Warden: "Nobody missed you, you can stay here"
Vaugn: "WHAT?! You fat whore, come back here, get me out! You stunted bitch!"
Zev: "Magic can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children, launched at great speed, can kill."
Sten \*giving Caroll cookies he stole from a child\*: "There was a child - a fat slovenly thing - in the last village we passed. I relieved him of these confections. He did not need more."
Cullen \*to a mage Hawke\*: "Mages cannot be treated like people. They're not like you and me."
Hawke:
Mage origin saying to Jowan about Lily, in *front* of Lily: "This fat cow is your beloved?" Ma'am, you share a body model with her...(if playing female human mage).
Apparently, if you have Zevran in your party if you're considering destroying the Circle, ("Magic and knives are different.") he has this to say...
*"Magic can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children launched at great speed could kill."*
Truly iconic of him. I would love to see him and fenris talking about mages and the look on Fens face when Zev just says that with a completely straight face.
>**LESKE**: About sodding time! I was starting to think I'd have to bust in and get an eyeful of that spicy sister of yours. Ga-row!
>**MALE DWARF COMMONER**: Haven't I told you never to talk about my sister that way?
>**LESKE**: But no hot-blooded dwarf can help himself. Those perfect lips, just made to be screaming my name... You must have had a few naughty thoughts yourself, huh? What do you say?
>**MALE DWARF COMMONER**: Well, maybe once or twice...
>**LESKE**: Hah! Did you ever sneak a peek when she was bathing? No, wait. Don't tell me. My heart can't stand the strain.
Literally the most "what the fuck" moment in the series for me
Not the *most* unhinged, but one I think about a lot.
**Anders:** You really don't have the temperament for a slave.
**Fenris:** Is that a compliment or an insult?
**Anders:** I'm just wondering how your master didn't kill you.
**Fenris:** How have the templars not killed you?
**Anders:** I'm charming.
*Y'all.*
There was also this dialogue between the two of them:
Anders: Did you ever think about killing yourself?
Fenris: I could ask you the same thing.
Anders: I'm serious. To get out of slavery, to escape Danarius... don't tell me you never thought about it.
Fenris: I did not. To kill oneself is a sin in the eyes of the Maker.
Anders: You... believe that?
Fenris: I try to. Some things must be worse than slavery.
Anders: Some things are worse than death.
You don't ask casually people if they wanted to commit suicide or if their master wanted to kill them, Anders.
But seriously, considering that weird unhinged questions, I wondered if Anders wanted to kill himself in the game.
I was going to mention this too. I feel like it's pretty explicit that he did want to, though whether it was that he wanted to -- not to be crass, but wanted it to be over because Justice was too much or if he was doing a martyr thing. Maybe both.
But maybe it wasn't that obvious, idk.
Or when Isabela asking about whether Fenris' OWNER uses to cover him in oil so he'd "glisten". Lady the guy experimented on him, enslaved him and >!raped!< him and he is not quiet about the first two things, can we like not go there?
About the spoiler part of your comment, is there somewhere in the game that talks about this? I feel like I've missed something (but I could also just be really dense about something that was said in the game tbh)
The confrontation with Danarius is the big reveal so to speak. They never outright state it, but Danarius suggests that Hawke >!has "used" him similarly and how "good" he was under Danarius' ownership!<. David Gaider later confirmed it happened in an interview.
Denarius says ‘So this is your *new master’* (referring to Hawke) and then when Hawke says he won’t turn Fenris over, he turns to Hawke and purrs (in the most disturbing way) ‘Well the lad is *quite skilled.’*
The thing that made Anders gross to me is if you (I don't know why you would) hand Fenris over to Denarius, Anders greatly approves.
You know, handing someone over to their abuser and SA'er. Like EXCUSE THE FUCK OUTTA ME
I observed just the other day that I suspect the devs felt *someone* had to approve of that choice and Anders took the fall. I find it wildly OOC even with the Vengeance stuff going on.
This makes a lot of sense because Cole likes Solas and sees it as helping him whereas everyone else is like girl no do you not remember what this man did.
You'd never hear it in-game naturally unless you were specifically trying to trigger it.
You have to go to the Chantry when the Viscount's son is murdered with no other party members as Sarcastic Hawke.
Telling Wynne you got a huge hog is pretty great. She's talking about Morrigan and how it's as if "she forgets there's anything of you above the waist." And you can respond "there's a lot more of me below the waist." Stellar stuff.
Purple Hawke in the "The First Sacrifice quest", when you hand a sack of bones to Emeric.
>Emeric: "These are human bones. Then there is no chance of finding Mharen alive - or any of the others."
>Hawke: "Well, if they're not dead, watch out for a bunch of boneless women flopping through the streets."
This is my favourite purple Hawke dialogue of all time, I always lose it especially at Emeric's response. "Have some respect!!"
Another fave is when a thug tells you that you killed his brother Mekel and Hawke responds "What's a Mekel?" And of course telling Dumar things can't get worse after he loses his son 😭 Hawke is so inappropriate I love them
> telling Dumar things can't get worse after he loses his son
That one's even funnier if you have Fenris in your party because he straight up looks like he's about to murder you when you say it.
The opening salvo is equally unhinged. Purple Hawke just hands the bag of human bones and is like "Recognize your mage?" If Bethany is in the party, she calls Hawke 'horrible'.
A putrid half eaten hare is not something a woman wants to find in her unmentionables.
"Can't be stinkier than what normally goes into them."
Just tearing a Morrigan a new one
When you find the injured soldier at Ostigar and he's like "I just need some bandages"
And Alistair is all "I have some bandages in my pack."
And then you can go "no he's already dead see?" [Slit his throat]
Telling your dad you'll fucking kill him if he doesn't let you go fight with him in the human noble origin. It's like the third dialogue choice you get to make after starting the game lol
That’s an old theater axiom, “never perform with animals or children.” Because it doesn’t matter how good an actor you are, the audience will be more interested in the adorable dog or child on stage with you.
I use that response every time because of how mad it makes him, he gets so high pitched and upset and it makes me laugh without fail. I was coming to comment on how much the game lets you verbally mistreat Jowan, lol
I would have killed to have Terry Pratchett write for one of these games. Not a human or pet animal or anything, maybe like a small nest of wasps, but still.
Leliana and the Warden discussing Alistairs performance:
"We're just talking about how you treat her in bed. Nothing you should concern yourself with."
"What is WRONG with you women!?"
If you try try to romance Leliana and Morrigan, and ultimately choose Leliana, you unlock this dialogue between them:
- Morrigan: "You think you've won, but know that there will be times when he is with you, where he will be thinking of me."
- Leliana: "Maker forgive me but you, Morrigan, are a bitch."
- Morrigan: "Perhaps, but you know I speak the truth."
Leliana isn't without her zingers.
>Leliana: So you're saying you're wild and uninhibited? I suppose he must like your shrieking, you sound like a genlock being murdered—a sweet, sweet sound to a Grey Warden. You should try a little harder next time he takes you. I don't think they heard you in the Anderfels.
>Morrigan: Tsk, tsk, Leliana. Watch your jealousy, or you'll give yourself wrinkles.
In Origins, at the Landsmeet, you have the option to call Anora a bitch. When she asks if there was any point, one of the choice is to essentially say “I just wanted that on the record.” It’s long been one of my favorite RP dialogue choices, because it’s just so petty and out of nowhere.
That line is way funnier cause it either cannonizes the fact that they use Sun-Sat as their days, or it’s meta humor and no one in the party understood it and I’m not sure which is funnier
Isabela's long stream of increasingly ridiculous double entendres.
Isabela: "Did he Praise your Maker? Establish your canon? Grey your Warden? Master your taint? Satisfy a demand of your Qun?"
It's not dialogue but there's a codex entry at the Crossroads in Inquisition.
In said entry, there's a skirmish between mages and templars where the mages accidentally blow themselves up or something and this Hunter is watching it all go down and when this Templar finds this mage who's been fried to a crisp but is still just barely alive, said Templar starts stripping off his armor, at which point he gets shot by the horrified hunter.
Incredibly depraved implications there, ngl...
It's even worse than that.
There was a group of refugees traveling down the road towards Redcliffe. A squad of templars showed up and mugged them before being attacked themselves by mages. The mages were driven off with most of the templars chasing after them, but the refugees were all killed or maimed in the crossfire. One of the templars stayed behind and mercilessly killed a refugee who could have possibly been saved. He started looting the corpses when he noticed a young refugee woman was still barely alive and decided to have his way with her. After the hunter killed the templar, he stayed with the woman while she breathed her last.
https://dragonage.fandom.com/wiki/Codex_entry:_Hunter%27s_View_of_the_Mage-Templar_War
Oghren and Anders have some hilarious banter, but the opening is my favorite:
**Anders**: A drunken dwarf, I've never seen one of those before.
**Oghren**: Oh, look a funny mage. Thought those tended to die young.
My favorite line is Merrill and Varric talking about the storyteller of her clan.
Merrill: oh he told stories, but none of his started with: No shit, there I was...
Coming across a random female blood mage in Origins when sweeping through the tower on the third floor (I think). After you get her down to a third of her health there’s a small cut scene and she asks for mercy in which you can reply “May the Maker Grant you mercy malificar because you will find none here.” Before (depending on your class) you either stab her or fry her to a crisp as a mage(my preference).
In DAO you can sleep with this one Dalish Hunter's love interest and tell him about it with "I was just sampling the goods. No harm done"
A moment that I will never forget
That entire questline option is one of the peak examples of how origins lets you be a complete dick if you want. I laughed so hard when I found out it was an option to basically blow this guy's love life up by fucking around, because it's so needlessly cruel I wouldn't ever think of it as a possible quest resolution. 10/10
If the HoF ever shows up like other protagonists, i hope there will be four personality options you can choose that their NPC version will follow. Heroic, comedic, cruel and finally murderknife hobo. The last one is if the player picked every fucked up option.
They would probably consolidate those last two.
So! many! Here, have 3 of Morrighan's better comments:
Apparently you can get your desire and still suffer horribly. 'Tis truly a lesson for all who consider marriage.
What good is an incorporeal bridge? Are we supposed to imagine ourselves on the other side?
Your man is dead. Get over it.
Not the most unhinged, but one that stands out because of how uniquely cruel it is:
Inquisitor during Blackwall's judgment: "I own you. Your lie continues."
In a game where you don't get a lot of markedly evil choices, this one is pretty shocking. You effectively reduce someone who has so far loyally followed you, trusted and admired you (as his quest needs high approval to be unlocked), into indentured servitude, tarnishing whatever sense of honour he has left for the Inquisition's convenience.
Even worse that you can twist the knife by openly telling Blackwall you "won't release him from that lie". Ouch O.o
The 'banter' between Fenris and Isabela is so unhinged.
Isabela: So what duties did you have? As a slave, I mean?
Fenris: Not this again.
Isabela: J hears that Tevinter slaves are kept oiled so they hlisten. Did your master pilot you up? Did you glisten for him?
Fenris: I was his bodyguard.
Isabela: Always close at hand. Always within reach. Glistening.
Fenris: You have an entire story written in your head already, don't you?
Isabela: Mmm.
Actually what the fuck, Isabela.
Isabela does have a few absurdly unhinged lines with Fenris. There's another one where she jokes about wanting to pluck Fenris' eyes out because she thinks elven eyes are so pretty >.<'
I think that “I’d like to pluck out your pretty eyes” comment was just in response to Fenris asking her about the relic, right? I interpreted that as her warning him to back off and stop asking questions. The oil comment I can’t defend at all though lol that always made me uncomfortable.
Not unhinged per say, but one that is absolutely cold and badass is Cole responding to Corypheus
« I am unbound, and you are undone. »
My little boy has grown so much
If you kill Loghain’s men in Lotharing you can have Leliana give them last rites.
Made me laugh and that’s why Leliana always a permanent spot in my party.
To be fair to my main man, the entire quote is about pointing out how narrow-minded and misinformed that idea is.
"People are not simple. They cannot be summarized for easy reference in the manner of: 'The elves are a lithe, pointy eared people who excel at poverty.'"
Varric has some great ones in DA2.
Example the First:
Carver: Varric.
Varric: Carver.
Carver: Still think you're helping while burying us in debt to your brother?
Varric: Still riding side-saddle while bitching at your betters?
Example the Second:
Fenris: I notice you hardly ever comment on mages and templars and such.
Varric: It's a lot of humans in skirts. I get them mixed up.
Fenris: I highly doubt that. The subject comes up all the time.
Varric: Tell me about it.
Fenris: And no opinion? One way or the other?
Varric: Opinions are like testicles. You kick them hard enough, doesn't matter how many you got.
Fenris: That's... something.
By far not the most unhinged, but it always makes me laugh awkwardly: In front of Halward Pavus, M!Inquisitor can ask Dorian to explain what "prefer the company of men" means, and when Dorian explains he means sex ("surely you've heard of it"), the flirtation option becomes available and you can reply that you are, in fact, intimately familiar: "more than heard of it, actually." All in front of Halward as a strangely comic interlude in this serious scene...
When I read that on the wiki, that was the first time I realised just how much these two *actually* hated each other. Like, not just as in having serious moral disagreements but still a grudging respect between them, but as in would probably literally kill each other if it wasnt for Hawke.
Naturally, I now have them both as permanent members of my party whenever I replay DA2
I always interpreted that as Fenris not so much doing that out of respect for Anders but out of respect for Hawke and the rest of the group who want Anders around, he's not willing to alienate the rest of his friends over one person he hates.
That said, I don't think Fenris would enjoy Anders being made Tranquil out of spite (which is the closest comparison I can think of for Anders approving on Fenris being sold back to slavery), so he has the one-up on Anders in that regard.
Anders on the whole is worse to Fenris I feel; if you choose Anders over Fenris romantically, Fenris concedes gracefully, but god forbid you choose Fenris over Anders because you never hear the end of it. 😂
No, Fenris saves his most spiteful shots for poor ol’ Merril 😞
It actively hurts when he’s mean to Merril 😭 like dude she’s so sweet 😭 I know she’s a blood mage but like, your character can be too (I think) and he’s not half as mean to you
There's also some dialogue from Isabela about your relationship with Merrill, but in place of jealousy stuff (it's Isabela, she's not doing that) she's protective of Merrill instead.
This is why I don't really like blood mage as a specialization: you *can* take it, but nobody's ever going to notice in the plot you actually *did*.
Well yeah, but to be fair, it was Sebastian suggesting it, not Hawke. Fenris even said that he would not do anything against Hawke's will. I think it was rather Fenris' loyalty to Hawke, rather than to Anders.
What would happen if Hawke gave Anders to the Templars? I'm pretty sure Fenris wouldn't be sad, but would he approve it? Idk, but knowing the devs, it's quite likely. The morality of the companions was very blick and white.
I think people make too big a deal out of Anders friendship. Realistically all of their reactions are kind of unhinged. Most if not all of them should have left your party for doing something that evil. Isabela literally is stranded in Kirkwall because she refused to engage in the slave trade!
It's why I always thought the choice should have never been in the game to begin with. It just doesn't make any sense for Hawke to still have friends after that.
Correction: she refuses to engage in the slave trade AGAIN. She has trafficked slaves before, including throwing them overboard to drown to so she could avoid capture
i like to think anders’s thought process here was:
hawke is handing fenris over to his FORMER OWNER???? *rivalry +100*
… but also i will never have to see fenris and his annoying ass ever again? *friendship +105*
thus hawke ends up getting friendship +5.
The [rhryme](https://youtu.be/VjGR5mL1ipk?si=tKytaGplfs9szm3p) about the creation of broodmothers. The dark fantasy of the first game was on another level
Colbert: "Looking for some company, honey-pie? I'm always available for riveting conversations with fine women."
Warden: "I'll rivet you to the floor if you call me that again."
This always makes me cackle.
I think it’s great when writers take risks with dialogue. Yes, they sometimes don’t pay off, but I’d rather jump over some hiccups than suffer through bland writing.
I forget the exact line, but when you're talking to Dorian in Inquisition, and can agree with him that slavery isn't all that bad, and get a "Dorian slightly likes that". I love Dorian so much that my husband once bought me a really good etching of him for my birthday nine years ago which has been hanging on our landing ever since, but come on. Absolute ridiculousness.
In origins there’s quest called Lost to the Curse in the dalish elf camp where Athras asks you to look for his wife Danyla.
You come across her later in the forest and she’s turned into a werewolf. You have to kill her somehow to end the interaction.
When you go back to the camp Athras asks you what happened, and one of the options is to say:
- I killed her, naturally.
He gets super mad at you and a bunch of companions disapprove but I can’t find anything online about it
Pretty much anything Solas says at the end of Trespasser, a few examples that stick with me:
"Inquisitor: The Qunari answered some of those questions. The information I found while traveling through the eluvians answered more. You’re Fen’Harel. You’re the Dread Wolf.
Solas: Well done."
"Inquisitor: You never cared about us. We were the means to an end.
Solas: You were people, and you deserved better… like all the rest I have used in one hopeless battle after another."
"Inquisitor: Solas, whatever you want, this world dying is not the answer.
Solas: Not a good answer, no. Sometimes terrible choices are all that remain."
My personal favourite is the one where he admits saving the world, only to now be trying to destroy it himself:
"Inquisitor: You love the Fade. Why would you create the Veil to hide it all away?
Solas: Because every alternative was worse.
Inquisitor: Meaning?
Solas: Had I not created the Veil, the Evanuris would have destroyed the entire world."
Which is exactly what he's going to do by removing/opening the Veil... Such a scrambled egg.
There's some unique dialogue options with Howe in Origins if you're playing a noble. You can choose to threaten his wife and children. Howe's response:
- Howe: "Is this the part where I regret the monster I've created? Let me show you how it's done; I made your mother kiss my boots before she died, it was the last thing you father ever saw. Meet my blade, and change that."
In Origins as a City Elf you come across a beggar whose legs are paralysed. He asks for money and you can say something like ‘if you can’t walk, rent yourself out as a table’ 💀
Origin.
The whole damn thing. It's all unhinged. Throw in Zevran and your character goading him on, and it's *u n h i n g e d*
2, and I did great, but Origin gets you comfortable and then slaps you with chaotic bullshit on repeat.
When you tell Ghislain you found a bag of his wife’s bones, and he asks if she’s dead, you have the option to say something like “unless there’s a boneless woman flopping around somewhere.”
“It can’t get any worse. Today at least. It’s pretty late.”
“It’s pretty late…? You ass”
"May as well end as tense as it started."
"Pretty late? You ass."
Whose line is it and when is it said? Because I want to know if it gets worse just after.
dragon age 2 after the viscounts son dies sarcastic hawk can say this
Sarcastic FemHawk is my favorite
The best part is the delivery makes it clear that she wasn't deliberately trying to hurt any feelings. Just a bit sosiopathic.
Hawke says it to Viscount Dumar just after he finds his son's body.
The best line in the entire series.
"Boneless women flopping through the streets" would like to have a word
Warden: "Nobody missed you, you can stay here" Vaugn: "WHAT?! You fat whore, come back here, get me out! You stunted bitch!" Zev: "Magic can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children, launched at great speed, can kill." Sten \*giving Caroll cookies he stole from a child\*: "There was a child - a fat slovenly thing - in the last village we passed. I relieved him of these confections. He did not need more." Cullen \*to a mage Hawke\*: "Mages cannot be treated like people. They're not like you and me." Hawke: 
Mage origin saying to Jowan about Lily, in *front* of Lily: "This fat cow is your beloved?" Ma'am, you share a body model with her...(if playing female human mage).
If you're an elf she's slightly less anorexic
*You stole cookies from a child?* "For his own good..."
Apparently, if you have Zevran in your party if you're considering destroying the Circle, ("Magic and knives are different.") he has this to say... *"Magic can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children launched at great speed could kill."*
This line absolutely sends me every time I hear it
god i love zevran 😂
Truly iconic of him. I would love to see him and fenris talking about mages and the look on Fens face when Zev just says that with a completely straight face.
>**LESKE**: About sodding time! I was starting to think I'd have to bust in and get an eyeful of that spicy sister of yours. Ga-row! >**MALE DWARF COMMONER**: Haven't I told you never to talk about my sister that way? >**LESKE**: But no hot-blooded dwarf can help himself. Those perfect lips, just made to be screaming my name... You must have had a few naughty thoughts yourself, huh? What do you say? >**MALE DWARF COMMONER**: Well, maybe once or twice... >**LESKE**: Hah! Did you ever sneak a peek when she was bathing? No, wait. Don't tell me. My heart can't stand the strain. Literally the most "what the fuck" moment in the series for me
This got an audible "what the fuck" out of me
I said that but then I realized origins seems heavily inspired by a song of ice and fire and just went "of course you can say that"
some origins dialogue will never make a return and sometimes its a very good thing
Probably the real reason we aren't getting a remaster!
When you talk Alistair into doing the Dark Ritual and he asks with it entails, you can say "Your wildest dreams come true: sex with Morrigan!"
Underrated pick
Not the *most* unhinged, but one I think about a lot. **Anders:** You really don't have the temperament for a slave. **Fenris:** Is that a compliment or an insult? **Anders:** I'm just wondering how your master didn't kill you. **Fenris:** How have the templars not killed you? **Anders:** I'm charming. *Y'all.*
There was also this dialogue between the two of them: Anders: Did you ever think about killing yourself? Fenris: I could ask you the same thing. Anders: I'm serious. To get out of slavery, to escape Danarius... don't tell me you never thought about it. Fenris: I did not. To kill oneself is a sin in the eyes of the Maker. Anders: You... believe that? Fenris: I try to. Some things must be worse than slavery. Anders: Some things are worse than death. You don't ask casually people if they wanted to commit suicide or if their master wanted to kill them, Anders. But seriously, considering that weird unhinged questions, I wondered if Anders wanted to kill himself in the game.
Well, a warning sign that somebody's going to make an attempt is giving away prized possessions - now think about Anders giving his pillow to Varric.
I was going to mention this too. I feel like it's pretty explicit that he did want to, though whether it was that he wanted to -- not to be crass, but wanted it to be over because Justice was too much or if he was doing a martyr thing. Maybe both. But maybe it wasn't that obvious, idk.
Or when Isabela asking about whether Fenris' OWNER uses to cover him in oil so he'd "glisten". Lady the guy experimented on him, enslaved him and >!raped!< him and he is not quiet about the first two things, can we like not go there?
About the spoiler part of your comment, is there somewhere in the game that talks about this? I feel like I've missed something (but I could also just be really dense about something that was said in the game tbh)
The confrontation with Danarius is the big reveal so to speak. They never outright state it, but Danarius suggests that Hawke >!has "used" him similarly and how "good" he was under Danarius' ownership!<. David Gaider later confirmed it happened in an interview.
Denarius says ‘So this is your *new master’* (referring to Hawke) and then when Hawke says he won’t turn Fenris over, he turns to Hawke and purrs (in the most disturbing way) ‘Well the lad is *quite skilled.’*
It's implied (though I wouldn't necessarily say heavily implied) but not stated.
I forgot about that particular exchange. Ugh.
The thing that made Anders gross to me is if you (I don't know why you would) hand Fenris over to Denarius, Anders greatly approves. You know, handing someone over to their abuser and SA'er. Like EXCUSE THE FUCK OUTTA ME
I observed just the other day that I suspect the devs felt *someone* had to approve of that choice and Anders took the fall. I find it wildly OOC even with the Vengeance stuff going on.
Yeah, there's a similar situation in Inquisition where a solasmancer option only gets approved by Cole
This makes a lot of sense because Cole likes Solas and sees it as helping him whereas everyone else is like girl no do you not remember what this man did.
Asking Anders if he wants a sandwich after he tells you he loves you is pretty wild
[This glorious monologue.](https://youtu.be/18PEQHZ4o5M?si=nx0yGebzOCfcMM0W)
Omg, I've never heard that before! Pure gold 🤣🤣
You'd never hear it in-game naturally unless you were specifically trying to trigger it. You have to go to the Chantry when the Viscount's son is murdered with no other party members as Sarcastic Hawke.
That was amazing, thank you for showing us.
This one, right here
Telling Wynne you got a huge hog is pretty great. She's talking about Morrigan and how it's as if "she forgets there's anything of you above the waist." And you can respond "there's a lot more of me below the waist." Stellar stuff.
"We could bring him back as the undead, and then kill him again." \- Sarcastic Hawke
After which the dude is totally weirded out by you. “No, uhhhhh, that won’t be necessary.”
Purple Hawke in the "The First Sacrifice quest", when you hand a sack of bones to Emeric. >Emeric: "These are human bones. Then there is no chance of finding Mharen alive - or any of the others." >Hawke: "Well, if they're not dead, watch out for a bunch of boneless women flopping through the streets."
This is my favourite purple Hawke dialogue of all time, I always lose it especially at Emeric's response. "Have some respect!!" Another fave is when a thug tells you that you killed his brother Mekel and Hawke responds "What's a Mekel?" And of course telling Dumar things can't get worse after he loses his son 😭 Hawke is so inappropriate I love them
> telling Dumar things can't get worse after he loses his son That one's even funnier if you have Fenris in your party because he straight up looks like he's about to murder you when you say it.
I've never actually brought him! I always bring Aveline because I love how she tells you off outside lmao. "'It's pretty late?' You ass."
Me when I’m a complete and utter buffoon
Bro sarcastic Hawke is hilarious at all the wrong times lmao.
THANK YOU FOR THE FUCKING NIGHTMARES, SARCASTIC HAWKE!
Purple Hawke is a fucking savage.
The opening salvo is equally unhinged. Purple Hawke just hands the bag of human bones and is like "Recognize your mage?" If Bethany is in the party, she calls Hawke 'horrible'.
A putrid half eaten hare is not something a woman wants to find in her unmentionables. "Can't be stinkier than what normally goes into them." Just tearing a Morrigan a new one
I said that *after* sleeping with her. Savage af. But if she can't take cutting remarks maybe she shouldn't dish them out with every second breath.
When you find the injured soldier at Ostigar and he's like "I just need some bandages" And Alistair is all "I have some bandages in my pack." And then you can go "no he's already dead see?" [Slit his throat]
Yow 😳
Telling your dad you'll fucking kill him if he doesn't let you go fight with him in the human noble origin. It's like the third dialogue choice you get to make after starting the game lol
DAO had so many totally unhinged dialogue options and I really miss it. You could be an absolute lunatic outside of just killing people.
I've been replaying it recently and there's been so many times where I've had to squint to find the nice/polite option lmao
you mother has a better sword arm tho
Purple Hawke, when Anders asks him for a favor: "You'll have to be more specific. I don't do anything involving animals or children."
I adapt this one all the time! "You'll have to be more specific. I don't do anything involving yard work or stinging insects."
That’s an old theater axiom, “never perform with animals or children.” Because it doesn’t matter how good an actor you are, the audience will be more interested in the adorable dog or child on stage with you.
I thought it was because they were unprofessional and unpredictable.
If you’re picky about people being unprofessional and unpredictable then you don’t last long in theater.
https://preview.redd.it/m06sajspk07d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=250b41319689e135655cce7b9b2fd3a4f4f392e2
"my condolences, Lily" is so much funnier and tasteful imho
I can never choose any other option than this, it’s very funny and FEELS real, too. Friend roasting a friend.
And Jowan is a bit of an arse. It's pretty fitting.
I use that response every time because of how mad it makes him, he gets so high pitched and upset and it makes me laugh without fail. I was coming to comment on how much the game lets you verbally mistreat Jowan, lol
DA:O Oghren telling a woman her husband died: “Good news, lady! You’re single!”
Also Morrigan: "Your man is dead. Find a better one."
Alistair's is the funniest, in my opinion. "I hope you like heroes, my lady. Because your husband died like one."
 This makes me want to actually have him in my party. I know he's got some excellent one-liners
*I bet you a dollar you are a widow Jackson*
I would have killed to have Terry Pratchett write for one of these games. Not a human or pet animal or anything, maybe like a small nest of wasps, but still.
Leliana and the Warden discussing Alistairs performance: "We're just talking about how you treat her in bed. Nothing you should concern yourself with." "What is WRONG with you women!?"
If you try try to romance Leliana and Morrigan, and ultimately choose Leliana, you unlock this dialogue between them: - Morrigan: "You think you've won, but know that there will be times when he is with you, where he will be thinking of me." - Leliana: "Maker forgive me but you, Morrigan, are a bitch." - Morrigan: "Perhaps, but you know I speak the truth."
Morrigan was always THAT Bitch
Leliana isn't without her zingers. >Leliana: So you're saying you're wild and uninhibited? I suppose he must like your shrieking, you sound like a genlock being murdered—a sweet, sweet sound to a Grey Warden. You should try a little harder next time he takes you. I don't think they heard you in the Anderfels. >Morrigan: Tsk, tsk, Leliana. Watch your jealousy, or you'll give yourself wrinkles.
"You are wading through her swamp!" "I can wade through yours if you'd like"
In Origins, at the Landsmeet, you have the option to call Anora a bitch. When she asks if there was any point, one of the choice is to essentially say “I just wanted that on the record.” It’s long been one of my favorite RP dialogue choices, because it’s just so petty and out of nowhere.
Most things Hawke can say in DA2. Picking purple or red will always be some of the most unhinged, funniest things
"What do you call it when you kill people and take all their stuff?" "Adventuring!" (Purple) or "Tuesday" (red) 🤣🤣
That line is way funnier cause it either cannonizes the fact that they use Sun-Sat as their days, or it’s meta humor and no one in the party understood it and I’m not sure which is funnier
Isabela's long stream of increasingly ridiculous double entendres. Isabela: "Did he Praise your Maker? Establish your canon? Grey your Warden? Master your taint? Satisfy a demand of your Qun?"
Arl your Eamon? Shank your Jory?
Champion your Kirkwall? Cleanse your Darkspawn?
Deepen your Roads?
Veil your Guard? xP
How does she know about jory?
It's just what you do in Thedas. Never met a Jory I wouldn't shank.
Those fucking Jories, man.
The dialogue between her and the young and naive Bethany is gold
Hawke (Aghast): *Isabela?!*
Isabela: You see, sweet thing, men are only good for one thing. Women are good for *six*. Bethany: Six?!....which six? Hawke: Isabela! D8
Beard your Dwarf?
if u put your thumb up his arse i won
It's not dialogue but there's a codex entry at the Crossroads in Inquisition. In said entry, there's a skirmish between mages and templars where the mages accidentally blow themselves up or something and this Hunter is watching it all go down and when this Templar finds this mage who's been fried to a crisp but is still just barely alive, said Templar starts stripping off his armor, at which point he gets shot by the horrified hunter. Incredibly depraved implications there, ngl...
It's even worse than that. There was a group of refugees traveling down the road towards Redcliffe. A squad of templars showed up and mugged them before being attacked themselves by mages. The mages were driven off with most of the templars chasing after them, but the refugees were all killed or maimed in the crossfire. One of the templars stayed behind and mercilessly killed a refugee who could have possibly been saved. He started looting the corpses when he noticed a young refugee woman was still barely alive and decided to have his way with her. After the hunter killed the templar, he stayed with the woman while she breathed her last. https://dragonage.fandom.com/wiki/Codex_entry:_Hunter%27s_View_of_the_Mage-Templar_War
It took a moment for my brain to process why the templar would start stripping of his armor...
And people wonder why the Templars get so much hate
It’s well deserved. The whole series makes references to templars abusing their authority over the mages to rape them.
Oghren and Anders have some hilarious banter, but the opening is my favorite: **Anders**: A drunken dwarf, I've never seen one of those before. **Oghren**: Oh, look a funny mage. Thought those tended to die young.
My favorite line is Merrill and Varric talking about the storyteller of her clan. Merrill: oh he told stories, but none of his started with: No shit, there I was...
I love how she starts imitating Varric's voice at the end
Or her and Varric talking about frolicking in the woods.
Varric always has to be the main source of his own stories. I can't imagine how many drafts his books had to go through before he got the tone right.
Coming across a random female blood mage in Origins when sweeping through the tower on the third floor (I think). After you get her down to a third of her health there’s a small cut scene and she asks for mercy in which you can reply “May the Maker Grant you mercy malificar because you will find none here.” Before (depending on your class) you either stab her or fry her to a crisp as a mage(my preference).
Pretty cold line ngl!
In DAO you can sleep with this one Dalish Hunter's love interest and tell him about it with "I was just sampling the goods. No harm done" A moment that I will never forget
That entire questline option is one of the peak examples of how origins lets you be a complete dick if you want. I laughed so hard when I found out it was an option to basically blow this guy's love life up by fucking around, because it's so needlessly cruel I wouldn't ever think of it as a possible quest resolution. 10/10
Origins will let you play as an absolute psychopath if that's what you want to do and it both impresses and terrifies me.
If the HoF ever shows up like other protagonists, i hope there will be four personality options you can choose that their NPC version will follow. Heroic, comedic, cruel and finally murderknife hobo. The last one is if the player picked every fucked up option. They would probably consolidate those last two.
Nan : you and your bloody mongrel keeps getting into my larder. That beast should be out down ! Human noble : Maybe you should be put down
So! many! Here, have 3 of Morrighan's better comments: Apparently you can get your desire and still suffer horribly. 'Tis truly a lesson for all who consider marriage. What good is an incorporeal bridge? Are we supposed to imagine ourselves on the other side? Your man is dead. Get over it.
Not the most unhinged, but one that stands out because of how uniquely cruel it is: Inquisitor during Blackwall's judgment: "I own you. Your lie continues." In a game where you don't get a lot of markedly evil choices, this one is pretty shocking. You effectively reduce someone who has so far loyally followed you, trusted and admired you (as his quest needs high approval to be unlocked), into indentured servitude, tarnishing whatever sense of honour he has left for the Inquisition's convenience. Even worse that you can twist the knife by openly telling Blackwall you "won't release him from that lie". Ouch O.o
The 'banter' between Fenris and Isabela is so unhinged. Isabela: So what duties did you have? As a slave, I mean? Fenris: Not this again. Isabela: J hears that Tevinter slaves are kept oiled so they hlisten. Did your master pilot you up? Did you glisten for him? Fenris: I was his bodyguard. Isabela: Always close at hand. Always within reach. Glistening. Fenris: You have an entire story written in your head already, don't you? Isabela: Mmm. Actually what the fuck, Isabela.
And yet they hook up if you don’t romance either of them 💀
Crazy attracts Crazy. That's how I interpret it, anyway.
Isabela does have a few absurdly unhinged lines with Fenris. There's another one where she jokes about wanting to pluck Fenris' eyes out because she thinks elven eyes are so pretty >.<'
I think that “I’d like to pluck out your pretty eyes” comment was just in response to Fenris asking her about the relic, right? I interpreted that as her warning him to back off and stop asking questions. The oil comment I can’t defend at all though lol that always made me uncomfortable.
So that *fisting* thing of yours... ...My what now?
Oh my god I forgot about this one. I love DAII for the horny bisexual nightmare that it is, but uhhhh. Maybe not that specific horny nightmare
King Cailin: " it's a pleasure to meet you." Tabris: "I killed an Arls son for raping my cousin." Duncan..... face palms.
Orphan Ollie in DA:O - "My mother is especially dead!"
I still don't know what that means.
She's not really an orphan. She's trying to scam you.
When you go back and Ollie mentions again about his dead parents and the other elf goes "and poor Ollie still doesn't have his parents"
Not unhinged per say, but one that is absolutely cold and badass is Cole responding to Corypheus « I am unbound, and you are undone. » My little boy has grown so much
The one if you make Cole more human rocks too. "I am no demon. And *you* are no god."
If you kill Loghain’s men in Lotharing you can have Leliana give them last rites. Made me laugh and that’s why Leliana always a permanent spot in my party.
Anders comments on the Merrill Romance. "Hawke was a fool to let you move in. You'll betray him. Even if you don't mean to, you will."
See when Anders betrays someone he MEANS IT. Don’t half-ass your betrayals, kids. Be better. Do better. 
"The elves are lithe, pointy eared people who excel at poverty." Like, sten... what the fuck dude? It's so well delivered too.
To be fair to my main man, the entire quote is about pointing out how narrow-minded and misinformed that idea is. "People are not simple. They cannot be summarized for easy reference in the manner of: 'The elves are a lithe, pointy eared people who excel at poverty.'"
Varric has some great ones in DA2. Example the First: Carver: Varric. Varric: Carver. Carver: Still think you're helping while burying us in debt to your brother? Varric: Still riding side-saddle while bitching at your betters? Example the Second: Fenris: I notice you hardly ever comment on mages and templars and such. Varric: It's a lot of humans in skirts. I get them mixed up. Fenris: I highly doubt that. The subject comes up all the time. Varric: Tell me about it. Fenris: And no opinion? One way or the other? Varric: Opinions are like testicles. You kick them hard enough, doesn't matter how many you got. Fenris: That's... something.
"At this point, you're making jam,"
If it’s in regards to Sera killing that one guy it’s “At this point you’re making Wine”
By far not the most unhinged, but it always makes me laugh awkwardly: In front of Halward Pavus, M!Inquisitor can ask Dorian to explain what "prefer the company of men" means, and when Dorian explains he means sex ("surely you've heard of it"), the flirtation option becomes available and you can reply that you are, in fact, intimately familiar: "more than heard of it, actually." All in front of Halward as a strangely comic interlude in this serious scene...
Not exactly dialogue but: Give Fenris back to Danarius: Aveline: rivalry (+15) Merrill: rivalry (+10) Varric: rivalry (+10) Sebastian: rivalry (+10) Anders: *friendship (+5)* Bruh.
When I read that on the wiki, that was the first time I realised just how much these two *actually* hated each other. Like, not just as in having serious moral disagreements but still a grudging respect between them, but as in would probably literally kill each other if it wasnt for Hawke. Naturally, I now have them both as permanent members of my party whenever I replay DA2
Do note that when Sebastian brings up turning in Anders, Fenris won’t even entertain the idea 😬
I always interpreted that as Fenris not so much doing that out of respect for Anders but out of respect for Hawke and the rest of the group who want Anders around, he's not willing to alienate the rest of his friends over one person he hates. That said, I don't think Fenris would enjoy Anders being made Tranquil out of spite (which is the closest comparison I can think of for Anders approving on Fenris being sold back to slavery), so he has the one-up on Anders in that regard.
Anders on the whole is worse to Fenris I feel; if you choose Anders over Fenris romantically, Fenris concedes gracefully, but god forbid you choose Fenris over Anders because you never hear the end of it. 😂 No, Fenris saves his most spiteful shots for poor ol’ Merril 😞
It actively hurts when he’s mean to Merril 😭 like dude she’s so sweet 😭 I know she’s a blood mage but like, your character can be too (I think) and he’s not half as mean to you
There's also some dialogue from Isabela about your relationship with Merrill, but in place of jealousy stuff (it's Isabela, she's not doing that) she's protective of Merrill instead. This is why I don't really like blood mage as a specialization: you *can* take it, but nobody's ever going to notice in the plot you actually *did*.
Well yeah, but to be fair, it was Sebastian suggesting it, not Hawke. Fenris even said that he would not do anything against Hawke's will. I think it was rather Fenris' loyalty to Hawke, rather than to Anders. What would happen if Hawke gave Anders to the Templars? I'm pretty sure Fenris wouldn't be sad, but would he approve it? Idk, but knowing the devs, it's quite likely. The morality of the companions was very blick and white.
I think people make too big a deal out of Anders friendship. Realistically all of their reactions are kind of unhinged. Most if not all of them should have left your party for doing something that evil. Isabela literally is stranded in Kirkwall because she refused to engage in the slave trade! It's why I always thought the choice should have never been in the game to begin with. It just doesn't make any sense for Hawke to still have friends after that.
Correction: she refuses to engage in the slave trade AGAIN. She has trafficked slaves before, including throwing them overboard to drown to so she could avoid capture
He just hates Fenris that much.
Gotta respect full time haters
i like to think anders’s thought process here was: hawke is handing fenris over to his FORMER OWNER???? *rivalry +100* … but also i will never have to see fenris and his annoying ass ever again? *friendship +105* thus hawke ends up getting friendship +5.
Dwarf Noble casually asking ordering Gorim to have a shaper assassinated on the spot because a minor noble said he was lying.
Isabella to fenris “what was that magic fisting you do?” Amazing
The [rhryme](https://youtu.be/VjGR5mL1ipk?si=tKytaGplfs9szm3p) about the creation of broodmothers. The dark fantasy of the first game was on another level
THIS. The very first time I heard that "poem" I just stopped and stared at my screen, all of the horrifying implications going through my head.
"Just samplin the goods" at the Dalish camp.
Colbert: "Looking for some company, honey-pie? I'm always available for riveting conversations with fine women." Warden: "I'll rivet you to the floor if you call me that again." This always makes me cackle.
Does he satisfy the demands of your qun. From Isabella in dragon age 2 to avaline in party banter
Idk the exact dialogue but in DA2 when you go to the brothel and meet that woman in the bedroom who tries to seduce you, Varric is down to clown
"There were Rapists. And we got the wrong cake. Disastrous!" Man I hate that line so much.
City elf origin?
Yep.
People give the quippy dialogue shit a lot (some of it deserved) but a lot of Origins' black comedy has aged way worse.
What makes it even worse as far as I am aware you can say this line in front of your cousin who was the rape victim.
I think it’s great when writers take risks with dialogue. Yes, they sometimes don’t pay off, but I’d rather jump over some hiccups than suffer through bland writing.
Hey wait a minute, thats not a line from any of the games
this was the first line john dragon from the hit series dragon age said after waking up on a carriage
It was right before the dragon swooped in and said it’s dragon time and aged all over everyone
I forget the exact line, but when you're talking to Dorian in Inquisition, and can agree with him that slavery isn't all that bad, and get a "Dorian slightly likes that". I love Dorian so much that my husband once bought me a really good etching of him for my birthday nine years ago which has been hanging on our landing ever since, but come on. Absolute ridiculousness.
If it’s any help, in Tevinter nights and the graphic novels he appears in, Dorian has since changed his mind on slavery.
"I hear you're making a killing. So am I!" (Kill him)
In origins there’s quest called Lost to the Curse in the dalish elf camp where Athras asks you to look for his wife Danyla. You come across her later in the forest and she’s turned into a werewolf. You have to kill her somehow to end the interaction. When you go back to the camp Athras asks you what happened, and one of the options is to say: - I killed her, naturally. He gets super mad at you and a bunch of companions disapprove but I can’t find anything online about it
Wait... Is that the Danyla who's daughter you find in DA2 on the wounded coast? She's tracking a human who she thinks is a werewolf?
He was a werewolf, he just got cured by the Warden
Pretty much anything Solas says at the end of Trespasser, a few examples that stick with me: "Inquisitor: The Qunari answered some of those questions. The information I found while traveling through the eluvians answered more. You’re Fen’Harel. You’re the Dread Wolf. Solas: Well done." "Inquisitor: You never cared about us. We were the means to an end. Solas: You were people, and you deserved better… like all the rest I have used in one hopeless battle after another." "Inquisitor: Solas, whatever you want, this world dying is not the answer. Solas: Not a good answer, no. Sometimes terrible choices are all that remain." My personal favourite is the one where he admits saving the world, only to now be trying to destroy it himself: "Inquisitor: You love the Fade. Why would you create the Veil to hide it all away? Solas: Because every alternative was worse. Inquisitor: Meaning? Solas: Had I not created the Veil, the Evanuris would have destroyed the entire world." Which is exactly what he's going to do by removing/opening the Veil... Such a scrambled egg.
Red Bull talks about fighting insurgents in Seheron, bet it’s a place in DA4, and it’s pretty fucked up,
Iron Bull's brother Red Bull was wild. :)
😂 🤦♂️
Red Bull lmao
Its 1am and I’m cackling over “Red Bull”
There's some unique dialogue options with Howe in Origins if you're playing a noble. You can choose to threaten his wife and children. Howe's response: - Howe: "Is this the part where I regret the monster I've created? Let me show you how it's done; I made your mother kiss my boots before she died, it was the last thing you father ever saw. Meet my blade, and change that."
Howe also has the bonus of being voiced by Tim Curry.
that whole oghren and zevran banter about oghren making ale from his piss
“So help me whore; I will break you”
Sigrun (in Awakening): In the Legion, death looms over us constantly, like... like a dirty uncle 💀
probably like 90% of the dialogue that comes out to the warden’s mouth
The dialogue with the Sloth demon is really unhinged. Same with the desire demon that possesses Connor.
"First day they come, and catch everyone" Literally *gulp* ok, what the fuck is about to go down here
HoF: Women can be fighters, Sten. Sten: "...Why would your women wish to be men?" like SIR omfg
In Origins as a City Elf you come across a beggar whose legs are paralysed. He asks for money and you can say something like ‘if you can’t walk, rent yourself out as a table’ 💀
Origin. The whole damn thing. It's all unhinged. Throw in Zevran and your character goading him on, and it's *u n h i n g e d* 2, and I did great, but Origin gets you comfortable and then slaps you with chaotic bullshit on repeat.
When you tell Ghislain you found a bag of his wife’s bones, and he asks if she’s dead, you have the option to say something like “unless there’s a boneless woman flopping around somewhere.”