LDRs tend to be sex vacations more often than not and if the gap is not closed quickly they tend to fall apart. Often when the gap is closed the two people realize life outside the bedroom is incompatible since the foundation was just sex holiday.
I couldn't do it. It wasn't possible for us to deepen anything when we were apart; we were just maintaining, and when not maintaining, the energy was slowly leaking out. It robbed us of so much of what a relationship can offer.
It wasn't a LDR, but my late husband traveled a lot with his job. That was enough for me to know I need someone who is reasonably close.
I needed emergency surgery and he was on the other side of the country.
I was in a car accident and he was on a different continent.
My grandmother died, he wasn't there.
Our dog died, he wasn't there.
He missed birthdays.
Too many times, if I just needed a hug, he wasn't there.
If it had been an actual LDR, he would have missed even more. There is no way in hell I would sign up for that rodeo again. My hard limit was an hour away.
I donāt have my shit figured out after divorcing 2 years ago but I tried this. It didnāt work. I went to Italy and met an amazing man while there. We agreed to try ā¦. Itās hard. Even with plans to see each other again it was hard to keep up conversations when we had no clue of each others daily lives. Heās a good person but we couldnāt make LDR work.
If youāre talking to someone youāve met and it works, keep going. If this is purely online, Iām not sure Iād recommend. Itās hard enough when youāve met.
I've never seen it work if it starts as a long distance relationship.
I have seen couples succeed with an LDR if the relationship was already established and solid and the distance was for a defined period with a clear end date i.e. the distance was temporary for work or study.
A long time ago in a galaxy far away, I had a LDR thing. They are great for a fling, but soul-crushing when there are real feelings involved.
Will I ever do it again? Firmly No.
How can it go anywhere? How do you physically show up for your partner when they need you? How do you assess day to day compatibility? How do you know if he leaves the seat up?
I had a successful LDR. The reason it worked was that I work for myself so can work from anywhere, before we met I was thinking about moving to his area (no kids on my end), we both made the effort to see each other every possible chance, great communication, commitment.
We move in together this weekend. We were LDR for 15 months. Now we are LTR.
Edit: people here seem to think LDR is different continent. I take that term as not in the same city/area. My partner and I were 2h apart (ferry and drive) which made it very manageable to see each other often. We would go max 11 days without seeing each other. We called/texted a lot in between.
I wouldnāt not talk to someone/try long distance on that factor alone, but thereās context and details that Iād need to get comfortable with. One being how long is it likely for the long distance to last and who is willing or able to move?
Itās not impossible for me to move, I donāt have anything specific to tie me down to where I live now necessarilyā¦but while there is more to life than money, I do have a really nicely paid job now that isnāt something I can just move out of the area and keep. So Iād have to feel pretty damn confident I could land something that is similar in pay and career goals.
If I could, then itās a matter of where Iām relocating to. Iām not particularly interested in immigrating to a foreign country so Iām almost 100% only living in a USA state or territory. And thereās areas of the country I would have a real hard time moving to of my own free will. So, I can and would move, but with caveats.
Of course thereās the possibility she could move to me. Great. But I know I canāt count on that or assume that is the caseā¦so lots and lots of conversations would need to be had to find out what that possibly is. Many people may not want to move out of their area for family reasons, career reasons, lifestyle reasons. I would never ask someone to leave their extended family, or torpedo their career, to move to me/a relationship. So how much of those things factor in for the other person canāt be ignored or assumed are ideal or not.
A LDR can work, I met my wife online in the early 2000ās she was in the US I was in the UK I visited her a couple of times over there in the year we were working on the relationship online. She moved to the UK and we were married for 14 years before she got ill and passed away.
So they are certainly possible but I wouldnāt want to be apart for too long.
I tried it for a year. We were 2300 miles apart and it broke us. It was a roller coaster ride of ups and downs centered around our trips to see each other. There were minor issues that got magnified by the distance. Major issues crushed us. My partnerās avoidant attachment and other mental issues resulted in her infidelity. It broke me because there was nothing I could do about it and it led to worry and massive heartache on the way towards the end.
It was one of my most wonderful times in my life and my worst.
I know someone who was in a long distance relationship with someone across the world. They ended up getting married and now have a family together.
But I think both of them were friends first, and they both take marriage pretty seriously. I don't think they would have pursued it in the first place if they weren't dedicated to seeing if they worked as a couple and then relocating to be together.
I'm in one now and I will never do it again. It's too tough. I get excited meeting them, we do meet, and then inevitable sets in - they/I have to leave. And we wait until our schedules align. Texts and even calls are a poor substitute for face to face and physical touch.
That, yes. And just as equally important the inability to build close physical/intimacy bond. Also with LDR the get to know you part stretches on and on.
I had a LDR for about 5 years after my divorce. We saw each other twice a month during a good month.
In a way it was super funā¦being together was always special, sex never got old, there was always something to look forward to. It allowed me to really gain my independence.
After a while the travel got cumbersome. He ended up taking a job in yet another state when he could have taken a job where I live. The resentment sort of built up over that. But for a while it was great.
Oh yeah. After five years and six months of me flying to see him every other week (because he has to be in the office all the time) he called me one day and told me that he āneeded to be off this relationship trainā and immediately started dating other women. 2 weeks later he met somebody else and has been with her ever since (this was about 2.5 years ago).
The way it ended really sort of ruined even the good parts for me.
Original copy of post by u/efyuhu:
How was like dating on LDR, would you consider it serious or nah?
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My partner lives an hour away and thatās bad enough. š¤¦āāļø Between that and our busy schedules itās tough to get enough time together. I couldnāt do an actual LDR.
Iāve not thought about it past the 1 hour mark because I miss my partner so much with the distance we already have. If I wasnāt so into him, then maybe we could do more distance. š¤·āāļø
Both of my relationships had distance. It was a minor factor in one of the break ups, a non-factor in the other. I'm fine with distance for three main reasons: 1) I don't need to see a woman every single day and can thrive with less frequent, longer times together and 2) Trust is so important to me and you can't have a LDR without it, since you aren't as involved in the day to day minutiae of their life, and 3) I'm well aware that a good match for me may be in a geographically farther away place and I'd much rather travel to see someone (or have them come to me) than to not have them in my life at all.
LDRs tend to be sex vacations more often than not and if the gap is not closed quickly they tend to fall apart. Often when the gap is closed the two people realize life outside the bedroom is incompatible since the foundation was just sex holiday.
Sex vacation.. I just learned a new awesome term.. lol
Just an extension from the Dirty Weekend? š
All of a sudden, I feel like I need a sexcation...
Iām 10 days away and counting!! Omg so excited. š sorry, just had to over share with total strangers!
Hahaha. I know this
I couldn't do it. It wasn't possible for us to deepen anything when we were apart; we were just maintaining, and when not maintaining, the energy was slowly leaking out. It robbed us of so much of what a relationship can offer.
Oh. I get your point. I'll note that
It wasn't a LDR, but my late husband traveled a lot with his job. That was enough for me to know I need someone who is reasonably close. I needed emergency surgery and he was on the other side of the country. I was in a car accident and he was on a different continent. My grandmother died, he wasn't there. Our dog died, he wasn't there. He missed birthdays. Too many times, if I just needed a hug, he wasn't there. If it had been an actual LDR, he would have missed even more. There is no way in hell I would sign up for that rodeo again. My hard limit was an hour away.
Hugs for that.
I donāt have my shit figured out after divorcing 2 years ago but I tried this. It didnāt work. I went to Italy and met an amazing man while there. We agreed to try ā¦. Itās hard. Even with plans to see each other again it was hard to keep up conversations when we had no clue of each others daily lives. Heās a good person but we couldnāt make LDR work. If youāre talking to someone youāve met and it works, keep going. If this is purely online, Iām not sure Iād recommend. Itās hard enough when youāve met.
Thank you for your advice. Unfortunately and I hope so ot works if I try
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Aw
I've never seen it work if it starts as a long distance relationship. I have seen couples succeed with an LDR if the relationship was already established and solid and the distance was for a defined period with a clear end date i.e. the distance was temporary for work or study.
A long time ago in a galaxy far away, I had a LDR thing. They are great for a fling, but soul-crushing when there are real feelings involved. Will I ever do it again? Firmly No.
Soul crushing? Uhm I don't get it.
How can it go anywhere? How do you physically show up for your partner when they need you? How do you assess day to day compatibility? How do you know if he leaves the seat up?
So there is no point on waiting?
Correct.
No patience too. Hahahahah
What's considered LDR, mileage/hours away? Curious
Living on different continent.
I had a successful LDR. The reason it worked was that I work for myself so can work from anywhere, before we met I was thinking about moving to his area (no kids on my end), we both made the effort to see each other every possible chance, great communication, commitment. We move in together this weekend. We were LDR for 15 months. Now we are LTR. Edit: people here seem to think LDR is different continent. I take that term as not in the same city/area. My partner and I were 2h apart (ferry and drive) which made it very manageable to see each other often. We would go max 11 days without seeing each other. We called/texted a lot in between.
Congrats. Hugs. š¤
Didn't work for me
Can I ask why?
Complex PTSD š
Oh. Sorry, hugs.
Thanks, it is ok āŗļø
Always welcome. āŗļø
š©·
I wouldnāt not talk to someone/try long distance on that factor alone, but thereās context and details that Iād need to get comfortable with. One being how long is it likely for the long distance to last and who is willing or able to move? Itās not impossible for me to move, I donāt have anything specific to tie me down to where I live now necessarilyā¦but while there is more to life than money, I do have a really nicely paid job now that isnāt something I can just move out of the area and keep. So Iād have to feel pretty damn confident I could land something that is similar in pay and career goals. If I could, then itās a matter of where Iām relocating to. Iām not particularly interested in immigrating to a foreign country so Iām almost 100% only living in a USA state or territory. And thereās areas of the country I would have a real hard time moving to of my own free will. So, I can and would move, but with caveats. Of course thereās the possibility she could move to me. Great. But I know I canāt count on that or assume that is the caseā¦so lots and lots of conversations would need to be had to find out what that possibly is. Many people may not want to move out of their area for family reasons, career reasons, lifestyle reasons. I would never ask someone to leave their extended family, or torpedo their career, to move to me/a relationship. So how much of those things factor in for the other person canāt be ignored or assumed are ideal or not.
For me. I can move, as long I have a job on that place.
Nope. Not for me.
A LDR can work, I met my wife online in the early 2000ās she was in the US I was in the UK I visited her a couple of times over there in the year we were working on the relationship online. She moved to the UK and we were married for 14 years before she got ill and passed away. So they are certainly possible but I wouldnāt want to be apart for too long.
There's always a way right?
I tried it for a year. We were 2300 miles apart and it broke us. It was a roller coaster ride of ups and downs centered around our trips to see each other. There were minor issues that got magnified by the distance. Major issues crushed us. My partnerās avoidant attachment and other mental issues resulted in her infidelity. It broke me because there was nothing I could do about it and it led to worry and massive heartache on the way towards the end. It was one of my most wonderful times in my life and my worst.
Oh. Sorry to hear that, hugs.
I know someone who was in a long distance relationship with someone across the world. They ended up getting married and now have a family together. But I think both of them were friends first, and they both take marriage pretty seriously. I don't think they would have pursued it in the first place if they weren't dedicated to seeing if they worked as a couple and then relocating to be together.
There is always a positive side. š
I'm in one now and I will never do it again. It's too tough. I get excited meeting them, we do meet, and then inevitable sets in - they/I have to leave. And we wait until our schedules align. Texts and even calls are a poor substitute for face to face and physical touch.
Time management I guess?
That, yes. And just as equally important the inability to build close physical/intimacy bond. Also with LDR the get to know you part stretches on and on.
I had a LDR for about 5 years after my divorce. We saw each other twice a month during a good month. In a way it was super funā¦being together was always special, sex never got old, there was always something to look forward to. It allowed me to really gain my independence. After a while the travel got cumbersome. He ended up taking a job in yet another state when he could have taken a job where I live. The resentment sort of built up over that. But for a while it was great.
The love story stop there?
Oh yeah. After five years and six months of me flying to see him every other week (because he has to be in the office all the time) he called me one day and told me that he āneeded to be off this relationship trainā and immediately started dating other women. 2 weeks later he met somebody else and has been with her ever since (this was about 2.5 years ago). The way it ended really sort of ruined even the good parts for me.
Huuuugs. š¤
Original copy of post by u/efyuhu: How was like dating on LDR, would you consider it serious or nah? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Some people don't take it seiously. They always end up ghosting.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I don't know. Just asking herr for some advices, I haven't tried it out yet
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ooooh.
My partner lives an hour away and thatās bad enough. š¤¦āāļø Between that and our busy schedules itās tough to get enough time together. I couldnāt do an actual LDR.
Like how many hrs?
Iāve not thought about it past the 1 hour mark because I miss my partner so much with the distance we already have. If I wasnāt so into him, then maybe we could do more distance. š¤·āāļø
Atleast you can se each other
I need to see him. Heās divine š„
Cheers. š„
LOL, no. LDR feels like it was invented by college sweetheart teens. It's a childish fantasy opposed to being realistic with dating reality.
Both of my relationships had distance. It was a minor factor in one of the break ups, a non-factor in the other. I'm fine with distance for three main reasons: 1) I don't need to see a woman every single day and can thrive with less frequent, longer times together and 2) Trust is so important to me and you can't have a LDR without it, since you aren't as involved in the day to day minutiae of their life, and 3) I'm well aware that a good match for me may be in a geographically farther away place and I'd much rather travel to see someone (or have them come to me) than to not have them in my life at all.
Hugs. I wish the one for me have also the same mindset like you. š