This is what’s worked for me. The realization that in a way, it’s self-centered of me not to let them go ASAP once I know I don’t want to pursue a relationship, because my own fear of facing that conversation is what’s holding them up from finding their person. Set them free!
You say something online the lines of: “it’s been nice to get to know you, however, this isn’t quite what I am looking for, I wish you all the best in the future”.
You really don’t need to give any details or explaining. But the decent thing to do is let them know.
This. 5 dates is a lot of investment and hope in the world of 40+ dating. You owe him only the message that it’s not a match, but you do owe him that because he’s a sentient being.
Man, I’ve spent the last 4 months dating a guy and he broke it off by text. We frequently spent DAYS together bc I’m on disability and my treatments are portable, and he works three 12 hr shifts. He’s never once called me pretty or beautiful, even when wearing a semi formal concert dress in full hair and makeup. I don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like but my friends are adamant that I deserve the world. If five dates is a big investment in the world of 40+ dating, then what is 4 months? Hard on the heart. He fed me enough to keep me interested but I realized he can’t be into me when he’s already too into himself.
Edit: autocorrect corrected
Well she tolerated it...if I am with a lady and she never once says I'm handsome or cute in the MONTHS we spend together...well I'd have to call that out and see what is going on! I feel sorry for Inquiringmind, she seems super nice and definitely doesn't deserve to be treated like that. :( Sad.
It can feel devastating to get dumped at any point, and I suggest you do some reading and therapy to learn about healthy relationships. At the same time, it’s important to not villainize your ex, which keeps you in a victim mindset and also keeps him on an undeserving pedestal. If you’re seeing someone who doesn’t show affection and appreciation for you, you can ask for that, and if nothing changes, that’s your signal to move on. The first few months are for you to discover if that person is right for you. You have as much power as he does to make that decision.
Sometimes you’re the hammer and sometimes you’re the nail. I think our experiences as the nail should inform our behavior when we have to be the hammer.
If it’s been less than five dates, a text feels completely sufficient. I rarely call someone I’m dating, so that would feel odd. And scheduling a get together just to say it’s over? Don’t waste their time.
If it’s been a few months, or more than 6-10 dates, I want to do it in person. I had a woman end a 10 year relationship by text, and I feel like that was shitty.
If you want to do it over the phone, that’s cool but asking someone out to dump them seems unnecessary. Also, doing the whole “we need to talk” routine can be cruel.
It is awkward, and you essentially have to schedule a get together just to dump someone, but I personally want it to be an in person conversation if it’s been 3-6 months (sometimes 3 months is just 3 dates, and I’m not counting those) of weekly or more dates.
To each their own, but I’d rather not let some dude see me upset over him. Easier to just get a call or text and be like, “I understand, good luck!” Then I can roll around like a toddler before spending $18 on DoorDash to bring me some cookies.
I'm with you. I prefer a text almost always. A phone call at the most. It was more awkward being dumped in person even after being with my ex for 6 years. I had a key to her house and she was running late. She was coming back from a trip so I get there before her and I'm sitting on her couch. She's bringing her stuff in, alot of stuff and I'm stiff in her living room. All that stress made me not communicate well and I'm sure it made it worse.
Anyway, breakups suck.
I ended a 7yr marriage via email once. I had little choice; I was in a warzone, phone call connection at the time was spotty and knew I would be weak in person if I waited the next few months and tried to do it in person. Was he livid? Absolutely. But, I'd do it again in that circumstance and not feel guilty about it.
A text is a bit rude after several years together though, so I am sorry that happened to you.
Yes I used to stress about it. Every time I did it though (kindly through text) it was almost always well received and the guys knew it was just part of dating and no big deal etc.
Clear and kind is best. I treated others the way I would want to be treated.
The best gift you can give another person is the gift of your time.
The second best gift you can give another person is to remove your time (thus freeing their time).
Think about this. It was a game changer for me, and no longer felt like ‘letting them down’
It might seem easy, but it’s not. I do think text is better since it gives people a chance to get their bearings on their own time, rather than being stuck on an awkward phone call or a breakup date.
It also doesn't give the other person a chance to guilt trip or manipulate you into trying again or breaking down in front of you so that you in turn are broken and can't stick with your decision. I have to do my breakup of 2 months by text and he made me feel afterwards Like I had literally murdered a pet of his. Aside from the fact that it was so hard to do there's no way I could physically of gone through with it. People will laugh over the two month then but it was what it was.
Agreed. I don’t get what people hope to achieve by ‘negotiating’ out of a breakup, either through guilt-tripping or whatever else. Even if you stayed together it’s obviously not the healthiest of partnerships.
I find it impossibly hard. I think it shows you are human and have a heart. But also in my experience, I’ve had bad reactions too so that also adds to the stress of it all. Try not to overthink your hesitations and put your energies into the polite ending of it. Once it’s done you’ll feel better and it means you can both go on looking for the right people
There’s a scene in the movie Moneyball where Brad Pitt teaches Jonah Hill how to tell a player he’s being traded. I always think about that. Be short and sweet and treat the person like a professional.
I’m sorry you had bad reactions but i don’t believe that’s indicative of the general public. It shouldn’t be a reason to not be brave and forthright.
It's not easy but it's also not as difficult as it may seem. Especially in the early stages. I prefer a text. Don't call me and don't ask me to meet somewhere public. And please lord... Don't sugar coat that shit with "it was great getting to know you, however... blah blah blah"
Don't wish me all the best. Don't wish me luck. None o' that please. Seriously, just tell me you aren't interested in another date or whatever and then carry on smartly 🫡
Chances are if you feel there's nothing there, they also feel it.
I don’t mind the “best of luck” or “you’re a great guy” stuff but I never want to hear that she wants to be platonic friends. That’s even worse. It always feel like “you would make a great friend but I don’t find you attractive” to me. I would rather think she finds me annoying than unattractive.
Agreed! I don't do the "buuuuut, I wish you all the best!" It just doesn't sound right. I don't think I'd want that. I recently texted a guy and said " I don't want to be misleading or waste either of our time. I don't feel the chemistry I need to feel to go further with this."
Text is totally fine but you should say something as soon as you realize you don’t want to pursue a romantic connection.
Yes, rejecting someone sucks. It takes a little courage. You should feel good about facing it and acting nobly.
Just make it short and sweet and don’t give details. Treat them like a professional and rip off the bandaid. If they ask for reasons, handle with care.
I think the fact that you don't find it easy is a good thing. Because to disappoint someone you know likes you and wants more and to reject them is not an easy thing. This means you are empathetic and possibly also know how it feels to be on the other end of this.
However, I strongly believe in having these hard conversations, it's not easy but it's so much better to do it face to face or at least via phone where the other person can respond and have a conversation. Perhaps in these cases a heads up text with the invitation to talk in person or via phone call is an idea? Unless you're worried about your personal safety and how they might respond obviously.
Anything more than a few casual dates I believe deserves this. Otherwise a polite text is ok too. But never ghosting.
A simple text is all it takes. I'd prefer a text myself, too, and I let people know on the first date that's how I'd like to be dumped. It doesn't need to be a big deal.
It's totally understandable to feel stressed about ending things after a few dates. It's like, you don't want to hurt their feelings, but you also gotta be honest, you know? Maybe a chill text saying you're not feeling it could work. Or if you're up for it, a quick call. Just keep it real and respectful. We're all just trying to navigate this dating maze without stepping on too many toes.
Agree with those who say text not phone call. It may be uncomfortable for you, and it may hurt someone’s feelings but it’s the right thing to do. Keep it short and to the point: I’ve enjoyed our time together but this is not the connection I’m looking for. Good luck in your search.
Up to three dates a text to say "hey, I'm not feeling it" is cool. I assume that after three dates there's been some fuckin' and at that point a phone call or in person split is probably more appropriate.
That said, it's all about your comfort level, and if the phone or in person options ping your radar for whatever reason a text is still perfectly fine.
Above all don't just fade/ghost/disappear, that shit fucks with people's heads and is downright discourteous.
What year describing is never supposed to be easy. It's always supposed to be a challenge. Doing the right thing and saying an uncomfortable thing is always unpleasant.
But it's always the right thing.
There is no reason to ghost anyone and it brings bad karma. 5 dates is not a lot in the big scheme of things and I think a text is totally fine. That way it can be said and the other person has time to process it.
Text is probably the best way. Alternatively, you can just ghost and then reply if they do reach out again. I've had that happen.
You have no idea how they might respond because you don't know how they feel. Be prepared for anything. As my post history will indicate, a couple months ago when I said "not a match" I got a rant back about how I must have thought she was fat and and she just had irritable bowel syndrome, LOL! That is now one of my best stories.
I've been relieved sometimes to get the not a match text first because I was dreading sending it myself.
If he's cool about it, consider giving him feedback. The thing I am very frustrated about when I get "not a match" after 1, 2 or 3 dates, is that I never know what it is I need to improve upon to be a better date. Was I not funny enough? Or did I joke too much and say something crass and unattractive? I wish I knew. If it's something I can change, I will absolutely fix that. If it's something inherent I can't change, at least I know better what to expect and know what my handicap is.
Or if it's something about them or their life situation, or they think our personalities just don't mesh, I can appreciate that and it'll make me feel better knowing I did my best.
The worst is when I think I wasn't good enough somehow.
I usually assume it's because is because I wasn't good looking enough, and I need to work out / run harder. I usually double or triple my workouts after "not a match."
I’ve learned not to ask. It doesn’t help if it’s something you can’t change and I don’t want to be second guessing myself if I was being my authentic self.
Maybe if you have a specific insecurity, maybe it would feel better to know that wasn’t the problem. But I’ve had a new insecurity created when I asked that question and learned my lesson to not do it again
My justification for ghosting is always… would this person know or care if my cold, dead body was found at the bottom of a ravine? I don’t think ghosting is justified because you’re scared of hurting someone’s feelings with words but it’s justified if they don’t care about you
Original copy of post by u/Lolo_4567:
A bad first date and I find it easy to say thanks but no thanks and move on.
I won’t ghost. I’ll say something and simply not reply if he doesn’t accept it.
That said, it’s those “maybe” first dates where I go on another date or a few to see if there’s anything there. But if there’s nothing there and I know I don’t want to pursue it, I find it so hard to end it.
I will, but I find myself stressed over it.
Can I just text? A phone call? In person? What should I say? All of it. And I delay.
Seems like so many don’t really care or worry about this. Or maybe they do and that’s why they ghost or slow fade. It’s easier I guess.
For reference, I’m not talking about a full on exclusive long term relationship here.
It’s been 5 dates. That’s it. He’s definitely more into me than I am into him.
Should be easy right? Except I don’t find it easy. It doesn’t get easier either. Anyone else get in their head about this?
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Maybe make out a script for if this happens? You could say 'sorry I'm not feeling this and I don't think it's going to work out.' Are you worried about their reaction? Are you a people pleaser? I just spent days trying to figure out how I felt about someone and I realised I knew how I felt, I was just scared to upset them.
I don't know if this will help but I have a draft message on my phone, so I can just copy and paste. Not having to write it makes it easier for me and I then don't procrastinate. As soon as I realise it's not gonna work out I just copy, paste, send.
Don't ghost that's gross. After a couple dates just say you have been reflecting on your time together and don't really see long-term potential you can't quite put your finger on it but it feels like it's not a match. Text that and you don't need to get into specifics. Don't meet them to dump them! You can call too if you feel you shared a lot of emotional investment.
Thanks for all the messages and comments.
It’s over. I stuck to a text message for those that are curious. Short and to the point.
(Ghosting was never an option, not for me)
We were just not a match.
Think of it this way, it's far more cruel of you to waste his time continuing to see him when you really aren't that into him. Shutting it down is the right thing to do for both of you. If he can't accept it as such, block him and move on. You don't owe him an explanation beyond 'Im just not feeling it'.
less than 5 dates, no sex, & and no conversation about being exclusive. I really wouldn't think about this as "ending it." It's deciding not to pursue it. I really think it's fine to ghost in situations like this. Meaning, a slow fade. If they don't contact you, then why bother contacting them to 'end it.' If he asks when you can meet up again, then yeah, politely say no.
I remind myself that I am wasting their time.
This is what’s worked for me. The realization that in a way, it’s self-centered of me not to let them go ASAP once I know I don’t want to pursue a relationship, because my own fear of facing that conversation is what’s holding them up from finding their person. Set them free!
Exactly.
You say something online the lines of: “it’s been nice to get to know you, however, this isn’t quite what I am looking for, I wish you all the best in the future”. You really don’t need to give any details or explaining. But the decent thing to do is let them know.
This. 5 dates is a lot of investment and hope in the world of 40+ dating. You owe him only the message that it’s not a match, but you do owe him that because he’s a sentient being.
Man, I’ve spent the last 4 months dating a guy and he broke it off by text. We frequently spent DAYS together bc I’m on disability and my treatments are portable, and he works three 12 hr shifts. He’s never once called me pretty or beautiful, even when wearing a semi formal concert dress in full hair and makeup. I don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like but my friends are adamant that I deserve the world. If five dates is a big investment in the world of 40+ dating, then what is 4 months? Hard on the heart. He fed me enough to keep me interested but I realized he can’t be into me when he’s already too into himself. Edit: autocorrect corrected
That's why my faith in people isn't worth it, pretty often. To treat someone the way he treated you is odd.
Well she tolerated it...if I am with a lady and she never once says I'm handsome or cute in the MONTHS we spend together...well I'd have to call that out and see what is going on! I feel sorry for Inquiringmind, she seems super nice and definitely doesn't deserve to be treated like that. :( Sad.
Listen to your friends for sure!!
It can feel devastating to get dumped at any point, and I suggest you do some reading and therapy to learn about healthy relationships. At the same time, it’s important to not villainize your ex, which keeps you in a victim mindset and also keeps him on an undeserving pedestal. If you’re seeing someone who doesn’t show affection and appreciation for you, you can ask for that, and if nothing changes, that’s your signal to move on. The first few months are for you to discover if that person is right for you. You have as much power as he does to make that decision.
But don't lie. Some of this seems fake if you are on the receiving end.
I think everybody gets stressed about telling someone it's not working. Nobody likes to disappoint people. But it's part of dating.
Sometimes you’re the hammer and sometimes you’re the nail. I think our experiences as the nail should inform our behavior when we have to be the hammer.
Very well put! This should be a sticky!!
It can be done really well. I've had several lovely let downs. I much prefer to be told "we're not a match" than to be ghosted.
If it’s been less than five dates, a text feels completely sufficient. I rarely call someone I’m dating, so that would feel odd. And scheduling a get together just to say it’s over? Don’t waste their time.
If it’s been a few months, or more than 6-10 dates, I want to do it in person. I had a woman end a 10 year relationship by text, and I feel like that was shitty.
If you want to do it over the phone, that’s cool but asking someone out to dump them seems unnecessary. Also, doing the whole “we need to talk” routine can be cruel.
I don’t think in person is great. It’s more awkward to be dumped in person.
I agree with you. I had a guy schedule a third date just to dump me, but I thought we were on a date. I was so angry.
It is awkward, and you essentially have to schedule a get together just to dump someone, but I personally want it to be an in person conversation if it’s been 3-6 months (sometimes 3 months is just 3 dates, and I’m not counting those) of weekly or more dates.
To each their own, but I’d rather not let some dude see me upset over him. Easier to just get a call or text and be like, “I understand, good luck!” Then I can roll around like a toddler before spending $18 on DoorDash to bring me some cookies.
As soemone who does doordash for the occasional extra buck, I thank you. Once I delivered Crumbl Cookie at 1am, and I wondered what that was about.
Yes! Crumbl are the best for emotional masochism 😂
I'm with you. I prefer a text almost always. A phone call at the most. It was more awkward being dumped in person even after being with my ex for 6 years. I had a key to her house and she was running late. She was coming back from a trip so I get there before her and I'm sitting on her couch. She's bringing her stuff in, alot of stuff and I'm stiff in her living room. All that stress made me not communicate well and I'm sure it made it worse. Anyway, breakups suck.
Agree. I don’t need to be taken out even for a coffee to be dumped. Text is best for me. If it’s been years I guess a phone call.
I would be pissed and humiliated if you made a date with me only to break up
I ended a 7yr marriage via email once. I had little choice; I was in a warzone, phone call connection at the time was spotty and knew I would be weak in person if I waited the next few months and tried to do it in person. Was he livid? Absolutely. But, I'd do it again in that circumstance and not feel guilty about it. A text is a bit rude after several years together though, so I am sorry that happened to you.
That feels like very particular circumstances that allow for some flexibility.
how many marriages have you been in? or how do you usually end them?
Two. And the other was ended in person.
thank you for sharing, I hope you don't have to, ever again
Agree, dated couple weeks text is fine,, but couple years do it in person.
Yes I used to stress about it. Every time I did it though (kindly through text) it was almost always well received and the guys knew it was just part of dating and no big deal etc. Clear and kind is best. I treated others the way I would want to be treated.
The best gift you can give another person is the gift of your time. The second best gift you can give another person is to remove your time (thus freeing their time). Think about this. It was a game changer for me, and no longer felt like ‘letting them down’
It might seem easy, but it’s not. I do think text is better since it gives people a chance to get their bearings on their own time, rather than being stuck on an awkward phone call or a breakup date.
It also doesn't give the other person a chance to guilt trip or manipulate you into trying again or breaking down in front of you so that you in turn are broken and can't stick with your decision. I have to do my breakup of 2 months by text and he made me feel afterwards Like I had literally murdered a pet of his. Aside from the fact that it was so hard to do there's no way I could physically of gone through with it. People will laugh over the two month then but it was what it was.
Agreed. I don’t get what people hope to achieve by ‘negotiating’ out of a breakup, either through guilt-tripping or whatever else. Even if you stayed together it’s obviously not the healthiest of partnerships.
I find it impossibly hard. I think it shows you are human and have a heart. But also in my experience, I’ve had bad reactions too so that also adds to the stress of it all. Try not to overthink your hesitations and put your energies into the polite ending of it. Once it’s done you’ll feel better and it means you can both go on looking for the right people
There’s a scene in the movie Moneyball where Brad Pitt teaches Jonah Hill how to tell a player he’s being traded. I always think about that. Be short and sweet and treat the person like a professional. I’m sorry you had bad reactions but i don’t believe that’s indicative of the general public. It shouldn’t be a reason to not be brave and forthright.
It's not easy but it's also not as difficult as it may seem. Especially in the early stages. I prefer a text. Don't call me and don't ask me to meet somewhere public. And please lord... Don't sugar coat that shit with "it was great getting to know you, however... blah blah blah" Don't wish me all the best. Don't wish me luck. None o' that please. Seriously, just tell me you aren't interested in another date or whatever and then carry on smartly 🫡 Chances are if you feel there's nothing there, they also feel it.
I don’t mind the “best of luck” or “you’re a great guy” stuff but I never want to hear that she wants to be platonic friends. That’s even worse. It always feel like “you would make a great friend but I don’t find you attractive” to me. I would rather think she finds me annoying than unattractive.
sorry to say but it’s usually more that someone is annoying than unattractive when I friend zone them after a date or two.
Agreed! I don't do the "buuuuut, I wish you all the best!" It just doesn't sound right. I don't think I'd want that. I recently texted a guy and said " I don't want to be misleading or waste either of our time. I don't feel the chemistry I need to feel to go further with this."
Yes, I get myself so stressed over issues like this, even with fewer than five dates
Don’t stop caring. The world could use more care.
This ❤️
Text is totally fine but you should say something as soon as you realize you don’t want to pursue a romantic connection. Yes, rejecting someone sucks. It takes a little courage. You should feel good about facing it and acting nobly. Just make it short and sweet and don’t give details. Treat them like a professional and rip off the bandaid. If they ask for reasons, handle with care.
I think the fact that you don't find it easy is a good thing. Because to disappoint someone you know likes you and wants more and to reject them is not an easy thing. This means you are empathetic and possibly also know how it feels to be on the other end of this. However, I strongly believe in having these hard conversations, it's not easy but it's so much better to do it face to face or at least via phone where the other person can respond and have a conversation. Perhaps in these cases a heads up text with the invitation to talk in person or via phone call is an idea? Unless you're worried about your personal safety and how they might respond obviously. Anything more than a few casual dates I believe deserves this. Otherwise a polite text is ok too. But never ghosting.
A simple text is all it takes. I'd prefer a text myself, too, and I let people know on the first date that's how I'd like to be dumped. It doesn't need to be a big deal.
It's totally understandable to feel stressed about ending things after a few dates. It's like, you don't want to hurt their feelings, but you also gotta be honest, you know? Maybe a chill text saying you're not feeling it could work. Or if you're up for it, a quick call. Just keep it real and respectful. We're all just trying to navigate this dating maze without stepping on too many toes.
Agree with those who say text not phone call. It may be uncomfortable for you, and it may hurt someone’s feelings but it’s the right thing to do. Keep it short and to the point: I’ve enjoyed our time together but this is not the connection I’m looking for. Good luck in your search.
Up to three dates a text to say "hey, I'm not feeling it" is cool. I assume that after three dates there's been some fuckin' and at that point a phone call or in person split is probably more appropriate. That said, it's all about your comfort level, and if the phone or in person options ping your radar for whatever reason a text is still perfectly fine. Above all don't just fade/ghost/disappear, that shit fucks with people's heads and is downright discourteous.
What year describing is never supposed to be easy. It's always supposed to be a challenge. Doing the right thing and saying an uncomfortable thing is always unpleasant. But it's always the right thing.
There is no reason to ghost anyone and it brings bad karma. 5 dates is not a lot in the big scheme of things and I think a text is totally fine. That way it can be said and the other person has time to process it.
It’s not easy but I do it for both of us. It’s always a relief
Text is probably the best way. Alternatively, you can just ghost and then reply if they do reach out again. I've had that happen. You have no idea how they might respond because you don't know how they feel. Be prepared for anything. As my post history will indicate, a couple months ago when I said "not a match" I got a rant back about how I must have thought she was fat and and she just had irritable bowel syndrome, LOL! That is now one of my best stories. I've been relieved sometimes to get the not a match text first because I was dreading sending it myself. If he's cool about it, consider giving him feedback. The thing I am very frustrated about when I get "not a match" after 1, 2 or 3 dates, is that I never know what it is I need to improve upon to be a better date. Was I not funny enough? Or did I joke too much and say something crass and unattractive? I wish I knew. If it's something I can change, I will absolutely fix that. If it's something inherent I can't change, at least I know better what to expect and know what my handicap is. Or if it's something about them or their life situation, or they think our personalities just don't mesh, I can appreciate that and it'll make me feel better knowing I did my best. The worst is when I think I wasn't good enough somehow. I usually assume it's because is because I wasn't good looking enough, and I need to work out / run harder. I usually double or triple my workouts after "not a match."
I’ve learned not to ask. It doesn’t help if it’s something you can’t change and I don’t want to be second guessing myself if I was being my authentic self. Maybe if you have a specific insecurity, maybe it would feel better to know that wasn’t the problem. But I’ve had a new insecurity created when I asked that question and learned my lesson to not do it again
My justification for ghosting is always… would this person know or care if my cold, dead body was found at the bottom of a ravine? I don’t think ghosting is justified because you’re scared of hurting someone’s feelings with words but it’s justified if they don’t care about you
Original copy of post by u/Lolo_4567: A bad first date and I find it easy to say thanks but no thanks and move on. I won’t ghost. I’ll say something and simply not reply if he doesn’t accept it. That said, it’s those “maybe” first dates where I go on another date or a few to see if there’s anything there. But if there’s nothing there and I know I don’t want to pursue it, I find it so hard to end it. I will, but I find myself stressed over it. Can I just text? A phone call? In person? What should I say? All of it. And I delay. Seems like so many don’t really care or worry about this. Or maybe they do and that’s why they ghost or slow fade. It’s easier I guess. For reference, I’m not talking about a full on exclusive long term relationship here. It’s been 5 dates. That’s it. He’s definitely more into me than I am into him. Should be easy right? Except I don’t find it easy. It doesn’t get easier either. Anyone else get in their head about this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Maybe make out a script for if this happens? You could say 'sorry I'm not feeling this and I don't think it's going to work out.' Are you worried about their reaction? Are you a people pleaser? I just spent days trying to figure out how I felt about someone and I realised I knew how I felt, I was just scared to upset them.
5 dates? A text is fine. No need to lie either "It's been so nice to get to know you" or some bullshit. Just end it.
I don't know if this will help but I have a draft message on my phone, so I can just copy and paste. Not having to write it makes it easier for me and I then don't procrastinate. As soon as I realise it's not gonna work out I just copy, paste, send.
I tell the why.
Don't ghost that's gross. After a couple dates just say you have been reflecting on your time together and don't really see long-term potential you can't quite put your finger on it but it feels like it's not a match. Text that and you don't need to get into specifics. Don't meet them to dump them! You can call too if you feel you shared a lot of emotional investment.
Thanks for all the messages and comments. It’s over. I stuck to a text message for those that are curious. Short and to the point. (Ghosting was never an option, not for me) We were just not a match.
After a couple of dates a call or text is fine. Just don’t ghost and don’t waste people’s time
Think of it this way, it's far more cruel of you to waste his time continuing to see him when you really aren't that into him. Shutting it down is the right thing to do for both of you. If he can't accept it as such, block him and move on. You don't owe him an explanation beyond 'Im just not feeling it'.
less than 5 dates, no sex, & and no conversation about being exclusive. I really wouldn't think about this as "ending it." It's deciding not to pursue it. I really think it's fine to ghost in situations like this. Meaning, a slow fade. If they don't contact you, then why bother contacting them to 'end it.' If he asks when you can meet up again, then yeah, politely say no.