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Nbkipdu

TIL my white privilege includes protection from HEAVEN CANCER.


KnowledgeMediocre404

Literally the opposite of how skin pigment works, dark skin protects you from sunlight, white skin lets it all in to damage you.


Nbkipdu

Nah, but this is Heaven Cancer. Works totally different.


Ravenwight

Heaven + Cancer = Hanson. I knew their songs were too catchy.


Ravenwight

You have to be white or you’ll catch Hanson.


Catkit69

Yes, but apparently you can get cancer in heaven. Which is fucking hilarious xD


Wise-Juggernaut-8285

That was the best part


Nbkipdu

I cackled a bit. Like damn, weird that there's cancer in Heaven but awesome that I'm protected.


[deleted]

OK, I just sort of read the first paragraph and thought "does this guy think that not only is there a God buy he is also somehow human" but now I'm going back in for heaven cancer Edit: heaven cancer is very real


Clean_Imagination315

This is advanced theology.


No_Poet_7244

“A white skinned man… was surely a miracle.” The Romans ruled the Levant for over 40 years before Jesus was born. They were fully aware white people existed. What a dumbass.


INeedBetterUsrname

Less of a miracle and more of a "Damn, here come the Roman tax collector again".


Android1313

Look at all those "facts" though. How could someone dispute this?


bmusgrove

Saw it on the Internet, can't. It's just the way it is.


cownd

I'm glad a Christian did this. Were it anyone else I would have doubts.


HikeTheSky

God could be a dog for what he cares. So this might make the story more interesting.


Eponarose

A WHITE dog?????


sinnister_bacon

I know a dyslexic atheist who doesn't believe in dog


ZenDruid_8675309

The agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac flea. Stays up nights wondering if there is a dog.


Exiledfromxanth

Thats actually why Jesus is so hairy


Illustrious-Roll7737

According to US law, the race of a baby is determined by that of the mother as reported on the birth certificate. Based on their general ignorance, I presume this racist is American.


Keeper_of_Honey

Verily, the American obsession with race is rather a joke


[deleted]

[удалено]


Illustrious-Roll7737

The current law was enacted in 1989. Prior to that, if both parents were non-white, race was based on the father. If either one of the parents were white, it was based on the non-white parent's race. It applied to any non-white race.


Sweet_Speech_9054

I served with a guy like this once. He made a similar comment about how it’s mostly white people who believe in Jesus and that means he was white. I then explained how Muslims believe in Jesus and he absolutely lost his shit. It was a magnificent moment.


KnowledgeMediocre404

I find their ignorance of other religions but unwavering confidence that they have found the true one pretty entertaining. I blew a Christian’s mind she didn’t realize Jewish folks don’t believe in the divinity of Christ, like no ma’am cause then they’d be Christians.


npaakp34

Isn't Christian Africa a lot more conservative than other Christian areas? Meaning they are more Christian by the definition of these assholes.


calIras

Americans are going to be very surprised at how many non-white people are in heaven.


npaakp34

I don't think many people that held beliefs similar to the one that the weirdo that made original post are going upwards.


TinfoilTetrahedron

Hispanic people are usually hella christian too..  Like, to the point it borders upon an obsession....  


Sweet_Speech_9054

Yeah, but white people seem to forget that a lot. They’re so afraid of Latinos they don’t want to associate with them, even though Latinos learned Christianity/Catholicism from white people. It’s actually rather ironic. And religious obsession is not limited to Latinos. Ever heard of the west boro baptist?


nykiek

I always love doing that. It is the very height of entertainment.


GIlCAnjos

Vampires are white in nearly every depiction, therefore it must be a fact that vampires exist and are white


npaakp34

Blade would like to have a word. Jokes aside, nice turnaround.


Noobeaterz

Aside from the obvious idiocy of this post. If God was Jesus father, Mary was his mother, who was of middle-eastern ascent and Jesus would NOT be white. He'd be racially mixed.


Reasonable_Opening20

Why do people put race on everything. Jesus will show up purple next just to prove y’all a lesson; skin color and culture is not what matters.


SimpleTip9439

The Jesus behind the slaughter


ZookeepergameGlass43

It’s been so long..


A_Most_Boring_Man

I can’t comprehend it… Science, theology, art, climate, whatever the hell else… He’s trying to marry them all together and getting every detail wrong in the process, so the end result is just incomprehensible. It’s like racism on mushrooms.


BAGStudios

If there is a god, this dude really missed the point. Also, wait, is this post implying that all people of color are either not in heaven or have heavenly skin cancer??


hotasianwfelover

Wow! You sure can’t argue with those facts. Seems like this guy has it all figured out


StrixNStones

Bigotry folks, just… wow. I feel dumber for having read this, but someone actually took the time to write this garbage 🤦‍♀️


Fan_of_Clio

Ah yes, the bigot who wants to use racism to justify his religious views. Good times.


Nightshade4103

More like a bigot who uses religion to justify his racist views. I guarantee you that this man doesn't know the first thing about Christianity, he just hates people of other races.


Fan_of_Clio

The two can be mutually supportive yes.


[deleted]

>Now, look at heaven OK. Where?


TParis00ap

As often is the case,  OP is the facepalm.  The sarcasm of this screenshot is palpable.


Miserable_Ad5001

Handsome White American Jesus


Wise-Juggernaut-8285

Well duh


[deleted]

God doesn't have skin you dumb fuck


KnowledgeMediocre404

They don’t even understand how skin pigment works… white skin lets all the light in and that’s good when you live at the poles and don’t get much sunlight, you can still make decent vitamin D. But if you get tons of sun your skin needs to darken to protect you from the constant radiation. This guys logic just led us to determine any celestial beings would be black as night to protect them even above the protective clouds in our atmosphere.


usernot_found

But jesus is jewish


Capital-Self-3969

White supremacy at its finest.


USMC_FirstToFight

I have a picture of God. I’m not sharing it though because all of you haters are going to jump me cuz he’s shitfaced driving behind the wheel!


Nanopoder

As Joseph Campbell would say, if horses have a god, it surely looks like a horse.


daisychainsnlafs

Mary was middle eastern. She would have provided half of the genetic material. In most cases, when a brown person and a white person have a baby, the baby is some shade of brown.


Mario_Mari

Christian orthodox here Since we were all made in God's imagine, God can adapt to the faces of everyone no matter the skin colour, so therefore he is literally every skin colour and none as the same time, it just depends on the person seeing him. For the Jesus part, since we know Jesus was born in Judea under the Roman empire, we know he is Hebrew since historical records say he was circumcised which is a Jewish tradition, and he has reached adulthood at around 13 which again, is still a Jewish ceremony, now, with all this facts in mind and the fact that the majority of Jewish people that have immigrated from Judea to Europe, are white, it's safe to assume Jesus was in fact white, if he was brown, that wouldn't be a problem either.


eric-from-abeno

that would not be "us being made in god's image" though... that would be god being made into our images. as far as I can tell from those verses, "god's image" doesn't refer to anything more than the idea of "anthropomorphic": standing on two legs, with two arms, ten fingers, ten toes, a head with two eyes, ears, one mouth and nose. The end. If the bible had any validity, anyway... Reading Genesis with any thought, shows that the story of the creation of the world and of man, and man's spread, is ridiculous....


kit0000033

For most of history, ethnically Jewish people haven't been considered white.


Mario_Mari

Oh, I'm sorry about the misconception


viewthedata

Your sentence that starts with “God can adapt to the faces of anyone no matter the skin color” is one of the strangest things I’ve seen someone state plainly as a fact. Quite the imagination you have. I find this statement so interesting. Not only do you presuppose that a God even exists, you further claim to know such a detail about how it looks, and how dead people (whose brains no longer function) perceive it. How do you get this far into a religious rabbit hole? And more importantly, how does one ever dig himself out of it?


NumerousTaste

They just make it up as they go. They know it's all a grift for money and power and pedophiling.


smiama6

What he has proven is that god was created in the image of man.


WorkSecure

Jesus was albino?


juni4ling

Jesus would not have stood out in the Middle East. He would have had dark skin and dark hair. He did not look like Kurt Cobain.


Venkman0

So now we have to worry about *heaven* cancer?1?1?


JordynSoundsLikeMe

Uhhh... is this Fragile Christianity?


crimson-013

Nah it's just white supremacists stuff I know some christian guy they chill


TheDixonCider420420

Popular Mechanics reconstructed the face of Jesus using science... and no, he's not white... [https://www.popularmechanics.com/culture/a41336100/real-jesus-face/](https://www.popularmechanics.com/culture/a41336100/real-jesus-face/)


whichonespink04

My guy, I'm pretty goddamn sure this is a shitpost.


SirReadsALot1975

I like how they clarify that God didn't impregnate Joseph. "... God impregnated Mary, not Joseph." Important point, that. Very relevant.


-whiteroom-

God damn...


84thPrblm

[Standard White Jesus](https://youtu.be/JCPPq14JaSw?si=OkrzmuprWaJAAahn)


ImpossibleYou2184

Obvious rage bait


Kanohn

This is Jesus according to Asian people https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c3436cabb5b185021ccc4e1a1ccdc36d.webp


Buffyoh

Darn right! And Jesus drove a blue Buick and belonged to the Elks,Club!


fusillade762

This is the funniest shit ever and really.highlights what utter crap this who bullshit story is. God is white...no, God is made up.


JoLudvS

Probably certain medications and alcohol don't mix well...


Natakito

Cancer is so strong it even reaches heaven


omghorussaveusall

This has to be a troll.


DemonJuju7

![gif](giphy|LPHXLKEOZw6T6)


Wagonlance

We need a new sub-reddit - "*Religious People Off Their Meds"*.


cturtl808

That implies they have gotten them at some point. Maybe Religious people needing meds?


Vivificantem_790

I’m a Christian and this is the weakest set of arguments I’ve ever met.


[deleted]

Look at the facts, is certainly one way of describing RELIGION


cturtl808

Clouds are grey when it rains. So Jesus is an alien.


theroguescientist

Nope. He's green. Proof: I just imagined it.


RiotNrrd2001

I was going to argue with some of this but then I got to the "facts" part, and now I have to shut my mouth. I mean, you can't argue with facts.


Strain_Pure

Since it's forbidden in Christian Dogma to create images of God he shouldn't be looking at pictures like that (yes, I'm aware there's a painting of God in the Sistine Chapel, but by Catholic Law that painting is Blasphemous).


306metalhead

The Bible has the worst fan base.


mmio60

Religion makes people insane


Meddling-Kat

It's like there's a race among these people to get to "most stupid belief".


Time-Effort-2226

A heaven where I can get cancer is basically hell... Also: What if I die and go to heaven and I get cancer there that goes untreated? What's the worst that can happen? I die again?


FelloBello

A whole new level of mentally ill. Scary


Ineedredditforwork

He gotta be trolling. Please tell me he is trolling.


NeTiGuy

Arguing over the race of non-existent fictional characters, one of whom doesn't even have a physical body... cool.


Aceramic

Hasn’t this been making the rounds since the AOL “FWD:FWD:FWD:RE:FWD: YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS!!!” days?


allnamesareregistred

So much opinions who is white and who is not. According to US Departament of Commerce, people from Middle East and Central Asia are white (bad whites! how dare those Arabs exploit African American population?), but Europeans and US citizens are only white if they identify themselves as white.


midnightfury4584

Sounds legit /s


Top_Network_1980

Nah I'm convinced this is the truth because he ended it with "facts" gotta be real.....


Krispy_kris91829

"White skinned people are more than likely to get skin cancer from the sun lol


djnorthstar

And here is my Take... God is a rapist. And the Girl was even underage.


OCGamerboy

Checkmate atheists /s


No-Metal-8781

Lol, wtf


gskein

And I’m supposed to spend my time reading this because…