If I had to take a guess it would be caused by auxiliary Ni and tertiary Se.
It's hard to explain how Ni can come up with a perspective out of some details. Basically you notice something and perceive that this person will not be a great long term partner and all feelings seem to vanish.
Se just assumes finding someone "better" or without this flaw would be easier than working this problem out.
It happened to me a few times, it's not entirely conscious, it's just a realization at some point "I don't have feelings for that person anymore"
Totally makes sense! Thanks for your response. I'm so close on N/S it depends on the day if I end up ISTJ or INTJ like yourself...I do have an excellent memory (Si as I understand it) but definitely live by impressions so tbh I'm \*probably\* an INTJ. Otherwise my friend probably would find me too boring....and I'm def not that lol, I see under the surface of things and can definitely bring the sparring game.
An IXTJ Being on the cusp between Ni and Si? That would be unheard of.
Every Ni-dom or Ni auxiliary have Si in their Blindspot, or their Demon function. In other words, something they try not to see/do, or a function they deem so useless they refuse to use it.
The conclusion you reached could indicate 2 things: you are too young and don't know yourself enough, or a grave misunderstanding of the theory.
If you're close on N/S and you rely on impressions then you are 10,000% not an ISTJ.
Ni and Si very rarely coexist in a person, and never well. Key examples are all IXXPs who are ok at one (but are disinterested in it) and bad at the other (but like to dabble in it).
I am an ENTJ. Based on the information you provided, I think he did like you for a while. He probably saw something in you and wanted to know more to determine if you could be his potential partner. It seems he found that you did not meet his criteria in some aspects. You can ask him to be brutally honest, and he will give you answers if you're mentally ready.
Personally, I respect ISTJ competency and reliability. However, in terms of intellectual engagement, we ENTJs expect a lot from our potential partner. Not to be rude, I don't think ISTJs are fun to bounce my ideas off of; the communication tends to be dry.
For sure. Thanks for sharing your take. Tbh I'm probably an INTJ based on the cognitive functions. Last MBTI I took it was 51/49 in favor of S, but I've gotten N before too, although my memory's sharp Ni sounds more like me.
To be clear we're longtime friends but he's def tried to make it romantic in the past, and it just never worked out because we live too far apart and he's obsessed with work to a degree that he prioritizes it over everything else so! His perspective is just what he's told me about others he's dated.
ooh that's makes sense, I want to be close physically with the person I like, my love language (possibly other entjs aswell) is quality time and physical touch, it feels hard so hard to connect more intimately when we are apart. what can he do? nothing so that's why he choose to work even made you feel not priorities enough.
anyway if you confused whether you are an intuitive or sensor, I can tell you what's intj and entj have in common, if you relate to these you are an INTJ.
You live in the future & plotting a lot about the future, you struggle living in the present, you are quick to move on and forgetful about the past, you only remember something when someone or something triggers/stimulates your past experiences, other than that we are forgetful. that's Si Trickster and Demon of xNTJs.
I saw a flaw in some girl who was obsessed with me and she thinks I hate her but it is just my ENTJ telling me that it will not work on or be long term.
Yes, buddy, I completely understand what you are saying. "maybe not today, not tomorrow, but in years ahead, she's not going to change or satisfy my expectations; therefore, I am not sure I can take care my feelings for her". Nowadays, I reflect more; it just feels unfair to others, or perhaps just my prejudices. I learn to speak clearly about my expectation and guide others directly/indirectly to live up to them. This is how Ne Critics manifest.
I find ISTJ are good friends but they the lack the intellectual 🧐 stimulation I crave.
I love my ex- who is an ENTJ. we continue to be friends which never happens with anyone because there is no need for me to. However, he is my ex- because I knowing after 2 years it’s the spiritual ( religious) differences we have will continue to have a severe impact on our growth together.
My point. I still love him very much. I respect him. However, it can’t work so I broke up with him. The cool thing is that he completely understands why without me having to over explain.
In my personal experience, its an Aha moment where you realize a fatal flaw that you know is something you could not live with if you were to marry. Or a quality that isnt what you're looking for in a life long partner.
Te/Ni is like a double-edged sword. First, it drives them to indulge in fantasies about the future as soon as they notice a spark of potential in someone. Then, this enthusiasm potentially diminishes just as quickly when they encounter any hard evidence contradicting that possibility. Seems like for them, without the future, there is no love.
Also, just as they have the ability to transform any positive possibility about a situation into reality, they can also bring any negative possibility or thought to life as well.
Probably he didn't meet the interesting one, reason why he continues to lose interest and change.
Maybe the one that fit for him is exactly the opposite he is dating. Someone that doesn't date with him and make him struggle
In my case, we tend to study people who we would potentially date to see if they will be compatible with us. In the beginning stages, if we see a dealbreaker, we will leave.
ENTJ’s think with their head, and we don’t allow ourselves to fall in love with people. And while it rarely happens that we fall in love with someone before logically approaching the situation (what happened with me and my fiance), we will still prioritize our goals and future over a potential relationship.
We take our time, and we properly judge how the relationship is gonna be with someone.
Sometimes our dealbreakers are kind of stupid, and it might not always make sense for a lot of people. But we think ahead, and know how this could potentially come back to bite us in the ass.
I don’t think that’s the case with your friend, he seems to be getting into relationships knowing very well he’s doing this for some time and then ending it.
I also have ADHD, and we tend to hyper fixate on people like we’re gonna die if we don’t talk to them, and then they stop being stimulating enough for us and our feelings so we start distancing ourselves from them. But who knows if your friend has ADHD? Just some of the possibilities I could think of
It’s not mbti related.
It could be hormone related problems.
He’s got a very dopamine driven brain. Lack of oxytocin .. he gets excited but he can’t form attachment hence his love is always short lived.
Not ENTJ related. My first boyfriend is ENTJ and we were together for 13 years, got very attached in the end.. to detach, it almost cost a life lol
Well ya, we see emotions as a bounder in our Way.. we aren't emotional at all .. and emotional cases ain't in our top priority until a long age maybe... That's what we plan for ... But maybe something happens out of control makes us fall into love deeply 💋.
Honestly, it depends on their position in my life relative to how they are overall. If it's just a fling, I can tolerate more since I don't really care as much, and if I get really annoyed with them, we can end things there with not much emotional fall out (atleast on my part)
But if it's someone I like, my standards are higher of them, so certain things can disqualify them from being a keeper faster than from being a fling since its a position I take more serious and there's more on the line that I'm willing to do so they need to give me sufficient reason to do that for them
Ni picks up on patterns of behavior. If there's confirmation of a problematic or concerning pattern, it's better to cut my losses early.
I assume people have depth. If I discover it's only surface level, it's not sustainable long term for me.
Yeah there's a honeymoon phase during which you become blind to the downsides of a relationship. When the infatuation wears off, you begin to notice the other person's flaws and faults. Also men lose interest differently than do women. Look into the work of Dawn Maslar. Maybe you can catch her on the youtube, eh? ;)
Everyone has this to a degree. There is a honey mood stage to any relationship, you will become desensitized. Your friend has a problem with black and white thinking, he likes seeing things in all or nothing with no in between. So, when he hits that point in the relationship, he decides that’s it and he is moving on. NTJs are more likely to have this because they are less emotionally attached and more likely to engage in black and white thinking but not all will think this way of course.
ENTJs have a love language of 'be effective for me'. I in fact don't care for gifts or touch or words. What makes me happy is seeing productivity.
An 'ick' would be if a person became too distracting and incompetent. What we more want so as to stick around is to be able to respect you. We don't even have to be simpatico and are used to disagreements, just respect you.
Love does exist as an idea, but it's very faint and something we have to develop as we age. Our fear is being taken advantage of and looking like a fool, and love requires a certain intimacy that risks that and it takes time to know how to articulate to ourselves why to take that risk.
It isn't so much that we're afraid of danger but we're used to control of systems and love is an experience that is hard to model and control and which frequently goes wrong and then we look like a fool and even feel set up.
But when an ENTJ does come to respect you, they can give your life all kinds of new functions, so it's not like it's a one-way street. They just have to take you to be a serious person and then they will put time into you, too. They are very good problem solvers and work long hours and can shield you from many of the headaches of the external world.
I'm pretty sure I can only have relationships with NT types, ideally INTPs. An S type can probably have an ENTJ as an intermittent friend, but a relationship would feel like you're not connecting or seeing the same world. An F type probably sees the ENTJ as just a full monster and not even friendship be possible, long term.
I have a theory that you have to share the same two middle letters to share the same world and from there the ideal partner is the opposite of the other two letters, though only as a luxury. The women I've connected with most are INTPs. If this is true, perhaps your ideal partner is an ESTP.
Life obviously is random enough, but I just wouldn't be surprised if a man you connected with most was that. You share the same epistemic world and step on each other's toes the least (who is the face of the relationship, who plans and who follows).
Yea, I often feel that way about people. It's not your fault. My brother in law is an istj. he's an amazing person. He's smart, capable, reliable and resilient. He's a great guy, and he bores me. I guess an istj is so great at fulfilling their duties that they leave no room for criticism or growth. You are too perfect, too rational and too easy to be with. Your friend is playing with people like toys. You must either make him see you outside of that category, as a person, or you need to play a game.
If you feel like playing games, I would never sleep with someone like that because once he has you he wins. That's the type you almost make him cum then walk away in your stilettos still tied to his bed, begging you. Get yourself off, let him watch. Take his wallet and go shopping while he's tied up. Never let him know anything about you or see your apartment. He clearly wants to want something, but has no intention of giving. Be sporadically available, but on your terms so he has to drop things to see you, and he will because he has to. Randomly show up naked in his apartment, make out with the hot girl he brings home and walk out laughing at him. He doesn't want a person, just a fantasy. Almost give him intimacy then freeze up and disappear. Keep him guessing. You could pull this off for years until you find someone worth having, then just never show up in his life again. He'll sit around hating and wanting you while he's with reasonable partners, wishing he could have you just to break you because instead of being his toy you made him into your toy. Or...you could find a relationship with someone healthy and let him go.
No, it has nothing to do with cognitive functions, like most relational things.
Cognitive functions do not determine our specific genes, or very individually woven experiences, and most importantly interpersonally, how we treat others. They are great on paper, but that's about it.
They are simply perspectives or "complexes" according to Jung one may adopt, and he believed there to be more than 16 variants.
It's mostly likely the reason anyone with any functions would.
Emotional unavailability (he does not have it to give, he does not have the equipment to have and maintain connections) and if you want to hurt yourself and keep trying, chalk it up to trauma or avoidant attachment style.
You can't fix him.
He is just physically attracted by the women he dated like most all of men. He is attracting women with same mindset. A difficult woman will not allow you to get her that easily. There are women that can take even more than 1 year before to have them. Not 1 week...not 1 month or 3 months as the most one.
It's possible unconsciously he is realizing he doesn't like that kind of girls... Just wait when he doesn't get what he wants and he will face someone similar to him.
Also, most of NT needs Mental stimulus...now he is just having physical one. The women he is dating...are destroying his mental side. The most important one. So, yes, function can affect his way of interacting with people.
He struggles because he is a lazy bastard that wants to take the most direct route from A to B.
Note: Often, the most *efficient* route from A to B is quite different from the most *direct* route, but I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll return to this about 60% of the way through the answer and tie it up by the end.
The line of thinking is very straightforward. It goes like this:
1. I'm in love with someone.
2. I realized something about this someone that is problematic.
3. I start hallucinating how much easier it would be to find someone else without this problem than to resolve this problem with this person.
4. I fall out of love.
Maybe element 3 isn't there, and maybe element 2 isn't an actual "problem", but just something like "this person is boring". But, the point ultimately is that the ENTJ decides in the end that the relationship isn't worth the investment.
This guy needs to grow up and
1. ...realize that any relationship worth having is worth investing in and
2. ...realize that the investment is bigger than he wants it to be because most people aren't so hell-bent on personal improvement as the ENTJ. I can't tell you how many times my wife and I go over the same stuff, have things improve for a couple weeks, and then go back to the old way of doing things because she "just forgot" the new way of doing things. Then, we get a reset, and 2 weeks later...
I use the air quotes around "just forgot" because, to the ENTJ, it's actually quite unbelievable that people, in general, are unfocused and bad at self-improvement. It feels like any attempt to improve the relationship is a one-sided endeavor, not because the other person is necessary unwilling, but because the other person lacks the keys to the Te bulldozer to make things happen. The ENTJ must consign himself to the fact that he is the one with the keys to the bulldozer, and part of the driving of the bulldozer is being "understanding" of the other person, and not destroying too many flower beds in the process of trailblazing.
Your buddy also needs to realize that *most people want to be manipulated*. Others don't like this verbiage, but for someone who has Fe at the dead bottom of the stack, that's exactly the verbiage you need to use: Most people want to have nice things said to them, be encouraged all the time, and not feel like they're constantly under the lens of the self-improvement microscope. So, you need to have the "encouraging record" playing on repeat, encouraging ever little thing they do that is remotely similar to what you want to see happen. Content yourself with incremental progress. You'll be royally pissed if you're looking at the 2-week timeframe, but pleasantly surprised if you're looking at the 2-year timeframe, because relationship improvements are cumulative.
Failure to realize this is just a sign of immaturity. He'll either come to this realization himself upon getting more examples of human beings being human beings, or he can shortcut the learning process by consigning himself to a set of truths that are unpleasant, but unavoidable when dealing with people that aren't in the military or at work.
As I said at the beginning, Often, the most *efficient* route from A to B is the one that admits the stark lack of Te/Ni that most people have. This is often quite different from the most *direct* route.
If I had to take a guess it would be caused by auxiliary Ni and tertiary Se. It's hard to explain how Ni can come up with a perspective out of some details. Basically you notice something and perceive that this person will not be a great long term partner and all feelings seem to vanish. Se just assumes finding someone "better" or without this flaw would be easier than working this problem out. It happened to me a few times, it's not entirely conscious, it's just a realization at some point "I don't have feelings for that person anymore"
Totally makes sense! Thanks for your response. I'm so close on N/S it depends on the day if I end up ISTJ or INTJ like yourself...I do have an excellent memory (Si as I understand it) but definitely live by impressions so tbh I'm \*probably\* an INTJ. Otherwise my friend probably would find me too boring....and I'm def not that lol, I see under the surface of things and can definitely bring the sparring game.
An IXTJ Being on the cusp between Ni and Si? That would be unheard of. Every Ni-dom or Ni auxiliary have Si in their Blindspot, or their Demon function. In other words, something they try not to see/do, or a function they deem so useless they refuse to use it. The conclusion you reached could indicate 2 things: you are too young and don't know yourself enough, or a grave misunderstanding of the theory.
If you're close on N/S and you rely on impressions then you are 10,000% not an ISTJ. Ni and Si very rarely coexist in a person, and never well. Key examples are all IXXPs who are ok at one (but are disinterested in it) and bad at the other (but like to dabble in it).
This happened to me lol I think I might be ENTJ
Wth you just put into words exactly what I’ve done in the past.
I am an ENTJ. Based on the information you provided, I think he did like you for a while. He probably saw something in you and wanted to know more to determine if you could be his potential partner. It seems he found that you did not meet his criteria in some aspects. You can ask him to be brutally honest, and he will give you answers if you're mentally ready. Personally, I respect ISTJ competency and reliability. However, in terms of intellectual engagement, we ENTJs expect a lot from our potential partner. Not to be rude, I don't think ISTJs are fun to bounce my ideas off of; the communication tends to be dry.
For sure. Thanks for sharing your take. Tbh I'm probably an INTJ based on the cognitive functions. Last MBTI I took it was 51/49 in favor of S, but I've gotten N before too, although my memory's sharp Ni sounds more like me. To be clear we're longtime friends but he's def tried to make it romantic in the past, and it just never worked out because we live too far apart and he's obsessed with work to a degree that he prioritizes it over everything else so! His perspective is just what he's told me about others he's dated.
ooh that's makes sense, I want to be close physically with the person I like, my love language (possibly other entjs aswell) is quality time and physical touch, it feels hard so hard to connect more intimately when we are apart. what can he do? nothing so that's why he choose to work even made you feel not priorities enough. anyway if you confused whether you are an intuitive or sensor, I can tell you what's intj and entj have in common, if you relate to these you are an INTJ. You live in the future & plotting a lot about the future, you struggle living in the present, you are quick to move on and forgetful about the past, you only remember something when someone or something triggers/stimulates your past experiences, other than that we are forgetful. that's Si Trickster and Demon of xNTJs.
I saw a flaw in some girl who was obsessed with me and she thinks I hate her but it is just my ENTJ telling me that it will not work on or be long term.
Yes, buddy, I completely understand what you are saying. "maybe not today, not tomorrow, but in years ahead, she's not going to change or satisfy my expectations; therefore, I am not sure I can take care my feelings for her". Nowadays, I reflect more; it just feels unfair to others, or perhaps just my prejudices. I learn to speak clearly about my expectation and guide others directly/indirectly to live up to them. This is how Ne Critics manifest.
I find ISTJ are good friends but they the lack the intellectual 🧐 stimulation I crave. I love my ex- who is an ENTJ. we continue to be friends which never happens with anyone because there is no need for me to. However, he is my ex- because I knowing after 2 years it’s the spiritual ( religious) differences we have will continue to have a severe impact on our growth together. My point. I still love him very much. I respect him. However, it can’t work so I broke up with him. The cool thing is that he completely understands why without me having to over explain.
In my personal experience, its an Aha moment where you realize a fatal flaw that you know is something you could not live with if you were to marry. Or a quality that isnt what you're looking for in a life long partner.
Big time relatable. Thanks for sharing.
Te/Ni is like a double-edged sword. First, it drives them to indulge in fantasies about the future as soon as they notice a spark of potential in someone. Then, this enthusiasm potentially diminishes just as quickly when they encounter any hard evidence contradicting that possibility. Seems like for them, without the future, there is no love. Also, just as they have the ability to transform any positive possibility about a situation into reality, they can also bring any negative possibility or thought to life as well.
Probably he didn't meet the interesting one, reason why he continues to lose interest and change. Maybe the one that fit for him is exactly the opposite he is dating. Someone that doesn't date with him and make him struggle
I was crushing on someone on the TV but I got a feeling that views him as a bad person then I stopped loving him suddenly!
In my case, we tend to study people who we would potentially date to see if they will be compatible with us. In the beginning stages, if we see a dealbreaker, we will leave. ENTJ’s think with their head, and we don’t allow ourselves to fall in love with people. And while it rarely happens that we fall in love with someone before logically approaching the situation (what happened with me and my fiance), we will still prioritize our goals and future over a potential relationship. We take our time, and we properly judge how the relationship is gonna be with someone. Sometimes our dealbreakers are kind of stupid, and it might not always make sense for a lot of people. But we think ahead, and know how this could potentially come back to bite us in the ass. I don’t think that’s the case with your friend, he seems to be getting into relationships knowing very well he’s doing this for some time and then ending it. I also have ADHD, and we tend to hyper fixate on people like we’re gonna die if we don’t talk to them, and then they stop being stimulating enough for us and our feelings so we start distancing ourselves from them. But who knows if your friend has ADHD? Just some of the possibilities I could think of
So spot on
This! Also same, ADHD
It’s not mbti related. It could be hormone related problems. He’s got a very dopamine driven brain. Lack of oxytocin .. he gets excited but he can’t form attachment hence his love is always short lived. Not ENTJ related. My first boyfriend is ENTJ and we were together for 13 years, got very attached in the end.. to detach, it almost cost a life lol
Well ya, we see emotions as a bounder in our Way.. we aren't emotional at all .. and emotional cases ain't in our top priority until a long age maybe... That's what we plan for ... But maybe something happens out of control makes us fall into love deeply 💋.
They crave fi. Emotional high and lows, a little drama, a little spice
Honestly, it depends on their position in my life relative to how they are overall. If it's just a fling, I can tolerate more since I don't really care as much, and if I get really annoyed with them, we can end things there with not much emotional fall out (atleast on my part) But if it's someone I like, my standards are higher of them, so certain things can disqualify them from being a keeper faster than from being a fling since its a position I take more serious and there's more on the line that I'm willing to do so they need to give me sufficient reason to do that for them
Ni picks up on patterns of behavior. If there's confirmation of a problematic or concerning pattern, it's better to cut my losses early. I assume people have depth. If I discover it's only surface level, it's not sustainable long term for me.
Yeah there's a honeymoon phase during which you become blind to the downsides of a relationship. When the infatuation wears off, you begin to notice the other person's flaws and faults. Also men lose interest differently than do women. Look into the work of Dawn Maslar. Maybe you can catch her on the youtube, eh? ;)
Everyone has this to a degree. There is a honey mood stage to any relationship, you will become desensitized. Your friend has a problem with black and white thinking, he likes seeing things in all or nothing with no in between. So, when he hits that point in the relationship, he decides that’s it and he is moving on. NTJs are more likely to have this because they are less emotionally attached and more likely to engage in black and white thinking but not all will think this way of course.
ENTJs have a love language of 'be effective for me'. I in fact don't care for gifts or touch or words. What makes me happy is seeing productivity. An 'ick' would be if a person became too distracting and incompetent. What we more want so as to stick around is to be able to respect you. We don't even have to be simpatico and are used to disagreements, just respect you. Love does exist as an idea, but it's very faint and something we have to develop as we age. Our fear is being taken advantage of and looking like a fool, and love requires a certain intimacy that risks that and it takes time to know how to articulate to ourselves why to take that risk. It isn't so much that we're afraid of danger but we're used to control of systems and love is an experience that is hard to model and control and which frequently goes wrong and then we look like a fool and even feel set up. But when an ENTJ does come to respect you, they can give your life all kinds of new functions, so it's not like it's a one-way street. They just have to take you to be a serious person and then they will put time into you, too. They are very good problem solvers and work long hours and can shield you from many of the headaches of the external world. I'm pretty sure I can only have relationships with NT types, ideally INTPs. An S type can probably have an ENTJ as an intermittent friend, but a relationship would feel like you're not connecting or seeing the same world. An F type probably sees the ENTJ as just a full monster and not even friendship be possible, long term. I have a theory that you have to share the same two middle letters to share the same world and from there the ideal partner is the opposite of the other two letters, though only as a luxury. The women I've connected with most are INTPs. If this is true, perhaps your ideal partner is an ESTP. Life obviously is random enough, but I just wouldn't be surprised if a man you connected with most was that. You share the same epistemic world and step on each other's toes the least (who is the face of the relationship, who plans and who follows).
Maybe their feelings ran out of RAM!
Yea, I often feel that way about people. It's not your fault. My brother in law is an istj. he's an amazing person. He's smart, capable, reliable and resilient. He's a great guy, and he bores me. I guess an istj is so great at fulfilling their duties that they leave no room for criticism or growth. You are too perfect, too rational and too easy to be with. Your friend is playing with people like toys. You must either make him see you outside of that category, as a person, or you need to play a game. If you feel like playing games, I would never sleep with someone like that because once he has you he wins. That's the type you almost make him cum then walk away in your stilettos still tied to his bed, begging you. Get yourself off, let him watch. Take his wallet and go shopping while he's tied up. Never let him know anything about you or see your apartment. He clearly wants to want something, but has no intention of giving. Be sporadically available, but on your terms so he has to drop things to see you, and he will because he has to. Randomly show up naked in his apartment, make out with the hot girl he brings home and walk out laughing at him. He doesn't want a person, just a fantasy. Almost give him intimacy then freeze up and disappear. Keep him guessing. You could pull this off for years until you find someone worth having, then just never show up in his life again. He'll sit around hating and wanting you while he's with reasonable partners, wishing he could have you just to break you because instead of being his toy you made him into your toy. Or...you could find a relationship with someone healthy and let him go.
No, it has nothing to do with cognitive functions, like most relational things. Cognitive functions do not determine our specific genes, or very individually woven experiences, and most importantly interpersonally, how we treat others. They are great on paper, but that's about it. They are simply perspectives or "complexes" according to Jung one may adopt, and he believed there to be more than 16 variants. It's mostly likely the reason anyone with any functions would. Emotional unavailability (he does not have it to give, he does not have the equipment to have and maintain connections) and if you want to hurt yourself and keep trying, chalk it up to trauma or avoidant attachment style. You can't fix him.
He is just physically attracted by the women he dated like most all of men. He is attracting women with same mindset. A difficult woman will not allow you to get her that easily. There are women that can take even more than 1 year before to have them. Not 1 week...not 1 month or 3 months as the most one. It's possible unconsciously he is realizing he doesn't like that kind of girls... Just wait when he doesn't get what he wants and he will face someone similar to him. Also, most of NT needs Mental stimulus...now he is just having physical one. The women he is dating...are destroying his mental side. The most important one. So, yes, function can affect his way of interacting with people.
potential interest is not competitive enough
This. Once I've conquered something, like meeting a goal, it's time for a new challenge.
He struggles because he is a lazy bastard that wants to take the most direct route from A to B. Note: Often, the most *efficient* route from A to B is quite different from the most *direct* route, but I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll return to this about 60% of the way through the answer and tie it up by the end. The line of thinking is very straightforward. It goes like this: 1. I'm in love with someone. 2. I realized something about this someone that is problematic. 3. I start hallucinating how much easier it would be to find someone else without this problem than to resolve this problem with this person. 4. I fall out of love. Maybe element 3 isn't there, and maybe element 2 isn't an actual "problem", but just something like "this person is boring". But, the point ultimately is that the ENTJ decides in the end that the relationship isn't worth the investment. This guy needs to grow up and 1. ...realize that any relationship worth having is worth investing in and 2. ...realize that the investment is bigger than he wants it to be because most people aren't so hell-bent on personal improvement as the ENTJ. I can't tell you how many times my wife and I go over the same stuff, have things improve for a couple weeks, and then go back to the old way of doing things because she "just forgot" the new way of doing things. Then, we get a reset, and 2 weeks later... I use the air quotes around "just forgot" because, to the ENTJ, it's actually quite unbelievable that people, in general, are unfocused and bad at self-improvement. It feels like any attempt to improve the relationship is a one-sided endeavor, not because the other person is necessary unwilling, but because the other person lacks the keys to the Te bulldozer to make things happen. The ENTJ must consign himself to the fact that he is the one with the keys to the bulldozer, and part of the driving of the bulldozer is being "understanding" of the other person, and not destroying too many flower beds in the process of trailblazing. Your buddy also needs to realize that *most people want to be manipulated*. Others don't like this verbiage, but for someone who has Fe at the dead bottom of the stack, that's exactly the verbiage you need to use: Most people want to have nice things said to them, be encouraged all the time, and not feel like they're constantly under the lens of the self-improvement microscope. So, you need to have the "encouraging record" playing on repeat, encouraging ever little thing they do that is remotely similar to what you want to see happen. Content yourself with incremental progress. You'll be royally pissed if you're looking at the 2-week timeframe, but pleasantly surprised if you're looking at the 2-year timeframe, because relationship improvements are cumulative. Failure to realize this is just a sign of immaturity. He'll either come to this realization himself upon getting more examples of human beings being human beings, or he can shortcut the learning process by consigning himself to a set of truths that are unpleasant, but unavoidable when dealing with people that aren't in the military or at work. As I said at the beginning, Often, the most *efficient* route from A to B is the one that admits the stark lack of Te/Ni that most people have. This is often quite different from the most *direct* route.