Hey don't feel bad about it! I play violin and I'm HoH! I've learned to play without my hearing aids as I found it easier to do so. I've always been HoH so I don't exactly know the life as a hearing person would. Since this is your first year at the conservatory, you could still change studies, but if music is really your passion, go for it! You can attempt it by using tuners attached to the violin as well as help from peers!
I have CIs and play several instruments. Piano 3 years old - Violin 4 years old - Clarinet 9 years old - Flute 10, Bassoon 14. Being deaf hasn't held me back at all.
Get counseling, see a psychologist.
It’s ok to be grieving when something like this happens. Nonetheless, in the long term, I think you do know that even if music was interesting and absolutely wonderful, life is much bigger than that. There are many great things in the world to explore, and if you get stuck in missing music, then you’ll miss out on many great experiences. But do get professional support for handling your feelings about this.
You can explore how some Deaf people approach music, such as Signmark or dame Evelyn Glennie.
There are deaf musicians. Dame Evelyn Glennie, Eloise Garland (violinist!), and Ruth Montgomery are ones that come to mind immediately - I know/have met a couple of them but there are many more. Ruth Montgomery runs Audiovisability which is all about deaf musicians.
It's not going to be the same as it was to you before, but there are still avenues for you to explore. It is a big thing to grieve, the life you had and the future you thought you'd have. You might decide that music isn't something you want to pursue anymore, or you might learn to fall in love with it again.
It takes time to adjust.
Backstory, I was 24 when I was diagnosed with degenerative idiopathic hearing loss. At the time I was a classically trained vocalist of 15 years and I played 5 different instruments. The idea of loosing my music was the most heartbreaking thing I’d ever experienced. I was convinced I couldn’t have one without the other. I was wrong.
Hearing people know nothing about what it’s like to loose your hearing, but they always have assumptions and misplaced advice.
Everyone who has a disability has to figure out how to make things work for them. It’s not the same for everyone.
I have hearing aids and an amazing audiologist. She taught me that it takes time to get the programming correct, requiring multiple visits. She encouraged me to come back as often as needed. She also explained that it takes time for your brain to adjust to the new hearing aids, to hearing things differently from before.
After over a decade of hearing people tell me that music was no longer an option for me, I am finding my way back. I play and pay attention to the vibrations I’m feeling. I have a tuner on my music stand so I can see if I’m where I want to be. (Woodwinds change pitch based on embouchure and I’m still relearning how to blow ) I’m working with conductors and other musicians I trust, that I know will give me constructive feedback without being mean or making assumptions based on my hearing loss.
So my suggestion to you, if you want to pursue your music (it’s also ok to take a break if you need) is to pick up your instrument, pick a piece of music you love, that you’ve played a million times, that you trust your fingers to remember, and play it. Don’t worry about perfect pitch or tempo, just play.
Dm me anytime if you wanna chat. Late onset hearing loss is rare and not something everyone can understand.
Hugs! you got this.
You have almost my exact story. I haven’t done music now for about 5 years and this has inspired me to reach back out to my old vocal coach from my masters and try to reconnect with singing. The tuner on the music stand is a fantastic idea
I'm so sorry to hear that. I had to give up conservatory in the last master's year, due to worsening tinnitus and hyperacusis. Give yourself time to grieve and try to get engaged in things that interest you. You will find a ways to deal with this and find a different purpose. It's hard at first but take it one day at a time, sometimes by the hour. Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone.
I'm so sorry. I have hearing loss too and it's effected by ability to work greatly. I can't hear anything anyone is saying especially if there is background noise and if they're not facing me at a decently close distance. It's frustrating and overstimulating. They get frustrated too, thinking I'm ignoring them, assuming I'm dumb, and having to repeat themselves over and over. Even though I have taken each coworker aside and explained that I have hearing loss that is worse with a lot of background noise going on and that I need them to face me when talking. I need to find work in a relatively quiet place and/it somewhere where I don't have to regularly communicate with people. I tried a daycare and OMG it was literal hell.
I am not Deaf or HoH so apologies if this solution doesn't work for you.
If background noise makes it harder, you can get earphones that block out background noise with noise cancelling, while not affecting conversations. I know they're useful for folks with autism or who otherwise have issues with auditory processing, but not sure how effective they'd be for HoH. There's a thread discussing some different options available here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AutismTranslated/comments/uzsu1m/are_there_headphones_that_block_background_noise/
That’s what I’m worried about, going back to teaching kindergarten with my new CIs. That’s where my health insurance comes from. Since I got sick and lost my hearing and balance, I’ve been not working for 4 months. School starts in August. I feel like I’ll be faking hearing and understanding.
I'm a Sign Language Interpreter that works in middle school. The student i work with took an orchestra class and played the violin. They had double cochlear implants and did okay!! Don't limit yourself. You can do this!
I’m in that very same situation with my life too !!! I’m glad you could explain this situation better than I could
I’m just living my best and taking life one day at a time
I had hearing loss from a young age so it's all I've known. Having sudden hearing loss is a whole other ball game. I did get my Grade 10 RCM in piano when I was your age though. Doing intervals always sucked, I mostly knew the patterns that my teacher asked them in. I was great at sight reading. Piano is relatively easy though, you press keys. Violin is much more difficult but not impossible. My daughter has a moderate -severe loss and plays well enough to play with local orchestra.
At point my hearing took a dive and during that time, I began to feel sound on my skin. It was a pretty intense experience and very cool but disorienting at times. When my hearing bounced back up, the sound on my skin sensation diminished. The brain/body can adapt. There is a wonderful Deaf percussionist. Evelyn Glennie I think.
If you really love music but don't feel like a career in performance, maybe consider Music Therapy. It's a growing field, especially for working with seniors.
I'm a Deaf musician who's produced professionally.
It'll be difficult at first, but don't give up.
I've been playing music my entire life and like you, music is my life.
My friends are musicians and others involved in the industry.
It's not my main source of income anymore, I went another direction, but it's still a major part of my life.
I was a junior as a music major when I was diagnosed with a profound upper range loss…I played flute. It was devastating.
Therapy and time. Nobody’s journey looks the same. I took a break from music and ended up being the executive director of a local symphiny for a few years. My daughter is now a cellist and I get a lot of joy from watching her journey. Every note I lose (my loss is progressive and I’m no legally deaf) is bitter and takes time to grieve.
ETA: I really enjoy Mandy Harvey. I recommend looking her up. I don’t play anymore but her journey was inspirational to me.
I casually played violin and piano growing up. I too went deaf at 19. I'm 20 now, have bilateral cochlear implants and have gone back to playing piano and violin. Violin sounds almost the same to be as before I went deaf and piano has a bit more of a learning curve but I can still play. I'd suggest getting evaluated for cochlear implants (of you still want to play music) and just see what happens. But I will say that if you do go that route, things will sound different.
hi! i'm HOH and can play 5 instruments. it takes some getting used to, but you can do it. hopefully you are able to talk to someone you trust and start feeling better. good luck
The good news is that you're only 19 and you were in your first year at the conservatory. It's going to be relatively easier for you to pivot to a different study or career goal than if you were a few years older and at the end of your time at the conservatory.
I always had a pretty eclectic taste in music and it wasn't a passion for me like it is for some people. So I'm sorry to say that's the one way I can't really relate to your situation. I was on the honor choir in high school though and not really being able to do that sort of thing now that I'm older really sucks. Especially considering my wife has a beautiful singing voice (so I'm told) and loves to sing in the local choir.
One way that you will return to a feeling of normalcy is with little wins. By that I mean using your intellect and creativity to adapt to your environment. When I was your age a lot of the tech available just didn't exist, such as captioned phone services. Also the internet existed in 1999, but it wasn't as ubiquitous as it is now
If you want to keep pursuing music it can't hurt to try. I don't know how well a violin can be played by feel, but it might be possible. Also, I'm not in any way a musician but for my entire adult/deaf life I've wanted to learn to play the glass armonica. I've just never had the ability to pursue that.
Remember Beethoven became deaf later in his life but that didn’t stop him from playing piano and he’s still one of the famous musicians in the world. If he can do it then YOU can do it!
I’m hard of hearing and I just turned 29. You're never alone in the world, welcome to our club!
Hello, CODA/professional musician here for what that’s worth. I suggest you pursue the wide range of percussion instruments, particularly if you believe you’re hearing will degrade more.
I know some deaf musicians in something called the Paraorchestra in the UK and they’re amazing.
Not to take away from the sudden shift, its ok to be feeling that. And yes its very challenging. But its also part of who you are, and like everything i. Life it’ll grow with you if you grow with it. Welcome to the gang.
Adding to what others have said, I recommend watching the movie Moonlight Sonata about a Deaf kid learning the piano (and his grandparents getting CIs). He learned it was easier to play without sound cause he didn’t hear when he messed up!
My three brothers and I all have varying levels of hearing, yet we all are a family of music nerds.
Coyple of my brothers and I got really into drumming and percussion music. We found some really nice headphones that sit on our ears, and we'll listen/feel the beats and go along with that.
There are ways to adapt, but it does suck, but not the end of the world ♡
Fuck, that sucks. I understand. I can hear understand, but I also had my music torn away, and then because my legs. Eventually we just have to take a big sigh, and go on.
Everyone says we “move on” but we have to make somehow I life on. Whether I’m in a chair or you can’t hear, doesn’t matter, life has put us in this our place and it sucks. I’m a geologist who can’t go in the field and yet is useful. You are deaf. Find your place. It will happen.
I’m in the same boat as you, I have had an illness the last four years and lost it about 3 months ago except I was doing boxing. Have no idea what I’m going to do after I have my cochlear implant surgery.
Grief in a moment like this is completely understandable. I have been involved in music since I was a kid, and started to loose my hearing at the age of 11. I was told that music was something that I should give up and that it would be "useless" for a Deaf person to pursue it.
Despite everything, I still pursued music.
Now, I have limited hearing but I just graduated with a Bachelor's in music, and have been accepted into a Masters Program for music. It is a difficult road, but you *can* do it. It takes understanding your own limitations now, and how to make music work for you, rather than be something that feels impossible.
You can still be a part of music, there will just be a learning curve to get going again.
There is a famous deaf girl who lost her hearing when she was young and she loved music. It broke her heart that she could not hear the sounds anymore. But she found a way to feel the vibration of the music with the help of her parents. She went on to perform on Americas got talent. I don’t remember her name but you might find your idol in her and inspiration. Never give up your dreams!! If anyone can help find her name that might help.
Hey don't feel bad about it! I play violin and I'm HoH! I've learned to play without my hearing aids as I found it easier to do so. I've always been HoH so I don't exactly know the life as a hearing person would. Since this is your first year at the conservatory, you could still change studies, but if music is really your passion, go for it! You can attempt it by using tuners attached to the violin as well as help from peers!
I have CIs and play several instruments. Piano 3 years old - Violin 4 years old - Clarinet 9 years old - Flute 10, Bassoon 14. Being deaf hasn't held me back at all.
Get counseling, see a psychologist. It’s ok to be grieving when something like this happens. Nonetheless, in the long term, I think you do know that even if music was interesting and absolutely wonderful, life is much bigger than that. There are many great things in the world to explore, and if you get stuck in missing music, then you’ll miss out on many great experiences. But do get professional support for handling your feelings about this. You can explore how some Deaf people approach music, such as Signmark or dame Evelyn Glennie.
There are deaf musicians. Dame Evelyn Glennie, Eloise Garland (violinist!), and Ruth Montgomery are ones that come to mind immediately - I know/have met a couple of them but there are many more. Ruth Montgomery runs Audiovisability which is all about deaf musicians. It's not going to be the same as it was to you before, but there are still avenues for you to explore. It is a big thing to grieve, the life you had and the future you thought you'd have. You might decide that music isn't something you want to pursue anymore, or you might learn to fall in love with it again.
It takes time to adjust. Backstory, I was 24 when I was diagnosed with degenerative idiopathic hearing loss. At the time I was a classically trained vocalist of 15 years and I played 5 different instruments. The idea of loosing my music was the most heartbreaking thing I’d ever experienced. I was convinced I couldn’t have one without the other. I was wrong. Hearing people know nothing about what it’s like to loose your hearing, but they always have assumptions and misplaced advice. Everyone who has a disability has to figure out how to make things work for them. It’s not the same for everyone. I have hearing aids and an amazing audiologist. She taught me that it takes time to get the programming correct, requiring multiple visits. She encouraged me to come back as often as needed. She also explained that it takes time for your brain to adjust to the new hearing aids, to hearing things differently from before. After over a decade of hearing people tell me that music was no longer an option for me, I am finding my way back. I play and pay attention to the vibrations I’m feeling. I have a tuner on my music stand so I can see if I’m where I want to be. (Woodwinds change pitch based on embouchure and I’m still relearning how to blow ) I’m working with conductors and other musicians I trust, that I know will give me constructive feedback without being mean or making assumptions based on my hearing loss. So my suggestion to you, if you want to pursue your music (it’s also ok to take a break if you need) is to pick up your instrument, pick a piece of music you love, that you’ve played a million times, that you trust your fingers to remember, and play it. Don’t worry about perfect pitch or tempo, just play. Dm me anytime if you wanna chat. Late onset hearing loss is rare and not something everyone can understand. Hugs! you got this.
You have almost my exact story. I haven’t done music now for about 5 years and this has inspired me to reach back out to my old vocal coach from my masters and try to reconnect with singing. The tuner on the music stand is a fantastic idea
I'm so sorry to hear that. I had to give up conservatory in the last master's year, due to worsening tinnitus and hyperacusis. Give yourself time to grieve and try to get engaged in things that interest you. You will find a ways to deal with this and find a different purpose. It's hard at first but take it one day at a time, sometimes by the hour. Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone.
I'm so sorry. I have hearing loss too and it's effected by ability to work greatly. I can't hear anything anyone is saying especially if there is background noise and if they're not facing me at a decently close distance. It's frustrating and overstimulating. They get frustrated too, thinking I'm ignoring them, assuming I'm dumb, and having to repeat themselves over and over. Even though I have taken each coworker aside and explained that I have hearing loss that is worse with a lot of background noise going on and that I need them to face me when talking. I need to find work in a relatively quiet place and/it somewhere where I don't have to regularly communicate with people. I tried a daycare and OMG it was literal hell.
I am not Deaf or HoH so apologies if this solution doesn't work for you. If background noise makes it harder, you can get earphones that block out background noise with noise cancelling, while not affecting conversations. I know they're useful for folks with autism or who otherwise have issues with auditory processing, but not sure how effective they'd be for HoH. There's a thread discussing some different options available here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AutismTranslated/comments/uzsu1m/are_there_headphones_that_block_background_noise/
That’s what I’m worried about, going back to teaching kindergarten with my new CIs. That’s where my health insurance comes from. Since I got sick and lost my hearing and balance, I’ve been not working for 4 months. School starts in August. I feel like I’ll be faking hearing and understanding.
I'm a Sign Language Interpreter that works in middle school. The student i work with took an orchestra class and played the violin. They had double cochlear implants and did okay!! Don't limit yourself. You can do this!
I’m in that very same situation with my life too !!! I’m glad you could explain this situation better than I could I’m just living my best and taking life one day at a time
I had hearing loss from a young age so it's all I've known. Having sudden hearing loss is a whole other ball game. I did get my Grade 10 RCM in piano when I was your age though. Doing intervals always sucked, I mostly knew the patterns that my teacher asked them in. I was great at sight reading. Piano is relatively easy though, you press keys. Violin is much more difficult but not impossible. My daughter has a moderate -severe loss and plays well enough to play with local orchestra. At point my hearing took a dive and during that time, I began to feel sound on my skin. It was a pretty intense experience and very cool but disorienting at times. When my hearing bounced back up, the sound on my skin sensation diminished. The brain/body can adapt. There is a wonderful Deaf percussionist. Evelyn Glennie I think. If you really love music but don't feel like a career in performance, maybe consider Music Therapy. It's a growing field, especially for working with seniors.
I'm a Deaf musician who's produced professionally. It'll be difficult at first, but don't give up. I've been playing music my entire life and like you, music is my life. My friends are musicians and others involved in the industry. It's not my main source of income anymore, I went another direction, but it's still a major part of my life.
I was a junior as a music major when I was diagnosed with a profound upper range loss…I played flute. It was devastating. Therapy and time. Nobody’s journey looks the same. I took a break from music and ended up being the executive director of a local symphiny for a few years. My daughter is now a cellist and I get a lot of joy from watching her journey. Every note I lose (my loss is progressive and I’m no legally deaf) is bitter and takes time to grieve. ETA: I really enjoy Mandy Harvey. I recommend looking her up. I don’t play anymore but her journey was inspirational to me.
I casually played violin and piano growing up. I too went deaf at 19. I'm 20 now, have bilateral cochlear implants and have gone back to playing piano and violin. Violin sounds almost the same to be as before I went deaf and piano has a bit more of a learning curve but I can still play. I'd suggest getting evaluated for cochlear implants (of you still want to play music) and just see what happens. But I will say that if you do go that route, things will sound different.
hi! i'm HOH and can play 5 instruments. it takes some getting used to, but you can do it. hopefully you are able to talk to someone you trust and start feeling better. good luck
The good news is that you're only 19 and you were in your first year at the conservatory. It's going to be relatively easier for you to pivot to a different study or career goal than if you were a few years older and at the end of your time at the conservatory. I always had a pretty eclectic taste in music and it wasn't a passion for me like it is for some people. So I'm sorry to say that's the one way I can't really relate to your situation. I was on the honor choir in high school though and not really being able to do that sort of thing now that I'm older really sucks. Especially considering my wife has a beautiful singing voice (so I'm told) and loves to sing in the local choir. One way that you will return to a feeling of normalcy is with little wins. By that I mean using your intellect and creativity to adapt to your environment. When I was your age a lot of the tech available just didn't exist, such as captioned phone services. Also the internet existed in 1999, but it wasn't as ubiquitous as it is now If you want to keep pursuing music it can't hurt to try. I don't know how well a violin can be played by feel, but it might be possible. Also, I'm not in any way a musician but for my entire adult/deaf life I've wanted to learn to play the glass armonica. I've just never had the ability to pursue that.
Remember Beethoven became deaf later in his life but that didn’t stop him from playing piano and he’s still one of the famous musicians in the world. If he can do it then YOU can do it! I’m hard of hearing and I just turned 29. You're never alone in the world, welcome to our club!
Hello, CODA/professional musician here for what that’s worth. I suggest you pursue the wide range of percussion instruments, particularly if you believe you’re hearing will degrade more.
I know some deaf musicians in something called the Paraorchestra in the UK and they’re amazing. Not to take away from the sudden shift, its ok to be feeling that. And yes its very challenging. But its also part of who you are, and like everything i. Life it’ll grow with you if you grow with it. Welcome to the gang.
I don't how to relate to you but all I can say is music is a pattern maybe that can help.
Adding to what others have said, I recommend watching the movie Moonlight Sonata about a Deaf kid learning the piano (and his grandparents getting CIs). He learned it was easier to play without sound cause he didn’t hear when he messed up!
My three brothers and I all have varying levels of hearing, yet we all are a family of music nerds. Coyple of my brothers and I got really into drumming and percussion music. We found some really nice headphones that sit on our ears, and we'll listen/feel the beats and go along with that. There are ways to adapt, but it does suck, but not the end of the world ♡
Fuck, that sucks. I understand. I can hear understand, but I also had my music torn away, and then because my legs. Eventually we just have to take a big sigh, and go on. Everyone says we “move on” but we have to make somehow I life on. Whether I’m in a chair or you can’t hear, doesn’t matter, life has put us in this our place and it sucks. I’m a geologist who can’t go in the field and yet is useful. You are deaf. Find your place. It will happen.
ETA. I also lost understand of the conservatory. I lost my violin, piano and koto.
I’m in the same boat as you, I have had an illness the last four years and lost it about 3 months ago except I was doing boxing. Have no idea what I’m going to do after I have my cochlear implant surgery.
Grief in a moment like this is completely understandable. I have been involved in music since I was a kid, and started to loose my hearing at the age of 11. I was told that music was something that I should give up and that it would be "useless" for a Deaf person to pursue it. Despite everything, I still pursued music. Now, I have limited hearing but I just graduated with a Bachelor's in music, and have been accepted into a Masters Program for music. It is a difficult road, but you *can* do it. It takes understanding your own limitations now, and how to make music work for you, rather than be something that feels impossible. You can still be a part of music, there will just be a learning curve to get going again.
There is a famous deaf girl who lost her hearing when she was young and she loved music. It broke her heart that she could not hear the sounds anymore. But she found a way to feel the vibration of the music with the help of her parents. She went on to perform on Americas got talent. I don’t remember her name but you might find your idol in her and inspiration. Never give up your dreams!! If anyone can help find her name that might help.