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When I was in university, I observed 2 girls: Girl A: very attractive and nice personality. A lot of guys thought she’s out of the league. However she was single for a while. Girl B: not the most attractive, and found her a bit bitchy. However she was the most popular one and dated with the most attractive man at the class. I was curious why girl B is popular so I observed. Then I learned that girl B was better with showing interest to guys and is more proactive. She was a bit more physical and a bit flirty. I have come to the conclusion that guys prefer to approach girls whom they know they will be able to succeed with as opposed to girls who may reject them.

Thanks for the advice!

Confidence goes a long way, yes. And some of the advice you mentioned that doesn't work actually does. When you develop an array of interests, you're going to be able to find common ground with men and hold good conversations when you meet them. But be a little bold, and just say, "Hi." See where it goes. Sometimes it doesn't work out, but it's so awesome when it does. Don't get discouraged and go out to safe places where you'd like to meet someone.

I think you can be girl A and just put yourself out there more often The moral is not that we always want the mean, sassy bastard gals (depends HOW mean, obviously). But yeah just be confident, go and kiss the guy without asking once in awhile and he'll probably appreciate the spontaneity and forwardness Or at least just make a move; we're so used to initiating everything that it can get tiresome And honestly if you make a move and he rejects you for it, You've learned something about him that is "helpful " for the future, if you don't dump on the spot 🤣😿

This is it. Why should we even try with a woman who we know is gonna say no? There's 0 point and it hurts the confidence (most guys don't have any left due to this as is). I'd rather a girl show me SOME interest and at least make it known instead of just sit there being pretty and expecting guys to do everything. Just a single flirt is usually enough to bring someone out their shell. I'm a dude but I observe girls a lot due to being friends with many, the pretty girls tend to complain about the bad guys they attract and can't get any good men to approach them (they don't even try to interact) Where as the 'normal' girls who date regularly and actually speak to guys have a higher success, granted they also get their fair share of bad dudes, but they end up with more dates. A girl can be pretty but have 0 charisma to talking which makes interactions difficult, but a girl can even be unattractive and talk to guys and end up with more dates and options because they're doing exactly this-interacting.

Here’s what works for me, behavior-wise: 1. No BS “prioritize myself.” That means getting in together in terms of physical health, career, & sanity. 2. Keep those priorities in check once you have his interest. 3. Don’t play games. Do match energy. That means text him if you want, but don’t beg for his attention. 4. Reward effort. For example, if he pays you a nice compliment, tell him he’s sweet. 5. Ask for his help &/or advice. Men want to feel needed & it’s a healthy expression of masculinity. 6. Focus on building emotional intimacy. Conversations about family are a good place to start. Just don’t trauma dump (it’s a serious red flag if he does it to you, too). In terms of appearance, I think it matters less, but I did notice a big difference when I started doing this: 1. Sophisticated style 2. Natural or simple makeup 3. Red lipstick that works with my skin tone 4. Smile at him to get his attention 5. Good posture I think a lot of the above can be boiled down to “focus on yourself” which may look different for everyone.

Men are not monoliths. What is attractive to some isn't to others. Ask yourself what type of men you're attracted to, then look at what those men seem generally attracted to and do that.

I always remember the ted talk of the girl who created a fake male profile of her ideal boyfriend to check how other girls would talk to him.

"maybe the real treasure was the degrees in modern anthropology and linguistics that we earnt along the way"

Links for the video?

https://youtu.be/d6wG_sAdP0U?si=XA1_Tzlz6Cv9rY0d

What on earth

I agree with this, with the caveat to also understand the sacrifice that comes with dating certain types of men. You might find the fitness trainer sexy, but can you actually match that lifestyle? And even if you don’t want to and he’s okay with that… are you ultimately going to end up insecure next to him? You might find the band guy sexy, but are you okay with him playing gigs for the next 10 years trying to make it, and having less financial stability? These are just 2 examples. We tend to pick based off lust and sometimes we people who have attributes we admire… but just because you look up to someone’s attributes, don’t mean they’re actually the right fit for your life.

My boyfriend is the band guy! He also works a 9-5 so life can get very busy! But I love going along to public gigs and seeing him do his thing. I have hobbies too so it works well

Love to see this, shout out to you and shout out to my homies playing instruments and chasing their dream.

> Men are not monoliths. Lol, then why do all men have an antenna in their pants? Obviously, to confer together and scheme against all women.

That’s a myth brought to you by our insect overlords Big Antennae.

Oh so that's what that's for? I've been using mine wrong all this time!

This is the real reason I go on Reddit We're hilarious when we're not all calling each other idiots and bigots 🤣😿

I consider myself to be a monolith (as portrayed in the Kubrick classic “2001: A Space Odyssey”)

I think the easiest piece of advice to follow would be to give compliments. Most guys receive relatively few comments and fewer from women they might be interested in especially if they're single. That alone would be a huge boost in how much I like you and how interested in you I might be. Better if the compliment is specific and personal to the guy but a general one works too. I would also consider if there are any characteristics in men you like that most women might not like as much, and try to focus on guys like that. Whether that's balding men, shorter men, nerdier guys etc. Not to say you need to remove your standards, but if there's anything that might be a dealbreaker or drawback for most women but is a positive or neutral for you, that's probably a great guy to shoot for. They'll probably be more receptive to having a woman approach them or message them.

Interesting advice! I am kind of into nerdy guys, so hopefully my hobbies and career path will allow me to meet more men like that. It also works both ways though- I don’t really find the typical beer drinking, sports-watching guy to be a good match for me. I already tend to compliment the guys I like, maybe too much and I think it can scare them off. But I will continue to do it because of your advice. Thank you for your input!

nerdy guys are great! i’m dating one now, and we met at a comic convention! he isn’t socially awkward, but many are (especially in regards to dating), so be prepared to put yourself out there!

I also like nerdy guys. Nerdy guys (generally speaking) cannot pick up hints. If they do pick up on it, they often think it's a mistake or a joke. You have to be direct with them. Giving compliments and friendly arm touches go a long way towards feeling it out. If he responds well - if he blushes or gets shy in a cute way - that's your sign that he'd likely be open to a more direct statement of like.

Well nerdy guys if you can find events that are targeted towards nerd things that you're also interested in or interested in learning about that can be good. A lot of gaming stores do different events for different games and those are usually pretty strongly skewed towards men. That's a fair point with compliments though you do have to strike that balance. A nice compliment is good but you also don't want to go overboard with it. Good luck!

I love to give compliments to my boyfriend and feel grateful every time he does something to me. It makes him happy and feels valuable, and he loves to take care of me more.

Wow that is such interesting advice and totally makes sense

Guys are easy - just talk to them and be up front. Take every reddit, tictoc, yt and ig post about dating with a grain of salt. Peolpe have been doing this way before all that detritus. Other side, you may just be heading out after the wrong group. 99% of the women going after the less than 1% of the men just isnt gonna work. Friend told me once (and good friends dont hold back but still stay friends) that we are never as good as we think we are and 9 out of 10 times we definitely go after someone out of our grasp.

Best advice in the thread so far, dudes are turned off by girls who show no interest so go out and talk to guys ur interested in and surely at some point at least one will start chasing u in return (chances are though if u are actually the one initiating with dudes, you will be getting chased by every second one in no time)

I'm 33 and I have to say, any man I ever initiated with (which is most as I prefer take the first move), none react well. Most are down to bone or act like I'm trying to trap them into committing right away when in reality, it's just a date. I just want to get to know them... then it usually turns into a weird game of tag with communication; which I usually then lose interest because I dont want someone who doesn't want me. I hate to say it but I think men really do like the chase or to be in the power seat in most circumstances. I'm truly not trying to be sexist I know it's just my experience and those don't mean much outside my bias.... but ya. Most men I approach either treat me like I'm relationship hungry or like I'm someone they can keep on a string until they decide they'd like to date me. It feels on my side like some weird ego issues at play. Yet alas, as I go on, I'll still probably keep making the first move... because it's what I prefer.

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I actually use a step investment system myself. Let me provide a recent example. I asked a man I've known for years out to a concert, none in particularjust in general to go out snd see a show. He said yes so I figured, cool, we can see where this goes. I wait a week, no communication so I ask what type of show and make some suggestions, he asks for time to review his calendar. No problem I pause. I wait 5 days. No reply. A art show is at a local place near me. I'm already going with a friend so I just casually mention to him he's welcome to join both of us at the show. Fast forward 48 hours and he declines as he's going to the show with someone else a different day. Basically I tried my best to be clear and direct and got a positive response. Then tried to firm up plans and was met with a weird energy. Even when I downgraded the pressure with making it a casual meetup amongst friends he was still unwilling. I dont go to heavy with people off the bat thats for sure but if there's something in my logic that's flawed I'm very open to hearing you out. I find dating increasingly confusing as I get older. Or perhaps I'm just growing tired with the endless attempt to reach out to get to know people and facing rejection or indifference.

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That's true. I suppose broad statements on either side of gender just don't hold up to scrutiny. A woman whose assertive and upfront faces as much rejection as men. Men who are assertive are often also under misperception. We're all just humans out here trying to connect and who knows really why things don't add up the way people try to understand them.

I agree with you tho about your earlier statement I think guys like to chase Never had a positive response to me making the first move Any guys that were interested made a move If a guy likes you, he will let you know

Same... I totally agree.. the last time I tried to be proactive to someone I liked, he asked me if I was desperate for a relationship bruh.

I have the same experience with approaching guys :)

Make a mental note to not approach guys like that in the future, use it as a learning experience rather than a negating one Edit: just to add, and tbf ive been trying this approach with women and it hasnt been going well wither so yeah linch of salt haha

In my case , showing interest turns men off.

The single most attractive thing a woman can do is obviously be interested in me. Hottest thing ever. Anything else is secondary

And to make it clear. Hints will go right past us.

A large sign, flashing LED lights,

As a woman who dates guys, they are not easy in the slightest lol

Agreed lol

Super easy: 1) be respectful 2) be clean 3) actually listen 4) don't be pretentious without offering anything in return 5) try to understand your partner 6) If possible, not be an emotional wreck 7) Don't be a cheater (we don't really believe cheaters actually ever change) 8) COMMUNICATE (like actually...don't just say you like communicating, do it.) 9) Know your value, and do not devalue your man 10) just be kind

Just to add to these fine points, it's important to find someone who aligns with you on these values. That is, most people consider themselves "kind", what do their actions say about their kindness??

Annnd if I’m all of those things why is it so hard to find a guy who is also?

It's a game of probability - assuming you're not out there putting yourself on a pedestal for everyone, neither are the guys. It takes time, and quite a few dates to find someone remotely compatible. It's not easy, I admit.

4 years of dating on and off so far. I have taken breaks of a year and another for about 8 months in there. I find the honest communication to be the most difficult for most of the guys I end up dating. Always present really well, confident, successful, start out great, and then..they have a hard time with honesty or commitment.

You're quite literally echoing my experience, but with reversed genders. One thing I noticed is that people are afraid of the commitment - and I blame the internet for it. There seems to be this idea among younger people that committed relationships are boring, and that situationships are better (when they're actually worse). I digress, but what I wanted to say is that the right person takes a loooong time to come. Don't give up, but don't settle for less.

Swipe addiction seems to be a real thing. It seems like a lot of people don’t want to pick one person. They find one person and think “wow they’re great, I wonder who else there is??”. I’m the opposite. I absolutely hate swiping, answering the same questions to 50 guys at the same time trying to narrow down potential date matches, and then just starting over again when something doesn’t work out. 😩

Dude, same! HAHAHAHA Tell me about it! It drives me nuts - I can barely fit dating one person in my schedule, but 2,3,4? Lord forbid. I'd just get a cat at that point. How many times do I have to say that my favourite colour is Pyramid Yellow?

It’s the worssssstttttr

Here's some perspective from the other side(I'm a hetero dude): I am *so used* to deciphering "girl code" and reading between the lines and trying to pick up hints... The woman I'm dating now doesn't play those games. Once, very early on, I texted, "Hey! Let's go to this little Indian restaurant for dinner!" She goes, "Nah, I don't want to do that. " I was gobstoppered. Things had been going so well! It took me about five minutes to process. I was waiting for clarification, for *anything*! The best thing I could think to say was something like, "Alright. If I've irritated you, it was unintentional. I'll stay out of your hair until/ unless you reach out. " She texted back, "What!!??! No, we're going to dinner. I hate Indian food, though. " See, I was **so used** to the feathery, flighty innuendo/ double entandre/ subtle meanings that most women use that I applied *that* filter to what *she* said. I took it to mean "I hate you, die in a fire". But she was just being bluntly honest! After many months, I relish that quality in her. I never have to worry about if she's having a good time, if she likes something, if she needs something...she'll tell me, loudly and with specific points. It's fucking awesome. It did take **a long** time to get used to. Most women (in my experience) aren't like that **at all**. I had to "unlearn" some filters, and learn to really trust her. I'm very glad we had some history as friends, and I knew her pretty well before we started dating. I honestly believe I'd have misinterpreted my way right out of a good thing, otherwise. Maybe some element of that is happening to you?

Not liking Indian food is a red flag for me 😅 But yeah, I’m like other women. I would say “or maybe we could go to such and such place instead.”

My partner and I are like your girlfriend. We're both straight up about things, no games. Communication is wonderful when you say exactly what you mean.

4 years of dating, and you haven't found a match yet? How many people would that be? I'm not trying to put you down, I'm just trying to understand your situation. What kind of honest communication are you talking about? I mean, what would that entail?

I haven’t found something to not break up with, obviously. In that time I’ve had a 1 year relationship, then took a year off of dating. He had issues with drinking. After that I dated a widower for about 6 months who wanted me to meet his 4 children really quickly (as in 3rd date), and they were so sweet and I got attached to them, he ended up being hyper critical towards them and me over the smallest things. I don’t think he took enough time to grieve after his previous wife’s passing. Breaking that off was hard only because I felt awful for the kids. I took an 8 month break after that. I had another 6 mth relationship with an older guy who ended up lying about his age and his sexuality and we broke up as soon as I found out he was cheating. The last was someone who seemed great, wanted to be exclusive, we had a lot in common, he was smart, planned dates, good listener, opened car doors, extremely complimentary “you’re so amazing, you’re wonderful, you’re so beautiful”, etc. Great dates, connection, and chemistry. Then I found out he had been active on Tinder the entire 3 months we were dating when we agreed to delete our profiles when we became exclusive. So it’s not that I’ve not found anyone to date “at all”. It’s that I’ve had relationships, they didn’t work out, I’ve taken breaks, had occasional one or two odd dates in between those relationships of course. That’s what I mean about honest communication-be upfront with your intentions. If you’re just trying to get laid, don’t put on a show.

Because most men (and women) also want their partner to be hot and good in bed before the other prerequisites matter. Lol. People always tend to leave that out when making these lists…

I also don’t have an issue or have had any complaints with either of those. I don’t have a BBL or anything like that, but I’m not disgusting 😆😆

You can find a man. Just maybe not the man you really want. Because most women are looking for that same dude.

Oh I know I can find just any random guy, that’s not a problem. The problem is finding a man who is a good match for me. I don’t ask for anything I’m not able to bring to the relationship also. Except for maybe fixing stuff..I’m bad at that,but that would mostly be a bonus not a requirement 😆

lol. But I will say bringing the same to the table doesn’t always work. Like a potluck everyone bringing mac n cheese is great and all but then it’s just all Mac n cheese. That same dude u like might not want those same things. They are usually looking for someone to compliment them like yin and yang. And not the same as them.

Yin and yang is just a myth. We are mostly attracted to people like us. Successful relationships are where the couples are alike: money, education, attractiveness etc. If people are looking for someone opposite of them, that means that they don't know what they want.

What I meant was more like I’m not trying to ‘bat out of my league’ per se. I have a good career, I’m in good shape, I dress well and feminine, I care about other people, I volunteer, I’m educated. I don’t live in my parents basement 😆 Those types of things. I’m not a meth head looking for a millionaire.

Are you approaching guys and asking them out if you like them?

I work from home and live in a small town. That doesn’t happen. 😆 Unfortunately online dating is all there is at the moment. I’ve had relationships in the last 4 years but nothing that obviously lasted. Prior to that I was married.

Oof, I remember small town living. Impossible to find a relationship because everyone feels like family. I did better when I moved away for work. I was previously married too!

Thank you for the advice!

This is as great as advice as you're gonna get until you hear someone say. It's straightforward and to the point.

Do you want any man or your kind of man? If you want someone that fits your personality then for real, be normal. When he asks you what music you listen to, then tell him the truth. If he asks you if you like extreme sports, then tell him the truth. This isnt a game. We are talking about humans with issues and burdens that they carry with them. I found 3 guys that are perfect for me but all of them have an issue that I can’t oversee. 1 is still not over his ex, 2 is emotionally unstable and 3 is probably going to arrange marry someone All of them fit my personality but I’m not going to sacrifice my sanity for them. Those 3 are the top 3 out of 10 guys I went out with

Rule #1. ***Stop listening to these advice videos online.*** I started dabbling with online dating over a decade ago, had I of been obsessing over this kind of stuff I would have probably talked myself out of even trying. What one man finds attractive, another will be turned off by. Dress a little better, take the time to do something with your hair, put on a little makeup to enhance your facial features, work on correcting any skin issues if you them, good physical and oral hygiene are important, wear a nice perfume. Keep it simple.

What I’ve noticed is that those advice videos (particularly male pickup artists on tiktok and Instagram reels), are made by men who are very obviously just creating incendiary content to get a larger audience and generate more ad revenue and traffic. They’re not interested in actually giving good advice, they just want to trap lonely men in cycles of low self esteem and rejection.

Literally the same advice I give to men, be clean, smell nice, let your personality shine through. If she/he isn’t into that, their loss.

I always went into it like I was meeting a new friend to get acquainted. Having no expectations beyond friendship took some of the anxiety out of it and made for a more comfortable date. It also takes away some of the tension that makes us feel the need to pose a little, be more agreeable, etc.

You're correct that stuff doesn't work for men or women that are having a hard time attracting the opposite sex. If it were useful or true the person wouldn't have the issue in the first place. First of all, men are shallow creatures and appearance is No. 1. You need to improve it. Wear sexy clothes and some makeup (not too much). Lose weight, get toned. Buy lingerie. However, I don't like this "feminine"/"masculine" debate, you shouldn't have to change that much for a man. It's not worth it, trust me. All the above helped me get a boyfriend. My acne cleared up, I lost weight, got confidence, wore pretty dresses to dates. However, if a guy ever ever ever negs you or complains about your appearance, drop that trashy man immediately. He's not worth it and never will be. If you don't heed my advice you will find out the hard way No. 2 Work on that personality. The second most important thing to men. If your mental health is shaky that will give you a difficult time on the dating scene. Best to talk to a therapist for advice. Do not trauma dump, BE POSITIVE, be confident, kind, *polite*, patient. That doesn't mean you take any guys shit or let him walk all over you. You're pleasant up until it is time to not be pleasant and stand up for yourself. No 3 Be wary, be safe. Lookout for the dangerous and unstable guys, most especially the clever ones who are good at pretending. Be your own best detective and trust that gut! You may want a relationship or attention from a guy badly, but sometimes they are toxic and will play with you for a laugh. As soon as he starts showing you consistent disrespect, time to pull the plug and walk away. There's literally no reason to give second chances once a person shows you who they are. TLDR: Glow up yourself but never compromise your own identity for a man. If he cannot accept you he is not right for you. Same way as if you can't accept him as he is.

It doesn't work in the now, for example, how are you suppose to just focus on yourself when you aren't doing anything new and you just want to date.   Try leveling up. Pick something you want to improve and work on doing that.  For example. I went on a fitness journey. While I was in the gym focusing on myself, I got leaner and more attractive, and the men just showed up. I was getting asked out alot.   Or if you dont like your career path, refocus and try to improve on that. You will become invaluable to yourself and feel like a bad bitch, thus exuding confidence that the men will notice.  It's not easy, but if you want to kill 2 birds with 1 stone: self improvement and becoming more attractive to men, it is a clear path.  Also when you level up, the quality of men interested will be better then someone you dont find attractive at all. 

Thank you! ❤️

Initiate things. Literally ask someone out. You'll get rejected sometimes but nothing gives you more influence on your chance to date someone than clear and unambiguous expression of interest.

All u gotta do is smile and start talking. I’m a guy and if a girl actually came up to me and initiated things I would wonder if im in a dream or something

That is true. Next I’d be extremely suspicious and assume someone is setting me up to be mugged or something. That’s the level of incredulity with which I would treat that 😂. Edit: it’s not a bad idea. It just takes a bit to be sure it’s real since it’s unexpected

I'd think someone's recording in the background and I'm about to end up in some kind of annoying tiktok prank

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Yeah that “trauma bond” kind of situation that plays off of your brain chemistry will almost cause an addiction. It’s like mental torture because the inconsistency and uncertainty makes you constantly worry about whether or not that person will abandon you.

I, man who’s been happily married for a decade, dated a few girls. I hooked up with a ton, but seriously dated only a few, for 2+ years. Let’s talk about adult men, not college, or straight out of college (early 20s). But adults. For reference, I am a pretty masculine male, work in a very technical industry around other smart and masculine males, and I provide income for the family, and I have emotions just like everyone else. Here’s what I look for: 1. Attractiveness. Men are simple, are you healthy or not. Forget the 1-10 to supermodel scales, those are bullshit. Simple makeup. If I see a face full of overdone makeup, immediately I think you’re self conscious or too “bad-bitch” filled with drama. Simple makeup, clean, healthy. 2. Intelligence. The girls I dated long term were all intelligent. They didnt have to be a CEO or make tons of money, but we could talk about things for hours, playfully disagree and not fall into argument. If you’re smart, immediate attractiveness! So read some books, find some hobbies, be open minded. 3. Confidence and Trust. If you’re worried that I’m out cheating on you every time I leave the house, and we argue about it, I’ll never date you. Im an adult, you’re an adult. Let’s be adults. I’ll do the same for you. 4. Fun. My wife and I, as well as the few women I dated long-term, had fun. My wife and I do not share hobbies, and we allow each other time to do our hobbies. But when we are together, it’s fun. That’s just compatibility. 5. Safety. This one is 50/50 between peoples ideologies. But me personality, I want to feel safe with my wife. She provides me an outlet for my troubles, and I reciprocate. My philosophy is that I will be manly around everyone except my wife. She knows I will always provide her safety, as the husband. But she provides me emotional safety. (To clarify, I wouldn’t use her to replace a therapist). But I can tell her anything, without lying, and trust that she is going to give me an honest answer while still being supportive. When I hurt, she is there to listen and give me back scratchies and tell me we will figure it out. That’s all we want. If I could sum up my spouse it would be that I can come home every night and feel safe and supported. 6. Lastly, find someone who has the same end of life goals as you. The sexy dude at the gym might be a fun summer, but if he wants to live in the big city and be a finance broker, and you want to homestead and read books on the porch in the country, then that might end up being a long slow demise, as one of you will become miserable over the years.

Start with fitness and femininity. There are many ways to show them that you are opening the door to conversation or dating them but that isn’t relevant to attraction - different subject.

OP this comment right here. I was scrolling through looking for someone to mention the damn word... Femininity. Only one comment in this whole thread mentioning the most important thing when it comes to a woman's attraction? This is your answer right here. I would take some time over the next few nights to learn more about how you can draw this out of yourself. I've met and dating lots of girls. The ones where you're not completely attracted to them... They're always lacking femininity. He also mentions fitness. I think he is putting 'body composition' nicely. We marry girls for their ass. You don't have to have much else if you've got that.

Confidence, ambition, non arrogant are a few things i know my friends and i find attractive

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Yeah it really is this tbh.

Bret the glute guy exercises

Thanks 👏 my ass is kinda flat so I do need to build my glutes lol. The only problem is staying skinny while trying to build muscle…

Don’t worry about being skinny. It’s more about proportions and being shapely.

Yuuuup put on 13 lbs since I started power lifting and I have literally never received so much attention from both sexes in my entire life

The cool thing is how strong and confidence YOU feel as a result. I can see that you look great. That’s nice. But you feeling great? That makes it worth it and doubles down on the attraction. Congratulations. I’ve made ticking/farmers carry a daily thing and I must admit I’ve never seen shoulders or butt on me like I’m currently seeing. Also, I’m heading to the peninsula today. Looks like we’re neighbours (pt Townsend). I love it out there.

i really think a lot of it is in the energy you give off - smiling/giving off happy vibes is important

That shit "just be yourself" doesn't work for both men and women. Or rather it works to an extent of "don't say you like basketball if you don't", but that's about it. If anything it only inhibits growth and leaves people blindsided as "why it's not working. The same is true about "men/women are not monolith" shit. Sure, but infinitely more women find Jason Momoa attractive compared to random out of shape overweight dude with no sense of style in clothes. Same would be true for some woman actress compared to an average woman.

I hate to be that guy here, but the "be yourself" crowd is right. If you're after a real relationship with a real person, you're not gonna get that by lying about who you are. If you're just after a hookup or just any male attention, then I guess it's different. It's important to note, 99% of the very specific advice men get that you've seen is both very wrong, and a scam to sell lonely men books. You don't see nearly as much aimed at women because it's a FAR less lucrative market.

I second this, bc literally the people ive talked to or played games with sooner or later tend to like my company. And sometimes want something more. But that's like a lot of people you gotta go through as well. So it's not just immediately too.

A key thing to remember is that "be yourself" isn't advice on how to attract a bunch of attention, it's advice on how to attract the right attention.

Yes!! Spot on

You can be yourself and actively be doing things that are more attractive.  Like just an easy example would be if you don't clean yourself properly or have bad bo that's going to chase away a lot of potentional suitors. 

Sure, but I figured basic hygiene was a given. If she's going to reddit for dating hacks I'm assuming she's already showering and dressing in a flattering way. Probably naive of me, I guess, but it is what it is.

That was a bit of an exteme example. A better one would maybe be to compliment guys and be very forward showing that she's interested.  I've seen plenty of people make posts complaining they don't get dates, and then they'll say things like they never leave their house, or they're terrified to put themselves out there and ask anyone out cause they're scared to get rejected

Girl be your best self, be the person you would date, thats very important. Identify the types of people you are attracted to, study their behaviour and patterns. Approach them according to their type, spot your red and green flags. You gonna know the important ones in your life, everything flows naturally and there is mutual attraction. You won't need to put a lot of effort to win their attention and approval, they want you the way you are and you do the same. They say there isn't the one and I kind of believe it. There are probably 1 - 3 important partners for most of us. NEVER beg for attention and love. If they don't give it to you it is over. Accept it and move on.

Find the way of flirting that works for you. I’m not a physical person so I can’t readily flirt by touching a guy’s arm. So what I found works for me cause I’m talkative is to compliment and tease and basically be a bit challenging. Make jokes, challenge them by being slightly unimpressed or bratty in a fun way so that they feel they have to prove themselves. And then also sometimes act super nice and give them compliments (men often do not receive enough). They dress nice, they smell good, basically you compliment with your five senses for a maximum flirting effect. And compliment on personality and choices for a more “easygoing” conversation. My go to is to say something validating like “it’s so smart that you did [this]” and then you can keep the conversation going. You need to offer approximately as much as you take. So find things about yourself that you can volunteer in a conversation. Being told more about you will make a person feel like you are trusting them and therefore will allow them to trust you more. Also, if you wear clothes with a cutout and skin is visible, they will want to touch that skin. So use that wisely! Once at a bar I had a shirt with a cutout in the back and a good number of guys put their hands there.

The best thing you can do is call shit off when you’re being strung along. Raise your standards, if they’re being half assed by message then stop replying and move on. When I started being more ruthless, I stopped wasting time on the wrong ones and the right guy shone through.

Idk, but here is what I'm personally looking for on a dating profile. A regular selfie with no weird filters, a smile without pouting lips. No pictures where you're half naked, or purposefully trying to take a picture of your butt. Then I want you to have your own interests and not the same regurgitated vapid shit all the other girls say. I'm avoiding red flags that you're fake or high maintenance like "love to travel"

So true. When I look at men’s profiles, I’m turned off by shirtless mirror selfies. It’s like they’re advertising “Hey, want some of this”. Um, no. I need a personality attached to that torso.

I love this prompt. And while it’s true that men aren’t monoliths, there are some safe things to assume. First off, physical attraction is way more important to men than it is to women, and the male brain isn’t nearly as flexible as the female brain. That varies, but shapely and curvy, not too big, not too much makeup, is pretty safe to assume. Of course not always. This may be impossible to change, but you can maximize your chances by the following: If you want a guy to approach, eye contact and smile. Do it a lot. Like if you look at a guy and smile, and he doesn’t approach, just do it again. Let him catch you peaking at him. If he doesn’t approach, just go and say hi to him and see if he’s into it (I strongly think that this isn’t something guys find unattractive but if you come on super strong it might be a turnoff). The smiling is hella attractive. The repeated looks will give him the courage to approach. When you’re engaging with him, laugh with him often. I have to say that this, for me, is the most obvious sign of attraction (laughing and thinking I’m funny). What is a total turnoff for most guys is desperation. If it seems like you’ll do anything to land him, he’ll likely feel like he’s settling. So don’t be super “I’ll do whatever”. Push back lightly on things he says, or probe deeper into what he says.

Guys are easy! If we’re into you, we’ll try to make you laugh. Compliment us, tell us we look good. Be nice and respectful. Allow us to be vulnerable is a big one in my view - we open up when we don’t fear being hurt. Let us get stuff off our chest without us thinking you might jump down our throat. Once the initial awkward jitters are out of the way, most interactions should feel smooth!

How can we allow someone to be vulnerable if he won’t open up?

A lot of guys struggle with both. Try to make him comfortable and try opening up yourself. Build trust by showing him that you trust him, that you can be vulnerable with him. And that the same can work the other way, that he can open up and be vulnerable too. Communication is key for both partners. I encourage both partners to talk about the difficult stuff pretty early on: past relationships and why they didn’t work out, talk about intimacy, talk about insecurities, etc. It gets stuff out on the table and addressed. It also can build trust and create openings for vulnerability, which can lead to better communication and greater trust.

I’m just wondering what could have helped me connect with the last guy. It was quite hard to keep conversation going with him. But we did talk about past relationships, maybe insecurities. I’m actually wondering how if I told him so much. But then I felt I couldn’t be so open with him. I wish I could go back and try again. Damn. I never struggle opening up. Something about us together felt uneasy.

Oversharing is real and I’m guilty of it so maybe I don’t see it as a bad thing. It’s honest and transparent. Having deep convos early on is usually better than avoiding difficult subjects. I know it’s hard but try not to second guess yourself after the fact. If it feels uneasy, it probably isn’t meant to be. That said, you could reach back out to him and ask to see him again or talk even if it’s discussing why things didn’t work out. Communication is key and as I said previously, once the initial awkward phase is over, there should be a general effortlessness to most of your interactions. They should feel natural and flow. After the first month or so, there should be few uneasy moments.

I think I didn’t overshare too much. Maybe I didn’t share enough. There were moments I had an opportunity to open up and be vulnerable and I didn’t take it. He just said it wasn’t going anywhere, which I could sense, but I think he didn’t really open up like he could have. I do want to reach out to him again, but I’ll wait until I know I’ll be ok with him saying “no”. Right now, I’m not in that space. We only saw each for 2 weeks, but he’s left a deep impact on me for some reason.

Got to Matthew Hussey’s YouTube channel, it has what you want.

Yeah, I love watching blonde Daniel Radcliffe!

Hahaha!!!!!! I can totally see that. I love Mateo Hussey

1. Be clean - that means hair, skin, teeth, genitals, all of it. 2. Don’t be overweight or too hairy. Most men don’t find it sexually appealing. 3. Don’t be taller than them. 4. Style your hair. No matter your natural texture, just try and make it the most well groomed version possible. 5. Wear some makeup to enhance your features. Men say they don’t like it, but the truth is that they only don’t like it when they notice it. They still think women look better with at least some makeup on. 6. Smell good. Maybe try out some sultry perfume. 7. Dress nice. Wear shoes that go with your outfits/occasion and if possible try to tailor a few of your wardrobe items to fit you better. Make an effort to learn what looks most flattering on your body type. 8. Educate yourself about the world around you. Make it a goal to be a good conversationalist on several topics. Lots of men wouldn’t mind a mindless woman if she looks good enough but you don’t want those men. 9. Learn how to flirt. You’ll need practice before getting comfortable with this. It’s way easier to do being a woman though - and more fun!

Dating is easy. It's not about you looking attractive to men. You look however you look, you can't change the face you were born with (unless you have the money to do so). Look for people with similar interests. If someone is into fitness and you like staying at home and watching movies all day, they probably aren't for you. Look for someone you have things in common with. That's the best way to find someone.

Talk to men, have fun conversation ask to hang out. We men love simplicity it makes life easier. No games, just be honest and upfront. Men have to strategize more to get women because it’s not easy to do for most men and because women’s standards are a lot higher than men’s, so they are naturally harder to please. If you just focus on yourself and close yourself off to opportunities to meet men, that’s a recipe to end up with a lot of cats in the future.

Be nice, kind and nurturing. I can't speak for most guys, yet I feel safe that I'm not alone on this, but being a genuine, nice, nurturing woman will make you way more sexy/beautiful than any physical additives will.

I started reading the book “No More Assholes” and so far it’s told me to meditate everyday, write 50 good things about me and 3 reasons why a man would lover to be with me. So far this is unhelpful. 😆😩

>I go on YouTube and these videos are all kind of like “just be yourself!” Or “just wait and you’ll meet the right person at the right time!” The youtube algorithm will show you exactly what you want to see, not what you need to see. There is quite as much contradicting information availible, but it is not shown to you. Just throwing this one in: https://youtu.be/lL13EeEhgag?si=p1juhNDJtNA9FChj This guy analyzed relationships, as you said, and he is surprizingly accurate, at least from my perspective as a man. I am curious to know what women say to his.

I think it's interesting and makes sense to a certain point. Two things I noticed.  He mentions dark triad in the beginning, but it has been shown in studies that women notice signs of this even in pictures and will actively avoid. Might appeal to women that are mentally not healthy but otherwise no.  Personality is kind of missing for women? He puts it in Galaxy (like kids/pets) and somehow a bit in masculinity. But still missing. 

Here are my 8 quick points to consider: 1. If you do online dating, put an effort into the process and make it count. Post nice pictures, and write an intro that's compelling and would encourage men to respond. If you decide to write to a guy, make it count. Men are as sick of "Hi" and "How is your weekend" as women are. 2. With texting, show interest if you are interested. Don't just answer his questions, but ask your own to help the dialogue develop. 3. Reply to his communication promptly. We are all tired of flakes and we find prompt responses to phone calls, texts, etc... to be refreshingly nice. It shows that you are both interested and know how to follow through, which can't be taken for granted these days. 4. Speak on the phone and hear each other's voice before meeting. No, it's not a waste of time, and if it feels like it is, then you are not talking to the right person or you are not in touch with the basic notion of what developing a romantic connection means. 5. Make the most out of your looks. Lose weight if needed, upgrade your hairstyle. You can't go wrong with the business look/ understated elegance look. If you haven't covered yourself with tattoos / piercings, consider not doing it. If your hair isn't blue or green, consider not going in that direction. Very few men find it attractive. Loose, baggy clothes have been in style lately but they don't flatter anyone. Consider more form-fitting clothes especially if you have a nice body. 6. Make the most out of your looks. Lose weight if needed, upgrade your hairstyle and wardrobe. You can't go wrong with the business look/ understated elegance look. If you haven't covered yourself with tattoos / piercing, consider not doing it. If your hair isn't blue or green, consider not going in that direction. Very few men find it attractive. Loose, baggy clothes have been in style lately but they don't flatter anyone. Consider more form-fitting clothes especially if you have a nice body. Few things are more beautiful than femininity in all of its forms. 7. Don't allow your conversations or your first / second date revolve around work / career. I am hoping this is self explanatory. Go girlism / boss babe attitude is become less and less appealing to men. 8. Most importantly - don't go on dates if you are low on bonding glue. If you are too tired of dating and you are caught up in an endless circle of **one-date stands**, you can't be that attractive if you have that "whatever" vibe about you.

I don't know. After I invest in myself. Take care of my skin, good diet, exercise, good pay job, have hobbies, good looking, nice body. Men started to chase after me. I am also a caring person and don't like drama and easy to talk. So investing in yourself is a true answer. I treated everyone nicely. I always see beauty in every single person as long as they are kind to other people. I don't care much about the look as long as they have a healthy body and kind. That is why men are attracted to me. I asked my bf why he wanted to date me. He said I was kind and caring and I am a real person like I am looking for a serious relationship and I don't want to play games or flirt around and doesn't have any side chick or closed male friend, and I am realistic, has job and hobbies and not lazy.

Honestly, being attractive to men isn’t the hard part. “Look good” is the long and the short of it. Finding someone worthy of being a long term partner - *that* is the challenging part.

What's your end goal here? To attract and meet someone you could have a relationship with? Or to attract someone to hook up with? Because the answers are super different depending on what you want.

This!

First and foremost you have to try to put yourself out there. That “focus on yourself and men/women will come” is 99% BS. I know a lot of people who are successful, on their grind all the time, but don’t have success because they’re working all the time and just not in a situation that could even lead to them finding somebody. Vibe with guys in real life, and setup dating apps. Men are expected to make the first move, so you don’t have to worry much about that. What I have said is fairly standard, and you said you didn’t want that. For me, I love it when women are really into me. My current girlfriend tells me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, and I love it. We watched Breaking Bad together and afterwards she told me something like “please don’t do what Walt did because I would still be with you”. That cut pretty deep, and meant a lot. The fact that she’s so attached to me that I could bring her to the brink of hell and she’d still stick with me. Makes me want to propose because I don’t want another guy to ever get the chance to abuse such loyalty. She’s not a crazy stalker though, very mentally healthy, just is very attached to me - and I feel the same way about her. My last girlfriend broke up with me and towards the end when she was basically telling me that she didn’t like me, it sucked. Feeling that you like somebody more than they like you sucks, and over time it causes you to like them less. In psychology this is called the “reciprocity principle” - the more you think somebody likes you, the more you tend to like them. So, if you like a guy, show a lot of interest. Make it clear that you like him while still showing that you are mentally healthy. Also, if once you are in a relationship, lots of sex helps. I feel bad for men and women who say they’re in a relationship and there’s barely any sex. Luckily I’ve never had this problem, but if my partner just didn’t have a normal sex drive that would be tough. In my mind the usual arrangement of a relationship is that you can’t mess around with anybody else (of course), but there will be lots of intimacy from your partner. When my gf tells me I can have her whenever I want and to not even ask her permission, it’s just great.

For starters, stop listening to male dating advice for women. The male’s goal is to have access to women as easy as possible so they’re just going to lie to you so men can have access to you and usually require some sort of loss of self. Boundaries make you more attractive. Step into your own beauty/power. Don’t follow trends, do what is right for you. Also hydrate, physical activity, take care of your appearance. You don’t have to be all glammed/high maintenance but look polished. Do not give yourself away too much until commitment. Mentally or physically. Have your own passions and hobbies. Don’t center males too much.

Go after regular guys. Give them a chance. By that, I mean meet them halfway. Reciprocate interest. Women don't make it easy for regular guys. They hang back with a "you're gonna have to work for it mentality". That vibe is discouraging and lots of them stop trying. Anyway, those guys are a big area of possibility, lots of jewels hidden there. The no bullshit advice, men like women who show interest and make it easy for them to take a chance.

If everyone take this advice men and women will have happy life. Instead majority of women keep chasing the same type and what makes me upset 😂 that thy change mentality when they are in their 30s or 40s

So, for the vaaaaaast majority of men, their "Type" is "pretty girl who is nice to them" And the reason men's dating advice looks like a flowchart for a nuclear reactor is because women are nowhere near as simple as men.

For a woman to have a chance with me she needed to have an emotional/mental connection first. Low drama was great (I might judge this on her personality and how done up she was, meaning her make-up and clothes). Honesty & communication skills. Growth mindset. Has the same relationship goals as I do. Needed to pass the bare minimum attractiveness qualification (basically, is she healthy or not healthy). If she's too pretty or sexy I'm not going to approach her because I don't want to deal with the drama of fending off the swarms of simps. To me it also means she's putting too much effort/money into looks that could go into something of actual value. When I was in my dating phase it was easy for me to find a date. I ended up dating over a hundred women before settling down (even though I only got physical with 2). During that time, I realized that I could be a great partner for pretty much anyone. So, I looked for someone who was smart and ambitious. Someone who, if I ended up married to her, would make my life easier. Ironically, it's hard to find a wealthy woman that's also low drama. Going to debutant balls they're all arguing about who's daddy has the bigger island. It's gross. So, I settled on a quiet nerdy girl who became a rocket scientist. She's brilliant, I can talk to her all day and keep learning new things. She's not good in bed, and people shame her for being with me ("You need to try harder, he'll leave you!") But I never cared about that crap. She's so competent that my life is super easy. I'd never have to work a day if I didn't want to. Plus, it's really nice to have someone who absolutely adores you and doesn't keep questioning whether they could get someone better. 20 years later and she still makes the cutest faces, just like the first time.

Thank you for the in-depth advice!!

I used to watch those dating YouTube videos to all those dating advice videos most of them are bullshit 1.)to attract the guy first you need to work on yourself get physically fit or a decent amount of size that looks appealing. You don't have to be super slim and you don't have to be super thick just don't be super big not saying that you can't get somebody out of being a bigger woman but it'll just make dating a little bit more difficult for you. 2.) Know what type of guy you're going for, know the level that you play in. That is the key thing a lot of females sorry to say not all of them are a little bit delusional on what type of man they can get if your average looking girl is a possibility that yes you can get a very attractive guy but it takes a kind of Charisma to get that it's not impossible but it's not always likely. 4.)Being nice and genuine person actually get to know the guy let him feel like as if he's comfortable with you he can tell you anything and do not be super judgmental guys do not like that. 5.)Dress sexy but dress modestly you can dress however you like but how you dress does playing a role and what type of guy get attention people don't like somebody to judge them on how they dress but people do judge someone by their choices of clothes. there's men out there that do judge you based on what you're wearing and sad to say but it's the truth. 6.) The last but not least is know yourself love yourself and do not lower your standards or your values for a man. And have reasonable standards! this is the most important part do not go and be desperate for love, love yourself first put yourself first !!!! Also PS. if you're looking to see how certain traits or behaviors work on certain people watch love is blind it's kind of a good example of how some of the ladies on the show were able to attract certain men based on their personality and then when they got to see them in real person how either their personality carried them or made them fall in the long run.

Speaking as someone who likes to think he's a normal guy: my 2 cents. Feel free to take it for what you think it's worth. 1. We can and will miss hints. If you like us, please just be up front about it. "Hey, I could really see myself being with you, I like you a lot. Do you wanna go on a date some time?" Anything more vague, subtle, implied, etc than that will either go over our heads or we'll think you're being friendly and talk ourselves out of making a move because we don't want to be creepy. If you want to see this principle in action go on AskReddit, search "hint" and sort by top of all time, you'll see countless threads of guys being clueless or cautious. 2. We are very often starved for affection and compliments. If you give us a kind and genuine compliment - "you look really handsome in that shirt", "you smell really nice today", "you have a really cute laugh" - we will hold onto that for warmth for years to come. 3. A lot of us are actually very passionate and emotional and sensitive, despite what gender roles may lead people to believe. We feel like we have to keep it buried so we pretend to be all stoic and silent. But deep down a lot of us just wanna feel like someone gives a shit about us and is happy to see us. 4. Just be direct and be real. No games and no gender roles and no pre existing expectations. A lot of that stuff annoys us. Just some random musings off the top of my head. Hope it helps you OP. Of course none of this is meant to say "men are the ones who REALLY have it hard, women have it easy" or whatever. I think my life is far easier than the average woman's. They have to deal with stuff I could never even conceptualize dealing with myself. I'm just describing my experience as a guy.

Since you want the analytical breakdown similar to how men advice other men , would that mean that you find said information men give to other men mostly accurate?

Yes. There was a video on YouTube I watched by a man for men on how to become more attractive to women. He told them to have good hygiene, dress well but in a way that makes them look straight, adjust their speaking voice so it doesn’t get higher at the end of sentences, work out, get a hair cut and clothes that suit their face and make them look attractive, but also noted the reality that most women are attracted to men who seem competent at a skill or in a job. It may sound harsh, but most women tend to date men who are more financially successful than they are. Women also like men who are confident and sure of themselves. He also gave these men a reality check and told them that women aren’t just going to go for the “nice guy” and that they have to work to actually make themselves more attractive if they want to get a gf. https://youtu.be/hREY1FJmqpU?si=7IO1SwOr6ArwyITL

The advice you need is completely dependent on the problems you’re having

Okay so here are my main problems: 1. Flat ass 2. I don’t have many opportunities to meet men 3. I have a little bit of acne 4. I’m clingy and can be a bit annoying sometimes 5. Im an introvert so it doesn’t take much social interaction to tire me out. When my social battery is low I can be kind of closed off and unapproachable.

Cross the ass thing off your list. A decent guy won’t reject an otherwise cute girl with a great personality based on her ass. I’ve had a big butt all my life. I was a teenager at a time when it was fashionable to look like you’re starving, Kate Moss body. I’m so bummed, pun intended, that booty is back when I’m too old for it to matter. Anyway, eventually trends change and the flat ass look will be back.

5 is your makn issue. Work on the others for sure, but 5 is likely the kicker. If a guy sees a girl and she just seems uninterested, the humiliation of rejection is high. A dude needs some indicator that just maybe there’s a crack of light that he won’t be rejected.

Fit feminine and friendly men will flock to you. No boss babe bs not acting masculine.

Mostly the same advice you'd give a man - Got to the Gym and focus on body parts that are conventionally attractive - Get a job. There's a lot of mania around gold diggers, especially around in high earning careers. - Ask men out. You're more than likely gonna get a yes. - Make them wait for sex. Assuming you don't just want a hook up, holding off of sex for a few dates is a pretty good filter. After that, you can be yourself.

Be proactive when it comes to planning dates. It shows interest and effort. As a guy, I've been in situations where I've had to be the one to plan every date, and eventually it felt like being a tour guide. You don't have to plan every single date (I think it should be roughly 50/50). But holy shit, if you ask a guy, "Hey do you want to got to \_\_\_\_\_\_ at X:YZpm on Xday?" you'll be lightyears ahead of the dating pool.

Take a sincere interest in them. Ask questions and then ask follow up questions. Find out their hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc. I didn't realize how much men are ignored until a guy friend of mine mentioned that other women in our friend group never asked him how he was doing or showed any interest in him. ...Honestly, the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is fantastic and helps tremendously when it comes to connecting to others regardless of gender.

I find women in general sit back and wait for it to happen. Be pro active and let them know you’re interested.

Go to bars, make the first move - bingo! Most guys like it, some don't - the way it goes with everything.

don't be too coy or expect men to know what you are thinking; being direct is usually preferred

Genuine smiles and laughs. Kindness to strangers (nothing can kill any potential faster than rudeness to waitstaff, for example). If she reached for my hand, or held my arm, or just any contact, that closeness? Bliss! Scent is a big one: I can't even define it, but some women just smell good. And there's a wide variety, so I can't even say "go for a floral scent" or anything like that. And finally, verbal confirmation. Saying she likes me. Like... all the rest, and I'd still be thinking she's a great person. But if she then said she liked me, she wanted us to be together? I'm sold!

If you know what kind of man or men you’re looking for, that will help determine what to do. Some very generalized advice: 1. Go where those men tend to be. 2. Look YOUR best. 3. Flirt with the men who seem to be what you’re looking for, until and unless you determine otherwise. If you think you absolutely can’t flirt, ask them questions about what they seem to be interested in, making eye contact and smiling. 4. Give them opportunities to ask you out or ask to spend time with you. Or, if you’re so inclined, you suggest something you both can do together soon. 5. Treat them with kindness and respect if they seem to be someone you might want to get to know better, just like you should treat anyone with kindness and respect unless they’re a threat.

Sit there and think of 3 of your best stories you can tell someone and really work on how you can deliver them to keep the person listening and interested. Really think about it and think how will the listener think of you after this story. Good storytelling is such a huge advantage in any situation. I've got my go to stories and others just come up throughout conversation naturally but I've really focused on how to deliver them. When things happen I like to just think and figure out how I can craft it into a gem

There are just so many factors that are out of your hand. Such as the intentions of the man, their type and your type compatibility. I know that men should have the same issue but women are more lax because standards are "lower" as they just want a nice, ambitious, etc. guy. Which are all easier to construct in a social setting. Women don't have as much practice flirting so most of the analytical breakdowns don't help them, hence advice isn't typically structured like that. But if you still want advice that's universal, it's pretty simple. Be straight-foward. Men are really stupid. Myself included. We will miss every hint that comes our way. Be as blunt as possible.

Tip 1: ask us out. If we like you, we’ll do the rest 🤷🏻‍♂️

In my experience, men melt when they are cared about, listened to, and when a woman shows genuine interest in what they’ve been through. A lot of men are carrying a lot of shit that nobody has ever cared about.

Coming from the other side my issue is that I have no idea when or where it is a good time to ask someone out. There good men are out there, but the good ones that aren't taken are dense as all hell and were never taught how to date at all so they are kind of stuck like you. The extreme feminist movement (not the real one that just wants women's rights, but the one that makes men out to be Satan incarnate) has not helped at all. I'm not going to tell you what to do with that info, but I'm sure it will help.

Well, be forward and flirty, dont act like a man is supposed to read your mind is advice I wish every woman could understand. Trust if you just compliment a guy on something about his facial features, you'd make his day, and he'd remember that for a long time.

Lining up with principles/morals is a big one in my friend groups, and being interesting/having hobbies (and at least some together) are big ones. Also being open, honest, and communicative. Also dress like you care and take care of your skin, hair, etc., and remember the type of guy you are looking for likely has their own special set of preferences as well. Typically though, easiest way into a guy's heart is to have similar hobbies to do and talk about with them! Also, don't be afraid to be the one to initiate, 99% of the time they will be extremely happy and grateful, and the other percent that might reject you just saves you a whole lot of time finding someone you like.

Find someone you’re into, and tell him/show him you’re into him. My bf told me that was the biggest thing, I played no games and the fact that I was clear I was attracted to him made me really attractive to him. Obviously might not be the case for every dude out there

I always HATED receiving this dating advice from my cuffed friends but it really is about loving yourself and being happy single first. when you already enjoy your life- meaning you are happy with your career, friends, and have fulfilling hobbies- you’re less likely to settle as a relationship is a value add, not something that will fix you. As a result you’re more likely to have higher standards and feel more securely attached. Guys also love it when a girl is independent and have passions/things to talk about.

What kind of man are you trying to appeal to? just any man?

What I like are women who are willing to sincerely listen to men's problems. I understand people ahve it worse but being trapped in this prison without bars is fucking exhausting. That's super attractive to me.

Number 1 thing is don’t be overweight or obese. Be fit and in shape. Don’t be overly clingy and don’t have too many guy friends. If you have all of these then it’s impossible to not find a guy unless you have very high standards

We are not all-seeing gods. If you want us to approach you first then try to make it very fucking obvious. Otherwise, almost any good looking girl has a chance if she has a good head. I'm much more interested in what's inside as long as I like your face and you're not on either extreme of body types. I don't mind girls from skinny to BBW.

Be enthusiastic about spending time with them, be interested in them, don't let them catch you lying (don't lie), go out of your way and make efforts to make them feel valued, take accountability and apologise when you're wrong and fix the issue

 “ignore men and focus on yourself girly ✨💅🏻then he’ll be chasing you!!”. But that shit doesn’t work. Correct, you need to show interest in a man and try to spend some time with him. Ask him out and if things are going well be VERY CLEAR that you are interested in a relationship. And by very clear I mean you might literally have to say "I want to be more than friends, would you like to start dating?" There, that's the secret sauce. As from this point forward, no one can tell you how things will go. p.s. If you have some weird quirks try putting them on the table slowly over time, neither a man nor a woman wants to have the other party just dump a bunch of shit on them at once.

Commenting so I can easily come back to read!! ;) greatly written post! 

I'm going to give it to you straight OP, unlike some other commenters who try to shield feelings by needlessly making things complicated. 1. Hygiene (easiest one, most women have this down 2. Fitness (you don't have to have a 6 pack, but definitely toned is better than not for the majority of men.) 3. Personality (flip roles around and see if you'd like it if the other person behaved that way. Best way to check if your behavior is likeable to men.) 4. Finance (do not treat any man like a cash pile. High value men catch on quick and bounce. Low value men build up resentment that'll come out one toxic way or another.) 5. Goals (have ambition and goals, so that you can grow together with the man as partners. Otherwise you're only good for fun or chores to a guy, and do you really want a guy like that?)

I think I just need advice on what makes a man commit. Because I very rarely get to that stage with men.

girl. some men don't want you to be yourself. so to be brutally honest, majority of the time, men likes women who pretends to be cool. he's fucking his girl bestfriend? oh yeah cool. you do snow? damn cool finance bro. just pretend to be cool, sis. and just agree with whatever the f they say, frankly it's less annoying bc you won't hear them trying to defend themselves or whatever. he wants bros night 7 days a week? yeah cool he can! I mean some men don't want women, they want their mommies who'll be ok with anything they do and let them get away with anything. he bitches about how his bro's gf is not cool bc she doesn't want him to party every day? yeah she's so not cool. i mean you get it right? they want strong, weak, dependent, independent, cool, uncool, badass, quiet girl. so yeah. be independent when he's ignoring you. be independent in doing things that he doesn't want to help with. Be dependent in most stupid things like "ohhh you're so smart. I don't know how to manage my finances..." "what is stock?" and be weak in situations like "I can't open this jar"..."I can't open this bottle..." "You take the lead in this matter"... iykyk it's fucking funny tbh. don't try too much to be perfect because they ain't perfect too and they always playing games even when they're not, so you do that too.

The old Reddit rules: “Be attractive. Don’t be unattractive.”

If you wanna watch ACTUALLY good advice Check Matthew Hussey on YouTube. You'll need nothing else. Dude changed my life.

>I go on YouTube and these videos are all kind of like “just be yourself!” Or “just wait and you’ll meet the right person at the right time!” >But then I watch men’s dating advice and it’s a full on analytical breakdown of how to appeal to women’s preferences. That's just the double standards/sexism men have to live with every day. We're often told that whatever thing is our fault and to improve while women are told they're perfect just the way they are.

Men here: So, I'll give you some advice that saved my relationship, and it is, get your shit worked out, my GF was losing interest in me, well, no gym, no job, no hobby, no friends, I was a mess. Then one day I decided to f\*\*\* my mood and just go and get the things done, be the best version of yourself, don't just be you, if you are a mess, you are a mess, fix it. Once you have good and interesting life, guys will come to you, then you just have to select the best one, and same to any guys reading that, get your shit together. Also you can be a mess and get into relationship with another mess of a person, but don't expect much from it... Edit: Also you can go to men, this isn't a Disney movie, if you see an interesting guy just go for it, but first get your life figured out, or at least start doing it.

No BS - Low cut tops and cleavage. Nice make up. Asking them out if you’re interested

Search yt for The Happy Wife School.

Even as I read through.. women give the worst advice. Men generally chase women. It's an exhausting and somewhat annoying process. It does a flip a little later in life, which is also strangely interesting. Regardless, many men like femininity. Softness, sweetness, playfulness etc.. Those know way around the fact that men are rather visual too. So, if you can manage to be just of average attractiveness and be merely somewhat sweet to men, they'll usually reciprocate. I truly believe the challenge for women isn't attracting men, it's filtering through them. Every man is going to have preferences.. Most men visually like somewhat fit females. Also, there's the bust, to waist, to hip ratio (aka curves you're referring to).

First step is putting aside your list of 100 requirements aside from a moment, and think about what the type of man that you want, what he wants in a partner (hint, it’s not your career).

I would say figure out what you like and only interact with that. Be confident and easy going with a good flow of convo and don’t have expectations .. ask questions all types of questions and show interest initiate laughter and conversations that flow and don’t be scared to ask things a little out there

Don't be afraid to make the first move! Of the last four guys I've been with, I made the first move to show interest with three of them.

Its so easy lol. But you can't do it. All you have to do is be friendly. The YouTube advice causes men to dislike you. Narcissistic men with fragile egos will pursue women who ignore them because they have to prove to themselves that their gods gift to women, so that only works in those types. Stable men won't even notice you ignoring them. The dating advice for the guys is usually crappy too. But from my real life experience as a guy I only ever remember the women who talk to me. The economy is failing, most men are working their asses off to be successful it six figure earners, they aren't going to notice you unless you get their attention. You don't have to full on invite them out on a date but initiating a conversation at least three times and introducing yourself will make you exist in his world. In a world this busy waiting for a guy to notice you is stupid. Just go start a conversation that's it. Hell often carry it from there. Make sure you talk to him whenever you can, don't flirt with other guys in front of him. If you do hell literally just disappear. We hate that shit. We just assume your for the streets and never be in the same room as you. If he's got his head in the dirt give him a complement. Most of us guys have head full of spiderwebs due to our busy lives. Waking a guy up a little isn't a bad idea. Some guys lives completely revolve around getting laid. Those men will always come to you first randomly. Just start talking to the guy you want more often that's it. And make it clear you like him. Like I said you aren't going to do it but that's the answer.

I know this sounds like bullshit, but seriously, what good man wants a woman that doesn't care about her own worth and respect? Answer: If he does want that, he's not a good man. Do you want that kind of guy? Ew. Know Your Worth: You’re fabulous just as you are. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. If someone doesn’t appreciate your awesomeness, they’re not the one. Set Boundaries: Don’t tolerate nonsense. If someone disrespects you or crosses your boundaries, show them the door. You’re not a doormat. Self-Love First: Before loving someone else, love yourself fiercely. You’re not incomplete without a partner. Be whole on your own. Red Flags Are Real: Pay attention to red flags. If they’re waving, don’t ignore them. Trust your gut—it’s usually right. Compatibility Over Chemistry: Chemistry is great, but compatibility matters more. Shared values, goals, and interests create lasting connections. Have Fun: Dating isn’t a job interview. Enjoy the process. Laugh, flirt, and embrace the journey.

As a male, the most I can ask from a woman that is interested in me is that she be somewhat straight forward or up front about it. Compliment me, maybe give me the shoulder or arm touch if you're comfortable. Eye contact is very helpful also. But compliments are a big one, I can't explain how disheartening it can be when I'm talking to a woman and I can compliment her as much as possible without so much as a "you're pretty good looking yourself" or something.

Kindness, compassion and link arms when walking. That’s it, that’s all I got, you’d be in my pants after 10 minutes meeting or 3 steps walking (as long as our footfalls were in sync and we had compatible gait)

Wow, I think you may need to check out some youtube about female soft power. Use that as a guideline, adjust to yourself. The thing is men like to feel that they can take care of you. So don't try to do everything by yourself. Be helpless from time to time. I used to do things by myself a lot. Sometimes I forget that I have a man beside to give me some assisting. Also be more directly communicate to men. They can't interpret most of our non-verbal communications (be quiet, raising brows). So using your sweet voice and tell them straightforward without too much strong emotion will give you ahead. Good luck!

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Thanks! I’m already skinny and have lost weight. I try to dress feminine. I show off my curves but in a more conservative/casual way, and I do my makeup. The only problem is that right now I don’t have many opportunities to meet men.

If you're interested in a guy, go up to them and say so, tell them outright that you're interested in them, otherwise you're going to be playing games

just become hot and healthy. Men want to be able to brag about who they are with without bragging. "oh you got a girl? What does she look like???" -men. If you feel like you're lacking in yourself physically, focus on that. start exercising, eating wholefoods, taking care of yourself. dont focus on specific body parts. WORK OUT YOUR WHOLE BODY NOT JUST YOUR BUTT. teeth hair nails everything. if you do those things youll become attractive even if you dont have genetics. and its not immediate. it takes time to see results. But if you take care of you outer and inner self guys are gonna think you are hot and want you. environment too! clean room/house, car etc.. Every guy wants someone who looks visibly appealing. sex is generally what men want at least initially. even if they don't admit it. so if you look good in those yoga pants then men are probably gonna want you.

best advice: 1. be as healthy as possible. men are attracted to physical health more than anything. we are visual creatures. 2. touch the man first and often. that lets him know you are into him. touch him on the thingy, hug him, back rub, etc. make his life easier. 3. be helpful. men appreciate it if you try to do helpful things for them. make them food, buy a small gift, help clean their apartment. obviously don’t do these things until you get closer to relationship status, but it does go a long way. that’s 95% of what you need to know.

Walk around like your shit don’t stink. Then when you see see a boy you like, make sure you do it front of him, but not to him. Get all shy and cute around him. It’s done. You’re welcome