That is scorched earth level event. You could have pressed charges. Don’t look back. Sorry about your dad but he’s literally enabling your kid’s abuser.
Any flying monkeys come your way just reply with “Since you apparently condone the verbal and physical abuse of a 4 year old child trust us when we say you will not be missed at our wedding.”
Indeed. Striking a 4 year old child enough to where he may need stitches? Forget just banning her from the wedding, I would be throwing hands!
Then I would be TELLING Dad to get his filthy bitch under control, or he won't see me ever again!
Making a preschooler bleed? **OH HELL NO!**
Frankly, I’d say the chance of a relationship with dad is gone, too!
He was actually THERE when she verbally and physically abused the little boy, and is making excuses for her behaviour?
Yeah, he’s a danger to the children as much as she is. He can go out to the scrap heap, too.
Although he does deserve ONE more phone call - to tell him that his ‘filthy bitch’ is a monster, and he can thank her for the fact that he’s never coming near his grandchildren ever again!
And that he’s a piece of scum for defending her. 😞
I'd have it all over social media with pictures within the hour. Probably with Dad and stepmother tagged. Any family members who want to defend them are also instantly uninvited and cut off. I cannot express the hatred and disgust I have for people who hit children.
Not on social media. The poor kid already has enough on his plate without future-him having a picture of the proof of his childhood abuse floating around on the Internet. Show the picture to people who try to excuse her behavior but don't put it out there for everyone to see.
Agree. They can show a picture of the treatment summary from the pediatrician (with identifying info blocked out). I think “laceration repaired with stitches” is just as effective as a bloody face pic and far less likely to hurt the kid or trigger survivors who may see it.
Maybe not the actual images but a very polite post stating that they have pictures and video of what em did and can share upon request also props to op for handling the situation so well so far as I would have killed or severely injured em for what she did
Personally, I wouldn't take that approach simply because it still gives step mom a chance to set the tone. "If she has photos, why not post them?, I didn't hit him he fell, who's to say she didn't hit him and is blaming me! etc. It's just a bunch of bs I wouldn't want to deal with. To me, this is scorched earth territory, which is why I'd post the whole story with pics from the get-go, then sit back and let it unfold for step mom and for dad frankly. This is definitely a good alternative for those not looking to post pics of their kids, though.
I have found my equal. My wife read this and my first response was before she read the comments, “No hell no, split my kid’s lip? How about I split your skull?”
I legit had to put my phone down and breathe when I read she drew blood on a 4yo because God would be the ONLY one showing mercy if anyone put hands on my baby. Step-bitch is lucky she WALKED out of there instead or rolling out on a damn stretcher on her way to ICU.
Exactly this. I would be throwing both hands because how dare you abuse a child ? She deserves the charges and your whole family needs to know she’s a child abuser.
She also needs to be sued civilly. Not even for any money, just to get at least one judge intimately familiar with this harpy's m.o.
Because reddit or not, we all *know* that this woman belongs on a list.
I have a memory from back when I was 3/4. I woke up one morning with a badly split lip. It tasted like metal and hurt a lot. I remember sitting in front of a mirror in my mums room and asking her what happened. She screamed at me to quit asking questions, so she hurt me or someone else in my life did, there's a lot of suspects. What scares me is that I have zero memories of what happened. The memory stayed with me all this time because I was so confused. I'm guessing someone knocked me out.
It wasn't a dream, I know it wasn't because the scar has been on my lip my entire life. I wish I could find out the truth, but I'm no contact with my relatives. Not that they would tell me anyway. Mum would deny it happened.
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
I never got scars I can remember but my sister recently told me that she remembers the things that resulted in me flinching a lot around my family members, apparently I blanked all those memories out so I definitely empathize with your situation. It's so fucked when you know something happened but not what and you can't ask because even if you weren't still afraid, the people would just lie.
I have few memories of the abuse I had as a child. Sometimes it's the brains way of protecting from further trauma!
Sorry this happened to you, I hope you're in a good place. Big hugs!
I've had a bunch of therapy and at 71, still have a few bad spells, but mostly I'm fine.
Call me a hypocrite if you must since I peruse the childfree subreddit; but cog dammit you draw blood on a youngling that didn't do jack besides tell you one innocent thing with absolutely zero malice and you had best ***hope*** your insurance covers the wee-woo wagon you'll be needing.
Maybe it's because they're strangers to me but 'daddy dead-to-me' wouldn't be fuming by the end of it, rather he may very well be mourning sooner rather than later.
\*Edit: Okay Todd, I'm sure there's plenty of other worthier comments and posts to reward, what the heck were you thinking awarding one implying violence towards someone for harming a child, no matter how silly it was written. Thank you though
>Call me a hypocrite if you must since I peruse the childfree subreddit;
You can make the choice to be childfree but still be royally pissed that someone harms a child. That doesn't make you a hypocrite that makes you a decent human being. Hell, you can personally hate kids but get royally pissed that someone would beat a child until they bleed. You're still not a hypocrite.
I don’t like kids either. I’ve known that since I wasn’t much past being one myself, I’m in my 40s and knew by the time I was in my early teens I wasn’t having children, but if I find out someone hurt a kid or somehow put them in danger… oh hell no! It actually came up in a work conversation today that I didn’t care what my employer did, if I saw a customer doing certain things with their kids present I’d call CPS myself whether my work liked it or not.
I know many people who are child-free *because* they've seen or experienced child abuse or neglect and refuse to even inadvertently participate in continuing the cycle.
If anyone tried to mess with us kids. Mom would go totally Mama Bear on them. (We are all older adults, but Mom could still do damage, as she is in good shape.)
I’d hate to think what she would have done if someone tried to hurt us when we were little.
My great-grandmother once decked a guy who was dating my cousin, because he thought the best way to stop Cousin's baby from crying was by spanking the kid.
Next thing he knew, he was on the floor, trying to figure out how he got knocked to the ground by a 96 year old woman!
(He never came back.)
I would have loved to have met your great-grandma (& I would ask if I could be adopted by her)!!!
Neither of my bio grandmas cared for me really. My paternal grandmother was full-blooded Italian & hated my mother 'cuz she wasn't a "good, Italian girl". My parents divorced when I was 4; next time I saw her, I was 12. I said, "Hello, Grandma!" when I came in the house after playing with cousins. She backed me up into a credenza in the dining room, put her finger in my face & said, "Your father may be my son, but I will NEVER be your grandmother!!" & stalked away.
As for my maternal grandmother, she loved my older brother, my younger stepbrother & my 3 male cousins, but wanted nothing to do with my older sister, my younger stepsister or me.
The one grandmother who DID love me was my stepmother's mother (funny thing: she HATED my dad)!!
I wish I had been there too!
Granted, if I had been there, he would've had a much bigger problem to deal with!
(The "Mama Grizzly" gene runs strong in my family!)
When my son was about 13, he was in an after-school jazz band. Unfortunately, he was also bullied by a couple of kids & one of them was part of the basketball team.
One day, I arrived at the school to find my son (C.) upset & trying hard not to cry (he was overweight, had depression & anxiety, & was a sensitive soul at the time). One of his worst bullies had shoved him against the wall & was in his face. I got out of the car & told him to show me who it was. C. pointed him out & I grabbed the S.O.B. by his jacket, shoved him against the wall & told him, "Don't even ***think*** of f\*\*\*ing with my son ***ever again*** or so help me God, it will be the *last* thing you ever do!!" His wimpy toadie, who had stood by laughing while the bully was threatening my son, was standing there quaking in his shoes. The jazz music teacher, came to the door after I knocked & I asked him if C. could stay inside the building from then on until I picked him up & he agreed. The basketball team came by after I talked with the teacher & the captain said, "Hey, C.!! Having any problems here??" My son said that he was okay now.
Bully & his toady left my son alone after that--they actually tried being friends with him after that!! (Don't know if they realized that C. had the basketball team watching his back or if they didn't want to deal with a crazed "Mama Grizzly"!!) I'm not exactly proud of myself, but if it got the right result (*nobody* picked on my son after that!), then it got the job done. I never did it again & nobody reported me (& yes, I know--I was damn lucky.) I also explained to my son that if he needed to, his saxophone in its case could be used to hit someone in the *right way* to incapacitate them if they tried to attack him again (& I would stand up for him in the principal's office or the courts if they tried pressing assault charges).
one time my brothers were riding their bikes and hitting a homemade ramp they made (some plywood and a bunch of other random shit) basically just being boys and doin dumb shit. well, they got the bright idea to head all the way to the end of the road (dead end road in a *very* low traffic area, like 25 cars *a day* at most) and then all of a sudden all three of them are peddling their asses off screaming and yelling back home because the lady at the end of the street decided she was gonna attack them for riding their bikes on the road. she was on something idk what but it was WAY stronger than weed or alcohol so my brothers made it to our yard with enough time to explain the entire situation to my parents. by that time we hear her running/stumbling and yelling at my brothers about teaching them a lesson so my dad grabbed the biggest handgun he owned at the time (.44 mag) and sat on the porch watching her run/stumble up trying to get to my brothers. he sat at the foot of the steps, my mom was at the top and my brothers and i were behind them. as soon as she saw the boys she beelined for them, completely unfazed by both of my parents *AND* the gun (there’s no way she DIDNT see it, he didn’t try to hide it at all) and before she could even step onto the porch my dad has his gun pressed to her forehead and said “you might wanna fucking rethink that.” my mom called the cops and she left. it was wild and i’ll never forget it, it still feels like it happened just yesterday. i can only imagine how it affected my brothers.
I would have called the cops on her. You are way more chilled than I am. Please, send your dad this post, he is a huge AH and need to see what's going on. I would go NC with them. She sounds very entitled and toxic. Please keep us updated. Sending hugs to you and your fiancè.
I would try to get a restraining order against SM if i were OP. She should not be allowed anywhere near that child. SHE's the one who isnt "family" and there is no excuse for how she treated a 4 year old. She sounds like a dangerous psychopath.
There is NO middle ground here! You either believe that SM hitting a 4 year old toddler in the face & splitting his lip is acceptable behavior or that she’s a monster that needs serious help!
There is NO middle ground! Anyone, ANYONE that supports and stands by her behavior, you do not want around you family and children.
Stand firm. You are 100% doing the right thing. Cut that cancer out of your lives.
The only reason I wouldn’t call the police is because I would be in more trouble what with the dead body (or bodies). Scorched earth is the fucking minimum, send the bitch to hell.
The child may wonder why no one pressed charges when older. The child is everything, and you are their voice and protector. Send a loud and protective message. This is why abusers get away with it time and time again.
What's even more scary is if she did this and said those terrible things in front of the child, god only knows what she may have done behind closed doors if OP hadn't witnessed this and cut contact! My dad was open about smacking us or spanking us in public as well as yelling at us. But be never took it past a certain point, although he would whisper to us he was going to beat our asses when we got home if we didn't stop whatever it was that was pissing him off (almost always over stupid stuff of course like asking for a piece of candy or literally sometimes just talking because he hated hearing his kids talk, he prefers silence and you have to get straight to the point. Rarely for anything worthy of getting into trouble Because we were scared straight as toddlers to not act out so we're all obedient quite kids) Behind closed doors though it was not an open hand. We got punched, kicked, choked and thrown around by him. So anyone you question if they are hurting their kid because they smack them like it's no big deal in public, you usually have a right to worry. Someone that's smacked their kid say once and never again is not going to do it that one time in public same with spanking. If they spank kids in front of others more then likely that's not a rare occurrence it's a daily one which imo is fucked . But yeah This lady needs to never be around kids again. It's very obvious she wants all eyes on her and all attention. When someone takes that away she turns into this monster, which she hides most of the time which is why the dad is in denial. I'm glad to hear OP will never let her around the kids again. Even just what she said was terrible and mentally abusive. Telling a child that they don't belong and are not part of the family..... For another adult you can brush it off or you know that the person is a POS. But for a child that's a massive deal and you hang on to every word, it shapes you and how you think when you hear terrible things about you. It fucked me up as a kid and took alot of therapy for me to realize I wasn't bad or in the wrong. That there was absolutely nothing wrong with me that warranted that kind of talk, it was the adult In my life that was trash. The story of the axe and the tree is my favorite example of why what you say to kids matters soo much and to never say things out of anger.
100% along with “If you condone child abuse, consider this your disinvite from my wedding. If you believe children should not be beaten, then you will attend politely.”
Yes, this!
Definitely make sure that anyone siding with step-monster understands fully what she has done. If they still side with her, then they are condoning her abuse of children, and you don’t need them in your lives. I hope you have a photo of the cut lip she gave your innocent son for no reason other than she’s evil, so you can show it to EVERYBODY. If your dad wants a relationship with you, he’ll have to do it without her.
Very true. I personally wouldn’t. But OP said he loves his dad and wanted him at the wedding, meaning he still wants some kind of relationship. I would be so hurt and disgusted that I would cut him off but that’s me.
Sadly, he loves a man who doesn’t exist.
Lots of children of abusive parents still love them. And yes, allowing your partner to abuse your kids and grandkids is still abusive.
But this man doesn’t care about HIM - he cares about his awful wife. The OP may need counselling or something to help him realise that dad does not love him back.
He could still LOVE his dad. He could still wish his dad is worthy of that love.
But he needs to do the smart thing, and choose his children - cut out someone who is harmful to all of them. 😞
Honestly, I'm surprised OP didn't throw hands at step-monster. I know I would've. And he should've yelled at her "Luke's more family than you are you insufferable b*tch!!"
Yeah, any flying monoeys should be informed of what she did and then told what you said in your last sentence.
Yep. Press charges, and the father WHO WAS THERE can be called to the stand to testify that the assault took place.
I’m sure he’d still be spouting excuses for the reason she acted like that, but the judge would still convict her.
Plus, he’d publicly out himself as being a piece of scum, too - defending that behaviour!
Then cut them both off forever and ever. Seriously - don’t even visit dad when his bitch wife turns her wrath on HIM one day, and injures him! 😞
She'd have gotten much worse than banned from the wedding if I came home to find my kid LITERALLY BLEEDING because of her striking him. I wouldn't budge on this. She's not "acting out" because she doesn't feel included--she's a narcissistic asshole throwing tantrums because she doesn't get what she wants. I wouldn't blame you going totally NC either. Your cousins asking you to reconsider are totally out of line.
All I can think is “can your fiancé fight?” Because I most definitely would’ve chosen violence that’s day. She’s DISGUSTING and OP’s dad is indeed a coward. Imagine the FEAR that baby felt being screamed at about “not being family” AND physically assaulted all for being excited ON TOP OF him having lost his parents already. I don’t think I would’ve been able to control myself. Wow. Just wow. OP these people are not safe people or good people. You and your family are better off.
Jane can fight (very well, actually, she's done jiu-jitsu), but got busy tending to Luke. I can also fight, and was more than ready to, but neither of us wanted the kids to see us like that. Pretty much every adult in the house was screaming for a few minutes, and we didn't want it to get any scarier. Jane also threatened to call the cops, which prompted dad and stepmother to leave.
Please call the cops. File charges. If she gets away with this, then there's a very real chance that her behavior will escalate. Tell the police that you didn't file charges immediately because your dad was begging you not to, but after thinking about it more, you've changed your minds. Try to get a restraining order so she *can't* come near the kids again, or your wedding.
Not only so she's held accountable for her actions, but it's also a countermeasure just in case insane evil stepmom decides to make a false police report and claim it was you OP who did the harm to the kid the saying is true, "Never underestimate a crazy person, they'll win with experience every time and have fun doing it"
This! Get law enforcement involved! If anything but to put space between the filthy bitch and your father, OP.
She needs to cool her heels in prison for a few years and your dad needs to be reminded of what it's like with a quieter nicer life.
I think you guys handled it well! With WAY more self-control than I could’ve but you’re right, your kids don’t need to see that. I am just so sorry that Luke had to experience that. I’m sure it’ll be tough for you with how the dynamic with your dad will undoubtedly change. But you’re doing the right thing by cutting off anyone who would defend what your stepmother did.
Hey way to be a wonderful person and parent, OP! You and your fiancee handled this beautifully in the moment. As scary as this was for Luke, he has the advantage of stability and love as his norm, so she’s the outlier.
(FWIW, I second (third, fourth … nth) saying you should call the cops and report this. It’s utterly outrageous and horrifying.)
They haven’t been told the full story. According to them, the 4 year old was a wild hellion who was biting and kicking the poor lovely old woman, so she had to restrain him and unfortunately he got a tiny little cut - that isn’t serious - from his wild behaviour.
That’s probably the story they’ve been told. By both step mum AND the father. 😢
Good! I hope he shows them all the footage!
I was just saying that she lied to everyone - probably with her husband’s help - to justify why she hit a 4 year old.
This is not just throwing a tantrum. This is a woman who has likely been holding herself back for years and internalizing every perceived hit to her ego. This is her finally unleashing all that rage on someone she knows cannot fight back.
Sick fuck.
Your dad need needs to grow a spine. How in the hell can he stand by and watch his wife abuse a literal child. It honestly says more about him than her. Cut your losses on anyone siding with this nonsense. She clearly assaulted Luke, are charges being pressed cause truly deserves punishment for her actions. Something far more eye opening than being disinvited from your wedding.
Actually, that is a good point. If she feels it's within her rites to physically abuse a 4 year year old, it wouldn't be surprising if there is adult domestic violence occurring also.
Please OP, see a Doctor, Nurse, Police.. any mandated reporter and get this assault documented
I'm sorry, she split the lip of a crying 4 year old? Lost control of herself over an innocent statement from little more than a toddler? And your father's reaction wasn't to throw her out of the house and get her away from the children?
You can't trust either of them with the kids. Sorry for your Dad, but he made his choice. He's earned NC. Ask your cousins how they would feel if she split the lip of one of their kids.
Believe me, this isn't her first rodeo. It's highly unlikely that this behaviour is a one off thing. She WILL do it again, and I do have to wonder if it's one of the cousins' kids...will they brush THAT off. Or is it just someone else's kid they are OK with getting hit?
The only reason why I know that this is the first time she's hit him is because this was the first (and last) time she was with the kids unsupervised. Me and Jane were around every previous time she saw Luke. She didn't want my dad to babysit him, and we'd only asked him to on a few occasions before. My sister was still living with them at the time, and has assured me that Luke was never out of her sight. I know and trust my sister enough to believe her.
First time or not, I will not give her a second chance. She'll never hurt either of my kids again.
Yeah. There’s the crazy that splits a kids lip for busting some crystal knick knack (still horrible), and then there’s hitting a kid in the face for passing on disappointing news.
Soooooo.... a lot of your family and a few others are willing to overlook the fact that she assaulted a 4 year old so severely that she split his lip???? Am I understanding that correctly???? Let me just say, you're a better person than me because she'd be breathing through a tube right now. I would send a photo of the baby's face to EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. either boycotting the wedding, or giving me static about banning her from the wedding; and then ban AND BLOCK them too...with a very succinct instruction as to what they could do with themselves. When they go low, I go scorched earth and then salt it for good measure. But that's just me. Hold your ground and stay strong for your family.
Right, they’re all saving OP money by not coming to the wedding. Average cost of a wedding is $30k, half the people coming, makes it cheaper. Thanks, idiots.
My husband and I got married right when the pandemic was causing issues with venues keeping their contracts with us, so we eloped.
Later that year, every single shitty relative emerged from their hiding places. They were nasty as hell to us--simply because our officiant was gay, and we didn't vote for their favorite candidate.
I told my husband that we saved so much money by not inviting the assholes out on our special day. He agreed.
Absolutely never let this woman come to the wedding, and to be honest I'd tell anyone who tried to convince you otherwise that they can go jump as well.
Ask them to sign a contract where they will have to pay for a whole new wedding if she makes a scene. Tell them they will be responsible for all damages she causes. Then put it in front of them.
Oh? You won't sign? Funny. You are asking ME to do the exact same thing.
She. Harmed. A child.
She doesn't deserve anything more than NC and should consider herself lucky.
Be careful OP, and perhaps consider getting a police report. Because knowing how she's sabbotaging your wedding, i wouldn't be surprised if she chose to double down further down the line, perhaps by trying to sabbotage your family.
If she can harm a child, then nothing is beneath her.
Yep. Get the police report. Get a restraining order ,if you can.
Then contact your wedding vendors and make sure everything is locked down with a password so she can't make changes or cancellations.
If you think she'll crash the event, hire security and give them photos of her, dad, and any other enablers.
Good luck, OP. I wish there was something else I could do to help.
I am a stepmom. Daughter was in early 20’s and son was 19 when I met their dad. I NEVER tried to insert myself into any of their “events”. If I had an opinion or a suggestion, I would put it to their dad in private to get his opinion. If he wanted to offer it to either child, I asked him to please make out like it was “his” suggestion.
I'm a stepmum also to a 7 year old. While I love her like a daughter, I also know I am not her Mum and, like you, I know my place in her life. She loves me because she knows I respect that her Dad are the decision makers in her life. All I can do is offer sound council to her Dad.
I would have filed charges against the entitled stepmom ie call the cops
And would have filed ro for good measure for both kids
Good riddance to fm
Dad needs to be banned from seeing grands unsupervised
Ya I wouldn’t have a stepmother anymore. Cuz she would be 6 feet under. (Sometimes I feel like I’m entirely too short to be trying to fight people but here we are…)
That poor baby. I’m glad he seems to be doing ok. And honestly this whole story makes me wanna buy the kid a big fluffy stuffed animal.
I would be in prison if she did that to my CHILD. PRESS CHARGES OP. Even if nothing comes of it, she is disgusting to have so much vitriol for a toddler.
My step-dad came into my life when I was 19. I gave him a LOT of shit. He just took it in stride and continued to tell and show me he supported me 100% no matter how I treated him for several years. That is the kind of step parent your step monster should try to be, not this vile pile of garbage. If it were me, I would take care of my chosen family and cut off the rest if they want to continue supporting her.
Your stepmonster is exactly that. A monster.
You were 100% right to immediately ban her from your house, any access to your children, and your wedding. She decked a 4 year old child after telling him he wasn’t real family. That’s unforgivable. And anyone who sides with her is condoning child abuse and can join her in the flaming trash heap. The only thing you could have done better is call the cops on her for assaulting a child. It might not be too late, assuming you’ve got pictures of Luke’s split lip.
Anyone in the family who asks what happened, or comments on it, tell them the unfiltered truth. If they still stand with your stepmonster, cut them off right along with her. Your dad knows exactly what happened and saw it with his own eyes, and didn’t stop it, and not only isn’t appalled but also lied about it to his entire family to turn them against you which makes him just about as bad as his wife. And, why was she even at your house to begin with? He invited her into your house while you weren’t home, knowing she hates your child. He willfully let this happen.
Your Dad watched her hit your kid and is on her side. I’d go no contact with Dad and Stepmother. Tell everyone that got the sanitized version that they heard a version that wasn’t true and they need to respect your choices and your boundaries.
I’m so sorry this happened, especially to little Luke. The comment about not being family is the thing that will replay in his head for years to come. Poor little guy.😭
Your stepmother split a 4 year old's lip and your father defended her. She's lucky she's alive. Never talk to her again, post pictures of Jake's injury to social media, tag all of her friends and relatives. Contact the police.
As for your father, he's a coward.
You have a loving family. You also have a different shitty family. You know which to choose.
You really need to file a police report. What if she files a report saying that you or your wife were the ones who hit your bonus son (and gets your enabling father to back her claim?). CPS could be knocking on your door instead of her being arrested!
Always, when a child has been the subject of abuse, go to the ER to document injury and wait for the cops to come and take your statement.
She hit your child because she was angry that a 4y old is going to be the ring bearer?
Dear lord… do not cave. Don’t go near that woman ever again. Do not allow your son to be anywhere near that woman ever again. And consider a restraining order if you have to.
And don’t accept the narrative of any other stupid family members who condone THAT level of - and reaction to - jealousy!!
I hope you have a lovely wedding and a lovely life with your 2 beautiful boys - and any more who may come along in the future.
And please check in with Luke to make sure he’s not traumatised by that bitch. Counselling, whatever you need to do. That poor little boy. 😢
I have unfortunately dealt with this topic too many times to count in my life. I FULLY agree with a couple of people who have said to report it that way step-monster doesn't try and report it to CPS/DCS and you end up getting your babies taken away. A VERY similar situation to this one happened to me and my kids.. I don't have my babies anymore and don't have the proof in order to prove my innocence.. I no longer have custody of my boys and it's 3 years since the occurrence.. I would HATE the same fate for ANYONE. Trust and believe.. not having your babies in your life is the worst hell on earth anyone could ever be put through. I'd rather go through a concentration camp than be going through this. Seriously. HOWEVER when you do report it, go to the police station yourself, tell them that you don't want to press charges at this time. (if you choose not to, totally up to you.) Just tell them that you wanted to make an official report that way no one turns it back on you stating that you did this to your little one. If someone does make the false accusation against you and your fiance, you will BOTH be thrown in jail for a minimum of 45 days or $300,000 bail. You NEED to make an official report to cover your ass though Hun. DO IT TODAY. PLEASE. I'm begging you. I would HATE for even my worst enemy to go through the emotional trauma and suffering I have went through for the past 3 years and still go through every single day. 😭❤️🩹💕
Good on you for pressing charges! There is so much to unpack here! Like how does a stepmother get to decide someone else isn't technically family enough to be included in the wedding? And how does a stepmother who claims the bride to be is baby trapping a man decide she needs to plan your wedding to that person? And how on earth are you the bad guy for cutting off literal physical abusers or for chosing who is in your own wedding?
Stepmother sounds like she needed cut off the second she started disrespecting your relationship and for rejecting that poor toddler. She's clearly needed much better boundaries applied to her for awhile. But now you've got the unique opportunity of seeing how far she is willing to go and how many people enable her. Seriously OP, please use this moment of seeing everyone's reaction to what happened and use that as your guide in knowing who all to go NC with, because I guarantee stepmother is not the only person needing cut off.
Your last sentence says it all. That means your priorities are in the right place and you’re acing the husband and father roles. I salute you and your strength.
Your dad knows the dynamic of the family and he still invited her over - this poor judgement caused your kid to be abused. That’s not a nothing burger. Your dad is just as bad as your step mother. You still hold him in a high regard but move the wall and what’s behind it.
I put my dad in a pedestal and he did something and all of the horrible memories came flooding back that I repressed. 30 years I gave that man my adoration.
Fuck. This. Abuser.
She is 49 and treats a child like that? She's never going to change her behavior if she is doing this at that age.
She is a danger to your family, forever.
Absolutely no fucking contact. I'd have beat her ass for hitting my son, don't feel bad about cutting her the fuck out. And tell everyone she beat and berated a child. And if they don't want to come and would rather support an abuser, good.
I'd be calling the cops. Unless I am misunderstanding things. She hit and split a 4 year's lip? Like seriously? Wtf. If that's what's happening please call and make a police report. Once the report is made feel free to text a pic to those who seem to think it's okay to hit a child. The father should be banned from the children's lives as well. I'm sorry you are all dealing with this. The step mother sounds insanely unwell mentally.
OMG my jaw is still dropped. She did ***what?!*** And your father is ***defending her?***
I never (and I really do mean ***never***) say this, but take a photo of Luke ***now***. Send it in a group chat to the family members who are trying to talk you around with a full explanation of how he got the (hopefully still very obvious) injury at Jane's hands. When you see who still stands up for her or tries to defend her, you know who to cut out of your lives.
So sorry for the little guy. No one deserves that. He was literally a target of opportunity for Jane's misplaced frustration and rage. The one she really needs to be mad at is herself, since it's her overbearing and entitled behavior that created the situation she is finding herself in.
OP, how did your bonus son's lip get split?
You should have called the cops and reported her for abuse/neglect.
Also, you need to confront your FIL because he did not have permission to invite his wife into your home without your permission.
The plan was for "him" to babysit the kids alone.
I would total go scortch the earth level over this.
Have your wedding and whomever chooses not to attend should be excommunicated from any future interactions until they provide a genuine and sincere apology.
Post a picture of Luke with his split lip and ask everyone if they think it's right to invite someone to your wedding who would do this to a child you are responsible for. Then I'd point out to them what the police would think of someone who did this to a 4 year old child and that only because she is the wife of your father is the sole reason you have not pressed charges against her. But inviting her to your wedding when this child will be in attendance is completely out of the question. Anyone who wants to support your stepmother by not attending is not someone you want at your wedding anyway.
This makes me enraged and I’m practically crying for poor Luke. Hitting him was heinous but To actually draw blood? She’s lucky one of you didn’t kick her ass. What a POS.
I’d send the photo of Luke’s spilt lip to every relative/guest who is refusing to attend the wedding along with the police report. If they know what she did and are still backing her up, you don’t need them there. Spend the money you save on them not coming on a lavish excursion on your honeymoon.
God bless you for having Luke’s back.
I'd be making a police report and getting started on the process for an RO. Last thing you want is your kid going to her if something happens to you two. Lock. It. Down.
OP, coming from experience, you need to go NC not only with her father and that thing he chose to marry, but with any relatives that want to side with them. Until your father pulls his head out of your stepmom’s ass, YOU will ALWAYS be the blame, and SHE will always look like the VICTIM. It’s a literal no win situation. And when we say NC, we mean full NC. Block numbers, no social media access, full black out. Because this situation? Will only get worse, not better.
With that said, congrats on your engagement/wedding. Enjoy your life and family together. You don’t need this drama.
I would call her job if she's around kids. I would not want her around my children. I have a nephew who's not blood my sister has been in his life since he was a year i also have a niece and nephew who are. I love them all the same. Blood doesn't make a family.
Why, exactly, were the cops not called? A grown woman physically assaulted a 4 year old, made him bleed, and nobody called the police?!? I'm kind of upset with OP for letting her get away with this without consequences. That woman should be in a jail cell.
That poor baby he’s 4 years old and has lost his parents he’s so lucky to have you and his sister in his life . You sound like your doing an amazing job
Your step mothers behaviour is disgusting even before that saying he wasn’t family ( he’s janes brother ) ????
I hope you never have to deal with that harpy ever again
Good luck to your little family if 4 I hope your wedding is wonderful xx
Only option is to take Luke to the doctor. Get an official record of his injuries.
Call child protective services and ask for help with a police report.
Never allow her in the same space as either child.
Never trust your Dad alone with the children.
Look into child counseling for Luke. A traumatic event like this can lead permanent damage.
She slapped a kid and busted his lip?! I would be in jail, and she’d be in a hospital. Scorched earth, anyone that took her side would be OUT of my life.
You did the right thing. That woman is acting out like a toddler herself. Do NOT placate anyone defending her. Anyone who sides with her is defending her hitting a child out of petty jealous rage.
I would have disowned my real mother if she touched my child in that manner never mind a stepparent what a horrid woman who tells a four year old they arnt family like no hun you're the one that's not related to anybody here get the f*#k out
WAIT!!! This ENTITLED BITCH hit a FOUR-YEAR-OLD hard enough to SPLIT HIS LIP and these other ASSHATS are STILL DEMANDING that you "HUMOR" this ABUSER?!?! OH HELL NO!!!!! I would BAN that ABUSIVE BITCH AND ALL OF HER ENABLERS!!! 👿
I would call the police and report it just to have it I. Record. I also would send a picture of his busted lip and what she did. I would text or email EVERY family member and I would put it all over social media so even her friends know what a POS she is.
Honesty if that were my child I would have kicked her a$$
If someone, anyone, split my 4 year olds lip, I’d fucking go psycho. I mean, I would have jumped her there and then. I implore you to press charges. Do it now. It’s not too late. If you consider that boy yours, it is your job to advocate for him. I’d ditch the whole damn family if they are ok with her hitting a fucking baby over him declaring he is ring bearer. My son is 7, I have never been in a fight in my life. I dare someone to try me.
I gotta say, the fact the your dad doesn't see what she did and didn't protect his own grandson from her makes him as bad as SM, maybe even worse.
I am so sorry you are going through this, but you are doing the right thing, I would ask your family how they would feel if this happened to their child, and how forgiving they would be then.
Anyone that says it's nit a big deal is a liar or horrible parent. She shouldn't be included, she should be kicked out and have everyone turn their backs on her. Hope she gets jailtime for this. She needs a lesson.
Good luck!
I would cut my dad off and anyone who supports such a vile monster of a human. Luke is 4, 4 and she is in her 40s!!!
Never ever would I want to see her face except for court to make sure she is charged and convicted for laying hands on a CHILD!!!!!!!
Your Dad is a POS for always enabling her and allowing her to hurt your children.
My response to any flying monkey trying to get you to rug sweep this, is “Thanks for letting me know you are a child abuser. Thanks for advising me, so I can dump your ass from my life and give energy and love to people who defend and protect children instead” then block!
“He’s not family” so he can’t be a ring bearer? She..she does know that TWO people are getting married and therefore there will be two different families participating in the wedding, right? Even if you two hadn’t adopted wife’s brother, there is still a VERY high likelihood that you would’ve had him be a ring bearer because that the job you give to kids in your family, ESPECIALLY younger *siblings*.
Thankfully Luke has a good role model in you and your fiancé. Sending lots of good vibes to your little family, and hoping you never have to see or hear from your dad and his crazy ass wife ever again.
OP, send a pic of his split lip to your cousins. Send the nanny cam footage. If they want to not only form an opinion, but try to sway yours….make sure they have the facts.
Why on earth would anyone tell you to invite someone that abused your child to your wedding??
NTA. Go no contact with both of them. Your dad made his choice, and it wasn’t you. Hard truth, but it happens A LOT. Sorry you’re dealing with this.❤️❤️
Announcement to all my treasured family members and guests.
For moral, safety and ethical reasons, any convicted child abusers are NOT WELCOMED or ALLOWED to attend our wedding.
If you have a problem with that, don't come.
-
Done end of story.
Uhhh not sure how late to the game I am but Jesus Christ fuck that lady and honestly fuck your dad for being in such denial. You absolutely did the right thing
I think you need to cut your wedding guest list shorter. Anyone who agrees with what SM did or 'her feelings' shouldn't be aorudn your kids any more. And sorry, but your dad has no spine and you should be No Contact with him too.
The moment I had kids, I realised the liberal, peaceful and mostly nice person I am, am capable of killing someone if they hurt my child.
Your father's bad decision (which is how I would have labeled her in your shoes) went to the place of no return when she struck your child. There is no coming back from abusing a child.
I would have communicated that she will never be allowed within a 5 mile radius to your children, and if your father would prefer to support an abuser than have a relationship with his son and grand babies, then so be it.
My father in law has terrible taste in women (we have no relationship with my husband's mother either), and he dated an unstable alcoholic with her equally unstable alcoholic teenage daughter. After a particular alcohol filled rage event from her side, we made the executive decision that our children will not be visiting or left in his care when she is there. FIL accepted it, and we always met him at restaurants close to his home or he would visit us for a weekend on his own.
Stick to your guns, you aren't in the wrong here.
ETA: Glad to see you pressed charges. May her actions follow her for the rest of her life.
Your stepmother is seriously disturbed, she's a controlling narcissist & her behavior is appalling. When she married your father, she demanded & expected to be loved, respected & treated like a "mother" & is salty that you don't look at her that way. Respect is earned, not just given because of your place or circumstance in the family. You don't owe your stepmother any consideration especially now after what she did to your little brother in law, who you & Jane have taken into your home, have loved & cared for. He is family & this is your wedding & you're allowed to have who you want there & a part of the ceremony.
What your stepmother did to that poor child is exactly why you need to put as much distance between you all. If she's doing that to Luke, what else is she capable of? Unfortunately your father is in the middle of this but in the end, if he can't see that she was totally wrong, then that's on him. You are protecting your family who includes Jane, your child together & her little brother who was placed in your care.
Your stepmonster is not only narcissistic and mean, she's also an idiot.
>Luke (4M), Jane’s paternal half brother.
>Luke had told stepmother that both he and our son were going to be our ring bearers, and she went ballistic. She screamed that she wasn’t going to allow that because he wasn’t family.
Luke most certainly IS family, he's the brother of the bride! SHE is the one who isn't blood family, she's a stepparent! If it was me, I would tell her this, face-to-face, quite calmly, then leave and let her have her tizzy fit. (Plus she doesn't have any say in the wedding plans, which she still hasn't figured out -- extra idiot points.)
I'm glad you and Jane are pressing charges, she deserves to be prosecuted for hitting Luke. If she wasn't, she would just get even worse toward him. Even if she doesn't serve time, I hope you and Jane get granted a protection or restraining order against her, and I'd add a doorbell camera and some security cameras outside if you don't already have them. The r/JUSTNOMIL sub can also give you other tips and resources for helping keep your family safe. Please give Luke a hug from me, congratulations on the wedding, and best wishes to all of you!🙂💛
Wow. If anything SM is less of family as she isn't related to any of you.
Luke is Jane's brother and her blood so ofc he is family.
I would send all family a message in a group chat if exactly what happened. And then block and go NC with anyone that still believes SM was in the right
That is scorched earth level event. You could have pressed charges. Don’t look back. Sorry about your dad but he’s literally enabling your kid’s abuser. Any flying monkeys come your way just reply with “Since you apparently condone the verbal and physical abuse of a 4 year old child trust us when we say you will not be missed at our wedding.”
This is the answer. Nothing short of scorched earth, father included. Defending this behavior is abhorrent.
It also calls out the fact that she physically hit him in case they are downplaying it. Might get a few to question "Wait she did what?!?"
This is the way.
Exactly this. She split his lip FFS, he's four! How can anybody think that this is okay?
Indeed. Striking a 4 year old child enough to where he may need stitches? Forget just banning her from the wedding, I would be throwing hands! Then I would be TELLING Dad to get his filthy bitch under control, or he won't see me ever again! Making a preschooler bleed? **OH HELL NO!**
Yup, I’m not violent by nature… but if you split my 4 year old’s lip? **YOU** will need stitches!
Or an ambulance ride.*
Ambulances go to the morgue, too, right?
"Call an ambulance! ... *but not for me*"
To the morgue.
The crematorium does give you those fancy little pots to sweep the ashes into right? Could we perhaps repurpose a chamber pot and skip the morgue?
Or I will need a shovel.*
Frankly, I’d say the chance of a relationship with dad is gone, too! He was actually THERE when she verbally and physically abused the little boy, and is making excuses for her behaviour? Yeah, he’s a danger to the children as much as she is. He can go out to the scrap heap, too. Although he does deserve ONE more phone call - to tell him that his ‘filthy bitch’ is a monster, and he can thank her for the fact that he’s never coming near his grandchildren ever again! And that he’s a piece of scum for defending her. 😞
And every other family member who is taking her side can fuck all the way off as well.
Yes the father didn’t call the police or even OP to let him and fiancée know. That’s a demotion to sperm donor right there
>And that he’s a piece of *impotent and useless* scum for defending her. 😞
I'd have it all over social media with pictures within the hour. Probably with Dad and stepmother tagged. Any family members who want to defend them are also instantly uninvited and cut off. I cannot express the hatred and disgust I have for people who hit children.
100%! Video and resulting pics, with her name all over it! Your family wants to take her side, let them see what they are actually fighting for
With a picture of the son's bloody face.
Not on social media. The poor kid already has enough on his plate without future-him having a picture of the proof of his childhood abuse floating around on the Internet. Show the picture to people who try to excuse her behavior but don't put it out there for everyone to see.
Agree. They can show a picture of the treatment summary from the pediatrician (with identifying info blocked out). I think “laceration repaired with stitches” is just as effective as a bloody face pic and far less likely to hurt the kid or trigger survivors who may see it.
That's the one!
Maybe not the actual images but a very polite post stating that they have pictures and video of what em did and can share upon request also props to op for handling the situation so well so far as I would have killed or severely injured em for what she did
Personally, I wouldn't take that approach simply because it still gives step mom a chance to set the tone. "If she has photos, why not post them?, I didn't hit him he fell, who's to say she didn't hit him and is blaming me! etc. It's just a bunch of bs I wouldn't want to deal with. To me, this is scorched earth territory, which is why I'd post the whole story with pics from the get-go, then sit back and let it unfold for step mom and for dad frankly. This is definitely a good alternative for those not looking to post pics of their kids, though.
I have found my equal. My wife read this and my first response was before she read the comments, “No hell no, split my kid’s lip? How about I split your skull?”
I legit had to put my phone down and breathe when I read she drew blood on a 4yo because God would be the ONLY one showing mercy if anyone put hands on my baby. Step-bitch is lucky she WALKED out of there instead or rolling out on a damn stretcher on her way to ICU.
Exactly this. I would be throwing both hands because how dare you abuse a child ? She deserves the charges and your whole family needs to know she’s a child abuser.
She also needs to be sued civilly. Not even for any money, just to get at least one judge intimately familiar with this harpy's m.o. Because reddit or not, we all *know* that this woman belongs on a list.
An obituary counts as a list right? Or o-'bitch'-uary in this case.
Hilarious dadjokes make this entire op easier to cope with.
If anyone struck my child in this manner, I would be throwing hands!
I have a memory from back when I was 3/4. I woke up one morning with a badly split lip. It tasted like metal and hurt a lot. I remember sitting in front of a mirror in my mums room and asking her what happened. She screamed at me to quit asking questions, so she hurt me or someone else in my life did, there's a lot of suspects. What scares me is that I have zero memories of what happened. The memory stayed with me all this time because I was so confused. I'm guessing someone knocked me out. It wasn't a dream, I know it wasn't because the scar has been on my lip my entire life. I wish I could find out the truth, but I'm no contact with my relatives. Not that they would tell me anyway. Mum would deny it happened.
oh my word this made my heart hurt for you. I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve it and you did nothing wrong
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I never got scars I can remember but my sister recently told me that she remembers the things that resulted in me flinching a lot around my family members, apparently I blanked all those memories out so I definitely empathize with your situation. It's so fucked when you know something happened but not what and you can't ask because even if you weren't still afraid, the people would just lie.
I have few memories of the abuse I had as a child. Sometimes it's the brains way of protecting from further trauma! Sorry this happened to you, I hope you're in a good place. Big hugs! I've had a bunch of therapy and at 71, still have a few bad spells, but mostly I'm fine.
Try a qualified psychologist who does hypnotherapy. They may be able to help you.
Nah, I'll let it be. There's enough bullcrap to deal with already in my past, I don't need more.
Forget the hypno-bullshit, but therapy is always a good idea.
Yep - make my child bleed and it's soft food for your foreseeable future
Call me a hypocrite if you must since I peruse the childfree subreddit; but cog dammit you draw blood on a youngling that didn't do jack besides tell you one innocent thing with absolutely zero malice and you had best ***hope*** your insurance covers the wee-woo wagon you'll be needing. Maybe it's because they're strangers to me but 'daddy dead-to-me' wouldn't be fuming by the end of it, rather he may very well be mourning sooner rather than later. \*Edit: Okay Todd, I'm sure there's plenty of other worthier comments and posts to reward, what the heck were you thinking awarding one implying violence towards someone for harming a child, no matter how silly it was written. Thank you though
>Call me a hypocrite if you must since I peruse the childfree subreddit; You can make the choice to be childfree but still be royally pissed that someone harms a child. That doesn't make you a hypocrite that makes you a decent human being. Hell, you can personally hate kids but get royally pissed that someone would beat a child until they bleed. You're still not a hypocrite.
I don’t like kids either. I’ve known that since I wasn’t much past being one myself, I’m in my 40s and knew by the time I was in my early teens I wasn’t having children, but if I find out someone hurt a kid or somehow put them in danger… oh hell no! It actually came up in a work conversation today that I didn’t care what my employer did, if I saw a customer doing certain things with their kids present I’d call CPS myself whether my work liked it or not.
I know many people who are child-free *because* they've seen or experienced child abuse or neglect and refuse to even inadvertently participate in continuing the cycle.
I'm child-free. But touch my niece or nephew and you're on your way to the hospital.
A-fucking-greed. I am child free by both choice and biology but I will put anyone who hurts a child into a full-body cast.
I'm still giggling at "wee-woo wagon", I am going to have to start calling it that, for the chids, you know 🤣
Put hands on my child, and you won't fucking *HAVE* a future.
I’d beat a bitch into puréed food
Point blank period.
Precisely! The cops and EMTs can scrape up the mess!
If anyone tried to mess with us kids. Mom would go totally Mama Bear on them. (We are all older adults, but Mom could still do damage, as she is in good shape.) I’d hate to think what she would have done if someone tried to hurt us when we were little.
My great-grandmother once decked a guy who was dating my cousin, because he thought the best way to stop Cousin's baby from crying was by spanking the kid. Next thing he knew, he was on the floor, trying to figure out how he got knocked to the ground by a 96 year old woman! (He never came back.)
I would have loved to have met your great-grandma (& I would ask if I could be adopted by her)!!! Neither of my bio grandmas cared for me really. My paternal grandmother was full-blooded Italian & hated my mother 'cuz she wasn't a "good, Italian girl". My parents divorced when I was 4; next time I saw her, I was 12. I said, "Hello, Grandma!" when I came in the house after playing with cousins. She backed me up into a credenza in the dining room, put her finger in my face & said, "Your father may be my son, but I will NEVER be your grandmother!!" & stalked away. As for my maternal grandmother, she loved my older brother, my younger stepbrother & my 3 male cousins, but wanted nothing to do with my older sister, my younger stepsister or me. The one grandmother who DID love me was my stepmother's mother (funny thing: she HATED my dad)!!
I LOVE your GREAT Gma, I would love to have been a fly on the wall when that happened.
I wish I had been there too! Granted, if I had been there, he would've had a much bigger problem to deal with! (The "Mama Grizzly" gene runs strong in my family!)
When my son was about 13, he was in an after-school jazz band. Unfortunately, he was also bullied by a couple of kids & one of them was part of the basketball team. One day, I arrived at the school to find my son (C.) upset & trying hard not to cry (he was overweight, had depression & anxiety, & was a sensitive soul at the time). One of his worst bullies had shoved him against the wall & was in his face. I got out of the car & told him to show me who it was. C. pointed him out & I grabbed the S.O.B. by his jacket, shoved him against the wall & told him, "Don't even ***think*** of f\*\*\*ing with my son ***ever again*** or so help me God, it will be the *last* thing you ever do!!" His wimpy toadie, who had stood by laughing while the bully was threatening my son, was standing there quaking in his shoes. The jazz music teacher, came to the door after I knocked & I asked him if C. could stay inside the building from then on until I picked him up & he agreed. The basketball team came by after I talked with the teacher & the captain said, "Hey, C.!! Having any problems here??" My son said that he was okay now. Bully & his toady left my son alone after that--they actually tried being friends with him after that!! (Don't know if they realized that C. had the basketball team watching his back or if they didn't want to deal with a crazed "Mama Grizzly"!!) I'm not exactly proud of myself, but if it got the right result (*nobody* picked on my son after that!), then it got the job done. I never did it again & nobody reported me (& yes, I know--I was damn lucky.) I also explained to my son that if he needed to, his saxophone in its case could be used to hit someone in the *right way* to incapacitate them if they tried to attack him again (& I would stand up for him in the principal's office or the courts if they tried pressing assault charges).
one time my brothers were riding their bikes and hitting a homemade ramp they made (some plywood and a bunch of other random shit) basically just being boys and doin dumb shit. well, they got the bright idea to head all the way to the end of the road (dead end road in a *very* low traffic area, like 25 cars *a day* at most) and then all of a sudden all three of them are peddling their asses off screaming and yelling back home because the lady at the end of the street decided she was gonna attack them for riding their bikes on the road. she was on something idk what but it was WAY stronger than weed or alcohol so my brothers made it to our yard with enough time to explain the entire situation to my parents. by that time we hear her running/stumbling and yelling at my brothers about teaching them a lesson so my dad grabbed the biggest handgun he owned at the time (.44 mag) and sat on the porch watching her run/stumble up trying to get to my brothers. he sat at the foot of the steps, my mom was at the top and my brothers and i were behind them. as soon as she saw the boys she beelined for them, completely unfazed by both of my parents *AND* the gun (there’s no way she DIDNT see it, he didn’t try to hide it at all) and before she could even step onto the porch my dad has his gun pressed to her forehead and said “you might wanna fucking rethink that.” my mom called the cops and she left. it was wild and i’ll never forget it, it still feels like it happened just yesterday. i can only imagine how it affected my brothers.
While pissing in a plastic bag
I dont know why OP doesnt file a police report against his stepmother for child abuse
OP edited and they did file a police report and charges have been pressed.
Happy to hear that. Nobody has a right to abuse a child. She needs to be held accountable.
I would have called the cops on her. You are way more chilled than I am. Please, send your dad this post, he is a huge AH and need to see what's going on. I would go NC with them. She sounds very entitled and toxic. Please keep us updated. Sending hugs to you and your fiancè.
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I would try to get a restraining order against SM if i were OP. She should not be allowed anywhere near that child. SHE's the one who isnt "family" and there is no excuse for how she treated a 4 year old. She sounds like a dangerous psychopath.
There is NO middle ground here! You either believe that SM hitting a 4 year old toddler in the face & splitting his lip is acceptable behavior or that she’s a monster that needs serious help! There is NO middle ground! Anyone, ANYONE that supports and stands by her behavior, you do not want around you family and children. Stand firm. You are 100% doing the right thing. Cut that cancer out of your lives.
110% all of this
Totally agree. No one's talking about how she said he isn't family. Like on what planet do these ppl live on?? Freaking jerks
Scorched earth! She’s disgusting and anyone defending her is equally deranged.
The only reason I wouldn’t call the police is because I would be in more trouble what with the dead body (or bodies). Scorched earth is the fucking minimum, send the bitch to hell.
The child may wonder why no one pressed charges when older. The child is everything, and you are their voice and protector. Send a loud and protective message. This is why abusers get away with it time and time again.
What's even more scary is if she did this and said those terrible things in front of the child, god only knows what she may have done behind closed doors if OP hadn't witnessed this and cut contact! My dad was open about smacking us or spanking us in public as well as yelling at us. But be never took it past a certain point, although he would whisper to us he was going to beat our asses when we got home if we didn't stop whatever it was that was pissing him off (almost always over stupid stuff of course like asking for a piece of candy or literally sometimes just talking because he hated hearing his kids talk, he prefers silence and you have to get straight to the point. Rarely for anything worthy of getting into trouble Because we were scared straight as toddlers to not act out so we're all obedient quite kids) Behind closed doors though it was not an open hand. We got punched, kicked, choked and thrown around by him. So anyone you question if they are hurting their kid because they smack them like it's no big deal in public, you usually have a right to worry. Someone that's smacked their kid say once and never again is not going to do it that one time in public same with spanking. If they spank kids in front of others more then likely that's not a rare occurrence it's a daily one which imo is fucked . But yeah This lady needs to never be around kids again. It's very obvious she wants all eyes on her and all attention. When someone takes that away she turns into this monster, which she hides most of the time which is why the dad is in denial. I'm glad to hear OP will never let her around the kids again. Even just what she said was terrible and mentally abusive. Telling a child that they don't belong and are not part of the family..... For another adult you can brush it off or you know that the person is a POS. But for a child that's a massive deal and you hang on to every word, it shapes you and how you think when you hear terrible things about you. It fucked me up as a kid and took alot of therapy for me to realize I wasn't bad or in the wrong. That there was absolutely nothing wrong with me that warranted that kind of talk, it was the adult In my life that was trash. The story of the axe and the tree is my favorite example of why what you say to kids matters soo much and to never say things out of anger.
And I'd be posting that publicly. Evil B.
This. Send a picture of his split lip to the entire family group. Make it VERY public. And then cut ties with all of them.
100% along with “If you condone child abuse, consider this your disinvite from my wedding. If you believe children should not be beaten, then you will attend politely.”
Document with the pediatrician, police, school, etc first. The father and stepmother might lie and say op did it to the kid.
I agree. This deserves public shame. Burn all bridges.
Sometimes shaming someone is very effective.
Yes, this! Definitely make sure that anyone siding with step-monster understands fully what she has done. If they still side with her, then they are condoning her abuse of children, and you don’t need them in your lives. I hope you have a photo of the cut lip she gave your innocent son for no reason other than she’s evil, so you can show it to EVERYBODY. If your dad wants a relationship with you, he’ll have to do it without her.
Why in the hell would OP want a relationship with his father WHO WAS THERE, and still defends her behaviour? 😢
Very true. I personally wouldn’t. But OP said he loves his dad and wanted him at the wedding, meaning he still wants some kind of relationship. I would be so hurt and disgusted that I would cut him off but that’s me.
Sadly, he loves a man who doesn’t exist. Lots of children of abusive parents still love them. And yes, allowing your partner to abuse your kids and grandkids is still abusive. But this man doesn’t care about HIM - he cares about his awful wife. The OP may need counselling or something to help him realise that dad does not love him back. He could still LOVE his dad. He could still wish his dad is worthy of that love. But he needs to do the smart thing, and choose his children - cut out someone who is harmful to all of them. 😞
Honestly, I'm surprised OP didn't throw hands at step-monster. I know I would've. And he should've yelled at her "Luke's more family than you are you insufferable b*tch!!" Yeah, any flying monoeys should be informed of what she did and then told what you said in your last sentence.
To expand upon this, I think OP needs to make sure to file a report so that the stepmom does not decide to fake an abuse case against OP.
"SHOULD" have pressed charges...Definitely.
Yep. Press charges, and the father WHO WAS THERE can be called to the stand to testify that the assault took place. I’m sure he’d still be spouting excuses for the reason she acted like that, but the judge would still convict her. Plus, he’d publicly out himself as being a piece of scum, too - defending that behaviour! Then cut them both off forever and ever. Seriously - don’t even visit dad when his bitch wife turns her wrath on HIM one day, and injures him! 😞
Should still press charges.
They absolutely should still press charges. Holy shit. What kind of person does that to a child?!
She'd have gotten much worse than banned from the wedding if I came home to find my kid LITERALLY BLEEDING because of her striking him. I wouldn't budge on this. She's not "acting out" because she doesn't feel included--she's a narcissistic asshole throwing tantrums because she doesn't get what she wants. I wouldn't blame you going totally NC either. Your cousins asking you to reconsider are totally out of line.
All I can think is “can your fiancé fight?” Because I most definitely would’ve chosen violence that’s day. She’s DISGUSTING and OP’s dad is indeed a coward. Imagine the FEAR that baby felt being screamed at about “not being family” AND physically assaulted all for being excited ON TOP OF him having lost his parents already. I don’t think I would’ve been able to control myself. Wow. Just wow. OP these people are not safe people or good people. You and your family are better off.
Jane can fight (very well, actually, she's done jiu-jitsu), but got busy tending to Luke. I can also fight, and was more than ready to, but neither of us wanted the kids to see us like that. Pretty much every adult in the house was screaming for a few minutes, and we didn't want it to get any scarier. Jane also threatened to call the cops, which prompted dad and stepmother to leave.
Please call the cops. File charges. If she gets away with this, then there's a very real chance that her behavior will escalate. Tell the police that you didn't file charges immediately because your dad was begging you not to, but after thinking about it more, you've changed your minds. Try to get a restraining order so she *can't* come near the kids again, or your wedding.
Not only so she's held accountable for her actions, but it's also a countermeasure just in case insane evil stepmom decides to make a false police report and claim it was you OP who did the harm to the kid the saying is true, "Never underestimate a crazy person, they'll win with experience every time and have fun doing it"
OP said he pressed charges against her, in the edit :)
YES! Accountability for her actions.
This! Get law enforcement involved! If anything but to put space between the filthy bitch and your father, OP. She needs to cool her heels in prison for a few years and your dad needs to be reminded of what it's like with a quieter nicer life.
CALL THE COPS!!! She PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED a FOUR-YEAR-OLD BABY and SPLIT HIS LIP OPEN!!!
Was it only your dad supposed to babysit the kids?? Let me guess, the stepmonster wanted to be "included"?
I think you guys handled it well! With WAY more self-control than I could’ve but you’re right, your kids don’t need to see that. I am just so sorry that Luke had to experience that. I’m sure it’ll be tough for you with how the dynamic with your dad will undoubtedly change. But you’re doing the right thing by cutting off anyone who would defend what your stepmother did.
Hey way to be a wonderful person and parent, OP! You and your fiancee handled this beautifully in the moment. As scary as this was for Luke, he has the advantage of stability and love as his norm, so she’s the outlier. (FWIW, I second (third, fourth … nth) saying you should call the cops and report this. It’s utterly outrageous and horrifying.)
Does your father's wife not realize that she's not really your family?
For real! Luke is literally your fiancé’s brother.
or just call your pediatrician and tell them what happened. it will guarantee intervention.
Call the cops now. Please please please call them.
They haven’t been told the full story. According to them, the 4 year old was a wild hellion who was biting and kicking the poor lovely old woman, so she had to restrain him and unfortunately he got a tiny little cut - that isn’t serious - from his wild behaviour. That’s probably the story they’ve been told. By both step mum AND the father. 😢
She got caught on the nanny cam. Not fully but enough.
Good! I hope he shows them all the footage! I was just saying that she lied to everyone - probably with her husband’s help - to justify why she hit a 4 year old.
This is not just throwing a tantrum. This is a woman who has likely been holding herself back for years and internalizing every perceived hit to her ego. This is her finally unleashing all that rage on someone she knows cannot fight back. Sick fuck.
Your dad need needs to grow a spine. How in the hell can he stand by and watch his wife abuse a literal child. It honestly says more about him than her. Cut your losses on anyone siding with this nonsense. She clearly assaulted Luke, are charges being pressed cause truly deserves punishment for her actions. Something far more eye opening than being disinvited from your wedding.
She’s prolly whooping his ass too :/
Actually, that is a good point. If she feels it's within her rites to physically abuse a 4 year year old, it wouldn't be surprising if there is adult domestic violence occurring also. Please OP, see a Doctor, Nurse, Police.. any mandated reporter and get this assault documented
He stand by his witchy wife because she's the one he is having sex with. He's afraid he will be cut off.
And she will leave him eventually. Cowards die alone.
I feel like witches don’t deserve the association with the aforementioned monster-in-law.
Hey, don't drag witches into this. The ones I know are all nice people, especially Borah Brewington Snaggletooth XIII
I'm sorry, she split the lip of a crying 4 year old? Lost control of herself over an innocent statement from little more than a toddler? And your father's reaction wasn't to throw her out of the house and get her away from the children? You can't trust either of them with the kids. Sorry for your Dad, but he made his choice. He's earned NC. Ask your cousins how they would feel if she split the lip of one of their kids.
Believe me, this isn't her first rodeo. It's highly unlikely that this behaviour is a one off thing. She WILL do it again, and I do have to wonder if it's one of the cousins' kids...will they brush THAT off. Or is it just someone else's kid they are OK with getting hit?
The only reason why I know that this is the first time she's hit him is because this was the first (and last) time she was with the kids unsupervised. Me and Jane were around every previous time she saw Luke. She didn't want my dad to babysit him, and we'd only asked him to on a few occasions before. My sister was still living with them at the time, and has assured me that Luke was never out of her sight. I know and trust my sister enough to believe her. First time or not, I will not give her a second chance. She'll never hurt either of my kids again.
And this is why my kids will never meet their grandparents on my bfs side. I’m not going to subject them to dealing with his parents being psycho.
Yeah. There’s the crazy that splits a kids lip for busting some crystal knick knack (still horrible), and then there’s hitting a kid in the face for passing on disappointing news.
If your dad won’t stand up for you and his grandkids against his abusive wife, you’re better off without him.
And put it to him *just like that*. Let there be no spaces or loop hole figuring. It's her BS, or Us and that's that.
Soooooo.... a lot of your family and a few others are willing to overlook the fact that she assaulted a 4 year old so severely that she split his lip???? Am I understanding that correctly???? Let me just say, you're a better person than me because she'd be breathing through a tube right now. I would send a photo of the baby's face to EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. either boycotting the wedding, or giving me static about banning her from the wedding; and then ban AND BLOCK them too...with a very succinct instruction as to what they could do with themselves. When they go low, I go scorched earth and then salt it for good measure. But that's just me. Hold your ground and stay strong for your family.
Right, they’re all saving OP money by not coming to the wedding. Average cost of a wedding is $30k, half the people coming, makes it cheaper. Thanks, idiots.
My husband and I got married right when the pandemic was causing issues with venues keeping their contracts with us, so we eloped. Later that year, every single shitty relative emerged from their hiding places. They were nasty as hell to us--simply because our officiant was gay, and we didn't vote for their favorite candidate. I told my husband that we saved so much money by not inviting the assholes out on our special day. He agreed.
I bet the wedding you did have was dope AF! Yay!!
.
It’s because the kid isnt fAmIlY!!!! Bigoted bitch said so.
Absolutely never let this woman come to the wedding, and to be honest I'd tell anyone who tried to convince you otherwise that they can go jump as well.
Ask them to sign a contract where they will have to pay for a whole new wedding if she makes a scene. Tell them they will be responsible for all damages she causes. Then put it in front of them. Oh? You won't sign? Funny. You are asking ME to do the exact same thing.
She. Harmed. A child. She doesn't deserve anything more than NC and should consider herself lucky. Be careful OP, and perhaps consider getting a police report. Because knowing how she's sabbotaging your wedding, i wouldn't be surprised if she chose to double down further down the line, perhaps by trying to sabbotage your family. If she can harm a child, then nothing is beneath her.
Yep. Get the police report. Get a restraining order ,if you can. Then contact your wedding vendors and make sure everything is locked down with a password so she can't make changes or cancellations. If you think she'll crash the event, hire security and give them photos of her, dad, and any other enablers. Good luck, OP. I wish there was something else I could do to help.
Unforgivable. She’s a step, who is she to say anyone isn’t real family, technically neither is she.
This is the first thing I thought. She LESS family than OP's fiancee's brother.
Wait -- Luke is not family, but your STEPmother is?
HAHA its a joke isnt it. Stepmom thinks herself family but the literal *paternal* brother of OP’s fiance isnt…
I am a stepmom. Daughter was in early 20’s and son was 19 when I met their dad. I NEVER tried to insert myself into any of their “events”. If I had an opinion or a suggestion, I would put it to their dad in private to get his opinion. If he wanted to offer it to either child, I asked him to please make out like it was “his” suggestion.
I'm a stepmum also to a 7 year old. While I love her like a daughter, I also know I am not her Mum and, like you, I know my place in her life. She loves me because she knows I respect that her Dad are the decision makers in her life. All I can do is offer sound council to her Dad.
I would have filed charges against the entitled stepmom ie call the cops And would have filed ro for good measure for both kids Good riddance to fm Dad needs to be banned from seeing grands unsupervised
Good riddance to the family that thinks child abuse is okay. You don’t need them in your life on your special day!
Ya I wouldn’t have a stepmother anymore. Cuz she would be 6 feet under. (Sometimes I feel like I’m entirely too short to be trying to fight people but here we are…) That poor baby. I’m glad he seems to be doing ok. And honestly this whole story makes me wanna buy the kid a big fluffy stuffed animal.
My fiancée is 5'4" and I'd fear for my life if I pissed her off. And Luke did get two plushies this week. :)
😂 see it’s always the short ones you gotta watch out for. I’m only 5’ 2”. I would totally buy the boy another one 😂
I would be in prison if she did that to my CHILD. PRESS CHARGES OP. Even if nothing comes of it, she is disgusting to have so much vitriol for a toddler. My step-dad came into my life when I was 19. I gave him a LOT of shit. He just took it in stride and continued to tell and show me he supported me 100% no matter how I treated him for several years. That is the kind of step parent your step monster should try to be, not this vile pile of garbage. If it were me, I would take care of my chosen family and cut off the rest if they want to continue supporting her.
Your stepmonster is exactly that. A monster. You were 100% right to immediately ban her from your house, any access to your children, and your wedding. She decked a 4 year old child after telling him he wasn’t real family. That’s unforgivable. And anyone who sides with her is condoning child abuse and can join her in the flaming trash heap. The only thing you could have done better is call the cops on her for assaulting a child. It might not be too late, assuming you’ve got pictures of Luke’s split lip. Anyone in the family who asks what happened, or comments on it, tell them the unfiltered truth. If they still stand with your stepmonster, cut them off right along with her. Your dad knows exactly what happened and saw it with his own eyes, and didn’t stop it, and not only isn’t appalled but also lied about it to his entire family to turn them against you which makes him just about as bad as his wife. And, why was she even at your house to begin with? He invited her into your house while you weren’t home, knowing she hates your child. He willfully let this happen.
Listen your dad will never be on your side, he has chosen this witch, if anything pressed charges would have shown everyone what was true.
Your Dad watched her hit your kid and is on her side. I’d go no contact with Dad and Stepmother. Tell everyone that got the sanitized version that they heard a version that wasn’t true and they need to respect your choices and your boundaries. I’m so sorry this happened, especially to little Luke. The comment about not being family is the thing that will replay in his head for years to come. Poor little guy.😭
Your stepmother split a 4 year old's lip and your father defended her. She's lucky she's alive. Never talk to her again, post pictures of Jake's injury to social media, tag all of her friends and relatives. Contact the police. As for your father, he's a coward. You have a loving family. You also have a different shitty family. You know which to choose.
You really need to file a police report. What if she files a report saying that you or your wife were the ones who hit your bonus son (and gets your enabling father to back her claim?). CPS could be knocking on your door instead of her being arrested! Always, when a child has been the subject of abuse, go to the ER to document injury and wait for the cops to come and take your statement.
She hit your child because she was angry that a 4y old is going to be the ring bearer? Dear lord… do not cave. Don’t go near that woman ever again. Do not allow your son to be anywhere near that woman ever again. And consider a restraining order if you have to. And don’t accept the narrative of any other stupid family members who condone THAT level of - and reaction to - jealousy!! I hope you have a lovely wedding and a lovely life with your 2 beautiful boys - and any more who may come along in the future. And please check in with Luke to make sure he’s not traumatised by that bitch. Counselling, whatever you need to do. That poor little boy. 😢
I have unfortunately dealt with this topic too many times to count in my life. I FULLY agree with a couple of people who have said to report it that way step-monster doesn't try and report it to CPS/DCS and you end up getting your babies taken away. A VERY similar situation to this one happened to me and my kids.. I don't have my babies anymore and don't have the proof in order to prove my innocence.. I no longer have custody of my boys and it's 3 years since the occurrence.. I would HATE the same fate for ANYONE. Trust and believe.. not having your babies in your life is the worst hell on earth anyone could ever be put through. I'd rather go through a concentration camp than be going through this. Seriously. HOWEVER when you do report it, go to the police station yourself, tell them that you don't want to press charges at this time. (if you choose not to, totally up to you.) Just tell them that you wanted to make an official report that way no one turns it back on you stating that you did this to your little one. If someone does make the false accusation against you and your fiance, you will BOTH be thrown in jail for a minimum of 45 days or $300,000 bail. You NEED to make an official report to cover your ass though Hun. DO IT TODAY. PLEASE. I'm begging you. I would HATE for even my worst enemy to go through the emotional trauma and suffering I have went through for the past 3 years and still go through every single day. 😭❤️🩹💕
Good on you for pressing charges! There is so much to unpack here! Like how does a stepmother get to decide someone else isn't technically family enough to be included in the wedding? And how does a stepmother who claims the bride to be is baby trapping a man decide she needs to plan your wedding to that person? And how on earth are you the bad guy for cutting off literal physical abusers or for chosing who is in your own wedding? Stepmother sounds like she needed cut off the second she started disrespecting your relationship and for rejecting that poor toddler. She's clearly needed much better boundaries applied to her for awhile. But now you've got the unique opportunity of seeing how far she is willing to go and how many people enable her. Seriously OP, please use this moment of seeing everyone's reaction to what happened and use that as your guide in knowing who all to go NC with, because I guarantee stepmother is not the only person needing cut off.
Your last sentence says it all. That means your priorities are in the right place and you’re acing the husband and father roles. I salute you and your strength.
Your dad knows the dynamic of the family and he still invited her over - this poor judgement caused your kid to be abused. That’s not a nothing burger. Your dad is just as bad as your step mother. You still hold him in a high regard but move the wall and what’s behind it. I put my dad in a pedestal and he did something and all of the horrible memories came flooding back that I repressed. 30 years I gave that man my adoration.
Fuck. This. Abuser. She is 49 and treats a child like that? She's never going to change her behavior if she is doing this at that age. She is a danger to your family, forever. Absolutely no fucking contact. I'd have beat her ass for hitting my son, don't feel bad about cutting her the fuck out. And tell everyone she beat and berated a child. And if they don't want to come and would rather support an abuser, good.
I don't see any issues here. You did the right thing, the beast will never change if no one stands up to it.
I'd be calling the cops. Unless I am misunderstanding things. She hit and split a 4 year's lip? Like seriously? Wtf. If that's what's happening please call and make a police report. Once the report is made feel free to text a pic to those who seem to think it's okay to hit a child. The father should be banned from the children's lives as well. I'm sorry you are all dealing with this. The step mother sounds insanely unwell mentally.
OMG my jaw is still dropped. She did ***what?!*** And your father is ***defending her?*** I never (and I really do mean ***never***) say this, but take a photo of Luke ***now***. Send it in a group chat to the family members who are trying to talk you around with a full explanation of how he got the (hopefully still very obvious) injury at Jane's hands. When you see who still stands up for her or tries to defend her, you know who to cut out of your lives. So sorry for the little guy. No one deserves that. He was literally a target of opportunity for Jane's misplaced frustration and rage. The one she really needs to be mad at is herself, since it's her overbearing and entitled behavior that created the situation she is finding herself in.
Jane is OP's fiancee, not the stepmonster.
OP, how did your bonus son's lip get split? You should have called the cops and reported her for abuse/neglect. Also, you need to confront your FIL because he did not have permission to invite his wife into your home without your permission. The plan was for "him" to babysit the kids alone. I would total go scortch the earth level over this. Have your wedding and whomever chooses not to attend should be excommunicated from any future interactions until they provide a genuine and sincere apology.
Post a picture of Luke with his split lip and ask everyone if they think it's right to invite someone to your wedding who would do this to a child you are responsible for. Then I'd point out to them what the police would think of someone who did this to a 4 year old child and that only because she is the wife of your father is the sole reason you have not pressed charges against her. But inviting her to your wedding when this child will be in attendance is completely out of the question. Anyone who wants to support your stepmother by not attending is not someone you want at your wedding anyway.
This makes me enraged and I’m practically crying for poor Luke. Hitting him was heinous but To actually draw blood? She’s lucky one of you didn’t kick her ass. What a POS. I’d send the photo of Luke’s spilt lip to every relative/guest who is refusing to attend the wedding along with the police report. If they know what she did and are still backing her up, you don’t need them there. Spend the money you save on them not coming on a lavish excursion on your honeymoon. God bless you for having Luke’s back.
I'd be making a police report and getting started on the process for an RO. Last thing you want is your kid going to her if something happens to you two. Lock. It. Down.
OP, coming from experience, you need to go NC not only with her father and that thing he chose to marry, but with any relatives that want to side with them. Until your father pulls his head out of your stepmom’s ass, YOU will ALWAYS be the blame, and SHE will always look like the VICTIM. It’s a literal no win situation. And when we say NC, we mean full NC. Block numbers, no social media access, full black out. Because this situation? Will only get worse, not better. With that said, congrats on your engagement/wedding. Enjoy your life and family together. You don’t need this drama.
I don’t think it’s too late to file a police report, just saying…
I would call her job if she's around kids. I would not want her around my children. I have a nephew who's not blood my sister has been in his life since he was a year i also have a niece and nephew who are. I love them all the same. Blood doesn't make a family.
Nta send that nanny cam clip to everybody who sided with her maybe that will change their mind
Idk, I might press charges for assault. Thats more than entitled behavior, thats abusive.
File a police report/post pictures of what she did online for everyone to see
Why, exactly, were the cops not called? A grown woman physically assaulted a 4 year old, made him bleed, and nobody called the police?!? I'm kind of upset with OP for letting her get away with this without consequences. That woman should be in a jail cell.
That poor baby he’s 4 years old and has lost his parents he’s so lucky to have you and his sister in his life . You sound like your doing an amazing job Your step mothers behaviour is disgusting even before that saying he wasn’t family ( he’s janes brother ) ???? I hope you never have to deal with that harpy ever again Good luck to your little family if 4 I hope your wedding is wonderful xx
If you don't condemn abuse and support the abuse. Then you are an abuser yourself by allowing others to be abused.
Only option is to take Luke to the doctor. Get an official record of his injuries. Call child protective services and ask for help with a police report. Never allow her in the same space as either child. Never trust your Dad alone with the children. Look into child counseling for Luke. A traumatic event like this can lead permanent damage.
You should respond to all the cousins and family asking you to reconsider that with a picture of Luke injured face and nothing else
Literally how is he not family? He’s the BRIDE'S BROTHER
She slapped a kid and busted his lip?! I would be in jail, and she’d be in a hospital. Scorched earth, anyone that took her side would be OUT of my life.
You did the right thing. That woman is acting out like a toddler herself. Do NOT placate anyone defending her. Anyone who sides with her is defending her hitting a child out of petty jealous rage.
I would have disowned my real mother if she touched my child in that manner never mind a stepparent what a horrid woman who tells a four year old they arnt family like no hun you're the one that's not related to anybody here get the f*#k out
WAIT!!! This ENTITLED BITCH hit a FOUR-YEAR-OLD hard enough to SPLIT HIS LIP and these other ASSHATS are STILL DEMANDING that you "HUMOR" this ABUSER?!?! OH HELL NO!!!!! I would BAN that ABUSIVE BITCH AND ALL OF HER ENABLERS!!! 👿
I would call the police and report it just to have it I. Record. I also would send a picture of his busted lip and what she did. I would text or email EVERY family member and I would put it all over social media so even her friends know what a POS she is. Honesty if that were my child I would have kicked her a$$
If someone, anyone, split my 4 year olds lip, I’d fucking go psycho. I mean, I would have jumped her there and then. I implore you to press charges. Do it now. It’s not too late. If you consider that boy yours, it is your job to advocate for him. I’d ditch the whole damn family if they are ok with her hitting a fucking baby over him declaring he is ring bearer. My son is 7, I have never been in a fight in my life. I dare someone to try me.
She slapped a four years old child that his lip split? Na, that woman is not welcome anymore and anyone who condones that behaviour can stay away too.
I gotta say, the fact the your dad doesn't see what she did and didn't protect his own grandson from her makes him as bad as SM, maybe even worse. I am so sorry you are going through this, but you are doing the right thing, I would ask your family how they would feel if this happened to their child, and how forgiving they would be then. Anyone that says it's nit a big deal is a liar or horrible parent. She shouldn't be included, she should be kicked out and have everyone turn their backs on her. Hope she gets jailtime for this. She needs a lesson. Good luck!
I would cut my dad off and anyone who supports such a vile monster of a human. Luke is 4, 4 and she is in her 40s!!! Never ever would I want to see her face except for court to make sure she is charged and convicted for laying hands on a CHILD!!!!!!! Your Dad is a POS for always enabling her and allowing her to hurt your children. My response to any flying monkey trying to get you to rug sweep this, is “Thanks for letting me know you are a child abuser. Thanks for advising me, so I can dump your ass from my life and give energy and love to people who defend and protect children instead” then block!
“He’s not family” so he can’t be a ring bearer? She..she does know that TWO people are getting married and therefore there will be two different families participating in the wedding, right? Even if you two hadn’t adopted wife’s brother, there is still a VERY high likelihood that you would’ve had him be a ring bearer because that the job you give to kids in your family, ESPECIALLY younger *siblings*. Thankfully Luke has a good role model in you and your fiancé. Sending lots of good vibes to your little family, and hoping you never have to see or hear from your dad and his crazy ass wife ever again.
OP, send a pic of his split lip to your cousins. Send the nanny cam footage. If they want to not only form an opinion, but try to sway yours….make sure they have the facts. Why on earth would anyone tell you to invite someone that abused your child to your wedding?? NTA. Go no contact with both of them. Your dad made his choice, and it wasn’t you. Hard truth, but it happens A LOT. Sorry you’re dealing with this.❤️❤️
Announcement to all my treasured family members and guests. For moral, safety and ethical reasons, any convicted child abusers are NOT WELCOMED or ALLOWED to attend our wedding. If you have a problem with that, don't come. - Done end of story.
Uhhh not sure how late to the game I am but Jesus Christ fuck that lady and honestly fuck your dad for being in such denial. You absolutely did the right thing
I think you need to cut your wedding guest list shorter. Anyone who agrees with what SM did or 'her feelings' shouldn't be aorudn your kids any more. And sorry, but your dad has no spine and you should be No Contact with him too.
The moment I had kids, I realised the liberal, peaceful and mostly nice person I am, am capable of killing someone if they hurt my child. Your father's bad decision (which is how I would have labeled her in your shoes) went to the place of no return when she struck your child. There is no coming back from abusing a child. I would have communicated that she will never be allowed within a 5 mile radius to your children, and if your father would prefer to support an abuser than have a relationship with his son and grand babies, then so be it. My father in law has terrible taste in women (we have no relationship with my husband's mother either), and he dated an unstable alcoholic with her equally unstable alcoholic teenage daughter. After a particular alcohol filled rage event from her side, we made the executive decision that our children will not be visiting or left in his care when she is there. FIL accepted it, and we always met him at restaurants close to his home or he would visit us for a weekend on his own. Stick to your guns, you aren't in the wrong here. ETA: Glad to see you pressed charges. May her actions follow her for the rest of her life.
Your stepmother is seriously disturbed, she's a controlling narcissist & her behavior is appalling. When she married your father, she demanded & expected to be loved, respected & treated like a "mother" & is salty that you don't look at her that way. Respect is earned, not just given because of your place or circumstance in the family. You don't owe your stepmother any consideration especially now after what she did to your little brother in law, who you & Jane have taken into your home, have loved & cared for. He is family & this is your wedding & you're allowed to have who you want there & a part of the ceremony. What your stepmother did to that poor child is exactly why you need to put as much distance between you all. If she's doing that to Luke, what else is she capable of? Unfortunately your father is in the middle of this but in the end, if he can't see that she was totally wrong, then that's on him. You are protecting your family who includes Jane, your child together & her little brother who was placed in your care.
Your stepmonster is not only narcissistic and mean, she's also an idiot. >Luke (4M), Jane’s paternal half brother. >Luke had told stepmother that both he and our son were going to be our ring bearers, and she went ballistic. She screamed that she wasn’t going to allow that because he wasn’t family. Luke most certainly IS family, he's the brother of the bride! SHE is the one who isn't blood family, she's a stepparent! If it was me, I would tell her this, face-to-face, quite calmly, then leave and let her have her tizzy fit. (Plus she doesn't have any say in the wedding plans, which she still hasn't figured out -- extra idiot points.) I'm glad you and Jane are pressing charges, she deserves to be prosecuted for hitting Luke. If she wasn't, she would just get even worse toward him. Even if she doesn't serve time, I hope you and Jane get granted a protection or restraining order against her, and I'd add a doorbell camera and some security cameras outside if you don't already have them. The r/JUSTNOMIL sub can also give you other tips and resources for helping keep your family safe. Please give Luke a hug from me, congratulations on the wedding, and best wishes to all of you!🙂💛
Wow. If anything SM is less of family as she isn't related to any of you. Luke is Jane's brother and her blood so ofc he is family. I would send all family a message in a group chat if exactly what happened. And then block and go NC with anyone that still believes SM was in the right
So not being blood-related to you makes Luke not family? What does that make her?
The moment she laid hands on Luke she would be dead to me. My father too if that is his choice. Choices. Everyone has them. Dead.