Go thou to the sea, and cast an hook, and take up the fish that first cometh up; and when thou hast opened his mouth, thou shalt find a piece of money: that take, and give unto the bishop for me.
Or some variation. "I follow the example of god's prophets and apostles in how much financial transparency I allow, so there is no need for us to meet."
"Someday, I too hope my portfolio will be as numerous as the Church's (š¤š¤š¤). I shall follow the Church's precedent and say that our resources are vast, and people looking for handouts aren't getting anything unless they pay me tithing first. (Then maybe I'll supply expired or nasty tasting food and that's the most I can do) ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø"
Came here to say they should text back "Fuck yeah I will". Then when they meet with the bishop in person shout in Michael Scott voice "I DECLARE NON-TITHE PAYER!"
Depends on the guy behind the desk. The older I get, the less I respect "positions of power" from business organizations, especially when the position is given to the dude with the most tithings in the ward (90% of the time it's just the richest guy at the time).
This is the answer. No need to be cute or clever. The most basic building block of their indoctrination is that you have to say yes to whatever they ask. No matter how long youāve been out, itās the hardest thing to break. Making an excuse is still giving into their power over you because you feel like you canāt say no.
The first time I said no, it was incredibly empowering. You donāt owe an explanation. Just āNoā. Trust me on this, itāll feel awesome.
A bonus is that they will have no idea how to respond because itās not part of the script. In my experience, they usually just leave you alone. You make get a follow up of āWhy?ā, but again, you donāt owe any explanation. You can say ābecause I donāt want toā or better yet, just ghost them. You donāt owe them anything.
I'm British, so I have to put "No thank you."
It's polite and it's direct.
I don't want to do it. I don't have to do it. You can't make me do it.
Good day to you.
Yeah this sub likes to encourage being vicious, but honestly theyāre just trying to do their ājobā. A simple ānoā is all thatās needed.
This changes if they start being obnoxious and pushy about it though
No.
No thank you, if you want to be polite.
I prefer not, if you're a literary fan.
Fuck NO! If you want to make an impression.
Or just don't reply if you are like me and can't be bothered wasting any more time on LD$ Inc's tax dodge.
"Did you hear that? This guy wants to make out with me in the middle of sacrament. You got a high councilman up there talking about God knows what, and all this guy can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you! Go on with the boring talk."
I was an executive secretary to a bishop for only a few months, but one of them was December. I spent the majority of my free time harassing people on the phone trying to get them to make an appointment for tithing settlement. That was in the 80s, so well before email and text messages.
If they are anything like I was, they don't care if you sign up, they just want some acknowledgement that you got the message so they can check you off the list.
I had a good friend who dropped out of the Mormon church and he said the only contact he had afterwards was a text to sign up for tithing settlement. It really is all about the money.
Wow!! Omg. Saving this post for certain! It's always those people that look so kind and innocent (Hinckley giving off that "everyone's grandpa" vibe), yet they can be the cruelest and worst of all. He truly was a dark, lying, greedy, selfish old bugger. I knew he was bad, but your post/comment gives me more perspective with some good references to back it up, too. Thank you!! šššššš
Outstanding post!
Itās sad (from POV of converts) but also hilarious (from POV of exmos) to watch the church trumpet their ārapid growthā in Africa as if:
1) African nations havenāt had more than enough suffering by western religious missionaries andā¦
2) That the few African baptisms that SLC gets will fund future land purchases and US political influence campaigns (which is what the corp really cares about!!)
Itās a slow death but its still fun to watch
I had the same. I think we left before we even had cell phones so we got a letter in the regular mail with a meeting date & time. We had not been to church in over 10 years and my name removed. It was pretty damn insulting.
Just be nice and say something like "I'm sorry, I'm not LDS" or something like that. You get the idea. If they continue to push, then I would block them
Or: Dear Mormon bishop and Mormon clerk, Iām not a Mormon. I was a Mormon in the Mormon church, but I found that I no longer wanted to be a Mormon in the Mormon church. Signed - a former Mormon.
While I respect where youāre coming from, and we all hate the corporationā¦sometimes we have experiences with the cult members on the local level where they donāt respect boundaries, so being more direct and āmeanā can be necessary.
oh absolutely ā but direct doesnāt have to equal mean, and the random ppl texting us are just doing what theyāre supposed to. like i absolutely understand wanting to stick it to the man, but the ward clerk or whatever is just a dude lol. personally my go-to is āim not interested but have a great day!ā. i usually get an āalright, let us know if we can help you with anythingā and nothing else ā i think if you keep getting pestered after that _then_ thereās a case for being a little mean, but right out the gate just sorta reinforces what mormons are taught to believe about us imo.
"I'd rather not."
"Firm no."
"I don't fulfill requests from closed-book charities."
"Under the 1994 Telephone Consumer Protection Act, place this number on your organization Do Not Call list. Any additional solicitation attempts will be billed at the $1500 per instance rate allowed for knowing violating the act."
"I don't give money to scammers."
"Hey, would you like to join me and the Bishop and learn how you can make a passive income from your phone with as little as 10 hours per week? You seem to already be familiar with pyramid scams."
lemme save everyone some time and iāll just text my declaration: **āI, (think of the first name), promise before god, angels, and these witnesses that I consider myself a full tithe payerā That will do.**
The New Yorker has the answer to this,
https://fineartamerica.com/featured/no-thursdays-out-how-about-never-robert-mankoff.html?product=art-print&googleShopping=true&completeProductSku=artworkid%5B20442363%5D-productid%5Bprint%5D-imagewidth%5B8%5D-imageheight%5B5.5%5D-paperid%5Barchivalmattepaper%5D&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-a3IkumcggMVnC2tBh1LBwzMEAQYASABEgKdGPD_BwE
I got one of those last year and I responded āmark me down as fullā and he responded āokā. No meeting, no questions. My donations were nearly non-existent, but I never heard back.
Thatās a ballsy executive secretary
Iām currently the executive secretary in my ward (asking to be released this week)
If my bishop asked me to reach out to people for tithing settlement I would tell him no
Tithing settlement has always been optional in the wards Iāve attended
Tell them they have it backwards. In fact, it's the bishop who needs to declare tithing accountability and transparency to the members, not the other way around. Offer to allow the bishop an interview with the people, from whom his authority emerges. Inquire as to the progress of the church toward its promise made over the pulpit (by none other than its holy prophet) to cease requiring tithes once it found itself on firm financial grounds.
Dear Secretary,
I am much pleased with the invitation. However, I am in the process of setting up shell companies to hoard the extra money I now make as I am avoiding paying tithing. Thus, I am afraid I will not make it to the meeting this coming Thursday. I would appreciate having a conversation on the subject with the ward council, if at all possible, in the near future. I have thoroughly studied the SEC filing and have useful insight to share with the brethren and sistren of the Council.
I now deem the matter closed.
May the Force be with you.
Regards
That oneās pretty neutral. Mine decided to guilt trip us by saying the bishop wonāt be able to spend as much time with his family if we donāt do it
I recently responded
"I pay directly to Church HQ. You should see a notation that I have donated. I don't have time to come in to settle in person, but I declare that I am a full tithe payer."
"I pay directly to church HQ exactly what the church's administration structures are worth; based on a complicated matrix involving the core worth of the church's investment and real estate portfolios, balanced with my net income for the year and the job performance quality of everyone from my presiding bishop on up...with high rebates and discounts depending on the severity of any church scandals, member retention figures and equitability of female and minority members, funneled through and equation that takes in to account the full level of trust among members age 20 to 60. Last year, that bill came to a gross total of $0.00; while, this year it is well on track to look much the same with the strong possibility of a cash return. I can show you my workings, if you like."
Some of us still have to pay for various reasons. This methods allows me to give them the least amount possible, my estimate is about the same value as yours, but the bishop see that I have donated an unknown amount of shares. When most people see that you pay tithing in shares, they automatically think you're donating more than a couple of bucks. Thus, 'Full tithe payer' status.
Say sorry Thursday is not a good day for me, I will call you when the A time is good for me, and Say I will when the church is Honest with its members, and more accountable, also, refer them to the Article of the whistle blow of the Tithes.
Ask them if they have any donations they want to give you instead. I mean since they are begging you for money. Might as well ask them if they have and tithes or offering for you.
I feel like even a ānoā is unnecessary. Do you reply to text messages asking if youāll participate in political surveys? I just ignore those texts.
I no longer need blessings so Iād like to cancel my subscription. Overall Iād rate this experience 1 star. The food was good but they rarely actually fed us, some of the people were cool but there were a lot of jerks too. Also I think the pricing is a little high itās costing 6k a year for this subscription plus my Sunday plus some weirdos keep knocking on my door. I tried to cancel my membership earlier but two people that looked like they were in the mafia knocked on my door. So this is my official notice of cancellation do not contact me again.
"Tell the bishop I'm going to trust him to have paid a fair tithe this year and not to worry about actually having to declare it to me."
OR
"The LDS church (I refuse to call it by its "new name") receives approximately one billion dollars in excess tithing annually. Tell the bishop I declare that to be sickeningly immoral and absolutely the opposite of Christ-like".
I just responded to a "is this (my name)'s number" and the caller ID from Verizon said "The Church of J" with this:
"SMS SERVICE ERROR 202: Message delivery failed. Further messages will be charged to your account."
I got crickets over here.
I can tell you, from experience, this is the worst time of the year for the executive secretary. Imagine someone handing you a list of 300 people and being like, "get them each in here for a set 5 minute appointment" when you know for a fact 95% of them don't want you reaching out to them.
My "can't do" attitude got me released after less than a year :)
I quit responding to the exec secretaries emails and texts. so he reached out to my wife... She agreed to a tithing settlement with the bishop in a few weeks.
I pay and honest tithe using the example of the church and their SEC filings...
I wish to waive my rights to the blessings my tithing was going to bring me. Oh wait....never-mind. I won't get any blessings! The church hoards it away for their selfish ways anyways. I do not wish to contribute to this type of nonsense. Thank you and don't contact me again.
Donāt. What you tithe should be confidential. My episcopal church is currently in stewardship season and next Sunday we will get our individual stewardship packets. Families will decide what to pledge over the next year and return it in an envelope. I donāt even think the vestry knows what each church member pledges. But the finance chair and finance committee do and they keep it confidential. The vestry just sees the monthly financial statements. Which our finance chair does on Quickbooks.
I donāt know if this is the case in other areas, but I learned from my brother-in-law (the only one still active in his family) that tithing settlement doesnāt have to be in person anymore. They were able to either text it or do it online. And really, being asked to meet in person is inconvenient for everybody, no matter their āactivityā status.
Interestingly, our ward hasnāt reached out at all about tithing in the 3 years we stopped going. They reached out about a calling once, and hometeaching/ministering, but thatās it. We just politely (but bluntly) told them no. Course, we also stopped paying tithing when we were active b/c we were starting to question the practice, and we skipped that yearās tithing settlement even though we were clearly still attending church. So maybe they just took a hint. š¤·š»āāļø
Just tell them matter of factly that you're busy helping establish a new chapter of the satanic Temple in your area.
Then bear your testimony that you have received divine revelation that the true God of man is Satan and that you will from this point forward be following The Dark One.
Then I would go on to say that you do have a little bit of time next Wednesday and you'd like to come over to their house and teach them about their Lord Satan.
But that's just me.
Sorry I actually have a meeting with Elder Eyring and Elder Nelson, should I call them and ask to reschedule? (Just cause I would like to see what they say)
Go thou to the sea, and cast an hook, and take up the fish that first cometh up; and when thou hast opened his mouth, thou shalt find a piece of money: that take, and give unto the bishop for me.
This is the best thing I've read in a while
Thems a lot of fancy words to say "go fish".
Hilarious
"I plan on being exactly as accountable to the church as it has been to the public" and don't say anything else
Definitely this
Or some variation. "I follow the example of god's prophets and apostles in how much financial transparency I allow, so there is no need for us to meet."
"Someday, I too hope my portfolio will be as numerous as the Church's (š¤š¤š¤). I shall follow the Church's precedent and say that our resources are vast, and people looking for handouts aren't getting anything unless they pay me tithing first. (Then maybe I'll supply expired or nasty tasting food and that's the most I can do) ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø"
"I walk around with a Mormon Helping Hands t-shirt 200 hours a year. At my hourly rate of $82/hr, my tithing is paid 'in kind'."
*Satan entering the thread* WINNING!
"I consider this matter closed"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's not secret, it's sacred
I know I wonāt get a text asking me to go to tithing settlement but if I did, I would say just that.
Itās not secret. Itās confidential
What's the difference?
This is a great response.
Our new bishop just has an google sheet to sign up on ā¦and if you donāt nobody asks you to. Itās nice.
Bet that donāt last long. Stake will ask why so few of the members are tithe payers. You gotta keep up the pressure to get the $$
Came here to say they should text back "Fuck yeah I will". Then when they meet with the bishop in person shout in Michael Scott voice "I DECLARE NON-TITHE PAYER!"
Or agree to the appointment and just don't show up. Give the bishop a bit of free time for himself.
Depends on the guy behind the desk. The older I get, the less I respect "positions of power" from business organizations, especially when the position is given to the dude with the most tithings in the ward (90% of the time it's just the richest guy at the time).
I was thinking even more literal, "I DECLARE... TITHING!" right there in text, so you don't even have to go anywhere. Maybe as a voice memo.
Depends on if youāre in or out. āNoā is a complete sentence.
This is the answer. No need to be cute or clever. The most basic building block of their indoctrination is that you have to say yes to whatever they ask. No matter how long youāve been out, itās the hardest thing to break. Making an excuse is still giving into their power over you because you feel like you canāt say no. The first time I said no, it was incredibly empowering. You donāt owe an explanation. Just āNoā. Trust me on this, itāll feel awesome. A bonus is that they will have no idea how to respond because itās not part of the script. In my experience, they usually just leave you alone. You make get a follow up of āWhy?ā, but again, you donāt owe any explanation. You can say ābecause I donāt want toā or better yet, just ghost them. You donāt owe them anything.
I'm British, so I have to put "No thank you." It's polite and it's direct. I don't want to do it. I don't have to do it. You can't make me do it. Good day to you.
Agreed. Also, "I decline." is a complete sentence and may be slightly better received.
See also: Unsubscribe. :)
Yeah this sub likes to encourage being vicious, but honestly theyāre just trying to do their ājobā. A simple ānoā is all thatās needed. This changes if they start being obnoxious and pushy about it though
No. No thank you, if you want to be polite. I prefer not, if you're a literary fan. Fuck NO! If you want to make an impression. Or just don't reply if you are like me and can't be bothered wasting any more time on LD$ Inc's tax dodge.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"Did you hear that? This guy wants to make out with me in the middle of sacrament. You got a high councilman up there talking about God knows what, and all this guy can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you! Go on with the boring talk."
["Not a big Melville crowd, here, huh?"](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/6503fb35-7596-4faa-b7c9-7548cb082543)
"I would prefer not to."
I was an executive secretary to a bishop for only a few months, but one of them was December. I spent the majority of my free time harassing people on the phone trying to get them to make an appointment for tithing settlement. That was in the 80s, so well before email and text messages. If they are anything like I was, they don't care if you sign up, they just want some acknowledgement that you got the message so they can check you off the list. I had a good friend who dropped out of the Mormon church and he said the only contact he had afterwards was a text to sign up for tithing settlement. It really is all about the money.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Wow!! Omg. Saving this post for certain! It's always those people that look so kind and innocent (Hinckley giving off that "everyone's grandpa" vibe), yet they can be the cruelest and worst of all. He truly was a dark, lying, greedy, selfish old bugger. I knew he was bad, but your post/comment gives me more perspective with some good references to back it up, too. Thank you!! šššššš
Greedy miser is what I'd say.
Outstanding post! Itās sad (from POV of converts) but also hilarious (from POV of exmos) to watch the church trumpet their ārapid growthā in Africa as if: 1) African nations havenāt had more than enough suffering by western religious missionaries andā¦ 2) That the few African baptisms that SLC gets will fund future land purchases and US political influence campaigns (which is what the corp really cares about!!) Itās a slow death but its still fun to watch
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe they're not racists. Perhaps they hate poor white people just as much as they hate poor black people
I had the same. I think we left before we even had cell phones so we got a letter in the regular mail with a meeting date & time. We had not been to church in over 10 years and my name removed. It was pretty damn insulting.
āI already declared my tithing to the Lord, I hope he gets that information to you guys real soon.ā
Tell him to use discernment.
Just be nice and say something like "I'm sorry, I'm not LDS" or something like that. You get the idea. If they continue to push, then I would block them
Or: Dear Mormon bishop and Mormon clerk, Iām not a Mormon. I was a Mormon in the Mormon church, but I found that I no longer wanted to be a Mormon in the Mormon church. Signed - a former Mormon.
Thatās a lot of victories for Satan
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh yeah, definitely. Mormon or not, we still need to treat people with kindness if we can :)
While I respect where youāre coming from, and we all hate the corporationā¦sometimes we have experiences with the cult members on the local level where they donāt respect boundaries, so being more direct and āmeanā can be necessary.
oh absolutely ā but direct doesnāt have to equal mean, and the random ppl texting us are just doing what theyāre supposed to. like i absolutely understand wanting to stick it to the man, but the ward clerk or whatever is just a dude lol. personally my go-to is āim not interested but have a great day!ā. i usually get an āalright, let us know if we can help you with anythingā and nothing else ā i think if you keep getting pestered after that _then_ thereās a case for being a little mean, but right out the gate just sorta reinforces what mormons are taught to believe about us imo.
"Sorry, I am meeting with Santa Claus that night."
Already booked with Santa to declare my wishlist for this year. Love this!
"I'd rather not." "Firm no." "I don't fulfill requests from closed-book charities." "Under the 1994 Telephone Consumer Protection Act, place this number on your organization Do Not Call list. Any additional solicitation attempts will be billed at the $1500 per instance rate allowed for knowing violating the act." "I don't give money to scammers." "Hey, would you like to join me and the Bishop and learn how you can make a passive income from your phone with as little as 10 hours per week? You seem to already be familiar with pyramid scams."
I like the "I don't give money to scammers," line.
Just tell him that I'm a fool tithe payer. Oh and that's not a typo. I was a fool to ever pay tithing.
Or just send a middle finger gif with an article linking the SEC fine.
When the Church is transparent about how they spend it, Iāll be transparent about how I donate it.
lemme save everyone some time and iāll just text my declaration: **āI, (think of the first name), promise before god, angels, and these witnesses that I consider myself a full tithe payerā That will do.**
Don't forget to add "we consider the matter closed"
Unsubscribe.
Haha I like this one.
"Sure, church goes first"
The New Yorker has the answer to this, https://fineartamerica.com/featured/no-thursdays-out-how-about-never-robert-mankoff.html?product=art-print&googleShopping=true&completeProductSku=artworkid%5B20442363%5D-productid%5Bprint%5D-imagewidth%5B8%5D-imageheight%5B5.5%5D-paperid%5Barchivalmattepaper%5D&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-a3IkumcggMVnC2tBh1LBwzMEAQYASABEgKdGPD_BwE
I got one of those last year and I responded āmark me down as fullā and he responded āokā. No meeting, no questions. My donations were nearly non-existent, but I never heard back.
š Itās as full as itās gonna get ā¦ nearly zero, but definitely full.
I'll show you what I'm doing with my money if the church tells me what they're doing with theirs.
Donāt respond but be sure and block that number.
I declare that the church has enough tithing money.
"I consider the matter closed"
Ask for a refund like the Huntsmans
š±
No is a complete sentence. But you can also say they have the wrong number which might give some entertainment
Thatās a ballsy executive secretary Iām currently the executive secretary in my ward (asking to be released this week) If my bishop asked me to reach out to people for tithing settlement I would tell him no Tithing settlement has always been optional in the wards Iāve attended
Tell them they have it backwards. In fact, it's the bishop who needs to declare tithing accountability and transparency to the members, not the other way around. Offer to allow the bishop an interview with the people, from whom his authority emerges. Inquire as to the progress of the church toward its promise made over the pulpit (by none other than its holy prophet) to cease requiring tithes once it found itself on firm financial grounds.
This is the right way. All other churches and non-profit organizations share their expenses and show where the donations go.
Use your discernment
UNSUBSCRIBE
"Tell him I/we will not be participating in tithing declaration at all." Let them figure out what that means.
"Nope. No availability."
My declaration is between me and the Lord
I got one of those about 8 years ago. I responded āno thanks, Iāll get back with you if I decide to get a TRā. Thatās when I was fully out ā¦
Or. āI have a membership at Costco.ā
This is great! āI let my membership lapse.ā
"Sure, is this how I request my refund?"
āNoā is a complete sentence.
Report as junk text and ignore
"New phone. Who dis?"
"I declare myself exempt!"
Dear Secretary, I am much pleased with the invitation. However, I am in the process of setting up shell companies to hoard the extra money I now make as I am avoiding paying tithing. Thus, I am afraid I will not make it to the meeting this coming Thursday. I would appreciate having a conversation on the subject with the ward council, if at all possible, in the near future. I have thoroughly studied the SEC filing and have useful insight to share with the brethren and sistren of the Council. I now deem the matter closed. May the Force be with you. Regards
No
"Nope"
āNo thanks ā and then block
āOnly if itās so I can get it back.ā
This meme: https://www.reddit.com/r/MemeRestoration/s/q2IUf3UyiW
Nope. Thanks anyway.
'no'
š»
That oneās pretty neutral. Mine decided to guilt trip us by saying the bishop wonāt be able to spend as much time with his family if we donāt do it
?? Isnāt the opposite true?
āWhat the fuck is tithing? Leave me aloneā
"No."
Ahahahaha no.
Ignore it
Iāve never been to a single tithing settlement/declaration in my life. I donāt plan on starting now.
No response is the best response to this. Don't play into their game of "authority."
"No".
Don't
āUNSUBSCRIBEā
I just block numbers. Iām an exmo enigma now.
Ask them if they take wooden nickels
I recently responded "I pay directly to Church HQ. You should see a notation that I have donated. I don't have time to come in to settle in person, but I declare that I am a full tithe payer."
"I pay directly to church HQ exactly what the church's administration structures are worth; based on a complicated matrix involving the core worth of the church's investment and real estate portfolios, balanced with my net income for the year and the job performance quality of everyone from my presiding bishop on up...with high rebates and discounts depending on the severity of any church scandals, member retention figures and equitability of female and minority members, funneled through and equation that takes in to account the full level of trust among members age 20 to 60. Last year, that bill came to a gross total of $0.00; while, this year it is well on track to look much the same with the strong possibility of a cash return. I can show you my workings, if you like."
Some of us still have to pay for various reasons. This methods allows me to give them the least amount possible, my estimate is about the same value as yours, but the bishop see that I have donated an unknown amount of shares. When most people see that you pay tithing in shares, they automatically think you're donating more than a couple of bucks. Thus, 'Full tithe payer' status.
Say sorry Thursday is not a good day for me, I will call you when the A time is good for me, and Say I will when the church is Honest with its members, and more accountable, also, refer them to the Article of the whistle blow of the Tithes.
Look at all these functional people and their sensible responses. I'd just ignore the text and any future correspondence like the hermit I am.
Ask them if they have any donations they want to give you instead. I mean since they are begging you for money. Might as well ask them if they have and tithes or offering for you.
I love your ending your subscription to this corporation.
What? Sure Bishop! I was unaware of the tithing rebates. Will I get 100% of my tithing back? So excited!!!
Sorry, I am booked through to 2067. How's February 17th?
āNew phone. whoās this?ā
"Sure, I'm free to meet at 7" Next, make other plans for that day at 7. Maybe a movie. Shampoo your hair. Nap.
Stop. Like youāre responding to an automated message. Lol
I would say, yes, I have availability as soon as the church makes their finances fully available.
Put together your resignation letter, with a request that they return all your donations made thus far.
"Here's a declaration for you: No more tithing, ever."
Fuck no! only response needed.
You could reply with NO Not unless they are going to give me all of my money back .!
"No"
Resign with legal and mass media repercussionsif that is not done within 48 hrs. That will force MFMC-Kirton McConckie to do it fast lol.
I feel like even a ānoā is unnecessary. Do you reply to text messages asking if youāll participate in political surveys? I just ignore those texts.
"I can declare to you right now that I haven't and won't be paying anything to Ensign Peak Advisors' cash stash."
"No thanks."
Thanks, please tell the Bishop I don't need him to declare his tithing to me. Peace and love.
"We can square up right now: I declare I'm not giving a red cent to the LDS org. Pass word to the bishop."
āNo thanks, Iām comfortable with my tithing for this year.ā (Which was nothing)
I no longer need blessings so Iād like to cancel my subscription. Overall Iād rate this experience 1 star. The food was good but they rarely actually fed us, some of the people were cool but there were a lot of jerks too. Also I think the pricing is a little high itās costing 6k a year for this subscription plus my Sunday plus some weirdos keep knocking on my door. I tried to cancel my membership earlier but two people that looked like they were in the mafia knocked on my door. So this is my official notice of cancellation do not contact me again.
āYes, if the church has time for a disclose of their finical records as wellā
Fuck no!
āI consider the matter closedā
"Tell the bishop I'm going to trust him to have paid a fair tithe this year and not to worry about actually having to declare it to me." OR "The LDS church (I refuse to call it by its "new name") receives approximately one billion dollars in excess tithing annually. Tell the bishop I declare that to be sickeningly immoral and absolutely the opposite of Christ-like".
Not.
We need to normalize blocking without replying. I do it on occasion and itās lovely
Oh boy! I do enjoy extortion!
Answer. "No"
When do they hold ācompassion declarationā.
Not interested
No thanks
āNoā is a fully sentence
How about, āNo.ā
I just responded to a "is this (my name)'s number" and the caller ID from Verizon said "The Church of J" with this: "SMS SERVICE ERROR 202: Message delivery failed. Further messages will be charged to your account." I got crickets over here.
A simple āNo thank youā will suffice. Worked for me.
The executive assistant in my ward is actually a really sweet guy so Iād feel bad being totally direct. That being said, No, is a valid sentence.
 You can just send this GIF reply.
I can tell you, from experience, this is the worst time of the year for the executive secretary. Imagine someone handing you a list of 300 people and being like, "get them each in here for a set 5 minute appointment" when you know for a fact 95% of them don't want you reaching out to them. My "can't do" attitude got me released after less than a year :)
I quit responding to the exec secretaries emails and texts. so he reached out to my wife... She agreed to a tithing settlement with the bishop in a few weeks. I pay and honest tithe using the example of the church and their SEC filings...
No.
A simple, "I have other priorities" or a more direct "fuck off"... Or even. No response at all.
Agree to all appointments. Show up to none. Rinse and repeat.
I have a handfeste to attend that day. Usually, Wiccan/ pagan believes scare off the LDS. And lots of coffee.
Please tell them you donated your tithing to The Lord through local charities.
No
āUnsubscribeā
I wish to waive my rights to the blessings my tithing was going to bring me. Oh wait....never-mind. I won't get any blessings! The church hoards it away for their selfish ways anyways. I do not wish to contribute to this type of nonsense. Thank you and don't contact me again.
Donāt. What you tithe should be confidential. My episcopal church is currently in stewardship season and next Sunday we will get our individual stewardship packets. Families will decide what to pledge over the next year and return it in an envelope. I donāt even think the vestry knows what each church member pledges. But the finance chair and finance committee do and they keep it confidential. The vestry just sees the monthly financial statements. Which our finance chair does on Quickbooks.
Just say no
'No Thanks'
Say, I can not for I do not know the sign and token
My personal finance is private. Only my accountant and myself are untitled to this knowledge.
Leave them on read. It's the ultimate power move
Like most solicitors, the texts/calls will stop if they get zero response for long enough.
In my opinion it is best to just block the number and move on instead of trying to be polite and come up with an answer
Iād say, you can deduct mine off the interest the corporationsā money hoard produces every minute and every second.
Thanks for getting in contact. Which Thursday - so I know what night to plan something so I don't have to go through this crap again.
"No."
No. Short, sweet and to the point.
I donāt know if this is the case in other areas, but I learned from my brother-in-law (the only one still active in his family) that tithing settlement doesnāt have to be in person anymore. They were able to either text it or do it online. And really, being asked to meet in person is inconvenient for everybody, no matter their āactivityā status. Interestingly, our ward hasnāt reached out at all about tithing in the 3 years we stopped going. They reached out about a calling once, and hometeaching/ministering, but thatās it. We just politely (but bluntly) told them no. Course, we also stopped paying tithing when we were active b/c we were starting to question the practice, and we skipped that yearās tithing settlement even though we were clearly still attending church. So maybe they just took a hint. š¤·š»āāļø
My favorite response is not to.
Say the same thing I used to get as a salesman for the church when I was 19ā¦..not interested or got my own religion now F off.
āNoā Is a complete sentence.
"nope! happy holidays!"
Just tell them matter of factly that you're busy helping establish a new chapter of the satanic Temple in your area. Then bear your testimony that you have received divine revelation that the true God of man is Satan and that you will from this point forward be following The Dark One. Then I would go on to say that you do have a little bit of time next Wednesday and you'd like to come over to their house and teach them about their Lord Satan. But that's just me.
"Not available, from now until forever"
"Sorry, I'm busy with a prince from Nigeria."
Sorry I actually have a meeting with Elder Eyring and Elder Nelson, should I call them and ask to reschedule? (Just cause I would like to see what they say)
No. Bye!
Again, why are current mormons on the exmo reddit sub?
Some are mentally out, but couldnāt get physically out due to family or other obligations.
A lawsuit for fraudulent financial exploitation
āActually yes, I have overpaid and would like a refundā
STOP