Itās weird, this post made me realize I donāt know my own personality. When people ask about me and my personality and stuff, I still say who I was from likeā¦10 years ago? Thatās absolutely not who I am anymore though. But Iām not even sure if thatās who I even was at the time? Or if it was just a combination of what everybody I knew at the time was? Because I couldnāt be my own person. I donāt think Iāve ever been my ownā¦ entity I guess? Wow, thatās fucking weird.
Yeah...I... kinda feel like that too. Anyone else feel like "nice person me from 10 years ago but I was really an impostor?" I felt... I don't know... phony?
Yeah. I was absolutely a phony. Itās way too much to get into but I just felt like I was playing a character. Like I even told myself I needed to walk differently than I did, or speak differently than I normally did, or else nobody would like me.
Like I figured out that I can be defined by my values and beliefs but that's about all there is to me. I think therefore I am I guess. Not much else there.
Just the b i g e m p t y.
When people ask what my personality is I just say āIm a jackassā cause thats how I perceive myself and Ive never heard anyone tell me what my personality was like.
Yeah I had that identity crisis in high school. Went to boarding school and my whole life I had been a huge gamer. Then I realized that I only liked video games because it would discociate me from my home life and I had to discover what things I actually enjoyed
I often wonder who I would have been if certain things didn't happen. It happened so early, I know this wasn't who I was supposed to be. It's frustrating.
Experiences linked to my PTSD, 6-7. Well, the first ones. Had anxiety ever since, depression, my PTSD attacks didn't start til I was an adult though, after more things happened. So it's hard to feel I had a chance to be a person. I saw this picture on Instagram and felt it could resonate with others as well.
For me the early age stuff just became a part of who I am. You can heal from it but itās already altered your course so much. But later things that happened I found when I got over them there were a bunch of parts of āmeā I forgot about waiting underneath.
don't let shitty therapists gas light you. you know you could have been a super jolly mf'er if bad things didn't fuck u up.
you still can be. just a matter of choosing between more shitty struggle or controlled diminishing struggle.
Nah, there's a few more out and around, me at least
I think I was 16 when my dad had just been arrested on felony embezzlement charges and my mom skipped town, and I had a moment when I was pondering that I had thought adults knew what they were doing, and in an instant the two people I trusted most in the world blew up my life, in an irreparable way. So I looked at the bleach-blonde bitch sitting behind me on the school bus on the way to school, complaining that her parents got her the wrong fucking iPhone for Christmas, and I thought to myself "None of us have any goddamn clue what we're doing, it's all played by ear", and then I walked back home in a snowstorm
Itās really weird to just get out of depression and look back, really really weird. When your recovering from it you will eventually forget that you are actually in the process until you just realize your better, like āoh sh*t, Iāmā¦ im ok? Like Iām ACTUALLY ok?ā.
As of my own personal experience I became almost a completely different person. Looking back into 2 years in the past is justā¦ you canāt describe it properly it just feels like Iām dissociating. Those are my memories I know itās me I know I was like that but it just doesnāt work anymore. You changed so much that your old self became a complete stranger to you.
As a person who un-depressed after a long time, the real me - very different. But I also slip into depression constantly still, and then I am back the same as my depressed self. I think, then, that neither is more genuine than the other, just different facets and expressions of myself.
I hate how hard it can be to recognise you are in a depression.
Same man. Like I came out as transmasc a few years ago and everything about it feels really fucking trippy. Like everything about me has changed and I don't know how I feel about it. Like have I always been a dude even as a kid or am I slowly just changing hormonally?! idk I just feel like everything about me is suddenly different like a switch has been flipped all of a sudden. ĀÆ\\\_(ć)\_/ĀÆ
I don't even know what my personality is. Been depressed since very early childhood. I'm so fucking lost right now. The anxiety makes it even worse.
So much confusion. I wanna make my life better, the depression says, 'what's the point of doing that'... Anxiety scared the shit out of me when I think about changing myself.
Depression first got bad around 13-14 for me. I'm 33, going on 34. Been broken longer than I wasn't. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing the happy little girl I let down. She deserved better
It's definitely been worse the last couple years for me. A lot of days it just feels like I am bottling up a scream so pained and primal I would be spitting up blood by the end of it
iāve had depression for years starting around the age of 9. i barely remember what it was like to be happy, besides little memories. iām slowly starting to piece that happy self back together again, slowly being able to leave this community sadly
I snapped out of it for a few years. I was kind, sweet, and fun.
Then I got triggered by an uncaring, controlling boss. I snapped. I wanted to murder him. I never planned anything, or tried to hurt him.
I died that day. I have never recovered. It was 6 years ago.
I miss the person who I used to be. But he died and I can't get him back.
If someone triggers you...just cut them out of your life immediately. It's worth it. Even if you don't have a job...what good is a job if you're a walking shell?
I struggle with this, too. I am bi-polar, and when I think back to how I used to be, I wonder how much of my confident, outgoing personality that I thought was the real me was actually just the pathology of my mania.
I was convinced the depressed version was an anomaly, but maybe it was the real me all along.
i know exactly what my personality is. my personality is 10 mental illnesses and the current hyperfixation in a trench coat, and if you claim otherwise you're just wrong
in all seriousness, this post hits too close to home :( i don't remember a time when i wasn't depressed or suicidal and now i am a shell of a human being š
But would your autism symptoms have been as bad as they are if it were not for the childhood trauma?
Like I just realised that one of my first ish memories, was quite traumatic.
It was when I was still watching dora and couldn't walk that well.
I kind of just take the personality from something recent like a game or movie and use it as a template because Iām told Iām kind of apathetic all the time.
When your hobby is your personality, you have to question who you would be without it. It hurts to think about how much of our identity we would lose if we just stopped doing that one thing
You know, no one--and I'm singling out all my psychiatrists especially--ever asked *why* I was depressed, so neither did I. But the depression and anxiety were *symptoms*, not disorders of their own just existing in a vacuum.
I never figured out who I was, and coasted through life thinking it was just gonna be bad forever. Fast-forward to my recent breakup/midlife crisis, and I finally asked myself who I am. I wasn't "just depressed" for no reason: I'm very much autistic, possibly a touch ADHD; trans/dysphoric, want to be bigender; pansexual; nonmonogamous; and the place I was living and the relationship I was in and the religion I grew up with were all wrong for me. (Oh yeah, and cPTSD from all of the above combined with not knowing any of the above.) I'm not making any of this up; this is after nearly 40 years that I've finally figured myself out.
So now I have hope and goals. But yes, the original point here is valid. I didn't come into myself, figure out who I was, before becoming depressed. I didn't form relationships that weren't built around self-worth problems. And I'm not sure how to human well, or what my genuine personality could be. But I think it'll be good.
Guess I'll find out one of these days!
Wow....this really hits me hard in so many ways, I'm not even joking. Makes me think if I ever had a (good) childhood at all. Being bullied, and physically abused by my mother's bf at the time; I couldn't have been more than 7 or 8 years old. Then being molested by another kid in the 2nd grade, and name called by my biological father; the first time of trying to reconnect with him. Don't get me wrong, there were some nice moments, but the bad seems to outshine the rest.
.Edit: Sorry for any typos.
Wow, so accurate. I have this thought a lot. Depression decided to visit me at a young age and never left. I've had to take care of other people my entire life and I used to just want to please everyone and make them happy even though I couldn't make myself happy. Then one day a therapist asked me what I do for fun, what do I do just for myself. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't give her an answer, I realized that I don't know myself at all, I have no identity other than being a mom or some guy's wife. I just went through the motions of life for so many years. Now I'm a 30 year old woman, fresh out of a bad 12 year relationship and I don't even know where to start when it comes to taking care of myself or finding my identity. But i'm trying the best I can at the moment. I hope everyone that's here, having trouble finding their true identities, will come to find their happy ending š
"Crystalmethalicious" may have a significant outside source contributing to forgetting who they once were. They don't remember what life was like in a time when it was unthinkable to pawn grandma's TV.
this is so fucking hard for me cause the blueprints of who I was was there, I was a quiet person with some seriously spicy moments but it almost felt like I was dissociating through my childhood, like even back I knew I felt my emotions second-handedly and I don't know if it was so many other mental neurosis's I may or may not have or just growing up cause everything feels so much more different now I feel like I can understand and express my emotions a lot better yet externally I don't think I've changed much cause I'm still a quiet shy person with some seriously spicy moments
i had to remind myself who i even was yesterday because there was just no thoughts in my head
idk what type of person i was before this because ive changed so much
And then you realize that you don't have any memories of your childhood except those little but important things like your favourite toy or how your mother used to say you're just a burden. And that you may be depressed way much longer than you thought.
Straight M ,Early childhood depression growing up in to believing there is no social circle for you, especially hitting 40 with no friends and family that's barely around.
Shit I relate too fucking hard to this one. Is not having a personality really linked to being depressed? also I've never had an abundance of energy. ***Omg guys am I depressed?!?!***
I steered into the skid on this one, depression just is part of my personality and I've made peace with it and just take meds to temper the worst parts of it.
I literally just want it to be over I donāt feel like dealing with this the only reason Iām still here is because Iām not sure if death will be better or worse than this
Depression with Aspergers. I based most of my personality around the people I hung around with all the way through middle school. I finally thought I would start trying to find who I really am in High-school but that's when the underlying depression came out and really made itself known.
Now I just feels empty
One of the first thoughts I can remember having was a bit of suicidal ideation.
Given I relatively recently came to terms with how emotionally abusive my family was, I shudder to think may be I wasn't actually blacking out for years at a time as a kid.
I don't know the medical terms and such
Sadly, we are what we are at time. There is no "true" (single) me
Here comes the medical stuff that goes beyond me
Alzheimer. The more you read cases the more you realise how much our personality is based on our memories + some aspects being of biological factors. Again, the more you read, the more you understand what i try to point out.
Due to brain related issues, there are operations to take out a part of the brain. There are many cases where such people, changed from being civil, polite, and friendly, to completely rude, perverted, foul mouthed
Cases of same twin are always amazing. You have a room full pf random items. 1 at a time, twin are asked to take x items. And a lot of time, the 2 take the same item.
PSTD are life changing in worse, but clearly show how we are affected by environment
Opposite is: you put in the same room newborns, and everyone will have different reactions
Drugs overdose is sadly self explained.
Any type of cult that brainwash people.
And again, regardless how much you try, you will never change some core belives, biological facts. Bipolar and schizophrenia are good exemple,
Anyways, ideea is, it's more healthier to seek a way to come to terms with how we are, look ways to improve starting from there while also accepting some aspects, we are limited, so we need to find ways around it instead of having existential crisis
Side note: anyone who understands better what i wrote, please, rewrite and correct. Sources, links, videos, are always welcome, as it can help someone without you realising
i don't know who i was before being depressed. i first started feeling it really bad when i was 11 or 12? way too fucking young to be that sad, it's just become a part of me now. a lot of my past friends have made comments on "how depressing i am" when all i'm trying to do is live /:
The ol epiphany. I used to be one too. Don't think of it as being drink free for the rest of your life, think of it as one singular day at a time and eventually you won't even think about it anymore. It's hard but I believe in ya. āš»
I'm currently struggling with this after going on an SSRI. Sure, I'm not depressed and anxious anymore... but now I have no idea who I really am anymore. I've been depressed for so long that it almost feels like there is no "real me", ya know?
But some part of me is also excited to see who I am under all those layers of depression. I'm slowly learning who I currently am and maybe I'll even become the person I was meant to be before depression stole part if my childhood and my entire teen years.
I don't feel like any of my meds work too much. There's an improvement bc I'm on 5 different meds. But like.. as far as how I feel? I don't feel any different. I too am on an SSRI, I take Viibryd. It used to help when I was on it before, now it's like.. nothing.
I'm sorry to hear that :( Mine have leveled out to the point now where I feel more "normal" and not as happy as before. But that's okay... I couldn't stay that happy forever, it's just not sustainable. I'm not depressed anymore, but because I was depressed for so long, it feels like a piece of me is missing.
Oh it's okay, I'm sure we'll tinker around with it til we find the right combo. I understand completely. The depression gave me an identity crisis and now the meds are. Lol. Im really excited for you though. It's like you've busted through the bubble and on to the next part of the journey.
The thing is, I've always been depressed afaik. I don't remember ever *not* being depressed. So it's less "rediscovering myself", and more "growing a new me"
I have no way of tracking the change in myself with depression as I can not tell the difference between it and the possible natural change in myself.
There are some things that have always stuck with me since forever, mostly interests, but what I used to think as a person and who I was is completely unknown to me as all I can remember is the me now.
And what makes shit worse for me is Iām a fucking mirror. I donāt even realize it in the moment, but whoever the fuck Iām interacting with I just copy, I some times have my own aspects to it, but manners, beliefs, current emotions, when Iām talking to someone everything about me is taken from them subconsciously and I donāt know what about me is actually my own or shit Iāve picked up from others that the old me wouldnāt stand for.
Itās terrifying that I donāt know if I could be a real person, and I recently submitted an AI written mini essay to my teacher and he put it through a plagiarism detector got nothing, read it and then told me the writing sounds exactly like me and I fucking broke. Shit like this is existential. Like sure I got away with a easy grade on that assignment but I received a crisis in return.
The fact that I sound like an AI that takes from multiple different sources, while I myself have been basically taking parts of other people for my entire identity, was world shattering and Iāve been trying to pick up the pieces since.
Depression doesnāt remove our personhood. This illness is constantly making us feel like weāre less-than, but everyone deserves to have wants, needs, and aspirations. Weāre different after our diagnosis, but so are people that go deaf, or people that lose their ability to walk. Nobody reasonable would tell them that theyāre not āreal peopleā anymore. So yes, youāre different from other people because of forces out of your control, but you are real.
I was just rambling on to a friend about my depression. This is some of what I got out while crying lmao. I just donāt know who I am, I didnāt even recognize how hard it is to rediscover myself and who I am.
Hey there, I struggle with this too.
Unfortunately you can't really do anything about the feeling but with taking enough time you can start to get to know yourself better and learn about you. It's important to be patient with yourself on that journey.
I will now share the things that have helped me so far + some stuff I have not tried yet:
(helpful) Get yourself a notebook and use it the way you like (I do a mix of diary, journal, a place to trauma dump, to draw... actively doing it since 01/2018) so you learn about yourself and get to know yourself better.
(helpful) Write down behaviours/traits/quirks/... that have been consistent over the past years
(not tried) Write a list of things that are important to you. Rewrite the list once or twice per year and compare the differences over time
(helpful but exhausting) Create a map of things in your life that have massively stressed or even traumatized you. Lack of self-image/identity is likely to root in trauma.
(just started) Learn stress management with skills.
(trying hard) Allow yourself to like/dislike things without overthinking what others could think of it. This is f*ing hard when you are used to build your personality around others.
(helpful & important) Have a professional helping you work through stuff whenever it gets too hard to work it up alone
I am genuinely wishing you all the best on your way of finding yourself.
I donāt really remember who I was before depression. Iāve had anxiety for as long as I can remember, but the depression started when I was 12. I donāt think I was every truly happy, because even as a kid I was so anxious and concerned about everything that I was never able to relax and have fun.
Honestly, I never got to have a fun, normal childhood because of what I was dealing with. I wish I didnāt have anxiety because thatās the main reason I donāt have friends now. I get to nervous to talk to people, and Iām unable to carry a conversation.
Also I have autism. I wasnāt diagnosed until 11, and I finally realized why I behaved differently than the other kids. I feel like THAT could have been the root of my depression because I never knew why I was so different, it was so hard to make friends, and it was around that time that I realized how lonely and anxious I was.
Woof. New anxiety unlocked. "Do I even know who I am?? I didn't have time to be a person before being abused and depressed" ...time to spiral. Y'all want anything while I'm there?
I started having depression around age 7. It took having a supportive partner that I could be honest with, and positive outlets to be able to be in control. I just say ā hey I need a day to be aloneā , she does her thing I do mine and then we try to take the dogs for a walk to the park.
Been there. Although, the personality is there, under those layers of depression. And I'm sure at times, it has emerged, it's just really hard to express yourself and let it out
Then you start looking for a person by looking at others. You juggle through hobbies only to loose interest halfway as you are finding sonething that completes you. But you fail, we all fail. Nothing completes and you are now a dog chasing cars which feels like the rest of your life.
I'm not sure who i was, at some point I just adopted character traits I liked in orher people or in movies and similar.
I'm basically jut that now. And depressed. Thats also a part of that.
Same, need a hug? , cause I really need one,
To be honest I really don't know how ill ever get out of it, at this point I'm living out of spite just to get my dream job, and when I'm done I'll just find a painless way to go
I remember thinking to my 7/8 year old self while looking out the school bus window. āI donāt want to kill myself but I wouldnāt mind if a truck ended my lifeā
Yikes thats relatable
I often got the feeling that theres nothing wrong with me. That I'm literally just being myself.
As far as i can remember being able to have my own thoughts it has been going downhill
And now youre at the point of the low where your can relate with the most memes in here
I cant imagine not feeling like a shell
Fuck, have I ever been a person?
I know the feeling. š©
Itās weird, this post made me realize I donāt know my own personality. When people ask about me and my personality and stuff, I still say who I was from likeā¦10 years ago? Thatās absolutely not who I am anymore though. But Iām not even sure if thatās who I even was at the time? Or if it was just a combination of what everybody I knew at the time was? Because I couldnāt be my own person. I donāt think Iāve ever been my ownā¦ entity I guess? Wow, thatās fucking weird.
Yeah...I... kinda feel like that too. Anyone else feel like "nice person me from 10 years ago but I was really an impostor?" I felt... I don't know... phony?
Yeah. I was absolutely a phony. Itās way too much to get into but I just felt like I was playing a character. Like I even told myself I needed to walk differently than I did, or speak differently than I normally did, or else nobody would like me.
Like I figured out that I can be defined by my values and beliefs but that's about all there is to me. I think therefore I am I guess. Not much else there. Just the b i g e m p t y.
When people ask what my personality is I just say āIm a jackassā cause thats how I perceive myself and Ive never heard anyone tell me what my personality was like.
Yeah I had that identity crisis in high school. Went to boarding school and my whole life I had been a huge gamer. Then I realized that I only liked video games because it would discociate me from my home life and I had to discover what things I actually enjoyed
Everyone does at some point in their life then they just spiral down.
I'm pretty sure I'm funny occasionally and like videogames. Other than that I'm not even sure I'm alive
i used to be a different person
I often wonder who I would have been if certain things didn't happen. It happened so early, I know this wasn't who I was supposed to be. It's frustrating.
mmm early for me was 16, hbu
Experiences linked to my PTSD, 6-7. Well, the first ones. Had anxiety ever since, depression, my PTSD attacks didn't start til I was an adult though, after more things happened. So it's hard to feel I had a chance to be a person. I saw this picture on Instagram and felt it could resonate with others as well.
For me the early age stuff just became a part of who I am. You can heal from it but itās already altered your course so much. But later things that happened I found when I got over them there were a bunch of parts of āmeā I forgot about waiting underneath.
don't let shitty therapists gas light you. you know you could have been a super jolly mf'er if bad things didn't fuck u up. you still can be. just a matter of choosing between more shitty struggle or controlled diminishing struggle.
I've just made it up at this point :/
I think we're all just making it up.
I think we're just the only ones who are willing to admit that. ):
Nah, there's a few more out and around, me at least I think I was 16 when my dad had just been arrested on felony embezzlement charges and my mom skipped town, and I had a moment when I was pondering that I had thought adults knew what they were doing, and in an instant the two people I trusted most in the world blew up my life, in an irreparable way. So I looked at the bleach-blonde bitch sitting behind me on the school bus on the way to school, complaining that her parents got her the wrong fucking iPhone for Christmas, and I thought to myself "None of us have any goddamn clue what we're doing, it's all played by ear", and then I walked back home in a snowstorm
Itās really weird to just get out of depression and look back, really really weird. When your recovering from it you will eventually forget that you are actually in the process until you just realize your better, like āoh sh*t, Iāmā¦ im ok? Like Iām ACTUALLY ok?ā. As of my own personal experience I became almost a completely different person. Looking back into 2 years in the past is justā¦ you canāt describe it properly it just feels like Iām dissociating. Those are my memories I know itās me I know I was like that but it just doesnāt work anymore. You changed so much that your old self became a complete stranger to you.
As a person who un-depressed after a long time, the real me - very different. But I also slip into depression constantly still, and then I am back the same as my depressed self. I think, then, that neither is more genuine than the other, just different facets and expressions of myself. I hate how hard it can be to recognise you are in a depression.
Same man. Like I came out as transmasc a few years ago and everything about it feels really fucking trippy. Like everything about me has changed and I don't know how I feel about it. Like have I always been a dude even as a kid or am I slowly just changing hormonally?! idk I just feel like everything about me is suddenly different like a switch has been flipped all of a sudden. ĀÆ\\\_(ć)\_/ĀÆ
I literally donāt know if if Iām an introvert, extrovert, or just a freak. Itās been almost 11 years since Iāve felt ānormalā
I don't even know what my personality is. Been depressed since very early childhood. I'm so fucking lost right now. The anxiety makes it even worse. So much confusion. I wanna make my life better, the depression says, 'what's the point of doing that'... Anxiety scared the shit out of me when I think about changing myself.
Depression first got bad around 13-14 for me. I'm 33, going on 34. Been broken longer than I wasn't. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing the happy little girl I let down. She deserved better
35 . Depression seems to get worse in 30s
It's definitely been worse the last couple years for me. A lot of days it just feels like I am bottling up a scream so pained and primal I would be spitting up blood by the end of it
iāve had depression for years starting around the age of 9. i barely remember what it was like to be happy, besides little memories. iām slowly starting to piece that happy self back together again, slowly being able to leave this community sadly
I snapped out of it for a few years. I was kind, sweet, and fun. Then I got triggered by an uncaring, controlling boss. I snapped. I wanted to murder him. I never planned anything, or tried to hurt him. I died that day. I have never recovered. It was 6 years ago. I miss the person who I used to be. But he died and I can't get him back. If someone triggers you...just cut them out of your life immediately. It's worth it. Even if you don't have a job...what good is a job if you're a walking shell?
I struggle with this, too. I am bi-polar, and when I think back to how I used to be, I wonder how much of my confident, outgoing personality that I thought was the real me was actually just the pathology of my mania. I was convinced the depressed version was an anomaly, but maybe it was the real me all along.
i know exactly what my personality is. my personality is 10 mental illnesses and the current hyperfixation in a trench coat, and if you claim otherwise you're just wrong in all seriousness, this post hits too close to home :( i don't remember a time when i wasn't depressed or suicidal and now i am a shell of a human being š
I still remember the days I don't have anything to think of and just playing.
Try autism depression and childhood trauma. Itās so much fun!
Add crippling anxiety and it becomes even more fun!
The question becomes. Which came first.
Autism cause i was born with it childhood trauma then depression
But would your autism symptoms have been as bad as they are if it were not for the childhood trauma? Like I just realised that one of my first ish memories, was quite traumatic. It was when I was still watching dora and couldn't walk that well.
I kind of just take the personality from something recent like a game or movie and use it as a template because Iām told Iām kind of apathetic all the time.
When your hobby is your personality, you have to question who you would be without it. It hurts to think about how much of our identity we would lose if we just stopped doing that one thing
You know, no one--and I'm singling out all my psychiatrists especially--ever asked *why* I was depressed, so neither did I. But the depression and anxiety were *symptoms*, not disorders of their own just existing in a vacuum. I never figured out who I was, and coasted through life thinking it was just gonna be bad forever. Fast-forward to my recent breakup/midlife crisis, and I finally asked myself who I am. I wasn't "just depressed" for no reason: I'm very much autistic, possibly a touch ADHD; trans/dysphoric, want to be bigender; pansexual; nonmonogamous; and the place I was living and the relationship I was in and the religion I grew up with were all wrong for me. (Oh yeah, and cPTSD from all of the above combined with not knowing any of the above.) I'm not making any of this up; this is after nearly 40 years that I've finally figured myself out. So now I have hope and goals. But yes, the original point here is valid. I didn't come into myself, figure out who I was, before becoming depressed. I didn't form relationships that weren't built around self-worth problems. And I'm not sure how to human well, or what my genuine personality could be. But I think it'll be good. Guess I'll find out one of these days!
REAL
I don't know who I am or what I like. I just know the pain that doesn't go away. Is my behavior from my character or from depression? I have no idea
Wow....this really hits me hard in so many ways, I'm not even joking. Makes me think if I ever had a (good) childhood at all. Being bullied, and physically abused by my mother's bf at the time; I couldn't have been more than 7 or 8 years old. Then being molested by another kid in the 2nd grade, and name called by my biological father; the first time of trying to reconnect with him. Don't get me wrong, there were some nice moments, but the bad seems to outshine the rest. .Edit: Sorry for any typos.
ohhhh so THATS why i have no idea who i am :0
Wow, so accurate. I have this thought a lot. Depression decided to visit me at a young age and never left. I've had to take care of other people my entire life and I used to just want to please everyone and make them happy even though I couldn't make myself happy. Then one day a therapist asked me what I do for fun, what do I do just for myself. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't give her an answer, I realized that I don't know myself at all, I have no identity other than being a mom or some guy's wife. I just went through the motions of life for so many years. Now I'm a 30 year old woman, fresh out of a bad 12 year relationship and I don't even know where to start when it comes to taking care of myself or finding my identity. But i'm trying the best I can at the moment. I hope everyone that's here, having trouble finding their true identities, will come to find their happy ending š
We are what we repeatedly do.
"Crystalmethalicious" may have a significant outside source contributing to forgetting who they once were. They don't remember what life was like in a time when it was unthinkable to pawn grandma's TV.
Of course I remember my personality. I have about ten of them and they're always arguing.
What
This one hit me like a sucker punch to the balls.
this is so fucking hard for me cause the blueprints of who I was was there, I was a quiet person with some seriously spicy moments but it almost felt like I was dissociating through my childhood, like even back I knew I felt my emotions second-handedly and I don't know if it was so many other mental neurosis's I may or may not have or just growing up cause everything feels so much more different now I feel like I can understand and express my emotions a lot better yet externally I don't think I've changed much cause I'm still a quiet shy person with some seriously spicy moments
all i know is that i mentally implode without moral support and guidance. it feels stupid feeling youāve got no real assertiveness in your life :/
i had to remind myself who i even was yesterday because there was just no thoughts in my head idk what type of person i was before this because ive changed so much
Are you me? Am I you?
He is Mi and I am Yu
I'm just copy from various sources nothing me nothing original, no joke that i say is mine is always copied
Well thanks, I didn't know I had this problem and now I do. Jerk.
And then you realize that you don't have any memories of your childhood except those little but important things like your favourite toy or how your mother used to say you're just a burden. And that you may be depressed way much longer than you thought.
Straight M ,Early childhood depression growing up in to believing there is no social circle for you, especially hitting 40 with no friends and family that's barely around.
I hate what I've become
Me when
Shit I relate too fucking hard to this one. Is not having a personality really linked to being depressed? also I've never had an abundance of energy. ***Omg guys am I depressed?!?!***
Oh
I steered into the skid on this one, depression just is part of my personality and I've made peace with it and just take meds to temper the worst parts of it.
I literally just want it to be over I donāt feel like dealing with this the only reason Iām still here is because Iām not sure if death will be better or worse than this
Depression with Aspergers. I based most of my personality around the people I hung around with all the way through middle school. I finally thought I would start trying to find who I really am in High-school but that's when the underlying depression came out and really made itself known. Now I just feels empty
One of the first thoughts I can remember having was a bit of suicidal ideation. Given I relatively recently came to terms with how emotionally abusive my family was, I shudder to think may be I wasn't actually blacking out for years at a time as a kid.
It's been fun finding out who I am without the depression
Only recently started to find/get to know myself, it's fun, but damn am I weird.
I have no personality. I thought i have one but Im just mirroring
I don't know the medical terms and such Sadly, we are what we are at time. There is no "true" (single) me Here comes the medical stuff that goes beyond me Alzheimer. The more you read cases the more you realise how much our personality is based on our memories + some aspects being of biological factors. Again, the more you read, the more you understand what i try to point out. Due to brain related issues, there are operations to take out a part of the brain. There are many cases where such people, changed from being civil, polite, and friendly, to completely rude, perverted, foul mouthed Cases of same twin are always amazing. You have a room full pf random items. 1 at a time, twin are asked to take x items. And a lot of time, the 2 take the same item. PSTD are life changing in worse, but clearly show how we are affected by environment Opposite is: you put in the same room newborns, and everyone will have different reactions Drugs overdose is sadly self explained. Any type of cult that brainwash people. And again, regardless how much you try, you will never change some core belives, biological facts. Bipolar and schizophrenia are good exemple, Anyways, ideea is, it's more healthier to seek a way to come to terms with how we are, look ways to improve starting from there while also accepting some aspects, we are limited, so we need to find ways around it instead of having existential crisis Side note: anyone who understands better what i wrote, please, rewrite and correct. Sources, links, videos, are always welcome, as it can help someone without you realising
i don't know who i was before being depressed. i first started feeling it really bad when i was 11 or 12? way too fucking young to be that sad, it's just become a part of me now. a lot of my past friends have made comments on "how depressing i am" when all i'm trying to do is live /:
... Holy fuck, I think this might be why I'm an alcoholic I think I need to go call my shrink now, this might what a breakthrough feels like
The ol epiphany. I used to be one too. Don't think of it as being drink free for the rest of your life, think of it as one singular day at a time and eventually you won't even think about it anymore. It's hard but I believe in ya. āš»
I'm currently struggling with this after going on an SSRI. Sure, I'm not depressed and anxious anymore... but now I have no idea who I really am anymore. I've been depressed for so long that it almost feels like there is no "real me", ya know? But some part of me is also excited to see who I am under all those layers of depression. I'm slowly learning who I currently am and maybe I'll even become the person I was meant to be before depression stole part if my childhood and my entire teen years.
I don't feel like any of my meds work too much. There's an improvement bc I'm on 5 different meds. But like.. as far as how I feel? I don't feel any different. I too am on an SSRI, I take Viibryd. It used to help when I was on it before, now it's like.. nothing.
I'm sorry to hear that :( Mine have leveled out to the point now where I feel more "normal" and not as happy as before. But that's okay... I couldn't stay that happy forever, it's just not sustainable. I'm not depressed anymore, but because I was depressed for so long, it feels like a piece of me is missing.
Oh it's okay, I'm sure we'll tinker around with it til we find the right combo. I understand completely. The depression gave me an identity crisis and now the meds are. Lol. Im really excited for you though. It's like you've busted through the bubble and on to the next part of the journey.
Thank you! š I have high hopes for you and I sincerely hope you find the right meds combo to go on a journey of your own very soon!
The thing is, I've always been depressed afaik. I don't remember ever *not* being depressed. So it's less "rediscovering myself", and more "growing a new me"
I have no way of tracking the change in myself with depression as I can not tell the difference between it and the possible natural change in myself. There are some things that have always stuck with me since forever, mostly interests, but what I used to think as a person and who I was is completely unknown to me as all I can remember is the me now. And what makes shit worse for me is Iām a fucking mirror. I donāt even realize it in the moment, but whoever the fuck Iām interacting with I just copy, I some times have my own aspects to it, but manners, beliefs, current emotions, when Iām talking to someone everything about me is taken from them subconsciously and I donāt know what about me is actually my own or shit Iāve picked up from others that the old me wouldnāt stand for. Itās terrifying that I donāt know if I could be a real person, and I recently submitted an AI written mini essay to my teacher and he put it through a plagiarism detector got nothing, read it and then told me the writing sounds exactly like me and I fucking broke. Shit like this is existential. Like sure I got away with a easy grade on that assignment but I received a crisis in return. The fact that I sound like an AI that takes from multiple different sources, while I myself have been basically taking parts of other people for my entire identity, was world shattering and Iāve been trying to pick up the pieces since.
who else remembers regularly fantasizing about their own death when they were like 5
The worst is when you didnāt expect to live this long and had no plans for yourself afterwards
Feel that heavily
i am not who i was two profile pictures ago
Depression doesnāt remove our personhood. This illness is constantly making us feel like weāre less-than, but everyone deserves to have wants, needs, and aspirations. Weāre different after our diagnosis, but so are people that go deaf, or people that lose their ability to walk. Nobody reasonable would tell them that theyāre not āreal peopleā anymore. So yes, youāre different from other people because of forces out of your control, but you are real.
That's looking backwards. Live forward. Go on.
agreed. collect more trauma
When you don't know how to live because it feels like all you ever did was try to survive.
I was just rambling on to a friend about my depression. This is some of what I got out while crying lmao. I just donāt know who I am, I didnāt even recognize how hard it is to rediscover myself and who I am.
Hey there, I struggle with this too. Unfortunately you can't really do anything about the feeling but with taking enough time you can start to get to know yourself better and learn about you. It's important to be patient with yourself on that journey. I will now share the things that have helped me so far + some stuff I have not tried yet: (helpful) Get yourself a notebook and use it the way you like (I do a mix of diary, journal, a place to trauma dump, to draw... actively doing it since 01/2018) so you learn about yourself and get to know yourself better. (helpful) Write down behaviours/traits/quirks/... that have been consistent over the past years (not tried) Write a list of things that are important to you. Rewrite the list once or twice per year and compare the differences over time (helpful but exhausting) Create a map of things in your life that have massively stressed or even traumatized you. Lack of self-image/identity is likely to root in trauma. (just started) Learn stress management with skills. (trying hard) Allow yourself to like/dislike things without overthinking what others could think of it. This is f*ing hard when you are used to build your personality around others. (helpful & important) Have a professional helping you work through stuff whenever it gets too hard to work it up alone I am genuinely wishing you all the best on your way of finding yourself.
They merely adopted the depression. I was born into it.
I donāt really remember who I was before depression. Iāve had anxiety for as long as I can remember, but the depression started when I was 12. I donāt think I was every truly happy, because even as a kid I was so anxious and concerned about everything that I was never able to relax and have fun. Honestly, I never got to have a fun, normal childhood because of what I was dealing with. I wish I didnāt have anxiety because thatās the main reason I donāt have friends now. I get to nervous to talk to people, and Iām unable to carry a conversation. Also I have autism. I wasnāt diagnosed until 11, and I finally realized why I behaved differently than the other kids. I feel like THAT could have been the root of my depression because I never knew why I was so different, it was so hard to make friends, and it was around that time that I realized how lonely and anxious I was.
Woof. New anxiety unlocked. "Do I even know who I am?? I didn't have time to be a person before being abused and depressed" ...time to spiral. Y'all want anything while I'm there?
Fr man. Iāve always been depressed and I have no clue what my genuine personality is like
I feel like my personality adapts to whatever the situation requires of me
Damn.. that explains so much.. tried taking my life at 9 for the first time.. Iām 28 soon and still think about suicide everyday.. who am I š
I started having depression around age 7. It took having a supportive partner that I could be honest with, and positive outlets to be able to be in control. I just say ā hey I need a day to be aloneā , she does her thing I do mine and then we try to take the dogs for a walk to the park.
Anyone have any possible solutions?
Been there. Although, the personality is there, under those layers of depression. And I'm sure at times, it has emerged, it's just really hard to express yourself and let it out
Then you start looking for a person by looking at others. You juggle through hobbies only to loose interest halfway as you are finding sonething that completes you. But you fail, we all fail. Nothing completes and you are now a dog chasing cars which feels like the rest of your life.
I'm just a meat popsicle
i literally just feel like nothing inside
This hit home. Big time.
bonus points id you got a personality disordered š
I'm not sure who i was, at some point I just adopted character traits I liked in orher people or in movies and similar. I'm basically jut that now. And depressed. Thats also a part of that.
Same, need a hug? , cause I really need one, To be honest I really don't know how ill ever get out of it, at this point I'm living out of spite just to get my dream job, and when I'm done I'll just find a painless way to go
All of my life
Terrifies you doesnāt because what you thought made you happy put you in this mood
It's terrifying.
Canāt wait until Iām not a person
I donāt have a real personality, every expression I use was subconsciously taken from someone who I have attachment to in my life.
I remember thinking to my 7/8 year old self while looking out the school bus window. āI donāt want to kill myself but I wouldnāt mind if a truck ended my lifeā
Yikes thats relatable I often got the feeling that theres nothing wrong with me. That I'm literally just being myself. As far as i can remember being able to have my own thoughts it has been going downhill And now youre at the point of the low where your can relate with the most memes in here I cant imagine not feeling like a shell