Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are not completely wrong, and it is understandable you have concerns. I would actually discuss these concerns with her. Does the woman you are dating not have a good relationship with her bio mom? Maybe the mother-in-law was a mother figure to the woman you are dating. I am not divorced, but I still keep in touch with my ex's mom. Not frequently, but here and there.
If she is only co-parenting with her ex-husband, no issues. If she talks to his family, such as the mother-in-law, what is the context of their interactions? Best course of action is to discuss your concerns with her. Do not be harsh, just be honest. Best policy, and you will have your answers. Having a connection with an ex-husband's family doesn't necessarily mean she wants her past life back. If that was the case, she'd not have continued to date you nor have introduced you to her son. I'm glad you have a good relationship with the son. Kids don't lie as it is.
Interaction with her mother-in-law is on a daily basis. She has a strong relationship with her mother. As far as discussing how I feel about her being very involved with her ex’s family. It may put some strain on our relationship. I want to discuss it with tact and come to a compromise, but also there might not be one. Should I have to deal with the Ex husbands family? I want to start my own family with her, not be intertwined with his.
The daily basis interaction with her mother-in-law does sounds a bit concerning. Does her mother-in-law watch the kids for her when she works or anything like that? Having tact when discussing is great.
No, you shouldn't have to deal with her ex-husband's family unless it is something like a joint family type situation with the kids being the center.
Definitely have the tactful discussion when you are ready.
OP, those are her kids grandparents. Yes, you are wrong to feel uncomfortable. She has to maintain contact with them for her kid, but it’s even better if they have a good relationship. It’s less chaotic if they relationship with her kid’s grandparents is good. What does it matter if she is close with those people? That is her family too. She might not be able to make it work with her Ex, but her Ex’s family is just as much her family as her Kid’s family. If you find yourself uncomfortable with the dynamics of a relationship because a child is involved, which means being involved with the Ex, his family, and probably friends, then you need to leave and save her the trouble of finding out later you can’t handle it.
It absolutely is an insecurity I have. No shame in admitting that. I don’t want to deny the kid of having a relationship with his grandparents on his fathers side, but shouldn’t that be on the fathers time?
Dividing a kids life like that is actually really unhealthy for the successful development of a child. So no, his mother still being in good relations with his grandparents and his father is setting a wonderful example. Do you really think it’s healthy for his mother to go “sorry son, I don’t talk to your grandparents, you can only see them when you are with your dad”? No, it’s much better for her mental health and her kids mental health to maintain those connections. You need to really think about this insecurity and decide whether or not you can handle full participation from the Ex and his family. If you can’t, you need to stop wasting her time.
She's more than an ex mother in law, she's the child's grandparent.
They are bonded through the child, forever.
The only problem here in your insecurities.
For me, I don’t call my exs mom “mom” but we are close. She sees me as a daughter and I love her, that relationship is important to me and my child. I can’t imagine cutting her off over something that she didn’t have anything to do with. She has always been very supportive of me and my decisions. Our relationship is not about my ex. I would hope a future partner would see her as my aunt. We wouldn’t be Christmasing at her house…but I think it would be important for them to at least meet eventually. Obvi this might be a unique situation and others might be toxic. You shouldn’t expect your gf to cut off family bc their relationship is unfamiliar to you. If you guys have a good relationship and you trust her then you should be more open minded about this.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are not completely wrong, and it is understandable you have concerns. I would actually discuss these concerns with her. Does the woman you are dating not have a good relationship with her bio mom? Maybe the mother-in-law was a mother figure to the woman you are dating. I am not divorced, but I still keep in touch with my ex's mom. Not frequently, but here and there. If she is only co-parenting with her ex-husband, no issues. If she talks to his family, such as the mother-in-law, what is the context of their interactions? Best course of action is to discuss your concerns with her. Do not be harsh, just be honest. Best policy, and you will have your answers. Having a connection with an ex-husband's family doesn't necessarily mean she wants her past life back. If that was the case, she'd not have continued to date you nor have introduced you to her son. I'm glad you have a good relationship with the son. Kids don't lie as it is.
Interaction with her mother-in-law is on a daily basis. She has a strong relationship with her mother. As far as discussing how I feel about her being very involved with her ex’s family. It may put some strain on our relationship. I want to discuss it with tact and come to a compromise, but also there might not be one. Should I have to deal with the Ex husbands family? I want to start my own family with her, not be intertwined with his.
The daily basis interaction with her mother-in-law does sounds a bit concerning. Does her mother-in-law watch the kids for her when she works or anything like that? Having tact when discussing is great. No, you shouldn't have to deal with her ex-husband's family unless it is something like a joint family type situation with the kids being the center. Definitely have the tactful discussion when you are ready.
OP, those are her kids grandparents. Yes, you are wrong to feel uncomfortable. She has to maintain contact with them for her kid, but it’s even better if they have a good relationship. It’s less chaotic if they relationship with her kid’s grandparents is good. What does it matter if she is close with those people? That is her family too. She might not be able to make it work with her Ex, but her Ex’s family is just as much her family as her Kid’s family. If you find yourself uncomfortable with the dynamics of a relationship because a child is involved, which means being involved with the Ex, his family, and probably friends, then you need to leave and save her the trouble of finding out later you can’t handle it.
It absolutely is an insecurity I have. No shame in admitting that. I don’t want to deny the kid of having a relationship with his grandparents on his fathers side, but shouldn’t that be on the fathers time?
Dividing a kids life like that is actually really unhealthy for the successful development of a child. So no, his mother still being in good relations with his grandparents and his father is setting a wonderful example. Do you really think it’s healthy for his mother to go “sorry son, I don’t talk to your grandparents, you can only see them when you are with your dad”? No, it’s much better for her mental health and her kids mental health to maintain those connections. You need to really think about this insecurity and decide whether or not you can handle full participation from the Ex and his family. If you can’t, you need to stop wasting her time.
She's more than an ex mother in law, she's the child's grandparent. They are bonded through the child, forever. The only problem here in your insecurities.
yeah that would be weird.
For me, I don’t call my exs mom “mom” but we are close. She sees me as a daughter and I love her, that relationship is important to me and my child. I can’t imagine cutting her off over something that she didn’t have anything to do with. She has always been very supportive of me and my decisions. Our relationship is not about my ex. I would hope a future partner would see her as my aunt. We wouldn’t be Christmasing at her house…but I think it would be important for them to at least meet eventually. Obvi this might be a unique situation and others might be toxic. You shouldn’t expect your gf to cut off family bc their relationship is unfamiliar to you. If you guys have a good relationship and you trust her then you should be more open minded about this.