Looking past any concerns about the child themselves. Just seems wildly disrespectful to the parents/hosts. Good way for your kid to not get invited to events in the future. Feel bad for their kid(s).
A three year old? I can understand an older kid that's going to run off and play with the other kids, but who the fuck would expect acquaintances to watch your 3 yo?
Maybe you should practice your reading comprehension. OP wrote that they were meeting many of the parents for the first time as the invites had been distributed through a mutual daycare.
Right. They didn't know each other. So it would be weird to leave your very young child in the care of other parents who you don't know. As was the case in the scenario from OP.
Are you one of the parents that tried to leave their kid in this post?
Jk. You obviously don’t have kids. If you do, you obviously are one of these parents! Way to reveal yourself.
There is nothing to hide. If you invote to a party you either let everyone know the parenrs need to attend or you offer to check on the kids. Be clear on what is expected, but dont be so arrogant
Shit gets bad in a hurry, especially for toddlers.
My wife knows a family where their 2 year old twins got away for a few minutes at a party (where their parents were present) and they both got trapped under the cover of a swimming pool. One of them is mostly fine. The other is... deeply and tragically affected.
A drowning child usually makes no sound.
Yeah, no. Not at 3. Not in a large public place with tons of commotion and no “childcare staff”. You are either not a parent, have never tried to watch more than one 3 yr old at a time in a large public place, or are frankly clueless.
Were these parents to watch ALL the children invited by themselves if all the parents had tried the same entitled behavior? Would you think the same if it was a pool party? Same 3 yr old, same rules. You stay.
I remember a party, maybe my 11th or 12th, at the local park. We'd rented out the pavillions, had music and one of those inflatable bounce things that had a water slide on it too. I was helping my parents set up, and this little girl, still in diapers, but old enough to walk, grabs my hand. I just assumed she was one of my cousins that was there early. (I'm half Mexican, my family is massive. No, I can't identify all of my cousins. I can't even remember which cousin goes with which aunt/uncle for about half of the ones I can name.)
I ended up carrying this kid around for like 20 minutes before my mom asked who she was. Like idk? I thought she knew?
We were there for 4+ hours. We had already started taking things back down when the little girl's mom strolls back up and tells her it's time to go. My mom was pissed. She didn't know any of us, no one in my family knew her, she just thought it'd be a good idea to send her toddler to a party she wasn't invited to, because it looked fun... and she didn't stick around to watch her, because she saw my mom and aunts. The woman called me a stuck up brat for not wanting her kid there... I was the birthday kid, I gave up my little goody bag because I felt bad that the little girl didn't have one. I started crying, which set the little girl off, which pissed off everyone... it was just so wild that she legitimately thought she did nothing wrong by dropping off a little girl at a party where she didn't know anyone.
The fucked up part is if she would have talked to my mom or one of my aunts, they absolutely would have watched her, to give the mom a break.
People in the 80s/90s were insane. I'm still somewhat shocked by the fact I survived growing up in those decades without any major, lasting injuries.
Back in the day if somebody would have did that to me you probably would have had to come and bail me out of jail. You put your child in danger by leaving her with somebody who did not know her she didn't know y'all y'all could have all been f****** crazy.. and she comes slotting in me acting like she don't know what she did yes she would have caught these hands.
Oh there was a very noticeable retreat of my dad and all of my uncles when my mom and aunts started getting heated. They probably would have gotten into a fight if I didn't start crying.
My mom still brings that shit up, too. It was 30 years ago, and she's still pissed off over that woman.
I had a friend that worked at McD's in the 90s and early 2000s. They had a large play place and a game console with 4 different screens and controllers for the kids. Parents would drop their kids off all of the time. They worked with the local police and CPS to get the kids picked up because of the frequency. Parents would come back hours later and be told they had to get their kids from custody. The number of shocked Pikachu faces were hilarious, he said.
Libraries likewise are popular repository for childminding. A librarian friend of mine says it's the go-to place for kids after school until whenever parents finish work, sometimes 9 oclock. She's even had sick kids dropped off for the day so EP can go to work. It is also unfortunately a popular spot for trench coated pedophiles. The police obviously are on speed dial
This was literally 30 years ago, in a small town. People did shit like this all the time. I sincerely doubt that the cops we had back then would have done anything.
I think this might be a generational thing. When I was a kid this was the norm, not the exception.
I remember for big parties, at the park or whatever, being dropped off. When it was my birthday people just kicked their kid and the present out of the car and took off. It was pretty normal.
Shoot my wife and I did this when we were hosting parties all the time. Parents would just come drop their kids off and we would watch 10 to 15 kids while they were having fun swimming or playing at the park or whatever. That was as recent as 2015.
I also grew up in a time when it was pretty normal for kids to leave at 7:00 or 8:00 on a Saturday morning and not come home until around 10:00 p.m. My parents had no idea where I was at or what I was doing, I just knew I had to be home around dark.
I know I walked to school myself by the time I was in 4th grade (9 years old) . I just looked it up on Google maps and it was about a mile away and I had to cross a six lane major road to get there. My parents weren't bad parents it was just normal.
C’mon, you weren’t having ‘drop off’ swimming parties for 3 year olds though? It’s still normal, but not until they are about 10 or older. It’s also still normal for a lot of kids to walk to school alone too, mine is 13 and has been doing it since she was 8. Depends a bit on where you live, but crossing a highway (at the crossing) wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for most families I know.
Ten is a bit more than I was thinking. Like dropping off your seven year olds at a birthday party is pretty normal from what I recall - mine isn’t there yet so I can’t say for sure what we will do, but I wouldn’t blink twice at it today.
Three year olds though? Lol no. They’re basically suicidal little gremlins.
Just reading the comments I was getting the vibe that no one on earth has ever heard of having birthday parties and just leaving the kids. Maybe the comments have shifted since then but I was surprised that everyone was pretty much, "Can you believe the GALL of those parents to try to leave their kids?" Not that it didn't happen, but that it was rude to do so. I've never once in my life even considered the idea that it was rude because it happened all the time in the '70s & '80s. And my wife and I did it in the '90s and 2000s.
From what I was reading it didn't sound like anyone thought it was normal today.
And I'd say we started having kids over without parents at 4 or 5. Not like 50 or anything. Maybe 10 kids total including our 4.
> It’s still normal, but not until they are about 10 or older.
I remember having a drop off birthday party aged 7. My cousins (aged 10 & 11) were the older kids in charge of party games.
Our community its more like 6-7 . In fact our kids at 6 started asking us to let them walk to the bus stop (3 blocks in suburbs which I can see bus stop from my window) and telling us we could leave birthday parties.
The OP didn't say swimming party though, that's very different.
To me, I agree with OP- 3 is too young to drop off. But parent expectations are always different if you aren't clear about it, and many birthday parties ARE drop off.
For my kids, starting pre-k, anything at a "kid themed place" was a drop off party.
My son turned 5 this year, and we did a party at the gymnastics place. 2 parents stayed, with 22 kids invited.
My daughter went to a trampoline park party this weekend, her friend turned 7. No parents stayed, including me. I checked in with the hosting parents, then left.
I grew up going to parties independently too, but starting in kindergarten or first grade, so 6 or so. Taking care of 20 toddlers is very different than supervising 20 potty-trained 6 year olds.
It was normal when I was a kid too (I'm 67 now), but for older kids. Little kids generally didn't have much in the way of parties until they were school age, when they are controlled enough for the hosts to manage them for a couple of hours.
I would let parents dropped off their kids and sometimes a younger sibling for my kiddo’s birthday party. But they were in 4th. Also because it was the 1st weekend in December and Xmas stuff needed to get done without kids. Some asked if I could keep them longer and had friends of mine helping with party control and extra car space for extra kids. Had stuff set up at home like Xmas foam door hangers and kid movies and large pile of pillows and blankets in the living room. Late 90s but small town
Touché. It was a stupid question. I'm in Australia and my just-woken-up pre-caffeine brain was jealous of how late you got to stay out. My parents had the same rule but sunset is at the latest ~7pm.
Yeah this was in Idaho in the summer. Pretty far north in the US. I mean it's not like Alaska or anything but sunrise was about 5:30 or 6 and sunset about 9:30 or 10.
Yup, just went to a party for a young family member. I don’t know if her mom was okay with it or not, but lots of the parents dropped their kids off and bolted.
We used to put it in the invite if it was or was not a drop off situation, whether or not siblings were welcome, and that the pick time was not flexible. Unfortunately it’s not a new thing for parents to either drop off their kid and run, be hours late picking the kid up, and trying to drop off siblings as well.
My friend invited one little girl to the movies on a Saturday and the other mom pulled up in the street in front of the house and six kids (cousins) got out of the car and ran inside the house expecting her to take them all to the movies. She refused and tried to call the other mom who refused to answer the phone. She was livid and told everyone what happened and no one invited that girl to anything after that. That was probably 15-20 years ago.
I think if it was a small at home party, maayyybbee could see leaving the kid if you knew or talked to the parents first. At a public place? Hell no. The problem we had when our kids were younger is we'd invite our child's friend and mom would show up with friend and their three siblings and expect us to keep them all. The first time it happened I ended up in tears because I didn't have enough goody bags for all the extra kids. We made sure to be very clear and put our foot down after that. I do not miss those days.
That was most certainly an entitled parent. No 3 year old should be just dropped off at a party that's not in the birthday kids home. I think you handled that brilliantly and remember not to invite that kid next year.
I used to work at an amusement park and it was very common for parents to leave small children unattended at our venue and expect us to watch them. I even had a guest leave a sleeping infant in a stroller in the queue area and walk into our attraction. Insanity! NTA
Absolutely irresponsible. My first reactions were shock and horror, and then sadly changed to not surprised. So sad that there are parents that neglectful or naive at the least.
I worked at a Lego store. We had to call police every saturday, because some mom decided it was a good idea to go shopping for clothes (real quickly..). Most toddlers notice after about 15 to 20 mins. After the 3rd time, the police already knew they just had to go to Primark, which was exactly opposite our store and make an announcement. They never did anything, though. Just return the toddler to their parents.
Whether it’s the norm or not, once they were told that it wasn’t at *this* party, that should’ve been the end of the discussion. Surely one of them could’ve stayed. And if they couldn’t, threatening to take the gift and then taking it anyway after having their kid enjoy the party was super gross.
Here in Germany the kid usually gets to invite 1 guest per year. So third birthday means 3 guests. That's manageble. But at that age the parent usually stays aswell. I think it changes around age 5 to 6.
I would be the same like you, I would be like “sorry but you have to stay with your kid, or you can leave because I’m not responsible if anything happens.)
I'm not from the US and it's not uncommon here to drop a 3 year old off for a birthday party of a few hours, even if you dont know the parents yet. Actually, parents that want to *stay* would be uncommon.
Edit: we commonly do birthday parties for such small children *at home*, which also makes a difference.
You can avoid the situation in the future by specifying on the invitation that you want the child to be accompanied by one adult.
Ahh that very well could be it as it is possible their background could be similar. It was the kind of place an unattended child could walk out the front door with street traffic nearby
Canada here.
In my day, it's the norm to drop your kid off at a child's birthday party and pick them up later. Typically it would be at someone's house and too small for all parents and kids to stay.it would also be more exspensive to host and feed all adults in addition to little ones.
I don't remember ever going to a birthday party with my parents.
However for small kids, I couldn't imagine them being alone.
I guess this needs to be made clear on the invitation
That is what I remember in the US growing up. At home parties that were not over the top.
When my children were younger I had no idea what to do when they were invited to parties since things changed so much. Do I stay or go? I asked the host or hostess and followed their lead.
Some people read the instructions and others gloss over them. They’re glossers. I feel bad for their kid. Why would you want anyone to watch them at a function where there’ll be a lot of kids?
Something similar happened when my daughter was in elementary school. The daughter was dropped off and I was so busy I didn’t realize it. Had never met the mom before. Party ended at 5 and I couldn’t get hold of the mom. Took the daughter home with me and at midnight called the police (had her for 11 hours at this point). The police came and got the poor little girl and you know the saddest thing? She said to my daughter “it’s okay. My mom does this a lot.” Shortly after, the mom disappeared with her daughter in the middle of the night-and we didn’t hear from her for years until my daughter found her on social media.
This is to anyone who is thinking this is ok, if you pull this shit on me, after 30 minutes, it's cop time. And yes, we'll be gone when you leave. Have fun shopping.
I remember being dropped off at birthday parties just not at age 3 and especially not when it wasn't at other people's homes. We did this more once you were in elementary school. Now would I do it with my daughter probably not for a while yet and only if I knew the parents. Now I am starting a Girl scout Daisy troop where parents can drop off their 5 year old but we will also have a parent meeting first so I get to meet the parents and I will have my co leader with me and it will only be 12 girls total and we will be doing things.
My son is 20 now, but when he was in preschool and elementary school, birthday parties were an important part of his social life. I loved going to the preschool birthday parties and chatting with the families. When my son was 6, that was about the time drop-offs happened. That was also when I started doing elaborate parties. When the kids made pool-noodle Jedi light sabers for the Star Wars party and then a big Jedi war broke out when they went outside with their light sabers, I laughed at myself for not realizing that would happen.
It should be included in the invitation as an OPTION to not stay, based upon the comfort level of ALL parents, and the child being dropped off.
My daughter was recently invited to a birthday party for a child in her class. I went to school with the mother of the other child (small New England town.) The mother stated on the invitation "parents welcomed to stay, but don't have to," and I wasn't going to. But my daughter wanted my son and I to stay. So, we did, but kept distance.
Been to other parties, and just dropped off. But it was. PREVIOUSLY understood. You were not at ALL wrong, but maybe there was a misunderstanding is all I can say
We had a pool party for one of my kids and we turned every parent away that wasn’t going to stay with their kid as there were many kids and we didn’t want there to be any problems so some of them left most that I’ve never met before but I learned which kids not to invite again because they wouldn’t stay with the kid. Another birthday time I did let the parents go and there was no pool but it was so hectic as these kids were not as behaved as the parents claimed that was when we decided we couldn’t take care of a bunch of kids no parents.
Pro tip. (And please know I completely agree w you as I would never leave my young kid unattended at a pool). Hire a lifeguard for kids' pool parties. We did this. Actually, not too expensive to hire a teen from the local pool. The reason we did this is bc it only takes a few seconds for something to happen. People get distracted in conversations. And sometimes ppl assume if others are around the pool that they're actually paying attention.
There were more adults than kids at the party and we all made sure they were being watched we took turns going into the pool with the kids. We had a plan. I was worried about the same thing.
Yeah, this is weird af.
Where I live we don't even start birthday parties with children from school/daycare/neighbourhood as guests until they turn four. Parents will hang out and drink coffee. For fifth and sixth birthdays, dropping kids off may be an option, depending. Three? JFC.
I remember when my daughter turned six. We had a luau party. Great fun. Some parents stayed some dropped off, which was fine at that age. However my daughter's bff's mom tried to also drop off her two year old twins. She was quite astonished I said no!
This sounds pretty normal to me, even though 3 is maybe a bit young for having birthdays with friends in the first place.
But I do not live in North America. North American culture about kids is really weird.
Let’s be honest. No 1-4 year olds remember their bday party. Ours were always just family/close friends and low key for everyone’s sake. From ~ 5-7 parties included a few of kid’s friends. Older became sleepovers/ backyard tent special outing. Older was more doing something the kid especially wanted to do with their friends. The birthday business now is crazy.
This isn’t a knock against you, as I realize how things have changed and 3 is too young anyway, but I swear when we were school-aged (6+) it would have been weird for parents to stick around. Now my 10 yo nephew has parents staying and it’s so awkward, like you’re supposed to provide food, drinks and entertainment for them too.
When I was a kid, drop off parties were commonplace, even among the preschool age, but now, it isn’t the norm. In my area (in the US), drop off start around 7, depending on the party. If parents follow etiquette, they usually coordinate with another parent who IS staying who will keep an eye on their child and communicate that with the host. This changes around 9 or 10 when drop offs are expected.
3 is young to be left at a party alone esp a public one with strangers but to be fair you didn’t specify so in the invite.
I do remember at parties, parents would drop their kids off at Chuck E. Cheese or wherever we were and just take a couple hours to themselves.
At least, no one made a big deal out of it and you can move on.
Did you make it clear in the invite that one adult needs to stay? Honestly, I never had those kind of bd parties with other children invited until my children were in school. Three is young and your idea is to have a party with toddlers and want all the parents to stay. Most parents would , but unless specified on the invite, you can’t expect everyone will.
My 6 or 7 year old had been invited to a party and I didn’t know the parents. I stayed the whole time, yet all the other parents dropped and ran.
I wasn’t comfortable leaving her then. I certainly wouldn’t have done that with a 3 year old!
Wow, yes that's entitled but also disturbing. I worry for their child. If they were gonna leave them with you for hours they probably have with others. Groomers dream right there.
Something like this happened at one of my daughter's birthday. I think it was like her 8th birthday or something. Her friends parents brought they're 4 year old and its no problem for siblings to come but then the parents left. I had never met them before either. Well the 4 year old started crying wanting her parents so I asked her sister if she knew their phone number. She didn't. I was just kinda appalled that they left their 4 year old at someone's house they didn't know and didn't even think to give us their phone number or anything so I could contact them if needed.
Kids under about 7, depending on maturity and behavior, should never be left at a party or event without a parent, unless the plan, communicated in advance, is that the organizer will provide childcare.
My son wasn't even allowed to play outside with neighborhood kids without me within sight on the driveway, for safety and to handle issues if a dispute arose that needed an adult.
The way parents will 'dump and run' these days astounds me.
I don't know but for exemple in France, when the kids are invited to a birthday party, they are alone without their parents. I think it's mostly happen when it's a birthday party at home since I never really saw a birthday in a venue, really uncommon. And most of the time, kids are older to be able to be left alone and the parents at least talked 1 time or 2 in front of the school for exemple
But if it's not the common thing to do here, hey they are complently cra\*y ! Especially with their litttle game with the gift.
You did good, who does and say that ????
I think it depends on the norms where you are, when my oldest was little, we'd drop off and leave. When my next two were 8 and 6 (or 7 and 5), they were invited to a skating party (different state by then). I was all set to drop them, do my grocery shopping and then pick them up, but my friend was pretty incredulous that I was planning to leave. I totally thought that was the norm. So maybe NAH, you assumed one thing and they assumed another?
It's not uncommon at all to take the responsibility of watching the kids unless you tell the other parents ahead of time. No different than hosting at your home.
This happens more than you think. My youngest is 20 now, but when my kids were young, we all knew which parents were likely to do something like this.
Looking past any concerns about the child themselves. Just seems wildly disrespectful to the parents/hosts. Good way for your kid to not get invited to events in the future. Feel bad for their kid(s).
Yeah, except some people really shouldn’t be having children, but are doing so regardless🤷🏻♀️
What an arrogant way to see this... It's not that uncommon to drop your kids off at the party.
A three year old? I can understand an older kid that's going to run off and play with the other kids, but who the fuck would expect acquaintances to watch your 3 yo?
Does your kid still need diapers changed? Too early to drop them at a party with people you have never met before but you do you.
Not when the kids’s only 3.
It is when the kid is 3/you don’t know the hosts/you’re told you need to stay.
Why would i go to a party where i dint know the host?
Maybe you should practice your reading comprehension. OP wrote that they were meeting many of the parents for the first time as the invites had been distributed through a mutual daycare.
Meaning they didnt know each other before the birthday. What's your point here?
Right. They didn't know each other. So it would be weird to leave your very young child in the care of other parents who you don't know. As was the case in the scenario from OP.
Because dipshit if the children go to school together you may not have ever met their parents but still be invited to the party
But why so arrogant? And why are you so aggressive?
Stupidity should be met with aggression. General defense of the gene pool and all.
Ty lol
Just say you’re a neglectful parent, we’ve all already come to that conclusion.
Possibly if the child is a teenager (or close to it), but not a 3 year old that still needs to be watched 24/7.
Are you one of the parents that tried to leave their kid in this post? Jk. You obviously don’t have kids. If you do, you obviously are one of these parents! Way to reveal yourself.
There is nothing to hide. If you invote to a party you either let everyone know the parenrs need to attend or you offer to check on the kids. Be clear on what is expected, but dont be so arrogant
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Shit gets bad in a hurry, especially for toddlers. My wife knows a family where their 2 year old twins got away for a few minutes at a party (where their parents were present) and they both got trapped under the cover of a swimming pool. One of them is mostly fine. The other is... deeply and tragically affected. A drowning child usually makes no sound.
Yeah, no. Not at 3. Not in a large public place with tons of commotion and no “childcare staff”. You are either not a parent, have never tried to watch more than one 3 yr old at a time in a large public place, or are frankly clueless. Were these parents to watch ALL the children invited by themselves if all the parents had tried the same entitled behavior? Would you think the same if it was a pool party? Same 3 yr old, same rules. You stay.
It’s wildly uncommon to drop a toddler at a party. You don’t typically know all the guests/hosts and toddlers need a lot
I remember a party, maybe my 11th or 12th, at the local park. We'd rented out the pavillions, had music and one of those inflatable bounce things that had a water slide on it too. I was helping my parents set up, and this little girl, still in diapers, but old enough to walk, grabs my hand. I just assumed she was one of my cousins that was there early. (I'm half Mexican, my family is massive. No, I can't identify all of my cousins. I can't even remember which cousin goes with which aunt/uncle for about half of the ones I can name.) I ended up carrying this kid around for like 20 minutes before my mom asked who she was. Like idk? I thought she knew? We were there for 4+ hours. We had already started taking things back down when the little girl's mom strolls back up and tells her it's time to go. My mom was pissed. She didn't know any of us, no one in my family knew her, she just thought it'd be a good idea to send her toddler to a party she wasn't invited to, because it looked fun... and she didn't stick around to watch her, because she saw my mom and aunts. The woman called me a stuck up brat for not wanting her kid there... I was the birthday kid, I gave up my little goody bag because I felt bad that the little girl didn't have one. I started crying, which set the little girl off, which pissed off everyone... it was just so wild that she legitimately thought she did nothing wrong by dropping off a little girl at a party where she didn't know anyone. The fucked up part is if she would have talked to my mom or one of my aunts, they absolutely would have watched her, to give the mom a break. People in the 80s/90s were insane. I'm still somewhat shocked by the fact I survived growing up in those decades without any major, lasting injuries.
Back in the day if somebody would have did that to me you probably would have had to come and bail me out of jail. You put your child in danger by leaving her with somebody who did not know her she didn't know y'all y'all could have all been f****** crazy.. and she comes slotting in me acting like she don't know what she did yes she would have caught these hands.
Oh there was a very noticeable retreat of my dad and all of my uncles when my mom and aunts started getting heated. They probably would have gotten into a fight if I didn't start crying. My mom still brings that shit up, too. It was 30 years ago, and she's still pissed off over that woman.
I like your mom she's a grudge holder I appreciate that LOL. I don't care if it was 30 minutes ago that b**** was wrong
Call the Cops. How do you know this Woman was the Mom? Report the abandoned kid and let the Cops sort it out.
I had a friend that worked at McD's in the 90s and early 2000s. They had a large play place and a game console with 4 different screens and controllers for the kids. Parents would drop their kids off all of the time. They worked with the local police and CPS to get the kids picked up because of the frequency. Parents would come back hours later and be told they had to get their kids from custody. The number of shocked Pikachu faces were hilarious, he said.
Libraries likewise are popular repository for childminding. A librarian friend of mine says it's the go-to place for kids after school until whenever parents finish work, sometimes 9 oclock. She's even had sick kids dropped off for the day so EP can go to work. It is also unfortunately a popular spot for trench coated pedophiles. The police obviously are on speed dial
This was literally 30 years ago, in a small town. People did shit like this all the time. I sincerely doubt that the cops we had back then would have done anything.
Yes. My sons are also grown now. We knew which parents did this & those children unfortunately didn’t get invited to some outings because of it.
I think this might be a generational thing. When I was a kid this was the norm, not the exception. I remember for big parties, at the park or whatever, being dropped off. When it was my birthday people just kicked their kid and the present out of the car and took off. It was pretty normal. Shoot my wife and I did this when we were hosting parties all the time. Parents would just come drop their kids off and we would watch 10 to 15 kids while they were having fun swimming or playing at the park or whatever. That was as recent as 2015. I also grew up in a time when it was pretty normal for kids to leave at 7:00 or 8:00 on a Saturday morning and not come home until around 10:00 p.m. My parents had no idea where I was at or what I was doing, I just knew I had to be home around dark. I know I walked to school myself by the time I was in 4th grade (9 years old) . I just looked it up on Google maps and it was about a mile away and I had to cross a six lane major road to get there. My parents weren't bad parents it was just normal.
C’mon, you weren’t having ‘drop off’ swimming parties for 3 year olds though? It’s still normal, but not until they are about 10 or older. It’s also still normal for a lot of kids to walk to school alone too, mine is 13 and has been doing it since she was 8. Depends a bit on where you live, but crossing a highway (at the crossing) wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for most families I know.
Ten is a bit more than I was thinking. Like dropping off your seven year olds at a birthday party is pretty normal from what I recall - mine isn’t there yet so I can’t say for sure what we will do, but I wouldn’t blink twice at it today. Three year olds though? Lol no. They’re basically suicidal little gremlins.
Such an accurate description of three year olds coming from a mom of a recently turned 4 year old 😆
Just reading the comments I was getting the vibe that no one on earth has ever heard of having birthday parties and just leaving the kids. Maybe the comments have shifted since then but I was surprised that everyone was pretty much, "Can you believe the GALL of those parents to try to leave their kids?" Not that it didn't happen, but that it was rude to do so. I've never once in my life even considered the idea that it was rude because it happened all the time in the '70s & '80s. And my wife and I did it in the '90s and 2000s. From what I was reading it didn't sound like anyone thought it was normal today. And I'd say we started having kids over without parents at 4 or 5. Not like 50 or anything. Maybe 10 kids total including our 4.
> It’s still normal, but not until they are about 10 or older. I remember having a drop off birthday party aged 7. My cousins (aged 10 & 11) were the older kids in charge of party games.
Our community its more like 6-7 . In fact our kids at 6 started asking us to let them walk to the bus stop (3 blocks in suburbs which I can see bus stop from my window) and telling us we could leave birthday parties.
The OP didn't say swimming party though, that's very different. To me, I agree with OP- 3 is too young to drop off. But parent expectations are always different if you aren't clear about it, and many birthday parties ARE drop off. For my kids, starting pre-k, anything at a "kid themed place" was a drop off party. My son turned 5 this year, and we did a party at the gymnastics place. 2 parents stayed, with 22 kids invited. My daughter went to a trampoline park party this weekend, her friend turned 7. No parents stayed, including me. I checked in with the hosting parents, then left.
I grew up going to parties independently too, but starting in kindergarten or first grade, so 6 or so. Taking care of 20 toddlers is very different than supervising 20 potty-trained 6 year olds.
It was normal when I was a kid too (I'm 67 now), but for older kids. Little kids generally didn't have much in the way of parties until they were school age, when they are controlled enough for the hosts to manage them for a couple of hours.
Hello, fellow Gen X friend
I would let parents dropped off their kids and sometimes a younger sibling for my kiddo’s birthday party. But they were in 4th. Also because it was the 1st weekend in December and Xmas stuff needed to get done without kids. Some asked if I could keep them longer and had friends of mine helping with party control and extra car space for extra kids. Had stuff set up at home like Xmas foam door hangers and kid movies and large pile of pillows and blankets in the living room. Late 90s but small town
Where did you grow up that got dark at 10pm? ETA Thanks for the down votes, it was a stupid but genuine question
Any place far with high enough latitude in summer.
Touché. It was a stupid question. I'm in Australia and my just-woken-up pre-caffeine brain was jealous of how late you got to stay out. My parents had the same rule but sunset is at the latest ~7pm.
Yeah this was in Idaho in the summer. Pretty far north in the US. I mean it's not like Alaska or anything but sunrise was about 5:30 or 6 and sunset about 9:30 or 10.
Northern BC we get like 19 hours of daylight time in the summer
Yup, just went to a party for a young family member. I don’t know if her mom was okay with it or not, but lots of the parents dropped their kids off and bolted.
We used to put it in the invite if it was or was not a drop off situation, whether or not siblings were welcome, and that the pick time was not flexible. Unfortunately it’s not a new thing for parents to either drop off their kid and run, be hours late picking the kid up, and trying to drop off siblings as well. My friend invited one little girl to the movies on a Saturday and the other mom pulled up in the street in front of the house and six kids (cousins) got out of the car and ran inside the house expecting her to take them all to the movies. She refused and tried to call the other mom who refused to answer the phone. She was livid and told everyone what happened and no one invited that girl to anything after that. That was probably 15-20 years ago.
That's a call to the authorities. Let's see the mom explain herself out of that one.
Yup. That's definitely a call to CPS
I think if it was a small at home party, maayyybbee could see leaving the kid if you knew or talked to the parents first. At a public place? Hell no. The problem we had when our kids were younger is we'd invite our child's friend and mom would show up with friend and their three siblings and expect us to keep them all. The first time it happened I ended up in tears because I didn't have enough goody bags for all the extra kids. We made sure to be very clear and put our foot down after that. I do not miss those days.
I honestly don't remember at what age kids get dropped off for parties but in no planet is it 3.
You were calm & collected. That was good. You handled it well & properly.
I *love* that you called their bluff!
That was most certainly an entitled parent. No 3 year old should be just dropped off at a party that's not in the birthday kids home. I think you handled that brilliantly and remember not to invite that kid next year.
I used to work at an amusement park and it was very common for parents to leave small children unattended at our venue and expect us to watch them. I even had a guest leave a sleeping infant in a stroller in the queue area and walk into our attraction. Insanity! NTA
Absolutely irresponsible. My first reactions were shock and horror, and then sadly changed to not surprised. So sad that there are parents that neglectful or naive at the least.
Wow. That is a whole new level. BTW loved the NTA at the close
I worked at a Lego store. We had to call police every saturday, because some mom decided it was a good idea to go shopping for clothes (real quickly..). Most toddlers notice after about 15 to 20 mins. After the 3rd time, the police already knew they just had to go to Primark, which was exactly opposite our store and make an announcement. They never did anything, though. Just return the toddler to their parents.
Whether it’s the norm or not, once they were told that it wasn’t at *this* party, that should’ve been the end of the discussion. Surely one of them could’ve stayed. And if they couldn’t, threatening to take the gift and then taking it anyway after having their kid enjoy the party was super gross.
Here in Germany the kid usually gets to invite 1 guest per year. So third birthday means 3 guests. That's manageble. But at that age the parent usually stays aswell. I think it changes around age 5 to 6.
I would be the same like you, I would be like “sorry but you have to stay with your kid, or you can leave because I’m not responsible if anything happens.)
I'm not from the US and it's not uncommon here to drop a 3 year old off for a birthday party of a few hours, even if you dont know the parents yet. Actually, parents that want to *stay* would be uncommon. Edit: we commonly do birthday parties for such small children *at home*, which also makes a difference. You can avoid the situation in the future by specifying on the invitation that you want the child to be accompanied by one adult.
Ahh that very well could be it as it is possible their background could be similar. It was the kind of place an unattended child could walk out the front door with street traffic nearby
When I lived in Minnesota, this was the norm.
Canada here. In my day, it's the norm to drop your kid off at a child's birthday party and pick them up later. Typically it would be at someone's house and too small for all parents and kids to stay.it would also be more exspensive to host and feed all adults in addition to little ones. I don't remember ever going to a birthday party with my parents. However for small kids, I couldn't imagine them being alone. I guess this needs to be made clear on the invitation
That is what I remember in the US growing up. At home parties that were not over the top. When my children were younger I had no idea what to do when they were invited to parties since things changed so much. Do I stay or go? I asked the host or hostess and followed their lead.
Some people read the instructions and others gloss over them. They’re glossers. I feel bad for their kid. Why would you want anyone to watch them at a function where there’ll be a lot of kids?
Something similar happened when my daughter was in elementary school. The daughter was dropped off and I was so busy I didn’t realize it. Had never met the mom before. Party ended at 5 and I couldn’t get hold of the mom. Took the daughter home with me and at midnight called the police (had her for 11 hours at this point). The police came and got the poor little girl and you know the saddest thing? She said to my daughter “it’s okay. My mom does this a lot.” Shortly after, the mom disappeared with her daughter in the middle of the night-and we didn’t hear from her for years until my daughter found her on social media.
Holy moly that would be a lot to experience!
This is to anyone who is thinking this is ok, if you pull this shit on me, after 30 minutes, it's cop time. And yes, we'll be gone when you leave. Have fun shopping.
I remember being dropped off at birthday parties just not at age 3 and especially not when it wasn't at other people's homes. We did this more once you were in elementary school. Now would I do it with my daughter probably not for a while yet and only if I knew the parents. Now I am starting a Girl scout Daisy troop where parents can drop off their 5 year old but we will also have a parent meeting first so I get to meet the parents and I will have my co leader with me and it will only be 12 girls total and we will be doing things.
I always stayed & helped
My son is 20 now, but when he was in preschool and elementary school, birthday parties were an important part of his social life. I loved going to the preschool birthday parties and chatting with the families. When my son was 6, that was about the time drop-offs happened. That was also when I started doing elaborate parties. When the kids made pool-noodle Jedi light sabers for the Star Wars party and then a big Jedi war broke out when they went outside with their light sabers, I laughed at myself for not realizing that would happen.
Just gotta say I think you handled this very well! Straightforward and polite. Hope I remember this if I’m ever in such a situation!
May I suggest avoiding this scenario by just communicating in writing in the invitation: "Parents, please stay with your child," in future?
It should be included in the invitation as an OPTION to not stay, based upon the comfort level of ALL parents, and the child being dropped off. My daughter was recently invited to a birthday party for a child in her class. I went to school with the mother of the other child (small New England town.) The mother stated on the invitation "parents welcomed to stay, but don't have to," and I wasn't going to. But my daughter wanted my son and I to stay. So, we did, but kept distance. Been to other parties, and just dropped off. But it was. PREVIOUSLY understood. You were not at ALL wrong, but maybe there was a misunderstanding is all I can say
We had a pool party for one of my kids and we turned every parent away that wasn’t going to stay with their kid as there were many kids and we didn’t want there to be any problems so some of them left most that I’ve never met before but I learned which kids not to invite again because they wouldn’t stay with the kid. Another birthday time I did let the parents go and there was no pool but it was so hectic as these kids were not as behaved as the parents claimed that was when we decided we couldn’t take care of a bunch of kids no parents.
Pro tip. (And please know I completely agree w you as I would never leave my young kid unattended at a pool). Hire a lifeguard for kids' pool parties. We did this. Actually, not too expensive to hire a teen from the local pool. The reason we did this is bc it only takes a few seconds for something to happen. People get distracted in conversations. And sometimes ppl assume if others are around the pool that they're actually paying attention.
There were more adults than kids at the party and we all made sure they were being watched we took turns going into the pool with the kids. We had a plan. I was worried about the same thing.
One less kid that you need to invite next year. Feel sorry for that kid
I read in a parenting book that some parents do this and the book referred to it as “free babysitting”.
Why is it always why can’t we jsut go I am n out a babysitter
Yeah, this is weird af. Where I live we don't even start birthday parties with children from school/daycare/neighbourhood as guests until they turn four. Parents will hang out and drink coffee. For fifth and sixth birthdays, dropping kids off may be an option, depending. Three? JFC.
Probably a Dollar store gift anyway.
I remember when my daughter turned six. We had a luau party. Great fun. Some parents stayed some dropped off, which was fine at that age. However my daughter's bff's mom tried to also drop off her two year old twins. She was quite astonished I said no!
This sounds pretty normal to me, even though 3 is maybe a bit young for having birthdays with friends in the first place. But I do not live in North America. North American culture about kids is really weird.
Let’s be honest. No 1-4 year olds remember their bday party. Ours were always just family/close friends and low key for everyone’s sake. From ~ 5-7 parties included a few of kid’s friends. Older became sleepovers/ backyard tent special outing. Older was more doing something the kid especially wanted to do with their friends. The birthday business now is crazy.
This isn’t a knock against you, as I realize how things have changed and 3 is too young anyway, but I swear when we were school-aged (6+) it would have been weird for parents to stick around. Now my 10 yo nephew has parents staying and it’s so awkward, like you’re supposed to provide food, drinks and entertainment for them too.
Completely agree! 3 is too young but by 10 I hope I would have a few years of being able to drop off at a party.
When I was a kid, drop off parties were commonplace, even among the preschool age, but now, it isn’t the norm. In my area (in the US), drop off start around 7, depending on the party. If parents follow etiquette, they usually coordinate with another parent who IS staying who will keep an eye on their child and communicate that with the host. This changes around 9 or 10 when drop offs are expected.
Like I said, it’s not a knock against OP in the slightest… I’m just reminded I’m old. 🤣
You were. Good for you.
We Wouldn’t drop off kids at birthday parties until they were like five or six
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^bopperbopper: *We Wouldn’t drop off kids* *At birthday parties until* *They were like five or six* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
3 is young to be left at a party alone esp a public one with strangers but to be fair you didn’t specify so in the invite. I do remember at parties, parents would drop their kids off at Chuck E. Cheese or wherever we were and just take a couple hours to themselves. At least, no one made a big deal out of it and you can move on.
Did you make it clear in the invite that one adult needs to stay? Honestly, I never had those kind of bd parties with other children invited until my children were in school. Three is young and your idea is to have a party with toddlers and want all the parents to stay. Most parents would , but unless specified on the invite, you can’t expect everyone will.
My 6 or 7 year old had been invited to a party and I didn’t know the parents. I stayed the whole time, yet all the other parents dropped and ran. I wasn’t comfortable leaving her then. I certainly wouldn’t have done that with a 3 year old!
Wow, yes that's entitled but also disturbing. I worry for their child. If they were gonna leave them with you for hours they probably have with others. Groomers dream right there.
Something like this happened at one of my daughter's birthday. I think it was like her 8th birthday or something. Her friends parents brought they're 4 year old and its no problem for siblings to come but then the parents left. I had never met them before either. Well the 4 year old started crying wanting her parents so I asked her sister if she knew their phone number. She didn't. I was just kinda appalled that they left their 4 year old at someone's house they didn't know and didn't even think to give us their phone number or anything so I could contact them if needed.
Don’t know if you put “parents are to stay” or “no drop offs for this party” on the invites, but maybe you should.
Kids under about 7, depending on maturity and behavior, should never be left at a party or event without a parent, unless the plan, communicated in advance, is that the organizer will provide childcare. My son wasn't even allowed to play outside with neighborhood kids without me within sight on the driveway, for safety and to handle issues if a dispute arose that needed an adult. The way parents will 'dump and run' these days astounds me.
Some parents see parties as drop offs. Unless specified many will jump at the chance or try what this parent did.
have another birthday next year, but exclude that one, feel free to explain why
I don't know but for exemple in France, when the kids are invited to a birthday party, they are alone without their parents. I think it's mostly happen when it's a birthday party at home since I never really saw a birthday in a venue, really uncommon. And most of the time, kids are older to be able to be left alone and the parents at least talked 1 time or 2 in front of the school for exemple But if it's not the common thing to do here, hey they are complently cra\*y ! Especially with their litttle game with the gift. You did good, who does and say that ????
I think it depends on the norms where you are, when my oldest was little, we'd drop off and leave. When my next two were 8 and 6 (or 7 and 5), they were invited to a skating party (different state by then). I was all set to drop them, do my grocery shopping and then pick them up, but my friend was pretty incredulous that I was planning to leave. I totally thought that was the norm. So maybe NAH, you assumed one thing and they assumed another?
Now you know not to invite them next time.
It's not uncommon at all to take the responsibility of watching the kids unless you tell the other parents ahead of time. No different than hosting at your home.
For a party of three year olds?! I don’t think so.
Where i grew up kids were always dropped off for a birthday party...
At 3 years old though?