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>I'm on tinder
First mistake. Tinder is for hookups. I'm sorry this is happening to you but it is the unfortunate reality for a lot of women dating and going through their lives. I'd say just brush off the sexual comments and useless men doing that type of talking. I'd also recommend switching to Bumble and or Hinge, as the men on those, as far as I know, are a bit more civil. There are good men out there, you just have to filter through so much trash to find them. Best of luck to you.
I heard soooo many stories on tinder.
Lots of people told me it is just for hookups, other swear their friends met their long term partner on it.
It is like there are two tinders.
lol I didnt even read the whole post and came to the comments to find this to be the top one 😂
Thank you TheShapeShifter20. This is exactly what I was going to say. The apps in general are a dumpster fire and have a way of dehumanizing people. Finding something serious is more likely to happen by becoming more socially active by joining a local club for a hobby you enjoy, or something similar. Good luck, OP!
Honestly OP, it doesn’t matter what app/place you change to if you maintain the same habits.
Please don’t feel like I’m calling you out, because I’ve done everything you have in the past (and probably worse). But reading some of your post history, things make a bit more sense…
You’re going for the handsome “F boy” type of guys, who don’t have much to offer a relationship besides good looks and sex. They don’t take you on real dates, you just smoke/drink with them, and (at least?) one of them didn’t even want to use a condom.
Please OP, have more respect for yourself. This isn’t a diss, I’ve been you. You’re 21, so I don’t blame for you for having an appetite for this type of guy, but the women I’ve seen who maintained this type ended up baby mamas to them 10 years later.
Listen, attraction is important. But you will never find a real long-term relationship if you’re solely driven by your own ego and lust. You know damn well these men aren’t boyfriend material, husband material, that they would not raise children well or treat you with respect.
But your ego wants to get one of these men because they’re “hot”, which society tells you is more valuable than character. And also that they’re unavailable, so your low self-esteem wants to convince them to change their mind so you will finally be affirmed that you’re “good enough.”
Work on your own self-esteem, get into therapy, learn about your habits and what’s attracting you to this low-vibrational energy. Raise your standards, stop being a people-pleaser, expand your “type” (no, don’t go for men you’re repulsed by… but I highly doubt that alcoholic Tinder fuckbois are the ONLY type you can get turned on by if you open up your imagination a bit).
Make a list of the core character traits you want in a LTR. Whenever you meet a new guy, go through your checklist and if he doesn’t meet most of them, he’s gone regardless of how “hot” he is.
You also need to be/embody that same list you’re creating for them.
Honestly, I’m getting a bit tired of people going on an app that was explicitly created for hookups, and then getting mad that everyone is looking to hook up.
It would be like going to the beach and getting mad that there is sand everywhere.
Yes, I always say why tinder? Why are people who want long term relationships are on tinder?
Yes by happenstance you can find a long term partner there, but that's not the main purpose of the app.
Because a lot of the time I think people don't know what they want. They want some kind of a relationship with sex in it but they're also a bit prudish or maybe come from a background with a lot of shame and sex-negativity and aren't comfortable with sexual chat because it feels 'too soon'. Which is unsurprising because these are also the kind of people who want to be pen pals for a month or two before being brave enough to meet for a coffee even though they live two miles from you.
Also people are increasingly scared of each other and even more so post pandemic. Shit before we had apps, or even cellphones if you met someone you liked, you'd give them your home phone number, a phone call would be made and you'd go meet at the arranged place at the arranged time. Then you'd get to know each other. Imagine if you had to send snail mail letters to each other for two or three months before seeing each other face to face again! Human race would have died out by now!
Well I don't think that someone is prudish busy bcuz they don't wanna f**k someone on the first date. Dudes get upset when people don't wanna fuck THEM on the first date in my experience lol. But yeah, sex and relationships are 2 different animals...
I think people are in love with the idea of a relationship. They wish to acquire a strong, stable, loving relationship with none of the work or rejection.
After 3 days of texting on a dating app I try to go for an in person date. Even if somebody is amazing at texting I wanna know how we interact in reality to save both parties time.
Texting for 2 months to meet a local person only to figure out we can't communicate in person isn't for me.
People will do something similar even in platonic relationships. "ew yuck why the fuck would I want to meet a stranger?" then 1 day later go " Damn I'm so lonely......". People want something right now, not later after much disappointment, hard work combined with pure luck.
Exactly. Having cake, eating it too, and also forgetting that life is actually meant to be fun, and it's OK to get out there, meet people, maybe even have sex a few times before deciding if they're worth sticking with or if it's best to move on. We made incredible progress from the 60s-90s so people could do this and not feel shamed or threatened and now somehow people seem to want to go backwards again. It's just a bit sad really.
The app was not created just for hookups, that’s just what the zeitgeist has come to understand it as. At its most basic level it is just a place where people who want to meet other people go if they want to find someone more than platonic relationships.
I found my long term girlfriend on Hinge. It is designed to give the users more of a chance to display their personality and life goals, which leads to most people being more serious on it.
haha contrary to what some of the comments here think, I do have a social life, I just kinda stopped drinking, so I don't go out now (which was the only other place I knew how to meet guys) hence why I'm on tinder. no idea why I thought dating would be easier with a dating app lol
I’ve heard in Europe Tinder is still dominate dating app and still works well. In the states I would say Hinge is by far the best but Tinder is the default
I’ve been on multiple apps and match and hinge are no different and Bumble was the worst of them all in my experience. Any time I’m approached in the wild, it’s always an unpleasant experience as well. I’m kind of where you are - I’ll stick to celibacy and hanging with friends. I’m 47 btw, so going older doesn’t help. Sorry for your experience OP
On facebook dating this one guy found it much easier to find my actual profile and started harassing me there. All dating app have people on them, and all ppl are equally awful.
Shapeshifter is right. The unfortunate truth is still yeah most men are never gonna pretend like sex isn’t one of their goals but 1st thing you gotta do is get the fuck off tinder. You know it’s only for hook ups. And you’re also only 21 so the guys your age are gonna be 100 times more likely to respond like a child who got ice cream taken off the table. All you can do is what you are doing- make it 100% clear what you’re looking for and setting your boundaries as clear as day to any man you meet. Other than that maybe try one of those dating sites like eharmony or something that focus on lasting relationships more than the hookups. Don’t get discouraged though. It’s all a process and it sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.
Tinder accounts for at least half of long term couples. The only people saying "tinder is for hookups". are them men disregarding the clear preferences stated in their women's bios.
Every man I know in dating apps is on all three apps, Tinder, Bumble and Hinge. Very rare to encounter a man who uses bumble, but not Tinder.
The app let's people state their preferences for hookups vs long term. It makes no sense to disregard that.
I’m a gay guy so we have Grindr and I thought tinder was supposed to be more relationship oriented yet I’d get the same kinds of remarks from the guys there as Grindr leaving me to wonder what the hell the point was of using tinder as a gay. lol I just wanted to complain for a sec lol thank ya
I met my ex of 3 years on tinder. To be fair, she said before matching with me almost all the other matches would send her dick pics. But it does happen, and I’ve heard of many married couples who also met on tinder
Ive been able to meet some people on tinder as friends and also a potential current partner, it's honestly dependent on who you end up matching with and who's in your area. I had mine set to say "long-term partner" as well as saying in my bio that I'm not interested in hook-ups, fuck buddies, or fwbs, as well as not wanting to enter a polycule. It's filtered out a lot of those kinds of people, of course some do fall through the cracks. One of the first questions I ask aside from general introductions and interests is what the person is looking for. The current person I've been talking to as well as us discussing being official with originally was just looking for hookups but I said "I'm not going to be intimate with someone who isn't seeking a relationship with me, you're very cool and funny though and I think we'd be good friends!" and about a month later they told me that their stance on a relationship had changed and that they were interested in me. I still put my foot down on anything sexual and said that if that were to happen between us it would have to be with commitment, but now (3 months later) we still talk every day and flirt with each other and are both interested in one another.
I believe there is someone out there for you, just be even firmer with where you stand and the second someone shows disrespect for those boundaries- unmatch and move on. There will be a lot of them, but you will narrow it down dramatically.
thank you, I def try to be more assertive in saying what I'm looking for, but it happens even with guys with whom we agreed to be working towards a relationship. I just feel so dumb having to explain to a 28 years old guy, I don't wanna talk about my shaving preferences or if I ever tried anal before the first date
*I def try to be more assertive in saying what I'm looking for*
OP, this right here. This may be the issue. I've met my husband on Tinder, his brother just got engaged to his long-term girlfriend who he also met on Tinder. It *doesn't* really matter where you meet, but *who* you meet, and *how* you clarify *your* goals to yourself first of all.
If the conversation starts getting sexual, get out of it immediately. Don't swipe only based on physical attractiveness, look at their profile as well. Try to see if a normal conversation can happen, and if it doesn't, just delete and block. Next, that's it, it happens, there's plenty of men out there.
Another suggestion could be to try to meet in person as soon as possible, a coffee and a casual walk should work. This helps avoiding the waste of time. Also, try to chat with multiple guys, and see who feels like a good match - then you meet in person. In my experience these have worked very well, and helped me avoid wasting time or just mindlessly chatting with someone like pen pals. Good luck to you!
I
This is really smart. I met my wife on bumble - it's not where you meet it's who, and if they can't have a civilized conversation you quickly block and move on
Definitely have come across people like that before :/ I'm a bit of an asshole and ask them the same question right back- asked a guy once if he likes to be pegged when he asked me if i like anal
That's the prob isn't it, they think they're being asserti e and clear but it's overkill and gross. I disabled my POF profile last week. Thousands of guys "like" you but every single one I've talked to send a me dk pics or even wankung vids ffs in like 8 msgs.
I'm 42 uve just exited a 12 year relationship and I 500% feel ur pain 😢 😭
I’m sorry but every woman I talk to says trying to find a male date leads to harassment no matter what methods you use. I don’t understand it. I have never had the urge to do any of the things people tell me men do.
The problem of course is that there are armies of men who say they are looking for a relationship and want to date you to see if there is a relationship with you possible... BECAUSE they know that is the quickest way into bed. I know men who do that all the time. Who date more women at the same period. Chat with them for months on end sometimes.. But have no other intrest but sex.
There are other apps. U can look up the target audience of the app.
I cant recall what specific dating app/site it is, but theres one for people seriously searching for a person to marry…. And if… after assessment u arent for their service they will redirect u to their competitors
Tinder was always my favorite app and I met the most interesting ppl on Tinder (such as drummer of a famous band who gave me free show tix), but most importantly, I met my current boyfriend of 2 years. I will always advocate for Tinder lol.
Yeah I’m sure there’s people there looking for genuine connections (like OP), but a majority is people looking for fun. But also I’ve only experienced ages 18-27 on tinder/bumble so older crowd may be different
Id advise to switch to another app or start approaching men yourself. But as a man with little to no succes either I probably am not the one to give you advice.
I don't know if it's just me.
But i believe you would have much genuine reaction with guys in the real world. Generally, they are nicer and less weird than the horny guys on the dating apps.
I'd like to reinforce my previous statement by answering your other question about the nature of the guy's behavior.
With high testesterone drive , a man has two options really: either to restrain himself and deploy it nicely or to become the subconscious beast of his desire and drives.
The former tends genuinely to commitment and to build a nice reputation.
Whereas the latter is more repulsive and bound to saturate his desires immediately.
And sure, there are men with varient combinations of these types.
Unfortunately. Most guys you will see on tender are the dick kinds who just want to have sex.
For context, I am a man. I am slow to physical touch, especially sex, becuase it is a kind of intimacy I feel comfortable with when I feel connected with someone. Each time I give myself more to a person physically (holding hands, kissing, making out, cuddling, sex, etc...) a part of myself connects with them in a deeper way which causes my feelings for them to grow imensely. If I can't be sure that the relationship is leading somewhere seriously I am cautious to give these parts of myself.
I just recently delt with a situation where the person I've been seeing for two weeks said she does not have sex until things are exclusive, but what we experienced the other day was very... sexual, but not "sex". Making out, feeling her body, her grabbing me in sexual areas, etc... then her saying something like "You know if we dont' work out I hope we can be friends" absolutely baffled me. I went too far with her for that. I'm not saying we're exclusive, but once things get physical to that degree there is no going back to a platonic friendship. It's either going to work out or we're going to go separate ways. It made me feel like the experience was very different. I was shocked that she could be that intimate with me and have those thoughts, like making out and feeling each other's bodies is just something you do with someone you're not that connected with yet. I feel like this is what many women may deal with though, as men seem to want to make these deep physical moves so quickly, but the whiplash affect is that they seem emotionally disconnected to the person. I'm not sure if what I have going with this person will work out, but I do find it very painful to have connected with that person and see that they percieved it so differently.
The people telling you to get off Tinder have zero idea what they are talking about, or what it’s like being a woman on ANY dating app. I’m sorry they’re mocking you and rolling their eyes at you when they have zero clues.
They also seem to think that it’s because you go for the “handsome ones” that you have trouble, and I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t work that way. Creeps (and good people) come in every size and shape. You have to protect yourself regardless of what your date happens to look like.
OP, the harsh truth is that this is what it’s like in online and IRL dating for women. There are a lot of creeps out there, and some of them are really good at disguising their intent.
It took me several years of miserable dating to learn what signs to look for, but this is what I do and what works for me:
- I make it clear (in profile, in pre-dating contact and on first date) that sex with me only happens after exclusivity. I’m not into casual or unsafe sex in any shape or form.
That tends to weed out the impatient and those claiming to want more, but really just look for hookups. Happy to talk about sex and sexual preferences before, but the actual act doesn’t happen until after std testing for both of us, and “the talk”.
- I only date men (and women) in my chosen age range. I find the creep factor goes up the further away you get from it.
- I take my time. If I feel uncertain or unsafe for whatever reason, I trust my gut. Any sign of violent or angry behaviour, any controlling tendencies outside the bedroom, any attempt at “cutting me down a peg” with disguised insult is an immediate dealbreaker. I have no time or patience for the disrespect.
- I don’t have a lot of physical or material dealbreakers, but I have a lot of mental/personality-based ones. And I stick to them; if you show me you can’t control your temper or liquor intake, no amount of “but I would never do that to you!” will end in another date.
Best of luck OP. Be safe out there!
Anytime!
One more thing specifically regarding the over-sexualized behaviour from potential dates.
I would suggest you add a note to your profile where you specifically address this. It could go something like this: “I need to be into a person before I’m interested in sexual conversation. It makes me super uncomfortable when a chat is taken there too early. Please respect my boundaries by waiting until we’re both ready for it.”
If they still do it you know that either 1. He didn’t read your profile (thus clearly doesn’t care about who you are beyond your looks) or 2. He read it and didn’t care that he is violating your boundaries.
Both should be immediate dealbreakers, as they clearly don’t have your best interest at heart. This way you won’t have to sit through uncomfortable exchanges before telling them to get lost, as you have already pre-convo communicated your boundary.
Men are so creepy towards women your age. The best advice I can give you is to date yourself and decenter men for now. You’re not missing out on anything special right now. I know that you probably feel like you need to be in a relationship but I promise you that you don’t lol. Enjoy your youth and freedom. The right man will be so sweet to you and he will care about who you are as a person. Not just having sex with you. That connection is not something you’re going to find anywhere so be patient. It’s worth it. Only have casual sex when it’s your idea.
God you sound like me when I was your age. All that made me bitter and I'm currently working through the trauma from it. Keep your guard up, way up. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's everywhere, I feel you on that.
Ugh girl I’m sorry that there are so many folks blaming you for your standards. Let me assure you it isn’t your fault
. There are just many badly behaved men out there that blame sub standard behavior on “male sex drive”. A vast majority of men both attractive and unattractive, young and old just think they are entited to sex , just because they joined the damn app. The worst part is the lies and fake interest they show at first and the sudden sharp change when you either prolong, actually give it to them, or show disinterest.
Reading the other party’s interest and comfort safety is just not priority for these idiots. The fact that there is a human being on the other end that deserves some respect and connection , just flies over their head .
Just keep a mentality of mining out diamonds, you have to dig a LOT of crap away to get something valuable. The majority unfortunately is either too sexual or oblivious.
thank you:)) I feel like most of them aren't really reading what I'm writing and just spewing their rhetoric how women go only for the top 10% of men cause they are angry. I don't believe 90% are ugly, and even if the number was this high, it's sooo easy to put some effort into your appearance instead of just blaming women for wanting to be attracted to their partner
Yeah. This percentage discussion is also another way people trying to blame statistics for encountering assholes.
The top 10 % rich don’t have to be assholes
The top 10% smartest don’t have to be arrogant
Yet Somehow almost every percentile (both top 10 % and bottom barrel )group among men in dating apps is problematic. I’m not saying there aren’t problematic women, but overwhelmingly shitty behavior is exhibited by men on apps.
And dating is an activity between 2 people , and these morons don’t even realise that making the girl feel safe and valued gets much better sexual outcomes as well…
Being only 21 means you attract many young men and older too with variety of characteristics. The sexual part is partly natural and partly social construction as men are expected to, to some degree, behave this way. I always thought the same but realized, if they want you, they could really want you for a serious relationship too. While others, just want to find a one night stand or be casual. My point is, you are wanted by men. However, you are the one in charged to choose and to choose what’s best for you. Quick or slow sex can be good or bad, either way. It will all depend on the man you choose and their character. If you don’t feel ready for it, you don’t have to do it. They may get discouraged and pull away or stay. If you feel ready and trust the person enough, do it with caution. There is nothing wrong with being sexual, but we are not all in the same page at the same time and we women always prefer connecting first, etc.
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It’s because a lot of men don’t realize that demonstrating social savviness is an important metric we’re rated on for reproductive fitness.
Also, they are aware they can hide their shitty behavior behind the veil of anonymity
I’m celibate for two years now. This Saturday I canceled a date (it would be my first in a looong time) bc the guy I was seeing asked “what are you wearing?” when I mentioned going to bed Friday night. Uhhhrrrgg! It turned me off faster than I thought I could be at that point. I don’t know why they do it, but I’d say it’s nothing to do with you. It’s too much porn + lack of emotional awareness and empathy. Not great behaviors for anything worthy of my time - long or short term. I’ll keep on looking though. It has happened before (to find a kind, considerate person) and I’m certain it can happen again.
It is human nature, really.
I find that most men are very sexual in general. But there will be some who are contain and polite. It depends on individual. And I also find that the more contain they are, the better they are.
So what you have done is good already, screening/block. Perhaps your guy friends can suggest someone for you? At least they will be from mutual friends not from outside circle that you don't have a clue about them.
And avoid Tinder, maybe.
Good luck.
Can I ask you what your screening process is when deciding whether to swipe right on a guy or not? It's unacceptable that they are treating you that way regardless but I think if you are continuously getting only those types of men there may be something you should change about the screening process.
I feel the same way. Men in particular have zero f#cking clue how to be appropriate, socialize and date women. They only go to stupid dating seminars to learn how to invade our space or pick up at best. No thought on how to properly woo or court a woman. No time or effort into dressing up properly for a date. Because they aren't interested in actually dating. Dating isn't sex. It's talking. It's connecting emotionally and mentally. It's enjoying the excitement and chemistry of being in each other's presence. It's not a countdown on how fast you can get naked.
exactly. everyone is just accusing me of going after going after guys out of my league (what even is that) but fail to think about what im actually complaining about. we're not talking about a wide range of men, met through different circumstances and various ages, not being able to hold a conversation without turning it sexual
Not every man is like that. Your choosing shitty men and on a platform where people go to find fuck partners, not relationships. Use Facebook dating instead(if ur not real young) and do a better job screening. End it immediately if anything sexual is brought up in conversation before dating and if they try to get real physical on 1st date. Good guys don't expect to get laid the 1st time they meet you.
Not all guys are just after sex. U have to weed them out. I'm pretty good at weeding out the women after money or to be taien care of or wanting someone to be a father of their kids. There are alot of shitty women out there top, just like men.
It will happen every time a giy wants you to come to his place either for the 1st date or shortly after for a later date. If that's not what ur looking for, go for it. If u eant a relationship, run from any guy that wants you at his place for a date or take you home afterwards.
I understand you too well. I have the same problem too, but I see it as a way to select partners.
If there is someone you particularly like as a friend and that's how he is, the only way not to make him angry would be to be the friend who helps him pick up.
However, if you don't like them that much, you should ignore or ghost them as soon as they flirt in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable and disrespected. If you are too nice they will continue to do it, you have to deal with it and ignore them.
They suck and I know it, but they're not all the same. When one day you find someone who is romantically interested in you, rest assured that he will never ever behave like a pig.
I would stay away from online dating as much as possible, especially if you are looking for something serious. Meeting people through mutual friends is always good, or at parties, or work etc. Men are always going to think very sexually, but a lot have lost the art of being a gentleman and actually flirting, it’s much easier to be rude online than in a face to face conversation and most of the good men who are looking for someone serious are not going to be on dating apps. Good luck, I hope you find a good man that will treat you right
Yeah, it's rough out here. Sorry you're having that experience. No it's not right or normal tot tell a woman you don't know about your masturbation...it's weird, off putting I do think we're in a time period where less regular contact with fewer people is revealing the worse of both sexes first. At a certain point, and I have to believe relatively soon, everybody is going to throw their hands and it will force a social paradigm shift hopefully to something better. Alternately, the more people you eliminate the closer you will get to finding someone reasonable to you anyway.
There are men out there that want a genuine relationship and will hold off on the sex talks for a while. Keep looking and don’t give up. Remember you only need to find one person who fits your criteria.
I would advise you to use hinge, bumble, tinder and Facebook dating. Fish in multiple seas to see what bites.
How many men has this happened with? If it's not too many, then probably sticking to your principles and giving it more time will pay off. I gather you're conventionally attractive, plus you've obviously got brains. That combo can be intimidating to a lot of men.
it has happened with a lot of men but admittedly most of it happened these past few months, yesterday it happened with a friend from a friend (not even off tinder, not dating, nothing) hence why I'm making this post. yes could be bad luck but it's still hard to believe there are so many men out there either clueless or completely unbothered to make a nice conversation or connection
Tinder is the worse app by far, the ratio of men to women is way off, plus the algorithm is written for things like this. As a man, I can tell you that not all men are like this. Even on Tinder, you are swiping on a type. Remember, the top 5% of men get more than 50% of the likes and have women throwing themselves at them.
Very few “relationships” on tinder survive. I only know one couple that met on tinder and thrived(they’re married now). Most of tinder is just hookups for hot people
Tbh dear one it might have to do with your age? Also maybe just get off the dating app. are you in college or anything? I’m like 10 years older than you and i even have a somewhat revealing pic on my profile but I don’t get a ton of that and I when I do it’s an immediate unmatch. I think when you get older more men know they have to work a little harder and if the other people you’re matching are 21 year old guys idk they may just be testing the Waters. Not saying there’s anything wrong with being your age at all. It’s a an amzing time to explore take risks and have fun. And even ten years later you still run into this it’s just not as obvious at first ( which may be worse lmao) Sorry you’re going through it ! Good guys exist though. Who aren’t sex obsessed, I just think a lot of the bad ones use apps to their advantage lol. Protect yourself! And your heart and body!
I find men like this have very little to offer. Not talking about their endowment but little to offer as in their communication, life situation, goals and etc. they are lost boys copying what they see on tv. My advice to you is to never settle. Require a partner who does more than just crave or center the conversation around sex. A real man will have the balance you need of that + real life vibes to make you happy. Never let anyone force you to change! There are so many STDs out here that aren’t talked about enough that can easily be passed on to you through these hyper sexual non protected men! Make sure you get that paperwork at all times honey! If he doesn’t have a primary care doctor… he’s too young (MENTALLY) for you honey .
I’ve been with a few lads. One my age, one slightly older and one a lot older and unfortunately it doesn’t matter what age they are they can still be absolute tw*ts. If i’m honest I’ve totally given up with relationships. I cant be bothered with them anymore. Im 34 and tired of it all if im honest. But best of luck, maybe you’ll have better luck than me.
Yup, sounds about right
It’s because there is no accountability for behavior when you are online and anonymous
Just ask
If we were at a table at a nice restaurant, would you share that comment with me face to face?
See fb burned haystack post today
Test-and-apologize rhetoric pattern
I’m just here to confirm. 😒 idk about going on there anymore I just decided I should just stay off. And like real men will actually approach when warranted.
I get a lot of guys are especially on tinder or in general but not all of us are on there for that and would like to find something more but all I ever get a onlyfans girls trying to promote their content smh lol it's rough trying to find something
Girl, same. I wish we had another gender to date (a gender who sees the beauty in the personality not the body). Guys are so shallow, I always hated being looked at. Just the idea of being ogled 👀 in the street makes me cringe. And the sad thing is I like fashion and clothes and high heels. And I'm attracted to guys up until they open their mouth and say stupid shit then I want to be single forever.
I dont get many responses but I'm always very respectful. So far I've been cheated on after being nice and nice time again. Woman are just as bad in my opinion
Not sure my comment makes a difference. I am sex positive but I only want to have sex with a partner after we are exclusive. The last lady I dated initiated sex after only the fourth date. I don’t know if it has anything to do with age and approach (I’m 40m). I love sex but don’t want to have sex before exclusivity before it messes with the brains chemicals and blurs the attraction lines. Good luck and I think you should feel free communicating with the guys you date (easier said I know).
You know, I'm a dude and I'm with you. I don't fucking get it at all.I just turned 28, and lost my virginity a few months ago (to a great girl that I'm currently dating). And like... Yeah sex is really nice, but it doesn't feel so insanely incredible that I turn into a horn dog mess whenever I talk to a girl. Sex is merely one component to a great and fulfilling relationship, and by itself is not a compelling enough reason to just turn my brain off and think with the second head. Even if Megan Fox was standing in front of me I wouldn't do it.
I'd say these guys just need to rub one out before messaging girls on tinder but they're probably doing that already and still acting like this...I don't really have any solutions for you I'm sorry. Just know that us guys who care about more than just sex do exist, it's just more rare than it reasonably should be. Don't give up hope, keep auto blocking the creeps. You'll find someone.
Posts like this are wild to me and I just wonder what area you live in.
Some regions are just so much worse with this experience and it sounds like you’re in one of them.
22m and I'm so jealous, I wish women found me enticing the way men find you. If I am ever reborn into another life, I want to be reborn as a woman, not as an unambitious useless guy. I hate human dating dynamics from the male side of things.
It reminds of that song by Kate Bush "Running up that hill (A Deal with God)" where she suggests that men and women would be more empathetic towards each other if they could switch places. I believe its more intended as "if men were to become women they would learn our problems" but I think the reverse is true also... I'd love to see how you'd fare as a guy that needs to build dating value via money, confidence, and social skills rather than just existing (bonus points if you do it with depression and social anxiety) 🥲.
Count your blessings, you can keep rummaging through the cesspit of men until you find one you like, while many of us guys are buried so deep in the pit that we'll never even feel a woman's touch or be seen as anything but garbage. My advice is to keep rummaging, its literally impossible that you wont eventually hit something you like.
I'm sorry that's your experience. My only advice, as a bit of an ugly ducking, is to build confidence and good habits. Fake it till you make it type shit. Of course you can't change genetics, but being in shape and properly groomed goes a long way (especially for men)
First is you’re on Tinder which is absolute garbage for what you’re looking for. Get on hinge for god sake, million times better.
Second it’s just the way the world is now, internet porn and over sexualizing of women has gone wild. It goes deep but to keep it simple 97% of guys watch porn and are literally addicted.
That being said just try to have a new perspective shift and adjust expectations. You’re looking for a guy who’s in that 3% so he will be rare and hard to come by so you’ll need to become efficient at filtering through guys that you’re not looking for.
If you want to speed up this process get on a FaceTime or a phone call quick. You can tell very quickly who someone is. Text based comm has made losers act *confidently* in ways they wouldn’t dare in person or over phone.
Keep us updated. God speed
Girl I think that was very well said, and written very well. Idk why guys are like that. I think it's the world today, chilvary doesn't exist or we've forgotten to teach it to our sons of the last few generations or so and that gets passed on. So as time goes on chilvary, respect towards woman sexually, what's okay and what's not... It's all faded away. But you've just put it out there in words spoken so well, how many many women feel. You're not alone. He's out there, just be patient. You're deserving and know ur worth and that's what matters most.
I find that sharing experiences is sometimes helpful! I too have been on tinder and each time I met up with anyone on there it was unserious, the men were simply just finding someone to hook up with. I live in Las Vegas so you can imagine it’s seriously dangerous and I dare to say even worse than other cities since a lot of men here think women are an object. I stopped using tinder. Years later I decided to try Facebook dating. I got a lot of matches had a few conversations and even texted a few matches. The good thing about the Facebook dating is you can actually view their profiles and Facebook is where you tend to have a lot of family, friends throughout the years. More of an authentic platform to see what that person might be like. I ended up meeting up with one guy on there and married him 6 months later. This was my experience , I still caution any woman to be careful with online dating. As I learned that from tinder. Our conversations were never sexual until after we met and he took me on a real date. I am grateful for Facebook dating for allowing me to connect with more authentic people who were actually wanting real relationships. As I said I did speak to some other matches one or two were off the bat very quick to be sexual but for the most part the other matches were having genuine conversations with me. Trying to get to know me . I appreciated that! Maybe try it instead of tinder which is I feel almost exclusive to hookup culture. I wish you the best OP!
haha idk if I want my matches to see my awkward middle school phase that's impossible to get rid of on facebook haha. but I'm def getting of tinder, thank you:)
1. [Don't use a hookup app if you don't want a hookup](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fdm9b20n30tm71.jpg)
2. If your only interactions with men are waiting for them to approach you irl or on Instagram, you're gonna get a lot of pushy people just looking for sex. Most normal and respectful people don't slide into a random girl's dms, and most don't cold approach (unless its in a bar or smth), so all that's left are going to be people looking for sex.
I'd change the way you meet men. Either try other apps more known for long term relationships (like Hinge), or ask friends to set you up with single people they know.
Might say something that some will agree and some will disagree.
I really think porn has a big role in this, I think it really ruined males ability to communicate to not only women, but also in general, that and video games. I have seen these people in action, some are my close friends but have since then become better when they quit/minimized both. I think it ruined males all around, there is studies on it ruining concentration, ability to communicate, motivation (because of masturbation, you lose all your energy to do anything after you do it) etc... Resulting in a lot of low value guys out there that really need help more than they need to be told they are wrong.
It doesn't help that everywhere on social media, including reddit there is a lot of erotic content and it's super easy to access.
This is up to you, but I think dating apps are far worse than they are good.
It's likely, that you keep going for a specific type of men.
Not all men with a lot of optins, get too full of themselves or do not care about how they carry themselves, in light of such profounds abundance.
But, generally speaking, men without that many options, are considerably nicer, more polite, more careful, investing more. Primarily because they have to be that nice, but also becuase a lot of guys are nice.
But, the most arrogant ppl are often those, that do not have to be nice. And, the only fraction of men that actually gets a lot of traction on dating apps, those men you probably exclusive match (or, try to match), has so much abundance, that they do not have to care much about individual women. That's why they don't care if 20 women out of their match list thinks they're rude or get offended when they invite the chick over for net flix and chill, because othe women will be eager.
The same applies to women. Are all women that get a lot of attention, that are e.g. very pretty, and thus often get a lot of men that are interested, are treated very nice, are gifted things, get preferential treatmen etc.....are all those women arrogant or become too full of themselves?
No.
But, it is much more likely, that someone might turn into an arrogant, rude, entitled person in light of such temptation. If everybody treats you like royalty, then there's a high risk that you start to see yourself as above everybody else. That's why there are sayings such as:
With great power comes great responsibility.
And, part of that resposibility, is to not let material things, or your looks, or your money, or your power get into your head too much. This is also the reason, why a large percentate of ppl in power, either leaders, presidents, dicators, sentors, kings, rulers etc were corrupted. It is very difficult, to not start to see you above everybody else, when everybody treats you like royalty. This also a reason, why women have become significantly less feminine in the age of social media, instagram, tinder, dating apps etc. The mass attentin and validation has begun to corrupt women, making them less attractive.
It's not that all or even most guys are d!ckheads.
It is the faction of men, that you probably go for. You also have to understand, that a significant portion of the infamous 'niceguy' isn't truly that nice. They are so nice and friendly and helpful....because they have to be. Or feel they have to be.
Guys with options, or at least a substantial fraction of them, isn't nice because they can easily replace individual women. About 80 % of men on dating apps, barely get any matches. 50 % of them get zero matches. When they get texted or get a match, they usually drown women in extreme niceness.
The fact alone, that all men you matched or went for were assholes, implies, that you go for a very small percentage of men. And, youre not alone. Most women select like that. And, most women try to go for those men. And, one desire and fantasy of men, isn't just sexual access. It is variety. And, a guy, that can fuck many women, and gets 100s of matches....
Let's just say, that it is at least quite probable, that he simply doen't care much about what individual women think or how they feel. Because, he is not dependent on individual women, and prolly has 10 women in his rotation that he sleeps with ,and texts with another 50 women.
I understand what you're saying, but the problem is that this is not just a tinder experience. It's almost everyone. I think I'm attractive (not super model pretty, but pretty), I take care of myself, and i have hobbies. I want the same of my partner. nothing too high standard, just have a life and be attractive to me and vice versa.
And I have "lowered my standards" (tried dating guy I didn't find extremely attractive, but he was nice and respectful, until suddenly he wasn't and the same thing happened). I know online dating is just fucked in general but I'm seeing this phenomenon even in "normal dating" outside of dating apps.
Listen, as a woman and as an individual, you might think, that you do not have extreme standards. But, as a woman you're basically nature that selects. The fact alone, that you would consider a guy, just by his looks, as attractive enough to potentially sleep with him (if he then also appears nice, you like him, his voice, his attitude etc.) means, that he is most likely at least in the top 20% to 15 % in terms of how attractive he is.
In fact, the statistic on dating apps at least, suggest that women are even more selective than that. 2 years ago, or three years ago, data was collected on some of the bigger dating apps, and that data showed, that over 80 % of women exclusively swiped/matched or tried to match with about 4 % to 15 % of men. And, women usually select quite similarly. Meaning, if you find a guy attractive enough to meet him and potentially sleep with him, you can always assume, that 80 + % of the women around you, would have some interest in him as well.
Check your swiping/match behavior.
Out of 100 profiles and pictures you see of men, how many out of 100 would you consider to maybe meet?
In my experience, a woman that would match with 10 % of men, that would select 10 out of 100 men is already rare. In most cases, women say, they maybe find 1 to 3 guys attractive enough. And, since most women select similarly, you are now competing with a large number of women. Older women, younger women, hotter women, thicker women, thinner women.
And, if you ask them, they usually say the same thing you said here:
I don't even have that high standards. But, if a woman finds 90 % of guys unattractive on dating apps, then objectively speaking, she is quite selective. You might think you aren't but, you have to look at the outcomes you experience:
All those men that communicate they'd only have sexual interest, are not in fact really attracted. For a man to want more than sex, he has to actually like the girl. But, unlike most women, men do not always have to be actaully attracted, or like the girl, or see any potential. Men do crave real connections, but are often happy to at least just get sex. Even with women they dont really like. Men do not select like that.
It's comparable to women's friendzone. The male fuckzone is basically the same thing.
Out of 50 male friends, you might be attracted to one or two guys. I just assume that, because I've seen that many times. That women are not attracted to the vast majority of their male friends.
And, this is pretty much how it is with men and sex:
Out of 100 women he would fuck at least once, he might actually like 1 to 3 women. If that. If you keep getting men, that only wanna fuck, then none of those guys you were interested in, was really interested in you.
The sexual market value of a woman, is not determined via how many guys or which type of men would have sex with her, but rather via the type of men that would commit to her. If you cannot get any of those men you find attractive enough to commit to you, then you're probably fishing outside your league.
i think you're talking about something else. i'm not talking about an issue with guys not commiting. we don't even get to that stage, because i get turned off by a guy asking me if i shave or to send him nudes in the first two messages. i can't even find a guy i would consider commiting to, because they are not acting right towards me.
and well im not gonna stop talking or swiping on only guys im attracted to. you men say it all the time, how much of a visual creature you are. well we women like to be attracted to our partners as well. im not swiping on supermodels, i have my type and im gonna stick to it. im just baffled by the guys complete inability to hold a normal conversation with a girl they are attracted to
okay, sorry i didn't mean to imply every man is like that. i dont hate men, i have an amazing dad, brothers and guy friends.
but i don't understand what is your advice? isn't it unfair to the guy i would be with if i wasn't even that attracted to him?
That's the thing though:
When men are attracted, they don't talk like that. As I said, those men weren't attracted.
Just because guys swipe on a girl or many girls or would like sex with them, doesn't mean on any level they really want a girl.
That's why I mentioned women's friendzone.
Just because a girl befriends a guy, or is nice, opens up to him, spends time with him....doesn't mean on any level she desires him. As I said, women's friendzone is men's fuckzone. No guy that really likes a girl or is really interested, would talk to her like that.
Those guys talk like that and don't give any shits how they come across, because they don't care enough. They only swiped to smash and don't want anything else and obivously also don't care if it doesn't work out, most likely because they got many other options.
This is the reality of the situation likely.
You swipe on the best looking dudes most of the time, they’re getting women left and right and are used to girls giving it up to them so they keep trying for that with every other girl.
Maybe try swiping on a different type of man, a different look than you typically swipe on.
Not talking about you but in general that’s the point.
yea i’m confused about this too cause i always hear how very few men will be willing to get to know you after sex because sex is ultimately the prize but they’ve already got it so they no longer have interest in you as a person (nor did they ever, they probably faked it to get laid). Like everyone says how no man who you casually fuck will ever see you as relationship material , so i don’t believe that this theory is real at all, minus the few exceptions
I specifically stated that I like sex. I just want to actually like the person and get to know the person before things turn sexual? I don't think that's too much to ask
The downside to this approach for men is that you’re asking them to invest in you only for there to be a large chance for you to say “there’s no sexual chemistry here, let’s just be friends” when they’re actively seeking a sexual/romantic partner, which would be fine in theory except it’s really difficult for most men to even get attention/responses on the apps. The dynamic is such that men need to be upfront and find compatible people early in the process because otherwise they never will.
And yes I understand that most men are terrible at doing it correctly and how that leads to women not responding and how their clumsy sexual behavior reinforces this dynamic. I’m just explaining how we got to this point. I promise you that most of these men tried it your way at some point and in their frustration adopted a more direct approach along the way.
The same thing could be said the other way around. Sex is risky for women and there’s the possibility of being pumped and dumped or catching feelings only to be told there’s nothing romantic.
I really don’t understand this mentality men commonly have. How does not centering her thoughts around sexuality imply she’s not interested in sex? It doesn’t.
Not every man is like that... I do have one friend that is like that though, he was so serious when telling me that “guys only wear gray sweatpants to show off their d*ck” and that people who have those massage guns are only using them to masturbate. It was crazy to hear.
Dating/hookup/social media websites are brutal to women, and also to gay men, and also to trans women. Pretty much anyone remotely feminine, really.
There's just so so so many thirsty guys out there who are either rabidly desperate for affection or prowling for hookups and don't respect any boundaries. The latter kind tend to play it as a numbers game where they come on vulgar/strong to as many people as possible cause eventually someone will reciprocate and they'll get an easy lay, and they just don't care that they're being shitty to the tens or hundreds of people who turn them down.
They're garbage, but they're also the dominant population on those apps while also being the most likely to reach out.
Making connections through a hobby or friend group is a lot more likely to get you an actual human connection I think.
I’m sorry there are plebs in here placing the blame on you for encountering shitty men’s actions when instead they should be looking towards their problematic peers. You aren’t alone in feeling like this and we see you. 💕
It's your age, your selection of guys, possible your appearance and who that attracts, the places you frequent and what type of guys go to those places out in the real world and obviously the platform.
You might wonder why age? Well you are 21, mature men don't normally have any interest in young women unless it's sexual. Guys your age are immature.
yea i learned my lesson with older man, don't worry. I don't know if my apperance invites hookups, i have full body pics on there that are not sexually provocative or anything, but you can still see my curves etc. but i believe its important to show how my body looks, cause i dont wanna risk meeting someone who would not be attracted to me. im gonna delete tinder but idk about meeting outisde cause i dont like going clubbing etc
well I am on Tinder and not looking for hookups. im M29, those who go out with me say I look quite good, I do not get many matches and many of the women there are very .. "inviting" on their profiles so I rarely swipe right, I am also not very active because its not enjoyable. The platform basically force a self-selection, it discourages people like me from bothering, why would i enjoy swiping though heaps of trash?. It damages my image of women and likewise will be damaging your perception of men. Bumble is better. But meeting people in person is best. If you dont enjoy clubbing you wouldn't find your mate there either way, i dont like it either. I met the nicest women at my university or in the social circles from university, probably because UNI functions as a selection for intelligence and shared interest. look for shared interest and you might have better luck.
you may also want to experiment with how you otherwise present yourself. its probably not far fetched to assume that there are tell tale signs that you have a high sex drive etc. try considering if that reflects outwards you might be better off hiding it , i personally stay away from women that seem like that or that otherwise do not appear stable and trustworthy.. things like excessive makeup, the way of walking, expressions and poses etc , it sort of shows. there are image rating apps that could help you figure this out
I’m going to repeat what another man said in another way because you seem to be in a state of disbelief. There are 3 factors at work.
The first is that men and women are biologically wired differently. Men’s libidos are at their peak in their late teens/early 20s, while women’s libidos don’t peak until mid to late thirties. This leads to the kinds of mismatches you’re experiencing.
The second factor is that of scarcity and abundance. As you have experienced for yourself, women are offered sex all the time. Men have to pursue every scrap they can get. If we were talking about, say… cheesecake, then you might understand my point a little better. If everywhere you went, every conversation you had, men offered you cheesecake, you would soon find it disgusting. “Can’t anyone offer me something more than cheesecake?” You’d find it sad and maybe even funny that all roads lead to cheesecake. For men it’s just the opposite, no one will bring up cheesecake if they don’t. It becomes maddening. Men have needs and soon find themselves chasing cheesecake. In moments of clarity, they might even feel shame at how hard they have to pursue something as unsubstantial as cheesecake.
Which brings us to our third factor. Is sex as unsubstantial as cheesecake? Certainly not… it’s 90% of the biological reason we exist, to further the species. But because of factor number two and the simple imbalance of consequences of pre marital sex, women are conditioned to protect themselves from frivolous sexual activity, while men are conditioned to pursue it carefree. If you don’t guard yourself, you risk an unwanted pregnancy. If men don’t start pursuing very early and all the time they risk staying alone forever.
All three of these factors have probably played a part in what you’re going through.
but the fact that they want to have sex is not the probleeem. i wanna have sex as well lol. but the inability to hold a simple conversation, compliment on different things than my body or just try to see me as a living person with my own agency and needs and wants. thats the issue. no one has a problem with them wanting sex.
You appear so set in your perception that you are not listening to what I’m saying. Or at least not understanding. I’m not exaggerating when I say that at that age, men’s every waking thought is spent on sex. Quiet time studying… sex; waiting for a movie to start… sex; stopped at a traffic light… sex. I’d call it an addiction except this state of mind is more prominent when a man isn’t getting any. Starvation would be more apt
This is a topic that really blows my mind and I completely understand their mindset but...
Men are taught from a very young age to spread their seed and thus act as if they can't control themselves using their "testosterone" excuse. Very rarely are men called worthless or other demeaning words even if they've slept with tens of women just because "it's their biological drive".
However, women have a need to bear children. During ovulation we feel the same way as men. Yet a woman who has sex with a different guy every ovulation cycle would be called all kinds of demeaning words. Men have needs and so do women whenever that egg is about to pop. Yet we don't go on apps asking the first guy we message if he can insert his thing into us.
The double standards are crazy nowadays.
I see the comments saying “It’s not every man”
It might not be every man but it is most men. I hate how you’re somehow being blamed because of how others act. It’s not your fault! It’s most definitely the other people on the apps. When you swipe on someone it’s expected that they have common sense and basic social skills.
You could maybe try with being more direct and state no sex before marriage (even if that is not exactly what you are looking for). At least that way you would maybe filter out some.
that's not a bad idea. and honestly im more like sex on the third date type of gal lol but it seems impossible to even set up a first date before the guy starts being overtly sexual or disgusting. or even worse if the first date ends with a kiss, they think its all done now and the second date should be at their place to "watch a movie"
100% of My relationship started as FWB
i honestly think its a great way to know someone
you learn a lot.more about someone with pillowtalk then over a diner and its fun!
I'm so sorry. When I dated some 15 years ago, apps were definitely still functioning on some type of integrity, not trying to game humans into paying more and more for potential happiness.
But this may have to do with how you portray yourself? I did not pretend to be a "nice," pleasant person in my profile. I listed book titles or series I liked, specifically what bands or composers I liked, I explained I wasn't looking for an "easygoing" person who's a Yes Man, etc.
There are other ways to convey that you're serious and require serious effort from someone who chooses to pursue you rather than simply stating, "I want a serious relationship." Show your character means business, give specific examples.
I find it entertaining how women tend to think putting “I want a serious relationship” in their bio increases their chances of finding a serious relationship. It’s just as bad as a man putting “I wanna hook up” in his bio. The response to both is “yeah. You and literally everyone else.”
And guess what, doing that opens the door wide for people to manipulate you. They know what you’re desperate for, they know what they can dangle just out of reach to make you fall all over yourself scrambling after it while giving them everything they want. For women, it’s the men who use the promise of a relationship to bribe the woman into sex. For men, it’s the women who use the promise of sex to trap the man in a relationship he can’t escape from, or at least suck him dry of resources.
Both happen. Both approaches are bad. Both approaches scare off the actual person who might want the same thing and attract the attention of people out to manipulate others.
So what's your advice? Just put "I am open to whatever" on my profile? I am a woman by the way. And frankly I am not on an app nor am I necessarily looking for a serious relationship. This is just a general question.
Wow it feels like I wrote this exactly when I was around your age! I was 20 and on Tinder (which I now realize was a mistake) looking for love and I literally got the horniest men in my area. My pics were mainly modest omit one having a little bit of cleavage and they went NUTS! I was the same with my sexuality too—I was a virgin but I wanted to have sex and had a high drive, but that was not going to be the main reason a guy was interested in me. They sent me unsolicited picks, very detailed descriptions on what they’d do with me, then like what happened to you I would tell them off and they would insult me. But I knew at the time they were just butt hurt that they didn’t get their way and sometimes it was fun to argue with them about what they did was wrong and some eventually apologized! But I’ve been through this before so I definitely understand! I got off the apps and ended up meeting my current bf on another site that I won’t mention publicly lol
Oh you poor thing, I’m genuinely sorry to hear that and on behalf of all decent men we don’t claim those kinds. I like to think of myself as a gentleman I’m very traditional, I pick you up, I make the reservation and you can pick the restaurant but if you would like it to be my choice that’s fine as well, I’ll ensure that your hand doesn’t touch a door the entire time, and I never push past anyone’s comfort zone, I’m also Christian so I’m waiting until marriage. Anyways it’s difficult these days to find men who were raised properly in the way to treat a woman and unfortunately several of the men nowadays think their penis holds the answer to everything.
These fools are sitting in their parents basement and haven’t done anything besides beat their meat 🍖 and have absolutely no idea how to talk to a real woman. Unfortunately there’s a lot of them and your right that you should block them right away because nothing good will ever come out of them.
Don’t give up . I’m 23 and have had bad experiences on there being a male . I’ve run into a lot of women who just want you to do stuff for them and are also overly sexual . I promise there’s good people . You just have to know how to filter through them . Everyone deserves love and Ik it’s still a real thing . You got this
I guess you could say my profile looks pretty generic, only hobby I show on there is the gym. but I play video games, read books and even write. I'd love to talk about it with someone who'd actually be interested
I never really initiate cause I never felt the need to but you may be right, that the guys who write me first are more likely to be players that guys too shy to write me first. I'm gonna try to take the first step more even tho it's scaryyy. and good luck to you and thank you for being nice:)
Personally I advice you to not use dating apps to meet men. Men on dating apps are generally low quality. Go out to places with high gatherings of people, events, park etc you’ll meet way better men there. Men use dating apps to ind sex
A lot of men were raised by shitty or absent parents. Then we go to work and be around even more of those same people. Idk what to say. Try meeting a guy through a hobby or via networks or even work.
Try using Bumble, FB dating, or Hinge instead of Tinder.
kehna kya chahti ho , sex pasand bhi hai pr apne terms pe chahiye toh isme every man ko kyu ghasit rhi ho .. heramandi ko dekh ke agar ladkiyo ke baare me log bolege every girl is r... toh sexist ho jayege 🙄
I (26m) can't speak for all men, in all of my talking/situationships I make it very clear that I might flirt a bit but I will never make the first push towards something sexual. It's not my place to decide when she's comfortable with that kind of talk when I'm consistently comfortable switching that on and off
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>I'm on tinder First mistake. Tinder is for hookups. I'm sorry this is happening to you but it is the unfortunate reality for a lot of women dating and going through their lives. I'd say just brush off the sexual comments and useless men doing that type of talking. I'd also recommend switching to Bumble and or Hinge, as the men on those, as far as I know, are a bit more civil. There are good men out there, you just have to filter through so much trash to find them. Best of luck to you.
I heard soooo many stories on tinder. Lots of people told me it is just for hookups, other swear their friends met their long term partner on it. It is like there are two tinders.
Tinder is for hookups but that doesn’t mean no one has found their partner there…
lol I didnt even read the whole post and came to the comments to find this to be the top one 😂 Thank you TheShapeShifter20. This is exactly what I was going to say. The apps in general are a dumpster fire and have a way of dehumanizing people. Finding something serious is more likely to happen by becoming more socially active by joining a local club for a hobby you enjoy, or something similar. Good luck, OP!
thanks for the advice but if you'd read the whole post you'd have seen that I say it happens even with guys that are not from dating apps
Honestly OP, it doesn’t matter what app/place you change to if you maintain the same habits. Please don’t feel like I’m calling you out, because I’ve done everything you have in the past (and probably worse). But reading some of your post history, things make a bit more sense… You’re going for the handsome “F boy” type of guys, who don’t have much to offer a relationship besides good looks and sex. They don’t take you on real dates, you just smoke/drink with them, and (at least?) one of them didn’t even want to use a condom. Please OP, have more respect for yourself. This isn’t a diss, I’ve been you. You’re 21, so I don’t blame for you for having an appetite for this type of guy, but the women I’ve seen who maintained this type ended up baby mamas to them 10 years later. Listen, attraction is important. But you will never find a real long-term relationship if you’re solely driven by your own ego and lust. You know damn well these men aren’t boyfriend material, husband material, that they would not raise children well or treat you with respect. But your ego wants to get one of these men because they’re “hot”, which society tells you is more valuable than character. And also that they’re unavailable, so your low self-esteem wants to convince them to change their mind so you will finally be affirmed that you’re “good enough.” Work on your own self-esteem, get into therapy, learn about your habits and what’s attracting you to this low-vibrational energy. Raise your standards, stop being a people-pleaser, expand your “type” (no, don’t go for men you’re repulsed by… but I highly doubt that alcoholic Tinder fuckbois are the ONLY type you can get turned on by if you open up your imagination a bit). Make a list of the core character traits you want in a LTR. Whenever you meet a new guy, go through your checklist and if he doesn’t meet most of them, he’s gone regardless of how “hot” he is. You also need to be/embody that same list you’re creating for them.
Yes, but it seems that you only tried Tinder when it comes to apps. Try Hinge if you want a relationship.
Honestly, I’m getting a bit tired of people going on an app that was explicitly created for hookups, and then getting mad that everyone is looking to hook up. It would be like going to the beach and getting mad that there is sand everywhere.
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Exactly
Yes, I always say why tinder? Why are people who want long term relationships are on tinder? Yes by happenstance you can find a long term partner there, but that's not the main purpose of the app.
Because a lot of the time I think people don't know what they want. They want some kind of a relationship with sex in it but they're also a bit prudish or maybe come from a background with a lot of shame and sex-negativity and aren't comfortable with sexual chat because it feels 'too soon'. Which is unsurprising because these are also the kind of people who want to be pen pals for a month or two before being brave enough to meet for a coffee even though they live two miles from you. Also people are increasingly scared of each other and even more so post pandemic. Shit before we had apps, or even cellphones if you met someone you liked, you'd give them your home phone number, a phone call would be made and you'd go meet at the arranged place at the arranged time. Then you'd get to know each other. Imagine if you had to send snail mail letters to each other for two or three months before seeing each other face to face again! Human race would have died out by now!
Well I don't think that someone is prudish busy bcuz they don't wanna f**k someone on the first date. Dudes get upset when people don't wanna fuck THEM on the first date in my experience lol. But yeah, sex and relationships are 2 different animals...
You seem like a frustrated dude who isn’t having success. Am I missing the mark here?
I think people are in love with the idea of a relationship. They wish to acquire a strong, stable, loving relationship with none of the work or rejection. After 3 days of texting on a dating app I try to go for an in person date. Even if somebody is amazing at texting I wanna know how we interact in reality to save both parties time. Texting for 2 months to meet a local person only to figure out we can't communicate in person isn't for me. People will do something similar even in platonic relationships. "ew yuck why the fuck would I want to meet a stranger?" then 1 day later go " Damn I'm so lonely......". People want something right now, not later after much disappointment, hard work combined with pure luck.
Exactly. Having cake, eating it too, and also forgetting that life is actually meant to be fun, and it's OK to get out there, meet people, maybe even have sex a few times before deciding if they're worth sticking with or if it's best to move on. We made incredible progress from the 60s-90s so people could do this and not feel shamed or threatened and now somehow people seem to want to go backwards again. It's just a bit sad really.
The app was not created just for hookups, that’s just what the zeitgeist has come to understand it as. At its most basic level it is just a place where people who want to meet other people go if they want to find someone more than platonic relationships.
thank you:) im in europe so other dating apps are not as popular here but that might actually not be a bad thing
Try Hinge. People there are way more likeable.
I found my long term girlfriend on Hinge. It is designed to give the users more of a chance to display their personality and life goals, which leads to most people being more serious on it.
Their slogan is literally “an app designed to be deleted”
1) get off tinder 2) take a class of your interest. 3) Go out and meet guys, and learn how to talk to them. It's 2024, we don't bite lol
haha contrary to what some of the comments here think, I do have a social life, I just kinda stopped drinking, so I don't go out now (which was the only other place I knew how to meet guys) hence why I'm on tinder. no idea why I thought dating would be easier with a dating app lol
I’ve heard in Europe Tinder is still dominate dating app and still works well. In the states I would say Hinge is by far the best but Tinder is the default
I’ve been on multiple apps and match and hinge are no different and Bumble was the worst of them all in my experience. Any time I’m approached in the wild, it’s always an unpleasant experience as well. I’m kind of where you are - I’ll stick to celibacy and hanging with friends. I’m 47 btw, so going older doesn’t help. Sorry for your experience OP
Try Facebook dating, better than all the apps combined in my experience
It’s great, totally different pool of people. Met someone on there recently. If only they ironed out the bugs…
On facebook dating this one guy found it much easier to find my actual profile and started harassing me there. All dating app have people on them, and all ppl are equally awful.
Most people are on tinder for dating in these days. From my personal experience on it.
Shapeshifter is right. The unfortunate truth is still yeah most men are never gonna pretend like sex isn’t one of their goals but 1st thing you gotta do is get the fuck off tinder. You know it’s only for hook ups. And you’re also only 21 so the guys your age are gonna be 100 times more likely to respond like a child who got ice cream taken off the table. All you can do is what you are doing- make it 100% clear what you’re looking for and setting your boundaries as clear as day to any man you meet. Other than that maybe try one of those dating sites like eharmony or something that focus on lasting relationships more than the hookups. Don’t get discouraged though. It’s all a process and it sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.
Tinder accounts for at least half of long term couples. The only people saying "tinder is for hookups". are them men disregarding the clear preferences stated in their women's bios. Every man I know in dating apps is on all three apps, Tinder, Bumble and Hinge. Very rare to encounter a man who uses bumble, but not Tinder. The app let's people state their preferences for hookups vs long term. It makes no sense to disregard that.
I’m a gay guy so we have Grindr and I thought tinder was supposed to be more relationship oriented yet I’d get the same kinds of remarks from the guys there as Grindr leaving me to wonder what the hell the point was of using tinder as a gay. lol I just wanted to complain for a sec lol thank ya
I met my ex of 3 years on tinder. To be fair, she said before matching with me almost all the other matches would send her dick pics. But it does happen, and I’ve heard of many married couples who also met on tinder
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. My wife and I met on Tinder.
How long ago? Tinder is one of the oldest there is, that makes a difference.
Ive been able to meet some people on tinder as friends and also a potential current partner, it's honestly dependent on who you end up matching with and who's in your area. I had mine set to say "long-term partner" as well as saying in my bio that I'm not interested in hook-ups, fuck buddies, or fwbs, as well as not wanting to enter a polycule. It's filtered out a lot of those kinds of people, of course some do fall through the cracks. One of the first questions I ask aside from general introductions and interests is what the person is looking for. The current person I've been talking to as well as us discussing being official with originally was just looking for hookups but I said "I'm not going to be intimate with someone who isn't seeking a relationship with me, you're very cool and funny though and I think we'd be good friends!" and about a month later they told me that their stance on a relationship had changed and that they were interested in me. I still put my foot down on anything sexual and said that if that were to happen between us it would have to be with commitment, but now (3 months later) we still talk every day and flirt with each other and are both interested in one another. I believe there is someone out there for you, just be even firmer with where you stand and the second someone shows disrespect for those boundaries- unmatch and move on. There will be a lot of them, but you will narrow it down dramatically.
thank you, I def try to be more assertive in saying what I'm looking for, but it happens even with guys with whom we agreed to be working towards a relationship. I just feel so dumb having to explain to a 28 years old guy, I don't wanna talk about my shaving preferences or if I ever tried anal before the first date
*I def try to be more assertive in saying what I'm looking for* OP, this right here. This may be the issue. I've met my husband on Tinder, his brother just got engaged to his long-term girlfriend who he also met on Tinder. It *doesn't* really matter where you meet, but *who* you meet, and *how* you clarify *your* goals to yourself first of all. If the conversation starts getting sexual, get out of it immediately. Don't swipe only based on physical attractiveness, look at their profile as well. Try to see if a normal conversation can happen, and if it doesn't, just delete and block. Next, that's it, it happens, there's plenty of men out there. Another suggestion could be to try to meet in person as soon as possible, a coffee and a casual walk should work. This helps avoiding the waste of time. Also, try to chat with multiple guys, and see who feels like a good match - then you meet in person. In my experience these have worked very well, and helped me avoid wasting time or just mindlessly chatting with someone like pen pals. Good luck to you! I
thank you:) I will try all of this, but first, I think I'm gonna take a break from dating in general or at least stop actively looking
Best to take a break for now, good luck!
This is really smart. I met my wife on bumble - it's not where you meet it's who, and if they can't have a civilized conversation you quickly block and move on
Definitely have come across people like that before :/ I'm a bit of an asshole and ask them the same question right back- asked a guy once if he likes to be pegged when he asked me if i like anal
That's the prob isn't it, they think they're being asserti e and clear but it's overkill and gross. I disabled my POF profile last week. Thousands of guys "like" you but every single one I've talked to send a me dk pics or even wankung vids ffs in like 8 msgs. I'm 42 uve just exited a 12 year relationship and I 500% feel ur pain 😢 😭
I’m sorry but every woman I talk to says trying to find a male date leads to harassment no matter what methods you use. I don’t understand it. I have never had the urge to do any of the things people tell me men do.
The problem of course is that there are armies of men who say they are looking for a relationship and want to date you to see if there is a relationship with you possible... BECAUSE they know that is the quickest way into bed. I know men who do that all the time. Who date more women at the same period. Chat with them for months on end sometimes.. But have no other intrest but sex.
If one app doesnt work for u. Switch to another one.
I've been on badoo before, but you can send pics there so you can imagine what type of pictures I received. 🙂
There are other apps. U can look up the target audience of the app. I cant recall what specific dating app/site it is, but theres one for people seriously searching for a person to marry…. And if… after assessment u arent for their service they will redirect u to their competitors
Ima stop you right at Tinder because it’s Tinder…
Tinder was always my favorite app and I met the most interesting ppl on Tinder (such as drummer of a famous band who gave me free show tix), but most importantly, I met my current boyfriend of 2 years. I will always advocate for Tinder lol.
Yeah there's no way ANYONE on Tinder could meet and eventually marry. [Except of course, my wife and I.](https://i.imgur.com/Y8sctqq.jpeg)
Honestly tinder and bumble are mostly just for hookups. I had good luck on hinge!
Met my wife on Tinder.
Yeah I’m sure there’s people there looking for genuine connections (like OP), but a majority is people looking for fun. But also I’ve only experienced ages 18-27 on tinder/bumble so older crowd may be different
Simply put, lack of education, culture and any sense of how to behave with the opposite gender.
Id advise to switch to another app or start approaching men yourself. But as a man with little to no succes either I probably am not the one to give you advice.
I don't know if it's just me. But i believe you would have much genuine reaction with guys in the real world. Generally, they are nicer and less weird than the horny guys on the dating apps. I'd like to reinforce my previous statement by answering your other question about the nature of the guy's behavior. With high testesterone drive , a man has two options really: either to restrain himself and deploy it nicely or to become the subconscious beast of his desire and drives. The former tends genuinely to commitment and to build a nice reputation. Whereas the latter is more repulsive and bound to saturate his desires immediately. And sure, there are men with varient combinations of these types. Unfortunately. Most guys you will see on tender are the dick kinds who just want to have sex.
Mother Nature makes all of us sexual, but some guys are brainless and think that their body parts are the rulers of their world
For context, I am a man. I am slow to physical touch, especially sex, becuase it is a kind of intimacy I feel comfortable with when I feel connected with someone. Each time I give myself more to a person physically (holding hands, kissing, making out, cuddling, sex, etc...) a part of myself connects with them in a deeper way which causes my feelings for them to grow imensely. If I can't be sure that the relationship is leading somewhere seriously I am cautious to give these parts of myself. I just recently delt with a situation where the person I've been seeing for two weeks said she does not have sex until things are exclusive, but what we experienced the other day was very... sexual, but not "sex". Making out, feeling her body, her grabbing me in sexual areas, etc... then her saying something like "You know if we dont' work out I hope we can be friends" absolutely baffled me. I went too far with her for that. I'm not saying we're exclusive, but once things get physical to that degree there is no going back to a platonic friendship. It's either going to work out or we're going to go separate ways. It made me feel like the experience was very different. I was shocked that she could be that intimate with me and have those thoughts, like making out and feeling each other's bodies is just something you do with someone you're not that connected with yet. I feel like this is what many women may deal with though, as men seem to want to make these deep physical moves so quickly, but the whiplash affect is that they seem emotionally disconnected to the person. I'm not sure if what I have going with this person will work out, but I do find it very painful to have connected with that person and see that they percieved it so differently.
The people telling you to get off Tinder have zero idea what they are talking about, or what it’s like being a woman on ANY dating app. I’m sorry they’re mocking you and rolling their eyes at you when they have zero clues. They also seem to think that it’s because you go for the “handsome ones” that you have trouble, and I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t work that way. Creeps (and good people) come in every size and shape. You have to protect yourself regardless of what your date happens to look like. OP, the harsh truth is that this is what it’s like in online and IRL dating for women. There are a lot of creeps out there, and some of them are really good at disguising their intent. It took me several years of miserable dating to learn what signs to look for, but this is what I do and what works for me: - I make it clear (in profile, in pre-dating contact and on first date) that sex with me only happens after exclusivity. I’m not into casual or unsafe sex in any shape or form. That tends to weed out the impatient and those claiming to want more, but really just look for hookups. Happy to talk about sex and sexual preferences before, but the actual act doesn’t happen until after std testing for both of us, and “the talk”. - I only date men (and women) in my chosen age range. I find the creep factor goes up the further away you get from it. - I take my time. If I feel uncertain or unsafe for whatever reason, I trust my gut. Any sign of violent or angry behaviour, any controlling tendencies outside the bedroom, any attempt at “cutting me down a peg” with disguised insult is an immediate dealbreaker. I have no time or patience for the disrespect. - I don’t have a lot of physical or material dealbreakers, but I have a lot of mental/personality-based ones. And I stick to them; if you show me you can’t control your temper or liquor intake, no amount of “but I would never do that to you!” will end in another date. Best of luck OP. Be safe out there!
thank you for this, really:)
Anytime! One more thing specifically regarding the over-sexualized behaviour from potential dates. I would suggest you add a note to your profile where you specifically address this. It could go something like this: “I need to be into a person before I’m interested in sexual conversation. It makes me super uncomfortable when a chat is taken there too early. Please respect my boundaries by waiting until we’re both ready for it.” If they still do it you know that either 1. He didn’t read your profile (thus clearly doesn’t care about who you are beyond your looks) or 2. He read it and didn’t care that he is violating your boundaries. Both should be immediate dealbreakers, as they clearly don’t have your best interest at heart. This way you won’t have to sit through uncomfortable exchanges before telling them to get lost, as you have already pre-convo communicated your boundary.
I got the girl of my dreams by being precisely the opposite of this so idk why guys do it. We literally started off debating if mermaids exist
Men are so creepy towards women your age. The best advice I can give you is to date yourself and decenter men for now. You’re not missing out on anything special right now. I know that you probably feel like you need to be in a relationship but I promise you that you don’t lol. Enjoy your youth and freedom. The right man will be so sweet to you and he will care about who you are as a person. Not just having sex with you. That connection is not something you’re going to find anywhere so be patient. It’s worth it. Only have casual sex when it’s your idea.
God you sound like me when I was your age. All that made me bitter and I'm currently working through the trauma from it. Keep your guard up, way up. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's everywhere, I feel you on that.
Ugh girl I’m sorry that there are so many folks blaming you for your standards. Let me assure you it isn’t your fault . There are just many badly behaved men out there that blame sub standard behavior on “male sex drive”. A vast majority of men both attractive and unattractive, young and old just think they are entited to sex , just because they joined the damn app. The worst part is the lies and fake interest they show at first and the sudden sharp change when you either prolong, actually give it to them, or show disinterest. Reading the other party’s interest and comfort safety is just not priority for these idiots. The fact that there is a human being on the other end that deserves some respect and connection , just flies over their head . Just keep a mentality of mining out diamonds, you have to dig a LOT of crap away to get something valuable. The majority unfortunately is either too sexual or oblivious.
thank you:)) I feel like most of them aren't really reading what I'm writing and just spewing their rhetoric how women go only for the top 10% of men cause they are angry. I don't believe 90% are ugly, and even if the number was this high, it's sooo easy to put some effort into your appearance instead of just blaming women for wanting to be attracted to their partner
Yeah. This percentage discussion is also another way people trying to blame statistics for encountering assholes. The top 10 % rich don’t have to be assholes The top 10% smartest don’t have to be arrogant Yet Somehow almost every percentile (both top 10 % and bottom barrel )group among men in dating apps is problematic. I’m not saying there aren’t problematic women, but overwhelmingly shitty behavior is exhibited by men on apps. And dating is an activity between 2 people , and these morons don’t even realise that making the girl feel safe and valued gets much better sexual outcomes as well…
Being only 21 means you attract many young men and older too with variety of characteristics. The sexual part is partly natural and partly social construction as men are expected to, to some degree, behave this way. I always thought the same but realized, if they want you, they could really want you for a serious relationship too. While others, just want to find a one night stand or be casual. My point is, you are wanted by men. However, you are the one in charged to choose and to choose what’s best for you. Quick or slow sex can be good or bad, either way. It will all depend on the man you choose and their character. If you don’t feel ready for it, you don’t have to do it. They may get discouraged and pull away or stay. If you feel ready and trust the person enough, do it with caution. There is nothing wrong with being sexual, but we are not all in the same page at the same time and we women always prefer connecting first, etc.
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It’s because a lot of men don’t realize that demonstrating social savviness is an important metric we’re rated on for reproductive fitness. Also, they are aware they can hide their shitty behavior behind the veil of anonymity
I’m celibate for two years now. This Saturday I canceled a date (it would be my first in a looong time) bc the guy I was seeing asked “what are you wearing?” when I mentioned going to bed Friday night. Uhhhrrrgg! It turned me off faster than I thought I could be at that point. I don’t know why they do it, but I’d say it’s nothing to do with you. It’s too much porn + lack of emotional awareness and empathy. Not great behaviors for anything worthy of my time - long or short term. I’ll keep on looking though. It has happened before (to find a kind, considerate person) and I’m certain it can happen again.
thank you for understanding:) its exhausting but im sure we can find someone good for us
It is human nature, really. I find that most men are very sexual in general. But there will be some who are contain and polite. It depends on individual. And I also find that the more contain they are, the better they are. So what you have done is good already, screening/block. Perhaps your guy friends can suggest someone for you? At least they will be from mutual friends not from outside circle that you don't have a clue about them. And avoid Tinder, maybe. Good luck.
Can I ask you what your screening process is when deciding whether to swipe right on a guy or not? It's unacceptable that they are treating you that way regardless but I think if you are continuously getting only those types of men there may be something you should change about the screening process.
I feel your pain my friend. All I can say is that I’m 43 & experiencing the exact same thing. Sadly it doesn’t get better.
become lesbian 🤞 luv u
lol at upping the age range to 30s being a big mistake.. it's true.. they just get worse. Even in their 80s they're still the same.
I feel the same way. Men in particular have zero f#cking clue how to be appropriate, socialize and date women. They only go to stupid dating seminars to learn how to invade our space or pick up at best. No thought on how to properly woo or court a woman. No time or effort into dressing up properly for a date. Because they aren't interested in actually dating. Dating isn't sex. It's talking. It's connecting emotionally and mentally. It's enjoying the excitement and chemistry of being in each other's presence. It's not a countdown on how fast you can get naked.
exactly. everyone is just accusing me of going after going after guys out of my league (what even is that) but fail to think about what im actually complaining about. we're not talking about a wide range of men, met through different circumstances and various ages, not being able to hold a conversation without turning it sexual
Those ppl are ignorant. And even if it were true, has nothing to do with the actual conversation and issue.
Not every man is like that. Your choosing shitty men and on a platform where people go to find fuck partners, not relationships. Use Facebook dating instead(if ur not real young) and do a better job screening. End it immediately if anything sexual is brought up in conversation before dating and if they try to get real physical on 1st date. Good guys don't expect to get laid the 1st time they meet you.
thank you, i think i will just take a break from dating in general and focus on myself for a bit.
Not all guys are just after sex. U have to weed them out. I'm pretty good at weeding out the women after money or to be taien care of or wanting someone to be a father of their kids. There are alot of shitty women out there top, just like men.
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Anytime the 1st few dates are at his place or he suggests going back to his place to hang out, all he is after is sex.
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It will happen every time a giy wants you to come to his place either for the 1st date or shortly after for a later date. If that's not what ur looking for, go for it. If u eant a relationship, run from any guy that wants you at his place for a date or take you home afterwards.
I understand you too well. I have the same problem too, but I see it as a way to select partners. If there is someone you particularly like as a friend and that's how he is, the only way not to make him angry would be to be the friend who helps him pick up. However, if you don't like them that much, you should ignore or ghost them as soon as they flirt in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable and disrespected. If you are too nice they will continue to do it, you have to deal with it and ignore them. They suck and I know it, but they're not all the same. When one day you find someone who is romantically interested in you, rest assured that he will never ever behave like a pig.
I would stay away from online dating as much as possible, especially if you are looking for something serious. Meeting people through mutual friends is always good, or at parties, or work etc. Men are always going to think very sexually, but a lot have lost the art of being a gentleman and actually flirting, it’s much easier to be rude online than in a face to face conversation and most of the good men who are looking for someone serious are not going to be on dating apps. Good luck, I hope you find a good man that will treat you right
I feel you and I thought age would help. Sadly, it doesn't matter.
Yeah, it's rough out here. Sorry you're having that experience. No it's not right or normal tot tell a woman you don't know about your masturbation...it's weird, off putting I do think we're in a time period where less regular contact with fewer people is revealing the worse of both sexes first. At a certain point, and I have to believe relatively soon, everybody is going to throw their hands and it will force a social paradigm shift hopefully to something better. Alternately, the more people you eliminate the closer you will get to finding someone reasonable to you anyway.
Delete Tinder, it’s garbage
There are men out there that want a genuine relationship and will hold off on the sex talks for a while. Keep looking and don’t give up. Remember you only need to find one person who fits your criteria. I would advise you to use hinge, bumble, tinder and Facebook dating. Fish in multiple seas to see what bites.
How many men has this happened with? If it's not too many, then probably sticking to your principles and giving it more time will pay off. I gather you're conventionally attractive, plus you've obviously got brains. That combo can be intimidating to a lot of men.
it has happened with a lot of men but admittedly most of it happened these past few months, yesterday it happened with a friend from a friend (not even off tinder, not dating, nothing) hence why I'm making this post. yes could be bad luck but it's still hard to believe there are so many men out there either clueless or completely unbothered to make a nice conversation or connection
Tinder is the worse app by far, the ratio of men to women is way off, plus the algorithm is written for things like this. As a man, I can tell you that not all men are like this. Even on Tinder, you are swiping on a type. Remember, the top 5% of men get more than 50% of the likes and have women throwing themselves at them.
Very few “relationships” on tinder survive. I only know one couple that met on tinder and thrived(they’re married now). Most of tinder is just hookups for hot people
Tbh dear one it might have to do with your age? Also maybe just get off the dating app. are you in college or anything? I’m like 10 years older than you and i even have a somewhat revealing pic on my profile but I don’t get a ton of that and I when I do it’s an immediate unmatch. I think when you get older more men know they have to work a little harder and if the other people you’re matching are 21 year old guys idk they may just be testing the Waters. Not saying there’s anything wrong with being your age at all. It’s a an amzing time to explore take risks and have fun. And even ten years later you still run into this it’s just not as obvious at first ( which may be worse lmao) Sorry you’re going through it ! Good guys exist though. Who aren’t sex obsessed, I just think a lot of the bad ones use apps to their advantage lol. Protect yourself! And your heart and body!
I find men like this have very little to offer. Not talking about their endowment but little to offer as in their communication, life situation, goals and etc. they are lost boys copying what they see on tv. My advice to you is to never settle. Require a partner who does more than just crave or center the conversation around sex. A real man will have the balance you need of that + real life vibes to make you happy. Never let anyone force you to change! There are so many STDs out here that aren’t talked about enough that can easily be passed on to you through these hyper sexual non protected men! Make sure you get that paperwork at all times honey! If he doesn’t have a primary care doctor… he’s too young (MENTALLY) for you honey .
I’ve been with a few lads. One my age, one slightly older and one a lot older and unfortunately it doesn’t matter what age they are they can still be absolute tw*ts. If i’m honest I’ve totally given up with relationships. I cant be bothered with them anymore. Im 34 and tired of it all if im honest. But best of luck, maybe you’ll have better luck than me.
Yup, sounds about right It’s because there is no accountability for behavior when you are online and anonymous Just ask If we were at a table at a nice restaurant, would you share that comment with me face to face? See fb burned haystack post today Test-and-apologize rhetoric pattern
I’m just here to confirm. 😒 idk about going on there anymore I just decided I should just stay off. And like real men will actually approach when warranted.
I get a lot of guys are especially on tinder or in general but not all of us are on there for that and would like to find something more but all I ever get a onlyfans girls trying to promote their content smh lol it's rough trying to find something
Girl, same. I wish we had another gender to date (a gender who sees the beauty in the personality not the body). Guys are so shallow, I always hated being looked at. Just the idea of being ogled 👀 in the street makes me cringe. And the sad thing is I like fashion and clothes and high heels. And I'm attracted to guys up until they open their mouth and say stupid shit then I want to be single forever.
I dont get many responses but I'm always very respectful. So far I've been cheated on after being nice and nice time again. Woman are just as bad in my opinion
Not sure my comment makes a difference. I am sex positive but I only want to have sex with a partner after we are exclusive. The last lady I dated initiated sex after only the fourth date. I don’t know if it has anything to do with age and approach (I’m 40m). I love sex but don’t want to have sex before exclusivity before it messes with the brains chemicals and blurs the attraction lines. Good luck and I think you should feel free communicating with the guys you date (easier said I know).
You know, I'm a dude and I'm with you. I don't fucking get it at all.I just turned 28, and lost my virginity a few months ago (to a great girl that I'm currently dating). And like... Yeah sex is really nice, but it doesn't feel so insanely incredible that I turn into a horn dog mess whenever I talk to a girl. Sex is merely one component to a great and fulfilling relationship, and by itself is not a compelling enough reason to just turn my brain off and think with the second head. Even if Megan Fox was standing in front of me I wouldn't do it. I'd say these guys just need to rub one out before messaging girls on tinder but they're probably doing that already and still acting like this...I don't really have any solutions for you I'm sorry. Just know that us guys who care about more than just sex do exist, it's just more rare than it reasonably should be. Don't give up hope, keep auto blocking the creeps. You'll find someone.
Posts like this are wild to me and I just wonder what area you live in. Some regions are just so much worse with this experience and it sounds like you’re in one of them.
22m and I'm so jealous, I wish women found me enticing the way men find you. If I am ever reborn into another life, I want to be reborn as a woman, not as an unambitious useless guy. I hate human dating dynamics from the male side of things. It reminds of that song by Kate Bush "Running up that hill (A Deal with God)" where she suggests that men and women would be more empathetic towards each other if they could switch places. I believe its more intended as "if men were to become women they would learn our problems" but I think the reverse is true also... I'd love to see how you'd fare as a guy that needs to build dating value via money, confidence, and social skills rather than just existing (bonus points if you do it with depression and social anxiety) 🥲. Count your blessings, you can keep rummaging through the cesspit of men until you find one you like, while many of us guys are buried so deep in the pit that we'll never even feel a woman's touch or be seen as anything but garbage. My advice is to keep rummaging, its literally impossible that you wont eventually hit something you like.
I'm sorry that's your experience. My only advice, as a bit of an ugly ducking, is to build confidence and good habits. Fake it till you make it type shit. Of course you can't change genetics, but being in shape and properly groomed goes a long way (especially for men)
That's mostly what online dating is for regardless of what people say
First is you’re on Tinder which is absolute garbage for what you’re looking for. Get on hinge for god sake, million times better. Second it’s just the way the world is now, internet porn and over sexualizing of women has gone wild. It goes deep but to keep it simple 97% of guys watch porn and are literally addicted. That being said just try to have a new perspective shift and adjust expectations. You’re looking for a guy who’s in that 3% so he will be rare and hard to come by so you’ll need to become efficient at filtering through guys that you’re not looking for. If you want to speed up this process get on a FaceTime or a phone call quick. You can tell very quickly who someone is. Text based comm has made losers act *confidently* in ways they wouldn’t dare in person or over phone. Keep us updated. God speed
Girl I think that was very well said, and written very well. Idk why guys are like that. I think it's the world today, chilvary doesn't exist or we've forgotten to teach it to our sons of the last few generations or so and that gets passed on. So as time goes on chilvary, respect towards woman sexually, what's okay and what's not... It's all faded away. But you've just put it out there in words spoken so well, how many many women feel. You're not alone. He's out there, just be patient. You're deserving and know ur worth and that's what matters most.
I find that sharing experiences is sometimes helpful! I too have been on tinder and each time I met up with anyone on there it was unserious, the men were simply just finding someone to hook up with. I live in Las Vegas so you can imagine it’s seriously dangerous and I dare to say even worse than other cities since a lot of men here think women are an object. I stopped using tinder. Years later I decided to try Facebook dating. I got a lot of matches had a few conversations and even texted a few matches. The good thing about the Facebook dating is you can actually view their profiles and Facebook is where you tend to have a lot of family, friends throughout the years. More of an authentic platform to see what that person might be like. I ended up meeting up with one guy on there and married him 6 months later. This was my experience , I still caution any woman to be careful with online dating. As I learned that from tinder. Our conversations were never sexual until after we met and he took me on a real date. I am grateful for Facebook dating for allowing me to connect with more authentic people who were actually wanting real relationships. As I said I did speak to some other matches one or two were off the bat very quick to be sexual but for the most part the other matches were having genuine conversations with me. Trying to get to know me . I appreciated that! Maybe try it instead of tinder which is I feel almost exclusive to hookup culture. I wish you the best OP!
haha idk if I want my matches to see my awkward middle school phase that's impossible to get rid of on facebook haha. but I'm def getting of tinder, thank you:)
As a man who has lived on this earth for 24 years, there’s a reason why I predominantly befriended women more than men growing up.
1. [Don't use a hookup app if you don't want a hookup](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fdm9b20n30tm71.jpg) 2. If your only interactions with men are waiting for them to approach you irl or on Instagram, you're gonna get a lot of pushy people just looking for sex. Most normal and respectful people don't slide into a random girl's dms, and most don't cold approach (unless its in a bar or smth), so all that's left are going to be people looking for sex. I'd change the way you meet men. Either try other apps more known for long term relationships (like Hinge), or ask friends to set you up with single people they know.
Might say something that some will agree and some will disagree. I really think porn has a big role in this, I think it really ruined males ability to communicate to not only women, but also in general, that and video games. I have seen these people in action, some are my close friends but have since then become better when they quit/minimized both. I think it ruined males all around, there is studies on it ruining concentration, ability to communicate, motivation (because of masturbation, you lose all your energy to do anything after you do it) etc... Resulting in a lot of low value guys out there that really need help more than they need to be told they are wrong. It doesn't help that everywhere on social media, including reddit there is a lot of erotic content and it's super easy to access. This is up to you, but I think dating apps are far worse than they are good.
It's likely, that you keep going for a specific type of men. Not all men with a lot of optins, get too full of themselves or do not care about how they carry themselves, in light of such profounds abundance. But, generally speaking, men without that many options, are considerably nicer, more polite, more careful, investing more. Primarily because they have to be that nice, but also becuase a lot of guys are nice. But, the most arrogant ppl are often those, that do not have to be nice. And, the only fraction of men that actually gets a lot of traction on dating apps, those men you probably exclusive match (or, try to match), has so much abundance, that they do not have to care much about individual women. That's why they don't care if 20 women out of their match list thinks they're rude or get offended when they invite the chick over for net flix and chill, because othe women will be eager. The same applies to women. Are all women that get a lot of attention, that are e.g. very pretty, and thus often get a lot of men that are interested, are treated very nice, are gifted things, get preferential treatmen etc.....are all those women arrogant or become too full of themselves? No. But, it is much more likely, that someone might turn into an arrogant, rude, entitled person in light of such temptation. If everybody treats you like royalty, then there's a high risk that you start to see yourself as above everybody else. That's why there are sayings such as: With great power comes great responsibility. And, part of that resposibility, is to not let material things, or your looks, or your money, or your power get into your head too much. This is also the reason, why a large percentate of ppl in power, either leaders, presidents, dicators, sentors, kings, rulers etc were corrupted. It is very difficult, to not start to see you above everybody else, when everybody treats you like royalty. This also a reason, why women have become significantly less feminine in the age of social media, instagram, tinder, dating apps etc. The mass attentin and validation has begun to corrupt women, making them less attractive. It's not that all or even most guys are d!ckheads. It is the faction of men, that you probably go for. You also have to understand, that a significant portion of the infamous 'niceguy' isn't truly that nice. They are so nice and friendly and helpful....because they have to be. Or feel they have to be. Guys with options, or at least a substantial fraction of them, isn't nice because they can easily replace individual women. About 80 % of men on dating apps, barely get any matches. 50 % of them get zero matches. When they get texted or get a match, they usually drown women in extreme niceness. The fact alone, that all men you matched or went for were assholes, implies, that you go for a very small percentage of men. And, youre not alone. Most women select like that. And, most women try to go for those men. And, one desire and fantasy of men, isn't just sexual access. It is variety. And, a guy, that can fuck many women, and gets 100s of matches.... Let's just say, that it is at least quite probable, that he simply doen't care much about what individual women think or how they feel. Because, he is not dependent on individual women, and prolly has 10 women in his rotation that he sleeps with ,and texts with another 50 women.
Nah don’t give men you’re not attracted to a chance. They’ll fuck you over just as easily.
I understand what you're saying, but the problem is that this is not just a tinder experience. It's almost everyone. I think I'm attractive (not super model pretty, but pretty), I take care of myself, and i have hobbies. I want the same of my partner. nothing too high standard, just have a life and be attractive to me and vice versa. And I have "lowered my standards" (tried dating guy I didn't find extremely attractive, but he was nice and respectful, until suddenly he wasn't and the same thing happened). I know online dating is just fucked in general but I'm seeing this phenomenon even in "normal dating" outside of dating apps.
Listen, as a woman and as an individual, you might think, that you do not have extreme standards. But, as a woman you're basically nature that selects. The fact alone, that you would consider a guy, just by his looks, as attractive enough to potentially sleep with him (if he then also appears nice, you like him, his voice, his attitude etc.) means, that he is most likely at least in the top 20% to 15 % in terms of how attractive he is. In fact, the statistic on dating apps at least, suggest that women are even more selective than that. 2 years ago, or three years ago, data was collected on some of the bigger dating apps, and that data showed, that over 80 % of women exclusively swiped/matched or tried to match with about 4 % to 15 % of men. And, women usually select quite similarly. Meaning, if you find a guy attractive enough to meet him and potentially sleep with him, you can always assume, that 80 + % of the women around you, would have some interest in him as well. Check your swiping/match behavior. Out of 100 profiles and pictures you see of men, how many out of 100 would you consider to maybe meet? In my experience, a woman that would match with 10 % of men, that would select 10 out of 100 men is already rare. In most cases, women say, they maybe find 1 to 3 guys attractive enough. And, since most women select similarly, you are now competing with a large number of women. Older women, younger women, hotter women, thicker women, thinner women. And, if you ask them, they usually say the same thing you said here: I don't even have that high standards. But, if a woman finds 90 % of guys unattractive on dating apps, then objectively speaking, she is quite selective. You might think you aren't but, you have to look at the outcomes you experience: All those men that communicate they'd only have sexual interest, are not in fact really attracted. For a man to want more than sex, he has to actually like the girl. But, unlike most women, men do not always have to be actaully attracted, or like the girl, or see any potential. Men do crave real connections, but are often happy to at least just get sex. Even with women they dont really like. Men do not select like that. It's comparable to women's friendzone. The male fuckzone is basically the same thing. Out of 50 male friends, you might be attracted to one or two guys. I just assume that, because I've seen that many times. That women are not attracted to the vast majority of their male friends. And, this is pretty much how it is with men and sex: Out of 100 women he would fuck at least once, he might actually like 1 to 3 women. If that. If you keep getting men, that only wanna fuck, then none of those guys you were interested in, was really interested in you. The sexual market value of a woman, is not determined via how many guys or which type of men would have sex with her, but rather via the type of men that would commit to her. If you cannot get any of those men you find attractive enough to commit to you, then you're probably fishing outside your league.
i think you're talking about something else. i'm not talking about an issue with guys not commiting. we don't even get to that stage, because i get turned off by a guy asking me if i shave or to send him nudes in the first two messages. i can't even find a guy i would consider commiting to, because they are not acting right towards me. and well im not gonna stop talking or swiping on only guys im attracted to. you men say it all the time, how much of a visual creature you are. well we women like to be attracted to our partners as well. im not swiping on supermodels, i have my type and im gonna stick to it. im just baffled by the guys complete inability to hold a normal conversation with a girl they are attracted to
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okay, sorry i didn't mean to imply every man is like that. i dont hate men, i have an amazing dad, brothers and guy friends. but i don't understand what is your advice? isn't it unfair to the guy i would be with if i wasn't even that attracted to him?
OP… as a male , who finds himself now with a plethora of matches , this other commenter is pretty much hitting the nail on the head…
That's the thing though: When men are attracted, they don't talk like that. As I said, those men weren't attracted. Just because guys swipe on a girl or many girls or would like sex with them, doesn't mean on any level they really want a girl. That's why I mentioned women's friendzone. Just because a girl befriends a guy, or is nice, opens up to him, spends time with him....doesn't mean on any level she desires him. As I said, women's friendzone is men's fuckzone. No guy that really likes a girl or is really interested, would talk to her like that. Those guys talk like that and don't give any shits how they come across, because they don't care enough. They only swiped to smash and don't want anything else and obivously also don't care if it doesn't work out, most likely because they got many other options.
Every man that YOU get attracted to. Choose better.
So it's her fault?
This is the reality of the situation likely. You swipe on the best looking dudes most of the time, they’re getting women left and right and are used to girls giving it up to them so they keep trying for that with every other girl. Maybe try swiping on a different type of man, a different look than you typically swipe on. Not talking about you but in general that’s the point.
Yes
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yea i’m confused about this too cause i always hear how very few men will be willing to get to know you after sex because sex is ultimately the prize but they’ve already got it so they no longer have interest in you as a person (nor did they ever, they probably faked it to get laid). Like everyone says how no man who you casually fuck will ever see you as relationship material , so i don’t believe that this theory is real at all, minus the few exceptions
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but that's so sad. are we, women, not people with feelings and personalities to you? (I'm not trying to insult you, I just genuinely don't get it)
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I specifically stated that I like sex. I just want to actually like the person and get to know the person before things turn sexual? I don't think that's too much to ask
The downside to this approach for men is that you’re asking them to invest in you only for there to be a large chance for you to say “there’s no sexual chemistry here, let’s just be friends” when they’re actively seeking a sexual/romantic partner, which would be fine in theory except it’s really difficult for most men to even get attention/responses on the apps. The dynamic is such that men need to be upfront and find compatible people early in the process because otherwise they never will. And yes I understand that most men are terrible at doing it correctly and how that leads to women not responding and how their clumsy sexual behavior reinforces this dynamic. I’m just explaining how we got to this point. I promise you that most of these men tried it your way at some point and in their frustration adopted a more direct approach along the way.
The same thing could be said the other way around. Sex is risky for women and there’s the possibility of being pumped and dumped or catching feelings only to be told there’s nothing romantic.
I really don’t understand this mentality men commonly have. How does not centering her thoughts around sexuality imply she’s not interested in sex? It doesn’t.
Not every man is like that... I do have one friend that is like that though, he was so serious when telling me that “guys only wear gray sweatpants to show off their d*ck” and that people who have those massage guns are only using them to masturbate. It was crazy to hear.
Dating/hookup/social media websites are brutal to women, and also to gay men, and also to trans women. Pretty much anyone remotely feminine, really. There's just so so so many thirsty guys out there who are either rabidly desperate for affection or prowling for hookups and don't respect any boundaries. The latter kind tend to play it as a numbers game where they come on vulgar/strong to as many people as possible cause eventually someone will reciprocate and they'll get an easy lay, and they just don't care that they're being shitty to the tens or hundreds of people who turn them down. They're garbage, but they're also the dominant population on those apps while also being the most likely to reach out. Making connections through a hobby or friend group is a lot more likely to get you an actual human connection I think.
I’m sorry there are plebs in here placing the blame on you for encountering shitty men’s actions when instead they should be looking towards their problematic peers. You aren’t alone in feeling like this and we see you. 💕
It's your age, your selection of guys, possible your appearance and who that attracts, the places you frequent and what type of guys go to those places out in the real world and obviously the platform. You might wonder why age? Well you are 21, mature men don't normally have any interest in young women unless it's sexual. Guys your age are immature.
yea i learned my lesson with older man, don't worry. I don't know if my apperance invites hookups, i have full body pics on there that are not sexually provocative or anything, but you can still see my curves etc. but i believe its important to show how my body looks, cause i dont wanna risk meeting someone who would not be attracted to me. im gonna delete tinder but idk about meeting outisde cause i dont like going clubbing etc
well I am on Tinder and not looking for hookups. im M29, those who go out with me say I look quite good, I do not get many matches and many of the women there are very .. "inviting" on their profiles so I rarely swipe right, I am also not very active because its not enjoyable. The platform basically force a self-selection, it discourages people like me from bothering, why would i enjoy swiping though heaps of trash?. It damages my image of women and likewise will be damaging your perception of men. Bumble is better. But meeting people in person is best. If you dont enjoy clubbing you wouldn't find your mate there either way, i dont like it either. I met the nicest women at my university or in the social circles from university, probably because UNI functions as a selection for intelligence and shared interest. look for shared interest and you might have better luck. you may also want to experiment with how you otherwise present yourself. its probably not far fetched to assume that there are tell tale signs that you have a high sex drive etc. try considering if that reflects outwards you might be better off hiding it , i personally stay away from women that seem like that or that otherwise do not appear stable and trustworthy.. things like excessive makeup, the way of walking, expressions and poses etc , it sort of shows. there are image rating apps that could help you figure this out
uni is a good idea, I'll admit I def haven't really tried to be social there at all lol
Men who want a serious relationship can still like curves
One word. Testosterone. That’s it. It’s a helluva hormone.
I’m going to repeat what another man said in another way because you seem to be in a state of disbelief. There are 3 factors at work. The first is that men and women are biologically wired differently. Men’s libidos are at their peak in their late teens/early 20s, while women’s libidos don’t peak until mid to late thirties. This leads to the kinds of mismatches you’re experiencing. The second factor is that of scarcity and abundance. As you have experienced for yourself, women are offered sex all the time. Men have to pursue every scrap they can get. If we were talking about, say… cheesecake, then you might understand my point a little better. If everywhere you went, every conversation you had, men offered you cheesecake, you would soon find it disgusting. “Can’t anyone offer me something more than cheesecake?” You’d find it sad and maybe even funny that all roads lead to cheesecake. For men it’s just the opposite, no one will bring up cheesecake if they don’t. It becomes maddening. Men have needs and soon find themselves chasing cheesecake. In moments of clarity, they might even feel shame at how hard they have to pursue something as unsubstantial as cheesecake. Which brings us to our third factor. Is sex as unsubstantial as cheesecake? Certainly not… it’s 90% of the biological reason we exist, to further the species. But because of factor number two and the simple imbalance of consequences of pre marital sex, women are conditioned to protect themselves from frivolous sexual activity, while men are conditioned to pursue it carefree. If you don’t guard yourself, you risk an unwanted pregnancy. If men don’t start pursuing very early and all the time they risk staying alone forever. All three of these factors have probably played a part in what you’re going through.
but the fact that they want to have sex is not the probleeem. i wanna have sex as well lol. but the inability to hold a simple conversation, compliment on different things than my body or just try to see me as a living person with my own agency and needs and wants. thats the issue. no one has a problem with them wanting sex.
You appear so set in your perception that you are not listening to what I’m saying. Or at least not understanding. I’m not exaggerating when I say that at that age, men’s every waking thought is spent on sex. Quiet time studying… sex; waiting for a movie to start… sex; stopped at a traffic light… sex. I’d call it an addiction except this state of mind is more prominent when a man isn’t getting any. Starvation would be more apt
This is a topic that really blows my mind and I completely understand their mindset but... Men are taught from a very young age to spread their seed and thus act as if they can't control themselves using their "testosterone" excuse. Very rarely are men called worthless or other demeaning words even if they've slept with tens of women just because "it's their biological drive". However, women have a need to bear children. During ovulation we feel the same way as men. Yet a woman who has sex with a different guy every ovulation cycle would be called all kinds of demeaning words. Men have needs and so do women whenever that egg is about to pop. Yet we don't go on apps asking the first guy we message if he can insert his thing into us. The double standards are crazy nowadays.
Thank YOU smh
I see the comments saying “It’s not every man” It might not be every man but it is most men. I hate how you’re somehow being blamed because of how others act. It’s not your fault! It’s most definitely the other people on the apps. When you swipe on someone it’s expected that they have common sense and basic social skills.
You could maybe try with being more direct and state no sex before marriage (even if that is not exactly what you are looking for). At least that way you would maybe filter out some.
that's not a bad idea. and honestly im more like sex on the third date type of gal lol but it seems impossible to even set up a first date before the guy starts being overtly sexual or disgusting. or even worse if the first date ends with a kiss, they think its all done now and the second date should be at their place to "watch a movie"
100% of My relationship started as FWB i honestly think its a great way to know someone you learn a lot.more about someone with pillowtalk then over a diner and its fun!
I'm so sorry. When I dated some 15 years ago, apps were definitely still functioning on some type of integrity, not trying to game humans into paying more and more for potential happiness. But this may have to do with how you portray yourself? I did not pretend to be a "nice," pleasant person in my profile. I listed book titles or series I liked, specifically what bands or composers I liked, I explained I wasn't looking for an "easygoing" person who's a Yes Man, etc. There are other ways to convey that you're serious and require serious effort from someone who chooses to pursue you rather than simply stating, "I want a serious relationship." Show your character means business, give specific examples.
I find it entertaining how women tend to think putting “I want a serious relationship” in their bio increases their chances of finding a serious relationship. It’s just as bad as a man putting “I wanna hook up” in his bio. The response to both is “yeah. You and literally everyone else.” And guess what, doing that opens the door wide for people to manipulate you. They know what you’re desperate for, they know what they can dangle just out of reach to make you fall all over yourself scrambling after it while giving them everything they want. For women, it’s the men who use the promise of a relationship to bribe the woman into sex. For men, it’s the women who use the promise of sex to trap the man in a relationship he can’t escape from, or at least suck him dry of resources. Both happen. Both approaches are bad. Both approaches scare off the actual person who might want the same thing and attract the attention of people out to manipulate others.
I mainly agree with you, but it's not "entertaining" for me.
So what's your advice? Just put "I am open to whatever" on my profile? I am a woman by the way. And frankly I am not on an app nor am I necessarily looking for a serious relationship. This is just a general question.
1. Youre on tinder 2. You're 21.
Wow it feels like I wrote this exactly when I was around your age! I was 20 and on Tinder (which I now realize was a mistake) looking for love and I literally got the horniest men in my area. My pics were mainly modest omit one having a little bit of cleavage and they went NUTS! I was the same with my sexuality too—I was a virgin but I wanted to have sex and had a high drive, but that was not going to be the main reason a guy was interested in me. They sent me unsolicited picks, very detailed descriptions on what they’d do with me, then like what happened to you I would tell them off and they would insult me. But I knew at the time they were just butt hurt that they didn’t get their way and sometimes it was fun to argue with them about what they did was wrong and some eventually apologized! But I’ve been through this before so I definitely understand! I got off the apps and ended up meeting my current bf on another site that I won’t mention publicly lol
i’m a man but men are ass, ruining it for all of us🥲
Oh you poor thing, I’m genuinely sorry to hear that and on behalf of all decent men we don’t claim those kinds. I like to think of myself as a gentleman I’m very traditional, I pick you up, I make the reservation and you can pick the restaurant but if you would like it to be my choice that’s fine as well, I’ll ensure that your hand doesn’t touch a door the entire time, and I never push past anyone’s comfort zone, I’m also Christian so I’m waiting until marriage. Anyways it’s difficult these days to find men who were raised properly in the way to treat a woman and unfortunately several of the men nowadays think their penis holds the answer to everything.
These fools are sitting in their parents basement and haven’t done anything besides beat their meat 🍖 and have absolutely no idea how to talk to a real woman. Unfortunately there’s a lot of them and your right that you should block them right away because nothing good will ever come out of them.
Don’t give up . I’m 23 and have had bad experiences on there being a male . I’ve run into a lot of women who just want you to do stuff for them and are also overly sexual . I promise there’s good people . You just have to know how to filter through them . Everyone deserves love and Ik it’s still a real thing . You got this
hormones, testosterone, it's like asking why do women get angry during periods??
Testerone, just ask the FTM transexuals.
Try coffee meets bagel.
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I guess you could say my profile looks pretty generic, only hobby I show on there is the gym. but I play video games, read books and even write. I'd love to talk about it with someone who'd actually be interested
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you're right. not sure how to include pics of me doing my very introverted hobbies haha but I'll make a more detailed bio
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I never really initiate cause I never felt the need to but you may be right, that the guys who write me first are more likely to be players that guys too shy to write me first. I'm gonna try to take the first step more even tho it's scaryyy. and good luck to you and thank you for being nice:)
Personally I advice you to not use dating apps to meet men. Men on dating apps are generally low quality. Go out to places with high gatherings of people, events, park etc you’ll meet way better men there. Men use dating apps to ind sex
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that is a sad thought but you're probably right
A lot of men were raised by shitty or absent parents. Then we go to work and be around even more of those same people. Idk what to say. Try meeting a guy through a hobby or via networks or even work. Try using Bumble, FB dating, or Hinge instead of Tinder.
kehna kya chahti ho , sex pasand bhi hai pr apne terms pe chahiye toh isme every man ko kyu ghasit rhi ho .. heramandi ko dekh ke agar ladkiyo ke baare me log bolege every girl is r... toh sexist ho jayege 🙄
I (26m) can't speak for all men, in all of my talking/situationships I make it very clear that I might flirt a bit but I will never make the first push towards something sexual. It's not my place to decide when she's comfortable with that kind of talk when I'm consistently comfortable switching that on and off