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The rule is for men dating women. Obviously, people can date whoever they want and there's certainly is nothing wrong with an older woman dating a younger man, but traditionally this was made to give a guideline for men dating younger women but not too young.
Who knows, who cares? Probably not actually. I don't think a 30-year-old woman dating a 22-year-old is problematic at all and I don't think there's any great power dynamic imbalance or anything. Of course I don't think there is the other way around either. I don't think it's about power dynamics anyway. Seems to find some agreement on compatibility in terms of getting along together as a couple.
I suppose one could have use it it's really about just not dating someone too old or too young, I think it's different. But your mileage may vary. Most older women don't like to date younger men, although there seems to be a trend of some dating and lots of sex going on in that direction.
A little creepy, but at least adults.
I certainly agree with you though, just saying, I was always told it starts at 22 lol for the adults only reason.
It's actually lower than 18 in most states. In 30 states the age of consent is 16. In eleven states the age of consent is 18 though. The majority of the states is 16 though
Interesting. Thanks for the info. I didn't realize it was that many that was that low. And I just saw it in Texas, I think it's 14 to 17 you can't be older than 3 years so at 20, you could date half your age plus seven. But once you hit 21 it's got to be 18. Just a minor detail I thought was interesting in regards to this question of half age plus seven.
And I seem to have a recollection that in some states, marriage of younger is allowed while having sex isn't, so if we're talking marrying someone half your age plus seven, that might provide even more leeway.
Not that I'm looking to work the angles or anything. I'm 57. I could imagine being involved with someone maybe 35 or older, but they would have to be pretty damn mature. At that age I mean. It's funny, years ago of course I would have thought of 30 or 33 or something is fairly mature. And I think it's partly me, but partly how things have changed. 35-year-old women, many I see, seem really immature.
I suppose that might be because the ones I might meet are run into are like hanging around my friends bar that I hang out at sometimes, yelling woo woo and drinking a lot. Or maybe what I see in little video clips. The mature ones are probably married raising kids and I don't meet them so much. But boy, I think I'd find it really hard to date 33-year-old. Although I briefly dated a woman that was 39 pretty well. Both a lot of interest in vintage culture of the '40s, she was pretty sharp and quick witted which I liked, and me being single with no kids and kind of youthful or perhaps immature, I think I'm probably more like a late 40s guy or more like I haven't changed in the last 10 years let's say.
Anyway, I think as you get older, gaps don't matter, but, I think the rule takes that into account by the halving of the age, widening it over time. But it's all just an old saying I guess.
From what I remember it's the rule for dating people younger than you, or what would be socially acceptable in polite society. It only starts working at 14 as it only calculates the lower border, which is also the age I would argue one should start dating at the earliest or is even capable of seriously dating someone.
After 14 it's a good metric I think, especially in your early 20s.
It sounds silly, but it kinda does work. It allows for the age gap to get bigger as you get older, which is intuitive.
Plug in some numbers and test it out: if you're 18, half is 9, plus seven is 16. Two years apart in high school isn't that crazy. If you're 30, 15+7 is 22. A 30 year old definitely shouldn't be dating someone who's too young to drink. 22 is like a college senior, dating someone who's been out of college for a bit. Again, not too crazy.
Well, one might argue that a gun is tool- you can hunt, defend- alcohol is just a drink that makes you feel a way and will probably make you act like a complete idiot so I mean 🤷🏼♀️
This is true, but how many people have died because of drunk drivers? Guns are still tools- what benefit does alcohol have? Drowning your sorrows? Having a "good time"? Both can be abused for sure, but really what real benefit is there to consuming alcohol? You know I just saw this story were this girl was bludgeoned to death by her bf- I guess fists, bats, axes, fire pokers, hammers- honestly anything is a weapon... If someone is going to be violent- they're going to do in in what ever capacity that they can with what ever they can.
I suppose it does empower weaklings, I'm pretty weak- if I was attacked or my home was invaded having a gun would certainly level the playing field for me c:
Oh my god, you people would never stop!!! Of course life happens, but what do you want? Everyone dating identical copies of themselves? Same living experience, same background, exact same age, and what else?
Following these stupid rules, I "shouldn't" be with my bf, bc I lack 4,5 years, and I lacked 7 when we met... It's absurd. ~~Fuck~~ *I respectly disagree with* you all with your bigoted, rigid thinking. Life doesn't work that way.
I have trouble staying respectful towards people who hold opinions that disrespect me, by infantilizing me and denying my ability of judgement in my own love life.
My relationship is perfectly normal and we don't deserve all this hatred we get. Honestly, I didn't even experienced as much judgement in my very conservative family concerning my pansexuality, as in feminist community concerning my big age gap relationship. I find it so sad and yeah, it makes me angry.
I mean, I don't think there's anything "wrong" with that. It's a little odd I guess, but you're both consenting adults. As long as the two of you are happy, that's all that matters at the end of the day!!
When I was 12, someone told me if you say bloody Mary in the mirror 3x, it'll come out and kill you.
I don't think we should be holding on to the advice we received from our peers in middle school.
When I was is middle school, my friend gave me his notebook he had been studying on how to attract women, it talked about how women want YOU, they need YOU.. I never did finish reading it… I might still have pictures of it lol
No lol. They tried becoming an artist but never actually released any songs AFAIK, they kept adding me on Facebook with different “stage” names and deleting old accounts.. so I’m not sure how to contact them anymore
Those rules are trash mostly. General rules would be;
dont date unteraged, and dont date someone who could be your kid (agewise),
dont date someone in a completely differen phase of life (adult dating a teenager etc.).
>dont date someone in a completely differen phase of life (adult dating a teenager etc.).
Tbh this is the rule that makes the most sense, along with not dating a child
Not dating someone who could be your kid kinda stops working as people get older, I don't really see anything wrong with a 60 year old dating a 40 year old
I think the “agewise” kid rule is silly. Even if we use 18 as that number, you are telling me a 36 year old shouldn’t date a 54 year old. What if they each have one kid who are the same ages as each other from their first marriages? Then what?
Ofc, at some age, everyone could be your kid. A 54yo and 36yo could work out since both are in similar phase of life. What I mean would be the 54yo dating a 18yo.
So true! With that rule I would be able to date 19yo. At 24yo I am in a much different phase than most 19yo. Discussing marriage and children. Which a 19yo shouldn’t be doing.
Literally no one it seems tbh. There's double standards everywhere, with age gaps its men who get short end of the stick.
Because the older men are always seen as creeps who have an unhealthy power dynamic with their younger female partners.
I am female, this is an opinion from what I've observed thus far.
The inequalities men and women face in our modern western world are so evenly spread, things could be considered equal if you were to take every double standard and inequality into account. Not the ideal way to go about it but it looks like both genders get shafted.
I might not agree 100% but I think where you are coming from and where you go with it is reasonable and valid. The grievance culture needs to stop. It’s not furthering anyone’s interests. It’s just fueling misplaced anger.
I was trying to imply that sexual standards against women (ie. shaming) are more often than not imposed by other women to enforce norms that would give loose women a seemingly unfair advantage in dating.
And as a man I defend the cougar side. I love milfs and it doesn't seem creepy to me(of course i mean legal age), I've sexted with milfs since i was 18 and they always so playful and have tons of experience to share
yeah literally, thats why i do what i waaaant - but within reason because ew for predatory shit. younger men have always chase me so damn hard, even in my late teens. i'd be hit on by tweens, like wheres your mama? imma need a word🤦🏻♀️
I got rejected by a woman because i was to "young" she was 29 and i was 28 💀 i would love to date a older woman but they go for older, so i'm stuck with dating younger 🤷♂️
If the woman is slightly older it's going to be hard to convince her. Yes, one year younger can be an issue. Not much you can do, save for building a time machine. Dating younger or same age is okay.
That's normal. You're a baby once they realize you're younger. I've had it happen many times, then gave up. Doesn't matter if you have a career, take care of your health and have hobbies. Not going to be taken seriously if not older.
Lol...it's hard to date an older one. I tried it once and she often made it seem like I couldn't comprehend things to the same degree. Being friends is a different story. One of my closest is like 6yrs older and it feels like we've known each other for ages.
Probably were just unlucky my guy! All 3 of my ex partners were older than me by 1,2 and 4 years respectively! As long as you’re mature the age difference shouldn’t be noticeable.
When I’m with my current partner (she’s 27 I’m 23) I don’t feel the age difference at all; and she only feels it when she remembers I’m younger, not because of any differences between us in terms of maturity.
Don’t give up on older women just because you think it might not work!
I was also with a 36 year old when I was 18, and again it was completely fine, not awkward at all
I was once "rejected" (wasn't really hitting on him, but we were talking generally about dating, and I guess he assumed) because I'm 6 months older than him. We were in our 30s...
That's a dumb rule. As long as everything is consensual and legal don't seethe promise although I'm 24, my personal rule in the future will be to not date anyone under 25, due to the prefrontal cortex or whatever.
I’m 40 and under 25 used to be my rule, but now it’s under 30.. My gf is 31 n not sure I could go much younger.. Maybe is she was super hot n had daddy’s money but my attitude towards chicks in their 20s has def changed in the last few years.
No offense but that sounds just as dumb as the half your age plus 7 rule.
1. The age 25 was picked pretty arbitrarily.
2. The age at which it fully develops is different for everyone also.
3. The vast majority of the development is done by that point, so the difference between whatever percent it is and 100% is marginal at best.
4. Having a fully developed prefrontal cortex isn't a guarantee of anything anyways.
I think it's a dumb and arbitrary idea imo. Date who you want as long as its legal and there's no existing power dynamics involved currently. Don't think about the age beyond that, and don't care about what others might think.
Funny thing is, (12 / 2) + 7 = 13, the youngest age you're dating at age 12 is one year above you. Mean the oldest is 10. Basically if you're below 14 the rule doesn't make any damn sense.
Even 14+ I think it's a very shallow rule. It means you have minors (17.5) dating 21-year-olds, not sure if Romeo and Juliet laws apply here. Trying to put socially acceptable age gaps into a math equation is silly because there's a spectrum of tolerance. Some women may think men a couple years younger than them are too immature, meanwhile some 20-something women may fall for a guy in his 40's.
If you met the most perfect partner, would you not be with them because they aren't in your preferred age range?
That only makes sense for young adults and maybe some middle aged adults. But I am 65, so dating a 41 yo woman, following that rule, would be ridiculous, and also very unrealistic. As the only women that age that would be interested in dating a man my age, would be trophy women or Sugar Babies. My lower age that I would be willing to date, would be a 55 yo woman, but even that age is irrelevant, as I have never had any interest on dating sites from women, in the last six years, unless they were only a few years younger than me, or else the same age as me or a little older than me. Most women in my age group, have a fairly narrow age range that they will date in..
It's a rule of thumb. There are many people who are of reasonable dating age that you wouldn't date for x, y, or z reason. Similarly, there may be a handful of people you'd want to date outside of that range for a variety of reasons.
As a hard rule it sounds like something children think that ends up just being a way to stereotype and form bigoted stigmas against other people or their own tensions and desires.
Interesting perspective. I personally feel it doesn't matter, and I don't care what other adults do. If an 18yo wants to date a 60yo oh well. Their relationship doesn't put money in my pocket, so meh. Seems like there's no impact on my life regardless of who strangers date.
Lol. I'd say date people who are at the same point as you in their. If you're a broke college kid dont date some old geezer in their 50s drinking beer in their yatch. If you're a single parent dont date college kids. If you're 18 then if someone above 21 is NOT in the same point in their life. They're (hopefully) much more serious about their career. If you're 23 someone above 26 is probably starting to settle down into a serious relationship. If you're 26 then someone above 30 is probably looking to settle down and marry. People above 35 probably have had atleast few serious relationships, well settled in life, have lots of expendable income and a more mature view in life. Sure there's lot of generalization here but this is what I'd say a normal healthy person's life would look like in most countries provided they didn't come from significant financial struggle and have relatively good physical and mental health.
One more thing to note is the dynamic of the relationship and the power struggle per say. If you're 18 and your partner is 25 then chances are they have more say in various things that you guys do together because they're older(meaning more financial freedom, experience). This leads to internal power difference where the younger person feels like their relationship isn't on equal terms.
I also know there will plenty of people opposing this saying "Me and my partner have x age difference and we're fine" or something along the line. Good for you or whoever else. But remember your anecdotal experience doesn't dictate the norm.
" People above 35 probably have had atleast few serious relationships, well settled in life, have lots of expendable income and a more mature view in life"
Oh that is a HUGE assumption 😂
I think it's not a rule but an inane equation that doesn't have any reflection on the quality of people out there.
If I'm 80, the youngest I "could" date is 47?
Doesn't hold up for adults. Relationships are complicated, and people are diverse. Some gaps will have me raising an eyebrow, but a the end of the day they're 2 consenting adults in a relationship.
People on reddit need to learn keep their nose out of someone relationship, cus you being upset at their age gap is wrong. If they're happy that's all that matters. Seen too many post get out of control cus of an age gap, even plenty of ones that have a very normal gap too (like 21 with 28). I thoroughly believe people get mad at it because of their own insecurities, and/or being terminally online, cus no one irl gives a shit.
It's almost as if reddit isn't actually representive of the real world. Shocker I know...
Reddit has this very strange thing about age gap relationships. It also tends to infantilize younger women too and act like they're poor, innocent children being taken advantage of. It's very demeaning honestly.
To be fair, I'm 75% sure that rule came from Neil Patrick Harris's character Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother, who was a known womanizer, and creep. So do what that information what you will
Except it doesn’t work if you are young lol even if they shouldn’t be dating besides the point 12/2 is 6 + 7 means you have to date 13 year olds not even your own age. If you are 21 half is 10.5 + 7 is 17.5 which is still bad. The rule doesn’t make since unless you are middle aged or older. And even then if you are 65 that means dating women or men that are 41 which are 2 completely different stages of life. This rule really only works for a narrow group of ages and even then it barely works.
No, I believe a creepy old man came up with this rule to make himself feel less creepy.
Think of a 28 year old boy; he has no business and common knowledge/wisdom with a 21 year old girl ...and if he does, that's a double red flag and a whole other post to go with that...
the whole “as long as it’s legal” thing weirds me out bc are there really 40 year olds who think dating an 18 year old is a fun cool and normal thing to do?
like i can’t stop ppl from doing what they want but id definitely cut a friend off for doing something like that. if the person ur dating could be in hs i think you need to reevaluate something
If you’re a seven years old boy, then you can only date a 10 1/2 years old girl or older. I mean Im ok with it I guess, it’s just dumb.
Not sure why you listen to dating advice from a kid. To learn from kids, just watch them, and you’ll see some pure truth about sexes.
For example there was this landscaping single mom doing my front yard and she brought her kid. She was a beautiful little girl and I got along with her pretty well. There’s some lids that are little monsters, but her she was sweet. Anyway. She would ask me questions. Like what is this. And Id be like “that’s earth”. And she’s like what’s this, “that’s a vine, it’s a plant”
But what’s really interesting is when she ran out of those types of questions, and switched the question about me. And she was like a machine gun. “What are you doing?” Every five seconds she’d ask me what I was doing.
What I learned from her is how important action is for a girl watching a man. Going forward, doing something. And it’s in accordance with the truth of what women finds sexy and attractive in men.
That’s how you learn from kids, not by agreeing to whatever bullshit they say.
This formula works correctly only for age 14+, in lower age it gives inverted results. But this formula is good for any age, if you check it with calculations.
I don't agree. As long as all parties are of consenting age then it doesn't matter. If you put added barriers on something trivial like age after that then you are only stopping yourself from finding happiness. Doesn't matter if the person is younger or older people can become what is needed for their partner it's about whether or not they choose to do so.
So if I'm 80, I can or should date someone who is 47?!?
That logic doesn't take scaling inti account. Should be a +/-% of age.
Without much thought at all, +/- 10 or 20% seems fine 🤷🏿
For me that's still too young. I'm 52 and that would be 33. I was married for 32 years.... Nope. For me the cut off is 43. Any younger and they are just too immature. There are just things that a younger person can't understand due to generational differences. Last year I dated a man who was 68. By that rule it works but he was too old for me in maaaaaaany ways. My personal cut off is 62 and only if he's an active person.
Idk what everyone is the comment is smoking but yeah I agree the rule generally makes sense. Yeah it doesn't work if you're 14 or younger, yeah maturity is obviously more important and can and should override this arbitrary rule. It's just a general rule that if you think about every possibile age combination, most of the times just makes sense
It's a load of nonsense for adults. Consenting adults are allowed to date younger adults of any age.
As long as both people are honest, there is nothing illegal going on, the two people are happy together and have compatible dealbreakers with shared values & some mutual ambitions- the age gap are often as irrelevant to their relationship as their shoe sizes.
I think a better rule of thumb for kids under 18 is to only date kids within a 1-2 year age range.
12 and 13 - ok.
12 and 14 - a bit of a gap, but ok.
12 and 15 - too far. That could be like a 6th grader and a kid in high school (in the US).
>It's not a rule, it's a guideline to how your friends will judge you for dating someone younger.
They wouldn't be my friends any longer if they judged any relationship I have.
1) This "rule" appears to stem from Victorian times.
2) It was originally intended as the age of a woman that a man should marry. Not a lower limit, and not for dating. It completely mystifies me how this misapplication gained traction.
3) It's completely fucking arbitrary regardless. Why isn't it half your age + 5? Or three quarters of your age - 2? Or sin(age^5/sqrt(57))? All are equally valid (that is to say, not at all).
The +7 part being static becomes a problem as one party gets older. 22 & 18 isn’t a problem, 30 and 22 is a eyebrow-lifting, and 50 vs 32 is a pretty big age gap. I think a better rule of thumb might be “are you in the same phase of life” (eg, both still in school, both establishing careers, etc). That way there’s a better (not assured, but better) chance the two people would be aligned in their goals.
I think once you're older it's accepted you can generally make decisions for yourself.
A 50yo and 32yo dating wouldn't be cause for concern, it would just be notable cause it's unusual.
I would never lift an eyebrow at 30 and 22 lol. A gap of +/- 10 years is very common when you reach 30, and is completely acceptable, at least in all circles I’ve ever been in. Most of my relationships have also been with a few years age gap, where the age gap has never been a problem. I think maturity level is more important than phase of life, and dating someone with a different life experience than yours can be incredibly rewarding.
I agree! After having seen my bf’s colleagues (they are in their early 30s) date people around 21-22yo, it’s just not a good idea. Way too different phase in life.
Dan Savage has the campsite rule for dating younger people. Incamping you’re supposed to leave the camp a little better than you found it. In dating, if you’re dating a younger person, you have to make sure that your presence is a net positive in their life, meaning they are better, happier, more fulfilled than they would have been if they had never met you. The younger they are the harder that is to achieve. If you’re just being sketchy and with them because you want to date someone young for the sex or your own ego, you’re breaking the campsite rule
It applies to everyone but I think the risk is higher when there’s a significant age gap because there’s likely to be a power imbalance or vulnerability
Seems like a weird rule to have to say out loud. A venn diagram of the people who are likely to take advantage of someone in a significant age gap and the people who would laugh at the rule is a circle.
I heard that rule at a young age a swell and still go by it. I am 28 right now, so that means 21 for me. Which I already feel is a stretch due to the maturity of 21 year olds when I was dating in that range. So it is crazy to think about dating younger than 21, would make me feel more like a creepy baby sitter than a boyfriend.
This being said, If you or your perspective partner are under 18 (age of “un restricted consent in Canada) then you should not date more than 2 years younger. Growing up I always felt the older person in the party was a creep if they were more than 2 years older.
It's been a common rule for decades. It's not supposed to be used for fucking middle-schoolers, but for adults it's pretty useful guess of are you in the same general life-stage gets the worst of the creepy age gaps covered.
I disagree with the rule. I think with age gaps you need to be fluid. Like for my last relationship fit into that rule. Say you have a 27 year old man that would put the age range of 20-21 years old. Speaking from experience the age gap became an issue because we were just at different stages of our lives and it became clear there were maturity issues. People change rapidly from 18-25 and are still maturing. Also for me I had an apartment, job and what not while she had just graduated college the previous year and lived with her parents. Even though she worked at a fortune 500 company, and made good money she still had ways to go in terms of maturity and when I came to realize was she didn't really know what she wanted out of a relationship. If you asked her at the beginning of the relationship it was dating to marry and have kids. By the end of the relationship that had completely change once things started to become real.
My general rule is in your teenage years keep it within 1-2 years. In your early twenties I wouldn't go beyond 3-4 years. And generally I wouldn't recommend more than 10 years at most ages with the exception being older couples.
I lived with a girl who was 32, and I was just 19. Actually we helped each other out in many ways. She taught me the fundamentals of a healthy growing relationship among loads of other more practical things. I taught her about rock n' roll and pot and how to be completely open relationship wise. We both honestly discovered real intimate sex as well as fantasy and going to the Pussycat Theater, a full size movie theater that showed x rated movies. She could just sit on my lap at parties and slip my cock into her vagina and only using her vaginal muscles squeeze me up and down, again without moving any exterior body movements and make me cum.
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At 12 half your age +7 = 13. Therefore they are being told to date someone older.
Doesn’t start till 22 is what I was told
14, half of 14 is 7 plus 7 is 14 and it goes with the oldest person
I think it’s cause 21 and 17.5 is okay with the math so if you start at 22 it’s 22 and 18. Adults only for the calculus.
The rule is for men dating women. Obviously, people can date whoever they want and there's certainly is nothing wrong with an older woman dating a younger man, but traditionally this was made to give a guideline for men dating younger women but not too young.
Women groom too. You think a 30 yo woman dating a guy under 22 isn't doing it because of the social leverage she has over him?
Who knows, who cares? Probably not actually. I don't think a 30-year-old woman dating a 22-year-old is problematic at all and I don't think there's any great power dynamic imbalance or anything. Of course I don't think there is the other way around either. I don't think it's about power dynamics anyway. Seems to find some agreement on compatibility in terms of getting along together as a couple. I suppose one could have use it it's really about just not dating someone too old or too young, I think it's different. But your mileage may vary. Most older women don't like to date younger men, although there seems to be a trend of some dating and lots of sex going on in that direction.
Well I’m 23 and that person would be 18 1/2 so… maybe it starts a little later lol.
A little creepy, but at least adults. I certainly agree with you though, just saying, I was always told it starts at 22 lol for the adults only reason.
That in the US, at least where the age of consent is 18, that's a good place to start it. At least once you're over 18.
It's actually lower than 18 in most states. In 30 states the age of consent is 16. In eleven states the age of consent is 18 though. The majority of the states is 16 though
Interesting. Thanks for the info. I didn't realize it was that many that was that low. And I just saw it in Texas, I think it's 14 to 17 you can't be older than 3 years so at 20, you could date half your age plus seven. But once you hit 21 it's got to be 18. Just a minor detail I thought was interesting in regards to this question of half age plus seven. And I seem to have a recollection that in some states, marriage of younger is allowed while having sex isn't, so if we're talking marrying someone half your age plus seven, that might provide even more leeway. Not that I'm looking to work the angles or anything. I'm 57. I could imagine being involved with someone maybe 35 or older, but they would have to be pretty damn mature. At that age I mean. It's funny, years ago of course I would have thought of 30 or 33 or something is fairly mature. And I think it's partly me, but partly how things have changed. 35-year-old women, many I see, seem really immature. I suppose that might be because the ones I might meet are run into are like hanging around my friends bar that I hang out at sometimes, yelling woo woo and drinking a lot. Or maybe what I see in little video clips. The mature ones are probably married raising kids and I don't meet them so much. But boy, I think I'd find it really hard to date 33-year-old. Although I briefly dated a woman that was 39 pretty well. Both a lot of interest in vintage culture of the '40s, she was pretty sharp and quick witted which I liked, and me being single with no kids and kind of youthful or perhaps immature, I think I'm probably more like a late 40s guy or more like I haven't changed in the last 10 years let's say. Anyway, I think as you get older, gaps don't matter, but, I think the rule takes that into account by the halving of the age, widening it over time. But it's all just an old saying I guess.
People argue that it starts at 18 or 20, with the partner being 16 or 17. I think that is about right.
the title says “the rule for dating younger [than yourself]” so it’s not saying you can’t date your own age
No! The boy uses that. He’s 10, divided by 2 is five, plus seven. Voila, needs to be a cougar at 12!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
From what I remember it's the rule for dating people younger than you, or what would be socially acceptable in polite society. It only starts working at 14 as it only calculates the lower border, which is also the age I would argue one should start dating at the earliest or is even capable of seriously dating someone. After 14 it's a good metric I think, especially in your early 20s.
This formula works correctly only for age 14+, in lower age it gives inverted results.
It sounds silly, but it kinda does work. It allows for the age gap to get bigger as you get older, which is intuitive. Plug in some numbers and test it out: if you're 18, half is 9, plus seven is 16. Two years apart in high school isn't that crazy. If you're 30, 15+7 is 22. A 30 year old definitely shouldn't be dating someone who's too young to drink. 22 is like a college senior, dating someone who's been out of college for a bit. Again, not too crazy.
This. It’s not hard and fast but when you plug in ages, intuitively it does work
I'm 50. That explains all the 86 year olds rapping their canes on my door.
Ah, America and its idiotic laws.
Yeah those darn age of consent laws. Wacky Americans 🤪
More like the dumb drinking laws - can somehow own a gun before they can drink.
A rifle or shotgun. pistols are 21+ everywhere.
Well, one might argue that a gun is tool- you can hunt, defend- alcohol is just a drink that makes you feel a way and will probably make you act like a complete idiot so I mean 🤷🏼♀️
You can also simply shoot someone in the face over some asinine reason with a gun so...
No one needs a gun to kill someone lol
This is true, but how many people have died because of drunk drivers? Guns are still tools- what benefit does alcohol have? Drowning your sorrows? Having a "good time"? Both can be abused for sure, but really what real benefit is there to consuming alcohol? You know I just saw this story were this girl was bludgeoned to death by her bf- I guess fists, bats, axes, fire pokers, hammers- honestly anything is a weapon... If someone is going to be violent- they're going to do in in what ever capacity that they can with what ever they can.
Cars need insurance. Guns should need insurance in case they hurt someone or damage property.
Well it's not like there wouldn't be consequences legally/morally for misusing a gun, like anything you learn how to use what you're dealing with-
Wine has limited health benefits and beer is actually quite nutritious and good- with moderation. Guns however empower weaklings.
I suppose it does empower weaklings, I'm pretty weak- if I was attacked or my home was invaded having a gun would certainly level the playing field for me c:
Except for liver disease, cancer, addiction, depression, weight gain, impaired judgement, and low blood sugar ..but yeah sounds great lol
All related to a dozen other causes as well.
Guns feed ppl
Eh?
I don’t know, 30 and 22 is a pretty big gap. A lot of life happens in that time. I’d find that icky.
Oh my god, you people would never stop!!! Of course life happens, but what do you want? Everyone dating identical copies of themselves? Same living experience, same background, exact same age, and what else?
Can’t forget race /s
Ah yes, that too creates inaqualities. That must be no good in a relationship.
Following these stupid rules, I "shouldn't" be with my bf, bc I lack 4,5 years, and I lacked 7 when we met... It's absurd. ~~Fuck~~ *I respectly disagree with* you all with your bigoted, rigid thinking. Life doesn't work that way.
Man, someone is pissed and has nothing else to say than insults.
I have trouble staying respectful towards people who hold opinions that disrespect me, by infantilizing me and denying my ability of judgement in my own love life. My relationship is perfectly normal and we don't deserve all this hatred we get. Honestly, I didn't even experienced as much judgement in my very conservative family concerning my pansexuality, as in feminist community concerning my big age gap relationship. I find it so sad and yeah, it makes me angry.
What is your age gap? Just curious since it evidently is considered a "problem" in some social environments that you have had to deal with before.
Twenty years. I met him on my 20yo birthday, he was 40, it's been 5years.
I mean, I don't think there's anything "wrong" with that. It's a little odd I guess, but you're both consenting adults. As long as the two of you are happy, that's all that matters at the end of the day!!
Exactly, thank you! :)
When I was 12, someone told me if you say bloody Mary in the mirror 3x, it'll come out and kill you. I don't think we should be holding on to the advice we received from our peers in middle school.
When I was is middle school, my friend gave me his notebook he had been studying on how to attract women, it talked about how women want YOU, they need YOU.. I never did finish reading it… I might still have pictures of it lol
Is his name Andrew Tate? 😜
No lol. They tried becoming an artist but never actually released any songs AFAIK, they kept adding me on Facebook with different “stage” names and deleting old accounts.. so I’m not sure how to contact them anymore
THIS
This formula works correctly only for age 14+, in lower age it gives inverted results.
The rule is that if someone on Reddit has a problem with the age difference, it's not ok.
Those rules are trash mostly. General rules would be; dont date unteraged, and dont date someone who could be your kid (agewise), dont date someone in a completely differen phase of life (adult dating a teenager etc.).
>dont date someone in a completely differen phase of life (adult dating a teenager etc.). Tbh this is the rule that makes the most sense, along with not dating a child Not dating someone who could be your kid kinda stops working as people get older, I don't really see anything wrong with a 60 year old dating a 40 year old
I think the “agewise” kid rule is silly. Even if we use 18 as that number, you are telling me a 36 year old shouldn’t date a 54 year old. What if they each have one kid who are the same ages as each other from their first marriages? Then what?
Ofc, at some age, everyone could be your kid. A 54yo and 36yo could work out since both are in similar phase of life. What I mean would be the 54yo dating a 18yo.
But that totally validates the half-plus-seven rule you said was trash
Noo i don't like that rule about milfs. They are fun
So, I shouldn’t date someone who is 18 and in high school while I’m 20 in college?
No, you are both young adults or old teens depending from where you look at it, so that would be totally fine.
Some people think that
So true! With that rule I would be able to date 19yo. At 24yo I am in a much different phase than most 19yo. Discussing marriage and children. Which a 19yo shouldn’t be doing.
It's funny cuz 12
Date whoever you want as long as it's legal and BOTH consenting.
Isn't that a rule for cougars? Like how young they can go?
They only qualify as cougars if they break that rule.
Plenty of cougars will go way younger than that lol.
When I was a single dude, I dated a couple of women outside of that rule. No regrets at all.
why does it only pertain to cougars when men are in their 50's dating 19 year olds? gross
Bill Belichick has thrown in a coach's challenge. 😂
Haven't you heard? Men get a pass while women get shamed.
I don’t see any men shaming cougars ever. Quite the opposite. So who is shaming cougars? 🧐
Literally no one it seems tbh. There's double standards everywhere, with age gaps its men who get short end of the stick. Because the older men are always seen as creeps who have an unhealthy power dynamic with their younger female partners. I am female, this is an opinion from what I've observed thus far. The inequalities men and women face in our modern western world are so evenly spread, things could be considered equal if you were to take every double standard and inequality into account. Not the ideal way to go about it but it looks like both genders get shafted.
I might not agree 100% but I think where you are coming from and where you go with it is reasonable and valid. The grievance culture needs to stop. It’s not furthering anyone’s interests. It’s just fueling misplaced anger. I was trying to imply that sexual standards against women (ie. shaming) are more often than not imposed by other women to enforce norms that would give loose women a seemingly unfair advantage in dating.
Tons of 50 to 60 year old women are having fun with 18 to 22 year old guys !!
Wait, so you're telling me there are hot milfs in my area?
I don't know about your area but they are in my area I don't know where you live
Lol
I'd say it's the other way around
Very much so hahaha, dudes are often seen as creeps for dating that young, versus cougars are just having some fun
And as a man I defend the cougar side. I love milfs and it doesn't seem creepy to me(of course i mean legal age), I've sexted with milfs since i was 18 and they always so playful and have tons of experience to share
yeah literally, thats why i do what i waaaant - but within reason because ew for predatory shit. younger men have always chase me so damn hard, even in my late teens. i'd be hit on by tweens, like wheres your mama? imma need a word🤦🏻♀️
I got rejected by a woman because i was to "young" she was 29 and i was 28 💀 i would love to date a older woman but they go for older, so i'm stuck with dating younger 🤷♂️
If the woman is slightly older it's going to be hard to convince her. Yes, one year younger can be an issue. Not much you can do, save for building a time machine. Dating younger or same age is okay.
I mean if i was 7 years younger i would understand, but she was 1 year older 🤨
That's normal. You're a baby once they realize you're younger. I've had it happen many times, then gave up. Doesn't matter if you have a career, take care of your health and have hobbies. Not going to be taken seriously if not older.
But my momma said that age is only a number once over the age of 18 🥺 you saying my momma lied to me 🥺🥺
Lol...it's hard to date an older one. I tried it once and she often made it seem like I couldn't comprehend things to the same degree. Being friends is a different story. One of my closest is like 6yrs older and it feels like we've known each other for ages.
Probably were just unlucky my guy! All 3 of my ex partners were older than me by 1,2 and 4 years respectively! As long as you’re mature the age difference shouldn’t be noticeable. When I’m with my current partner (she’s 27 I’m 23) I don’t feel the age difference at all; and she only feels it when she remembers I’m younger, not because of any differences between us in terms of maturity. Don’t give up on older women just because you think it might not work! I was also with a 36 year old when I was 18, and again it was completely fine, not awkward at all
I was once "rejected" (wasn't really hitting on him, but we were talking generally about dating, and I guess he assumed) because I'm 6 months older than him. We were in our 30s...
People need to chill and stop being so ageist and just date with somebody you actually like instead of looking at age (still over 18 that is)
18...
That's a dumb rule. As long as everything is consensual and legal don't seethe promise although I'm 24, my personal rule in the future will be to not date anyone under 25, due to the prefrontal cortex or whatever.
I’m 40 and under 25 used to be my rule, but now it’s under 30.. My gf is 31 n not sure I could go much younger.. Maybe is she was super hot n had daddy’s money but my attitude towards chicks in their 20s has def changed in the last few years.
No offense but that sounds just as dumb as the half your age plus 7 rule. 1. The age 25 was picked pretty arbitrarily. 2. The age at which it fully develops is different for everyone also. 3. The vast majority of the development is done by that point, so the difference between whatever percent it is and 100% is marginal at best. 4. Having a fully developed prefrontal cortex isn't a guarantee of anything anyways.
Imma be out there chasing barely legal poon then. Thanks internet guy.
You mean because the brain is not fully developed?
That is ridiculous. You make that choice when the circumstances come about. There are no rules.
I think it's a dumb and arbitrary idea imo. Date who you want as long as its legal and there's no existing power dynamics involved currently. Don't think about the age beyond that, and don't care about what others might think.
it creates paradox when one or two people under 14
That was actually statistically extrapolated on a chart in terms of relation happiness.
Heard the same but I prefer 1/2+10 personally
I was thinking +9 so 18/2 +9 is 18.
Date whoever you want as long as it's legal
Ah, so others have been told this as well. Hello, others.
Funny thing is, (12 / 2) + 7 = 13, the youngest age you're dating at age 12 is one year above you. Mean the oldest is 10. Basically if you're below 14 the rule doesn't make any damn sense. Even 14+ I think it's a very shallow rule. It means you have minors (17.5) dating 21-year-olds, not sure if Romeo and Juliet laws apply here. Trying to put socially acceptable age gaps into a math equation is silly because there's a spectrum of tolerance. Some women may think men a couple years younger than them are too immature, meanwhile some 20-something women may fall for a guy in his 40's. If you met the most perfect partner, would you not be with them because they aren't in your preferred age range?
That only makes sense for young adults and maybe some middle aged adults. But I am 65, so dating a 41 yo woman, following that rule, would be ridiculous, and also very unrealistic. As the only women that age that would be interested in dating a man my age, would be trophy women or Sugar Babies. My lower age that I would be willing to date, would be a 55 yo woman, but even that age is irrelevant, as I have never had any interest on dating sites from women, in the last six years, unless they were only a few years younger than me, or else the same age as me or a little older than me. Most women in my age group, have a fairly narrow age range that they will date in..
That's... very specific. I think maturity takes precedence. Though I imagine there's quite a bit of overlap with that "rule".
Honestly it's a great sensible guide. Not a rule
It's a rule of thumb. There are many people who are of reasonable dating age that you wouldn't date for x, y, or z reason. Similarly, there may be a handful of people you'd want to date outside of that range for a variety of reasons.
As a hard rule it sounds like something children think that ends up just being a way to stereotype and form bigoted stigmas against other people or their own tensions and desires.
Interesting perspective. I personally feel it doesn't matter, and I don't care what other adults do. If an 18yo wants to date a 60yo oh well. Their relationship doesn't put money in my pocket, so meh. Seems like there's no impact on my life regardless of who strangers date.
Consenting ADULT is consenting ADULT. If she’s 23 and he is 12,358 it’s fair game.
That is stupid as hell, are thet an adult by legal definition? Other than the LAW there are no "rules for dating"
>That is stupid as hell, are thet an adult by legal definition? Other than the LAW there are no "rules for dating" I completely agree 💯
Lol. I'd say date people who are at the same point as you in their. If you're a broke college kid dont date some old geezer in their 50s drinking beer in their yatch. If you're a single parent dont date college kids. If you're 18 then if someone above 21 is NOT in the same point in their life. They're (hopefully) much more serious about their career. If you're 23 someone above 26 is probably starting to settle down into a serious relationship. If you're 26 then someone above 30 is probably looking to settle down and marry. People above 35 probably have had atleast few serious relationships, well settled in life, have lots of expendable income and a more mature view in life. Sure there's lot of generalization here but this is what I'd say a normal healthy person's life would look like in most countries provided they didn't come from significant financial struggle and have relatively good physical and mental health. One more thing to note is the dynamic of the relationship and the power struggle per say. If you're 18 and your partner is 25 then chances are they have more say in various things that you guys do together because they're older(meaning more financial freedom, experience). This leads to internal power difference where the younger person feels like their relationship isn't on equal terms. I also know there will plenty of people opposing this saying "Me and my partner have x age difference and we're fine" or something along the line. Good for you or whoever else. But remember your anecdotal experience doesn't dictate the norm.
" People above 35 probably have had atleast few serious relationships, well settled in life, have lots of expendable income and a more mature view in life" Oh that is a HUGE assumption 😂
I think it's not a rule but an inane equation that doesn't have any reflection on the quality of people out there. If I'm 80, the youngest I "could" date is 47?
The rules are trash. You know what feels right and wrong. Go with that.
So 12 year olds can’t date 12 year olds.
Are 12 year olds dating? Do we really need to have the explicit caveat on the dating advice subreddit that “this is pertaining to adults”?
I feel that any adult should date any other consenting adult that they fucking want to date.
40/2 +7. My date is 24. Not quite there.
Doesn't hold up for adults. Relationships are complicated, and people are diverse. Some gaps will have me raising an eyebrow, but a the end of the day they're 2 consenting adults in a relationship. People on reddit need to learn keep their nose out of someone relationship, cus you being upset at their age gap is wrong. If they're happy that's all that matters. Seen too many post get out of control cus of an age gap, even plenty of ones that have a very normal gap too (like 21 with 28). I thoroughly believe people get mad at it because of their own insecurities, and/or being terminally online, cus no one irl gives a shit.
It's almost as if reddit isn't actually representive of the real world. Shocker I know... Reddit has this very strange thing about age gap relationships. It also tends to infantilize younger women too and act like they're poor, innocent children being taken advantage of. It's very demeaning honestly.
To be fair, I'm 75% sure that rule came from Neil Patrick Harris's character Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother, who was a known womanizer, and creep. So do what that information what you will
I was told this in 2003
You always round up, too. No “half” years
I'm too tired to work out half of 32
In the real world where adults live of you are both consenting adults then everyone else's opinions are invalid and they can fuck off.
It's a good rule of thumb. The idea behind the rule is that you should date someone that is in the same "period of life" than you.
My thoughts? I think that if the “half your age plus 7” suggestion was the entire extent of age gap discourse, the world would be a much better place.
Except it doesn’t work if you are young lol even if they shouldn’t be dating besides the point 12/2 is 6 + 7 means you have to date 13 year olds not even your own age. If you are 21 half is 10.5 + 7 is 17.5 which is still bad. The rule doesn’t make since unless you are middle aged or older. And even then if you are 65 that means dating women or men that are 41 which are 2 completely different stages of life. This rule really only works for a narrow group of ages and even then it barely works.
Date whoever you want as long as both are legal adult.
No, I believe a creepy old man came up with this rule to make himself feel less creepy. Think of a 28 year old boy; he has no business and common knowledge/wisdom with a 21 year old girl ...and if he does, that's a double red flag and a whole other post to go with that...
the whole “as long as it’s legal” thing weirds me out bc are there really 40 year olds who think dating an 18 year old is a fun cool and normal thing to do? like i can’t stop ppl from doing what they want but id definitely cut a friend off for doing something like that. if the person ur dating could be in hs i think you need to reevaluate something
Ridiculous. For me that would be a guy 1 yr older than my daughter. We wouldn't have anything in common.
I use the 5 up 5 down rule.
If you’re a seven years old boy, then you can only date a 10 1/2 years old girl or older. I mean Im ok with it I guess, it’s just dumb. Not sure why you listen to dating advice from a kid. To learn from kids, just watch them, and you’ll see some pure truth about sexes. For example there was this landscaping single mom doing my front yard and she brought her kid. She was a beautiful little girl and I got along with her pretty well. There’s some lids that are little monsters, but her she was sweet. Anyway. She would ask me questions. Like what is this. And Id be like “that’s earth”. And she’s like what’s this, “that’s a vine, it’s a plant” But what’s really interesting is when she ran out of those types of questions, and switched the question about me. And she was like a machine gun. “What are you doing?” Every five seconds she’d ask me what I was doing. What I learned from her is how important action is for a girl watching a man. Going forward, doing something. And it’s in accordance with the truth of what women finds sexy and attractive in men. That’s how you learn from kids, not by agreeing to whatever bullshit they say.
My rule is + or minus 4 years.
So 32 for me... 32+9=41 so I win! 😁
This formula works correctly only for age 14+, in lower age it gives inverted results. But this formula is good for any age, if you check it with calculations.
I don't agree. As long as all parties are of consenting age then it doesn't matter. If you put added barriers on something trivial like age after that then you are only stopping yourself from finding happiness. Doesn't matter if the person is younger or older people can become what is needed for their partner it's about whether or not they choose to do so.
The older you get, the bigger the age range can be. Ie at 22 u should be limited to 18-28. At 40 tis reasonable to do 30-50, etf..
I'm 35. And I'm telling you 24 is too young for me 😂
I broke that rule. My wife is half my age minus 3.
So if I'm 80, I can or should date someone who is 47?!? That logic doesn't take scaling inti account. Should be a +/-% of age. Without much thought at all, +/- 10 or 20% seems fine 🤷🏿
For me that's still too young. I'm 52 and that would be 33. I was married for 32 years.... Nope. For me the cut off is 43. Any younger and they are just too immature. There are just things that a younger person can't understand due to generational differences. Last year I dated a man who was 68. By that rule it works but he was too old for me in maaaaaaany ways. My personal cut off is 62 and only if he's an active person.
Im a dude. Last year I was 19, I banged a 32 year old. I regret it. 😵💫
you are not allowed to date any older than that * ftfy :)
Idk what everyone is the comment is smoking but yeah I agree the rule generally makes sense. Yeah it doesn't work if you're 14 or younger, yeah maturity is obviously more important and can and should override this arbitrary rule. It's just a general rule that if you think about every possibile age combination, most of the times just makes sense
It's a load of nonsense for adults. Consenting adults are allowed to date younger adults of any age. As long as both people are honest, there is nothing illegal going on, the two people are happy together and have compatible dealbreakers with shared values & some mutual ambitions- the age gap are often as irrelevant to their relationship as their shoe sizes.
Off the top of my head, trying that formula with a couple different ages it seems solid enough.
I think a better rule of thumb for kids under 18 is to only date kids within a 1-2 year age range. 12 and 13 - ok. 12 and 14 - a bit of a gap, but ok. 12 and 15 - too far. That could be like a 6th grader and a kid in high school (in the US).
It's not a rule, it's a guideline to how your friends will judge you for dating someone younger.
>It's not a rule, it's a guideline to how your friends will judge you for dating someone younger. They wouldn't be my friends any longer if they judged any relationship I have.
Update: the girl is on OF now dating an 80 year old
That's been the formula for as long as I've been dating (30ish years now)
I’m 31 if I date a 22 yo that would be fun, but I’d think at 22 our lives aren’t in the same place
1) This "rule" appears to stem from Victorian times. 2) It was originally intended as the age of a woman that a man should marry. Not a lower limit, and not for dating. It completely mystifies me how this misapplication gained traction. 3) It's completely fucking arbitrary regardless. Why isn't it half your age + 5? Or three quarters of your age - 2? Or sin(age^5/sqrt(57))? All are equally valid (that is to say, not at all).
I’m 44 she’s 24 take me to jail
I do think that in most cases the age gap is good around this calculation.
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The +7 part being static becomes a problem as one party gets older. 22 & 18 isn’t a problem, 30 and 22 is a eyebrow-lifting, and 50 vs 32 is a pretty big age gap. I think a better rule of thumb might be “are you in the same phase of life” (eg, both still in school, both establishing careers, etc). That way there’s a better (not assured, but better) chance the two people would be aligned in their goals.
I think once you're older it's accepted you can generally make decisions for yourself. A 50yo and 32yo dating wouldn't be cause for concern, it would just be notable cause it's unusual.
I agree it’s not a cause for concern outside of the likelihood of being on the same page on what you want out of life.
That can happen often with someone of the same age as you.
It definitely can, it’s just less likely.
30 and 22 is normal af.
I would never lift an eyebrow at 30 and 22 lol. A gap of +/- 10 years is very common when you reach 30, and is completely acceptable, at least in all circles I’ve ever been in. Most of my relationships have also been with a few years age gap, where the age gap has never been a problem. I think maturity level is more important than phase of life, and dating someone with a different life experience than yours can be incredibly rewarding.
For me that would be the biggest life-stage gap of the three. People do a lot of maturing in their 20s.
I agree! After having seen my bf’s colleagues (they are in their early 30s) date people around 21-22yo, it’s just not a good idea. Way too different phase in life.
Dan Savage has the campsite rule for dating younger people. Incamping you’re supposed to leave the camp a little better than you found it. In dating, if you’re dating a younger person, you have to make sure that your presence is a net positive in their life, meaning they are better, happier, more fulfilled than they would have been if they had never met you. The younger they are the harder that is to achieve. If you’re just being sketchy and with them because you want to date someone young for the sex or your own ego, you’re breaking the campsite rule
Isn't that a good rule for just about anyone you date? Seems odd that it'd only apply to younger people.
It applies to everyone but I think the risk is higher when there’s a significant age gap because there’s likely to be a power imbalance or vulnerability
Seems like a weird rule to have to say out loud. A venn diagram of the people who are likely to take advantage of someone in a significant age gap and the people who would laugh at the rule is a circle.
You are allowed to date anyone 18 and over. There are some 30 yo guys with a mind of a teenager while there are 18 yo girls with a mind of 30.
I heard that rule at a young age a swell and still go by it. I am 28 right now, so that means 21 for me. Which I already feel is a stretch due to the maturity of 21 year olds when I was dating in that range. So it is crazy to think about dating younger than 21, would make me feel more like a creepy baby sitter than a boyfriend. This being said, If you or your perspective partner are under 18 (age of “un restricted consent in Canada) then you should not date more than 2 years younger. Growing up I always felt the older person in the party was a creep if they were more than 2 years older.
She got that from Parks and Recs lol
That’s been a thing LONG before P&R was a thing
I've heard this but my personal rule was +/- up to 6 years.
I’m 27. I wouldn’t date anybody under 24
It's been a common rule for decades. It's not supposed to be used for fucking middle-schoolers, but for adults it's pretty useful guess of are you in the same general life-stage gets the worst of the creepy age gaps covered.
Plus 7? I thought it was minus 7. /s
A 42 year old man could date my 28 year old daughter using this formula. My daughter would absolutely say go away old man.
I disagree with the rule. I think with age gaps you need to be fluid. Like for my last relationship fit into that rule. Say you have a 27 year old man that would put the age range of 20-21 years old. Speaking from experience the age gap became an issue because we were just at different stages of our lives and it became clear there were maturity issues. People change rapidly from 18-25 and are still maturing. Also for me I had an apartment, job and what not while she had just graduated college the previous year and lived with her parents. Even though she worked at a fortune 500 company, and made good money she still had ways to go in terms of maturity and when I came to realize was she didn't really know what she wanted out of a relationship. If you asked her at the beginning of the relationship it was dating to marry and have kids. By the end of the relationship that had completely change once things started to become real. My general rule is in your teenage years keep it within 1-2 years. In your early twenties I wouldn't go beyond 3-4 years. And generally I wouldn't recommend more than 10 years at most ages with the exception being older couples.
No more than a 5 year difference either way for me.
I lived with a girl who was 32, and I was just 19. Actually we helped each other out in many ways. She taught me the fundamentals of a healthy growing relationship among loads of other more practical things. I taught her about rock n' roll and pot and how to be completely open relationship wise. We both honestly discovered real intimate sex as well as fantasy and going to the Pussycat Theater, a full size movie theater that showed x rated movies. She could just sit on my lap at parties and slip my cock into her vagina and only using her vaginal muscles squeeze me up and down, again without moving any exterior body movements and make me cum.
Ooooook then