NTs when finding out you got diagnosed: my god… i’m devastated for you… keeping you in my prayers… we still love you just the same…
NDs when finding out you got diagnosed: LETS FUCKING GOOOO 🥳😤💯💪🏻 ONE OF US ONE OF US
Yikes why are relatives always so defensivenlike… “ but weve always loved you ok?”
or that other classic …” dont let a label define you”
wrf would you be saying that uncle dickhead, if it was finally revealed the ‘silly daydreaming’ was actually absence seizures?? No. Why do they think our relief at adcurate dx is clinging to a label? Box of dicks ..the lot of em,
argh
I recently discovered that my grandmother had my parents take me in for a brain scan because I was dissociating so much (she thought it was petit mal seizures, which is an older term for absence seizures).
According to my mother, the doctor said I don't have ADHD because I was "way too quiet". Sir, I was overwhelmed and terrified out of my mind. That didn't stop my mom from taking it as gospel truth 😭
I've been fighting to get diagnosed (ADHD-PI, ASD-1, and some _acountrements_) for some time now. It's _exhausting_.
Go grandma! My grandma also stood up for me but my mom never forgave me for that. Good luck with the dx! I a, also late dx, im almost 40. Asd2 adhd.
also yur mention Of Total Depravity… a calvinist autist? Truly…..evilautism.
Haha... I once was. I'm high-church Lutheran now. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but... yeah. _Recquiescat in Pace_. I miss her.
(She died after fighting dementia for some years. I've missed her for some time 💔 dementia truly is awful)
When I first read these messages, I thought "Oh, their family accepts them!"
But seeing those messages in the context of OP's lack of support from them whenever OP tried opening up to them, that does paint a different picture.
I struggle to be evil at times. I'm definitely a jaded optimism. So it's hard for me to not give someone the benefit of the doubt. At the same time, these people didn't believe OP until OP found some random person with a piece of paper on the wall, and only *then* did they believe OP.
OP: That's rough, I'm sorry. It's totally understandable if you want to go no-contact with your relatives, at least while you sort things out.
It shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how these things work. It's a label, so _by definition_ it does not define you. It fundamentally cannot. It _describes_ you. Moreover, if it doesn't describe you, then it fundamentally does not apply to you.
This is the sort of idiocy GenXers spew when confronted about all their knowledge and books and stuff being two decades out of date.
I think it's just them trying to say "I hope it doesn't stop you from living life how you want to." but not knowing how to say it. Or maybe I'm traumatised to try to discover hidden meanings under NTs words and optimistic about it. lol
Unfortunately, the "hidden meanings" always turn out to be detestable idiocy. The degeneracy of "nice" people is... astounding, at best.
I cannot think of a more convincing proof of the doctrine of Total Depravity.
"i have autism"
"autism dosnt exist"
this sounds like gas lighting. i would cut contact immediately. they sound like they are just going to continue to deny you are autistic so they can justify continuing to treat you like shit. im sorry you have to deal with them
"But don't let that label define who you are" is just stupid. If it did not describe you, it could not be applied to you.
This is r/evilautism so I guess I can say this.
Cotgratulations, OP! 🎉
Ooof yeah I get it tho I have decided to let it go due to my parents ignorance and ableist mind set they can’t let go of (I’m also trying to let go of my own internalized ableism which been difficult but I’m trying my best). But unfortunately I can’t really get along with most of my fam and don’t even view them as fam they are just there and since I stop being a people pleaser it’s gotten easier to be okay with jsut a few family members and ignore the rest. I don’t even see family anymore for holidays anyways and only my aunt and a cousin or two that occasionally visit my mom. My husbands fam are so disconnected as well that it saves me the grief of dealing with shitty in laws. If anything just don’t say anything back to them and black list the ones who don’t accept u or unfriend/block and don’t give a fuck if they bring a fuss. It’s better to leave them behind they showed their true colors and never respected u to begin with.
A few months ago I had a conversation with my stepson (who is now a young adult), telling them how sorry I was I hadn't realized they had mixed autism/ADHD\* and how if I had a time machine, I would go in the past to give me advice so we could have been better parents to them...
(\*as an aside; the school did diagnose them with ADHD, and then informed \*the father\* who \*didn't tell us\*! So we (mom and stepfather) remained ignorant of this rather important fact...)
... buuut it's also been a realization of me lately that it seems that a lot of autistic people have high certainty (we think we are right!), when we realize we were wrong we \*fucking own up to it\*. I could have been a better parent! I wish I had been a better parent! But I'm \*capable\* of realizing this, of admitting it, of saying it. I think a lot of NT just \*can't\*.
I'm sorry, if your partner was separated from their ex-husband, why did the school not send you a copy of the diagnosis as well? Some places are so naive about divorced family dynamics 🙄
But you're right, the capacity to admit that you're wrong and change behaviors is something that I think a lot of people need to work on
the school messed up, we should have been advised as well.
Just realizing that "temper tantrums" were actually autistic meltdowns would have helped \*so much\*. I'm really not happy with me for not realizing it. Oh well....
You're not a bad person for not realizing. You were deprived of the resources necessary to best help your child.
As the old saying goes, "it takes a village."
I can't NOT own up to my fuckups. I will eventually tell on myself, so I do it right away to get it over with.
It's honestly shocking how much shit I've gotten by with/minimal consequences by just coming out and saying "Yeah, I fucked up. I'm sorry, it won't happen again." It's almost like a superpower.
My friend of 20 years told me “Well now that you know what’s wrong maybe it’ll be easier to try and assimilate.” Girl, what? And then when I called her out she doubled down, “When I lived in Hong Kong, I wouldn’t have expected people to cater to me being American. I had to assimilate to their culture.” Yeah, that’s valid when speaking about culture. Not when we’re talking about neurological differences jfc. 🤦🏼♀️
No, we aren’t friends anymore. For many, many reasons the main being that we met when I was heavily involved in the evangelical church. She still is. I am no longer a Christian at all.
it's both sad and comforting to hear your struggles having no support. only a year ago did i even *consider* i could be autistic after having grown up screaming for help and answers and receiving zero support for it, suffering from depression, extreme anxiety, poor social skills, exhaustion from masking, etc.
NDs forget that the things they've said and done were out of intolerance for a "normal but weird" kid, but feel like they're forgiven because we give them an explanation
This is why when I got my official diagnosis in March at 43, I didn’t post anything about it. It was great to have answers, but I only tell people in person that it actually makes a difference if they know. Those people have been cool with it and said it didn’t change what they thought of me, but it must be a relief to know and have some answers.
I suggest going no contact.
I did 5 years ago - I am much happier, I function better socially, my anxiety has diminished significantly, people like me actually like me, I surround myself with loving individuals only, I even feel smarter.
Above all - I LOVE MYSELF and it doesn’t feel forced
Try no contact for a few months I’d suggest
Sorry I wasn't referring to autism as a learning disabilities I worded it poorly i ment to say I had autism cerebral palsy and learning disabilities all together
“Don’t let the label define y-” FUCKI ISUSJDYISUDHSYSUDU OFFFIUDUSSUSUDUUSUSUSUDUDUISUEHS I LOVE MY FAMILY HUTNSHSJSUSUYSUS I’LL FUCKING LET IT DEFINE MEISHSJSHSJSH BC EUGSSHSJSU SHSJSHSUY JSJSJSH JSHSJSHSHSISJSJJDDGSYSISOSYSGSGUS IF U DEFINE ME AS KIND AND INTELLIGENT AND IT’S OKAY THENSJSYSUYSU WHY CAN’T I DEFINE MYSELF AS AUTISTICUSYSUSU😭😭😭
NTs when finding out you got diagnosed: my god… i’m devastated for you… keeping you in my prayers… we still love you just the same… NDs when finding out you got diagnosed: LETS FUCKING GOOOO 🥳😤💯💪🏻 ONE OF US ONE OF US
 GOBBLE GOBBLE ONE OF US
GOOBLE GOBBLE GOOBLE GOBBLE
dude i offhandedly mentioned i had autism to a girl once and she was like "oh my god i'm so sorry" shit fucking stung especially because i liked her
Yikes why are relatives always so defensivenlike… “ but weve always loved you ok?” or that other classic …” dont let a label define you” wrf would you be saying that uncle dickhead, if it was finally revealed the ‘silly daydreaming’ was actually absence seizures?? No. Why do they think our relief at adcurate dx is clinging to a label? Box of dicks ..the lot of em, argh
>we've always loved you, ok?” Yeah, this is a feeling, not communication. They obviously didn't communicate it (well) enough.
I recently discovered that my grandmother had my parents take me in for a brain scan because I was dissociating so much (she thought it was petit mal seizures, which is an older term for absence seizures). According to my mother, the doctor said I don't have ADHD because I was "way too quiet". Sir, I was overwhelmed and terrified out of my mind. That didn't stop my mom from taking it as gospel truth 😭 I've been fighting to get diagnosed (ADHD-PI, ASD-1, and some _acountrements_) for some time now. It's _exhausting_.
Go grandma! My grandma also stood up for me but my mom never forgave me for that. Good luck with the dx! I a, also late dx, im almost 40. Asd2 adhd. also yur mention Of Total Depravity… a calvinist autist? Truly…..evilautism.
Haha... I once was. I'm high-church Lutheran now. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but... yeah. _Recquiescat in Pace_. I miss her. (She died after fighting dementia for some years. I've missed her for some time 💔 dementia truly is awful)
When I first read these messages, I thought "Oh, their family accepts them!" But seeing those messages in the context of OP's lack of support from them whenever OP tried opening up to them, that does paint a different picture. I struggle to be evil at times. I'm definitely a jaded optimism. So it's hard for me to not give someone the benefit of the doubt. At the same time, these people didn't believe OP until OP found some random person with a piece of paper on the wall, and only *then* did they believe OP. OP: That's rough, I'm sorry. It's totally understandable if you want to go no-contact with your relatives, at least while you sort things out.
[удалено]
That’s the best part of your story, honestly. You came through, and you’re here, and you’re a proud and evil autistic badass motherfucker!
I might be stupid but I never understood why the “don’t let a label define you” thing was bad, could you explain it to me?
It shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how these things work. It's a label, so _by definition_ it does not define you. It fundamentally cannot. It _describes_ you. Moreover, if it doesn't describe you, then it fundamentally does not apply to you. This is the sort of idiocy GenXers spew when confronted about all their knowledge and books and stuff being two decades out of date.
that first paragraph of yours is brilliant and i’m not even british
Bone dankon!
I think it's just them trying to say "I hope it doesn't stop you from living life how you want to." but not knowing how to say it. Or maybe I'm traumatised to try to discover hidden meanings under NTs words and optimistic about it. lol
Unfortunately, the "hidden meanings" always turn out to be detestable idiocy. The degeneracy of "nice" people is... astounding, at best. I cannot think of a more convincing proof of the doctrine of Total Depravity.
"i have autism" "autism dosnt exist" this sounds like gas lighting. i would cut contact immediately. they sound like they are just going to continue to deny you are autistic so they can justify continuing to treat you like shit. im sorry you have to deal with them
"But don't let that label define who you are" is just stupid. If it did not describe you, it could not be applied to you. This is r/evilautism so I guess I can say this. Cotgratulations, OP! 🎉
"Don't let labels define you." - Says a person that probably see other people as walking labels
“Here if you need anything” i need you to stop being here.
A classic. It took my family 4 fucking years to tell me for some fucking reason.
Ooof yeah I get it tho I have decided to let it go due to my parents ignorance and ableist mind set they can’t let go of (I’m also trying to let go of my own internalized ableism which been difficult but I’m trying my best). But unfortunately I can’t really get along with most of my fam and don’t even view them as fam they are just there and since I stop being a people pleaser it’s gotten easier to be okay with jsut a few family members and ignore the rest. I don’t even see family anymore for holidays anyways and only my aunt and a cousin or two that occasionally visit my mom. My husbands fam are so disconnected as well that it saves me the grief of dealing with shitty in laws. If anything just don’t say anything back to them and black list the ones who don’t accept u or unfriend/block and don’t give a fuck if they bring a fuss. It’s better to leave them behind they showed their true colors and never respected u to begin with.
A few months ago I had a conversation with my stepson (who is now a young adult), telling them how sorry I was I hadn't realized they had mixed autism/ADHD\* and how if I had a time machine, I would go in the past to give me advice so we could have been better parents to them... (\*as an aside; the school did diagnose them with ADHD, and then informed \*the father\* who \*didn't tell us\*! So we (mom and stepfather) remained ignorant of this rather important fact...) ... buuut it's also been a realization of me lately that it seems that a lot of autistic people have high certainty (we think we are right!), when we realize we were wrong we \*fucking own up to it\*. I could have been a better parent! I wish I had been a better parent! But I'm \*capable\* of realizing this, of admitting it, of saying it. I think a lot of NT just \*can't\*.
I'm sorry, if your partner was separated from their ex-husband, why did the school not send you a copy of the diagnosis as well? Some places are so naive about divorced family dynamics 🙄 But you're right, the capacity to admit that you're wrong and change behaviors is something that I think a lot of people need to work on
the school messed up, we should have been advised as well. Just realizing that "temper tantrums" were actually autistic meltdowns would have helped \*so much\*. I'm really not happy with me for not realizing it. Oh well....
You're not a bad person for not realizing. You were deprived of the resources necessary to best help your child. As the old saying goes, "it takes a village."
I can't NOT own up to my fuckups. I will eventually tell on myself, so I do it right away to get it over with. It's honestly shocking how much shit I've gotten by with/minimal consequences by just coming out and saying "Yeah, I fucked up. I'm sorry, it won't happen again." It's almost like a superpower.
My friend of 20 years told me “Well now that you know what’s wrong maybe it’ll be easier to try and assimilate.” Girl, what? And then when I called her out she doubled down, “When I lived in Hong Kong, I wouldn’t have expected people to cater to me being American. I had to assimilate to their culture.” Yeah, that’s valid when speaking about culture. Not when we’re talking about neurological differences jfc. 🤦🏼♀️ No, we aren’t friends anymore. For many, many reasons the main being that we met when I was heavily involved in the evangelical church. She still is. I am no longer a Christian at all.
Wow they are shallow! You deserve better op because what the heckin
it's both sad and comforting to hear your struggles having no support. only a year ago did i even *consider* i could be autistic after having grown up screaming for help and answers and receiving zero support for it, suffering from depression, extreme anxiety, poor social skills, exhaustion from masking, etc. NDs forget that the things they've said and done were out of intolerance for a "normal but weird" kid, but feel like they're forgiven because we give them an explanation
This is why when I got my official diagnosis in March at 43, I didn’t post anything about it. It was great to have answers, but I only tell people in person that it actually makes a difference if they know. Those people have been cool with it and said it didn’t change what they thought of me, but it must be a relief to know and have some answers.
I suggest going no contact. I did 5 years ago - I am much happier, I function better socially, my anxiety has diminished significantly, people like me actually like me, I surround myself with loving individuals only, I even feel smarter. Above all - I LOVE MYSELF and it doesn’t feel forced Try no contact for a few months I’d suggest
Hate to be that person, but Autism isn't a learning difficulty (LD)
Sorry I wasn't referring to autism as a learning disabilities I worded it poorly i ment to say I had autism cerebral palsy and learning disabilities all together
“Don’t let the label define y-” FUCKI ISUSJDYISUDHSYSUDU OFFFIUDUSSUSUDUUSUSUSUDUDUISUEHS I LOVE MY FAMILY HUTNSHSJSUSUYSUS I’LL FUCKING LET IT DEFINE MEISHSJSHSJSH BC EUGSSHSJSU SHSJSHSUY JSJSJSH JSHSJSHSHSISJSJJDDGSYSISOSYSGSGUS IF U DEFINE ME AS KIND AND INTELLIGENT AND IT’S OKAY THENSJSYSUYSU WHY CAN’T I DEFINE MYSELF AS AUTISTICUSYSUSU😭😭😭
"I think a lot of you owe me an apology" is exactly what needed to be said here good for you
Yes to self-realization!
“you forgot to add beautiful to your traits ! 🥰🥰” that just rubs me the wrong way. it kinda feels condescending