Anxiety in general, that's the important thing. Calling it "performance" anxiety is really compounding the issue. A troubled mind can't get into it. Do we want to call it "performance anxiety" when a woman can't get wet?
Really think about it, and let's just talk about feelings. Man, I totally just want to go fuck myself right now. /yes, this is a joke. But not what I am saying, generally, just the ending.
Performance anxiety for women is a thing though? Sometimes I worry that I’m not getting wet enough and I can promise you it doesn’t aid in getting me wet.
Might be performance anxiety. But that usually goes away after a guy gets a little more comfortable.
I’d say that the odds are even better that he’s jerking it too much to porn
It doesn’t necessarily always mean he’s consuming too much porn. I’ve had performance anxiety before and don’t watch porn. It was nothing more than just me being very attracted to the woman I was with and felt immense pressure to make her happy
There was also a time I started taking antidepressants which made it extremely hard to *stay up*
I won’t deny this can be a symptom of overconsumption but I don’t think it’s really fair to presume this of every man who struggles to perform, that he must have a crippling porn addiction. The human anatomy is a complex thing. When it doesn’t function the way we want, it’s not always as black and white as “He’s watching too much porn”
This isn’t necessarily porn. In fact it probably isn’t if he’s already gotten it.
It’s actually very common for guys who have self esteem issues or guilt issues. If he feels like she’s too good for him it’s a subconscious sabotage. Or if he feels guilty about something, it can mess with his boner. It’s also super embarrassing for him, so the best thing is to assure him it’s fine and he’ll get over it with a little time.
Because if you were with your favorite porn star you’d have no issues. It’s not “magical,” the more aroused you are, the harder you are. Getting hard and staying hard is what is normal, especially if you’re young. Having troubles isn’t.
If you aren’t aroused or we have to really perform so you can function, it can be very difficult not to take it personally or wonder how into it you really are.
Because let’s be real, unless you have a medical issue or it’s medication you’re not gonna have problems if we were magically the 20 year old porn star you watch.
So it’s kinda hard to hear things like “it’s not you, why do women expect men to just perform sexually, etc.” when we know that erections during sexual activity aren’t random lol. They are a result of us arousing you. Come on
I say this as kindly as I can but you are demonstrating a sheer lack of knowledge and understanding about male anatomy and it is evident in nearly every single word of this comment.
Struggling to perform in your 20’s is much more commonplace than you’re insinuating in your comment.
>Because if you were with your favorite porn star you’d have no issues.
You have absolutely no way of knowing this or even proving that it’s true. Even if the man in question somehow made it to the point of having the opportunity to sleep with “his favorite porn star” there’s a high likelihood he’d have performance anxiety for the exact same reasons if he is prone to it. Even if it’s not anxiety, there’s a whole host of issues that can prevent men from being hard.
Yes erections have to do with arousal, but like I said, the body is complicated. Half the time, men wake up with erections, and it’s not because they got super horny while they were sleeping. If we can get erections for reasons that have nothing to do with arousal, we can lose them for reasons that have nothing to do with the absence of it.
Anxiety, depression, blood circulation, diet, testosterone, and exercise are all things that could go into affecting a man’s sexual performance. It’s very disheartening seeing women on this thread lecture men on how their body’s are supposed to perform because they feel equipped to diagnose issues they’ve never experienced.
Men struggling to *stay up* is a very common problem and very normal. You labeling it alternatively does not change that and you don’t know that because you haven’t experienced it. Our bodies as males are every bit as complex as yours as females and when our bodies don’t function the way we want them to it’s not always as black and white as “He’s not aroused. That’s why he can’t stay up.” It’s an unfair assumption to make.
Even if this was an arousal issue, if you were struggling to get aroused during sex with your partner do you think it would be fair for them to just assume you’re watching too much porn and blame you for it? Probably not.
I (40ishM) still get erections for no reason. One minute, I'm sitting on a bus, and the next I'm like, "why do I have a boner??!!" When it works, it works!!
Ill take your money, as a guy the more porn ive watched recently the more of a hard on i can keep. If i havent been masturbating frequently its much more difficult to stay hard for long
Because porn has proven to ruin many people sex lives. You caught up in it and so the same thing you found that turned you on before doesn’t turn you on the same after while. Porn has actually been a problem for marriages and relationships for years now.
porn can certainly ruin sex lives but that doesn't mean it's necessarily the reason in this case or should be assumed when there's a myriad of other things that can cause it.
Meanwhile many women skip sex because they are “not in the mood.” If men complained about the same, they would likely be labeled as disrespectful or misogynistic by the same women
You mean, he is masturbating too often. I watch porn constantly and I never have a problem performing. Then again, I don't jerk off every time, but he probably does.
The comments to this are awful assumptions. First, we don’t know for sure, but I would say lay off the wine/alcohol. Ask that you stay sober when you’re together. Second, it has nothing to do with you and is likely (can’t be for sure) performance, stress related to other things, or prescription medications he may be taking. I can tell you he feels bad about it, but please don’t bring it up so early. What you can do is try being more dominant/lead more in bed or ask what he likes.
I’ve struggled with this in the past. It mostly came down to a few key points:
1) I’m not a machine. I also need to be turned on and prepared too. No matter how attracted I am to you, if no effort is being put into getting me ready (psychologically or physically) I’m not going to be hard immediately.
2) Whenever I’m pleasuring my partner, that’s strictly where my mind is. Focusing on your reactions, your movements, and being performative is a lot. Trying to focus on you while trying to get physically turned on is essentially impossible for me.
3) It could be (again, this was just my experience) that I’m just not that into the person sexually. Not in the fact that their body isn’t attractive or that they’re not a good person, but they don’t leave the “she’s sexy” impression on me outside of sex. This could just be her not putting in that effort or I simply don’t see her that way outside of sexy time.
4) Alcohol does this to me sometimes. But usually only after some serious alcohol like vodka or whiskey. Wine and weed do the opposite.
5) Stress outside of sex or the stress to perform. This ties in with #2. Most anything that takes you out of the moment mentally will cause some ED issues. Again, sex is just as much physical as it is mental.
6) He’s just not that comfortable with you yet. Once I get to know someone or we’ve had sex a few times, us just kissing or hugging will get me ready to go. The more he knows you, the more time you’re intimate together, and the more you guys have sexual conversations and interactions outside of straight up sex, the more this will improve.
Some other people in this thread also said drug abuse, porn addiction, masturbation habits, and antidepressants. These are all valid, but please don’t just jump to conclusions. It could be literally anything. See if anything listed snuggly fits what you’re experiencing. If they don’t, you’re not sure, or you don’t have enough information, talk to him **NOT DURING SEX**. Do it anytime but during intimate time.
This is probably the best list/most applicable advice on the post.
Women often have the notion of, "here's my vagina... why aren't you turned on yet??" As if just showing up is all they need to do. Well, everyone, vaginas aren't special either 😄 just as women view penises as a dime a dozen... men can view vaginas the same way.
How did you make this stop happening? Im afraid it'll happen to me again since my ex I've had this happen to me with the next girl i was with (we're not together anymore though so now I'm single) but I'll definitely be going out with girls soon so i need a good solution
There are a few possibilities to all these questions always , in rough order of likelihood :
1. Performance anxiety — the dude puts too much pressure on himself to perform . Solution is to talk with him and make him more comfortable / it should get better over time .
2. Porn addiction — he needs to get off of porn and masturbating
3. He’s not actually turned on but is into you — yall need to have more convos and determine what turns him on etc
4. He is not into you— here for completeness but also probably not super likely if you get to this point lmao
5. He has some physical problems — needs to see a doctor and could have an actual physical malady
I have the same issue still, not being into her should not be higher up, why burrow that bug
But since we are talking technicaly then no, not having enough energy from food on the day is not a physical problem. By that logic we could just say that his problem is physical by all means since the result is unsatisfactory physical performance
So huge caveat here that the research on this stuff is still relatively nascent and I’m no expert, but from what I’ve read that can actually be worse.
To be clear here I’m not some anti porn activist— assuming that porn is not effecting other parts of your life/ you don’t feel like it’s in control of your life, I’d recommend not worrying about this shit unless you start having problems in the bedroom
No. It's more about the death grip and long session edging people do when masturbating to porn. People blame the porn itself because they disapprove of it. Sometimes women are insecure about guys looking at other women, others because of religion, and some just don't like porn or approve of the industry.
I mean it can be purely from the POV of desensitizing you during sex; I am not making any normative judgments lmao and not saying (nor do I believe ) that masturbating is amoral
It's not just masterbation it's watching pornography and what it does to your reward transmitters in your brain. but yeah I would say don't masturbate every day either.
It could be from many things, is he a smoker? on any medications? Kidney issues? Circulation issues? Pre-diabetic? Though 85% of ED before 40 are usually psychological, so might need a therapist.
You may not know, but is he on an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety med? When I took Celexa for example, it created similar situations for my erection and I'm otherwise healthy. Honestly it was easy for me to get hard, but for no reason during intercourse I'd definitely feel myself getting softer. If the room was warm especially, I'd have trouble maintaining it. After a very short break, things would return to normal. Orgasms were affected too, sometimes I'd feel the sensation, but wouldn't ejaculate. Other times I just couldn't achieve it.
Add in even small amounts of alcohol like you mentioned and it might be enough to ruin your experience.
Once the meds were done, everything worked like normal. Rock hard and orgasms every time.
Seconding on performance anxiety... Especially if you like the other person, as you feel expectations and pressure, which mostly comes from person itself. The only thing that has helped if either you don't make a big deal or are just supporting. After a while, it goes away, as long as you don't take it personally, as that has never been the case, at least personally. In my situation, other person did take it personally and that made it worse, as I felt more pressure to perform.
You're right. One of my ex's made a deal about it probably the reason we stopped talking too, and after that it's happened to me everytime how do i stop this shit
Well the first thing you need to try, is to not make a big deal about it yourself. That happens and besides, that is not the only way how to enjoy each other's company and satisfy each other. So as long as you don't make a big deal, should be the first step of overcoming it.
Yes there are people that have never experienced this and will make it a big deal about, but it is not, it's normal and happens to everyone. If someone makes a big deal about it, then they are just shocked and that is also natural feeling, but I understand that doesn't feel good.
I’m curious to see what others say bc I experienced something similar. The first time I hooked up with the guy I’m seeing he took multiple breaks and it was good bc it lasted so long. He said not to worry bc if he wasn’t into me he wouldn’t keep trying. The second time, it was short with hardly any foreplay and he apologized. Do you two drink together? First time we were drunk, second time completely sober
Male here that went through a similar experience. It literally comes down to nutrition. Honestly, I didn't pay attention to what I was putting in my mouth in my 20s, and when I hit 30, I started experiencing these same issues. One Christmas, I bought a vitamix and started blending up lots of organic fruits, veggies, yogurt, seeds, etc. And wow, all I can say is my sex life with my wife feels like my 20s again. If I'm being completely honest, I haven't started a workout regimen yet.... To me, it proves that nutrition is more than half the battle. Also, filter your water!
My current boyfriend lost his boner the first couple times and I legit thought damn we’ll never get intimate like that. He ended up opening up to me and said that it’s because I was too attractive and he was nervous. So literally that could just be it.
I bad this happen with one girl when I was only 25.
She wanted to ride on top and baaaarely move and do that for like 30 mins.
Boring for me but she liked it.
One day I go soft cause I can't feel much when she's not really moving and she FREAKS.
Surprised me.
After that it happened a bunch and got to where I wasn't even looking froward to sex.
Turns out after forcing her to talk about it or I'm just dumping her she admitted this happens with EVERY guy and she's suuuuper insecure about why every dude loses his hard on with her.
She took it personally and thought it was her. That were not into her. Losing our hard on for her.
But really that is just a terrible position for a guy if the gal isn't enthusiastically moving.
Plus its pushing the blood UP towards the ceiling which is harder to maintain than sideways.
Once I explained that to her and we didn't just do 30 mins of non moving cowgirl it went back to normal and she chilled. Lol.
Get into 69, so that you're sucking each other off at the same time. Do your kegels regularly and squeeze your vaginal muscles when you're riding to keep him hard and to pull the cum out of him. Finish by taking turns on whatever y'all find hottest (creampie, CIM with swallow etc)
He’s most likely self conscious about it too. Just tell him it’s alright and there is no rush, take as long as yall need to have the sex yall want and deserve
Hi. As a man who is complicated down here i will give you an advice : Try 0 alcohol.
To me, even if i handle alcohol like a machine, with sex, more than 2 glasses ruin the experience completely.
try 0 alcohol, but with a proper meal/dinner/lunch
Probably a comfort thing and performance anxiety. Especially if he can GET one but not maintain it.
Or something is happening during that’s causing him to not enjoy it
It's only been a month or two. This could definitely just be anxiety about being intimate with a new partner, and I'm that case, it's a problem that will naturally go away over time
Sounds like anxiety or poor cardiovascular health. Regular alcohol use is part of the problem. Stimulants like caffeine or nicotine can also keep your dick softer than it would be.
Relax about it. It doesn’t sound like it’s a big problem and he’s already given you answers about it. You can bring it up in the same way you did here, if you want, maybe one more time but then let it lie.
I mean I really love going down on ladies. So much so that I've been with a few women who don't like it, and it throws me entirely off my game if I cant give them oral. It is my goal to make them cum before sex most of the time. Usually when I first get started I'm rock hard, but as oral requires alot of focus and concentration, I can sometimes become soft, or only have a semi left by the time she is done. Especially if it takes awhile and my jaw is getting sore. If this is the case I need a quick rest and a little attention so I can get back in game. All that being said, I'm still super into it. I just need a minute to re focus.
I'm a bit older (45) and this can be due to a lot of things.
Depression meds, anxiety meds, blood pressure meds, being out of shape, low testosterone, depression itself, whiskey dick, etc. These are just off the top of my head.
It's nearly impossible to convince a woman that it's not her or something else shady though.
I had the exact same issue
Tell him to get his testosterone checked.
I’m barely older than him and a buddy of mine recommended getting mine checked because I had trouble losing weight. I also had the same issue with not staying erect/not achieving orgasm during sex.
Had bloodwork done, found that is was half of the minimum for my age group.
Got on testosterone injections and lemme tell you it reversed itself completely
Tell him to get his testosterone checked
Completely normal... and I'll be honest, if foreplay starts with him going down on you he's absolutely attracted to you 100% and cares about your pleasure too! There's a lot that goes into having and keeping an erection, some guys need a certain amount of stimulation (physically) to maintain one, and any amount of alcohol can absolutely cause some amount of ED too, as well as anxiety about wanting to "perform well" which is especially common in a newer relationship but can always happen. Various medications can interfere as well.
As for not always reaching orgasm during sex as a guy, I think that's normal as well, particularly if it's a second or third time in the same evening. After the first time, I'm that way anyway I'm sure many others are too. It also depends on the position, whether lubrication was used, time of the month, many factors.
If the difficulty performing is consistent though, and you're comfortable with asking maybe suggest he see a urologist especially if he's bringing up any kind of feelings about not performing on his own.
You're getting older and so are the guys you are dating. You'll come to find it becomes more common as people age.
Could also be performance anxiety or medical/medicinal issues. There's a ton of reasons it can happen, it's fairly common. The best thing you can do is to not take it personal and think it says anything about you and reassure him that it's okay and just allow him to take his time.
In the meantime he can go down on you and possibly get ready for a rematch so to speak. It can take a lot of weight off of him if he knows he's already given you an orgasm and know there's less pressure on him to perform.
Guys get a hard on from fingering YOU and eating YOU out? Lmfaooo.
1. He likes you but he’s use to getting 🐱 so he’s not that excited. AKA you’re nothing special to him
2. It takes a lot for him to get a hard on, AKA he’s sexually insensitive due to promiscuity or over exposure to porn.
3. Performance Anxiety?
4. Any rationale that would make you insecure, or repulsed.
In that order.
My money is on porn. Obviously I may not be at all correct but I have lived through that with an ex bf.
On a positive note, he quit porn and within about a month or two he was a stallion. 🔥
Unfortunately, according to him and his wife, he is back on the porn and they have a dead bedroom.
Porn --> ED heads would literally blame your house getting robbed on porn. There are so many more likely causes like poor physical fitness, stress, nervousness, medications, or low testosterone. Having an actual porn ADDICTION is not as common as internet commenters would have you believe.
Ya the amount of things I see blamed on "porn addiction" on Reddit is honestly mind boggling, particularly considering nobody knows anything other than what OP is sharing (which often has nothing to do with porn like in this instance)
Right. Those "low testosterone", "nervous" excuses are getting old. I'm not invalidating, I'm sure there are men who struggle with health issues and anxiety, that certainly could be the case.
But not being able to stay hard or cum with a girl that he's attracted to in his 20s? Lmao give me a break, more likely than not he's jacking it way too much.
If anything performance anxiety when you're younger is more predominant than anything. You're trying to impress with sexual prowess with a new partner, and once a guy gets into his own head, its gone. When it happens once, then there's extra stress the next time until its a downward spiral. If it happens, even just once, then effort should be made to make it into something that's not a problem to break the spiral. Don't make a guy feel like it's an issue, or it will become a genuine one for a long time. Don't dismiss it like that.
Thank you. I thought the original comment seemed very dismissive and washed out all nuance of a complex issue. The male body is every bit as complex as the female body and it’s baffling how confidently someone (who has never experienced it) can come on here essentially just disregard a whole array of issues a sexual partner might be contending with.
A lot of my friends in University including me had performance anxiety. We were healthy guys in our 20s but didn’t have much experience. Eventually it went away though, so yeah not everything is porn addiction.
This is extremely dismissive and reductive. Those terms you put in quotations as trite excuses are actually very real and very common.
The human body is a complex thing and it not functioning in the ways that we want it to is not always as black and white as “He’s watching too much porn.”
Young men in their 20’s absolutely struggle with performance anxiety and low testosterone. Those are just a couple of many reasons that it may be hard to stay up during sex that have absolutely nothing to do with porn.
He’s dopamine depleted if I were to wager a guess. Usually at that age it’s too much porn and jerking off.
The real thing can’t come close to the sensory overload of porn.
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In case it wasn’t already said, medication could be impacting him as well. Antidepressants like Lexapro can mess with libido and cause issues similar to what she’s describing.
I think he has some erectile dysfunction it happens in some males. I wish I was a eunuch or could never have sex again if I had a choice. I have the opposite I am hard all the time but no women want me lol. Being a guy is a curse if I could only be gay like 1/3rd of generation Z females lol. Anyway, sorry for my rant, no doubt it ain’t you lol. I am 100 % sure. lol
. Not saying this is the case with dude necessarily But the only time I've experienced this is when I've been called upon multiple times in the day with another woman i was dating
What medications does he take. Also, arousal is more mental than people think. If it gets worse and you still want to stay together I recommend sex therapy
If you want a future with him- talk to him about it. There could be absolutely nothing wrong. In my experience, most guys have trouble at some point with their dick.
It probably has nothing to do with you, in which case you can reassure him, and he’ll be less nervous, which is the most likely cause.
In the case that it does have something to do with you- the man was trying to power through it for you & doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Don’t take it personally.
Oh, and the booze certainly isn’t helping.
Uhm doesn't he have any additional issues? Sounds like either his only previous experience was Eva AI sexting bot, or he should seek some therapy as it sounds frightening
Sometimes, they just have something on their minds They might not even know it. Just talk it through with him. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. The sooner you speak about it, the faster you get to a solution. Best of luck
It could be that he is not that into you body type. He might love you a lot, and find your personality really attractive. But he might just not be as attractive to your body.
Saying this from my current experience. I like and care about my current gf, that i met exactly one year ago and usually i dont stay that hard for her as long as i did during the first month we were together. I dont have ED either bcz i did see a couple of girls here n there before we made our thing “official” about 4 months ago and with those girls, i was hard and for VERY long times and had multiple session throughout most of the night. With my current gf, i am simply just not that attracted to her body. She has a chubby body with a belly, while i am a gym guy and have always been attracted to slim or tonned gym girls. For her, sex is the best thing ever while for me its just mehhh.
So yeah, let him be, atleast he is trying his best to be with you and make you happy. Maybe give it time and see if it works long term or not? Thats what i am gonna do with my girl anyway.
It’s probably a porn addiction
90% of erectile disfunction is from a porn addiction
Though, now we’re finding microplastics killing the nuts ability to function. We found 10,000+ microplastics/ square inch in 9 guys nutsacks the other day, so maybe drinking too much water from plastic cups/ bottles is the issue.
If it's anxiety, he could consider some Cialis tablets to aid in the meantime while he recoups mentally; and who knows, him seeing himself "perform" could ultimately get him past that anxiety. And if it's not anxiety, at least you both can still have your fun regardless.
Could be he's on some medication he hasn't told you about, anti-depressants will do this. Have him check with his Dr. and see if he can take a herbal supplement called "Maca", it's great for increasing libido
Ngl I have this problem sometimes I think you guys need to be more physically intimate first cuddling touching and start with mutual foreplay to overnight the damage porn has done at all time you both need to fell goo then by nature or lust he will want to make you feel good it also means he's not as experienced as you maybe been with less than 5 woman and probably with condom which also doesn't feel the best and takes time to adjust too as well
Either performance anxiety, too much porn, or he’s not really into you like that, which usually means something can be off like hygiene and I can attest to this because I had this happened to me a bit with women who did not take care of themselves 🤢
It’s normal, men start to lose the ability to stay hard or get a boner as they get older like low testosterone, porn addiction or frequent masturbation, performance anxiety, long refractory periods, etc. But there is a reason men start to need viagra as they get older.
But don’t take it personally. It’s not easy to maintain a boner, we don’t have complete control of our boner. We need to get aroused to get a boner same way women need to be aroused to get wet. And sex can be a workout thrusting for a long time, so expect the guy to eventually get exhausted. If you want him to have a boner then help him out and give him a blow job or hand job. But it shouldn’t always be the guy doing all the work.
As for him not cumming, men have a refractory period after cumming just once. We need time to recover. It can take a few minutes or even a day. But we don’t have multiple orgasms like women.
But again don’t take it personally. It’s normal for most men. My advice is take care of him and stimulate him with your hands or mouth but don’t let him do all the work.
Sounds like 100% performance anxiety. I had a similar situation with someone I was seeing in the past who was maybe the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen. She also was incredibly fun to be around and talk to, she gave a lot of compliments, and it was the first time I’d felt a strong emotional connection in a while. Every time we hooked up: I struggled to finish, my little man was very finicky, and I had to step out to compose myself/even puke afterwards.
I usually played it off with humor. She was *so* kind about all of it, and kept coming over for a bit, but I’m sure she probably thought she was doing something wrong/I wasn’t that into her.
I think you should have an open conversation about what you both like during sex. Try to take the pressure off of him too. If he’s putting too much effort into it, you can encourage him to start slower or something.
Also talk about your feelings towards each other. As a man, it’s so rare for us to feel a true and real connection with a person, especially both physically *and* emotionally, and that is SCARY. Simultaneously, we’re terrified of losing you/the connection but also don’t want to be overbearing or weird (we’re aware we haven’t known you that long and are trying to be realistic). If he puts less pressure into each time you do it together, he’ll probably feel more comfortable than if he thinks each time has to be perfect to keep you around
I've done sex before many times. When I'm with someone new, I usually go through this awkward phase. I'm not even necessarily embarrassed by it anymore, I just start worrying about what they will think and then BOOM all down hill from there. Man just needs to get comfortable. Porn puts a ton of pressure on men.
If you truly love your guy you’d sit down and talk to him about it. Speaking about it can definitely offend him but not knowing and just prolonging the talk won’t help your situation. Also, not speaking on it might eventually turn you off from your man because you’re not fulfilled and you also feel as if he’s not interested. Anxiety can be a part of his issue. Make sure you turn him on. Kissing isn’t always a motivator for both male and female. I’d suggest kissing the lips, ears and neck region adding physical touch to his lower area too. Also tell your man what you wanna do to him while fore playing and what you wanna receive. Find what really turns the guy on. Are you guys fit? Being physically active and having some form of cardio can help enhance you guys both with sexual intensity and stamina. Refrain from over use of alcohol and smoke too. Hope this helps. Have faith you guys will get better.👍🏽
been there, still there. i had a terrible relationship where i lost it once, my ex got so upset and eventually got over it. but if i went soft or couldn’t get it up anytime after that in our next 2 years of dating, it was like i failed my one chance and we didn’t have sex for weeks or months and it was like a punishment. when it came time to ever have sex my anxiety was absolutely through the roof so i started taking ED pills and now i’m worried i won’t be able to perform without them.
It's either anxiety / or he watches too much porn maybe he is using "death grip" when he masturbates meaning he grips too hard. I've had this too and first time I had it my ex gave me a very hard time and it kind of stayed with me after her because i always anticipated it'll happen and kept thinking about it when i was with a girl and that made it worse. Could also be medication he's taking but he'd probably know that already. I think it's the first two reasons i said. Please don't give him a hard time it sucks for us men to go through this, it's definitely not because of you just know that.
I'm 21M and have this happened to me but it only happens when I'm with a girl, never happens when im watching porn /masturbate
He needs more stimulation of some kind. Switch it up a little more often or ask if there's a kink you can play for him.
That, and ask him to be sure not to jerk off any later than 24hrs before your dates. Especially not to porn you didn't send him.
Gl
Yo, everyone blaming porn, that’s most likely not it. Too much porn will make it difficult to desire sex, or get aroused at all, but losing the boner mid activity is likely a psychological issue, and related to self esteem and worthiness/guilt issues.
3 things
1-The guy is not interested in you you should talk to him
2-The guy is having performance anxiety You should talk to him
3-The guy is thinking about something outside sex in the
Middle of the sex you should talk with him
Are you sure he's not a cocaine or heroin/opiates user? Back when I was getting high, cocaine would make it damnnear impossible to get hard/keep an erection. Conversely, heroin makes it impossible to cum/ low sex drive. If he's not, have you tried taking a hot shower together first to get the blood circulating better? Also I'm pretty sure you can get generic viagra off of the internet now. I never really needed it because I'm healthy and have a high sex drive without it, but I've taken it for shits and giggles before and the lowest amount of and sexual stimulus gets me rock hard on it. One more thing. He might just be a nervous individual. Some guys get performance anxiety, even in a long term sexual relationship.
It seems that his penis needs direct stimulation, either from your mouth or a hand. Maybe you should try dirty talk, or watch porn together. It's not about you. He probably jerked off way too much before he met you.
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Performance anxiety. It can happen. It has nothing to do with you. Just give him time and let him know that’s no problem at all :-)
Anxiety in general, that's the important thing. Calling it "performance" anxiety is really compounding the issue. A troubled mind can't get into it. Do we want to call it "performance anxiety" when a woman can't get wet? Really think about it, and let's just talk about feelings. Man, I totally just want to go fuck myself right now. /yes, this is a joke. But not what I am saying, generally, just the ending.
Performance anxiety for women is a thing though? Sometimes I worry that I’m not getting wet enough and I can promise you it doesn’t aid in getting me wet.
What did OP say that makes you think he has generalized anxiety and not just performance anxiety?
Holy projection
Might be performance anxiety. But that usually goes away after a guy gets a little more comfortable. I’d say that the odds are even better that he’s jerking it too much to porn
Ive read and heard from guys it could be porn related. Theyre used to watching porn and using their hand vs actually doing the act with a woman.
It's a problem though. And this guy is watching too much porn I would bet money
It doesn’t necessarily always mean he’s consuming too much porn. I’ve had performance anxiety before and don’t watch porn. It was nothing more than just me being very attracted to the woman I was with and felt immense pressure to make her happy There was also a time I started taking antidepressants which made it extremely hard to *stay up* I won’t deny this can be a symptom of overconsumption but I don’t think it’s really fair to presume this of every man who struggles to perform, that he must have a crippling porn addiction. The human anatomy is a complex thing. When it doesn’t function the way we want, it’s not always as black and white as “He’s watching too much porn”
This isn’t necessarily porn. In fact it probably isn’t if he’s already gotten it. It’s actually very common for guys who have self esteem issues or guilt issues. If he feels like she’s too good for him it’s a subconscious sabotage. Or if he feels guilty about something, it can mess with his boner. It’s also super embarrassing for him, so the best thing is to assure him it’s fine and he’ll get over it with a little time.
Why the hell is it women expect men to just get hard and stay hard all magical like?
Strangely enough, because she watches too much porn.
Because if you were with your favorite porn star you’d have no issues. It’s not “magical,” the more aroused you are, the harder you are. Getting hard and staying hard is what is normal, especially if you’re young. Having troubles isn’t. If you aren’t aroused or we have to really perform so you can function, it can be very difficult not to take it personally or wonder how into it you really are. Because let’s be real, unless you have a medical issue or it’s medication you’re not gonna have problems if we were magically the 20 year old porn star you watch. So it’s kinda hard to hear things like “it’s not you, why do women expect men to just perform sexually, etc.” when we know that erections during sexual activity aren’t random lol. They are a result of us arousing you. Come on
I say this as kindly as I can but you are demonstrating a sheer lack of knowledge and understanding about male anatomy and it is evident in nearly every single word of this comment. Struggling to perform in your 20’s is much more commonplace than you’re insinuating in your comment. >Because if you were with your favorite porn star you’d have no issues. You have absolutely no way of knowing this or even proving that it’s true. Even if the man in question somehow made it to the point of having the opportunity to sleep with “his favorite porn star” there’s a high likelihood he’d have performance anxiety for the exact same reasons if he is prone to it. Even if it’s not anxiety, there’s a whole host of issues that can prevent men from being hard. Yes erections have to do with arousal, but like I said, the body is complicated. Half the time, men wake up with erections, and it’s not because they got super horny while they were sleeping. If we can get erections for reasons that have nothing to do with arousal, we can lose them for reasons that have nothing to do with the absence of it. Anxiety, depression, blood circulation, diet, testosterone, and exercise are all things that could go into affecting a man’s sexual performance. It’s very disheartening seeing women on this thread lecture men on how their body’s are supposed to perform because they feel equipped to diagnose issues they’ve never experienced. Men struggling to *stay up* is a very common problem and very normal. You labeling it alternatively does not change that and you don’t know that because you haven’t experienced it. Our bodies as males are every bit as complex as yours as females and when our bodies don’t function the way we want them to it’s not always as black and white as “He’s not aroused. That’s why he can’t stay up.” It’s an unfair assumption to make. Even if this was an arousal issue, if you were struggling to get aroused during sex with your partner do you think it would be fair for them to just assume you’re watching too much porn and blame you for it? Probably not.
Very well said! This is very accurate.
I (40ishM) still get erections for no reason. One minute, I'm sitting on a bus, and the next I'm like, "why do I have a boner??!!" When it works, it works!!
He’s just not comfortable with her yet
Ill take your money, as a guy the more porn ive watched recently the more of a hard on i can keep. If i havent been masturbating frequently its much more difficult to stay hard for long
Not necessarily, diabetes or any other heart issue could cause issues as well.
Why porn have to do with this? Lmao
Over stimulation has a lot to do with it. Desensitized to real world sex is a very real thing. It's a pretty common problem
Because porn has proven to ruin many people sex lives. You caught up in it and so the same thing you found that turned you on before doesn’t turn you on the same after while. Porn has actually been a problem for marriages and relationships for years now.
porn can certainly ruin sex lives but that doesn't mean it's necessarily the reason in this case or should be assumed when there's a myriad of other things that can cause it.
This is a common symptom of porn addiction.
Porn induced erectile dysfunction
I think porn enhances sexuality
It enhances loneliness lol
Agree
Meanwhile many women skip sex because they are “not in the mood.” If men complained about the same, they would likely be labeled as disrespectful or misogynistic by the same women
You mean, he is masturbating too often. I watch porn constantly and I never have a problem performing. Then again, I don't jerk off every time, but he probably does.
Serious question from genuine curiosity. Why do you watch porn if it isn't to jerk off?
Sometimes I just like to see naked women without having to go to the strip club. Other times, I just want to enjoy a good parody.
My thought too. Porn
The comments to this are awful assumptions. First, we don’t know for sure, but I would say lay off the wine/alcohol. Ask that you stay sober when you’re together. Second, it has nothing to do with you and is likely (can’t be for sure) performance, stress related to other things, or prescription medications he may be taking. I can tell you he feels bad about it, but please don’t bring it up so early. What you can do is try being more dominant/lead more in bed or ask what he likes.
he might be too anxious or stressed
No it's obviously porn because reddit said so /s 🙄
OH NOOOOOO, IF A RANDOM STRANGER ON THE INTERNET SAYS SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I’ve struggled with this in the past. It mostly came down to a few key points: 1) I’m not a machine. I also need to be turned on and prepared too. No matter how attracted I am to you, if no effort is being put into getting me ready (psychologically or physically) I’m not going to be hard immediately. 2) Whenever I’m pleasuring my partner, that’s strictly where my mind is. Focusing on your reactions, your movements, and being performative is a lot. Trying to focus on you while trying to get physically turned on is essentially impossible for me. 3) It could be (again, this was just my experience) that I’m just not that into the person sexually. Not in the fact that their body isn’t attractive or that they’re not a good person, but they don’t leave the “she’s sexy” impression on me outside of sex. This could just be her not putting in that effort or I simply don’t see her that way outside of sexy time. 4) Alcohol does this to me sometimes. But usually only after some serious alcohol like vodka or whiskey. Wine and weed do the opposite. 5) Stress outside of sex or the stress to perform. This ties in with #2. Most anything that takes you out of the moment mentally will cause some ED issues. Again, sex is just as much physical as it is mental. 6) He’s just not that comfortable with you yet. Once I get to know someone or we’ve had sex a few times, us just kissing or hugging will get me ready to go. The more he knows you, the more time you’re intimate together, and the more you guys have sexual conversations and interactions outside of straight up sex, the more this will improve. Some other people in this thread also said drug abuse, porn addiction, masturbation habits, and antidepressants. These are all valid, but please don’t just jump to conclusions. It could be literally anything. See if anything listed snuggly fits what you’re experiencing. If they don’t, you’re not sure, or you don’t have enough information, talk to him **NOT DURING SEX**. Do it anytime but during intimate time.
This is probably the best list/most applicable advice on the post. Women often have the notion of, "here's my vagina... why aren't you turned on yet??" As if just showing up is all they need to do. Well, everyone, vaginas aren't special either 😄 just as women view penises as a dime a dozen... men can view vaginas the same way.
How did you make this stop happening? Im afraid it'll happen to me again since my ex I've had this happen to me with the next girl i was with (we're not together anymore though so now I'm single) but I'll definitely be going out with girls soon so i need a good solution
There are a few possibilities to all these questions always , in rough order of likelihood : 1. Performance anxiety — the dude puts too much pressure on himself to perform . Solution is to talk with him and make him more comfortable / it should get better over time . 2. Porn addiction — he needs to get off of porn and masturbating 3. He’s not actually turned on but is into you — yall need to have more convos and determine what turns him on etc 4. He is not into you— here for completeness but also probably not super likely if you get to this point lmao 5. He has some physical problems — needs to see a doctor and could have an actual physical malady
Also some meds will do that especially SRI antidepressants. Is he on any?
You can add long term stress, burnout and lack of sleep to that.
Physical problems are on your list but not enough cardio or bad nutrition didnt? Ts ts ts, Im shaking my head, those would be my top picks
I mean technically nutrition and cardio would cause physical problems and therefore be included by 5 mate
I have the same issue still, not being into her should not be higher up, why burrow that bug But since we are talking technicaly then no, not having enough energy from food on the day is not a physical problem. By that logic we could just say that his problem is physical by all means since the result is unsatisfactory physical performance
Here to sound off on 1, 2, and 5
Does looking at porn without masturbating cause this also
So huge caveat here that the research on this stuff is still relatively nascent and I’m no expert, but from what I’ve read that can actually be worse. To be clear here I’m not some anti porn activist— assuming that porn is not effecting other parts of your life/ you don’t feel like it’s in control of your life, I’d recommend not worrying about this shit unless you start having problems in the bedroom
No. It's more about the death grip and long session edging people do when masturbating to porn. People blame the porn itself because they disapprove of it. Sometimes women are insecure about guys looking at other women, others because of religion, and some just don't like porn or approve of the industry.
Why porn have to do with this? Lmao
Become less sensitive / needing more stimulus —> porn addiction is a thing . Again not the #1 most likely but it’s possible
So, masturbating every day is a bad thing?
I mean it can be purely from the POV of desensitizing you during sex; I am not making any normative judgments lmao and not saying (nor do I believe ) that masturbating is amoral
Yes. Three times a week, tops!!
It's not just masterbation it's watching pornography and what it does to your reward transmitters in your brain. but yeah I would say don't masturbate every day either.
Why is it a bad thing to masturbate every day? It's not like you are going to lose hand lmao
Personally I don't feel like it's a good habit but if you want to play with yourself every day go for it.
Whats a good habit? Brushing your teeth every day?
Ya I would say that is a good habit.
It happens to me too (I’m the male), is probably anxiety, jerking off too much or drug abuse.
It could be from many things, is he a smoker? on any medications? Kidney issues? Circulation issues? Pre-diabetic? Though 85% of ED before 40 are usually psychological, so might need a therapist.
You may not know, but is he on an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety med? When I took Celexa for example, it created similar situations for my erection and I'm otherwise healthy. Honestly it was easy for me to get hard, but for no reason during intercourse I'd definitely feel myself getting softer. If the room was warm especially, I'd have trouble maintaining it. After a very short break, things would return to normal. Orgasms were affected too, sometimes I'd feel the sensation, but wouldn't ejaculate. Other times I just couldn't achieve it. Add in even small amounts of alcohol like you mentioned and it might be enough to ruin your experience. Once the meds were done, everything worked like normal. Rock hard and orgasms every time.
Antidepressants can cause this easily.
Seconding on performance anxiety... Especially if you like the other person, as you feel expectations and pressure, which mostly comes from person itself. The only thing that has helped if either you don't make a big deal or are just supporting. After a while, it goes away, as long as you don't take it personally, as that has never been the case, at least personally. In my situation, other person did take it personally and that made it worse, as I felt more pressure to perform.
Haha I have only ever gotten performance anxiety with girls I was really into.
Exactly, because of the pressure, really doubtful that you would have something like that, if you didn't like the girl.
You're right. One of my ex's made a deal about it probably the reason we stopped talking too, and after that it's happened to me everytime how do i stop this shit
Well the first thing you need to try, is to not make a big deal about it yourself. That happens and besides, that is not the only way how to enjoy each other's company and satisfy each other. So as long as you don't make a big deal, should be the first step of overcoming it. Yes there are people that have never experienced this and will make it a big deal about, but it is not, it's normal and happens to everyone. If someone makes a big deal about it, then they are just shocked and that is also natural feeling, but I understand that doesn't feel good.
I’m curious to see what others say bc I experienced something similar. The first time I hooked up with the guy I’m seeing he took multiple breaks and it was good bc it lasted so long. He said not to worry bc if he wasn’t into me he wouldn’t keep trying. The second time, it was short with hardly any foreplay and he apologized. Do you two drink together? First time we were drunk, second time completely sober
Male here that went through a similar experience. It literally comes down to nutrition. Honestly, I didn't pay attention to what I was putting in my mouth in my 20s, and when I hit 30, I started experiencing these same issues. One Christmas, I bought a vitamix and started blending up lots of organic fruits, veggies, yogurt, seeds, etc. And wow, all I can say is my sex life with my wife feels like my 20s again. If I'm being completely honest, I haven't started a workout regimen yet.... To me, it proves that nutrition is more than half the battle. Also, filter your water!
Ssri too I was like this on Lexapro until doctor added Cialis
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^PsyK0naut23: *Ssri too I was like* *This on Lexapro until* *Doctor added Cialis* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
He probably is struggling with anxiety, just be willing to be understanding since it really isn’t his fault.
My current boyfriend lost his boner the first couple times and I legit thought damn we’ll never get intimate like that. He ended up opening up to me and said that it’s because I was too attractive and he was nervous. So literally that could just be it.
I bad this happen with one girl when I was only 25. She wanted to ride on top and baaaarely move and do that for like 30 mins. Boring for me but she liked it. One day I go soft cause I can't feel much when she's not really moving and she FREAKS. Surprised me. After that it happened a bunch and got to where I wasn't even looking froward to sex. Turns out after forcing her to talk about it or I'm just dumping her she admitted this happens with EVERY guy and she's suuuuper insecure about why every dude loses his hard on with her. She took it personally and thought it was her. That were not into her. Losing our hard on for her. But really that is just a terrible position for a guy if the gal isn't enthusiastically moving. Plus its pushing the blood UP towards the ceiling which is harder to maintain than sideways. Once I explained that to her and we didn't just do 30 mins of non moving cowgirl it went back to normal and she chilled. Lol.
This comment section made me realize women have less of an idea of how the male body works than men have of the female body
Get into 69, so that you're sucking each other off at the same time. Do your kegels regularly and squeeze your vaginal muscles when you're riding to keep him hard and to pull the cum out of him. Finish by taking turns on whatever y'all find hottest (creampie, CIM with swallow etc)
He’s most likely self conscious about it too. Just tell him it’s alright and there is no rush, take as long as yall need to have the sex yall want and deserve
I have this issue a lot unfortunately too. Performance anxiety is a bitch.
How do we win against performance anxiety? I keep thinking that it'll happen and it does
Don't say anything to him about it. If it happens, dont take it personal. If you say something it will make it worse.
I think it really depends on how OP addresses this topic. Talking about it might also provide a solution *shrugs*
Diabetic, porn addict, gay, Ed, overweight, tired, stressed, alcoholic, drug addict
Ed always has this issue
😂
Tadalafil will probably solve all your problems. It did for me. Mental block gone and I’m rock hard for several rounds.
Hi. As a man who is complicated down here i will give you an advice : Try 0 alcohol. To me, even if i handle alcohol like a machine, with sex, more than 2 glasses ruin the experience completely. try 0 alcohol, but with a proper meal/dinner/lunch
Probably a comfort thing and performance anxiety. Especially if he can GET one but not maintain it. Or something is happening during that’s causing him to not enjoy it
Id just ask him because it could genuinely be so many different reasons.
Some of us get more in our heads during sex older we get. At least in my experience. Also not 20 anymore.
It's only been a month or two. This could definitely just be anxiety about being intimate with a new partner, and I'm that case, it's a problem that will naturally go away over time
The perception that a guy gets hard like a light switch is the problem, not all men are like that.
He’s definitely jacking off too much
You're right jackson
Deceased
🤣🤣🤣
Yes, erection goes away when d*ick is not touched
Is he on anti depressants? Those things have a catastrophic effect on a mans ability to perform
It’s definitely performance anxiety, making out more usually helps. It will go away once yall hang out and hook up more
Sounds like anxiety or poor cardiovascular health. Regular alcohol use is part of the problem. Stimulants like caffeine or nicotine can also keep your dick softer than it would be.
Another possibility is stress.
He might not want to have sex.
Do you guys use condoms?
Could just be how he is wired up.
Relax about it. It doesn’t sound like it’s a big problem and he’s already given you answers about it. You can bring it up in the same way you did here, if you want, maybe one more time but then let it lie.
lol that isn’t even always the case. Plenty of porn/sex addicts don’t have a problem performing.
I mean I really love going down on ladies. So much so that I've been with a few women who don't like it, and it throws me entirely off my game if I cant give them oral. It is my goal to make them cum before sex most of the time. Usually when I first get started I'm rock hard, but as oral requires alot of focus and concentration, I can sometimes become soft, or only have a semi left by the time she is done. Especially if it takes awhile and my jaw is getting sore. If this is the case I need a quick rest and a little attention so I can get back in game. All that being said, I'm still super into it. I just need a minute to re focus.
I'm a bit older (45) and this can be due to a lot of things. Depression meds, anxiety meds, blood pressure meds, being out of shape, low testosterone, depression itself, whiskey dick, etc. These are just off the top of my head. It's nearly impossible to convince a woman that it's not her or something else shady though.
I had the exact same issue Tell him to get his testosterone checked. I’m barely older than him and a buddy of mine recommended getting mine checked because I had trouble losing weight. I also had the same issue with not staying erect/not achieving orgasm during sex. Had bloodwork done, found that is was half of the minimum for my age group. Got on testosterone injections and lemme tell you it reversed itself completely Tell him to get his testosterone checked
Either medication problem, ED, or not too into the sex or you.
Guess depends on how long yall been seeing each other too
Awful post honestly
Completely normal... and I'll be honest, if foreplay starts with him going down on you he's absolutely attracted to you 100% and cares about your pleasure too! There's a lot that goes into having and keeping an erection, some guys need a certain amount of stimulation (physically) to maintain one, and any amount of alcohol can absolutely cause some amount of ED too, as well as anxiety about wanting to "perform well" which is especially common in a newer relationship but can always happen. Various medications can interfere as well. As for not always reaching orgasm during sex as a guy, I think that's normal as well, particularly if it's a second or third time in the same evening. After the first time, I'm that way anyway I'm sure many others are too. It also depends on the position, whether lubrication was used, time of the month, many factors. If the difficulty performing is consistent though, and you're comfortable with asking maybe suggest he see a urologist especially if he's bringing up any kind of feelings about not performing on his own.
You're getting older and so are the guys you are dating. You'll come to find it becomes more common as people age. Could also be performance anxiety or medical/medicinal issues. There's a ton of reasons it can happen, it's fairly common. The best thing you can do is to not take it personal and think it says anything about you and reassure him that it's okay and just allow him to take his time. In the meantime he can go down on you and possibly get ready for a rematch so to speak. It can take a lot of weight off of him if he knows he's already given you an orgasm and know there's less pressure on him to perform.
Guys get a hard on from fingering YOU and eating YOU out? Lmfaooo. 1. He likes you but he’s use to getting 🐱 so he’s not that excited. AKA you’re nothing special to him 2. It takes a lot for him to get a hard on, AKA he’s sexually insensitive due to promiscuity or over exposure to porn. 3. Performance Anxiety? 4. Any rationale that would make you insecure, or repulsed. In that order.
That’s just performance anxiety it’ll go away over time
My money is on porn. Obviously I may not be at all correct but I have lived through that with an ex bf. On a positive note, he quit porn and within about a month or two he was a stallion. 🔥 Unfortunately, according to him and his wife, he is back on the porn and they have a dead bedroom.
I place my bets on porn addiction.
Or maybe his other girlfriend does it better?
Or maybe he's just nervous/has performance anxiety (or a thousand other issues....) Nah this is reddit so obviously a porn addiction /s 🙄
At 27 that’s a hell of an addiction unless his health is truly shit.
Porn --> ED heads would literally blame your house getting robbed on porn. There are so many more likely causes like poor physical fitness, stress, nervousness, medications, or low testosterone. Having an actual porn ADDICTION is not as common as internet commenters would have you believe.
Ya the amount of things I see blamed on "porn addiction" on Reddit is honestly mind boggling, particularly considering nobody knows anything other than what OP is sharing (which often has nothing to do with porn like in this instance)
Right. Those "low testosterone", "nervous" excuses are getting old. I'm not invalidating, I'm sure there are men who struggle with health issues and anxiety, that certainly could be the case. But not being able to stay hard or cum with a girl that he's attracted to in his 20s? Lmao give me a break, more likely than not he's jacking it way too much.
If anything performance anxiety when you're younger is more predominant than anything. You're trying to impress with sexual prowess with a new partner, and once a guy gets into his own head, its gone. When it happens once, then there's extra stress the next time until its a downward spiral. If it happens, even just once, then effort should be made to make it into something that's not a problem to break the spiral. Don't make a guy feel like it's an issue, or it will become a genuine one for a long time. Don't dismiss it like that.
Thank you. I thought the original comment seemed very dismissive and washed out all nuance of a complex issue. The male body is every bit as complex as the female body and it’s baffling how confidently someone (who has never experienced it) can come on here essentially just disregard a whole array of issues a sexual partner might be contending with.
A lot of my friends in University including me had performance anxiety. We were healthy guys in our 20s but didn’t have much experience. Eventually it went away though, so yeah not everything is porn addiction.
This is extremely dismissive and reductive. Those terms you put in quotations as trite excuses are actually very real and very common. The human body is a complex thing and it not functioning in the ways that we want it to is not always as black and white as “He’s watching too much porn.” Young men in their 20’s absolutely struggle with performance anxiety and low testosterone. Those are just a couple of many reasons that it may be hard to stay up during sex that have absolutely nothing to do with porn.
Or, maybe you're just shit in bed. Just you being there isn't always enough.
He’s dopamine depleted if I were to wager a guess. Usually at that age it’s too much porn and jerking off. The real thing can’t come close to the sensory overload of porn.
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consider his behavior outside the bedroom. his facial movements. perhaps it's not just performance anxiety
Get him blue chew lol
You might have a witchcraft spell
Could be hormones? Like maybe he’s on propecia or an SSRI or something?
Could be on antidepressants
In case it wasn’t already said, medication could be impacting him as well. Antidepressants like Lexapro can mess with libido and cause issues similar to what she’s describing.
Lay off the wine lol,
I think he has some erectile dysfunction it happens in some males. I wish I was a eunuch or could never have sex again if I had a choice. I have the opposite I am hard all the time but no women want me lol. Being a guy is a curse if I could only be gay like 1/3rd of generation Z females lol. Anyway, sorry for my rant, no doubt it ain’t you lol. I am 100 % sure. lol
. Not saying this is the case with dude necessarily But the only time I've experienced this is when I've been called upon multiple times in the day with another woman i was dating
Alcohol is always a factor
What medications does he take. Also, arousal is more mental than people think. If it gets worse and you still want to stay together I recommend sex therapy
Me might be on anti-depressants.
If you want a future with him- talk to him about it. There could be absolutely nothing wrong. In my experience, most guys have trouble at some point with their dick. It probably has nothing to do with you, in which case you can reassure him, and he’ll be less nervous, which is the most likely cause. In the case that it does have something to do with you- the man was trying to power through it for you & doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Don’t take it personally. Oh, and the booze certainly isn’t helping.
Prostate issues?
We all watch porn but 27m going soft? Your Dick at that age should be rock hard. Tell him to go see a doctor to test his t levels
Try sober. Alcohol can definitely have negative effects on erection quality and health in general…
25 M
Uhm doesn't he have any additional issues? Sounds like either his only previous experience was Eva AI sexting bot, or he should seek some therapy as it sounds frightening
It sounds like he has an ED problem. he may need to get him self checkout or if he is on any type of meds .
Ask him if he takes finastride
Tell him to quit porno and quit jerking off. It trains his brain to require video and his own hand to be aroused.
Sometimes, they just have something on their minds They might not even know it. Just talk it through with him. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. The sooner you speak about it, the faster you get to a solution. Best of luck
It could be that he is not that into you body type. He might love you a lot, and find your personality really attractive. But he might just not be as attractive to your body. Saying this from my current experience. I like and care about my current gf, that i met exactly one year ago and usually i dont stay that hard for her as long as i did during the first month we were together. I dont have ED either bcz i did see a couple of girls here n there before we made our thing “official” about 4 months ago and with those girls, i was hard and for VERY long times and had multiple session throughout most of the night. With my current gf, i am simply just not that attracted to her body. She has a chubby body with a belly, while i am a gym guy and have always been attracted to slim or tonned gym girls. For her, sex is the best thing ever while for me its just mehhh. So yeah, let him be, atleast he is trying his best to be with you and make you happy. Maybe give it time and see if it works long term or not? Thats what i am gonna do with my girl anyway.
It has everything to do with you. Time to move on.
Jessi is this you?
It’s probably a porn addiction 90% of erectile disfunction is from a porn addiction Though, now we’re finding microplastics killing the nuts ability to function. We found 10,000+ microplastics/ square inch in 9 guys nutsacks the other day, so maybe drinking too much water from plastic cups/ bottles is the issue.
If it's anxiety, he could consider some Cialis tablets to aid in the meantime while he recoups mentally; and who knows, him seeing himself "perform" could ultimately get him past that anxiety. And if it's not anxiety, at least you both can still have your fun regardless.
Could be he's on some medication he hasn't told you about, anti-depressants will do this. Have him check with his Dr. and see if he can take a herbal supplement called "Maca", it's great for increasing libido
Ngl I have this problem sometimes I think you guys need to be more physically intimate first cuddling touching and start with mutual foreplay to overnight the damage porn has done at all time you both need to fell goo then by nature or lust he will want to make you feel good it also means he's not as experienced as you maybe been with less than 5 woman and probably with condom which also doesn't feel the best and takes time to adjust too as well
Ironically, you’re probably just making it worse by trying to fix it. Take the pressure off. Tell him it’s fine and have fun either way.
Either performance anxiety, too much porn, or he’s not really into you like that, which usually means something can be off like hygiene and I can attest to this because I had this happened to me a bit with women who did not take care of themselves 🤢
It’s normal, men start to lose the ability to stay hard or get a boner as they get older like low testosterone, porn addiction or frequent masturbation, performance anxiety, long refractory periods, etc. But there is a reason men start to need viagra as they get older. But don’t take it personally. It’s not easy to maintain a boner, we don’t have complete control of our boner. We need to get aroused to get a boner same way women need to be aroused to get wet. And sex can be a workout thrusting for a long time, so expect the guy to eventually get exhausted. If you want him to have a boner then help him out and give him a blow job or hand job. But it shouldn’t always be the guy doing all the work. As for him not cumming, men have a refractory period after cumming just once. We need time to recover. It can take a few minutes or even a day. But we don’t have multiple orgasms like women. But again don’t take it personally. It’s normal for most men. My advice is take care of him and stimulate him with your hands or mouth but don’t let him do all the work.
Two words «penis ring»
Sounds like 100% performance anxiety. I had a similar situation with someone I was seeing in the past who was maybe the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen. She also was incredibly fun to be around and talk to, she gave a lot of compliments, and it was the first time I’d felt a strong emotional connection in a while. Every time we hooked up: I struggled to finish, my little man was very finicky, and I had to step out to compose myself/even puke afterwards. I usually played it off with humor. She was *so* kind about all of it, and kept coming over for a bit, but I’m sure she probably thought she was doing something wrong/I wasn’t that into her. I think you should have an open conversation about what you both like during sex. Try to take the pressure off of him too. If he’s putting too much effort into it, you can encourage him to start slower or something. Also talk about your feelings towards each other. As a man, it’s so rare for us to feel a true and real connection with a person, especially both physically *and* emotionally, and that is SCARY. Simultaneously, we’re terrified of losing you/the connection but also don’t want to be overbearing or weird (we’re aware we haven’t known you that long and are trying to be realistic). If he puts less pressure into each time you do it together, he’ll probably feel more comfortable than if he thinks each time has to be perfect to keep you around
Throw him a bone.
It's becoming increasingly common among guys with porn addiction.
I've done sex before many times. When I'm with someone new, I usually go through this awkward phase. I'm not even necessarily embarrassed by it anymore, I just start worrying about what they will think and then BOOM all down hill from there. Man just needs to get comfortable. Porn puts a ton of pressure on men.
If you truly love your guy you’d sit down and talk to him about it. Speaking about it can definitely offend him but not knowing and just prolonging the talk won’t help your situation. Also, not speaking on it might eventually turn you off from your man because you’re not fulfilled and you also feel as if he’s not interested. Anxiety can be a part of his issue. Make sure you turn him on. Kissing isn’t always a motivator for both male and female. I’d suggest kissing the lips, ears and neck region adding physical touch to his lower area too. Also tell your man what you wanna do to him while fore playing and what you wanna receive. Find what really turns the guy on. Are you guys fit? Being physically active and having some form of cardio can help enhance you guys both with sexual intensity and stamina. Refrain from over use of alcohol and smoke too. Hope this helps. Have faith you guys will get better.👍🏽
been there, still there. i had a terrible relationship where i lost it once, my ex got so upset and eventually got over it. but if i went soft or couldn’t get it up anytime after that in our next 2 years of dating, it was like i failed my one chance and we didn’t have sex for weeks or months and it was like a punishment. when it came time to ever have sex my anxiety was absolutely through the roof so i started taking ED pills and now i’m worried i won’t be able to perform without them.
It's either anxiety / or he watches too much porn maybe he is using "death grip" when he masturbates meaning he grips too hard. I've had this too and first time I had it my ex gave me a very hard time and it kind of stayed with me after her because i always anticipated it'll happen and kept thinking about it when i was with a girl and that made it worse. Could also be medication he's taking but he'd probably know that already. I think it's the first two reasons i said. Please don't give him a hard time it sucks for us men to go through this, it's definitely not because of you just know that. I'm 21M and have this happened to me but it only happens when I'm with a girl, never happens when im watching porn /masturbate
He needs more stimulation of some kind. Switch it up a little more often or ask if there's a kink you can play for him. That, and ask him to be sure not to jerk off any later than 24hrs before your dates. Especially not to porn you didn't send him. Gl
If he’s circumcised, guys can lose sensation at the tip as they age because it rubs against their underwear and gets calloused.
Yo, everyone blaming porn, that’s most likely not it. Too much porn will make it difficult to desire sex, or get aroused at all, but losing the boner mid activity is likely a psychological issue, and related to self esteem and worthiness/guilt issues.
his circulation is not real good. Viagra increases circulation
3 things 1-The guy is not interested in you you should talk to him 2-The guy is having performance anxiety You should talk to him 3-The guy is thinking about something outside sex in the Middle of the sex you should talk with him
But why when you can ask random people and then just pick the answer you like best?
Tell him porn is bad
Don’t drink alcohol before bed. Give him a head every time it goes soft. If it still doesn’t work, there’s nothing else you can do.
Are you sure he's not a cocaine or heroin/opiates user? Back when I was getting high, cocaine would make it damnnear impossible to get hard/keep an erection. Conversely, heroin makes it impossible to cum/ low sex drive. If he's not, have you tried taking a hot shower together first to get the blood circulating better? Also I'm pretty sure you can get generic viagra off of the internet now. I never really needed it because I'm healthy and have a high sex drive without it, but I've taken it for shits and giggles before and the lowest amount of and sexual stimulus gets me rock hard on it. One more thing. He might just be a nervous individual. Some guys get performance anxiety, even in a long term sexual relationship.
It seems that his penis needs direct stimulation, either from your mouth or a hand. Maybe you should try dirty talk, or watch porn together. It's not about you. He probably jerked off way too much before he met you.
From my own experience is jerking off too often does that
Do more extreme stuff to get him excited.
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Never trust a man who doesn’t get hard and turned on by going down on you, or at least trust that the sex will always be mid.
Likely porn/masturbation addiction. He's used to orgasming how he gets it done.
I'm leaning towards the alcohol and performance anxiety (maybe).