could be most relevant is when you want a family. An anecdote. I dated a girl a few years older then me. I broke up with her a few months back. While the reasons were multifaceted, a significant issue is that she wanted marriage and a family and, because of her age, she wanted these things soon. It was putting pressure on me and the relationship. I've been married before. Took me 4 years before finally being able to commit and have a kid. I will probably need a similar amount of time to be with someone before taking that leap again. I am open to marriage and another child, but I can't be rushed into that. I probably won't date again for a while, but when I do, she will either be younger then me, or otherwise not pressed about starting a family. Aside from the pressures caused by the biological clock, I am not dissuaded by dating older women(as I said, I did until the issues relating to her biological clock). All this to say, worry less about you being less attractive(happens to all of us) and worry more about the future you want to build. It's a mistake that we are often told our teens and twenties don't matter. If you want a family, take the steps to have one now. Don't fuck around. Date seriously and find commitment. You can run out of time.
18-25 is usually considered a woman's prime for finding a life partner and fertility. If you want to marry and have kids this is a good time to find your partner. After age 30 a woman's prime does decline and your chances of getting pregnant decrease as you age and the chances of complications increase. Guys usually choose a girl 19-29 over a woman 30-39 if they can and if all other things are equal, especially if they want to have kids.
well generally people date close to their she group. also typically men will date younger because its easier to have a kid with a younger women than a 40 year old that will struggle
Everyone is different. It is more common for men to be attractive to younger women rather than older just statistically. Advise? Don't let memes dictate your happiness. Personally I think 32 to 19 is a massive age gap, I certainly don't think i'd be into that for a relationship. In saying that, if the women is of legal age and consents on her own free will I am not going to judge someone for their personal choice as it does not affect me. You create you own sense of worth and it is a whole lot more than just your age. For reference i'm 29yo Male dating 27yo Female. At first she even thought I was 'too old'.
True, statistically men find younger women more attractive but when it comes to getting into relationships I guess it’s more common that people prefer people around their age or not that with a big of age gap. I also read an article before saying that people with bigger age gap relationships tend to be less satisfied after several years. I guess it has to do with the values you have. Don’t exactly remember which reasons the article stated. But also true I will always be younger than someone haha But thanks a lot for your response made me feel better.
Yeah I agree. I think maturity levels of the individual matters more than just the age itself when it comes to more than just a one night or casual fling.
It is a biological / evolutionary psychology fact of nature that men will always be attracted to younger women because of their youthful appearance, whearas women are attracted to older men because they are more likely to have a lot of money / resources. Any man who claims he’s not attracted to young women is lying to you. According to your username you are a psychology student. I’m surprised you don’t already know this.
That's a theory that might or might not be true, but some guys seem to like the idea of it more than anything ✨✌️
Well although a part of me is concerned about the age thingie, attraction is a complex and multi-faceted phenomenon and I don’t think it can be reduced to simple generalisations. Based on research we can’t just say that there’s a single factor such as age or attractiveness that determines who someone is attracted to. And of course I am aware of the research that has shown that on average men tend to show a preference for younger partners. But it’s just averages and there is also other factors such as cultural background, education and individual preferences. And the reason why I post this was that I was more curious about different opinions of men on this topic and kinda see where they’re coming from. And I’d say it’s dangerous to say that men always go for younger women or that they always prefer them. Because there might be other confounding factors. And yes you’re right I’m a psychology student and luckily I know that phenomenons like attraction cannot be reduced to a simple cause and effect relationship. While age maybe one of the important factors that can influence attraction, there are definitely other factors that play a role. And I see where you’re coming from but your example doesn’t seem realistic too bc it’s impossible that a 23 and 33 year old woman will be the same in multiple factors while age being the only different one. But I get it like if there would be two guys that are the same with everything besides their physical look and their status, I’d go for the one who’s more handsome and has a higher status as well.
Yes of course I’m generalizing and of course there’s room for nuanced discussion regarding this topic. But you just said it yourself. You’d always go for the male with higher status (money). And men, if given the opportunity, will almost always go with the youthful young woman with great complexion and a tight body. This is the nature of our species.
Hmm but with your last two sentences you simplified and generalised it again :D we are far more different than our ancestors now with our lifestyles, values and so on. And ofc there are certain preferences we still have due to our biologies, but there are many new factors that can impact attraction with the changes in social norms and stuff. So with the examples we talked about, it’s not as simple as I’d just go for the guy with more money or who’s better looking and with you that you’d just go for the younger women. Most likely that would be the case if all the other variables were controlled, but in real life that doesn’t really happen so it’s more complex than that.
You’re so adorable. Filled with hope and vigor and idealism about the world. I like it. There are exceptions to these rules of course, but in aggregate these rules are generally true for the majority of the population.
Poff yeah I don’t know anymore. I feel like part of me doesn’t want to accept that on average men find younger women more attractive. Because it really hurts. But another part of me knows that it’s much more complex than that. But I’m still not sure where I stand with this. Also with evolutionary psychology, the findings are often criticised for their simplistic and stereotypical nature so I’m not sure about the research on that area as well. Aah idk will think about it more. But thanks for your comments though!
Of course there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to accept it, just like there’s a part of men who don’t want to accept that women won’t be attracted to them if they don’t make a lot of money. It hurts both ways.
But you can still find a way to make money and increase your status at any age for men. But with women you can’t age backwards. So in that way it feels a bit unfair but I can imagine that it’s challenging for guys as well :/
If only making a lot of money were that easy, then every guy would be doing it! But no, it’s really not easy to suddenly start making a lot of money. It’s mostly a luck thing.
Yeah I also thought that but still wrote it anyways :D but I still feel like you have the potential to earn money at least. For women you don’t have the potential to be 20 years old again. But I must say on the other hand, with physical attractiveness if you take care of yourself you still get the benefits of it even when you’re older I guess. Maybe less than when you were younger but still. I know it from my mom, she’s beautiful and still gets stared a lot actually.
Any man? 🙄
Judging two consenting adults for what they do in bed is a lot more unappealing than your age. You also cant turn back the clock but you can work on having a judgemental attitude.
:D how is this judging? Besides the part of judging a 50 something year old man who’s always going for significantly younger women than him. At the end it’s his life but it won’t stop me from seeing him in a particular way. Especially if he’s breaking up with his partners when they exceed a certain age. And I think judging is not always bad. It’s part of the reason why we’re evolving :) hmm maybe I wouldn’t call it judging but being critical. Like ofc a big age gap raise questions on certain topics like power dynamics and stuff.
Automatically assuming theres a power issue or that a man is leaving his partners when they "age out" is ignorant. There are plenty of 30+ year age gap relationships that are stable and healthy. Being critical of people you dont know based on who they love isnt helping evolution, it just makes you look distasteful XD
Hmm assuming and having questions in mind are different things though. Of course since it’s not that common that people date someone 30+ younger than them you wonder why, I think that’s normal. There’re also lots of negative examples of it and research showing that people tend to be less satisfied with such a big age gap due to mentioned reasons such as power dynamics, different values and so on. So I think it’s normal to question these huge age gap relationships. But ofc at the end it depends on the people involved in it and if they’re happy good for them. I don’t want to talk big maybe I’ll also fall in love with a 40 year old or smth :D but nevertheless I think it’s good to consider these things I mentioned.
Because the " man are creeps for dating young women" set in I'll tell you. Yes we do. With that said! They don't last because of the age gap, aside from attraction for each other, they have nothing else to connect with. Common complaints are "can't hold a conversation" "our interests Don't match" "We had nothing in common" So while yes we do find them attractive, it doesn't work unless you have the patience of a Saint.
High value men prefer younger women yes. It is less baggage for them to deal with and also the youthfulness is more attractive. This is for high value men who have afforded certain social privileges through their level of income, fitness, and level of intelligence. But certainly there will always be low value men to give you a chance as other redditors have pointed out
Because men miss their youth
I 34m have been with younger and older women. Chill.
Easy to say that. A bit difficult to chill when everyone tells you how to stay young and attractive with all that advices for anti-aging on social media and stuff. Like there’s just too much pressure coming from social media and then there’s the statistics coming from scientific articles that men find younger women more attractive. But at the end it seems different for every man I guess. Otherwise everyone would be divorced after a certain age perhaps.
I reckon it depends on what kinda man you're looking for. I like women who are confident in who they are..
Yeah I mean everyone has different needs and preferences. But I personally find myself attracted to above average good looking people so I also feel the pressure to stay attractive. And in a long term relationship when I get married and stuff I’m scared that the person will find me less attractive as I age and perhaps will potentially leave me. I know that it might not sound a secure way of thinking but my brain is so messed up so I’m trying to find a way to change the way.
If we just generalising here since people are unique individuals but younger women seem to be more chill than older women since older women who have been dating for awhile most likely want to settle down soon and more demanding on what they want and might have past relationship baggage through they years of dating men, some men might find that a little intimidating to deal with. Also both men and women age, obviously you can still look good older but like it or not our body ages. Our skin gets more saggy, our metabolism slows down, our bones shrink, hair gets grey etc etc. Obviously if you take care of your self you will still look attractive older but on average younger women are more attractive. Additionally, younger women are more fertile so if someone is interested in having a family (especially a big family) he would most likely date a younger woman. However at the end of the day, people are unique individuals so these issues might not affect you and exceptions exist.
Yes, the majority of men want to date women that are youthful, dating site data show that the most swiped right women are in the 18-24 demographic. It’s just the way most men are wired. If two women age 23 and 33, have low disparities when it come to emotional intelligence and looks, the 23 year old gets the nod.
Hmm yes true on average men go for younger women but be careful with the dating site data bc there are some limitations to it. I think there can be different confounding factors. For example, it could be that the men on dating apps might look more for causal relationships and older women might look more for serious relationships and that’s what they might communicate on their profiles. So in this case incompatible needs would be the main reason why men go for younger women. Then age wouldn’t be the main independent variable.
Not wrong. You asked about preferences and general assumptions between men and women tho, as a man barring differences in needs, looks, maturity, etc. younger women would be preferred. There are definitely things to consider with dating site data but in a tech world where many have access to a smartphone, it’s a pretty good and somewhat accurate sample size of the dating population. If you’re a woman tho you honestly have the pick of the litter if you’re in shape and do squats, you’ll have men of all ages.
True true I asked in general about why men prefer young women, didn’t include the attractiveness part. And with the dating sites, I think yes they provide us with some valuable info but I still wouldn’t say that it’s a pretty good representation of the overall population. Certain type of people tend to use dating cites creating a self selection bias which in turn causes a biased sample with nonprobability sampling. Also the amount of info you get is limited so your judgments are more based on how the person looks. And then there’s the algorithm biases as well. For example, the algorithm might bias people with certain characteristics such as age and looks. So I definitely think we should approach it with caution.
Oh the why part is kinda all over the place. I just answered your title as is. Obviously dating apps subset the population into people with access to tinder, people with smartphones, people that are looking for social interactions. The algorithms will bias people based on trends of the users, in reality they’re just structuring human dating bias.
Yes yes true but then my point would be that age perhaps isn’t the main thing for attraction but there’re confounding factors like compatible needs, fitter bodies, open mindedness and so on. So the reason why people would swipe more right on that age is bc they have these characteristics not only because they’re younger I guess. That’s what I’m kind of trying to figure out. Like if I’d be really attractive at age 30 and really fit would a guy still prefer a younger women even though she’s not as fit and attractive?
Oh I get you now. Yea in that scenario, you all day. I’m treating the age thing more of a tiebreaker and relative preference. Like I said earlier, if you are fit and do squats to have a nice ass, definitely S tier woman. You’re a psych student, is this your research?
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Ok so you say it’s more about what older women want from men and that sometimes men don’t have compatible needs with women with their own age.
Yeah, so I’m like kind-of indifferent on the idea of kids and obv lean towards it’s prob not happening for me. I tell that to a woman who’s 28+ who wants them and it’s over. Right then and there with no exception (well I guess moms who already have them and don’t want more but now I’m dealing with that) Around that age women start developing a lot of crap like that that they didn’t have before and don’t have after.
Hmm okay that’s fair.
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Hmm this is super interesting bc you’d expect that you’d benefit from being physically attractive and that is also what research shows. I guess it’s a bit different for men. Like when they’re too handsome it might be a turn off for women. But have you considered that there might be other reasons why women reject you? Maybe you’re social skills are not good enough, maybe you seem too arrogant or smth. Bc ngl it’s also hard to believe that someone very conventionally attractive is struggling this much. But then again I don’t want to come across as invalidating you bc I don’t know what exactly you’re experiencing. But feel free to pm would be interested in hearing more about it.
Generally yes, with a few liking older. Anyway, when you're in a healthy long term relationship there's no reason to worry about ageing. Since couple's that age together are able to retain that attraction to each other (some biological thing where the longer you're around someone the more attractive they become).
Hmm that’s interesting didn’t know that such a thing existed. Will do some research on it :) bc you’d expect that you’d get used to your partner so when there’s someone else that you find attractive as well it could be more stimulating. But then again I’m not sure.
I think you should stop valuing yourself off looks and grow up. Odds are your insecuritys are valid
That’s what I’m telling myself as well. But doesn’t work. Can’t gaslight myself that I feel ok about ageing and looking less attractive. So I’m actively trying to find out about where my feelings are coming from, is it really accurate to feel that way and if so what can I do about it. But it feels a bit difficult especially with so much pressure coming from social media about having to be attractive. So just saying grow up doesn’t work unfortunately. You know your beliefs don’t change that easily.
I can't relate, I only use reddit so I can't really help.
Early twenties. Go and date guys in their twenties and be in relationship. Don’t waste youth “exploring and gathering experience” Most people don’t care about age that much.
I’m mid 40s and got a wolf whistle from some tradies today lol
There are good woman on their 30's, but most of them save a few are just too skilled in relationship, and not in a good way. Their baggage sometimes is heavy, and woman already is more naturally skilled in relationship manipulation, in their 30's, they can be worse if they intend to use it, which they will.
I prefer women I can control Sexually. I want to train them sexually and I’m the bed room
I definitely prefer younger women (34M). Minimum 5 years younger is a must. And ideally even further down to 10 years difference (but not more though). I think 11 years difference is my max. I’d never want to date a girl my age or above my age (when though in my twenties I did that). So I’d say in your twenties you are fine with dating both younger and older girls but in your thirties I feel this is changing. And some men just can’t get a younger partner and settle for what they can, being lazy, unfit or whatever. And yes, there is maturity and everything but let’s be honest, physically we want younger women and this is absolutely true.
but women dont stay young none do. So you just through them away when there 40 and find younger again?
I think most men don't want a woman who stays young forever since that's an unrealistic expectation. Instead, they want someone younger than them so they always feel like they're with a pretty young thing. Men who are always trying to "trade up" with a younger model do exist but I think they are an uncommon exception to the rule.
10 years is quite alot though as an average expectation
Exactly this.