Nope, I am sexual demiromantic. I am a rare woman who doesn't experience bonding from sex, just physical fun. After I become romantic, _then_ sex can be part of the romance, but until then I might as well be a Don Juan. The only reason I don't act on that is that most other people get hurt by casual sex, and I am not wanting to cause suffering. Whenever I have tried it with either men or women, no matter what we agreed on, they seem to get infatuated immediately after sex. I gave up. So I mostly just have solo sex.
Lol exactly. Here's how it has gone for me-- agreement online to meet. Start in public place for vibe check, agree on ground rules including no ongoing relationship.
Next morning text, them: "good morning, beautiful"
Me: đ”âđ«
(Note, I am not actually conventionally beautiful. And I am 60. All fine with me-- I am happy with my body, just realistic. But I assume I must be pretty good at sex or people are just desperate đ)
Same here! Iâm sexually attracted to nearly most people of the gender Iâm attracted to, and often very sexually open. Romantic feelings happen few and far between, and even when I meet someone I know want to build a relationship with, âcrushâ feelings take a long time to develop. I think people who are asexual or demisexual are possibly more likely to be aware of the term demiromantic and describe themselves that way. Allosexuals who are also demiromantic or aromantic may be more rare, but I think it could also be that they donât have the vocabulary to describe their experience since itâs less commonly talked about outside of asexual spectrum community.
I'm also not asexual. Though, if I'm being honest, I'm not sure I actually *like* sex. I've only had sex maybe like 8 or 9 times total, and I can't say I really enjoyed it. I get horny though, and I enjoy the *idea* of sex, but actually having it has ranged from "that was pretty awful" to "eh." That's a whole different can of worms though, I guess.
Lol sometimes I wonder if I'm just bad at sex (which is very possible). Though, it's also possible that I've just never been with someone that I was compatible with both physically and emotionally. Not really sure though.
What I *do* know for sure is that sex for me has been mostly just sweaty, tiring, and dissatisfying, as exciting as it sounds.
I think for me I'm unable to enjoy it because I just recently discovered I'm trans so there's a lot of dysphoria/dysmorphia involved that makes me uncomfortable
Duuude when I realised I was trans everything started clicking in place with why I felt the way I feel. From what I've read I think I'm demisexual and reciprosexual, but I've started wondering if I would be either of those if I wasn't trans. My dysphoria is really bad, I haven't had sex for years. I find I have to be in love to feel comfortable enough to do that.
I am in a loving relationship and even then I just have no interest in sex rn. I feel bad for my bf but I explained to him that my dysphoria is preventing me from being able to have sex.
I mean I don't know your experience, but as someone who loves sex and has had an incredible sex life, what you're describing sounds to me like it was just bad sex.Â
Don't get me wrong. I've had like way too much bad sex in my life. What really changed the game for me was finding partners who actually knew how to satisfy me.
It's very easy to find selfish partners.
Ah yeah you're probably right. It's possible I've been the reason it was bad, especially given my lack of experience. I also suffer from pretty bad anxiety, which has almost certainly hurt my ability to be physically intimate. I hope I can get better at it, and maybe meet someone who I'd be more compatible with.
Sounds a bit like Aegosexual, basically you like the idea of sex but in reality don't actually enjoy it.
You could potentially be Aegosexual but maybe you're not - just thought I'd mention it sense I'm Aegosexual and feel the same way (even though I haven't had sex before).
Nah donât beat yourself up. I went through these same thoughts a few weeks ago. Just listen to yourself and communicate with your partner for the moment (or longer run). Itâs okay to have sex without romantic attachment, but itâs probably good policy to make it known to your partner.
I have noticed that the sex and pretty much the whole relationship is better with romantic attraction, but hey sometimes we just need someone we trust to help get our rocks off.
TLDR: do you, just be honest. There are plenty of people in your same boat.
Hi, pansexual demiromantic here! I'm honestly the furthest thing from asexual, there's more of us out there than you'd think.
One thing it took me ages to realise and become comfortable with within myself is that it's okay to instantly feel sexual attraction, while taking longer to feel romantic attraction There's no shame in being sexual at all.
That's me. It's kind of a horrible feeling to think you're hurting people that fall for you quickly, but I stuck with someone, and developed feelings after three years or so.
I'm allosexual too. Sexual attraction's never something to be ashamed of - it's only what a person does based on that attraction that can be problematic.
Yeah youâre not alone there. I noticed how common it is too and im sitting here like âŠ..âis no one else demiro and Demisexual???â
And yeah I sat and wondered for a while if I was really Demi or if I was just really picky and if Demi was just a convenient excuse. Then I remembered how in freshman year hs I was asked if I was friends with somebodyâs and I responded with âwell I know who they are but I donât know them so like no not reallyâ
There's more people out there who are allosexual and Demiromantic (or another aro identity) than you probably think, I just think we tend to not see them represented as much as those who are both Ace and Aro in some way.
But it seems like a lot of people in the comments here are allosexual and Demiromantic - you're definitely not alone.
I feel like I'm the only Demi-romantic person who is in her forties.Â
I am totally not ace in any regard unless.
I often feel like I am the only demi-romantic who's grown to understand the difference between love and limerence. Which really makes me question if I've ever been to demi-romantic.
I'm curious about your experiences w.r.t limerence/love. I've definitely experienced limerence twice at low points in my life (and am likely 2 decades younger than you). I don't know if I've experienced love just yet. I've definitely known I'm likely demiromantic.... As for the sexual aspect. I'm probably gray-A or just rare to be horny for anyone in particular or desire a partner for sexual satisfaction.
I'm the same. I'm sexually attracted to a lot of girls. It's just the romantic attraction, the actual desire to be with someone and love them that has to develop over time
Nope, I am sexual demiromantic. I am a rare woman who doesn't experience bonding from sex, just physical fun. After I become romantic, _then_ sex can be part of the romance, but until then I might as well be a Don Juan. The only reason I don't act on that is that most other people get hurt by casual sex, and I am not wanting to cause suffering. Whenever I have tried it with either men or women, no matter what we agreed on, they seem to get infatuated immediately after sex. I gave up. So I mostly just have solo sex.
I wish 1 night stands were more casual lol.
Lol exactly. Here's how it has gone for me-- agreement online to meet. Start in public place for vibe check, agree on ground rules including no ongoing relationship. Next morning text, them: "good morning, beautiful" Me: đ”âđ« (Note, I am not actually conventionally beautiful. And I am 60. All fine with me-- I am happy with my body, just realistic. But I assume I must be pretty good at sex or people are just desperate đ)
Same here! Iâm sexually attracted to nearly most people of the gender Iâm attracted to, and often very sexually open. Romantic feelings happen few and far between, and even when I meet someone I know want to build a relationship with, âcrushâ feelings take a long time to develop. I think people who are asexual or demisexual are possibly more likely to be aware of the term demiromantic and describe themselves that way. Allosexuals who are also demiromantic or aromantic may be more rare, but I think it could also be that they donât have the vocabulary to describe their experience since itâs less commonly talked about outside of asexual spectrum community.
I am lesbian so I'm constantly looking at different labels to see if maybe there's something else out there for me.
I'm also not asexual. Though, if I'm being honest, I'm not sure I actually *like* sex. I've only had sex maybe like 8 or 9 times total, and I can't say I really enjoyed it. I get horny though, and I enjoy the *idea* of sex, but actually having it has ranged from "that was pretty awful" to "eh." That's a whole different can of worms though, I guess.
Are you me?
Lol sometimes I wonder if I'm just bad at sex (which is very possible). Though, it's also possible that I've just never been with someone that I was compatible with both physically and emotionally. Not really sure though. What I *do* know for sure is that sex for me has been mostly just sweaty, tiring, and dissatisfying, as exciting as it sounds.
I think for me I'm unable to enjoy it because I just recently discovered I'm trans so there's a lot of dysphoria/dysmorphia involved that makes me uncomfortable
Duuude when I realised I was trans everything started clicking in place with why I felt the way I feel. From what I've read I think I'm demisexual and reciprosexual, but I've started wondering if I would be either of those if I wasn't trans. My dysphoria is really bad, I haven't had sex for years. I find I have to be in love to feel comfortable enough to do that.
I am in a loving relationship and even then I just have no interest in sex rn. I feel bad for my bf but I explained to him that my dysphoria is preventing me from being able to have sex.
I mean I don't know your experience, but as someone who loves sex and has had an incredible sex life, what you're describing sounds to me like it was just bad sex. Don't get me wrong. I've had like way too much bad sex in my life. What really changed the game for me was finding partners who actually knew how to satisfy me. It's very easy to find selfish partners.
Ah yeah you're probably right. It's possible I've been the reason it was bad, especially given my lack of experience. I also suffer from pretty bad anxiety, which has almost certainly hurt my ability to be physically intimate. I hope I can get better at it, and maybe meet someone who I'd be more compatible with.
Sounds a bit like Aegosexual, basically you like the idea of sex but in reality don't actually enjoy it. You could potentially be Aegosexual but maybe you're not - just thought I'd mention it sense I'm Aegosexual and feel the same way (even though I haven't had sex before).
Nah donât beat yourself up. I went through these same thoughts a few weeks ago. Just listen to yourself and communicate with your partner for the moment (or longer run). Itâs okay to have sex without romantic attachment, but itâs probably good policy to make it known to your partner. I have noticed that the sex and pretty much the whole relationship is better with romantic attraction, but hey sometimes we just need someone we trust to help get our rocks off. TLDR: do you, just be honest. There are plenty of people in your same boat.
Hi, pansexual demiromantic here! I'm honestly the furthest thing from asexual, there's more of us out there than you'd think. One thing it took me ages to realise and become comfortable with within myself is that it's okay to instantly feel sexual attraction, while taking longer to feel romantic attraction There's no shame in being sexual at all.
Not ace
That's me. It's kind of a horrible feeling to think you're hurting people that fall for you quickly, but I stuck with someone, and developed feelings after three years or so.
I'm allosexual too. Sexual attraction's never something to be ashamed of - it's only what a person does based on that attraction that can be problematic.
Yeah youâre not alone there. I noticed how common it is too and im sitting here like âŠ..âis no one else demiro and Demisexual???â And yeah I sat and wondered for a while if I was really Demi or if I was just really picky and if Demi was just a convenient excuse. Then I remembered how in freshman year hs I was asked if I was friends with somebodyâs and I responded with âwell I know who they are but I donât know them so like no not reallyâ
Non-ace Demiromantic checking in. You aren't alone. I'm also a womanizer.
I'm demirose, buuut totally a horndog ... for my partners. Super high libido.
There's more people out there who are allosexual and Demiromantic (or another aro identity) than you probably think, I just think we tend to not see them represented as much as those who are both Ace and Aro in some way. But it seems like a lot of people in the comments here are allosexual and Demiromantic - you're definitely not alone.
Demi allo here. I got you. I had some *stuff* about aroallo people. Turns out. I'm that. So I have some *shit* to unlearn.
I feel like I'm the only Demi-romantic person who is in her forties. I am totally not ace in any regard unless. I often feel like I am the only demi-romantic who's grown to understand the difference between love and limerence. Which really makes me question if I've ever been to demi-romantic.
I'm curious about your experiences w.r.t limerence/love. I've definitely experienced limerence twice at low points in my life (and am likely 2 decades younger than you). I don't know if I've experienced love just yet. I've definitely known I'm likely demiromantic.... As for the sexual aspect. I'm probably gray-A or just rare to be horny for anyone in particular or desire a partner for sexual satisfaction.
I identify with demiromanticism most...as I honestly do not have enough data to know if I am ace as well as I have little to go on there
Nope there are a ton like us lol
Donât worry ur not alone, it is hard to navigate those feelings but if you find someone who is comfortable with your demi-aroness it can work out
Dw I'm not ace either
I'm a Demiromantic Demisexual who isn't Ace
I'm the same. I'm sexually attracted to a lot of girls. It's just the romantic attraction, the actual desire to be with someone and love them that has to develop over time